#744 - Tom Segura

[0] Jamie.

[1] Young Jimmy fix this fucking mess.

[2] We have here.

[3] Electronics fail, folks.

[4] They do.

[5] They just do.

[6] Sometimes they just go bad on you.

[7] They just, that's why people like mechanical shit, like cars with a clutch.

[8] And they fail, too.

[9] They fail, too.

[10] He did three boards.

[11] Three boards.

[12] Young Jamie had to fire through a bunch of shit we have laying around.

[13] Luckily, we almost have enough.

[14] If you're listening to this, you're like, this is in mono.

[15] It's not even in stereo.

[16] Everything's fine.

[17] It's just like mine now.

[18] I'm going to sound like shit.

[19] Well, you're in like one ear only.

[20] That's why.

[21] That's what I can only get us to one from what I have gone over here.

[22] How do you sound to the regular people?

[23] I'll fix it later.

[24] I think it should be just fine.

[25] But for right now, it's only going to be left here.

[26] Well, if anybody's listening to YouTube on headphones, that means you're probably at work and you're fucking off.

[27] So that's what happens.

[28] You're definitely not working.

[29] Do you know how many people listen to podcasts while they're working and don't really work?

[30] Do you know how many people message me about how they're doing something pretty dangerous?

[31] And they're doing, they're like, I'm doing forklifts and moving shit around, but I'm laughing listening to the podcast.

[32] I'm like, oh, that's really comforting, man. But at least they're, well, if you work a forklift, you really need to listen to people, you know?

[33] No, I guess not.

[34] You have those headsets on it and have a good laugh.

[35] I think a lot of them say they have policies where someone will tell them, hey, one ear, free, you know, so that you can hear someone's screaming.

[36] My leg's under this thing right now, you know, that kind of shit.

[37] Isn't that the rule when you're driving?

[38] Like you're not allowed to have like full headsets on?

[39] You're not supposed to, yeah.

[40] But you can have one in.

[41] I guess.

[42] You can?

[43] You can?

[44] Yeah.

[45] Legally?

[46] Yeah, you could drive.

[47] I don't know legally.

[48] I'm guessing.

[49] What am I a lawyer?

[50] Yeah.

[51] It'd be a great lawyer.

[52] Thank you.

[53] I would fucking argue to the end.

[54] I think if you became a lawyer and you were arguing all the time, you'd probably have a nightmare to be around.

[55] Because you're probably always trying to win.

[56] Well, for sure.

[57] Yeah.

[58] Yeah.

[59] That's what they do, right?

[60] That's what they do.

[61] Try to find their way out of technicalities.

[62] What if you're a shrink too?

[63] And you're, you know, every conversation you get in.

[64] Are you psychoanalyzing everybody?

[65] Probably, right?

[66] Yes.

[67] For sure.

[68] That's got to wear on you other people for a while.

[69] Like, will you knock it the fuck off?

[70] Yeah.

[71] Well, when I was in college, that was the area, I never really applied myself in college at all.

[72] But the one thing that I was thinking of, like, if I had a job, like, what are things that I'm interested in?

[73] Psychology did come up because I'd read a lot of, like, self -help books.

[74] and psychology books while I was fighting to try to like manage my mind and anxiety and shit like that.

[75] But then I thought about it.

[76] I'd be like, you'd just be dealing with people with problems all the time.

[77] And you don't, I don't necessarily want that.

[78] I don't think that's a good idea.

[79] Problems make your dicks off, that's why.

[80] Is that the do it?

[81] Yeah.

[82] You know, when someone tells you their problems, I always feel like if you tell me your problems, you're making my dicks off.

[83] Problems make your dicks off.

[84] I've never heard that expression before.

[85] Well, I always felt like that when I was dating, you know?

[86] It's like you go out with a girl, she starts telling you're like, man, you're making my dicks off right now.

[87] Depends on what the problems are.

[88] The problems are my ex -boyfriend, he just never wanted to eat my pussy.

[89] I don't know why.

[90] Oh, that's a good problem.

[91] That's a problem that makes you dick hard.

[92] Baby, we got solutions.

[93] We got solutions for this.

[94] Problems.

[95] Your problems make my dicks off.

[96] I've never heard that before.

[97] Thank you.

[98] But now That's an original right there Problems make my dicks off You should make a song I've written a few lyrics about it Yeah I really have Was it rap or singing The way that I had it written out Is that it's one of those songs It starts with banter Between like the piano player And the guy on the mic And he's like You know Hey Joe How to go last night He's like ah man You know She came over But you know There's nothing I hate less than, I hate more than problems.

[99] Like, oh, yeah, man, then you hear a little twinkle in the piano.

[100] Your problems, your problems make my dick soft, dick soft.

[101] That could actually be a funny song.

[102] I think so.

[103] Yeah, definitely.

[104] Yeah, you need to team up with somebody.

[105] Yeah, well, that's a sure sign that someone is not really into turning you on.

[106] Yes.

[107] Like, they get together with you and they just start whining and complaining where you're trying to get your freak on.

[108] Especially if it's early on and you're wondering, you're like, I don't know where we stand and they start.

[109] Because a girl that's downloading the problems on you, she's not interested in that dick at all.

[110] Or she's just so into herself that you just got to get out of there anyway.

[111] Yeah, that's time to bail.

[112] Yeah, because when you tell someone about your problems, aren't you thinking while you're telling them like, I don't want to fucking burden this guy with my problems?

[113] Right, yes.

[114] So when someone doesn't think like that, they're very self -obsessed.

[115] Yeah, they're just thinking about themselves.

[116] That's true.

[117] And I told her, I was like, you, fuck you, fucking.

[118] You're only my boss because you're fucking hair.

[119] Yeah.

[120] And you're like, like I made a souffle.

[121] What's up?

[122] Especially work problems.

[123] When people start talking about work bullshit.

[124] Like, you're not even there.

[125] Do you have that when you go on a, you know, double date with your wife?

[126] And then they start telling you about Sarah in accounting or something.

[127] Dude.

[128] Double dates can be fucking brutal.

[129] And especially the ones my wife wants to set up.

[130] Come on.

[131] They be really fun.

[132] They don't realize you're conditioned pretty much fully to interesting people.

[133] You're, you know, you host a podcast, so you have guests on, you have a lot of interesting people.

[134] You're friends with comedians, so you have funny, insightful people all the time.

[135] Like Tom Segura.

[136] Fucking right here.

[137] And then you have, you know, then you're in the fight world and you have, you know, people talking about things that interest you.

[138] Yes.

[139] And if you go on a double date with someone who doesn't check off any of those things, it can be real fucking downer.

[140] Some people just don't know how to tell a fucking story either.

[141] Yeah.

[142] Oh, my God.

[143] We went on this one double date, and this dude started telling me this story about his son and his son's basketball game.

[144] And I swear to God, there was fucking no point.

[145] There was nothing.

[146] Yeah.

[147] There was nothing there.

[148] You know, he usually gets a few minutes.

[149] And then the coach apparently wanted him to do this, but he was nothing.

[150] wanted to do that.

[151] And so he's not getting enough time on the court.

[152] And it's droning on and on and on and on.

[153] And the guy is just no sense of someone listening.

[154] There's no sense.

[155] There's no interaction.

[156] It's just like he's decided that he has a story that he likes to tell and he's going to go on with this story.

[157] And he's using his hands and he's bending his head forward.

[158] He's got all this crazy movement and there's nothing there just like that probably because that story works in his dad circle you know with his other dad friends that are that are dads on that team and then you know they have kids on that team and he tells them can you believe when the coach and the other dads are like I'm I saw the same thing I mean he usually scored and they so he thinks he leaves that going that's a good story I think some people I'm going to tell you Joe that one they don't care they just wait for their time to talk some people they talk and then you talk and then they talk, and everyone they know is boring, and they just can't wait to go to sleep.

[159] And that's their life?

[160] Yeah, they fucking take sleeping pills.

[161] Do you know how many people I've run into that fucking take sleeping pills every night?

[162] No. A lot.

[163] Really?

[164] It's one of the things that I do.

[165] One of the things that I do, I ask quite, you know, I did this bit on Ari Shafir show about a house fire or a fire in a hotel that I was in.

[166] With Tom Seguer.

[167] That's right.

[168] That's right.

[169] And Joey Diaz, remember that?

[170] Yeah.

[171] Get the best part about it.

[172] They tell us not to take the elevator.

[173] We get stuck in the stair.

[174] The whole point of the story is I was ready to fucking stampede these people because they were slowly walking down the stairs.

[175] And we got outside and we were looking for Joey.

[176] We were panicking.

[177] Joey comes outside.

[178] And I go, where were you?

[179] He goes, I took the elevator like a doctor.

[180] He was smoking a joint.

[181] He's outside already smoking a joint.

[182] He's the greatest.

[183] But I realized while I was doing this that some of these people were literally waking up while they were walking.

[184] And then I started thinking How many these fucks are on sleeping pills?

[185] Because I knew Kevin James Kevin James Would take sleeping pills and he would do shit Like he made dinner once And he just didn't want to admit that he made dinner I think he went to the store And bought a turkey or something crazy like that And cooked it And got up in the morning And didn't want to admit he did it He was like, I didn't fucking do that Because he didn't remember it at all Because it warped him that much They don't remember shit They just do things I've actually never taken one.

[186] They're scary, dude.

[187] They scare the shit out of me. When I'm not tired, I stay awake.

[188] I'm crazy.

[189] That's crazy.

[190] I'm fucking crazy.

[191] Yeah.

[192] If I'm not tired, I just get up and do shit.

[193] I'm crazy.

[194] Now, can you sleep well when you...

[195] Like a brick.

[196] You know what I do if I'm tired?

[197] Or if I want to get tired, I jerk off.

[198] Yeah.

[199] I go out like a baby.

[200] Almost instantly.

[201] Especially high.

[202] Oh!

[203] Sometimes you get paranoid, though, right in the middle of jerking on.

[204] Oh, no. When is it going to end?

[205] What if tonight's the night?

[206] Did I never wake up?

[207] Mm -hmm.

[208] Had those.

[209] So I started getting into pain sleeping pills.

[210] Like, I started asking.

[211] And people I work with at the UFC, fucking tons of them.

[212] Tons of them take sleeping bills every night.

[213] Tons of them.

[214] And I'm like, what the fuck, man?

[215] Every night?

[216] Yeah, I can't sleep without them.

[217] Oh, my God.

[218] But that's not good.

[219] Don't get started.

[220] That seems like the key to that.

[221] Yes.

[222] You don't get good sleep on, though.

[223] I don't think you get real sleep.

[224] I heard a doctor talk about that one time that you're not actually getting the benefit of real sleep on that.

[225] Yeah.

[226] That you're shutting something down, but you're not actually dipping into real REM sleep and getting all the benefits to your brain.

[227] Yeah.

[228] That you're almost like getting knocked out.

[229] Yes.

[230] Unconscious, right?

[231] You're like when you get fucked up.

[232] Like Michael Jackson.

[233] Yeah.

[234] I mean, he went as deep as you get.

[235] He was taking that fucking stuff that they used to put people under anesthesia.

[236] He was getting anesthetized.

[237] Can you imagine that every night?

[238] A doctor is administering that.

[239] Oh, through a mask.

[240] Hey, are we removing your gallbladder?

[241] No, I just want to take a nap.

[242] So I just...

[243] I just like to sleep.

[244] Well, he was probably so fucked up.

[245] You know, I saw Dick Gregory talking about him, and it was really interesting.

[246] Because Dick Gregory was getting interviewed by this guy, and the guy was talking to him about Michael Jackson, and Dick Gregory just started going off.

[247] And he started screaming.

[248] in he never had a fucking childhood do you understand me he never had a fucking childhood he never bounced the ball and he just started going off because i guess he knew michael jackson he was just saying like he missed that part of his childhood like the whole neverland thing and hanging out with children a big part of that was just that he never had a childhood i think that makes sense it does make sense i don't know if you ever did anything to anybody i don't know because i wasn't there obviously but I think a lot of the people that he's hanging around with those little kids yeah their parents realize like this is a fucking golden ticket even if he never did anything they realized like this is a guy my kids spend the night over this fucking crazy multi multi multi multi millionaire's house who's a fucking backyard filled with amusement park rides and toys in his house monkeys and zebras and shit guys if he's not a pedophile yeah you know like there's something going fucking let's sue this guy fuck it yeah who knows yeah that he's a sad it's a sad story when you think about i mean it's pretty well documented that that it wasn't very pleasant to be a joe jackson kid no no no that had to be a fucking disaster yeah that ought to be a goddamn nightmare yeah and then you seem like a crazy guy that's how you get good is having a dad make you do that dance one more time i guess but it's pretty is that the only way i wonder i don't think so yeah it's probably the only way to get that good i do i do think with uh with athletes you know i've read a lot of stories about how dads affect certain athletes some of them but but there's the other side of it that some of them just have that focus and that desire themselves and some of them say the only way you get this good and discompetit it's in you you got to be the one that wakes up and goes on the run and trains and that's how you get it but there's the flip side of that is the dad you know the overbearing dad that i'm going to make you a championer yeah but a lot of times those overbearing dads the kid winds up rebelling sure they wind up just abandoning that dad and they never want to have anything to do with them sure Todd marinovitch and marv minnovich you know that's whole that whole story yeah yeah his dad marv marinovitch was this like legendary strength and conditioning coach He's a guy who worked with B .J. Penn when B .J. Penn was in his prime, and he just has these crazy, really revolutionary ideas when it comes to strength and conditioning.

[249] And he had his son on this just insane organic diet.

[250] And I don't think he was even feeding him meat when he was young.

[251] And it was at home.

[252] So it was a, this was 24 -7.

[253] It was, you're going to, it's not like, here's a meal plan.

[254] I hope you stick to it.

[255] He was stretching him as a baby.

[256] So crazy.

[257] Working on his flexibility.

[258] Now, he did make Todd pretty fucking insanely good.

[259] I mean, Todd was a hell of a quarterback for a minute.

[260] But he also was freaking out and, you know, went to drugs, I think, as a release for how overbearing dad could be.

[261] Yeah, he blew a fuse.

[262] There's a really interesting documentary.

[263] I think it's one of those ESPN ones.

[264] It is.

[265] 30 for 30.

[266] Yeah.

[267] Yeah, I watched it.

[268] And I was like, wow.

[269] Yeah.

[270] What a weird life having a dad like.

[271] And he became like a painter.

[272] He's like an artist now.

[273] Todd is now?

[274] Yeah.

[275] That's interesting.

[276] He could have been world -class NFL quarterback.

[277] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[278] But I think the only thing that really derailed that were probably the drugs, right?

[279] Probably, yeah.

[280] Well, also desire.

[281] I guess he just didn't want to do that.

[282] Yeah.

[283] That desire thing, like, you have to have it in you.

[284] Like, they say that.

[285] Some people do have it in them, and some people don't.

[286] And so when you look at someone that became successful, it's so hard to figure out, like, what was it that, drove that guy to be so obsessed that he had to be you know the best baseball player the best basketball player like was it was it his upbringing did he have i mean with everybody there's a different story some people they had they had to prove something like maybe they were born uh you know single mom didn't have a father always angry they want to prove to the world there's those guys a lot there's a lot of proved to dads you know like yeah jerry west his story that he's the guy that's the logo of the NBA, you know, the outline of the player playing.

[287] Yeah.

[288] He was Jerry West and he had a really abusive dad and he even said in interview, he didn't think he would be as driven as good and be a great player if he hadn't had basically a shitty dad.

[289] Wow.

[290] Yeah.

[291] So there is a lot of that.

[292] Or the Herschel Walker story.

[293] Did you see his?

[294] What was his story?

[295] His story was, it wasn't anything about that.

[296] His parents, he had a good relationship with.

[297] His was getting bullied.

[298] You know, he was teased and bullied who the fuck could bully that guy i guess eight nine 10 years old you know we're talking that yeah yes but he was getting pushed around he was chubby and then it was lord it was that focus though of i'm not going to get pushed around anymore i'm not i'm not i'm not going to get bullied they started running and doing those insane claims at least of pushups and sit -ups and then he just you know also had genetics he was a freak fucking athlete he's still a freak he is still a freak Back then, and the thing about Herschel Walker is he allegedly never lifted weights.

[299] Yeah, that was a big thing I don't know if that's true, man. I don't know if it's true either because a lot of people said they, like, I saw him lift weights.

[300] I was with him in the fucking weight room.

[301] Like, when you talk to strength and conditioning coaches, they're like, there's muscles on that guy that you really don't develop unless you're picking up heavy shit.

[302] Sure.

[303] But I don't know if that's the truth.

[304] His push -up claims are 5 ,000.

[305] a day for back then.

[306] So that's a little also, you know, I'm a big Herschel fan, but that's a lot of fucking push -ups.

[307] I could do that.

[308] I could do that.

[309] I could do that easy.

[310] He was like, I was doing it between every commercial, you know, watching shows.

[311] I'll just hit the ground, bang out, like, 500 push -ups.

[312] Come on, man. I think there's a lot of...

[313] A lot of these, maybe, you know?

[314] The fake ones, a half -inch push -ups.

[315] Well, he definitely did something, right?

[316] Whatever he did.

[317] Yeah.

[318] But he also says something that He says some stuff that's not physically possible.

[319] Like he said, he only eats a salad and a bowl of soup a day.

[320] Well, that's not enough calories to keep your body mass. That doesn't make it.

[321] Your whole body, the only reason why your body is the size that it is because you take in calories enough to fuel all that muscle.

[322] If you don't take it enough calories to fuel all that muscle, your body starts eating that muscle.

[323] That's a fact.

[324] That's just physiology.

[325] Did you wonder, by the way, I was listening to your Lance Armstrong.

[326] episode how when he was talking about how riders just not eat yeah you go like how do you have any energy to ride yeah we're not talking about a leisurely stroll down the beach yeah you guys are training for tour de france and starving yourself how how do you have the probably amphetamines if not amphetamines uh caffeine some some whatever legal and isn't there just all kinds of cramping going on your body's just i would think so freaking out yeah i would imagine me fuck man i i have no idea how anybody could do that's a very common bike cyclists yeah not cyclers cyclers right no cyclists it's not cyclers no come on joe jesus christ he got mad at me man yeah he was like it's cyclists cyclists don't say cyclers it's so funny but i guess it's like if someone said the ultimate fighting challenge no it's championship championship championship yeah the you or you know the ultimate fighting challenge challenge yeah Cyclists.

[327] Got it.

[328] Yeah, I don't know, man. I think there's a lot of mental toughness involved in that sport, for sure.

[329] I mean, those fucking people are savages.

[330] They really are.

[331] They really are.

[332] Just a, I mean, how many days in a row do they do it?

[333] I think it's 21.

[334] Something insane like that?

[335] 21, 25, something like that.

[336] Fuck, man. 100 miles a day?

[337] I know.

[338] 2 ,500 miles total?

[339] What?

[340] I know.

[341] Have you heard about these super, the super, I don't know the right term, mega marathon people who do the 50 -mile ones.

[342] And then they do them back -to -back.

[343] Like, there's a few people that do them day after day after day.

[344] Yeah.

[345] How does your body just sustain?

[346] Some lady in my neighborhood.

[347] She ran two ultra -marathons in a row, two days in a row.

[348] A hundred miles one day and then 100 miles the next day.

[349] That's a chick who hates her husband.

[350] For sure.

[351] You think so?

[352] You're a fucking piece of shit.

[353] She's fueled by hand.

[354] Anger.

[355] You say my problems, make your dicks off.

[356] I'm going to run for 200 fucking miles.

[357] Exactly.

[358] She comes home.

[359] Their toenails fall off.

[360] Their toenails fall off when they do that.

[361] I saw real sports about that.

[362] And then a guy who so didn't care about that just had them lasered off.

[363] Whoa.

[364] Because they kept falling off and he goes, I don't need them.

[365] So he just had them laser off.

[366] What?

[367] What purpose do they serve?

[368] I guess they protect the tips of your fingers.

[369] That was going on?

[370] I don't know, man. It is a weird thing when you look at fingernails.

[371] They are strange.

[372] Yeah.

[373] They really are.

[374] This weird hard surface on the, like every other animal that has nails, they're claws.

[375] Right.

[376] They're the designed to climb things or the design to kill.

[377] Mm -hmm.

[378] But we have these, like, weird tips.

[379] Yeah.

[380] They're good for opening up envelopes.

[381] Stickers.

[382] Yeah.

[383] That's why we have these, man. Scraping stickers off.

[384] Yeah.

[385] It's a weird feature of our bodies.

[386] it's weird how a person developed this way and not only that like they just keep growing so you're supposed to cut him like what if you don't cut you ever seen that guy in india that grew his nails like the world's longest nails yeah i've seen i don't know if i've seen him i've seen photos like that's so gross i think he did it for more than 18 years or something like that just grew his nails and they grew so long that he couldn't use his hand that's one of them they grow like that hey what's up asshole two hands like that Come on, man. So he has to wear, like, special shirts with no sleeves.

[387] That's ridiculous.

[388] It is.

[389] I saw a...

