MFM Minisode 228

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] My favorite murder.

[2] What the many said?

[3] Thank you for joining me in what could have been a real embarrassing moment.

[4] I've taken improv.

[5] I know how to yes and.

[6] You just yes and me so hard.

[7] My head is spinning.

[8] Can you feel the agreement going up your spine?

[9] Yes.

[10] Into my head and that.

[11] That's right.

[12] You heighten.

[13] You agreed and heightened.

[14] That's right.

[15] I've taken improv one twice.

[16] Hold on.

[17] Wait a second.

[18] Ring ring.

[19] The groundlings, yes, she's here.

[20] Okay, let me see if I can patch you through.

[21] I'll take it.

[22] They're going to get.

[23] You got a groundling scholarship right on the minisode.

[24] This is powerful stuff.

[25] Right to the top of the groundlings, which is actually a one -story building.

[26] On the roof.

[27] Right to street level.

[28] Oh, wow.

[29] And this is what you can expect from this minisode today.

[30] And from our new live improv show.

[31] I'm agreeing, but it sounds like I'm fighting.

[32] Oh, man, I have some stories from level one, actress boot camp.

[33] I'm going to tell you right now.

[34] My agent made me do this, and I'm going to be the best in the class to impress the teacher.

[35] And how did it work out?

[36] I quit after like, okay, so one and a half, twice level ones, I guess.

[37] But guess who made friends with the teacher?

[38] Guess who made friends with the teacher?

[39] Georgia Hartzart.

[40] That's right.

[41] She's a kiss -ass.

[42] But sorry, you're saying you took a whole round of classes or one and a half classes?

[43] A round of classes.

[44] Oh, that's not quitting.

[45] That's overindulging.

[46] You over -dead.

[47] You're wrong on the other side.

[48] Now you just know anded me and insulted my correctly insulted what I am capable of, which is true.

[49] Which is clearing level one of an improv.

[50] Of anything.

[51] You've done it.

[52] Sorry for the.

[53] I barely graduated high school, but I fucking graduated.

[54] So that's all that counts.

[55] Right.

[56] Do you want to go first on this what's supposed to be a podcast?

[57] Let's do it.

[58] Ready for some blue liquid?

[59] The subject line of this is my mom meets a fruit stealing axe murderer.

[60] Cool.

[61] Hey, MFM gang.

[62] In the early 90s, there were some crazy shit going down on Seattle's Queen Anne Hill.

[63] It's a pretty residential neighborhood with quaint houses where you walk to bakeries and the metropolitan market.

[64] But in 1990, there was also a dude breaking into people's houses and just eating their fruit and leaving.

[65] Three days later, a resident comes home to find the axe.

[66] He stored in his carport lying in the middle of his living room floor.

[67] And then things got weird.

[68] In March, someone broke into a basement with a pickax, but bailed when the owner of the house turned on the lights.

[69] Presumably, there was no fruit to be found.

[70] Four days later, this sweet old lady named Geneva McDonald was found brutally murdered in her house.

[71] She'd been repeatedly struck with an axe and stabbed with her sewing scissors and then her throat had been slit with a knife.

[72] Oh my God.

[73] Who on?

[74] The investigation kicks off and during the police lockdown, the fruit -eating ax -man of Queen Anne strikes again, right under the cop's nose.

[75] A guy down the street from Geneva's house wakes up to see a guy holding a kitchen knife at the foot of his bed.

[76] The investigation plays out, but there's no suspect.

[77] People are freaking out, including my dad, but my mom is cool as a cucumber.

[78] Her guard is up sure, but she figures the police have it under control, and their fruit bowl is safe.

[79] During the following months, the crazy fruit breakings continue, and my very reasonable mom is on edge.

[80] Then in September, someone breaks into a house, eats all the fruit, and scrawls the killer is back on the wall before leaving.

[81] How have we never heard of this?

[82] I've never heard of this.

[83] We're going to have definitely have to check it out.

[84] About a week later, my mom was walking down the street in the general vicinity of the house from that break -in, and she sees a guy calmly walking down the street with an axe.

[85] He makes super confrontational eye contact with her as he's approaching.

[86] And right as he's passing her, he smiles so serenely without blinking.

