164 - Live at the Sony Centre in Toronto

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Hey, this is exciting.

[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[5] Who killed Saz?

[6] And were they really after Charles?

[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[8] This season, murder hits close to home.

[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[14] Only Martyrs in the Building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[15] Goodbye.

[16] What's up to rock?

[17] Holy shit.

[18] I forgot to finish my mint.

[19] Your mint.

[20] Swallow it.

[21] Spit it.

[22] Should I look and see what's in this bag?

[23] It says no thanks on the front of it.

[24] I like it already.

[25] Did someone forget, did someone lose their purse?

[26] Oh.

[27] I think there's birth control in here.

[28] Who says it?

[29] Let's take it all and see what happens.

[30] What's that?

[31] Okay.

[32] It's something political.

[33] About women.

[34] Oh, fuck your bad vibes.

[35] Yeah.

[36] Sounds good.

[37] And then also, fuck women.

[38] Someone left us a gift in the back of this really beautiful little thing that has sand and shells in it, and it says emotional support dirt.

[39] So thank you.

[40] Yeah.

[41] It's really cute.

[42] It's not just Hawaii where you get your emotional support soil.

[43] It's everywhere.

[44] That's right.

[45] Soil, damn it.

[46] All across this great land.

[47] It's hard to remember the words.

[48] Okay.

[49] Go back out.

[50] Great, great, great.

[51] We're filming this.

[52] Hi.

[53] Hi, can I just explain these shoes?

[54] Listen.

[55] Listen to me. Stop it.

[56] Look right there.

[57] Shut up.

[58] And listen.

[59] You don't know me. You don't know anything about me. Last night, we were in Detroit, Michigan, America.

[60] And...

[61] Heard of it?

[62] I mean, yeah.

[63] You're right.

[64] That was exactly the right sound to make about it.

[65] No, it was wonderful.

[66] We had a great show.

[67] We got driven to the Pegasus's Greek restaurant afterwards, which is one of Vince's favorite restaurants.

[68] Blaming cheese.

[69] They're fucking light cheese on fire.

[70] It's a show.

[71] It's like a show.

[72] It's like dinner and a show.

[73] It's so good.

[74] And on the way, the guy that was driving us who worked at the theater got a call saying one of them left their shoes.

[75] And it's this pair of clogs that I've been wearing since the very first show that we ever did to piss my sister off.

[76] Which even when, before the show, you put them on and said, I got to get rid of these.

[77] Yes.

[78] Just last night, I said it because I was like, at this point, my sister doesn't care anymore.

[79] I'm the only one laughing at this joke.

[80] Like, it kind of doesn't matter.

[81] But I still like, it's just like my little, you know, fuck you to my sister silently all around the nation.

[82] You got to have one.

[83] But I didn't want to make that guy drive back to the theater and then drive to the Pegasas.

[84] Like, here's your dirty clogs, ma 'am.

[85] Like, that's, I don't want to be that person.

[86] We're not at that level yet.

[87] Not yet.

[88] We'll fucking get there.

[89] We'll get there, Rie, we're going to get there, Rihanna.

[90] That's right.

[91] So then I was like, please don't come back with those shoes.

[92] I was like, I don't care.

[93] I have these snow shoes.

[94] Kiss them into the wind.

[95] Goodbye clogs.

[96] Now we're moving into a weird ugh phase that I don't belong in in any way.

[97] Who do you think got those clogs that's playing there tonight, do you suppose?

[98] Oh, I hope it's the Long Island medium wearing my claws.

[99] And she's like, oh, I can smell the ghost of whoever.

[100] The ghost of your old tight and your lazy fashion sense.

[101] Teresa Caputo.

[102] So what about these one?

[103] Oh, these are, I ordered these special because, of course, in California, we were warned months ago, you're going to places that have weather.

[104] So you must prepare.

[105] And so I ordered special snow.

[106] cold -weather boots that also have insoles for planter fasciitis.

[107] So these are about as Aunt Judy as a pair of shoes could be.

[108] Aunt Judy's planter fasciitis is fucking helping up again.

[109] We all suffer.

[110] We play cards together.

[111] You know, so that's what I did.

[112] How about your outfit?

[113] Oh, this is a vintage dress that I have that I've never, I've won once.

[114] It's good.

[115] Thank you.

[116] And I'm also paired it with my peeling sunburn.

[117] eggs that are so fucking terrible and gross.

[118] Yeah.

[119] I've spent, I would say, 83 % of my life with a peeling sunburn.

[120] I think that's healthy, right?

[121] That's good for you.

[122] Yeah, until the melanoma sets in.

[123] My full body melanoma, that's right around the corner.

[124] That's why I've got to live for today with my snow boots.

[125] I'm speaking of, this is my favorite murder of the podcast.

[126] I'm a little fucked up on cold meds and coffee, so it's going to be real fun.

[127] That's the college girls speedball, I think they call that.

[128] And I unfortunately, this is how, this is like where we're at now, is you turned in how to see me pulling my spanks up backstage.

[129] You just shouldn't show anyone that ever.

[130] It's a very unattractive.

[131] Yet comforting.

[132] See, I go behind a closed door.

[133] Like, I'm always like, see you in 12 minutes and take all my spanks.

[134] And then the pulling and the grunting and the faces begin.

[135] I'm always, like, slightly sweating.

[136] And then I come out like, what?

[137] I was just thinking.

[138] I usually do, too.

[139] But this time I'm on cold beds.

[140] I was like, I'm going to do it right here then.

[141] I'm, like, doing mascara in the corner of my eye.

[142] I see this.

[143] We're just, like, literally jumping up off the ground to get those spanks on.

[144] That's right.

[145] Pretty exciting.

[146] And they are working hard.

[147] God.

[148] They're doing it.

[149] I actually had, last night, I bought, this is great fucking material, by the way.

[150] Two hours of spank's material.

[151] Yeah, that's the whole show.

[152] Last night I was wearing mistake spanks because I bought a new pair.

[153] I was like, I need a body armor replacement.

[154] I need to get new Kevlar for this tour.

[155] So I went to buy it and I kind of wasn't paying attention, and I only got the half, the one that goes to here, which introduced me to the person that doesn't roll down on.

[156] I don't get it.

[157] It just immediately rolls down.

[158] So I had kind of like a...

[159] It almost looked like a three -piece sausage...

[160] Like a three -linked sausage chain under this fucking dress.

[161] I like to go more.

[162] smooth harbor seal, but it was like, boom, boom, boom.

[163] I had back cleavage.

[164] It was fucked.

[165] Thank you.

[166] It's a new tomorrow.

[167] So I actually got these, sorry, but let me just wrap this amazing story.

[168] Please don't.

[169] Please never stop talking about it.

[170] I bought this bodysuit thing at the Detroit airport.

[171] And I think she charged me $300.

[172] I'm not paying, I wasn't paying attention, but I was like, how much for the, it's fine, just give it to me, I need it.

[173] I have to have it.

[174] Were you about to try to introduce?

[175] Stephen.

[176] Oh.

[177] Oh, oh, oh, wait.

[178] He's just true.

[179] I swear to God.

[180] Feels good, it feels good.

[181] So, wait for the weather.

[182] Tell us what restaurant you went to yesterday.

[183] Marguerite Deville.

[184] That's right.

[185] He's a foodie.

[186] He loves food.

[187] He's a total booty.

[188] where better to go to Margaritaville than in Niagara Falls where it's 30 degrees perfect it's like a little vacation and we have a photo of you in Niagara Falls do do do do do oh it's Brenna we should have actually photoshopped out Brenna just like how they do with the boy bands where it's like who's that girl no one knows you can keep liking him you keep liking him as much as you want to millions of hearts break all over the just me in a waterfall Yeah, and a blurry thing right here.

[189] She's right off stage with her arms crossed.

[190] Get over here right now.

[191] And did you go over in a barrel of the water?

[192] In my mind, I wanted to, and it would have been so beautiful.

[193] Yeah, we would have loved it.

[194] And so you had to get drunk.

[195] Oh, of course.

[196] Just survive a barrel, you know, would have been...

[197] Sure, you never know.

[198] Do you want to talk about your hair?

[199] Just, you know, perfect for cold weather.

