#350 - Tony Hinchcliffe

[0] The Joe Rogan experience Train by day Joe Rogan podcast by night All day Powerful Tony Hinchcliffe That's me That's the song That's the powerful Tony Hinchcliff song I sing like that I sing like a woman And then you go, that's me Like a little kid That's me Hey everybody Somebody needs to put that on a loop When you have your own podcast When are you guys gonna do a podcast together Once you guys We already are in the works It starts in the boat Oh looky lucky Two weeks, I think we said.

[1] It's in pre -production.

[2] Niceness, niceness.

[3] And Tony's going to be with me this Wednesday night at the Ice House.

[4] You want to do the Ice House?

[5] Once in a night?

[6] Sure.

[7] 10 o 'clock?

[8] Okay, Ron's going to be there too.

[9] As well as Tom Seguer and Bert Kreischer.

[10] Oh, shit, bitches.

[11] That's right.

[12] You heard.

[13] Sweet.

[14] That's right.

[15] Tony is an up -and -coming young stand -up.

[16] I love one of my favorite things in life, for real.

[17] This really is absolutely true.

[18] is when I don't know about someone, and then I find out that they're funny.

[19] Like when I found out about you from Brian, Brian told me about you.

[20] And as a comedian, like, one of things that every comedian always loves is seeing a new comedian.

[21] Like someone who knew who's funny.

[22] Like, there's another one.

[23] Like, ooh, there's another one, you know, and different styles and different takes.

[24] But when they're funny, like, it's really, it gives you a lot of hope.

[25] And I was in LA the entire time, like you started comedy and you know and then started getting a little a name for yourself and then eventually got to the point where you're you know regular doing you know podcasts and comedy clubs and yeah so that's that's a really cool thing to say yeah it's really so much fun pretty incredible so few people pull it off you know i i love watching somebody who comes through like some new person who's funny it's you know like because we're all fans thing and like you said everybody's a little bit different everybody has their you know their take on things but when you find one there's nothing cooler it's sort of like when you love comedy it's like watching a baby being born like just like that wow yeah this person's hilarious and and when you know like you uh when you run into someone and you you realize that you know they started out sucky and you probably saw them and like those during those first couple of months like and then within a couple of years they become competent and then boom they become really good and they're like like Ari is my favorite example oh yeah i was there when ari first got on stage like one of his first sets one of his earliest sets and you know watched him become like a real killer like Ari Shafir is like a real killer he did um tom sagura's party the other day tom sagura had a um a benefit rather for his doggy he's got a sick doggy if you uh if you love dogs you love tom sagura i don't know how you would donate i think they have like a PayPal thing or something don't they just go to your mom's house podcast .com.

[26] Your mom's housepodcast .com.

[27] Tom Segur is just one of the coolest guys ever.

[28] And he had this show and Ari went up and fucking destroyed.

[29] Destroyed.

[30] With a bunch of shit that I hadn't heard before too.

[31] There's a couple bits that were really funny that were new.

[32] He writes like a machine now.

[33] Yeah, it's awesome.

[34] He's just coming up with so much content.

[35] Yeah, and I think he also realizes at this time that he's like, you know, he's like in.

[36] He's like a real comic now.

[37] Now it's just a matter of doing the work, and he's a smart dude.

[38] You know, he knows how to put it down.

[39] He knows what needs to be done, and he can go get it done.

[40] It's just as a fan of comedy, it's so cool, and someone pops up.

[41] There's another one.

[42] I got really lucky with Ari because he was the first person asked me to, like, do a gig with him, him and Sam Tripoli.

[43] So it was those two guys all of a sudden all at once.

[44] I went to La Jolla with Sam first, and then did a gig in, like, Irvine with Ari.

[45] What year was this?

[46] This is about 2008.

[47] Wow, that's so recently, dude.

[48] That's awesome.

[49] Five years.

[50] You don't think of it as being recently, but, you know.

[51] There was like a year or so that I was doing it before you even get a road gig like that.

[52] You're just building.

[53] I was, you know, just riding my bicycle from open mic to open mic.

[54] How many guys that started out with you, you know, we all have like kind of like groups of people that we sort of start off around a similar.

[55] time and then you watch each other either fall off or give up or some people get through the net how many people that with your class do you think got through um with my true class i'd probably say about a good it's a tough one because we're still pulling you know what i mean you still don't know who can make like a bit throw a right hook right at the end before they drop out and have a new 15 minutes the crushes and it's a breakthrough but i'd probably guess about seven or 10 right around there.

[56] That's a good number.

[57] Still like, still doing it.

[58] I mean, you know, I'm counting my original starting class is like a good, you know, 60, 70, 80, 90 people because I know the, I mean, I'm, I stayed in Hollywood and built in Hollywood, like Los Angeles.

[59] Whereas I feel like a lot of people start somewhere and then come to L .A. I'm like, you know what?

[60] I'm going to, I wanted to just have a like an NBA style perspective.

[61] Like Chappelle once said, and he was doing a spot on stage one night in the OR really late crushing making it look like i mean it was just unbelievable and the three or four hours in he goes to the back of the room he goes hey how many of you guys are la comics and a lot of people clap and he goes but how many of you are like work here at the comedy store and started here at the comedy store there was just two or three of us that clap and he goes you guys are insane he's performing to a lot of comedians right so the thing with him coming back a few years ago was like the the you know the audience that got to be there was there but the back of the room filled up to the gills right and uh he said that it's like learning how to dribble in the NBA starting comedy at the comedy store and it's so true but it but if you think about that start learning how to dribble in the NBA and you're you're just used to the motion of a thousand miles an hour yeah then it works out I think it's like anything else you know it's it's a more difficult but also more rewarding pursuit pursuit You know, you can take an easy route through life, or you can, you know, I mean, it's not as hard as being a Navy SEAL.

[62] Let's be honest.

[63] You know, even though doing comedy is hard and a lot of people don't ever figure it out, it's not nearly as hard as doing something you hate and being stuck working 40 hours a week at this job for the rest of your life until your heart stops beating because you have no passion.

[64] Right.

[65] And, I mean, it was a real struggle for a few years.

[66] I really threw myself to the wolves.

[67] I didn't have, I didn't have money saved up.

[68] I was just doing it.

[69] And then I got the job working at the comedy store a couple months in, like, as a door guy, so I started getting spots a lot there, which is what I wanted.

[70] You know what the problem in the story like yours is?

[71] Huh.

[72] That it worked.

[73] So there's a lot of the dudes out there that are willing to try that same thing, but they're not fucking funny at all.

[74] Right.

[75] You know what's tough is I noticed that a lot.

[76] A lot of people come up to me and say, I'm thinking about starting stand -up, Tony, you know, what do you think?

[77] And sometimes they don't, they just, sometimes I wonder out of all the times I get asked this.

[78] from somebody that wants to start stand -up.

[79] It's like, you have to really have a crazy mind ingrained in you.

[80] It's not something you start and learn.

[81] Like, I was in trouble every class in school.

[82] Not once a day at school.

[83] Like, every class, every teacher hated me. I never touched it.

[84] I was never, like, spill milk on somebody.

[85] I never did anything physical.

[86] But verbally, I was just, it's what I did.

[87] It was pretty crazy.

[88] And I mean, you know, like...

[89] So you just always talked a lot of shit?

[90] Totally, to the extreme all the time.

[91] And that's like kid energy, you know what I'm talking about?

[92] That's not even now.

[93] Like, now I'm like all...

[94] Even though I'm still young, it's like, I'm not half of the quick wit that I used to be before I realized.

[95] Now, was it a defense thing?

[96] Was it a defense thing?

[97] You learned it from your parents?

[98] Like, I learned from you, Dad.

[99] It's really an interesting situation.

[100] Because the way I was raised was so weird that I knew.

[101] know it has something to do with that because I have these four older brothers and sisters that are much older than me. So it's like, I mean, it's 12 years between me and my closest sibling and they're all much older.

[102] Oh, wow.

[103] Yeah.

[104] So you're probably exposed to like, they probably gave you a hard time.

[105] They probably fucked with you.

[106] They were actually all super cool.

[107] They were actually super cool.

[108] That's how I, sometimes I wonder how it didn't end up like that.

[109] I mean, there were times, you know, there was the old, you know, you were adopted.

[110] Why do you think you're, Oh, well, you know what, when they're 12 years apart, I don't think you're actually going to get that because they're going to be sweet to you.

[111] They're going to be, like, happy for their little brother and sister.

[112] It's when you're two years apart, you know?

[113] Yeah.

[114] I've known a lot of brothers that beat the fuck out of each other.

[115] Yeah.

[116] I've seen it happen.

[117] Luckily, with the age gap, like, they were in college when I was, you know, in kindergarten and stuff.

[118] What was interesting about that is I definitely think I played a role because I was hanging out with 20 -year -olds when I was a little kid.

[119] And they probably thought it was really funny when you talked shit, too.

[120] Totally.

[121] That was the whole thing.

[122] That's what I would do.

[123] I would talk shit and I would put on terrible magic shows in which the whole ongoing joke was that you can clearly see.

[124] You know, I hadn't seen comedian magicians yet.

[125] I was just trying to do magic, but I was bad at it, but I could just play it on purpose.

[126] Well, it started.

[127] I had to get good at doing it on purpose because it was happening accidentally, and I would just try to follow through with it.

[128] So you started off trying to be good.

[129] Yeah.

[130] right but then i just got good at being bad at magic yeah it's a funny thing when you you see someone who grew up like in a weird spot like that's i think all of us like every comic i know grew up in some sort of a weird situation where some basic need wasn't fulfilled so it creates like this weird personality totally i i even though i love comics when that when it doesn't create that weird personality it just creates fucked up people you know like if you don't put it to use like creating something that weird energy that comes out of a weird life if you know that shit will haunt you like that can that can wreck your life if you're one of those really uh creative people or more impulsive people and doesn't do anything about it don't doesn't focus it on something yeah and it's and that's an interesting point because with me i didn't have any creative outlet until um like after high school because the theater woman always wanted me to join theater yeah but i never did and I mean the only outlet other than doing it in front of people all the time and just you know being me I had nothing so then I spent a few years like what am I because you don't know that if you're just a kid that loves making people laugh that you can be a stand -up comedian right when you're in Ohio there's no you know people in LA are really lucky or in New York or around those areas because there's comedy there at least you can stumble across the comedy club and go, hey, I wonder what's going on there.

[131] I might go in there tonight, just one time.

[132] The first time I was ever at a comedy club was at the comedy store, and I had signed up for the open mic and gotten on.

[133] So it was very grandiose.

[134] I mean, you know, it was like my heart was beating out of my chest.

[135] I knew that it was something I was going to be doing forever, no matter what happened.

[136] You knew it?

[137] You knew that was something?

[138] Wow.

[139] I definitely did know it the first time I went on stage.

[140] I was scared shitless, too, though.

[141] I'm way more scared than I thought it was going to be.

[142] Oh, I've never, it was unbelievable.

[143] It was so creepy because what ended up happening was, is I blanked out and forgot everything that I'd been, and that was the one time that I was, I had a couple months to prepare for three minutes.

[144] Did you bring notes on stage with you?

[145] No, I've never liked, I've never liked having notes on stage with me. That was a big thing, man, getting rid of your notes.

[146] Yeah.

[147] That was a big thing back in the day.

[148] You're going on stage with notes still?

[149] Yeah.

[150] Because at the beginning, I definitely went on stage with notes when I first started doing it.

[151] But I saw, like, really good guys go on stage with notes when they were working on new shit.

[152] Yeah.

[153] It became, like, part of the act that would try, they would let you know they were trying stuff out by looking down at the paper.

[154] But you tried to do the first one, free ball?

[155] Yeah.

[156] It went really bad.

[157] And I somehow was just digging myself out by calling out how terrible it was.

[158] I just basically saying, wow, I just blanked out.

[159] And I've been getting ready for this for so long.

[160] And so I just ended up doing what actually ended up sort of becoming my style, which is like calling out whatever's happening in the room, except I was just joking about me bombing.

[161] You kind of have to call out what's happening in the room, right?

[162] Oh, yeah.

[163] And that's another good thing, rather, that the comedy store provides.

[164] No crowd control.

[165] Right.

[166] None.

[167] That place is madness.

[168] Any night could be madness.

[169] That's why, like, it was so much, anything can happen at the comedy store.

[170] So, like, for example, like, when we did that show in Indianapolis and I came out and I'm looking at the masses of people, but the first thing that I noticed to my left is this lady lit up next to the stage that's doing sign language to the audience.

[171] And I just couldn't help it to start, like I, all I said, you know, it started just with, I've never performed in front of one of these people before.

[172] I've always wondered what that would be like.

[173] and then I'm noticing that she has to keep up with everything that I'm saying.

[174] So, like, I went off on this whole run about it, that it was just so much fun for me. And I could trust my instinct and just keep going with it because I, even though, like, I wouldn't have known to do that if I was just trying to just put on, like, an act.

[175] Right, right, right, right.

[176] Which is also great, but I got to go off on a run there, and I could trust that instinct.

[177] You know, by the end, I have her doing blowjob motions to her face, because I realized that if I said the word blowjob, She has to do that.

[178] Like a jerk off on her face.

[179] The jerk off on the face is the, that's the sign language for that?

[180] Yeah.

[181] This is blowjob.

[182] Or at least that's what she was doing.

[183] Actually, it was a he because they switched halfway through.

[184] It was a whole thing, but.

[185] They switched.

[186] The chick was like enough Tony Hinchlow.

[187] I think so.

[188] You think so?

[189] She quit?

[190] I don't know what happened.

[191] How did she have backup so close?

[192] Maybe they get tired.

[193] Yeah, I guess so.

[194] Signings.

[195] Maybe you need like really good hand cardio.

[196] But it ended up being crazy.

[197] I had, you know, crazy.

[198] ton of tweets Indianapolis was so much fun and everybody was like hashtagging sign language because I couldn't even believe what was going on.

[199] Yeah, I did that once in San Francisco.

[200] A guy brought his own.

[201] Remember that?

[202] Yeah, and they sat right in the front room.

[203] Yeah, a guy brought his own sign person.

[204] I was like, wow, that's a pretty gangster.

[205] Guy was deaf and he wanted to go see some comedy.

[206] He's like, hey, tell me what they're saying.

[207] Yeah.

[208] He was a really nice guy.

[209] That was a fun show.

[210] He did, I forget what he did because I was obviously.

[211] timing thing because he didn't talk but it was really funny it was really funny like you could tell the guy like really enjoyed stand -up comedy and even though he was deaf he still understood like what you know he understood jokes it's gotta be weird because he's only getting it like two -dimensional right if you don't if you don't hear it man you're missing so much like there's a lot of guys like Joey Dia's perfect example half of what's funny is how he sounds like you know the way he sounds is the fucking intensity in his voice.

