Dave Burd (Lil Dicky)

[0] Welcome, welcome, welcome to armchair expert.

[1] I'm Dan Shepard.

[2] I'm joined by Dave Padman.

[3] Hello.

[4] We have an incredible guest today.

[5] Do you think my name would be Dave if I was a boy?

[6] Oh, no, it would be Neil if you were a boy.

[7] That's already been proven by the fact that your kids...

[8] That's too easy.

[9] Okay, so back up to Neil.

[10] I think your name would be Samantha.

[11] Ew.

[12] Well, I love that.

[13] Well, no, I know it's the best name in the world.

[14] People would call you Sam.

[15] If I was a gal, that's not what's being asked, but if I was a gal, what name would I want?

[16] Lincoln, obviously, I gave it to my daughter.

[17] You're just going through the people we already know.

[18] No, obviously, oh, pardon.

[19] Obviously, my favorite name for a girl is Lincoln.

[20] That's why I gave it.

[21] That's why you did it.

[22] Yeah.

[23] But it can't be your favorite.

[24] It's who you are.

[25] Bernadette.

[26] You need to call me Bernie.

[27] Oh, you're not a Bernie.

[28] All right, well.

[29] See, you have probably the association of sex in the city with Samantha.

[30] Oh, I didn't even think about that.

[31] But don't you think it's in there, deep recesses of your...

[32] That's exactly where I went.

[33] You did too.

[34] That's a male thing that you guys think that.

[35] I don't.

[36] I think of Samantha as, it's like a beautiful name, often shortened to Sam, which is like playful.

[37] Playful, fun.

[38] Yeah.

[39] Cat and Sam.

[40] Yeah.

[41] Okay, so our guests today, you probably, well, there's many different ways you may know him.

[42] You might know him as Lil Dickie, his rap name.

[43] Yes.

[44] And you might just know him as Dave from his incredible show on FX.

[45] Yep.

[46] But his name is Dave Bird.

[47] Yeah.

[48] And there is a funny little thing that happens that we'll address immediately into this episode.

[49] But Dave is a rapper, a comedian, and an actor, and his show is called Dave.

[50] His past album professional rapper was hugely successful.

[51] Well, he has some videos that have 750 million views, which is mind -boggling.

[52] But he has a new album out that took me the entire episode to finally learn how to pronounce, but alas, I can do it, Peaneth.

[53] He did it.

[54] Which is the Dave soundtrack.

[55] He's had numerous songs on the show Dave, and he's whittled that down to his favorites and is releasing them as a full album called Peanth.

[56] Please enjoy Dave Bird.

[57] Hey guys, where are you coming from?

[58] Oh.

[59] You got a squirt?

[60] A squirt?

[61] Go pee -pee?

[62] No, but I'm thirsty.

[63] Yeah, so we've got all kinds of options for you.

[64] We've got different kinds of water.

[65] Oh, yeah.

[66] We've got any beer, we've got a diet cooking, and we have coffee.

[67] We have spearmint tea.

[68] We have a really nice olive oil.

[69] All right, I have all the fluids.

[70] You came all the way from Venice and you don't have to go pee, but okay.

[71] And that scares me. We can always stop.

[72] We can stop.

[73] Yeah.

[74] There's just no door on it.

[75] So generally, we allow the guests to...

[76] Is it the bathroom?

[77] Yeah.

[78] So what if I said I had to pee?

[79] You'd I'll leave?

[80] Yeah, I'll leave.

[81] Unless we were invited to stay.

[82] Do you have the same thing I had when I was a young man where it's like if I was at someone's house and there were girls with an ear shut of the bathroom?

[83] I really hope my peevee sounded really thunderous when it hit the toilet.

[84] I haven't thought about that, but I believe that line of stank.

[85] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[86] Oh, then I have to ask you the big question about peeing.

[87] Sit down.

[88] We need to get this all.

[89] on film, yeah.

[90] You guys don't have a blanket.

[91] Yeah.

[92] Yeah, there's one behind you, or you can use this quilt of our faces.

[93] I know that.

[94] It's not that comfortable.

[95] Why is it?

[96] colder in here that it is outside.

[97] I know, it's freezing in here.

[98] No, you can.

[99] It's freezing in here.

[100] Listen, you're too young to have gotten to do Letterman, so let this be your cold experience.

[101] Sure.

[102] Because the Ed Sullivan Theater when he was there was famously 59 degrees.

[103] Why do they do that?

[104] He likes it crisp, makes him sharper.

[105] You can relate to that, right?

[106] It's never like when it's sweltering your fucking pop and sharp ideas.

[107] No. I'm already going to go down the way.

[108] Right.

[109] When I'm cold, I'm less greasy.

[110] Well, at the Golden Globes, everyone was freezing because it was so windy.

[111] And on the red carpet, people were not sharper.

[112] I'll just say that.

[113] Oh, they weren't.

[114] They were in the past sharpness.

[115] They were in pain.

[116] You can be too cold.

[117] Yeah.

[118] Well, then that kind of veers into maybe high altitude sickness, kind of oxygen deprivation.

[119] not thinking clearly as you're freezing to death.

[120] Wind, if there was any sort of fan on, I wouldn't be able to do this.

[121] You want to?

[122] No. If I felt the wind would graze me. Because if it would distract you.

[123] I don't like the feeling.

[124] When I'm cold.

[125] When I'm hot, it's a nice feeling.

[126] It's a breeze.

[127] Is this the right distance?

[128] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[129] You sound great.

[130] Okay, wait, the question, the big question.

[131] Because we were talking about peeing, and my friend Liz and I have a question about men peeing outside.

[132] You know where she's gone with this?

[133] I do.

[134] Because he's been asked.

[135] Oh, okay.

[136] Two questions.

[137] One about men peeing outside, and I wanted to know if that was American.

[138] You know how men just pee a lot outside.

[139] So then we were talking to some British and Australian people, they said it's less so there.

[140] Wow.

[141] Will we agree there's less privacy there?

[142] Like, are you talking about people in London?

[143] Like, if you ask people in New York City, if they pee outside, no one's peeing outside.

[144] People with yards pee outside, I think.

[145] Yeah, but they're like at a barbecue and then they just go in the corner and pee.

[146] It's still in front of everyone.

[147] It's definitely a cultural thing.

[148] But also, when you have friends over or girls over...

[149] Hold on, no. Can he answer that part if he about the pain?

[150] Sure.

[151] Do you pee outside a lot?

[152] I know, that's more of an experiment.

[153] It was probably, do you pee outside a lot?

[154] Do you pee outside a lot?

[155] Yeah, I don't know what a lot means.

[156] Like at a barbecue, would you do that?

[157] Well, especially it was a nighttime barbecue.

[158] But I feel like there are plenty of times that I've noticed in the past decade where I'm at a gathering, we're outside.

[159] And I asked the homeowner, I said, can I go pee anywhere out here?

[160] It feels weirdly more respectful, doesn't it, to keep...

[161] What?

[162] It doesn't feel more as that toilet.

[163] No, I don't want to go inside.

[164] Other guests will be like, why don't you just use the toilet?

[165] I like peeing in, like, mulch.

[166] You do.

[167] You like the sensation?

[168] Because it dampens the sound when it hits.

[169] It's not, like, transcendently better than peeing inside.

[170] I just don't like inefficient movement.

[171] Yeah.

[172] So why I walk more?

[173] I'm already out there.

[174] It's just pee.

[175] I wouldn't shit out there.

[176] Well, in a pinch, you would.

[177] If you had.

[178] But I think it's considered, because I'm neurotic about my plumbing.

[179] Even though it's new, I'm like, I don't love the idea of having a party in the toilet flushes every nine minutes.

[180] I think something's going to break.

[181] I've never even thought about plumbing.

[182] You haven't.

[183] Not once in my life.

[184] First time I've ever thought about plumbing.

[185] Did you grow up with a septic tank or on city sewage?

[186] No idea.

[187] I never even thought about it.

[188] No clue.

[189] Yeah.

[190] Functional toilet for sure.

[191] One of the key ways I would not get my allowance as a child was I used to always forget to flush.

[192] My parents, they said that's how we knew you had ADD.

[193] It's also a kid thing.

[194] I have two daughters.

[195] They don't have ADD and I find shits in the toilet nonstop.

[196] Yeah.

[197] And I'm like, of all things you could remember you just did.

[198] It's take a dump.

[199] Is there at least toilet paper?

[200] They're remembering to wipe?

[201] Well, listen, yes, at this age.

[202] But trust me, early on, first thing, I'd be like, fuck, you didn't flush.

[203] And I'm like, side note, where's the toilet paper?

[204] You've got to get back in here and wipe because that's a little kid thing to do, too, but forget.

[205] Child entitlement.

[206] There's a lot of that in this world.

[207] Okay, wait, the second part of the question is if you have a girl over, do you pee with the door open?

[208] Within the first three dates, would you pee with the door open ever?

[209] No. I like that.

[210] Just because I know social.

[211] etiquette would say that's kind of inappropriate.

[212] Exactly.

[213] I wouldn't be uncomfortable, but it's not worth it.

[214] I don't care enough.

[215] I have to just close the door.

[216] Okay.

[217] I like that.

[218] But back to your original claim that you hate inefficient movements, that certainly is an extraneous thing to open and close the door.

[219] That's true.

[220] Keep me, keep me straight.

[221] Give me honest in here.

[222] Love 15.

[223] You live in Venice?

[224] I do, but I just got a new house, so I'm moving.

[225] Where are you moving to?

[226] Studio City.

[227] Okay, perfect.

[228] So you're coming this way.

[229] Yeah.

[230] I've always lived on the west side of L .A. since I've lived here.

[231] Santa Monica, Venice area.

[232] How many years?

[233] 2014, so 10.

[234] So I lived in Santa Monica.

[235] First 10 years I lived here.

[236] Had no idea what was happening.

[237] That's where I landed and I stayed.

[238] Kind of similar.

[239] And then I found a house just a thousand feet that way.

[240] And then I moved here.

[241] I was like, what was I doing there for 10 years?

[242] I didn't even look around.

[243] I like this so much more.

[244] Why?

[245] Just so I know.

[246] Well, Santa Monica.

[247] Now, Venice is different.

[248] But I live in Santa Monica for like five of the 10 years.

[249] Right.

[250] And by the way, it's gotten better since you've lived there than when I was there 95 to 05, which is no young people.

[251] No good restaurants, no pop -up stuff, no vibe.

[252] This is like East Village.

[253] Santa Monica lacks a vibe.

[254] It does.

[255] But Venice is really viby.

[256] Maybe too vibey.

[257] Maybe, but I've never been to, like, South America, but I just imagine that's what it feels like.

[258] When I walk around Venice, it feels like I'm in a different land.

[259] It doesn't feel like L .A. I find a lot of L .A., even though it's beautiful weather, I just find a lot of it to be unsightly.

[260] Like, I don't want to live in West Hollywood.

[261] So Venice is really charming.

[262] Now, the plots of land in Venice.

[263] They're like 7 ,000 square feet.

[264] You can't really expand.

[265] I don't have the...

[266] yard to pee, and I'm peeing in potted plants.

[267] Exactly.

[268] You have to go to the actual toilet.

[269] It's so embarrassing.

[270] Okay, well, that's going to be great studio city because you've got...

[271] We love studio city.

[272] The lodge.

[273] Sportsman's lodge.

[274] I live near that lodge.

[275] I can walk to that lodge.

[276] I'll tell you, the thing that I am the least good at in life is geography, sense of direction, knowing where things are.

[277] You could plot me down in my hometown of Cheltenham, Pennsylvania.

[278] If I didn't have a GPS, I would just be sleeping in my car.

[279] even if I'm like eight -minute drive away from my home.

[280] I have no idea where anything is.

[281] I know that where I live is the West because it's close to the water.

[282] Other than that, I don't know where like Pasadena is compared to West Hollywood.

[283] I know Silver Lake is like right more towards the interior of America.

[284] And east and west and northern south are a little confusing here because you're on the one -on -one going north and south.

[285] I don't know.

[286] I'm getting about highway.

[287] Uber everywhere.

[288] Oh, you do?

[289] Yeah.

[290] Do you own a car?

[291] I do.

[292] It's a waste of money.

[293] I'm not a good driver.

[294] Because of the direction thing?

[295] Maybe.

[296] I mean, if there is a core relation between sports.

[297] Spatial, like, I actually thrived in school in every subject except geometry.

[298] Couldn't get it.

[299] I had a tutor two times a week, poured my heart into geometry, and the best I could do is get a C. Uh -huh.

[300] I was getting A's everywhere else.

[301] Right.

[302] Well, you were a summa cum laude.

[303] Yeah.

[304] Spatial recognition is not my, if you're, like, moving a table into a room, I cannot help navigate how the doorway.

[305] I'm just the same.

[306] I don't have any of that.

[307] You have a ton of that.

[308] You guys would be fucked if you live together.

[309] You'd have to invite a third person into the marriage to handle.

[310] these things.

[311] But luckily there's AI and tech that handles all of this for us.

[312] It's the right time for us.

[313] It might be.

[314] I guess you could maybe get through.

[315] I've yet to see the A .M. Model that moves a couch into it.

[316] I have a huge fear of just maps and the GPS system just going down one day.

[317] Of course.

[318] And what I would do.

[319] There's no way I could get in a car from here without maps and get home.

[320] Right.

[321] I would have to sleep at a hotel.

[322] You might not ever go home.

[323] Until the maps were restored.

[324] Okay.

[325] Can I tell you the most embarrassing thing?

[326] It's an embarrassment for me yeah i was looking at the schedule i know you as dave i know you as little dicky and i didn't know your last night bird so in my schedule for the last week i've been seeing dave bird and for me we do experts right we do professors and yeah yes you thought it was a physicist i did all last night i'm like i got to get on that pretty early tomorrow because it's probably some topic i don't know a ton about that's funny and then when i realized it was you i was elated i sent both them a text just cheering for joy i was so happy that it was It was you.

[327] I'm happy that it worked out.

[328] I mean, I love Dave so much.

[329] Thank you.

[330] We have the same affinity for Brad Pitt.

[331] I've dedicated most of my life to worshiping him.

[332] Have you met him?

[333] Yeah.

[334] He's better than you imagine.

[335] Really?

[336] Tell us.

[337] Takes your breath away.

[338] When he walks on set, I'm not kidding.

[339] Like, literally he takes my breath away.

[340] Walks around with such a sense of purpose.

[341] He treats everyone so well, but he does it in a cool way.

[342] Yeah.

[343] He's not placating.

[344] No, he's just like cool.

[345] Oh.

[346] No pandering.

[347] No. Yeah, it's legit.

[348] It's so legit.

[349] Yeah, the circle in which I met him, what I noticed is that he almost instinctually spent the most amount of time learning the names of the people that were on paper lowest status.

[350] Yeah.

[351] And I was like, this is a very cool move.

[352] He was really inspiring.

[353] I can't say enough good things about the man. And we're going to get to how on earth that ended up coming to me. But I like everyone else.

[354] I just fucking love the show so much.

[355] It's just so incredible.

[356] I appreciate it.

[357] I'm just tickled to get to hear your story.

[358] Nor did I know it.

[359] I'm kind of embarrassed as well.

[360] It's good.

[361] Isn't that better?

[362] But it is for me because now it's exciting and I'm not regurgitating shit I knew a long time ago.

[363] But you already mentioned Pennsylvania, a suburb of Philadelphia.

[364] Yep, Cheltenham.

[365] What did mom and dad do?

[366] My mom is a therapist.

[367] Wonderful.

[368] Yep.

[369] My dad is a teacher.

[370] What variety?

[371] Business administration.

[372] My childhood had two jobs.

[373] One, he was doing pension plan stuff and then he transitioned into teaching.

[374] Does he manage your money for you?

[375] He doesn't manage it, but he's certainly looped in.

[376] Okay, good.

[377] That's nice.

[378] He's aware.

[379] That's Monica's dad.

[380] Yeah.

[381] He's not the business manager, but he's all over it.

[382] He has to know everything.

[383] How could he not?

[384] Because he was the business manager until you got a business manager.

[385] Is that fair to say?

[386] He was doing your taxes and stuff.

[387] Well, I don't like to look at my finances.

[388] Me neither.

[389] It's overwhelming.

[390] It's like geometry.

[391] It's like I can't understand it, so I just have to ignore it.

[392] And then when you have a dad, they're like, you can't ignore it.

[393] And so they take that on.

[394] And you guys are virtually the same age, so.

[395] Oh, wow.

[396] I'm inclined for anything you guys agree on for me to chalk it up as your generation, which would be really a ridiculous way to proceed.

[397] Are you not a millennial?

[398] No, I'm 75.

[399] Yeah.

[400] I'm old.

[401] He's, he's born in 75, 90s, 75 years old.

[402] Oh, that was confusing.

[403] Yeah, I think so.

[404] Oh, I thought you were just making a good joke.

