#455 - Joey "CoCo" Diaz

[0] The Joe Rogan experience.

[1] Train by day, Joe Rogan, podcast by night, all day.

[2] Boom, son.

[3] Boom!

[4] Here we are.

[5] Back in the house again.

[6] Joe Diaz, the new blue cigarette spokesperson.

[7] Steven Dorff is out and you're in.

[8] And Jenny McCarty could suck my dick, too.

[9] No, no, no. Keep her.

[10] She's so pretty.

[11] I just like to look at her.

[12] She is getting pretty.

[13] She's beautiful.

[14] She really is.

[15] She's beautiful.

[16] That chick, and as she's gotten older, I mean, you know, Everybody gets mad at her and they're down on her for what they call the pseudoscience about, you know, vaccinations.

[17] She's like a real strong opponent of vaccinations.

[18] And, you know, a lot of people felt like she had no business doing that.

[19] She didn't understand the science behind it.

[20] She didn't understand like, you know, how many people are saved by vaccinations and how dangerous it is.

[21] So to this day, I see people taking free shots at her.

[22] But, you know, all that aside, you know, misguided.

[23] non -scientific approach to vaccines on the side.

[24] Her personality's great.

[25] She's great.

[26] She's sweet.

[27] I heard the kid don't even have autism no more.

[28] No. It went away now or something.

[29] I don't, you know, I don't know what he had, how he was diagnosed.

[30] I don't understand autism.

[31] I don't understand it.

[32] And she was pissed about Jim Carrey don't call the kid no more.

[33] You're not sucking his dick no more.

[34] You know what I'm saying?

[35] If you're not licking his nuts no more, what's he going to call the kid?

[36] You'd have to call the kid.

[37] Well, you know, after a while, we're talking about you get different relationships and you move on.

[38] You know, what are you going to do?

[39] And that's why it's a Maybe if he called the kid Then Jenny get on the phone And say Jim, when can I suck you dig again And he would avoid it You don't know You don't know what's going on Well there's the kids still What do we give a shit What are we TMZ over here I just She's nice She's pretty She's got chattas She's beautiful She's got banging tits What's up baby Good to see everybody Red Band in the house My main man What is that photo That you put up Oh it's a picture of Her new show Jennifer McCarthy's new show And Tiffany Hadish is in it also So is Paula Bell That's Paula Bell Oh, right?

[40] Yeah, the far left, that's Paula Bell.

[41] Paul Bell's fucking hilarious.

[42] It's called like dirty little secrets or something?

[43] Yeah, dirty.

[44] And what do they do?

[45] They do something at night?

[46] Um, shit, I don't know what they do.

[47] What is it, Red Band?

[48] I gotta call her back, man. It's called Dirty, sexy, funny.

[49] It's a TV show.

[50] It's a view panelist kind of thing, I guess.

[51] Paula Bell is a fucking hilarious comic.

[52] She's a monster, bro.

[53] She slings heat.

[54] She's at that point where she gets on the stage and she just fucking kills him.

[55] Yeah.

[56] She's become a guy, that's why.

[57] She's got the mentality like a guy.

[58] Like, when you talk, like, sometimes I tweet and she'll tweet shit back at me. I'm like, God damn, Paul.

[59] I'll say, like, wash your pussy, and she'll tell me wash my dick, you know.

[60] So when you have that mental, once you've gone through everything in L .A., you've sucked the cocks.

[61] I'm not saying she's a cocks sucker.

[62] I'm just saying that.

[63] Once you suck the cock, you've taken the lunches, you grow, and you grow as a stand -up.

[64] And one day you go, you know what?

[65] This got nothing to do with what I got to do.

[66] I'm just going to rock every fucking state.

[67] And that's what she does.

[68] Well, she's just, she just, she just knows the formula.

[69] Yeah, she's really funny.

[70] She's really funny.

[71] Always working, always see an airport.

[72] And always friendly.

[73] Always friendly.

[74] You know, very sweet.

[75] I really got it.

[76] It's always great.

[77] You know, there's some nights I go out to do comedy and you bump into 18 douchebags and you go, you do your set, you get in your car and you come home.

[78] And there's some nights that you go out and you see people you haven't seen the year.

[79] You hug them.

[80] You have a fucking, you know, you go outside, you smoke a number.

[81] And you go home and you're like, that was fucking great, you know, that these guys are still doing.

[82] comedy there on some other circuit like last night i saw mark curry you know bro every time i see mark curry it's 15 minutes about the store and he makes me laugh he genuinely makes and i bumped into him at rouse and that's how the whole relationship starts i said he's a great guy you live in the valley call flappers in the hana you're just trying to do comedy you just want to get up and do spots you've already had the tv show he's on another tv show is it really what's his new tv show i'm like a family with chachi he's one of the guys scott bea scott bales got a show on like You know, Nickelodeon, a Nick at night or something, he plays one of the black guys on the show, you know.

[83] Oh, really?

[84] Yeah, but, hey, listen, he's still here.

[85] His show has been off the air for 20 fucking years.

[86] He's a very underrated set up in the music.

[87] Oh, he's a very underrated comic.

[88] He was talking to me how he writes a joke now, that he listens to his joke on his earphones, and he walks to these clubs, and he sees ways to make the joke better in his head while he's listened to a very, you know, like...

[89] Do you listen to yourself?

[90] Sometimes.

[91] And I turn it off and fucking want to do heroin.

[92] Shut that off.

[93] Oh, I'm so sorry.

[94] It's all right.

[95] I record all my sets and I listen to most of them.

[96] Unless I didn't have to.

[97] Unless I knew what translate.

[98] No, I didn't take any chance.

[99] But every time I do, I get that much stronger.

[100] Yeah.

[101] Every time I watch a video, I get that much stronger.

[102] It's like watching game tape.

[103] Yeah.

[104] You got to analyze yourself.

[105] You got to analyze yourself.

[106] I just can't.

[107] You know, if you look like me, you don't want to look at yourself.

[108] I don't want to hear my fucking voice.

[109] You know, it's very hard for me to go to a movie that I'm in.

[110] I want to fucking cringe when my role comes on or something.

[111] I don't like that stuff.

[112] There's people that are great with it.

[113] I just don't.

[114] I don't want to hear my fucking voice.

[115] So when I'm hearing my tapes from the night, like when I go to Lafaxe, when you go to the ice house, they always give you your set from the night before.

[116] When I fucking put that on at the house or something, I get sick to my fucking stomach.

[117] You know, I don't focus on the material.

[118] I'm focusing on me. Look at the size of my fucking head.

[119] Look at the size of my stomach.

[120] Look at the fucking stomach.

[121] knows what we're going to do you know so and that well that's what we we hide from a lot of times self -analysis but i do know that if you do it you just become that much better it's like watching game tape you know it's like really watching game tape and if it's i'll tell you when it gets really interesting when you do a weekend at a club like you do Thursday Friday sat at Minneapolis and you tape all three nights that's very interesting to watch it when you leave there to see how you evolved all three nights and what mannerisms you made and what mannerisms you want to take off Especially for a new bit.

[122] Yeah, and it's amazing what habits we get that you try to break, you know?

[123] Like I always say, do you know what I'm saying?

[124] And that's a fucking ugly habit.

[125] And I don't even know I'm saying it, but I'm saying it.

[126] A lot of people say like.

[127] Like.

[128] So it's very rough when you listen to yourself.

[129] You see these little nuances that you're like, God damn, I didn't hear myself say that.

[130] You know when people should listen to themselves the most is when they say fuck too much and they don't realize it?

[131] I see it all the time.

[132] I see it all the fucking time.

[133] But the extra fucks, where it's like, The fucking guy with this fucking thing with the fucking...

[134] When you do that, it takes away from the word.

[135] The word doesn't mean anything anymore.

[136] It takes away from the fuck.

[137] You crush the power of it because you've overused it.

[138] Like, that was something they taught me in Boston.

[139] That was a big, big thing in Boston.

[140] Breaking the fuck meter.

[141] He's breaking the fuck meter.

[142] It's really wild.

[143] Did they have that when you were out in Denver, when you were coming up?

[144] They had nothing.

[145] They had nothing.

[146] No art to it, no, like, direction.

[147] No, well, they had a guy, Matt Woods that wrote for me. Roseanne and a bunch of other guys, and he did something on Tuesday nights before the open mic.

[148] You know, it's really weird what happened with him and I. He liked me. He was from Long Island.

[149] And the first night I ever got on stage, he was, you know, the comedy works does an open mic on Tuesday, then the last guy is a real headliner.

[150] Right.

[151] He does 45 minutes.

[152] And my first time on stage, June 18th, in 1993, he was the headliner.

[153] I'd never seen a live stand -up show before.

[154] And I went, and that's the night.

[155] I knew I was going to get on stage.

[156] I went with my ex -wife, and we went, and I got on stage, and he was the headliner.

[157] So he came up to me right after, and he goes, dog, we don't stick with this shit crazy.

[158] He goes, you got it right, but he goes, you got 60 % down.

[159] You got the presence down, and that's part of it.

[160] He goes, you got a right.

[161] So we became friends, you know, and I would go.

[162] And then one day I got a call, like two years later, that he started a writing thing before the open mic.

[163] Well, I was really fucked up then.

[164] I used to work at the Sports Betting Service, and I'd have to take a bus from Boulder to Denver, And I'd go pick up an eight ball And then call the club and cancel I'm not going to fucking Denver by bus When I got an eight ball at home And sometimes I would do it But literally I had something And after a couple months One day he came up to me He's like let me ask you I had a t -shirt on I had a white t -shirt on And he came up And he goes can I talk to you about something He goes listen man You come here obviously you don't give a fuck He goes you're the funniest motherfucker I hear without even trying He goes could you imagine if you wrote He goes after time you cancel and you don't go to my classes.

[165] He goes, why do you do this?

[166] And, dog, I was going to punch this guy in the fucking mount.

[167] You know when somebody's, like, calling you out, and you're like, what the fuck did I do to deserve this?

[168] Yeah.

[169] I could see if I said something.

[170] But he kept going.

[171] He's like, you know, you shouldn't even come here no more.

[172] You are really talented, but you're wasting your time.

[173] I know you're doing below.

[174] Those wake -up calls are huge.

[175] Dog, I left there with my hands clenched, and I walked to the bus stop, and I walked back to clobberum.

[176] And I never wanted to see him again.

[177] Never wanted to see him.

[178] again.

[179] But those words sank inside of me. I didn't even go home and do the Coke that night.

[180] He depressed me so much because he was right.

[181] When somebody's right, you can't raise your hand to them.

[182] Sometimes you get mad, but you're like, the motherfucker's right.

[183] And at least he had the balls to not call me out for 20 people.

[184] He pulled me aside and sent these things.

[185] He's from Long Island.

[186] He knew how to do it.

[187] And he just read me the riot act.

[188] So I never see him again.

[189] I moved to L .A. and I'm trying to get into a room.

[190] You know, the first 90 days is like getting out of rehab when you move to L .A. You got to get out.

[191] You got nothing happens.

[192] Happens at the couch.

[193] You got to get out.

[194] Libraries, coffee shops, you know, the Spanish rooms.

[195] And one night I finally, Rudy wouldn't return my calls.

[196] That's how I met Rudy Moreno.

[197] He wouldn't return my calls.

[198] I said, fuck it.

[199] I'm going down there.

[200] You know us, bro.

[201] I'm old school comic.

[202] You're not going to return my calls.

[203] I'm going down there.

[204] It's a Spanish room.

[205] I'm Spanish.

[206] What the fuck?

[207] I walk in.

[208] And Rudy sees me. He goes, all right, go up.

[209] And I had to follow that guy that used to be the detective.

[210] I like my women.

[211] How I like my coffee.

[212] Dwight.

[213] Caros, uh, as...

[214] No, no, not as Rocky.

[215] The guy in the late 80s and 90s that would go on stage with a detective jacket and a hat.

[216] He would always do the improv.

[217] When he'd play that, that stick from the...

[218] I went to my office.

[219] I smoked a cigarette.

[220] Oh, who was that guy?

[221] What was his name?

[222] Oh, my God.

[223] I'm there, Red Band, and I got to follow this fucking monster.

[224] He had been on all the evening at the improvs, all those shows, but you could tell he was getting old.

[225] The Rudy had him down there.

[226] I'd go up on fucking stage.

[227] and I ripped that room apart.

[228] You know, like when you're fired up about something, you're mad, seven minutes I went up.

[229] Just caught the wave.

[230] Just took that room apart.

[231] Followed that guy like he was butter.

[232] You know, when you get warm, a hot knife, and you stick it in a Carvel cake, and it goes right the fuck through.

[233] It was just, I just sliced through that room.

[234] When I got out of stage, who do you think was there?

[235] Matt Woods in the back with Brian Dunkleman.

[236] Do you guys remember Brian Dunkleman?

[237] Yeah.

[238] He was on the first season of American Idol, and then he blew it.

[239] They gave him $3 million, and he fucking told, what's his name, the sucker's dick.

[240] So now he's doing the American Idol and the casino and some Indian casino.

[241] But he was there with him.

[242] Matt Woods, the guy who told me off, who told me to get my life together.

[243] And said all those things to me. So when I walked off, I saw him.

[244] Tommy Sledge.

[245] Tommy Sledge.

[246] That was him.

[247] I had to follow Tommy Sledge.

[248] So when I get off stage, Matt Wood sees me, and I killed.

[249] And I walked up to him, and I go, bro, you have no idea how close you came to dying that night.

[250] And he goes, I know.

[251] I could see it your eyes but it did something to you and ever since that time we became tight friends I lost my communication about five years ago his brother got sick in New Mexico and we lost numbers but I always look for him on Facebook because that guy sent me straight about comedy he pushed my button so much bro in those days I was so fucked up I would have killed him seriously I would have fucked him up but he wasn't lying to me right every time I want to punch him I'm like he's not lying he's not fucking lying so if Matt Woods is listening I want anybody He knows how they got a Matt Woods.

[252] Tell him, thank you for making me a fucking man. That's what he did.

[253] People can tell you things.

[254] It wakes you up.

[255] That God, I didn't raise my hand for that guy.

[256] Thank God.

[257] I wouldn't have been the same fucking person.

[258] Thank God.

[259] Yeah, no kidding, right?

[260] I had a guy tell me that I started out really good, but now I kind of dwindled off, and I realized he was right.

[261] He was another comic.

[262] I believe his name is Jonathan McGuire.

[263] He's a real nice guy.

[264] He was one of the guys we all started out with together.

[265] There was a whole group of us in Boston.

[266] And about six months in, man, I was still fighting.

[267] I was kind of like half -assing comedy, you know.

[268] And he said to me, we were all, like, waiting in line to sign up for open mic night.

[269] But he was just matter -factly about it.

[270] He's like, you started off really good, but he just kind of dwindled off.

[271] And I just sat there.

[272] I didn't even respond to him.

[273] I just sat there, and I immediately was like, shit.

[274] He's right.

[275] He's right.

[276] Totally right.

[277] How could I fucking say something bad here?

[278] He was my friend, so I never got angry at him.

[279] He just was right.

[280] I mean, he wasn't even saying it to be mean.

[281] He wasn't a dick at all.

[282] He was just kind of being honest.

[283] He's like, you started off really good, but then you kind of just whittled off.

[284] And I was like, fuck, I did.

[285] And so then I realized, like, I got to quit fighting.

[286] I got to quit martial arts.

[287] I can't just half -ass this.

[288] If I'm going to try to be a comedian, I can't try to do two things at the same time.

[289] It's too hard.

[290] That guy was, like, one of the main reasons why I made that choice.

[291] That experience where I knew I was just confronted with undeniable truth.

[292] I don't think that people could do that anymore because of the PC in us.

[293] I think comics still do it to each other.

[294] It's important, man. Someone to tell you that bit sucks.

[295] dude that bit's all fucked up like what do you say like come on man the bit is like there's a piece of this in that bit i didn't even think of that yeah i remember that this part of that that's this guy's thing oh yeah yeah yeah yeah fuck that happens like you got to have a guy come up to you and tell you might be on a you might forget like i had a buddy mine forgot that he had heard a joke and then started repeating it and then i said dude that's dennis miller's joke it's like shit you could see in his face like fuck if someone's not there for you to tell you that bit sucks or that bit stolen or that bit's hack you might accidentally fuck up it's possible you need you need guys to be able to tell you no I'm very happy that Matt Woods called me out that night it was uh I remember I still remember going there with a fucking t -shirt on to the comedy works it was one of the best clubs in the country Tuesday night there's 200 people in there watching open mic I'd go up there and kill just by talk in three minutes because it's Denver just my accent kills just the accent kills just me going up there just talking about the Broncos being friendly just being friendly kills you know It's just, it really was, he really, and him and all those guys, Matt Woods, Matt Berry, Matt Berry ended up selling, like, six shows to NBC, big -time writer, still around.

[296] Well, it's also important for someone to cut you down the size, because when you're starting out, you have a really distorted perception of how good you are.

[297] You think you're way better than you really are.

[298] Well, that's what the comedy for, that's what the Comedy Store Original Room is for.