[212] It's like when he hits those things when he starts screaming about something, like he was screaming about it's blue cheese with buffalo wings or go fuck your mother.

[213] It was just fucking ranch dressing.

[214] He went on his rant about ranch dressing.

[215] And on paper it's like there's nothing funny about that at all.

[216] But if you hear him, if you hear Joey and you see him do it, it was one of the funniest fucking things I've ever seen in my life.

[217] You can hear the passion that comes from deep, but I mean maybe this guy had like a deep sense of his own timing you know he can interpret it in the funniest way because he was obviously a fan of stand -up comedy enough to hire his own sign language person yeah I've been at a college show once where they they made them have a sign language it was like a part of the rules like if someone spoke they had to have someone there hmm that's a con I was wondering how complicated is that sign language I mean it seems like it seemed really I was watching some parts of it because at one point when you were on i walked around and sort of was watching from the this side ledge area and i noticed that when you said the word at one point black cock this guy had to do this thing where it was this giant like right well that's the strap -on bit right well it was something it was something it was when you were taking questions at the end it was like uh you were talking about dennis rodman's cock or something like it was like very improvised oh the king john ill thing.

[218] But I was noticing this guy has to do this thing.

[219] Like, black cock and sign language is this, it's like so stereotypical.

[220] Like it's just giant and his hands were so far apart.

[221] It was like he was describing like a tree stump or something like that.

[222] Like this hand.

[223] I'm like that's black cock and sign language.

[224] Isn't that hilarious?

[225] That's what they would come up with.

[226] That's the move.

[227] What, yeah, so blowjob is this?

[228] I don't know why it's down.

[229] Why does it go down?

[230] That seems awkward.

[231] Because you're always on knees but that's an awkward angle yeah how tall is this dude you're blown oh that is why it would be up i see you're blowing a giant what's going a child made sign language you know if so get on a chair that's a ridiculous angle to have that your standard angle for suck a dick that doesn't like any sense at all don't knock into your thigh you can't say that a second time though brian you almost killed some of the first time by saying it still makes me laugh just thinking about it was brilliant it was At the time, it was absolutely brilliant.

[232] It was the perfect time.

[233] If at first you don't succeed, thigh -thigh again.

[234] Two of you guys, get a room.

[235] Get a room, you fucks.

[236] Yeah, we're going to have to share a room when we're in San Francisco in Sacramento.

[237] I haven't shared a room since I was.

[238] Why are you sharing rooms?

[239] Because.

[240] Listen, get your own rooms, you fucking weirdos.

[241] You're grown men.

[242] Stop pretending like you're in high school.

[243] Okay?

[244] We're going to get up to our dog.

[245] We're going to go fishing.

[246] and then get a hotel room together Shut the fuck up Dude Get your own room God damn What is it $30 a night You cheap fuck $30 a night What the fuck Have you seen the commercials We'll keep the light on for you 30 dollars a night 30 bucks Joe we were talking about it On a recent podcast I think you were there Tony I think it was Ari Was he was talking about How funny it was Going to the grocery store with you Because like you'd be like You know how much is macaroni or pasta sauce, like, you know, $20?

[247] What is toothpaste?

[248] $2?

[249] Something like that.

[250] I don't know what anything costs.

[251] Right.

[252] I haven't forever.

[253] Eddie Bravo always makes fun of it and says that I would be the worst person ever on the prices, right?

[254] Yeah.

[255] Because I literally don't know what anything costs.

[256] It's so funny.

[257] Hey, there's only room enough in my fucking head for so much shit.

[258] Oh, I get you.

[259] There's no room for that.

[260] I just got no room for as long as people aren't riding the streets over the price of toothpaste.

[261] If they are, then I'll start paying attention.

[262] It's like, I got shit to.

[263] do.

[264] I can't be worrying about what shit costs as long as it's fairly reasonable but I have friends that are like wealthy and you'll hear them go, a stake for $39, you're telling me that this steak costs $39.

[265] Why is this steak $39?

[266] It's just what are you doing?

[267] What are you doing?

[268] It's a number.

[269] What does it even mean?

[270] What the fuck is it even based on?

[271] Just shut your mouth.

[272] You're not broke.

[273] Spend the $39 bucks, you cheap fuck.

[274] You whining asshole.

[275] You yammering fucking perspective lap and douchebag.

[276] You know, Get it together, you fuck.

[277] I went, it's not even a real person.

[278] I went to that Morton's Steakhouse place.

[279] Oh, wonderful place.

[280] Yeah, I love it.

[281] And I was just in the, it was the only place near me that had crab legs.

[282] And because I was just, since Vegas, I've been thinking about those crab legs from Vegas.

[283] From nine?

[284] Yeah, from nine, which is the most amazing place ever.

[285] So I went there to get on, and a half pound was $65.

[286] And I was like, that's a lot.

[287] You get in, it's like, four legs is what it was.

[288] But did you watch that show where the dudes die?

[289] they get on those fucking crabboats?

[290] No, I didn't.

[291] That's why it's so much.

[292] It's because it's really hard to get.

[293] That's where World Deadliest Catch?

[294] Well, this is what I was getting at.

[295] Then the two days later, I was thinking like, that didn't, I wanted more.

[296] I wanted to eat a shit load of, you know what I mean?

[297] So then I went to Olive Garden and they had a wait.

[298] So I went to the place next door instead, which is like Outback Steakhouse.

[299] And they had them there, and they had a pound for $40.

[300] And then you can add another half pound for $15.

[301] bucks so i got a pound and a half for the same fries and it tastes pretty much exactly the same really you could tell that it came out like when you pulled it out it was like a little harder i guess you're not as buttery and mushy as as the other place but still it tastes exactly the same so you think they just overcooked it maybe i think they were frozen obviously you know and that's you could probably tell the difference well i think they're all frozen quite honestly because they're coming from alaska well i was thinking that's why i went to mortons though because i was like oh that place probably gets it yeah well they just know how to fucking do everything right There's certain places like, you know, Morton's.

[302] There's that other one, Fleming's.

[303] You ever eat at Fleming's?

[304] Yeah.

[305] There's a whole chain of those things.

[306] They just know what the fuck they're doing.

[307] You know, I used to actually work at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse.

[308] Wait a minute.

[309] Hold on a second.

[310] I know what you said, but I thought I sexually worked at Ruth, Chris Steakhouse.

[311] That's what I heard you say.

[312] That too.

[313] I was like, wait, what the fuck did he say?

[314] And that place is nuts.

[315] And then I realized it was a slurring or I used to actually.

[316] I sexually.

[317] Oh, I see.

[318] I used to actually.

[319] That's it.

[320] See, because when, you know, if you ever heard someone speak in another language, and they're just rattling it off and you, if you don't know what they're saying, you could never discern that there's more than one word going on there.

[321] You don't know when one stops and another one ends.

[322] That was a classic example.

[323] Yeah.

[324] I used to actually.

[325] You know, that's, what is that?

[326] That's not a word.

[327] It's like a Jeff Dunham bit or something.

[328] No, not Jeff Dunham.

[329] What's his name?

[330] there might be a redneck guy Foxworthy Jeff Foxworthy doesn't he have a like he had like like things he would write down like DG E A T DG DG Like It was like You know There was like Redneck vocabulary Have you ever seen That show Swamp people Where they're just Alligator hunting Uh huh Holy fuck man I don't think I want to Buy alligator shit anymore I don't like Alligator's So I buy I like alligator skin things.

[331] When I was a little kid, an alligator ate this lady's dog.

[332] And I never forget that I lived there.

[333] I lived in Gainesville, Florida.

[334] And there was a place called Lake Alice.

[335] And there's all the time.

[336] And I didn't think nothing of it because nobody was scared until one of them ate this lady's dog.

[337] And I was like, oh, you motherfucker.

[338] But when you watch these people on these shows, these alligator hunting shows, first of all, you realize how many fucking alligators there are.

[339] because they're killing a shitload of them.

[340] You know, they have, like, a tag that they can fill.

[341] I don't remember what the guy was saying, but it was like, I think it was like 500 or something.

[342] Let's find out alligator tag limits in Florida.

[343] We didn't talk, how was being in Texas during all that fucking bomb shit and, like, fertilizer things?

[344] Crazy.

[345] Crazy.

[346] We missed the fertilizer thing because I was only there for one day.

[347] but um that the bomb shit all of it is just the whole thing is when something like that happens it's so fucking scary you know katie uh waitress katie from the comedy store yeah her uh cousins like look at this photo right here here's the uh terrorist guy right here in the hat this is him dropping off the bomb yeah uh because uh this is the restaurant and he's walking the opposite ways that he must just dropped it off right there right here's uh supposedly the kid that died oh god uh here's her cousins all right over here and they all lost their limbs oh god and uh so they're going to have like a benefit show soon but that's just a crazy picture though because it has it all all together what the fuck man yeah no one knows what any motive yet where we're at now and the news it's all purely speculation because the brother's dead and the youngest brother is he got shot in the throat apparently the only way he's communicating is right writing things down how something i just don't understand and of course there's a million people online that are shouting out false flag false flag the government's trying to take our our weapons away and tighten down security and that's why that's why this is happening did you read is that the kids twitter like i stayed up all night and rig that shit yeah his twitter was spooky i didn't see it yeah his twitter was really spooky it was weird it seemed normal but then he would throw in like little things like fuck the police and then or something like mohammed something type Well, I think if you're going to paraphrase a guy who's a fucking murderer, the least you could do is go to his Twitter page, you lazy fuck, and I actually read the nutty tweets that the guy said.

[348] Hey, I'm the most stress -free guy.

[349] That's what he said.

[350] That was one of his tweets.

[351] That's the last one.

[352] Yeah, he goes, I'm mostly kind of a stress -free guy.

[353] This is after he had blown people up, allegedly, of course.

[354] This is the kid that survived.

[355] The one that's dead, there's all these disputes about what happened to him.

[356] Some people are saying that the cops ran over him.

[357] He's saying his brother ran over him.

[358] The whole thing sounds like, and people are crying out conspiracy.

[359] One thing you have to realize about information, whenever there's a tragedy, or whenever there's anything that's, like, really scary like this, you know, there's a terrorist bombing, it's people panic.

[360] And you get a whole bunch of different versions of the truth.

[361] And it's not a conspiracy a lot of times.

[362] It's just no one knows what the fuck is going on.

[363] Everybody's terrified, and stories spread very quickly.

[364] Like, they thought at one point in time that one of the suspects was a. missing university student from brown and he uh was a believe he was an indian young man and uh his family had been looking for him for like a month and they distributed this video and people were saying this is one of the suspects that this is what happened they'd become like a jihadist and left but that wasn't true at all by the morning we found out it was a totally different person so this is not this wasn't like a conspiracy to like hide that information and i think that's really important when people are looking at events like this wait to the dust settles don't just start fucking calling out conspiracy and calling out red flags and false flags saying that it's some you know nefarious thing going on whatever it is is horrific but jumping on the immediate conspiracy bandwagon it's like man that is one of the worst things for the cause of questioning things.

[365] And if you ever wanted to be a good disinformation agent, what you do is the moment that anything happens, start yelling and screaming that it's a conspiracy and expose every single aspect of it that you feel is corrupt.

[366] That would be the best way for the government to protect themselves from any thoughts of being labeled, you know, as being a part of a conspiracy.

[367] Because there's so many nutty people that do that with every single event that it's like they've cried wolf you know yeah i was so nervous with gregg fitzsimmons that night because he was actually down there doing shows and i i text him and he said that and the shows were canceled and he was just in his bed watching movies yeah the shows go canceled oh that that one night i don't know if it was it was it was friday night that was he flew all the way down there yeah that that that was that was crazy man friday night i was what was even crazy is how horrible cnn was they were like an hour and a half behind but then you'd like look what was it hashtag watertown that jam gave me a it was just like guy throwing grenades this happening this happened like it was so insane reading that and you and it was also it was amazing how censored everything was or delayed it was on the news it was like you think you know that shit's you know people are getting grenades throwing them that would be on the news immediately you know but they were just like talking like oh you know we're still looking for this guy it's incredible everybody's a witness now and everybody's a cameraman now like what what's happening is um you know people on the streets or can beat the news yeah because they're right there too every you also don't get a filter meaning you don't get anyone correcting it either so it's interesting because you get you get instantaneous news but you don't get it vetted you know it doesn't people don't make sure that everything that's coming through is kosher not that the news always gets it right they don't and I guess it's better to do it that way where it eventually sorts itself out but the but people that would step in and sabotage that process and and create disinformation.

[368] Like, a government agency could be pretty fucking successful at doing that, I think.

[369] And there's probably a bunch of people that are hired to do that shit all the time.

[370] I've been accused of it myself, but I will tell you that it is incorrect.

[371] And that I think, like in those Starske and Hutch movies, like when someone would say, or a TV show, right?

[372] Any cop show.

[373] They used to have to, remember in the old days, like someone would say, if you're a cop, you got to tell me, like when someone's an undercover cop.

[374] Oh, yeah.

[375] And remember it was like there was a secret password you got to ask him are you a cop and they go shit yeah i'm a cop yeah man i'm too smart for you jack you can't buy this heroin you know there was like some magic word i think that was a creation of fiction yeah yeah i think they changed that yeah but people always thought that so but if you know that's that's probably some disinformation the cops put up they there was a an accusation recently that the DEA put out a false paper about them not being able to track people by using iMessage because iMessages over the internet and so there was like an article like like a tech site like if you're planning to sell drugs like do it through iMessage because the DEA says it can't read it and then you know that the DDA is pressuring Apple but it turned out that was fake it was like the DEA made that to get a bunch of assholes that are drug dealers you go your dog just i message me i don't know what accent that is if that's your nationality i apologize it was just a spur of the moment thing and it made no disrespect but you know like the ea made a they put out fake news to trick dummies and to using i message to sell drugs it's a good idea it is it's very crafty but it's one of those things where it gets to the point of you know when that's not total entrapment that's just lying But what happens when you have undercover people?

[376] When you have undercover people involved, those undercover people sell you coke and then you arrest them, that's crazy.

[377] You know why it's crazy?

[378] Because there's no real Coke.

[379] Okay, you're not selling them, coke, you're arresting them.

[380] So you're saying that they wanted to buy Coke, but you weren't even really selling Coke.

[381] You just got them to act through the moments.

[382] That's a good point.

[383] I never thought of it that way.

[384] There was no Coke to buy.

[385] There's no crime to commit.

[386] They might have thought they were going to commit a crime, but there was no real Coke.

[387] They're not really buying anything.

[388] not really selling anything.

[389] There was no real transaction.

[390] It's a fake transaction.

[391] You're playing make -believe.

[392] And that's fucked up because you're also trying to arrest people because the more people be arrested, the better your career looks.

[393] So it becomes a quantifiable thing.

[394] So you can talk someone into doing something illegal and then arrest them and then it helps you.

[395] But that's crazy because people talk people in the suck of their dick.