[87] Of course, my mom doesn't have a cell phone because it's 19 -fucking 90, so she speedwalks to the grocery and calls my dad yelling, I walked past the axe murderer.

[88] Oh, my God.

[89] He tells her to call it in.

[90] So she calls the tip line, and they calmly and carefully inform her that they already have someone in custody.

[91] And the police are wrapping up the investigation.

[92] What?

[93] Yeah.

[94] So, like, it's not him, basically.

[95] It's some asshole trying to freak people out, probably.

[96] I'm going to scream.

[97] Okay.

[98] So my mom feels pretty ridiculous, and my dad thinks she overreacted.

[99] But as my mom maintains, quote, why in the world would you be walking down the street with an axe.

[100] Maybe he just wanted some fruit.

[101] No. And there's no. That's it?

[102] I feel like at this point we need to take the rest of the episode to talk about this one.

[103] I mean.

[104] And the rest of our lives.

[105] That's, I can't.

[106] There's so many things.

[107] Yeah.

[108] An axe murder in Seattle.

[109] I feel like I want to think I would have heard of that before, but I never have.

[110] That's amazing.

[111] It was in the 90s.

[112] I would like to go ahead and I'm sorry, I'm not, your dad's probably a fine person, but that was not an overreaction in any fucking sense of the word.

[113] No. Not at all.

[114] That's the...

[115] If there's a...

[116] That's the chillist.

[117] Yeah.

[118] Yeah.

[119] If there's an axe murder on the loose in your neighborhood, everybody gets to do whatever they want.

[120] They get to call home.

[121] They get to run at the grocery store screaming.

[122] Yeah.

[123] It's all valid.

[124] If they got a weird feeling about a random person.

[125] But this person had the murder weapon in the neighborhood with a creepy look in his face, he should have been arrested simply for being a fucking dick.

[126] Well, right, because that's a, it's basically like that was, from 1990, that was a troll.

[127] That was a real life troll.

[128] Oh my God, he's trolling the neighborhood.

[129] Yeah, he is.

[130] All right.

[131] Quite literally.

[132] I mean, if you don't cover this one so we kick it all the details, I don't know what I'll do.

[133] I don't know what else I can tell you.

[134] Because I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but clearly I am.

[135] But fucking do that story.

[136] I'm going to go writing a note, so I feel good about this.

[137] I'm going to call Hannah and just be like, hey, I know she didn't say she wants to do.

[138] Okay.

[139] This is called Braws in the Woodchipper.

[140] Oh.

[141] This is a little long, but it's worth it.

[142] I promise.

[143] Hey, y 'all.

[144] Intros are overrated.

[145] Let's get into it.

[146] My husband is a lineman, the high wire, electricity one, not a football player.

[147] Yeah.

[148] Did you know about that?

[149] I didn't know that was the thing.

[150] Well, fire fighter.

[151] You know the, um, Wichita lineman.

[152] That's what that song is out.

[153] I had no idea.

[154] The reason I know about it is because my Aunt Joe, Joe Brown, was the first female lineman in San Francisco for the Packbell Company.

[155] Stephen, you're making a face of, you know what it was, too.

[156] Am I the odd man out here?

[157] No, I didn't have no idea what a lineman was.

[158] You're just, that's because Stephen doesn't have a mustache anymore, and it's easy to project any emotion onto his face.

[159] Everything seems valid.

[160] I see some 5 o 'clock shadow, so he's working on it, which we all appreciate.

[161] Okay.

[162] And he is usually among the emergency responders to a scene at a scene of an accident or housefire or sometimes robberies.

[163] He usually works 36 -hour shifts during big storms, intense cold or wildfires.

[164] He loves his dangerous job more than anyone I've ever met.

[165] And I love how much of himself he pours into ensuring the lights are on.

[166] I could go on forever about how much I admire him.

[167] But gag, I know you want the tea.

[168] All the caps on this.

[169] Okay, this week he was responding to a traffic accident call.

[170] A bucket truck with an attached wood chipper had swerved to avoid missing a deer and on the slick country roads had lost control and rolled into a ditch, knocking the utility pole onto the cab of the truck, spilling their load of woodchips into the road, opening most of the workmen's cabinets onto the truck and scattering the contents throughout.

[171] The two men and the truck managed to climb out of the window of the truck that was now stuck on its side.