[390] Ew, look at that.

[391] Look at that guy.

[392] I saw a TLC show where it was, I don't know, weird.

[393] They have all these shows, weird people.

[394] And it was a lady who didn't cut her toenails.

[395] And they grow and curl.

[396] You know, she can't wear regular shoes.

[397] And I don't think she can work.

[398] I think that was the other thing.

[399] She's like, I can't go to work.

[400] I'm fucking up these nails.

[401] so stupid i got priorities yeah that lady was weird she she kept them straight oh jesus no thank you good lord that's like a bear she looks like a bear well how strange are people i don't know i'm sexy but you have to take care of those nails like oh my oh what's on the far left no lower left look at that what are those what are those what are those oh oh Oh, God.

[402] Well, that seems like we're looking at some other stuff there.

[403] Like, we're looking at hand nails and toenails there.

[404] Because there's the toenails.

[405] Right, there's nails coming down.

[406] Yeah.

[407] Yeah, something disgusting about long nails.

[408] Yeah.

[409] Yeah.

[410] Even sometimes women will have the slightly longer pedicure.

[411] Why do you have them long?

[412] I don't even understand why.

[413] Yeah, even slightly longer is kind of gross.

[414] Trent get that shit even man yeah if you paid for that if you have a half inch long on your toes like ew so gross why are you fucking weirdo why are you doing that what are you using them for isn't that strange though because of a half inch on your fingers is totally acceptable and can even be sexy right like girls with like red nails sure sure kind of sexy right why is that I don't know the color it's because of the color but well how come the red toenails that are a little long are not sexy maybe to somebody it is I'm saying I think it's fucking fucking foul.

[415] I'm sure someone's going to be like, I love those half long inch toenails.

[416] I think it's gross, man. Who wants toenails that go over the edge and inch?

[417] People do it purposely, so they have to be.

[418] They have to be doing it.

[419] Maybe it's one of those things like girls think guys like it, but only girls like it, like really skinny girls.

[420] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[421] You know, like girls will see a girl that's like basically dying.

[422] And you're like, oh, she's hot.

[423] Yeah.

[424] Like how skinny is she's a hot.

[425] Tyco's not skinny.

[426] I always sound that skinny.

[427] No, you don't.

[428] There's some people that really think that that looks good.

[429] They really do.

[430] Because of fashion models, you know, I just don't, I don't understand that.

[431] Like, no guy likes that.

[432] I don't think so.

[433] You want something.

[434] There must be a few guys, but they're fucked up.

[435] Yeah.

[436] But normal guys want meat.

[437] Something to grab onto.

[438] Yeah, yeah.

[439] It's normal.

[440] Like, every guy I've ever asked, would you rather your girl be?

[441] 15 pounds too heavy or 15 pounds too light.

[442] Everybody says too heavy.

[443] Too heavy, yeah.

[444] Everybody.

[445] For sure.

[446] Too light is like, like, are you going to be okay?

[447] Well, yeah, of course.

[448] You're dying.

[449] Yeah, you're tired all the time.

[450] Your face is all sucked in like you're making weight for a fight.

[451] You want the ass to move.

[452] Right?

[453] You take the ass moving, jiggling.

[454] Yeah.

[455] Jiggles are good.

[456] Spank.

[457] That's what I'm talking about.

[458] That's what I'm saying.

[459] So tell me about Throatzilla.

[460] So.

[461] We were starting this podcast before we started, he started telling me his story.

[462] I go, stop.

[463] Save it.

[464] I, I, you asked me if I have on Snapchat.

[465] Yes.

[466] And I said, no, I don't post on Snapchat.

[467] I said, well, I do have a Snapchat account just to follow Throatzilla.

[468] And you said, who's that?

[469] And here's the whole story.

[470] So my buddy, Josh Potter, who's really, is a great comic out of Buffalo.

[471] He turned me on to this.

[472] So Snapchat, for people that don't know, you know, you post, you can post photos, but also like videos, 15, I think they're 15 seconds, and they time out, and then once they air, they're gone, you know?

[473] So if you follow someone and they post all the time, you're seeing essentially a timeline of their day or week.

[474] So, Thorazilla came to prominence because she is an escort in the Dallas area, and she's hooked up with a number of high -profile people who she doesn't call out but one of them um Dallas cowboy offensive lineman Lael Collins hired her to blow him and eat his ass and she did it but then he didn't pay her so she put him on blast called him out told media outlets and then I got turned on to her her Snapchat because she'll also post sometimes little snaps of her blowing guys and eating their asses and um Also running out of gas.

[475] Oh, that's her?

[476] No, don't put that one.

[477] I don't think she wants that one up.

[478] Why?

[479] Because she doesn't actually post her face.

[480] Oh.

[481] Yeah, I don't know.

[482] I mean, is that actually her?

[483] I don't know if that's her.

[484] I've never actually seen her face.

[485] Oh, true of that, yeah.

[486] But anyways, she really has a gift.

[487] She's also...

[488] She goes...

[489] She had a monster energy can in her mouth.

[490] Man, you should see her with dicks in her mouth.

[491] She also goes by oral.

[492] gifted um two one four which i think is the dallas area code but yeah there it is orally gifted underscore 214 she uh it says i swallow everything l -o -l and what is that a good night i think no oh what is that a lime or something i don't know that might be the end of a guy's cock that she sucked off the whole stick yeah but she posts hilarious stuff you know yeah yeah and she'll she'll do things like the dick suck right now, so I'm just going to get something to eat.

[493] That'll be like the Snapchat.

[494] She's like, I just feel I'm giving a head right now, but nobody's hitting me up.

[495] I'm going to go get some gas.

[496] And then she'll get some gas.

[497] Orally gifted.

[498] Well, there was that other girl that got famous in the hip hop world.

[499] She called herself Superhead.

[500] That's right.

[501] Yeah.

[502] I remember that.

[503] I know you're aware of all this stuff.

[504] Yeah, yeah.

[505] She always count on Tommy She did a bunch of music videos too She was a video vixen And she was Yeah, she was blowing everyone left and right I think she wrote a book about it Yeah That I might own actually I think I own it Well she's She puts everybody on blast Like Bobby Brown came over her house And fell asleep on her couch And she she filmed it That's fucked up though right I think Um yeah I think the fucked up thing Like So I had throw it zila on my podcast You did?

[506] Yeah yeah I messed the drawing and she called in.

[507] So she called into the show.

[508] That's hilarious.

[509] And she was really candid and really funny.

[510] And she basically said, you know, I provide this service.

[511] People pay.

[512] And, you know, I never would call you out.

[513] I think that's part of the sort of unspoken deal.

[514] Right.

[515] But when this guy didn't pay up, it was fucked up.

[516] You know, we agreed to something.

[517] And he goes, oh, I only have 100 bucks on me. How rude.

[518] Yeah.

[519] So she goes, at that point, that's when I. you know, called him out.

[520] Yeah, well, he treated her like an idiot.

[521] Yeah, exactly, which was the wrong thing to do.

[522] What a rude guy.

[523] Yeah.

[524] Eat someone's ass.

[525] And then we actually, Josh and I had this comment, and I know you don't follow football, but maybe you'll be able to weigh in on this.

[526] We started to discuss which position players have the worst assholes.

[527] Because if she ate a pretty big guy's ass.

[528] I mean, he's...

[529] How big is he?

[530] 6 .6 .3 .30?

[531] That's a big guy.

[532] That's a big guy.

[533] And she said it was a lot of work to get in there, you know.

[534] So she said with skinny guys, she can, you know, put them in to change my diaper, like, pull their, push their legs up and get underneath there.

[535] But with these big guys, like, with the big guys, they got to lay on their stomach and then you got to kind of open their asshole up.

[536] Yeah, yeah.

[537] Does she require that they go through some sort of a cleansing procedure?

[538] I asked, I'm glad you brought that up, and she said that no one's ever not been ready for it.

[539] In other words, cleaned up, trimmed up, everyone's ready to go.

[540] No one has to be sent to clean up.

[541] Well, she is known for her work.

[542] She's known for it, yeah.

[543] You provide proper work environment.

[544] I think so.

[545] Yeah.

[546] You wouldn't ask someone to do electrical work in the pouring rain.

[547] Exactly.

[548] Does that make sense?

[549] It's a great analogy, actually.

[550] Yes.

[551] So she's, she says that, you know, it's one of her go -to moves.

[552] and eating ass yeah i have a buddy mine who hooked up with this girl yeah and uh they they went back and forth online and then they got together and he said immediately before she even blew him she went right to his ass and i went what and he goes yeah he goes i just got off a plane he was fucking disgusting travel ass is bad i'm like what yeah i'm like what he goes i was so disgusted i never called her again she went right to his ass i'm like Who does that?

[553] A friend of mine said he also had an online hookup where the lady was, you know, pretty, you know, aggressive with how she was setting it up.

[554] And he goes, come on over.

[555] And he said it was her first move.

[556] He goes, I wasn't prepared for that.

[557] Her first move went to the ass.

[558] Went to the ass.

[559] Like, you know.

[560] Some ladies are bold.

[561] I guess.

[562] Yeah.

[563] That's a weird move, though, right?

[564] Yeah.

[565] Yeah, yeah.

[566] Go straight to the butt hole.

[567] Straight to the bottle.

[568] What kind of message you're trying to send?

[569] I was trying to say, like, this is going to go crazy.

[570] I'm going nutty.

[571] You're saying I'm freaky.

[572] Like, if you were wondering, I am.

[573] That's what you're saying.

[574] As freaky as is possible.

[575] Unless you bring a bunch of friends over to lick his ass, too.

[576] That's, yeah.

[577] That's even...

[578] Whistle and a bunch of girls start knocking on the door.

[579] Like Pac -Man mouth.

[580] They all have fucking lobster bibs on.

[581] Yeah, that's pretty...

[582] You're saying I'm advanced.

[583] Yeah.

[584] Yeah, I'm just...

[585] You know, I'm not.

[586] marrying me. It's true.

[587] Maybe that's why she did it.

[588] Maybe she just doesn't want a commitment.

[589] The best way to keep a guy from wanting to marry you is just to make him disgusted.

[590] Just eat his asshole right away.

[591] Just really, just tongue fucking.

[592] Yeah.

[593] You're not even like coaxing her into it or anything.

[594] She just leads with that.

[595] She just pushed.

[596] My friend said he just, he thought she was going to blow him.

[597] grabbed his dick, picked it up, and then pushed his legs forward.

[598] He was like, what?

[599] She's just gobble, gobble, gobble, like a rottweiler, drinking out of a toilet bowl.

[600] Some chicks are just cool, man. There's really cool chicks out there.

[601] Yeah, man. She's the best.

[602] I mean, how many guys have told their friends that kind of a story?

[603] And their friend went, wow, that's awesome.

[604] So what are you guys doing next?

[605] So you found a good girl, huh?

[606] Yeah, me and the family this weekend?

[607] Yeah, well, I'm trying to get her pregnant, bro.

[608] Oh, my God.

[609] Oh, you don't want to do that.

[610] Woof.

[611] Woof.

[612] Mm -mm.

[613] Yeah, that's a weird thing.

[614] Shit comes out of there.

[615] Like, why?

[616] Yeah.

[617] Hmm.

[618] Well, why does it feel good, though?

[619] I know.

[620] That's also part of the problem.

[621] Why doesn't your asshole feel like your fingernails?

[622] Wasn't it just like some dead dull spot that just pumps out shit?

[623] Yeah.

[624] I remember doing that to someone in college.

[625] I only did it because I saw it in a movie, you know?

[626] You know what I did?

[627] I got Hershey's syrup, and I thought it was, like, kinky to do it.

[628] And then I realized, as the Hershey Syrup smearing out, it just looks like she shit all over, because it's just liquid chocolate.

[629] So I pulled my face up, and I'm like, oh, man. It looks like she just shit in my mouth.

[630] Even though it didn't taste like it, it sure looked like it.

[631] Yeah, that's not a good look.

[632] No. Yeah.

[633] It's like cherry sauce.

[634] put cherry sauce all over too you know yeah that's not good no I don't think she liked it either no did she get weird out by you no she's just like it's what you want to do right all righty all right man did she say it felt good uh I don't remember actually I mean I know I don't think she was like hey this sucks but I don't remember it being you know big applause break or anything it's weird that some girls don't want to have nothing to do it taking the ass where other girls beg for it yeah They love it.

[635] Put something in there.

[636] All right.

[637] God.

[638] It's really aggressive.

[639] Yeah.

[640] Well, girls with toys.

[641] That's always weird.

[642] Hold on a second.

[643] And girls come back with like a giant black rubber dick.

[644] Like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

[645] Hey, hey, hey.

[646] Where's this going?

[647] That's for you, right?

[648] All right, girl with a strap on.

[649] Ooh, I never had that.

[650] No. Not interested.

[651] yeah if i wanted that i'd fuck dudes right or have dudes fuck me why would i want a girl to pretend to be a dude unless you love it well some people are really in trannies you know yeah insensitive i was insensitive with that word yeah you still say cabbies though i like to take cabby call cabby point counterpoint well tranny sounds cute to me it does sound kind of cute i don't know why it's bad it's it's it's It's offensive.

[652] What do you think that, I mean, is it pretty obvious that the attraction there for people that are attracted to it is that it looks like something and it's not, I mean, is that the appeal you think?

[653] I think people that like transgender guys, I mean, there's probably a whole fucking spectrum of different things that people like them why they like it.

[654] Right.

[655] But I think some of them, they like the idea of it being, like, naughty.

[656] Like someone with, like, she's got tick.

[657] and she's got a beautiful face and then you take her scared oh, it's a fucking shalili.

[658] Right, right.

[659] Like, it's just exciting that it's crazy.

[660] Nauty.

[661] Well, it also could be that you had some weird experience during your formative period, like when you're young, like when you're developing, apparently, they say.

[662] Chris Ryan has described this to me that there's a state, Dr. Chris Ryan, who wrote that book, Sex at Dawn.

[663] I do podcasts with him all the time.

[664] And he was talking about imprinting, like, as you're young, like, during your formative years.

[665] I think it's, I think he said somewhere between like 11 and 13 or 9 and 13 or something like that something can happen sexually.

[666] Like someone could do something to you sexually.

[667] Maybe a man can do something to you sexually.

[668] And you might not even be gay, but you might get, like, sexually imprinted, you know, that like that somehow or another excites you in some sort of a weird way.

[669] Even reluctantly excites you.

[670] Yeah.

[671] even reluctantly well for a lot of people they're they're afraid of the shame that comes with liking what you like sure like if you're a supposedly heterosexual man but you're really into transgender women there's you know you could run a risk of people finding out at work and and thinking you're fucked up you know or you know labeling you so right deviant and thinking like what else is this fucker yeah into you know It's weird.

[672] I know, I know.

[673] Almost weirder than being gay.

[674] Because if you, I mean, there's some people that don't like gay people.

[675] There's some people are afraid of it or there's a religious thing, you know.

[676] But I think that that's more accepted maybe even than wanting to date a transgender person.

[677] Oh, for sure.

[678] I mean, in today's world, I think a lot of people have come a long way with, you know, at least somewhat accepting homosexuality.

[679] but when you get to transgender that's a big leap for a lot of people yeah for sure for sure right I think I think so I don't know yeah they start looking at like you like this is what your cards are you got a fucking deal with it you gotta take it yeah and then some people like but my I got the wrong cards mm -hmm I got there I feel like inside I got the wrong cards sure not only do I support that I support people that feel like a dude but want to be a girl like I was definitely born a guy I'm a guy I'm like, ah, I want to be a girl.

[680] Yeah.

[681] Fuck it.

[682] I want to get a sex change.

[683] Okay.

[684] I don't give a shit.

[685] I don't care if you tattoo your face.

[686] Go for it.

[687] I never care what turns somebody on.

[688] You know, I mean, like, I don't understand how it would bother you when some people are afraid, you know, you're saying like the shame and people finding out.

[689] But it's amazing to me that it would bother somebody what gets somebody else off, you know?

[690] I think it's American's Puritan culture.

[691] We're apparently, when you compare us to the rest of the world, like, because, you're, like, As far as, like, what we like and, you know, what we'll accept from society, from people.

[692] We're, like, one of the most Puritan cultures on the planet.

[693] It's so bizarre to think that that's our, our surroundings.

[694] Yeah.

[695] Because when you're in it, you don't even think about it until you step out and you see how, you know, other cultures are.

[696] Do you think we make the most porn?

[697] If you had a guess.

[698] Yeah.

[699] I bet we make the most.

[700] I think without question we make the most.

[701] Without question?

[702] Without question.

[703] Really?

[704] Yeah, because industry -wide, I'm talking just as a. business.

[705] There's no other place that's creating the amount of content as the San Fernando Valley.

[706] It's got to be.

[707] Well, they're fucked now because they have to wear condoms.

[708] That's why there'll be a change, a shift, but for the last 30 years, it's got to be California.

[709] It's like when they started shipping jobs overseas.

[710] That's what it is.

[711] God damn it.

[712] Fucking manufacturing jobs.

[713] They fucked middle class.

[714] It's horrible.

[715] Doing that to porn.

[716] Shipping all these hard dicks to another place.

[717] You need someone to put them.

[718] Well, they're wrapping them up with rubbers.

[719] That's the thing.

[720] The idea...

[721] That is a bummer, by the way, to me, to watch that.

[722] I've seen that.

[723] I don't want to watch a guy wearing a rubber.

[724] No. Isn't that funny?

[725] Like, why would you care?

[726] But there's something about...

[727] Like, they even try to trick you by having those, like, super transparent rubbers.

[728] Yes.

[729] But there's something about the glistening of the dick just doesn't look realistic.

[730] You can't see the end, like the rim, the part that went down.

[731] You know, like, wait, is there something on there?

[732] That's a fucking rubber.

[733] It's a fucking rubber.

[734] His dick's all shiny.

[735] You know what bums me out the most?

[736] When a girl's blowing a guy with a rubber on.

[737] Oh, yeah.

[738] Just stop.

[739] Stop.

[740] Buddy, just jerk off on the top of her head, and that'd be better.

[741] On the top of her.

[742] Don't even come near her face.

[743] Don't let her blow you.

[744] I just don't like it.

[745] I don't want to watch it.

[746] I don't want to see it.

[747] I've seen one of those blooper videos where it has the guy.

[748] It's like a double team, and one guy finishes on a girl's head.

[749] You know, on her hair, and she goes, Did you just come in my hair?

[750] And the whole scene stops and there's like a big fight.

[751] Everyone's screaming and yelling.

[752] Really?

[753] Yeah.

[754] And he was like, I'm sorry.

[755] She got mad?

[756] Oh, really mad.

[757] Really mad.

[758] Yeah.

[759] Why would you get mad at that?

[760] Because he went right into her hair.

[761] And so she can't clean it?

[762] I don't know.

[763] I mean...

[764] She's planning on going out.

[765] I think she had an appointment afterwards.

[766] Girls get their hair did.

[767] When they get their hair did, they like, they like to keep it that way for days.

[768] Yeah, do not fuck with the hair.

[769] Yeah.

[770] Don't come in it for sure.

[771] Yeah, well, especially if there's, like, hairspray, then it becomes, like, stalagmites hanged down.

[772] It gets caught up in the big fucking webbing of the hair.

[773] No, no, no, man. Not bueno, man. Not Bueno, even slightly.

[774] No, it's the worst.

[775] But eyelashes are okay.

[776] Come on the eyelashes?

[777] Yeah, when they get it in the mug and then it's dripping off their eyelashes, like, hey.

[778] Yeah.

[779] They have that look on their face?

[780] And the flutter, the eye flutter.

[781] Yeah.

[782] The eyelashes kind of, in some ways, protect them from come.

[783] like a good That's why we have eyelashes Didn't Dr. Ryan talk about that?

[784] A good thick shield Like palm fronds Protect you protect you from Joe's Well you know Joe we've studied For the last few hundred thousand years Humans have eyelashes To protect them from facials There's a weird thing huh Facials like what Where'd that come from?

[785] Like why?

[786] Why come in someone's face?

[787] Like what like come It used to It's got to be power It's a power move right Is it?

[788] I think it's a power move.

[789] Well, it's a freak move, too, right?

[790] True.

[791] Like, a girl sticks her tongue out.

[792] She goes, ah, yeah.

[793] How about the scoop and score?

[794] Isn't that crazy?

[795] Oh, that's disgusting.

[796] And it's like, oh, there's a little up here.

[797] And they take it down.

[798] And then they have to pretend that it's the most delicious thing ever.

[799] That even when you're watching, you're like, I don't know.

[800] It's been sitting on your face for a while.

[801] You didn't remember it was there.

[802] It's kind of cooled off.

[803] And you're like, it's delicious.

[804] It's cooled off.

[805] I like hot jizz only.

[806] It's like, you know, you never eat a pot pie when it's cold.

[807] Well, don't you think those, like, save all the jizz videos?

[808] Those are disgusting, man. You see, that's where a fellow draws the line.

[809] Like, if you date a girl, she used to be a porn star, well, you know, she's just having sex.

