80 - Live At The Rams Head Live

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Hey, this is exciting.

[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[5] Who killed Saz?

[6] And were they really after Charles?

[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[8] This season, murder hits close to home.

[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[14] Only Martyrs in the Building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[15] Goodbye.

[16] I almost forgot.

[17] You have to do it in your real voice, though.

[18] I don't know who my real voice is.

[19] You can do it.

[20] What's up, Baltimore?

[21] more.

[22] Yeah, there it is.

[23] There she is.

[24] I don't know.

[25] That scares me. Hey, we're in a bar.

[26] You guys are up in the we are the part of the Rhythm Nation, Janet Jackson section.

[27] That's rad.

[28] This is fucking MTV's The Grind, am I right?

[29] Is this where they filmed it?

[30] Yeah, this is, this is it.

[31] This is it.

[32] Oh, thank you so much.

[33] The bar is this close to the stage.

[34] It's always a fun show.

[35] So, we're excited.

[36] You're ex - Hi, this is my favorite murder That's Karen, I'm Georgia Hi Get it out of the way, thank you I'm a year older I'm much wiser Thank you, someone already said it Thank you, it's too late Your moment's over They already had it We have a special bond You're merely redundant I'm so much Wiser now Wouldn't you say Georgia Oh my God On the way over here On the drive here From D .C., I was like Jesus, she's so much smarter, wiser.

[37] She just kept giving Vince and I marriage advice and we were like, better when we got here.

[38] Right?

[39] Yeah.

[40] Right?

[41] Yeah.

[42] We were about to divorce, and then Karen was like, boop, boop, laid it down.

[43] D -do -do -do -do -da.

[44] And we're like, all right.

[45] Do you want to see the thing that I was doing?

[46] Because we had to travel on my actual birthday, so then when we got out of the car in front of the hotel, we were in D .C. yesterday.

[47] I get out of the car and just for Georgia, I just went up to her.

[48] I went.

[49] I'm 47.

[50] That's as as I can kick my leg.

[51] I had to kind of go back a little bit to get it up at all.

[52] I was waiting for you to fucking...

[53] I once when I was like, he was like, kick!

[54] And there was no room and I fucking blew back on my house.

[55] It was so embarrassing.

[56] And then when we got on the plane, I found Karen C. And I went over to you.

[57] I think the woman was sitting there next year already.

[58] And I did a fucking habit.

[59] Like I just...

[60] Do it.

[61] Do the full dance.

[62] My what?

[63] Do the full dance of what you did.

[64] Oh, okay.

[65] I just started going.

[66] Well, you sang.

[67] Did I say happy birthday?

[68] Happy fucking birthday.

[69] That's right.

[70] That's right.

[71] Well, the very, I'm positive she was a multimillionaire, middle -aged Asian woman that was sitting next to me. It was just like, and the whole time I was, sorry, and I just kept apologizing.

[72] Passing gifts across her.

[73] I mean, I had practiced that for months.

[74] It's really good.

[75] You could tell.

[76] You could tell that you had stretched and you had choreographed.

[77] I'm a good dancer.

[78] You're not afraid to bust one out and on a plane.

[79] Oh my God, no. Because I look like a child going to rehab.

[80] Yes.

[81] On an airplane.

[82] You did, actually.

[83] Oh, thank you.

[84] I have no cuth on a plane.

[85] Let's see, what else?

[86] What else can we tell you about guys?

[87] You love your hotel room?

[88] Oh, you love.

[89] your hotel room.

[90] I'm just with that.

[91] What?

[92] It's like you're just listing on things we've done.

[93] We walked down that hallway, went ahead and got in the elevator, that was good.

[94] Oh, look, we walked, we walked these out.

[95] Did you see?

[96] Is that you?

[97] Oh, my God.

[98] Oh.

[99] Also had a mug was like, me too.

[100] I love, one says fuck politeness on the front of it.

[101] We got these gifts backstage.

[102] And as you No, we love presents from people.

[103] This is from Anne Margaret Ceramics.

[104] Anne Margaret, the actress also makes ceramics.

[105] She doesn't want to come forward.

[106] She's like, this is embarrassing.

[107] She's like, I'm sorry, I had an affair with Paul Newman.

[108] I can't be out in public right now.

[109] I am Anne Margaret.

[110] Anne Margaret.

[111] Anne Margaret, Elvis's old girlfriend, uh -huh.

[112] Oh, well, you know everything.

[113] Do not fight with me in Baltimore.

[114] I was like, do not start a fight at the Ramsed in Baltimore.

[115] That was legitimate.

[116] You know everything.

[117] It was more like, you know everything.

[118] Well, do it that way then.

[119] Well, you know everything.

[120] You have to put your hands way up high if you mean it positively.

[121] I didn't shave my armpits.

[122] Oh, my God.

[123] Oh, yeah.

[124] So Baltimore, you guys have a fucking ton of murders.

[125] You guys.

[126] There's that applause for murder that the bartenders are like, what the fuck is wrong with these fucking people?

[127] they're going to their church group tomorrow all pissed I actually told Georgia two in the car on the way over that I'm not doing because I was like I'm not doing these but I have to tell you really fast because this is fucking insane one of them I wanted to do even though I'm almost positive it's a lie and probably like a creepy pasta but it's so good that I was like maybe I'll just do it anyway and not say anything just add shit to it yeah just pass it was essentially the plot of Dexter but here in Baltimore.

[128] So it's like if Dexter came onto the wire.

[129] And there was one article about it.

[130] I was like, here it is.

[131] One reporter caught it.

[132] And then the other one was horrifying too.

[133] That was fun.

[134] And then I told you one that I didn't do too.

[135] Yes, that's right.

[136] We just, you guys had so many.

[137] We were like, and they all were so horrifying.

[138] And we were like.

[139] It makes it sound like it was the longest Uber ride ever.

[140] It really wasn't that far.

[141] Time to tell all kinds of stories.

[142] We did.

[143] And we haven't found a White Castle yet, but we found an Arby's, and that was a mistake today.

[144] Vince likes Arby's.

[145] He was driving, so was his pick.

[146] He was.

[147] Oh, can everyone give it up for Stephen right now?

[148] Stephen!

[149] Thank you.

[150] He's not here.

[151] He's not here.

[152] Sorry.

[153] We're not trying to trick you.

[154] He's going to listen to this tonight.

[155] Like after the show.

[156] He listens to every show.

[157] It's pretty thick and sweet.

[158] Yeah.

[159] He was watching my cats, which is so great.

[160] And he sends me all these photos and videos.

[161] And I can, you know how you know your cat's expressions and like what it means?

[162] And I was like, they are so annoyed with him.

[163] He doesn't know it, but he was just like, Mimi, Mimi, Mimi, Mimi, me, me, me, and she was just like, can you fucking leave me alone?

[164] And so I was like worried that my dad, who doesn't like cats is staying now the rest of the weekend.

[165] And then I'm like, oh, they're going to be so glad that this guy just leave me. leaves them alone over the weekend.

[166] So, I mean, win -win.

[167] What if we go back and Stephen just has an eye patch and he doesn't really say anything about it?

[168] No, I like it like this.

[169] I didn't even like my right eye.

[170] It's fine.

[171] Mimi was right.

[172] You can have an eye patch and a mustache.

[173] Or I guess you can.

[174] I guess he can.

[175] Yeah, you have to have a mustache with an eye patch.

[176] Yeah.

[177] And then you get a poet shirt and you're a pirate and everything's fucking rad.

[178] Yes.

[179] It's all cool.

[180] Should we sit down?

[181] No, no. You don't decide.

[182] You have to show everybody your dress.

[183] Oh, yeah.

[184] God, I always forget this.

[185] We checked the tag in her dress last night.

[186] Because I was like, it's something funny.

[187] And it's called The Sophisticated Miss. Yeah.

[188] Is the brand of that dress.

[189] That's what's a commercial does.

[190] Yay!

[191] This season, the sophisticated miss is going to talk about murders.

[192] It's the perfect dress.

[193] Thank you.

[194] And then you.

[195] This old thing?

[196] Now that I'm one year.

[197] or I like to wear things that are shapeless and odd.

[198] I actually, this was truly the dress that I like went into a store and I was like, and then ran away and put it on.

[199] I was like, man, this is not doing me any favors.

[200] But whatever, we have to go on the road.

[201] But I was going to buy a dress at Nordstrom's the day before we left purely because it had pockets.

[202] Like that's the only reason I wanted to buy it.

[203] But I was looking at it, and it had, it was like black, but it had like this weird high neck.

[204] It was almost like a monk, a turtleneck dress.

[205] Like a Puritan?

[206] With a flap over the side.

[207] I was like, I will look like an evil dentist if I wear this dress.

[208] I can't.

[209] Why don't I get to have anything?

[210] However, pockets.

[211] Pockets.

[212] I went to a vintage shop today in your town, which is like my fucking thing.

[213] When I get into town, I'm like, vintage shop in Yelp, and there was one not far.

[214] So we walked over, and I bought something only because I felt bad.

[215] for the owner.

[216] For the store?

[217] Yeah, not for the store.

[218] It was fine, but it just wasn't my style.

[219] But the owner was like so, you know, they're kind of like, this would look good on you.

[220] And you like, pick up one thing and look at it.

[221] And they're like, you like 70s?

[222] And she was just like so earnest and like meant it.

[223] So I bought like two things.

[224] I spend a lot of money all the time.

[225] And I have a very full closet.

[226] Because you pity people.

[227] Yeah.

[228] What a dick.

[229] Do you have anything for a sophisticated miss in here?

[230] But I bought a new house dress, so we're all good.

[231] Oh, nice.

[232] Oh, good.

[233] It's fucking flowy as shit.

[234] Don't let me catch you in that.

[235] I know.

[236] Let's see one else, everybody.

[237] That's been our show.

[238] Oh, someone brought me a happy birthday balloons last night.

[239] Yeah, none of you did.

[240] They were on stage with us.

[241] Yeah, we brought them on stage, which the, union theater stagehands did not like.

[242] They were just like, what if they get away?

[243] They were just like, well, and then when Vince brought out the birthday donut candle situation, they were like, well, we'll follow you out with the fire extinguisher.

[244] It was one candle.

[245] I'm not fucking making this up.

[246] Fucking union pride, everybody.

[247] We fucking break the union.

[248] Like, we're just, why are we talking shit on unions?

[249] Yeah, we really should have been.

[250] Not at this, in this, day and age.

[251] We should not be.

[252] No. Fuck out of union.

[253] I feel like there was one other thing, but then I don't know what it is, so I guess we should sit down.

[254] Let's do it.

[255] Let's do it.

[256] Yeah.

[257] Thank you.

[258] Like this?

[259] Yeah, on it.

[260] Oh, I got a text today from, you know, the ACLU being like, oh, Tuesday, California has this voter thing.

[261] Don't vote for this thing because it's shitty, and it's like, it's like fake so the cops won't face any you know, what is it called?

[262] Charges?

[263] Charges for anything.

[264] But don't vote for it.

[265] And I wrote back like, okay.

[266] And then I wrote Fight the power.