[172] My husband showed up.

[173] and the men were covered in blood and shaken, but otherwise okay.

[174] As they waited for an ambulance to come, the men told my husband what had happened and showed him how they got out.

[175] These dudes had missed being electrocuted by a mere few inches.

[176] Yeah, yeah.

[177] Once the men were being looked at at EMS, oh, this is another husband -shaming wife story, I just realized.

[178] And taken to the hospital, my husband and his crew got to work.

[179] When they were able to safely get a closer look, They noticed bras and panties were strewned throughout the wreckage.

[180] In my husband's own words, an alarming amount of undergarments.

[181] Uh -oh.

[182] The tow truck showed up, and my husband and his crew helped to roll the truck back over and get it loaded up so it was out of the way of the pole they needed to remove and replace.

[183] It was at this point, they noticed that not only had the bra and panties come out of the workmen's nooks in the truck, but they were shreds of fabric and more, quote, undergarments.

[184] in with the spilled wood chips.

[185] So a few hours later, my husband comes home from lunch and is telling me the story.

[186] I immediately asked 200 questions he had no answers for.

[187] Did the police show up?

[188] Did they ask about the underwear?

[189] Did they take it into evidence?

[190] Did you see blood on or in the wood chipper or its chips?

[191] Hello, these are basics of amateur detective work.

[192] Have my countless hours of forced true crime documentaries and endless podcasts taught you nothing?

[193] For real.

[194] Drag -alongs, am I right?

[195] Yeah.

[196] For God.

[197] Yes, you are.

[198] He said the police, sheriff's department, and state trooper were all in the scene at one point throughout the ordeal, and they all just laughed it off.

[199] Me, however, I cannot let this go.

[200] I have not stopped thinking about it and looking up any relevant information I can find or crimes I may have been able to connect to these tree trimmers and their doubtfully harmless affinity for women's underwear.

[201] Anyway, please tell me I'm not insane for thinking all of this is Red Flag City.

[202] As an aside, thank you for spreading awareness about mental health and it's many struggles.

[203] Y 'all are a huge reason I just started to start a blog, openly sharing my struggles with postpartum depression and psychosis, which is not get fucking talked about.

[204] I think it's rad.

[205] And through doing so, have connected so many other mothers who thought they were the only ones who had a baby and went crazy.

[206] There is so much power in knowing you are not alone.

[207] And her Instagram is at postpartum psycho.

[208] Wow.

[209] Wear it on your sleeve.

[210] I love it.

[211] Stay sexy.

[212] And thank linemen for working those polls and keeping you turned on Tiffany.

[213] I get it.

[214] Cute.

[215] Good one, right?

[216] Tiffany, you're a thousand percent right about this is like, it reminds me of, you know, 70s and 80s when people are like, oh, the old peeping Tom and the neighbor.

[217] It's just a funny, dumb thing that it's like, do you mean step one of being a serial killer?

[218] Like there's someone should be asked some questions about what the where those clothes came from.

[219] And who put them there and why they're there.

[220] All of these.

[221] Maybe they were doing the last weekend.

[222] I feel like there have been, you know, one woman on the team who was like that's not what happens at the end of our cycle of underwear.

[223] and we don't just casually.

[224] That's not how you get rid of.

[225] There's so many.

[226] So play this for your husband, please.

[227] Shame on you, sir.

[228] However, thank you for your work.

[229] We appreciate.

[230] Okay, take soon.

[231] Leave that and take it out.

[232] Thank you.

[233] Yeah, I mean, hey, look, because it could be that the driver of that truck bought brand new women's underwear and just had like a chipper issue, whatever.

[234] But let's not just assume, it's a funny joke.

[235] No. Underwear stealing could be a bad thing.

[236] Okay.

[237] Q10 emails from Woodchipper owner saying the thing that greases Woodchipper's best, you didn't know this and that's okay, but I wish you would read this on the podcast is undergarments.

[238] That's the only way to get it cleaned out.

[239] Dear Woodchipper owner, you're full of shit.

[240] We see you.

[241] What you don't know is that we got Siri to reverse record you.

[242] Oh, my God.

[243] I love it.

[244] Okay.

[245] The subject line of this one is we saw Laudalorona, kind of.

