Fred Armisen

[0] Welcome, welcome, welcome to armchair expert.

[1] I'm Dax Randall Shepard.

[2] I'm joined by Monica Lily Padman.

[3] Hello.

[4] Heller.

[5] We have an old friend on today.

[6] Shocking, it's taken this long for Fred to come by.

[7] Oh my gosh.

[8] It's almost an insult.

[9] It's shameful, actually.

[10] I'd say it's shameful.

[11] Fred Armisen is a comedian, an actor, and a musician.

[12] I mean, fuck has this guy been funny for years and years and years.

[13] He's so funny.

[14] He's so original and bizarre and beautiful.

[15] wonderful.

[16] Of course, Saturday Night Live, Portlandia, so many great things.

[17] That documentary Now series is so fantastic.

[18] He is on tour, comedy for musicians, but everyone is welcome.

[19] As the name of his tour, comedy for musicians, but everyone is welcome.

[20] Please go online and get tickets and go support Fred.

[21] He's outrageously talented and every way a person can be talented.

[22] Women kissed.

[23] I can't say every way, but I bet he's a really good kiss.

[24] I bet he is.

[25] Yeah, tender.

[26] Please enjoy Fred Armisen.

[27] I was just talking about you.

[28] Behind your back.

[29] As if that's a coincidence.

[30] I can't stay.

[31] You can't stay.

[32] That's fair.

[33] That's fair.

[34] So lame.

[35] But I'll do a couple of station IDs or whatever, and then we can like...

[36] Yeah, we just have a couple transition bits.

[37] I think you'd be great.

[38] I got a list of the characters I want you to do.

[39] You don't need any run -up time, do you?

[40] You can just kind of drop into them as I list them.

[41] No, I do need a lot of run -up time, actually, for that.

[42] Yeah, it's the worst part of it.

[43] We're not a bit of an impasse because you have limited time and we've got 20 -trans.

[44] And I've got, I need to.

[45] How are you doing?

[46] Good to see you.

[47] It's so good to see you.

[48] It's really fun to have you here.

[49] It's shocking that it took this time.

[50] I know.

[51] I know.

[52] I think we talked about it years ago.

[53] Yeah, I think the very first time we were doing a live show in Brooklyn, and I assumed you were in New York.

[54] I bet a lot of people do that.

[55] Yeah, yeah.

[56] Everyone assumes you're in New York, but I'm like right nearby.

[57] Yeah, you're a foot away.

[58] And I wonder if the last time I saw you was.

[59] It wasn't the Halloween ride, was it?

[60] You know, I imagine we've bumped into each other.

[61] But certainly the time we hung out last was Halloween.

[62] Yeah.

[63] That came up on Natasha's episode.

[64] Yeah, exactly.

[65] When Natasha was here, she said, when I backed out of the driveway, that did something to her.

[66] She thought it was hot because it was like a dad is here to take care of us.

[67] That's what it was.

[68] She thought, oh, this guy's a dad.

[69] He, like, backs into traffic in the station wagon with that's when you pulled out.

[70] You do remember this?

[71] Because I wouldn't have remembered it.

[72] But you also thought it was funny.

[73] You're like, I can actually make this work because there are a lot of cars in the driveway.

[74] And I was like, there's no room.

[75] And then you're like, as a challenge, I'm going to do it.

[76] And you did it.

[77] Boy, how embarrassing for me if I hadn't done it.

[78] Because there's nothing more embarrassing than a car accident.

[79] Like the risk is so high for what?

[80] So you'll think I'm what, of expert?

[81] I know.

[82] There's no reward and there's a huge risk.

[83] Car accidents are embarrassing because they're so big.

[84] Yeah.

[85] It's like you're really stopped.

[86] And everyone sees.

[87] It's not like you fell down and you can convince yourself no one saw.

[88] It's like, everyone hears screeching.

[89] They hear the impact.

[90] You have to get out.

[91] It's all like, yes, a few fall where you can, like, jump up and then just walk fast away.

[92] And even if it's not your fault, it's actually embarrassing that your car's all dented up.

[93] Yes.

[94] So someone else did it.

[95] You're still like, it was my fault, but you still got this, like, massive dent.

[96] And you still are responsible to get it somewhere to get it fixed, too.

[97] So it's like you immediately get a ton of homework.

[98] You're publicly embarrassed.

[99] there's so much to lose.

[100] Your whole day is done, but the other problem is you talk about it, you repeat the same story over and over, you probably don't even realize you're doing it.

[101] Like, oh, I had a fender better today.

[102] I had a fender better today.

[103] This guy comes out of the gun, the guy comes out of the gun, the guy, the next person you see.

[104] I had a fender better than I didn't see him.

[105] But think how embarrassing my version would be like, I got a fender better.

[106] Oh my God, what happened?

[107] It was impossible to get through this group of cars in the driveway, but I really wanted Fred to think I was like, Burt Reynolds from smoking the band.

[108] I don't know why.

[109] And then I just plowed in, and pinballed between three of them.

[110] Now I got to, oh, I got to fix three cars.

[111] Two of them are mine.

[112] I wouldn't have minded that story.

[113] Yeah.

[114] Like if I was visiting you in the hospital.

[115] Yeah.

[116] And you were in there with something terminal.

[117] Yeah.

[118] And I showed up and I'm so sorry.

[119] I'm late.

[120] Which I should talk about.

[121] Yeah.

[122] I was going to wait to the end to announce that.

[123] But I think that was a better time.

[124] So people can't enjoy any of the rest of the interview because they're saying, no, this thing's coming up.

[125] And then maybe even get preoccupied.

[126] Like, I hope he makes it through the whole interview.

[127] I don't think I've ever heard anyone die in public.

[128] I'm saying that I might not make it all the way, too.

[129] God, I hope I'm not making fun of anyone who has done that on here.

[130] The dyed on here?

[131] We did have someone on who was not in the best condition, but was fine.

[132] But he took breaks.

[133] I love that one, though.

[134] You heard that.

[135] Oh, yeah.

[136] Phil Stutz.

[137] That for me, I mean, I don't know what it's like for him to be in public.

[138] Well, I know, because he kind of confronts it in the dock.

[139] Yeah, and he's kind of different.

[140] He gets a pass of all that stuff anyway because it just works for him.

[141] But I got to say, I think if I had forecast what that experience would be like, I might think, oh, it's going to be really hard to keep him on track and will people listen or will they like it.

[142] And I want to represent him really well because I admire him.

[143] But in the moment, it was just this beautiful opportunity to care for somebody that I liked.

[144] Yeah.

[145] You love people in public.

[146] You don't ever get a chance to like kind of nurture them.

[147] And there were these moments where it's like, yeah, let's take a break.

[148] Do you want some peanuts?

[149] Yeah.

[150] I like that you kept that in.

[151] You kept the ones saying, like, do you want to take a break?

[152] Do you want some M &Ms?

[153] And then I was very open about the fact that the highlight for me was like holding his hand leaving here.

[154] Oh, that part I didn't know that.

[155] He also wiped his butt.

[156] I cleaned his, I cleaned his penis.

[157] He had a little bit of the brisk in his foreskin.

[158] But I got that out.

[159] But you really did help him to the bathroom.

[160] I did help him to the bathroom.

[161] But I also did hold his hand for quite a while while we walked around the property and took pictures and then went out to his car.

[162] How old is he?

[163] Maybe not even 70.

[164] No, he's like in his 70s, I think.

[165] Some disagreement between those.

[166] But yes, let's just say we've had a lot of guests are much older than him.

[167] But it's definitely the Parkinson's of it all.

[168] But anyways, all those fears I had or things I would have thought would have not been good about that turned out to be like in this last five and a half years, top three experiences was like caring for Phil Stutz.

[169] And also that he was so vulnerable enough to say like, hey, I need to take a break.

[170] Once you've done that, it's almost like saying I have to go pee, then, okay, now we're just normal people again.

[171] Yeah, that's really hard for me to do.

[172] Is it hard for you to do?

[173] Oh, yeah.

[174] I'll suffer through anything.

[175] Oh, my God.

[176] I'm so envious of people who do it so well.

[177] How do they do it?

[178] Listen, we had a moment in here.

[179] I don't want to presume you've listened to a bunch of them.

[180] I'm so flattered you listen to this.

[181] Oh, come on.

[182] Yeah, guys.

[183] Really blown away.

[184] No, no, that was fantastic.

[185] But when we had Rick Rubin, so there's a moment in there that I think would blow your mind equally as well as mine.

[186] So we're about 12 minutes in.

[187] And he just goes, we turn the air conditioner down.

[188] It's too cold in here.

[189] And I said, I'm blown away with that.

[190] I would never do that.

[191] And I had.

[192] admire it.

[193] Like, why wouldn't you ask?

[194] And he just said, well, look, if you had told me you keep it very cold, I would have dressed appropriately and brought some clothes, but I didn't and you didn't tell me that.

[195] So I just, yeah, it's uncomfortable for me. And I was like, I could never, I could be visibly on fire.

[196] Same.

[197] I was once on set with someone who was just eating in front of everybody on the set and talking to people.

[198] I was like, I wish I could do that.

[199] I'm always like, I don't eat.

[200] I don't, you know, I'm not going to inconvenience you ever.

[201] That's just not a problem.

[202] that the basis of that is the foundation.

[203] There's something that seems very obvious about this.

[204] Yeah.

[205] It's so much of a go -to to use the expression, people -pleasing.

[206] Yeah.

[207] But it's in there for sure.

[208] And no matter how much I try to fight it and get better at it, still, it's moments like saying, can you turn the air conditioner down that I can't, or I got to go pee?

[209] I'm so uncomfortable right now.

[210] Could I please stop all this to go pee?

[211] And I just live with it.

[212] I don't know what it's from.

[213] I try to get better at it or sometimes pretend to kind of be a little looser about it.

[214] But at my core, I just want to get through the moment, not make any waves.

[215] Here's another one.

[216] What happens if you order something and it's not what you hoped?

[217] This I'm going to back myself up on.

[218] Okay.

[219] Because this I don't see as a flaw.

[220] If they bring me something that I didn't order, I'll just eat it.

[221] But not like, oh.

[222] Oh, God.

[223] But not out of, oh, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

[224] It's a, when I'm hungry, I don't want to play this game.

[225] I see.

[226] No, this is what I wanted.

[227] I'm like, is this food?

[228] Most likely it's going to be something in the realm.

[229] If I'm at that restaurant, they're not going to bring you kimchi at the taco stand.

[230] Exactly.

[231] That's the exact example I was going to use.

[232] How funny.

[233] But we think alike.

[234] We always have.

[235] That's our whole thing.

[236] Our only thing is how alike we are.

[237] I know.

[238] It's weird because the only thing we have in common is that we have everything in common.

[239] Yeah.

[240] And then we don't learn anything.

[241] It's boring.

[242] It's like a twin.

[243] It's so boring.

[244] And we just look at each other and go, that's what I wanted.

[245] The few times we've hung out, every sentence that started is mutually started at the same time.

[246] It's the same.

[247] That's the problem.

[248] It's like we don't finish each other sentences.

[249] We begin the same sentence.

[250] And then we both give up because we realize, oh, well, if he was going to say it and I'm saying, it must be pedestrian.

[251] What am I doing here?

[252] Wait, I have a question.

[253] I'm bringing us out of this bit.

[254] Okay.

[255] You're going to probably have to do it a bunch of times.

[256] If the food comes and it's cooked improperly, so you can't eat it.

[257] I mean, you could, but you'd probably be sick.

[258] Oh, if there's a problem with it.

[259] Yeah, would you say?

[260] That's different because that's health -related.

[261] Right.

[262] So I just don't want to get sick.

[263] What if it's overcooked?

[264] I think that's the more pertinent.

[265] Okay, if it's overcooked, so you really, it's going to like taste gross, but you could eat it?

[266] They blasted it.

[267] Now it seems like I'm going to be saying this for the case of argument.

[268] I like things a little burnt.

[269] Oh, okay, a little tasteless.

[270] I like things cooked thoroughly.

[271] I like a little crisp.

[272] Well done.

[273] Well done.

[274] Cajun.

[275] Cajun.

[276] I like a little.

[277] So that wouldn't be a problem with me. Cajun.

[278] Well, they do a lot of burn.

[279] Yeah, sure.

[280] Cajun style.

[281] That's the French word.

[282] Cajon is burnt.

[283] To have been burnt.

[284] It's the past tense.

[285] Okay.

[286] So you're going to eat it.

[287] Yeah.

[288] And then the whole thing about something being wrong, I'm like, we're good.

[289] Okay.

[290] My thing is if I order something, I notice this is my best friend, Aaron, too.

[291] If we make a decision and it didn't turn out, well, you just got to live with it.

[292] It would be too embarrassing to acknowledge that you maybe shouldn't have made the decision to begin with or something.

[293] Yes.

[294] It wastes more time.

[295] Yes.

[296] Like, Kristen returns items, and I'm so impressed.

[297] But I'm like, I'll just wear the thing I don't like because I ordered it.

[298] Yeah, and then we're done.

[299] Then we get to go home.

[300] Yeah, yeah.

[301] I don't want the night to turn into like, then there was this and no disrespect to Kristen.

[302] I'm more talking for her about like the internet.

[303] Yeah.

[304] But even the internet, if I order something from the internet and it's not what it look like, I just go, that's on me. I shouldn't have been so optimistic about this product.

[305] And for the convenience of it, of course, there's going to be like, oh, this is so not what I pictured.

[306] I wonder if there is a new phase of garbage that people are like, this is not what I wanted.

[307] It's too much to return it.

[308] And they just throw it away.

[309] I think there must be more, yeah.

[310] Or what's happening here?

[311] And first I'm embarrassed to admit this.

[312] Clearly I'm wasting a lot of money.

[313] That's obvious in this statement.

[314] But I think it's you're lucky if you're goodwill and you live within a couple miles of my house because they're getting so much stuff.

[315] I don't throw it away, but it goes in the goodwill pile.

[316] And there's just like brand new stuff going there all the time.

[317] I can't believe I said, dude.

[318] But there's one on San Fernando that I go to because they have a really good drop off.

[319] Uh -huh.

[320] And some of these suit jackets, I'm like, that's a real suit jacket.

[321] This is fancy.

[322] Shoes, all kinds of stuff.

[323] Also, sometimes there'll be like some weird gift, and I don't mean by someone you know, but some company will be like, here's the new Star Wars fashion book or something.

[324] But do you not have this fear?

[325] So that happens to me as well.

[326] People send me nice stuff, but I just don't want it.

[327] And then I send it to Goodwill.

[328] It's better than throwing away.

[329] And then I have this insane fear.

[330] How could this happen?

[331] I think they're going to find out I gave it to Goodwill.

[332] I've read about this because I've had the same conundrum.

[333] And I've read that it's actually okay.

[334] It is.

[335] That you did your job.

[336] Like they did their job by giving you a gift.

[337] So they're done.

[338] Yeah, they're clean.

[339] And then you accepted it.

[340] And what happens from there is okay with the universe.

[341] That helps.

[342] But I get so scared they're going to see the item at the Goodwill store.

[343] That is not going to happen.

[344] It's not going to happen.

[345] It's so not going to happen.

[346] And if, by the way, let's say I gave you something.

[347] You know, I found something in some other country and I gave it to you.

[348] And then somewhere I find out that you got rid of it, I would never be hurt.

[349] I'd be like, oh, I don't know.

[350] What did I get you again?

[351] That's a thing from Sweden.

[352] Oh, yeah, that's fine.

[353] What if you had found it?

[354] And you're like, this is going to change his life.

[355] What if you had really high expectations?

[356] I wouldn't have that expectation.

[357] You want it.

[358] What about from a romantic partner?

[359] Because that's higher stakes.

[360] That's different.

[361] And that you just keep.

[362] Right.

[363] You just have to.

[364] Yeah.

[365] And that's okay.

[366] I think there's space for that.

[367] And also close friends, they're just meaningful things.

[368] I'll find something from Mick Jagger.

[369] Have you thrown anything away from Mick Jagger?

[370] Nope.

[371] A lot of the stuff he's given me is not tangible anyway.

[372] It's been like trips mostly.

[373] Oh, you can't throw them away.

[374] Yeah, so there's no way I could throw that away.

[375] Yeah.

[376] That's what I say.

[377] Memories are more valuable.

[378] I don't know why I threw that name out.

[379] What's interesting about talking either, though, is it's tricky because because you were on on Sarant Life for 11 years or whatever was, you probably have met Mick Jagger.

[380] Oh, yeah, no. He hosted once and he's been at a bunch of events.

[381] Yeah.

[382] But the jump to like he gave me gifts is like little.

[383] But that said, all of those experiences, I'm still blown away.

[384] That's an exaggerated lifestyle to have met all those people.

[385] Yeah, I don't even know what to compare it to.

[386] Like maybe being the editor of Vanity Fair.

[387] Like, what other occupation would you have where people just come this job?

[388] This job is one.

[389] This is the same type of thing.

[390] I can't think of one, but we have one.

[391] Yeah, where people sit here and I'm like, Gwyneth Paltrow's here.

[392] Yeah.

[393] Well, and Prince Harry.

[394] And you.

[395] Well, I get that a lot about me. Yeah.

[396] I'm sure.

[397] I've gone on some podcast and they just stop.