[267] And the guy wrote me back.

[268] And he's like, all right.

[269] I had a little fit thing out.

[270] And I was like, fuck yeah.

[271] It's like a real person.

[272] That's modern day activism.

[273] Just email your passion around to strangers.

[274] It's going straight to the LAPD and they're putting your name in a file.

[275] Who's trying to fight the power.

[276] Did you...

[277] Oh, this is my rocky towel for one.

[278] We're done.

[279] I could wrap it around my neck.

[280] Throw it.

[281] I don't know what to do with it.

[282] Happy fucking birthday.

[283] That was it.

[284] Happy fucking birthday.

[285] Okay.

[286] This is what it's going to be like the whole time.

[287] I'm not sure if you know that.

[288] Is anyone unsure of how this goes?

[289] You are?

[290] So are we.

[291] I feel like these poor people over here are like They're on like a You know it's weird They paid $500 a seat over there Why would you do that?

[292] It's like a Universal Studios ride Where you get put into the way I know are you guys cordoned off Are those the punk rock people that just go fucking nuts They're just like Let's sit here and only tell them The story Wouldn't that be fine?

[293] Sorry everyone else Sorry the Rhythm Nation Let's get it together another time I'm trying not to look at this So I don't know who your murder is Even though I know you don't care, but I care Just don't look at it then I'm trying Well I'm so nosy There you go Are you going first?

[294] I think I'm first You were first yesterday Yes, that's right, that's right Hi you guys All right All right It's fucking Baltimore Jesus I know it's body more And then I was like, that's so clumsy.

[295] And then I saw Bodymore Murderland today.

[296] And I was like, yeah.

[297] Yeah.

[298] I like it.

[299] It all came together for you.

[300] When you got the Murderland part?

[301] Yeah.

[302] Okay.

[303] This is the killing spree of Joe Palazzynski.

[304] Oh, yeah.

[305] You never know.

[306] Yeah.

[307] How everyone's going to.

[308] You know, this one?

[309] Did you see this one?

[310] I saw it a little bit.

[311] But I didn't go into it.

[312] Don't be disappointed.

[313] I'm going to be an active listening.

[314] Okay.

[315] So, Joe Palazinski, born two...

[316] What?

[317] Why are you laughing at me?

[318] November, 11th, 68.

[319] I have an eye patch now.

[320] Ow!

[321] I'm not too fine.

[322] I literally pluck your eyebrow, eyeball.

[323] Oh, your eyebrow out?

[324] My eyebrow?

[325] You can take the eyeball, not the eyebrow.

[326] You'll look weird without an eyebrow.

[327] Mm -hmm.

[328] So...

[329] I can always get an eyeball.

[330] Back to the murder.

[331] Oh, the eyeball killer guy was at our show last night.

[332] Sorry, what did you say?

[333] The eyeball killer?

[334] The policeman that saw the eyeball killer murder was at our show in D .C. last night.

[335] He was there to yell at us.

[336] I was so scared that I was like, what did I say in that episode about the cops and the eyeball killer?

[337] And I was like, shit, why is he here?

[338] And then I'm scared, and then his stepdaughter came and I'm like, is he mad at me?

[339] She was like, no, he loves you guys.

[340] I was like, oh, we have to go city by city and find out of people are mad at us.

[341] That's part of what the tour is.

[342] Yeah.

[343] Is he here because he's angry?

[344] Yeah.

[345] Or is he here because...

[346] He's just standing in the lobby with his arms crossed.

[347] You know, there's nothing we can do.

[348] All right.

[349] So Joe Palzinski, total fucking dick, over a span of 13 years, he learned at least seven very young women teens into a fantasy relationship.

[350] Ugh.

[351] I hate those.

[352] it's not like a fantasy suite like in Bachelor it's a really it's like a fantasy suite but over a span of eight months which is like can we just go get coffee each discovered the truth of him and his dangerously controlling personality his mom of course Pam doted on him treated him like royalty what the way you said of course Pam was like you work with Pam and you're sick of her shit course Pam you know Pam how she is with the files.

[353] Well, she's the same way with her son.

[354] Dotes on him.

[355] He's like a man -child.

[356] His dad commits suicide when he's younger, and his sister dies in a car accident.

[357] And he says at that point he just stopped fucking caring about life.

[358] Done.

[359] Yeah.

[360] Amy was 15 when she met, his nickname was Jobi.

[361] Ew.

[362] I know.

[363] So I'm going to call him Joe now.

[364] Okay.

[365] Okay?

[366] Because I don't want to say that word anymore, and I don't fucking have to.

[367] I don't fucking want it.

[368] It's my fucking podcast.

[369] yours um sorry there's caffeine in here she's drinking liquid cocaine everybody it's fun um mum okay she's 15 he's 18 he told her he has two personalities joe number one is Karen you know I'm all about vintage shopping absolutely and when you say vintage you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash exactly and if you're a small business owner you might know Shopify is great for online sales.

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[383] That's Shopify .com slash murder.

[384] Goodbye.

[385] Hey, this is exciting.

[386] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[387] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[388] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[389] Who killed Saz?

[390] And were they really after Charles?

[391] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[392] This season, murder hits close to home.

[393] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[394] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[395] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists, arise.

[396] Who knows what'll happen once the cameras start to roll.

[397] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, Davey, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[398] Only Martyrs in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[399] Goodbye.

[400] Palm and Rational.

[401] Number two is angry and strange.

[402] You know when someone, it's like so goth to say, I'm strange.

[403] As he's putting on black lip liner.

[404] Yeah, we're like, we get it.

[405] Also, it's just a, it's a red flag if your boyfriend is like, there's two of me. You'd be like, you know what, I have to go home.

[406] I'm so sorry.

[407] That's what 47 -year -olds say.

[408] That's right.

[409] 15 -year -olds are like, ooh.

[410] Oh, my God, is there more?

[411] I'm going to fix you.

[412] We're making fun of it, but it's fucking true.

[413] That's right.

[414] So he kept guns under his bed and in his car.

[415] Okay.

[416] And once he held a knife to Amy's throat, beat her multiple times, including when instances, when the police and other witnesses were like, hey, what the fuck's going on here?

[417] And he'd be like, no, we're fine, we're good.

[418] And they would let him walk away with this woman.

[419] He was beating the shit out of child.

[420] He, she suffered a lot of fucking contusions and macerations.

[421] Couldn't hear for months because out of one ear.

[422] He was very abusive.

[423] She didn't want to press charges.

[424] because she's 15 and that's your thing.

[425] But her mom was like, oh, hell, fucking no. You know what I mean?

[426] Because she's probably 47.

[427] You know what I mean?

[428] She's the opposite of Pam.

[429] It doesn't stand for shit.

[430] She works in human resources and she does not.

[431] Yeah.

[432] Her mother later recalls, Amy's mother later recalls getting a phone call from Pam who's like, and this is a pattern she comes up with, is begging not to press charges against her son.

[433] I'm so sorry, he's going to get help.

[434] He just needs some da -da -da -da -da, and he's had a hard childhood.

[435] And Amy's mom is like, go fuck yourself again.

[436] And she said, he's going to kill somebody someday.

[437] Yeah.

[438] He pleads not.

[439] That's called foreshadowing, by the way.

[440] But he never did.

[441] No, he never killed anyone.

[442] What?

[443] Yeah.

[444] This is a story about somebody else.

[445] Oh, shit.

[446] Oh, this is for my other podcast.

[447] He pleads not guilty by reason of insanity.

[448] A psychiatrist found some competent to stand trial and he's sentenced to four years in prison in Hagerstown.

[449] Hagerstown.

[450] Hagerstown.

[451] Hagerstown.

[452] It doesn't sound like anything when you do that.

[453] I know.

[454] Yeah.

[455] We're a little hurt from last night in D .C. We got it.

[456] We had a lot of...

[457] Those names are hard.

[458] And we just, like...

[459] Every name was different than how it was spelled.

[460] And it was like three times as well.

[461] as many as you, and they're all really yelling the same, yeah, thing.

[462] But this is intimate.

[463] Okay.

[464] He serves two years, including time for an attempted escape.

[465] He's getting counseling.

[466] He's described as having deliberately dangerous situations, fantasies, consistent with his identity that he thinks as, like, a Rambo hero he thinks he is.

[467] And when he would, like, have girls page him, he'd say, like, or he'd page girls, he'd be like, you know it's me when I page you 007.

[468] You know what I mean?

[469] I hope you get sued for that.

[470] Sorry, that's copyright infringement.

[471] You're not allowed to.

[472] No. What year was this?

[473] So this is all around the early 90s.

[474] I wanted it to be now.

[475] He's like a loser as a pager.

[476] Look, you can page me. Yeah.

[477] Just do a 007.

[478] So when he's 22, he's released from jail in April 91.

[479] He no longer faces prosecution for beating another X years before because the judge just dismissed the trial because he couldn't, it wasn't fair because he couldn't get a speedy trial because he was in prison that whole time.

[480] So they were like you don't get a, you're not, you're been gone too long, so we're not going to charge you.

[481] You know what I mean?

[482] I'm not saying it right.

[483] It's one of our rights, speedy trials.

[484] Yeah, but I don't know if that's the right.

[485] How we use it.

[486] Okay.

[487] I know, I know.

[488] He goes to date.

[489] teenagers charms all of them he's like he's hot in the like you know that type yeah he's hot in a well we have a photo of him but okay we have a photo can we put up the I think it's noodles is the guy who's doing her so that's him oh can you see it is he on Knott's Landing that filter is amazing can we do the next one that's the kind of filter I want to start using can we do the next one yeah Yeah, all right, so this is him.

[490] Oh, shit, wait, took that down.

[491] Don't look at that.

[492] Is that Jobi?

[493] Yeah.

[494] Joby, one, two, three, four, and five?

[495] It says what he did.

[496] Okay.

[497] No, we haven't gotten there yet.

[498] Got it, got it.

[499] I like him in a hat, though.

[500] So, like, that guy, you know?

[501] That guy, drives a Mustang, has muscles.

[502] Has a pager.

[503] Has a pager.

[504] Got it.

[505] Probably wears, like, you know, the denim -washed, light -washed jeans.

[506] Careful.

[507] But in the 90s, so it's not ironic.

[508] Charms the shit out of them, and then he goes on to physically and sexually attack them for various infractions.

[509] He gave one girl a black guy and threatened her with a razor blade because he found birth control pills in her bedroom and was like, you can't fucking take these.

[510] Like super controlling, abusive, typical.

[511] And he's trying to get her pregnant?

[512] I don't, yeah.

[513] He's like, you can't, you know, he's just controlling in a way and it's really like classic abusive classic Joby so he attacks her at school and threatens to blow her brains out but he also threatens multiple girls that he's going to kill their family and leave them alive to suffer so he thinks that he can make a girlfriend come back to him or drop charges if she's terrified what would happen if he didn't so just fucking intimidating these girls and their families you know the good kind of love assault and battery let's see standoff in 92 that lasted 16 hours with the cops and then what like he's just you know going around he's just doing his thing now do you know what the standoff was for?