[246] Howdy beautiful people and pets.

[247] I'll save the pleasantries for later.

[248] Let's get into it.

[249] Growing up, my mother tried to shelter my sisters and I from anything horror or true crime -related horror.

[250] Why wouldn't they all have done smart?

[251] Okay.

[252] Obviously, it didn't work because here we are now.

[253] Anyways, unlike us, my cousins were exposed to all of that stuff at a very early age, and they knew every Mexican folklore like the back of their hand by the age of five.

[254] So one night, my family and I were driving back to drop off my cousins from spending the day with us.

[255] My older cousin, we'll call him Taylor, decided this would be a great time to tell my younger sister and I about La Eurona.

[256] For the audience who isn't familiar, La Eurona or the Weeping Woman is a Mexican folklore about a woman who drowned her children for a man. But when he said he no longer wanted to be with her.

[257] She was so overcome with grief that she drowned herself.

[258] And she now haunts the waters crying and looking for children to take.

[259] Oh my god.

[260] Uh -huh.

[261] My mom quickly turned around and told him to stop lying to us, lying and lines in quotes, because she didn't want us to get scared.

[262] His response was to insist she was real and that she steals little kids like me and my sister.

[263] Oh, cousins man. Right?

[264] The power of cousins.

[265] Uh -huh.

[266] Right when that happened.

[267] My dad stopped the car and screamed, and there she is, pointing to a woman, crawling on the side of the road, soaking wet with her hair covering her face.

[268] No. However, this wasn't La Yerona.

[269] Just a drunk woman leaving the bar, trying to walk home in the rain.

[270] Oh, no. My sister and I were completely lost, but my cousin was scared out of his mind.

[271] Yeah, I can bet.

[272] My mom said she remembered little tween hands pawing at her face from the backseat yelling, Aunt Judy, Aunt Judy.

[273] My dad ended up driving off with my mom laughing.

[274] My cousin traumatized.

[275] My sister and I confused as to what the hell just happened.

[276] Thank you, ladies, so much for always accompanying me on my commute to and from work.

[277] I even got my mom listening and she loves it.

[278] She actually wanted to send in this story, but she's not too savvy with computers.

[279] And then in parentheses, love you, mom.

[280] Stay sexy.

[281] And don't walk home drunk.

[282] You might scare the shit out of some kid, LJ.

[283] I do feel in my heart nowadays, we would have picked that woman up.

[284] And that kid would have been doubly traumatized.

[285] Lola Rana gets into the car.

[286] Oh, my God.

[287] And it's like, shit of the same.

[288] Oh, my God.

[289] Little children.

[290] I have a child secret.

[291] Oh, you're tiny.

[292] The worst kind.

[293] Everything about that, except for not picking the woman up, is amazing.

[294] It's horrifying.

[295] I think you and I've talked about, but that's my, that's my favorite reference of standing on the side of the road in a wet nightgown.

[296] at night.

[297] Like, what's the scariest thing that you can do?

[298] Like, on the back roads as you're thriving by yourself.

[299] Yeah.

[300] And then the lights come up and there's just a lady standing there in a wet nightgown.

[301] That's by itself.

[302] Nothing else has to happen.

[303] And that's horrifying.

[304] I have no words.

[305] That's your right.

[306] Unless she's at the end of your bed when you wake up, then she's holding a snake.

[307] Do you have any laundry you want me to do that?

[308] I'm so cold.

[309] I'm freezing.

[310] All right.

[311] This one's called.

[312] I don't recognize that man's story.

[313] Hello, my favorite murder gals.

[314] Your podcast is a beacon of joy and an otherwise droll workday and I appreciate every single tantalizing episode.

[315] Here is a hometown quote, things that could have gone so much worse story about my sister that creeps me to this day.

[316] This is terrifying, actually.

[317] Okay.

[318] But there's no wet woman in it.

[319] So don't worry.

[320] It's terrifying in a dry way.

[321] It's just wits.

[322] the water right away.

[323] My family home is in the woods up a winding hill.

[324] Most people wouldn't be crazy enough to walk up.

[325] We have forest to one side and a wide canyon to the front of the house.

[326] So it's isolated.

[327] And then she wrote, I never even knew what that curtains were a thing until I moved away for college.