[299] Yeah.

[300] The Comedy Store Original Room, I love going in on a Sunday.

[301] When you come back from someone, you just kill for four days and shit.

[302] And you're like, watch this, bitch.

[303] And you go up there, nothing happens to me. Nothing.

[304] Nothing.

[305] Just eat dick.

[306] I just destroyed it in Minneapolis for three nights.

[307] And here I am on a Sunday night dying during the early show, like the 79.

[308] You would see that on Sunday nights especially because guys would do weekends somewhere else and do really well and come in and just get humbled.

[309] It is really.

[310] It's a devil's room, man. The devil's room.

[311] He'd make yourself your soul.

[312] That's how he'd make your soul by making your bomb in that.

[313] It was good for both of us as a transitionary period.

[314] But that type of room, like especially high conflict, no crowd control, that becomes like you develop a more hostile style than it's kind of necessary because of that.

[315] Sometimes that could be really funny.

[316] You know, both of us, I think a lot of our style developed because of the hostility of that room.

[317] I have, I am thankful.

[318] I am thankful because one night I got a call.

[319] maybe eight years ago and it was a Thursday night in Houston a Wednesday night in Houston they had maybe 20 people in the audience and Johnny Sanchez fucking destroyed the room destroyed the room to the point where Pete called me drunk and he goes I saw something tonight I only saw two people do he goes who you kidding every one of my Wednesdays is dead the headline is bomb there's only two people there was only one who could kill with 20 people in the room that was you until I saw Johnny Sanchez Johnny Sanchez called me next day and said that to me he goes it's really hard to believe that people don't do this we do this every night at the comedy store yeah what we did every night at the fucking comedy store eight people because I went up at 1245 bro you know there's eight people left and they've already heard every premise every joke every fucking news line so you have to go up there and just come out you know yeah you got to come out like John Jones on the fucking floor coming out crawling That's big part of why Kinnison became Kinnison Kineson was the cleanup batter Kinnison would go on at like 1 o 'clock or 12 o 'clock at night depending on whatever night was It was like the Kinnison spot was the late spot at night And you know All these different comics had worked out Already the audience You could start an audience At the Comedy Store at 8 o 'clock You could sit down at 8 o 'clock And stay there until 2 o 'clock in the morning Nobody kicks you out The show just keeps going So Kinnison would go up after Who knows how many hours And hours and hours as premises and setups and punchlines and he would Oh, ow!

[320] Reset the whole room.

[321] I live in hell!

[322] I live in hell!

[323] Oh!

[324] Oh!

[325] Hell!

[326] I was married for two fucking years!

[327] Hell would be like clubbed!

[328] It was just fat and fucking sweaty with an overcoat on.

[329] Like, everything was off.

[330] He had sneakers on and a t -shirt with an overcoat and was like, what is this guy doing?

[331] What the fuck's going on here?

[332] Screaming with the power of a preacher with a head injury that's what he was it's a preacher with a head injury greatest comic of all time came out of a head injury is that what it was yeah you never read his book Brian actually gave it to me I already have it Brian gave it to me for Christmas it's out there in the front it's called Brother Sam yeah Joey actually once I read it I read it in Seattle I haven't read it since 95 when they used to that's the one when they talk about Houston walking down to a bar and then they would talk about going to Tommy's going to eating the condiments.

[333] My brother Sam is the cherries.

[334] The brother wrote it.

[335] The brother wrote it.

[336] The big part of it that keeps sticking with me was that he was like this really normal, quiet kind of kid.

[337] And then he got hit in the head.

[338] He got like hit by a car.

[339] And he got really fucked up.

[340] And when he recovered, he became this reckless fucking maniac.

[341] He became Kinnison.

[342] So, you know, a big part of what made him so amazing might have been an accident.

[343] Like that happens.

[344] sometimes like there was a story recently about a guy who got hit in the head he had some sort of head injury and then he came out of it and he could play music like there's weird things that happened sometimes I went to school with a girl that had a head injury and then she got huge tits and I'm not trying to be funny I wish I was lying to you this chick was flat chest of this fuck got a head injury her freshman year by the time she was a junior her tits were fucking ginormous and she'd become like this sex fucking crazy chick like just and I went to grammar school with her.

[345] I knew she wasn't a sex fiend.

[346] And I bumped into it, like, when she was a senior, and she was fucking nuts.

[347] I was a junior, I was like, Jesus.

[348] Big fucking tits.

[349] And just wanted to fuck.

[350] Just, you know, like, if this guy doesn't fuck me, you're going to fuck me. I'm like, I don't think so.

[351] I never fuck me. What if that's the head injury?

[352] I think it was.

[353] Now that you said that.

[354] Well, think about Kinnis and now she won't talk to me. Now she made up, I'm a buddy in mine bumped into her.

[355] And she goes, I don't talk to that motherfucker.

[356] Now she doesn't talk to me now.

[357] Well, because she wouldn't fucker?

[358] I don't know what it was.

[359] She's so mad.

[360] In the freshman, that's the girl I got left back over.

[361] Oh, wow.

[362] In the seventh grade for meeting her pussy and shit like that.

[363] She wouldn't let me bang her.

[364] I just dry hump her and sucked her and suck the tities and stuff like that.

[365] Then she had a head injury.

[366] When she was a freshman, I was a...

[367] Pull this up, Brian.

[368] An eighth grader.

[369] Teenager credits musical talent to head injury.

[370] We'll play this because it's pretty crazy shit.

[371] That's amazing.

[372] So she became a freak from a head injury.

[373] I'm not shocked, man. You know, we had a guy on the podcast.

[374] Dr. Mark Gordon, who is a specialist in traumatic brain injuries, dealt with soldiers and athletes and all this different people.

[375] And, you know, the way he talks about it, man, it makes you really fucking question how smart it is to get hit in the head on a regular basis.

[376] Because when this guy starts talking about what can happen, like, he was talking about like water skiing, that water skiing, the jumping up and down on water skis can fuck your brain up and give you brain damage because your brain is sloshing around inside your skull.

[377] I never even thought of that.

[378] But he was like, it wouldn't even be a concussion.

[379] Like, you would be damaging your brain by just your brain sloshing inside, like headbanging.

[380] Like, there might be a reason why headbangers are so fucking goofy.

[381] One of the reasons why they're goofy.

[382] You didn't bang your head by mistake and you're off for a death in the shower.

[383] Yeah.

[384] Coming up, that handle with the soap.

[385] Like, I banged my head one time then.

[386] I was off for two fucking days.

[387] I was off.

[388] I was, what do I mean by off?

[389] I didn't hear voices or, you know.

[390] Just didn't feel you.

[391] Just didn't feel me. Yeah.

[392] I got a concussion.

[393] my freshman year, playing football.

[394] Think about it now?

[395] Yeah, I felt a little off for a few days.

[396] You're not yourself.

[397] Well, you know Ryan Parsons.

[398] Ryan Parsons got hit in the head with a golf ball, and he told me he wasn't the same for six months.

[399] He said he got hit with a line drive, cracked him right in the head.

[400] He said he went down like a meteor came from the sky.

[401] I mean, he hit him right in the fucking head, like really bad.

[402] That's a dangerous thing, a golf ball to the fucking head?

[403] Like, people think that's funny.

[404] You're laughing at you.

[405] You like Ryan and you're laughing.

[406] I like him because who's, gets hit in the head with a guy.

[407] He was playing golf?

[408] Uh, yeah, he was playing golf.

[409] Fuck, that's what happens when you play golf.

[410] Oh, no. Fuck you.

[411] Don't be playing fucking golf.

[412] You need a cup and a headgear.

[413] Did you hear about the foreign accent syndrome, where the woman just turned into like a Japanese lady, and she's never even heard of...

[414] Well, she speaks with an accent.

[415] No one's ever learned an actual language.

[416] It happened to Madonna, too.

[417] Yeah, she just took some guy, Richie Dick.

[418] She just fucked her English.

[419] He fucked her English.

[420] He put a gun in her house.

[421] She's like, chip, chip, chale -ho.

[422] revealing their findings for the first time.

[423] What is this?

[424] I want to see that kid.

[425] Let's play that video that I asked to pull up.

[426] The kid is a fascinating story because he got hit in the head and he credits that to his musical talent, a brain injury.

[427] Not that you should go fucking hitting your head.

[428] It's not always you become a comedic genius or a musical genius.

[429] Probably somebody's got a buddy at home.

[430] Are you ready?

[431] Hit me with the hammer.

[432] Yeah, I suck at comedy.

[433] Come on.

[434] You're going to hit me in the fucking head.

[435] And I'm going to get better.

[436] bro some some guys with head injuries are funny you just had it up yeah it's not playing right god damn it I forgot to bring that new laptop please remind me our laptop's old as fuck you know every day we find that more and more things about brains and especially with the NFL and the guy shooting himself and what's going on and listen man I think that you're right I think that you have the magic you don't know how many hits it's going to take Nobody knows.

[437] Nobody knows how many times you do this until one time you hit the right thing, right?

[438] When people get knocked out, what happens after that?

[439] They get knocked out all the time, right?

[440] Doesn't that happen?

[441] It can, depending upon how much time you give it.

[442] The only person that I've seen recover from a brutal knockout and retain his chin is Bisping.

[443] Bisping got knocked out by Henderson.

[444] It's one of the worst knockouts ever, but hasn't been stopped since except for one time against Vitor Belford, and it was a head kick.

[445] I mean, everybody gets stopped by that kick.

[446] The kick that hit Vitor, if you're a fucking human being and he head kicks you with that chin to the head, most likely you're going to go down at least.

[447] And that's what happened at BISBing.

[448] He went down and he wasn't even unconscious.

[449] He got TKO.

[450] The referee stopped the fight.

[451] And, you know, he didn't object.

[452] It was a good stoppage.

[453] But the point is he didn't lose his chin from that one knockout.

[454] His chin's still pretty solid.

[455] He's been hit real hard.

[456] Just that one knockout by Vitor is the only other one.

[457] I think I have mild PTSD.

[458] I'm sure you do.

[459] What are you talking about?

[460] I know you do just by hearing your stories.

[461] I know for a fact that some nights I lay down and I'll think of something and I'll think about the worst case scenario and I'll say, why'd that pop into my head?

[462] What is that reasoning?

[463] Why did that pop into my fucking head?

[464] And then I think about early on in my life, those first fucking 15 years were just brutal.

[465] Yeah.

[466] You know, my mom said that the first three years after my dad died, every time a door would open, I would turn around just to see if it was my dad, you know?

[467] That has to stay with you the rest of your life.

[468] and my boys dying, you know, my Domenes Special, and Anthony, my mother dying all at one shot.

[469] You're finding your mother?

[470] I always know that when I see somebody, like Anthony, I saw at 6 .30.

[471] Anthony, I saw at 6 .30 at night.

[472] Dog, you want to come over and eat?

[473] Nah, my mom made it.

[474] You want me to come over after dinner, nah.

[475] I got to do homework and shit.

[476] I'll see you tomorrow at school.

[477] And then he went home.

[478] His mother had no milk.

[479] He got in a car with his brother, went to a supermarket, and some guy ran a red light drunk.

[480] Boom, killed him.

[481] I go to school next day.

[482] Where's Anthony?

[483] You didn't hear what happened, though?

[484] What happened?

[485] He died last night.

[486] How can he die?

[487] I was with him until 6 .30.

[488] What did he do from 6 .30 at night?

[489] We were fucking in the 8th grade.

[490] What did you do?

[491] Go to a disco?

[492] So I know for a fact.

[493] And I haven't gone to talk to anybody, but I started getting this, I started getting it a little stronger the last four years, maybe because I'm off the blow.

[494] Maybe because I'm off the blow now.

[495] It's coming to haunt me a little bit differently.

[496] It doesn't affect me in my everyday life.

[497] It affects me in different situations Like with my daughter, like when Terry drives with my daughter, I get nervous, I get nervous with my friends.

[498] I get nervous about my friends a lot, bro.

[499] A lot because I know what it is to lose a tight friend.

[500] I know that you can't recover from that.

[501] You know, we're very fortunate that we all have each other.

[502] So I know that this PTSD, I have it at some levels, you know.

[503] When I hear a gunfire, I fucking go crazy.

[504] Even on TV, like sometimes I think about what these kids go through.

[505] When you're in a school, you can't imagine guys being 24.

[506] and being at a school.

[507] And some guy comes in with one of these new fucking age guns.

[508] You know, you go hunting.

[509] You know what a shotgun sounds like.

[510] Yeah.

[511] You know what a 45 sounds like.

[512] Think of these new M16s that they come in.

[513] Those fucking clicks and those ticks and you hear the bullets going in.

[514] All that shit affects me. Even on TV, bro.

[515] Even on fucking TV when I watch it.

[516] I got to like, I don't want to watch this shit.

[517] The day you called me and told me you were going to the movies.

[518] And I was like, don't go see that fucking movie.

[519] Wolf of Wall Street, yeah.

[520] That was too crazy for me. But it goes to show you what I really want to talk to you about, how crazy were the 80s?

[521] That's not exaggerated.

[522] The 80s are insane.

[523] That's not exaggerated.

[524] Especially with cocaine.

[525] I think that was all the 90s, actually, because I think 87 was when the big crash was.

[526] Right.

[527] That's when he started working.

[528] That was his first day in the office, right?

[529] It was still fueling motherfuckers.

[530] Right.

[531] November 18th, 87, something, it was around there when we crashed.

[532] November 8, November 10th.

[533] You know how I know, I got to, I kidnapped the guy a week later.

[534] Really?

[535] Yeah, I kidnapped the guy in 87.

[536] Yeah, I kidding up.

[537] So I remember.

[538] He was delivering newspapers.

[539] I remember that, but the 80s, when I went to see that movie and I saw the blow, like, my heart stopped a couple times.

[540] But by the 20 -minute mark, when I went to see that, when I went to see that movie at the Lemley, I saw four white people run out of there, like Gentiles.

[541] How about when he was blowing coke in her asshole?

[542] Oh, that is raw.

[543] But that was it.

[544] That was it.

[545] His straw in her asshole and he's blown coke in there.

[546] Yeah, and I was watching Boogie Nights when they go over.

[547] That's my favorite scene and a lot of movies.

[548] Which one?

[549] When Markey Warburg and the guy go to the guy's house, the guy from Spider -Man Su, and the Chinese guy with the firecracker.

[550] Do you know how many houses I went to at 3 in the morning that will like that?

[551] Really?

[552] Like, just, like, you walk in and you're like, something ain't right.

[553] We went to one in Arizona where something wasn't right.

[554] Oh, yeah, you remember that?

[555] Those parties, something ain't right.

[556] You walk in and you're like, you know what?

[557] Something ain't right, and something's going to go down at this house.

[558] Yeah, like, you know, waiting for vampires to fucking.

[559] fucking blow and blood to spray from the ceiling like the opening scene in Blade it's fucking crazy well that's a lot of it is that amphetamine cocaine uppers sort of party scene it's very sketchy like if you're going and meeting some people that are involved in that world you don't even know it like you think you think they just oh it seems like a nice guy when we were in Phoenix I didn't even know that everyone was on coke until Brian pointed it out me and Brian were hanging I never done coke I know when people are kind of being speedy I kind of guess that they're on Coke But since I've never done it, I don't know the actual.

[560] The faux patois.

[561] Yeah, I could tell if someone's high.

[562] I could tell if someone's drunk because I've been high and I've been drunk.

[563] The Coke thing's like a guess, just a guess for me. But we were in this club, and Brian goes, you know, everyone here is on Coke.

[564] And I was like, everyone?

[565] He's like, everyone's on Coke.

[566] Everybody.

[567] Look around.

[568] Everyone touching their nose.

[569] He goes, and they're all like planning businesses.

[570] And you look around, and they were.

[571] They were all touching each other's nose.

[572] They're like, dude, I'm fucking totally into that, man. We can sell that shit through my company.

[573] your company, and they're gacked up, making plans that will never take place.

[574] Never take play.

[575] They only remember them in the morning.

[576] Yeah, it's a fascinating thing, you know.

[577] And that's the other thing, on top of all the death I saw and all that, then you got 25 years of fucking heavy -duty powder.

[578] Yeah.

[579] You know, like I tell you guys, towards the end, the last three years, I knew it was time to stop snorting at night when my spine would start fucking hurting.

[580] The bottom of my spine would start fucking hurting, and I feel like little firecrackers going off, little electrodes, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.

[581] Wow.

[582] I knew it was time to quit right then and now.

[583] Wow.

[584] That's crazy.

[585] You know, it's funny how I always wanted to write a book about my life.

[586] I don't want to write a book about my life no more.

[587] I want to write a book about the 26 -year fiction.

[588] Listen, you should be crazy to write a book.

[589] This is what you should do.

[590] What you should do, if you want to do a story in your life, you do a story where a guy puts a fucking camera in front of you and you start talking.

[591] To lose you talking loses 90 % of the entertainment value of anything you said.