[396] People talk people into doing all sorts of stupid shit they didn't really want to do.

[397] They just did because they got persuaded because people could be persuasive.

[398] So if you're some crazy sociopathic fuck that just so happens to be an undercover cop, and you want to talk people and they're doing shit for you so you can arrest them, we need to put you in a cage.

[399] Okay?

[400] You, you're crazy fuck.

[401] Yeah, Tony.

[402] Yeah, are you saying I'm an undercover cop?

[403] No. How'd you guys find out about that?

[404] Well, the internet.

[405] It's one of the first, we had to vet it, but we just figured we'd run it by first.

[406] See how you reacted.

[407] Well, you know, I have to tell you, once you bring it up, it's true.

[408] I'm an undercover cop.

[409] You know, it's just the whole idea that they can pretend to buy drugs from you and then arrest you.

[410] It's like, what are you doing with it?

[411] Why don't you go get it?

[412] Stop.

[413] Stop that.

[414] You're selling fake drugs.

[415] You're buying fake drugs.

[416] Stop it.

[417] Just cut the shit.

[418] Stop trying to trick people, okay?

[419] Either you catch them or you don't.

[420] Stop playing games.

[421] Pretending you're criminals.

[422] If you catch them, you don't.

[423] Jesus Christ.

[424] Can we be, everybody to be a superhero?

[425] Superheroes don't pretend to be undercover drugs.

[426] lords and sell you fucking illegal guns then arrest you yeah i think with the drugs it's good i think they should keep doing that predator thing though the drones no the uh get the uh to catch a predator like busting the guys that are trying to hook up with kids and stuff oh yeah that's different predator jones yeah but even that you know what's what's fucked up about that is like what if you got like a really weak dude and he's a pedophile and he's gone through like you know counseling and he's got like all this you know shit that's heavy in his head but he's going to figure out a way to never abuse again like he got out of jail and he's trying to go through counseling he's trying to straighten himself out and then along comes to fucking to catch a predator show and they just troll his ass I don't know how they get people to get into their site and chat with them shit like that I don't know what those people say back I don't know what they get to say back but well sometimes you know they have the kid being extra teasey.

[427] It is sort of Hey, there's a party I'm so fucked up.

[428] I'm having a party I'm making cookies.

[429] Can you bring you know?

[430] Do you want some sweet tea?

[431] So it's always sweet tea.

[432] Have some sweet tea.

[433] Something about sweet tea makes you want to suck dick.

[434] There's some cookies on the table.

[435] I'll be right out.

[436] And then that, what's his name?

[437] Chris Hanson.

[438] Powerful Chris Hanson.

[439] How many crazy people has that guy met?

[440] Do they still do that?

[441] Poor nutty people?

[442] I don't think so.

[443] I think they got in trouble.

[444] I think I don't see a lot of this what they did first of all I think you have to get people to sign releases to air that stuff I don't know how they got anybody to sign a release I mean really considered news maybe is that's one of those like I don't know I mean how did they do that they probably they probably cover their costs their lawyers everything really oh yeah because it's worth it to them to have a hit we're just totally speculating no better than anyone so why don't we look that up real quick let's see how did to catch a predator what do you do catch a predator get them signed waivers sure watch what what you google man you don't want that in your google records yeah no kidding right hey what was up with you in the google glasses man i saw i'll tell you hold on uh did you just call me honey honey sweetie pie how did catcher brother get them to sign waivers yeah you could like get in trouble for like looking too much into catch predator like what do you try to do you try to avoid being busted, you know?

[445] I was thinking about that the other day.

[446] Like, how do you even know what's going on if you can't Google certain things?

[447] Like, I was thinking of looking up, like, how to make a bomb just to see if that's out there.

[448] Like, nobody knows if that's out there if you don't Google it and everybody's afraid to Google it.

[449] Does that make sense?

[450] Yeah.

[451] Yeah.

[452] Did you do it?

[453] No, I didn't.

[454] I don't want anything to happen of it.

[455] Which is why I think I left an impression.

[456] You know, it was something that I was curious about.

[457] I wish there was a thing you could Google where it's like, I don't know.

[458] I just don't get it.

[459] But it seems like any crazy could, I don't know.

[460] The Internet's powerful.

[461] The scariest thing about shows like to catch Predators, you see that these guys are like broken.

[462] You know, you see they're like horrified when they get caught.

[463] You see they know that it's fucked up.

[464] It's not like these remorseless, cold, insensitive, unfeeling, you know, they're not scared when they get caught.

[465] These guys fall apart.

[466] You can see they're horrified at who they are.

[467] It's really, it's scary.

[468] It's scary to say because it's like a glimpse into madness, you know.

[469] That guy, Chris Henson, I guarantee you, now, this sounds like some hippie bullshit.

[470] But being around people that are that fucked up on a regular basis and broadcasting them and paying your bills based on broadcasting them and all, I mean, under the guys, I guess you're pulling these people off the street and that's always a good thing.

[471] well you know what happened to him right what was it was it he got caught cheating on his wife or something like it was some big media thing yeah he got investigated with the camera he was out with another bone mound i mean look i don't know what the fuck the guy's marriage was like you know i don't want to crack on the guy for that i think there's a big difference between that and you know of course you know some bucket child some consensual shit he did with his secretary or whoever right that freak is I don't know I hate them for that but it's being around all those people that were kid fuckers man that's got to wear on your soul that's got a wear on your soul to just even see these people over and over again and being in their presence when you know most of them are probably I mean I guess this isn't their first time I would assume this isn't their first time they've probably already had sex with young kids already so you watch that it's just it's just it's really it's got to be a really depressing view of the world And there's only so many different things You can expose yourself to in a 24 hour time period And you got, you know, 365 of those 24 hour time periods in a year And you got a hundred of those years If you keep your shit together, but most likely no And you're going to spend time hanging around pedophiles all the time And it's one thing if you're a guy And that's your job to pull them off the street But I don't, I'm not exactly sure What good it does Making a show out of that You know what I mean?

[472] Except scare the fuck out of everything.

[473] everybody make us aware, but I feel like, you know, not that I mind them being outed because it's such a heinous crime against humanity, but, man, it seems like a fucked up thing to broadcast, you know, it's like, what do we want to concentrate on?

[474] It's one thing to, like, work on cleaning that up, but as a piece of entertainment programming, you're going to, you're going to concentrate on someone who wants to victimize children, and you're just going to focus on that a lot.

[475] I think it was a hit because, you know, they're the ultimate bad guys.

[476] So you're looking at the villain of all villains.

[477] Right.

[478] No matter how fucked up your own life is, right?

[479] Right.

[480] Nobody's lower than a child molester.

[481] Everybody can go, that fucking piece of shit.

[482] That fucking piece of...

[483] You get to be on the couch, picking your fat toes, smoking a cigarette.

[484] You're sitting there just picking dry skin out of your toes and just drop it on the floor.

[485] Oh, this motherfucker.

[486] That piece of shit, I hope he rots.

[487] I hope he rots in jail.

[488] Death is too good for him.

[489] I hope he rots in jail.

[490] You know what they do to chia molestus?

[491] They get him in there.

[492] This person, this fucking wretched, stupid human being is barely an ape.

[493] They get the shit on this child last year and feel better.

[494] That voice grosses me out.

[495] That Boston lady?

[496] I feel bad.

[497] I shouldn't do it.

[498] I'm from Boston.

[499] Boston is in a bad position right now.

[500] I just don't, you know, this Boston thing.

[501] One of the things that is fascinating is that there was a thing about how they weren't going to read him as rights.

[502] and then this thing about whether or not they were going to try him as an enemy combatant or try him as a civilian it's really fascinating that that's becoming like a real issue the way they decide to approach it like is this guy an American that we're going to try as an American you know or someone when someone commits any form of terrorism are they are they instantly just out of the club or do we try them as one of us you know is it a is it a war thing are we at war how we're going to how we're going to go forward in this yeah it's interesting so when it's it's interesting the way we label things you know and it's interesting okay any conspiracy theory aside that all these nutty ideas that are floating around one thing we know for sure there was bombs that a person put in place that killed a bunch of people that didn't do anything wrong and we have to figure out how the fuck that happens and i know that sounds super simplistic but as a human as a species that's evolving clearly as we were talking about the mongols earlier and like what they used to do a thousand years ago like our most heinous acts pale in comparison to those of our ancestors but when something like this happens, you realize that people are still capable of such embarrassing, ruthless stupidity, arrogance, and just horrific insensitivity towards their fellow man. The idea that you could just take a bunch of people you don't know and kill them and maim them and just, you just were in the wrong spot, the wrong time, and I got a message.

[503] And there's only one thing that gets people to do that, folks, by the way.

[504] And that's an ideology.

[505] Right.

[506] It could either be a religion or it could be a cult or it can be, you know, some group that you belong to that's sworn allegiance to a certain code or set of rules.

[507] But that's the only way you get people to do shit like that.

[508] If they don't have an ideology, they just don't do that.

[509] It doesn't make sense.

[510] There's no evolutionary benefit to doing that other than pleasing a group of other like -minded psychopaths.

[511] someone you have to be amongst a group of people that have very specific beliefs that above all else take precedent so that you're willing to put your humanity aside for your crazy beliefs in a completely irrational display of destructive power and that you can kill innocence that only comes from ideology And we get really lost when we start talking about religious freedom and religion and, you know, and atheists are guilty of this just as much as really religious people are.

[512] Because whether you call it being a Muslim, whether you call it being a Buddhist, whether you call it being a vegan, whether you call it being a Christian, whether you call it being a Republican, whether you call it being a Democrat, whether you call it being a progressive.

[513] when you lock yourself in anything you become a part of something that's almost been decided for you you you you you lock into a prearranged set of opinions on things and some of them are back shit fucking crazy and just like the Mongols got a hundred thousand motherfuckers to roam across Russia and Europe Europe and China and slaughter millions of people.

[514] You can't do that unless you've got a cause.

[515] You can't do that unless you're part of a group.

[516] You can't do that unless your group is separate from the other groups.

[517] And the only way that ever works is someone's got to talk you into that shit.

[518] You've got to be a part of something.

[519] And with this kid, apparently, he was the one that they're saying did it.

[520] He was a pretty radical, religious young man. Now, whether or not that's true, who knows?

[521] It has to be.

[522] It seems to be the one thing that all these people have in common.

[523] Yeah.

[524] Well, I think the false flag people are thinking that, like, somebody gave them all this stuff and that they were talked into doing it, and that it was a plan to erode civil liberties, that they would sacrifice a few Americans and clamped down on laws.

[525] And this really is classically what military leaders have been doing since the beginning of time.

[526] You know, like we were talking about armies in the past would actually sacrifice soldiers and slaughter them so that the rest of the people could eat you know they would cannibalize themselves that was they they had to talk somebody into doing something like that you know I mean the first time somebody does that's super awkward yeah it's fucking you know it's it's hard to believe that in this day and age with the bet like if you look at like how amazing humans are capable of being you know like here's a perfect example Oprah no I know Brian doesn't like my love for Oprah I love that you're a love for Oprah Brian he goofs on me but it's an honest appreciation for what she does because Oprah like you know I have a friend who worked for it and he was like man she's like super you gotta pee you weak bitch daily an hour and how the fuck you're gonna try to be a stand -up comedian I can't even go two hours without peeing my friend was like he worked for and he was like Wow, she's like intense, you know, you know, she's like really a, she has an idea what she wants and she gets it done.

[527] And, you know, he was like, I think he's probably intimidated by her too because he was working for her.

[528] But like, stop and think about how much nice that lady does.

[529] Like, that lady is like so nice.

[530] All those women that come to her show, they feel great.

[531] Everybody leaves positive.

[532] I was reading this thing the other day on negative energy in that there was some sort of a study that actually showed that negative energy is contagious.

[533] and if you find out, you know, if you're hanging around people that are negative, it doesn't just affect you when you communicate with them.

[534] It becomes a part of the way you communicate as well.

[535] It becomes contagious.

[536] And one, like, super aggressive, contagious, negative person can actually affect, like, a company.

[537] I think that's why it's important that, I mean, companies have been really focused on that, I think, ones that are really aware of the social structure within their organization.

[538] They want to make sure that you don't get, like, a really negative, downer type person in any sort of a role because if you get them you know that they can really infect like if they're especially if you had some guy like you're working on a big project you got some one guy who's leading it he's a douche bag and everybody shows up work like oh it's there's very few things in life worse than being stuck like working in a job that sucks with a boss who's an asshole right why are all bosses mostly assholes too you know like i mean i look back at all the jobs i've ever had you know and it's the majority like they were always the assholes they were never the people you hung out with or wanted to hang out with you know they were always there I was always a terrible employee so I think any time a boss got mad at me I totally deserved deserved it was a shitty I did a shit job mowing lawns when I was a you know a lawn landscaper I remember the guy hired me I fucking scalped this lawn I didn't know how to work a lawnmower I lied just like you get the job like my friend did it and you say you could do it easy it's no it's not it's not not hard, but it was hard.

[539] The first time we did it, it was kind of hard to figure out.

[540] These are old shitty lawnmowers, you know, and I scalp the shit out of this lawn.

[541] I fucking hate mowing lawns.

[542] Don't you hate it?

[543] That used to be torture.

[544] It's not easy.

[545] Oh, yeah.

[546] But when I was in high school, my friend Chris, one of the things about Boston, about growing up in Boston, Boston is like a really ingenious.

[547] They have a lot of ingenuity.

[548] There's a lot of like people get shit done.

[549] There's like a strong work ethic there.

[550] like clearly way stronger work ethic than I ever experienced here in California like people are so used to getting up in the morning shoveling their car out from the snow they're they're used to shit like it's a different kind of like there's a different kind of like mentality there you know and if you grow up there you grow I forget what we were talking about that I had an example what we're talking about just before that yes I had a point and I completely lost it and trying to figure out why it is.

[551] Damn it.

[552] You didn't take your alpha brain today.

[553] I didn't.

[554] I took it, but not until right before the show.

[555] Fuck.

[556] Mowing lawns.

[557] Oprah.

[558] No, no, no. It was past Oprah, dude.

[559] It was the mowing lawns thing.

[560] It was about, oh, my friend Chris.

[561] Okay.

[562] When I was in high school, this is what it was.

[563] When everybody else was like, you know, I had a job at like Papaginos and shit, I was like making spaghetti and it was like pretty easy, boring job.

[564] this kid had a lawnmower empire he had a landscaping empire he had a brand new car he had people working for him he had lawns that were going while he was at school he had guys working for him they were cutting lawns while he was at school and he would come home and he would go and uh work till nighttime and then show up when it worked the next day he always had new sneakers on he was like a grown man by the time we were 17 this fucking kid i i'd never been around more people that made me feel like a lazy bitch there was so many dudes like my friend jimmy that i used to let jimmy didillio this guy like he had from the time he was in high school he had his own electrical business he worked for a guy for a little while started doing work on the sign by the time he got out of high school the dude's got his own business he's just busting ass 10 12 hours a day driving around like a maniac it was you when you're around people like that like you you develop that sort of you know that that sort of tenacity that exists like in the not a lot of spots in this country.