[200] Perfect time to cut my hair.

[201] It was when it's 30 degrees, so, yeah.

[202] You like it.

[203] You sent a photo to us and said that, what was it, the hippest, something?

[204] The hippest barista in all of Silver Lake.

[205] That's right.

[206] Love it.

[207] Dapper as fuck.

[208] Stephen Ray Morris, ladies and gentlemen.

[209] That's how much we love you, Toronto.

[210] We fuck everyone else over when we're like, Stephen's here.

[211] He's not here.

[212] He's here.

[213] For you.

[214] My dad is staying at my house with the cats, and I got a cat cam, so yeah, Marty's not here.

[215] That's right.

[216] Listen.

[217] He texts me. Do you have a pot grinder?

[218] Dad!

[219] That's my father.

[220] He needs to relax and he's got that glaucoma.

[221] He does not have glaucoma.

[222] Well, he could, he might someday.

[223] He should, hopefully...

[224] It's preventative, weed.

[225] It's preventative.

[226] Preventative.

[227] Um, what else did we want?

[228] Wait.

[229] We had a pot -related story.

[230] Was it that you got a...

[231] that Vince got a joint last night?

[232] Yes.

[233] Okay.

[234] This is the best.

[235] So after the show, Vince's friend is like, and the hands of a joint.

[236] It's legal.

[237] In Detroit.

[238] It's legal.

[239] Stop calling.

[240] Stop calling in Mounties.

[241] So is it?

[242] You can fucking light them up, everybody.

[243] Pass to the front.

[244] Share with your friends.

[245] And I'll have a panic attack.

[246] So we go down, say hi, some people go, we get brought up, then we get brought down to do the meet and greet.

[247] And as Vince is coming down the stairs, he realizes he lost the joint.

[248] He's like, I fucking lost the joint.

[249] Help me look as we go down the stairs.

[250] We go down the stairs, it's not on the stairs.

[251] And he's like, we got to find that joint.

[252] And I, in my mind, I was like, I'm going to find this thing.

[253] And I was like bragging about how great my eyesight is, and I find the contacts when people lose that and I can't see for shit.

[254] Like, if you see me, if we are 10 feet away and you go like this, I will not see you.

[255] Like, you have to be kind of right here.

[256] It's happened many times in airports.

[257] It happens a lot.

[258] And people are like, she's such a bitch.

[259] And it's like, no, you're just a blur.

[260] And I, and I could wear glasses.

[261] I choose not to.

[262] Because I don't want to get involved.

[263] Anyway, it's good for my anxiety.

[264] Anyway, if you have really bad social anxiety, just take your fucking glasses off.

[265] It is a miracle.

[266] It's a miracle.

[267] you suddenly you're just like everything's beautiful and blurry and I'm fine.

[268] These are anxiety bangs are they?

[269] Yeah bangs man hide behind them.

[270] Yes.

[271] It makes you chill out a little bit so anyway I turned on my sixth sense my weed eye and we walked down into the room that we had been in and I just walked over and I was like here it is Vince I'm like in a corner under a door thing because if you have the will if you have the passion you can do anything you want ladies and gentlemen and that's why we're here tonight motivational speaker I pulled down my Janet Jackson head mic so here's your five tiered five pronged all right should we sit down it's sit down time I think yeah these are the Anderson Cooper chair yeah the Anderson Cooper Andy Cohen chairs did we tell you guys about that how they send chairs they like do a show I'm sure it's just like this one and they, Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen send chairs to every venue and just leave them there because they're like, well, these are the chairs we want to get drunk in.

[272] Yeah.

[273] And so we get to use them.

[274] They look plucking class.

[275] They ship chairs.

[276] Yeah.

[277] We're not there yet either.

[278] Oh, that's right.

[279] You will be.

[280] Yeah.

[281] My back just cracked like in six places.

[282] That's not good.

[283] That's not good, grandma.

[284] Why don't you, why don't you tell the, strangers who've never heard of this podcast before.

[285] Don't know what a podcast is.

[286] About this podcast.

[287] Um, guys, you know that you've heard this time and again.

[288] But we have to say it for the strangers, for the new people, for the forced, the forced audience members who some of you weirdos bring outsiders.

[289] Why?

[290] You're like, hmm, who's the most judgmental person in my life?

[291] I'm going to have, I'm going to invite them to the murder comedy show.

[292] My boss?

[293] Great.

[294] a bring her.

[295] My mom that doesn't like modern things?

[296] Perfect.

[297] We'll make her do it.

[298] So some people get worried or maybe offended the idea of a true crime comedy podcast because they think that something like true crime, murder, the worst thing that can happen to anyone in the world belongs nowhere near comedy.

[299] And so just so you know, like if you don't listen to the podcast, you don't know us and you can't give us the benefit of the doubt.

[300] You don't know that those two things run parallel.

[301] We do our best to not intertwine them in any way because we don't think murder's funny and we don't think loss is funny, but life is shit and you have to laugh at things.

[302] It's very important.

[303] So if you're one of those kind of people, if you're one of those kind of people that's super offended by just the concept of this, you can get the fuck out right now.

[304] From my heart to yours.

[305] But they're Canadian and they're nicer.

[306] They're like, why would you yell at us this way?

[307] Even my volume is upsetting.

[308] sure right now.

[309] Can you tell I cut my bings while I was on cold medicine with sewing scissors?

[310] She just, it was like, Vince came in and it goes, four minutes, and then Georgia picks up a pair of scissors.

[311] I was like, do, do, do, do, do, no, no, no, no. She goes, be careful.

[312] And I was like, keep an eye on me, would you?

[313] Please keep an eye out.

[314] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[315] Absolutely.

[316] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.

[317] Exactly.

[318] And if you're a small, business owner, you might know Shopify is great for online sales.

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[320] That's right.

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[327] Connect with customers inline and online.

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[329] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify .com slash murder.

[330] Important note, that promo code is all lowercase.

[331] Go to Shopify .com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today.

[332] That's Shopify .com slash murder.

[333] Goodbye.

[334] Hey, this is exciting.

[335] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[336] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster detectives.

[337] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[338] Who killed Saz?

[339] And were they really after Charles?

[340] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[341] This season, murder hits close to home.

[342] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[343] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[344] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[345] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[346] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, Devine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[347] Only murders in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[348] Goodbye.

[349] I'm first?

[350] You are first tonight.

[351] Okay, all right.

[352] It's hard to go first.

[353] It is hard to go first.

[354] Because you just don't know.

[355] Start with local jokes.

[356] Okay.

[357] I don't know any.

[358] What a shithole.

[359] Am I right?

[360] Oh.

[361] They're like, that's our church.

[362] Get out.

[363] We hate you.

[364] All right.

[365] Well, so I'm going to do Project Hitchhiker, which is the first conviction in Canadian history without a body or a crime scene.

[366] Okay.

[367] It is fucking, but yeah, it's bananas.

[368] There's fucking twist.

[369] There's turns.

[370] Things of this nature.

[371] It's fucking bananas.

[372] Prepare.

[373] I'm going to sit forward.

[374] I wish you would.

[375] And pull out my dress the whole time.

[376] Take a listen to this.

[377] Okay.

[378] It's 1991.

[379] Take a listen to this.

[380] I don't know.

[381] What choice do I have?

[382] Half the shit I'm saying tonight.

[383] Let's blame it on cold mess.

[384] Can we please?

[385] Okay, it's 1991.

[386] Everyone knows the best time of the last century.

[387] Oh, my God.

[388] Beautiful.

[389] Dis, agree.

[390] Detective Herb.

[391] Herb.

[392] I fucking knew I'd do that.

[393] I was like, don't do that.

[394] Don't do that.

[395] So I did it.

[396] Sorry.

[397] It's because my mom yelled at me when I was a kid because I would call herbs, herbs.

[398] And I'm traumatized.

[399] Okay.

[400] So you have the panic like half second before where you're like, I'm saying it wrong?

[401] Yeah.

[402] So say it.

[403] it right and then you correct over -correct herb herb herb curing he's uh he joins the homicide unit this is detective he had served as an undercover officer with the rcmp he was fucking doing drugs and and like gangs and shit going undercover oh not doing drugs no yeah i was not trying to indict him right no no no no all right okay so i got a lot of this information from a show called the detectives which is a great fucking show it's when yeah you guys uh it's There's like a detective who's like all hard -boiled and shit, and they tell their most insane story that they can't stop thinking about.