[405] No, I hope to make some of those for you, but that wasn't one of them.

[406] 1975, I was born.

[407] My birthday was last week.

[408] I'm 49 years old.

[409] You're 13, 14 years older than me. That's significant.

[410] I could have had you.

[411] Well.

[412] I only had a single pregnancy scared in my life and it was in junior.

[413] Oh, my God.

[414] It was the only one I ever had.

[415] You were fucking at 13?

[416] I was.

[417] I wasn't even close.

[418] When were you?

[419] Now let's just jump in.

[420] I was in my second spit take of this.

[421] Don't make that.

[422] I know.

[423] I don't want to exploit.

[424] I was like 1920.

[425] In college.

[426] But it wasn't even in college.

[427] It was the summer after the freshman year of college.

[428] Didn't you go to Jewish camp every year?

[429] Mm -hmm.

[430] Why didn't you get laid there?

[431] Oh, my God.

[432] Laid.

[433] What do you mean?

[434] Are people not having sex at these camps?

[435] They're not having sex.

[436] Blow jobs.

[437] Blow jobs.

[438] Fingering, all that.

[439] Sure.

[440] Like, you got to understand.

[441] Me, until age 18, 19 was like a total non -starter for any girl or woman.

[442] Okay.

[443] I just was like the nasty boy who would, yeah, who would do anything to make everyone.

[444] First off, I wasn't traditionally attractive.

[445] I don't know.

[446] I was watching the early videos of you today.

[447] That's when I was like 25 years old.

[448] What do you mean?

[449] I'm talking about when I was like 12 years old.

[450] Okay.

[451] You were all fucked up.

[452] That's adolescent.

[453] A lot of my friends, like popular, cool guys.

[454] And I was popular.

[455] You're class clown.

[456] But I was very sweet and I would have a lot of.

[457] lot of best friends who I was in love with, and then after like three years, maybe they'd realize, wait a minute, maybe you're who I should kiss right now, and I'd have like a two -week window, and then that, yeah.

[458] But I imagine you deeply wanted to be kissing girls and stroking and fingering and all that.

[459] Yes, more just the connection romantically than because I'm sure you're aware that I was born with a fucked up dick.

[460] Tangled urethra.

[461] Exactly.

[462] Not everyone knows that.

[463] I didn't know that.

[464] For the audience, it doesn't know.

[465] Yes, I was born, I had this thing called, I still have it, hypospadius.

[466] I think there was actually a few issues that were happening.

[467] One, there was hypospatous, which is like your pee -holes in the wrong spot.

[468] Not at the end of your glands.

[469] No, it's like on the bot.

[470] Sure.

[471] But honestly, it's close.

[472] I didn't even know.

[473] I put together the puzzle pieces of what everything meant when I was like 15.

[474] Another issue was separate to that, my urethra was tangled.

[475] So they had to do surgery and untangle it.

[476] So there's scars.

[477] You had five surgeries or something?

[478] Not five.

[479] Oh, okay.

[480] I'm exaggerate two.

[481] Okay.

[482] Five you might not have a dick.

[483] One of the surgeries caused these little things called sutures to start popping up, which honestly looked like poppy seeds, like just growing on your dick.

[484] And I was like, Mom, we got to get rid of these poppy seeds.

[485] And then one of the poppy seeds, I can't remember this.

[486] I can just tell you the facts at hand.

[487] Where there was a poppy seed is now just like a very small hole.

[488] Because was it a bit of thread that had dissolved or come out when the sutures were removed?

[489] I don't know.

[490] I just know that now when I pee, it comes out of two holes.

[491] Okay, right.

[492] So all the better to be in the backyard.

[493] Every time I pee, I pee a little bit on my nuts.

[494] Sure.

[495] My nuts have just been soaked with piss the whole life.

[496] Wow.

[497] But it's antiseptic.

[498] It's fine.

[499] You know what I wanted to say, though?

[500] A, it's so admirably vulnerable that you did go into that in season one.

[501] There's a big secret my whole life prior, too.

[502] I'm sure it was fucking killing you.

[503] Yeah, it was.

[504] When I lost my virginity, my thought wasn't, yes, I lost my virginity.

[505] My main thought was, yes, I have a functional dick.

[506] Right.

[507] But I didn't know if it would function properly.

[508] My erections curved a little bit.

[509] That haunted me. It's all I thought about.

[510] Just that.

[511] Yeah.

[512] You're obsessed with this notion that your penis has to look exactly like the ones you've seen in pornography.

[513] Okay, but back to the tangled urethra and the hypo -orun reading about today.

[514] It's common.

[515] One in every 250 male births has this.

[516] That's right.

[517] So what I wanted to say was, in a country with almost 200 million men, I'm certain that you putting that on season one made almost a million guys just go like, oh, my God, thank God.

[518] For sure.

[519] I've received emails.

[520] Yeah, I bet.

[521] It's, like, very sweet when I think about how much they be.

[522] must have also been just fucking paralyzed by it.

[523] I love that.

[524] That's one of my favorite things to do in art is to make people feel better about whatever they're going through.

[525] Yeah.

[526] I have a similar kink.

[527] I talk pretty openly about stuff that's quite shameful and embarrassing.

[528] We're all going through some shit.

[529] Dick or no dick.

[530] That's right.

[531] Okay, somehow we got on your penis really quick.

[532] What I was saying was I actually wasn't in a rush to go far.

[533] I wanted to be in love.

[534] There were times where opportunities were on the table and I was like, I'm not going to go there tonight.

[535] because I'm not ready.

[536] And then once it started and you got over it, were you like, why did I make that much out of it?

[537] For sure.

[538] As an adult, I can sit down with a group of men and take them through my dick, and they would be fascinated.

[539] You would be on the ground laughing.

[540] Your eyes would be wide.

[541] But from what I gather, I just think most women, maybe they don't care, but I just think they don't necessarily know what a dick is supposed to look like.

[542] It's all the same.

[543] As long as they're feeling pleasure from it, that's all that really matters.

[544] This is a thousand percent sure, because I've asked my wife, If I lined up 20 of the dicks that you've had, would you be able to pair them with the guys?

[545] Yeah.

[546] And she's like, no. Now, I'll say this.

[547] My parents said, it's enough of the dick stuff.

[548] They have.

[549] They said, I'm so sick of every interview and everything you do.

[550] We're not talking about this because I think it's like slapstick funny.

[551] I just think it's a defining trait.

[552] So mom and dad, if you're listening.

[553] Well, look, I think it's clear that that's not the spirit of how we're talking.

[554] Good.

[555] I'm not like, bro, I heard you fucking.

[556] My boys tell me your dick's fucked up.

[557] What's going on?

[558] That's not happening.

[559] Mom and dad cut everyone some slack here.

[560] Okay, so when you go away to college, obviously by this point you already love music and I'm assuming you love comedies.

[561] Yeah, I didn't grow up thinking I was going to be a musician.

[562] I grew up thinking I was going to be like, the next great comedian.

[563] Right, wonderful.

[564] Who you were looking up to at that point?

[565] Adam Sandler, Larry David, Seth Rogen, Superbad came out right around then.

[566] Will Smith?

[567] Oh, sure.

[568] Talk about an inspiration, a funny comedy rapper from Philadelphia who really defined cool.

[569] Fresh Prince of Bel Air, me show of all time for me. And then he's in bad boys.

[570] And you're like, wait, he's a bad motherfucker too?

[571] Bad boy.

[572] And then he's Ali?

[573] He's everything.

[574] Yeah, what a journey to follow.

[575] I looked up to Alan Iverson.

[576] Okay, I -I.

[577] Talk about a guy instilling hip -hop culture in you.

[578] My God was Alan.

[579] 13 years old, he's taking us to the finals on his back.

[580] Yeah, and he's so good looking.

[581] And he's so cool.

[582] Yes, with the fucking huge diamond earrings.

[583] They're having to change like the rules of how you dress because he's so culturally ahead.

[584] No, he was.

[585] He was the coolest ever.

[586] So when you go into college, though, well, clearly you end up getting a career before you pursue any of this.

[587] But are you thinking, I'm going to go there and just get this thing, make my parents happy, or I'm going to go there and I'm going to study something that I'll turn into a career?

[588] First off, not going to college, it just didn't feel like something that people did, unless you were like Mark Zuckerberg.

[589] Yeah, totally.

[590] I went there, I'm just realistic.

[591] I was like, look, I obviously have pie in the sky dreams, but none of those pie in the sky dreams are going to happen during this four -year period of college, and they're probably not going to happen for like the three years after college as well.

[592] So if my pie in the sky dreams of being the next Larry David don't come true, which even though I certainly believe it, I'm also just their logical human being.

[593] I would like to be set up to where the most realistic version of my life would still be relatively satisfying.

[594] So I thought, what do I love to do the most?

[595] Be creative.

[596] What is a career in corporate America where creativity is allowed and valued?

[597] Advertising.

[598] Yeah.

[599] What schools have good marketing undergraduate programs, University of Richmond?

[600] So I really went in there from the beginning being like, I'm trying to position myself to get hired at a great ad agency.

[601] And I did.

[602] Yeah.

[603] What was college experience like?

[604] Because if you're Sumakum, Laude.

[605] I'm not going to say that a lot to you because I was Magna and I wish people would bring it up more in interviews when I'm a waste of effort.

[606] It is.

[607] You never hear about it again.

[608] That's truly why I made my first album art, my resume.

[609] Because I feel as though I put so much work from the age of 18 to like 24 into getting that resume.

[610] And then I became a professional rapper and it all felt like all that effort for what.

[611] And I was like, I need to highlight.

[612] So it's front center.

[613] My GPA.

[614] I just work so hard.

[615] Yeah, good.

[616] So I want to just keep drilling this in.

[617] Summa Cum Laude.

[618] This is you.

[619] This is you.

[620] This is above Magna.

[621] Also.

[622] Thank you.

[623] Yeah, Monica Osuma.

[624] I was.

[625] Go dogs.

[626] Go dogs.

[627] What are the Richmond, Virginia?

[628] Go what?

[629] Spiders.

[630] Spiders.

[631] Wow.

[632] Wow, that's, wow.

[633] Yeah.

[634] So freshman year, Richmond is very preppy.

[635] Oh, right.

[636] Old South money.

[637] Yeah, everyone's wearing like purple pants and crokeys.

[638] Initially, I was like, whoa, are these people, my people?

[639] I don't know.

[640] I might transfer.

[641] And I knew that if I got really good grades, what you don't realize is in high school, you get your grades and you're very limited options of how far you can take it.

[642] My mom and dad were like don't even apply to any Ivy League school.

[643] But if you get like a 4 -0 freshman year at any reasonable university, you can just transfer to like Harvard.

[644] Oh, you can.

[645] Yes, you can transfer to Penn. If you get a 4 -0 at University of Richmond, you can go to any Ivy League school.

[646] It's weird.

[647] So I worked so hard freshman year to get good grades.

[648] And then by the end of freshman year, I kind of found my people.

[649] And I was like, I actually like it here.

[650] But my GPA was so good that I was like, I can't let this go.

[651] So competitively, I was like, I can't let it get low.

[652] And I just work so hard to have a 393 GPA.

[653] Your margin for error is so slim, as I'm sure you know.

[654] You can include me. I mean, it's different.

[655] Well, the school I went to too, too, is my lot harder.

[656] But anyways, continue.

[657] I just wanted to put myself in the best position to live my ideal life, which in my ignorant brain was get the best grades.

[658] You're going to get the best job interview opportunities.

[659] No, there's something beautifully Buddhist about this, which is you do the best that you can do at whatever thing you're fucking doing.

[660] That's where college taught me, which still applies to my present day.

[661] People say, like, you probably learned how to market yourself at school.

[662] Cool, right?

[663] I'm like, not at all.

[664] I don't remember anything I learned.

[665] I just learned that if I apply myself, I can succeed.

[666] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[667] And that is a valuable thing, along with the socialization benefits of not having the pressures of the real world and being able to ease into adulthood that college privileged provided.

[668] Now, you go immediately to San Francisco.

[669] Yeah.

[670] To take this job or you go there and get the job.

[671] To take the job.

[672] To take the job.

[673] Not that reckless.

[674] Oh, okay.

[675] I didn't presume so.

[676] I've never done anything that crazy in my life.

[677] Right.

[678] That'd be wild and a wild city to pick to do it in.

[679] Yeah.

[680] Wait, can we pause real quick because I am finding this really interesting because I don't know.

[681] know that much about you, but I feel like who you are already is so different than what I thought you were, what I thought you were going to be when you came in here.

[682] I thought you were going to be like, look at my dick.

[683] Check out this dick.

[684] There's only one in 250 in these, baby.

[685] Not that, but just maybe the word reckless, maybe, or spontaneous.

[686] Yeah, so the opposite.

[687] Yeah, that's so interesting.

[688] He's not a daredevil.

[689] He's not a thrill seeker.

[690] He hates roller coasters.

[691] I'm so risky.

[692] He hates, I know a lot about you.

[693] Yes.

[694] Yeah, I think a lot of people will find this surprising.

[695] But if you watch the show, you mean, I haven't seen it.

[696] Right.

[697] So if he watched this show, this is very much.

[698] If you're only experiencing Lil Dickie, the musical artist, be in Mr. Yeah, you're right.

[699] The show contextualizes everything.

[700] Yeah.

[701] I'm not that guy.

[702] Interesting.

[703] I'm cooler.

[704] Yeah, you're very cool.

[705] I like it.

[706] I'm liking it.

[707] I'm liking it.

[708] This is very much how you are on the show.

[709] Obviously, it gets more and more exaggerated, as it would when success comes and we'll explore that.

[710] But when you go to San Francisco, going now this is a second kind of big huge cultural shift are you lost when you get there and you land completely on your feet lost i start working eight days okay so you didn't have time to feel no it never felt lost i started working there also there's another game that was being played where i wanted to be in the creative side of life but to work as a creative in the ad industry you have to have a portfolio you have to go to graduate school i had none of that i had a business degree with a concentration in marketing so when i went in there i went into this account management department Let's say Frito -Lay, for example, Doritos, they want to make ads.

[711] They hire an ad agency, and there's a buffer between the creative people that are making their ads and the people that communicate with Frito -Lay corporate, and that's me. But that's not even me. I'm like the lowest man on the totem pole.

[712] I'm like taking notes and, like, sending emails.

[713] And it's not at all what I was good at, not at all what I wanted to do, but I got my foot in the door to look around and be like, do I even want to do this for a living.

[714] I think I want to do it, but it felt kind of reckless to go two years to graduate school, spend like 60 grand and build a portfolio when I don't even know.

[715] if I want to do it.

[716] You haven't got to try it.

[717] And I've always believed that if I got in the door, I've always felt special.

[718] So I felt like there would be a way that I could pivot within the agency itself and show them how dynamic I am once I'm there.

[719] And then I did.

[720] What's important is it's the second time where rap has kind of materialized in a way.

[721] So the first time being when he was in fifth grade, you did a report on Pushkin.

[722] Yeah, you do that.

[723] And you wrapped it.

[724] And that was your first time rapping.

[725] Yeah, Alexander Pushkin, the Russian.

[726] I don't even remember much about it.

[727] Do you know that's what Malcolm Gladwell's coming?

[728] company is called Pushkin.

[729] Oh, yeah, that's right.

[730] Really?

[731] I did not.

[732] Yeah.

[733] His podcast empire is Pushkin.

[734] And it's based off of, yeah, well, then, you know, 10 ,000 hours.

[735] You guys might be soulmates that haven't yet met.

[736] But you got an A on that.

[737] I got an A on that.

[738] And I'll try to tell the most condensed version of the story.

[739] We're here for four hours.

[740] Don't feel pressured to do so.

[741] Well, I think it is interesting.

[742] Basically, I'm the low man on the totem pole.

[743] I'm trying to become a rising star in this agency.

[744] I only interface with the big wigs at this company once every three months when I send this email showing how the Doritos chip sales have been improving or not improving based on the ads that were running.

[745] That whole document was a template given to me by the assistant account manager before me, a painfully boring thing.

[746] I was like, why don't I deliver this information and data via a rap song one day?

[747] This is a huge swing.

[748] Yeah.

[749] It is.

[750] So this is the bizarre dichotomy of you, which is like risk adverse.

[751] And then also, I think I'm going to try to hit a grand slam in this moment.

[752] But it's no risk.

[753] I knew that this agency, they're fun, everyone's cool and young.

[754] I'm forced to like it because that's supposed to be the spirit of the place.

[755] But it really is the spirit of the place.

[756] I give a lot of credit to this company, Goodby, Silverstein, and Partners.

[757] I don't know that I would be here without them.

[758] I felt bad, actually, when I made an episode in season two where I was kind of implying that I was trapped in this corporate maze trying to break out because I really did love it there.

[759] No, it's the second best thing to show business is bad business.

[760] Yeah.

[761] And there's so much crossover.