[398] They're like, we can't.

[399] We're not going to talk.

[400] We're not ready.

[401] We're not there yet.

[402] I didn't mean to call this a podcast.

[403] Thank you.

[404] Thank you.

[405] Because we don't refer to it.

[406] I wore a shirt just for you and then it's become too hot.

[407] So now I'm going to take it off and you didn't really notice.

[408] So I'm now moving on.

[409] Shelter.

[410] Oh, that's beautiful.

[411] Does that ring a bell?

[412] That's a club, right?

[413] Well, there is shelter in Detroit at St. Andrews.

[414] But Shelter was a Hari -Krishna punk band that I thought for sure you would have been hip to.

[415] It's too hot for a long sleep shirt.

[416] This was just for your benefit, but it didn't happen.

[417] Now I'm going to take it off.

[418] It looks great.

[419] Oh, for those of you not watching.

[420] Because there's no video.

[421] There'll be some photos.

[422] They'll know.

[423] But you know what happened as I was reading about you today.

[424] And you gave me this crazy gift today, which is it wasn't even about your band.

[425] You were talking about your band.

[426] And at the same time, there was another band, Tortus, who had no lyrics and the 20 -minute songs and that they had just blown by Trenchmouth.

[427] And I went, oh, my God, tortoise.

[428] I fucking loved Tortus.

[429] And I went back and the whole time I was researching you, I was re -listening to millions now alive.

[430] Yeah, yeah, and now die.

[431] How did I forget for the last 15 years that I loved T tortoise?

[432] Yeah.

[433] Isn't that nice when that happens when there's music, they're like, this was a big part of my life.

[434] Enormous.

[435] Like to the point where I'm.

[436] I was like, is there something wrong with my memory that I've spent hours and hours and hours with that.

[437] They still tour.

[438] Oh, wow.

[439] They still put out records and they're friends of mine since that time.

[440] And I like that we're all getting older.

[441] I can sit with them and that isn't a thing anymore.

[442] It's not hovering above me. Like, you guys got to tour Europe.

[443] Like, everyone turned out to be safe.

[444] It all worked out.

[445] So I like that feeling.

[446] There's degrees of it.

[447] It's not like you have to actively dislike them or be jealous of them.

[448] But just they are a reminder of where you'd like to be and you're not.

[449] Just that simple reality compounds things a little bit.

[450] The way it stays alive is now, I think, past tense.

[451] And I thought, oh, it would have been nice to have been in Tortoise.

[452] Although I loved my experience with my band and they're still my friends.

[453] I wish there was a way I could have been in both.

[454] That would have changed everything, obviously.

[455] Well, that's what's also fun about getting older is you look back and you go like, well, if I had gotten what I wanted.

[456] Oh, please.

[457] Likely, I would have not pursued comedy or acting.

[458] That's exactly right.

[459] Right?

[460] If you're on tour with Tortoise in Europe, that's a damn.

[461] good life.

[462] You're not really longing for a whole bunch at that point.

[463] No, and I would keep taking the next gig, whatever it was, and like, hey, I'm one of the drummers for Tortus.

[464] Yeah, it's one of the six drummers for Torters.

[465] Yeah, so I'm going to go do this thing in Italy, and I'll just continue on.

[466] Which again, is a great life for everyone in Tortoise, but you've now met.

[467] McJagger and Tom McCartney and House people.

[468] Presidents and shit.

[469] Presidents come to S &L.

[470] Obama must have come.

[471] Right before he was elected on Halloween.

[472] Have you met president?

[473] Have you We interviewed Obama and we interviewed Hillary.

[474] She wasn't a president, but she should have been.

[475] She should have been.

[476] That's it.

[477] That's as far as we go.

[478] How does this all work?

[479] And this is kind of a people pleasing thing.

[480] We're like, today you had to sit here with me in a good way.

[481] Like this is part of your day.

[482] We get to.

[483] You get to.

[484] But the fact that you had to go through hearing me talk about torts and stuff, is that a laborious part of your day?

[485] We're like, who's this guy?

[486] Not at all.

[487] Sincerely.

[488] And not even after we're like five and a half years into it, maybe 700, 800, 800.

[489] interviews.

[490] And actually, when I sit down today, I'm like, oh, this is so fun.

[491] Here's a person I've known now.

[492] I think I met you.

[493] You wouldn't remember, but in 2005, I did a movie with Will Arnett.

[494] Will Arnett took me to S &L.

[495] That was mind -blowing.

[496] I mean, I had singularly had dreamt of being an S &L cast member.

[497] That's why I went to the ground lane.

[498] So to be there, and then I met you, and you were very, very nice, completely unforgettable, how kind you were and inclusive.

[499] Because I'm also there thinking, like, well, I didn't make it.

[500] here.

[501] Everyone else did.

[502] But now I'm here.

[503] And so anyways, I kind of love it when a friend is on because I end up learning a bunch about a friend that I wouldn't have thought maybe otherwise to ask.

[504] This whole tortoise thing.

[505] Like we've hung up before.

[506] I had no idea.

[507] Yeah.

[508] How does it come up even?

[509] I forgot they were my favorite band up until three hours ago.

[510] God, they're so good.

[511] But we also don't have anyone on who we don't want to talk to because we decide.

[512] Occasionally we do, which is its own funny thing, because more often than not, the person I don't want to interview, I end up loving that interview the most.

[513] And that's why I compare this room to like, A .A. I never want to go to a meeting, but I've never driven home from a meeting and not been happy I went.

[514] There's some magic there.

[515] I can't articulate.

[516] That happened on, oh, I interrupted him.

[517] If you could separate the tracks.

[518] By the way, you think that's a joke.

[519] That is what we do.

[520] Who does the editing, by the way?

[521] We have a cleanup editor come in at first, and she does do a lot of that.

[522] and then I come in for content.

[523] Stellar job.

[524] Whoever does the clean up.

[525] It's specific.

[526] There's stuff, I mean, I could tell that someone is paying attention.

[527] Oh, it's tedious.

[528] It's good.

[529] It's so clean.

[530] I like it.

[531] I edit one of our other shows.

[532] And what I like is it's instantly gratifying.

[533] You take the sentence that took 31 seconds and you make it 24 seconds and all of a sudden it's perfect.

[534] Yeah.

[535] Do you edit?

[536] Do you ever fuck around pro tools with music or anything?

[537] With music a little bit, but never video.

[538] But I've been on some interviews and I'll clear my throat.

[539] And I'm like, they'll take that out.

[540] No, they don't take it.

[541] I'm like, come on.

[542] Like, do I have to say something before?

[543] But have you had your publicist turn in a list of edits after you left every place?

[544] I bet you there are people who, you and I obviously aren't equipped to do that, but I'm sure the people who do it.

[545] Yeah, we could shit our pants on this microphone and just be like, well, I deserve for them to leave that in.

[546] Leave it in.

[547] Anyway, that's really good to know.

[548] Oh, and I was going to say about having people on who it just happened to you.

[549] you had to book someone.

[550] I remember on S &L, we would have hosts or athletes.

[551] And I don't know anything about athletes.

[552] And they turned out to be the best.

[553] I loved them so much because they just weren't in my world.

[554] So it's the same kind of feeling.

[555] And then you leave like an enormous fan of them, right?

[556] Absolutely.

[557] Okay, now back to you.

[558] So the things I learned today about you that I find very interesting and I'm going to make you talk about publicly is, first of all, maybe the most exciting 23 and me result of anyone I've interviewed.

[559] Yeah.

[560] Right?

[561] It's very interesting, your parents.

[562] I did the show called Finding Your Roots.

[563] Oh, yeah.

[564] And they really do research.

[565] I asked them how they did it, and they looked through church records.

[566] Wow.

[567] And they really get into your family.

[568] My mom is Venezuelan.

[569] I'm first generation American.

[570] Can I ask really quickly, what age did she move?

[571] I think her first year in college.

[572] She moved from Venezuela to Mississippi.

[573] There was a program there for foreign students.

[574] And she was, like, attracted to the show business of America.

[575] My dad is German, but his mom is German.

[576] His dad was slash is Japanese.

[577] What I found out on this show is he's not Japanese.

[578] He's Korean.

[579] What?

[580] Can you believe this?

[581] Everyone thought Japanese the whole time.

[582] You had a Japanese grandfather.

[583] And I even walked around going like, I have to have some Japanese traits.

[584] My aesthetic.

[585] You sort of buy into it a little bit.

[586] You're very clean.

[587] Self -fulfilling prophecy.

[588] And then not the case.

[589] And the reason is back then, Koreans would send their kids to Japan to get educated.

[590] But there was so much racism against Koreans in Japan that he was like, changed his name and he was like, I'm Japanese.

[591] Wow.

[592] How about it?

[593] He was a dancer.

[594] He's a choreographer.

[595] He taught at Cal State Fullerton for, what, 15 years or something?

[596] I don't know how many years.

[597] He was teaching dance.

[598] Yeah.

[599] He's an avant -garde dancer.

[600] Wow.

[601] What an interesting person to have been born in Korea, educated in Japan, live in Germany, come to the States as a professional dancer, teach dance.

[602] Did you have a relationship with him?

[603] A little bit.

[604] He visited a couple times.

[605] He was very interesting, but he had kids all around the world.

[606] Oh, he did.

[607] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[608] So when he went to Europe.

[609] Oh, those dancers are so sexual.

[610] You know, for a while we would get male from different places.

[611] Hey, I'm your uncle or I'm your brother because of Kuni.

[612] Oh, my gosh.

[613] His name is Kuni.

[614] Asani Kuni.

[615] Very Japanese.

[616] Yes, that's the name he picked.

[617] Yeah.

[618] Family members all over the place.

[619] Wow.

[620] Have you met any of them?

[621] Yes.

[622] You have.

[623] A Danish Korean uncle visited recently.

[624] Really?

[625] Are you a little skeptical sometimes?

[626] Because now you're famous.

[627] And are you ever wondering, are people just reaching out because of that?

[628] It seemed instantly real.

[629] Wow.

[630] Just from, I would see a picture.

[631] And also, as we got talking, you know, you could just tell.

[632] You're like, oh, though, this is a real conversation.

[633] Right.

[634] It's not like this, where they're mining for your show business history.

[635] No, or like asking me about my work.

[636] Yeah, yeah.

[637] Especially in Denmark or wherever, they're at a distance from it.

[638] They're not impressed by S &M.

[639] Right.

[640] Nor should they be.

[641] No, they should.

[642] Dax.

[643] They're wrong.

[644] It started in 1975.

[645] It was one of the first live...

[646] Imagine I went through the longest running.

[647] Longest running.

[648] Oh, my God.

[649] Launched the careers of over 65 franchise comedians.

[650] Was he alive when you figured this out?

[651] Oh, no, no. He was pretty old, but he died somewhere in the 90s.

[652] He was very mysterious.

[653] He just wasn't around by grandmother.

[654] Gabriela, German woman, fascinating character.

[655] This is Nazi Germany.

[656] She hooked up with someone who was clearly not German.

[657] Yeah, not Aryan.

[658] And she dated a bunch of guys.

[659] At the time, oh, this is going to be too confusing.

[660] I'll do it, though.

[661] When she had my dad, she was actually dating someone else.

[662] She was dating a Persian gentleman.

[663] He named my dad.

[664] My dad's the name was Ferry Dunn.

[665] And he went by Fred as well.

[666] Yes, when I got the name, Ferry Dunn, we both changed it when we were here and we were like, let's keep it simple.

[667] But anyway, she's really interesting.

[668] She was a smoker.

[669] Oh, yeah.

[670] So that kind of, you know, German, you know, frau.

[671] We know that's a word we have.

[672] Vivalosta, Dainpuli.

[673] Oh, God.

[674] After the war, moves in Spain.

[675] She did.

[676] How did dad get to the States?

[677] Did your grandma move to the States?

[678] No. On his own, he went to the same college as my mom.

[679] In Mississippi.

[680] Yes.

[681] That's where they met.

[682] Okay.

[683] Now, this is interesting because his mother has this wonderful explorative appetite.

[684] Yes.

[685] And the dad is a professional dancer who's siring children all over the place.

[686] And he works at IBM.

[687] How about it?

[688] Wow.

[689] Doesn't that seem a little...

[690] I mean, I guess that's the kind of rebellion.

[691] Exactly.

[692] You go in the opposite direction of your parents.

[693] Yeah, I'm going to rebel and work at IBM.

[694] Forever.

[695] Classic business.

[696] Reeface, suit.

[697] Cup of coffee.

[698] Suburban complaining about the commute.

[699] As regular as you can imagine.

[700] I'm going to try to guess the car.

[701] Let me try to remember first.

[702] Oh, yeah.

[703] That won't help if I guess and you're not sure what it was.

[704] I'm remembering my little kid one and then...

[705] I'm thinking of two cars.

[706] Okay, it's going to be hard then, it sounds like.

[707] But I'm guessing in the late 70s.

[708] Late 70s, okay.

[709] Right?

[710] Or we're going to go early 70s?

[711] You want to go early 70s?

[712] I'm picturing something.

[713] Wow, early 70s.

[714] I'm going to go with a Pontiac Catalina.

[715] No, a Volkswagen Beetle.

[716] Wow.

[717] Whoa, I couldn't have been more off base.

[718] Wow, is that a nod to his mother's Germanness?

[719] It's not common for people to drive beetle bugs in the 70s.

[720] It feels like, let's keep it small.

[721] It's a simple design.

[722] It's pure.

[723] I got you.

[724] And then what did he switch to?

[725] What was the other car?

[726] A white Camaro.

[727] A wonderful.

[728] What a departure from the bug.

[729] Was it a midlife crisis?

[730] Was he having an affair?

[731] Maybe.

[732] Oh, well.

[733] He's still alive, so it's hard to talk about.

[734] But it's okay.

[735] Let's just say that my parents split up.

[736] Oh, okay.

[737] And then he got the Camaro.

[738] Camaro was before.

[739] A Harbinger.

[740] It didn't feel like that.

[741] It didn't feel like tough guy stuff.

[742] Okay.

[743] I will say it felt a little bit more like, this is what people buy.

[744] Yeah, if you wanted a two -door, that was a, the option.

[745] Yeah, it was a reasonable option.

[746] I want to get a picture of my grandfather.

[747] Yeah.

[748] Oh, I would love that.

[749] Because I do have some questions for you, like having a Venezuelan mother and a half Korean and half German father, when you were growing up, did you feel like you looked other?

[750] Yes, but the town I grew up in in Long Island was very Italian -American.

[751] Don't we think you could maybe pass for that?

[752] I do think so.

[753] People knew me enough that they knew that I wasn't Italian.

[754] Okay.

[755] And also, I didn't have that Long Island accent.

[756] Long Island had that thick.

[757] I'm Freddie Armisen.

[758] More than Brooklyn.

[759] Just to show you a picture.

[760] Oh my gosh.

[761] Of course.

[762] That's him, dancer.

[763] A lot of people.

[764] Yeah.

[765] A lot of pregnancy.

[766] And artsy in the 40s.

[767] Yeah, that is definitely artsy.

[768] Okay, so back to the ethnicity.

[769] Did you feel other?

[770] Because I have some kind of armchair overarching theory on what your brilliance as a comedian is I have a whole opinion about.

[771] I feel like some of it might start here.

[772] I felt other when I looked in the mirror.

[773] I see everyone else's family, and they don't look like me. Right, and they're having that big Sunday dinner.

[774] All food -based.

[775] I don't have that experience of, like, gather around the table.

[776] We eat for four and a half hours on Sunday.

[777] But when I started thinking about, was it difficult for me?

[778] I got to say, on Long Island, I experienced no racism.

[779] No one gave me a hard time.

[780] I had friends.

[781] They knew my parents.

[782] There was zero issue.

[783] So it was sort of in my own head, I felt other.

[784] But no one was like, that's weird.

[785] Or what's that language you're speaking?

[786] That is what's very curious about.

[787] humans is I'm often talking to somebody who is our minority, and I'll hear how much they're connecting with that otherness.

[788] And then it feels like maybe some kind of white privilege or denial that I'll try to mention that a lot of people feel other.

[789] Like, I think it's a human condition.

[790] It's obviously much more compounded when you are literally other.

[791] Does that sound weird?

[792] It doesn't sound weird.

[793] I think everyone feels insecure and maybe different from your friends because of this or that, but the sense of otherness because of something you have absolutely zero control over and never can.

[794] Right.

[795] And it's visual.

[796] It's visual.

[797] For sure.

[798] It's, it's stronger.

[799] But I do think it's human nature to go like, everyone's in on something I'm not.

[800] Yeah, for sure.

[801] Most of the time, even if you look like everybody else, there's like, yeah, but they're all having those big dinners.

[802] Yes.

[803] Right, right, right.

[804] On the Barbie movie when Margot Robbie is, have you seen it?

[805] I haven't seen it.

[806] It's great.

[807] I will.

[808] I will.

[809] It's the funniest movie I've seen it.

[810] decade.

[811] I can't, it's hard.

[812] You can't afford it.

[813] I'm trying to find, I'm trying to budget out.

[814] But she has this monologue and she's basically saying that.

[815] I don't feel pretty.

[816] And they had to build in a voiceover that comes in that says for the purposes.

[817] We recognize when making this point, Margot Robbie wasn't the best casting choice.

[818] It's clearly a fix too.

