MFM Minisode 352

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] And welcome to my favorite murder.

[2] The minisode.

[3] Hey.

[4] Hi.

[5] We know this.

[6] Oh.

[7] We know this.

[8] It's time to listen to this.

[9] Yeah.

[10] I'll go first.

[11] You go first.

[12] Okay.

[13] Let's talk in weird voices the whole time.

[14] Let's do it.

[15] This is called motel murder with a side of unrelated cats.

[16] Perfect.

[17] And I forget what this is about.

[18] Okay.

[19] Hi, Karen and Georgia.

[20] My best friend, Josephine.

[21] And then it says, Hi, Joe, if you're listening, this made the cut.

[22] Hey.

[23] Got me into your podcast years ago, and you guys have been an unrelenting, hilarious source of entertainment, education, and inspiration ever since.

[24] Wow.

[25] Good job, Joe.

[26] Thank you.

[27] Ever since more recent.

[28] You're not, Joe.

[29] I am too.

[30] Even more recently, when my 16 -year -old baby cat passed away, having adopted her from the streets in Vietnam, moved her with me to London, and then, to Singapore.

[31] Wow.

[32] She was a well -traveled kitty and I miss her so much.

[33] And hearing how much you guys unashamedly love your furry babies gives me the strength to tell everyone who questions or looks at me funny when I tell them I'm devastated by the loss of my fatty to go and fuck themselves.

[34] I mean, what human being?

[35] Monsters would in any way look at you sideways if you were like I had a cat that was 16 years old that died.

[36] I feel like some people just don't get it, especially when it comes to cats, like dogs, they can understand more.

[37] But if you've never, like, known a cat and known how, like, awesome they are.

[38] That makes me think those people are not on TikTok because TikTok proves on a daily basis that cats are magical.

[39] Oh, yeah.

[40] Okay.

[41] We all know.

[42] We all know.

[43] And then it says, anyway, the murder.

[44] Oh, yeah.

[45] I'm British.

[46] And when I was 15, my mom took my brother, then 13, and me on a, quote, dream vacation to your lovely country.

[47] It was the, the 90s, so of course that meant Florida, which it turns out is not very lovely at all.

[48] I mean, there's parts that are nice.

[49] My mom was a single parent and a teacher, so we didn't have much cash and decided to stay in a motel while in Orlando on the basis that we'd be out all day absorbing the culture of the city, i .e. Disney.

[50] There was one double bed in the room, which my mom and I shared, and one cot bed by the window, which we made my brother sleep in.

[51] Oh, God, the amount of cots in motels I've slept in on trips with my dad and my siblings when I was a kid is like yeah that's why I have back pain now it might be it's got to be and also that kind of like hey for the first time probably ever in our lives let's all sleep in the same room oh just the yelling yeah the room had a huge picture window i .e the whole front wall was basically a window the curtains I believe you call them drapes were paper thin and the strip lighting outside was aggressive.

[52] In the middle of the night, my brother jumps into our bed and shakes us awake.

[53] He claimed to have seen the silhouette of a man appear in front of the window, raise one arm with a gun in it, and shoot another person also in view.

[54] Oh.

[55] I, of course, told him to stop being a little prick, trying to get in the nice bed and to fuck off back to his cot where he belonged.

[56] Two minutes later, however, there were sirens and flashing blue and red lights and shouting, my mom eventually wakes up and the three of us sat there fucking terrified until it all calmed down and the sun came up.

[57] We opened the door with trepidation and my mom made me poke my head out and says, because I'm the, quote, the oldest.

[58] Mom, I think you may have miscalculated.

[59] There was police tape everywhere, blood spatter, cones, scary looking police officers with guns and general chaos.

[60] Oh, that little boy witnessed a murder.

[61] I know.

[62] And they're from England where like guns don't happen.

[63] Oh, God.

[64] Yeah.

[65] And they didn't believe him.

[66] Right.

[67] Go fuck off.