[565] You know, and I think that dealing with, like, environmental conditions, there's something about that.

[566] It's why people from New York tend to be funnier.

[567] You know?

[568] People from Boston tend to be funnier.

[569] It's because they're dealing with so much bullshit all the time.

[570] Oh, definitely.

[571] And Kim Trills.

[572] Tim Trills.

[573] I definitely think where you're coming up with that.

[574] Where you're raised has a lot to do with that type of crazy factor of your communication skills, really.

[575] I think it's down to, like, you know, small talk.

[576] If the city that you're raised in, it rains a lot, you're going to end up having to talk with your friends more.

[577] Or if it snows a lot, if it rains a lot, if it's a windy city, things like that.

[578] It's true.

[579] And I think that those things will really apply.

[580] Yeah, socially, for sure, right?

[581] In California, you could sleep outside and live.

[582] Right.

[583] Ohio, you drank, got drunk, and just partied and talked to it.

[584] Yeah.

[585] On the porch while smoking serious.

[586] That's it.

[587] Don't you think that Ohio of today growing up in the same place where you grew up, up would be very different because of the internet, because kids growing up with the internet.

[588] Be a lot more tolerable, that's for sure.

[589] Yeah, right?

[590] Yeah.

[591] Yeah.

[592] That's a totally different world now.

[593] It's the whole world all of a sudden got lights turned on everywhere.

[594] Lights turned on and the news started showing up.

[595] All the information started flowing.

[596] Whereas before, you relied on local newspapers and fucking TV news, bitch.

[597] How the fuck did you know what was going on?

[598] How did anybody know what was going on back then?

[599] Man. Yeah.

[600] How did anybody know?

[601] so i think they're saying uh that there's like certain laws that apply to pedophiles that's why those guys were allowed to be put on that show and there's a reason why they quit that a guy killed himself while filming it oh jesus somebody tweeted well if they were being honest wouldn't they say good riddance see you next week yeah they would show it i mean are they trying to get rid of predators they're trying to catch them it's not it's bad if they commit suicide well we're all god's creatures even the ones that fuck kids What?

[602] I mean, what is that?

[603] That's ridiculous.

[604] Wow, they got sued for $105 million.

[605] Why don't they just come clean and give the guys a gun on the show and go, listen, sir, there's a bulletinette gun, put it up to your head, fuck this trial, and we'll pay for your funeral, and we'll, you know.

[606] That'd be the most watched reality program.

[607] And then as soon as he blows his brains, I'll go, psych, film it.

[608] Get a close -up on them.

[609] All right, we're out.

[610] Just get out of there.

[611] Just leave them there.

[612] Put it on TV.

[613] No one's going to know.

[614] What are they going to do?

[615] The cop's going to sue NBC.

[616] They're going to bring them in for questioning.

[617] Look, you saw what happened.

[618] The guy fucks kids.

[619] We gave him a gun.

[620] Okay, we're good here, right?

[621] Yeah.

[622] Would that be illegal?

[623] Would say yes?

[624] Especially if the guy didn't have a gun permit.

[625] Yeah, I guess it really depends on the gun law.

[626] Maybe you could do it if you gave him the gun And said whatever you do Do not shoot yourself in the head right now On TV Give a little smile and wink There was this weird comic At the story last night Do you remember this Tony There was some Norwegian comic That I did something for Michael Jackson Or something But he had this huge Wikipedia That just goes off about how brilliant this guy is And how much money he asked Did he write his own Wikipedia?

[627] He's one of those guys?

[628] Maybe, but, I mean, so he's connected to a lot of these TV shows and stuff.

[629] But anyways, his wife comes up to me and goes, hey, fat man, come here, fat man. And it was right in front of you.

[630] I do know who you're talking about.

[631] And she was trying to tell me that she wanted, that he has this nice house up here.

[632] And he pretty much was trying to get me to come back to their house.

[633] For an origin?

[634] It's what it seemed like.

[635] She wanted you.

[636] Well, it's probably what they feel like Hollywood's about.

[637] Right.

[638] And he's like, if I am going to me. make it here you have to give up the pussy listen we need orgies all the time Norway it's the only way to make it as comedian it's so weird yeah that's a that's a pretty odd story there fellow and then and then she's showing me these photos in her phone she's like look at the parties we have and it's just like her and this other girl like in her wait a minute she's a comedian no no no she's the wife and she's just like going around the whole place like bragging about her husband how much million dollars he was she was very cute but this guy looked like a baron you know He's a bigger guy with a suit That's like four sizes too small They were probably both CIA You guys are getting slowly worked They're slowly gonna make it into the organization They were looking into this whole Desquad thing They're like, what is Desquad?

[639] Do we have to worry about them?

[640] See, you're the guy that they wanted to take up there And show the...

[641] Yeah, she was going to drug you And hit you with some fucking Some hypnosis Europeans just, they just don't have like normal sex He's going to be some Manchurian candidate type, dude.

[642] That's what's going to happen.

[643] CIA dude's going to drop a nanopil in his drink.

[644] That silly bitch, he'll be hammered.

[645] He'll drink anything you'd send his way.

[646] You know, what's also weird is that lady that drives around in that pink Corvette.

[647] S .R. yesterday.

[648] This was my point.

[649] Not yesterday.

[650] Excuse me. Last week.

[651] This was my point that I see her maybe once a week.

[652] And it's always random places.

[653] Like, I'll see her in Hollywood once.

[654] I'll see her a lot around here.

[655] But, like, that's just.

[656] Tell people what she is.

[657] She used to be like a rich wife, I guess, that would post photos or these billboards, like all over, just kind of promoting her.

[658] And I don't think she really had...

[659] Well, that's one way to describe it.

[660] Yeah, I don't think she really had anything going.

[661] She just had a lot of money to play with.

[662] And so she pretty much made her seem like she was a big deal when she really wasn't.

[663] She was just a rich wife.

[664] Yeah, well, the billboards were these giant billboards to say Angeline on them in like big letters, like, whoa, it's Angeline.

[665] And she's this really pale lady with giant tits.

[666] and she looks a little odd.

[667] Like, she looks like, like, really, like, photoshopped, like, really, like, brightly lit.

[668] Like, it's really hard to discern, like, key features.

[669] Because she's, apparently, she's very old.

[670] And when I came to L .A. in 94, she had big billboards all around town, like, several of them.

[671] That said, Angeline.

[672] It was just her, and then her management's number.

[673] It was her and her underwear.

[674] Yeah, it was really hot, actually.

[675] Yeah, it was kind of crazy.

[676] Because, you know, she was, she had a really nice.

[677] body, I guess.

[678] Look at that.

[679] Look at that.

[680] That's like, what's her face?

[681] Dolly Parton.

[682] Yeah.

[683] But by the time she was doing this, I mean, who knows how old she was in that picture.

[684] But the one that you see today bears no resemblance.

[685] Yeah.

[686] I had no idea who she was.

[687] And we were shooting something at Hollywood in Highland one night in that crazy, like, area.

[688] And all of a sudden, she pulls up.

[689] And people were like, oh, my God, there's Angelene.

[690] And it took, I had no idea who this was, and it took, like, four people, 20 minutes to be able to explain to me what the big thing with her.

[691] Well, I think she's...

[692] But in L .A., she's like a...

[693] Like an icon.

[694] Yeah.

[695] She's probably 60 years old, at least.

[696] She still dresses like she's, like, 17.

[697] I've seen her several times.

[698] I wonder what she wanted, if she wanted to be an actress or like what, because...

[699] I don't know.

[700] That's a good question.

[701] Interesting marketing campaign.

[702] But what's really weird is, is that how much I see her.

[703] and that's like one of the only cars where you're like oh that's her that's her that's her and like how many times you actually drive by people you probably know and and drive around the same cars it's just so weird how small Los Angeles actually is to that point well in that sense and you know it's also like the spots that she hits or the spots you're at like I just saw her at a coffee bean yeah that's what she looks like now yeah yeah oh man I'm sure she's a nice lighting I don't do it No hate But You wouldn't do that If no one knew I mean look man Nothing wrong with Being that You know That's who she is She's fabulous Let her go get it Fuck this little kitty right here Oh look at that arm Brian put that away Put that whole thing away You fuck She's a She's your grandmother Man She's some respect I don't know If she's a mother Or grandmother But you know That whole Wanting to be famous thing It's a strange thing She was like one of the original reality stars She created her own reality show By just putting up billboards Her reality show became her life You know No one was filming it But her life was a reality show You know I knew who she was I knew who she was a couple of years After living here So I've known who she was Since 96 -ish 97 -ish Wow That's so crazy Yeah I remember when she pulled up She had her face covered With like some kind of like One of those Asian fans and she's mysterious.

[704] Yeah, that's a strange, strange world we live in, my friends.

[705] Man, if I was a porn star, hot chick porn star, I would buy a pink corvette and be her new competition.

[706] Oh, that would be so rude.

[707] You could call yourself Angeloan.

[708] Yeah.

[709] Or Angelina.

[710] That's a good idea, though, because, I mean, that's how she got her attention to seeing that, you know, pink Corvette.

[711] The new Angeline.

[712] Maybe you could have, like, your whole thing was about, like, if.

[713] how you get a rich husband who allows you to freelance in your porn career and that, you know, that would be the whole thing.

[714] It's that the husband has no idea what's going on, he comes home, what is happening in here?

[715] Who are these guys?

[716] And you got to explain while they were tag teaming you.

[717] You got to say, you know, it was all so I could get better with you, honey.

[718] I just, they're not tag teaming me. They're teaching me. This is It's very controversial.

[719] I should abandon this.

[720] It's not going anywhere.

[721] Have you ever been with a girl that you're just completely haunted about, like that you think about, like, even after it happened, he was like, why the fuck did I do that?

[722] That's part of being drunk, son.

[723] That's the whole part of being drunk.

[724] That's a beauty of life.

[725] If you didn't have those stories, then you wouldn't have those awkward moments.

[726] And if you didn't have those awkward moments, you wouldn't have some really hilarious shit to talk about when everyone else is drunk as well.

[727] And they can understand what you're saying.

[728] That's why drunks have the best stories The being drunk drunk stories When they could just really cut loose and be free And not worried about it I had friends from back in the Boston days They were the best stories when they're drunk And then somewhere along the line Those fucks become Alcoholics Anonymous people And all the stories stop Yeah I feel like I'm going to have to start getting an alcoholic's anonymous soon Being at the comedy store Going at comedy club so much You just have to fucking drink Me and Tony battle with this almost every single night where we're like, have you got to drink yet?

[729] Yeah.

[730] You know, I mean, it's just, it all depends.

[731] You know what's interesting about, you know, it's like either the night's going great and you want to drink to celebrate or it's a fucking boring night and you want to drink to have more fun.

[732] So it's like, there's never a time where I'm just like in the middle like, you know what?

[733] I just, I don't know, it's just more fun.

[734] If you do it every night, do you have a show though, man, it really can wear on you.

[735] Well, you know, I'm very lucky because on my end of it, I'll sometimes only have a half a drink or one drink because I'm very little and I'm very reactive.

[736] And so how many beers it take to get you fucked up?

[737] Two and a half probably for that.

[738] Yeah.

[739] Two and a half beers and you're fucked up.

[740] Three, I'm fucked up.

[741] Isn't that great?

[742] Yeah, three and I just decided to tell a story that I wasn't sure if I was going to tell.

[743] Right.

[744] Yeah, I normally don't get to my...

[745] my third drink until pretty late.

[746] Oh, really?

[747] That's funny.

[748] Yeah.

[749] That's weird.

[750] How much do you weigh?

[751] Probably about 127, right around there.

[752] And if you think about a beer is what a pound, right?

[753] Yeah, I guess so.

[754] I'd say one bottle of Jack Deanos fucks me up to it.

[755] Essentially, you get to like 1 % of your body weight fairly quickly.

[756] 1 % of your body weight in beer.

[757] Oh, that's interesting.

[758] Yeah.

[759] would you say what about jack daniels will fuck you i've gotten to the point where i think one bottle of jack daniels will fuck me up shut up son you you you fucking start slurring when you open the cap yeah it's slurring and and and being alive yeah i'm talking about like bleeding from the liver until i expire yeah it's interesting that no one's figured out a way to uh create the effect of alcohol without the horrific effects to your fucking body well this g you know my way works you could just get down to 127 and just sip on a drink all night along feel great or black out every night because you keep forgetting you only weigh 126 pounds now right like you imagine it's like a guy like tate what tate could well he doesn't drink but in his prime big guy you know big guys can put away more like joey joey could put away some fucking booze man although when joey joey barely ever drinks but when he does he always gets the most fridious drinks it's so cute like you'll get like I got an orange cream sickle it's good man yeah that's why you know people like peanut coladas and shit you're fucked up and some folks only allow them that on when they're on vacation but men well when men are drinking they want manly shit when they want something that is mixing oh oh yeah right we're talking about you guys want to drink right now I have a long night of drinking Don't be a pussy.

[760] So you're saying you've rather drink with them than drink with us?

[761] No, I mean, what do you have?

[762] How dare you?

[763] It depends what you have.

[764] Because I'm pretty hungover right now.

[765] Well, I'm about to go watch a fucking UFO documentary, so I'm fixing to get fucked up.

[766] I've only ate Kenwall today.

[767] I'm not really big on watching UFO documentaries while sober.

[768] There's a spray.

[769] Something's going to go wrong.

[770] What is this?

[771] Jampan just showed me that there's a spray that gets you instantly drunk for a few seconds.

[772] Wow.

[773] That sounds awesome.

[774] That seems super healthy.

[775] you should give give that to yourself right before you leave the house how long is it last doesn't say just a few five seconds is it like some whippets type shit I guess no I don't know what it is it's uh one spray releases point 0 .0075 alcohol oh oh it gets you drunk legally it doesn't get you drunk why would you show me that they got some sportscaster some sportscaster got pulled over for um Is it Al Michaels?

[776] Yeah, he got pulled over and he was on the limit.

[777] He was at the limit, 08 and 09.

[778] What happens there when you're at the limit?

[779] Well, here's the thing.

[780] Don't you first have to do the drunk test?

[781] You know, like you walk around like a baffoon and then if you fail that, then you have to do it.

[782] He obviously, I guess, showed signs that he can't do, you know, balance on one foot, you know.

[783] Well, not necessarily.

[784] They might have just asked him and he said he would take the test because he only had one drink.

[785] That's what he's saying.

[786] He's saying he only had one drink.