[819] They clearly tried to pull that off.

[820] And then they were watching it and going like, no one's going to ever look at her and feel any sympathy.

[821] It's not to say Margot Robbie herself, I'm sure, has had times in her life where she doesn't like the way she looks or doesn't like something.

[822] It's just like objectively there's a difference.

[823] The problem is, though, is like when you look at what the impact is, that's relevant.

[824] So I won't say his name, but there's an actor recently who is the prettiest man to ever live who has completely changed his face dramatically.

[825] And what I can tell from that is like, God, despite what we all think, he does not see it, which is crazy.

[826] It's amazing.

[827] So it's like if someone takes it.

[828] it that far.

[829] I'm inclined to believe them, but they really feel like an ugly dog.

[830] I'm agreeing with that.

[831] I think they do.

[832] It just feels different from the outside when there's someone else who's looking at her and like, oh no, you?

[833] Yeah, Gail who's like pulls her eye patch off to sea and then she falls out of her.

[834] Yeah.

[835] No offense people with eye patches.

[836] Yeah.

[837] We should make that clear.

[838] Eye patches are beautiful.

[839] We should have started with that.

[840] You and I both have had several eyepatch.

[841] Yeah.

[842] I had two at the same time for a while.

[843] for two different reasons.

[844] Two different but similar reasons.

[845] Those people who you think have that aesthetic, as you get to know them, you're like, oh, they absolutely are other.

[846] Their experience and how they got there.

[847] I will say, I now can look back and go like, what was I thinking?

[848] I'm the most prototypical, like I'm six, two, and white, blonde hair and blue eyes.

[849] Yet, if you look at all my actions, I did not feel invited to join the football team.

[850] And still, I would think that you were on the work, you know?

[851] Yes, I think.

[852] A lot of people think that about me. Yes.

[853] Or even with your confidence.

[854] That is where it's like, I do have a huge luxury.

[855] Yes.

[856] And I admit it.

[857] Like when I go into a studio and say, I'd like to direct this movie, they think I can because I'm tall.

[858] It's true, them.

[859] It is.

[860] I know intellectually that's true, but it doesn't mean like emotionally I had felt that way growing up.

[861] And they would never admit it.

[862] They don't know.

[863] They don't know.

[864] They genuinely don't know it.

[865] Stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare.

[866] Okay, so the reason I wondered that is, if someone asked me, why do you think Fred is so brilliant?

[867] I know you hate hearing this stuff, but I'm just going to tell you, you're one of my all -time favorite comedians.

[868] You're just so authentically unique and wonderful.

[869] And I love your comedy, and I always have.

[870] If I had to explain what I thought was neat about it or specific about it, is that you have this incredible, uncanny eye to observe self -indulgence and then expose it.

[871] I think that's like a through line of all your characters from time.

[872] Tommy Pamisi, half Italian, half Jewish, 100 % neurotic, the indulgence of a one -man show and fucking acting like a child on stage and all the perverse bullshit us artists do.

[873] There's something that to me screams, I'm other and I can see what's happening.

[874] I think when you're inside and you feel very a part of, you kind of lose objectivity of what makes every one of these little niches so bizarre.

[875] Yeah, the only word I can think it was the desperation, the want to be.

[876] be part of something.

[877] So that when I think of people doing one -man shows, I'm thinking of a type.

[878] Not every person.

[879] Of course, there's a million great ones.

[880] A million great ones.

[881] Swimming to Cambodia, vagina monologues.

[882] And then there's a lot of folks Tommy Pomezi style.

[883] Yeah.

[884] Which is kind of sweet.

[885] It's endearing.

[886] It is endearing, but they're like, I'm in it too.

[887] I'm doing it.

[888] We've played that on the fact check before.

[889] We've played the whole sketch.

[890] I think several times we have.

[891] Yeah.

[892] I guess that's why I would say you're one of my favorite comedians is I think more of your bits are active in my life all the time.

[893] Another one is Chris and I regularly in bed tried to do the, I mean, that's the thing.

[894] Have you ever noticed?

[895] Here's the thing that I always say.

[896] Yeah, you never finish a sentence.

[897] You just keep shocking yourself with this new realization and pivoting and it's so fun to do.

[898] Oh, that's so nice.

[899] I don't hate hearing.

[900] I'm not like, no, please don't.

[901] It's hard to respond to though, isn't it?

[902] Well, just say thank you.

[903] But is that easy for you?

[904] Again, we're so identical.

[905] So identical.

[906] We're so identical.

[907] We're told you that we're like, I don't even know who's who at this point.

[908] I would actually say two alike.

[909] It's too much.

[910] It's too much alike.

[911] We only need one of these guys.

[912] Should we do a double -met commercial?

[913] Will you direct it?

[914] Oh my God.

[915] Look how could I know.

[916] How could I know?

[917] I'm so fucking tall.

[918] I'm so little.

[919] Stupid height.

[920] People who are like, I'm in it too.

[921] Seems like a good area.

[922] And it could even come from the fact that when I was a musician and I felt like I was struggling, I even had that element of like, I'm in a band.

[923] I'm in this.

[924] So I identify with, oh, give me a break.

[925] Yes.

[926] Another affinity I have for you is I had a good friend growing up, Brent Champanella.

[927] He happened to be the best musician we knew, but he also happened to be the funniest person we knew in our circle.

[928] And he could do tons of impersonations.

[929] And he was so artistic.

[930] He was a performer and he was kind and he was all these wonderful things.

[931] And what is on the surface very bizarre that you were a musician for so long.

[932] And then got into this in such a bizarre way, to me makes a lot of sense, because I do feel like all the dudes I hung out with in the punk rock scene, had a real affinity for comedy, and I don't know why.

[933] I know exactly what you mean, because a lot of my friends were that way.

[934] I believe it could have been any of us.

[935] Could have gotten on SNL.

[936] Definitely.

[937] Really, really funny people who also got me into comedy, who would show me videos, or bands that were sort of comedic.

[938] In their actual music.

[939] In their music.

[940] Butthole surfers.

[941] Yeah, definitely.

[942] I mean, it's in the fucking title of the band.

[943] Yeah.

[944] I don't know that everyone knows the whole story, though, so I'd love to hear it.

[945] So, yeah, let's talk about it.

[946] So you're first a musician.

[947] You get out of high school, you go to the School of Visual Arts in Manhattan.

[948] That's not for you.

[949] Not for me, but I went actually to find musicians.

[950] I was like, what do bands do?

[951] They meet each other in art school.

[952] And I did.

[953] I met Damon Locks, who became the singer of Transmouth.

[954] He had to move to Chicago for school.

[955] So I just went with him.

[956] Why do you have to go back to Chicago?

[957] Transferred schools.

[958] He got into the Art Institute.

[959] He's still my friend.

[960] And you followed him there.

[961] Yeah.

[962] To stay in the band.

[963] And so this was what age?

[964] Early 20s, maybe 21.

[965] But it was my third year in college.

[966] Is the math right on that?

[967] Yeah, that would be right.

[968] Okay.

[969] Okay.

[970] Assuming you graduated at 18.

[971] I graduated at 13.

[972] You were of underkin.

[973] Oh, yeah.

[974] Oh, my goodness.

[975] That explains a lot.

[976] Without testing.

[977] They just looked at me. They're like, dude, go to college.

[978] Get out of here.

[979] You're wasting your time.

[980] But anyway, so I went to Chicago was in a band.

[981] And even though I've talked about that it was hard and we didn't make it.

[982] You toured and stuff, right?

[983] Where would you play in Detroit?

[984] Would you play at St. Andrews or the grounds.

[985] We played at St. Andrews, and there was one other place.

[986] University of Detroit had shows, a place called The Grounds, 404 Willis.

[987] Wait, what was that one?

[988] 404 Willis.

[989] I think that one.

[990] This guy used to put on shows there that were all ages.

[991] And was it in the cask or like a shitty fucking burnt out part of Detroit?

[992] Something is telling me that it was more like rural.

[993] I just think I must have seen you, to be honest.

[994] There's no way.

[995] I just went to whatever show was playing every weekend.

[996] Well, at St. Andrews, it would have been Jawbox or it might have been brain and Drawbox.

[997] Saw both bands.

[998] Yeah.

[999] We played in Michigan all the time.

[1000] Even though we weren't as big as tortoise, I got to say we had really good times.

[1001] I drummed a lot.

[1002] From talking into microphones, I think I got something from it.

[1003] And I still love drumming.

[1004] And then my friendship with the band.

[1005] So then that band broke up.

[1006] And then I was kind of like, what am I going to do?

[1007] I went to South by Southwest.

[1008] And my wife at the time had a video camera.

[1009] And I was like, I'm going to do these interviews with bands as different characters.

[1010] at South by Southwest.

[1011] Yeah, this is 1998.

[1012] The reason I had the frustration is because at South by Southwest, there were all these talks about how to make it, how to get your band on the radio.

[1013] And I was so frustrated.

[1014] There's no science to it.

[1015] Yeah, yeah.

[1016] I was at a low point, so there's a little bit of like, yes.

[1017] I tried to keep it jovial.

[1018] I didn't make fun of anyone directly, but I just did interviews as different characters, interviewed bands and stuff.

[1019] You were doing a German.

[1020] Yeah, a German journalist, because they're very rude.

[1021] They think they're being honest But they say terrible things to you Like what was something This happened to me in my music days Where they would be like Oh your group is not so good You've played here And there's only a few people here But last week Fugazi played and it was sold out So I did a bunch of those And another friend of mine just sort of edited Together and then I had this tape And the fact that I made this tape Got in the local music paper Also, I'm going to add that culture, which part of what I like so much about is stuff just spread so fast.

[1022] Yes.

[1023] It's like there was a zine, and then everyone had the zine.

[1024] And then there was this funny video, and everyone had that.

[1025] Yes.

[1026] Pre -internet.

[1027] I'm not putting down the internet.

[1028] Oh, my God.

[1029] The internet's one of our sponsors.

[1030] Oh, yeah.

[1031] So, internet, I just want to say, thank you for all the weather stuff and, like, traffic on maps.

[1032] And just research, thank you so much.

[1033] 24 hours a day.

[1034] Let us not forget that.

[1035] Always on.

[1036] So it sort of started making the rounds, this tape, and I would make, copies of it.

[1037] I would just put a little label on it.

[1038] And then I started showing it at clubs in Chicago, New York, L .A. And all of a sudden, that's what I was doing.

[1039] I didn't have a band, but I was showing this video.

[1040] So it would be like a show, basically.

[1041] You'd come watch the thing as a show.

[1042] And I'd say a few things in the beginning.

[1043] And then I just started getting gigs off of it.

[1044] Do you remember what it felt like to receive attention for that versus music?

[1045] It was surprise in the speed.

[1046] If my band put out a record, the amount of campaigning, please write about the record.

[1047] This was just a tape that wasn't even out.

[1048] And the fact that the Chicago reader had this big article about this tape.

[1049] Oh, wow.

[1050] So it was the speed that I was like, oh, this is what it feels like to gently go at something.

[1051] Also, making people laugh.

[1052] I remember the first time it happening at the groundlings when I was start doing shows.

[1053] Yes.

[1054] And I just remember thinking, whoa, man, this is as good as a human can feel.

[1055] It is.

[1056] And also shocking in its way, Because you don't expect it.

[1057] Such a strange feeling.

[1058] These were just bits we did in the van.

[1059] Right.

[1060] So from there, I just kept getting gigs from it.

[1061] Like HBO wanted me to interview people on Reverb, some music show.

[1062] And it just kept going, kept going.

[1063] And then I started doing live stuff.

[1064] I moved to L .A. Started doing stuff at Largo.

[1065] And just along the way, it just kept growing and growing right up until S &L.

[1066] How did you get S &L?

[1067] From the outside, you're expecting everyone there has either been at Second City, ground lanes, UCB.

[1068] I had done a bunch of stand -up at Largo, and then Bob Odenkirk put me on his pilot, a show called Next.

[1069] From that pilot, it was me doing character, so I had a tape for my manager at the time to send to S &L.

[1070] Oh, wow.

[1071] And they watched it.

[1072] And then they brought you in.

[1073] Did you have the famous audition in front of Lauren?

[1074] I had audition at the UCB as a little club thing, and then went back and I did it at the studio.

[1075] Did you have any insecurities in your first few?

[1076] years there that all these people had come from this sketchwriting background.

[1077] No, that was okay.

[1078] Okay, good.

[1079] They made me feel welcome and I was already there.

[1080] So it didn't feel like, what are you doing here?

[1081] So that part wasn't so bad.

[1082] And do you think in some weird way that being in a band was great practice for being a cast member there?

[1083] I think like if you came in as a stand -up, that's a rough transition.

[1084] I almost want to tell them, look for people who have been in bands.

[1085] Because you've learned to share and support.

[1086] And especially if you're you're a drummer, you're sort of in the back, but you're playing along and you're making noise and stuff.

[1087] And there's something about it that makes so much sense as a band member, including the bad shows.

[1088] You have a show that no one shows up for, just like sketches that don't work.

[1089] Then you're on tour, and then the next one's great.

[1090] So it is really great training.

[1091] Yeah.

[1092] And you practice that shared failure, which is so fun.

[1093] The best.

[1094] I think people who have not performed a lot with.

[1095] would find it impossible to believe that there's probably more fun on the other side of a huge stinker than there is a huge success.

[1096] Only if you're with a company.

[1097] Yes, yes.

[1098] If you're a stand -up, it's just brutal.

[1099] No, no, yeah, that's true.

[1100] It's also a good talking point when you're reminiscing.

[1101] Yes.

[1102] So if I'm talking to Seth, the first thing you talk about is like, do you remember that sketch?

[1103] He describes it in such a funny way.

[1104] Seth will talk about how a sketch dies.

[1105] And you go, well, the audience, clearly they're not really here.

[1106] and then they laugh at something else.

[1107] You're like, oh, they're there.

[1108] They were watching.

[1109] Yeah.

[1110] That wasn't the problem.

[1111] That was not the problem.

[1112] It was not the night.

[1113] It was your sketch.

[1114] Did you have those experiences where you just had things that felt like a fucking grand slam?

[1115] And then you got on stage and you realize like, oh, not everyone here knows how unique and fun I am.

[1116] Maybe the biggest lesson.

[1117] It happened all the time.

[1118] That happened.

[1119] And there's times where you did something at dress rehearsal and then it air is when it dies.

[1120] But it balances.

[1121] out.

[1122] Then we had something.

[1123] Worked is a huge surprise that you had no idea.

[1124] Right.

[1125] So if you're barely confident about it.

[1126] But I love it.

[1127] I'm glad there's an ego check.

[1128] Because for a while, you do fall into, hey, I'm on SNL.

[1129] Yeah.

[1130] How could you not?

[1131] Yeah, exactly.

[1132] What are some other weird thoughts?

[1133] This is gold.

[1134] I'm like, I didn't even mean to.

[1135] I was a musician.

[1136] I just ended up here.

[1137] Even worse.

[1138] I guess my brain just works this way.

[1139] And then week after week, it was probably the healthiest thing.

[1140] Not every thought is brilliant.

[1141] Yeah, you're not blessed.

[1142] No. You could sit down for a minute.

[1143] Yeah, yeah.

[1144] That whole time, I love every second of it, every difficult part of it.

[1145] Was it hard to leave?

[1146] Because I would imagine just to your point of tortoise.

[1147] And then that is my disposition.

[1148] Like, if this is working, I'm happy to just...

[1149] Yeah.

[1150] Do this forever.

[1151] Forever.

[1152] I remember Amy Poehler telling me, you'll know when it's kind of time to wrap it up.

[1153] It's a feeling.

[1154] And it's not a bad feeling.

[1155] You do feel like, I think I said it.

[1156] I think I said what I wanted to say.

[1157] And there's nothing I'm going to add.

[1158] I'm just going to be repeating at best.

[1159] this thing I've already done.

[1160] And I might need to be in a different context to evolve.

[1161] Yeah.

[1162] It's definitely sad.

[1163] But then Amy also told me that Lauren will always be in my life.

[1164] And SNL will always be in my life.

[1165] I go back all the time.

[1166] You're like, and this sounds so ridiculous, but it's true.

[1167] You're like a Navy SEAL in that Navy SEAL.

[1168] But they'll die as a Navy SEAL.

[1169] Absolutely.

[1170] Right.

[1171] You are that forever.

[1172] It's so cool.

[1173] It is cool.

[1174] Just getting to see all those people.

[1175] And the military part of it is weird Because I used to not identify with the military at all I just didn't understand But now when I see old guys with medals on I understand like if I had an S &L medal For sure When I'm 80 and like I served in I was doing 2002 I only had Andy Samburg And it did the digital short Yeah That was one of the first digital shorts You know that name?

[1176] I get it Well and not to The little what service men and women do.

[1177] But the stakes are fucking high.

[1178] And that is actually bonding in a way that nothing else can bond you together.

[1179] Live TV.

[1180] Yeah.

[1181] Insane.

[1182] That's rare that people experience that kind of elevated stakes.

[1183] It's never lost on me. And I still watch it all the time.

[1184] I still get the feeling.

[1185] Even the nervousness.

[1186] When I see new cast members and they're finding their footing, oh, I love it.

[1187] The thing I would want most, because it is one of the sadnesses I have with so much gratitude about I've gotten to do what I've gotten to do.