[514] He got out of jail again and then went and like assaulted a 16 year old 13 year old girl and I think they like came after him and then extradited him back here.

[515] So, oh, let's see here.

[516] He had a rifle and a magnum handgun and he played a Russian roulette, which everyone knows is the tough guy move.

[517] That's the toughest thing you can do.

[518] And he'd just constantly go to court after he would beat up a girl and he got more and more afraid of returning to jail and he started thinking that he would do whatever it took to force his victims to drop their charges.

[519] So he's getting desperate because he's getting close to having to spend a long time in jail.

[520] And so he's 27 when he starts dating Michellea, Michaela, who's 17.

[521] It looks like Michellea.

[522] Michellea.

[523] She's 17.

[524] He's 27.

[525] He chokes her and slams her head against shower tiles on Christmas Day in 95.

[526] And let's see.

[527] He threatened to throw her off the balcony.

[528] So, Merry fucking Christmas.

[529] He sent one of his girlfriend's father to the hospital because he was like, stop dating my 14 -year -old daughter, you're 30.

[530] And he was like, I won't.

[531] And she was like, I won't stop dating him.

[532] He goes to the hospital with four broken ribs and a split lip requiring stitches when the father tried to intervene with the relationship.

[533] Then he's diagnosed with schizophrenia, paranoid type, and concluded that he met the criteria of legal insanity at that point.

[534] So he's found not guilty on federal weapons charges after this whole ordeal.

[535] Because he pled insanity?

[536] Yeah.

[537] I don't think he was schizophrenic at all.

[538] Like from everything you read about him, he sounds like he was like tricking the system and being like, I'm crazy and like years and years of it.

[539] Although he did think he was James Bond.

[540] All right.

[541] So soon he has a new sports car.

[542] He's out of prison, a Mazda RX -7, and he is romancing a young woman.

[543] and he meets at where every good relationship starts at the checkout line at a super fresh.

[544] Oh my God.

[545] Sometimes when people ask me how Vincent I met I lie and tell them that's where it was because I really want it to be that.

[546] You're like, we're in line at the super fresh and I saw his pager and I was like, I have to talk to this guy.

[547] And then when I went out and I saw his car he was driving, I was like, I'm so fucking lately.

[548] Yes.

[549] We're dating.

[550] R. 7?

[551] What is?

[552] Yeah.

[553] Mazda.

[554] Jail 19 times?

[555] Hello?

[556] Yes.

[557] Yeah, but then he'd say to the girls like, you know, yes, I was in prison and yes, these things happened, but my ex -girlfriend, she manipulated me. She lied about me, beating her up.

[558] She lied.

[559] I cheated on her, and so she got pissed at me and made all these, you know, none of it was real.

[560] And the girls were all like, oh, my God, I'm going to help him.

[561] He's right.

[562] And, like, we fucking did everything for him.

[563] But they were all under 18, except Tracy Whitehead is 20.

[564] So that's who he meets in line.

[565] So Tracy is still fighting an addiction to heroin.

[566] when she meets Joe.

[567] And she's also working to get her kid back who she had at 15 and is staying with her parents while she's kicking heroin.

[568] But before long, with Joe's charming help, she'd been drug -free for a year and he would take them on outings and, you know, just seemed like a good guy who, like, wanted to marry her and they moved in together.

[569] But sometimes he would spit on her, douse her.

[570] I'm sorry.

[571] Could we pause for a second?

[572] What occasion?

[573] Would you wait till Christmas came around again, or?

[574] I mean, I gleeke on Vince sometimes on accident, not on purpose.

[575] I get excited when I tell stories and spit stuff.

[576] Yeah, spittle.

[577] Yeah, but not like that.

[578] No, no, no. Spit on her, douse or soda, gave her a black eye and a split lip, and once when she had slipped back into drugs, he knocked her unconscious, which is a great tactic for getting someone off drugs.

[579] Yeah.

[580] A few times he threatened that if she left him, he would kill her whole family, leave her alive to suffer.

[581] So she had just been promoted, like she's getting her life back together.

[582] She just promoted to assistant manager at her job.

[583] And she'd been drug -free for a year and a half, which Joe took all the credit for.

[584] Sure.

[585] And she could finally afford to live on her own, and she knew she had to leave this abusive relationship.

[586] So she saved up some money, found an apartment, was ready to move in and leave him.

[587] But the apartment wouldn't be ready for a week.

[588] Jesus.

[589] It's like this is exactly what they littleize.

[590] This is like the plot of it.

[591] Oh, is it?

[592] Kind of.

[593] No, I mean, there's one.

[594] There's one, yes.

[595] Yes.

[596] So she has him arrested for beating her at one point, and another assault conviction would violate his probation and send him to jail for 10 years, and he felt he had nothing left to lose at that point.

[597] Yeah.

[598] That's never a good.

[599] feeling.

[600] She secretly, so she found her new place and she couldn't move in.

[601] So her really sweet manager, fifth -year -old Gloria Schenck, who had also been in a bad relationship in the past, was like, come stay with myself and my husband.

[602] We'll take care of you.

[603] You shouldn't stay there.

[604] So her husband, George, they are in the community of Bowley's Quarter near Middle River.

[605] Oh, she said it right.

[606] Yeah.

[607] Three people lived there here.

[608] It's a gorgeous little place.

[609] When he went to then, okay, so she's staying with them, and it's George and Gloria, which actually, I was almost named Gloria or George, was going to be my, which is so creepy, right?

[610] Yeah, that's insane, I guess.

[611] So they're all at home, the three of them, they're watching, no, Texas, Walker, Texas Ranger.

[612] Why is that the saddest part of this whole story?

[613] I was editing this, and I was like, leave that in for Karen.

[614] Like, I knew you'd want to hear it.

[615] Joe breaks into the house.

[616] There's an unlocked back door.

[617] Lock your fucking door.

[618] He gets in the house and he has his gun and he has two guns and he says that demands Tracy to come with him.

[619] And she panics and freezes and like drops to the ground and then here's a shot and looks up and he had shot Gloria.

[620] Then he shoots George.

[621] He killed them both.

[622] No way.

[623] Yeah.

[624] And then he begins his killing spree.

[625] He drags her barefoot by the hair Into the night She's screaming Their neighbor David Myers, 42 Tries to stop them And he's shot and killed too He shoves her into his mother's van And drives off, takes her to the woods Holds a gun to the back of her head and thorns To kill her She begs him to let her live long enough To tell her son she loved him But instead he scrummed what he's going to do to her, including blow away her arms and legs and keep her alive, like make her live in a wheelchair for the rest of her life.

[626] Like, what the fuck, man?

[627] He's fucked up.

[628] Fucking, fuck.

[629] Abusive?

[630] He continues to beat her until they find a camper, they go to sleep.

[631] In the morning when they wake up, his anger's gone.

[632] He was one of those people that, like, the next minute he could be like, can I make you dinner?

[633] You know what I mean?

[634] I didn't make that up.

[635] That was really in it.

[636] And so he's not mad anymore, he wakes up, he makes a little bed under a tree, and she's like, let's pray, ask God to forgive you for what you've done, and he promises, he prays, and he starts crying, and he said, I brought a ring, I want to propose to you.

[637] Joby.

[638] Not now.

[639] I mean, I know it's a nerve -wracking time.

[640] That's a scary thing.

[641] Oh, that's fucked.

[642] I mean to propose to someone.

[643] Maybe he just, you know, he's nervous.

[644] She's just staring at him like, are you fucking, I told you.

[645] I wanted to do this at the pier.

[646] We were going to do it at line at the Super Fresh or whatever it's called.

[647] Shit.

[648] That's, yeah, okay.

[649] Wow.

[650] So I'm sorry.

[651] That means that the ring was like in his pocket the whole fucking time.

[652] Like, that was his plan.

[653] Wow.

[654] And he was like, I know this is a bad.

[655] had time really and then he gave her a necklace with a golden baby ring on it and that he said it was intended for their first child oh dude that they were going to have yeah and he knew he was gonna die at the end of this whole thing so he was like I was gonna do this but fuck it here you go tell my mom I love her seriously so she can she plays along she convinces me to leave the Let's go find some food.

[656] They're drinking from a hose behind a house in Chase.

[657] When the owner drove up, Joe pulls out his gun and the man fuck and takes off to the street waving down cars.

[658] So he survives.

[659] She pushes Tracy, he pushes Tracy into the homeowner's car.

[660] And then at the evening of March 8th, he kills his fourth victim, Jennifer McDonald, she's 36.

[661] He later carjacks an 81 -year -old woman.

[662] And she's not injured.

[663] And then they go to the El Rich Motel on Pulaski Highway.

[664] Someone's just nervously laughing in the back.

[665] I know.

[666] I don't know what to do with any of this.

[667] It's the bartender.

[668] It's his first day.

[669] He's like, this is not what I thought.

[670] I thought the pixies were playing tonight.

[671] God damn it.

[672] So they're in the motel and on the news.

[673] They're showing pictures of the people that he had.

[674] already killed.

[675] Tracy's crying.

[676] He's freaking out.

[677] He says, we got to get out of here.

[678] I left the guns in the car.

[679] He realizes.

[680] So they go into the parking lot and there's a police cruiser in the parking lot.

[681] Tracy fucking breaks away, runs over to the police car and starts banging on the windows.

[682] And Heath and Joe takes off.

[683] Wait, was there a cop inside?

[684] I think, I hope so.

[685] I do too.

[686] I assume she's banging on windows.

[687] She somehow goes to the cop.

[688] Okay, good.

[689] And so he's like freaking out takes off and there's some woods behind him and he fucking bolts into the woods Tracy makes it out alive.

[690] Good, good, good.

[691] Yay.

[692] Wait, but there's still another page.

[693] Yeah, we're not.

[694] Yeah, there's one more page.

[695] But I mean, is she alive?

[696] Tracy, yeah.

[697] Okay, okay, okay.

[698] Yeah, she's alive.

[699] Okay.

[700] I think we talked about this last episode.

[701] This, what happened next.

[702] Okay.

[703] Wait, I don't think anyone else dies.

[704] Yay, okay.

[705] So, Because he, like, randomly left certain people alive.

[706] Like, he'd carjack them.

[707] He carjacks a guy.

[708] Let me read it.

[709] So there's hundreds of law enforcement officers, bloodhounds, which I really want a bloodhound.

[710] No, you don't.

[711] And a robot, they, like, search the woods and the storm drains.

[712] Do you have a...

[713] Is George Park?

[714] She's half -hound.

[715] She is hound.

[716] And she's out of her fucking mind.

[717] I love hound.

[718] Are they crazy?

[719] They're insane.

[720] They can smell everything.

[721] And they're like, they're really sensitive.

[722] You have to walk them twice a day or they just stare at you like you're killing them.

[723] And they want to like, they just want to go snuffling shit, right?

[724] Yes.

[725] And also those ones are like floppy.

[726] Like if, you know, unless you love spit, I don't know, whatever your deal is.

[727] Well, that's my deal.

[728] So it becomes Baltimore County's most extensive manhunt.