[762] Yeah, there is crossover.

[763] And there's a lot of talent of people.

[764] But they encouraged people to go off and do their own thing.

[765] And every year when I was there, they did a grant for 50 grand where they'd be like, go for your dreams.

[766] I even submitted Lil Dickie as a candidate for that and did not win.

[767] So I did this rap song.

[768] Everyone was like, who the hell is that guy?

[769] They were like, go make a video for it.

[770] And then all of a sudden, I'm realizing there's a whole little production wing of this agency.

[771] And when I grew up and I thought of rap videos, I thought of like puffy and biggie on a yacht.

[772] Totally.

[773] I didn't realize that the technology was there where we just went into a room and we shot slow motion footage.

[774] And it really looked and felt like a real rap video.

[775] And then that was more loved.

[776] Then that got to the head of the creative department.

[777] and they were like, that guy needs to be in the creative department.

[778] Wow.

[779] And then I switched, and then I was the youngest guy in the creative department.

[780] How great is that?

[781] That guy ran the NBA account.

[782] If your life ended there, it's already a success.

[783] I was so proud.

[784] And this guy ran the NBA account, and he knew that I was really creative and new basketball.

[785] And he let me run with the whole playoff campaign.

[786] I wrote 10 commercials for the NBA.

[787] At one age.

[788] 22.

[789] Wow, that's so great.

[790] Yeah, I picked the music.

[791] I found the footage.

[792] It was so empowering.

[793] And I really feel like the satisfaction I got when I would.

[794] see my commercials come up on TV when I was 22 is equal to the satisfaction I felt when I see me and Brad Pitt.

[795] I was going to just say that exact thing.

[796] I don't want to fast forward too much, but I will say when I look back on my own life, nothing topped those early things because there was actually something spiritual and foundational, which is, oh, I can be effective in the world.

[797] Yes, you live your whole life thinking you're special.

[798] But are you?

[799] Yeah, but are you?

[800] Maybe.

[801] And then here I am all of a sudden.

[802] And like, if I can be special here, I always said these guys that I idolized didn't begin is anything more than everyone's funny friend.

[803] Right.

[804] And they just put their mind to it.

[805] You're very big on dreaming, which I like.

[806] It's very sweet.

[807] But that, of course, then encourages you to start making your own videos.

[808] Exactly.

[809] So I'm like, wow, look at where the tech is at here, guys.

[810] I recorded that song on my computer, garage band.

[811] Like, I have a built -in recording studio on the laptop that I just happened to buy by default.

[812] That didn't exist 10 years prior.

[813] There's YouTube where I'm seeing guys like Lonely Island Andy Sandberg making funny rap videos that are going super viral.

[814] Yeah.

[815] I can shoot these videos.

[816] this company has all the equipment.

[817] It was all right in front of me. And I thought, you know, if they're going so crazy at this company, that's a really valued and respected company about me making funny videos about sales data.

[818] Yeah.

[819] Imagine if I took my most memorable comedic ideas and applied it to that.

[820] And so I started thinking in that way, I found this guy, Brian Storm, who was doing all the rap videos in Oakland.

[821] And I got with him, and it was just a beautiful partnership.

[822] You Cold Called him?

[823] One of the producers at this agency that I worked at did this program, where they worked with filmmakers in Oakland and undiscovered talent, he connected me with him.

[824] And then I looked at his videos and I was like, these look kind of cool.

[825] Of course I want to be a comedian and make movies and make curb your enthusiasm, but it didn't feel feasible to, like, shoot scenes.

[826] Yeah, it would then be compared to like those things that would look shitty, but rap videos, you can really make it in a DIY way.

[827] And I had $6 ,000 safe from my bar mitzvah that my parents refused to let me spend along the way.

[828] And they didn't want me to spend it on rap videos, but I was like, what am I going to do buy like a high -end couch?

[829] Yeah.

[830] You have a job.

[831] Give money.

[832] I wasn't making money.

[833] I was making $36 ,000, but cost of living in San Francisco.

[834] I forget it.

[835] But I was making a profit.

[836] I was like, I'm not losing money.

[837] And I did have that $6 ,000, which of course is the biggest privilege gift you could ever have.

[838] I just made four different rap videos.

[839] This is the chunk where you take two years and you write 32 songs and shoot 16 videos.

[840] Are we there yet?

[841] Yeah, we're there.

[842] So this process begins at this moment.

[843] Yeah.

[844] But it takes you two years.

[845] Yeah, because I wanted to succeed.

[846] And I was like, who knows what's going to happen?

[847] Right now.

[848] I'm really on a path to be a creative director.

[849] You got shit on television.

[850] But I would never have been satisfied in life if what happened didn't happen.

[851] And I always knew I would go for it.

[852] And that's what happens with a lot of people.

[853] I feel like you get caught in a corporate maze of success.

[854] When you take on commitments.

[855] And then there's like six years have gone by.

[856] And my life has been a fairy tale, to be honest with you.

[857] So nice.

[858] Yeah, it is so nice.

[859] And all I do is complain.

[860] We're going to get to that too.

[861] Stay tuned for more of Archer Expert, if you dare.

[862] So 2013 is when so hard is the mixtape, which you took two years, and then you decide to release one song a week for five months.

[863] Yeah.

[864] And then the first video you released, ex -boyfriend, got a million views in 24 hours.

[865] That's the one.

[866] Making ads cool, but it's like all my friends and family, when I have started working obsessively on becoming a rapper out of nowhere.

[867] Truly, I could tell in their eyes they were like, he is losing it.

[868] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[869] How does anyone know?

[870] I have children.

[871] Like, how does one know whether they're just?

[872] Kyle is a delusional narcissistic.

[873] You don't.

[874] I don't blame my parents for feeling that way.

[875] No, I'm just, it's a very hard thing to evaluate.

[876] It's hard to evaluate.

[877] Like, is this person flew off into outer space on us?

[878] That's why I'm so happy that within eight hours I had, I told you so.

[879] Validate.

[880] From there on, all I needed was like a spark.

[881] I got the biggest spark.

[882] Literally day two, I'm in my cubicle at work doing an interview with TMZ with that guy Harvey.

[883] Oh, gee.

[884] With Harvey.

[885] Yeah, like live.

[886] They sent the big dog.

[887] Yeah.

[888] And like hoping my boss doesn't walk in.

[889] What?

[890] Yeah.

[891] Also, you could have easily gone down like a bad cult leader route.

[892] Ooh.

[893] Because there's so much validation that you know what you're doing or the specialness or things go well for me. I obviously have figured it out and I did this and in eight hours I got this.

[894] I should probably start a cult.

[895] It just felt like I am who I thought I was.

[896] It didn't feel like new information.

[897] I felt like, oh, thank God that I'm not crazy.

[898] I wasn't delusional.

[899] Yeah, I wasn't delusional.

[900] Immediately in my mind then and there I was like, okay, so of course I'm going to pursue this.

[901] fully, I'm going to quit eventually.

[902] I had all the clarity off of one day of success.

[903] And I had all the assets to continue to ride that because I literally stockpiled all these different videos and songs so every week for five months I can put something new out.

[904] I could build on it.

[905] Okay, and I want to just fast forward to season one now, and this is a joy that Monica hasn't got to experience yet.

[906] You're watching this show.

[907] It's straight hysterical from the get -go.

[908] And I'm completely ignorant on everything in this world, right?

[909] So I'm not sure if it's just like me doing a groundling's character on an FX show if i'm an actor playing a rapper yes yes i don't know what's going on right which is so fun and it's delayed for a while which i like then all of a sudden dave wraps and you're like holy fuck that was my reaction like this is for real no shit we're playing for keeps that's right shit just got real yeah so i'm curious the skill set let's just say in season one let's give it an arbitrary number let's say it's 10 i like that i mean And obviously we've gone beyond that, I'm sure.

[910] But let's just say it's 10 for reference.

[911] When you're making this first mixtape so hard, what is this skill level at?

[912] Three, in my opinion.

[913] There's a whole technique you're developing, but that requires development.

[914] Totally.

[915] My ideas have always been there.

[916] But the execution, horrible.

[917] And when you're executing horribly and rapping and you're white, it's like, please.

[918] That's why I'm so excited about putting this new body of music out because even my first album, 2015, the skill level probably got to like a seven.

[919] I have no body of work that I would be happy to have Jay Z sitting and listening to.

[920] Everything else, I'd be like, Jay, please don't listen.

[921] But now if Jay Z listened to this new project, I'd be like, cool.

[922] He's getting a present -day version of what I've evolved to.

[923] Back to Malcolm, it works like a sport.

[924] And the more time you put into it, the better you get.

[925] If we could think of the different metrics that are adding up to these videos, there's three elements going up.

[926] There's the music.

[927] There's also the creativity of your video.

[928] And then there's whatever charisma you have as the person we're watching, right?

[929] And so if we had to evaluate at that moment when the first one comes out and is huge, what do you think is carrying it?

[930] The concept?

[931] The charisma.

[932] And the idea.

[933] I've always had solid ideas.

[934] It's weird because I wanted to be a comedian.

[935] Never thought of myself as like a serious rapper.

[936] And I've always loved rap.

[937] And then I made this song called Russell Westbrook on a farm, which even now I wouldn't recommend a Jay -Z, but it's better than a lot.

[938] But I put that out and all my fans who had previously been like, I love this funny energy that you probably thought I would have.

[939] Then I put that out and it's like introspect.

[940] and not at all relying on humor as a crush in any way.

[941] Summa cum laude coming through.

[942] Honesty.

[943] Honesty.

[944] And I feel like people like that more than my other stuff.

[945] And then I just got really competitive.

[946] Do you follow Mark Ribbley at all?

[947] Yeah.

[948] Okay.

[949] So I love him.

[950] The similar thing happened for me is like I'm watching all this thing.

[951] The first one I ever saw is like, show me your ass, which I love.

[952] Show me that butthole, remember our favorite one.

[953] We've seen him, Monica and I have a few times in concert.

[954] He's great.

[955] But every now and then he drops these songs that are so insanely beautiful.

[956] And they're only a minute.

[957] And I want to kill him and go.

[958] like make that whole thing that's so outrageously beautiful.

[959] Yeah.

[960] You can do that.

[961] Please give me that.

[962] And I'm imagining you were having the same experience.

[963] Well, that's why I like the position I'm in now where before when I was making music, I was honestly making music to desperately get attention from the South Park guys or like Seth Rogen.

[964] I was like throwing shit up there and I'll be like, this is a great idea that's funny that I'll get hired as like a comedian.

[965] And now that I've achieved all of those things, I can just make music for the love of making music.

[966] Which is a tricky spot, actually, to be creative from.

[967] That's my very last thing I want to explore.

[968] It's very, very dicey.

[969] Yeah.

[970] What happens immediately, though, which is, I think, very unique in your story is you do have this very asymmetric success among peers and idols.

[971] The first video comes out, and Kevin Durant hit you up.

[972] Oh, wow.

[973] That's really odd for video, right?

[974] I think it's a million.

[975] And then this has been a really consistent thing, which is, I would say, among your peers and the people here, you're maybe the most popular guy there is.

[976] The metrics across the country don't reflect that.

[977] Not that you're not hugely successful, but it's asymmetric.

[978] I agree completely.

[979] You know what I'm saying?

[980] I've never spoken about it.

[981] It's very unique.

[982] Yes.

[983] Every artist and person in the industry, I feel like, has that even higher appreciation than a Joe Schmoe might.

[984] I mean, the fact that Brad Pitt agrees to come up.

[985] That just says every single thing.

[986] But at that point, there had already been already so many people who, again, it's just very asymmetric and interesting.

[987] I wish it was full symmetric.

[988] Most people have it reversed.

[989] Those people would obviously think all I want is the respect from my peers.

[990] I would rather have the respect from my peers.

[991] Exactly.

[992] And I can't tell you how many friends I've had who were on mega hit things, shows, movies, whatever, and they're tortured with the fact that they know no one in town has seen it.

[993] But, you know, I'm tortured too, like in a different way.

[994] I don't get invited to the Golden Globes.

[995] That's shocking to me. This year.

[996] Ever.

[997] I don't care that much.

[998] There is a disconnect when I'm like, wow, I can make a movie and get everyone in the world to be in it.

[999] Because they all believe in me as a writer.

[1000] Which is way more important than getting invited.

[1001] But it still hurts sometimes or feels.

[1002] I think it's actually healthy.

[1003] Yeah.

[1004] I don't think you should have all this shit.

[1005] I think you're right.

[1006] But let's go to a really quick touchdown from 2013 when that thing comes out and it gets a million views, which is bonkers in 24 hours.

[1007] And then you, in 2014, saved that money, actually charts on Billboard 100.

[1008] Goes double platinum.

[1009] Now you're getting to work with some pretty crazy fucking people, artist wise.

[1010] Yeah.

[1011] I'm making songs with Snoop Dog and T -P.

[1012] and all these people.

[1013] Are you having in these moments, are you having like imposter syndrome?

[1014] Or do you just walk in and own that you're having it?

[1015] This is the analogy I say.

[1016] It sounds so arrogant.

[1017] Yeah, yeah.

[1018] But I really just am a guy that evaluates the facts at hand.

[1019] I've always felt like I was this for comedy.

[1020] And I didn't think I was ever musical or anything.

[1021] And I just think I kind of discovered accidentally that I am a great musician.

[1022] I heard you say you were using it as a vehicle to pursue comedy.

[1023] And in the process, you actually found love with music.

[1024] I fell in love with it, but I also can't believe that I'm this talented at that.

[1025] So, like, the analogy I make, and I don't mean this arrogantly, it's like believing your whole life that you're Superman and finding out not only are you Superman, you're also Batman.

[1026] Wow.

[1027] And I'm a competitive guy, and I'm like, oh my God, fuck comedy.

[1028] I'm fucking Eminem.

[1029] I want to be like the best rapper of all time.

[1030] Even today, I literally feel like I'm one of the five best rappers alive.

[1031] My body of work in no way reflects that.

[1032] But I know that I can achieve that.

[1033] I'm not saying I know I can achieve that.

[1034] I think what you're saying is you have the capacity.

[1035] And I'm not saying that I'll ever be acknowledged at that, nor do I even deserve to be acknowledged at that.

[1036] I just think that I have a lot of skill as a musician.

[1037] It sounds really good and I agree with it until we start naming a few before.

[1038] And then we go, I know, because I go like, oh, yeah.

[1039] It's like 20.

[1040] It might be 30.

[1041] Yeah.

[1042] It's not five at all.

[1043] But still, and what I find is I actually am like a rapper's rapper.

[1044] The way that Brad Pitt appreciates my filmmaking, rappers appreciate.

[1045] Well, that becomes clear with how many people in music.

[1046] show up to work with you.

[1047] It's a lesson in confidence.

[1048] You've believed in yourself this whole time, and then things come to fruition.

[1049] Yeah.

[1050] So in 2015, professional rapper his debut album peaked at 7 on Billboard.

[1051] I will say, Led Zeppelin also, I think, put out three remastered albums on that same date, so it would have been four.

[1052] Those bastards.

[1053] But Zeppelin had three albums.

[1054] It's cool.

[1055] But that is, yeah, caveat.

[1056] Yeah, the second best rock man of all time beat you.

[1057] Just three albums at one day Not something I was expecting Unforeseen No one warned me about and it was rough But it was cool Seven is great And I'm curious now Because you're on such a run Musically Are you starting to let go of your comedy fantasy I feel like my career It's like a tale of being stretched too thin I didn't forget But I was putting off What I initially started doing it for Because I was like I'm a young man I'm a rapper I'm on stage at festivals It's so fun And this is cool So I focus on music But then I finally get back to the TV show Eventually And now I kind of am at a point today where I'm like, I've abandoned music.

[1058] I'm letting that slip away.

[1059] Well, it's been a minute since you had an album, eight years.

[1060] Pent is what we're here to promote.

[1061] Peneth.

[1062] Peneth.

[1063] He's spelled P -E -N -T -H.

[1064] P -E -N -I -T -H.

[1065] Oh, maybe it was a typo.

[1066] P -E -N -E -N -I -T -H.

[1067] I'm glad you just correct me. Pentth, no, P -E -N -I -T -H, P -N -E -N -H, like the zenith.

[1068] Okay, okay, P -N -E -th.

[1069] That's why your parents would like it.

[1070] It's a soundtrack album for the show.

[1071] Whenever I get free time, I just make music and I fill up a vault over time and then it's time to make the show and the show is about a rapper so you've got to put music in the show.

[1072] And this is just the collection of work that I love that I think stands apart.

[1073] My goal is you can listen to this album having never seen the show and still love it.

[1074] But everything that appears in this album are songs that have appeared in the show so you'll have a higher appreciation for it if you watch the show.

[1075] No, if we play Mr. McAdams for Monica right now.

[1076] Having never seen the show, she's going to love that song.

[1077] I'm going to love it.

[1078] Yeah, okay.