[810] Who cares if it's on camera?

[811] But then if you watch a video of, like, five guys coming into a mom.

[812] mug and she chugs it.

[813] She chugs it.

[814] There's a lot of those out there.

[815] Jamie's going to throw it.

[816] Yeah, that is foul.

[817] Isn't it?

[818] And they're like, drink it through a straw.

[819] Like, they do something so disgusting.

[820] So gross, man. With that Max Hardcore guy, he opened up a woman's asshole with a speculum, then he pissed inside of it, and then attached a straw to it and made her drink his piss out of her asshole that was opened up like.

[821] a bowl what do you think his imprinting is from childhood it's not whatever it is not crazy not good someone did bad things I saw one of those was is a speculum is that what it's when they open you yeah and a girl's ass and then they put cereal and milk and somebody ate it out of there that's fucking gross as shit too that's when they need to stop like I've had this bit that I've had this bit for a while that I just never figured out what to do with on stage.

[822] But the bit was, like, why are they still making porn?

[823] Who has jerked off to all the porn?

[824] Yeah.

[825] Like, how could anybody, who's showing up at the video store on Monday morning going, there's a new shit here?

[826] Where's the new shit?

[827] Where's the fucking constantly jacking?

[828] Like, no one has seen all of them.

[829] Like, there's enough.

[830] There's more than enough.

[831] Well, you could jerk off once an hour, every hour for the rest of your life, and you would never get through all the porn that's ever been made.

[832] Through 10 lifetimes, you could do that.

[833] But yet they're still making it.

[834] Sure.

[835] Like, what is that?

[836] I don't know.

[837] There's just this insatiable appetite for it, I guess, from enough people.

[838] Because it's not like music or comedy or something where people want new things because you like, well, maybe it is.

[839] Maybe that's it.

[840] I was going to say you like a particular artist.

[841] Like, say, you know, Chris Rock.

[842] Like, when's Chris Rock?

[843] Or Tom Segura, who's got a new Netflix special that's available this Friday.

[844] January 8th.

[845] That's right.

[846] Shameless plug.

[847] So, like, if you're a Tom Seguer a fan, like, there's only one way to get it.

[848] You've got to wait for Tom Seguer to put out a new CD or a new, a new Netflix special.

[849] But for porn, I guess maybe that's what it is.

[850] I mean, guys like jacking off to one girl.

[851] Right.

[852] So, like, they become, like, a Kendra Lust fan.

[853] Sure.

[854] You ever seen her?

[855] That name sounds familiar, so I'm sure I have.

[856] Big ol' all -ass.

[857] Big old woman.

[858] Yeah.

[859] She's all woman.

[860] She's milfy, too.

[861] She looks like she's like in her late 30s And she's ready to party I'm talking about Has some experience Yeah Yeah But keeps takes care of herself Sure Yeah Yeah so like if you're a fan of hers There's only one way to get it You gotta watch her videos You gotta make There she goes Bam Yeah Oh yeah Booty No she that works For sure Good Lord Put it away Before somebody gets hurt So like If you're a fan of any You know Fill in blank Tara Patrick Whatever You gotta wait for her She's retired You gotta wait for, that's a bummer, when girls are still hot and they retire.

[862] Yeah, what are you doing?

[863] Come on, come on.

[864] We're all still jerking off over here.

[865] Yeah, come on.

[866] What are you doing?

[867] What are you doing?

[868] You're not done.

[869] You're not done.

[870] You know, it's like, you know, if Connor McGregor retires now.

[871] Yeah, it's like, you know, if Connor McGregor retires now, like, come on, Connor.

[872] You got a few good years left in.

[873] At least.

[874] What are you doing?

[875] Could you make a few videos for it?

[876] There's a thing about watching them, you know, where guys get obsessed with, like, one girl, and then they go to, like, the AVN shows, and they wait in line.

[877] Yeah, that's, uh, get a picture signed and, uh, that's too far.

[878] He's almost, they're gonna, gotta photo with you?

[879] Yeah.

[880] And they're, like, they're holding onto, and if the girls do escorting, that's the other thing.

[881] Some of those porn stars, like, you can actually fuck them.

[882] Yeah.

[883] I'm sure it's a pretty penny, though, right?

[884] A couple grand, probably.

[885] You think so?

[886] Yeah, but is that awful?

[887] I mean, is that worse?

[888] Here's the question.

[889] Here's the big question.

[890] Is that worse?

[891] Easy over there.

[892] You're right?

[893] You're getting sick?

[894] No, no, no. I'm not, yeah.

[895] I'm not, yeah, I'm not.

[896] Is it worse to have sex with a guy who's paying you than it is to have sex with a guy on film?

[897] Is there a line that's crossed there?

[898] What do you mean by worse, though?

[899] Well, I don't give a fuck either way.

[900] But for some people, is the perception worse?

[901] Like, is it worse to be a girl who's a porn star who also escorts?

[902] Or is it, you know, what's...

[903] Personally, I think the...

[904] If it's between the two, I would do it off camera, so it's not documented.

[905] Unless for some reason you want it to be documented, you know, if you're doing just your escorting, well, it's just between you and whoever you do it with.

[906] Right.

[907] So you don't have that social stigma of being known for doing that.

[908] Right, but for those girls, they don't care about that social stigma.

[909] I got you.

[910] I mean, that's their living.

[911] Sure.

[912] But is it worse?

[913] is it worse to be an escort and a porn star or just a porn star?

[914] Or is it a stupid question?

[915] I don't know, man. I mean...

[916] It might be a stupid question.

[917] I just feel like they're probably trying to get lucrative.

[918] That's exactly what it is.

[919] So just keep taking those escorts.

[920] Escort hires.

[921] That's exactly what it is.

[922] Well, it's a good move for them.

[923] For sure.

[924] Probably get...

[925] I bet some of them get paid a lot of money.

[926] I bet they do too.

[927] Rich dudes?

[928] Yeah.

[929] Rich dudes fly them out.

[930] Look, and then if she was like, it's 10 ,000 for the guy who's like, okay.

[931] Yeah.

[932] Then you're getting paid, man. Yeah, yeah.

[933] Well, Red Band had something he put on Twitter the other day about girls that take another vacation to go shopping in Dubai.

[934] Mm -hmm.

[935] You know, like it was a thinly veiled prostitution reference.

[936] Uh -huh.

[937] Because that's what a lot of people do, apparently.

[938] Oh, really?

[939] They go, I'm going shopping.

[940] Well, there's so much money in Dubai.

[941] Yeah.

[942] So much money.

[943] Like you can't even...

[944] Have you ever been?

[945] I've never been.

[946] I was there once for the UFC because there was a UFC in Abu Dhabi and we went to Dubai to do the way -ins.

[947] We did the way -ins in Dubai.

[948] And then we drove to Abu Dhabi from there.

[949] Like, fucking, when you drive, you have to drive the fucking speed limit.

[950] Or they will hit you with a missile.

[951] They'll shoot you in the face with a missile.

[952] Really?

[953] It's so strict there.

[954] Like, the drivers, like, they will not violate the speed limit.

[955] Like, if you violate the speed limit, if you do anything wrong, anything that can allow you to get locked up, who knows what the fuck's going to happen.

[956] Literally, who knows what's going to happen.

[957] Especially if you are in a position like a driver or a service person, like a waiter, a waitress, or a bartender or something like that, you cannot fuck around over there.

[958] Like, it is not America.

[959] You're essentially dealing with kings.

[960] Like, it's some kind of Game of Thrones type shit in a lot of ways.

[961] but um so we were there and uh when you're in duby every fucking car you see is you know hundred thousand dollars two hundred thousand dollars it's all mercedes and ferrari's and Lamborghinis it's like everywhere you i mean it's literally it's like like a joke it's like a scene in a movie of extreme opulence like over the top opulence when you go come on it's not really like that but it is really like that like that like every Everywhere you go, everyone's got a million dollar car.

[962] There's Bugatti Veyrons.

[963] They're like $1 .5 million.

[964] It's insane.

[965] It's crazy.

[966] The amount of wealth.

[967] I remember that one of my cousins came to do English course here at USC, and he had people from all different countries.

[968] And so the Abu Dhabi guys took the classes, the kids from the class.

[969] We're talking kids, I'm saying 22 -year -old people out on L .A. and they would just pull out stacks of money.

[970] And he was like, where'd you get that?

[971] And he's like, oh, we just, the government gave us money because we're educating ourselves and coming back.

[972] So they'll pay for everything.

[973] And he said, you know, you could go, if you're born there, you can go to the government and be like, I need money for this, and they would just give you the money.

[974] And they were just spending on everyone, stacks of money.

[975] Well, you're not supposed to drink there either.

[976] But you can drink in the bars There's certain bars where they allow it Because of Americans and Western people But as a whole Like they don't want drinking It's very strange And I had some friends when we were at the UFC I stayed in Abu Dhabi But a bunch of the guys Were bored And they were like We're gonna go to Dubai and see what's up They went to a bar and they said it was 90 % prostitutes It was all like Eastern Black prostitutes Like you walked in It was like a wolf den and just a bunch of wolves I'm looking a fucking snack on you Like everywhere they went Like these girls just go there And they just wait for someone who's got a lot of money He goes, you, you'll, you'll come with me, eat the ass, let's go Yeah And then they leave with a stack Yeah, fat stacks Well, if you're a girl And you want to involve yourself with some prostitution It's probably a good move.

[977] You go over there Just clean up for a month or a week come back with half a year's worth of salary.

[978] So people aren't doing that, though.

[979] Mm -hmm.

[980] Yeah.

[981] According to Red Band, allegedly.

[982] How was he so in on this?

[983] He knows things.

[984] He knows these people.

[985] He's aware.

[986] He knows that hoeing mentality.

[987] He's around hoes.

[988] He definitely knows hoes.

[989] Yeah.

[990] He knows them.

[991] We always teased because, you know, we started doing our podcast with him, that he's our retarded stepchild.

[992] He has special knowledge.

[993] Yeah, he knows things about certain things.

[994] It's just like he's got to figure out, like, he started doing his own podcast.

[995] That's got his own thing?

[996] First episode just launched last week.

[997] And I've been telling him to do that forever.

[998] I'm like, it'll be so good for you because you have this weird style, this weird way about you.

[999] I'm like, get into it.

[1000] Yeah.

[1001] You know, you'll find people that want to see it.

[1002] But right now, they only see it if you're on someone else's show.

[1003] sure you know and you like do your own show and it could be all your freakiness yeah and then I think also when you do your own show too you realize like how much is involved in like managing the ship sure like making sure it steers in the right direction thinking about what the subject are you're talking about is this entertaining is it what when do I pick this up do I how do I ramp it up how do I yeah how do I add some new stuff in there and he has a lot of experience I mean you know We actually, we love Red Band.

[1004] But he steered our ship for a while, you know, kind of helped shape things.

[1005] He didn't bring a lot of people.

[1006] Imagine of all the people that started podcasts with him could tolerate him and stay.

[1007] Ari, Duncan, Joey, Brian Callan, you.

[1008] Sam Trippily.

[1009] Yeah.

[1010] Is Sam still doing a show?

[1011] I thought so.

[1012] I don't know, but I didn't think he'd stopped.

[1013] I haven't seen it or heard it.

[1014] Oh, really?

[1015] I don't know.

[1016] Well, those guys definitely still do their punch trunk, their sports ones.

[1017] Yes.

[1018] That's still a thing, too.

[1019] Yeah, I still does that.

[1020] They do that on another network, right?

[1021] What is that?

[1022] All Things Comedy.

[1023] Is that on All Things Comedy?

[1024] That does sound like an All Things Comedy show, yeah.

[1025] All Things Comedy has a lot of good shows on it, right?

[1026] It does, yeah.

[1027] It does.

[1028] I mean, that's magical and burr and then, I mean, we're part of that.

[1029] Are you?

[1030] Are you?

[1031] Oh, I didn't know that.

[1032] Yeah.

[1033] I mean, it's, you know, that being a part of All Things Comedy is almost like being part of a collective support thing where everybody still owns their own shows but you just kind of have more power in numbers thing you know how does that work well i mean i think the idea behind it was that if if we are all together and we can approach people as here's what what doing business with all things comedy means it means you're getting this bundle as opposed to just saying one thing you still get to be your own entity but you're a part of something when you need to be And it helps for, it's great for promotion too, you know, if, like, my special comes out, so I send out a message to our group, and then everybody who has a podcast will get info about helping to plug my thing, you know, but we do that for each other.

[1034] That's cool.

[1035] I mean, you're getting, if you get every show together, you're getting a few million downloads, you know.

[1036] Well, we kind of all do that for each other anyway.

[1037] We do anyways, yeah, absolutely.

[1038] You know, I'm always tweeting for friends and you do the same, and we all do that for each other.

[1039] We all support each other.

[1040] That's the best kind of network, right?

[1041] The kind of network that's totally organic.

[1042] Yes.

[1043] There's no financial gain in it at all.

[1044] We all just kind of help each other.

[1045] Yeah, absolutely.

[1046] Yeah.

[1047] I mean, I know we've, as All Things Comedy, we've also worked with sponsors that, you know, the idea was that we're approaching you because we have this collective.

[1048] Right.

[1049] And they responded to it.

[1050] So that was good, too.

[1051] So, like, they handle the ads and they bring them to you.

[1052] Is that how it works?

[1053] Yeah.

[1054] So, like, you know, Al or Bill, approach.

[1055] coach, you know, whatever company and say, we have 50 shows, here's our gross amount of downloads, if you sign up to do this, set amount, and then kind of divvy it up amongst the people that can do it.

[1056] So we've done that a few times.

[1057] That's interesting.

[1058] So is the amount of money that you get based on the amount of downloads that you have?

[1059] Yes, exactly.

[1060] Hmm.

[1061] Who manages all that?

[1062] It seems like a nightmare.

[1063] It's a lot of work, man. I mean, Mike is one of the guys, over there, I think Flynn, and I'm trying to remember another name, but it's a, it's a job.

[1064] That's a full -time job.

[1065] At a certain point in time, though, as your podcast becomes more and more successful, it seems like that would kind of get in the way.

[1066] Well, it doesn't really, like I said, because those guys are so about Al and Bill, hey, we're not taking anything from you and do whatever you want.

[1067] Right.

[1068] They're not saying, if you do this, you can't do that.

[1069] It's almost like they're saying, do whatever you do, and in addition, you can do this with us, you know?

[1070] That's a perfect world then It is a perfect world That's beautiful Your podcast is fucking blown up man It's amazing It's been going well It's amazing And you guys do live ones too The live ones I see when you guys tweet about live ones And the people go to them It's a thing Like there's a whole thing going on With the mommies Yeah People get excited And they go live podcasts Or something fucking different man It's fun man We did it at the ice house In the main room Yeah And it sold out When did you do it?

[1071] Yeah like a couple months ago because we've been, you know.

[1072] When are you doing it again?

[1073] I don't have, we don't have it set up, but we need to.

[1074] Do it?

[1075] Let me come.

[1076] I want to be a guest.

[1077] Do you want to be a guest on live one?

[1078] Yeah, please.

[1079] All right.

[1080] I want to start doing live podcast.

[1081] I've done a few other people's podcast live, but.

[1082] It's really fun to do live.

[1083] I did Fitzsimmons the other day.

[1084] We had a great time.

[1085] He did it in the belly room, his 500th episode with his buddy Mike.

[1086] It was awesome.

[1087] It's really fun.

[1088] Yeah, we just did his show, too, Fitzsimmons.

[1089] You find yourself, like, going for jokes more.

[1090] Like going for laughs.

[1091] It changes.

[1092] But here's the thing, they're so geeked up for those laughs.

[1093] Yes.

[1094] So it becomes a really fun environment to do it in.

[1095] I watched another podcast live that's not mine and not yours and not Fitzsimmons.

[1096] Oh my God, I wanted to run through a fucking wall.

[1097] I was like, this, some podcasts are weird, man. They find their own level.

[1098] Like Water Seeks its own level.

[1099] They find their own vibe.

[1100] Yeah.

[1101] And there's some podcasts where you go and you'll, there's, fans of that podcast you go and see it and you're like this is not my fucking scene at all at all they weren't swearing they were doing it very much like a radio show there's got to be a bit a little bit of that too don't you think to probably stand -up shows that you you don't end up walking into but if you were to go to oh so -and -so's here tonight and it's sold out and you walk in you're like what the fuck is this oh yeah well that's just the way of the world right that's how it is with music with everything movies I mean, have you seen Pitch Perfect?

[1102] That's the singing one?

[1103] Exactly.

[1104] No, you haven't.

[1105] No. No, but fucking millions of chicks have.

[1106] They're like, I can't wait, pitch perfect TV is on.

[1107] They fucking love it.

[1108] They get crazy.

[1109] It's not bad.

[1110] It's not bad.

[1111] It's not them.

[1112] It's what they like.

[1113] There's a lot of shit I like the people don't like.

[1114] Yeah.

[1115] Somebody told me one time, and it was about, you know, a movie had come out.

[1116] It's one of those, a comedy comes out, and you go, well, this looks like, fucking shit, right?

[1117] And there's, there's billboards, and there's always a few famous people in it, and you got, and I was hating on how shitty it looked and how terrible.

[1118] And he goes, well, you know, this wasn't made for you.

[1119] And I go, yeah, no, I know.

[1120] He goes, no, no, but like, there's a, there's a lot of people that love this.

[1121] Oh, yeah.

[1122] And this just isn't for, you know, it's not made for you.

[1123] And I started to think of entertainment differently from the moment that was said to me, that I see things now, trailers, posters, commercials for something, and I go, oh, but this is made for a different audience.

[1124] Yeah.

[1125] You know, there's things that are made for me where I respond to and I go, oh, I fucking can't, well, that's for me. Well, that's why it's so important to do what you like on stage.

[1126] Oh, yeah.

[1127] Stand -up -wise.

[1128] If you start trying to make it for somebody.

[1129] Oh, yeah.

[1130] Those guys are, they're fucked.

[1131] Those guys who create those squeaky clean acts, but they're not squeaky clean.

[1132] Yeah.

[1133] Those are tortured people.

[1134] Of course.

[1135] Because they're literally.

[1136] making art that's not for them right but you're you're you're you and you can't be you like you the audience won't accept it you're talking about roofing chicks and sticking it in when they're asleep yeah i watched uh speaking to bill cosby i watched his uh lawyer uh debate some commentator some television pundit or whatever you would call them host and uh she was explaining you know what that how ridiculous these out allegations are and how Mr. Cosby, you know, didn't do any of these things and that all these women, like their stories, some of them are just, they were like he grabbed them by the wrist hard, like some of them aren't even sexual allegations.

[1137] And she's like effectively sort of muddying the water and that he is a very rich, wealthy man. And that has to be taken into consideration that these people are doing this for attention.

[1138] And I was like, wow, this is, it's fascinating to watch the spin the dance you know and the guy was saying well there's 50 people though right and she was like well out of those 50 a lot of them are not even sexual allegations and not even sexual assault allegations which i didn't know yeah only 23 or 37 yeah it's not that many i don't uh i don't know if you did or not but i haven't heard of another person ever that's had 50 people claimed that he raped them by giving them drugs i know it's the it's it's it's I think the sad part is the people who really want to defend the conspiracy theories on it.

[1139] Oh, yeah.

[1140] You know, he was about to buy NBC.

[1141] I don't know if you know that.

[1142] He was making a move to buy NBC, and they don't want a black man in power like that.

[1143] That's so ridiculous, man. Oh, they don't?

[1144] Okay.

[1145] Nobody wants to take down Cosby.

[1146] Nobody's agenda was that.

[1147] Yeah, if they did, they would have taken down Oprah first.

[1148] For sure, man. It's so silly.

[1149] Oprah's worth more than anyone ever.

[1150] It's so silly.

[1151] She's the most.

[1152] successful entertainer ever and she doesn't even have a talent she's not a singer she's not a dancer she's not a great actress what does she do she doesn't tell jokes what she does she talks to people get up cars get up in the morning and look at the sun and think yeah it's like yeah okay well she has like positive messages she's super positive she's really good for menopausal women they really relate to her oh yeah she got their vibe down but i get why people do have their why they want to defend them understand the the motivation yeah and the and and and and feeling like oh yeah you know the adoration for them and I totally get why they do it and the reality is we don't know yeah that's true we really don't know yeah that mean the idea that you could never find 50 liars of course you could right of course you could but it's you know I think that the the the argument that I find the most sort of ignorant and uninformed is the one where people go why'd they wait that long yeah well you know if you if you talk to him any sex crimes unit, officer, detective, any psychologist about victims of sexual assault, it's not unusual for it to go unreported or for it to go a long time without someone wanting to talk about it.

[1153] Yeah.

[1154] It's completely within the spectrum of normal responses to something like that.

[1155] So when people are like, well, you know, it happened 25 years ago.

[1156] Yeah, it's normal.

[1157] It's normal for someone not to bring it up.

[1158] Completely normal.

[1159] Well, there's a lot of shame involved.

[1160] Of course.

[1161] And some women, they would rather just forget about it than report it.