[729] People are buying baseball bats and ammunition for their guns and like fucking freaking.

[730] out.

[731] He's just loose in the city and everyone knows there's someone just killing people in the city.

[732] Yeah, loose.

[733] And then two days later, he goes to Virginia, kidnaps William Lewis Terrell, and orders him to transport him back to eastern Baltimore County, and then releases him unharmed.

[734] So it's this really weird, like, depending on what mood he's in that day, or it sounds, yeah.

[735] On Friday, March 17th, so a fucking week later, you've got some man, like, running around your county, can you imagine?

[736] He goes to Dundalk.

[737] Dundalk?

[738] It's pronounced...

[739] Sorry, I got that wrong.

[740] We're at home of Tracy's mom now.

[741] We're with Tracy's mom.

[742] Okay.

[743] Mrs. Whitehead.

[744] Wait, I thought they...

[745] Who were the people who got shot?

[746] Those were the...

[747] That was her manager, her job who...

[748] Okay, okay.

[749] Right?

[750] And her husband, who had been in a bad relationship.

[751] Like, stay with us for a week.

[752] So those weren't her parents.

[753] Okay, sorry.

[754] For some reason...

[755] People named George, I just assume that's the dad.

[756] I don't know why.

[757] Fair enough.

[758] It's a dad name.

[759] Yeah, it is a dad name.

[760] So Tracy's mother, she's like, because remember he was like, I'm going to kill your family, gets to their house.

[761] You'd think the cops, nope, I'm not going to say it.

[762] Lynn and her boyfriend, Andrew, are there, and their 12 -year -old son, Bradley, are all there.

[763] Bradley, like, here's a knock at the door.

[764] He's 12.

[765] He opens the door and is like, oh, I know Joe.

[766] And they hadn't warned him.

[767] He comes in the fucking house.

[768] Okay.

[769] Hey, can I just say this?

[770] This is what happens when any time there's a little kid around and there's bad shit happening and the kid goes, hey, what's going on?

[771] You go, I'll tell you later.

[772] I'll tell you when you're older.

[773] And then that used to happen to me all the time because I was the youngest.

[774] So like one time my cousin Cheryl's husband was in the kitchen, and I was like, hi, what's going on?

[775] Where's Cheryl?

[776] And then he was like, oh, we're getting a divorce.

[777] And I was like, and apparently had been going on for months and just, they forgot to tell me. So I'm on his side.

[778] Right now I'm really mad.

[779] You gotta tell 12 -year -old kids You've got to.

[780] The worst thing.

[781] And that's, everyone here was told.

[782] Like, I feel like all murderinos were told the thing at 12.

[783] Yeah, that's right.

[784] So they wouldn't have answered the door.

[785] Every single person in this room would have been like, fuck no. Joe killed all these people.

[786] That weird guy with the pager I never liked him.

[787] No. Okay, so 97 hours he's holding them hostage.

[788] That's over.

[789] three days.

[790] Did they get a pee?

[791] Did they eat?

[792] I want to know everything.

[793] What did they do?

[794] Did they play Yatsi?

[795] Yeah.

[796] Okay, yeah, yeah.

[797] Occasionally firing shots at law enforcement who are out front watching visual.

[798] Guard?

[799] They got the visual on them?

[800] They got the visual.

[801] They're visual.

[802] They're individuals.

[803] They're just being themselves out there.

[804] This podcast.

[805] for me is Yatsi.

[806] I'm just making up words.

[807] Isn't that Yatsi?

[808] Nope.

[809] Words with all your words.

[810] Oh, that's Scrapple.

[811] I thought you meant just like Yatsi.

[812] Whatever comes up.

[813] I should have fucking gone with that.

[814] Oh, I always go with it.

[815] I always pretend like you meant the bullshit you just said.

[816] No, what's the one where you press the thing down and it pops and you have to struggle.

[817] That's trouble.

[818] That's trouble.

[819] It's hungry, angry, angry hippos.

[820] It's a hard case.

[821] The popping one is trouble.

[822] Oh.

[823] I'll give you trouble.

[824] That was the If you pop around the back Let the piece I do get back Oh, I know every fucking song Diarrhea.

[825] Were you singing the diarrhea song?

[826] A trouble song in the key of diarrhea.

[827] When you're sliding in a hole.

[828] Bartenders are quitting in mass. They're just clocking the fuck out.

[829] It was garbage.

[830] They're going straight to therapy, emergency therapy.

[831] Me too.

[832] Let's all go.

[833] Okay, 97 an hour's.

[834] They're firing shots at each other.

[835] And then on the evening of Tuesday, March 21st, Lynn and Andrew, fucking, in the most badass move in fucking hostage situation.

[836] History?

[837] Yeah.

[838] Give him a glass of iced tea, laced with fucking Xanax.

[839] What?

[840] So Karen.

[841] Joby, I made you some special high C. So Karen.

[842] I took Xanax one time I mean, you've taken it right?

[843] Wait, what?

[844] You've taken it right?

[845] All of a sudden I thought you said, you've done heroin, right?

[846] I was like, yeah, wait.

[847] Just tell me right now.

[848] Tell me in Baltimore.

[849] No, the answer's no, everyone.

[850] I took Xanax one time with my friend.

[851] We took Xanax and we watched the Food Network and drank red wine.

[852] Amazing, amazing.

[853] It was...

[854] Sorry, don't do drugs.

[855] It was amazing because I had absolutely no feeling about anything at all.

[856] Which was, simultaneously, I realized how insane I was, where I was like, oh, I'm worried about many things all the time.

[857] Yeah, this is usually your brain.

[858] Yes, but then also, that, like, calm waters, mm -mm, that's not for me even.

[859] No, thank you.

[860] I need a little fretting.

[861] Everyone needs a little crazy.

[862] Yes.

[863] Little bananas.

[864] Because, like, when you don't care about anything, I mean, yeah.

[865] Then you become Pam in HR.

[866] Yeah, that's right.

[867] Oh, shit.

[868] Well, I'll get it later.

[869] It doesn't matter.

[870] Oh, Xanax.

[871] Yeah, the first time I took it, I was like on a way to a thing, and I was really nervous.

[872] And my friend who was driving me was like, can you shut up?

[873] And, like, gave me one.

[874] And you know how I am in a car.

[875] I'm a fucking lunatic, stressed out asshole.

[876] I scream at everyone.

[877] Like, they don't hear me. I just scream in the car.

[878] And I was in the car driving with her.

[879] And then I was like, traffic's cool because you could just, like, see everyone and see what they're doing.

[880] And then I was like, oh, my God.

[881] I have bad anxiety this whole time.

[882] And then I knew.

[883] And then I got a prescription.

[884] Like, goodbye, caring.

[885] Yeah, for sure.

[886] Okay, so Xanax.

[887] It fucking knocks him out, which I'm like, how much did you give him?

[888] I bet you they were like, oh, hurt the other bottle.

[889] And how much do you think he was mad at her?

[890] I'm being sexist when she was like, I got up Zanak's prescription.

[891] He's like, you don't need that shit.

[892] And she's like, aren't you fucking glad I got him?

[893] Andrew.

[894] So then Andrew's like, I'm going to piece out and get the cops, but he makes a lot of noise tumbling out the window and a panic.

[895] And yet it didn't wake Pelsinski.

[896] Wow.

[897] Because he was drug like a horse.

[898] Okay, they leave.

[899] They both leave.

[900] The parents both leave.

[901] And they leave the kid in the kitchen asleep next to Joe.

[902] Were they also on Xanax?

[903] They're like, it'll be fine.

[904] They also put the kids to sleep.

[905] Didn't we talk about that last episode about parents leaving their kids behind when they like, yeah.

[906] I mean, okay, sleeping on the kitchen floor, they get the fuck out.

[907] Their reasoning, which I'm sure the cops were like, yeah, fucking right, is that they were like, well, we thought if you'd wake him up, he'd be like, what?

[908] Where am I?

[909] What's going on?

[910] And wake up Joe.

[911] Yeah.

[912] Because little kids can't fucking wake up silently.

[913] That's true.

[914] which is like, I don't believe that.

[915] And then they'd kill them all.

[916] It's like, well, let's just kill your kid now.

[917] So what are you doing?

[918] They thought it was best.

[919] So they got out, got the cops.

[920] The cops were like, what the fuck?

[921] There's a kid alone in there?

[922] So they just were like, fuck it and burst into the house.

[923] Wow.

[924] Because they're like, we're not fucking waiting for this, which is awesome.

[925] And they say that when they did that, Joe sat up and reached her his weapons so they shot him 27 times.

[926] Oh my.

[927] And seven of those shots were straight into the beeper.

[928] I'm sorry, I hate, I hate beeper so much.

[929] I don't know why.

[930] Oh, and he died.

[931] He died.

[932] Oh, he died?

[933] He did die of 27 wounds.

[934] Okay.

[935] Okay, so here's how I'm going to end it on a positive note, because my God.

[936] So a year later on Tracy's 23rd birthday, so Tracy sends in Okay.

[937] Howard Stern is like everyone send me, listeners, send me your hardship stories.

[938] I'm going to pick one and you're going to get an all expense pay trip to Vegas and you're going to get one hand of blackjack to win it all.

[939] Like you're going to, I'm going to give you this much money to put on blackjack and here's how much you can win.

[940] I don't remember how much it was.

[941] And so she sends like, well, here's my fucking story.

[942] I win.

[943] Yeah.

[944] And Howard Stern was like, uh -huh.

[945] Yeah.

[946] You fucking win.

[947] She got picked.

[948] She got picked.

[949] he fucking flies her out to Vegas and I remember this happening because my brother was obsessed with Howard Stern back then and that's all we would listen to yeah he picks her, she goes there single hand of blackjack she wins $100 ,000 no!

[950] Oh my God!

[951] That's that and then she turned to the first scumbag she sees, hey!

[952] Oh, you just ruined it.

[953] Holy shit!

[954] No, that's amazing.

[955] That was crazy.

[956] Yeah.

[957] Do you have a picture?

[958] Oh, we have pictures.

[959] Is there a picture?

[960] I mean, there's a standoff picture.

[961] That's him.

[962] He's a dick.

[963] There he is.

[964] And then that's a standoff.

[965] Oh, shit.

[966] And then the first photo is Tracy and Joe.

[967] Oh, yeah.

[968] When they were hugging.

[969] Yeah, if you can go to the first photo.

[970] Okay, he can't go back.

[971] I know.

[972] You can't go back?

[973] No, you don't get pictures.

[974] It's fine.

[975] I don't need them.

[976] I don't need them.

[977] You can tell we're not used to the visual component of this podcast.

[978] It's new and different.

[979] So that's Joe Palzinski, a fucking killer.

[980] Oh.

[981] Wow.

[982] Yeah.

[983] That's that.

[984] All right.

[985] I just hit my teeth with the microphone.

[986] You did what?

[987] Yeah.

[988] Oh, thank you.

[989] Let's hear it.

[990] Thank you.

[991] That was big.

[992] That was a lot.

[993] I don't want to get Xanax.

[994] All right.

[995] Well, my guy, I mean, it's just as fucked up in so many ways.