[68] They said fuck off.

[69] Wow.

[70] We grabbed our stuff, got into the rental and hightailed it out of there.

[71] But five minutes down the road, my mom slams on the brakes and shouts, fuck, I left the passports and tickets in the safe.

[72] Oh.

[73] So we had to go back.

[74] And again, being, quote, the oldest, I was sent in to negotiate their retrieval.

[75] No. Fucking parents.

[76] got, I mean, it's kind of up to a point.

[77] It's like, yeah, go send your oldest to do that.

[78] But like, yeah, go check and see if there's a crime scene outside.

[79] Totally.

[80] I think should be where the boundary lies.

[81] That's right.

[82] I agree.

[83] The adolescent at reception seemed entirely unmoved and referred me to one of the still attendant police officers.

[84] He mumbled something involving calling me ma 'am and this being a homicide scene investigation seemed to really want to tell me to fuck off.

[85] but overall, I think, was just so confused at being asked by a 15 -year -old British child if she could please have her family's passports back from this crime scene.

[86] He just got on and did it.

[87] We left Orlando pretty hastily after that, and we never went back.

[88] We did a few other road trips in the USA in subsequent years, including one where my mom made us drive around Pennsylvania for days trying to locate, quote, the Amish for no discernible reason and in which our quick stop at a McDonald's in Albany coincided with a visit by jump -suited inmates chained to police officers apparently on a field trip from a local prison Not a field trip Come on guys But needless to say Motel's never featured again Stay sexy and don't stay in motels in Florida Susie Susie I feel like your mom's vacation planning leaves a lot to be desired They're just trying to search for the Amish, just the general Amish in Pennsylvania.

[89] We've got a whole state.

[90] We've got to find these people and get up into their business, the thing that they love the most.

[91] They love when you get up in their shit.

[92] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[93] Absolutely.

[94] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.

[95] Exactly.

[96] And if you're a small business owner, you might know Shopify is great for online sales.

[97] But did you know that they also power in -person sales?

[98] That's right.

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[100] Give your point -of -sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.

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[106] Connect with customers in line and online.

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[108] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify .com slash murder.

[109] Important note, that promo code is all lowercase.

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[111] That's Shopify .com slash murder.

[112] Goodbye.

[113] Okay.

[114] This one, you know I had to pick it.

[115] The subject line is repressed balloon launch.

[116] memory.

[117] Oh, dear.

[118] Oh, yeah, for sure.

[119] Right?

[120] Yeah.

[121] Ladies, your voices have been keeping me company for many walks, gardening, and while coping, waiting at the airport for years.

[122] So I was surprised when I was having a normal Thursday walk while listening to episode 383, entitled, Why Pigeons?

[123] Why Pigeons?

[124] I remember that.

[125] When suddenly I had a flood of memories wash over me. The sensation was similar to returning to your childhood home slash town.

[126] slash school decades later in life.

[127] The story was about the Cleveland Balloon Fest of 1986.

[128] In your story, you discussed the infatuation with balloon launches in the country.

[129] It was then, I remembered, the annual balloon launches of Daniels Farm School in Trumbull, Connecticut, circa 1982 to 1985.

[130] For some reason, each year, in the spring, each student would get a postcard to fill out with their name and the name of the school.

[131] Ooh, this sounds familiar to me, too.

[132] These cards were actually postcards that were then attached to said balloons.

[133] Then, with much anticipation, as the entire school assembled in the parking lot and fields, we would count down and release the balloons.

[134] Yes.

[135] Everyone would cheer as the balloons lofted off into the atmosphere and out of sight.

[136] Now, if that wasn't exciting enough, the next few weeks were filled with anticipation as we waited to hear on morning announcements if any cards had been returned and just how far they had traveled.

[137] Some came from across town, while others came from as far as Bridgeport or Monroe.

[138] Although, not all the way from Monroe.

[139] That's a miracle.