[1162] Yeah.

[1163] They would rather just pretend it never happened than go through all the public shaming.

[1164] And then you're dealing with an insanely rich, insanely powerful man who's loved by so many.

[1165] And then if there was no previous allegations, who the fuck is going to believe you?

[1166] Yeah.

[1167] Like to a woman in 1996, let's say back when he was, you know, he's not doing the show anymore, but he's in his heyday, right?

[1168] Yeah.

[1169] He's loved by everybody.

[1170] He's drugging chicks.

[1171] banging him yeah like she's probably like how does this this can't be yeah I'll just fuck it I'll just eat it I'll just deal with it just deal with it but then they it fucked with them I'm sure for a long time oh for sure could you imagine well that was the weirdest thing is that some of them that he was like in a mentorship role with them I got help you with your career I'll do this yeah have a coffee that was his move his power move yeah it's happening it's more is there more yeah it's full good yeah what is this That's butter coffee.

[1172] That's a caveman coffee with a little grass -fed butter and some MCT oil.

[1173] It's good for the soul.

[1174] That's lovely.

[1175] You just feel right.

[1176] Lovely.

[1177] I feel good.

[1178] So you're a Trump supporter, right?

[1179] Big time, man. I'm the Southern California chapter head.

[1180] These Bernie Sanders people have been fucking tweeting at me. They're so mad because I said that Bernie Sanders supported 90 % taxing of the rich.

[1181] apparently it's not exactly true this is what I'll correct it for the Bernie Sanders people because they get upset what he did say was they're talking about a marginal tax rate which that means if you make over a certain amount how much should you tax and are we going to cap that?

[1182] He was saying that for a marginal tax rate is 90 % too high he said no and that's for extremely wealthy people so like say if you make let's say if you make 10 million bucks a year everything over 10 million bucks they would tax at 90 % and I'm just coming up with a number for 10 but the regular and he thinks it's not too much to tax 90 % over amount but the problem this with this kind of thinking is the people say well yeah it's gonna help other people it's gonna be good for other people not necessarily the problem with that kind of thinking is that money goes to the government and the government is a bunch of fucking monkeys yeah that's the reality yeah it's not it's not like an insanely ethical, really educated, super smart, really disciplined, conservative, fiscally conservative person who's going to take care of this money and allocated it correctly.

[1183] No, you're going to give it to the government and you're going to create bigger government.

[1184] You're going to create bureaucracy, red tape, more people, more bullshit, more jobs that are bullshit jobs.

[1185] It's not necessarily going to help people.

[1186] And then he, I think Bernie Sanders says a lot of good shit.

[1187] Like, people that think that I'm a Bernie Sanders hater.

[1188] He says a lot of good shit.

[1189] I like what he says about marijuana, but he says some fucking silly shit, too.

[1190] Here's one of the things that he said that drove me crazy.

[1191] You don't necessarily need a choice of 23 underarm spray deodorants or 18 different pairs of sneakers when children are hungry in this country.

[1192] Those two things are totally unrelated.

[1193] That's totally unrelated.

[1194] So what if you wanted to open?

[1195] up a fucking deodorant company.

[1196] You shouldn't be able to open up a deodorant company because children are starving so you should work to feed children.

[1197] What's the context in which he said that though?

[1198] I mean, he was just talking about the economy.

[1199] It's just talking about the world.

[1200] And the idea of choking on choice, you know.

[1201] We have too much, too many choices?

[1202] Yeah, that we have too many choices that we divert our...

[1203] But here's the thing.

[1204] When you think about these choices, you're talking about these choices that are created by whatever percentage, whatever number, of 300 million people that has nothing to do with whether or not poor people get fed. It just doesn't.

[1205] Right.

[1206] And taking money away from wealthy people doesn't have anything to do with whether or not poor people get fed. I think that one of the things that he said that I agree with wholeheartedly is they need to stop people, these corporations from hiding their money overseas, where they don't have to pay taxes on it.

[1207] Yeah.

[1208] 100%.

[1209] I think that's fucking criminal.

[1210] If you want all the benefits to live in America, you want all the benefits that are provided to you by this free country, but you want to store your money overseas?

[1211] Fuck you.

[1212] You don't want to pay taxes on that?

[1213] Fuck you.

[1214] But maybe there's some compromise where that tax rate does get adjusted for that a little bit so that they have the incentive, right?

[1215] To keep it over here.

[1216] Yeah, because right now the reason they're saying, well, I'm going to keep it over there because I'm saving so much fucking money.

[1217] Yeah, but they make so much money.

[1218] Yeah, I agree.

[1219] They're just greedy cunts.

[1220] Those are greedy cunts.

[1221] For sure they are.

[1222] Because you're talking about people that are making insane amounts of money that are doing that.

[1223] Billions.

[1224] Billions.

[1225] So I think in that sense, yeah.

[1226] I'm 100 % with him on that.

[1227] And corporate tax shelters, there's a lot of like really sneaky shit where you find out companies made billions of dollars and they paid almost nothing in taxes because of shelters.

[1228] Shame.

[1229] I'm 100 % with.

[1230] them on that.

[1231] I think he's got a lot of really good points.

[1232] He's got a really, I mean, he's 100 % down with pot.

[1233] I appreciate that.

[1234] His position on cannabis is it's totally unnecessary and criminal to have it illegal.

[1235] I believe him 100 % on that.

[1236] And I also support him 100 % on the idea of a living wage.

[1237] Like if somebody works 40 hours a week, they should be able to feed themselves and have a roof over their head.

[1238] I'm 100 % down with that.

[1239] I think a minimum wage for a kid who's in high school or something like that still lives with their parents, that's one thing and I think there are entry level jobs like that where someone should make whatever it is but it should be enough where you could live you know if you're if you're a person who's 18 years or older and you're working a job and you are spending eight hours of every 24 hour day working for someone you should make a living you should be able to feed yourself without worry clothe yourself I'm not talking about opulence I'm not talking about wealth yeah driving a Mercedes but you should definitely be able to take care of yourself you should I think the problem with that when people because a lot I think a lot of people agree with that is it's always well how are we gonna who's going to pay for that in other words the idea is right and then you go where where will the money come from to support making that a reality well I think the money's got to come I mean it's got to be a profitable business right right so if you got a profitable business how much of the profit goes to the employees and how much of the profit goes to the owner of the business sure like say if you have a diamond business right and you're selling diamonds and you're employees are making five dollars an hour that's kind of fucked up yeah you know like you're making millions and you're paying your employee five dollars an hour yeah that's what is it seven now what's the minimum i have no idea see in that that's obviously an extreme example but in that extreme example yeah man you need to pay more money to people who work for you if someone if they didn't work for you your job wouldn't work like you need someone say if you run a car manufacturing business right yeah if you don't have employees that put together those cars you literally don't have cars you don't have anything to sell so you need to pay those fucking people because they're the reason why your cars get made and if they do a good job they should be paid well i totally agree with you i mean nothing is it's it's horrible when somebody applies themselves to a job and can't sustain the minimum yeah like having a place to live paying for yeah it's terrible it's terrible i totally agree i i i i the only thing that i'm not smart enough to definitely figure out is well what is that number and then uh uh you know, do you then dictate to different places of business, it's got to be this number or it's got to be this percentage at least, you know, how do you make it a reality?

[1240] I don't know, man. I do know that, like, Obamacare, according to everyone that I know that runs a business, is a fucking disaster.

[1241] Really?

[1242] And it's costing people way more money, costing businesses, way more money.

[1243] I've yet to hear anybody make a convincing argument why it works.

[1244] But on the other hand, I'm a...

[1245] fan of the idea of socialized medicine.

[1246] Sure.

[1247] I think that medicine should be just like the police in the fire department.

[1248] I think you should, the people who do it should be paid really well.

[1249] They should have an incentive to want those jobs and the people should be able to get the services for free.

[1250] I really think that.

[1251] I mean, I think I don't, I'm not opposed to private doctors.

[1252] Yeah.

[1253] Like if you're a, say if you're a badass fucking knee surgeon, you work on the NBA and you work on all these different people, You're just the best of what you do.

[1254] You should totally be able to work privately.

[1255] But the government could easily allocate enough money to provide public health care.

[1256] It's just if it's been done in other countries, the fact that it can't be done here, it's impossible.

[1257] They do it other places.

[1258] They don't do it well.

[1259] It sucks in England.

[1260] It fucking sucks.

[1261] Does it really?

[1262] Everybody I talk to that lives over there tell you it's a year if you hurt yourself.

[1263] Yeah, that's the thing.

[1264] You know, because people always cite Canada too.

[1265] And I'm sure - Oh, yeah.

[1266] Canada's a joke, too.

[1267] Well, I know that I know a couple of Canadian people that when shit got serious, you know, and they needed to see a cardiovascular surgeon, and they talked about that weight that they were like, fuck it, let's fly over to the Mayo Clinic.

[1268] Exactly.

[1269] And then you shell out the money, though.

[1270] Yeah, and then you have to come to America and you have to pay for a hotel and airfare.

[1271] And who knows if you have that money?

[1272] Yeah, I think there's got to be some sort of a comfortable middle ground.

[1273] but it's got to be it's sort of like public school you know like you can get educated in this country if you don't have enough money right but is it a good education no not a lot of parts not a lot of parts not a lot of parts of California Southern California Los Angeles one of the richest fucking cities in all of the United States and the schools are dog shit yeah dog shit terrible it really shouldn't be an excuse for that no but you know also So you're dealing with crime.

[1274] You're dealing with extreme levels of poverty.

[1275] Engineering that and trying to fix that is not an easy task.

[1276] But I just don't think you do that by limiting the amount of underarm sprays or toothpaste or fucking the flavors of ice cream or whatever the fuck you want to.

[1277] I don't see the connection.

[1278] No, I just don't know if he's been a businessman ever.

[1279] You know, and I think.

[1280] Yeah, I don't think so.

[1281] That's what I like about Trump.

[1282] I don't like a lot of things about Trump.

[1283] I don't like how he talks about Mexicans.

[1284] That shit drives me crazy.

[1285] I don't like, I mean, the idea of people sneaking over here over the border, like, dude, how do you not have compassion these fucking people are born a third world country that's attached to America?

[1286] I think he knows what he's saying when he's doing that.

[1287] He's fucking around.

[1288] Well, I think he's playing to what he knows will get people who are, God damn right, you know, that place.

[1289] Yeah, he knows that that's saying those controversial, you know, like things that are going to get in the paper are also going to get people going, well, at least someone's saying it, you know?

[1290] I think he knows that.

[1291] I don't think it's an accident.

[1292] Yeah, I think you're probably right in a lot of ways, but I think he gets a big response from that.

[1293] Sure.

[1294] And he feeds off that response.

[1295] He loves it.

[1296] But he's a successful businessman.

[1297] You know what something someone told me, though?

[1298] It's really kind of fucked up.

[1299] If he took that money that his father gave him, his father gave him $2 million to start his business, if he took that money and put it in a mutual account, it would be worth way more than he currently is worth.

[1300] That I do not believe.

[1301] I would check your friend pretty fucking hard.

[1302] I was not a friend.

[1303] It was like someone told me on the internet.

[1304] Well, if he put that money in a mutual fund, that would have been probably around 35 years ago, $2 million, his net worth conservatively is around $4 .5 billion.

[1305] I mean, do you really think that a mutual fund would have?

[1306] Well, let's look at it.

[1307] Jamie, why don't you Google that?

[1308] If Donald Trump took the money that his father gave him and invested it in blank, whatever it is.

[1309] Yeah, I mean...

[1310] Whatever that equation is.

[1311] I mean, shit.

[1312] Let's see if he would have bought Apple stock, you know?

[1313] Oh, yeah.

[1314] It would have been crazy.

[1315] I don't think it would be four and a half.

[1316] What about Google?

[1317] A billion.

[1318] Oh, shit.

[1319] Yeah.

[1320] That'd be some big money.

[1321] Without that.

[1322] Without that.

[1323] Oh, shit.

[1324] But, you know, it's funny is that he goes, I'm worth $10 billion.

[1325] and Forbes did this breakdown of all his, you know, assets.

[1326] And they go, no, you're not.

[1327] He goes, yeah, I am.

[1328] And that's kind of how he argues things is go, yeah, I am, though.

[1329] You know, he doesn't have the substance, the facts behind that.

[1330] He just says, yeah.

[1331] And they go, why are you saying that?

[1332] He goes, because it sounds better.

[1333] It sounds better to be worth 10 than 4 .5.

[1334] Did he admit that?

[1335] Yeah, he said that.

[1336] He said it's because it sounds better?

[1337] Yeah, and they said to, in other words, if he, to make him worth 10, he would have to, he would, He'd be inflating the value of a lot of his holdings.

[1338] In other words, it's like saying, well, I have this house, and it's worth $65 million.

[1339] But nobody wants to buy it.

[1340] They're like, well, no houses that are in that neighborhood sell for that.

[1341] They sell for $3 million.

[1342] And he goes, not mine, $9 .65.

[1343] And that's how he determines that he's worth $10.

[1344] I'm going to start doing that.

[1345] It's great.

[1346] You just tell people, no, you're wrong.

[1347] Yeah.

[1348] But I don't think he can hang at all with the elite politicians when it comes to substance and knowing actual policy, knowing details.

[1349] That's a good point.

[1350] But here's the question.

[1351] Is anybody who's running for president an elite politician?

[1352] Well, I mean, you'd have to say that Hillary is at least way more savvy and knows a lot more about how certainly, you know, how the world works, international affairs.

[1353] I mean, she was Secretary of State.

[1354] She knows the ins and outs of a lot of...

[1355] Well, you would assume she knows that, but wouldn't she know not to use a private email account while she's Secretary of State?

[1356] It's crazy.

[1357] She should go to jail for that.

[1358] It's insane.

[1359] That's something that if somebody wanted to push, that's a crime.

[1360] You're not allowed to do that.

[1361] I still don't understand why, even though it's still discussed how you kind of get away with that because it just feels like, I don't get it.

[1362] But, I mean, she's certainly a more savvy politician, I think, than Trump?

[1363] I don't know.

[1364] What is savvy, though?

[1365] Well, because he's saying shit that's led him to a 39 % lead over any other candidate in the Republican Party.

[1366] Remember when Ben Carson Yeah.

[1367] He was like on the...

[1368] He's like climbing.

[1369] He was ahead of him at one point.

[1370] For a minute he was, yeah.

[1371] That all dried up.

[1372] Yeah, I don't know, man. I think people are really into the idea, the fantasy of a Trump, you know?

[1373] But I still think if you get to a debate, it's not that he wouldn't win.

[1374] Maybe he'd win, but it would be based on, well, you know, fucking loser.

[1375] Like, it's like that kind of shit.

[1376] Well, he says shit like that, but it's weird.

[1377] No one ever does that, but it seems to work.

[1378] It's that.

[1379] Yeah.

[1380] And then I, and then I guess you could argue, see, he is savvy.

[1381] Yeah.

[1382] But I mean, you know, I guess he's not savvy in the traditional sense.

[1383] I don't think he knows the ins and outs of the way a lot of things work.

[1384] I think his whole thing is, look, I'm super successful and I'll get it done.

[1385] Yeah.

[1386] But a lot of the ways that things work are kind of bullshit.

[1387] You know, crony politics.

[1388] and influence by gigantic corporations.

[1389] He doesn't have that same sort of influence because he's independently wealthy.

[1390] There's a lot of weirdness to that.

[1391] There is.

[1392] There's like special interest groups don't really have the same sort of pull on him that they have on other people.

[1393] No, they can't own them.

[1394] They would never let him say this shit that he's saying.

[1395] No, no. He wants to put a wall between us and Mexico and call the Trump wall.

[1396] I just love it.

[1397] Here's what does amuse me. Anytime, so if this is CNN, and we're in your host of CNN show and I'm somebody saying like well you know Trump is he's completely unqualified and this claim he made is idiotic he then tweets saw Tom Segura on CNN guy's always been a fucking loser like for whoever whoever says anything bad he'll be like saw his show last week not one laugh exclamation point like shit like that he does that for everyone well you know he did that to Ronda Rousey when Rhonda got knocked out he did Yes.

[1398] I remember.

[1399] He said, I'm glad she lost.

[1400] She was, she's not a good person.

[1401] Whoa.

[1402] And you know why he did that?

[1403] Because she, he had claimed that she was a Trump supporter.

[1404] And then she said, no, I support Bernie Sanders.

[1405] And he was like, oh, really?

[1406] Oh, yeah?

[1407] So when she lost, he was like, she's a loser.

[1408] Like, before that, he was saying that she was a supporter.

[1409] He was like, all for it.

[1410] Rhonda Rousey supports me. Yeah.

[1411] And she was like, the fuck I do.

[1412] And he's like, she's not a good person.

[1413] I'm glad she lost.

[1414] She's a loser.

[1415] Pretty interesting way of doing.

[1416] She's a loser.

[1417] Yeah, she's a loser.

[1418] Guy's a loser.

[1419] It's always been a loser.

[1420] A bunch of losers.

[1421] Remember, he was going back and forth?

[1422] Look at that.

[1423] Glad to see that Ronda Rousey lost her championship fight last night was soundly beaten.

[1424] Dash, not a nice person.

[1425] What the fuck are you talking about?

[1426] Well, what about you?

[1427] You're way more of a dick.

[1428] She's at least not a nice person to sell massive amounts of fucking pay -per -view sales.

[1429] Yeah.

[1430] And, you know, be the protagonist.

[1431] He tweets about everybody.

[1432] If they write an article in the Washington Post, the Washington Post, which has been on the decline for years, had an article written by this loser.

[1433] I kind of like that.

[1434] I know, it's pretty funny.

[1435] I like that part of them.

[1436] Sad.

[1437] It's sad.

[1438] Not a nice person.

[1439] You're fired.

[1440] Like, that's his whole thing.

[1441] You know, I was, they gave me an offer to be on that show.

[1442] I was going to do it.

[1443] I was thinking about it.

[1444] Really?

[1445] Yeah, I talked to the family.

[1446] Like, you guys want to live in New York for a few months.

[1447] But, you know, they fire you in the beginning.

[1448] They do all that, you're fired stuff in the beginning.

[1449] Oh, really?

[1450] So you don't have a chance to go, fuck you.

[1451] Oh, really?

[1452] Yeah, like before anyone knows anybody's fired, he fires everybody.

[1453] Like, Tom, you're fired, and then you get up and leave.

[1454] Jamie, you're fired, and you get up and walk away.

[1455] you're fired you get up and walk away and then they do the show okay yeah so you don't they don't get a chance to say let me tell you what I think about you and your fucking plastic hair you cut yeah you fucking sloppy dummy who got let you can't do any of that was probably done once and he was like that's not going to happen again well probably right I think he probably planned for it in advance he's probably pretty a chess player yeah yeah I got to look like I'm always the king but they they canceled that show after he talked shit about Mexicans yeah and Macy's ended their part They had a whole line of, you know, Trump ties and shirt.

[1456] That Trump ties?

[1457] Oh, yeah.

[1458] Yeah.

[1459] And they were like, we're done.

[1460] We're done with you.

[1461] And then Miss, you know, Universe threatened to, or NBC threatened to not air his thing.

[1462] Oh, that's right.

[1463] Yeah.

[1464] He posted the contract.

[1465] He was like, oh, so your balls off, you know.

[1466] Well, NBC had a contract with him to air Miss Universe.

[1467] He does Miss Universe.

[1468] It's his?

[1469] Well, he sold it.

[1470] Yeah.

[1471] But he owned Miss Universe and maybe Miss America, too.

[1472] He owned those badges.

[1473] That's hilarious.

[1474] He owned pageants.

[1475] It's just to be around chicks.

[1476] Like, he literally just bought those to be around chicks.

[1477] You think so?

[1478] For sure.

[1479] For sure.

[1480] It's a good move on his part.

[1481] It's a gangster move.

[1482] I'm a billionaire.

[1483] I bought a pageant.

[1484] And he just, I like the Czech Republic this year.

[1485] What is this?

[1486] I found kind of, like, some more information about what he inherited.

[1487] Okay.

[1488] He was also, when his father died in 1974, him and his siblings took over a $200 million real estate business.

[1489] Whoa.

[1490] Which he may have gotten around $40 million of.

[1491] The bottom of this says if he invested that, and since 1974 in the S &P 500, he could be worth around $3 billion today.

[1492] Okay.

[1493] So it kind of makes sense.

[1494] All right, but that's also $40 million, not two.

[1495] Right, not yet.

[1496] That's the one or whatever he was given.

[1497] What does it say?

[1498] So his current claimed network of $8 .7 billion would equate to around $120 million in 1974, which is right in the middle estimates of what he inherited.

[1499] So that means If he invested that That doesn't make any sense That's confusing The S &P's up 74 Or 74 fold since 1974 So if he didn't do anything And just left it there It'd be about 120 million But if he did other chances And other got good business Things went well for him It could be worth up to three Okay so what they're saying is Here's a clear example Says if he had invested the 40 million In an S &P 500 index Fund he'd be worth about 3 billion today, which is in line with the third -party estimates of 3 billion and 4 billion, which is his net worth.