[328] I love that is such a specific visual that makes me understand everything, which I love.

[329] Storytellers.

[330] Just not having, you're so far out that you don't have curtain.

[331] You don't even know what curtains, you know, essentially are.

[332] I just love that.

[333] You should be a writer person.

[334] Throughout our childhood, we had minor break -ins at our place and our neighbors with people stealing change and jewelry, but nothing major.

[335] One day, my sister was staying home sick.

[336] She'd parked her car up the hill so my parents could use the carport when they got home.

[337] She was being lazy on the couch when she heard a knock at the door.

[338] Normally, our dog would go crazy at the sound of a human, but she'd sadly passed away the month before.

[339] Still in her pajamas and feeling antisocial, my sister looked out the people instead of opening the front door.

[340] A man she didn't recognize was there.

[341] Nothing about that was unusual as our dad works in construction, so his employees will occasionally drop off tools or documents.

[342] However, this suit immediately gave her a weird gut feeling.

[343] He didn't look like the normal guys my dad works with.

[344] After the knocking, she could see a shadow through the Coke bottle windows.

[345] gorgeous pacing your face is shocked right it's like so excited sorry who is it it's like i'm noticing you with such wide eyes before i guess um pacing around the front deck and heard the door handle jiggle from the outside at this point she freaks out grabs the phone and runs to the bedroom to call 911 the operator tells her to stay quiet and on the line and that they will come right away this sounds like creepy pasta but i think because it's her sister it's okay it's not like my friend sister right well also just uh as a person who listens to the podcast let's not me and many of those yeah these things happen so often of like kids and people at home and dudes trying to get into the house it's it's very disturbing how often this happens to people it's awful luckily the police station is a few minutes down the road and our town is sleepy so they got there fast as it turned out there was not one guy casing the house but two the first the first The first guy was at the front door, the second was working the back door, which my sister couldn't hear.

[346] The police caught the first guy immediately, but had to chase second through the woods, and I honestly can't remember if they caught him.

[347] Uh -huh.

[348] A small detail.

[349] Uh -huh.

[350] Oh, hey, Mom.

[351] Oh, follow up.

[352] I don't know.

[353] Anyway.

[354] We suspect the burglars thought the house was empty because the carport was.

[355] When they arrested the guy at the front door, they found a 12 -inch knife tucked into his waistband.

[356] so it's hard to say what their actual motive was my sister is the napping queen hashtag napinclancer and I shut her to think what would have happened if she'd been asleep and they got inside and found her or if she'd been extroverted enough to open the door.

[357] After all this she was asked to testify in court but thankfully didn't have to since the guy pled guilty.

[358] My parents still live in the same house.

[359] We got a big white shepherd soon after this happened and have not had a break in sense.

[360] You -hoo.

[361] No name.

[362] It's clearly a famous author because she's a great writer.

[363] They were a great writer.

[364] That was Joan Didion wrote that in.

[365] Amazing story.

[366] Her name is J -D -D or her initial?

[367] D -I -O -N.

[368] Okay, so we have like two parking spaces.

[369] When both the cars are gone, it's clear to every, and they're on the street.

[370] It's clear to everyone.

[371] We're not there.

[372] how about a beater buying a beater keep a car keeping it clean it's cute so it doesn't look like your houses and leaving it at the house all the time in the driveway so that always seems like someone's home police officers people in law enforcement criminals please let me know if that's actually a thing how about this what if um i mean we're not in we i don't think we're officially in quarantine anymore this isn't an issue but if it were at the beginning of quarantine you could get a bunch of children to make a beat or car out of cardboard and paint it themselves and like an art project of a thing that people will think is a thing but you don't actually have to buy an actual car for.

[373] Karen, you like that idea?

[374] You're so creative.

[375] And then it's also a way to like get the neighborhood kids involved.

[376] That's right.

[377] Maybe they're kids friends.

[378] They're all bored because they're not in school.

[379] Maybe they could get they could be interns on to pay them and then so they make some credits to elementary school kids need credit.

[380] No, but.

[381] They have credit toward junior high.

[382] Yeah, they could put it on their junior high resume.

[383] The credit for this will get you three corn dogs in junior high.

[384] So get to work.

[385] But I'm taking one of them from everyone because that's not fair.

[386] That's her just corn dog tax.