[140] Although I never had a postcard returned, I did in fact find one card in my own yard and proudly returned it to the school.

[141] I honestly have no idea what the point of the launches or why they stopped by the time I got into sixth grade in 1986, but I'm now guessing.

[142] it could be related to the incident in Cleveland.

[143] Yeah, I think so.

[144] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[145] Thank you for unearthing this fun memory that has escaped me for nearly 30 years.

[146] Stay sexy and don't get murdered.

[147] Wendy, Minneapolis.

[148] A good thing to do is to give random strangers child's full name and where you can find them at 3 p .m. every day.

[149] Maybe a light description, you know, and what their parents call them as a nickname so that if you want to swing by and pick them up, Jesus Christ.

[150] It's like the kind of thing where now I'm thinking, 30 years in the future, what will they be saying about the current time where they're like, can you believe parents did that?

[151] Well, I think the thing is putting your kid's face on social media, right?

[152] And like, and their name, any information about your kid, I think we're going to be like, can you believe they fucking did that?

[153] Yeah, I think so too.

[154] But they might be doing it now, actually.

[155] They are.

[156] They're already doing it.

[157] Some, some.

[158] Okay.

[159] write us your hometown about giving out children's information willy -nilly write us your hometown if you have a weird 80s memory of being forced to do something by your school that now in retrospect you realize was highly unsafe and not well thought through yes do that please and write all of that out in the subject line that's right this is called k and g haunt me hello mfm team on episode 364 Georgia tells a story about how one night she was getting ready for bed in her home alone when her wireless speaker suddenly started blasting Elton John, unprompted, and how it scared the shit out of her.

[160] That is true.

[161] Well, this brought back a memory from a night when I thought my husband was going to attempt murder.

[162] I'm an attorney who has to get up at a stupid early hour to get to work on time.

[163] My husband does not have this requirement and therefore goes to bed after I'm asleep most nights.

[164] Well, one night I had gone to sleep with my headphones in listening to the dulcet tones of who knows which of your episodes.

[165] The murder doesn't bother me. I enjoy your voices.

[166] They are comforting after many years of listening.

[167] Thanks.

[168] Cut to my husband getting into bed about two hours after me. Suddenly, there are voices coming from our living room at an alarming volume.

[169] It is as if two people are having a conversation at a scream volume in the next room.

[170] That's exactly what happened to me, but Elton John.

[171] Understandably, my husband leaps out of bed and starts looking for a weapon and short simultaneously while our dogs start howling at the sudden noise.

[172] Meanwhile, I stopped drooling and just look at him and say, it's just Karen and Georgia in a drunk Karen voice because I'm still mostly asleep as I wander into the living room to see our wireless speaker somehow had come on and was now playing the episode I had been listening to in my headphones.

[173] That's weird.

[174] That happens to me all the time.

[175] I'll take my headphones out and it'll start playing on my phone, like out loud on my phone.

[176] Oh, right.

[177] You know what I mean?

[178] Where it's just like still.

[179] It's maybe the next thing in the list, your Bluetooth list or something.

[180] Exactly.

[181] Technology.

[182] I mean.

[183] My husband and dogs were seriously freaked out, but we laughed about it the next day.

[184] Thought this might amuse some of you.

[185] S .S .DGM, Christine E. Esquire, she, her.

[186] That happened to me when I first moved into this house that I live in now.

[187] It has an alarm system that a very quiet, almost whispering British lady, every time I open the front door would go, front door open, but whisper level.

[188] Yeah, I have that too.

[189] And the first time it happened, it felt like immediately my mind told me that someone was hiding around the corner and whispering it because of the way her voice cold chills it was so awful and then then i was like wait why would you whisper something about a door that's not scary and then i was like okay this is normal if if i had had the kind of life where i had up until this point had alarm systems this would be standard practice yeah no i get it but no okay the subject line of this email is trashed trash dad and a boat hello friends i've been thinking about writing this story for a while now, but anxiety.