[592] say you're a master talker you when you talk it's it's entertaining it's beautiful to listen to why would you want to limit that to the printed word that's the last thing you want to do you want to make an audiobook at the very least but more likely you'd want to look at your face you'd want to do a video maybe an audio book with a video companion to it but don't write a book too much would be missing you're too you're too it's like that that form of expression is too limited for you it's not that it's not you know that you couldn't write it book and wouldn't be interesting.

[593] I'm sure it would be interesting.

[594] But a big part of your genius is your relaying of information, like you understanding who's listening to you.

[595] And you, because of the fact you grew up in this really fucked up way, because of the fact you grew up with all this loss and this like extreme, like, extreme desire for friendship and extreme loyalty to your friends.

[596] Like you, one of the things that I love about you is the same thing that I strive for myself is to be extremely loyal to my friends, and that's who you are.

[597] That's all that comes in to play, like, the immediacy and the importance when you're talking to people.

[598] Like, there's a vulnerability, there's a lot of shit going on that you're just going to miss in the print, you know?

[599] I'm not trying to blow smoke up your house.

[600] No, no, no, I know.

[601] You're not the first guy that said it to me. Fuck a book.

[602] You just talk.

[603] You just talk.

[604] You're the, you know, you're the funniest guy on the planet when it comes to just talking and telling stories.

[605] It's just weird that, you know, I went to Minneapolis and, you know, I went to Minneapolis and the guy was clean and we were talking in between shows about Coke stories and we were both looking at each other like fucking crazy shit that that made you do like 30 years of my life 26 years of my life was focused around that like my thoughts at one part of the day were like am I going to do it tonight or not like the same way people think about eating and I'm not glamorizing it or nostalgic it's something that I want to just uh it's scary it's ugly like when I think about my god damn the people I bumped into the women I'm bumped into it was like well especially east coast right and if i was selling my soul you know they were fucking definitely selling their fucking soul you know in a huge way the things they were i mean it was just uh it's really fucking interesting where you live and that's for any addiction joe that's for fucking those pills you know which is really destroying us it's the pills it's not the fucking meth that they're making of tennessee not us but it's the fucking doctors and these fucking prescriptions you know in hollywood everybody's on a fucking prescription you do know that everybody a lot of 90 % of people are fucking prescriptions for something even if you go to a a and this kind and i know it in hollywood i shouldn't say that aa as a whole but i know people in hollywood that look me in the face and i'm clean and sober from alcohol but i'm taking pills that the doctor gave me so i don't kill somebody so i don't do this so i don't do that so i sleep at night so at the end you know you go to the house and i got 19 fucking pills what's a fucking difference you know yeah yeah did you listen to the podcast yesterday with War Machine?

[606] No. He gets anxiety too, and he takes Lexapro because of it, but he's cleaning sober.

[607] Other than that.

[608] And what does he say about the Lexapro?

[609] Helps him.

[610] Helps him, you know, he did a year in solitary.

[611] Oh.

[612] When they put him in jail in Nevada, they found out he was an M .MA fighter, and they decided to remove him from general population for everybody's safety.

[613] I mean, he's got a fucking grenade tattooed on his neck.

[614] And the kids built like a pit bull, you know, so they're like, fuck this guy.

[615] He's not beating up any guards or whatever he's planning on.

[616] you know let's put him in solitary so they just decided to put him in solitary for a whole year crazy story but fucked him up it was already fucked up going in and they took him off the lexapro when he got in crazy story so he's going through withdrawals because he's been on this stuff and i don't know how lexpro works but i would assume you probably have to wean yourself off of it now don't they let you bring that in if you're in prison some places but not nevada they let him bring it in in california if he was arrested in california they'd let him bring it in they would take He would go to the prison doctor and they would give him his medicine.

[617] But not in Nevada.

[618] Nevada is like, fuck you.

[619] You're a criminal.

[620] We're barely going to keep you alive.

[621] We're not going to give you shit.

[622] He could sue them.

[623] Maybe.

[624] I don't know.

[625] Maybe.

[626] It's your need.

[627] It's like a religion.

[628] Yeah.

[629] You know, if you go to jail and you're a Muslim, you need vegetarian fucking meals.

[630] They don't give you that Muslim diet.

[631] You could sue them.

[632] It's part of your fucking religion.

[633] People do it all the fucking time.

[634] That the case, like if they're serving pork chops and if you're a Muslim, they they got to give you a fucking vegetarian.

[635] A Muslim fucking dish, man. They got to have a special fucking deal for you.

[636] So if you, all right, I have sleep apnea.

[637] I go to fucking county jail, okay?

[638] All right, he killed somebody.

[639] Whatever.

[640] He lit a house on fire.

[641] Still got fucking, this is one of the only countries you have rights as the accused.

[642] As the accused, you have rights in this country.

[643] Tons of fucking rights.

[644] A lot of people don't know about it.

[645] So I go to L .A. County, the next fucking day after the first night, my attorney goes down and says, guys.

[646] Either he needs to get transferred to a hospital for a sleep apnea, and we need to bring the machine in.

[647] They're going to go, no, we can't bring the machine.

[648] It could be a bomb in there.

[649] They've got to transmit to a hospital.

[650] That takes three or four fucking days.

[651] My blood pressure goes up.

[652] I got a heart attack.

[653] Guess who's getting sued?

[654] Can you imagine that?

[655] Does that how it works, or would you just have to deal with it?

[656] No, you just, how can you deal with it?

[657] You have a fucking, you know, let's say you're, I know if you have a mental health issue, you break a window.

[658] You know, the people who don't take their medication.

[659] Right.

[660] They break a window.

[661] They take you into jail.

[662] You want these people in here without their fucking medication?

[663] Same thing applies.

[664] Anxieties is fucking silent.

[665] killer for some people it's not at that i was never at that point for me but i know people that i've spoken with that it's a fucking they can't be in certain situations wow because it's just mind bogging for them can you imagine being in solitary being in a room like this no air conditioning no windows that does shit to you sometimes when i work out and i can't breathe and there's no doors open in the gym i get fucking anxiety just because i want to go out and just get air for five minutes just breathing the air i'm back just being cooped up in a corner of doing fucking deadlifts at the fucking the kettlebell thing.

[666] Sometimes I got to walk through the door.

[667] Sometimes I make him open up the garage door.

[668] I get anxiety just from being in that position.

[669] So I can't imagine what he did in an 8 by 6 sell.

[670] For a year.

[671] For a year.

[672] How big is a fucking cell?

[673] It's tiny and they give you shit food.

[674] I know you're at home going Joey, but he's a criminal.

[675] I understand.

[676] In this country, the criminals I don't care.

[677] Even the World Trade fucking bomb.

[678] Sammy the Bougarvano.

[679] They were all under that fucking jail in Colorado, Tomahawk, whatever it is.

[680] They got rights.

[681] They got right.

[682] You got to give them their medication.

[683] You've got to give them this.

[684] Yeah, otherwise you're torturing them.

[685] I mean, the idea of punishing people for something is very strange because the idea is that you're going to take some person, you're going to put them in jail for the rest of their life and make them, like, feel terrible and be, just moan and rot away.

[686] It's very, like, medieval and archaic.

[687] But they couldn't be, they couldn't be a productive member of society.

[688] Yeah.

[689] Jails are not bad.

[690] I'm not going to sit here and tell you, I'm a felon.

[691] I can't vote which are trying to overthrow all that shit Are they really?

[692] Some states Obama wants to vote Oh Obama wants to vote But it's funny because A majority of people Are felonies in the country Are black Well who would be next Because actually I shouldn't say Obama wants to vote Because he won't be He won't be eligible But so who would be That they would benefit From that I gotta pick some new black guy Coming deep from the south And shit No I'm just But I saw that Public enemy coming true You never know Can you have a black planet baby but it's it's really amazing like when I went in I had the reef of so I had trouble sleeping they put me on fucking what's that shit they put you on when you're crazy that the Thorzine did you know they had me on Thorzium in prison Thorzyne or three weeks yeah that's what they called Thorzine Thorzine they had me on that in prison for two or three weeks because I couldn't sleep at night whoa so they have miss you know you have so many misdiagnosis misdiagnosis in that yeah like they couldn't figure out And I know, you know, like, listen, if a, this is a tough, this is a very complicated subject in our country because everybody was going to chime in on this, you know, but a guy who gets in trouble has rights.

[693] No, it's not right that we don't put somebody who smoked pot in jail for 26 fucking years.

[694] But some guy who kills a fucking little girl or a little boy or lights a house on fire has no respect for society needs to get put in jail, maybe that'll slow him down.

[695] We've discussed this before.

[696] Yeah.

[697] There's no rehabilitation.

[698] from prison, bro.

[699] There's no class that you take to come out and be a better person.

[700] It's how much of this do you want to take?

[701] How many, you know, prison isn't about the food.

[702] We goof here.

[703] The food, oh, you're going to get fucked in the shower.

[704] That's all bullshit.

[705] The thing that, if you're a man, can you imagine me coming into your room every morning kicking your bed?

[706] How would you feel?

[707] Every morning, if I came into your room and just put the fucking light on that five and go, Rogan, get up, bitch, and kick your bed.

[708] How many mornings before you, you stabbed me, legitimately.

[709] If I would live with you and I would live downstairs, I came into your room every morning, kicked your fucking bed and said, hey, bitch, get up.

[710] How long would it take you to stab me?

[711] What if you had an eight -year sentence?

[712] Take a lot left.

[713] And I'm a guard.

[714] I'm already a guard.

[715] Yeah.

[716] What would you do in life?

[717] That's what makes you not want to come back to prison.

[718] Because it's not somebody fucking in the ass.

[719] It's your manhood, bro.

[720] With me, it was my manhood.

[721] They took my manhood away.

[722] there's a man telling me what the fuck to do and you have to listen and you have to listen and there's no two ways about it and they can treat you in a way that no one else's society is allowed to be treated you know how that guy said to you Joey you started all good but you teed it off you didn't get mad because not what you say it's how you say there's another way to say that you're going to haul off and punch me in the fucking mouth and that's how they say it they're always testing you that thing that you have in you because they know they can and that's it that's what makes you not want to come back when you look at that place and go I never want to be put in this position again a man is never going to talk to me in that fucking manner again.

[723] I'll die before some motherfucker talks to me like that.

[724] There's two types of that.

[725] There's some people who, you know, oh well, but there's some people go inside like me. You know, how am I going to live without fucking Chinese food?

[726] I mean, these are the little things that I thought about, but these are the decisions you make are not going back to prison and not going.

[727] Prison's a bad thing.

[728] But people are bad fucking people.

[729] I need to get stops in time.

[730] With me, Joe Rogan, I needed to get stopped sometimes.

[731] I had been doing drugs since I was 15.

[732] I was 27 years old.

[733] It was a six -month process that I didn't have to do drugs.

[734] I have to think about drugs.

[735] That makes you see life a lot clearer.

[736] And it makes you ask you this question.

[737] Do you want to be in this?

[738] Do you really want to come back?

[739] I mean, there's people that sit around all day talking about H Block in Kansas.

[740] You were there, Joe Rogan?

[741] Come on, dog.

[742] I was there.

[743] That's the baddest place.

[744] The pork chops on Tuesday, bitches.

[745] Red Band, who did time in Columbus.

[746] I wasn't, and they're proud of doing this tour that they do.

[747] Wow.

[748] They're proud of doing this fucking prison tour.

[749] I was up there.

[750] I partied out with him one time.

[751] What did you party out?

[752] You were in a fucking jail cell shooting heroin, sharing a fucking needle with some other guy and you're partying out.

[753] What the fuck partying out is that?

[754] Some fucking black transvestite suck your dick.

[755] That's a party, really?

[756] So you got to remember the mentality of some of these guys, bro.

[757] This is it for them.

[758] This is it.

[759] bro, I got a fat chick that sends me money I'm straight They get some chick that wants a boyfriend In prison because you know you got a thousand of them fucking dummies Yeah, what's that about Thousands of those dummies To dudes that are in prison That's a common thousand of those dummies They don't fuck, they don't suck They just bring you groceries And then like and then it's funny Because let's say I date you Right let's say I date this girl And she's bringing me groceries I'll ask her dog You got a homie to hang up Hook up with my boy over here And she'll say yeah I got a home me for her she needs a boyfriend she'll be like 450 pounds she's fat she's a recession but this bitch makes like 80 ,000 years she's dying to have a boyfriend she goes to that jail she gets a boyfriend they take pictures to get on the weekends it's fucking crazy wow that's so weird and they're not allowed conjugal visits right no until then comes a time you know when you're short but they i don't think they allow conjugal visits because of boston i think when that guy was gonna be president out of massachusetts like 10 years ago oh yeah yeah 15 years ago he He got in trouble.

[760] The caucus had conjugal visits in Massachusetts and somebody killed somebody.

[761] So they had to stop them across the country.

[762] I don't, don't, don't please, don't.

[763] I don't think it was a conjugal visit.

[764] I think he had a release, like a temporary release, like a furlough.

[765] He could go on the weekends somewhere and he killed somebody.

[766] I know Willie something.

[767] I know the feds, like, let's say you're in a Lompark or, like, the low minimum security places.

[768] is, I know you come in for the weekend and fuck somebody.

[769] You can?

[770] I know you're coming for two days.

[771] Willie Horton.

[772] That was the guy's name.

[773] Downtown Willie Horton.

[774] I think that was his name.

[775] Wait a minute.

[776] Murderer.

[777] Yeah, it was a huge scandal, right?

[778] Yeah.

[779] Because he killed somebody on a furlough.

[780] That's what it was.

[781] What's his name?

[782] Willie Horton.

[783] It is Willie Horton.

[784] Yeah.

[785] And that's it, bro.

[786] And they get out and they got some chivalo.

[787] that's feeding them and sending them money every week?

[788] How about the other thing with Dukakis, his wife starts drinking paint.

[789] Remember that shit?

[790] Do you remember that shit?

[791] His wife went crazy and she was drinking everything.

[792] She was drinking like antifreeze and like fucking deodorant.

[793] She was drinking cologne.

[794] What was she drinking?

[795] That's like a paint thinner or some shit.

[796] Yeah, she, what was that disease called?

[797] That's actually like.

[798] No, no, no, that's not what it was though.

[799] It was her, she was an alcoholic.

[800] And she was trying to break clean, and she couldn't do it.

[801] And so she was trying to take anything.

[802] That thing when you need paint, like lead, it's like attraction to lead.

[803] That's not what it is.

[804] This was an alcoholism thing.

[805] It's Kitty Dukakis.

[806] I know the homeless people in Columbus, Ohio, used to always drink alcohol, rubbing alcohol.

[807] That was their thing.

[808] Yeah, well, that's what she drank.

[809] Kitty Dukakis drank that stuff.

[810] I mean, it was a huge disaster.

[811] Yeah.

[812] Yeah, she had a huge battle with alcohol.

[813] apparently.

[814] Is she dead now?

[815] I don't know.

[816] You can't fucking paint then.

[817] She's 37 years old.

[818] She's still alive.

[819] Oh my God.

[820] Keep on rocking in the free world.

[821] Well, the problem of the stress was off her after her husband disappeared from the limelight.

[822] Like being the limelight is like that trying to become the president.

[823] Oh my God.

[824] What a fucking crazy way to live your life.

[825] Remember, and every four years it's lightened up.

[826] Like now it's impossible.

[827] Like now you have no social life with the camera.

[828] numbers and the iPhones and every, you know, 30 years ago, you'd get away with little things as a present.

[829] Now, they have you on every fucking level, every step, you're a responsible, you know, every word you say is on the internet.

[830] You know, the next morning after a state of address, whatever, they got you on every level.

[831] It's got to be, that's the hardest job in the world.

[832] That, and being a professional athlete in New York City.

[833] Yeah.

[834] No kidding, right?

[835] New York City's brutal to people.

[836] They will fucking torment your world, dog.

[837] You have one bad game, they will fucking torment you.

[838] Yeah, they'll turn on you.

[839] And they feel justified because they know how hard they work and they know how much you make.

[840] And they're like, fuck him.

[841] Fuck you.

[842] They get rid of people.

[843] I mean, you know what?

[844] The teams don't get rid of people in New York.

[845] The media does, basically.

[846] Really?

[847] Yeah, look what happened to Mark Sanchez and the Jets.

[848] What happened?

[849] The media fucking got, you know, it was too overpowering.

[850] Look at Teetbo doing blow in Miami last week of this and shit.

[851] Didn't he get in trouble for doing blow?

[852] I don't know.

[853] But look, you know, the, you know, He was a quarterback of New York.

[854] The media fucking gets you out before.

[855] And they even make a decision.

[856] They have to listen to the media.

[857] It's so overwhelming.

[858] That's interesting.

[859] And especially like a really vocal town like New York.

[860] Like they are really, really into their sports.

[861] They're fucking, those giant games are brutal.

[862] Those giant games are brutal.

[863] Yankees?

[864] Yankee games are fucking brutal.

[865] Yeah, they love.

[866] Bro, we never talked about fucking his Gumi bears.

[867] Those testosterone gummy bears he was popping.

[868] Gumi bears.

[869] Fucking A -Ride.