[1188] It was the thing I was trying to do, and I never got to do it, S &L.

[1189] And I just think about to just show up to those reunions, like every 15 years, whatever, they'll have something right.

[1190] Yeah, yeah.

[1191] And everyone shows up to be able to do that.

[1192] I could almost cry thinking about what that would feel like.

[1193] Oh, man. For the 40th.

[1194] First of all, I know you know this.

[1195] You've done great.

[1196] I know that.

[1197] I know that.

[1198] You know that.

[1199] And also, for what it's worth, you're in the mix of whatever that is.

[1200] You also had it with the groundlings, just because it's not SNL on this level that is ubiquitous.

[1201] In your own microcosm, there are people who are like, I never had that or I wish I had that.

[1202] Oh, yeah, I feel that weird thing I was saying about a Navy SEAL.

[1203] It's like, yes, I will always go like, yeah, it was in the groundlings.

[1204] That to me feels great.

[1205] That's way up there.

[1206] But I wasn't.

[1207] I know, I know.

[1208] I know.

[1209] That's not what your point was.

[1210] I wasn't ever trying to be a movie star.

[1211] I wasn't trying to be an actor.

[1212] I was trying to get on certain life.

[1213] I mean, we could get you on.

[1214] I did have one nice moment.

[1215] I'll be self -indulgent for a moment.

[1216] Lauren produced baby mama.

[1217] And there was one moment, it wasn't during the principal photography, but we came back to do reshoots.

[1218] I'm hanging on set.

[1219] And Steve Martin's there.

[1220] So now he's there all day because, of course, they're friends.

[1221] And Lauren just looks at me one time.

[1222] He goes, I'm just shame.

[1223] You never had to serve your time on Saturday night life.

[1224] Hey.

[1225] And I was like, I'm going to take that.

[1226] That's about as good as it's going to get for me. And I really loved hearing that.

[1227] Oh, I love it.

[1228] You recorded it in your brain.

[1229] Oh, God.

[1230] Yeah.

[1231] I can see he was standing right in front of a ball pit inside of this kid's zone.

[1232] We were shooting in.

[1233] But I noticed you didn't say that you want to.

[1234] be on SNL?

[1235] I never wanted to be on SNO.

[1236] What's wrong with SNL?

[1237] What did you think you wanted to do at UCB?

[1238] I wanted to be on Friends.

[1239] That was my goal.

[1240] My goal was to be on an ensemble sitcom from day one.

[1241] And I knew that was going to be the route.

[1242] Because once I moved here, I guess I got to do improv to get any comedy job out here.

[1243] So that's why I did that.

[1244] And then that had its own life.

[1245] So you were aiming at a sitcom?

[1246] 100%.

[1247] Wow, isn't it funny?

[1248] You're aiming at what you're aiming at where you get?

[1249] But very specific.

[1250] An ensemble sitcom With, like, a lot of equality in it.

[1251] Everyone had their own thing going on.

[1252] I always wondered how people end up on something like that.

[1253] And now I'm seeing that there is a type of person who's like, that's what I'm going for.

[1254] I always thought of them as they were all comedians and somehow they got cast and it just happened.

[1255] Well, I think that's right.

[1256] We're all proof of this.

[1257] The thing you are aiming for, you don't normally get.

[1258] You get something completely different.

[1259] And it could be way better and it could be less.

[1260] Yeah, you're trying to be in tortoise and then you're on fucking sex.

[1261] there's no predicting it.

[1262] And you wanted to be on friends.

[1263] And then I got on here.

[1264] Yeah, now you're on here.

[1265] It's all wild.

[1266] Industry Secret.

[1267] They made so much money contractually.

[1268] Oh, wait.

[1269] How much do they make?

[1270] I was told up to a million dollars an episode.

[1271] No. I find that's got to be hyperbolo.

[1272] No, because they made an agreement as a cast.

[1273] Like, your ride here would have been two limos.

[1274] In a helicopter, perhaps.

[1275] From a helicopter, dropped from a helicopter into a limo.

[1276] I had no idea that made that kind of money.

[1277] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[1278] Because this is back in the days of networks.

[1279] Oh, my God.

[1280] Wait, I did hear this word, cinda, cindic, is there something about syndication?

[1281] I don't think that's how it's pronounced.

[1282] I was told it was syndication.

[1283] Rob might need to look it up.

[1284] Oh, we could edit that anyway.

[1285] But yeah, that's where all the money comes in.

[1286] Oh, wow.

[1287] Okay.

[1288] I was listening to the episode with the guy from Airbnb.

[1289] Yeah, Brian.

[1290] So he breaks it down in a way that my brain doesn't work that way, the way streaming works.

[1291] Yes, he did it perfectly.

[1292] I just don't have that vocabulary.

[1293] I can't reach for those words that quickly.

[1294] The technical stuff and the ability to really synthesize it into one uniform little.

[1295] It's impressive.

[1296] I think that's what most people took from that episode.

[1297] I heard so many people say he just nailed exactly what's going on with the industry in a way that no one in the industry is able to say.

[1298] No, but it's true.

[1299] Yeah.

[1300] I can solve it, though.

[1301] Oh, what would you do?

[1302] Love for you to solve it.

[1303] There's an addendum that I think can be removed.

[1304] On the 170th day of the strike, addendum 6 kicks in, which means we can remove addendum 5.

[1305] That's the main point that's been holding us.

[1306] That's the stumbling.

[1307] Why?

[1308] Because in 2009.

[1309] Before streamers.

[1310] And it's based on, this is what Apple TV was.

[1311] That's the problem.

[1312] It was on iTunes.

[1313] Oh, yeah.

[1314] Right before we knew.

[1315] The Trojan whores.

[1316] It was there.

[1317] Mm -hmm.

[1318] Do you like music?

[1319] 40th anniversary.

[1320] That, I had a lot of those warm feelings where people in the hallway, their voices was so familiar to me. Oh, yeah.

[1321] If I heard Dana Carvey or Mike Myers, Jane Curtin, it just filled my ears.

[1322] It's heartbreaking Phil Hartman couldn't have been there.

[1323] Wouldn't he be one of the guys you just love?

[1324] Never met him.

[1325] This is such a dumb thing to say, but I can't believe how gigantic that tragedy is.

[1326] I know.

[1327] Well, I think of like completely senseless and pointless.

[1328] Absolutely.

[1329] So bizarre.

[1330] Yeah, everything about it.

[1331] I think, too, when, like, tragedy befalls comedians, there's also some kind of disconnect where you're like, well, no. Wasn't he, like, giggling with his wife?

[1332] What do you mean?

[1333] That just can't happen to him.

[1334] Or he wasn't, like, a controversial comedian.

[1335] No, right.

[1336] He was on tour with the political thing.

[1337] And people got really, none of that.

[1338] A sketch comedy guy.

[1339] Mm -hmm.

[1340] One of the people that I think I most compare, again, this is all from the outside.

[1341] You could have a totally different experience.

[1342] but what I feel like I've observed, I would compare most to Martin Short for you.

[1343] Because Martin Short to me has always been an enigma, especially the era I grew up watching Saturday, he was the funniest.

[1344] And then he was in a lot of my comedies I loved in the 80s as a kid.

[1345] And then he just seemed to have this very loose relationship with show business.

[1346] And a comfortable looseness.

[1347] Totally.

[1348] I've gotten to, as I'm sure you have, be with him in real life.

[1349] Yeah.

[1350] And he is so content and even -tempered.

[1351] In harmony with everything and having fun.

[1352] He does it when he wants to, but then he doesn't care.

[1353] And then when he does events, he really works at it.

[1354] It's such a perfect balance of professionalism and looseness.

[1355] Did you ever watch I see TV?

[1356] Yeah.

[1357] So I remember when he was on that show, another one where I was like, who's that guy?

[1358] Yeah.

[1359] Because he also physically seems so different.

[1360] Oh, big time.

[1361] Genetically, what is that?

[1362] Yeah.

[1363] What is he?

[1364] Yeah.

[1365] Head to toe, funny.

[1366] Yes.

[1367] Funny, but also not goofy looking like, of course, it's going to be a comedian.

[1368] He somehow wasn't hamming it up, yet he was hamming it up.

[1369] It's almost like if there is a presidential prize or like a Nobel Prize or something that's like, hey, let's give it to that guy who really always makes everybody laugh.

[1370] By the way, the thing about hanging out with it in person, forget it.

[1371] To me, when I'm...

[1372] Maybe one of the funniest people I've ever met in the entire life.

[1373] I've been around a lot of very funny people, and I feel just fine in those situations.

[1374] Yes.

[1375] And when I've been talking to him, I thought, let's just leave the comedy to him right now.

[1376] Yes.

[1377] And it's not intimidating.

[1378] No, he's kind.

[1379] It's fun.

[1380] Oh, man, he is just the best.

[1381] He's almost like the Bob Dylan of comedy or something.

[1382] In the way that everyone now is still like Bob Dylan.

[1383] Bob Dylan comes up so much a conversation.

[1384] Yes, and he's made really no effort to perpetuate that.

[1385] No, he's not on TikTok trying to do something.

[1386] Sure enough, if he comes around on tour, it's a real event.

[1387] All the real people want to go see him.

[1388] Am I wrong about that when I look at you?

[1389] you because I...

[1390] Oh, it's very flattering.

[1391] When I knew that comedy was going to be where I was going, for me, it was more like Rick Moranis.

[1392] Uh -huh.

[1393] Where I was like, the person on that show who did all those characters, or even if I thought bigger, I would say like Mike Myers, like the way he was on SNL and he really committed to characters and lived in those characters, something in there.

[1394] And he spent a tremendous amount of time building them out when he would do a movie for it.

[1395] That's what I was going for.

[1396] I just have watched from the outside and I thought, It seems Fred's got a really healthy relationship with this whole thing, which is like you love to go play with people, and you obviously like to have your own life aside from that.

[1397] Yeah.

[1398] And you do seem to have this crazy balance.

[1399] Is it intentional?

[1400] I think it all does go back to when I was in a band where I'm like, I cannot believe I got this far.

[1401] And then whenever I have an experience, I feel like, I can't believe I'm here.

[1402] Because it looks like a cliche of the thing that I imagined.

[1403] So sometimes I'll think of when I was on S &L.

[1404] and I'd be in a sketch with Bill playing Liberace.

[1405] Uh -huh.

[1406] And he's Vincent Price.

[1407] I'm like, this is what S &L looks like.

[1408] Yeah.

[1409] You almost feel like you're out of body watching a sketch you saw when you were younger.

[1410] Yeah.

[1411] And then Paul McCartney or the white stripes come by.

[1412] And I'm like, wow, it's a hallway, like in the movies.

[1413] Yeah.

[1414] Even living in L .A. I'm not from here, but I'm like, whoa.

[1415] Oh, same.

[1416] L .A. Yes, yes, yes.

[1417] I have a car and driving down Sunset Boulevard.

[1418] Yes.

[1419] not looking for work.

[1420] It can be a caricature of itself.

[1421] Yeah.

[1422] And I like it.

[1423] I like that caricature.

[1424] Me too.

[1425] Even when they have a clapboard of action.

[1426] What?

[1427] There's actually a person who goes in action.

[1428] It's wild.

[1429] I wonder if part of it is I don't know that I'll ever believe it, which is like a fun zone to live in.

[1430] Yeah, I like that's more towards death when you can be like, did that really happen?

[1431] Right.

[1432] Likely not.

[1433] I think we'll both be shook and awake.

[1434] Yes.

[1435] And they'll go.

[1436] Grandpa, where were you?

[1437] I was a big star.

[1438] Flew first class.

[1439] They recognized me with my name.

[1440] Grandpa.

[1441] Okay, grandpa.

[1442] Take that metal off.

[1443] One last thing I wanted to ask you about is you've spent considerable time growing up in Long Island, living in Manhattan for obviously a long time, living in L .A., living in Portland.

[1444] Tell me how those cities are different.

[1445] And if you live there, do they not feel different?

[1446] because I got to say they feel so different to me. It's almost hard to imagine.

[1447] Let's see.

[1448] Portland is a big part of my life and that Carrie still is there, who I was on Portlandia with.

[1449] I still have a place there.

[1450] And she's your eternal soulmate, right?

[1451] There's no other way to think.

[1452] You said you have like the most intimacy possible in a relationship in no physical anything.

[1453] Yeah.

[1454] Has that been nerve -wrecking for you, though?

[1455] Just to admit my own shittiness, I've had a hard time loving someone and respecting them without this, like, well, then romance.

[1456] has to be next.

[1457] The problem is, where does that first move come in?

[1458] You know, like, I'm going to roll in to make out.

[1459] Year 9.

[1460] That's too vulnerable.

[1461] It makes sense, is what I'm saying.

[1462] It's a good enough exchange that this other thing that I have is fantastic.

[1463] It's so intimate that there's no stress.

[1464] Right.

[1465] But is it threatening for your romantic partners?

[1466] No, never.

[1467] No, it's never been an issue.

[1468] Oh, no. How about hers?

[1469] Same.

[1470] Same.

[1471] Oh, that's wonderful.

[1472] Yeah.

[1473] Where did you guys meet?

[1474] I knew her drummer, Sleader Kinney's drummer, in the 90s.

[1475] So we had a lot of mutual friends.

[1476] And then we met like 2003 or so in New York.

[1477] And she's you.

[1478] She's a musician who became a comedian.

[1479] My favorite band.

[1480] Oh, really?

[1481] Oh, Slater Kenny, without a doubt.

[1482] Really?

[1483] Favorite of all times?

[1484] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[1485] Wow.

[1486] And then you become comedic partners with her.

[1487] Again, that's not possible.

[1488] Grandpa, wake up.

[1489] Sam.

[1490] That's what I'm saying.

[1491] Exactly.

[1492] Right out of my record collection.

[1493] I became comedic partners of my favorite.

[1494] And then we were close as hell.

[1495] Gross as hell.

[1496] But anyway, so Portland.

[1497] Were you going there to go work with her?

[1498] Yeah.

[1499] We met and we knew we should do something together.

[1500] It's the weirdest thing.

[1501] Celestial.

[1502] Yeah.

[1503] It's lasted this long because we were like, whatever this is, let's do it.

[1504] Sure enough.

[1505] Totally worked.

[1506] Portlandia, right when I watched it, I was like, oh my God, it's that thing I love about Fred, which is this exposing the self -indulgence and self -importance and all these things, and it's just, it was so tasty.

[1507] Why does she have the same comedic point of view as you, or one at least that works so seamlessly?

[1508] I don't know about the why of it, but it's the same viewpoint that it's kind of not making fun of it.

[1509] It's that we are it a little bit as well.

[1510] Of course.

[1511] Well, it's like you probably catch yourself doing something.

[1512] You go, oh, my God, we got to write that.

[1513] That's mostly what it is.

[1514] So, you know, this is not a great example, because it's almost like cliche now, but if we were making fun of recycling, all the different bins, and then we did a sketch about it.

[1515] But in our houses, sure enough, there's, you know, all these different bins that we separate everything and trying to do the right thing.

[1516] And even when I buy things, it's always whatever looks at the most sort of homey.

[1517] Granola.

[1518] If I see, I'm a sucker.

[1519] Yeah, like if it's a paper bag and they wrote it with a Sharpie, you know, coffee.

[1520] It's that kind of thing.

[1521] We were aligned in that viewpoint.

[1522] And she's just so funny because she's not a comedian.

[1523] I mean, she is a comedian, but she wasn't in stand -up or any of that stuff.

[1524] Right.

[1525] And a weird way she could.

[1526] He wasn't tarnished by having pursued comedy, which is its own weird experience.

[1527] Yeah, and she's just great at it.

[1528] Anyway, so you're asking about Portland.

[1529] Los Angeles is like the ultimate thing on the hill.

[1530] I love the city so much.

[1531] Oh, my God, that's wonderful.

[1532] What do you love about it?

[1533] Just sort of dreaminess of it.

[1534] I like that when I'm driving around, there's so many young people.

[1535] They've all arrived.

[1536] They're all so excited to try this.

[1537] Yes.

[1538] I mean, some of them are completely depressed by it, of course.

[1539] But there is a palpable energy to be around people with hope and dreams.

[1540] I love it.

[1541] To make stuff.

[1542] Yes.

[1543] But the Starbucks here, I mean, they're so specific.

[1544] You can't get what you get at an L .A. Starbucks at any other Starbucks in the country because it is only people with their laptops working on scripts.

[1545] Completely.

[1546] It's visceral.

[1547] You feel it.

[1548] And you'll never be receiving a service from somebody.

[1549] who isn't also an actor.

[1550] Oh, all of the time.

[1551] 100%.

[1552] Yeah, your accountant here probably is in some kind of theater production.

[1553] It's so true on so many levels.

[1554] But the dreaminess, this is another thing that I don't want to give away where you are or anything like that, but like I drove in and there's Kristen in the distance by a pool.

[1555] And go ahead and say who she's talking to, too.

[1556] He might not have seen.

[1557] I didn't see.

[1558] She's with Darcy.

[1559] What a wonderful Hollywood thing.

[1560] It's like her ex co -stars over and they're shooting the shit.

[1561] Something about the distance, too.

[1562] Like, hi.

[1563] Did you ever see the player?

[1564] Yeah, like the player.