[1079] Don't do it.

[1080] I do love Rachel McAdams.

[1081] Who doesn't?

[1082] We're missing one piece, which I think is relevant.

[1083] There's a few things you and I are going to relate on deeply that I was just tickled to see you admit to out loud.

[1084] Okay.

[1085] So, one second story.

[1086] I happened to journal for the last 20 years because I'm sober.

[1087] And that's part of being sober for me. And I was about to start shooting a movie.

[1088] And I was panicking the three days leading up to it because I was like, I just got cast in it.

[1089] I didn't audition.

[1090] I just got offered the thing.

[1091] I don't even know what I'm fucking playing.

[1092] I've never said these words out loud.

[1093] I'm going to shit the bed.

[1094] And I'm like really spiraling.

[1095] And then I don't know why it occurs to me. I'm going to glance at my journal from the last movie I did.

[1096] And I go back and I get my journal and I read three days before.

[1097] And it's like, you're a piece of shit.

[1098] You deserve to be here.

[1099] You're going to suck.

[1100] They're going to fire you.

[1101] And then I read day one of filming.

[1102] I'm like, I'm so underpaid.

[1103] I'm the most talented person in this movie.

[1104] I'm so funny.

[1105] I'm incredible.

[1106] I go between I'm the worst piece of shit in the world to total megalomania in one second.

[1107] And when I was hearing your experience with performing live for the first time, I just related so deeply, which is he was a hit musician.

[1108] who had never, ever done it in front of anyone.

[1109] No, I was like, all behind a computer, the digital age.

[1110] So all of a sudden, I was like, oh, my God.

[1111] I wouldn't even do karaoke back then.

[1112] It was too much.

[1113] And then it was like 2 ,000 people in my hometown.

[1114] Everyone I grew up with there.

[1115] Oh, my God.

[1116] Way too high of stakes.

[1117] You shouldn't have invited anyone.

[1118] Honestly, and the crowd wasn't even as pumped because it wasn't even true little Dickie fans.

[1119] It was family friends.

[1120] Oh, God.

[1121] Yeah, they're scared for you.

[1122] Yeah, it was so stressful.

[1123] Oh.

[1124] Then the second you did it, you said, oh, right, I was born to do this.

[1125] Yeah, I was like, oh, this isn't even hard.

[1126] Yeah.

[1127] I feel like there's no better live performer.

[1128] Top five, four -thirty.

[1129] Oh, my God.

[1130] Wow.

[1131] The exact same.

[1132] Part of me is embarrassed for myself, and then another part of me is like, no, it's kind of how I write the scales of so much self -loathing and shame and self -hatred.

[1133] I need kind of these blasts of megalomaniacal thoughts about myself just to kind of write the scales.

[1134] Because I'm also torturing myself on the other side of it worse.

[1135] It's peak on both sides.

[1136] Yeah, I can relate.

[1137] Let me pee.

[1138] Yeah, yeah, there we go.

[1139] You want to step out?

[1140] No, I'm sure.

[1141] Okay, great.

[1142] I'll make another coffee while you're doing it.

[1143] I'll be sitting down some.

[1144] Oh, okay.

[1145] Daxian, you fill up more water for me, please.

[1146] In your kettle?

[1147] Like, do I be doing anything to the kettle?

[1148] I think you might need to pour more water in.

[1149] And then boil it.

[1150] Don't come over here and you got over here.

[1151] He's trying out.

[1152] Guess what, I'm going to go to.

[1153] But I'm going to stand if that's okay.

[1154] Sure.

[1155] If you're okay with it.

[1156] I'm good with it.

[1157] I'm trying to drink two, spearmint teas a day.

[1158] I heard that's good for your skin.

[1159] Just spearmint?

[1160] Yeah.

[1161] Not peppermint.

[1162] Okay.

[1163] And spearmint is harder to find, of course.

[1164] Okay, Dax, I'm coming over.

[1165] Look at that.

[1166] Moni, you sure you don't want to go?

[1167] Three out of four went.

[1168] It comes.

[1169] We've been talking for an hour.

[1170] Not for her.

[1171] She pees once a week.

[1172] When I have the slightest feeling of having the pee, I have to take care of it.

[1173] One eighth there, I got it.

[1174] How about when you're about to walk out on Camel?

[1175] I start peeing a riot.

[1176] in the green room.

[1177] I'm like, how long is it going to be?

[1178] And they're like, five minutes.

[1179] And then they mic me, I'm like, get one in.

[1180] And then when they knock them, like, one second, and then I try to force a little out.

[1181] It runs my life, my fear that I'll have to pee.

[1182] Do you find yourself, maybe it's because I sit, but I find myself oftentimes peeing twice in one sitting.

[1183] Oh, sure, sure, sure.

[1184] I'll sit, pee, and then I'll just wait, and more pee will come.

[1185] Yeah, I agree.

[1186] I agree.

[1187] Especially at night for me, because I drink fluids compulsively all day long.

[1188] Truly, I can't be without access to fluids.

[1189] I couldn't agree more.

[1190] And then I also wake up all night long.

[1191] to pee because I drink way too much.

[1192] So right before I get in this pattern and going like every seven minutes as I'm getting tired.

[1193] And then yeah, I stand there long enough and then I have all these weird exercise idea to push and I get a little more squirts out.

[1194] Oh, I have heard that's not good for you.

[1195] Oh, really?

[1196] No. What's it doing?

[1197] You're not strengthening the muscles.

[1198] You're weakening the muscles.

[1199] You're weakening.

[1200] My pelvic floor is weakening my pelvic floor.

[1201] Yes, I just heard this.

[1202] I have a very strong pelvic floor, which is why I never pee.

[1203] Thank you.

[1204] Don't brag, though.

[1205] Well, I will.

[1206] I will keep bragging.

[1207] We're back.

[1208] But you were saying something important.

[1209] Really important.

[1210] Was I?

[1211] Yeah, it was really emotional and important.

[1212] It was about performing.

[1213] We were talking about performing.

[1214] You want to hear a funny performance story?

[1215] I do, really bad.

[1216] I never said this out loud.

[1217] An exclusive?

[1218] Yeah.

[1219] Rob, hit record.

[1220] We hadn't been recording.

[1221] Rob, start recording.

[1222] So two or three years ago, I get an opportunity to open the Emmys.

[1223] Okay.

[1224] Performing.

[1225] Like me, L .L .L. Cool, Jay, doing like a musical thing.

[1226] I find out about it, of course, five days before the Emmys.

[1227] There's no heads up.

[1228] Now, really quick, does the shadow start telling you, I'm only here because someone dropped out or they would have told me weeks ago?

[1229] No. Okay, that's good.

[1230] I would have done that.

[1231] You focused on the win.

[1232] I was like, this seems major.

[1233] Yeah.

[1234] And live TV performing, if we could just cut that out, I'd be like 10 % happier.

[1235] There's nothing worse than being evaluated on how cool you look and you can't control the edit.

[1236] Right.

[1237] Oh, my God.

[1238] Luckily, in this instance, it was a pre -record.

[1239] So I get to write and record my verse ahead of time, and I just got to look like I'm doing it.

[1240] Great.

[1241] That being said, I only have like three days to write, a verse that I feel comfortable, nationally televised, opening up the Emmys for.

[1242] But I write it and record it, and then I have my friends wedding that weekend where I'm a groomsman.

[1243] And the whole weekend, no matter what song is playing, I'm rapping my verse to that tempo, to like memorize the words, getting my swag, right, figuring out what I'm going to do.

[1244] Because of the wedding, I had to miss the rehearsal.

[1245] I'm not even like a private jet guy.

[1246] The only way to make it happen was I had to get a private jet, get right off the plane, get in the suit, boom.

[1247] I was trying to act like I was built for this.

[1248] Of course.

[1249] I was like, this is what you're going to have to do in life.

[1250] This is me. This is standard shit for a guy in my position.

[1251] And my friend, Gata, who's in the show.

[1252] We need an hour on him.

[1253] He's in the hallway next to me. He's not coming on.

[1254] He's just there for moral support.

[1255] Do you have a hype man?

[1256] Is he really your high man?

[1257] That's all real.

[1258] He's a real guy, yeah.

[1259] No, I know he's a real guy.

[1260] And I know he's a real hype man. Yeah, like if I went to the concert, he would be coming with me on stage and being my hype man for sure.

[1261] I've never done a show without him.

[1262] Okay, wonderful.

[1263] We've got to earmark how you met him, but continue.

[1264] So Gaita's there.

[1265] Gate is there just for moral support.

[1266] As the groomsman.

[1267] No, this is...

[1268] Back in the Emmys.

[1269] We're at the Emmys.

[1270] I also, by the way, I did also think that at first.

[1271] I thought he came to hype you up for the groomsman role.

[1272] No, no, no, no, it was not that full service.

[1273] I'm at the Emmys.

[1274] The producer's like, you're on in 10, 9.

[1275] And I look at Gaitis so confidently.

[1276] And I say to him, literally as they're saying 10, I say, I'm going to kill this shit.

[1277] Oh.

[1278] He dapsed me up.

[1279] They're like, you're on.

[1280] I walk out.

[1281] I immediately forget every single word of the entire.

[1282] I have no idea.

[1283] Oh, so stressful.

[1284] Fucking thank God it's a pre -record.

[1285] It was as if, you know, like when the bomb goes off and it's like white noise, all I could do is hear the white noise.

[1286] I'm out there in my microphone.

[1287] If it was live, you would have heard, but I knew that it was a pre -record.

[1288] So I just put that mic real close to the mouth.

[1289] And I tried to move my body to the rhythm and get through the blocking.

[1290] It ends.

[1291] And I come off stage.

[1292] I'm of the mindset that I just nationally humiliated myself.

[1293] And I'm like, please, someone showed me the clip.

[1294] And I look so good.

[1295] Oh, wait, really?

[1296] It looks like I know.

[1297] No one knows until now.

[1298] Well, now I want to watch.

[1299] Me too.

[1300] Watch it.

[1301] I look great.

[1302] I challenge you.

[1303] Inside of me is just a mess.

[1304] I've never experienced anything like that.

[1305] I was unclear and I think the listener might be as well, which is you had already pre -recorded.

[1306] but now the lip syncing was like.

[1307] Yeah, exactly.

[1308] You got that immediately, but I thought you were going to have another take when you were telling this story.

[1309] But no, you're talking, you're live on stage.

[1310] I'm live, the Emmys.

[1311] We are on TV.

[1312] And you went completely up on the whole song.

[1313] Yeah, if it was the Grammys.

[1314] And you had to sing.

[1315] It would have been like, it would have been crazy.

[1316] Oh, wow.

[1317] Okay, I want to compare no stakes, but we've done like 25 live shows or something of this show on stage in front of thousands of people.

[1318] And it's always gone well and it's always fun.

[1319] And then I just took a paid deal to do a live show of a different podcast in Las Vegas.

[1320] And I just entered the thing like, yeah, I've done this so many times.

[1321] I'm not worried at all.

[1322] And it was an unmitigated disaster.

[1323] It was just complete disaster.

[1324] The audience was attacking us and it was wild and I had zero control.

[1325] And I really was like, oh, I don't have the skill set to navigate out of the situation.

[1326] And it's going to go on for another hour.

[1327] Yeah.

[1328] I haven't done a live show since, but I've questioned like, is it worth it?

[1329] Not is it worth it?

[1330] Did that one event erase my ability to go do it?

[1331] Oh, well, let me tell you this.

[1332] So that's what I'm asking, did you go like, oh, no?

[1333] Because I'm with you.

[1334] I'll give this a swing.

[1335] And thus far, it's worked out.

[1336] And that was kind of the first time it didn't work out.

[1337] And then I was like, oh, I didn't even like knowing that was an option.

[1338] Oh, for example, I always had dreams of headlining the Super Bowl.

[1339] And now I would be like, no way.

[1340] Like, it's not worth it.

[1341] Truly, that's kind of where my head is at with it.

[1342] Because of that experience, right?

[1343] Totally.

[1344] Like, if you had slayed it, you'd be like, we got to get me on the Super Bowl list.

[1345] Yeah, so blessing in disguise.

[1346] But the thing is, it's not quite the same, but I'd argue it's just as important.

[1347] I go on, like, sway in the morning and do a freestyle where, like, if I fail, it's still going up and it's going to be like the story.

[1348] Honestly, if Jay -Z could see anything, I'd want him to see these two sway freestyles that I went in and I killed.

[1349] That is so high risk.

[1350] You know, if you're on stage at a concert and you forget the words, it's funny.

[1351] If it's your concert.

[1352] If it's your concert.

[1353] That's the defining difference, right?

[1354] The Emmys aren't yours.

[1355] People aren't there didn't buy a ticket to see Lil Dickie.

[1356] No. So if you shit the bad...

[1357] I just evaluate risk -it -all twists and turn, but it's like, I don't know what it would take to get me to do a major live TV performance.

[1358] Also, I have to real -time fact -check you.

[1359] You said I wasn't invited to the Golden Globes and I never am.

[1360] This is a one -off.

[1361] Like, the only reason I got invited to the Emmys was because I was able to help the opening number.

[1362] That's a big thing.

[1363] Yeah.

[1364] But he wanted to be at the Golden Globes, and that's fine.

[1365] No, it's fine.

[1366] I don't even want to be there.

[1367] I want my show to be acknowledged as one of the best shows on TV.

[1368] But you know what the racket of the Golden Globes is.

[1369] I've heard about the racket.

[1370] I heard it's a rack.

[1371] It's not a meritocracy.

[1372] It's only based on getting as many movie stars as possible that have international recognition to that show.

[1373] Okay?

[1374] Thank you.

[1375] Keep that in mind.

[1376] Yes, I will.

[1377] I will.

[1378] We only have to touch on one other thing before we get to the show, Dave, in your story.

[1379] Freedy Friday, which is a body switching video and song with Chris Brown.

[1380] 745 million views.

[1381] That's how many views that fucking video.

[1382] Even in your grandiose thinking, that still must shock you.

[1383] It's nearly a billion views.

[1384] Well, I feel like in the landscape of music videos, I would imagine if you pressed play on 10 different music videos that have a billion views and we all sat and evaluated, I think you would say that Freaky Friday was among the top.

[1385] Five, let's stick with five.

[1386] Five seems to be the running number.

[1387] It's like funny and catchy, and I feel like it checked every box.

[1388] Okay, so ultimately you and Jeff Schaefer create Dave together and Jeff Schaefer he was a producer and I don't know if he ran Curb Your Enthusiasm Yeah he runs it now So he and Larry I mean talk about having a night on and getting to work with the person Yeah and a part of the recipe that is bonkers Full circle Nobody's gonna give me a TV show As a guy who's a rapper Who just makes funny rap videos Without having someone attached to it To like babysit and make sure That this is actually going accordingly And I always have a very strong opinion Of what my vision is and what to do So whoever this person is it would take a lot for me to, like, trust what they're saying over what my instincts are.

[1389] But when it's baked in that this guy is already doing it with your idol, I always say he's like the Bill Belichick to my Tom Brady.

[1390] And he really is the perfect combination with me to get stuff done.

[1391] That's wonderful.

[1392] Because I would imagine you've been a little misled in that all of your ideas have pretty much worked, but they weren't all going to work, right?

[1393] You can get a little misled by your own success.

[1394] Yeah.

[1395] Even good ideas don't work sometimes.

[1396] Most of the time.

[1397] The best sketches that were ever written.

[1398] that the ground lanes all bombed.

[1399] They were for us.

[1400] They weren't for America or whatever.

[1401] So yeah, to have a co -pilot that knows how to make a fucking TV show and make it for seasons is imperative.

[1402] Okay, so I want to tell you the things I love about the show.

[1403] And the first thing we just started to talk about, which is Gata.

[1404] He hadn't acted before?

[1405] No. Okay, Gata, Monica, is one of the most beautiful actors I've ever seen in my life.

[1406] And this is why I like the show so much.

[1407] And we should also tip our hat to the shows that came before yours that opened up this realm where it's like you're seeing a comedy, but we're free to do an episode that's all about him being bipolar, which I have to presume with the level of authenticity he played it, he is.

[1408] You don't have to divulge that.

[1409] Oh, he is publicly.

[1410] Okay, great.

[1411] They have a whole episode where he ramps up.

[1412] And acting on his plate is fucking huge.

[1413] It is huge.

[1414] It's intimidating.

[1415] If I get the script he acted in, I'm like, whoa, boy, you better really figure this out.

[1416] That's one of the things I like to do in the show is the more emotional.

[1417] emotionally satisfying and real and human things can be, then the more elegant everything is and the more the comedy will sing.

[1418] A lot of comedies, I'm just like, why does it have to feel so goofy?

[1419] I love feeling feelings.

[1420] And I knew Gato being a guy who traveled around the world with me for like five years before even having a show.

[1421] I know that our dynamic is like pure comedy.

[1422] And you've already rehearsed it for five years.