[870] You didn't read about that?

[871] He was taking testosterone gummy bears?

[872] Gummy bears, like in the first inning, so he'd be on fire by the seventh inning.

[873] That's who he was doing?

[874] Bro, you don't read him, you didn't watch 60 minutes.

[875] No. Come on, dog.

[876] I thought you knew about this.

[877] I don't know.

[878] Homie was kicking shit up to a different level.

[879] Gummy bears, I like it.

[880] Because I guess they piss you after the show.

[881] They piss you, like the UFC after the fight.

[882] After every game, they test piss.

[883] They piss test.

[884] Right.

[885] So how would he get away with it then?

[886] I guess the level would go away.

[887] It was just spurt.

[888] But you got to read all this.

[889] You got to let me know.

[890] You've got to fill me in on all this shit.

[891] He'd have to use a fake dick.

[892] And it's all hearsay.

[893] I mean, the guy never got caught.

[894] They offered him $50 ,000 to disappear.

[895] I mean, it's all fucking hearsay.

[896] I don't even know what's really going on.

[897] I know the other guy tried to retire yesterday.

[898] But I know A. Rod is coming back.

[899] He ain't coming back.

[900] Bro, they just fucking hate him.

[901] Who's the other guy?

[902] Jeter.

[903] Jeter.

[904] Jeter retired.

[905] 20 years.

[906] You think they're related?

[907] Like, he just knows they can't take stuff that they used to take anymore?

[908] That's definitely happening, right?

[909] A lot of guys are getting pop.

[910] where they used to be able to protect themselves.

[911] And then guys like McGuire and, you know, guys who kind of came out about it, now it's like sort of revealing the whole undercurrent of...

[912] McGuire was cool.

[913] That motherfucker knew that he was on.

[914] He pulled the Joey Diaz.

[915] He disappeared.

[916] He disappeared.

[917] He just disappeared for the nine years.

[918] He just, he knew it.

[919] He knew.

[920] He just disaffucking peat.

[921] And he came back and he was like my size.

[922] He's like a normal person.

[923] Is he small now?

[924] Oh, yeah.

[925] Yeah, he looks like a guy that works out.

[926] But, I mean, you remember what it would have.

[927] A gorilla he used to look like?

[928] Oh my god.

[929] They had these forearms, these pop -eye forearms.

[930] They were like a fucking, like a horse's leg on the meat of their forearm.

[931] Just this manly, remember Steve Garvey?

[932] That motherfucker had the most ridiculous forearms.

[933] The Dodges, yeah, yeah.

[934] I remember when we were, like, when I first started lifting weights when I was in wrestling, people would talk about Steve Garvey's forearms, and we would do like these little wrist curl things with a string.

[935] The string, we attached the weight to it.

[936] and you do it like that and it burns out you We were like Steve Garvey Like get forearms like Steve Garvey Because he had these like They were ridiculous They were Popeye forearms Do they have pictures of it?

[937] Pull up Steve Garvey's forearms Take a picture of this shit He does like some guys like known for their Body parts in some weird way But Garvey was one of them And he's like an all -American man Guy looked like he belonged In a fucking G .I. Joe comic book With his sturdy eyebrows What's the matter I'm just looking for a good one that has a good They don't really have this pop -eye arm ones Did they show his forearms in any of them What were you ooing and on about Do you see anything?

[938] Mark McGuire Oh yeah he was gigantic Chagontak They When they started Did you Google his forearms Why don't you try that What the fuck would you Google that Bro you suck at Google All right, whatever Forget it Unless you could find it.

[939] That motherfucker had some big -ass wrists, and he would hold that fucking bat in his forearms are just ginormous.

[940] There's one picture of it.

[941] That looks like him without a helmet on, which doesn't make any sense.

[942] Yeah, that was years later.

[943] That was years later.

[944] Yeah, that's him at a charity game or something.

[945] Either way.

[946] You know, the guy from the fucking Yankees, the Yankees had this Japanese player, not Ichiro Suzuki, the one they had before him.

[947] Brody.

[948] Dog, you could see that motherfucker's quadriceps to his plane.

[949] pants.

[950] Oh, I bet.

[951] I used to look and go, what the fuck is that?

[952] Like, that's too...

[953] Like an upside -down V. Yeah.

[954] An upside -down V would be coming right down the front of his fucking legs.

[955] You're like, God damn.

[956] That picture is a shit.

[957] It's a fairly decent picture, but you'd really have to see him swing in a bat to realize how fucking ridiculously strong his forearms were.

[958] Pretty decent, though.

[959] You could see, though.

[960] And it wasn't like bodybuilder muscle.

[961] He had, like, hairy arms and shit.

[962] He was a man. You know, it wasn't all shaved down.

[963] Lean.

[964] He probably drank beer every night.

[965] He just fucking, he just had man strength.

[966] Just crack you with that bat.

[967] Whoa, him and Tommy Osir like, getting friki.

[968] Yeah, and freaky's a beautiful hair, too.

[969] Fucking guy's a man. Manly man. How did we get on the subject of giant forearms?

[970] We're talking about someone with some.

[971] Yeah, so the Gumi Bears, he would take these fucking things.

[972] Like in the first inning?

[973] In the first inning.

[974] And he must have had a rubber dick.

[975] The guy where he would text the guys And the guys would text him back The doctor He would say is now the right time The guy would text him back Yeah And he would fucking pop to Oh I see I see what that So what that would mean Is this probably It was time release it It was time released Okay let's find out Find out what he did Fucking tremendous Fucking tremendous Fucking tremendous dog I thought you know all about this No After you take testosterone Testosterone Testoster Put Arod Gumi Beers And see what comes up Took PED Gummies And dugout There you go A -Rod took P -E -D dummies Gummies Wow It was revealed by a doctor Dun -da -dun A doctor did it Damn A doctor ratting him out So sad But he admitted it He admitted it right Well this is what I think Let me tell you what I think bro Look Where's the gummy bears When people I think the Yankees have to pay them a lot of money I think they don't want to pay them So I think a lot of this they went after this doctor Gave him some money to tell the channel Because everybody else got in trouble They suspended this guy for a fucking long -ass time You know like when people want somebody To stop doing something like John Gotti The feds were going to do whatever they were going to do To get John Gotti and throw him in fucking jail It didn't matter what they had to do Lie on the stand They didn't give a fuck This is the same thing they're doing with this guy What does it say there Brian Does it say anything about how long?

[976] I'm looking for how long it takes for a test positive.

[977] So just see if you can find that.

[978] How long it takes, because it'll be too involved to keep up a podcast and do it.

[979] So they would take it, I bet that's what it is.

[980] I bet it takes like eight hours to get into your system or something like that where you pee it out.

[981] Probably doesn't, you know, quite get into your piss track.

[982] I don't know what he did after the game.

[983] They talked about it on 60 minutes, what he was doing after the game.

[984] Very interesting.

[985] Shit.

[986] Now testosterone gummies to give you surge for that.

[987] So let's say, there's a UFC, He's going to fight on the 7 o 'clock card.

[988] He's the third fight.

[989] Yeah.

[990] He could pop the fucking testosterone pill or the gloomy while the fight ahead of him is on.

[991] You know what's interesting, man?

[992] The argument against letting them do that is not that good.

[993] Like, he got guys like Jose Canseco.

[994] He's fine.

[995] He's in his 50s and he looks great.

[996] Like, that guy was the juice monster.

[997] He was the juice monster.

[998] I mean, I know he's only one person.

[999] And I know if you want to do a real study of Bay of him.

[1000] Baseball players, you have to look at a bunch of them that used and or abused steroids.

[1001] But, man, I don't know.

[1002] I mean, what's the worst thing that can happen?

[1003] And is it anything like the worst thing that can happen if you play football?

[1004] Because that's fucking legal.

[1005] It seems like the worst thing that would happen if you play football is you get fucked up.

[1006] What's the worst thing you happen if you do MMA?

[1007] Obviously, I support that.

[1008] The worst thing you happen, you can get fucked up.

[1009] What's going on with these baseball players that just get bigger?

[1010] It seems to just get bigger.

[1011] Like, McGuire's around.

[1012] He's not bigger anymore.

[1013] but he seems fine he's coaching baseball Sammy Sosa became a white guy I don't know what the fuck happened there What happened there?

[1014] I don't know Sammy Sosa is it like a skin condition He says it's a skin condition I don't know maybe Maybe he's Michael Jackson Goomy Biz Well my friend who's a doctor told me That there are certain Filipinos That he treats Not that he treats That his friend treats Or someone he knows treats That take a specific supplement Or a specific drug that is designed to make your skin paler and it's like a common thing that they do this here let me let me find out why I said Filipinos because he told me that the people that he knew that it had gotten it done were Filipinos it says that these gummies cycle in and out of the system quickly yeah drug test would have to happen right soon after taking it really yeah that seems weird yeah that's weird You know, we evolve every fucking day.

[1015] Why won't we think drugs are going to fucking evolve?

[1016] We evolve every fucking day.

[1017] I mean, they don't even have edibles no more.

[1018] They have capsules now that you take.

[1019] That'll put you on a different fucking planet.

[1020] If you're on a diet or something now, you're diabetic in Hollywood.

[1021] In L .A. for fucking T .8s, everything now.

[1022] Yeah, this is, let me tell you about this shit that they're doing.

[1023] This is freaky, man. These people taking this shot to lighten their body.

[1024] this is really fucking interesting man yeah they take a few shots of this stuff and it starts to this is weird they have pictures of people before and after they did it oh my god it's intravenous glutathione injections what the hell man they gained popularity in the US and Philippines in 2007 and came to Pakistan in a little over a year and a half ago Wow The doctor says My mission is to Help patients battle pigmentation That's a bad accent Right Is that how someone For Pakistan talks Maybe Yeah I could get away with it Maybe A couple shots They start lightning Dark spots start to fade away That's interesting Well whatever man Do whatever the fuck you want to do What do I care?

[1025] What is your argument then You're saying that For you have For MMA Well for MMA it's different This is why it's different for MMA because your main goal is to inflict damage on people.

[1026] And if you have an unfair advantage in inflicting damage on people, it makes you get away with things you probably wouldn't get away with if you are a mere mortal, mere mortal working with a mere mortal's body.

[1027] There are repercussions to hyper testosterone levels and hyperhuman growth in hormone levels over prolonged periods of time, but there are also benefits of having high testosterone.

[1028] if you were the type of guy who takes way more than you're supposed to take and does it all the time you wouldn't be able to do it forever but you could conceivably go through a strong camp doing that and you would have an advantage you would have a physical advantage doesn't mean you're going to win the fight because there's still skill and technique and will and heart and courage there's a lot of things that you can't measure and put a you know you can't quantify them but what you can quantify is that you take the same person the same will and the same heart the same desire, and you give them steroids, they become a badder motherfucker.

[1029] It's just that simple.

[1030] Your body recovers faster.

[1031] When your body recovers faster, you can train harder and get more work done.

[1032] You can do things that you can't normally do, like work three hard times in a day.

[1033] You know, you could do that.

[1034] You mean, there's a lot of guys who get through that shit just on sheer force of will, force their body to respond.

[1035] But there's other guys who get on the gear.

[1036] And they get on the gear, and they can pop through those fucking three.

[1037] And still hard work, don't get me wrong.

[1038] They're still putting in some fucking mass. hours, they're still busting their ass, they're still exerting a lot of will, but they get a little chemical help.

[1039] And that chemical help is undeniable.

[1040] And part of the problem with that chemical help when it pertains to fighting is that what we like about fighting is not just watching an athlete perform.

[1041] What we like is the battle of preparation and will and willpower and determination that allowed you to get to be that person, that's standing across the octagon from that other person.

[1042] and knowing in your heart of hearts that this is a 50 -50 proposition and you're going to throw yourself into the fire and try to smash this motherfucker this other badass motherfucker that's been training just as hard as you perhaps just as long as you just as deadly as you are and you know how fucking deadly you are but he's juiced to the gills just juiced up here and he's been working out in a way that you haven't been able to because he's been putting in extra sessions because he's been repairing his muscle tissue really quickly so he has more energy the next day.

[1043] He has more cardio because he's taking EPO and blood thinners and all those things that cyclists take.

[1044] He has more growth hormone in his body than a normal person because he's injecting into his body despite the fact that he's only 26 years old.

[1045] That shit's real.

[1046] That's real.

[1047] That's real and it's happening.

[1048] And that's where it becomes a problem because the purity of the competition comes into question when you know that someone's received artificial help.

[1049] I mean, the argument is that everybody receives artificial help.

[1050] help.

[1051] Hey, they're all on it.

[1052] They all like to say that.

[1053] People, Vitor just said that recently.

[1054] Everyone's using during camp.

[1055] He actually said that.

[1056] Maybe he's right.

[1057] Obviously, he knows more than I do.

[1058] He's in those camps.

[1059] The best I do is do a little training occasionally with guys that fight.

[1060] And I'm not in their camps.

[1061] I'm not fucking doing two days with them.

[1062] If Vitor says it, you got to take that for what it's worth.

[1063] He's a world class fighter.

[1064] He's a former champion.

[1065] He's fought all over the world.

[1066] If he tells you a lot of guys are using in camp, I have to assume he's right.

[1067] Now, if let's say I do a camp, how long till it's out of my system, I do a six -week camp.

[1068] It depends.

[1069] I mean, I didn't know about these Gumi bears, as you say.

[1070] I'm going to say it like that from now on, Gumi bears?

[1071] No, but this is just, I don't know.

[1072] I'm talking about I go to Mike Doche, I'm going to fight fucking Carlos Con do it.

[1073] The first week, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just saying.

[1074] I'm just, I'm a 170, I'm a 22 -year -old guy.

[1075] I'm going to fight him.

[1076] I got a six -week camp.

[1077] When do I start shooting and when do I stop?

[1078] That's a real good question.

[1079] I mean, I don't know if you would need it if you're 22.

[1080] The guys who probably start using it, they get a little older and they start using it.

[1081] It could fuck you up when you're younger.

[1082] And it's one of the reasons why some guys have gotten testosterone use exemptions early in their life, like even their young 20s, because they use steroids and then their testosterone shut down.

[1083] The production shut down.

[1084] And so then they might not have even tested positive fighting.

[1085] You know, that's also a possibility for testosterone use exemption, that you've always had it from the beginning of your martial arts career, that you got a doctor's note before you ever fought, so you never cheated.

[1086] And it could be because you used steroids when you were younger.

[1087] You could have been a bodybuilder or a football player or someone who took too much stuff and fucked up their own endocrine system.

[1088] It's super common.

[1089] So for a guy like, say, Chris Wyden, who swears up and down that he never uses anything, and I believe him, and I talk to everybody that he trains with, and I believe him, I think he's just a stud athlete.

[1090] For a guy like that, who doesn't take anything, is it fair for him to fight a guy who's taking something?

[1091] I don't know.

[1092] You know, I don't know.

[1093] It's an interesting question.

[1094] If the doctors say that you could take these supplements, you could take this testosterone, you could supplement your testosterone.

[1095] If the doctors say it's okay and you allow that in a world title fight, I almost think, I almost think that everybody should be allowed to do it.

[1096] Almost think that everybody should be allowed to do it if that's going to happen.

[1097] If they're going to continue testosterone replacement, I almost feel like it should be up to the fighter.

[1098] And that would be a point of discussion when you do the commentary that uh you know he's chosen not to use testosterone and he fights with his natural testosterone whereas this guy doesn't that's almost something that we should talk about like as an option because people are rigging the system you're getting charismatic doctors who talk to athletic commissions and tell of a guy who's got a medical problem but what they leave out is that the guy just got off of a six -week steroid cycle so when they they do a test of his blood after he's clean of all of his steroids, his testosterone is low.

[1099] It's because he just got off of it.

[1100] It's not what a normal man, normal man, you know, 300, 500, maybe 800.

[1101] No, his is like 160.

[1102] Well, why is his 160?

[1103] Because his body struggling to regain testosterone production.

[1104] It's not because he has a sickness that you're addressing with medicine that otherwise he wouldn't be healthy and wouldn't be able to do it.

[1105] He's, he's done this to himself.

[1106] And we know they've done this to themselves.

[1107] So that's when it becomes a real issue.

[1108] What it becomes a real issue is you're favoring people.

[1109] who have cheated.

[1110] And, of course, the argument for the people that have gotten caught is, like Vitor said, hey, man, everybody's doing this.

[1111] They're all using.

[1112] I got to go with him because he's the guy that's in the trenches.

[1113] He's the guy that's, you know, one of the main guys of the black zillions.

[1114] If he says everybody's using, who knows what the fuck's going on?

[1115] Who knows if it's just maybe means a lot of people use when they get injured, maybe it means a lot of people use when they go to a doctor because they're dealing with something specific, recovery from surgery, whatever the fuck it is?

[1116] I don't know, man. I don't know, but what is all that, Brian?

[1117] This is supposedly what Alex Rodriguez is an alleged drug regime.

[1118] There was glutathione was on that.

[1119] What's that mean?

[1120] That's the antioxidant.