[996] My guy is Joseph Callenger, the shoemaker.

[997] Do you know that guy?

[998] All right.

[999] me tell you a little bit about him.

[1000] He was born on December 11, 1935, and he was almost immediately given up for adoption.

[1001] The father abandoned the family.

[1002] The mother couldn't handle raising a child by herself.

[1003] So he gets put into a foster family.

[1004] And unluckily for him, he was placed in the worst foster family possible.

[1005] It was two Austrian immigrants, Stephen and Anna Callenger.

[1006] And they were both insanely abusive.

[1007] So they did stuff like lock him in a closet, forcing him to kneel on rocks.

[1008] They starved him, they whipped him.

[1009] He was beaten so severely that when he was six years old, he got a hernia, and he had to go get hernia surgery.

[1010] Oh, my God.

[1011] Which is insanity for a child.

[1012] And while he was in the hospital, or when he came home to recover from this surgery, they told him, no, it must have been before he left, they told him the doctor was going to cut off his little bird.

[1013] And basically when he came home, he wasn't going to have a penis.

[1014] So fun times in the calendar household.

[1015] Oh, no. So he was not on the weekends.

[1016] He wasn't allowed to play.

[1017] He wasn't allowed to have friends.

[1018] He wasn't allowed to go outside.

[1019] He had to work in the family shoe shop.

[1020] This was in Philly, where the shoe shop was.

[1021] Um, so, uh, when he was eight years old, um, his mother, he told his mother that he wanted to go to the zoo on a class trip.

[1022] So his mother hit him in the head with a hammer.

[1023] Oh my God.

[1024] Yeah.

[1025] Uh, on the way home, uh, that same year on the way home from school, he is, uh, held at knife point by three boys in the neighborhood and molested.

[1026] Oh, no. But he is so afraid that he's going to get in trouble for, not coming straight home after school that he doesn't tell anybody.

[1027] No, of course not.

[1028] Right.

[1029] But that's, can you imagine, like, that's how horrible this family is?

[1030] Is that a horrible thing happens?

[1031] And he's like, oh, no, a way worse thing will happen if I tell my fucking parents.

[1032] So, super dark from jump for this guy.

[1033] When he was 10 years old, he stole money from his parents to bribe neighborhood kids to go to the movies with him.

[1034] I know.

[1035] I keep saying, but I have a feeling he ends up killing a lot of people one day.

[1036] I mean, we're painting a picture, there's a context behind it.

[1037] There's reasons for things sometimes.

[1038] When his parents caught him stealing money, they burned his fingers on the stove so they would burn the demon thief out of the fingers that steal.

[1039] Okay, so as a teenager, he starts rebelling, of course, because he's living in hell.

[1040] He decides at one point that he wants to be a playwright, and somehow he convinces his parents that he should get to be in a play and get to go do theater.

[1041] So they actually let him do it.

[1042] And while he's in a play, he ends up meeting a girl named Hilda Bergman.

[1043] And he's 15 years old, but he immediately, they start dating, they immediately start having a sexual relationship, and two years later, they get married.

[1044] Wow.

[1045] So I think he was 17 and she was a little bit younger than him.

[1046] So they end up having two children.

[1047] Jesus.

[1048] Yeah.

[1049] But Hilda leaves him because, of course, he viciously beat her.

[1050] Oh.

[1051] So she leaves him in 1956.

[1052] He has a breakdown.

[1053] He ends up going to a mental hospital.

[1054] When he gets out in 1958, he almost immediately gets remarried to his second wife, Elizabeth.

[1055] This was back before Tinder.

[1056] so he must have been insanely charming with Elizabeth he has five more children wow dude yeah he loves fucking it says it right here on the paper and he has taken over the family shoe shop so the shoe shop is downstairs they live in a tiny and squalid apartment space above the shoe shop and And he abuses his wife, of course, and his kids in a lot of the same ways that his foster parents abused him.

[1057] Can we break the cycle?

[1058] I know, and not this guy.

[1059] So over the next 10 years, his mental state starts to deteriorate as well.

[1060] So in 1958, he apparently owned a building somewhere else in town.

[1061] He sets the basement of this building on fire and then collects $15 ,000 in insurance payout.

[1062] and he ends up doing that four more times over five years to this same building.

[1063] So first he lights the basement on fire, then he goes ahead and lights the second floor on fire, gets a payout for that.

[1064] I think he had $11 ,000 for that.

[1065] Then by the time he lights the first floor on fire, the insurance company's like, I don't know.

[1066] This seems, in 1959, he's committed to a mental hospital after attempting suicide.

[1067] In 1972, he is arrested on child abuse charges because his daughter, who was a teenager, tried to run away from home, and when he caught her, he ended up branding her with an iron.

[1068] Oh, shit.

[1069] And so that daughter, his oldest son, Joe Jr., and their other, I think it's their other daughter, they go to the cops, and they're like, our father is a fucking monster, and he needs to be arrested.

[1070] And they see the wounds, they take the kids, they listen to their testimony, and then they take the kids to the hospital, and they see that all the kids have, like, a ton of crazy, you know, proof that they've been abused, tons of scars and broken bones that have, like, reset badly.

[1071] It's intense.

[1072] So he is found competent to stand trial, even though he was tested and he only had an IQ of 82.

[1073] Holy shit.

[1074] And he was also diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic.

[1075] So he was sentenced to 11 months in prison for the child abuse, but he'd already been held for seven months.

[1076] So he was given four months probation and released.

[1077] Oh, no. So in 1973, those three children suddenly recant the abuse charges, and they come in and they sign affidavits with the police to say, We lied.

[1078] It was never true that he never abused us.

[1079] So from then on, his record is cleared, the charges are dropped, and that is as if it never happened.

[1080] Oh, my God.

[1081] Yeah.

[1082] So in 1974, he begins hearing the voice of God, speaking to him through what he described as a disembodied head named Charlie.

[1083] Sure.

[1084] Right?

[1085] We've all had that.

[1086] I mean.

[1087] I see it right now.

[1088] Wait, what's he saying?

[1089] Hey, you're God.

[1090] Oh.

[1091] Your God.

[1092] Yeah.

[1093] Your God.

[1094] You're God.

[1095] What are you going to do with that power?

[1096] Take a nap.

[1097] Oh.

[1098] Really?

[1099] Because we need a ton of help out here.

[1100] So, well, what Charlie, the disembodied head that was the voice of God was telling Joseph Callenger was that he needed to start killing young boys and severing their penises from their bodies.

[1101] Oh, no. Which, you know, in the book of John chapter 7, verse 15.

[1102] Oh, no. Or is it Ecclesiastes that says?

[1103] Yeah.

[1104] So he enlists his 13 -year -old son, Michael, to help him out.

[1105] Oh.

[1106] He explains what the head was telling him and what the plan is.

[1107] And Michael's like, sounds great.

[1108] I'm in.

[1109] Let's get this done.

[1110] Oh, my God.

[1111] Can you imagine, like, if you saw a talking head named Charlie, and you were like, that's fine.

[1112] Like, I'm a little crazy.

[1113] and then he was like, kill kids and take their penises.

[1114] And you're like, what the fuck is wrong with you?

[1115] I'm not that, like, he didn't have to go along with that part.

[1116] Yeah.

[1117] Oh, my God.

[1118] Yeah.

[1119] It's horrifying.

[1120] It is.

[1121] Well, it turns out, I'll give it away a little bit, but it turns out that there is a, there's a chemical component to the leather treatment that they used in the shoes because he was a shoemaker.

[1122] So he's down in that shoe shop, just fucking sucking up those chemicals.

[1123] It's like eating away his brain.

[1124] essentially.

[1125] I was totally thinking that, but then I was like, no, that's the mad hatters, because the glue the hatter is used back then.

[1126] But same diff.

[1127] Same fucking diff.

[1128] Same diff.

[1129] Wow.

[1130] It's all about ventilation, everybody.

[1131] Come on.

[1132] Get a fan.

[1133] Open the door when it's nice out.

[1134] Light a fire.

[1135] That's what you like to do, Joe.

[1136] Okay.

[1137] Okay, so it starts to get bad, everybody.

[1138] Um, their first victim, they find a 10 -year -old boy who's playing by himself at a playground because it's 1974.

[1139] Can you imagine how bone -chilling it would be today if you drove by a playground and there was just like a little boy standing there alone?

[1140] You would call every authority that you could think of.

[1141] At -F?

[1142] Get down here.

[1143] Okay, so this boy was named Jose Colazo and Joseph and Michael lure him into an abandoned factory.

[1144] And there, they torture him.

[1145] they sever his genitals and then strangle him to death.

[1146] This isn't pretty.

[1147] So his next victim is his own son, Joe Jr. The one he conned in the day.

[1148] Yes.

[1149] So Joe Jr., after they reported him, it turns out Joe Jr. gets sent to, basically gets sent to Juvie.

[1150] And one of the reasons is because they found out that he was gay and he was like having affair with an older man so they were like oh yeah you you you're a deviant you're the one that has to go to you know kids jail right or whatever when he gets out and comes home joe senior has taken out a life insurance policy on him yeah always a good sign um so uh they michael and joe um get somehow get him to go to a demolition site with them, and they end up drowning him there in a puddle of water, and then they just leave the body.

[1151] Dude.

[1152] Yeah.

[1153] And then Joe Sr. tries to collect the insurance on his son, and the insurance company's, like, no fucking way.

[1154] And Joe Sr .'s like, I didn't do it.

[1155] I mean, Michael's here.

[1156] He's fine, and I also took out an insurance policy.

[1157] on him.

[1158] And they were like, huh, that's an odd rationale.

[1159] Two months later, Michael is found wandering the streets in a daze with multiple head wounds.

[1160] He's taken to the hospital and he tells police he can't remember what happened.

[1161] So he basically tries to do the exact same thing to his accomplice who's been with him the whole time.

[1162] All right, so November 22nd, Calendar and his son begin to break into homes they basically start driving around the area and they start breaking into homes and this is apparently he tells Michael this is part of this plan this is what God does so they go to Lindenwald, New Jersey and they break into the home of a woman named Joan Cardi they tire her to the bed and Joe sexually assaults her and then two weeks later they break into the house in Susquehanna Township And it's, they break into a house and five women are having a bridge game.

[1163] It is so jarring.

[1164] When I read that, I was just like, no, not them.

[1165] Before you tell me what awful thing happened to them, what if they had been playing trouble?

[1166] What the fuck?

[1167] Yeah.

[1168] Some old ladies.

[1169] Yotsie?

[1170] Yatsi!

[1171] Okay, now tell me that they all got killed.

[1172] I wanted to say that before.

[1173] I knew you were going to.

[1174] They didn't.

[1175] They didn't.

[1176] But they did get tied up, held hostage, they go around the house.

[1177] They end up collecting $20 ,000 of worth of money, jewelry, whatever, from these ladies.

[1178] And they also cut one of the women's breasts before they leave.

[1179] Yeah.

[1180] So then, about a week later, they go to Homeland, Maryland.

[1181] Homeland.