[1500] So they estimate between 3 and 4 billion.

[1501] Yeah.

[1502] Yeah, which is probably right.

[1503] Still, baller.

[1504] Baller.

[1505] Still, baller, doesn't have to listen.

[1506] You can do whatever he wants.

[1507] How fucking...

[1508] I like that he's, I like that he's making a mockery of the whole thing.

[1509] I like a lot of things about him.

[1510] And apparently Jeff Ross, who did the Trump roast, says he's a good guy.

[1511] So you talk to him, he's a good guy.

[1512] Like, he knows what he's doing.

[1513] You know, a lot of of this like fucking fanfare and this craziness and all this shit that he's doing yeah he's mocking this stupid fucking system right he's a smart guy he knows what he's doing i mean look he's talked shit about mexicans and he's still the fucking frontrunner it's a giant way he's like well someone's raping someone's burning we're gonna let a bunch of rapist and murders over there i'm sure you're saying that everyone over there is rapist and a well someone's raping yeah who's doing all the raping he's just like he says crazy shit like that and like yeah he's he's like he's It flies in the face of, look what happened to that poor fuck.

[1514] The Mormon, what the fuck's his name that ran for president last time?

[1515] The fuck's his name.

[1516] Romney.

[1517] That poor fuck, all he said was we don't have to pay attention to the 47 % that aren't going to vote for us.

[1518] Yeah.

[1519] The lower 47 % that make little money, they're not going to vote for us in the first place.

[1520] So let's not pay attention to them.

[1521] That tanked his business.

[1522] That tanked it.

[1523] They're like, it's over.

[1524] It's over, bitch.

[1525] I know.

[1526] It's over.

[1527] How about Howard Dean?

[1528] All he did was cheer.

[1529] And that was it.

[1530] That was it.

[1531] You fragile bitch, you can't even cheer.

[1532] You can't cheer.

[1533] You can't scream.

[1534] Trump can say Mexicans are rapists.

[1535] And everybody's like, El Chapo wants to kill them.

[1536] These Muslims at the border.

[1537] We should stop letting them in?

[1538] So crazy.

[1539] This is a country founded by letting people in.

[1540] The only way this country got filled is letting people in.

[1541] Not those people.

[1542] These people are running.

[1543] They're leaving their country because radical Muslim terrorists have taken over it.

[1544] Yeah.

[1545] What was that?

[1546] His new ad, his first ad came out this week.

[1547] What is it?

[1548] His first ad?

[1549] Oh, my God.

[1550] Play this for the beginning.

[1551] Play this for the beginning.

[1552] Crank it.

[1553] The politicians can pretend it's something else, but Donald Trump calls it radical Islamic terrorism.

[1554] That's why he's calling for a temporary shutdown of Muslims entering the United States until we can figure out what's going on.

[1555] He'll quickly cut the head off ISIS and take their oil.

[1556] And he'll stop illegal immigration by building a wall on our southern border that Mexico will pay for.

[1557] We won't America great again.

[1558] Wow.

[1559] He got flack for that shot of those people running.

[1560] That's not where they were from.

[1561] That was a shot of Morocco.

[1562] Yeah.

[1563] Yeah.

[1564] It's pretty funny.

[1565] That's not America.

[1566] It's not running across my heels.

[1567] Just get me some brown people running.

[1568] any brown people running in black and white footage.

[1569] We'll take it.

[1570] Yeah.

[1571] I don't know.

[1572] He's entertaining.

[1573] I will give him that.

[1574] As a show, this is a fun show to watch.

[1575] It's the best show ever.

[1576] Yeah.

[1577] I hope him and Hillary debate.

[1578] I hope he gets to debate on the long side.

[1579] Because I think he'll crush her.

[1580] Do you think your husband will be back in the White House getting blow jobs like he was?

[1581] Oh, yeah.

[1582] He's going to throw some grenades for sure.

[1583] He doesn't give a fuck.

[1584] He'll detonate some.

[1585] It'll be awesome.

[1586] It will be entertaining.

[1587] And Ben Carson should be involved, too, just to tell us.

[1588] that the earth is 10 ,000 years old, and Jesus wrote a unicorn through the fucking Garden of Eden.

[1589] You're a doctor.

[1590] He's a fucking awesome doctor.

[1591] He's an amazing neurosurgeon.

[1592] One of the greatest neurosurgeons this country has ever produced.

[1593] Really, that accomplished?

[1594] Oh, 100%.

[1595] Yeah.

[1596] And he doesn't believe in evolution.

[1597] Well, he believes.

[1598] He'll say, well, I believe in certain types of evolution.

[1599] He's got a, I don't think he's a 10 ,000 -year guy.

[1600] I don't think he's one of the young Earth Christians.

[1601] But Sarah Palin?

[1602] was Sarah Palin talked to, allegedly, obviously this is all anecdotal, but she allegedly talked to a librarian in Alaska and told the librarian that she saw photos on the internet of a dinosaur footprint with a human footprint inside of it.

[1603] What?

[1604] Which means dinosaurs and people were in the same area walking.

[1605] Is that recorded?

[1606] That's a thing.

[1607] Oh, it would be amazing if it was.

[1608] Yeah.

[1609] A lot of young earth Christians, man. How did I don't know the argument of that they make for, you know, carbon footprinting things because that's how...

[1610] It's just a bullshit.

[1611] Made by losers.

[1612] Not a nice person.

[1613] Yeah.

[1614] Oh, that guy that said that's fucking dumb.

[1615] I know you're talking about it.

[1616] He's always been a loser.

[1617] I'm waiting for the day when no one runs for president.

[1618] I'm waiting for the day where the fucking roster is just...

[1619] Everybody gives up.

[1620] It's like, as soon as we can read minds and figure out exactly what people, what their intention is and what their past is and you have to sign up for the mind -reading machine in order to be president, that's going to be the end.

[1621] It's a rap I do think I look at it so much differently now at this age when I see people I'm like you're just they're all just egotomaniacs Oh yeah Their egos are climbing out of their skin To want to be To go through that To be the president Well Obama's publicly stated That it's not what he thought it was And then all these people that are lining up To do it like listen The fame wears off That's what he said And then people criticized him by Taking that quote out of context and showing a bunch of pictures of him with famous people, smiling and handing out with Jay -Z and rich people and ha -ha -ha -ha -ha -ha.

[1622] And then there was this whole story about his vacations, how much his vacations cost while he was in the White House?

[1623] All the president's vacations cost a ton.

[1624] All of them.

[1625] Well, they have to fly in Air Force One, and they had Secret Service everywhere.

[1626] They fly out the vehicles.

[1627] Yeah, of course.

[1628] Yeah.

[1629] Well, they have bulletproof cars.

[1630] Yeah.

[1631] I have to.

[1632] His Hawaiian vacations.

[1633] Apparently, during his time in the White House, it's been $70 million taxpayers who had to pay.

[1634] A lot of money.

[1635] It's a little pricey.

[1636] Jesus, crazy.

[1637] It is a little pricey.

[1638] But, you know.

[1639] It's a good trip, though, man. We had a great time on that trip.

[1640] Golfing.

[1641] He's golfing.

[1642] That's $70 million trips we took?

[1643] Yeah.

[1644] I mean, he was golfing.

[1645] Like, when the San Bernardino murders were taking place, he went golfing.

[1646] Out there with a little skinny legs, picking up golf balls.

[1647] Yeah.

[1648] Dude, there's this shooting going on.

[1649] Man, I'm trying to play.

[1650] is back nine if you give me a second why do they all play golf can you be can't be there's two things you can't be can't be can't be someone who doesn't believe in God and you can't be someone who doesn't play golf um I think we're about to see maybe a change of that what Hillary I don't think she plays she's gonna be golf and if she wins Bernie you think if he won he would play well first of all I'll make golf illegal and I'll turn those places into places where the homeless people live yeah he would be like these courses are waste of space they are yeah the Corthive!

[1651] I don't have a good Bernie impression.

[1652] I need to get a good burning impression.

[1653] Have you seen, I think it's James Adomian.

[1654] Who's that?

[1655] He's a comic and an actor.

[1656] His Bernie Sanders is unbelievable.

[1657] Oh, let's find it.

[1658] How do he spell his last name?

[1659] I think it's A -D -O -M -I -A -N.

[1660] Jamie?

[1661] James Adomian.

[1662] I think that's it.

[1663] Bernie Fandeth.

[1664] Oh, you know who else does a good one?

[1665] Really funny.

[1666] Stephen Crowder, he called Bernie Clause.

[1667] Stephen Crowder fucking mocks Bernie pretty heavy.

[1668] Yeah, he's pretty funny in his Bernie Claus impression.

[1669] You know what Crowder is?

[1670] He's kind of like an internet comedian, but politically conservative.

[1671] He does, he did a really funny thing.

[1672] You know, social justice warriors are always saying that you should ask people what their correct gender pronouns are, because some people like to use Z and H -I -R and all these different non -conventional gender pronouns because they're either gender queer, and they don't, they don't.

[1673] don't want to be labeled in specific male or female gender.

[1674] Your set up for this is exhausting, just to you know.

[1675] Jesus.

[1676] I want to punch whoever fucking told you this.

[1677] It's the worst thing I've ever heard.

[1678] God.

[1679] I'm having an aneurism right now.

[1680] It's just thinking about where this is going to go.

[1681] Well, this is real.

[1682] You're not on the, see, you're paying attention to throat zilla.

[1683] And I'm paying attention to ridiculous social requirements that people in college today are asking people to do.

[1684] And they want people to ask other people's social, you know, like they have like this real rigid idea of how you're supposed to behave socially.

[1685] And you're supposed to ask their preferred gender pronouns.

[1686] Like I can't just assume that you are a man. I have to ask you.

[1687] I'm not kidding.

[1688] I know.

[1689] There's a guy.

[1690] We had this guy on who's a guest who said that one of his.

[1691] colleagues was I think he was fired because he refused to this he had a student in his class that would change his gender pronoun from him to her and her to him and it would go back and forth back and forth depending on what days of the week like some days he wanted to be a girl and some days he wanted to be a boy and this this professor was not willing to do that and so he was fired good for the professor that's one where I 100 % support if you're going back and forth on today she is here and tomorrow Oh, he might be back.

[1692] Maybe it's...

[1693] Tomorrow, I'm Z. I'm not her.

[1694] I'm Z. And then the next day I'm H -I -R.

[1695] Her.

[1696] All right.

[1697] I give the fuck up.

[1698] Well, you know, Harvard released a list of possible gender pronouns.

[1699] Yes.

[1700] And so, like, they sent it home with people to, like, I want you to be aware of these potential gender pronouns and gender neutral pronouns that you should be aware that people want them to use.

[1701] Fuck me. I would just walk around I would go he and then if someone was like no I'd be like whatever I'm sorry you have a fucking beard lady I'm sorry you're a he you can't have a fucking Tom Segura style beard and beer she her maybe you Z you're Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Segera Z Z sigura Mr can I say Mr no No well when he was in class excuse me when Z was in class when Z was in class in class, when her was in class, H -I -R, they're really using Z?

[1702] Oh yeah.

[1703] Z -H -E, here it is.

[1704] Gender binary.

[1705] These are gender binary.

[1706] He, she, her, him, but gender neutral.

[1707] Are they, them, theirs?

[1708] Like some people on their Twitter page have preferred gender pronouns.

[1709] Use pronouns.

[1710] Z, H -R, H -R -S, Z -H -E -E, here, hears, here.

[1711] Here, here.

[1712] How about here?

[1713] H -I -R is here.

[1714] It's not even her.

[1715] Z, Z -E -R, Z -R's.

[1716] Z -E -R's.

[1717] Z -E -Rs.

[1718] Sometimes Z, if you get crazy, they spell it with an X -Z.

[1719] This looks like another class I would have failed.

[1720] I would really...

[1721] I would have run right through the fucking door.

[1722] I would never even bother to open it.

[1723] Jesus Christ.

[1724] No!

[1725] Get me out!

[1726] Boom!

[1727] I would have been like the Kool -Aid guy.

[1728] I would have left my outline, like, in the cartoons.

[1729] Gone.

[1730] I'm gone.

[1731] I'm not doing it, man. I'm really not doing it.

[1732] What the fuck, man?

[1733] What is going on?

[1734] I'll tell you what's going on.

[1735] Everybody got a trophy, participation trophies.

[1736] Yeah, I'm against that for sure.

[1737] Oh, that's what did it.

[1738] Yeah.

[1739] Everybody got attention for who they are.

[1740] I'm amazing on my own right.

[1741] No. I'm here.

[1742] I'm zeer.

[1743] I remember, you know, losing games and it sucked.

[1744] That was part of the thing is that you remember it sucks.

[1745] Yeah, that's why winning is awesome.

[1746] Winning is awesome because you're not a loser.

[1747] Yeah, when no one's a loser, winning isn't awesome anymore.

[1748] Right.

[1749] Because everybody gets participation trophies?

[1750] No. Yeah, well, my daughter, when she was three, she was playing soccer, and no one won.

[1751] I was like, what do you mean no one won?

[1752] This team scored five, that team scored zero.

[1753] That team fucking won.

[1754] Nope, we don't celebrate that.

[1755] I'm going to look into a league for my kid that definitely has winners and losers.

[1756] Oh, yeah, for sure.

[1757] Yeah.

[1758] Well, when my daughter played softball, too.

[1759] And she was six This was not even the young The three -year -old That when my seven -year -old was six She was playing softball And they didn't count the score I don't get it, man They would run and everybody would high -fi everybody Nobody would count score They wouldn't count It's just about playing the bullshit What's the point in hitting the ball then Yeah How about we just throw the ball around How about you just hit balls randomly No, someone's pitching You're trying to hit it If you don't hit it, you're a loser Okay Yeah You suck it this you know what I sucked at tea ball where the ball sits on the tea and it doesn't move I had trouble with that I couldn't hit the tea well that's the other thing they do with kids yeah if they can't hit the pitch they give them a couple pitches and they can't hit it then they put it on the little stick and they let they set it up for them and they get them on base for sure times yeah and they all the other they don't even hit the ball they hit the stick itself and the ball falls down and they just start running like they just won the world series yeah I got out of T -ball pretty quick I was like I suck at this shit I was bad at every sport until I did martial arts I was okay at baseball but I wasn't a good baseball player because I wouldn't listen to the coach ever they would say go on there and try to hit a single okay whatever and I get up to play every time every time swing for the bleachers you know why because I hit a couple of them and it was awesome the best when you feel that tink that crack of the bat and that ball starts flying through the air you're like yeah sweet spot man there's that feeling man there's that feeling that you only get when you hit a home run course you don't get that feeling when you get on base no that's like oh okay I'm not a loser when you get on base you're like I'm not a loser but when you watch that thing fucking sailing of the bleachers you're a winner winner winner now you're a winner you'll want I agree you hit a home run you come back everybody's high -fiving you and the coach's like I told you get on base you could fuck all the way off dummy i just hit a home run yeah that's why in football they always try to teach you when you tackle to wrap up you know they're like lower your body head to the side shoulder into the chest and then you wrap up but you know what you try to do you try to light people up so you throw fucking and you miss you know you the guy bounces off of it but every once in a while you lay somebody the fuck out and you're like what's up now so that's that's why you do that you know that is why you do that what the fuck is wrong with these coaches raising a bunch of pussies that want to be called Z or her or Zer Zir.

[1760] Shit is wild.

[1761] Zer.

[1762] Well, let's see the Bernie impression.

[1763] Do we have it?

[1764] Do we fire it up?

[1765] What's his name again?

[1766] James Adomian.

[1767] Where's he at?

[1768] He's here.

[1769] He's an L .A. guy.

[1770] Oh, okay.

[1771] Pop.

[1772] Let's go full screen on this bitch.

[1773] Give James Adomian some props.

[1774] Yeah, he's funny, dude.

[1775] Sanders.

[1776] My fellow Americans, I am running for president so that in the unlikely event that I am elected to office and there's not an immediate military two -day tire to take me out of power.

[1777] This country will engage in an unprecedented revolution politically to take on the billionaire class.

[1778] That's really good.

[1779] It's really good.

[1780] Because in a society...

[1781] Because...

[1782] 1 % of the top 10 % of the top 1 % and the top 10 % of the top 1 % of the top 10%.

[1783] For those of you not tracking it, that's 0 .000 -0 -0 -0 -0 -0 -0 -0 -0 -0 -0 -1.

[1784] Of the top 1 %!

[1785] This is a great country.

[1786] This is a great country.

[1787] This is a fun place.

[1788] That's pretty good, too.

[1789] Yeah.

[1790] And I promise, I'm killing everyone in the polls.

[1791] can guarantee this.

[1792] I'm killing everyone in the polls.

[1793] And if I'm elected president, I will kill everyone.

[1794] I promise you that.

[1795] I can promise you that.

[1796] There's some facts, okay?

[1797] The minute I've become president, we'll start the Anchor Baby program, where we start bronzing Mexican immigrants and putting them on naval ships so that they'll put to use finally.

[1798] I'm just saying, bronze them and make it a real thing.

[1799] It's no longer an offensive metaphor.

[1800] Now, I know what you're thinking.

[1801] You know, I know what you're thinking.

[1802] Bernie, you look like you're running for president of the Muppet Show.

[1803] Look at his fucking hair.

[1804] It's been so crazy.

[1805] They grew to the left and the right.

[1806] It's two weeks.

[1807] It was forcibly held down in a cotton candy machine.

[1808] That is true.

[1809] But it happened while it was simultaneously being struck by lightning, giving me a rare superpower, where I am simultaneously completely bald, and I have more hair than anyone else when I'm going.

[1810] Family impossible That's great And so is the I don't know the Trump guy's name He's great too Yeah, what is his name?

[1811] What's the Trump group?

[1812] If you highlight the video Yeah, it's Anthony What is it?

[1813] James Adamonian Adomian And Anthony Adam Anwick Boy Yeah Both immigrants, obviously Names Yeah Both probably Muslim terrorists Snuck in no more Probably That's funny He does a really good Trump too Yeah That's good That Trump is good.

[1814] It's really good.

[1815] But that fucking Bernie Sanders is on point.

[1816] It really is, man. And talking about the percentages of the percentage.

[1817] It's like he got the substance of it down, too.

[1818] Well, everybody's looking for somebody that comes along and stands out as being the counter to what we're experiencing, you know?

[1819] Yeah.

[1820] No one feels like any of these people represent them, except maybe Ted Cruz fans is a few fucking, a few weirdos.

[1821] I like the guys that still stay in it, you know, when they know there's not even a shot.

[1822] They have that level of denial.

[1823] You're just in denial.

[1824] Or they're hoping.

[1825] Yeah, but there's a certain point where you know it's not going to turn around.

[1826] They're still like, I don't know.

[1827] I still got a shot.

[1828] You know you don't have a shot.

[1829] I mean, is Jeb still in it?

[1830] Is he still in it?

[1831] I think Jeb is laying back.

[1832] This is my thought.

[1833] My thought is Jeb is ropedopen.

[1834] He's letting all these people beat each other up and he's laying way back.

[1835] And I think he's going to be the eventual Republican nominee.

[1836] Really?

[1837] Really?

[1838] Mm -hmm.

[1839] Doesn't he?

[1840] His numbers are terrible, aren't they?

[1841] I mean, yep, and he's not trying.

[1842] He's not trying to do anything about it.

[1843] He's got a long way to go.

[1844] Yeah.

[1845] November, right?

[1846] Which is almost a year from now.

[1847] Think about what can happen publicly in a year.

[1848] In a year, people become superstars from no name to superstars.

[1849] In this world, the world we're experiencing today.

[1850] Yeah, yeah.

[1851] That's true.

[1852] This is a different world.

[1853] Like, you've got to be careful.

[1854] And if you're a media savvy guy, and I got to assume that anybody who grows up, where his fucking dad was president and his brother was president.

[1855] Boy, if anybody understands that business, it's him and Hillary.

[1856] Yeah.

[1857] The Hillary looks so tired.

[1858] She looks exhausted.

[1859] She looks exhausted.

[1860] She looks super unhealthy.

[1861] Here's a thought.

[1862] Hillary Clinton and Christy Brinkley are essentially the same age.

[1863] Are they?

[1864] Aren't they?

[1865] I don't know.

[1866] I bet they are.

[1867] I bet they're fucking close.

[1868] Who would you rather hook up with?

[1869] Hillary, just for the story.

[1870] Yeah, that's a good story.

[1871] Christy Brinkley, it's like...

[1872] So you're gonna marry her, bro?

[1873] Yeah.

[1874] Well, Hillary, you're like, ew, what were you thinking?

[1875] Dude, I was doing Coke.

[1876] And I had fucking Viagra in me. Yeah, I did 200 milligrams of Viagra.

[1877] I did 10 lines of Coke.

[1878] I drank a bottle of tequila.

[1879] I was on ecstasy, and I ate mushrooms.

[1880] She's had a real dog, too, so she's, She's had some savage sex, I think.

[1881] You think so?

[1882] Sure.

[1883] She probably hasn't been fucked in forever.