[1121] H -G -H -G -H -R -E.

[1122] Oh, he had glutathione cream.

[1123] Oh, wow.

[1124] How weird.

[1125] Well, listen, man, think about how much fucking money Alex Rodriguez made.

[1126] Throwing and catching a ball.

[1127] Hitting a ball.

[1128] What did he play?

[1129] What position he'd play?

[1130] Think outfield I think he plays the Outfield shortstop Think about how much money That motherfucker made He was a huge star Huge star Huge star Tons of money Fucked every bitch Here's the problem With these guys This is the only Thing I have Yeah To defend him The only thing I have Is that their fucking season Is long bro That's a long ass It's hard to do That's a long ass season Did they play two games in a row They do double headers Yeah that's what I mean Four or five in a year Maybe I don't know what the exact So how do they do that They started noon or something like that?

[1131] Sure, they start at noon, but that's not it.

[1132] I'm talking about they start in fucking, they start playing baseball at the end of January, and they go through October.

[1133] Yeah, there's already training camp.

[1134] That's it.

[1135] They're in Arizona right now throwing a ball around.

[1136] It's mid -February.

[1137] It's a lot of money, man. But, hey, it's a great job.

[1138] It's a great job.

[1139] You know, football players, same thing.

[1140] It's a long fucking season, 17 weeks every fucking week.

[1141] You have one day off a rest after Sunday.

[1142] You know what Sunday's like?

[1143] You don't want to know what you wake up feeling like on Monday.

[1144] Oh, yeah, I can imagine.

[1145] Especially if you're a linebacker, you feel like a fucking truck hit you.

[1146] That's what's been hit.

[1147] You got hit 18 times by a fucking truck.

[1148] I remember when I was on the wrestling team, sophomore year in high school, I never worked harder at anything in my entire fucking life.

[1149] I couldn't believe how sore I was just walking home every day.

[1150] You know, we were carrying kids up fucking stairs and doing crazy drills and a lot of firemen's carries, carrying people around the wrestling room, a lot of fucking drills, a lot of wrestling, and then running.

[1151] I mean, it was unbelievable.

[1152] from no working out at all to like this unbelievable workout schedule.

[1153] I mean, I think I'd done karate a little bit, but it was barely a workout compared to this wrestling practice.

[1154] It was like barely.

[1155] Nothing, nothing.

[1156] Everybody line up, sidekicks, hey, hey, hey, it was nothing.

[1157] The room you're in is 100 degrees for three hours.

[1158] And it's best.

[1159] The room you're in is 100 degrees.

[1160] Then you've got to run stairs.

[1161] I used to play football and watch them practicing, and I would die.

[1162] And I'd be running sprints with, like, equipment on it.

[1163] You're like, I'm dying.

[1164] And you look over at them, and they're on the third floor running fucking 80 times up and down.

[1165] You're like, God.

[1166] There's no better conditioned athletes than wrestlers and then after wrestlers, mixed martial arts fighters.

[1167] Mixed martial arts fighters may be even over wrestlers because they have more things to do.

[1168] You know, they think about striking.

[1169] You think about submissions.

[1170] But wrestlers set the pace.

[1171] One of the reasons why mixed martial arts fighters fight and compete at such a high level is because the example shown by, like, real high -level wrestlers.

[1172] They just take conditioning to this whole new place.

[1173] and then I think honestly if I really be honest about it I think that the elite MMA players take it to another place entirely to take it to one more players because they involve striking I got to tell you something and I've never looked at the clock and said I wish I could live my life again but if I was 25 again I'd beat Joe Lozahn I wouldn't want to fight in the gym I would just want to do jiu -jitsu yeah it's so fucking interesting what an interesting so you wouldn't fight in the UFC but you would be like a jiu -funk no I go to tournaments everywhere Joe why don't you do it now has changed your life now is that which you said it's that you said it's changed your life now yeah how's it changed you i love it i just think it's i love getting beat up i think that when you it just prepares me for everything when i go to see for me jih Tzu something completely different than what is for somebody at 20 you know they want to go to competitions and shit for me it's just getting healthy for me it's like a goal like when i first went i could do three hip escapes now i could do the whole floor and back and i got to stop you know right i could do i can't still do any judo rolls that's great though hip escape all the way up and back back and then the other one and then the one where you hip escape and pull your leg back and flip around that's how I broke my toe and, you know, I'm learning all this shit that I've always loved Joe Lozahn.

[1174] I've always loved the Jiu -Jitsu guys.

[1175] I love Eddie.

[1176] I love Marcello.

[1177] I love Cobraina.

[1178] I love Jiu -Jitsu.

[1179] Once you throw a punch, yeah, it's fun.

[1180] A kick to the head is fun.

[1181] But when you see a really, really good Jiu -Jitsu, like I don't watch no shit on YouTube.

[1182] I watch videos, music videos, and I watch Jiu -Jitsu on YouTube.

[1183] Look at Eddie, Bravo.

[1184] Oh, please.

[1185] He's 163.

[1186] The kid's ripped.

[1187] No, he's really working hard, man. He did three workouts last Wednesday.

[1188] He goes to John Jock's every night.

[1189] Oh, he's dedicated as fuck, man. My friends call me from John Jock, and they're like, you should have saw Eddie tonight, bro.

[1190] Yeah, he's dedicated as fuck.

[1191] So, Eddie's doing, like, John Jock teaches a class, and he's got Eddie on the side.

[1192] So he rolls, then he got Eddie on the side.

[1193] They say it's pretty fucking interesting to watch.

[1194] That's awesome.

[1195] I can't go to the fight.

[1196] I'm in Florida that week.

[1197] Oh, yeah?

[1198] No way.

[1199] When he called me, I was already booked.

[1200] I can't.

[1201] Did they sell tickets?

[1202] With Dead Squad, baby.

[1203] Damn.

[1204] Yeah, it's Fort Lauderdale, and I can't, you know.

[1205] Damn, I wanted you to be there for that.

[1206] Me too.

[1207] He wanted me to.

[1208] I told him, no, I wouldn't walk down the thing with him.

[1209] He goes, why not?

[1210] I go, remember fucking, uh, when James walked down, fucking whatever.

[1211] I ain't walking, nobody's done.

[1212] That's a kiss of death.

[1213] I ain't no fighter.

[1214] Why are you looking at me like that?

[1215] You know what I'm saying?

[1216] So what?

[1217] You, your friend, you provide energy.

[1218] But I swear to God, I would love to be 25.

[1219] just to start Jiu -Jitsu, just so I could, just a camaraderie.

[1220] Has it gotten, how long have you been doing it now?

[1221] Since May. I'm terrible.

[1222] Has it gotten you in better shape, though?

[1223] Oh, fuck, yeah.

[1224] I still gas out after, like, the second sparring session.

[1225] I'll gas out the third minute.

[1226] But, dog, when I went, I was gassing out the first minute.

[1227] I hold my breath, you know what I think.

[1228] Right.

[1229] You know, you hold your breath when you think.

[1230] Yeah.

[1231] I go Tuesdays, I go to kettlebells.

[1232] Like, these three weeks, I've been off.

[1233] So I go to kettlebells.

[1234] Monday, Wednesdays and Friday mornings.

[1235] Then I go to Jiu -Jitsu Tuesdays.

[1236] I couldn't go today because I had to come here at three.

[1237] But I'll go tomorrow night to the beginning of class and then I'll do Marcello Madness a little bit.

[1238] And that's fucking brutal, bro.

[1239] What's Marcella Madness?

[1240] 50 burpees and routine everything else he teaches you.

[1241] Oh, my God.

[1242] 50 burpees, walk lunges.

[1243] 50 burpees, 25 pushers.

[1244] I can't do that work.

[1245] That's a lot of burpees.

[1246] I can't do a burp.

[1247] Why so many burpees?

[1248] Because he's John Jock.

[1249] He's Brazilian.

[1250] He wants you to be really tired by the time he teaches you to the technique and then you roll later on.

[1251] Well, they say that the best way to really figure out how to fight when you're tired is to fight when you're tired all the time.

[1252] Just do it in the gym so that you use technique and you don't use strength.

[1253] Now, that's the idea behind it.

[1254] But the problem with that is I think that's real good mentally and psychologically.

[1255] I think that's real good.

[1256] But skill learning, you learn skills best.

[1257] You get the sharper technique when you're not tired.

[1258] So I think that it's probably a super important aspect to training.

[1259] But the best way to do it is almost definitely go through drills first.

[1260] I'm going to Regan's workshop.

[1261] I hear you, man. The 23rd.

[1262] I'm going to Higgins.

[1263] Yeah, are you?

[1264] Yeah, I'm going to his workshop.

[1265] I love Hagan.

[1266] Once at, what's a Sunday?

[1267] I'm going with Salman.

[1268] When is it?

[1269] What day?

[1270] The 23rd.

[1271] Of this month?

[1272] Yeah, you'll be coming back from Vegas.

[1273] Ah.

[1274] It's a 1230 down in not Beverly Hills, but the other school and off ocean.

[1275] I love Hegan.

[1276] I've never met him, but he says he's a really big guy.

[1277] I held time for him in Abu Dhabi when he's fighting in Abu Dababu in 2003?

[1278] Yeah.

[1279] Yeah, and I was there, and he would call out to me, because he was out of shape.

[1280] He was just, he hadn't trained at all.

[1281] He was so good that he could just, like, show up and just start rolling with, like, the best guys in the world in the heavyweight division.

[1282] I mean, Hegan is just such a beast.

[1283] He's so technical, and he's, he's as old school as you get.

[1284] There's a great old video of Hegan rolling with Hicks and Gracie, and it's like when they were both young.

[1285] It's a crazy video, and Hickson was older than Higin, but Higin was, like, the dangerous up -and -coming cat.

[1286] And, you know, he would call up, he would look at me and I have to yell out, like, three minutes left, one minute left, two.

[1287] He's a big guy, right?

[1288] He's big now.

[1289] Big guy.

[1290] Like, pull up Hicks and Gracie versus R -I -G -A -N Machado.

[1291] There's a video.

[1292] It's kind of cool to watch because this video is, you know, Hickson was R -I -C -K.

[1293] This video is from, like, the early days, like the 1980s or some shit, when they were both young in Brazil.

[1294] And they're both, you know, they're growing up.

[1295] Most people in the world don't even know what jiu -jitsu is.

[1296] Most of the world has no idea that Brazilian jiu -jitsu exists.

[1297] And down there in Rio are these two super alpha predators going after each other in this incredible high -level jiu -titsu match.

[1298] It's a submission match.

[1299] This is them going out of here.

[1300] I mean, this is some old shit.

[1301] What's going on?

[1302] The laptop.

[1303] Is that the laptop?

[1304] Yeah.

[1305] these guys if you know if you watch this I mean this is like some real high level jiu jitsu still to this day this is like you could see these guys rolling like with this technique that they're exhibiting right here you can see these guys rolling like this in the Mundiales I mean these are elite elite elite grapplers and this is back before anybody knew about it what year is this Brian here I'll pull it up hold on it seems like pre -VCR no it's not Yeah, what's the gross music behind it?

[1306] Who did that, you fuckhead?

[1307] Yeah, that's like...

[1308] In 19?

[1309] Okay.

[1310] Well, yeah.

[1311] That's hard to tell.

[1312] I'm trying to find it.

[1313] It's incredible, though, when you watch that video, it's, um...

[1314] Does it say here?

[1315] No, it doesn't say.

[1316] I think, if I had a guess, I think it was probably the late 80s.

[1317] But I'm not sure.

[1318] But, uh, Hicks and got him eventually.

[1319] eventually he got him he could not handle the pace Hickson's the greatest of all time Hickson I don't know if Hickson tapped him I think he did but Hickson is it says the only person Oh Ron Tripp is the only person credited with the victory over Hickson Gracie But that's just ridiculous because he beat him in judo And all he did was take him down He Nipond him or Ipond him whatever it is, when someone throws you, like a serious throw, like, the match is over.

[1320] But Hickson was fine.

[1321] Like, Hickson wanted the fight to go to the ground so he could submit him.

[1322] So when they say you credit a guy with a victory in a match like that, like, yeah, I guess so.

[1323] But it's by judo rules.

[1324] It's not what Hickson's doing.

[1325] If Hickson and Ron Tripp were to roll and Ron Tripp beat him, that would be a different thing.

[1326] If they were to spar or, you know, have a jujitsu competition, just an all -out grappling competition to submission.

[1327] I got my money on the Brazilian son.

[1328] What a great sport.

[1329] Yeah, it's an awesome sport.

[1330] I can't wait to get back, man. My back is pretty much 100 % now.

[1331] And the kids I go with, they're half my age, bro.

[1332] You know, and it's just fun to go.

[1333] They know who you are?

[1334] Yeah, they ask me, listen to the podcast.

[1335] They want to come watch me perform.

[1336] They came to the ice house.

[1337] You know, they're really fucking good kids.

[1338] And my problem is that I come back on Sundays.

[1339] They all go to contests.

[1340] I love to go see them and support them.

[1341] You know, like they went to the Gracies.

[1342] Two of them went to the Noggi part.

[1343] But I'm going to be in San Jose for the World Gracies, July 13th.

[1344] Oh, really?

[1345] A weekend, yeah.

[1346] I'll stop down by my man, Dave Cameron -Marillo, another one of my jihitsu idols, and then I go to the worlds, you know, and go watch them and see what it's about live.

[1347] You know, it's really interesting.

[1348] I never really watched it.

[1349] I've only went to one match.

[1350] You've got to come to some of the UFCs.

[1351] We haven't seen you in a while.

[1352] I'm coming.

[1353] I'm going to Orlando.

[1354] Which one you're coming?

[1355] Orlando, Sierra.

[1356] And Baltimore.

[1357] And Baltimore.

[1358] John Jones and go over to Chera.

[1359] But I'm really excited about Misha Tate and Karmooch.

[1360] That's going to be a fucking barnyard fucking two guerrillas fighting.

[1361] It's amazing where, listen, in a couple of the year, they won't even need those fucking ring girls no more.

[1362] Unless those bitches could grapple, we don't need you walking around with some fucking sign that says number three.

[1363] Go fuck yourself.

[1364] We got bitches pulling each other's ass now, punching each other in the fucking.

[1365] face.

[1366] Why don't they have ring guys?

[1367] I think that the girls should have ring guys.

[1368] That's what I think, man. I mean, if we're not going to be sexist, if we're not going to be sexist, and, you know, Misha Tate and Ronda Rousey, you're going to do get out.

[1369] Maybe you?

[1370] That's what I was thinking.

[1371] Come on.

[1372] Maybe you with a Speedo.

[1373] Come on.

[1374] You know how awesome that would be?

[1375] If you were the ring card girl and a boy and a boy in a speedo and a boy and a boy in a speedo and a boy in a speedo and a speedo and a speedo and some, some shower sandals.

[1376] I think even Misha Tate would tap out and say that's my boy and shit.

[1377] Look at him.

[1378] That's my dog.

[1379] Yeah, you with like an unharnessed, like, a pair of boxers, unharnessed boxers, just loose, just swing a dick.

[1380] You know, like the opening scene of the D. Antwerd video where he's flinging his dick up and down.

[1381] Remember that part?

[1382] Yeah.

[1383] Where he's beat boxing and it's in slow motion and he sees his dick.

[1384] That would be you.

[1385] That'd be you as the ring card girl.

[1386] I don't know if you watch a lot of the video.

[1387] Play that part of the video.

[1388] I don't know if you guys watch a lot of the fights afterward.

[1389] I just rewatch the whole Ronda Rousie Misha Tate card.

[1390] And that fight was...

[1391] You know, you can type quicker with two hands.

[1392] That fight was so fucking good.

[1393] That fight was so fucking good.

[1394] Damisha Tate.

[1395] Ronald Rossi was great for it.

[1396] And it was so technical and just to see where women have come and where they're going to go now.

[1397] Because the ones in some gym in San Diego and some gym in Iowa, the 14 -year -olds, they're going to be fucking monsters.

[1398] Oh, yeah.

[1399] Especially now when they've seen how famous Ronda Rousey's become.

[1400] Yeah, now these 15 -year -olds, the training that look like men and they're like that chicken, what was the fat chicken?

[1401] And the baseball movie with Madonna.

[1402] Where is it?

[1403] Gina Crown?

[1404] No, the other one.

[1405] The other one that the father brought her, and he was telling John Lovitz, you know, she don't look that good.

[1406] And then they brought her out to see John Lovitz, and John Lovitz was like, like he was scared of her.

[1407] He was like, you can't take her out in the daytime.

[1408] Like, they have those ugly chicks to the training somewhere right now.

[1409] Oh, yeah.

[1410] They're going to be fucking.

[1411] Because, see, the UFC goes after the hot ones because that's what people pay for.

[1412] No, no, they go after the best fighters.

[1413] There's a lot of them that aren't hot at all.

[1414] You have the dick swinging?

[1415] Not what I don't want to see.

[1416] This is you.

[1417] This is you.

[1418] Well, just find the part where his dick is flopping around.

[1419] Don't play the music.