[1182] And they break into the home of Pamela Jaskey, and they hold her captive.

[1183] They forced her to perform oral sex on Joseph.

[1184] And then a couple days later, they go and they break into the home of Mary Rudolph, and they do the exact same thing to her.

[1185] Okay, now, two days later, this was January 8, 1975.

[1186] They go, they're in Leonia, New Jersey.

[1187] Jersey.

[1188] So what they did was they took the bus into New York City, then they went to Fort Lee, I think they said.

[1189] Then they went into, they just started going to different towns and they would walk around Joseph Callender and his 13 -year -old son.

[1190] They would walk around these little towns holding hands and cuddling, as what witnesses said.

[1191] They were super creepy, weird behavior.

[1192] And they would walk up to people's doors, knock on the doors.

[1193] It was like they were casing the houses.

[1194] They would knock on a door and they would say, is this where the Joneses live.

[1195] And then if they thought a woman was home by herself, they would force their way in.

[1196] Well, you see a kid, and that would totally throw me off.

[1197] Yeah, it's the perfect.

[1198] Yeah.

[1199] But at some places, Joe would say that they were salesmen, which is fucking hilarious.

[1200] It's like, I'm a salesman, and this is a junior salesman.

[1201] We're here to sell you candy.

[1202] Okay, so they finally end up at the home of Edwina Romaine.

[1203] And Her daughter, Didi, is there with Didi's three -year -old son, Robert, and her 90 -year -old grandmother is Edwina's mother.

[1204] So what's happened is their, Edwina's husband, Didi's father, had just had a heart attack and he's in the hospital.

[1205] So basically, her two younger sisters still live in the house with Edwina, the mom.

[1206] So Didi's there to help take care of the family.

[1207] And she sees Robert and Michael Callender walking down, the street holding hands being weird.

[1208] She's like, Catherine.

[1209] And then she just goes doing laundry, and then they knock on the front door.

[1210] And they say, is anyone else here?

[1211] And as she goes to answer, he pulls, Joseph pulls out a gun, and they force their way in.

[1212] They make her strip down, and they make her three -year -old son strip down.

[1213] And they tie them to a bed.

[1214] Now, while all this has happened, Dede's middle sister, Randy, comes home and then he does the same thing to her and puts her in a different room.

[1215] And then their mother and their other sister, Reda, and their sister's boyfriend, Reda's boyfriend, Frank, they all come home.

[1216] Jesus, he's like...

[1217] One thing, just the doorbell keeps on ringing.

[1218] They were at the hospital visiting the dad.

[1219] So they come home, and the same thing happened.

[1220] They get tied up, stripped and tied up, and they get tape wrapped around their head.

[1221] and then Joseph and Michael start searching the house for money then there's another knock on the door and it's their neighbor 21 year old Maria Fashing and she's come over because she's the nurse that's hired to take care of the 90 year old grandmother so she comes in Joseph forces her strips her and forces her and Frank the boyfriend to go down into the basement so once they're down there basically Joseph ties them up and then tells Maria that she has to bite Frank's penis off and she's like fuck you said what are you talking about?

[1222] Oh my God and she basically fights him says fuck off and he slits her throat yes my God so while they're hearing the family upstairs is all tied up, but they're hearing, of course, horrible shit down in the basement.

[1223] So the mother Edwina, like, she basically, like, moves her legs around, gets the things off her, or I don't think she did, actually.

[1224] She was still tied up.

[1225] She fucking goes out the front door, crawls out the front door, and starts screaming.

[1226] And, yeah, and she makes it to the neighbor's house, and she's screaming, going, they're killing my family, you know, going crazy, and the neighbor's like, what are you talking about?

[1227] So the neighbor just, and then She's like, cut this off my legs, this whole weird thing.

[1228] The lady just leaves her there and goes and calls the police.

[1229] Because she's like, whatever's happening, the police need to be involved with this.

[1230] Because it's insane.

[1231] Maybe she's making it up.

[1232] I'm going to leave her out here for her.

[1233] I mean, who knows what, she's doing this for attention.

[1234] Her arms are tied behind her back.

[1235] All right.

[1236] So the cops come and they find everybody, you know, everybody all tied up and everything.

[1237] They go all around the house.

[1238] And then they realize that the people who have done this are not.

[1239] longer there that they've run.

[1240] So when Edwina got outside and started screaming, Michael heard her and ran down to the basement and said, somebody, there's people who are going to be coming, we have to go.

[1241] So they run out the back door and they ran to the bus.

[1242] And as they run to the bus stop, Joseph takes off his bloody shirt and throws it in the garbage and then they throw their weapons into the bushes.

[1243] Then they get on a city bus.

[1244] I'm like, sit down.

[1245] Topless and sweaty and weird and there's still blood on you.

[1246] There's definitely blood.

[1247] And they're just like, okay, all right.

[1248] We'll just kill three people.

[1249] Just an hour and a half and we'll be home.

[1250] I'll make a new plan.

[1251] So, of course, it's a tiny town.

[1252] So everybody in town's like, yes, I saw them.

[1253] Yes, I saw them.

[1254] There's a woman who watched them as they stood near the garbage can, take off the shirt, watch Joseph, take his shirt off and throw it away.

[1255] So she was like, um, the shirt's right here.

[1256] Like, everybody in town's like, the gun's over here.

[1257] Yeah.

[1258] So, and they all saw them together, um, being super fucking weird walking up and down the street all day.

[1259] So there was tons of witnesses.

[1260] Um, and basically what happened is there was a laundry tag in that shirt, which is hilarious.

[1261] There was a laundry tag with the first three letters of his last name.

[1262] Oh, my God.

[1263] So when the cops find that, they basically, they see.

[1264] the make, they see the laundry tag, they put it together, they end up going to the dry cleaners, and the dry cleaners are like, oh yeah, that's Joe Callenger's shirt, he's got the shoe shop down the street.

[1265] Wow.

[1266] Yeah, so Joseph and Michael are arrested, and once they're in custody, Joe, now, this is another one where this, I'm pretty sure this guy was schizophrenic, and I'm sure he was insanely fucked up.

[1267] Once he's in police custody, he just turns it up to 25.

[1268] So he starts telling the police that he's been alive for a thousand years and mostly as a butterfly.

[1269] Sure, dude.

[1270] Like pick something else.

[1271] That sounds crazy.

[1272] It also sounds sad.

[1273] Like, I'm a beautiful butterfly.

[1274] You're not.

[1275] Actually, do we have a picture of Joe Callenger?

[1276] I think there's I want to see this.

[1277] I'm a butterfly.

[1278] I'm a beautiful butterfly.

[1279] Oh, that's not what I was picture.

[1280] I was picturing like almost like Popeye.

[1281] I don't know why, but it's blue -dough instead.

[1282] It's totally blue -d - it's blue -dow.

[1283] It really is.

[1284] Can you go to the next picture?

[1285] Because it's, I think, both of their yeah.

[1286] And that's his little son Michael, 13 years old.

[1287] That's Joe without a beard.

[1288] I think the beard is better for him.

[1289] Yeah, I agree.

[1290] For the face.

[1291] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1292] I just want to look at that kid.

[1293] I had that haircut.

[1294] For sure.

[1295] a mop top Yes Yeah It's very 80s If he had hoop earrings That's me in college He looks so sinister It looks like a little Brat You know Well he was I guess I mean The sad thing is too It's like It's all these kids Who are just getting Like severely abused Every single day So then You know The Monster Dad is like Oh you're my special Best Friend And so even though it's To go torture and rape and kill people, he's just like, well, I got picked.

[1296] Like, it's something good.

[1297] And it's like, oh, I know what happens when you're saying no to dad?

[1298] That's not fucking fun.

[1299] You get straight up killed.

[1300] Yeah.

[1301] Okay, so he also told the cops he was on a mission to help people whose brains were malfunctioning because they were wearing badly designed shoes.

[1302] Look at, these are fucking aerosols right now.

[1303] I should not be wearing flats with this dress at all.

[1304] Fuck it.

[1305] I definitely need Joe Callenger's help.

[1306] Okay, so he's found guilty.

[1307] He's sentenced for the lesser crimes of burglary, robbery, kidnapping.

[1308] He's sentenced to 30 to 80 years.

[1309] And the judge who sentenced him for those crimes called him an evil man who is utterly violent.

[1310] and depraved.

[1311] But then he is tried for Jose Clauso's murder, the little boy.

[1312] And on October 14th, 1976, he's found guilty and sentenced to life in prison.

[1313] Yay.

[1314] So, it's pretty interesting when he goes to prison.

[1315] He attempts suicide one time by trying to light himself on fire.

[1316] Not the best way to go.

[1317] No, that's not a way.

[1318] I'm not number one, my book.

[1319] No. But as he lit himself on fire and also his cell on fire, he also cracked an egg on his head to see if he could make it cook.

[1320] Beautiful butterfly.

[1321] What are you doing?

[1322] Fuck?

[1323] Yeah.

[1324] And did it?

[1325] Yeah.

[1326] He made it.

[1327] It was Denny's home run special.

[1328] Some hash browns were in there.

[1329] Now I'm like, he was a psycho.

[1330] That's the fucking, the butterfly.

[1331] fine, fair.

[1332] That's just words.

[1333] But now you're getting into cooking.

[1334] Now you're getting into fucking self -c culinary shit?

[1335] Get out of here.

[1336] This is it chopped.

[1337] And he also was fighting the jail guards who were trying to save his life as he burned alive.

[1338] Once they got into his cell, he's like, get away with me!

[1339] I like eggs.

[1340] Some people theorized that that was an attempt to get transferred, because he was in the state prison, to get transferred into Pennsylvania's Fairview Hospital for the mentally insane.

[1341] The egg was a nice touch, but that's what he was doing.

[1342] Yeah, right?

[1343] Yeah.

[1344] He got there.

[1345] He's like, eggs are fucking crazy and you know it.

[1346] This is insane.

[1347] Transfer me. Yeah, we eat the, we eat the embryos of another animal.

[1348] What?

[1349] And I'm like, yeah, you're right.

[1350] Eggs are, never mind, go ahead.

[1351] He's just a really irritating vegan, it turns out.

[1352] They have feelings.

[1353] out of here Joe so when he's in Fairview he slashes the throat of a fellow inmate but that inmate survives so then they transfer him back to state prison he chilled out for a little while he was there but yeah he couldn't he couldn't handle it ten years later in a TV interview oh sorry wait he's transferred back to state prison and on March oh no sorry that's the death part so I'll say this ten years after he's in prison he's in a TV interview and these are on YouTube.

[1354] I didn't watch it because he's so fucking creepy.

[1355] I figured that last picture where he's old in jail.

[1356] Oh, sorry, that's Michael.

[1357] That's Michael when he got arrested.

[1358] Oh, no. But then the next one is Old Joe, if you could go to the next one.

[1359] Look at him.

[1360] Knock, knock, knock.

[1361] Hello?

[1362] Oh, my God.

[1363] I'm here to sell you.

[1364] There's knife.

[1365] Settle.

[1366] Settle.

[1367] You're good.

[1368] Now.