[1423] Yeah.

[1424] If you filmed us for five years, you would have gotten the show.

[1425] But I didn't know if he could become the guy that can cry.

[1426] Yeah.

[1427] And every season I put him in a situation where it's like, I want you to be really emotional.

[1428] for this episode because he's a very emotional guy.

[1429] I don't say this to insult you.

[1430] He's the best actor on the show, and you have a bunch of great actors.

[1431] He's the heartbeat, yeah, for sure.

[1432] How did you mean him?

[1433] I started to do concerts, especially back in the beginning and beginning, I thought, like, ooh, I can rap fast.

[1434] That's one of my skill sets that maybe someone else doesn't have, so I'm going to every song over -rap, just show how great I am.

[1435] Then you have to do shows and you're like running out of breath.

[1436] You know, sometimes rappers go up there and just play their songs and rap over top.

[1437] I hate that shit.

[1438] Unless it's the Emmys.

[1439] Exactly.

[1440] Eight minutes.

[1441] Eight minutes ago, you told the story about something.

[1442] I would never.

[1443] I would dare you suggest.

[1444] I need a hype man. Explain what a hype man is.

[1445] Until I watch your show, I didn't even know they existed.

[1446] A lot of rappers historically, like go on stage and to get a breath, you'll have someone finish your line for you.

[1447] So if I'm rapping and my line is about.

[1448] Monica's teeth.

[1449] Monica's teeth.

[1450] And I need to take a breath right now and Gator will be like skeet or like whatever rhymes with it.

[1451] And then I'll be set up for the next line because I'm.

[1452] just took my breath.

[1453] So me and Gaeta, we're not just winging it.

[1454] We'll be strategically like, I need this word, that word, and then we'll evolve.

[1455] And so he's really a key part of any live show I do, besides being such an incredible performer.

[1456] What I also gleaned from it is that he's also there to build your confidence.

[1457] Yeah, he's been a huge boost in my confidence in reality.

[1458] As a guy who never went on stage, it's a lot easier to go on with Aga too.

[1459] Yeah, and how did you find him?

[1460] Did you know him socially first?

[1461] Do you audition hype man?

[1462] My manager at the time used to manage Tyga and Gaeta was Tyga's hype man. That's confusing.

[1463] You can't have two animals live.

[1464] At least it's not both mammals.

[1465] Oh, that's true.

[1466] But they went on tour.

[1467] My manager at the time worked with Gaeta in that capacity.

[1468] He's like, I know this guy and he's done it in the past for another artist I managed.

[1469] Like maybe you'll meet him.

[1470] And then I meet Gaeta and the whole show.

[1471] And just in general, Gata is very much he calls it the gander, which is a word he's made up, which is like putting yourself in a position to appear more successful than you are to then continue to elevate.

[1472] So the first meeting, he literally brought an intern and a camera guy.

[1473] Oh, my God.

[1474] Yeah, he was like, oh, yeah, it's just my crew.

[1475] He paid people on the spot to appear.

[1476] You guys are made for each other.

[1477] Yeah, for sure.

[1478] That's like wrapping the report on Frito Life.

[1479] Yeah.

[1480] We're such yin and yangs in such an amazing way.

[1481] Like I said, I've had the most blessed fairy tale life, the adversity that he's gone through in life and what he's had to do to even get to where he is now is so much grander than anything I've ever been through that when I'm like, I'm not on the main stage at this festival.

[1482] Like, I'm on the B stage.

[1483] He's like, shut the fuck up.

[1484] You know, I've performed in front of eight people, and he's right.

[1485] He's able to allow me to appreciate what we're achieving.

[1486] Yeah.

[1487] He's very impulsive, where I'm very like, let's take a step back and map out our year.

[1488] And I think that helps him.

[1489] Our skill sets are so distinctly opposite that we're able to really help each other thrive.

[1490] Well, certainly then if you were with him for five years before the show, and then the show is in 2020, so you've been with him for eight, nine years.

[1491] Yeah.

[1492] Did you have to learn how to be partnered with somebody that is bipolar and going to have these periods of time where they're going to confuse you?

[1493] A few of the instances we've portrayed in the show where I think initially, because Gata and Tiga were really on their way up and then that kind of fell apart.

[1494] He went from being a guy that was on the stage at Madison Square Garden to them being back at his mom's house.

[1495] And then we started rising and then all of a sudden he's about to start a TV show.

[1496] And right before season one, he kind of went through it.

[1497] And I think it was just an overwhelming thing to deal with.

[1498] And I'm watching all of a sudden, this guy that I've known for four years, behave in a kind of a different way, five days before we have to start shooting the show.

[1499] Yeah.

[1500] And it was a lot.

[1501] But man, this guy, season one, Gata, he put on, I say, a Willis Reed like performance because he was really going through it emotionally.

[1502] And he was able to somehow power through it and adjust to these realities on the fly.

[1503] And maybe it helped make his performance more powerful.

[1504] Maybe it didn't.

[1505] I, as a guy who watches every take, Gata Season 3 is like money in the bank.

[1506] I have, like, five different takes that are incredibly wonderful, where season one, maybe I have, like, two.

[1507] And he's just gotten so much better along the way.

[1508] But it's really interesting to watch him grow and become somebody who, season one, I could feel him going through it and trying to figure it out.

[1509] Or season three, I don't want to say he's an autopilot, but I don't want him to even read the script before.

[1510] Right.

[1511] Because I'd rather have this really sharp gaita that's really confident in life and not going through that to just, like, react and fire in all cylinders.

[1512] Yeah, you want them spinning plates.

[1513] You don't want him already knowing what he's going to do in a weird way.

[1514] Where season one, I'm like, did you read?

[1515] Like, did you read the Scrum?

[1516] How many times did you read it?

[1517] You can't just read it once.

[1518] That is a lot.

[1519] And then season three explores all this incredible stuff.

[1520] And I'm curious.

[1521] And so many people are fascinated in all the interviews I watch with you.

[1522] People are endlessly interested in if it's a show loosely based on your life, what parts are the loosely and what part are your life.

[1523] And I'm not as interested in any like the specific, like, do you fuck a dollar or anything.

[1524] What I am curious is season three is great.

[1525] You kind of let yourself become more unlikable than you were in the other two seasons, I think.

[1526] I think season two, I'm the least likable.

[1527] Okay, that's fair.

[1528] And I think season three, I tried to be likable.

[1529] But I mean, by the way, it's a similar arc to Atlanta in that we meet you, you're not successful.

[1530] And then you become really successful.

[1531] And I think you're pretty honest about that journey, and I have to imagine your own journey informs that.

[1532] I will say, I think I'm definitely less of an asshole in reality.

[1533] We kind of have to force conflict for the narratives.

[1534] When that happens, are you uncomfortable about that?

[1535] Are you fine with it?

[1536] I relish the challenge of having to be unlikable, yet being so hopefully likable that you can do it.

[1537] People will stick with you.

[1538] Yeah, exactly.

[1539] But there are times where it's too much that I don't believe it to be real.

[1540] Right.

[1541] Because, like, no one is this big of an asshole.

[1542] No one is this clueless.

[1543] Because the only thing I have to compare it to is I was on a show for, six years.

[1544] And I'm not playing Dak Shepard on the show.

[1545] I'm playing Crosby Braverman.

[1546] But I come to love Crosby Braverman.

[1547] I come to get pretty protective.

[1548] And I think I found myself having more and more arguments with people about this is so out of left field that he would do this.

[1549] And I get more and more protective.

[1550] And then also having the voice remembering, yeah, but this is a TV show that requires you to do things that are out of your character and to do new things.

[1551] It's hard to love it and not be protective of it.

[1552] Yeah.

[1553] Curb would not be curb without Larry being the most intolerable forced, you know what I mean?

[1554] But I happen to find it all very charming and endearing.

[1555] Me too.

[1556] Yeah.

[1557] Well, for me, honest, which is what cuts through any of the behavior.

[1558] It's like, oh, it's kind of rooted in how we all think.

[1559] Yeah, but I think at the core of everything I do in life is probably this kid who's always wanted to be liked.

[1560] I navigated that by, I was like, oh, I happened to be funny and people laugh.

[1561] So that's how I got people to like me. And so I think inherently there is this desperation to be liked inside.

[1562] You'll still drink the bottle of ketchup at camp to make people laugh.

[1563] Yeah.

[1564] I don't want people to not like my character.

[1565] I want people to root for the main character to succeed, and I think we end up getting there, but it has to be a journey.

[1566] Like season two, the end, when Gata comes on stage at the VMAs, that wouldn't have been nearly as satisfying if I wasn't being the opposite of that along the way.

[1567] The most selfish, self -centered brick.

[1568] Okay, but on season three, Killer Mike's on season three, Usher, Rachel McAdams, Brad Pitt, Don Cheedle, Rick Ross.

[1569] Fully loaded.

[1570] If we track from the real life, which is the show comes out on FX, it's got a 1 % chance of succeeding.

[1571] And then within three seasons, it grows to this.

[1572] And this is what I'm curious for you emotionally, because I think I'm like you.

[1573] I'm an approval junkie, and I love being validated by people, and I love being validated by people that I think have status.

[1574] Yes.

[1575] I live for that.

[1576] Me too, and I wish I didn't.

[1577] Looking at this, I was thinking that I am in the same dangerous situation that you are in life, which is you run out of people, to get validated by.

[1578] Like, once Brad Pitt comes on the show in season three, I can imagine it almost getting very scary about what the engine is going forward and having to maybe redefine what the engine is or what the fuel source is.

[1579] Does any of that ring true?

[1580] It does ring true.

[1581] And the core lesson of season three, which is, in a nutshell, centered around looking for love the whole time.

[1582] I'm trying to fall in love while simultaneously like being this validation junkie addict or whatever.

[1583] By the end of the season, you learn, You can't even find love until you actually love yourself.

[1584] Loving yourself doesn't mean you love yourself because Brad Pitt says you should love yourself.

[1585] Loving yourself is just actually truly loving yourself.

[1586] Doing esteemable wax and liking who you are.

[1587] Yeah.

[1588] And there are a lot of lessons in the show that my character goes through that I know to be true that I wish I really, really fully embody.

[1589] Internalize.

[1590] Yeah, like I know logically that I shouldn't care if I'm not at the Golden Globes.

[1591] I can't control the little feeling inside of my chest that's like, but I'm sure that's part of growing up.

[1592] And the most important thing is being aware of these things.

[1593] Making the show helps me become more and more aware because we're literally just nitpicking every single psychological thing I go through in life and pushing it and trying to portray different things.

[1594] But you end season three with Brad Pitt and Drake.

[1595] And what do you do next?

[1596] What do we do?

[1597] Stay tuned for more of Firechair expert if you dare.

[1598] So for me in my real life experience, A, I only wanted to get into show business to get on Letterman.

[1599] Literally, I didn't have a desire to be an actor.

[1600] I had a desire to sit on the couch next to David Letterman.

[1601] That's all.

[1602] And I did that.

[1603] And that is the highlight of the whole show business career.

[1604] And then there was a moment where he came to my house and sat on that couch so I could interview him.

[1605] And that was rewarding and dangerous.

[1606] And in the wake of it, I found myself really having to go back to the drawing board.

[1607] Like, oh, wow.

[1608] That was the one.

[1609] What could I look forward to with that same zeal?

[1610] And then for me, ultimately, it was great because I had to remember, no, the thing that I like that's substantive is I like to connect with human beings when I wipe that other thing away.

[1611] And it almost weirdly led me back to the thing that I loved about it from the beginning.

[1612] But it's a ride.

[1613] And I don't know that everyone traverses that successfully.

[1614] I like being forced to be like, oh, now I have to reinvent things or find other ways.

[1615] Because the show takes up so much time, and I put so much effort into it and everything.

[1616] It's like a blur.

[1617] When I think about life, sometimes I'm just like, well, what just happened?

[1618] Because now four years have gone by.

[1619] I wouldn't want to do that forever.

[1620] I want to make music, too, and I want to have a personal life, too.

[1621] And I have all these different things.

[1622] I think initially, after college, it's like, I'll do anything to make the show, Dave, and just only focus on that.

[1623] But when you do it and you actually do it, you're able to be like, well, what else is there in life?

[1624] That's why I'm so excited about when I created the soundtrack album.

[1625] P -N -A -P -Niff.

[1626] P -N -F.

[1627] Okay, yeah.

[1628] Like if Mike Tyson said penis.

[1629] It's like, oh my God, it's been eight years since I even mixed a song.

[1630] Yeah.

[1631] Are you mad about that?

[1632] I'm not mad about it because...

[1633] You've been doing other shit.

[1634] I've been doing other shit, but I'm also like, well, there is opportunity costs to everything.

[1635] It's a shame.

[1636] There are a lot of fans of mine that just love the music.

[1637] Of course.

[1638] And they feel like, fuck you, man. You haven't put an album out in eight years.

[1639] I just have kind of refallen in love with making music.

[1640] And I'm hyper aware that being a rapper is not something that is easy to do when you're like 45 as it is when you're 35.

[1641] And I'm just like, I have limited time here to do that thing that I said I could do in 2014 when I started falling in love with being a rapper.

[1642] And that's exciting to me to be able to have these other things going on.

[1643] Yeah.

[1644] Well, I have to imagine in many ways you've fully reached your potential on Dave.

[1645] And I hope that doesn't mean there's no more Dave.

[1646] But I imagine you think you still have some potential to reach musically.

[1647] So much potential to reach musically.

[1648] There's also when I thought about my career, as that kid, I thought about movies.

[1649] I love movies.

[1650] I'm writing a movie that I want to star and write direct.

[1651] When I started to do everything, I was like, you're a comedian.

[1652] And then I became a rapper.

[1653] And now if I had to put one word to me, I would put the word filmmaker.

[1654] Because, like, I really feel I'm meant to be a director.

[1655] I look at a guy like Ben Stiller.

[1656] That's what I want to be.

[1657] I just love storytelling.

[1658] But sometimes I have to remind myself like I was with Jonah Hill the other day.

[1659] I was talking about these ambitions of mine of being like the consummate Auteur.

[1660] If you ask me what I want to do, it's that.

[1661] He was like, but don't forget that you're funny.

[1662] And what I started this whole thing for, because a lot of people can be autores, probably fewer can be genuinely funny.

[1663] He's a great person to give that piece of advice.

[1664] But I guess is your older brother now?

[1665] Who, him?

[1666] Me. Oh, you.

[1667] I'm speaking now as your older brother.

[1668] Sure.

[1669] Okay, if you'll allow me. Yes, please.

[1670] Because I'm just, I'm 13 years further down this road.

[1671] This dumbass path.

[1672] Yes.

[1673] And it's truly fun and worth exploring.

[1674] And honestly, all of us just benefit from it.

[1675] I get enormous joy out of watching Dave, period.

[1676] I'm so grateful this is the journey you're on.

[1677] Yeah.

[1678] Because I get to consume it.

[1679] But my guess is, and I did the same thing, I'm defining my identity by a lot of things that are extrinsic and work related.

[1680] For sure.

[1681] And it's disgusting and I'm sick of it.

[1682] I can't get out of it.

[1683] I don't know what to do.

[1684] I want to hear about that angst.

[1685] My thing was I directed a movie that worked really well.

[1686] I got to do a big studio movie.

[1687] That movie did not make money.

[1688] And I had this.

[1689] six -month period where my identity was fucked.

[1690] It was gone.

[1691] Yeah.

[1692] And it was one I had been leaning on for like four or five years.

[1693] And it was a terribly scary place, but luckily I was a dad.

[1694] And so anytime I would get kind of low about it, I'd walk in the house and be like, wait, fucking writer -director's not even a thing.

[1695] That's helpful.

[1696] Dad's a thing.

[1697] I don't have that kid to fall back on it.

[1698] Right.

[1699] And I'm just saying it really...

[1700] I should have kids is what you're saying.

[1701] He has pushed them on a lot of people.

[1702] I do push them.

[1703] Especially on folks like you and I. I need to have kids.

[1704] Jonah just had a kid.

[1705] Yeah, I couldn't agree more.

[1706] Life is too one -dimensional.

[1707] you're right.

[1708] My entire happiness and identity is rooted in the success of the art that I make.

[1709] And it's like ridiculous.

[1710] It's so dangerous.

[1711] I always say like in theory, I wake up and I'm so happy every day, but I also have had the luckiest life where my wildest dreams not only come true, but I always want to be a comedian and like I've essentially get to play in the NBA too.

[1712] That's like how ridiculous being a rapper is for like a suburban Jewish kid.

[1713] Exactly.

[1714] I always say like maybe I'm depressed but everything goes perfectly.

[1715] Yes.

[1716] So I'm just happy.

[1717] It's so dangerous to live your life this way.

[1718] I know that it's the wrong way to live life.

[1719] I'm so aware of it.

[1720] Sometimes I'm sick of myself for being so wrapped up in the success of the show or the success of a music video and like the views it gets and the Instagram followers.