[1420] Just find the part so we could, because I think we'll get in trouble if you play the music.

[1421] I don't know if, there it is.

[1422] That's you, Joey.

[1423] It looks like Einstein.

[1424] He looks like Einstein.

[1425] But a picture you in some pink Floyd shorts like that, carrying a ring card sign.

[1426] Slinging dick.

[1427] Slaying dead.

[1428] In Vegas.

[1429] Free ball and total free ball.

[1430] Unharnessed cock.

[1431] They couldn't deal with it.

[1432] They could deal with it.

[1433] They would have to.

[1434] And the nut sack, that's the real wrecking ball.

[1435] That nut sack coming behind you.

[1436] That's the real...

[1437] That's the real kettle belt.

[1438] Come, whack -a -whack.

[1439] That fucking nut I got is tremendous, Doug.

[1440] Why don't they have ring card boys?

[1441] Well, get Dana -in -way on the phone and tell them.

[1442] Are you serious?

[1443] I'm fucking dead serious.

[1444] Because the audience is 100 % guys almost.

[1445] No, no, no. And no, no, no one wants to see a dude walking around.

[1446] That's the whole showmanship of boxing.

[1447] One -for -one fight.

[1448] I bet the audience.

[1449] has an equal proportionate women fighting on the card ratio to women being in the audience ratio.

[1450] Probably more stronger to women in the audience ratio.

[1451] So if you got a card and there's nine fights on the card and one of those fights is a girl fight.

[1452] The next one in February, two of those fights are a girl fight.

[1453] Two of those fights are a girl fight.

[1454] If there's 20 % of the audience that are there that are girls, I say at least one ring card boy.

[1455] Get like Chuck Congo With a thong out there shaking that big yoke and shit It's all over Like a root Like a root of an ebony tree Dana resign that motherfucker That'll be a ring guy Just bursting through the concrete That's what they want to see The size of Congo's cop Just fucking hitting Mike Goldberg in the head As he runs by and shit It's like one of those roots In an old neighborhood that pushes up the sidewalk Every time I look at Chuck Kong I'm like damn I wonder who he fucked in the ass last night he came up to me he had listened to us talk about his dick on the podcast no he didn't and he came up to me laughing he's like don't here he's like he's just like half starts chopping towards his leg like that's one of the things at the airport one day he said hello to me he's a good man he's a good man he's a good fighter too he's fighting he's doing well in Bellator just uh just won by TKO good fight too against a former like a really good fighter where the fuck did he fight actually I think he's fought twice now I think so.

[1456] Let me pull it out.

[1457] But I think, I know he fought Peter Graham.

[1458] Pretty sure he fought Peter Graham, who's a really high -level kickboxer in his last, last fight.

[1459] Mark Goober, maybe someone else fought Peter Graham.

[1460] Oh, yeah, he did fight Peter Graham.

[1461] Yeah.

[1462] Congo versus Coros.

[1463] Congo won by unanimous decision.

[1464] That's a pretty impressive win because Peter Graham is a serious kickboxer.

[1465] Not like the best MMA fighter Like Congo has more MMA experience But Peter Graham's a motherfucker in kickboxing He broke Bader Harri's jaw with a cartwheel kick You ever see a guy throw a cartwheel kick?

[1466] He's used Ridiculous cartwheel like put your hand on the ground wheel kick And he broke Baderari's jaw See if you can find that Peter Graham Cahos Baderari It's a crazy kick Like really bizarre kick shattered his jaw too Knocked him out cold And him and Baderari got in a fight at a press conference, like fucking full -on fistfighted at a press conference.

[1467] Those Dutch dudes are crazy, man. They don't give a fuck.

[1468] That's a totally different world.

[1469] This guy behind your dog.

[1470] Elvis?

[1471] The best thing that happened to this guy was that they took him at 177 because he wouldn't have made out of the 80s.

[1472] He would have fucked the 80s up.

[1473] He had so much money by the time the 80s would have hit.

[1474] He would have just been taking women up there, snort, blow, and shooting him.

[1475] He don't give him.

[1476] Him and that Memphis Mafia, they didn't give a fuck.

[1477] If you really read about Elvis, you realize one thing.

[1478] That motherfucker was crazy.

[1479] Like Sinatra was crazy, but this motherfucker was crazy.

[1480] I read a chapter in the Led Zeppelin book, Led Zeppelin went to his house one night, and this motherfucker didn't wake up for nobody.

[1481] Nobody, he didn't wake up for five or six.

[1482] And there better be a cheeseburger and a blowjob waiting for him.

[1483] That's not Potter Hard.

[1484] That's Carter Williams.

[1485] That's Peter Graham versus Carter Williams.

[1486] So this is a motherfucker who waited for Led Zeppelin.

[1487] out there at lunchtime he was out there with a robe on he gave bonham his watch this guy was the real deal dog this guy was the real deal oh elvis he was crazy as he got i just watched an old movie a couple weeks and i'm like you know what look at this motherfucker it's 2014 this is two this was 1950 i would have jumped out of window in 1950 if i would have seen this motherfucker come out and fucking moving jailhouse rocking oh god damn elvis was a fucking soldier he was good too man for the time yeah he was fucking good man yeah he was fucking good man Yeah, he was fucking good.

[1488] Go back, especially to the early days, and just take him into account as a musician.

[1489] Jailhouse Rock, that's a great fucking song.

[1490] I love that's my jam.

[1491] It's a great song for the 50s.

[1492] I love a couple of his fucking jams.

[1493] He has a couple of fucking really good jams, and you can feel his personality and his smile.

[1494] It's just something about Elvis that he was just a look at him.

[1495] At that point, he was all fucked out.

[1496] He didn't give a fuck.

[1497] Fuck you, bitch.

[1498] Fuck you.

[1499] Yeah, he was wearing sunglasses in his mugshot.

[1500] I'm so fucking bad.

[1501] That's how you know your hat.

[1502] You're wearing sunglasses and your mug shots.

[1503] And the cops, what are you going to say to him?

[1504] I'm fucking Elvis, guy.

[1505] Come on, man. Let me leave him on.

[1506] I can't do that.

[1507] I can't do that.

[1508] It's bright in here.

[1509] I'm saying things that aren't here.

[1510] Come on, man. These are the only things that keep me from the spirit world.

[1511] Bliss, one for the money, two for the show.

[1512] Elvis, please.

[1513] You can't sing.

[1514] Don't you.

[1515] Step on my blue suede shoes.

[1516] Who sings that shit?

[1517] Step on my blue suede shoes.

[1518] My blue sweatshoot Yeah Yeah He was a bad Motherfucker dude He took those chicks to town Women didn't There it is Woo That's Bader Throwing a wheel kick at him And Peter Graham wound up catching him That was a crazy fight Hold on Where's the knockout These high level Kickboxes Man here it is Watch this Boom Oh shit Oh shit play that shit again this is it's so crazy how he set it up too it was like a cart wheel like look at his hand drops down when he does it he like drops down with his right hand and it throws his left leg over the top watch this watch how he does this oh no okay you know what it was he threw a regular wheel kick but he fell so I'm wrong he just threw a left leg step he stepped in through a left leg wheel kick but god damn That kick is like getting shot with a sniper rifle.

[1519] I wish I could fall and knock somebody out.

[1520] Well, that was, you know, he fell from the turn, the torque of the turn.

[1521] That was an incredible kick.

[1522] By the way, Edson Barbosa, the first guy to ever land one of those in the UFC.

[1523] He's fighting Donald Sorone.

[1524] When?

[1525] That's on Fox in Orlando.

[1526] Oh, shit, Joey Diaz.

[1527] That card is packed.

[1528] Oh, fuck, yeah, it is.

[1529] That's got, now is, what's his name still at the Black Zillions?

[1530] Overeign or he left Yes Oh he's still Well he trains with them He's still a part of their team But he did a lot of training In Thailand for his last fight They get rid of the Cuban He's injured right now What Cuban Did he get rid of Mere?

[1531] No No As far as I know Mere hasn't been cut I haven't heard anything I love Frank Mere But it's his time To move on I don't think his heart's in the game I love him I fucking love him I mean one of his biggest fans But after the last fight I don't think he's at He's not in New Mexico No more Well for this fight he wasn't He wasn't He doesn't like training away from home, you know?

[1532] It's like to keep up with these new animals, you have to keep yourself up at a different fucking pace.

[1533] It's like me saying to you, you know what, for my CD when I tape it, I'm not going to go on the road.

[1534] I'm just going to do sets at the flappers.

[1535] You're going to go, okay, Joey.

[1536] Okay, Joey.

[1537] Okay, Joey.

[1538] You're not going to go on the fucking road.

[1539] You're not going to go on the road and try your material.

[1540] You're going to go to flappers and do 10 minutes every fucking night.

[1541] That's what you're telling me. Okay, Joey.

[1542] Okay.

[1543] That's what it's like to me. Right.

[1544] When you do a training camp, I think you should go.

[1545] you know, sank in for six weeks.

[1546] It's like when I was a kid, you had basketball and football camps.

[1547] And people couldn't figure out, like, every time.

[1548] But, dog, did you see Joe Rogan?

[1549] He went to Willis Reed basketball camp.

[1550] That motherfucker came back bad than ever.

[1551] No, because for five days, you were around pros.

[1552] And they told you little things.

[1553] Like, hey, don't put the ball past your waist.

[1554] They just corrected John.

[1555] Like, I went to Joe Namer football camp.

[1556] One of the best experiences I ever had.

[1557] I came back faster.

[1558] Yeah.

[1559] I came back faster because they taught you how to, run.

[1560] From 7 .30 to 8 every morning they taught you how to run.

[1561] Something nobody ever did.

[1562] Sometimes it's just being around other people that are really good.

[1563] Seeing a guy who hits a ball great.

[1564] Seeing a guy who runs fast makes you want to run faster.

[1565] Makes you really want to dig in.

[1566] Seeing guys that are really good at a sport.

[1567] And it takes that emotion of being home, my wife, this and this.

[1568] You know what?

[1569] I'll hang till 9.

[1570] What's the rush?

[1571] When we're married, I've got to leave Jiu Jitza and run home.

[1572] Dinner.

[1573] When you're not, you can stay at the gym until 10 o 'clock at night.

[1574] Yeah.

[1575] Because after the 7 o 'clock training, there's talk.

[1576] This is when we fight him, watch for the right hook, right for the left hook.

[1577] So that's why I always start training away is very smart.

[1578] Fighters don't like it.

[1579] It's just hard on their families.

[1580] Sure.

[1581] That's where guys make.

[1582] Look at us.

[1583] We leave every other fucking week.

[1584] But it's a difference.

[1585] Six weeks.

[1586] Six weeks away is a long time.

[1587] That's not two days, three days like we do.

[1588] I disappear for fucking three months.

[1589] Now I got to come back in three days or I lose my fucking mind, man. I agree with you, though.

[1590] I think the only way to do it and compete at the highest levels, you got to go somewhere.

[1591] Or be lucky that you live in a town.

[1592] Like if you live in New Mexico or if you live in L .A. L .A. You know, and you're around the corner from Duke or something.

[1593] You know, you're at Rain or you're at King's MMA or something like that.

[1594] But still, I think you've got to move around.

[1595] Even with me, they tell me, listen, Joey, you know, you come here to G -MAC as a white.

[1596] V -Mack, where I go for Jitza.

[1597] It's a white belt school.

[1598] They've only been open for two years.

[1599] They've got a couple blue belts they put on.

[1600] So a lot of John Jock people come down.

[1601] I don't have the balls.

[1602] But you're just in it for a good exercise.

[1603] Yeah.

[1604] I mean, but I'm in it to learn something.

[1605] You know, I got a daughter.

[1606] Somebody attached me. I like to take them down north -southam and get the fuck out of that.

[1607] No, I'm a kid.

[1608] Eddie Brow will call me. He's like, dog, all you need to do is learn in the North South.

[1609] Don't fuck with anything else.

[1610] Just North South motherfuckers.

[1611] Is he on a North South kick?

[1612] Yeah, but no, he's to tell me, and then Salami's got a nasty North South.

[1613] That's what I heard.

[1614] I heard the Rashon's got the nastiest out of all of them.

[1615] Oh, he's got a very good.

[1616] Eddie told me to talk to Rashon about learning.

[1617] Yeah.

[1618] Eddie sent me to Rassan.

[1619] Yeah, Rassan is a really good North South joke.

[1620] He goes daughter.

[1621] So I did it up at Van I's 10th Planet and fucking the guy did it to me. Bro, my eyebrow was fucked up for three hours.

[1622] That's how good the North South choke.

[1623] He was a light guy.

[1624] He just taught me how to do it correctly.

[1625] Yeah.

[1626] It's harder with the ghee.

[1627] He told me that it's better no -gee.

[1628] I don't know no -gee.

[1629] I just need to...

[1630] It's harder to get your arm in the right position.

[1631] With the geet underneath the guy's chin.

[1632] My eyebrow was blinking for like three hours on the 101.

[1633] It kept fucking blinking.

[1634] That's how hard he tapped my fucking face, dog.

[1635] Yeah, that can be a choke or it can be a neck crank, depending on how you get it.

[1636] Jamie Varner tried for it in his last fight.

[1637] In his last fight, yeah, the first round.

[1638] Right there he tried it.

[1639] But you could see that there was space between his chest and the ground.

[1640] ground.

[1641] When you watch Rassan do it, Rassan gets his lat on the side of your head, and he gets this forearm under your neck, and he's pinned down to the ground, and he is squeezing the holy fucking Jesus out of your neck.

[1642] It's technique.

[1643] It's all about getting in the perfect position.

[1644] It's like the difference between trying to finish off a triangle when it's over your toes and taking time to adjust when it's over the ankle, and you get that real solid fucking death triangle that no one gets out, and then you pull the head.

[1645] You know, the guys who leave it on the toes, either they're afraid that in the transition and adjustment that they're going to lose the position or they just don't have a good triangle.

[1646] But whatever the reason is, it's just little details, little details, not over the toes, but over here.

[1647] Bam!

[1648] That's one of the things that Eddie is so good at.

[1649] Eddie Bravo, in my opinion, is one of the best instructors in the world.

[1650] And I don't just say this because he's one of my favorite human beings and my best friend.

[1651] He's a brilliant instructor, like the way he breaks down positions and tells you about all the possible pitfalls.

[1652] He's one of the best in the world.

[1653] I mean, I think there's a series of best in the world.

[1654] There might not be one best in the world.

[1655] John Jacques Machado is clearly also one of the best in the world.

[1656] Dracolino, clearly one of the best in the world.

[1657] Hoyler Gracie, one of the best of the world.

[1658] Hoyas, Huron, Henner.

[1659] There's a whole series of them, but Eddie Bravo is right up there with them.

[1660] That motherfucker breaks down positions very technically and gives you this like really strong path and then gives you adjustments to deal with pitfalls in each path.

[1661] Like what happens when you lose that position?

[1662] Well, then you go back to this.

[1663] And then you stop from here, make sure he doesn't go here.

[1664] It's all, like, so technical and so broken down, you know, as like a science, like a mathematical science almost.

[1665] One thing I did notice about John Jock's guys, they kill us.

[1666] Oh, yeah.

[1667] Oh, no doubt.

[1668] John Jock trains his people, and the people that train me from John Jock, I could see how they stress.

[1669] Like, Joey, use your weight, guy.

[1670] Put that fucking forearm in his fate.

[1671] Like, they're like, Joey, you're being nice to this guy.

[1672] Why are you being so nice to this guy?

[1673] Put your fucking, I can't hurt nobody I don't have it in me Put your fucking form in there That they know Like this one brown belt took me This guy was dirty From from him He was a Spanish kid from John Jocks And this kid was like dog And this North South I want you to twist this motherfucker And rip that fucking arm out That's all you're doing Fuck that North South pussy shit This guy was like rip it That's what you got Take that fucking gie Pull him in Grab that wrist And pull that fucking arm back Sounds like a nightmare to roll with guy Dog this guy was on me I mean, he fucked me up, but he was right.

[1674] He goes, you got this weight.

[1675] You're wasting it.

[1676] Why are you wasting this fucking weight?

[1677] I don't think it's creative for me. It's like, for me, it's like improvising.

[1678] I could go in there and improvise any time I want it as a 50 -50 shot.

[1679] I don't like using my weight.

[1680] I rather, I love a tackles from the bottom.

[1681] I'm just too fucking fat and out of shape.

[1682] But that's my dream.

[1683] But you can work on that, though.

[1684] If you just watch your diet and keep doing this, you could do it.

[1685] You could do it already.

[1686] I love it.

[1687] I love it.

[1688] You already lost 80 pounds.

[1689] I love it, bro.

[1690] And I love, and I've lost 18 since the testosterone.

[1691] That's beautiful.

[1692] That's beautiful.

[1693] I love, you know, I could do, like, the other night, some Japanese girl, fuck me up.

[1694] I was just working on my guard, and I just wanted to hold her in my guard.

[1695] But the guy who really, like, the John Jock black building teaches me, funny, somebody said to me, you know, that guy, him and John Jock had moves, like, from 1960s, but they're your type of moves.