[787] think did i read that no you know what that's what the i'm sorry that's what wreaths witherspoon's husband said i got the wrong drunk he said he only had one drunk but the al michael's guy uh he tested on the limit and he's a fucking man's man he's a fucking sportscaster you're telling me that guy doesn't know how to drive when he's a little tipsy he's an o eight let him go you pussy don't you appreciate a good game of hockey being called by the maestro let him go it's not like you're letting go a criminal oh eight that's a pro drinker that's a pro socializer that guy knows who's a baby yeah oh eight the fuck out of here it's like what a pussy society we have that's not drunk okay if he's drunk yeah for sure arrest him asshole that's ridiculous people driving around drunk are assholes but people driving around that are barely buzzed at oh eight come on how do i know that your body functions as good as mine does when i'm drunk how about that your reaction time how good is your how do i know you're not a dullard with a with a slow right foot you just can't get to that breaking time you know maybe al michael's could still even at whatever he is 70 yeah still do a solid two step hits that break like a champ i'm not saying he should drive drunk i'm just saying what's 08 that's like a drink right yeah pretty close yeah i would like to see what an 08 guy looks like performing stuff you know i want to like to see him go through that i would like to i'm sure he's always in a way when he's calling the super bowl you know what i mean right you know you know one that doesn't count though here's another thing though is the adrenaline that you get when you get pulled over i would imagine that would have some sort of a recoupative effect like if you're a little little driving a little shitty because you're kind of hammered and then you get pulled over and it might jolt you into a position where you could possibly perform the test a little better than you could be but it's not a little bit but it's not a going to make you less drunk right so 08 is still in 08 if he blew it yeah i think it's just entirely too low to to blanket that that's considered a DUI because i mean you know if you go out to dinner and you have a drink like a margarita and a bartender like pours it stronger than normal are you saying that just having one margarita with dinner you should go to jail and you know get all these things on your license that you think you know that you're going to run into plow into a school of children like I don't buy that I think that's I think that's I don't know I'm not a big I think it needs to change I think that's a dosage issue where you're talking about as a dosage issue and that they really should get in trouble if they're doing that I mean people don't want them to get in trouble go yeah go this place they got the stiffest drinks you really should let people know what the fuck you're serving them and if you're serving them some margarita that's got twice the alcohol in it you're trying to get customers that way you could fuck somebody up if they know exactly how they usually rock it, you know, they have this thing, I'm good for one margarita, and then I back the fuck off, and then I get home, and I'm fine.

[788] And then all of a sudden the guy's hammered, oh, he doesn't know what happened.

[789] It's because you essentially, like, doubled his dose.

[790] Yeah.

[791] I'm just saying it's way too low, I think.

[792] Yeah, but not if it's, I see your point, definitely, but I'm not convinced.

[793] I don't have any data.

[794] I want to see a guy who's at an 08, go through all that shit.

[795] Is it based on what percentage you are, your fines, too?

[796] I don't know, you know, I want to do it.

[797] I want to...

[798] Do you guys together?

[799] No, no, I don't want to drive drunk.

[800] That's one thing I've been really careful about my entire life.

[801] I think it's really important to be safe when you're operating a vehicle.

[802] I mean, the idea that you would operate a vehicle with your body all fucking half there, that's so scary to me. It's so scary to be the driver.

[803] It's so scary thinking that there's so many people out there that are doing it.

[804] It's so selfish and stupid.

[805] but I think that I would like to find out what it feels like to be at 08 and do any of those tests, any of those lean your head.

[806] I want to know, like, what is it like if they say, like, you know, I'm not going to drive, but get me to the limit.

[807] Give me a breathalyzer and say, okay, you're at 08 now, like whether it's three drinks or two drinks, and now make me do your stuff.

[808] I want to know what it feels like.

[809] You can buy a breathalyzer on Amazon.

[810] We should do it.

[811] But I don't want to do it because I definitely don't want to drive.

[812] All right?

[813] But I would like to drive on a course.

[814] I would like to go on a course and see, like, get me to 09 and let me see what I can do.

[815] I think you're going to be surprised how exactly normal you're going to be feeling.

[816] I wonder.

[817] Well, I wonder because I've been drunk and as of you.

[818] I wonder.

[819] I wonder what it's like to do that.

[820] Well, I would.

[821] But then again, like, telling people that 08 or 09 is the limit means that's probably where most people who are not in the best shape.

[822] or don't have the best tolerance for alcohol, where they start to falter.

[823] So if you're making a public policy, that's probably a good idea to do it on the conservative side.

[824] You know, Anthony Cumia had a funny thing.

[825] He was talking about, like, it should really be based on your tolerance, and you should have, like, a license that indicates your tolerance.

[826] But that shit changes, too, because dudes start falling apart.

[827] Yeah, you have to just take a license test, or a tolerance test once a year.

[828] It's so incredibly irresponsible to tell people they can drink more.

[829] Right.

[830] You know?

[831] They tell people that the legal limit as is, eh, you could drink a little more.

[832] Yahoo! They're just fucking green light, son.

[833] Chaka, laga, laga, laga.

[834] You ain't got tolerance like me, boy.

[835] I got tolerance.

[836] Like, I mean, think about, like, my friend Justin, he has a perfect example.

[837] You know my friend Justin said the seven -foot -tall dude.

[838] Our friend Justin's, like, a legitimate giant.

[839] He's enormous.

[840] And if you go drink for drink with him, you're going to die.

[841] You're going to die.

[842] You're not the same species as him.

[843] He's a completely different human being.

[844] So it's like a dog.

[845] next to a cat.

[846] It's not the same size.

[847] I'm pretty sure.

[848] It's Andre the giant, actually, who has the drinking record.

[849] I'm serious.

[850] I think he has the some...

[851] There's a drinking record?

[852] I think that's a crazy amount of cans of beers.

[853] Wow.

[854] Wow.

[855] But he was a, you know, he's like, he was like, what, seven foot something.

[856] He was enormous.

[857] Yeah, there's been a few giants since then that got in mixed martial arts.

[858] This guy, uh, uh, giant Silva.

[859] He was like a legit giant.

[860] And, um, he fought in pride and then there's Antonio Bigfoot Silva and that guy I think I'm saying giant silver I think that's his name If not I apologize He's a big giant guy with crazy shaggy hair And then there's another guy Semi Shilt he's like seven feet tall I think he's just a huge guy I don't think he has gigantism I think he's just an enormous regular human But uh You would just imagine A guy like Conjure the Giant Those little tiny You ever see a picture of a little tiny beer can in his hand Yeah, it's a trip To trip He would hold a beer can in his hand It was like you holding one of those little kids Apple juices You know those ones that come in lunch boxes Well it's just that they estimated That he drank over 7 ,000 calories Every day in booze Alone I wouldn't be shocked Do they have the stat there The number with the I know it's like a decisive thing Well I'm gonna see the picture of his hand Because it's so silly You know rowdy Roddy Piper Started coming by the comedy store A couple years ago And once in a while he'll swing in and he's friends with a few of us there and man he's so great at hanging out and telling stories and one of the stories that he told us was about Andre the giant because everybody always goes you know because they did the road together for a decade or whatever right and um he talks about how one time they were at a bar and there were these college kids they're like hey you know fuck you Andre the giant and uh you know that they're drinking beers and that uh that one time the kid drinks a beer, throws the empty can at the back Andre the giant's head and he goes, don't do that again.

[861] And then later on he takes an empty can and he throws it at the back Andre the Giant's head and they all Oh my God.

[862] And they all run outside running away from Andre the Giant who got up and is now chasing them and they all got in their car all at once but Andre caught up to the car before it drove away and he just flipped.

[863] He picked up the car.

[864] Where did you hear this story?

[865] Routy Roddy Piper.

[866] Really?

[867] Yeah.

[868] It's got to be a story, too.

[869] Even if it's not, let's let him tell it.

[870] Isn't that picture hilarious, though, him holding the beer can?

[871] I mean, it's like a little bait.

[872] It's like, you ever see like a little kid's refrigerator set?

[873] Yeah, they have a fake refrigerator?

[874] That's what it looks like.

[875] Yeah, 119 beers and six hours.

[876] God, that's what he drank?

[877] That's what he drank?

[878] Yeah.

[879] How big was that guy?

[880] What was his height and weight?

[881] Seven foot one.

[882] And he wasn't just tall.

[883] He was enormous.

[884] Oh, yeah.

[885] God damn Somewhere between 611 and 7 5 and over 500 pounds And then I also saw something That's a very how fucking they measure them right You know what the problem with that is?

[886] Wrestling, they lie You know Six foot 11 3 ,000 pounds of twisted steel Well they lie just to make guys like bigger But that guy was like legitimately enormous Like in a real wrestling match He would beat everybody I also heard a thing that that big body slam that was like from the big WrestleMania to where Hulk Hogan body slams the ultimate bad guy Andre the Giant Right And it's like you could tell Andre the Giant jumps into it with all of his might And Hogan's just trying to Yeah he needs to do is go like that It's amazing that he could even hold him up though And he said that when he did that he could feel every disc in his back just go Popopopopopopopopop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop Hulk Hogan yeah and then he laid down Andre the Giant He was just so glad that that that was the end of the match because he ruined his back yeah this back is fucked up now right that guy he's had surgery all these guys are those guys are unbelievable warriors because they were doing it every night in sold out arenas people don't realize right they had to put on a show they were going nonstop and like even um piper just like six or seven months ago he was by the store he would come in like once and a while uh every few days for you know just then anyway he kept going oh my shoulder's sore my shoulder sore i'm going to the doctor on wednesday i still worked out for four hours today but my shoulder sore he ended up finding out that he hit a he technically broken his neck he had a broken neck and the doctor's like it's not your shoulder it's your neck and it's broken so it's like probably pinching a nerve and the nerve was hurting his shoulder right but he's just these guys are so tough in real life that um is to him oh sore shoulder yeah what did people give a fuck about wrestling anymore Oh, yeah.

[887] They still do, right?

[888] It's still very popular.

[889] Unbelievable.

[890] Like I keep seeing, like, CM Punk and all these people and all these pictures and videos and stuff.

[891] It's crazy is that, you know, most people don't know this, but like Monday Night Raw, for example, which is the premier weekly show.

[892] Someone's a wrestling fan.

[893] Yeah.

[894] Yeah.

[895] But it's been number one on, it's held Monday nights forever.

[896] How the fuck do you know this?

[897] And why the fuck do you know this?

[898] That's what I'm saying.

[899] What's going on here, Tony?

[900] When I was a kid, I was in wrestling.

[901] So was I. And then I grew up and I got cubic hair.

[902] Oh, shit.

[903] Yeah.

[904] Can't believe you went there.

[905] Me too, and I still like wrestling.

[906] He still has pubic hair, dude.

[907] Stop being an asshole.

[908] I haven't watched wrestling.

[909] What you're doing is cyberbullying right now.

[910] No, I've been giving him a hard time because they all had like a wrestling party.

[911] And I was like, our buddy got WrestleMania and he has a giant screen.

[912] And it's funny to, you know, we all, did you guys take your clothes off?

[913] Yes.

[914] Did you reenact the moves with lube?

[915] Yes.

[916] On your mouth.

[917] Hey, what do you think about this SISPA thing, the build it, past the house.

[918] It's fucked up.

[919] It's crazy.

[920] If you guys don't know about it.

[921] The House of Representatives passed SISPA, which is the Cyber Intelligence Sharing and Protection Act by a 288 to 127 vote.

[922] That's crazy.

[923] And it's the idea, supposedly, that it's meant to enhance national security by facilitating the sharing of electronic information between, like, this, I'll quote it, between, say, a private company and the government, this is a story from, um, mediate .com and the way they describe it is that if the government like say if a private company and the government deemed threatening the bill's opponents maintain it'll make sharing of personal private information far too easy so this I guess the idea is what is what is the main idea behind this bill is that they're going to be able to see every website you've ever visited every website will be able to share the information of different people that have gone to them.

[924] Is that what it is?

[925] You know, I have no idea what the exact specific thing is, but yeah, it seems like that's what everyone's talking about.

[926] But can it be vetoed by Obama?

[927] I don't know, because he didn't veto the NDAA.

[928] You know, I mean, Obama is a hilarious kind of situation because he's super intelligent.

[929] he's half black he's you know from a single parent household but he still like votes just like the Republicans do and he still does stuff that the Republicans did like it's really strange it's like if he was a white guy people would be fucking furious if he was a white guy of privileged background and he made the choices that he's made as far as like bailing out the banks as far as passing the NDAA not vetoing it all these different things that have happened, the drones, all these different things that have happened while he was in office.

[930] If he was a white guy of privilege, he would be getting crucified.

[931] It's fascinating.

[932] It's almost like the perfect plan.

[933] Like if you were a military strategist and you were trying to take over the company, you would do it with a situation like that.

[934] You wouldn't just go get some super elite rich guy.

[935] You would get some guy who you would associate automatically with progressive liberal sensibilities.

[936] And then you'd do it.

[937] all that creepy shit right under everybody's nose it's really interesting his big slogan was change and looking back on it now it's like well he changed a little the drone attacks went from 50 up to like 300 changed a lot in Pakistan it's not funny but fuck man I don't know it's it just seems like if if he really could change things if you really could influence this this society and how's the time to do something, you know, instead of just these speeches, sort of reactionary speeches dealing with each and every issue, whether it's Sandy Hook or whether it's, whether it's this Boston thing, like, I wonder what if anything could be done to sort of enact a, like, a change in a culture, a plea for a change in a culture.

[938] And if anybody could do that, It's got to be the president, you know, and the president addresses, he does these national speeches where he addresses policies and he addresses national affairs as far as security affairs and threats and various things along those lines.

[939] But what this country really fucking needs, they need a different, not a different person, but a different mantra.

[940] we need a new way of looking at things we need a speech we need something that gets people believe in we need an i have a dream that i have a dream martin luther king's speech to this day that shit resonates no one's doing the i have a dream today everyone's doing the we're all going to get along and change and hope and you know and make it more affordable and health care for everyone and gay marriage yay but no one has a speech about uniting humanity and getting us to understand that our lives really are truly only better when people around us lives are better as well and that united there's enough resources for everybody there's enough love for everybody there's enough health for everybody there really is it's just the current system and the current ideology that we have is not based on the reality that we're in expiring life form and that we have a temporary time here on this planet and to waste it not being aware of the the full reality of the situation is a shame and a guy like Obama has the opportunity to do that but he doesn't ever say anything like that he never says anything that really inspires people to look at it in a completely different way.

[941] He never says anything like I think you have to if you're in a position to be the fucking president of the United States.

[942] That's a position what very few human beings ever get to reach.

[943] I mean, maybe he will when he's leaving.

[944] Maybe he will once he leaves.

[945] Maybe you can't when you're there.

[946] I mean, who knows?