[404] So this is his story.

[405] I'm watching it.

[406] I couldn't get a picture of him as a young inn in 91, but I'll show you who was played.

[407] He was played by Eric Johnson, his actor.

[408] Oh.

[409] Very handsome.

[410] What?

[411] He's Canadian, of course.

[412] He was in Smallville, all these things.

[413] But most notably, he was in two of them.

[414] the three 50 Shades movies, as we all know.

[415] Did he work at the hardware store where she worked?

[416] The dumbest fucking plot point of all time in any film, including the room.

[417] The idea that Dakota fucking Johnson worked at a hardware store.

[418] She wasn't even the cashier.

[419] She was like roaming around like, do you need help with hammers?

[420] From you?

[421] Fuck off.

[422] People talk about how bad that movie is in all these other ways.

[423] I'm like, start with the Hardware store.

[424] Always start with the hardware store.

[425] I mean, look at this hard -boiled.

[426] Look at his hair.

[427] He's been up all night working on this case.

[428] Doesn't he look like John Ham's cousin?

[429] His Canadian cousin.

[430] His Canadian cousin, whose mom has red hair.

[431] So there's like a little something else going on.

[432] Canada, this is your John Hamm.

[433] Congratulations.

[434] All right.

[435] Go to that bridge and find him.

[436] Well, so in March of the, 91 when he goes to homicide, along with his normal workload, all of the detectives have to also take on a cold case, which I think is fucking awesome.

[437] So, he is given a case that's only a year old, but is already cold because there's no body or crime scene, which is so crazy.

[438] On April 16th, 1990, this is the case he gets.

[439] At about 2 p .m. in Pickering, Ontario, it's either 40 miles or 40 kilometers east of Toronto.

[440] I was not paying attention.

[441] Same death.

[442] It's 40 things away.

[443] You know.

[444] No one's going to listen and be like, well, I'm going to pickering and oh, Georgia said it was this long, so I'm just going to draw.

[445] I'm going to base my time.

[446] I don't need to get gas.

[447] She said it was 40 kilometers.

[448] I don't need to leave it that time because Georgia, I already know.

[449] No one's going to, hopefully no one does that.

[450] Please don't ever do that.

[451] You got to hope.

[452] About anything we say?

[453] No, nothing.

[454] Nothing.

[455] So, okay, 14 -year -old Julie Stanton, she goes missing.

[456] This is her.

[457] Sweet Baby Angel, amazing things.

[458] I love her.

[459] Okay.

[460] She's this sweet teenager.

[461] She's 14.

[462] She's last seen wearing a dark bomber -style jacket, blue jeans, and a neighbor said that they saw her get into a late 70s model, Monte Carlo car, driven by a white male with shaggy hair and a scruffy look.

[463] So they look into Julie's life, and lo and behold, Julie's BFF, Julie's best friend, Kim.

[464] Forever, yeah.

[465] I know the type, yes.

[466] The kind that will put their spanks on in front of you.

[467] That's right.

[468] It's on.

[469] Just so happens that her best friend, the dad, not only fits that fucking, he also drives a 79 Monte Carlo.

[470] So they're like, oh, shit.

[471] This fucking asshole, his name is Peter Stark.

[472] He's 47, and he has a record of violence against women.

[473] In 1981, Peter was dating a 31 -year -old woman named Maria Woods when she disappeared.

[474] He was considered a suspect, but her body wasn't found until five years later, buried in the woods.

[475] And by then, the decomposition is so bad they can't tell a cause of death or pin anything on him.

[476] And there's not enough evidence to hold him in Julie's case, and that's when it runs cold.

[477] And then our friend Herb gets the...

[478] the case.

[479] Herb.

[480] Erb.

[481] Oh, God.

[482] Okay.

[483] So, he's like, let's fucking do this.

[484] He starts digging into this asshole Peter Stark's life.

[485] He re -interviews Stark's wife, Allison, at this point there, they're separated.

[486] And so she's willing to talk a little bit more.

[487] And Peter has moved to Niagara Falls where Stephen likes to vacation.

[488] Stephen's favorite place.

[489] Right.

[490] Yeah.

[491] Oh, God.

[492] That didn't work.

[493] Okay.

[494] So she says that after Julie disappeared, Peter's behavior had started to change.

[495] He started wetting the bed and getting paranoid.

[496] An adult man in his 30s?

[497] Jesus Christ.

[498] Fucking.

[499] What color is your favorite flag?

[500] Red.

[501] The reddest.

[502] That thing is like a scarlet flag.

[503] Oh, yeah.

[504] My lips and maybe my teeth.

[505] I mean, it's horrible.

[506] And then also I just flash back to all the times.

[507] Uh -oh.

[508] That I've wet the bed as an adult.

[509] No. I'll tell you the one through line, the theme.

[510] Oh, I know what it is.

[511] Yeagermeister.

[512] Have you ever had that experience?

[513] I could not know that.

[514] It will put you out.

[515] You and your bladder will be out for the evening.

[516] Do you have those dreams where you're trying to pee everywhere?

[517] I have those dreams all the time where it's like, Why can't I pee?

[518] I'm in the toilet.

[519] I'm in the bathroom.

[520] You wake up in your bed.

[521] Shit.

[522] I actually, the first time, sorry, sorry.

[523] The first time I drank Yeagermeister.

[524] It was me and my sister and Adrian and Adrian's brother Dominic and Adrian's future husband Robin.

[525] And so it was all these cool, way older guys.

[526] And we partied, we drove to like a forest of redwood trees and then just partied in the trees.

[527] So country, but these, like, these guys were like, Karen, come with us.

[528] And they just, it was like I got picked to be cool because they could tell I was an alcoholic when I was 16.

[529] Come on, you.

[530] And then it was like, someone cracked open this bottle of Yeager, and they're like, have you ever heard of Yeagermeister?

[531] And then we just stood in a circle, drinking Yeagermeister in a circle.

[532] All I remember after that is that I lit a cigarette in my sister's Mustang on the way home.

[533] And she was so angry.

[534] She's like, what do you do, he put them out?

[535] And I was like, I got to be myself.

[536] You can't keep me from being me. I'm 16.

[537] I badly need a cigarette.

[538] I have to have this marble I found at the bottom of mom's purse.

[539] I wake up in the morning in my clothes, in my bed.

[540] I had wet the bed, so I, like, pulled back the covers.

[541] I took all my clothes.

[542] I put them in a pile.

[543] I walk into the bathroom.

[544] And when I come back out, my mom is standing in my bedroom doorway.

[545] And she goes, you wet the bed.

[546] And then just walked away.

[547] I figured out why Mimi's your favorite.

[548] She pees the bed all the fucking time.

[549] I relate.

[550] She's such a drunk.

[551] And she loves Yeager.

[552] That cat is an alcoholic.

[553] That's true.

[554] Okay.

[555] So, oh, here's a photo of him.

[556] you know it's like creepy Professor you and McGregor yes no they probably want a Canadian actor to play him though okay um no don't yell Canadian actors that'll make me really angry all I'm thinking it was now is like name a degrassy character name a degrassi character I know I was like corner gas was it called corner gas you got some good TV up here you really do and some really bad TV.

[557] Like some of the worst I've ever seen.

[558] Where it looks like it's like two cops talking to each other, but they're holding a coffee like right down here.

[559] He's like, when's this over?

[560] Okay.

[561] Get back to our day job now.

[562] Okay, so Allison, the wife, says he starts wedding the bed, he gets all fucking creepy.

[563] And then she's like, you know, I should tell you the story.

[564] So he's super into this role -playing game.

[565] Let me tell you about it.

[566] Peter, this fucking dick, he has her pretend to hitchhike while she's wearing a blonde wig dressed up as a teenager.

[567] That's his fucking fetish.

[568] That's not a game.

[569] Nope.

[570] Or a fetish, actually.

[571] He drops her off on a lonely road, picks her up.

[572] You know, they're role -playing.

[573] He uses a fake name after driving around a bit.