[190] My FT job, my kids, and procrastinations seemed to take precedence.

[191] But here I go.

[192] I grew up in Southern California in a smallish lake city in the inland empire.

[193] The Salton Sea?

[194] When I was between the ages of eight and ten, my dad bought a speedboat from a quote -unquote friend.

[195] In true trash dad fashion, he did not verify the reliability of his acquisition and instead took myself, my friend, and one of his adult male friends on the boat.

[196] for the day.

[197] They had a cooler full of Budweiser with a few sodas but no snacks, sunscreen or clean water.

[198] Oh my God, dude.

[199] What the fuck?

[200] Who doesn't bring snacks with children?

[201] No snacks, no fucking water.

[202] No water.

[203] Oh my God.

[204] I mean.

[205] And sunscreen.

[206] Wild.

[207] Like this has to be the 80s.

[208] Oh, hold on.

[209] Because we didn't need those things.

[210] things in the 90s.

[211] So close enough that it's kind of getting by, but still.

[212] Not for long.

[213] You can't be a boat dad and not bring water and like a bag of checks mix, please.

[214] Totally.

[215] And like some, like even like Hawaiian tropic oil, like something to protect you from the fucking SPF5.

[216] Yeah.

[217] Anything.

[218] Okay.

[219] So it says we probably got onto the water after lunch and we were having a good old time while dad and his friend drank.

[220] And my friend and I thought we were the coolest.

[221] girls around.

[222] Fast forward a few hours and the boat breaks down in the middle of the lake.

[223] As this was the time before cell phones and God forbid they have a CB radio, we floated aimlessly for hours.

[224] As the sun set behind the mountains, it was replaced by a cold breeze and impending darkness.

[225] The hours ticked by and we girls got very chilly, super hungry and a little nervous as the lake took on the appearance of a black hole in the middle of the city.

[226] Eventually a police helicopter began to fly over the lake using its spotlight, this prompted my dad to finally tell us to put on our life jackets.

[227] Twelve hours later, they've never...

[228] Yeah, because the cops are coming.

[229] Yep.

[230] My friend and I were ecstatic and jumping and dancing as the spotlight swept over our craft.

[231] We knew a police boat would soon be on its way to tow us to shore.

[232] We were wrong.

[233] A while later, we saw a very small light floating toward us, and a man in a small fishing boat pulled up to our vessel and informed us that the police boat that they had sent out began to sink and had to turn back.

[234] So he answered the search and rescue call to retrieve us from the middle of the lake.

[235] We got back to shore sometime between 11 and 12 that night and I never went on a boat with my dad again.

[236] Hell no. Thank you for narrating my commute, data entry, and my jogs as I cackle maniacally to myself since you two gals are hilarious.

[237] Stay sexy and, don't get on that boat.

[238] April, she, her.

[239] Thank you, April.

[240] Oh, my God.

[241] That is a true trash dad story.

[242] I feel like her dad had so much positive, like, he was just like nothing can go wrong.

[243] We finally have a boat.

[244] This is the greatest.

[245] Take the girls on an adventure.

[246] It's going to be great.

[247] We'll be so excited and satisfied by our adventure.

[248] We won't need food or clean water or SPF.

[249] We'll just go for it.

[250] Okay, my last one is called Not Fair, Little Kid Story.

[251] Hi, friends.

[252] After my parents' divorce in 1979, my mom changed her last name back to her maiden name, then went back to change the names of me and my siblings.

[253] I was the youngest of three, and I was probably two or three years old.

[254] We kids were restless waiting for our case to be called, and our mom finally gave us some change to go get some soda downstairs from the courtroom.

[255] Well, my big sister got to hit the call.

[256] button for the elevator and my big brother got to hit the floor number button and i didn't get to hit any buttons so what button is most accessible to the shortest person in the elevator i know karen you're raising your hand fire alarm that's right the big red emergency button the building was evacuated first responders showed up and checked the building and after about an hour we all got to go back inside.