[387] She has to look, you know, you got to pay the piper.

[388] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[389] Absolutely.

[390] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.

[391] Exactly.

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[408] Goodbye.

[409] Oh, it's your turn.

[410] Were you just going to go to the next one?

[411] Yep.

[412] All right.

[413] The subject line of this is found drugs, which I believe is what we asked for last week.

[414] We always asked for found drugs.

[415] And then I will declare, although I'm sure I've said this before and meant it before, but this is now my favorite opening line ever.

[416] Okay.

[417] It just says, it's my time to shine, bitches.

[418] It is.

[419] It is.

[420] It is.

[421] Get ready.

[422] Oh, you've heard it.

[423] Enough of us.

[424] We've done this.

[425] We've gotten our egos up.

[426] It's yours time, baby.

[427] Okay.

[428] In the last minisode, you asked listeners to write in about found drugs.

[429] Yeah, I was right.

[430] And I read that.

[431] So I knew that already.

[432] Sorry.

[433] My husband and I took a trip to Italy.

[434] We spent three days in Rome, then took the train to Venice for another three days.

[435] My husband, who is a daily toker, was feeling very desperate for his daily hit by the time we reached Venice.

[436] He didn't mention his desire until a long, through the narrow walking paths and bridges that line and cross the beautiful canals.

[437] Have you ever been to Italy?

[438] Oh, God, no, I wish.

[439] I want to go there so bad.

[440] We'll go.

[441] Let's go tour Italy.

[442] Yes.

[443] Hey, Abandonza.

[444] We'd love to.

[445] I don't feel like they have any good murders there that we could do at live shows.

[446] No, there's hardly been any murder in it over the past 5 ,000 years.

[447] He had just purchased himself a slice of pizza.

[448] While walking and eating, he looked at me and said, The only thing that could make this moment any better would be if I were a little stone.

[449] Damn, and this isn't all caps.

[450] Damn, if the motherfucker Italian gods didn't answer his prayers, I looked down without exaggeration two seconds later, and there's an entire sandwich baggie full of butt.

[451] Oh, my God.

[452] I scooped that shit up so fast, he didn't even know what happened.

[453] I looked at him waving the baggie all abracadabber style in his face.

[454] Girl, you are shining right now, like a diamond.

[455] saying ask and you shall receive needless to say he spent the rest of Venice high before flushing what was left when clearly he should have returned the favor to another in exactly the same manner stay sexy and ask so you too can receive N. Amazing.

[456] Amazing.

[457] The only way that could have gotten better in my mind if this were a book I was writing a rom -com she would have held up the baggie they wouldn't have been married yet.

[458] He would have how to bring in his pocket because it was, you know, it's Italy.

[459] And he would have gotten down and been like, well, ask and you shall, I don't know, ask, can I ask and receive, you know, like, I'm working on it.

[460] Yeah, like a play on words.

[461] I get it.

[462] I'm like, well, you, I asked, you're, I'm now receiving.

[463] So do you want a pizza my heart?

[464] I'm trying to make up a thing that would make her say, no, I will not.

[465] And then he passes her the ring and she passes in the baggie.

[466] like that is love either way it's love and then he receives it and they both get arrested and they just never see each other and detained and get on the no fly list but this it reminds me we've told the story so I won't get into it but when Vince we bought pot in Amsterdam because that's all the moment needed we were told to yeah it's the it's the law and says and Vince forgot to take he found weed in his pocket at the airport going through security security at the airport he had so little on him and they were clearly so used to it they just wanted to scare him yeah so thank you Amsterdam but we were scared it worked I was shaking you took me to like a duty free and you're like it's going to be fine it's going to be fine I was like no it's not I was shaking and you're like look at this here's a happy perfume by a clinic like look at clinic's happy smell it I don't want it my mom wears it I don't want it okay can I just tell you I just realized I'm wearing sunglasses I was going to tell you I was going to tell you I was going to tell you I was going to tell you I was going to tell you.

[467] you, but I personally, I think it's, I look, I never look better than my sunglasses on my head.

[468] Agree.

[469] What is that?

[470] I don't know.

[471] It's like gives you a boost without wearing a bumpet.

[472] You know, it's just like.