[947] I mean, maybe it really is an incredibly restrictive environment and he has no room to free ball and no room to go outside of what they want him to distribute his policy i don't know i mean i don't know what the fuck the situation's like but if this world ever needed someone to speak up and someone to just make some fucking sense someone to make some sense and and not talk politics you know not talk religion just talk humanity not talk nationalistic not talk conflict just make some sense well i guess this is the you know this the same bill uh was vetoed last year by the white house and and it looks like you know it's just it's one of those things that's just poorly written and everyone knows it type thing so so was the ndAA unfortunately it passed really hard through congress that's the thing is it didn't pass as hard in congress the first time well i think that a lot of the way the government set up and i'm obviously not an expert on government But I know that a lot of the way it's set up is that, you know, we have representatives and, you know, we can't all be there while policy is being dictated.

[948] So our representatives go there and they make sure that everything represents their constituents.

[949] But clearly a better way to do all that is the Internet.

[950] If anybody needed to be phased out.

[951] Oh, it's the majority of politicians that are involved in making laws.

[952] You could phase – those guys can get all new jobs, you know.

[953] Have you seen how – of cards?

[954] No, I haven't.

[955] This show shows you what's actually happening in Washington for the...

[956] You know, real TV show?

[957] Oh, my.

[958] Somebody made up.

[959] Oh, it's unbelievable.

[960] No. Shows you.

[961] You realize what they're dealing with, what they're actually doing.

[962] And it's all just...

[963] Is it awesome?

[964] It's all just deals.

[965] The show's unbelievable.

[966] I mean, Kevin Spacey.

[967] I heard he's a bad motherfucker.

[968] He breaks the third wall or whatever and just starts looking at the camera, telling you what he's thinking in the middle of the scenes.

[969] It's pretty, it's pretty sweet.

[970] Oh, it's...

[971] Does everyone?

[972] else freeze in the background?

[973] It'll freeze like they're playing a game?

[974] Sort of pretty much.

[975] They're still still.

[976] You know, they blur out, but then it's just him just, you know, he'll be at a meeting table from somebody like, here's what I'm about to do, and they don't know it, but here's how I'm going to do it.

[977] Watch this.

[978] Oh, wow.

[979] And it's amazing.

[980] It's really just politicking.

[981] You learn a lot about, you know, even show business and networking overall from how these politicians operate because that's all that they're doing is playing gossip games and texting.

[982] It's a broken system, and they're all criminals.

[983] keeping us from the internet.

[984] That's what it is.

[985] They're trying to tighten down on this fucking system.

[986] And what they don't want to do is admit that this could all be handled way better with voting online.

[987] Let's do it that way.

[988] Every person has an ID.

[989] Every ID is just like your fucking Social Security nut card.

[990] You can only do it once.

[991] Boom.

[992] And you vote online.

[993] Yep.

[994] And when that happens, that's when things will get good.

[995] You can't control that, bitch.

[996] You can't control that.

[997] They'll never allow something like that.

[998] They will fight it to the death.

[999] That literally might be where their revolution lies is getting people to vote online because they would essentially be giving up all of their tricks that they've been using over the past decades to manipulate how our people are picked how our presidents picked how laws are passed all that shit has been manipulated everything should be done to popular vote now yeah isn't that a fascinating idea that they would so try hard they would try so fucking hard to avoid yeah that would be like a real tipping point in this country when we really realize we're being run by vampires oh yeah like how quickly they would fucking shriek into the dark corners of the room when you open the drapes and take a good look at the real scenario they're not trying to like give the people what they want they're trying to profit off the current system the current corrupt system as in place god damn it tony you need to run for president right you're a clean young man you can run for president you're very likable i could probably pull it off you think you could there was a period of time when i was a kid and i wanted to but you wanted to be president in one point in time for a little moment.

[1000] Did you fall on your head or something?

[1001] What made you want to be president?

[1002] Did you get sick?

[1003] Were you delirium?

[1004] No, I thought it was just, it was very, very young.

[1005] I thought it was glamorous.

[1006] Did you have the fever?

[1007] Yeah, the president's fever.

[1008] He had the president's fever.

[1009] You know, when we all go through that.

[1010] Holy school and 16 years ago.

[1011] Lying in your bed dying.

[1012] Yeah, I got obsessed with, there was a period where I was a kid, I was obsessed with like the Declaration of Independence and how it came to be.

[1013] And like a whole, I remember reading a whole book about John Hancock.

[1014] Then I sort of practicing my signature all the time because I was obsessed with John Hancock.

[1015] I thought that was so cool that this guy had the balls to be like, here you go, here I am, and I did this.

[1016] Who would be the first person to be president that doesn't have the fake president voice?

[1017] Who will be the first person that just talks to everybody?

[1018] The person who changes the world.

[1019] Who doesn't have a way of speaking with long fake pauses.

[1020] What I believe.

[1021] What I believe for you.

[1022] And for me and for our great nation.

[1023] is that we must unite Imagine if that guy That's so bizarre That fucking guy was over your house Be like bitch why are you talking like that Why are you talking this fake stupid voice But you get away with that When it's a big group of people And you're a politician We know that you're talking in the fakes Most old school way possible You might as well be in the theater You dummy You might as well be in the theater back When they didn't have microphones When they used to have to shout out Their stupid lines Imagine a strip club DJ being the president Imagine a strip club DJ with no microphones Coming up to the main stage It's diamond And then a bunch of banjo players behind Have the music because you don't have electricity Today our country At a bomb threat I got more information Or more evidence to the poor people that think that I'm in league with the devil I wore this t -shirt On Fox It was that wild in wonderful whites of West Virginia.

[1024] When I ordered the DVD, they found out we talked about it on the podcast.

[1025] So the people that make it, they sent me these cool t -shirts.

[1026] And one of them was that famous picture of Nixon meeting Elvis, or the shaken hands.

[1027] But they replaced Elvis's head with Jesco White and Nixon with the devil himself.

[1028] And it says like the devil himself, Jesco.

[1029] And I wore it on Fox.

[1030] And I got like a hundred tweets going, what the fuck are you wearing on TV?

[1031] I didn't even think about it.

[1032] But for a good portion of this knucklehead country, if you have a shirt on that has a devil's face and it says the devil, these dummies actually think that you're down with the devil, like, you're down with the devil.

[1033] That's ridiculous.

[1034] That's where we draw the line in this kooky country.

[1035] Even, you know, even religious people.

[1036] Like, you can say that you believe in God.

[1037] You're allowed to say that you're even allowed to say that God talked to me. You know, I saw a guy say that the other day.

[1038] It didn't even bother me. There was a guy that was in Austin, Texas.

[1039] There was a guy that was at a red light, and he was begging.

[1040] He had a cardboard thing out.

[1041] And a guy in the car rolled down the window and said, hey, man, God just talked to me and told me I should give you this.

[1042] And he gave the guy $20.

[1043] That doesn't bother me. But if the guy rolled down that window, said, hey, man, I was just speaking to Satan, and he thought you could use this to party with.

[1044] You're not talking to Satan.

[1045] Anybody believes in Satan as an asshole.

[1046] Like, you're allowed to believe in God.

[1047] But if you say you believe in Satan Everybody tells you to go fuck yourself You have to be like way deep in cuckoo for Cocoa Pops Oh yeah To actually believe in Satan To believe in the bad guy I mean Yeah Have you ever met someone who actually believed in Satan And you didn't know that they believed in Satan Until you got to know them And then you're like oh shit I feel like I've met a couple people That really wanted to be different And like couldn't pull it off though You know they don't have the commitment I met a girl once and she was with her sister and it was total innocent conversation you know nothing nothing crazy got said it was total normal and she brought up something I think it had to do with gay marriage I think it had to do with that and it was something about a bill being passed and this was many many years ago so my memory's a little foggy but I do remember this whatever the controversy was she said she goes it's not God's way and I said I remember like Stopping and like all of a sudden going, whoa, what, what happened with this conversation?

[1048] Like, what did you just say?

[1049] It's not God's way.

[1050] Like, how do you know what God's way is?

[1051] Do you really talk to God?

[1052] Or like, where are you getting this from?

[1053] And she goes, oh, that Satan's, his scales have covered your eyes.

[1054] She actually said that to me. His scales have covered.

[1055] And I'll never forget me looking at her and her sister and going, damn, you crazy bitches.

[1056] And the girl was, she was so pretty, too.

[1057] Like, oh, my God, she's beautiful.

[1058] She was like Latin or something like that I was like oh you crazy bitches Well you guys take care I was like we can't even talk You really think they're like Satan has scales And he puts them over your eyes We have so much work to do here Like I'm not taking on this project Like to just to communicate with you And get you to a point of rational objective thinking We take three four mushroom trips right Have you heard of a guy named Peter Popoff He's a pastor He's televangelist guys What did he do?

[1059] Blow somebody I saw him the other day i watched uh i was sleeping on the couch and i woke up and his he had one of those shows on paid shows commercials and i was amazed what what woke me up because i was kind of like half listening to while i was sleeping what was amazed is how the the things that they say in it it just seemed illegal like they were like you like oh you know we're going to send you some miracle water this water is you know miracle water you're going to open up these envelopes and and then they start showing like testimonials like people and they're like you know i sent in my or i read the letters And then just a week later, I got a new house and a car.

[1060] And then the next person was like, I got $200 ,000.

[1061] And then his other woman was like, a guy just walked up and gave me a check for $15 million.

[1062] And it was like the most fake of shit ever.

[1063] And so then I started really researching this guy.

[1064] And there's all these videos about him online.

[1065] I guess he's been ripping people off for a long time.

[1066] And one of the best videos is one where he just goes up and he goes, where's so -and -so?

[1067] So -and -so is here.

[1068] Like let's say, Tina, Tina Faye.

[1069] Where are you at?

[1070] And then she comes up and goes, I heard you have arthritis.

[1071] And you're here because you want to get rid of this arthritis and stuff like that.

[1072] And the whole time his wife is just pumping information is here.

[1073] Yeah, there was a thing on.

[1074] It was on one of those 2020s or something like that.

[1075] Yeah.

[1076] I know we talked about this in the past.

[1077] Have we?

[1078] I'm pretty sure.

[1079] Maybe it was on another podcast.

[1080] But I was amazed that he's still allowed to do this.

[1081] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1082] Yeah.

[1083] Well, that guy, name one that's not.

[1084] It's almost like it's so ridiculous.

[1085] It's like the most ridiculous.

[1086] this hustle ever.

[1087] It's like, who are they tricking?

[1088] The only people they trick in are like, they're almost like mentally challenged.

[1089] Oh yeah.

[1090] People with no hope.

[1091] When you're, when you're, when you're, when you're, when you're, when you're, when you're, when you're, when you're, when you're, when you're, when you're down to being convinced that there's a miracle water out there that is going to come in the mail via the postal service and it's going to, it's going to change your fortune.

[1092] Right.

[1093] Yeah, that's the one, one of these, uh, things somewhere along the line, they used to ask for donations, but then somewhere along the line they uh they realized that they could sell things and they started like selling like holy water and selling like prayer services and and and and telling people that you would plant a seed so if you like spend 90 dollars you'll ask 90 dollars it would come back to you in 10fold the bible says and then would come out with some crazy fucking was that um that guy crifalo dollar he's my favorite because he's got a dollar in his name I mean you're a pastor and your fucking name is dollar What's your real name?

[1094] They all have weird names like That guy's like Peter Pophoff Have you ever met any of other pop -offs before?

[1095] This guy's got to have a different real name though He must have a real name What's his real name?

[1096] Wow his real name is Creeflow Augustus Dollar Jr. Wow This is real fucking name It's got a Bachelor of Science in Education It's out there talking shit Smacking people My favorite of Robert Tilton You know he is He'd probably seen him There's a viral video of him Farting Like he's like He talks in tongues a lot On a show too He'd go Samalama malak It's hilarious See if you can pull up Robert Tilton talking in tongues Because it's some of the most Ridiculous shit ever But I'll never forget This one thing He said He said, every time you write a check to me, Satan gets a black eye.

[1097] Wow.

[1098] But doesn't part of you think that if you're dumb enough to send him that money?

[1099] Like, so what?

[1100] So a guy got you with the dumbest trick of all time.

[1101] Like, you really thought that money was going to God?

[1102] You really thought that money was going to give the devil a black eye?

[1103] If you really thought that, you're fucking stupid.

[1104] I'm not looking after you.

[1105] Right.

[1106] One of the things that this Peter Poff does, he also sends you a barley, cake from you know the bible where it's like kind of like the little bread you eat and he goes he goes in this commercial he goes and we make it with the exact ingredients that they say in the bible and blah blah blah well then if you look up ezekiel 412 in the bible it says and you should eat it as barley cakes and bake it using fuel of human waste so it's human waste so in the wait a minute wait a minute no it doesn't you want to bet please type in is equal 412 okay E -Z -E.

[1107] That's hilarious.

[1108] K -I.

[1109] Hold on, hold on.

[1110] E -Z -E -K -I.

[1111] E -L.

[1112] 4 -20?

[1113] 4 -12.

[1114] 4 -12.

[1115] Yeah, you're thinking about the weed law.

[1116] But, Ezekiel 4 -12.

[1117] It's been a long time since I read up on my good old Ezekiel's.

[1118] So this is all new to me. Bake it with dung that cometh out of man in their sight.

[1119] Hold on a second.

[1120] So he's saying the ingredients are cooked with shit.

[1121] Oh, my God, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man in their sight.

[1122] Well, it's in the Bible.

[1123] It's in the Bible.

[1124] Why don't you need to study the Bible and cook your bread with shit?

[1125] Have you ever tried my poop -poor barley cake?

[1126] You can fucking imagine how dumb people are.

[1127] That really hurts my brain.

[1128] Do you know, Ezekiel?

[1129] Zechial might have been a tripper, because Ezekiel was also where the first depictions of UFOs came from.

[1130] Hey, let me pull that up.

[1131] Yeah, Ezekiel was known for, there's...

[1132] there's a Bible quote that people bring up all the time I'm a UFO I bet people were seeing a lot of things after eating a shit fan Yeah they're eating fucking shit cakes all day Throwing up almost dying There was a wheel Within a wheel It was God's chariot There was guys with boats That had all the animals You think we should prepare the barley cake In a different way?

[1133] No no It's great I'm trying to find this quote What a stupid fucking culture Cook it with shit okay dad should i write that down on paper i put something for thou my son because i got so obsessed with this minister that so when i found that out i i had tweeted something like all of garden was like ezekiel 412 or something like that and all these people got pissed off that i was doing bible scriptures oh that's hilarious well they read that though yeah they figured it out how do you not read that and just start laughing you're telling me to cook shit cakes the bible says cook shit cakes that's just one more dumb thing in the bible god damn i'm so tired of people pretending that book's awesome I'm so tired you stop that shit's stupid okay here's here's a quote and I looked and behold a whirlwind came out of the north a great cloud and a fire enfolding in self in brightness was about it and out of the midst thereof as the color of amber out of the midst of the fire okay how is that a UFO hmm that's somebody putting two points together that don't go together for a way.