[1369] Why am I getting pinched?

[1370] Stay with me. I always do that if I have something like I'm excited about to tell Georgia, I'm like and now it was like across the room, you'll just do this at me. Like she's got something to tell me. I can tell because she'd come over here.

[1371] Sorry, that was personal side.

[1372] That's personal.

[1373] Podcasting.

[1374] It's an inside.

[1375] In this TV interview, he told the interviewer that he wanted to slaughter every single person on earth, after which he hoped to commit suicide and then become God.

[1376] What about a butterfly again?

[1377] Is that what God does, Joe, kill everybody on earth?

[1378] Yep.

[1379] So he gets transferred back to state prison, and on March 26, 1996, he had a seizure and choked to death on his own vomit in the prison in front of him.

[1380] Good.

[1381] Yeah?

[1382] That is the proper way for that guy to die.

[1383] Well, here's what I like about that, if you think about it a little bit.

[1384] He's in the prison infirmary, which means there are doctors and nurses at least within 10 feet of him, and he starts choking on his vomit while he has a seizure, and they're like, let's just see how this plays out.

[1385] We could tip him on to his side, but he's a huge piece of shit.

[1386] Here's what's kind of interesting as an epilogue to this.

[1387] Michael was placed on probation until his 25th birthday.

[1388] Because once he was in the system, they realized that this monster father was just using and manipulating him in every possible way.

[1389] So they actually changed his name and put him into foster care.

[1390] And his foster family that he went to protected him when they tried to call him for one of these, like there was a bunch of the, what do you call them after the trial?

[1391] like the, when they try to, like a parole thing or when he's fighting at an appeal, thank you very much, but please don't heckle.

[1392] On the appeal, they call the foster family and they were like, he's not going to talk to you, he's not going to talk to anybody, don't call us anymore.

[1393] Like, just don't, he's not going back there.

[1394] And the defense had, oh, that was my big, I did the ending in the middle.

[1395] Which was the thing At the end The substance was called Too Lean To lean And they were like They pretty much think that he was just insane Like dreads insane He's fine now Oh no not Michael Sorry that's the Joseph thing That I said earlier Got it got got got got We're just stumbling to an ending now Okay Well you can say it again Yeah edit that out Steven Say it at that time Okay The end I have to tell you, now I have to tell you a secret.

[1396] This big secret that I'm keeping from you, which is that he was mostly a Philly murderer.

[1397] So I apologize for that.

[1398] But he did have the one in Homeland, which is close by here.

[1399] But once I had it all finished, and then I was like, wait, fuck.

[1400] This is all Philly.

[1401] And that's why I started looking up these other fucking crazy stories, one of which, can I just tell it really quick?

[1402] Yeah.

[1403] It's that one.

[1404] No, I was asking her.

[1405] It was that one, and I think maybe you guys have heard of this, but I found it on this website, and it's basically that their row house, in 1999, there was the revitalization project where they were knocking down all the row houses.

[1406] And when that happened, they started finding bodies in the basements of those row houses.

[1407] And the police were assuming that it was all from the drug wars, and it was, you know, they assumed it was all that, but then they start identifying those bodies.

[1408] And the one thing they all have in common is they are all sex offenders, pedophiles, child molesters.

[1409] All that had served at least for at least three different crimes had served time in jail.

[1410] And there were 51 in all.

[1411] And, and...

[1412] And they end up, like, in 2004, pulling over a guy, oh, so when they do the, you know, the chemical analysis or whatever, they figure out that they had, they all had sodium pentothal in their system.

[1413] So the police put together that they think that the killer ambushed them, shot them with sodium pentothal, which is like a...

[1414] Xanax.

[1415] Yes, exactly.

[1416] It's also a local anesthetic, and then it's also a barbiturate.

[1417] And then it took them into those basements, tortured them, killed them, and then cut them all up.

[1418] And so they pull, in 2004, they pull a guy over that is a suspicious vehicle.

[1419] And they find, he has two suitcases filled with surgery equipment, power drills, sodium pentothal knives.

[1420] Murder kit.

[1421] A murder kit of the highest order.

[1422] And so they arrest him but then they can't keep him on anything because there's no proof that he's connected to anything.

[1423] And he disappears and then he goes down to Florida and then sex offenders in Florida start disappearing.

[1424] So I'm like, this is the fucking greatest story I've ever heard of my life.

[1425] This is amazing.

[1426] But I can only find it on this one website, right?

[1427] Twistedminds .com.

[1428] Which is cool.

[1429] There's a lot of good shit on there, but it was just this one thing.

[1430] And the way it's set up is the guy that wrote it said, I was told this by a freelance crime reporter.

[1431] Huh?

[1432] Is that a thing?

[1433] And then it said his name, which was like Joachim Kale something.

[1434] And that person doesn't exist.

[1435] So ultimately, I think that makes.

[1436] have been a creepy pasta of some kind because I can't, although they were finding bodies when they knocked down those row houses, there's no proof that any of that other stuff ever happened.

[1437] So I couldn't, I had it, I was writing it out by hand, so stoked, and then I was like, well, this could probably be a lie.

[1438] Like, there's no way to prove it.

[1439] Yeah, so it's not true.

[1440] Unless someone in this audience wants to start.

[1441] Yeah.

[1442] Do we have time for a hometown?

[1443] Oh, yeah.

[1444] Hometown?

[1445] Yeah.

[1446] Should we do it?

[1447] It's now time for one of you to tell us your hometown murder.

[1448] Wait, wait, wait, wait.

[1449] Wait, Karen, are we going to do this one?

[1450] Oh, sorry, hold on.

[1451] Wait, or should we pick someone?

[1452] Both.

[1453] Maybe both.

[1454] Maybe both.

[1455] All right, let's start with this solution.

[1456] Because Karen and I got backstage, there was two envelopes, and we got invited to a wedding.

[1457] You guys.

[1458] And she included, I can hear her freaking out, She included her hometown, and I was like, oh, fuck, let's do this one.

[1459] So, Grace, Douglas, are you here?

[1460] There she is.

[1461] Come here.

[1462] Oh, and she's accessible.

[1463] I was going to be like, if you're up there, fuck off.

[1464] Vince is going to walk you up.

[1465] Here we go.

[1466] Here we go.

[1467] I'm not going to that wedding.

[1468] Oh, no, no, no. This is a, what's it called?

[1469] You're like, sorry, but here's a gift.

[1470] Yeah, but I'm also, I'm not giving a gift.

[1471] No, this is it.

[1472] Oh, this is the gift?

[1473] Yeah, yeah, sure.

[1474] Thank you.

[1475] Oh, here.

[1476] Okay.

[1477] Let's go stand over here in the right.

[1478] So you can get scared.

[1479] Get in here.

[1480] Send her up.

[1481] All right.

[1482] Say your name and your grade.

[1483] So I was looking at your, thanks for the wedding invitation.

[1484] You're welcome.

[1485] We'll take beef.

[1486] And I was reading your murder and I'm like, oh, this is good.

[1487] It's good.

[1488] Yeah, it's pretty crazy.

[1489] And you didn't know about it for a while, right?

[1490] I didn't.

[1491] Okay.

[1492] Well, I'll let you go.

[1493] Okay.

[1494] technician and they did school a little differently back there back then she was at West Virginia University and they really they practicals right away and this was like 1970 I believe and there were two freshman girls that had gone missing a few weeks earlier they didn't have like a transportation system at WVU into Morgantown so hitchhiking was common and the girls had gone in to see Oliver I believe and then they disappeared.

[1495] The musical?

[1496] Yes.

[1497] That's that weird to know who he was.

[1498] A specific person, yes.

[1499] And my mom had switched on call shifts with someone for that night, and so she was just in the on -call room, and she got Paige to the morgue, and she hadn't ever been to the morgue.

[1500] This is her first time.

[1501] She was like, this is weird.

[1502] I don't know what I'm doing.

[1503] She grabbed the portable x -ray machine, went down there, and there were a bunch of cops, and they told her that they had found those girls, and that they needed to, and to, the bodies were pretty decomposed, so they wanted her to x -ray for bullets.

[1504] So she got in there and kind of like pulled back the sheet and they had no heads.

[1505] I mean, we knew it was going to be bad.

[1506] Yeah.

[1507] No one had warned her, so she was freaking out but she finished her job and then decided she was going to quit school, but she didn't.

[1508] She had a couple drinks after that, I thought.

[1509] Sure.

[1510] Well, she had to finish her on, call shift.

[1511] So she was kind of stuck there.

[1512] So can you imagine?

[1513] Going back to paperwork?

[1514] Yeah.

[1515] So the story gets weirder because they'd been looking to figure out what had happened to the girls and they got an anonymous letter that directed them to the bodies and that's how they actually found them.

[1516] And so they tried to trace back where the letter came from and it led them to a religious cult here in Maryland.

[1517] Which then told them who the murderers, well, gave them descriptions of the murderers and told them where the bodies were.

[1518] Yeah.

[1519] So they had sent them another, the police another letter to before they had talked to them.

[1520] They told them where to find the heads, but they never found the heads.

[1521] So that's weird.

[1522] Then they, actually, the police looked into this cult, and they cleared them all of any linkage to the murders.

[1523] Even though they knew where the bodies were?

[1524] I don't know.

[1525] No. She's really mad at you.

[1526] I am.

[1527] I still think.

[1528] they had something to do with it.

[1529] They never found the killer?

[1530] Well then there was a guy who was in jail for something else.

[1531] I think he had raped an underage girl and he confessed to the murders.

[1532] But it was like a jailhouse confession and a lot of stuff didn't add up and he gave like a very elaborate story about picking them up and then chopping their heads off with his brother's machete because people just have machetes.

[1533] Was his brother from the jungle?

[1534] Good question.

[1535] And then he later recanted, though, but he was still convicted.

[1536] He appealed, was convicted again, and then he died in jail.

[1537] And then since then, though, there was, like, one of the original detectives that worked on the case has never really given it up.

[1538] And so they have reopened the case now, and it's considered an unsolved murder.

[1539] Wow.

[1540] Did that just happen recently?

[1541] It happened a few years ago, yeah.

[1542] And I looked it up because after I started listening to this, my mom had told me this just casually one day when I was in junior high.

[1543] She was like, oh, yeah, when I was in the hospital, there were these headless bodies.

[1544] And so I, you know, I was like, I wonder whatever happened because as far as she knew, they never found the heads.

[1545] Although, oh, the other thing, when she was working, especially the doctors, would tease her all the time.

[1546] They'd be like, hey, Joanne, they need you in the morgue.

[1547] They found those heads.

[1548] Inappropriate.

[1549] Fucking doctors.

[1550] Yeah.

[1551] Oh, such dick.

[1552] Is it called something, like the so -and -so murders?

[1553] They call it the West Virginia University co -ed murders.

[1554] Look in that fucking shit out.

[1555] Wow.

[1556] Thank you.

[1557] Grace, that was awesome.

[1558] Congratulations.

[1559] That was good.

[1560] I'll take that.

[1561] Oh, yeah.

[1562] Yeah.

[1563] That was nuts.

[1564] Shit, girl.