[1696] Like, the first movie taught me was when they tried the butterfly and put my knee in his ass and pick his legs up.

[1697] And I was doing that all the time and killing people and just laying on him and shit.

[1698] He's like, that's an old school.

[1699] Old school trick.

[1700] Tricks, all those little things.

[1701] That's what he has.

[1702] And I can see where Eddie came in and evolved a lot of those moves now.

[1703] Now I understand the beauty of Eddie Bravo.

[1704] When you guys have just talked to me in a car, I didn't know what the fuck you were saying.

[1705] I mean, there's only one way to arm bar, motherfucker.

[1706] What are you guys talking about that he made it better?

[1707] I understand now.

[1708] The transition into the arm bar and all that shit, I get it now.

[1709] Well, John Jock, you know, one of the beautiful things about John Jock, is that he encourages people to work on new moves and try new things.

[1710] And he's very open.

[1711] He rolls with everybody.

[1712] And, you know, he's one of the best in the world.

[1713] I mean, John Jock is, I mean, he's a red belt under Hicks and Gracie.

[1714] I mean, Hickson gave him his red belt.

[1715] That's like master status.

[1716] I mean, and I would say there's, you know, maybe five people on the planet that have the type of jiu -jitsu knowledge that John Jock has.

[1717] I mean, he's a real old -school master.

[1718] But he's also very open -minded, and he likes when people do different things.

[1719] And one of the reason is because he had to improvise a lot and change things a lot himself because he was born on one of his hands, his left hand.

[1720] he only has a thumb.

[1721] So he can't grab things like you or I can.

[1722] So he developed a bunch of techniques based on underhooks and overhooks instead of what a lot of the ghee players are doing, which was grabbing collars and grabbing sleeves.

[1723] Because he couldn't control you with two hands grasping things like this.

[1724] So he developed a more Greco -Roman -based style.

[1725] So when they went to Abu Dhabi, when Abu Dhabi started the first submission championships, Jean -Jacques was running through motherfuckers.

[1726] And one of the reasons being is John Jock didn't need a ghee.

[1727] Like, the ghee didn't help him at all.

[1728] He didn't, he mean he knew how to use it, but John Jock was just as good without the ghee as with the ghee.

[1729] And that was rare for a Brazilian jiu -jitsu blackbell, because so many guys had concentrated on training by grabbing a hold of the ghee and grabbing a hold of pants and grabbing a hold of collars.

[1730] And on one hand, it makes you more technical because you have to be really careful about your defense when you're in a ghee.

[1731] Because if a guy traps your arm and you're in a ghee, you can't just pull out of it like you can if you're all sweaty.

[1732] So it requires a more technical defensive attack or defensive maneuvering, and you've got to be real careful of getting yourself in the bad positions and trying to ape out of them because you might not ever be able to.

[1733] But John Jock was all overhooks and underhooks, so he didn't lose a step.

[1734] And he went into Abu Dhabi, it was just smashing guys.

[1735] The guys like Sakurai, like really high -level MMA competitors.

[1736] And John Jock was just dominating them on the ground, just dominating them, taking their back, choking the fucking shit out of him, sliding his one hand that, you know, he doesn't have a hand on it.

[1737] It fits into places where the hands get trapped.

[1738] So he figured that he could get his, like, his hand that doesn't have fingers.

[1739] There's not as much mass. So he, like a point, he slides it under your chin and chokes the fucking shit out of you with it.

[1740] Like, John Jock is actually almost more dangerous because he only had one hand.

[1741] That just shows you, like, what human ingenuble.

[1742] can can come up with when you're in a situation where like have you seen this nick newell kid you know who he is he's an m -m -a fighter who has one arm and he's fucking people up he's fighting for the world series of fighting and i'm pretty sure he's fighting for the title in his next fight and this fucking kid is a beast he's got one arm he's got a right arm his left arm he was born with a and some sort of a birth defect where his arm only goes down to his elbow but he's still strangling motherfuckers taking guys down guillotine him he's got this nasty guillotine that he does with like the one arm that's a nub and then the other full arm and it's like he gets you in that and it's your ass it's death it's death pull up nick newell guill guillotine choke it's a really impressive i love seeing shit like that man i love seeing someone who overcomes something that you know they just got a shit hand that the world dealt them they got they the world dealt them they don't even think about they don't even think about they're like like, fuck it, I'm going to move on.

[1743] Well, it makes them so determined.

[1744] You know, it just shows you how much about succeeding at something is in the mind and how much is the mind finding the correct path, finding a way to overcome.

[1745] The mind is everything.

[1746] It's not just the body.

[1747] Because if a guy like this can be this successful, I mean, granted, he's fighting in an organization where he's facing a level competition, a step below the UFC, I'm still as a person who's been analyzing fights most of my life, I'm still impressed with him.

[1748] I'm very impressed with him.

[1749] He's dangerous.

[1750] This kid's fucking real.

[1751] I'm looking at that guillotine.

[1752] I'm like, that is a death guillotine.

[1753] You get caught in that fucking thing.

[1754] He's going to squeeze the blood out of your brain.

[1755] You ain't getting out.

[1756] It doesn't matter if he's got one arm.

[1757] I'm watching how he's doing this.

[1758] Nick Neal?

[1759] Newell.

[1760] Newell.

[1761] N -E -W -E -L -L.

[1762] I'm watching how he's doing this.

[1763] And I'm like, this kid's an animal.

[1764] He's scary.

[1765] I had a teacher in high school.

[1766] Mr. Panacucci He lost an arm in Vietnam to his elbow.

[1767] What a great name.

[1768] He would fucking hit you with that stub during class.

[1769] If you disrespect him, he would clock you with that fucking stub, and you don't know what the fuck to do.

[1770] You know what I'm saying?

[1771] Wow, that's hilarious.

[1772] See if you can find, just find one of his videos.

[1773] Because he always wins by guillotine.

[1774] Just load it up and let me know what's ready.

[1775] So did you hear what happened with the UFC this weekend?

[1776] Rashad Evans gets injured.

[1777] They're going to qualify it off with Cornelia, Yeah, but they had a replacement online.

[1778] Pat Cummins, who I've known for a while, Ryan has been, Ryan's had this kid for a while, and he has a hardest time getting him fights.

[1779] Nobody wants to fight this kid.

[1780] He's a fucking beast, man. He's a beast.

[1781] I mean, what a tall order.

[1782] Ryan Parsons.

[1783] He's Ryan Parsons guy.

[1784] The guy who got hit with a golf ball.

[1785] Same guy.

[1786] I love Ryan Parsons.

[1787] I can't even think about that him getting in.

[1788] Don't fucking play golf no more.

[1789] Six months.

[1790] Six months fucked up.

[1791] Yeah.

[1792] Well, this kid, Pat, is something, man. He's been talking about this kid for a long time.

[1793] huge order for this kid I mean what a difficult task you're taking on one of the best fucking wrestlers in the world in Daniel Cormier as far as MMA one of the best wrestlers to ever fight in MMA what is this guillotine it's in so the guillotene no no Nick Newell guillotine this is him in a grappling match yeah oh that's not him man he's got two arms Jesus Christ Nick Newell N E does W -E -L -M -A guillotine.

[1794] Don't make me find it, you fuck.

[1795] So this guy who we both know, I know, Pat, pretty well.

[1796] And I know that Ryan has been trying to get this kid a fight for a long time, but nobody wants to fight him.

[1797] It's really hard to get him fights in smaller shows because they find out about his wrestling credentials, and they're like, oh, Jesus.

[1798] Two -time All -American, U .S. national, and undefeated fighter.

[1799] Pat Cummins now face the undefeated Daniel Carmien.

[1800] It's fucking crazy crazy task, though, to take that at such a short notice.

[1801] But he was an undefeated collegiate wrestler.

[1802] There's going to be a good fight.

[1803] You know more than me. Undefeated fighter, actually.

[1804] Collegiate fighter, actually.

[1805] Colmere's improved every time he fights, bro.

[1806] He's unbelievable.

[1807] He makes leaps and fucking bounds that guy.

[1808] And the sweetest fucking guy in the world.

[1809] Oh, yeah.

[1810] The sweetest Creole motherfucker you can meet.

[1811] The sweetest guy in the world.

[1812] Yeah.

[1813] He came to one of the shows.

[1814] when I did the big one in San Jose, and we spoke for a little while in the back, and it was just, it really was really nice talking to him.

[1815] What a great guy.

[1816] And he's friends with Stevie Mocko, he's friends with Stevie Mocko, and all those guys.

[1817] Where's King Mo?

[1818] King Mo lost to the hardcore kid.

[1819] What's his name?

[1820] Emmanuel Newton.

[1821] He lost to Emmanuel Newton.

[1822] So he's got one arm.

[1823] He's choking people.

[1824] Oh, my God.

[1825] Now, what about the guy?

[1826] Who is the black guy with the dredge from Africa?

[1827] So could you.

[1828] So where is he?

[1829] Sokujo lost to Musasi, who is fighting Liyoda Machita this weekend.

[1830] When did he fight in Musa?

[1831] He also lost to Glover Tashira.

[1832] He also lost to Machita, the first fight.

[1833] That was Machita, one of the Mchita's, that was the one that you, I was like, oh, this big black guys are going to fuck him up.

[1834] I was at the fight.

[1835] You took me. Yeah, so could you.

[1836] I think the last loss was Musassi.

[1837] Now, he's still fighting out of Henderson's cap?

[1838] Because he was out there for a while.

[1839] I don't know.

[1840] I don't know about that.

[1841] I know he was.

[1842] But he was a guy that was an unbelievable athlete, incredible judo.

[1843] Well, fuck, physical strength that guy had, too.

[1844] So could you just, for whatever reason, injuries, his head, who knows what it was, just never quite put it together.

[1845] Not in the U .S .C. Maybe he'll come back.

[1846] We've got Robbie Law to put it together.

[1847] Well, that's the thing about Sokachu.

[1848] He's still a young guy.

[1849] A lot of people don't know.

[1850] I don't know.

[1851] He's not even 30.

[1852] Yeah, he'll be back in the U .S. At least I don't think he is.

[1853] At least he wasn't back then.

[1854] I mean, maybe he's 30 now.

[1855] But when he first began his career, I'm pretty sure he's pretty young guy.

[1856] To imagine when it's really a great thing to see when you're struggling for a long time.

[1857] and all of a sudden everything comes together at one time.

[1858] We were talking about Mark Maron when I came in here, how I did this TV show and I did the podcast and, you know, I don't know what went on or whatever.

[1859] I never had no problems with the guy, and he reached out to him.

[1860] I did the podcast and it was really good.

[1861] But you guys had a thing a long time ago.

[1862] Yeah, yeah, something about just something stupid.

[1863] Well, you know, he was also, for the longest time, Mark was just not that happy because he just wasn't doing that well.

[1864] And he knew he was a good comic, but he just, for whatever reason, things weren't clicking for him.

[1865] He wasn't getting the success that he, he wanted so he was more irritable you know so a lot of the conflict was kind of created during that period of turmoil in his life but now he's pretty chill i've known mark a long time one thing about mark mariner's he's always been a hard worker yeah after i met mark he went to new york and put a up he went to israelin member he put that lady again that was a great jerusalem syndrome wrote a book too yeah that was a great thing you know mark's never stopped no that's the mark of real comics is that we don't stop you just because you don't see me it's like I tell people all the time look Joe Diaz is funny and we have a great time on the podcast but you're missing out on life if you don't get a go see David Tell this shit you're really missing out on life if you don't see some of these old timers that aren't selling tickets just because they're not selling tickets go see him Go see Jim Brewer He's squeaky clean and he'll blow your fucking shoes out That's what I heard Bro you know that He's squeaky clean and murdering That's what I heard about Brewer I heard he's murdering Bill Burr told me that Jim Brewer's bit about his dad shit in his pants is possibly the funniest bit he's ever seen in his life Brewer's a monobrewer's a mom Bro, Brew has been a monster for years.

[1866] For years.

[1867] You told me you had a hard time once following him.

[1868] I did.

[1869] I bombed following him.

[1870] It wasn't a hard time.

[1871] I ate dick.

[1872] And he was one of the only time.

[1873] Guys in Miami used to follow him.

[1874] You know, Miami, I wrote my own tick.

[1875] I did two lines of coke and went up there.

[1876] I'd take your fucking head off.

[1877] Dude, I worked with you in Miami.

[1878] That motherfucker went up there and was like, watch this bitch.

[1879] And just shut everybody to fuck down.

[1880] This is when he was getting high.

[1881] Now he's clean and sober.

[1882] Yeah.

[1883] He's just as good if not better.

[1884] Better, bro.

[1885] Yeah.

[1886] It's 20 years, Joe Roe.

[1887] Uh -huh.

[1888] It's 15 years, and it all comes together, just like Robbie Law.

[1889] It all comes together.

[1890] After a while, you shut this hole down, this whole catch better, this thing gets better, this isn't a weakness no more.

[1891] Do you know what we found out about Robbie Lawler?

[1892] We found us about from War Machine yesterday, and Mike Sessna Levitt's, he listened to the podcast, and then he got a hold of me on Twitter, and let me know it's true.

[1893] Robbie Lawler doesn't spar.

[1894] He wrestles, and he does all of his striking work, kicking pads, and he does.

[1895] hitting the mitts and hitting the back so he goes into these fights with no damage he goes in his fights with a rock solid chin he goes in these fights with no no punishment on his body i mean a little punishment i'm sure from wrestling but he and they ask him why he's like why should they do that or he know how to fight i mean if he wasn't knocking people to fuck out i would i would question it but we played his fight yesterday with melvin manhoof when he knocked out melvin manhoof you know and look at he just did to rory mcdonald he he had roy mcdonald a deep shit.

[1896] He's a bad motherfucker.

[1897] Him and Hendricks is a crazy fight.

[1898] That's a crazy fight.

[1899] God damn I can't wait to see that fight.

[1900] That's a fucking top -notch fight.

[1901] But imagine that?

[1902] He says he doesn't spar?

[1903] He's very smart.

[1904] He put it together.

[1905] That's incredible.

[1906] He said, you know what?

[1907] I got an idea.

[1908] I'm not going to go in there with a black guy or my ear.

[1909] I'm going to go in there fucking fresh and kill somebody.

[1910] And it might work for him.

[1911] It might not work for somebody else, bro.

[1912] You know why I think it probably works for him?

[1913] Because he's so calm.

[1914] He's so calm.

[1915] He's so calm.

[1916] been doing it so long like he's so you know they offered him the fight for the title he said cool that's what he said he's got he's got like this weird stoic demeanor so i think that he doesn't get too rattled and worry about the timing like some people would do he just goes after it he's had he's he's you know guys like him the guy from new orleans the crazy kid from new Tim Crater?

[1917] No. The black kid?

[1918] Alan Belcher?

[1919] No. From New Orleans?

[1920] Oh, Melvin Galar.

[1921] They've had over 40 fights.

[1922] Oh, yeah.

[1923] That's what you heard about.

[1924] Yeah.

[1925] What about the other 20 that they didn't?

[1926] Their confidence is right there.

[1927] You see somebody like John Jock on the bottom.

[1928] He ain't even sweating.

[1929] I'm on the bottom.

[1930] I'm dying.

[1931] I'm about to shit my pants.

[1932] That's experience.

[1933] Yeah.

[1934] You know, when I go on the stage now and I say two jokes and they don't matter, I don't give a fuck.

[1935] I'm going to get myself out of this motherfuckerhole.

[1936] Yeah.

[1937] That's experience.

[1938] Yeah.

[1939] You know, you do, sometimes I go on stage and I do things that I know I couldn't do six years ago.

[1940] Right.

[1941] I know I couldn't do seven years.

[1942] And if Robbie Lawler is really doing that and not sparring in camp, then he has a longer life in fighting than a lot of people.

[1943] Because the only punches he's taking him in fights.

[1944] But he's still going into the fight with a lot of mitt work.

[1945] He's still going into the fight hitting the bag.

[1946] Still going to the fight using rubber bands and weights.

[1947] He's still is visualizing.

[1948] He's still the guy's holding the pads.

[1949] He's ripping to the body when the guy's wearing body.

[1950] shields he's still hitting things real interesting man real interesting because if if that turns out to be like an effective strategy boy that's going to recap I mean I don't know if it worked for everybody it might not work for everybody but for him if you can find other guys that follow that boy your career would last longer let me ask you a question let's say you take your comedy let's say you're doing a special and your goal is to write every day 12 hours one hour in the morning one in the afternoon and then you do a session at night.

[1951] Let's pretend you don't go out that night and do a set.

[1952] For one month, you just stay in and write that extra hour.

[1953] Do you think it's going to affect your performance?

[1954] Do you follow me?

[1955] He's doing the same thing in a different way.

[1956] If I was a comic getting ready for something, I just said to you, Joe, I ain't going to waste my time going out.

[1957] Yeah, but the difference is, the difference is he's not taking damage.

[1958] When you're sitting at home and you're not going to comedy clubs, there's no benefit.

[1959] What he's getting is a very big physical benefit.