[574] He pulls over and asks if she thinks he's dangerous, then they fucking hook up.

[575] But it's also he needs to get a little violent with her.

[576] and she's like he never intentionally hurts me though it's just like we have this roleplay thing but see she has no idea about his fucking history for example you see in 1970 he had picked up Nancy Nelson she was an 18 year old blonde hitchhiker he tells her his name is Michael and asks if she's scared of hitchhiking and if she thinks he's dangerous before she can respond he stabs her multiple times she fucking survives This amazing woman, she survives.

[577] She almost dies three times during surgery, but she fucking makes it.

[578] Of course, she's so traumatized by this, and I'm sure the aftermath, too, because it was the 70s, they were not very victims advocacy for people.

[579] So she couldn't, she was too traumatized to testify against him for attempted murder, and I feel like this wouldn't happen now.

[580] So instead they put him up on lesser charges of assault, and he gets six fucking months.

[581] Month?

[582] Because, yeah.

[583] Okay.

[584] Yeah, it's horrible.

[585] So, Allison then admits that to the detective to herb, that the, Jesus, I really didn't do that, curb, herb, herb.

[586] No, you have to act like you did it on purpose.

[587] Detective Herb.

[588] He's, like, deserves so much respect, and I'm just being, okay, I'm trying to be.

[589] Sorry.

[590] No. All I can think of is just a strip of rosemary.

[591] solving solving awesome cases ooh write that Steven write that down Steven please make a note please so Allison the wife also admits that on the day Julie had gone missing fucking Peter Stark had been bugging her to skip work and play the hitchhiking game and she's like fuck you she'd been like putting him off all weekend and she goes to work the same day Allison disappears he picks her up later from work he's late he's dirty and disheveled he says his car broke down.

[592] He says, she tells the detective that the, he said the catalytic converter, thank you, stopped working.

[593] And she's like, great.

[594] And then Detective Herb is like, hey, guess what?

[595] Monty Carlos don't fucking have one of those.

[596] Catalytic converters?

[597] Yes.

[598] Awesome.

[599] That's that rad, like, detectiveing.

[600] Yeah.

[601] Where someone's like, what did you just say?

[602] Yeah.

[603] Like, that's that moment where as you're watching it as a TV show, you're like, what?

[604] What does he know?

[605] What does he know?

[606] And then it cuts to break, but then he has his coffee here.

[607] Yeah, and then he's like...

[608] Okay, so, but of course this isn't enough to, you know, charge him, so he can, so detective herb starts to rework the case.

[609] So then in June 1991, okay, cut to fucking Niagara Falls, where Steven is, and the, this fisherman and his son are fishing.

[610] they find by the water side a piece of cement they think it's rock listen this doesn't make any they just start jumping on it I don't know they definitely went to Margaritaville before they found that rock that's what Niagara Falls is like it's fucking nuts who knows maybe they have a flask I don't know but it breaks apart and reveals dismembered body parts a father and son that's horrifying yeah and the victim is a young girl.

[611] She seems to be 13 to 15 years old and blonde.

[612] So of course, Detective Corain thinks it's Julie Stanton who had gone missing.

[613] So he's like, he sends all of his information that he has on these cases that he thinks Stark has done to Niagara Falls Homicide Detectives and to downtown Toronto, North York, and Pickering, because he thinks they're all connected.

[614] And back when he worked in drugs and gangs, they did this insane thing where they shared information with other districts and solved crimes together.

[615] It's the wave of the future.

[616] It's the wave of the future.

[617] So luckily, I mean, it's incredible that he came from there.

[618] I was like, why the fuck don't we do that?

[619] Let's do it.

[620] So he started doing that with other jurisdictions.

[621] And so, because he's like, well, all Peter Stark has to do is keep moving and no one will put together that he's a fucking maybe serial killer.

[622] Yeah.

[623] So, um, so, uh, so he gets all the interoperer.

[624] Okay.

[625] So, uh, so he gets all the So he, okay, so now he goes to interview Stark's daughter, aka Best Friend Forever, Kim.

[626] She doesn't have the same mother, but so she was super shy girl and like didn't have a lot of friends, but then Julie just like, Julie was really open and just came up to her and befriended her and they became best friends.

[627] So Kim doesn't believe her father would do anything to Julie, and he says that Julie and he were friends too.

[628] She just like can't imagine that her dad would do anything.

[629] but Detective Herb tells her that her father's a killer.

[630] I don't know what exactly he tells her, but it gives her like...

[631] How about everything you just fucking told us?

[632] But it's like, she's like a 14, 15 -year -old girl.

[633] Can you fucking imagine?

[634] So she finally breaks down and says that her dad had admitted to her that he picked Julie up the date.

[635] She went missing.

[636] But he's like, but he said he didn't do anything to her.

[637] He dropped her off later.

[638] So she just didn't say anything.

[639] Yeah, so she didn't know.

[640] I mean, so, meanwhile, this case from Niagara Falls cement time, the dental records come back.

[641] It's not Julie.

[642] It's a 14 -year -old girl named Leslie Mahaffey.

[643] Yeah.

[644] Wait, just wait.

[645] Do you know the name yet?

[646] No, okay, great.

[647] So she had disappeared in June of 1991.

[648] She was a resident of Burlington and a grade 9 student.

[649] Love your coat factor.

[650] amazing.

[651] The prices are great.

[652] Not just coats.

[653] There are more.

[654] No, there's kind of weird raincoats and there's really bad shoes.

[655] Incredible.

[656] So it's not her, but they're like, well, maybe the girl it is, Leslie, maybe he killed her.

[657] So he's considered a suspect, but then an air sample that they think was the killer from the cement comes back.

[658] It doesn't match Stark.

[659] But the case does help that, does help that, okay, it does help Detective Irb put this task course together and the government decides to fully fund this task course that uses all jurisdictions to go after Peter Stark, which is fucking awesome.

[660] There are nine different agencies.

[661] They join together.

[662] They pool their unsolved cases where Peter Stark is a suspect and they fucking go after him together.

[663] It's pretty rad.

[664] The first thing they do, is re -evacuate the site where Maria Woods, Peter's ex -girlfriend, when her body had been, where her body had been discovered a decade earlier.

[665] And they find, when they re -examine it, they find a bullet in casings, which hadn't been fucking found back then.

[666] So now they have a cause of death and solid evidence because ballistics show that the casings come from a rare World War II bullet that can only be fired from a Colt 45 automatic pistol.

[667] And it's the same pistol, and kind of pistol that Stark's father had owned and gave to him around the time Maria went missing.

[668] Fucking smoking gun.

[669] Literally.

[670] Literally.

[671] Except he had gotten rid of it, of course, so they can't tie him to it concretely.

[672] And so Julie's fucking badass parents were pissed and they knew that this guy had something to do with it.

[673] So they had been fucking confronting him constantly.

[674] And one time they walked up to his car, banged on his window and just screaming, where is Julie?

[675] Like they fucking knew he did it.

[676] So, Detective Herb asked them to back off a little bit.

[677] They're going to, like, try to get him.

[678] And they're like, great, we'll do that, but you better get him.

[679] Hurry the fuck up.

[680] So they start surveilling him, but Peter Stark is really paranoid.

[681] He's totally aware at all times whether someone's falling or not.

[682] Not paranoid because he's being fucking followed.

[683] He's right.

[684] So he drives hundreds and hundreds of kilometers out of the way and, like, around places and things.

[685] just to see if he's being followed.

[686] One day the team is following him and he pulls over next to a railway track and he starts walking towards the tracks and the team thinks he's either trying to draw them out to see if they're following him or, and then he stands in the middle of the tracks and like, what if he's trying to fucking kill himself?

[687] We need to nab him before that happens.

[688] So they come up with a story in order to approach him.

[689] They call a patrolman.

[690] The patrolman comes and in the back pocket they have outstanding fraud charges against him that they can use to bring him in.

[691] So they bring him in for questioning, and the surveillance team, while they're, while they're questioning him, they go in and fucking tap his car.

[692] Oh.

[693] You know.

[694] They put it on up in there?

[695] Right in the catalytic converter.

[696] Right up.

[697] In the plinko.

[698] That's true.

[699] So they listened to him for a month.