[1884] You don't think so?

[1885] She's probably been a lesbian for the last 30 or 40 years, at least.

[1886] Just hangs in there with them.

[1887] They made a deal.

[1888] I think they made a deal.

[1889] Just take a picture.

[1890] What do I know?

[1891] What the fuck do I know?

[1892] I'm talking shit.

[1893] But I got to assume, first of all, if you got a guy like Bill, you get to know him, you know that dude's a freak.

[1894] He's a whip his dick out type freak.

[1895] Oh, yeah.

[1896] He's one of those guys like, hey, how are you?

[1897] What will we have here?

[1898] That's my dick.

[1899] Belongs in your mouth.

[1900] Look at that.

[1901] Christy Binkley.

[1902] Bam, bam.

[1903] Now look at how, but that's a really good picture.

[1904] That's a really good picture of Hillary, too, by the way.

[1905] There's some horrific pictures of Hillary.

[1906] You can find some monstrous ones.

[1907] That's probably from about 30, 40 years ago, too.

[1908] How long ago was that picture?

[1909] It says it's November 21st.

[1910] So two months old.

[1911] Lies.

[1912] That's Photoshop.

[1913] The same people that, the girls are on Instagram they use that she's listed as 68 and Christy Brinkley's 61 so a seven year guess whatever there's no way that Christy Brink is going to look that bad in seven years You know like so Go for a better picture Christy Brickick Because that's one of her Look at that Look at her face right there Get the fuck out of here Dude she's hot But she's also genetically gifted You know That's her gift To look like that You don't think so?

[1914] I mean I think there's a lot involved.

[1915] It's not just genetics involved.

[1916] She certainly was genetically gifted at the jump to have that bone structure.

[1917] Yeah.

[1918] But there's a lot involved there.

[1919] First of all, there's massive exercise diet.

[1920] She takes care of herself.

[1921] Yeah, for sure.

[1922] Got to be some Botox and some cautious use of fillers.

[1923] Cagels.

[1924] Yeah.

[1925] Look at that one right there.

[1926] Like, come on, man. That's a hot 35 -year -old.

[1927] Right.

[1928] How is that possible?

[1929] How is that?

[1930] That doesn't make any sense.

[1931] Why aren't her teeth rotting out of her fucking head?

[1932] Are those real, they can't be real teeth.

[1933] Probably not hers, yeah.

[1934] Those teeth are made out of, like, ivory from murdered elephants.

[1935] Yeah.

[1936] Those aren't real teeth.

[1937] And you know what?

[1938] My grandmother died when she was, like, 64.

[1939] And her teeth looked like shit.

[1940] Why is she so hot?

[1941] I appreciate the effort, too.

[1942] By the way, her forehead would not move if you had 100 Mexicans and six trucks trying to move it.

[1943] Yeah, it's.

[1944] All the moving trucks in the world are not going to make that fucking forehead move.

[1945] That thing is frozen in time like a, like a bully mammoth trapped underneath a glacier.

[1946] Nothing moving.

[1947] Look at the fucking forehead.

[1948] That shit ain't moving.

[1949] She barely has some lines on the corner of her eyes.

[1950] That's it.

[1951] She's hot as fuck, though.

[1952] Yeah.

[1953] Whatever she's doing, everyone should do it.

[1954] We should all do it.

[1955] And by the way, this is what we're seeing from this rare of rare.

[1956] The one percent of the one percent of the one percent.

[1957] This is she is the rarest of the rare when it comes to like women in their 60s that are still hot as fuck She's a hundred percent hot as fuck right that is what women are going to look like in the future There's this doctor doctor I think he's named Peter Welling the same guy who created Regenicine that blood spitting procedure They are literally months away from launching some new treatment where reignites your body's ability to produce collagen Yeah and so collagen is what makes your face turn all hill Yeah.

[1958] Like hang and droop and it loses all its elasticity.

[1959] They're going to bring that shit right back to life.

[1960] Your face pops up.

[1961] No more, like when women get those old lady elbows.

[1962] Yeah.

[1963] Where the skin's just hanging.

[1964] Nobody wants to see that.

[1965] So what will they do?

[1966] They'll just...

[1967] I don't know.

[1968] I don't understand the procedure.

[1969] But it'll tighten up on you.

[1970] You're going to, your body's collagen production is going to re -kickstart.

[1971] It's going to just jam back into your skin and your cells are going to flourish.

[1972] and they're just going to fucking look elastic and yeah yeah oh wonderful again i like it yeah i like us all walking around all tight -faced yeah hot crazy yeah yeah you imagine yeah old ladies you're gonna snap back to life start strength training again build their butt up ooh and they'll be looking they'll still have old lady feet oh yeah keep socks on keep those socks big thick socks sox so i don't even see the twisted shape underneath that heel crust that won't go away ooh heel crust don't they have treatments for that though they sand it down right yeah there's commercials for it pumice stones they're always trying to things it'll just shave it off but i don't know have you ever seen that show dual survivor yes wait is that the one where it's a couple ex -military guys and they yeah they're wandering around yeah they survive drop them off in a lake or something it's like sort of a fake version of Survivor Man with two dudes.

[1973] Yes.

[1974] But one of the guys who's a survival expert, and I use air quotes for that, I'm sure he's an expert.

[1975] Yeah.

[1976] But he's, I think his name is Cody.

[1977] He's completely crazy.

[1978] He doesn't wear shoes.

[1979] Ever.

[1980] Ever.

[1981] So he goes through the jungle.

[1982] Wander through the jungle, barefoot.

[1983] And his feet are a fucking atrocity.

[1984] Have to be.

[1985] Have to be.

[1986] They're a crime against nature.

[1987] His feet, he doesn't wear shoes.

[1988] Ever.

[1989] ever so he's just developed these insanely thick calluses on his feet like his photos of his feet online what is that well that's a good photo his feet look great there but you got to see like what his feet look like when they get close up on like the bottoms of them i've seen some horrific photos of what his feet look like but he just walks everywhere through the jungle like There's his heel.

[1990] Oh, my fucking God.

[1991] Yeah, look how thick it is.

[1992] It's all cracked and everything.

[1993] Jesus Christ.

[1994] It's called dual survivor.

[1995] Yeah, there's the bottoms of his feet.

[1996] Look at that.

[1997] I don't want to.

[1998] It's so gross.

[1999] It made my eyes water.

[2000] He's got elephant skin feet.

[2001] God.

[2002] Yeah.

[2003] Well, that's what people did.

[2004] Yeah, for sure.

[2005] It is weird that we have clothes.

[2006] And shoes?

[2007] Yeah.

[2008] I mean, for years, I mean, obviously many, many years.

[2009] everybody walked and ran everywhere barefoot so yeah well that's why it's strange to see someone naked what are you doing you don't have any clothes on who's the first person to wear clothes who's the first person to come out of the cave and you're like what the fuck are you doing this guy got i got underwear on it's a guy with a little dick had to be had to be he saw a couple other he was like what the fuck is that when you think little dick started surviving people with little Like, that's a, like, a trait, right?

[2010] Right.

[2011] Somebody with a little dick had to fuck somebody.

[2012] Right.

[2013] But that had to be like...

[2014] I don't know if that's a...

[2015] I mean, is it a trait?

[2016] Because everybody with a big dick has a big dick son.

[2017] I don't know.

[2018] You imagine if you have a giant dick your kid has a little tiny micro dick?

[2019] Oh, man, I know.

[2020] Fuck.

[2021] You're not my son.

[2022] Yeah, you probably start thinking.

[2023] That fucking whore.

[2024] She's banging some little dick guys.

[2025] She got tired of my big dick.

[2026] My son's three weeks old.

[2027] Giant hog?

[2028] No, we have about the same size dick, though.

[2029] I mean, his body proportion -wise, that lines up.

[2030] You imagine if your son was born was just a giant hog?

[2031] Yeah.

[2032] He comes out, eh, eh, why does he have two umbilical?

[2033] Oh, my God, it's his hog.

[2034] It's his hog.

[2035] The time he's a baby.

[2036] It's hard every day.

[2037] The balls look big.

[2038] How big?

[2039] I don't know.

[2040] You know, their body, you know, it's such so small.

[2041] The baby's, and then you just see, like, a ball bag that stands out for half the size of the size the baby do you know that the size of the testicles is directly proportionate to the amount of promiscuous women who are in the area well there's some fucking sluts where i live there's he's he's got big balls on them well they actually say that the human body adapts to the amount of promiscuous women that are in the area and your balls so crazy it's how it is with primates the more promiscuous the women are in the area the larger the testicles are of the primate That's why chimps have giant balls, but gorillas have little tiny balls.

[2042] Little tiny balls and little tiny dicks.

[2043] For chimps.

[2044] For gorillas.

[2045] Because chimp women are hookers.

[2046] Right.

[2047] They're just sluts.

[2048] But guerrilla women, they mine their peas and cues.

[2049] They fucking keep it in line.

[2050] Right.

[2051] And the gorilla has a harem.

[2052] He's got a harem.

[2053] A big fucking pile of bitches and just sticks his little tiny dig and then.

[2054] And the chimp, they just fuck everybody, fucks everybody.

[2055] And when you're not looking, they fuck.

[2056] The super slutty, the super slutty bonobos.

[2057] So they must have some deads.

[2058] Giant, giant dicks, giant balls.

[2059] They're balls.

[2060] Chimp balls are giant.

[2061] And that's the reason why they're giant.

[2062] But they have observed that in humans.

[2063] Like, there's a direct relation to the size of the testicles.

[2064] Because the more sluts that are in the area, the more complex.

[2065] competition there is to get your sperm in it.

[2066] So you have to produce more sperm.

[2067] So you have to have larger balls.

[2068] Yeah.

[2069] How about that?

[2070] That's something, man. I didn't know that.

[2071] It's pretty nuts.

[2072] Yeah.

[2073] In primates, there's a direct connection.

[2074] They used to think that there was different kinds of sperm.

[2075] There was a book written called sperm wars, but it's been largely disproven.

[2076] And the idea behind that book was that there's different kinds of sperm.

[2077] There's actual sperm that attack other sperm.

[2078] They go in there and they attack other sperm.

[2079] It turns out to not be true.

[2080] There's no evidence that sperm have any other duty other than coming, you know, hitting eggs and trying to get people pregnant.

[2081] Yeah.

[2082] They don't have any other properties.

[2083] They don't actually kill sperm.

[2084] It sounds like a good premise for a movie, though.

[2085] Sounds like an awesome premise.

[2086] Killer jizz.

[2087] Yeah.

[2088] She went blind.

[2089] She got the killer jizz in her eye.

[2090] No. Evil sperm, yeah.

[2091] Yeah.

[2092] I like it.

[2093] Yeah.

[2094] If you're like around a lot of promiscuous women, like on a porn set, then that jizz that gets in a girl's eyes could probably blind her.

[2095] Ooh.

[2096] Because it's just looking to kill other sperm.

[2097] They burrow into your eye.

[2098] Ah!

[2099] Like little fucking piranhas.

[2100] It's chewing away through the outer egg.

[2101] On one of those mugs, it starts bubbling because there's mean ones in there.

[2102] It froth.

[2103] Like a fucking feeding frenzy in the mug.

[2104] If you bet a bunch of guys jizz in the mug.

[2105] And it's a fucking gang fight in the calm.

[2106] She's like, I don't want to drink it.

[2107] Drink it.

[2108] It's frothing, like, boiling water.

[2109] Ugh.

[2110] Have you ever gone fishing where there's a feeding frenzy?

[2111] Yes, I have, actually.

[2112] I was in Mexico, and it was awesome, man, because I took my kids.

[2113] My kids love fishing.

[2114] It's really fun.

[2115] Yeah, they love it.

[2116] Because it's fun for little kids.

[2117] Like, if you could get them near where the fish all.

[2118] And they actually catch one.

[2119] It's so exciting.

[2120] Then they get to eat it.

[2121] They're so happy.

[2122] Like, we caught this.

[2123] I'm eating it and we caught it, mommy.

[2124] Like, they're so excited.

[2125] But we went out in Mexico and there was like a hundred yards, like a football field size of all these jacks, like amber jacks, I guess they are, skip jacks.

[2126] And they were crushing these baitfish.

[2127] So they're like anchovies or something like that or minnows, whatever the fuck it is.

[2128] And they're smashing these.

[2129] these things and the whole like football feels size is just frothing and all you had to do is get close to it and cast a lure in there and then you pull something out and the girls were like and they're holding on to the rod and you know i have to hold on to it with them otherwise like the fish will literally pull the rod in the water right it was wild man it's wild yeah fishing is a pretty good time i haven't done it in a while fucking love it's fun it's so fun man i just love the idea that you can go out into that water and catch lunch.

[2130] Mm -hmm.

[2131] You just go out of here and bring home dinner.

[2132] Yeah.

[2133] It's like, not a store.

[2134] And if you ever had fish that's caught, like, they prepared it for us.

[2135] We caught a couple different kinds of fish.

[2136] We caught a, um, when I was in Hawaii, we caught an ono.

[2137] They call it, or it's a Wahoo, but they call them Onos.

[2138] And, um, an Ono is delicious.

[2139] It's such a delicious fish.

[2140] And it's a big fish, too.

[2141] So we couldn't have even eaten all of it.

[2142] So I gave half of it to the guy who ran the boat, and then we took half of it.

[2143] And half of the fish was enough for my whole family.

[2144] Wow.

[2145] Everybody ate it.

[2146] And they prepared it a bunch of different ways.

[2147] They made sashimi out of it.

[2148] They made like a, they baked it and they grilled it.

[2149] So they gave us like three different preparations.

[2150] And oh, they even made saviche.

[2151] Yeah, they made saviche as well.

[2152] What city were you in doing this?

[2153] It was in, uh, that was in Maui.

[2154] Wow.

[2155] Yeah.

[2156] It was really awesome, man. That's awesome.

[2157] No, actually, that was on the big island.

[2158] But, um, I love Hawaii, man. I wish it wasn't so far.

[2159] I know.

[2160] But that's why it's awesome.

[2161] It's because it's so far.

[2162] Yeah.

[2163] If it was right there, it'd be like Mexico.

[2164] Just go right there.

[2165] But Mexico's pretty badass too, man. You go there recently?

[2166] Mexico?

[2167] Yeah, it was there last year.

[2168] Uh, what area?

[2169] Um, Punta Mita.

[2170] Okay.

[2171] It's called.

[2172] Is that Puerto Vallarta?

[2173] Is that what it is?

[2174] I don't know.

[2175] I've been, Puerto Vallada.

[2176] Yeah, I went through Tulum.

[2177] Tolum is nice.

[2178] That was cool.

[2179] Next time I go, I want to go where the Aztec pyramids are because when I was in Mexico City I've been to Mexico City twice last year for the UFC and but when I go man I just fucking chill in my hotel I work out that's a pretty crazy city right it's nuts yeah it's chaos first of all the pollution is worse than anything you've ever seen in your life really oh my God I took photos and put it on my Instagram and people thought it was bullshit really it's insane like the photos on Instagram that I put up it looks like you're you're in a fire like it looks like it's that bad oh it's crazy.

[2180] It's way worse than L .A. It's like L .A. in 20 years if Donald Trump becomes president.

[2181] Yeah.

[2182] Yeah.

[2183] It's the biggest city in the world.

[2184] Is it?

[2185] Yeah.

[2186] I believe so.

[2187] More than Chinese cities?

[2188] Like Beijing?

[2189] Those aren't people.

[2190] Oh, right, right, right.

[2191] I don't know.

[2192] I'm pretty sure it's the biggest.

[2193] It might be just the biggest in North America.

[2194] You might be right.

[2195] Yeah, they might have Chinese cities with 100 billion people.

[2196] I think Tokyo is the biggest last time we looked this up.

[2197] Tokyo?

[2198] Yeah, it's like 22.

[2199] three, 30 million cents.

[2200] It's a lot.

[2201] I saw a thing.

[2202] Doesn't LA have 20 million?

[2203] No. It's not official.

[2204] Well, let's let's Google the world's, let's guess right now.

[2205] I'll tell you this.

[2206] My guess, I have a guess on a couple things.

[2207] L .A. County, not city.

[2208] County, it's probably 13, 14 million.

[2209] You're not counting Mexicans.

[2210] Am I not?

[2211] How many illegal aliens are there in California?

[2212] No one has a fucking clue.

[2213] Seven million.

[2214] Isn't that hilarious?

[2215] Yeah.

[2216] It might be true.

[2217] Yeah.

[2218] Millingles.

[2219] 13 million regular.

[2220] Yeah.

[2221] Normal people.

[2222] Normal people.

[2223] What is that?

[2224] It's 3 .8 for L .A. Bullshit.

[2225] I think that's like L .A. City proper.

[2226] That's the horse shit.

[2227] That's Los Fillas.

[2228] Yeah.

[2229] He's right.

[2230] Wow.

[2231] But that's not counting, that's, you know, that's not the greater metropolitan.

[2232] Yeah, that's the thing is that L .A. is not really a city.

[2233] Right.

[2234] It's, you know, it seems like it's a silly.

[2235] Whoa.

[2236] Oh, what is 18 million?

[2237] Greater Los Angeles area, 18 million.

[2238] 185.

[2239] Yeah, that seems, that seems, see, the greater, the thing about when I say L .A. is not a city.

[2240] What I mean is, like, New York City is a city.

[2241] It's only New York City.

[2242] Like, you go there and, you're like, oh, now we're in the city.

[2243] And people say, oh, we left the city.

[2244] Greater Tokyo has 35 million.

[2245] Oh, my God.

[2246] 27 % of the nation's entire population.

[2247] Wow.

[2248] Now, how about China's cities?

[2249] Because I saw something that said, they have something like 10, maybe more than 10 cities in China with 20 million or more people.

[2250] Oh, my God.

[2251] Jesus Christ.

[2252] China Cities.

[2253] There you go.

[2254] List of cities.

[2255] Wow.

[2256] Look at that.

[2257] Wait a minute.

[2258] Look at that first city.

[2259] We don't even know what fucking city that is.

[2260] What's area?

[2261] Hold on.

[2262] Guangzhou has 12 million 700 ,000 okay so Shanghai 23 Jesus 23 for Shanghai what is Beijing this is administrative area 19 that's not the real but see the problem what this is you're leaving this up to people in China to count their people yeah okay this city that you never heard of that has 28 million chung pong chung what is that chung go chung go I think you did an admirable attempt.

[2263] Isn't that funny that if you do that, you're an asshole?

[2264] Yeah, of course.

[2265] You know, if you incorrectly pronounce Asian cities in a humorous way, you're a terrible person.

[2266] Of course.

[2267] You can't say chung, chong, chong.

[2268] You can't say that.

[2269] Well, you just did.

[2270] But I'm a bad person.

[2271] I'm a bad person.

[2272] Isn't that funny?

[2273] Guangzhou.

[2274] Guangzhou.

[2275] Guangzhou, population.

[2276] 2015.

[2277] What do we got here?

[2278] 14 million?

[2279] Yeah.

[2280] According to who?

[2281] Guangzilians.

[2282] They're not counting.

[2283] They're not counting.

[2284] For real.

[2285] They're hiding their babies, too.

[2286] They're for real, for real.

[2287] And you're only allowed to have women.

[2288] 30 million.

[2289] He has 30 million migrants.

[2290] Living in the area for six months out of the year.

[2291] What?

[2292] Oh my God.

[2293] So they have 13 million and 30 million.

[2294] 30 million people just kind of sitting around.

[2295] They don't really live here.

[2296] There are snowbirds.

[2297] You're living there.

[2298] You're living there.

[2299] You're living there.

[2300] You can't say.

[2301] migrants.

[2302] You're fucking with your numbers, man. It's Hollywood logic or Hollywood arithmetic.

[2303] Yeah.

[2304] When they do Hollywood accounting on movies we have a movie that made $100 million and they tell the actors, I'm sorry.

[2305] No profit.

[2306] Didn't really make that kind of money.

[2307] Yeah, we'd love to give you what you deserve but we can't because the accounting says we didn't make any money.

[2308] Yeah.

[2309] Hmm.

[2310] That's how they do with record companies too, right?

[2311] Yeah.

[2312] Have you seen soaked in bleach?

[2313] Soaked in bleach?

[2314] Yeah.

[2315] That's something that I have to watch.

[2316] What is that?

[2317] It's Courtney.

[2318] There's a documentary about Courtney Love.

[2319] Eddie Bravo and Brendan Schaub were fucking raving about it.

[2320] Oh, really?

[2321] Saying that she killed Kurt Cobain and her former bodyguard or private investigator, apparently.

[2322] He's the one who recorded all these conversations with her.

[2323] And it's not the Netflix jammy.

[2324] No, it's not.

[2325] No, it's a documentary.

[2326] But it's on Netflix, right?

[2327] Yeah.

[2328] Yeah, we're talking about narcos.

[2329] You just started that.

[2330] Yeah, it's really good.

[2331] Narcos is this shit.

[2332] It's so good.

[2333] Fucking Netflix is killing it lately.

[2334] F is for Family, the Bill Burr series, hilarious.