[1565] Yeah, yeah.

[1566] Right, we're in an Altman movie or something.

[1567] From here, I'll go home.

[1568] I'll drive down.

[1569] You'll look at the observatory to your left.

[1570] It's just dreaming.

[1571] And when it gets like kind of chilly at night, there's like palm trees.

[1572] You see the silhouette.

[1573] I should recommit to buying into it.

[1574] It ebbs and flows for me. Yeah.

[1575] For me, it's always if I connect to something old, like when I was at the farmer's market the other day, I was walking to my car and I saw the Hollywood sign, which I drive by all the, you know, obviously it's just like white noise at this point.

[1576] Yeah.

[1577] It was a specific way the car was parked.

[1578] I could remember when I first moved and my roommate and I were like hunting down the Hollywood sign.

[1579] We could not find it.

[1580] And it was like 30 minute walk of us trying to get a tiny glimpse of it.

[1581] And I was like, I live.

[1582] I can see the Hollywood sign.

[1583] Yeah.

[1584] It's like this bizarre full circle.

[1585] So you had that moment.

[1586] Yeah.

[1587] And it's beautiful.

[1588] But you have to like click in.

[1589] Yes.

[1590] It has to sort of come to you.

[1591] I remember my dad would take me here for a vacation because I wanted to go to Universal Studios or something.

[1592] You know, there's looking for a motel and stuff like that.

[1593] So that part of it, too, of like, hey, I actually, there's a place I can go to.

[1594] Yes.

[1595] I've only lived in Detroit in here.

[1596] The culture is so insanely different, despite it all being the same country.

[1597] And I will say the first four years, I couldn't stand it.

[1598] And then it infected me. And it wasn't until I would go home where I go, oh, I don't know if I love this part of home.

[1599] And slowly, I was like, oh, it happened.

[1600] Like, it got me. I'm totally an L .A. person now.

[1601] Yeah.

[1602] It's vastly different.

[1603] Something about the food and stuff, too.

[1604] You know, you're eating avocados and stuff all year round.

[1605] Tacos and stuff.

[1606] Michigan's pretty great, though.

[1607] And you don't need me to tell you this, but what is the deal with the music that comes out of Michigan?

[1608] It's asymmetrical for the population, the amount of great music that's come out of there.

[1609] I assume you're referring to Ted Nugent.

[1610] Only.

[1611] Okay, that's what I thought.

[1612] So, yes, impossible.

[1613] I don't want to make fun of it.

[1614] I feel bad.

[1615] No, I love Ted.

[1616] Strangle is one of my favorite songs of all time.

[1617] Also, he's a great guitar player and no shade to Ted Nugent.

[1618] easy joke to make, because obviously you're talking about Motown, Eminem, yeah, I am punk, yeah.

[1619] It's insane.

[1620] Like you pop and all those people?

[1621] What happened in Michigan?

[1622] It's almost like London or something, the amount of stuff that's come out of here.

[1623] Out of Michigan.

[1624] We're shooting in Michigan.

[1625] Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

[1626] Now, Portland to me is the one, so my mom lives in Oregon and has for 12 years, no 13 years.

[1627] And I go up there all the time.

[1628] and I still can't really lock into what it is.

[1629] I'm not sure.

[1630] Oh, wow.

[1631] What I used to say about it when my ex -girlfriend, Bree and I would drive up to Washington nonstop, we'd drive through there.

[1632] I was like, oh, I like this place.

[1633] It's liberal lumberjacks.

[1634] Like the men have beards, and they're driving trucks, and they might be into logging, and yet they're crazy progressive.

[1635] This is an interesting version of a male that we didn't have in Michigan.

[1636] So I kind of like dug that.

[1637] But then there's some of the other issues that got skewered in Portlandia, brilliantly that I'm like, I don't know if I could lock into that.

[1638] It's more of a physical thing.

[1639] You know, there's so much wood around, like there's a lot of trees and little hills.

[1640] It's kind of cloudy.

[1641] There's something kind of cozy about it that I really like.

[1642] Great place to drink a coffee.

[1643] And it's not like the center of the world for a while.

[1644] So if you go to Chicago, you feel like Chicago's like, hey, no, this is actually a major city.

[1645] There's a lot happening here.

[1646] Don't you know what's happening?

[1647] It's got like Little Brother envy of New York.

[1648] We have great theater.

[1649] You know that our theater.

[1650] People talk about Broadway all time.

[1651] Yeah, but this is actually where...

[1652] Isn't it funny when you roll into a city when you're shooting something?

[1653] Every city you go to, they love talking about how that is really the place.

[1654] Everything was shot there.

[1655] I mean, I understand pride, but any city you land in, you know, this is actually where...

[1656] This is where Wider Earth actually died.

[1657] Wasn't a Dutch city.

[1658] But that's okay.

[1659] I don't think they do it.

[1660] Sorry other cities, but they don't do that here because they don't have to.

[1661] They don't have to.

[1662] They're like, do we need to explain what we are?

[1663] Yeah, and same with New York.

[1664] Like, no one's trying to sell you on it because it is what it is.

[1665] Wouldn't it be funny?

[1666] That's a good character.

[1667] The New Yorker has to point out.

[1668] Mean streets.

[1669] I'm walking here.

[1670] Is it sound familiar?

[1671] I'm walking here.

[1672] New York.

[1673] Shot in New York.

[1674] Believe it or not.

[1675] Okay, maybe the last thing I want to ask you, because we're in that vein of kind of pinching yourself and watching yourself in situations from maybe above yourself.

[1676] I do like the idea if it's even true or if maybe it's apocryphal, but that really Devo for you was the first kind of click of like, oh, I think I want to be doing what they do.

[1677] Devo.

[1678] The band.

[1679] Absolutely.

[1680] A real moment of what can I do.

[1681] How can I be part of this?

[1682] What are they doing?

[1683] That was like a direct message.

[1684] Right.

[1685] Those moments are really salient.

[1686] Like I remember for me watching Raising Arizona and going, what is happening here?

[1687] Why is this so right for me?

[1688] And how are they making it that it feels so different?

[1689] First time I ever thought about cameras.

[1690] Why does this look so different when he shoots through the windshield, the pickup truck, and then runs through the house and the dog are chasing?

[1691] And like, how is this happening?

[1692] Why does it look like this?

[1693] Like a wake -up moment?

[1694] So that's what it was for you.

[1695] Because you're in there.

[1696] I could see your aesthetic.

[1697] It's sunburnt.

[1698] You know what I mean?

[1699] But there's an intelligence to it.

[1700] I'm not like other viewers.

[1701] Other people watching Raising Arizona are like laughing.

[1702] Oh, it's great.

[1703] No, no, no. It's not just great.

[1704] Yeah.

[1705] God, what a movie.

[1706] Is that guy still alive?

[1707] Remember the motorcycle's terrifying guy?

[1708] Yes, the Warthog from Hell, who was played by, he's a real -life boxer.

[1709] And I know his name.

[1710] He was particularly cruel to the littler things, and he shoots that rabbit off the rock.

[1711] Randall Texcob.

[1712] Oh, wow.

[1713] Nice.

[1714] Yeah.

[1715] I just don't imagine an actor.

[1716] On screen, I was like, that is the monster of the movie.

[1717] Yes, yes.

[1718] That guy, Randall Texcob, what he was famous for in boxing is he didn't win fights, but you couldn't knock him out.

[1719] And there are stories about him where he had fought in Vegas and he had slept on the lawn in front of the venue the night before.

[1720] Wow.

[1721] Yeah, I think he'd be worth a full documentary.

[1722] But it was Devo for me. Devo.

[1723] So you get to play with them in 2018.

[1724] Yeah.

[1725] Yeah.

[1726] And I guess I'm just wondering how surreal that moment is.

[1727] Here's my real question.

[1728] Do you start considering you might be living in a simulation when you're in that moment?

[1729] That one was so far into a simulation that I was even like, what is this?

[1730] This stinks.

[1731] We jump the shark maybe here.

[1732] That we're talking about it now.

[1733] I go through my own brain like, how on earth is that possible to watch something on TV?

[1734] And will it into your existence?

[1735] And then, yeah.

[1736] When I was learning drums, I would listen to Devo to think, how is he doing those drum parts?

[1737] Like, that was the guy.

[1738] To step into that, I really still can't believe it.

[1739] And it was great.

[1740] Was it filmed?

[1741] On everybody's phone.

[1742] Okay.

[1743] Someone edited it together.

[1744] So I've watched it.

[1745] Can you connect?

[1746] with I'm sitting there.

[1747] That's me. What's easy is that it's doing something that I know how to do, which is drum.

[1748] So luckily, it's not about what is my charm as a comedian.

[1749] Thank God that there's drum parts that this is how they are.

[1750] So it's mechanical.

[1751] I had a real task like going shopping.

[1752] Yeah.

[1753] So that's the good thing that I had something concrete to hold on to.

[1754] This is how the beats go.

[1755] This is where it ends.

[1756] So that part, I'm really.

[1757] really thankful for that I wasn't like luckily my voice worked yeah well that's stressful and so it was like this is where the tom fill goes this is the tempo of this song so I'm really glad about that and that I became friendly with them is crazy it came from a text with Mark mothersbaugh I had bought tickets to that show the show that I played with them at I already had tickets for you're kidding it was in Oakland and he said do you want to take the Devo challenge and I thought it was a contest to play one song and I was like yeah Yeah, and then as the text is going, I see he wants me to do the whole show.

[1758] Wow.

[1759] The Devo challenge is to play the entire show.

[1760] Yeah.

[1761] You already immediately felt confident that you knew all those beats and everything.

[1762] I felt confident that I knew the beats, but it was more that, like, I'm not going to drop this ball and I'm going to really practice.

[1763] Okay, good.

[1764] So you did a lot of practice?

[1765] Yeah.

[1766] Did they give you a set list beforehand?

[1767] Yeah.

[1768] Did you get to rehearse with them at all?

[1769] Oh, a lot.

[1770] A lot.

[1771] What part was more fun, rehearsing with them or doing the show?

[1772] doing the show because of the fans.

[1773] I forgot that there's people dressed up as them all over the audience and they're so happy.

[1774] And they're not like music critics were like, I want to see what this...

[1775] They were like, we love these songs, just play them.

[1776] What an honor.

[1777] I can't believe it.

[1778] Just getting inside those songs and then finding out what they were really going for.

[1779] I perceived them as robotic and that's not what they were going for.

[1780] It came out that way.

[1781] But they were influenced by like Stevie Wonder.

[1782] Oh.

[1783] So I thought like, hey, robot stuff.

[1784] And then they're like, we got this beat from living in the city.

[1785] Uh -huh.

[1786] I took my daughter, my eight -year -old, to Hollywood Bowl a month ago to see the Quincy Jones 90th birthday tribute as played by the Hollywood Bowl Orchestra.

[1787] Okay.

[1788] And then also they're helping someone out on the stage.

[1789] I see someone's being helped out on stage.

[1790] And I'm like, oh my God, Delta.

[1791] Delta, it's Stevie Wonder.

[1792] We're about to see Stevie Wonder.

[1793] Completely unexpected and having no expectation, Stevie Wonder sits down and plays two songs.

[1794] And I'm trying to tell the eight -year -old.

[1795] You just can't imagine what a gift this is.

[1796] I didn't think we would ever see Stevie Wonder perform.

[1797] Oh, right, because she's like, I'm eight.

[1798] Yeah, but she knows the songs.

[1799] Yeah, but still.

[1800] What a lucky show.

[1801] Oh, my God.

[1802] It was incredible.

[1803] Did you take pictures or anything or a video?

[1804] Yes, I have videos of him.

[1805] With the eight -year -old?

[1806] Yes.

[1807] Okay, just so that in the future, like, guess who you saw?

[1808] Yes.

[1809] I wonder what it's like to be him and have people who interview him.

[1810] He must go through a lot of, like, thank you.

[1811] Yes.

[1812] And then you play the drums on this?

[1813] Yes, thank you.

[1814] But it's hard, like, what you're just saying about Devo.

[1815] You can say, like, you don't have no idea how meaningful this is.

[1816] They really don't know and they can never know.

[1817] And so you can say it a million times, like, oh, my God, this is huge.

[1818] Yeah.

[1819] When you're on the other end of it, you can't hear it in the same.

[1820] way or feel it.

[1821] I'd almost argue if you could, it'd be very dangerous.

[1822] Well, it'd be overwhelming for sure.

[1823] If you knew you had that kind of impact, if you feel the impact.

[1824] You kind of become a monster probably.

[1825] I think so.

[1826] Yeah.

[1827] The experience we had this year was Letterman came and sat there.

[1828] It was just two weeks of my life preparing for it to make sure I didn't act crazy.

[1829] And knowing he hates compliments, I had to tell him what he means to me. He's got to suffer through that, you know?

[1830] And there's no way you can feel it, even though he might intellectually recognize.

[1831] You know who's good at This is a very name -droppy.

[1832] Paul McCartney.

[1833] Oh, really?

[1834] As people compliment him, he gives him a moment.

[1835] Uh -huh.

[1836] Thank you.

[1837] He has grace with it.

[1838] Keeps things moving.

[1839] I guess he's been famous for so long.

[1840] He knows how to handle like, my whole family, you know.

[1841] Yeah.

[1842] People falling apart.

[1843] I've never talked to him.

[1844] One time we got into an elevator where we were holding Lincoln.

[1845] She was like eight months old.

[1846] Chris was doing a press junket at the four seasons in Beverly Hills.

[1847] And we get an elevator.

[1848] and Paul McCartney's in the elevator and he's holding a flower for some reason and he gives it to Lincoln and Lincoln starts playing with this flower and then he gets off and he leaves again.

[1849] I'm like, she has no fucking clue that a beetle just gave her a flower.

[1850] What did you do?

[1851] We're just trying to play it cool.

[1852] Best thing.

[1853] Hand it again, please.

[1854] We didn't have our cameras up.

[1855] That's really nice.

[1856] That's really nice.

[1857] It's exactly what you want.

[1858] It's just like he saw us, he connected, he gave our little girl something and then he got out of the elevator and walked away.

[1859] His publicist, you know, because they have flowers for elevators with him.

[1860] Oh, that's his signature move?

[1861] Yeah.

[1862] Oh, no, no. That's so sweet that you know.

[1863] No, but it's so that the elevator rides go quicker.

[1864] So he has props.

[1865] It's a distraction.

[1866] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1867] Takes the focus on him and puts it on the flower.

[1868] That's smart.

[1869] I don't even like saying that as a bit.

[1870] I feel horrible.

[1871] That was so lovely.

[1872] Well, Fred, I adore you.

[1873] I am a little angry.

[1874] We never went back to the Halloween hay ride.

[1875] Guess what?

[1876] It's coming up.

[1877] Should we commit right now?

[1878] By the way, anger, it was pandemic.

[1879] We can only feel so upset.

[1880] It's upon us.

[1881] It'll be here before we know it.

[1882] Before we know it, let's please do it.

[1883] I loved it.

[1884] I know we're ending, but I have a pitch for the haunted hayride.

[1885] Okay, please.

[1886] And we should go talk to them about it.

[1887] They have all these actors in there.

[1888] They should have one actor per group of visitors who get in the hayride as well, who gets taken.

[1889] Oh.

[1890] That's a really good idea.

[1891] That's a really good idea.

[1892] So there's a feeling of like, what?

[1893] Yes.

[1894] Can I now build on that?

[1895] I would love for one of the hayriders to be a plant.

[1896] And when they come with that chainsaw, because you know, you tell yourself, like, well, there's no chain on the chainsaw.

[1897] They bring it really close and they smash it on the thing.

[1898] If one guy was wearing a huge blood bag.

[1899] Oh, my God.

[1900] And all of a sudden, you started fucking gushing blood.

[1901] It was like, I'm with you.

[1902] That would be so exciting.

[1903] I'll add to that.

[1904] Okay.

[1905] And then just does a little something to the end.

[1906] Another actor comes out just on a walkie, like, oh, we have an accident on...

[1907] Yes.

[1908] This isn't a huge request.

[1909] It's not a huge request.

[1910] It's just a little extra acting.

[1911] They have the actors for it.

[1912] The reset's going to be a little tough with the blood bag.

[1913] Oh, you just switch people out.

[1914] Just switch people out.

[1915] A walkie person is the next blood bag.

[1916] We could probably have the same person for the walkie on every ride.

[1917] Yeah.

[1918] But that would be great because you have a mantra when that chainsaw is coming at you, that's like, there's no chain on it.

[1919] There's no chain on it.

[1920] I don't need to be scared.

[1921] I can tell.

[1922] And then there is a chain on it.

[1923] chain.

[1924] Yeah, yeah.

[1925] Oh, that's good.

[1926] Somebody's definitely going to have a heart attack.

[1927] Well, they shouldn't have gone to a haunted area ride.

[1928] That's worth it, I guess.

[1929] The bid is worth it.

[1930] So bad for people, right?

[1931] If they go to things like that's true.

[1932] Yeah, I'm like, buddy.

[1933] Yeah, you, that's not for you.

[1934] You had that time ready.

[1935] Yeah.

[1936] Don't go there.

[1937] Sure.

[1938] I mean scared.

[1939] I don't disagree.

[1940] Okay, so Fred, we've committed to it.

[1941] We're going to do it.