[700] and waiting for him to trip up.

[701] One day they overhear a woman's voice on the wire and they realize it's his estranged wife, Allison.

[702] She had fucking come all the way in Niagara Falls to get back together with him after all this.

[703] And they're like, God damn it.

[704] So let's see.

[705] And they're worried too because if she goes back together with him and they try to bring him to trial, they can't make her testify against her husband, right?

[706] It's a law for some reason.

[707] It's the law.

[708] It's the law.

[709] But then they hear Allison asking Peter about the day of Julie's disappearance.

[710] She tells him she has doubts about him and accuses him and being involved.

[711] He gets hostile and denies everything.

[712] And so they're like, look, if fucking Allison can't get a confession out of him in the car, like we need to try ourselves.

[713] So he's been questioned before, but Detective Herb doesn't want to blow their chance.

[714] So he fucking gets the FBI involved and he's like, what's the best way to do this?

[715] and they're like here's the thing so they get an officer to arrest him that looks like Julie who had gone missing blonde you know young officer they parade him past the fucking his 1979 Monty Carlo that they he had sold they fucking tracked it down bought it back so like while they're bringing him through the fucking parking lot with the blonde fucking patrol officer they walked past it he's like oh shit inside the station he passes by a cop listening to the tapes of his conversation with Allison, so they're like, we gotcha.

[716] Another room is full of photos, all designed to make him look like they make it look like they had enough evidence against him.

[717] There's like a haunted house for a serial killer.

[718] And then there was a bowl of grapes.

[719] They made him put his hand into it.

[720] They can't touch you.

[721] If they jump out, they can't touch you.

[722] Yeah, they can't touch you.

[723] Not at Universal Studios anyway.

[724] Legally.

[725] And then, so they do have a ton of evidence.

[726] but they don't have a smoking gun for the conviction.

[727] So they try to get a confession from him.

[728] And he only confesses at one point that he picked her up that day, but he says he dropped her off after and had nothing to do with it.

[729] And we all said bullshit.

[730] So they put him in jail, and a jailhouse informant comes forward saying that Peter Stark had told him that he raped a girl and killed her with an axe, and he's willing to testify against Peter Stark.

[731] He does, and the other person who fucking testifies against, him is his daughter Kim.

[732] Whoa.

[733] Yeah, this fucking amazing chick.

[734] She tells the court that her father had been missing an axe that was on his boat since before Julie disappeared.

[735] The axe is gone.

[736] So, on December 4th, 1994, Peter Stark is found guilty of first degree murder for the death of Julie Stanton.

[737] It's not the first trial that has a case without a body or a crime scene, but it's the first conviction in Canadian history of that.

[738] Wow.

[739] Isn't amazing?

[740] Yes.

[741] Good job, everybody.

[742] You guys.

[743] You did it.

[744] did it.

[745] Two years later, in 1996, Julie's body is found when a farmer in the Manvers Township finds her skeletal remains on his property about 80 kilometers from where she went missing.

[746] Julie's case is the first time that a multi -jurisdictional task force is created to investigate a serial killer.

[747] Good job.

[748] Ever?

[749] I think so, yeah, ever.

[750] Jesus Christ.

[751] I was a photo of him.

[752] Oh, Russell Crow.

[753] Why did you do it?

[754] That's a good one.

[755] Jesus.

[756] I know.

[757] So the project, which was called Project Hitchhiker, leads to the formation of another task force called Project Green Ribbon, which investigates the death of our fucking girl from Niagara Falls, Leslie Mahaffey.

[758] This leads to the arrest of...

[759] The Cannon Barbie Killers.

[760] Well, the Scarborough Rapist?

[761] And Paul Bernardo in fucking 1993.

[762] Shit.

[763] I wonder you made that noise.

[764] God damn it.

[765] It all comes together.

[766] I've literally done the Ken and Barbie killers, the schoolgirl killers twice.

[767] And I still didn't recognize that name.

[768] And what's so sad.

[769] Damn it.

[770] She's the one who was late at Pastor Curfew and her mom locked her.

[771] My mom locked her.

[772] like kills me inside.

[773] It's terrible.

[774] It's the worst.

[775] So Peter Stark would have been eligible to seek full parole in February of 2017, but luckily he died in August 2016 at the age of 71.

[776] Wow.

[777] Julie's family who, you know, were fucking like on this dude, they said at the news of Stark's deaths that it's bittersweet.

[778] And Julie's gravestone reads that, you'll never walk alone again.

[779] And they say that they are at peace knowing.

[780] that Peter Stark will never hurt anyone ever again.

[781] And that's fucking Project Hitchhiker.

[782] Amazing.

[783] Twists, turns.

[784] Amazing.

[785] That's a good detective.

[786] The detective that's like, just tell me FBI how to do it.

[787] Just share your information.

[788] Just read my information.

[789] Like, guys, let's do that.

[790] Hattles everyone up.

[791] Please, do it.

[792] They have one of these.

[793] They have this.

[794] It's like an alley -rally.

[795] at Margaritaville.

[796] Tonight I'd like to start my presentation with a quick...

[797] Which way did you go with it?

[798] No, no, I'm just excited.

[799] The Big Arrow?

[800] This is my report on the province of Ontario.

[801] The Canadian province.

[802] The province of Ontario is one of Canada's 13 provinces and territories.

[803] Stand up.

[804] It is the second largest...

[805] It is the second largest province in land area and the largest in total population.

[806] Ontario is home to the nation's capital city, Ottawa, and the nation's most populous city, Toronto, which is also Ontario's provincial capital.

[807] The name Ontario is derived from the Iroquo -roquoian word meaning beautiful water.

[808] Ontario was settled by the Algonquin tribes in the north and west and the Iroquois and Wyanod Huron in the south and east.

[809] The official language of Ontario is English.

[810] Ontario, the Canadian province, not to be confused with the California City of Ontario, which was named after the Canadian province, Ontario, which is definitely where I am right now.

[811] The official flower of Ontario is white trillium.

[812] The official bird is the common loon.

[813] Oh, aren't we all?

[814] So common.

[815] And the official website is www .com .com.

[816] Please accept my apology, Canadian province of Ontario.

[817] I'm so sorry.

[818] Great job.

[819] I'll never make that mistake for like four more episodes.

[820] Okay, tonight I'm going to do the Massey Maid murder.

[821] Oh, wait.

[822] Don't look at him.

[823] Someone in here just lost their soul.

[824] Don't look into the eyes.

[825] One, two, three, not it.

[826] Let's see, I got a lot of my information from the same.

[827] CBC News, which apparently is a big deal up here.

[828] They mean missing and murdered.

[829] Is that right?

[830] Yeah, the podcast.

[831] Oh, yeah.

[832] They're making some good podcasts.

[833] Yes, for sure.

[834] Those CBC people.

[835] Congratulations on your podcasts, province of Canada.

[836] There's also a book called The Massey Murder by a writer named Charlotte Gray.

[837] And this...

[838] Your girl.

[839] She is one of my best friends.

[840] And this story was suggested to me by my friend, Ann T. Donahue, who was also a great writer.

[841] And she's here tonight, yet her book of essays, nobody cares.

[842] It will help you.

[843] It will help you.

[844] I'm telling you, it will help you.

[845] I've read it.

[846] Okay.

[847] I take you now to 1915 Toronto.

[848] Okay.

[849] We're going there in our minds.

[850] That's right.

[851] Everything is brown and beige.

[852] I don't know why.

[853] So Toronto in 1915 is very conservative.

[854] it's very class -oriented.

[855] Men are being shipped off to fight in World War I. Young women are actually being shipped into Canada from England to become maids for the upper class.

[856] And there's a lot of wealth in the city and there's a lot of need for maids services.

[857] And one of the biggest and richest families in Toronto was the Massey.

[858] Oh, let's see.

[859] Look at this is old Dan Massey.

[860] Now, he loved to clear -cut land and then sell it to people.

[861] Right.

[862] That was his passion.

[863] He liked to cut down trees and just kind of throw them away and then sell land to people.

[864] And so in doing so, he began to discover that bigger machines were needed to work the land.

[865] And because, you know, especially this part of Canada, there's so much farming, he started, like, a farm equipment company.

[866] Well, he actually didn't start it.