[1565] Oh, my God.

[1566] Should we do one more?

[1567] Do you want to pick someone?

[1568] Yeah, can we do one more really quick?

[1569] Yeah, I looked at you.

[1570] I looked right at you.

[1571] So come up here, but do it quickly.

[1572] I know, I don't either If you go over Like there's Vince putting his hand up in the back Look straight back What's the tall guy?

[1573] There's Vince back there There's Vince He takes care of us Yeah, turns out He gets us really good Peruvian food backstage I mean here's the thing When you're a nurse, like, or an x -ray technician The part of your job can be just one day someone calls you know It's like go down and x -ray people that don't have heads They don't even add like that.

[1574] part in, but they don't have to tell you.

[1575] Hi.

[1576] Hi, what's your name?

[1577] Hi.

[1578] No, you're not.

[1579] Hi.

[1580] I'm what's your name.

[1581] I'm Amanda.

[1582] I'm Amanda.

[1583] Amanda's here, everybody.

[1584] Wait, are you Amanda?

[1585] Is that you?

[1586] Yes.

[1587] Oh, it's just the one.

[1588] Holy shit.

[1589] She's got my name.

[1590] How did we know?

[1591] Yes.

[1592] You said at us because it was hilarious.

[1593] Yes, that's right.

[1594] I've been obnoxiously.

[1595] I know.

[1596] I know.

[1597] I love it.

[1598] Forgive me. I don't even use it.

[1599] Don't even.

[1600] Okay.

[1601] So, um, I dated a murderer.

[1602] You also said, I'm going to wait to get blackout drunk tell after your show, so pick my murder.

[1603] This is a real life story.

[1604] I love it.

[1605] I know you want me to be cool.

[1606] I'm so sorry.

[1607] No, no, you're fine.

[1608] Wait, I have to tell something really quickly.

[1609] I told Georgia, there's this girl who just made the funniest joke on Twitter.

[1610] And then she's like, yeah, but we just got this wedding invitation.

[1611] And so, and she's like, ooh, this is a good one.

[1612] So then we do that.

[1613] Then we're like, we have another minute.

[1614] I don't know it's you.

[1615] I just, I'm sorry.

[1616] Did you see that?

[1617] You're so good.

[1618] Thank you.

[1619] Thank you.

[1620] Thank you.

[1621] See that girl right there?

[1622] Yeah.

[1623] That's my best friend.

[1624] She just graduated college to be an RN like your mom.

[1625] Congratulations.

[1626] Her son's going to be like downer than an upper real fast.

[1627] Her son had cancer.

[1628] Kick cancer's ass.

[1629] Oh my God.

[1630] Yeah.

[1631] Try to make me cry.

[1632] I'm sorry.

[1633] Okay.

[1634] Tell your story.

[1635] Okay.

[1636] Okay.

[1637] So this is, um, anyone here from New York?

[1638] Oh my God.

[1639] Yeah, girl.

[1640] Okay.

[1641] So who likes baseball?

[1642] For this.

[1643] But we bartend at an Outback Steakhouse.

[1644] Nice.

[1645] Fuck not make.

[1646] We're not making fun of that show.

[1647] They're great.

[1648] We love that place.

[1649] I was also like a raging alcoholic around 18 to 21.

[1650] And this guy who owned a Quiznos thought it was cool at the time.

[1651] Wanted to hang out with me. So we went to a water from bar.

[1652] I drove myself and my cousin home.

[1653] And I was like, this guy's slightly creepy.

[1654] Yeah.

[1655] And wasn't enjoying it.

[1656] And he dropped, I had him drop me off at a diner.

[1657] Because I was like, I don't want him know where I live.

[1658] So I called my stepfather.

[1659] Smart.

[1660] I thought it was real smart.

[1661] It's very smart.

[1662] I called my stepdad.

[1663] I was like, listen, my best friend, didn't know this guy's first name, is going to draw me off this diner.

[1664] Will you pick me up?

[1665] He was all about it.

[1666] So fast forward, a couple years later, a very good friend of mine who is smoking hot.

[1667] Like, you know, you have those friends that are just like real hot.

[1668] Sure.

[1669] She's so hot.

[1670] And she starts dating him and we're like, that's not the best idea.

[1671] The quiz nose guy?

[1672] The quiz news.

[1673] Okay.

[1674] Can't she get anybody?

[1675] She's 21.

[1676] And everyone's like, you know what?

[1677] She's real hot.

[1678] He's got a lot of money.

[1679] This is a good idea.

[1680] You know what?

[1681] He gives me Molly on the weekends and I really like it.

[1682] And I was like, go for it, girl.

[1683] And then she told me, she was like, you know, he got real mad at me. We ordered pizza.

[1684] He went to pick up the pizza and I looked in the drawer for a pen.

[1685] And when I came home, he was like, you open the drawer.

[1686] She was like, what are you talking about?

[1687] And it was like, I tape the drawers.

[1688] I know that you open the drawer.

[1689] Oh shit.

[1690] Well, that's kind of weird.

[1691] Back Steakhouse.

[1692] Very big news.

[1693] Okay.

[1694] Okay.

[1695] Did she work at the Steakhouse too?

[1696] Sure did.

[1697] Fuck yeah.

[1698] Sure did.

[1699] And way too hot to work at the steakhouse.

[1700] I'll tell you that.

[1701] And so she, this is about a month after that, she says to me, listen, he went to a club last night.

[1702] night.

[1703] He came home the next day and he said, you know, there's this girl that's missing, but we hung out with her all night.

[1704] I want to help the cops.

[1705] And so she was like, yeah, that's great.

[1706] And the cops want to talk to you because you used to hang out with him.

[1707] And I was like, yeah, that's great.

[1708] So we talked to the cops and they're like, listen, this girl's missing.

[1709] Her name's Laura Garza, which was a very, very big case in New York, if anyone's heard of it.

[1710] It's really beautiful girl from Texas.

[1711] Hispanic girl, she was beautiful, and her family on Puerto And her family is like, my family.

[1712] You're not Puerto Rican.

[1713] I know I'm a white -looking bitch.

[1714] I know.

[1715] White -ass bitch.

[1716] But on financial aid forms, my mama say I'm Puerto Rican.

[1717] Oh, I see.

[1718] I see.

[1719] I see.

[1720] Yeah.

[1721] Down.

[1722] Yeah.

[1723] Steven.

[1724] Send that to.

[1725] I'm done with college.

[1726] Oh.

[1727] And in New York, that shit's free now.

[1728] So she ends up missing.

[1729] And so the state troopers come to our out back stake house.

[1730] She's a hostess.

[1731] I'm a server at the time.

[1732] The state troopers come in, they say, listen.

[1733] Your boyfriend knew this girl.

[1734] Can we have your cell phone?

[1735] And she was like, uh, okay, but I thought he was helping you.

[1736] And she's like, you know, we just need your cell phone.

[1737] Fine, that's great.

[1738] She gives him the cell phone.

[1739] That night she sleeps at his house.

[1740] No. Okay.

[1741] Sleeps at her boyfriend's house.

[1742] With no cell phone?

[1743] With no cell phone.

[1744] Oh, shit, girl.

[1745] And in the morning, he's like, my landlord's coming over.

[1746] My rent is due and my lease is up.

[1747] I got to clean everything, top to bottom.

[1748] and I spit a little bleach on this part of the carpet so I cut a piece out of the closet and I'm going to put it right here she helped him she goes back to work set out back steakhouse and we're all there state troopers come in and they're like bitch you gotta go and they take her out they think well long story short the dead girl was in the closet while she slept he was having sex with her and she saw a picture of super hot smoke and hot Lindsay and said do you have a girlfriend and he said yes and she got real upset and he strangled her.

[1749] Oh my God.

[1750] Put her in the closet got spooked had the girlfriend stay over.

[1751] She helped him bleach the apartment.

[1752] No. But not knowing why.

[1753] Not knowing why.

[1754] One hundred percent not knowing why.

[1755] And it took and I live in a pretty small Hamlet.

[1756] It's about an hour north of Manhattan kind of west, but they were looking in the woods, in my woods, my parents' woods, everyone's woods could not find it.

[1757] The mom of the girlfriend was like, listen, he came, he had dirt in his clothes, and he said he helped him change her tire.

[1758] I don't know if that helps you.

[1759] He had dumped the body in Pennsylvania, but it took them almost a year to find it.

[1760] And she, I mean, smart thinking, ended updating a state trooper after.

[1761] She did.

[1762] She did.

[1763] yeah she did she did she did smoking hot lindsay got it got herself a cop yeah he dumped her but eventually she's got a nice boy for now but the he what's the name of your podcast because i'm gonna start listening to it girl admittedly was asleep in in the apartment the entire time the big girl was in fucking insane and he in court she had to testify against him and he said she saw a picture of you and pointed to her and said, she saw a picture of you and freaked out, so I strangled and killed her.

[1764] And you know, we're like real?

[1765] I mean, we're kind of in a dumb town.

[1766] People aren't very educated.

[1767] They're like, there's...

[1768] Careful.

[1769] Pieces of her body and the Quiznos subs.

[1770] Oh.

[1771] That Quiznos got shut down.

[1772] Say that right now.

[1773] Wow.

[1774] Our friend Lindsay did stay sexy.

[1775] She did not get murdered.

[1776] Thank God.

[1777] But she was real upset because the family came from Texas and camped out at our Outback Steakhouse.

[1778] every day to ask her for what she knew.

[1779] Wow.

[1780] Real ox -offs.

[1781] That's a lot.

[1782] I feel real cool.

[1783] Amanda, right?

[1784] Yes, Karen.

[1785] Amanda, that was the best hometown murder?

[1786] That's the badass nurse mom.

[1787] Grace, you were amazing.

[1788] Amanda?

[1789] That was great.

[1790] Amazing.

[1791] Thank you so much.

[1792] I don't want to take this from her.

[1793] We'll see you later.

[1794] Should we just leave?

[1795] Let her take that?

[1796] Yeah, exactly.

[1797] She just gave.

[1798] She keeps talking.

[1799] Anyway, the other thing that happened at Outback Steakhouse, and a lot of crazy shit happens there, let me tell you.

[1800] She was fucking good.

[1801] She's like, I can learn something.

[1802] Here's the thing that's really irritating.

[1803] When I started stand -up comedy in 1990, not that many people did it, and very few people were funny, and not that many people were good at it.

[1804] And now everybody's hilarious, and everyone's good at performing.

[1805] And it's, like, the most fun thing in the world.

[1806] But it took me forever to get, like, to Amanda's level, and it really pisses me off.

[1807] really pisses me off.

[1808] I am 100 % not there yet.

[1809] Like, not even there's, we're gonna need it.

[1810] You'll get there, you know what you have to do?

[1811] You have to bartend it out back steakhouse.

[1812] Oh, fuck yeah.

[1813] Practicing.

[1814] I'm gonna take her class.

[1815] You guys, this is such an amazing show.

[1816] We love you.

[1817] Ficked it up, the whole time being punk.

[1818] Thank you.

[1819] And stay sexy.

[1820] And...