[1942] This will come up before then.

[1943] Hopefully, we'll get surprised and they'll have someone with a three or four gallon blood bag.

[1944] hidden on our idea yes because we think alike we'll wrap this up by like because we always say the same thing always always I love you thanks for coming thank you for coming did I say enough that I'm a fan of you as well yeah it's implied it's implied you stay tuned for the fact check so you can hear all the facts that were wrong hi you're wearing your boyfriend sweatshirt shirt today.

[1945] Mickey Mouse.

[1946] Isn't that who minnie's seen?

[1947] I think so.

[1948] Are they married?

[1949] Or brother and sister.

[1950] You either have your brother or your lover on your sweatshirt.

[1951] Yeah.

[1952] They're lovers.

[1953] They're lovers.

[1954] Is it vintage?

[1955] It is.

[1956] I think they got it at the Rose Bowl flea market.

[1957] It's an interesting phenomenon, our interest in our draw to vintage.

[1958] What do you think it is?

[1959] It's because it's rare.

[1960] Is that what it is?

[1961] Definitely.

[1962] Or nostalgic as well?

[1963] Sure.

[1964] I'm sure that's a piece of it.

[1965] But the reason vintage can get really expensive is because it's rare.

[1966] There's one.

[1967] It's old.

[1968] Right.

[1969] So only one person can have it.

[1970] But what I like about vintage is it gives me an immediate emotional reaction, the nostalgia of it.

[1971] It's like stranger things.

[1972] It'd be impossible for me to evaluate how good that show was without acknowledging how much of the nostalgia was.

[1973] giving me like very emotional feelings the whole time.

[1974] Totally.

[1975] Yeah, because sometimes I like seeking out vintage like sweatshirts or something that are meaningful from my past.

[1976] Like I looked for specifically a 96 Olympic sweatshirt because that was an important Olympics to me. Speaking of 96 Olympics in Atlanta, Georgia, one of the most curious episodes in fashion was that Coca -Cola was a brand of sweatshirt you wore.

[1977] You're probably too young for that, but there was a long couple year period where those Coca -Cola sweatshirts were like the thing you had to wear.

[1978] Oh, I do vaguely know what you're talking about.

[1979] You should look into getting a vintage Coca -Cola sweatshirt.

[1980] Oh my God, let me look.

[1981] Because I can't think of another brand.

[1982] Well, I guess people do that with car stuff.

[1983] They wear a Ferrari shirts.

[1984] Yeah.

[1985] But a soda?

[1986] That's pretty epic.

[1987] That became like hot fashion.

[1988] Yeah, okay, I'm seeing some here.

[1989] You are any popping out at you, any interest?

[1990] Yeah.

[1991] Ooh, I like this one.

[1992] Oh, great.

[1993] You already found one.

[1994] Vintage Coca -Cola Stripe Kroonek.

[1995] Okay, I like this.

[1996] Yeah.

[1997] It's $125.

[1998] I like it also because Coke is Atlanta.

[1999] Exactly.

[2000] To me, it feels like a real bullseye of your vintage stuff.

[2001] Oh, my God.

[2002] This one has a koala on it.

[2003] Sure.

[2004] Cool.

[2005] Oh, okay.

[2006] Oh, there's one from, there's a sweatshirt from Silly Goose University.

[2007] Okay.

[2008] Ooh, I like this one.

[2009] Uh -oh.

[2010] There's only one left and it's in two carts.

[2011] This is how they get you.

[2012] Oh, it'll tell you if it's in someone's cart already.

[2013] Oh, yeah.

[2014] Oh, wow.

[2015] Oh, yeah.

[2016] Better hurry up.

[2017] This is from the 80s.

[2018] Yeah, I think this is the period I'm reflecting on.

[2019] Uh -oh.

[2020] It has, okay.

[2021] Uh -oh.

[2022] It has some stains.

[2023] Well, you love stains.

[2024] Look at that bear you have.

[2025] That's shit -covered...

[2026] LaBair tea, my beanie baby.

[2027] That's true.

[2028] That's true.

[2029] My little buddy.

[2030] I'll be going home soon, so I'm going to pick him up and bring him back.

[2031] Are you and see if you can get it refurbished?

[2032] Yeah.

[2033] See what I can do.

[2034] Look, if they can repair those like crazy Van Gogh paintings that get an arm...

[2035] This was a bad idea what you did.

[2036] I think it's a gift.

[2037] just gave you.

[2038] Well, it is, but I have to act.

[2039] It's shocking to me you didn't know all this.

[2040] I have to act fast because in this one it says rare find.

[2041] That's a, that's a trigger word.

[2042] That's a really big trigger.

[2043] And it says sale ends in 32 hours.

[2044] Oh, wow.

[2045] Okay.

[2046] This is from Etsy.

[2047] Okay, so I am buying it right now.

[2048] Okay.

[2049] Okay.

[2050] Wow.

[2051] Real time purchase.

[2052] This is great.

[2053] There's a first.

[2054] We're in new territory right now.

[2055] I have to put my credit card in.

[2056] That's not all auto fail somehow for you.

[2057] You've been memorized though, right?

[2058] Oh, God, yeah.

[2059] Wait.

[2060] It looks like you're six years old.

[2061] I don't.

[2062] Hold on.

[2063] You don't know your credit card, my heart?

[2064] The amount you shop?

[2065] This is a phenomenon we should talk about.

[2066] We need to talk about it.

[2067] Every time I learn my credit card number.

[2068] You lose your credit card?

[2069] Yeah.

[2070] Or it gets compromised.

[2071] Uh -huh.

[2072] So I've made it a point.

[2073] To not memorize it.

[2074] Yeah.

[2075] Okay.

[2076] Plus, it helps my shopping.

[2077] Ah, that makes sense, too.

[2078] Does I know what to hear it?

[2079] Three, seven.

[2080] People will be able to tell from the keystroke noises, too.

[2081] They'll put it in an AI.

[2082] Oh, my God, probably I'm going to cut some of it out.

[2083] Can I admit to a crime that I used to commit?

[2084] Uh -huh.

[2085] Okay.

[2086] Back when I was a child in high school, you still used a pay phone a lot.

[2087] There was no cell phones.

[2088] Sure.

[2089] So you had to use a pay phone a lot.

[2090] And so what you would do is get these recorders from Radio Shack.

[2091] Okay.

[2092] And they had a perfect microphone that fit over the earpiece of a phone.

[2093] Okay.

[2094] And you would record the sound the phone made when you put quarters in.

[2095] And once you had that on there, all you had to do is hold that up to the speaker part or to the mouth part and hit it over and over again.

[2096] And it would give you those credits.

[2097] No. Yes.

[2098] This was like the hack.

[2099] kid in the punk rock world had one of these recorders in their backpack and we would just make calls for free on the pay phones that's advanced you consider that a crime yeah stealing from michigan bell or whatever it's called order numbers 303 180 1273 that's an excessive order number that makes me think they're selling 300 000 items more than that million that's i didn't even count what that was what is that say it It would be...

[2100] Say it as a one number.

[2101] It would be 303 million, 180...

[2102] Wait, no. Three billion?

[2103] Hold on.

[2104] One, two, three, one, two, three.

[2105] Three billion.

[2106] Okay, that's excessive.

[2107] 31 ,801 ,273.

[2108] That's unnecessary.

[2109] I don't think it's by that.

[2110] I don't think it's like that.

[2111] But why would you use more numbers than are needed to handle the volume of your sales?

[2112] It would be cute.

[2113] Okay.

[2114] It's not very cute, Evel.

[2115] super long number.

[2116] You're so judgmental of the order number.

[2117] I am.

[2118] Anyway, purchase.

[2119] Oh, good job.

[2120] Congratulations.

[2121] That was exciting.

[2122] Oh, what do we got?

[2123] Oh, I think there was a cool one with a cherry.

[2124] Cherry Coke?

[2125] Oh, but you know.

[2126] Arm cherries.

[2127] Yeah.

[2128] Yeah.

[2129] This is a fun.

[2130] Rabbit hole.

[2131] You're going to leave this fact check with four new sweatshirts.

[2132] Exactly.

[2133] This is, no, it's.

[2134] I wanted to make it a ding, ding, ding, but it's not.

[2135] Duck, duck, goose.

[2136] Well, that's fine.

[2137] Just call it a duck, duck, goose.

[2138] Okay.

[2139] It's a duck, duck, goose because Fred Armisen.

[2140] Oh, my God, there's a Cherry Coke women's bomber jacket.

[2141] Oh, damn.

[2142] That's kind of cool.

[2143] I don't want it, though.

[2144] Okay.

[2145] A lot of options.

[2146] You're in the rabbit hole.

[2147] Yeah.

[2148] I'm actually getting to witness something I don't ever get to see.

[2149] This is you in your bedroom at night.

[2150] Just prowling the internet.

[2151] it's so fun it's your addiction i'm getting to see you in your addiction it's fun yeah i can't i can't work can't pull yourself out of it look in the look on your face is elation i didn't even know about this until 14 minutes ago and now i want like six of them uh -huh i had a hunch okay well i'm closing the tabs okay we'll keep them just minimize them don't close them closed them up okay this is fred armison this is for frederick oh love actually that's It's not his name.

[2152] He has a name.

[2153] It is short.

[2154] Yes, it is.

[2155] But not for Frederick, for Ferry Dunn.

[2156] Ferry Dunn.

[2157] I think so.

[2158] Okay.

[2159] His dad had the same name and went by Fred, right?

[2160] Yep.

[2161] He's the sweetest and the funniest.

[2162] So funny.

[2163] Can I read you some text exchange from him?

[2164] I don't think he'll mind.

[2165] So on this episode, we discussed going to the Haunted Hayride.

[2166] Mm -hmm.

[2167] I was going to ask if you'd planned it.

[2168] So he sent a picture on Monday.

[2169] day of the electric digital readout board that's in front of Griffith Park.

[2170] And it says, haunted hayride with an arrow.

[2171] I said, oh, fuck, we're already up and running.

[2172] He said, I hope real actual ghosts didn't put that up.

[2173] I said, they took a couple of ghosts into custody last week for assaulting a goblin.

[2174] Seems conceivable that they also did this sign prank.

[2175] I'll let you know if I hear they've connected them with any additional acts of vandalism.

[2176] He said, I read the psychology behind these pranks as that ghosts feel invisible quote.

[2177] And I'm like, you're a ghost.

[2178] What did you expect?

[2179] I wrote, thank you.

[2180] All of our exchanges are like that.

[2181] They're complete nonsense.

[2182] And they go on and on and on.

[2183] And they're so fun.

[2184] He is so funny.

[2185] God, he's funny.

[2186] So you guys are going to go.

[2187] I mean, that's the hope.

[2188] I'm not sure when.

[2189] This is what happened last year.

[2190] You keep thinking like, yeah, we'll go.

[2191] It's not here yet.

[2192] We have plenty of time.

[2193] And then all of a sudden, boom, we had missed the fucking hayride last year.

[2194] Times are running out.

[2195] Yes, TikTok.

[2196] Speaking of Halloween, you've been over at the house quite a bit lately.

[2197] The arts and crafts.

[2198] Doing arts and crafts.

[2199] Yes.

[2200] For the Harry Potter themed Halloween.

[2201] Yeah.

[2202] And I was painting a sign yesterday and I made some mistakes.

[2203] Oh, you don't take those well.

[2204] What mistakes did you make?

[2205] Well, I was using a stencil Some of the paint got under the stencil Okay So it got messy It exceeded the boundaries of the stencil shape So I have to go back today or tomorrow With black paint Fix this up Clean it up Yeah and it's hanging over me I can feel it Just nagging It's nagging What did the sign say that you painted?

[2206] It said Watch your feet Stairs change and it's going to hang over the stairs.

[2207] Because in Harry Potter, the stairs sometimes change.

[2208] They move.

[2209] Have you been in the living room today?

[2210] Yesterday.

[2211] Yeah, today.

[2212] Was all that done?

[2213] Yes.

[2214] It looks amazing.

[2215] Okay, I just saw it this morning.

[2216] It looks so good in there.

[2217] It's impossible.

[2218] There's books flying out of the fireplace.

[2219] And there's candles hanging all over the room.

[2220] Letters for Harry.

[2221] Oh, right.

[2222] Letters for Harry.

[2223] Yes, there's envelopes everywhere coming.

[2224] It's impossible.

[2225] possible.

[2226] It's so cool.

[2227] It's so cool.

[2228] This is my dream.

[2229] Oh, it's becoming a real haunted house.

[2230] I know, but it's also like no one's going to come in.

[2231] Yeah, I don't want anyone in.

[2232] It's just for the people who live there and our friends.

[2233] Well, no, when we do the hayride on Halloween night, a lot of people being out of the house.

[2234] Our friends.

[2235] Yeah, yeah, but there's a good 30.

[2236] Not trick or treaters.

[2237] No, they're not.

[2238] Of course not.

[2239] They might have muddy shoes.

[2240] Exactly.

[2241] I have a regret, you know.

[2242] I've said this for like five years.

[2243] years now.

[2244] Okay.

[2245] That I wish I had made my house a haunted house.

[2246] While it was in disrepair.

[2247] Yes.

[2248] Yeah.

[2249] And speaking of time is a run and out.

[2250] You could throw pain on the walls.

[2251] Right.

[2252] Trash the joint.

[2253] Exactly.

[2254] Blood.

[2255] You could light it on fire at the end of the night, let it burn to the ground.

[2256] Yeah.

[2257] It'd be so cool.

[2258] But it is a liability.

[2259] Sure.

[2260] That part is scary.

[2261] But scary is part of Halloween.

[2262] Scary is good.

[2263] That is the season.

[2264] But now it's too late.

[2265] I think it's too late because it is all boarded up.

[2266] Yeah.

[2267] Did your guy tell you I stopped by and shot the shit with him?

[2268] No. He didn't.

[2269] He didn't.

[2270] But I told you to go over there.

[2271] Yeah.

[2272] I'm glad you did.

[2273] What did you see?

[2274] Well, they were drilling for these casons.

[2275] They have to go to 50 feet down.

[2276] Yes.

[2277] And these huge rebarbed columns that are laying on the side that they're going to insert in there.

[2278] It's so cool.

[2279] It's really cool.

[2280] Everyone's so great.

[2281] I feel so lucky.

[2282] You're going to be so.

[2283] mad when you hear this story.

[2284] You're not going to be mad, but you're going to be like, yeah, I knew I knew she was a brat.

[2285] Oh.

[2286] Even though it's not, you, this is now, this is the second thing.

[2287] You think I, you think, I think you're lazy.

[2288] And now, well, you give me, sometimes you give me evidence for me to believe these things.

[2289] Okay.

[2290] Now, I didn't ask for this.

[2291] Let's be clear.

[2292] Now, everyone knows, everyone in the whole world knows about my, Horrible situation, my walk home from Kara that went awry.

[2293] Part of that story was my Prius was dead.

[2294] And was annoyingly dead because two days before I had it jumped and was driving it around.

[2295] And so there's not a reason for it to have been dead.

[2296] But it was.

[2297] And the Prius also has so much junk.

[2298] And I put everything from my garage.

[2299] Yeah, I made it into a storage unit.

[2300] Put everything from my garage in there.

[2301] I told Bill, tell me when I need to move it because it's dead.

[2302] Yeah.

[2303] And he said, oh, okay.

[2304] And he was asking me questions about it being dead.

[2305] And I was like, I don't know.

[2306] I had jumped it.

[2307] And then he's like, well, do you think it's the battery?

[2308] And I was like, well, I just replace it.

[2309] And he was like, I'm going to figure it out for you.

[2310] Oh, okay.

[2311] Great.

[2312] And I was like, you can't.

[2313] He's like.

[2314] He's busy.

[2315] He's so busy.

[2316] High level stuff.

[2317] He is high level.

[2318] He's very prominent.

[2319] You know why he got there?

[2320] Because he did shit like this.

[2321] He's the night.

[2322] You love him.

[2323] He's your dad.

[2324] He is acting as my dad.

[2325] I can feel that.

[2326] You bring that out in people, by the way.

[2327] I must.

[2328] I don't know what it is.

[2329] You have a lot of dads.

[2330] Yeah, and I feel, my, my old me. It might be because you're so little, it helps.

[2331] Oh, do you think?

[2332] This is where, like, it's an, it might be one of the upsides of being little.

[2333] Interesting.

[2334] Yeah, is your instinct is like, oh, let me help this little creature.

[2335] I feel bad, though, because it would make sense if I had a bad dad, right?

[2336] That I was, like, seeking out dad.

[2337] ads everywhere, but I have, father fingers.

[2338] Exactly.

[2339] But I have an amazing dad.

[2340] And so there's, there's no reason, but I will take it.

[2341] They're just presenting themselves, I think.

[2342] They are.

[2343] I just arrived and I was like, let me help with these, these things.

[2344] Yeah, and Bill literally appeared out of nowhere.

[2345] I mean, and he, he's just, he's so great.

[2346] But he, not to brag, but like, I found out through the grapevine, he never bragged, so it's not like, you told me this.

[2347] But he's done a couple people's homes of guests we've had on.

[2348] Okay.

[2349] Very high level stuff.

[2350] But Bill is like, I'm going to take the battery out and see.

[2351] And I was like, oh my God, you don't have time for this.