[1721] It's the wrong way to live life.

[1722] I'm so aware of it.

[1723] Yet I sometimes just can't.

[1724] Totally.

[1725] You're powerless.

[1726] I'm powerless.

[1727] I get it.

[1728] But you're also young and even though you've been doing it for a long time, it's still new in that way.

[1729] You're young.

[1730] It takes time.

[1731] I think the most important thing is being aware of all this stuff.

[1732] And now that I'm aware of it, I am able to logically, when I get that feeling in my chest of bitterness based on like the lack of success of a moment, I'm able to take a step back and be like, of course you feel this way, but logically you shouldn't.

[1733] I don't know how to control what feelings exist inside of my chest and my head and my heart.

[1734] Yeah, there's an enormous divide between your intellect and your emotions.

[1735] Exactly.

[1736] I am of the opinion that you have to have a game plan.

[1737] I don't think these things will happen on their own.

[1738] You had to decide to go to the department, to shoot the fucking rap, to put it up.

[1739] It wasn't like you were going to walk into the meeting and someone's going to hand you a tape and you had done it.

[1740] And similarly, that other aspect of life requires the exact same amount of focus in planning or it won't just knock on your door.

[1741] Yeah.

[1742] I mean, that's my own personal belief on it.

[1743] I want kids.

[1744] I'm hoping that I'm living in this self -ful fulfilling prophecy that really is kind of impossible to ever like find full satisfaction or peace.

[1745] Which again, we'll benefit from.

[1746] Thank you.

[1747] Yep.

[1748] And logically, the thought of a kid, I'm like, well, wait a minute.

[1749] Now I have to give up my entire life and live it for something else.

[1750] That sounds like the last thing in the world I want to do.

[1751] But I've been living this other version of my life where it's completely self -fulfilling for 10 years.

[1752] Everything goes as well as it possibly could go, and there's still a full -on restlessness inside of me. And I'm hoping that the kid solves that restlessness.

[1753] However, another part of me has a fear.

[1754] It won't.

[1755] You'll be just as selfish when you have the kid and then you'll really feel fucked.

[1756] I don't think that's true.

[1757] I think I have too big of a heart.

[1758] It's not going to happen.

[1759] Or you'll work on yourself.

[1760] It's just other kids.

[1761] I'm just like so unmoved by it.

[1762] Same.

[1763] Right as we were making the decision, We were out with our good friends and their kid, and it was a disaster and the dinner was ruined.

[1764] And I was like, this is what we're going to do?

[1765] But I can just assure you, they put the little baby in your hands.

[1766] And you look at the little baby and you know, like, oh, they know immediately looking at you, you're responsible for me. And something truly magical happens.

[1767] There's got to be a reason everyone does it.

[1768] Something kicks in that is unimaginable until it happens.

[1769] Even though I have a dog, it's different.

[1770] I would argue it's much different.

[1771] had thousands of dogs and she too.

[1772] And both of us were on the fence about it.

[1773] We had a good life and we traveled.

[1774] We weren't suffering.

[1775] But it's the best thing you've ever done.

[1776] I'm telling you by a factor of a hundred.

[1777] Yeah.

[1778] Then I'm happy to say that I still have the best part of life to look forward to.

[1779] Yes.

[1780] I think that's lovely.

[1781] Well, even if my dick doesn't impregnate properly, like I always have this fear of my semen.

[1782] You adopt.

[1783] You adopt.

[1784] Also, there's modern medicine is miraculous.

[1785] Miraculous.

[1786] It is miraculous.

[1787] Yeah.

[1788] Go ahead.

[1789] No, I was just, I always feel compelled to do this, which is so.

[1790] annoying, I know, but I don't think having a kid is the only option for peace.

[1791] I really don't.

[1792] I would imagine it's not.

[1793] I know every time I share my personal opinion, I get accused of shaming people who don't have kids, but I want to be clear.

[1794] I'm sharing with you my personal experience in life.

[1795] That's it.

[1796] You are, but you're also telling him that's what I want to do it.

[1797] I want to do it.

[1798] Yeah, and you should.

[1799] I would tend to agree.

[1800] My problem is I just feel like all the things that someone would say to teach you about how you're not thinking the right way, I am already aware of.

[1801] That's the weird thing.

[1802] So I'm not learning new information.

[1803] And I guess I would just need to train my brain.

[1804] You're still going to feel the feeling every time.

[1805] Your brain is still going to have all the thoughts.

[1806] It's a matter of then knowing, oh, this is that thought that leads me here.

[1807] I don't want to go there.

[1808] It takes a lot of fucking effort to be constantly evaluating your emotions and thoughts.

[1809] But you can't just hope that they're not going to happen.

[1810] They are going to.

[1811] Yeah, but I don't know.

[1812] I want to deduct the baby from it.

[1813] And I actually want to isolate why for me it's been incredible.

[1814] I up until that point was focused on the love I could receive and that felt good, but it was very temporary.

[1815] Again, I do know Brad Pitt.

[1816] It felt incredible.

[1817] I've gone and rid motorcycles with them.

[1818] It's insane, but it's very temporary.

[1819] Yeah.

[1820] It wears off quickly and I need another hit.

[1821] When I was forced to flip the equation into how much love I give, lo and behold, pieces on the other side of the amount of love you're giving.

[1822] It's not the amount of love for me that I was receiving.

[1823] I read a, I mean, I don't read.

[1824] I'm not a big reader, but I do.

[1825] did read the first half of a book called The Second Mountain, which is all about how by design we live our lives trying to like get up our mountain.

[1826] That's not happiness.

[1827] Real happiness is only when you give.

[1828] You start sharing what you got on that mountain.

[1829] Yeah.

[1830] And then that's the second.

[1831] I mean, it adds up.

[1832] It makes sense.

[1833] Life can't be this one dimensional.

[1834] I've achieved everything I've ever wanted to achieve kind of already.

[1835] Right.

[1836] And you run out of shit to achieve.

[1837] You run out of shit to achieve.

[1838] And there's got to be a whole lot more to life.

[1839] And there is.

[1840] I am globally happy, truly every day.

[1841] I'm not trying to be a downer.

[1842] What I'm trying to do, like when I meet someone that I feel like I share a similar disposition, and I like, I genuinely like you.

[1843] Thank you.

[1844] I like you too.

[1845] I have this, and it's the mountain thing.

[1846] I haven't read that book, but my therapist told me about it.

[1847] And yes, my therapist told me is like, you've reached the age or it's like you have to transition from getting the approval of people you like to mentoring people you like.

[1848] So like giving the things away that you've gathered and that you're going to find more joy in that than you ever found in receiving it.

[1849] That's what I'm saying.

[1850] I don't think it's baby specific.

[1851] I think it's giving specific.

[1852] Let's give back more.

[1853] You're so fucking cute and I like you so much as well as I would hope that it could have.

[1854] But really quick, let's just hone in on what's special about Peaneth.

[1855] Yeah.

[1856] Did it?

[1857] Right?

[1858] I nailed it.

[1859] It's been eight years since I've even put out a body of work.

[1860] And I just think being able to have the opportunity to hear present day Lil Dickie is just a very satisfying thing to offer.

[1861] It would kill you if I played Monica five seconds of this?

[1862] Mr. Rick Adams?

[1863] Yeah.

[1864] No. You're playing it off like Spotify or something?

[1865] Oh, sure.

[1866] Is that cool?

[1867] Yeah.

[1868] Is there another happy time to use where you'll get one?

[1869] I thought in my head right there, I was like, well, are you playing the rough mix?

[1870] I had, like, for whatever reason, thought you had my demo.

[1871] I have it all.

[1872] I have your scratch track.

[1873] That's how long it's been since I've put music out on a streaming platform.

[1874] That's what I'm saying.

[1875] I can't believe you have access to my music right now.

[1876] Yes, just the line.

[1877] Play it.

[1878] Okay, great.

[1879] Don't think about breakfast.

[1880] This is a song on Rachel McAdams.

[1881] You're going to get so on the show as well.

[1882] This is really good already really good.

[1883] I'll take your name, girl, fax.

[1884] It's insanely far -fetched.

[1885] I ain't playing why you think I've been rapping to be Mr. McAdams, say, yeah.

[1886] Don't lie to me, don't lie to me, don't lie.

[1887] You think I'm fucking sick.

[1888] You think I lost my shit.

[1889] You think I'm weird a F. But that endearing freckle up on your chin is too much.

[1890] I got a freckle on my face, too.

[1891] I know you've dated Taylor Kitch.

[1892] And I know you've seen Ryan Gosling's dicks I love this Wait till you're the Brad Pitt line It's so fucking funny I love this too It's kind of my favorite song This is great I ain't playing why you think I'm Are you a blonde and brunette You're pulling both off like socks in a bed Notebook if you had a little bit of red I don't know why I'm telling you about your hair You would know best you was there as your hair Girl like a fest that I suck dick Not suck dick like gave head I'm just bad at doing this shit Girl just let me prove that I am Heard your 5 foot 4 I bet you You ain't even know that's my ideal height I'm six foot I'm 511 I'm 5' I'm 5' And I got fans to it So I can relate to this being off pudding But I just know you'd like What I could give Imagine quark without no chips Imagine me a badger door I don't know where What would you say?

[1893] Thank you.

[1894] I love it I'm glad you played it Yeah Fuck Brad Pitt don't think about him Oh that's good It's so good Yeah it has like an undeniable Emotionally It warms my heart that song Yeah Yeah.

[1895] For Monica, it's Matt Damon.

[1896] Right, we all have our version of that.

[1897] We do.

[1898] And you just certain your heart would be completely full and exploding.

[1899] If they only met you, they'd know.

[1900] I don't know if you noticed when you sat down and peed, but there is a standee's of Monica being kissed by Matt Damon in the shower.

[1901] It's real?

[1902] What's a standee's.

[1903] It's a photo that we made into a whole.

[1904] It's a real photo.

[1905] Yes, it's in the shower.

[1906] He was on.

[1907] He put his hands on you.

[1908] He kissed her on the forehead, and she had a smile.

[1909] And I've known her for eight years.

[1910] I've never seen it.

[1911] I didn't know it exists.

[1912] Yeah, I understand.

[1913] I understand completely.

[1914] You get it.

[1915] Now, what if you guys saw Matt Damon and Rachel McAdams engaged in making out?

[1916] Would you be?

[1917] I would hate it.

[1918] You would hate it.

[1919] I would have no problem with it.

[1920] You would be supportive.

[1921] Wow.

[1922] You wanted to be happy.

[1923] I need Rachel to be happy.

[1924] I'm only okay with him being with me. How's that going?

[1925] It's not going great since he is married with like five children.

[1926] And she also seems so cool and nice and pretty.

[1927] She's perfect.

[1928] Is McAdams married?

[1929] Yeah, I think so.

[1930] Okay.

[1931] You didn't learn that while you were shooting with her?

[1932] She definitely has a partner.

[1933] I think they're married.

[1934] She definitely lives and has kids with a guy.

[1935] Oh, well, there we go.

[1936] But was that so fun?

[1937] So fun.

[1938] Yeah, I'm lying in bed with Rachel McAdd.

[1939] And did you have that moment I hope for it?

[1940] And I've had it in real life, which is like, I know I'm not going to be with this person.

[1941] But I'm looking for one moment where I go, yeah, I think we could have been.

[1942] I didn't have that moment.

[1943] I just had such respect for the moment in general of the child and me who always dreamt of being with Rachel McAdams.

[1944] I know she's married and has children.

[1945] Totally.

[1946] To be seen by her in real life.

[1947] The smile is not, oh my God, we could have been together.

[1948] What is this life of mine?

[1949] Exactly.

[1950] That has got me here.

[1951] It's so beautiful.

[1952] It's beautiful.

[1953] She's just as delightful as I would have ever imagined her.

[1954] Wonderful.

[1955] Yeah.

[1956] She's great.

[1957] What a wonderful note to end on.

[1958] How many tracks are on Peneth?

[1959] 22.

[1960] See, I don't remember that many songs in the show.

[1961] I know.

[1962] That's the thing.

[1963] There are.

[1964] There's more.

[1965] I only put on the songs that I believe, if you haven't seen the show, they stand alone, and it's got my stamp of like, I am fine.

[1966] to release this right now in 2024 because I fuck with it.

[1967] There are a lot of songs in the show that are really funny or silly that don't pass that that checkbox for me. Right.

[1968] So it's actually probably like 40 songs that have been in the show.

[1969] These are like the best 22 of them.

[1970] I'm telling you, even though you've seen every episode, you'll listen to this album and you haven't heard the songs.

[1971] You've heard like eight seconds of different moments here and there.

[1972] Even when I was listening to this this morning, I saw it in the show, but I actually don't remember.

[1973] I hate to say it, but I think the show can oftentimes cheapen the music.

[1974] You can't do the whole thing and you don't give it the same.

[1975] same evaluation that you would.

[1976] It just doesn't feel real.

[1977] You'll appreciate the music way more listening to it than you would if it was in the show watching it.

[1978] What's interesting is when you hear it in the show, you've joined other people's lives, but when you listen to it in your car driving somewhere, the song has joined your life.

[1979] There's something that music does on a connectivity level that even I don't think film can do.

[1980] And I'm a way bigger film TV fan in general.

[1981] I'm not this guy who's obsessed with music beyond being obsessed with his own music career.

[1982] I don't going to concerts.

[1983] I'm not listening to music all day long.

[1984] But I do think that there's a certain thing when people come up to me and like I see it in their eyes that they're the most hardcore Dave slash Lodickie fan, they always talk about music.

[1985] They don't talk about the show.

[1986] And that's surprising because I think the show is so much better than the music that has been released.

[1987] That's why I'm happy to release this body of work that I think has caught up.

[1988] I'm only now catching up to the show musically.

[1989] And that's why I'm trying to jump on it and continue to make music because I really feel like I'm at the peak of my powers.

[1990] Yeah.

[1991] I'll look forward to it.

[1992] Will you give me the Rachel McAdams moment I want?

[1993] Because we're not going to do it.

[1994] We're both busy.

[1995] But we could have been friends.

[1996] We will be friends.

[1997] Why can't we be friends?

[1998] I have an appetite for it.

[1999] I think that we'll...

[2000] I think we'll start as like distant...

[2001] Let's exchange numbers at the end of this and see how the texting goes.

[2002] It'll go really good.

[2003] I can't wait.

[2004] I got a pretty good text game, too.

[2005] Me too.

[2006] I want to write.

[2007] All right.

[2008] I adore you.

[2009] I'm so fucking happy you came today.

[2010] Good luck.

[2011] I adore both of you.

[2012] Honestly, you guys are cool.

[2013] You guys are cool.

[2014] and we would be friends, and we should be friends.

[2015] Okay, well, now you live very close.

[2016] In Venice, it was a non -starved.

[2017] Yeah.

[2018] The sportsman's lodge is easy.

[2019] Yeah, let's go get a rotisserie chicken.

[2020] That's right.

[2021] Let's go grab a rotisserie chicken.

[2022] All right, good luck, Dave, not a physicist.

[2023] Thank God.

[2024] Thank you for having me. I'm big fans, and I appreciate you.

[2025] Next off is the fact check.

[2026] I don't even care about facts.

[2027] I just want to get in their pants.

[2028] I want to make something very clear.

[2029] Do it.

[2030] I am not dipping.

[2031] Yeah, okay.

[2032] I want to address this.

[2033] So in the middle of that, we just did an interview.

[2034] I was even thinking in the pictures, people probably were like, oh, I thought, and I was like, oh, damn it.

[2035] I looked over, I saw a tin.

[2036] Uh -huh, and pouches.

[2037] Right, but it was open and there were pouches.

[2038] I knew then it wasn't your normal thing.

[2039] So I didn't know what it was.

[2040] Right.

[2041] But I knew it wasn't your normal dip.

[2042] So it's not tobacco.

[2043] What is it?

[2044] So I was having dinner with Coutcher.

[2045] who has had a checkered past of dipping himself.

[2046] Sure, sure.

[2047] So I was telling him, you know, I quit for New Year's.

[2048] And he goes, you know what I've been doing?

[2049] It's just chewing these green leaves.

[2050] There's a company that just does.

[2051] Is it like tea?

[2052] Yes, it's just like an organic mint tea bag.

[2053] Interesting.

[2054] And he's like, it totally satiates the oral fixation.

[2055] And he's like, it's just something to do.

[2056] And it kind of replaces the thing you want that I miss, It's the like the ceremony of putting it in and it lasts for this amount of time.

[2057] But you don't have to spit it out.

[2058] No, I just swallow the whole.

[2059] Oh, that's great.

[2060] It's just tea.

[2061] It's just tea leaves, green, green leaf.

[2062] Oh, my God.

[2063] It's mint.

[2064] You could have one, in fact.

[2065] Maybe I will.

[2066] Yeah, they're really neat.

[2067] I was pretty delighted.