[473] It's very, it is a great accessory to say like, I'm chic and I'm beautiful, but you don't have to worry about what my face looks like.

[474] I'm casual.

[475] Up here, yeah.

[476] And I'm like a little bit mini mouse.

[477] I'm interested in sun damage.

[478] Vince has, Vincent and I have the best vision because we wear sunglasses constantly because we're hipsters.

[479] Yeah.

[480] Okay.

[481] You're pretty hip.

[482] You are pretty hip.

[483] Can you?

[484] I think so.

[485] Could you give me that?

[486] Can I at least have that?

[487] May I have that, please?

[488] Okay.

[489] This is called found dead in a freezer.

[490] I live in North Carolina and I used to be housemates with this creepy dude from the tiny rural town of Goldsboro, period.

[491] I thought that was so calm.

[492] I thought...

[493] Goldsbara.

[494] Coltsbury, yeah.

[495] But then it was like, oh, I already said North Carolina.

[496] Mm -hmm.

[497] Hearing stories from him, think literal kissing cousins, makes hearing this story come at no great surprise.

[498] Not everyone there is a creep, mind you.

[499] But much like that one friend who constantly dates losers, this town can't seem to keep them out.

[500] Great play on words.

[501] Yeah.

[502] Back in 2016, a woman purchased a deep freezer from her neighbor.

[503] A great deal.

[504] on a freezer is a great deal on a freezer.

[505] She paid only $30 for it at a yard sale.

[506] I can't imagine what she was thinking selling this freezer.

[507] And I can't imagine not opening it to look inside prior to purchasing.

[508] Yeah, for real.

[509] Like simple math.

[510] Yeah.

[511] But it wasn't until the buyer was home with the purchase that she discovered the frozen corpse of the seller's mother.

[512] Oh, my God.

[513] Yeah.

[514] Why did I save this for last?

[515] Turns out, no one had seen the mother since August of 2015 because she had died reportedly of natural causes.

[516] And her daughter had laid her body in the freezer to continue cashing in her social security checks post -mortem.

[517] Oh, no. That feels like a regular thing, doesn't it?

[518] It just doesn't seem keeping the body around is just like going, here's how I'm going to get caught.

[519] Yeah.

[520] Yeah.

[521] Yeah.

[522] Yeah, that equation doesn't need to be in the mix.

[523] No. Okay.

[524] The woman was convicted of concealment of death and obtaining property by false pretense, the social security fraud, and was in jail for about a year and a half.

[525] I'm glad someone found the poor older woman and she was able to be properly laid to rest, but maybe let's all agree to never buy a used deep freezer, I guess.

[526] Stay sexy and don't unwittingly transport human remains.

[527] Buck, he, him.

[528] I just, Buck, it is a fascinating story, but I just can't imagine how you, that slips your mind.

[529] Like you've done something, you've done a thing that you know is wrong and you're clearly doing it to do another thing, you know, to get those checks or whatever.

[530] So it's like keep track of your shit.

[531] What are, and then you do, do you just, that's such an odd like, it's worse than just like, you know, bumbling criminal must.

[532] It's just like, are you trying to get caught?

[533] Well, clearly there's something going on there.

[534] But I will say maybe in North Carolina, not judging, I love the place.

[535] Maybe you have multiple freezers in your garage, you know, like beer freezers and meat freezers.

[536] And then if you go hunt deer is probably a thing.

[537] And so she just forgot which one.

[538] No. I don't think you can have that many freezers to forget.

[539] No. Unless you have 22 freezers, which then we have a whole other problem on.

[540] our list of problems.

[541] Is there, it's just so, it's so extreme.

[542] It's so like, it feels to me like people going like la la la, la, it's not a problem.

[543] Forget it.

[544] Here, just buy this.

[545] And I'm sorry for saving it for last, but here's why I did that.

[546] Because if you want an uplifting, fun one, go over to the, hey, look at me, go over to the fan call and we have one more story each to tell you.

[547] And there's like a couple weeks back now, there's a ton of videos.

[548] If you can't stop listening to our voices, Matt, smattering at you.

[549] That's where to go.

[550] Yes, we will see you on the mini -minisode if you're in the fan called Nif not, stay sexy.

[551] And don't get murdered.

[552] Goodbye.

[553] Elvis, do you want a cookie?