[2352] It's not a big deal.

[2353] I can throw this in the garbage.

[2354] I think it's time to retire this car anyway.

[2355] No, no, no, no. You just need a battery.

[2356] But I did recently get it replaced.

[2357] So I do think so I don't know.

[2358] Well, and then, okay.

[2359] So the other thing that it would be would be the alternator, which is like a $60 part.

[2360] Oh.

[2361] It's super cheap.

[2362] You could take it to Pet Boys and they could throw it in.

[2363] Yeah, but when you take it places, they charge you like $2 ,000.

[2364] They can't do that at Pet Boys.

[2365] That's why I always recommend to people to go to, in any really national chain.

[2366] It's not up to their discretion.

[2367] They go into the computer.

[2368] They say, you know, 2008 Toyota Prius alternator, they click the box.

[2369] They go, it's going to be $680.

[2370] There's no, they don't get to just speculate on it.

[2371] We go to a small garage.

[2372] They're like, yeah, this will probably take, I think it's this many hours.

[2373] There it's all been already settled.

[2374] There's no wiggle room.

[2375] You have to put it in yourself.

[2376] No, you drive it up to, you jump it, you get it there.

[2377] They test it to see if the alternator is bad.

[2378] If it's bad, they, A, they have the alternator in their parts department, and then they put it in and it's a set price for installation.

[2379] Yes, I always recommend people to do that.

[2380] Okay.

[2381] I hate to say that and put mom and pop.

[2382] I'm sure there's a lot of honest mom and pop, but I've heard if you're particularly here this happening to women, I'm constantly furious when, like, I'll have a female friend text me like, I just went to get my tires changed and they said this, this.

[2383] Yeah, that happened to me. Yeah, and it's happened to like 12 other women I know and it always pisses me off and so minimally I say to the women like, go to fucking pep boys.

[2384] They can't really fuck you.

[2385] Yeah.

[2386] So Bill said yes, I want to and so he has fixed it.

[2387] Oh, great.

[2388] So it works?

[2389] I think so.

[2390] Fun.

[2391] Yeah.

[2392] Anyway, big shout out.

[2393] Here's the thing.

[2394] You're not on this, welcome to my world with too many cars, right?

[2395] If you don't drive them, lot.

[2396] The batteries just go dead.

[2397] That's what they do.

[2398] Even in my Hellcat, that's a new car with a new battery, but it'll go dead.

[2399] I know.

[2400] So if you're not going to drive them, you got to have them on a battery tender.

[2401] Oh, what's that?

[2402] Very cheap.

[2403] If I can go to Amazon right now, order a battery tender.

[2404] And you just put these two little easy to put leads on the battery and then a little plug comes out the back.

[2405] Okay.

[2406] And then you plug it into a wall and stick it in there.

[2407] And then it keeps your battery on a trickle charge, always at maximum.

[2408] Oh.

[2409] I've had to really.

[2410] go wild with these because I was replacing so many batteries.

[2411] Right.

[2412] And these are cheap and as long you stay on top of them, you're better or less, damn near forever.

[2413] Okay, but you have to be near a plug.

[2414] Mm -hmm.

[2415] This would be more when your house is done.

[2416] Okay.

[2417] You would have it plugged in when it wasn't being driven.

[2418] Great.

[2419] Well, anyway, it's just really nice.

[2420] Like, how nice is that?

[2421] He's just taking this project on.

[2422] He doesn't have time.

[2423] He's so busy.

[2424] But he's like, he's just He's just so kind.

[2425] How old is Bill?

[2426] I don't know.

[2427] Like when you're talking about him, you talk about him like he's 75.

[2428] And I got a very bad feeling he's my age.

[2429] He's not 75.

[2430] That's for sure.

[2431] I think he's older than you.

[2432] Okay.

[2433] But you think.

[2434] Because you talk about Bill like he's your grandpa.

[2435] No, no, no, no, no. And every now and then I'm walking.

[2436] Normally I'm walking through the neighborhood when I'm walking here.

[2437] I will just get like a lot of gratitude for Bill.

[2438] That's nice.

[2439] It's so nice.

[2440] And I'm so lucky that I have these angel people in my life.

[2441] It's really nice.

[2442] You deserve them.

[2443] Well, I don't know if I deserve them, but I got luck at my, you know, that sim price.

[2444] Yeah, he paid through the nose.

[2445] He paid a lot for Bill.

[2446] Yeah, he did.

[2447] He was an ad on.

[2448] Shout out, Bill.

[2449] Yeah, we love you, Bill.

[2450] Baldwin.

[2451] If you need Archite...

[2452] Billy Baldwin?

[2453] The actor?

[2454] Yes.

[2455] I haven't seen him in a lot of projects, but now I'm delighted to hear that he has a very successful building contracting career.

[2456] Very.

[2457] If you're in Los Angeles and you need a contractor and an architect.

[2458] And a dad.

[2459] And a mechanic.

[2460] Call.

[2461] Call Bill Baldwin.

[2462] Bill Ball.

[2463] Billy Baldwin.

[2464] Okay.

[2465] Speaking of people in their 70s.

[2466] Okay.

[2467] Phil Stutz.

[2468] We were debating how old he was.

[2469] He's 75.

[2470] Oh, he is.

[2471] Okay.

[2472] We just had a guest in here an hour ago who was 61.

[2473] Yeah, looked great.

[2474] So attractive.

[2475] Yeah.

[2476] Do you think he's hot?

[2477] You never know?

[2478] Like, you think Sean Penn's hot.

[2479] Yeah, I think Craig's hot or the time.

[2480] You do?

[2481] Well, you're not a woman.

[2482] He, Sean Penn has like, oh, yeah, I'm sorry to tell you.

[2483] You are not a woman.

[2484] I'm not a girl.

[2485] He has, he has like a woman.

[2486] It's his, it's his.

[2487] It's his genius popping through.

[2488] No, it's his like mysterious, mercurial danger.

[2489] Danger.

[2490] Yeah, it is.

[2491] Craig is nice.

[2492] Like, he doesn't feel that.

[2493] He feels like a dad.

[2494] You know, it's okay.

[2495] It's okay.

[2496] Dad's had their time.

[2497] Yeah.

[2498] You know?

[2499] That's not their time anymore.

[2500] It's their time to fix cars.

[2501] Yeah, that's right.

[2502] Oh, Bill.

[2503] Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill.

[2504] I hope everyone in their life gets a bill.

[2505] Yeah, me too.

[2506] Okay, this was a crazy sim.

[2507] Tell me. He said.

[2508] Yeah, Fred said.

[2509] Fred said.

[2510] Fred made a hilarious joke that Cajun, because we were talking about how he likes things burnt, a little burnt.

[2511] And you were saying Cajun or whatever, you were saying a lot of things.

[2512] And he was like, Cajun is French for to have.

[2513] have been burnt.

[2514] Yes, yes, yes.

[2515] It really made me laugh.

[2516] But it's a sim because yesterday I started duolingo French.

[2517] And what prompted this?

[2518] Sobriety.

[2519] Oh, God.

[2520] I guess.

[2521] Oh, my God.

[2522] That's a ding, ding, ding.

[2523] I ran into someone up at Mess Hall yesterday a couple days ago, someone I adore, who's been sober for almost a year.

[2524] Okay.

[2525] And they were about to direct something.

[2526] Oh.

[2527] And I said jokingly, I said, a lot of hours in the day, huh?

[2528] And that person said, oh, my God, there's so much hours now in the day.

[2529] You learn.

[2530] Yeah, like, at first she was like, oh, my God, what do I do with all this downtime?

[2531] I was supposed to be doing this other thing.

[2532] But then you start filling it, and then you build out the other part of your life.

[2533] Yeah, it was before bed.

[2534] I had watched a movie.

[2535] I decided to not work yesterday.

[2536] Okay.

[2537] I was so, I'm so tired on these hormones.

[2538] Yeah, I can tell.

[2539] me. It triggers me a little bit because I read it as sad and then I get a little worried.

[2540] But then I'm like, I'm a little sad.

[2541] Okay.

[2542] That's just to be honest.

[2543] Just to be quite honest.

[2544] I'm a little sad.

[2545] But I'm also just exhausted.

[2546] Really tired.

[2547] Yesterday we didn't record.

[2548] So I was like, I can sleep in.

[2549] But I have to do a shot in the morning also.

[2550] So I set the alarm for eight.

[2551] I was like, prying yourself.

[2552] I could not get myself out of bed at eight.

[2553] I got out like a zombie, gave myself a shot, went back into bed and was like, okay, I'll sleep for another, like, hour.

[2554] Yeah.

[2555] And then it was 11.

[2556] I had a hunch.

[2557] 11.

[2558] Yeah.

[2559] Three hours.

[2560] Yeah.

[2561] And I was, I was still so tired.

[2562] You're growing your eggs.

[2563] Your body's giving all of its energy to making those eggs robust.

[2564] They're trying.

[2565] Okay, I have 13 eggs that are responding.

[2566] Oh, my God.

[2567] What was the first round three?

[2568] No, eight, eight were responding.

[2569] They got six out and I, two were mature.

[2570] So it doesn't mean anything.

[2571] We don't know yet.

[2572] We don't know.

[2573] It's 13 is much better than eight.

[2574] It's almost double.

[2575] Mm -hmm.

[2576] Yeah, a huge improvement.

[2577] And it makes sense that I feel worse or just more exhausted because more stuff's happening.

[2578] Plus, I've been on max dose of all of this stuff for days.

[2579] Anywho, I'm just really, really sleepy.

[2580] Yeah.

[2581] So you woke up at 11.

[2582] I woke up at 11 and I rolled around a little bit.

[2583] Yeah.

[2584] I do some rolling.

[2585] And then it wound up in your sheets.

[2586] Yeah.

[2587] And then I untangle yourself.

[2588] I did.

[2589] Then I came here at like 1 .30 to do some arts and crafts.

[2590] Did some arts and And then a friend of ours had someone pass away in their life.

[2591] Oh, uh -huh, yeah.

[2592] And she wanted to hang.

[2593] So we did a little hang, quick hang, because I was really tired.

[2594] Yeah.

[2595] And then I was, like, crawling into bed at, like, 5 .30.

[2596] Wow.

[2597] I was so tired.

[2598] But I knew I couldn't go to bed that early because I wouldn't be good.

[2599] Plus, I had to do my shots at 7 .30.

[2600] So, you know, there's all these.

[2601] things I'm juggling.

[2602] Hurdles.

[2603] So I turned on a movie, watched the movie.

[2604] Which one?

[2605] Limitless.

[2606] Oh.

[2607] Very random.

[2608] It just popped up on my screen and I was like, I've never seen that.

[2609] Wanted to see something I hadn't seen.

[2610] I enjoyed it.

[2611] Yeah, it's a good movie.

[2612] Yeah, I enjoyed it.

[2613] There's some cool filming techniques in it.

[2614] Like all those weird, like, flying down the street.

[2615] Yeah.

[2616] Yeah, it was good.

[2617] And then it was still really early.

[2618] Mm -hmm.

[2619] And so I thought I could read my book or I could learn French.

[2620] Right.

[2621] So I chose that.

[2622] Yeah.

[2623] Yeah.

[2624] Oh, you know why?

[2625] I'm not.

[2626] Okay.

[2627] I knew there had to be some catalyst.

[2628] I didn't know.

[2629] I didn't know until right now, but I do know why.

[2630] Okay.

[2631] He speaks a lot of languages in that movie.

[2632] French being one, but also a lot.

[2633] Like, that's part of what the pill gave him was the ability to speak all these languages.

[2634] Polygot.

[2635] We just learned this.

[2636] Oh, we did just learn it.

[2637] Holy got.

[2638] That sounds right.

[2639] Polyglot, I think.

[2640] Polyglot, I think.

[2641] Yep.

[2642] Ollie, Ollie Ups and free.

[2643] And he sounds really good saying all those languages.

[2644] Oh, I'm sure he does.

[2645] It's like, wow.

[2646] Yeah.

[2647] So I did start duolingo.

[2648] And I was doing great.

[2649] Okay.

[2650] But I didn't pay.

[2651] Oh.

[2652] And so it stopped me at a certain point.

[2653] Right.

[2654] When you're really becoming fluent in French.

[2655] Yes.

[2656] What did you learn?

[2657] I learned on the trial period.

[2658] I learned om is man. Oh, wow.

[2659] Okay, om.

[2660] Garsoen is boy.

[2661] Yes, I know that from one of the guys in the camera department, they used to call the assistant camera, like, the lowest guy in the total, Paul, they used to call him Garcant.

[2662] Well, see, I always thought Garcin was like fancy.

[2663] Well, everything in French sounds fancy.

[2664] Right.

[2665] That's what the linguist said.

[2666] That mansion just means house.

[2667] Exactly.

[2668] Yes, we're like, oh, that's fancy.

[2669] Yeah, so I thought that, but really it's just boy.

[2670] Mm -hmm.

[2671] Yeah, not very lofty.

[2672] I forget some of the other stuff I learned, but...

[2673] But you're halfway there.

[2674] Yeah, I learned a lot.

[2675] Anyway, so it was funny because the Cajun thing, but burnt in French is brulee, which makes sense.

[2676] Burnt creme.

[2677] I love a burnt cream.

[2678] Yeah.

[2679] Yeah, like burnt cream sounds disgusting, but creme brulee sounds delicious.

[2680] Advertising.

[2681] This is what they do.

[2682] You got to wonder if in France they're like, they order this burnt dessert.

[2683] Because to them it's literal.

[2684] Exactly.

[2685] To them they don't hear it the way we do.

[2686] No, they don't think their own language is charming and lofty.

[2687] Or maybe they do.

[2688] They seem to enjoy saying.

[2689] Well, they're pretty stuck up.

[2690] Well, hold on.

[2691] As a stereotype.

[2692] As a whole people.

[2693] Yeah, every single one is.

[2694] Wait, should we just real quick since I shopped?

[2695] let's um buy more no let's just do another shopping break okay ready yeah this is part of my training exercise for the day shop that means cat i know that and so i have to click that and i got it right okay shop no chaw chaw child boy boy not a word that's and oh E, A. Man. See, it's hard.

[2696] Oh, yay.

[2697] I got it.

[2698] So, anyway, I'm into language now.

[2699] You're a polyglot now.

[2700] I'm going to be a polyglot.

[2701] I realize, you know, my brain is just really bad at language.

[2702] So I'm never going to be that good at it.

[2703] But when I'm there, I'm hoping I can get some words and read.

[2704] I think I'll be able to read a lot more.

[2705] like on menus and stuff.

[2706] Although we just learned that that's not the best way to learn a language.

[2707] The best way to learn a language is to speak it and that a lot of people know how to read it, but they can, we'll never learn how to speak it because you have to jump into the deep end they say.

[2708] I just don't think I'll ever be able to.

[2709] Yeah.

[2710] Yeah.

[2711] To be honest with you, when I consider the likelihood that I would become president of the United States versus become fluent in French, I think it's more likely I would make a run for the presidency.

[2712] Wow.

[2713] Wow.

[2714] Which is there's no likelihood of me doing that.

[2715] But truly, in the order of things that I feel like would be achievable.

[2716] I kind of feel that way, too.

[2717] Do you?

[2718] Yeah.

[2719] That became achievable.

[2720] The reality star winning presidency.

[2721] Yeah.

[2722] I mean, if he could do it, well, it's to keep me from doing it.

[2723] I mean, neither of us can speak French.

[2724] I'll tell you that.

[2725] Right.

[2726] Exactly.

[2727] United in that.

[2728] It's that part of the brain.

[2729] Mm -hmm.

[2730] I know this thing we learned is that no, anyone can do it recently on an upcoming Easter egg.

[2731] And I objected to it when it was happening.

[2732] I know my limits.

[2733] Me too.

[2734] Unlike limitless.

[2735] Exactly.

[2736] Yeah.

[2737] Did they put contacts in his eyes for that?

[2738] Do you remember?

[2739] I can't.

[2740] It's been a, that was 12 years ago or something, right?

[2741] Yeah, it's old.

[2742] Long time ago.

[2743] It just popped up on my Amazon Prime.

[2744] It did.

[2745] It knows you.

[2746] Apparently.

[2747] Yeah.

[2748] Okay.

[2749] So, Rob, I need you to do a real -time fact check.

[2750] Yes.

[2751] I am seeing for women.

[2752] Are Bradley Cooper's eyes really that blue?

[2753] Oh, that wasn't what I was going to have you do a fact check on.

[2754] But are they?

[2755] No. Yeah, I didn't.

[2756] His eyes are stunning, though.

[2757] Well, we saw him.

[2758] I've seen him in real life and I didn't remember it looking like it does in limitless.

[2759] Yeah.

[2760] They said there's a couple shots where you can see the blue is on the outside.

[2761] Okay.

[2762] I mean, it makes sense because he's on this pill that they would do that.

[2763] Sure.

[2764] No one's eyes look like that.

[2765] But my brothers, my brother has the.

[2766] most insane eyes.

[2767] They're aquamarine and it looks like they're being lit from behind.

[2768] Oh, how pretty.

[2769] Like when they light a pool from underneath, that's what David's eyes look like.

[2770] I have to say out loud.

[2771] So yesterday, you were doing those crafts.

[2772] I was, I spent the whole day up here writing.