[867] He got together with like a blacksmith.

[868] It was so fucking long ago.

[869] It was like the 1700s.

[870] They started making things that would make their jobs easier.

[871] And then Daniel's son, Hart Massey, is the one that took everything his dad did and was like, we're taking this to the next level.

[872] And so eventually it was like, the fucking Massey's were all over the place.

[873] That is our new fucking logo.

[874] Isn't that?

[875] That is so rad.

[876] Shouldn't we just go with a tractor?

[877] Yeah.

[878] For no reason.

[879] No. I love it.

[880] Me too.

[881] It's the Maxi Massey.

[882] It goes all the way to the floor.

[883] Hart Massey develops his father's small business into a huge success.

[884] He has a son named Charles Albert Massey, and that's who manages the business.

[885] His father started.

[886] To this day, there's still a number of buildings and institutions named after the Massey's including Massey College at the University of Toronto.

[887] Oh.

[888] No one gives a shit about the University of Toronto.

[889] I love it.

[890] Every city we go to, you name any college and people are like, I studied there.

[891] They just want to talk about college so much.

[892] We don't.

[893] Do you want to give us a mascot?

[894] Screaming, carpet baggers.

[895] Yes.

[896] Yes.

[897] Just run around screaming.

[898] Up and down the basketball court, screaming at the top of their lungs.

[899] Oh, also, the concert venue, Massey Hall.

[900] Do you guys see your first show there?

[901] Your first punk show?

[902] Is it punk?

[903] I don't know.

[904] It was just like a punk venue.

[905] It's really small, and the bathroom is sick.

[906] Okay.

[907] There's also a haunted steakhouse.

[908] Cool.

[909] Talk about that later.

[910] Okay.

[911] So Charles' son, he has a son named Bert Massey and he's not quite massy material in his grandfather's eyes I mean who among us right?

[912] How could anyone reach the heights the Massey Heights?

[913] Yeah so so Hart favors hard as the grandfather he favors Bert's cousins Raymond and Vincent gives them more money and like good jobs at the company oh let's take a look at Bert He looks pissed His grandfather doesn't like him Because he overplucked his eyebrow That's my theory I don't know if it's true Or does he look like the dude from that show Mr. Robot Oh You know Yes Malin Blalink Okay Myambialic Yes That's the one Next show gets to stand up And read his apology To to my ambiolic.

[914] Dear Blossom, I'm so sorry about all those hats they made you wear in the 90s.

[915] Okay.

[916] She's not very female -friendly, so we don't care.

[917] Oh, is that true?

[918] Yes.

[919] Let's not get into it.

[920] Okay.

[921] Let's focus on Bert Massey.

[922] Total loser.

[923] That is a center part.

[924] That is a center right up, the middle part.

[925] They cut it off because they don't understand what's good.

[926] Okay, so Burt works at a Studebaker dealership, the Pontiac of the early 1900s.

[927] He's selling cars to support his wife, Rhoda, and their 14 -year -old son.

[928] Although he was quite popular with his peers, Bert is often referred to as a cad, and mostly because of how he treats women.

[929] He's known for his interest in sports cars and fast women.

[930] That's how Bert is known around town.

[931] Which back then just means, like, a car goes 30 miles an hour, and a woman, like, shows her ankle.

[932] Yeah, exactly.

[933] He's like, check out the ankles on that one, and she wants it.

[934] She wants joint health.

[935] It must have been edgy, though, at the time.

[936] Yeah, yeah.

[937] Because there was only four cars.

[938] Okay.

[939] So, in 1913, Bert and his wife decide that they want to hire a maid, so they hire 18 -year -old British maid.

[940] Her name is Carrie Davies.

[941] She is hired to work at their nice but modest two -story brick house at 169 Walmer Road.

[942] Do you guys live there?

[943] Who lives there?

[944] Now it's apartments.

[945] Oh my God, who lives there?

[946] After party.

[947] Let's go there after.

[948] Front lawn.

[949] Can you imagine living there now and being like, we got to get a maid.

[950] I can't handle this whole house by myself.

[951] huge no offense I guess that's offensive I'm sorry is it to someone everything's offensive to someone I think that's what we've learned vis -a -vis social media so Carrie Davies was born in Bedfordshire England in 1897 she's the oldest of four girls her family is very poor but growing up she is known as a kind and virtuous girl in 1913 She's 16 years old.

[952] Her disabled father, who was a veteran of the Boer War, dies.

[953] And just to make it as Dickensian as possible, her mother begins to go blind.

[954] So her mother can't work, so she has to work.

[955] And that's when she finds out about the Canadian program to recruit young, respectable, trustworthy, unmarried, working class women to come over and work in Canada.

[956] So she signs up, and she is placed in the Massey's household.

[957] she has no social life she doesn't spend any of her earnings on herself she sends everything back to her sisters and her mom in early February of 1915 Rhoda Massey decides to take a trip out of town to visit her family she brings the 14 year old son and that leaves Burt alone to manage the household with and the household is Carrie basically so on Sunday February 7th Carrie's working in the house and Bert basically catches her, is the phrase they use, and kisses her twice.

[958] He tries to make further advances, but she wrenches away from him and goes and hides in her bedroom.

[959] So it's just that she's stuck in this house.

[960] It's where she works.

[961] It's where she lived for two years.

[962] So she has nowhere to go, and it's her job.

[963] Like, she doesn't want to lose her job.

[964] Yeah, terrifying.

[965] So she's upstairs hiding in her bedroom, trying to add casual.

[966] Later that night, Bert Massey calls out to her and asks her to come in and make his bed.

[967] So she has to go.

[968] She does.

[969] This time, of course, Massey forces himself on her again, more aggressively.

[970] But once again, Carrie breaks free.

[971] This time she runs out of the house and across town where her sister, who has since moved to Toronto, lives with her husband.

[972] And when she tells them what happened, they're very sympathetic, but they say you have to go.

[973] go back, you need your job, just be careful, basically, and they send her back.

[974] Yeah, it's how it was.

[975] So she has no choice.

[976] She goes back to the Massey home, but Bert doesn't bother her the rest of the night, but she, for Carrie, the emotional damage is done.

[977] She's an innocent girl, very young, and she's stuck in this house with a creep.

[978] And I'm sure these, it's so funny, it's like, of course, no one knows but her what the actual moves were, but the idea of like catching and kissing.

[979] When it's described and you see all those old newspapers, it's all very, like, cutesy.

[980] It's very, it's the 9 to 5 feeling where it's like, oh, that old perv.

[981] But clearly, I think it was violent, I think it was very scary and very threatening.

[982] Yeah, and kissing back then, I think, is something you only did when you got married as shit, probably, right?

[983] It was like, yeah, touching someone's hand was like, I'm totally going to fuck you.

[984] That's how you let people know.

[985] Or a nice note and some violets.

[986] There's all these different ways, but...

[987] Okay, so the next day is Monday, February 8th, and Bert Massey goes to work, and Carrie spends the day freaking out.

[988] She's just pacing.

[989] She doesn't know what she's going to do when he gets home because she knows it's going to happen again, and she decides to take matters into her own hands.

[990] She goes and gets Bert's 32 caliber revolver from his gun cabinet, and she waits for him, and then that night, when he gets home for work, for his evening meal, She greets him on the front steps of that mansion with his own revolver.

[991] Holy shit.

[992] Yeah.

[993] And she points the gun at him and yells, you've ruined me and shoots him in the chest.

[994] Oh.

[995] Yeah.

[996] And the other thing to keep in mind, too, is he has ruined her.

[997] This is that time where if somebody, if something like that got out, she's the maid, she's an immigrant, she doesn't have any people in this country.

[998] she is ruined like I mean you gotta think too like she told she felt he fucking probably probably did more than that and she didn't want to say right you know what I mean yes like it's just sucks yes yeah yeah yeah that poor thing well so she shot him right so as you do as one will the neighbors hear the commotion they come out excuse me they rush to his side they carry his body off they try to tend to his wounds he dies there um she runs upstairs She changed, she's in her room, basically changing out of her maids uniform and into her own clothes.

[999] And when the police come, she turns to them and says, yes, I shot him and basically goes with them voluntarily.