[2335] Bloodline.

[2336] The new Bob and Dave show.

[2337] Yeah.

[2338] Mr. Show, they're doing a new version of it.

[2339] With Bob and David, yeah.

[2340] They're calling, I don't know what they're calling it.

[2341] With Bob and David.

[2342] That's what it's called, with Bob and David.

[2343] It's funny, man. It's really good.

[2344] I saw the Zez Ansari show.

[2345] Yeah.

[2346] It's okay.

[2347] It's been brave reviews.

[2348] As he's in sorry shows?

[2349] Yeah, for sure.

[2350] It's okay.

[2351] I haven't seen it.

[2352] Bloodline.

[2353] It's not bad.

[2354] Yeah.

[2355] You watch the whole thing?

[2356] I watched the first episode.

[2357] It's like, it's okay.

[2358] I mean, I had a couple laughs.

[2359] You know who was funny in it?

[2360] Eric Werheim, Tim and Eric?

[2361] Yeah.

[2362] He's fucking hilarious.

[2363] That guy's a maniac.

[2364] He's really funny.

[2365] He's funny.

[2366] He's funny in that.

[2367] But Bob and David, maybe the problem is I compared it to Bob and David.

[2368] Maybe if I watched it on its own, I would like it more.

[2369] But Bob and David was fucking funny.

[2370] Like really good.

[2371] I just got into The Killing and ran through that, which was an AMC show that ended up on Netflix, and the Netflix paid for a fourth season.

[2372] Really?

[2373] That series, I loved it.

[2374] I loved the killing.

[2375] What is it about?

[2376] It's about these two Seattle homicide detectives, but it's really good, you know, storytelling.

[2377] Basically, it's them following a murder per season.

[2378] And they really, you know, it makes it super engaging.

[2379] It's cliffhanger stuff where it ends.

[2380] You're like, fucking press play on the next one.

[2381] Isn't that crazy, too?

[2382] They release, that's one of the things where Netflix figured it out.

[2383] They just released the entire season in one gulp.

[2384] Of course.

[2385] Binge watch it, man. Yeah.

[2386] House of Cards.

[2387] Everything.

[2388] They had House of Cards.

[2389] I watch House of Cards, too.

[2390] I watched one and a half episodes.

[2391] That's all I've seen.

[2392] But I saw it on a plane.

[2393] American Airlines has Netflix on a fucking plane.

[2394] Well, that one, I'll tell you, I think you get three episodes in the House of Cards.

[2395] consider it oh you're done you're gonna watch the whole fucking thing if you make it that really yeah it's it's better pilots are tough i think yeah you as the more you watch shows like that you understand that pilots are tough to introduce a world introduce characters make you care about what's going on yeah once if you can get over that hurdle and you get to the second or third and when it's good like i said bloodline i was totally impressed with after i got to through a couple episodes and fargo which is not a netflix thing but both of those seasons You know, the first season pilot of Fargo is just one of the best pilots I've ever seen.

[2396] I never hear about Fargo.

[2397] I never hear about it.

[2398] It's so fucking good.

[2399] Really?

[2400] I think it might be the best show on television.

[2401] God damn it, Tommy.

[2402] Yes.

[2403] How are you saying this?

[2404] You got to check it out.

[2405] Wow.

[2406] I'll give you.

[2407] What are you going to give me?

[2408] Give me some.

[2409] I have it on DVD.

[2410] Come, man. But you can also just digitally.

[2411] Give me some shit, man. You can also just, you know, on demand.

[2412] It's on demand.

[2413] If you really care, I did give me some.

[2414] I'll give you the fucking thing.

[2415] I give it to you.

[2416] It's on Netflix?

[2417] No. It's on, but if you have Apple TV, you go to FX on demand, you can just watch it on demand.

[2418] Apple TV is another thing.

[2419] That is the shit.

[2420] Netflix is built in.

[2421] And Netflix is built in.

[2422] It's great.

[2423] And the new one apparently is even better.

[2424] I got the last generation.

[2425] I don't have the, is the new generation out?

[2426] Of what?

[2427] Of Apple TV?

[2428] I got the old shit.

[2429] I don't even have the new shit.

[2430] There's new shit.

[2431] There's a new one.

[2432] The remote's better and all that.

[2433] It's way easier to use.

[2434] It's faster.

[2435] The remote's better.

[2436] Ooh.

[2437] I might have to get a second app to the TV.

[2438] Isn't there a way you can make a remote with your phone?

[2439] You turn your phone into a remote?

[2440] That's some shit.

[2441] That's some Jamie shit.

[2442] Well, they've been doing that with Android phones for a while.

[2443] Some Android phones actually have like an IR thing in the front.

[2444] You can like point it at your TV and you can actually change channels.

[2445] The Apple guy was trying to get me when I was in the store.

[2446] He's like, oh, get these, buy these lights.

[2447] What?

[2448] And then your phone can control lights.

[2449] make them different colors in your home we have those okay they're here they're never never install them oh okay yeah well i don't have that kind of time i go dude um come on come on let's get a fucking yeah and then someone hacks my phone and turns the fucking lights on right off and on while i'm sleeping it's no fun bullshit it's no fun bullshit it's bullshit it's a light switch my wife installed these stupid fucking light panels in my house they're like a little computer or you have to touch it's a touchscreen thing it's so stupid she likes it because it looks school but they don't click there's not a click so when you walk in a room and the lights off you can't just touch it right you have to look at it find out where the the white light is touch that and then it turns out it's glass there's no tactile feel it's horse shit horse shit do you how do you how do you feel about curved TVs is dog shit they can suck my dick how about that all right I was looking for an opinion I want a flat TV god damn it I'm not looking to sit in the fucking cockpit of a jet.

[2450] Why is it curved?

[2451] I don't know.

[2452] What am I have to look left, look right, look forward?

[2453] I don't know where to look.

[2454] I want it right in front of me. Flat.

[2455] And you know what?

[2456] Not too big.

[2457] How about that?

[2458] What size are you talking about?

[2459] TVs can get too fucking big.

[2460] What size are you talking about?

[2461] His assholes are a hundred inch TV?

[2462] What are you going up to 55?

[2463] How close are you?

[2464] How about you get a smaller TV and sit closer?

[2465] You've got a hundred inch TV.

[2466] We've got to sit a mile away from that fucking thing.

[2467] You do.

[2468] You're taking the entire image.

[2469] That's stupid.

[2470] What about projectors?

[2471] Those are dog shit.

[2472] I've had one.

[2473] Dog shit?

[2474] They take a couple seconds to boot up.

[2475] They're stupid.

[2476] Someone steps in front of it.

[2477] You see that person on the screen.

[2478] So TV is the way to go.

[2479] TVs are definitely the way to go.

[2480] The image is better, too.

[2481] And I've had several generations of projectors.

[2482] Were you at my house when I had the projector room?

[2483] Yes.

[2484] Yeah, that's all gone now.

[2485] There's a pool table in there.

[2486] I gutted that room.

[2487] Oh, you did?

[2488] Yeah, I changed it.

[2489] I didn't know that.

[2490] But the projector was there when I got there, when I moved in, I had to buy it, and it was stupid.

[2491] I shouldn't have bought it.

[2492] I should have told them, take that wonky hunk of shit and get out of here.

[2493] I own your house.

[2494] Take the bricks.

[2495] Yeah.

[2496] But the light, if the curtains were open even a little, you couldn't watch TV.

[2497] Yeah, that sucks.

[2498] You had to make it so dark, you couldn't see anything.

[2499] You had to get blackout curtains.

[2500] You had to blackout curtains.

[2501] You had to shut the door.

[2502] If anybody opened the door while we were.

[2503] watching TV close the door you can't see the fucking screen it's so stupid so then we got the next generation of projector which is smaller it's a lower profile and it was much much much much better and then I got a big TV in there and I was like these things are stupid projectors are stupid they're just not as good it's not as good all right I mean I'm thinking about it you thinking about it I love you know I love watching movies and all that so just get a TV badass TV.

[2504] You want a nice TV.

[2505] They have 4K TVs now.

[2506] Like, this is a 4K TV.

[2507] This fucking thing looks so good.

[2508] The resolution is so high -end.

[2509] It's so pretty that when you're looking at an image, like, it doesn't get any better than that.

[2510] You know, my new special is in 4K.

[2511] Oh my goodness.

[2512] Your new special that's out this Friday on Netflix?

[2513] January 8th.

[2514] What's it called?

[2515] It's called Mostly Stories.

[2516] Why'd you call it mostly stories?

[2517] I just figured I'd tell stories and, you know, even though it's not the whole special is not stories.

[2518] Is the story about your doctor in this one?

[2519] That's in my other special.

[2520] Oh.

[2521] It's in my other special.

[2522] I fucking love that story.

[2523] Yeah, that one, you know that I get a breakdown of what does the best from a sound exchange.

[2524] They go, here's what people are playing the most on Pandora.

[2525] Really?

[2526] Yeah.

[2527] And that, that story is number one.

[2528] It's a funny fucking story.

[2529] That's the Dr. Dick story.

[2530] That's a real guy, too, right?

[2531] It's a real guy.

[2532] Who I finally told him that I told a story about him and I gave it to him to listen to.

[2533] And then he called me, he was like, I fucking love it.

[2534] He's like, I just said it to my parents, and they can't believe I talk like this to my patience.

[2535] If anybody hasn't seen it, we don't want to give away any spoilers because it's a fucking hilarious story.

[2536] Yeah, that's my special.

[2537] It's called Completely Normal, which is on Netflix.

[2538] But the new one has the - Is that the one with the Serena Williams bit in it?

[2539] Yes.

[2540] But this one has a bunch of stories of, you know, it has a bunch of stand -up.

[2541] It's a stand -up special, but I have stories about my story.

[2542] trainer in it.

[2543] I have a story.

[2544] Oh, your Jesus trainer?

[2545] Yeah, I have him.

[2546] Do you know?

[2547] No. And then I have he's going to find out, I think.

[2548] He's definitely going to find out.

[2549] He's definitely going to find out.

[2550] I have a Tyson, my Mike Tyson stories in this new one.

[2551] That's a great story too.

[2552] Yeah, and I have a story about a movie theater fight that I got into and yeah, there's all kinds of stories in it.

[2553] So I call it mostly stories.

[2554] Um, what is I going to ask you?

[2555] Oh, this is what I'm going to tell you.

[2556] You know, I downloaded one of your one of your CDs off iTunes.

[2557] I bought one of your comedy CDs.

[2558] Oh, thanks man. You're welcome.

[2559] But there's something, I was just in the mood for some comedy, and I know you're hilarious.

[2560] But I was really weird my phone, like when you have Bluetooth synced up to your phone and your phone if it starts, when I get in my car, I don't know what the settings are or why it does this, but my car will just all a sudden start playing.

[2561] Like from the most, because it's synced up to Bluetooth for music.

[2562] So when I get in my car, it'll all of a sudden start playing music.

[2563] It plays your fucking Serena Williams bit every time.

[2564] That's so bizarre.

[2565] Every time.

[2566] It plays it first.

[2567] So when I get in my car and I start my car up, I hear you.

[2568] You're the first thing that I hear every time.

[2569] That's so bizarre.

[2570] The whole about, you know, I want to die in a dumb way.

[2571] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2572] Like it goes right into that every time.

[2573] It's happened to me. Well, it happens to me in my car with a gang star, which I, I guess it's probably better.

[2574] It's better than my Serene Williams bit.

[2575] Well, for you, it's better.

[2576] If you got in your car and you started playing your shit, you'd be like, hey, hey, hey, hey, listen to this piss.

[2577] It's my favorite.

[2578] This is my favorite shit.

[2579] But actually, you know who else it happens to with what you're saying?

[2580] Is my mother called me and she goes, I bought your album and now every time I get in the car, it plays.

[2581] And how do I stop it from doing that?

[2582] And that's my own mother.

[2583] You know, she's fucking sick of my shit.

[2584] But it's why, I wonder why your song or that one bit.

[2585] rather, plays every time.

[2586] Every time I get in my car, it starts off with that.

[2587] That's so, that is weird.

[2588] Yeah, it's very strange.

[2589] But it's, what is your gangstar one that goes?

[2590] It's, I think it's above the clouds, which makes sense because, that's alphabetical.

[2591] Right.

[2592] So, hmm.

[2593] But gangstarch, but why, I mean, I don't know, man. Yeah, I don't know what, what it is.

[2594] And sometimes if I plug in the phone, then it will.

[2595] also only play that song and won't let me fast forward or jump to another song.

[2596] What is the name of that bit?

[2597] I think it's called A good death.

[2598] This is it.

[2599] Oh, that's why.

[2600] God, I do think about death.

[2601] A, that's why.

[2602] I just want it to be justified.

[2603] That's how every fucking day starts for me. It's because A. Yeah, it must be.

[2604] It must be.

[2605] Well, that's a good move.

[2606] I'm going to name all my bits.

[2607] A. A big dick story.

[2608] imagine if that was like what I did with my special every fucking bit was called a big dick story another big dick story my favorite big stick story I had that thing where I that was kind of the idea behind when I did my first album called Thrilled where I do like a parody of Michael Jackson's thriller the whole idea like part of the fun of that was so that I because I knew that people who got the album had a good chance of in their library having it next to Michael Jackson's thriller you know that's funny and people send me screen grabs they send me screen grabs of their library you know my favorite part of that picture is I love how you trimmed your neck but not your chest there's like a wall between you face your hair and then you have like this bridge of no hair so much hair that should be the name of my next album so much hair So people send you screen grabs of you?

[2609] Of their phone being like, it's you and, it's like me and Michael Jackson, you know, like side by side.

[2610] Thrilled.

[2611] Yeah.

[2612] That's hilarious.

[2613] Look at you with the chest hair and a fucking chain.

[2614] Something about chest hair and chain together.

[2615] Yeah.

[2616] You attract a very specific type of woman with that look.

[2617] Oh, yeah.

[2618] Chest hair and chains?

[2619] Yeah.

[2620] It's the kind that'll scoop and score, I thought that.

[2621] Scoop and score.

[2622] Have you heard, have you watched F's for Family yet?

[2623] I saw the first episode I just saw the first one fucking funny I love the neighbor I was thinking of him Oh yeah The gold chains in the hair chest Yeah that guy's awesome Yeah That's a funny series man Yeah Bill killed it man That's awesome Apparently Louis CK is gonna do An animated series now too Oh really?

[2624] Those gingers are taking over Gingers are fucking running it Yeah man You know what it is It's like a lot of Lack of pussy when you're young It's hard to get laid Attention builds up Get upset Focus and drive.

[2625] Focus and drive.

[2626] That redheaded focus and drive.

[2627] So he's going to do an animated one.

[2628] Yeah, yeah, he's apparently going to do an animated one too.

[2629] Animated series, man. You get away with so much.

[2630] I mean, think about what South Park has gotten away with, the stuff that they can do.

[2631] Yeah.

[2632] What Beavis and Butthead did back in the day?

[2633] Yeah.

[2634] Weren't they going to redo Beavis and Butthead?

[2635] They did, right, but nobody cared anymore.

[2636] But he's doing that HBO show.

[2637] Mike Judd?

[2638] Yeah.

[2639] Silicon Valley.

[2640] Oh, that's right.

[2641] That's a good show.

[2642] That's another funny show.

[2643] Is this the best time ever to be just a fucking loser who sits in front of the TV?

[2644] Without doubt, this is the best TV shows ever.

[2645] Ever.

[2646] TV has, for a while now, just leapt over films.

[2647] It's not even close.

[2648] Think about what you can do with TV, man. Well, the thing about TV is like something like Game of Thrones is like a new movie every week and it's tied together.

[2649] Yeah.

[2650] Yeah.

[2651] In a movie, I mean, how much can you really get attached to a character in a two -hour film?

[2652] It kind of can.

[2653] You can, but not like the way you can over 10, 15, 20 episodes season, for sure.

[2654] You know what else I like, that these television shows, whether it's Narcos or whether it's Game of Thrones, they're largely unknown actors.

[2655] So you associate them with the actual character, instead of going, oh, here's Benicio del Toro playing another crazy guy.

[2656] Right, right, right.

[2657] That happens, yes.

[2658] That's big, man, because when I go to the movies and I. I see Tom Cruise.

[2659] I'm seeing Tom fucking Cruz.

[2660] I'm not seeing some mad scientist.

[2661] I'm not seeing a private agent.

[2662] It's true.

[2663] I'm a secret agent.

[2664] I'm seeing Tom fucking Cruz.

[2665] He's famous.

[2666] Or Bradley Cooper or Jennifer Lawrence.

[2667] I'm seeing them.

[2668] I know it's them.

[2669] You can't lie to me. It's why those actors that were really, that really get into playing parts stand out so much.

[2670] Like the way that Philip Seymour Hoffman used to play roles, you lose yourself in his role because he was so committed to not being the actor.

[2671] He was the part.

[2672] Daniel Day Lewis is my favorite example.

[2673] yeah yeah he's that fucking guy when he did that boxer movie he did nothing but box for a year really for a year all he did was go to the boxing gym every day and train he he looked he's the only guy that have ever seen in a movie where he actually looked like a real boxer when he was doing the scenes it's like if you watch the fighter with marky mark walberg and he's playing um um Not a tour guard.

[2674] Mickey Ward.

[2675] He's playing Mickey Ward.

[2676] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2677] He doesn't look like a boxer.

[2678] He looks like a guy who knows how to throw punches.

[2679] Jill and Hall?

[2680] Do you think he looked like a boxer in that movie yet?

[2681] Oh, I didn't see that movie.

[2682] But the Marky Mark movie, he doesn't look like a guy who's actually been boxing.

[2683] He looks like a guy who knows how to throw punches.

[2684] But there's a big difference between a guy who knows how to throw punches and a guy who knows how to throw punches anticipating that somebody punches back and the idea of an actual boxer.

[2685] There's a difference between knowing that a guy is going to.

[2686] stand in front of you like a rocky movie or a guy who looks like a boxer and daniel de lewis is the only guy i've ever seen in a movie that actually looks like a boxer this is him this is him uh jumping rope but maybe there's a oh that's him actually jumping rope yeah look how good he's jumping rope holy shit man yeah that guy's an animal man he really is an animal that motherfucker When he did that My Left Foot He was in character Like for like a year Well they said he was like that for The Will Be Blood Mm -hmm Yeah, he's in character That's probably annoying as fuck It's gotta be Imagine when if you do it A movie like Lincoln And nobody gives a shit How about offset When you're You know Lunch is ready Yeah I'll have a milkshake Yeah Come on Hey Abe, sorry Yeah It's gonna wear on you Four score And seven years ago Nobody gave a fuck about that movie More people cared about the Abraham Lincoln versus the vampire movie Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter More people cared about that movie Than the Daniel Day Lewis Abraham Lincoln movie Yeah I believe that What is that?

[2687] We don't give a fuck about historical movies I don't know sometimes they take off right I think part of it is Name one Is this well no I think part of it is now Is that we have seen a lot Like there's a point where you go I know, even though it might be worth telling, I've seen a number of Holocaust movies, or I've seen a number of civil rights, you know, American story.

[2688] So when those come out, you go, I kind of know the story.

[2689] Right.

[2690] So I think that's where the interest, the box office, goes down, and people go, well, I know, I know this story.

[2691] You can retell it or tell it in a new way or interesting way, but people feel like I got it.

[2692] Right.

[2693] I've seen the story.

[2694] Right.

[2695] It doesn't feel like new, but it was for a moment.

[2696] It's boring.

[2697] We don't want to hear about it.

[2698] We don't want to hear about history.

[2699] I want spaceships and I want aliens and laser beams and explosions and vampires.

[2700] Did you see the Force Awakens?

[2701] Yes, I did.

[2702] What do you think?

[2703] I loved it.

[2704] I haven't seen it yet.

[2705] You should before I tell you everything that happened.

[2706] Ready, go.

[2707] I do want to see it.

[2708] It's good, man. I was obsessed when I was a kid.

[2709] I enjoyed the shit out of it.

[2710] Yeah.

[2711] It's a perfect blend of new and old.

[2712] It's a perfect homage.

[2713] It captures the essence of the original films, but with much more updated special effects, graphics, storytelling.

[2714] And acting is really good, too.

[2715] There's nothing bad about it.

[2716] I loved it.

[2717] Have you started watching, when you're talking about Netflix, making of a murderer?

[2718] No, I have not.

[2719] Get your entire life together.

[2720] I know, I need to.

[2721] Everybody keeps fucking telling me, that is the number one thing that people tweet me about, other than I'm wrong about Bernie Sanders.

[2722] I'm not...

[2723] You're wrong about Bernie Sanden.

[2724] He said not say 90%.

[2725] He said he's okay with...

[2726] It's not too much if it's over a certain.

[2727] I'm not done with it.

[2728] Feel the burn.

[2729] You're going to...

[2730] It's shit your pants.

[2731] I keep saying...

[2732] I keep hearing that.

[2733] Yeah.

[2734] Apparently, I've listened to a radio lab podcast that talked about the exact same story.

[2735] It is, right?