[2773] And I'm, as you know, and you disagree with this technique, but I've been plowing head anyways.

[2774] Since I have written in handwriting, I am now voice dictating to get it into print.

[2775] I don't disagree.

[2776] I just was trying to operate.

[2777] Yes.

[2778] No, you had a, you had a lovely suggestion.

[2779] But I've stayed the course.

[2780] Maybe because I'm not ready to let someone read it.

[2781] I get it.

[2782] Yeah.

[2783] At any rate, all of yesterday's work was about my sweet brother.

[2784] Oh, you love him?

[2785] I was almost crying as I was like voice dictating.

[2786] As happens to me sometimes I write something, I don't really have much emotion in writing it.

[2787] And then later when I read it, I'm like, oh boy.

[2788] Yeah, that's nice.

[2789] But what a sweetie pie.

[2790] He really, you know, he was my dad.

[2791] He was only five years older than me. and he really tried his hardest to be a dad.

[2792] He was your bill.

[2793] He was my bill, yeah.

[2794] I feel like you're on a fun journey.

[2795] You're like seeing your family in a new way.

[2796] Yeah, maybe.

[2797] Which is nice.

[2798] Also, like, having to tell his story is just giving me a lot of compassion for him.

[2799] Of course.

[2800] The story I was transcribing yesterday was, this guy tried to kill my brother when we lived in the welfare apartments.

[2801] A boy or an old?

[2802] It was like a man child.

[2803] He, as I said, I don't know what label he'd have today, but he had a ton of stuff going on.

[2804] He was maybe 17, 16 man body, but kind of a child face hearing aids.

[2805] A lot of stuff going on.

[2806] Disabilities maybe.

[2807] Thought my brother was the devil.

[2808] Had it in his mind that my brother was actually the devil.

[2809] So, like, tried to break into our apartment with a baseball bat, then tried to hit him with a car.

[2810] That's what ended the whole thing.

[2811] And we were on big wheels.

[2812] And this is like a fun family story of ours, right?

[2813] Like, we'll regale about when we were living at the Milford Park apartments.

[2814] And in writing it and reading it, I'm like, oh, my God, he's eight years old.

[2815] And he had me there who was three, he was trying to protect.

[2816] And there's a for real maniac who thinks he's the, I mean, it's nuts.

[2817] Like, I think that event alone for somebody should send them on a pretty crazy trajectory.

[2818] And this is like one of the many things.

[2819] That's like a fun story we tell at Christmas.

[2820] Yeah, trauma.

[2821] Yeah.

[2822] I mean, major.

[2823] Yeah.

[2824] But all these stories are just fun story.

[2825] Did he go to jail?

[2826] He did, yeah.

[2827] Or go to an institution.

[2828] Exactly.

[2829] I say that in there, like, we were never really told the police were involved.

[2830] They had been involved once before.

[2831] That's what's interesting is like, I hope I'm telling it with a lot of compassion because no one really knows what to do.

[2832] Of course.

[2833] Everyone knows he's kind of disabled in a way.

[2834] Yeah.

[2835] And he's living with his grandma.

[2836] And so the cops are kind of telling us like, you know, he doesn't really know what he's doing.

[2837] But it's getting more and more dangerous.

[2838] Right.

[2839] No one really, of course, no one wants to send this kid to anywhere.

[2840] Of course.

[2841] Oh, it's bad for everyone.

[2842] It's bad for everyone.

[2843] And the police are in a tricky situation, but they were also useless.

[2844] Like, they weren't really.

[2845] It shouldn't have got to the point where he drove the car into the lamppost.

[2846] So that's a big issue.

[2847] But I have compassion for everyone involved.

[2848] The grandma.

[2849] Oh, the grandma.

[2850] Oh, my God.

[2851] Life is just very unfortunate and sad sometimes.

[2852] It is.

[2853] There's not like bad guys.

[2854] There's just like hurt and damaged people and we're all trying to do the best.

[2855] Yeah, that's tough.

[2856] Anyways, a lot going on for my brother.

[2857] But he had those eyes.

[2858] Fuck, he was rewarded with those eyes.

[2859] God was like, I don't give you these crazy eyes to make up for this other stuff.

[2860] Eyes have never been, for me, a thing.

[2861] I mean, obviously, on some people, they are undeniable.

[2862] It's like you can't not notice them.

[2863] But for the most part, yeah, I don't notice them very much.

[2864] Right.

[2865] I guess it's like my dad.

[2866] Remember when we asked my dad about what they call the cat eyes?

[2867] Cat eyes.

[2868] And he was like, basically, my dad was like, I don't notice eyes.

[2869] Because everyone had brown eyes.

[2870] He just like, he doesn't think about eyes.

[2871] He's ever cat eyes.

[2872] He knew about that, but he wasn't familiar.

[2873] We're a lot of luck.

[2874] Okay.

[2875] All right.

[2876] Now, Rob, can you please look up how many interviews of armchair expert, just armchair expert and experts, Monday and Thursday, we have done.

[2877] Oh, can you even do that?

[2878] Is there a way to do it?

[2879] I can do it.

[2880] It's not a quick...

[2881] I don't want you to, like, go through and count.

[2882] I mean, I have a calendar, but I would have to, like, copy it and then just remove stuff that's not...

[2883] Okay, we don't need to do that.

[2884] I can...

[2885] This is easy enough to figure out, just not an on -the -fly...

[2886] Okay, so maybe we'll do it for...

[2887] That's a TBD.

[2888] I have the same curiosity.

[2889] Are you curious how many we've done?

[2890] Yeah, because we said seven or 800, and I'm curious what the real number is.

[2891] Yeah.

[2892] Not 800.

[2893] I think we're, like, approaching 700 is my guess.

[2894] Because the 500 was how long ago?

[2895] We're at Fred is 648, but that includes Armchair Anonymous.

[2896] Okay.

[2897] And how long has Armchair Anonymous been going?

[2898] We can kind of ball back.

[2899] We've done like 60 -ish.

[2900] Okay.

[2901] So 590 -ish.

[2902] Okay.

[2903] All right.

[2904] Okay.

[2905] I wanted it to be more.

[2906] I wanted it to be more.

[2907] That's okay.

[2908] Yeah.

[2909] Well, we have a lot.

[2910] It's fine.

[2911] Yeah, it's really funny because the notion that we would have ever done 100 was preposterous.

[2912] And then we got to 500, which felt like really quick.

[2913] So now I'm like, oh, then we must be at 1 ,000 because it felt really fast that we got to 500.

[2914] But no. Well, then we have like the seasonal stuff.

[2915] Exactly.

[2916] And like armchair and dangerous, I think, is included in there.

[2917] I also don't know why we're not counting Armchair Anonymous.

[2918] No, I'm just, I was just curious about interviews.

[2919] I mean, a amount of shows we've done in total as a network are for sure 800.

[2920] Yeah.

[2921] You said the most interesting 23 and me results of anyone you've ever met was, Fred.

[2922] But I mean, Fred.

[2923] Yeah, because his grandpa.

[2924] Yes, was presenting as Japanese, but was Korean.

[2925] And then a professional dancer.

[2926] Yeah.

[2927] And Fred learned that he through that.

[2928] Yeah.

[2929] Which is, which is crazy.

[2930] But I would say the Carrie Washington reveal is bigger.

[2931] I didn't know it yet.

[2932] Oh.

[2933] I didn't know it yet.

[2934] I see.

[2935] He was before.

[2936] Oh, that's right.

[2937] Carrie Washington.

[2938] Okay, that's right.

[2939] So if you, if you miss the Washington episode you should go back you know it's funny is I would maybe be interested in doing that but only it was private yeah I know because this is all on TV and then just generates this news cycle yeah I don't really need that I don't need to find out like my well I already know my uncle's like murdered people I don't think I want to know any of that stuff I mean I'm curious but like if I found out my dad wasn't my dad I don't want to know that yeah he's clearly your dad though having met both of you spent time with you I don't know that there's ever been a father -daughter that more similar.

[2940] Lincoln and I give you a run for your money, but.

[2941] Yeah, he's definitely my dad.

[2942] My mom's definitely my mom.

[2943] Uh, but if first, I love how she answers the phone when I call.

[2944] Yeah, she's cute.

[2945] In fact, I wish we had a reason to call her right now to be honest.

[2946] Oh, I guess nobody, nobody has that though, right?

[2947] Nobody has my mom's not my mom because you can't.

[2948] Well, no, Dahlmer maybe.

[2949] One of the.

[2950] serial killers.

[2951] Okay.

[2952] His grandma was presenting as his mom.

[2953] Oh, I think Ted Bundy.

[2954] Yeah, and his sister was present.

[2955] Or his mom was presenting as his sister.

[2956] No, Charles Manson, I think.

[2957] No. Oh, Ted Bundy.

[2958] It's one of the, yeah, it's one of the big guys.

[2959] Dalmer or Bundy.

[2960] I want to say Manson, though, because didn't David teach us that one of the armchair lives?

[2961] We did Salt Lake City, though, with Ted Bundy.

[2962] Oh, shoot.

[2963] Okay.

[2964] He might have all, I don't know.

[2965] But I know one of the big guys.

[2966] You know, lots of kills.

[2967] Yeah, a lot under his bill.

[2968] In the Hall of Fame, the Serial Killer Hall of Fame.

[2969] Yeah.

[2970] Yeah, scary.

[2971] Oh, my God.

[2972] I know I've told you this before, but I had stumbled upon a book when I was about 19 or 20.

[2973] And it was basically that.

[2974] It was an encyclopedia of the people who killed the most amount of people.

[2975] Oh, my God.

[2976] I found it so interesting.

[2977] Isn't that weird?

[2978] I mean, I'm not alone.

[2979] A lot of people love these death shows and serial killers.

[2980] True crime.

[2981] I mean, that's why it's the biggest genre.

[2982] Yeah.

[2983] It was Bundy.

[2984] Bundy grew up believing his mother was a sister and his grandparents.

[2985] where it's biological.

[2986] Right.

[2987] Okay, well, that's rare, though.

[2988] Much more common for your dad not to be your dad.

[2989] Yeah.

[2990] But I would be really sad if I found that out, so I just don't want to know that.

[2991] You'd be sad?

[2992] I think you'd be like, oh, who cares?

[2993] You saw my dad.

[2994] I would be, I wouldn't be mad at anyone.

[2995] I would be, I think I would be sad.

[2996] Because you have pride in being his daughter.

[2997] I mean, I still would be his daughter.

[2998] Yeah.

[2999] You guys are fucking identical, so whatever.

[3000] It really makes an argue for nurture.

[3001] Yeah, we could be a cool.

[3002] We're not identical.

[3003] Oh, my God, you are.

[3004] I think you guys are identical.

[3005] And I don't think me and you are identical.

[3006] I think we're pretty similar.

[3007] I'm not as.

[3008] You're not as what?

[3009] He's like you in that sometimes, although maybe this is less you now.

[3010] But for so long, I'm just like, I don't know what you believe.

[3011] I know like you like engaging in this way so much that I don't know what you actually believe that's my brother that's my brother but in a weird way you do know what they believe in which is like what I believe in is pressure testing everything all the time that's kind of the belief that's a little bit mine which is just like okay my instinct says this now let's let's really try to challenge that that that's amusing to me or fun or interesting that's that's a very amusing for him.

[3012] And it is for me, too, if what I'm talking about, you don't care a ton about.

[3013] Exactly.

[3014] But if I do, I find it very upsetting.

[3015] Whatever the spectrum is, I'm not where my brother's at.

[3016] Yeah.

[3017] You know.

[3018] Yeah.

[3019] I mean, I do, and my dad does have strong beliefs.

[3020] So I know.

[3021] I'm also just welcoming you into my head.

[3022] Because when I think of something, like, what then happens is this very long debate in my head.

[3023] Yes.

[3024] And so when it happens in real life, I just, that's my muscle memory as well.

[3025] Yeah.

[3026] My dad is doing it.

[3027] Like, he's doing it for the sake of the debate, but I need him to stop in the middle and say, okay, but this is actually what I believe now.

[3028] Let's keep going, but he won't.

[3029] One time that similarly, my brother and I were driving back from the sand dunes, and all of a sudden he's kind of like, he's telling me all this pro -Trump stuff, right?

[3030] He's just like letting it rip about Trump.

[3031] I did say at one point, I got, pause, pause, pause, pause.

[3032] I need you to tell me out loud.

[3033] You don't think he's a good guy.

[3034] I just need to to know that you don't actually think he's someone you should aspire to be.

[3035] Right.

[3036] He's like, he's not a great guy, but the guy's a winner, you know, and then he launched back into it, but I was like, okay, I just needed to touch down on the fact that, like, you wouldn't want your son to grow up like him if you had one, wouldn't you?

[3037] Exactly.

[3038] Exactly.

[3039] Like, sometimes you just need to touch down in reality.

[3040] And anyway, okay, Phil Hartman, Tragedy.

[3041] You guys brought it up.

[3042] Did you know that story?

[3043] I didn't know it.

[3044] And so I assume a lot of people didn't know it, but we kind of moved on sort of quick and I didn't want to go back.

[3045] But yeah.

[3046] You see if I remember the details.

[3047] What was this?

[3048] Like 97 or something?

[3049] I think 98.

[3050] Yeah, 98.

[3051] My memory is that his wife shot him and that they then tested her blood and she was drunk and had cocaine in her system.

[3052] Yes.

[3053] And that she was an addict.

[3054] She was an addict.

[3055] She killed him in his sleep.

[3056] In his sleep?

[3057] Mm -hmm.

[3058] And then killed herself.

[3059] Really tragic.

[3060] The amount of pain and destruction.

[3061] I know.

[3062] Although silver lining If I'm going to get murdered Please do I'm dead asleep So I don't experience any of it That's true Yeah Don't wake me up first And shooting Like I don't want to get like stabbed Right or strangled for like Yeah 10 minutes Or drowned Oh That's my drowning Or put on fire Of There's something weird What Moving up I don't want to say Because you're gonna be so mad But I just like What I heard going, I was fuck to death.

[3063] Fuck to death.

[3064] That would be not a bad way to go, I think.

[3065] Yeah, that would be at the very top of my list.

[3066] Well, would it be like a heart attack or like your insides explode?

[3067] This is like on your eighth orgasm or your 27th orgasm, you explode.

[3068] Yeah, I would like that.

[3069] How did they die?

[3070] Fuck to death.

[3071] I wonder if it's ever happened.

[3072] I mean, definitely.

[3073] Well, that's McConaughey's story is his dad's heart gave up.

[3074] while they were making love.

[3075] It is?

[3076] I don't remember that.

[3077] It's one of the many great McConaughey stories.

[3078] Oh, by the way, this is like a 25 -year -old fact -check check.

[3079] We were trying to remember people who had been married three times.

[3080] His parents were one of them.

[3081] Oh.

[3082] People pointed that out in the comments.

[3083] Oh, that's funny.

[3084] I think that was on the Jason Durullo episode.

[3085] Okay, Randall Tech's Cobb.

[3086] He is still alive.

[3087] He's still alive.

[3088] Oh, no kidding.

[3089] I'm so glad he's still alive because he had a hard, hard life.

[3090] Still fighting.

[3091] Still fighting.

[3092] Still boxing.

[3093] Oh, that's it, because the last one was about the hayride, which we already talked about.

[3094] Oh, okay.

[3095] We already wrap that up.

[3096] When's your retrieval?

[3097] Well, I just got an email.

[3098] So I was supposed to go in on Friday again and maybe trigger Friday night or Saturday for a retrieval Sunday or Monday.

[3099] I remember this.

[3100] And you're hoping Sunday.

[3101] I'm hoping Sunday.

[3102] But they want me to come in tomorrow because she says she's going to look and maybe I might trigger tomorrow night, which would mean a Saturday.

[3103] Okay, of the rest of the weekend.

[3104] Yeah, the weekend would be great.

[3105] But it's almost over.

[3106] You've already gone through this process before.

[3107] How long does it take to start feeling normal again?

[3108] I don't really remember.

[3109] I want to say, well, look, I flew to Spain not that many days after.

[3110] Uh -huh.

[3111] And I was fine.

[3112] Yeah.

[3113] So I think like a couple days.

[3114] It makes me think of the day I got a Vassai.

[3115] I got a vasectomy on a Wednesday in L .A. And Friday, I was in Atlanta shooting a Samsung commercial jumping on a trampoline.

[3116] I was there for that.

[3117] Yes, you were.

[3118] Yeah.

[3119] And I thought, this is not what the doctor advised.

[3120] Bouncing your testes.

[3121] No. It's really not.

[3122] Your fragile damage testes.

[3123] Oh, God.

[3124] Bounce, bounce, bounce.

[3125] Yeah, I am curious because it's definitely, my body is definitely distended.

[3126] Okay.

[3127] And very bruised.

[3128] And I don't remember.

[3129] Oh, from the shots?

[3130] Mm -hmm.

[3131] Yeah.

[3132] I didn't have much of that last time, the bruising.

[3133] But so I'm curious how long it will take for that to, like, go back down and go away.

[3134] I'll report back and we'll see, but.

[3135] Can't wait to hear.

[3136] By the time we talk next, you'll have, it'll have happened.

[3137] Yes.

[3138] That's a certainty.

[3139] All right, I love you.

[3140] I love you.

[3141] Good luck.

[3142] Thanks.