[1000] The newspapers, of course, go nuts.

[1001] The story tops all the news of the day.

[1002] It eclipses the war.

[1003] It's that big.

[1004] And this is, this is the picture.

[1005] There's that mansion.

[1006] I'm up there.

[1007] No. No, that's, it says that's the newsboy.

[1008] Why is he there?

[1009] I don't know.

[1010] I'm not sure who that is.

[1011] Maybe they like, the guy who sells you the paper just has a photo I brought this to your house You might consider tipping me sometime, you old bastard Ernest, what is it, Peloton?

[1012] Pelotier Pelleteer He was the leading newsboy of 1915 He's in that mix somewhere And if you read Charlotte Gray's book, which you absolutely should.

[1013] Sorry.

[1014] Charlotte will tell you all about him I don't have time okay stop looking at it just stop looking at it okay so when she's questioned by the police Carrie tells the authorities all about the harassment that took place the day before she says she shot him as an act of self -defense and she tells them Bert Massey ruined her character so I do think there was more that happened and she could not continue to live in fear of what he might have done next.

[1015] Quote, she said, I only thought of his doing me harm.

[1016] So the next day, Tuesday, February 9th, 1915, she carries taken to women's court, and her charges are formally read aloud, and as they're read, she collapses into tears and sobs convulsively.

[1017] In her official statement, she states that she watched as Massey returned from work around 6 .15 p .m., and that's when, as she states, quote, I seem to lose control of myself and ran upstairs and got the revolver.

[1018] So at the trial, which was days later, which is just such a weird thing to think about.

[1019] They turned that shit right around.

[1020] People came to the courthouse in droves.

[1021] Everybody was like, I've got to be here for this.

[1022] And not only because the Massey's were this very famous Toronto family and very, you know, upper class Toronto family, but also because they came to support Carrie.

[1023] Yeah.

[1024] So, in fact, there was such an outpouring of support.

[1025] not only cards and letters, but financial support, that she was able to afford one of the best lawyers' money could buy at the time.

[1026] His name was Hartley Dewart.

[1027] So her trial begins on February 26, 1915, and it's an all -mail jury.

[1028] I know, but hang in there.

[1029] Courtroom is packed to the brim.

[1030] Everybody's, it's on.

[1031] So the prosecutor, of course, tries to call Carrie.

[1032] his credibility into question saying that she's young, she's poor, and she's hysterical.

[1033] He also reminds the jury that they're only getting her side of the story because Bert Massey can't defend himself in court because she killed him.

[1034] But then when the defense lawyer Dewart makes his case, he focuses on Kerry's good reputation and strong moral values.

[1035] He also shows the jury her medical records.

[1036] So basically they had her, they had doctors examine her and they had medical records proving that she was a virgin.

[1037] Oh, God.

[1038] It's awful, but they're basically like, boom.

[1039] So because she's a virgin, he argues, her only intention was to preserve her character and her chastity.

[1040] She did not, this wasn't some, like he said, she said, you know, running around the table, cutesy thing.

[1041] She did not want to have sexual relations with Bert Massey.

[1042] He ends his argument by lauding her as a hero, quote, she is a heroine, a woman of strong character, of stamina, of strong principles.

[1043] And then he says, if she did not, he actually found this, if she did not defend herself against this man, she would have been a fallen woman, an outcast, one more sacrifice.

[1044] Let that sink into your mind.

[1045] This was not manslaughter.

[1046] This was brute slaughter.

[1047] Look at him.

[1048] It's a good guy.

[1049] That's a good guy.

[1050] And what he really is also calling into that courtroom that day is basically saying, this is what happens if somebody gets raped.

[1051] This is what happens to women.

[1052] The victims are the ones that fucking get tossed out.

[1053] Then they become sex workers.

[1054] Then everyone goes, they deserve everything they're getting.

[1055] And it's because this is what happens in the first place.

[1056] It's like all the sudden, and it's so fucking.

[1057] like modern day.

[1058] Yeah, it's crazy that they even like mentioned it back then, especially a man fucking thing.

[1059] Look what we do, everyone.

[1060] Yes.

[1061] Crazy.

[1062] This is what fucking happens and this is the pattern.

[1063] Well, the jury was out for 30 minutes and then they came back not fucking guilty.

[1064] Amazing.

[1065] Yes.

[1066] 30 minutes.

[1067] Holy shit.

[1068] They're like, let's have a sandwich and then we'll go back and fucking...

[1069] They went into the room and they're just like, we're total shit, right?

[1070] Okay.

[1071] Let's fix this.

[1072] Let's do something.

[1073] Let's do something for once.

[1074] Oh, after Duhort gave his, that closing speech, the Chief Justice, William Mollock, he, he, someday, when all this goes down here.

[1075] At the end of that speech, the defense's closing argument, he cried.

[1076] he cried in the in the courtroom yeah oh i know it's beautiful you canadian men you're fucking you rule you really do all right so anyway that's my place i got all keyed up and i lost my place um okay you stop looking at him every bartender in l .A um truly correcting you about movies Fuck you.

[1077] What?

[1078] It's fine.

[1079] So Carrie later moves out to the country near Brampton.

[1080] Is that your favorite?

[1081] She marries a farmer named Charles Brown.

[1082] Oh my God.

[1083] They have a son Charlie, a daughter, Sally.

[1084] They leave.

[1085] They never pay attention to them, even on Thanksgiving.

[1086] No. She actually becomes the custodian.

[1087] of a home for girls.

[1088] She raises two children of her own.

[1089] She also was the first person that would go and open the church every morning.

[1090] And she was the person if someone died in their town.

[1091] She would be the one that went and closed their eyes.

[1092] So they say the writers, and I believe it was Charlotte Gray, and maybe another reporter that's done a lot of work on this story, talked about that she basically, in her life, was just giving penance and doing penance for the rights.

[1093] rest of her life for that.

[1094] Wow.

[1095] But she really was, you know, an amazing person.

[1096] She never told anyone in her family about that part of her life.

[1097] And the first time her daughter found out about it was when this other reporter came to talk about, he was like, I want to write a book and was talking about it.

[1098] And the girl had no idea that that's, that her mom went through that.

[1099] And then the daughter said, it makes perfect sense because that's my mom lived like that.

[1100] Like, she lived like she was giving back and that she was, that she owed something.

[1101] Holy shit.

[1102] On the other hand, Burt Massey was buried in an unmarked grave.

[1103] Wow.

[1104] He didn't get into the Massey family crypts.

[1105] That's a burn.

[1106] I don't know about you, but I would love one late Halloween night to see somebody come out of that thing.

[1107] Look at it.

[1108] It's bigger than Bert's house.

[1109] That's creepy as fuck.

[1110] Who's in there?

[1111] If you had to spend one night in there, would you do it?

[1112] For how much?

[1113] A million dollars.

[1114] Easily.

[1115] Okay.

[1116] So there was an interesting essay that was written about this case on a website called Development of Toronto .com.

[1117] Your favorite?

[1118] Guys love to go on that in the mornings.

[1119] Just to catch up on the developments.

[1120] It was written by a woman named Amanda Saravelle, and she wrote, Davies acquittal represented the triumph of traditional morals and values in the changing times of the First World War.

[1121] Her gender, her race, and her class were all determining factors in securing her freedom.

[1122] Though these factors were present from many other women who interacted with the Canadian criminal justice system, Davies had the support of the city behind her.

[1123] Her only wish after her acquittal was to be able to, quote, be back at work that she could forget it all and be able to go home to England to see her mother.

[1124] So essentially she was a lucky white virgin is I'm serious.

[1125] I mean that's really what's happening here.

[1126] If she didn't have that fucking doctor's report, I think the point of all of this is I would like to live in a world where no matter how much melanin is in your skin or how much of your hymen is intact or whatever the fuck you've done or whatever your sexual preferences are that you get some justice in court the way she did.

[1127] That would be nice, wouldn't it?

[1128] Wouldn't it?

[1129] And that's the story of the Massey made murder.

[1130] Blow that up.

[1131] Amazing.

[1132] What if I hit a button and that blew up?

[1133] Well, I feel like if it's going to happen anywhere, it's not America.

[1134] Not the way we're going right now.

[1135] But let's be positive.