[2068] I ordered three of them last night.

[2069] And then, of course, my family, well, my children are like, Dad, you're not supposed to dip.

[2070] And I'm like, hold it's not.

[2071] I almost could not convince them this wasn't dip.

[2072] It looks just like it.

[2073] Yes.

[2074] It's identical and it's supposed to.

[2075] It's supposed to.

[2076] Yeah.

[2077] Okay.

[2078] I like this.

[2079] Yeah.

[2080] So I was like, I'm probably going to hate them because it's not tobacco.

[2081] Right.

[2082] But then I did a couple last night and I was like, hey now.

[2083] Does it have caffeine?

[2084] Because green tea does.

[2085] You would think, but here, smell them and stuff.

[2086] I'm not even positive their tea, but they would have to be right.

[2087] Green leaf, organic mint, 20 pouches.

[2088] Okay, hold on.

[2089] Greenleaf is an all -natural energy supplement designed to provide a healthy alternative to tobacco products.

[2090] A unique blend of green tea, peppermint, turmeric, baking soda.

[2091] Oh.

[2092] Is that good or bad?

[2093] Oh, that's your toothpaste.

[2094] Exactly.

[2095] Okay.

[2096] This may replace your arm and hammer.

[2097] And stevia is packed into each pouch to help freshen your breath, boost your energy, help widen your teeth, and help combat dependency to tobacco products.

[2098] This is great.

[2099] Yeah, it's nice.

[2100] Let me smell one.

[2101] Because I'm going to the sand dunes and, you know, this is...

[2102] Mmm, smells good.

[2103] Put one between the cheek and gun.

[2104] I'm going to put one here for later.

[2105] Because it might be like your tooth, remember you liked toothpicks.

[2106] You and I were both kind of addicted to toothpicks for a while.

[2107] Oh, wow, good catch.

[2108] Thank you so much.

[2109] That one came from a bit outside.

[2110] That was out of my strike, what do they call it, bra?

[2111] Strike zone.

[2112] Strike zone.

[2113] It was pretty outside the strike zone.

[2114] Got to keep you on their toes.

[2115] But going to the dunes is ripe with...

[2116] Triggers, which is like, I can tell myself I'm out of town.

[2117] I could tell myself, oh, I'm only going to dip in the desert, right?

[2118] I could have all these things.

[2119] So I think going there was something to just kind of chew on.

[2120] I really think that's smart.

[2121] You're going in with the plan.

[2122] Thank you.

[2123] I'll try it later, but currently I'm drinking spearmint tea.

[2124] I'm trying to drink two cups of spearmint tea a day.

[2125] Does it have some kind of medicinal benefit or just arbitrarily you want to do two?

[2126] Well, on the package, it says you can have two a day.

[2127] Oh, why?

[2128] Why only two?

[2129] Sometimes when I drink too much tea, I feel a little weird.

[2130] Okay.

[2131] It's too healthy.

[2132] I need a little like...

[2133] Do you get Honest?

[2134] I did yesterday, but not from that.

[2135] Yeah.

[2136] You didn't even tell me. As we know, that's the greatest sign of good health.

[2137] Yeah, I was really healthy.

[2138] Okay.

[2139] I don't think that had anything to do with the tea.

[2140] Maybe it did.

[2141] I don't know.

[2142] But anyway, I'm trying to drink.

[2143] Oh, my God.

[2144] I got to tell you something.

[2145] Go ahead.

[2146] There are sometimes I'm really annoyed by these comments, and then sometimes they're so preposterous, I think it's laughable.

[2147] So I read this comment after the expert we had on Matthew Desmond.

[2148] And the comment was like, this was such a good episode and I would love to be able to send it to friends.

[2149] But then you have to make the fact check so disgusting with that potty talk.

[2150] The squatty potty.

[2151] This person was so...

[2152] About that?

[2153] That was in the fact check that we were talking about a...

[2154] That's like the least.

[2155] If like you're sensitive and fragile to that.

[2156] How are they listening to any of our show?

[2157] No, but this person was like, well, no, I can't send it.

[2158] And just totally disappointed in us that we dared have a squatty potty conversation on the backside of the Desmond episode.

[2159] I'm sorry, person.

[2160] Also a light, now.

[2161] It's like where your knees are.

[2162] Exactly.

[2163] We weren't even, I mean, I'm sure we talked about poop because we do.

[2164] It's part of the squatty potty.

[2165] It's part of the squatty potty.

[2166] But look, I would hope that this person, I feel sad for them a little because I think they're repressing some.

[2167] Something's going on and it's repression based.

[2168] I think so.

[2169] And I think it could be that they're impacted, bowley.

[2170] And so they should probably get a squatty potty to release that.

[2171] Okay.

[2172] That's probably great advice.

[2173] Spearminty.

[2174] I just, I tried to imagine, sorry, I got it one more bit on this.

[2175] I literally tried to imagine listening and going, oh, I can't believe you're talking.

[2176] I try to imagine.

[2177] I can imagine it.

[2178] Okay, so what do you, you must do some sense memory or some replacement?

[2179] Mm -hmm.

[2180] I'm doing a replacement.

[2181] Okay.

[2182] I, what would we be talking about?

[2183] Not us.

[2184] Yeah.

[2185] I'm thinking about other shows I listen to.

[2186] And I'm thinking of one specifically I won't give details on.

[2187] I stopped listening to this show.

[2188] Because of this?

[2189] I'm, yeah.

[2190] I really enjoyed the show.

[2191] Uh -huh.

[2192] But the host, they can't help but be a Republican.

[2193] That's like, like, they can't help but show.

[2194] show that I'm not aligned with them.

[2195] Okay.

[2196] And it took a while to get there.

[2197] I love the show, but, and I would have that reaction when he would say things.

[2198] I was like, why do you have to take it here?

[2199] Why do you have to say this?

[2200] Right.

[2201] And I eventually stopped listening.

[2202] Right.

[2203] Because it did not align with my values.

[2204] And so perhaps this doesn't align with their values.

[2205] And that's okay.

[2206] They're not, is that person not moving their bowels?

[2207] I mean, this is.

[2208] Some people hate.

[2209] haughty talk.

[2210] And that's okay.

[2211] We're not for you.

[2212] Yeah.

[2213] That's just a truth.

[2214] I wrote, it sounds like you made the right choice.

[2215] Oh.

[2216] Okay.

[2217] They were like, I'm never listening in the fact jack again.

[2218] Oh.

[2219] I'm like, okay, sounds like you made the right choice.

[2220] Yeah.

[2221] Yeah.

[2222] I don't think you should engage with people like that.

[2223] Well, because it's not fair.

[2224] It's not fair, though.

[2225] But I engage with people on positive stuff all the time.

[2226] I know, but like.

[2227] I'm doing a lot of engagement.

[2228] I know.

[2229] I'm just saying.

[2230] Yeah.

[2231] I would prefer that those people don't get any comments from us.

[2232] Okay.

[2233] Because then just don't listen to the fact check.

[2234] You don't have.

[2235] The fact that you have to make it so known doesn't deserve anything from us anyway.

[2236] So what I like to.

[2237] Well, I guess it's a little bit of a punishment.

[2238] It's posed as some kind of threat.

[2239] Yeah.

[2240] Like I'm not going to listen.

[2241] And so a little bit of my sense of justice is like I also want them to know like that is fine with me. I know.

[2242] I know where you're coming from.

[2243] I do.

[2244] I also just know that's not how it works and that there they do get confirmation for their bad behavior.

[2245] They get some validation for it.

[2246] It was big enough to elicit a response.

[2247] Mm -hmm.

[2248] Mm -hmm.

[2249] I can't win this internet thing.

[2250] I know.

[2251] I haven't made lots of progress, though.

[2252] Yeah.

[2253] I used to get into it on Twitter.

[2254] Early days of Twitter.

[2255] Yeah.

[2256] I'd be like a two -hour -long fucking back -in -forth debate.

[2257] It's with strangers.

[2258] I just couldn't resist.

[2259] I know.

[2260] Spearminty.

[2261] Yeah, it's beautiful.

[2262] Spearmine.

[2263] The reason I'm doing it.

[2264] Oh, yes.

[2265] Is because I've heard it's good for your skin.

[2266] It's good for hormonal acne.

[2267] I've heard.

[2268] Okay.

[2269] And my skin has been in bad shape this year.

[2270] It's obviously so hard to know.

[2271] It's also been in great shape this year.

[2272] Well.

[2273] Because there was this period of, I'm a reminder.

[2274] I mean this year is in 2024.

[2275] Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

[2276] Like, in the past month.

[2277] In two weeks.

[2278] Yeah, in the past two weeks, two, three weeks.

[2279] Okay, okay.

[2280] In this last cycle, my skin has been bad.

[2281] And there's so many factors.

[2282] Travel.

[2283] Christmas food.

[2284] So much travel.

[2285] Yeah.

[2286] Lots of stress.

[2287] Yeah.

[2288] Tons of stress.

[2289] But also, hormones, I can feel it.

[2290] I feel like this whole, since I started my period last, I feel like I've been about to start my period for a month.

[2291] Oh, man. It's awful.

[2292] But then I did, I am now almost at the end.

[2293] I wonder, I bet this person hates period talk to.

[2294] She probably doesn't have a period.

[2295] Maybe, maybe, she might be menopausal.

[2296] Oh, okay.

[2297] Post period.

[2298] She could also be menopausal, which is why she's upset.

[2299] Well, let's not paint the menopause.

[2300] You said it.

[2301] I don't know what she's going through.

[2302] I'm just trying to lend some compassion.

[2303] I know it, really.

[2304] deeply upset her to hear about the Squatty Puddy.

[2305] I know that.

[2306] Well, yeah.

[2307] She's not going to like this period talk.

[2308] But anyway, I just had a lot of...

[2309] Great way to put tampon.

[2310] Do you ever use the Squatty Puddy to put a tampon in?

[2311] Maybe we can bring both things together and make it...

[2312] I'm sure I...

[2313] Yeah, I'm sure I have.

[2314] Yeah, it seems like you would...

[2315] I don't wear tampons as much anymore, though.

[2316] Oh, okay.

[2317] Your post tampon.

[2318] Not...

[2319] But not menopausal or perimenopausal.

[2320] Uh -uh.

[2321] Well, I don't know.

[2322] I could be Perry, but I mainly try to use period underwear now.

[2323] Okay.

[2324] But also I do.

[2325] Because it's healthier?

[2326] I mean, yeah, it's like not ever.

[2327] I mean, there's like all natural tampons, whatever.

[2328] I'm not going to get into a beef with the tampon industry.

[2329] But, yeah, having like cotton up there isn't amazing.

[2330] Sure.

[2331] And for me, a big fear of forgetting.

[2332] Yes.

[2333] You have a big TSS.

[2334] TSS.

[2335] Remember when I had it?

[2336] That's a shock syndrome.

[2337] almost you can't say i had it and then say almost three seconds later well i can remember when i died almost yeah anyway my hormones have been all over the place i'm trying to cure it with spearmint tea how's it going your skin looks really good from here too hard to know your skin looks great i'm staring at you no it's not no it does you're not gonna be able see it by looking at your computer screen don't look at it okay don't look at me i guess i can stare at the quilt yeah that's the that's not this is preferable all right so i'll tibd on this is Disperiment T. TVD.

[2338] We'll find out.

[2339] But right now it seems like it's working.

[2340] Thank you.

[2341] Yeah.

[2342] I'm not feeling you full of bullshit.

[2343] Well, you're...

[2344] What am I?

[2345] Your eyes...

[2346] Are you going to invalidate this?

[2347] I know that you want me to feel good.

[2348] It's a nice thing.

[2349] It's a nice thing.

[2350] Or your eyes of are as bad as mine maybe, which is great for all of us.

[2351] Listen, your skin looks incredible from right here.

[2352] It's caramel -y and smooth and who doesn't like carmels?

[2353] Me, actually.

[2354] That woman.

[2355] And that woman.

[2356] That's where me and the woman can...

[2357] See how to eye.

[2358] I mean, that's the common ground.

[2359] Yeah, I don't.

[2360] I want to, but I don't.

[2361] It's too chewy.

[2362] Oh, wow.

[2363] It's just too chewy.

[2364] What if you let it dissolve in your mouth on your tongue?

[2365] Too long.

[2366] That's all day.

[2367] Oh, well.

[2368] You got to get like fresh.

[2369] You brought us some delicious.

[2370] Yeah, that'll dissolve in like 10 minutes.

[2371] I've tried it, Rob.

[2372] This is like grass volleyball.

[2373] Yeah.

[2374] This is an SAT question.

[2375] It's grass volleyball is to Yummer Rob's carmels.

[2376] Duck fat carmels.

[2377] I don't.

[2378] I don't.

[2379] Olive and Sinclair.

[2380] I want to love it so much.

[2381] Have you tried the duck butter caramel?

[2382] Ew.

[2383] Thanks.

[2384] Sorry, but I'm on a mission to destroy the.

[2385] That's a good timing with little dicky.

[2386] It is, it is.

[2387] Oh, that's true.

[2388] Oh, yeah, because this is Dave.

[2389] That's true.

[2390] Oh, yeah.

[2391] How could we not be talking about?

[2392] Yeah, if someone feels like there was a radical transition between Dave and this.

[2393] They're wrong.

[2394] But actually, that's not necessarily true because I don't, you know, I haven't watched the show and I assumed Dave would come in and be like nasty, just nasty.

[2395] Right.

[2396] Yeah, you said that as much.

[2397] I did say it, which is why I can say it again.

[2398] Which is the funnest part.

[2399] Yeah, he's not at all.

[2400] He's very smart and normal.

[2401] Yes, and sweet.

[2402] And very sweet.

[2403] And so in fact, this is not really fair to him.

[2404] Because we are making the stereotype real.

[2405] Okay.

[2406] Well, we'll march forward regardless.

[2407] Yeah.

[2408] Anything else?

[2409] I'm going to the dunes.

[2410] Generally, not even generally, always.

[2411] Always.

[2412] I am not prepared.

[2413] It's always day of that I have to leave that I'm scrambling around and I'm running and I'm getting a battery and nothing's loaded and all the shit.

[2414] Yeah, you said this last time.

[2415] Are there updates?

[2416] Well, just the, I guess the thing that was still hanging that no one gives a fuck about, an update on is I was waiting for the bus to not be operational.

[2417] That was like my last, I was convinced that there's no way it would go this smooth.

[2418] So last night, pulled the pop -outs in, fired it up, all the suspension filled with the appropriate PSI of pressure.

[2419] Wow.

[2420] It leveled correctly.

[2421] It's clearly can't wait to be driven and pull that trailer.

[2422] And then I hooked the raptor up to the little trailer so it's ready to get in and drive away.

[2423] So all I do is slide the bus back hook it up to the trailer and I'm off the food is the best it's ever been I downloaded movies for us to watch it's so much nicer to be ahead of it because usually I'm like what you what I want to be is what I was this time which is like I'm so excited to go but generally I'm just completely filled with anxiety and I'm not going to have everything done and nothing's running I'm going to fix shit out there so it's like I'm not excited on the day I go yeah panicked yeah so this is lovely I'm proud of you I did a six mile hike yes yesterday?

[2424] Yeah, incredible.

[2425] Loved it.

[2426] Yeah.

[2427] What else is new?

[2428] Okay, hold on.

[2429] Should we talk about our creative difference?

[2430] Oh, sure.

[2431] Well, just because we started to talk about it at the...

[2432] Well, I think we should talk about it on Molly's episode.

[2433] But we never got into it.

[2434] Well, we didn't get into it on the episode, but we talked about it, which I think in the fact check of that one, it would be satisfying to hear about it.

[2435] But do you think that will stay in because that's part of the problem?

[2436] sure let's talk about it so go ahead i want to say we had a creative difference yeah which is uh so minor it's so minor it's so minor and it's so rare we've it's true we almost never have creative differences we have personal differences uh yeah in life in life that sometimes bleed in here sure but gratefully we have a very similar tone in what we think things should be creatively we generally like and hate the same movies we like and hate the same shows we are very very very in line with our goal for this show in this network, which helps, right, if everyone's following the same North Star, it's easy.

[2437] And you reached out today saying that you felt that the Curtin Wyatt episode, the beginning was too long before we start, which I agree.

[2438] Oh, you do?

[2439] I do agree.

[2440] Oh, okay.

[2441] It was just, it was so much longer.

[2442] Yes, yes, yes.

[2443] That for me, it was so tight.

[2444] And by the way, that was my assumption.

[2445] To me, it was just like when I've edited a scene in a movie I've shot and I've been in there working on for eight days.

[2446] And then I finally show Nate and Panay.

[2447] And it's like, it's still long, but relative to what I was dealing with, it feels incredibly short.

[2448] So I don't really have the perspective.

[2449] So I just felt like, I was never like, Monica has a bad taste or she's critical.

[2450] She's not critical.