[1134] Wait a minute.

[1135] This though.

[1136] Hold on listen this.

[1137] Also out of the midst thereof came the likeness of four living creatures.

[1138] And this was their appearance.

[1139] They had the likeness of a man. Whoa.

[1140] And everyone had four faces and everyone had four wings.

[1141] And their feet were straight and the soul of their feet was like the soul of a calf's foot and they sparkled like the color of burnished brass.

[1142] What a trippy book.

[1143] people like oh my god it's so real I hear God's words when you're saying these things God is speaking to me through your words please read on and they had the hands of man under their wings on their four sides and they had and they four had their faces and their wings somebody might have just made all this up and me like an asshole is reading these fake Bible quote shit and all over the Bible and the aliens but guess what I don't care I'm not reading any further it seems like if this is if this really is Ezekiels.

[1144] It says it is.

[1145] God damn it.

[1146] It's all nuttiness.

[1147] They walked up with their four faces and they said, why are you guys cooking things in shit?

[1148] And the living creatures ran and returned as the appearance of a flash of lightning.

[1149] Now as I behold the living creatures, behold one wheel upon the earth by the living creatures with his four faces.

[1150] These guys were tripping hard, eating shit cakes.

[1151] Oh, yeah.

[1152] Losing their mind.

[1153] What grows on shit?

[1154] Mushrooms.

[1155] That's right.

[1156] Leave your shit cakes out.

[1157] They're covered with mushrooms.

[1158] eat your shit cakes trip your balls off start talking nutty man when those went these went and when those stood still these stood and when those were lifted up from the earth the wheels were lifted up that guy is this is glossolalia that guy's just that's word salad that guy's high as fuck he's just rambling high as fuck I saw the same thing in Joshua Tree one time this is the stuff by the way that they kept in you know I mean think about that especially in the New Testament the New Testament They had to, like, have, like, meetings.

[1159] Their side.

[1160] Editors.

[1161] What's in there?

[1162] Do you leave this?

[1163] If you look at that...

[1164] Too crazy.

[1165] If you look at that Ezekiel 412 quote now, it's totally changed as nothing to do.

[1166] Like, it's completely different.

[1167] Oh, they've altered the quote.

[1168] Well, you know, it also, it's probably so hard.

[1169] If you talk to a linguist.

[1170] Right.

[1171] You know, I talked to a language scholar the other day, ironically enough, for a Bigfoot show.

[1172] And if you talk to a linguist, they'll tell you that it started off, it was a spoken story for the longest time before anyone even wrote it down and the Bible, many of the stories in the Bible probably existed before language or before written language.

[1173] So like a lot of the stories in the Bible also they're like really similar to the same stories of ancient Mesopotamia and like Sumer and like the epic of Gilgamesh is like really close to the epic of Noah's Ark. It's like really like a lot of similarities in a lot of the stories.

[1174] So they had to write it down.

[1175] They wrote it down and And probably, let's say the first shit was the Sumerians.

[1176] So they wrote it down in, I think it's called Cuneiform or Cuneiform.

[1177] They wrote it down in that.

[1178] And then eventually it became ancient Hebrew.

[1179] And then they got to translate it, ancient Hebrew to Latin, and then it was translated to Greek.

[1180] And it was translated to English.

[1181] Like, they had to fuck it up in a lot of ways along the way.

[1182] I mean, you're dealing with some wacky -ass languages.

[1183] K -Man, I mean, how many people even exist and know how to convert all that shit?

[1184] A lot of the languages are lost Yeah, and when they go over the The Dead Sea Scrolls is the real Trip Factory Read some of the shit that's in the Dead Sea Scrolls The Dead Sea Scrolls are the oldest version Of the Bible by far By almost a thousand years, I think And it was found in a place called Kumran In these caves In the side of a mountain Like the side of a hill And these caves have these clay pots And in them with these, they're literally made out of Animal Skins and it's the oldest stories of the Bible and it's all trippy fucking shit it's all you read it and you go it makes Ezekiel sound normal right and it's so nutty that even though it's the oldest version of the Bible they're very resistant to release it and you like to say well we're going to revise the Bible now according to the Dead Sea Scrolls they're like you know what we've been reading this for a while maybe we need to fucking just bury this bitch this that's where that guy John Marco Allegro, who's the Dead Sea Scrolls guy.

[1185] He was like the head translator for the Dead Sea Scrolls.

[1186] He said the whole thing was about mushrooms.

[1187] He wrote a book called The Sacred Mushroom and the Cross.

[1188] He was the only scholar on the whole Dead Sea Scrolls committee that was agnostic.

[1189] He was ordained minister, but then studying theology, he realized it was horseshit.

[1190] You leaving, Boo Boo?

[1191] Say goodbye to the people.

[1192] Bye, guys.

[1193] We're going to wrap this up soon.

[1194] Anyway, we've got to get out of here, too.

[1195] I've got to go see the premiere of Sirius, the Dr. Stephen Greer documentary, where he reveals the truth about the tiny little alien baby and whether or not it came from the planet Irinas.

[1196] Will you please text me immediately, or live tweet text me during it?

[1197] I need to know what's going on with this little alien.

[1198] I will text you, but is a show only for you.

[1199] I will save the rest of it for when we talk on air.

[1200] So do not expect live tweets or spoilers.

[1201] I'm fascinated.

[1202] And I actually talked to a really cool guy today at a video game company that saw it last night.

[1203] And he said it was really interesting.

[1204] So I'm going to get high as fuck.

[1205] And we're going to see what's up.

[1206] Later, buddy.

[1207] See you tomorrow, man. George St. Pierre tomorrow.

[1208] Yeah.

[1209] So this Dead Sea Scrolls, this guy, John Marco Allegro, said after like 14 years of study that the entire Christian religion was really about fertility rituals and mushrooms.

[1210] It was about tripping balls on psychedelic mushrooms.

[1211] and it was about fertility treatments or fertility festivals and that they would fertility rituals and that like becoming pregnant was like the most important thing like keeping a baby alive was really difficult and becoming pregnant and having you know a child was like the most important thing that they all look forward to it like there was a serious urgency to having children because people were fragile you know and they also knew a lot about the indigenous psychedelic plants and especially what they think the eminida muscaria mushroom he thinks was one of the big ones and that these people just didn't want anybody else to know about it so they hid their stories they hid him in parables and you know they hid the how they you know what their history of the use of this stuff really interesting stuff that I'm way too stupid to understand whether he's right or whether the other people are right but the guy is a legit scholar you know he's not a stoner he's not like one of those guys is trying to justify mushroom use there is something the times that I've tried mushrooms in which I know it sounds stereotypical, but I really think there's something there.

[1212] I mean, there's like definitely beyond science and rationale and what I've been told to expect and this and that.

[1213] There's something extra wild about them.

[1214] And, you know, nothing's really that great as when you can really enjoy that.

[1215] Yeah.

[1216] And it makes for everything.

[1217] luckily, you know, they're finally coming out with these studies that are showing what it's doing for depression and anxiety.

[1218] And it's a supernatural cure at times for people, even with what they called, what are they called?

[1219] When it's a lifelong diagnosis, chronic depression, and people have bounced out of it.

[1220] When they thought that they were going to be miserable for the rest of their lives, it's like, oh, they get.

[1221] It's a real consciousness for a right, a real one, a real one, a real one.

[1222] Not just, like, bowing your head and pretending you feel better.

[1223] It's real.

[1224] It's legit.

[1225] Listen to some of the shit that's in the Dead Sea Scrolls.

[1226] By the way, there's people that are working really hard to try to turn that around.

[1227] It was like the John Hopkins study.

[1228] And my friend Aubrey was just at MAPS, the psychedelic meeting, whatever the hell it is.

[1229] I forget what the, what does that stand for?

[1230] Maps.

[1231] Let me say, MAPS psychedelic, I should know.

[1232] Because they're doing a lot of really good work.

[1233] and letting people know they're an multidisciplinary association for psychedelic studies and they're hitting them with hard science over and over and over again and showing how many people it could be beneficial for and a lot of the people that are trying to hold it back those people that are trying to hold it back it would be beneficial to them as well so people don't understand is that your desire for your resistance to psychedelics is the very reason you need psychedelics in the first place if you really understood what you were resisting like you're really holding God back you really want to believe in God take six grams of mushrooms you'll see them yeah you'll really party with them you'll hang out with them do DMT you'll have you'll meet God for sure you say it sounds crazy it sounds like an idiot saying it and I agree it sounds like an idiot and it's me I agree with you but I think it's probably exactly what Ezekiel was talking about in that story I bet he was tripping his balls off oh yeah he had some crazy psychedelic experience he probably ate some mushrooms or or you know the Moses burning bush scholars to this day actively in in jerusalem there there's a movement for scholars to recognize the possibility that moses was on psychedelic drugs and that's one of the reasons why it's all a burning bush like one of the big bushes that they that they associate with that area is the acacia tree the acacia bush rich in DMT and if that if that if that if they figured out how to extract that shit and smoke it burning bush is right there yeah he met god he found out the tent you It sounds like what God would say if you're high on DMT.

[1234] All those Ten Commandments, they sound pretty right.

[1235] Yeah, don't fuck your neighbor's wife.

[1236] Don't kill anybody.

[1237] Be nice.

[1238] Yeah, it sounds like what DMT would tell you.

[1239] Like, it literally is exactly what DMT would tell you, translated to the filters of time, of thousands of years of various languages.

[1240] But if some guy had some breakthrough experience back then, I was trying to enlighten all the people around him, that's what he would say.

[1241] I came back from God.

[1242] God gave me this message.

[1243] And then over X amount of years of idiots talking about it, it would, no, no, no, no. He wrote it.

[1244] on stone tablets well how did you know it was God's word what did God gave them giants don't mean when people exaggerate and tell stories of course good a thousand years of people explaining what happened they're gonna fuck it up and butcher it just makes sense what was the name of that Mel Brooks movie it's one of my favorite scenes in comedy history when Mel Brooks is playing Moses and he comes around the corner with three tablets and goes my lord I give to you these 15 and he drops the one these ten commandments yeah so funny this is a this is a fucking fascinating these quotes I mean again I can't tell you if these quotes are really from the actual Dead Sea Scrolls but it's it's really wild crazy shit it's just hard to understand how you translate things to English because it's not you're also trying to like display the intent tent with a completely different style of communicating, you know, like the style of communicating that they had back then is probably so alien to us, like socially.

[1245] And so they try to alter it to get it to fit into how we feel they would communicate if they live today.

[1246] They're like, oh, God.

[1247] Many will attempt to steal your crown and rob you of your joy, but they can never succeed because of my presence with you.

[1248] What you have hidden in the deep recesses of your heart can never be removed by the enemy of your soul maintain a strong faith in me and my word and you shall never perish but enjoy life everlasting which I have provided you that sounds like a cult leader it sounds like a dude who's trying to get his dick sucked and he knows where all the gold is yeah life everlasting that's a hard promise to keep who knows that's what it's really said though that's the really fascinating stuff about all this really ancient shit it's like piecing together the past so fucking hard to figure out what anybody really said like this stuff that I've been telling you about this Dan Carlin's hardcore history that I've been listening to for the past couple of months they don't even know what Genghis Khan looked like they don't know what he looked like they don't know where they buried him they don't they don't have any direct quotes from him they have quotes from like people that met with like Russian historians like emissaries and you know and diplomats that met to like demand things before they you know for the Mongols descended upon them I don't know shit about I read a thing about that exactly that they hired like 50 people to bury Genghis Khan and then they hired a hundred people to kill those 50 people so that nobody knew where he was buried and then they hired 500 people to kill those hundred people to kill the 50 people in case any of them told them a thing yeah and they would just ambush these groups of people that were under their own command in order to protect the secret of Genghis Khan.

[1249] They're bad motherfuckers.

[1250] They were willing to take it to a level that human beings today can never conceive of.

[1251] That's all I do now is I absorb all these history is unbelievable.

[1252] It's amazing.

[1253] And now with the internet, you can go non -stop, tangent to tangent to tangent.

[1254] You can forget what originally got you there.

[1255] Next thing, you could just be the different scope of the universe.

[1256] For some reason, like tragic events of 12 AD, don't bother me as much as like Boston of 2013.

[1257] Like I stopped reading about the Boston tragedy.

[1258] It's like I don't want to, you know, I'm hearing about this guy lost his legs and these people, you know, these people were permanently injured and this person died.

[1259] And it's, you know, it's so depressing.

[1260] But for whatever reason, I can read about Genghis Khan or listen to this audio tape about Genghis Khan or doesn't bother me. Yeah.

[1261] We don't know how people, people are terrible.

[1262] They're capable of such horrible, horrible behavior.

[1263] We're not used to We're not around it that often You have to see something happen To just understand Oh yeah There's some of us out there That are just fucking nuts Right It's just in the evolution of things It's hard to It's hard to get all the way clear After a thousand years ago The Mongoloids were Killing tens of thousands It's not the Mongolids Wait what was it?

[1264] The Mongols Oh whatever You can't say whatever man They'll come get you Oh Gingish Khan is like their hero I mean Imagine, like, that's a guy that's in your past.

[1265] You know, we talk about, what did your ancestors do?

[1266] Oh, really?

[1267] My answer was Ganga's fucking Khan.

[1268] My ancestor killed everybody.

[1269] Because King is Khan fucked so many people that he's responsible for, like, a giant percentage of the DNA in that area.

[1270] Like, he's in something like 5 % of his DNAs and some.

[1271] I just made that number out, by the way.

[1272] I don't even go go Google it, okay, because it's not that fucking important.

[1273] What am I, a historian?

[1274] Go look for yourself, you fucks.

[1275] But if you want to find out, get that Dan Carlin's hardcore.

[1276] history.

[1277] I can't recommend it enough.

[1278] The guy puts a tremendous amount of work in these podcasts.

[1279] I really respect his work ethic.

[1280] I'm fucking fascinated by it, man. Genghis Khan.

[1281] It was a motherfucker, dude.

[1282] You know what I'm saying?

[1283] Tony Hinchcliffe?

[1284] Oh, yeah, definitely.

[1285] So, what's next for you, buddy?

[1286] Except, besides Wednesday night at the Ice House.

[1287] Can't wait for Wednesday night.

[1288] With Bert Kreisher and Tommy Seguer and Brian Red Band.

[1289] Jesus.

[1290] Louisus.

[1291] I love it.

[1292] I'm very excited.

[1293] We're going to have some fun.

[1294] Mm -hmm.

[1295] What else is going on for you?

[1296] You're still working on Jeff Ross's show?

[1297] Yeah, we're in between seasons right now.

[1298] Hopefully season three will be really soon.

[1299] The Burn on Comedy Central.

[1300] And you're one of the writers over there.

[1301] Yep.

[1302] So if you see something really offensive, most likely, that guy wrote it.