[1136] Okay.

[1137] That was amazing.

[1138] Great job.

[1139] Thank you.

[1140] Hey, do we have time for eight?

[1141] Home down, murder.

[1142] Hey, got to listen to the Roe.

[1143] Overall, everybody.

[1144] Oh, Canada.

[1145] Okay.

[1146] Either side.

[1147] Thank you.

[1148] Oh, great.

[1149] Could we have the lights up just a hint so we can see people and what they're doing?

[1150] And I'm just going to tell you.

[1151] I'm going to tell you really quick.

[1152] Okay.

[1153] Can I just tell you the rules we're like, oh, my God, they're up there too.

[1154] I have no idea Where else?

[1155] Where else are there?

[1156] Okay, you, get up here, come on.

[1157] I think you go that way.

[1158] Oh, yeah, over there.

[1159] That way.

[1160] Oh, go to Vince.

[1161] Okay, you can bring the house lights down.

[1162] Thank you.

[1163] Do I have lipstick on my teeth?

[1164] No. Okay, great.

[1165] You guys better be right.

[1166] They were all pouring at her.

[1167] Oh, my God.

[1168] There's so much pressure.

[1169] Alex, you guys.

[1170] You come over here.

[1171] Take this and then don't get scared.

[1172] Where are you from?

[1173] I'm from Burlington.

[1174] What's your hometown?

[1175] So it's actually the murder of my grandmother.

[1176] Oh, whoa.

[1177] Yeah, so I'm going to start off and say that I wasn't quite one when she died.

[1178] So it's not, like, it's personal for me because of my mother, who's actually here in the front row.

[1179] but I'm like a little step back so for me it was just like trying to find out this crazy story that they hid for me for my whole life so my grandmother's name is Edwina Jones she's from Wales she moved to Canada she met my grandfather who actually was in Niagara Falls but didn't use a barrel she just went by bye he went over?

[1180] Yeah so then he's passed.

[1181] We're in it now.

[1182] It's on.

[1183] Here we go.

[1184] So if that wasn't enough for my mom, she marries a man who is the greatest guy, by all accounts.

[1185] His name is Jonathan Woodrow.

[1186] And he's one of those special sociopaths who no one ever knows.

[1187] He's just the best.

[1188] So what happens is, so I found out, so what happened was he gets this call from this guy's he calls his fund and he says, hey, I have an arms deal and I want you in on it.

[1189] So he was a Scotland Yard police officer in Britain, moved to Burlington and became a private investigator.

[1190] So he calls his buddy, he says, hey, I got this arms deal.

[1191] I'm going to get the money.

[1192] I don't actually have guns, but we're going to fake it.

[1193] Oh.

[1194] And his buddy goes, cool, let me know if you need a hand, but I'm a step back.

[1195] So he gets this whole thing set up.

[1196] he tries to kill her with a rag with chloroform on it she survives he breaks her wrist but she survives then she goes back to him because as we know it's really tough to say when you're in relationships and if they're that much of a sociopath you think they're great they do everything they can convince you she goes back to him so the cops have been basically this happens and they're like okay so she might be in danger but you know what we're going to do we're going to tap the phone we're not going to tell her that because his friend who he told about the arms deal went to the cops and said hey this is happening so the cops don't go hey adwina you might be at risk they go we're going to tap the phone and that's how we'll make sure she's okay so they find out this is going to happen it's at spencer smith which is like right on lake ontario um so he's plan is he gets a van cuts a hole in the bottom, parks over a manhole.

[1197] Sorry, one second.

[1198] I'm sorry.

[1199] That's some Bugs Bunny shit.

[1200] Oh, okay.

[1201] So he's going to be like, take, give me the money.

[1202] I'm going to go on my van, get the guns.

[1203] But in reality, he's going to go out on the hole.

[1204] He's going to go into the sewer.

[1205] So the SWAT team is all there waiting for him.

[1206] and if they put in a fake officer to do the exchange.

[1207] So they do the exchange and they're like busted.

[1208] So they get him.

[1209] They find a gun on him with bullets missing.

[1210] So they race over to my Nana's house and he's shot her.

[1211] Oh.

[1212] Yeah.

[1213] So he pled guilty and he got 25 and he's still in prison.

[1214] Oh, good.

[1215] When was this?

[1216] So this was in 1994.

[1217] Holy shit.

[1218] So his 25 years is up this year.

[1219] Oh, no. Guys, let's all go to the parole hearing.

[1220] So the big thing was, no, he never gave a reason why, which was one of the reasons why the judge when he sentenced him said, you are one of the most evil individuals I've ever met, because he basically was like stone.

[1221] Yeah.

[1222] And so after 20 years, he started going for his parole hearings.

[1223] And then he started coming up with his stories of why, because that's what they wanted.

[1224] So one of his stories is that the guy, my nana, found out his friend had a gun.

[1225] And so his friend was like, you got a shooter.

[1226] That's story number one.

[1227] Pearl Board's like, cool, that's not a reason.

[1228] Yeah.

[1229] And it's a really bad story.

[1230] So they go to the second reason, and this is when he says, okay so I couldn't tell you the real story because it was an ex -police officer who made me do it and they're like okay so he says that he got caught doing a $500 ,000 cocaine like the guy framed him for a cocaine sale and if he didn't kill my nana he was going to kill her kids I'm already lost yeah so and then he also gave reason that his friend was also an RCMP officer, and since the guy could point to him and say, hey, he's a crooked cop.

[1231] Oh, and he also said his private investigation firm was investigating RCMP's involvement with terrorist organizations.

[1232] No. So, but every time they keep going, yeah, but you're still not saying why you did it.

[1233] You're just...

[1234] Killed your wife.

[1235] Yeah.

[1236] Yeah.

[1237] So, and what happened was they keep saying yes but you've planned this you tried to kill her it didn't work you tried again and when they caught him he had a ticket to the states and five hundred dollars in his pocket so he was planning on piece and ass down the manhole down that man right to america so isn't that what you want isn't that what you need right now oh you could just go down a manhole yeah to ontario california gorgeous, so gorgeous there So she is survived by her four beautiful children And we all still talk about her And what's her name?

[1238] Her name's Edwina What's her last name?

[1239] Her maiden name is Jones Edwina Jones Yeah, yes Amazing, that was amazing Great job Amazing, thank you, Alex That's how you do a hometown murder There it is.

[1240] Forgiven.

[1241] Great job.

[1242] This team.

[1243] But I did see one of their faces when she goes, the one next to me next door when she goes, my grandmother was murdered.

[1244] The girl went, I'm like, you shoot.

[1245] Oh my God.

[1246] We love Canada.

[1247] You guys, thank you so much for having us.

[1248] It's always a fucking pleasure coming here.

[1249] It's amazing.

[1250] We played this theater the last time we were here.

[1251] And it's an incredible room to be in, but this crowd, you guys are just such a great crowd and such a, it's very cool to go to a different country and have people like you there too.

[1252] That's exciting.

[1253] Yeah.

[1254] That's my speech.

[1255] Thank you guys.

[1256] We always say this, but honestly, we are just constantly in awe of this entire thing that's happening.

[1257] The customs person said, my favorite murder.

[1258] My favorite murder?

[1259] Yeah.

[1260] And then let us on through.

[1261] She didn't feel strongly about it.

[1262] She just didn't love it.

[1263] So we just can't believe we got to do stuff like this and go to other fucking places and talk to people.

[1264] Yeah.

[1265] It's great.

[1266] And we get to see you guys.

[1267] We say this all the time too, but it really does, the coolest thing is when we meet people in the meet and greet and people go, I came here by myself.

[1268] And this is like a room full of my friends.

[1269] There's something about this community that you guys are building.

[1270] that is magical and beautiful.

[1271] And thank you so much.

[1272] It's amazing.

[1273] It really is.

[1274] I won't do what I did last night, which is almost fuck the audience over because I wanted to say, stay saved, do God's missions.

[1275] That's what I...

[1276] She fucking did that.

[1277] She goes, stay saved, and then halfway through her, I was like, oh, no. I got stay saved, and the audience is like, what the fuck?

[1278] Fuck you.

[1279] But instead of that, I will say, stay sexy.

[1280] And go!