[2736] I looked it up.

[2737] It came out in like 2013, but they weren't...

[2738] They left out.

[2739] All the corruption What's going on in the movie Yeah They told like the state side of the story And the state side of the story And the woman's side of the story Who accused the man of rape And she thought on I don't know The level of conspiracy involved in this It's just It's mind -blowing Yeah the radio lab thing Didn't cover that at all That's what really That kind of sucks you had They couldn't have though They did radio lab only had an hour Two hours These guys do 10 episodes That's insane A little over an hour each See that's where Something like Netflix fucking shines.

[2740] Yeah.

[2741] Because you can't do that anywhere else.

[2742] Yeah.

[2743] They won't let you.

[2744] No. Like my new special is six hours.

[2745] Wow, that's amazing.

[2746] Are you naked in all of it?

[2747] And most of it, the beginning and the end.

[2748] Is it a lot of asshole shots?

[2749] I don't like that.

[2750] There's a lot.

[2751] What I try to do, I do the diaper change style and then I do the face down.

[2752] I do both.

[2753] I had a guy come up to me at the fucking improv the other day, asked me to do comedy at a nudist camp.

[2754] He's like, it's amazing.

[2755] Everyone who performs, they perform naked.

[2756] I go, oh, yeah, okay.

[2757] Uh -huh.

[2758] And he goes, are you interested in doing?

[2759] I go, nope.

[2760] See, yeah.

[2761] He goes, come on, man. I go, hey, dude, you're not going to see my cock.

[2762] Yeah, okay?

[2763] You want to.

[2764] Yeah, this is your elaborate method.

[2765] The guy was clearly gay, by the way.

[2766] He was going for that cock.

[2767] Who was the guy that was dying to see you or was, uh, was that at the gym or something?

[2768] Do you have a guy somewhere that was eyeballing you, something like that?

[2769] Was it working out?

[2770] Every day, bro.

[2771] But I mean, you know.

[2772] Well, there was, I did work out at a, um, at a gay gym for a while when I was on news radio.

[2773] I worked out at a gold's gym on coal.

[2774] But like the same, wasn't like the same guy waiting all the time?

[2775] Oh, that wasn't, no, that was in Jiu -Jitsu.

[2776] Yeah, that was this guy.

[2777] Well, we had to kick their guy out.

[2778] He was, um...

[2779] He was just, like, hanged back all the time.

[2780] He would wait for me to get dressed, but he waited for everybody to get dressed.

[2781] And he would harass guys.

[2782] He would, like, say a bunch of creepy sexual shit to people, what they were changing.

[2783] Yeah.

[2784] Which, uh, it's, and he also would go and do Jiu -Jitsu and, purposely get his ass kicked.

[2785] So you're manhandling him?

[2786] Yeah, he wanted to.

[2787] Like, you barely fight back.

[2788] Man. Like, I remember he rolled with this one guy, and the guy tapped him, like, really quick, and the guy realized he wasn't fighting back, and they looked at him, and he looked at, and the guy tried to keep going.

[2789] He goes, no. I'm not doing this.

[2790] First of all, you just came all over yourself.

[2791] It's making it a comment.

[2792] Well, he said to my friend Brett, he said, uh, sometimes I just come here to get my ass kicked.

[2793] Come on, man. What?

[2794] This is not the place for that.

[2795] And this is, Brett was one of the guys who got him kicked out of there because he would just say creepy sexual shit to him that's creepy he would say weird shit to guys you know like one time uh i i wear i would wear a jock strap and then uh over my jockstrap i would put a cup on you know and the cup goes in a jockstrap he goes yeah you wear two jockstraps and i just looked and i'm like why are you staring at me getting changed and commenting i'm gonna what i did you shut the fuck up man this is weird and the way he would do it it's like this longing look in his face, like, just hoping that you just pull your cock out and just stuff it in his mug.

[2796] Throat.

[2797] Zillis.

[2798] Yes.

[2799] Sweet freedom.

[2800] There was none of that.

[2801] That's another thing about the evolution of porn.

[2802] Two things that have happened that have been pretty radical.

[2803] One, no one has hair pussy anymore.

[2804] Pussy hair.

[2805] Pussy hair.

[2806] Pussy hair's out the wood.

[2807] It's gone.

[2808] The radical crazy girl has a little landing strip.

[2809] Oh, my God.

[2810] She's crazy.

[2811] Do you like a little push?

[2812] Do you like some push?

[2813] It's not that I like it or dislike it, I have no problem with not getting pubic care in my mouth.

[2814] But what I'm thinking is, kids today, they don't know what it's like to get a pubic hair stuck in between your teeth.

[2815] Yeah.

[2816] It's part of growing up.

[2817] Yes, for us.

[2818] Sure.

[2819] That feeling, where you have it in your tongue, you can't get it out.

[2820] And even if you get it out, you think he's still in there.

[2821] You keep going, never get it out.

[2822] You actually don't use that move for anything else than removing pubic hairs from your mouth.

[2823] Maybe if you bite a napkin.

[2824] Yeah.

[2825] If you take a napkin and bite into it and chew it, and then you go, p, pf, but why would you do that?

[2826] Right.

[2827] But you eat a lot of pussy, you happen to spit out hairs.

[2828] I spent a lot of hairs in my youth.

[2829] Sure.

[2830] And then somewhere along the line, it just stopped.

[2831] It's like silence.

[2832] Like the, fucking, the trees were all chopped down.

[2833] Like, what happened?

[2834] What happened to the forest?

[2835] Just stop being there.

[2836] Yeah.

[2837] It's weird.

[2838] They just stopped growing pussy hair.

[2839] Or when you saw a girl's get one of yours, and then they stop?

[2840] But you're like, could you get back to it?

[2841] And they're like, what?

[2842] But some change happened, both in pornography and in people.

[2843] And it's almost like pornography became more popular because of like blockbuster and VHS tapes.

[2844] Sure.

[2845] Remember they have those local video stores?

[2846] Yeah, of course.

[2847] You have to go through the fucking saloon doors to get to it.

[2848] Oh, yeah.

[2849] When you're young, you get that.

[2850] There was an adrenaline rush walking through those doors.

[2851] you felt fear i know it was like if you were on if you were visiting someone in prison and you had to go through the lockdown area yeah it really was i remember buying too buying porn in those and you know you buy if you go to a porn store it's one thing but if you go to a regular store that has porn and you buy a porn and then you get the checkout person who's like totally judging you yeah you're a real fucking pig you know that you'd be so nervous oh so I remember the checkout person one time was like, do you want me to throw away the box for you?

[2852] A lot of people don't like the box.

[2853] I'll take the box.

[2854] Put it in the fucking bag.

[2855] I need the box.

[2856] I might collect them.

[2857] I collect the boxes.

[2858] I frame the boxes, man. If they're going to be in order, how am I going to know they're in order?

[2859] If I don't have the box.

[2860] I need the box.

[2861] Yeah, the saloon door thing.

[2862] So I think people started buying them.

[2863] They started renting them, right?

[2864] They started taking them home.

[2865] Then they started going, what's all the hair?

[2866] Yeah.

[2867] And then something happened where the industry recognized that it looks weird when you see all this asshole hair and you're got a fucking camera three inches away from it.

[2868] And some dude's hairy ass and his ballback or slapping up against her hair.

[2869] And like, look, we've got to clean this up.

[2870] We've got to clean this up.

[2871] And so somewhere along the line, I don't know what year it was, the 80s maybe, they started all just shaving down.

[2872] I feel like 80s had some hair.

[2873] I think it was the shift into high -deaf that really.

[2874] Oh, you might be right.

[2875] Took the hair away.

[2876] Well, it's also people got bored with the regular product.

[2877] It's like we were talking about earlier, like, why are they still making porn?

[2878] Well, obviously, there came a point in time where they had a shift from just two people meeting, A pizza guy.

[2879] Come on in.

[2880] I don't have any money, but I can pay you in another.

[2881] Something happened along the way where porn itself changed.

[2882] Like, they got tired of those scenarios, and then it became, like, rough porn and gagging and mascara.

[2883] running and snot and those are really crazy still oh my god I saw this one with this girl they laid her down on a bed and her head hung off the edge of the bed and guys just took turns just mouth fucking her just balls into her nose just bluh and slobber and like she was like puking up saliva like coughing and spitting and then she would and they would just right back back in there and the next guy would do it and these guys were these giant cocked black guys with these big meaty asses and they just pound her fucking mouth yeah whoa it was just whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa yeah but who's asking for that someone's clearly asking for that how do you think they just had figured out you know we got to present this in a different way I think it's probably the people that do the porn like we're talking about mass hardcore being so fucking crazy I think they just get so bored with sex yeah they're like no I'm up i'm opening your asshole i'm gonna throw my keys in there like there people have like we're to play jacks i want to throw the jacks in your asshole something happened there's a progression to that yeah it's got it went from missionary to like lay on your bat you know yeah get a doggy and then it's like you know tongue my balls from underneath let's go ass to mouth like someone was the first worst and he go i got an idea yeah and then ass to mouth was born is that safe to do and so now it's a genre yeah ATM it's a genre you know milfs There's like a bunch of different genres.

[2884] GILFs.

[2885] They could find these genres.

[2886] Kim and.

[2887] Yeah.

[2888] Jesus Christ.

[2889] 60 plus milf.

[2890] But because of that, the images that people saw in pornography change the way people take care of their pubic care.

[2891] Yeah.

[2892] That's 100 % what it was.

[2893] That's the influence.

[2894] Pornography changed the way women trim their pubic care.

[2895] Yeah.

[2896] Maybe guys too.

[2897] Oh, yeah.

[2898] Guys didn't trim out their hair before.

[2899] It was all before.

[2900] Do you manscape down there?

[2901] Sure.

[2902] Is it like your neck in the thriller thing where it's like beard, beard, beard, no hair.

[2903] No, it's not.

[2904] Hair chest, clean cock and clean bikini line, hairy legs.

[2905] That would be so weird.

[2906] It's not as crazy down there, but yeah, I definitely do some maintenance, man. You know?

[2907] I like having a pretty clean ball bag.

[2908] That's a good move.

[2909] And then, you know, hair grows on the shaft.

[2910] I trim that off, too.

[2911] How much hair grows in your shaft, dude?

[2912] Just like my beard like this.

[2913] What is going?

[2914] No, just a wolf madden.

[2915] It's a few.

[2916] It's a few.

[2917] Your dick is a werewolf.

[2918] But I'll shave all around it, man. I'll trim all around that.

[2919] Do you shave your asshole?

[2920] No. I did it once.

[2921] I had it waxed once.

[2922] I did it once and I tweeted about it.

[2923] People got mad at me. Why?

[2924] It was great.

[2925] I got to say, I want to go back to it.

[2926] Shaving your asshole?

[2927] No, I had it waxed.

[2928] Why did you do that?

[2929] For a radio show.

[2930] What radio show?

[2931] Bob and Tom.

[2932] They waxed your asshole?

[2933] Yeah.

[2934] Oh.

[2935] But the, um...

[2936] Explain further, please.

[2937] I mean, they made some comment about waxing and hair, and I said something to them like, well, next time in town I would do that, you know, to my ass.

[2938] Because I'd heard about how ups your wipe game so much.

[2939] Oh, yeah, I would imagine.

[2940] Well, they did it.

[2941] It was fine.

[2942] Like, it wasn't that crazy to do.

[2943] It wasn't as paint?

[2944] No. Who did it?

[2945] They had a local people that wax.

[2946] Male or a female?

[2947] Female.

[2948] A girl saw your asshole.

[2949] She waxed it.

[2950] Yeah, she put it.

[2951] She got in there.

[2952] She got in there.

[2953] Did she have, like, those rubber -made gloves?

[2954] She had some type of glove on, yeah.

[2955] Yeah, and then, you know, she was putting hot wax in my ass.

[2956] I guess if she didn't, you'd be like, um...

[2957] Yeah.

[2958] Are you professional?

[2959] She's pulling off with her teeth and they don't know.

[2960] But here's the thing.

[2961] She uses her fingernails.

[2962] For me...

[2963] Chips it away like a sticker.

[2964] The memory isn't even getting waxed.

[2965] It's how great the wiping was for six weeks after that.

[2966] Six whole weeks until a stubble starts kicking in the end.

[2967] Yeah.

[2968] You have unbelievable taint itch.

[2969] Yes.

[2970] Yeah.

[2971] The taint.

[2972] which was other level.

[2973] But I didn't even know what it was like to not to wipe a few times.

[2974] You know, and be like, yeah, I'm done.

[2975] Because when you have a hairy ass, you're like smearing shit onto the top of your head.

[2976] Picture that.

[2977] That's what you're doing with your hairy ass.

[2978] And you never quite get done.

[2979] Dude, I've gone through a roll of toilet paper for a normal shit to clean my ass.

[2980] So disgusting.

[2981] So one time I decided I was shaving my ball bag and I trimmed.

[2982] first and then I get in the shower and then I use a razor right so uh I'm razor in my ball bag go you know I just fucking get in there yeah and so I lifted my leg up because I'm quite flexible right I put my leg up on the wall and just look down there and just start shaving away and just the visual is amazing hacking fucking trees out of my asshole first of all I couldn't believe how long my asshole hair is yeah gets long get some like yeah it gets like like more than a beard mm -hmm yeah like or a crazy beard like maybe like a Rasputin -type beard.

[2983] But how'd you feel after?

[2984] Great.

[2985] First of all, my farts changed.

[2986] The sound.

[2987] I was like, I couldn't, it's almost like before I was like farting through the forest.

[2988] And now it's like a, all my farts were like wet.

[2989] And so it gets muffled with that hair.

[2990] Right?

[2991] They sounded different.

[2992] Yeah.

[2993] They literally sounded different.

[2994] And they were louder.

[2995] I couldn't sneak them.

[2996] That beautiful beef cream was coming out.

[2997] Beef cream.

[2998] What the fuck is B -Tree?

[2999] There's this guy that we found on our podcast.

[3000] What's his name?

[3001] His name's Thursday Lane.

[3002] Oh, this is another guy.

[3003] This isn't the other guy, the Fartmaster guy?

[3004] It's not King Ash Ripper.

[3005] This guy, this guy is named...

[3006] He's not a new guy.

[3007] Yeah, his name is Diego, but he goes by Thursday Lane.

[3008] He has a fucking name.

[3009] Yeah, he's like a rap name.

[3010] Yeah.

[3011] And he wants to be...

[3012] He wants to do fart fetish porn.

[3013] That's his dream.

[3014] So he posted all these videos about how much he loves farts, and that's how we got in touch with him.

[3015] And he has a description for whatever type of hair color you have, he associates it with a different type of cream or broth.

[3016] That's the smell to him.

[3017] Oh, my God.

[3018] So if you have brown hair, you have beef cream farts, and if you have...

[3019] This is him?

[3020] This is him, yeah.

[3021] Thursday Lane marries a fart.

[3022] What?

[3023] Yeah, yeah, this is...

[3024] Oh, play this.

[3025] What does that mean?

[3026] You'll see.

[3027] marries a fart.

[3028] If you're a guy with a cop, picture me marrying your farts where you're like the beef, chicken Oh, he's gay?

[3029] Yeah.

[3030] Can I marry your farts for life?

[3031] Please, please.

[3032] What is?

[3033] I put his hair.

[3034] It's different.

[3035] Ready?

[3036] One, two.

[3037] Oh, I just married a fart for life.

[3038] Thank you.

[3039] These are the three rings I got.

[3040] So a guy fart's in his face and he gets super excited.

[3041] Yeah, he loves it.

[3042] I mean, you don't understand.

[3043] So, you know, if you have...

[3044] He really does like it.

[3045] Oh, he loves it.

[3046] He's not.

[3047] kidding.

[3048] Oh, he just did a flip.

[3049] Well, he's, even the way...

[3050] Jesus Christ.

[3051] His face is in there.

[3052] They're eating that guy's ass.

[3053] I wonder if the guy who's farting in his face is gay or not.

[3054] I don't think he is.

[3055] He works for that, because we talked to that company, too.

[3056] Company?

[3057] Yeah, because we talked about them on our podcast.

[3058] What kind of company are we talking about?

[3059] It's hotmovies .com or something like that.

[3060] So they, they heard him on our podcast, and then they contacted him and shot that interview.

[3061] That's hilarious.

[3062] But But he has a description for every hair color.

[3063] So if you have white hair, you're a silver trout cream.

[3064] If you have blonde hair, you're a chicken cream.

[3065] If you have brunt.

[3066] So he associates these.

[3067] It's really intense.

[3068] He has a whole list of, and he calls your farts beautiful guppies.

[3069] Oh, my God.

[3070] What the fuck is wrong with him?

[3071] He loves farts, man. Did you ask him how this all happened?

[3072] Yeah, he likes to ramble, though, so I couldn't really keep him.

[3073] You know, he kind of goes off on some stuff.

[3074] He was on the phone with them, not in real life.

[3075] Yeah, right.

[3076] So I was just, I was like, all right, man, we got to pull this in.

[3077] But I even said, like, oh, I feel like I got a little, I got a little beef cream today.

[3078] And he goes, mm. There's all types of people out there in this wacky world, Tom Segarra.

[3079] There's so many wacky people.

[3080] And if you met this guy and he was like, I love Fards, nothing gets me off more.

[3081] That's what gets me when people say they're bothered by something that, like, would it bother you that that's what he likes?

[3082] No, you don't give a shit.

[3083] Well, we're comedians.

[3084] That's true.

[3085] Yeah.

[3086] I mean, that is what it is.

[3087] We're freaks.

[3088] We're not regular.

[3089] That's true.

[3090] I mean, there's a lot of freaks out there that have regular jobs that don't care either.

[3091] But we're freaks.

[3092] Yeah.

[3093] You know, in terms of society, we're about as freaky as it gets.

[3094] That's true.

[3095] We're looking for this stuff.

[3096] I mean, you contacted this guy.

[3097] Yeah.

[3098] You wanted him on your show.

[3099] You get the throat master.

[3100] What's her name?

[3101] Throozilla.

[3102] Yeah.

[3103] You had her on your show.

[3104] True.

[3105] I mean, yeah.

[3106] We're seeking it out.

[3107] Yeah.

[3108] Yeah, and loving it.

[3109] Of course, it's the best.

[3110] I wish I met somebody like that every day.

[3111] Why not, right?

[3112] Yeah.

[3113] Just like a professional cycler, I got to pee.

[3114] Oh, well, we're done anyway.

[3115] It's 5 o 'clock, man. Yeah, we did three fucking hours.

[3116] God damn, Thompson, girl.

[3117] That was fun.

[3118] That was fun.

[3119] What are you doing here?

[3120] Right here?

[3121] Monitor you're peeing.

[3122] You're turning that on?

[3123] I'm turning it on to go pee.

[3124] Why?

[3125] Why?

[3126] What?

[3127] I'm just, I'm a vlogger, man. Oh, you?

[3128] You're vlogging.

[3129] I'm vlogging.

[3130] You know, people started saying that.

[3131] Excuse me. I'm not in support of people saying it.

[3132] I don't mind reading it.

[3133] I make fun of it.

[3134] Vlogging.

[3135] Vlogging is a fun term to me. I feel weird standing there pointing out that.

[3136] You have a handle on it like it's a gun.

[3137] I've had it stick out of the jacket, by the way, and I've seen some people's eyes go.

[3138] Let me ask you this.

[3139] Yeah.

[3140] Yeah.

[3141] Why that and not just a phone?

[3142] Because it seems like a phone would make it easier to upload.

[3143] The video is just as good.

[3144] It's not?

[3145] this this picture quality's got to be better but much better yeah jamie it's easier to edit those videos it's hard it's actually not so easy to get that the video off your iPhone you got to connect it to your thing you can just take that card out and plug it in your computer hmm it's not like it's super hard but it's a little bit easier to deal with those okay I see what you're saying okay well I would think that just having a phone it's it's easy I always have a phone you're right but I think this picture is better yeah oh I'm sure it's better yeah yeah I mean that thing sticks out sticks out.

[3146] The lens sticks out.

[3147] Yeah.

[3148] That's real.

[3149] It's real.

[3150] It's real shit.

[3151] All right.

[3152] I'll knock it off.

[3153] No, you don't have to knock it off.

[3154] Well, you know.

[3155] I just want to say, everybody, if you're watching this...

[3156] Yes.

[3157] You need to watch Tom Segura on Netflix starting January 8th.

[3158] It's called Mostly Stories.

[3159] And it's fucking hilarious.

[3160] And I've seen most of what Mostly Stories is.

[3161] And it's gut -wrenchingly hilarious, you fucks!

[3162] Go!

[3163] Before you watch F is for Family, or narcos or any of that shit Watch mostly stories January 8th Friday on Netflix All right folks That's it Podcast is over Tom Segura on Twitter You could also listen to your mom's house With Tom and his lovely wife Christina P Congratulations on the little bambino The Little Tom Esegura With his giant hog Gratizzyno All right fuckers That's it for the week We'll be back next week with lots of awesome people.

[3164] Bye -bye.

[3165] Big kiss.