[1303] You know who did it.

[1304] Tony Hinchcliff.

[1305] He doesn't give a fuck.

[1306] Even if I didn't write for it, I fought for it to be on the show.

[1307] He's born gangster.

[1308] Look at him.

[1309] Look at him.

[1310] It does not give a fuck.

[1311] Came out here from Ohio to make it in the dark world.

[1312] It's true.

[1313] You're from Columbus?

[1314] Originally from Youngstown, an Italian city between Chicago and New York.

[1315] I know where that is.

[1316] I did comedy there.

[1317] I did comedy in this club.

[1318] The funny farm.

[1319] Yeah.

[1320] And they had, the stage was in the back, and there was a disco in the front.

[1321] And the disco was like, well, it wasn't the highest end disco.

[1322] Is that a holiday inn?

[1323] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1324] And it was like all this music was playing.

[1325] Every time the back door would open, you would hear.

[1326] Oh.

[1327] and then it would close and then you'd go back to your act and it would be like literally this quiet and then the door would open so it was just constant open and shut and to pee you had to go that way i think yeah i might have made that up too no that but i remember it wasn't a good gig that club was notoriously um like not really did you ever do it no never never started started out here so didn't you want to go back to just let everybody know i went back a couple times when i first started and did pretty big shows at a different bar but uh that was at a bar oh you just did like you booked your own thing yeah look you you fucking stud yeah who'd you do it with you bring somebody it was just me actually just you by yourself yep i have i have a lot you're savage yeah i have a big a good great group of friends back in youngstown how much time do you have all together well altogether it's weird because no matter what i'm trying to do i always go off on tangents and whatever so it's always I have to end up doing less than my goal anyway and that's a good problem to have yeah yeah it is you get that problem when you do a lot of comedy yeah gotta do a lot of comedy I can't wait how many days a week are you going up every night that's how you do it buddy some nights like last week I had a couple nights where it was three shows in one night just flying around just doing it isn't it amazing when you do that because comedy becomes part of your DNA you know It really gets in that groove.

[1328] It's hard to do.

[1329] It's hard to do.

[1330] Oh, yeah.

[1331] I find, I balance.

[1332] I like to do that.

[1333] I never like to do every night.

[1334] I like to do like three or four nights a week.

[1335] Then I like to take nights a week off and not even think about comedy and just write.

[1336] Where I don't even entertain the idea going on stage.

[1337] I just go over ideas.

[1338] You know, and I find that there's like, for me, I can't just always be going on stage.

[1339] It's like a lot of time has to be spent, especially now working on, I don't know, like six or seventh hour.

[1340] or something like that.

[1341] All the time I put out specials and shit.

[1342] It's like I have to figure out like new angles and new points of view and not even necessarily new points of view, but new subjects, new different things and interest me, new points that I have.

[1343] And I feel like I don't just get that if I just go on stage a lot.

[1344] I have to spend a lot of time doing other shit.

[1345] You know, and I think about that actively now, whereas when I was younger, I really think about that actively.

[1346] Like I would just try to, like, write, you know, just try to come up with new bits.

[1347] But now I, like, make my, myself do things so that cool stuff will come out of him.

[1348] I'll have interesting stuff to talk about.

[1349] It was very soon after I started stand -up once in the first couple weeks, I found a book that Stephen King wrote called On Writing.

[1350] Yeah, great book.

[1351] Unbelievable, because it's obviously, you know, it's not a fiction.

[1352] He's just talking about his work ethic of writing, and he's like, I don't think I'm a writer if I take a day off.

[1353] What am I?

[1354] Then I'm just some guy.

[1355] And so I started applying that during the day, and I figured, know, on top of writing my own stand -up, if I keep up this habit of writing for a few hours every day during the day, then it'll get better.

[1356] And it did, sure enough.

[1357] You know, luckily I'm a member of the Writers Guild now with working on the show and everything.

[1358] So the habit was, really, it was that book that gave me the confidence because you're listening to Stephen King, you know what I mean?

[1359] Yeah.

[1360] One of the best of what he does.

[1361] One of the best of all time.

[1362] I mean, I'm a huge fan of that guy.

[1363] And I just, I just have a thing about people that produce stuff.

[1364] I find that, like, for me, one of the most inspirational things is to be around a lot of other inspirational people.

[1365] Yep.

[1366] Like when I go to a UFC, I want to work out.

[1367] You know, after I come home, I want to fucking work out like crazy.

[1368] When I go see comedy, I want to write.

[1369] I think that's really important.

[1370] Oh, totally.

[1371] I do that all the time.

[1372] Even with the music that I listen to, um, going somewhere, getting ready for something, you know, at night.

[1373] I'll listen to big, powerful music that'll get me, you know, sort of hyped and inspired.

[1374] A lot of live shows is the type of music that I listen to.

[1375] And you hear the crowd just, yeah, you know, in these breaks or at the beginnings or at the end of the song.

[1376] And that's the stuff that takes every little bit of mojo one could absorb to be able to kick it back out.

[1377] Yeah, that's why I really like music as well.

[1378] I think music is one of the cool things to see because it's like the energy's putting it.

[1379] but it's totally different from comedy it's like some new facet or some new energy some new thing and like when I listen to a song like some songs there's like something about it like there's a lyrical quality to like writing in songs that I started to realize somewhere along the line is applicable to comedy as well like when a joke is written correctly and a joke has a good economy of words and the right words to describe the right situations it has like a rhythmic quality to it.

[1380] And I think that's sort of underestimated or overlooked by a lot of comedians.

[1381] The impact that that sort of rhythm to the delivery has, the impact of it, I think it's pretty substantial.

[1382] Oh, totally.

[1383] But we don't think about that.

[1384] We just think about what is funny.

[1385] But it's not just that.

[1386] It's like it's funny and it's also good and it's smooth and it's, there's a lot of things to it that make it more enjoyable, more interesting to listen to.

[1387] A perfect example of what you're talking about right now with the rhythm and like timing and everything.

[1388] Last night, I'm hosting at the comedy store.

[1389] It's like 40 comedians, everybody that's new, and employees after that, and then paid regular, whatever.

[1390] And in the middle of it, a cook, the Mexican guy, El Docho, who works the deep fryer at the comedy store.

[1391] Hey, man, I want to go on stage and barely speaks English at all.

[1392] I mean, the impression I just did is making him sound much more American than he is.

[1393] And he wants to do comedy, and I go, you know what, man?

[1394] All right, but it's just going to be two minutes, okay, this way in case it's, you.

[1395] You know, whatever.

[1396] But, you know, and he goes up.

[1397] But it was hilarious because nobody could understand a single word, but he was completely committed.

[1398] And then all of a sudden he's making this noise, and you don't even know what the noise he was making was.

[1399] But his commitment and his beats with it just, he crushed.

[1400] He crushed.

[1401] And all these other comedians that do it every night.

[1402] And look at going up in that room at the comedy store is like, this is it.

[1403] I'm going to show them what I would do on the tonight.

[1404] show if I was on it tonight.

[1405] Then you have the guy working in the frying pants who nobody understands a word.

[1406] There's people that spend so much time writing and everything but there he is and it sure it's a silly instance but it was extremely funny and if I'm cracking up and the audience is laughing and people in there then it's funny.

[1407] But you know it's really interesting.

[1408] And you did it with that word.

[1409] How do you recreate that and could you recreate that with another audience?

[1410] Maybe not and maybe that would only work in that sort of a really loose situation where it's a comic store a bunch of comedians in the crowd right you want to go up yeah go up and like no expectations right you know i mean it's like could you recreate that and become a comedian right it was yeah because you know how that there's that weird realization you have where just because a joke kills in one place it could bomb in another place oh totally and you say it the exact same way yeah and you're like well what the fuck yeah and then you realize well well there's like this isn't always work like this this is a weird idea i'm throwing out there some people are going to buy into it and some people are not, and sometimes it sounds like the greatest joke ever written, and sometimes it sounds like you're a fool.

[1411] Yeah, because sometimes there's something that happened the first time you did it when it worked, that you did before, that you don't normally do, that you forgot that you did, and it worked because of that.

[1412] I think a good thing for young comics to realize is that that's good.

[1413] It's good.

[1414] All that's bombing and failing and not getting it right.

[1415] It's good.

[1416] Oh, yeah, totally.

[1417] Because if you don't have it, you're not going to appreciate when it goes well.

[1418] I remember in my first few weeks of doing it, somebody when a comedian came up to me who I won't say his name but he was terrible and he goes hey man you know the trick is bomb as often as you can and I'm thinking to myself oh yeah that's what you would do you'll lose her because that's what you're doing anyway but looking back on it now the trick is to bomb what was his rationale well he goes you know because now's the time to knock bombing out if you know how to bomb now it all it ended up making some sense later up terrible so how did he have such wisdom Right, exactly.

[1419] Somebody must have told him that like, hey, you know, look at it this way in a positive sense.

[1420] Your bombing's good.

[1421] I don't think bad comedians are funny anymore.

[1422] It makes me sad.

[1423] It's funny to you right now because it's so close.

[1424] Yeah.

[1425] Now it's just madness.

[1426] I look at it.

[1427] I just see madness.

[1428] There's people that you know that are going to try for years and years and years and you know it's never going to happen.

[1429] Right.

[1430] It doesn't exist for them.

[1431] Yeah.

[1432] it is creepy and I've seen it with a few people and it must be that with anything you watch American Idol and people sing and you're like how does this person think they can sing they're crazy how does this person think anything anyone who wants it must be that if you're a literary agent I mean imagine how many people send you stories you're like holy fuck are you reading this nuts fucking work come here read this what what is that Tony why are some people so goddamn delusional is there a broad spectrum of human beings and the amount of voltage your battery puts out.

[1433] And some people are just designed to dig holes.

[1434] I think that the delusion is, you know, the delusion needs to be that with tons of work at something you can accomplish it.

[1435] Not that the delusion is, I can do this.

[1436] It's, you got everybody that has ever been good at anything worked at it, you know what I mean?

[1437] A lot.

[1438] So it's not, and they wanted it.

[1439] Even if you work at it, doesn't mean you're going to get it.

[1440] Especially with things like town.

[1441] things like talent talent is a weird thing like there's guys i've seen guys that like they train striking like it for mma they train it for years they fucking train it for years but then when it comes to and actually fight they can't pull it off they just they can't strike with people they can't hit they don't move right they're too slow they're like for whatever reason it is they can never figure it out and there's other guys you show them a couple of moves and they look like fucking pros like instantly and they crush you would knock you out with one punch doesn't make any sense it's like either.

[1442] I mean, it's like that guy clearly has a gift.

[1443] And this guy clearly, no matter how hard he works, he's never going to get there.

[1444] It's true.

[1445] It's a weird thing about this life.

[1446] Boy, it must be a real curse.

[1447] A crazy feeling to be one of those guys.

[1448] It's like trying to pursue something and you're having no success and you can't connect the dots and you can't move forward.

[1449] Oh, man. It's, you know, before anything was happening, you know, before when I was still not making money and before I was getting past at the clubs in Hollywood and everything, it was a extremely low I was able to keep having fun by surrounding myself around funny friends and everything but man was it hard yeah it's depressing it's depressing as fuck when you're not making it when you're eating dick out there it's hard but isn't it like a real character builder once you're through to the other side you must be so happy right now oh yeah you're always smiling and shit oh totally you're like a professional comedian boom you got through it's wild you made it yeah dude you you you you fucking killed in Indianapolis those a lot of goddamn people 2 ,000 people out there and you had to go up cold.

[1450] Nobody knew who the fuck you were.

[1451] I love it.

[1452] Killed.

[1453] That's the way.

[1454] That's the way I like it.

[1455] Yeah, the audience loved you.

[1456] I love a lot of positive tweets, man. People really thought you were funny.

[1457] Yeah, it was a blast.

[1458] I listened to the set the next day and I just couldn't even believe it.

[1459] It was really wild because I record all those and the sound and the power of that one.

[1460] Was that the biggest crowd you ever worked?

[1461] I think so.

[1462] Right around there.

[1463] I should know, but it's been right around there with a, couple shows.

[1464] The quote that I was talking about this guy, Phil Elmore, he's a writer.

[1465] He wrote this on his Twitter.

[1466] It says, a writer never has a vacation for a writer.

[1467] Life consists of either writing or thinking about writing.

[1468] And that's Eugene Inoseco.

[1469] He was a playwright.

[1470] That's so true.

[1471] I am Yoseco?

[1472] Yeah.

[1473] I can't sleep at night if I didn't do something that day.

[1474] It's not a vacation.

[1475] I work my vacation.

[1476] Like this is a blast.

[1477] What would be uncomfortable for me is literally being on an island for a week with no internet and no pen and paper.

[1478] Well, people that don't understand that, like, you need to relax, Tony.

[1479] You know, need to stop working so hard.

[1480] They don't understand that you're the only person that can make Tony Hinchcliffe jokes.

[1481] Like, if somebody likes you, you're the only person that makes you.

[1482] You're the only person that performs and you're you, you know, that's it.

[1483] That's the only Tony Hinchcliff's show around.

[1484] Nobody else can do it unless they're in Vegas years from now doing an impersonator act.

[1485] Right.

[1486] Right.

[1487] History is the autobiography of a madman.

[1488] Alexander Herzen.

[1489] That's another badass quote that I read today.

[1490] This might be a good way to end this show.

[1491] Tony Hinchcliffe, thank you for being a bad motherfucker.

[1492] Thank you so much.

[1493] Thank you for coming along and being one of those guys that I can enjoy.

[1494] Enjoy your comedy, man. So happy to be part of it.

[1495] It's happy to have you.

[1496] Welcome to Squad, bitch.

[1497] All right.

[1498] Thanks, everybody, for tuning into the podcast.

[1499] Tomorrow, we'll be back with the good.

[1500] greatest welterweight champion in the history of mixed martial arts.

[1501] George Saint -Pierre, my friend, joins us.

[1502] And people say, will you do to George St. Pierre impression in front of them?

[1503] Only with George's blessing.

[1504] I don't know what the fuck that means.

[1505] Tony, help me out here, buddy.

[1506] Pick up the slack, Tony.

[1507] You mean George St. Pierre is going to be sitting in this chair tomorrow?

[1508] Yes.

[1509] Don't rub your dick on it.

[1510] You son of a bitch.

[1511] Thanks to Squarespace .com.

[1512] Go to Squarespace .com forward slash Joe and sign up.

[1513] use the offer code Joe for and save 10 % off your first purchase on new accounts, you dirty fucks.

[1514] Thanks to audible .com.

[1515] Go to audible .com forward slash Joe and you will get one free audio book and 30 free days of audible service.

[1516] Thanks also to Ting I can't talk.

[1517] What is it, rogan .tang .com or something like that?

[1518] Update, hold on.

[1519] I'll tell you a second.

[1520] Ting, uh, yeah.

[1521] Rogan