[2451] I was just like, yes, she probably already cut a bunch out.

[2452] But I was listening into it going like, I think I would have turned this off by now.

[2453] Yeah, yeah.

[2454] Because I agree.

[2455] I think we agree.

[2456] I think we agree to.

[2457] Because I think the 30 seconds of it is awesome.

[2458] It's very much when you're watching a stand -up special and you get to see backstage for a minute, you get to see some other things.

[2459] Yeah.

[2460] But I think for me, that's got to be really short.

[2461] I agree.

[2462] Yeah.

[2463] I, yeah.

[2464] Okay.

[2465] So it's not really a difference at all.

[2466] But you, so you sent that.

[2467] And at this point, if you're hearing this, you won't even be able to compare it because it's gone.

[2468] Yeah, you asked for it to get trimmed.

[2469] Retrimped.

[2470] The whole reason I wanted to bring up the creative difference is because I think you and I are getting better at navigating problems.

[2471] Yeah, I do too.

[2472] Yep.

[2473] Yeah.

[2474] I'm grateful for it.

[2475] Me too.

[2476] Yeah, it takes time to understand how to do it.

[2477] Well, I would hope that both of us feel over time that we both genuinely appreciate what the other person adds and we're less, it's less likely to go into a zone of like, this person thinks I don't know what I'm doing or I'm not good enough or I'm not any of these things.

[2478] I hope that's what we earn over long friendship.

[2479] Yeah, I think so.

[2480] Skin looks great.

[2481] Stop looking at it.

[2482] Rob Houser's skin looking at it.

[2483] No, don't look at it.

[2484] Smooth and caramel.

[2485] Like a duck butter caramel.

[2486] Ew.

[2487] Duck fat caramel.

[2488] Duck fat, duck fat.

[2489] That's still...

[2490] No, it's so like smooth and creamy.

[2491] It's soft.

[2492] Smooth and creamy and soft.

[2493] And it'd take a long time to dissolve in your mouth.

[2494] Too long.

[2495] Not this one.

[2496] Okay.

[2497] Couple facts.

[2498] Okay, is it bad to force yourself to pee before bed?

[2499] While the just in case pee may seem like a smart thing to do, it is actually a bad habit for you.

[2500] your bladder.

[2501] Peeing when you don't feel the immediate need to do so, trains your bladder to empty when it isn't actually full yet.

[2502] So, oh, y 'all have bad, weak bladder.

[2503] The problem is, I feel, well, by the way, I always pee a bunch of ounces, and I feel like I have to pee.

[2504] I think that article's for people who aren't compulsively drinking a couple gallons of fluid a day.

[2505] Why don't you try?

[2506] I mean, because I'm a doctor now.

[2507] Yeah.

[2508] I think you could just just try to go four hours.

[2509] Without a peepee?

[2510] Yeah.

[2511] But while you're drinking.

[2512] Well, I do do that in here.

[2513] I go three hours.

[2514] Let's try four.

[2515] I never get up to, I've never interrupted an interview to pee.

[2516] Now, if someone else prompts it, I will definitely do it.

[2517] Yeah.

[2518] But I'll just deal with it.

[2519] And then also when I drive very long distances, I'll do it.

[2520] Although I do pee behind the wheel quite a bit.

[2521] You know that about me. I know.

[2522] You pee in cups and stuff.

[2523] I think you should, let's train your bladder to be like mine in your pelvic floor.

[2524] All right.

[2525] Mine's so strong.

[2526] Solid as a rock.

[2527] You also, I mean, just objectively, you drink about less than a fifth of fluid that I drink.

[2528] I mean, I don't think you're always paying attention to how much I'm drinking out of these mugs.

[2529] Let's quickly do an inventory.

[2530] So you got up and what did you have?

[2531] I got up.

[2532] Yep.

[2533] I had to take my probiotic.

[2534] No, we need fluids.

[2535] I'm telling you.

[2536] My God.

[2537] I had to take my probiotics, so I had water with that.

[2538] How much water?

[2539] Four ounces, three ounces?

[2540] Like four sips.

[2541] Four sips.

[2542] Okay, so probably a couple ounces.

[2543] Then I had a full mug of hot water with lemon.

[2544] Great.

[2545] So we're at 14 ounces.

[2546] Yeah.

[2547] 12 ounces?

[2548] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2549] Yeah, yeah.

[2550] Then I had a full mug with black tea with a little milk.

[2551] Yeah.

[2552] How much now?

[2553] 24.

[2554] 30.

[2555] No, no, no, wait.

[2556] 12 plus, what did I say before?

[2557] 14.

[2558] So 26.

[2559] Okay.

[2560] Then in here.

[2561] Do you notice I have started holding a pen.

[2562] Like I'm Bob Dole.

[2563] For your math.

[2564] It actually, I found that it helps me a lot with interrupting people.

[2565] I go, have you noticed it all when you're sitting next to me?

[2566] I now spin this pen.

[2567] Oh.

[2568] And I've noticed it's like really helped me interrupting people.

[2569] And accidental discovery.

[2570] Interesting.

[2571] Okay.

[2572] Then I came in here.

[2573] Then I had this size mug.

[2574] Did you feel it's a very brun?

[2575] Yeah.

[2576] So what I'm going to say?

[2577] 14 ounces for that?

[2578] I think 20.

[2579] No. Are you sure?

[2580] No, it's not 20 ounces.

[2581] It's, does it say on here?

[2582] It's 18.

[2583] And you would, okay.

[2584] 18.

[2585] And you think it went to the very top.

[2586] Fine.

[2587] I'm just...

[2588] Fine.

[2589] 16 and a half.

[2590] 16 and a half.

[2591] So that puts this at 2 .5.

[2592] So 32 .5 ounces.

[2593] And this is my second.

[2594] Oh, my God.

[2595] We're adding another 16.

[2596] Okay, so that's going to be 48.

[2597] But you said it was 0 .5.

[2598] So 49.

[2599] 49 flat.

[2600] By 1 .30.

[2601] Not too shabby.

[2602] Not shabby at all.

[2603] And would you agree?

[2604] This is a pretty abnormal intake for you?

[2605] This has not historically been your intake.

[2606] This has been my intake for...

[2607] I don't know if I've ever seen you go through two mugs.

[2608] Since I've been doing spearmint tea, I've been doing since...

[2609] Yes.

[2610] Well, that's true.

[2611] I didn't drink last night or the night before.

[2612] Okay.

[2613] So now you add some more...

[2614] Add some more ounces because of the no drinking from yesterday.

[2615] No. No, that's not how this way.

[2616] So I woke up and I had a 12 ounce cup of coffee.

[2617] Okay.

[2618] Then I went to the gym and I had a 40 ounce.

[2619] blender cup full of pre -workout.

[2620] Okay, and we're counting that as liquid, even though it's like kind of like...

[2621] It's water.

[2622] Yeah, I'm definitely counting as liquid.

[2623] Okay.

[2624] I poured it down my throat.

[2625] Doesn't it have protein?

[2626] No. Oh, got it.

[2627] Yeah.

[2628] Pre -workout is like...

[2629] I don't know what that is.

[2630] It's mostly caffeine.

[2631] Oh, got it, okay.

[2632] Then I came in here and I had 12 ounce cup of coffee that Rob had prepared for me. Thank you, Rob.

[2633] Rob, was it 12 or...

[2634] Oh, that one's 10, isn't it?

[2635] It goes all over the top.

[2636] All right, but so I'll take that down.

[2637] I'll make that 10.

[2638] I'll go down.

[2639] So now we're at 62.

[2640] It says on the coffee maker, how many ounces.

[2641] And then I had a 12 -ounce diet Coke.

[2642] We're at 74.

[2643] And then I had half of this.

[2644] This is 16 .9.

[2645] So I'm going to say 8 .4.

[2646] 8 .4.

[2647] So all in, we are at 82 .4 versus 49 ounces.

[2648] and, you know, that's virtually twice as much.

[2649] How many times have you peed?

[2650] One time.

[2651] One time today.

[2652] No, not one time, just two.

[2653] Five times a month.

[2654] Since we've begun recording hours ago, I've had one squirt.

[2655] Okay.

[2656] Yeah.

[2657] I don't know where all this is going, but.

[2658] I just want you to let me train your bladder.

[2659] Okay, okay.

[2660] My God.

[2661] I think it's both.

[2662] Both, what?

[2663] I think it's both your body doesn't like to feel like to pee but you also drink a lot of liquids I'm in the same way I'm the same way where I if I feel like I have to pee I'm gonna just go neurotic you guys are neurotic but I'm also drinking a ton of liquid well I just need you to practice I'm gonna be at three 400 you guys are so full of excuses well I know I know where mine came from was when I was a projectionist you had a window where I was like here's 10 minutes when I can pee if I got to do it or have an hour until I can do it.

[2664] When you just said that, I don't know why.

[2665] When you just said you were a projectionist, my first thought is like, Rob had a life where he like projectile vomited for like a job.

[2666] Oh, wow.

[2667] Like a magician, like a type, a weird type of magician.

[2668] Yes.

[2669] Just for half a second I thought that.

[2670] I was inclined to watch some clips from AGT recently.

[2671] Sure.

[2672] Easter egg.

[2673] And there was a performer who put a like three foot sword down their throat that's not the terrifying part they then did a backflip they had to train themselves to do a backflip without using their like without doing what you have to do to initiate that yeah oh my god fuck it hurts it hurts me it hurts me too because you got to think of where that pressure would be is like in your how do you even but even lifting your legs come out as anus that would be that would be be a trick.

[2674] If he put it in his mouth and pulled the whole sword out of his ass, that person wouldn't have to win.

[2675] Okay.

[2676] Okay.

[2677] Yeah.

[2678] All right.

[2679] Rachel McAdams, it is unclear if she's married because on Wikipedia, it's just a partner.

[2680] She has a partner.

[2681] So my guess is they're not.

[2682] Yeah, I'd probably see smiles.

[2683] Yeah, great.

[2684] Curt and Goli never married.

[2685] Yeah.

[2686] I like that.

[2687] I do too.

[2688] Okay, Alexander Pushkin.

[2689] That's who Dave rapped to.

[2690] And whom Malcolm named his company after.

[2691] Actually, I wanted to email Malcolm and just do a little double check on that.

[2692] Make sure that's where the name came from.

[2693] Yeah.

[2694] But I was in Russia and I didn't.

[2695] Okay.

[2696] Oh, yes, we could TBD that.

[2697] We can TBD it.

[2698] I will email him today.

[2699] He's a Russian poet.

[2700] Mm -hmm.

[2701] I just want everyone to know if they don't know.

[2702] Russian poet, playwright, novelist of the romantic era.

[2703] He's considered by many to be the greatest Russian poet, as well as the founder of modern Russian literature.

[2704] Pushkin was born into the Russian nobility in Moscow.

[2705] What year?

[2706] In 1799?

[2707] Just at the end.

[2708] Sure wish he would have remembered that rap.

[2709] Me too.

[2710] Okay.

[2711] The Emmy performance is here, if you want to watch a little bit of it.

[2712] The one that he talked about.

[2713] Oh, right, right, where he didn't know what he was doing.

[2714] But he said it looks good.

[2715] Yeah.

[2716] I'm 15 Benz, I enjoy Ted Nassau, but 20 nominations is a lot.

[2717] I'm a top shirt for the sauce.

[2718] I may destroy you all.

[2719] Out here like toothpaste, how I'm getting my two wall.

[2720] And these we back, CBS, that you, I have to go.

[2721] I got it.

[2722] It's great.

[2723] You have no idea.

[2724] Yeah.

[2725] No problem.

[2726] Wow.

[2727] That's impressed.

[2728] Thank God he pre -recorded it.

[2729] Well, exactly.

[2730] That was the whole thing.

[2731] But he really pulled off the motions.

[2732] He sure did.

[2733] I bought every second.

[2734] of it and I even knew.

[2735] Yeah, same.

[2736] It was so good, I started wondering if his story was true.

[2737] I was like, he lied.

[2738] This guy's full of shit.

[2739] What else did he lie about?

[2740] Oh, man. That's it.

[2741] That's everything?

[2742] That's all for Dave.

[2743] Dave was really fun.

[2744] A really, really, really enjoyed him.

[2745] I like sweet boys.

[2746] I do too.

[2747] Vulner boys are nice.

[2748] Yeah.

[2749] You could take him with you to the Sand Dunes with Aaron and it'll be a bunch of vulnerable boys.

[2750] Yeah, I don't know if that's up as alley, but I'm willing to extend that.

[2751] No one thinks it's up, well, obviously some people do, but a lot of people don't think it's up their alley until they try it.

[2752] I totally agree.

[2753] You would be in that group.

[2754] One of my favorite things is you even thank me one time.

[2755] He said, thanks for having me do that.

[2756] That's not something I would have ever done in life.

[2757] And that was also for shrooms.

[2758] Yeah.

[2759] And so since I have so much evidence of doing things outside my comfort zone.

[2760] Yeah.

[2761] I think you can trust.

[2762] I just really don't like grass volleyball.

[2763] But really quick.

[2764] I don't want to scratch a fresh wound.

[2765] Did we find out that you have tried grass volleyball?

[2766] I've tried it.

[2767] Are we sure?

[2768] I'm not sure.

[2769] Okay.

[2770] I didn't feel like you were totally sure.

[2771] I already told you that it had nothing to do with the grass.

[2772] Yep, it's your wrist.

[2773] It's my wrist.

[2774] dainty wrists.

[2775] Right.

[2776] So I accept it.

[2777] It's just, it is hard when someone says, I do not like tomato soup.

[2778] I've never tried it.

[2779] But no, it's like saying, no, okay.

[2780] It's like saying, I don't like tomato soup.

[2781] I've never tried it, but I hate tomatoes.

[2782] Yes, I did a great analogy.

[2783] That's fair.

[2784] That's a really good one.

[2785] Hard it.

[2786] But I can't immediately think of an exception, which is many, many people, myself included, most of my life, hated onions.

[2787] I hate them, love onion rings.

[2788] And that's very common.

[2789] My kids hate onions and they love onion rings.

[2790] So you might like tomato soup even if you hate tomatoes.

[2791] Because it certainly does not taste like eating a tomato on a sandwich.

[2792] That's right.

[2793] It is different.

[2794] Right.

[2795] So I don't know.

[2796] Now we're back here.

[2797] What is going to happen if I play grass volleyball and I break my fucking wrist and it is the...

[2798] Then you can sue me and own my house.

[2799] It is no. It is the float all over.

[2800] The tubing all over again.

[2801] You want to put yourself in this position?

[2802] That's a bummer.

[2803] That's just the one strike against me, though, because again, the dunes worked out for you.

[2804] You probably had the similar fear about the dunes, but that one worked out.

[2805] Trimbs was almost a...

[2806] But it worked out.

[2807] But it worked out.

[2808] Yeah.

[2809] But it was almost a baddie.

[2810] And the two mean...

[2811] Now, let me ask you.

[2812] That's a big strike.

[2813] I don't even really want the answer to this, but I do.

[2814] So because of that happened, would you have preferred to never have gone on that trip?

[2815] It's hard to regret something that didn't happen.

[2816] Like if I had died, I bet I would have regret it.

[2817] Broken arm, maybe.

[2818] Yeah.

[2819] Even that if I had recovered, it's hard to look back on things and regret them if you're okay.

[2820] I was just telling my mother this exact same thing.

[2821] As long as you end up where you want to be, every detail and piece of it is wonderful.

[2822] But do you wish, do you regret?

[2823] If you could go back in time, would you be like, Monica, I don't think you should come?

[2824] Because you have to handle the burden.

[2825] That's not the adjustment I would make.

[2826] Sure.

[2827] The adjustment I would make.

[2828] Like the error I had, my big blunder was they changed that damn.

[2829] It used to be this really smooth spillover that really nothing would have happened to you.

[2830] And that changed, and I guess maybe I should have looked into if the river had changed or not.

[2831] So I regret that part It's like I had promised you something that ultimately It wasn't true Well, I want to relieve you didn't have to look anything That would have been crazy if you were looking stuff up And double checking It felt like a crazy thing to assume They might have removed the dam Even though they do do these river reclamation projects Where they get rid of dams But I was as shocked as you were I know Yeah As we're approaching it I'm like This doesn't look entirely Well, Delta and I ate shit before you got.

[2832] You did.

[2833] Yeah.

[2834] But you guys know how to say.

[2835] And I was the most bloodied of the sitch, if you recall.

[2836] Yeah, but you weren't the most traumatized.

[2837] Not at all.

[2838] Just want to.

[2839] I live to get bloody.

[2840] You love it.

[2841] All right.

[2842] Well, that's all.

[2843] I hope you have a great trip.

[2844] Thank you.

[2845] And I'll see on the.

[2846] And Dave Bird, we love you.

[2847] Yeah.

[2848] You made it this far.

[2849] All right.

[2850] Bye.

[2851] Bye.

[2852] Thank you.