[257] My siblings ratted me out.

[258] A fucking like two or three year old, they ratted out.

[259] Of course they did.

[260] Well, they just wanted to make sure that the mom knew it wasn't them.

[261] Exactly.

[262] And I got a stern talking to from a fireman about how serious it is to hit that button.

[263] And then it says in parentheses, my mom did not get a stern talking to about letting little kids wander halls of a courthouse.

[264] That's right.

[265] Good point.

[266] And then we all went back into the courtroom where amazingly, our case was next on the docket.

[267] Stay sexy and respect the big red button, Maggie, she, her.

[268] I mean, that's a great way to learn about the big red button.

[269] Boop.

[270] Like, I see her watching them go, boop, boop.

[271] And she's like, well, boom.

[272] You don't get one.

[273] And you can absolutely hear the one sibling presses a button, the other sibling.

[274] And then it's like, when do I get a prince of button?

[275] It's like, shut up, baby.

[276] Stop whining.

[277] Your whole fucking life as the youngest.

[278] This email, this email is truly divine.

[279] Oh my God.

[280] This subject line is, I was a jury duty tramp.

[281] And it just gets right into it.

[282] So the first time I had jury duty many, many years ago, I was not selected.

[283] But when they were choosing the alternates, they asked us each, if we knew any reason that would disqualify us.

[284] Dang, I was nervous.

[285] When it was my turn to stand up an answer, I had to say yes and that it was personal.

[286] Well, that wasn't good enough.

[287] I had to go up to the bench along with both attorneys and state my reason.

[288] Well, I was very quote unquote popular back then, and I had had, quote, unquote, relations with two of the members that had already been seated on the jury.

[289] Holy shit.

[290] I hope it's a small town or something.

[291] The two lawyers could barely contain their laughter and the judge's mouth dropped open and she said, said, wow, Mr. dot, dot, dot, thank you for your candor.

[292] You may go back to your seat.

[293] Minutes later, I was dismissed.

[294] I don't think I told anyone what happened at the time, but now I tell it whatever anyone mentions jury duty as I am proud of my slutty past and would do it all again.

[295] Hell yes.

[296] I've since served on a couple juries, and while the days are long and a lot of time boring, I've enjoyed the process, and it's nice to do my part.

[297] Affectionately yours.

[298] Jake.

[299] I love you, Jake.

[300] I love you so much, Jake.

[301] All around.

[302] High five.

[303] It is so fucking funny to decide you're disqualified because you slept with two people.

[304] Do you think the two people knew each other or like both knew or didn't?

[305] They probably didn't know.

[306] Or he was maybe thinking like that eventually they'd have to go into that jury room and all have a big conversation.

[307] Right.

[308] Either way, I think he played it absolutely perfectly.

[309] I'm sorry what if it didn't disqualify you though I'm actually a little surprised but that makes sense I mean it would make sense if it was a smaller town or city or whatever where it's like oh let's not get into this business right right let's just dismiss they'd be like sit your ass down Jake well thank you for sending in your hometowns or just listening to them and please send your hometown if you feel like it to my favorite murder at gmail whatever it may be yes we're so grateful to be able to share these personal stories that you share them with us and that we get to share them with all of our other murdering no friends.

[310] Stay sexy.

[311] And don't get murdered.

[312] Goodbye.

[313] Goodbye.

[314] Elvis, do you want a cookie?

[315] This has been an exactly right production.

[316] Our senior producer is Alejandra Keck.

[317] Our editor is Aristotle Acevedo.

[318] This episode was mixed by Leanna Squalachie.

[319] Email your hometowns to My Favorite Murder at gmail .com.

[320] And follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at My Favorite Murder and on Twitter at My Fave Murder.

[321] Goodbye.

[322] Follow My Favorite Murder on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you like to listen so you don't miss an episode.

[323] If you like what you hear, rate and review the show.

[324] Visit exactly right store .com to purchase my favorite murder merch.