[1960] meaning everybody goes in the fights busted up everybody goes in the fights with sore ribs everybody goes in the fights with a headache they go in the fights with a sore nose they might have loose teeth they might have fucking hurt hands he's not that that's a advantage that's a physical tangical advantage well my point is look at Rodney quick comedy all those years when he came back you had four notebooks worth of jokes right for years they kept putting them on TV and every time you saw Rodney had six new minutes people couldn't figure it out watch a biography it was that this motherfucker had eight notebooks all those years that he wasn't going on stage you kept writing wow kept writing and every time he did a new six minutes they're like what the fuck he's got ten hours guy you're slipping with this guy so I think you know if there's nights that I have a thing now if I work during the week you know Thursday Friday Saturday Saturday I'll take a plan at five in the morning I won't go out during the week but I'll take that time and write a little bit at night just so I have a different avenue to go in there with if I'm not going to waste my time at night because I'm out all fucking week I'm going to go out two nights three nights during the week, and then four, talk to people.

[1961] You know, I'm 50 fucking one next week.

[1962] You do know that.

[1963] I think there's a big balance between writing and performing.

[1964] I think you've got to do both.

[1965] I think the difference between us and a fighter is that a fighter is making a strategy.

[1966] Look, obviously, his performances haven't suffered at all.

[1967] He looks amazing.

[1968] I mean, that fight with Roy McDonald was a fucking fantastic performance.

[1969] The fight with Josh Koshchek, he destroyed Josh Koshchek in the first round.

[1970] So he's not suffering by this strategy, and it works for him.

[1971] Every athlete's different.

[1972] Plus, it gives them more of a reason to get the fuck out there and knock this motherfucker out.

[1973] You can't wait to get out there.

[1974] I haven't gone on stage for a month.

[1975] But see, with stand -up, I think if you don't go on stage for a month, it's different.

[1976] It fucks you up a little bit.

[1977] It's different.

[1978] It fucks me up.

[1979] That's why I go on Thursdays.

[1980] Thursdays is my throwaway night.

[1981] I get a sheet of paper with everything I wrote during the week.

[1982] I got 120, 150 people, and I just go.

[1983] I close with my regular routine, but I throw all that shit out to see what I could grab.

[1984] I'm just grasping for straws on Thursday night.

[1985] because I don't go out during the week, Friday and Saturday, my money nights.

[1986] Right.

[1987] But Thursday, I got a buck 20.

[1988] I'll give them a good show, but I'll throw out some new shit in there just to catch up for the week to see what I wrote.

[1989] Maybe it's not funny.

[1990] And if you don't do that, those jokes don't get told and they don't get made.

[1991] I mean, think about how many jokes that you have where you started out and it was kind of a premise.

[1992] And I've seen you, like, have bits that started out and they just weren't clicking.

[1993] There was something missing.

[1994] And then I see you like four weeks later and boom, it's slamming.

[1995] You figured out the right path.

[1996] You figured out how to shorten it up.

[1997] You figured out how to get to the funny part quicker.

[1998] Boom, and then it's killing.

[1999] Got to start somewhere.

[2000] You know, it's funny, again, when I was on the set doing the thing with Mark Maron, he looked at me, and he goes, how hard is it to get workout space anymore?

[2001] He goes, it sucks because everybody wants you to perform.

[2002] He goes, long as the days are going to the store on a Tuesday and just ripping the notebook and going, because eight people will show up to really see you, you know?

[2003] And did you see what he's doing?

[2004] He got a theater?

[2005] Because he said, he goes, Joey, I go on the road in two weeks.

[2006] I have zero material.

[2007] Zero.

[2008] You know how it is?

[2009] shoot his TV show for fucking six months.

[2010] Right.

[2011] And he goes, he gets out twice a week, so I go, what are you going to do?

[2012] So he tweeted that he got a theater, some little theater on Santa Monica Boulevard.

[2013] Right.

[2014] He's going to do shows for two weeks.

[2015] All the money benefits to theater.

[2016] Wow, that's great.

[2017] He's not going to take the money.

[2018] He's going to, you know.

[2019] That's beautiful.

[2020] You know, that guys like us need somewhere to go and just talk.

[2021] And he's going to do it every night of the week?

[2022] I don't know what nights.

[2023] How many nights are?

[2024] I don't know what nights.

[2025] That's a great idea.

[2026] That's a great idea.

[2027] Yeah, that's perfect for him, too, because he'll only get his people that know what he's doing and there won't be getting this unfair expectation or this weirdness, and he'll be able to form the bits that way.

[2028] I remember talking to Tim Allen.

[2029] He was like, I'm going to Vegas, and fucking Jamie Mossada keeps putting my name on the fucking board.

[2030] I don't want nobody to come see me. Tim Allen said that?

[2031] Let me tell you how crazy it got for Tim Allen.

[2032] I got to the point where he was showing up on Tuesdays just to do the three minutes because he knows Jamie wouldn't put his name on the fucking boy.

[2033] Oh, that's hilarious.

[2034] How hilarious is that?

[2035] Because he just wanted to try things out.

[2036] Just talk.

[2037] Yeah.

[2038] Just talk.

[2039] But when you go up, they come to this day, people clap and they expect you to be funny, and you just can't try your shit out.

[2040] I saw him go on stage after a long time off one night in the main room at the comedy store.

[2041] It was weird.

[2042] It was weird.

[2043] You could tell.

[2044] He's just like he just hadn't done it a long time.

[2045] You see him like, I mean, you watch the old specials before his show, before home improvement.

[2046] And you would see him like to his comedy.

[2047] He was like so much confidence and speed to it and so much energy to him.

[2048] It's just so good.

[2049] Yeah.

[2050] Sharp.

[2051] Sharp.

[2052] But then you saw him after the show.

[2053] And it was just like, you know, just trying to step on the stage.

[2054] And, oh, how are they standing right here?

[2055] And, you know, just weird.

[2056] You could see, it just, it wasn't a part of him anymore.

[2057] He'd let it go away.

[2058] I wonder if they, I'd heard the rumor that they wanted him to not do comedy while he was doing home improvement because the show was such a family show.

[2059] And his act was so, you know, kind of funky.

[2060] You never know.

[2061] I mean, it wasn't even that, that radical an act.

[2062] It was just pretty, pretty mainstream, normal act.

[2063] I mean, you never know what they tell you, you know.

[2064] I just love doing it.

[2065] I love getting on.

[2066] Like last night I went on stage and had a great fucking time, you know?

[2067] Just a Wednesday night.

[2068] Mm -hmm.

[2069] Gers a fuck.

[2070] I don't like going to Hollywood no more.

[2071] No?

[2072] To do calm.

[2073] I like the improv.

[2074] I like the improv.

[2075] I still like doing the improv.

[2076] I did it a couple weeks ago.

[2077] It was great.

[2078] I enjoyed it.

[2079] I called for spots at the last factory for next week, but Long Beach, brother.

[2080] You like that spot.

[2081] All right, I'll go with you.

[2082] Let's do it.

[2083] I like Long Beach a lot.

[2084] Let's do a week night.

[2085] Let's do a week night.

[2086] Let's do a week or something.

[2087] I really like it.

[2088] I really don't like it down there.

[2089] Do you do Thursdays?

[2090] Do you ever do Thursdays?

[2091] Yeah, that's when they get me. Thursdays, it closes at 10, so we're out there early.

[2092] Let's do it, bitch.

[2093] What time do you leave to get down there?

[2094] Two in the afternoon.

[2095] No. No, no, because I take the 5 to the 7 and 10.

[2096] That's it?

[2097] The show's at 8 o 'clock, guys.

[2098] Okay, so what time do you leave?

[2099] I leave my house at 8 .30.

[2100] The show's at 8, and you leave at 8 .30.

[2101] Oh, you're on later.

[2102] I'm not at 940, 920.

[2103] And I get down in 30 minutes.

[2104] It's real fucking.

[2105] I don't, look, I don't touch the 110.

[2106] Right.

[2107] I go the five to the one, to the one, whatever the fuck I just said, the five.

[2108] The four of five's the motherfucker you want to ignore.

[2109] And this weekend, guys, ignore that motherfucker.

[2110] You got to just pretend it's not real.

[2111] The five's bad, too, though, especially near the Disneyland.

[2112] Oh, by farm, boons, whatever that is, not Boone's Farm, I'm sorry.

[2113] Yeah, the...

[2114] You didn't know about Jamzilla this weekend?

[2115] They're closing the 4 '5 North.

[2116] What is it?

[2117] What are they doing?

[2118] The 405 North this weekend, dog.

[2119] For what?

[2120] For what?

[2121] What are they doing?

[2122] They're going to...

[2123] Is that bridge problem?

[2124] H -O -B lane 10 miles of the 405s.

[2125] What a good idea?

[2126] It's not like it's Valentine's Day or anything.

[2127] Smart move.

[2128] Nobody would traveling.

[2129] What about the motherfuckers in New York?

[2130] They ain't going to be no Valentine's Day in New York, Jack.

[2131] Yeah.

[2132] How much snow are they getting?

[2133] So they got eight today.

[2134] My friends got eight, and they got another six tonight.

[2135] And they're going to get three more on Saturday.

[2136] But the city shut down completely.

[2137] Like the fucking Jersey Road just shut down.

[2138] It's amazing what's going on back there.

[2139] I love it.

[2140] Wow.

[2141] Yeah, they're getting a lot of snow.

[2142] You remember when Bloomberg was mayor, and they forgot to pay for snow plows.

[2143] They didn't budget in for plowing snow and people were like trapped in their fucking houses.

[2144] They were all making these videos and people slamming in the cars like trying to get out of their spots and drive down unplowed roads.

[2145] Tractor clearing snow kills pregnant New York home and Jesus Christ fucking God damn it.

[2146] Where are you going for Valentine's Day, Joey?

[2147] My wife's out of town.

[2148] You guys talk, I gotta pee.

[2149] My wife's in Nashville with the baby.

[2150] The father's sick, so So she went back there until Tuesday To spend time with the father and the baby And the whole fucking deal You're gonna take me out?

[2151] I'll take you out where do you want to go I got a spot tomorrow night and Saturday So it's all work, work You never have time for me You don't have no shows this weekend?

[2152] No, I took it off Because I was like I don't know Who you take?

[2153] Who's your Valentine?

[2154] No one What about that cute chick you used to see you?

[2155] You got so many bitches You know what I don't even know no more Which one?

[2156] I don't know you got a bunch of bitches I don't have anyone.

[2157] Don't be bullshit me, cuck -sucker.

[2158] I don't.

[2159] Were you playing this weekend?

[2160] John Lovett, Saturday and Friday night.

[2161] I'm playing La Jolla Comedy Store February 28th through March 1st.

[2162] We're having four or five shows, me, Tony Hinchcliff, Sarah Wineshank, a bunch of other people.

[2163] Have you done that?

[2164] Do you miss doing like the La Jolla comedy store?

[2165] Any of that?

[2166] No?

[2167] Did you ever do it much?

[2168] Yeah.

[2169] Oh, do you just fart?

[2170] Yeah.

[2171] That was my spot The La Jolla Comedy Club.

[2172] Do you like staying at the condo?

[2173] No, there's big rats.

[2174] Is there big rats there?

[2175] I would come right home every Saturday, every Friday and Saturday, I don't spend the night in San Diego.

[2176] Oh.

[2177] I come right home.

[2178] I leave 1145, I'm home by like fucking 1 .30 and shit.

[2179] San Diego?

[2180] Yeah.

[2181] I don't like spending a night.

[2182] Did you ever stay at the condo down there?

[2183] Yeah, definitely.

[2184] The place was a dump.

[2185] Oh, my God, it was disgusting.

[2186] Their comedy store condo Then we moved to an apartment Like I guess they were renovating the condo And I moved to an apartment apartment was nice Then the second time you got me a hotel Yeah we had we were enough I had that fear for active money Burned a hole in my pocket It looks like this That hotel that's like right next door That's really nice where you think Yeah I was like let's stay like gentlemen Let's tell like gentlemen Fuck on the beach and shit It was beautiful How about that fucking Mexican joint Across the street from the hotel That had that insane chicken burritos Insane That's still there I forget the one around Mexico Denny's.

[2187] Yeah.

[2188] They were so big that you could start eating them and start walking to Mexico, and you would get to Mexico right when the brito was done.

[2189] These guys are telling me about all these fucking food spots on Sunset.

[2190] They're delicious.

[2191] I just don't go to Hollywood at night.

[2192] They say there's a Mexican place across the street from the Laugh factory.

[2193] Really?

[2194] Oh, the taco place.

[2195] Yeah.

[2196] Peaches.

[2197] Everybody.

[2198] Across the street where Virgin Megastore used to be?

[2199] I guess.

[2200] What's there now?

[2201] Virgin's gone, right?

[2202] Virgin's gone, right?

[2203] store or was it tower records was it tower records something was there tower in hollywood one of those virgin or tower they say that the fucking place where you always talk about now what's the place you always talk about that you say you go late night they're open till three or four oh fat sows and what do they have there it's just huge it's like the sandwiches it's owned by the guy from entourage turtle from entourage and it's just like these huge sandwiches that like they have like fries like they have cheese fries instead of fries on the sandwich they have cheese fries on the sandwich and they have good googly yeah it's the stuff you walk you look in you're like this This is the worst thing ever to eat, but it's just crazy delicious.

[2204] It's always packed.

[2205] It's always packed.

[2206] It's hard for him.

[2207] Smart move, man. Take that entourage money and invest it.

[2208] She was an entourage now?

[2209] What?

[2210] Ronda Rousey.

[2211] Oh, the movie.

[2212] Is she in the movie or the TV show?

[2213] Movie.

[2214] There's an entourage movie.

[2215] She's going to start in the movie, and she's got another movie that they're making totally for her with her as a star.

[2216] Blowing up like the world trade.

[2217] Oh.

[2218] Because they say she might retire after this fight and shoot the paper.

[2219] No. She ain't retiring.

[2220] shit.

[2221] She likes beating the fuck out of the shit.

[2222] She likes it.

[2223] She enjoys it.

[2224] She's really good at it.

[2225] And she's really good at doing it even with all the pressure of that like Misha Tate fight, all the media pressure.

[2226] Dude, her judo is the best judo in MMA right now.

[2227] Those fucking throws that she hit Misha with.

[2228] Misha got high on her and just launched.

[2229] You know, if you're shooting on Ronda, you have to be below her hips.

[2230] You got to be.

[2231] You can't be up high.

[2232] If you shoot on her and you think you're going to rest under her armpits like you can with other girls, she's going to get an underhook and get her leg across your leg and you are going flying.

[2233] She throws bitches.

[2234] But the chickseys fight in this weekend is Sarah McMahon.

[2235] Sarah McMahon is an Olympic silver medalist who's built like Gleason T -Bow.

[2236] You ever see her?

[2237] Yeah.

[2238] Sarah McMahon is fucking huge, dude.

[2239] She looks like me in a dress.

[2240] I'm not joking.

[2241] For a girl, like she has arms like a guy.

[2242] That's going to be a good fight.

[2243] Yeah, she's really, really.

[2244] powerful man and she's a really good wrestler her technique is excellent you know and she's a silver medalist in the Olympics and ronda's a bronze medalist in judo this is the first time in the history of the UFC two medalists are going at it two Olympic medalists and they both happen to be women I mean it's fucking crazy it's a huge significant fight like for women's MMA I mean you talk about like legitimizing it a silver medalist in the Olympics and a bronze medalist in judo one in one in wrestling and one in judo that's crazy that's never happened and it sells a lot of seats.

[2245] People love to see those.

[2246] Especially after the last fight, man, that was, you know, it was a shame what happened to Anderson on that card, but that fucking fight sheet, I mean, I watched it with Red Band.

[2247] We were on our feet at your house.

[2248] We were fucking blown away.

[2249] The only other time two Olympians have fought was two gold medalists.

[2250] Rulon Gardner and Yoshida fought in pride.

[2251] And Rulon Gardner, that was before he was on the biggest loser, one of those shows where he tried to, he got like way high like in the 400s, and he was like really unhealthy, and he had to lose weight get down there's sarah mcmann she's she's tough she's tough let me go pee real quick you go pee fella there's a picture of her uh in the the uh promo clip where she stands there like in that picture her arms aren't pumped up with blood but she stands up after a fight and she raises her arms and you're like jesus fuck they're huge she's strong as shit she's probably going to be the strongest woman that ronda has fought in her career and probably also going to have the best grappling technique at anybody ronda's ever fought because her takedown defense is just impeccable plus her grappling knowledge like she won't do the same sort of things that maybe other opponents have done that has allowed Rhonda to toss them she's going to be more on point with her takedown defense so it'll become much more interesting but Rhonda Rousey in my opinion she has the best, not just the best judo in MMA but the best arm bars her arm bar technique is flawless and she hits it from everywhere and there's no space like when she slaps an arm bar on someone everything is just tight all everything is in perfect position and she's so used to people moving.

[2252] When you buck one way, she's ready for you to do that.

[2253] She's already countering it.

[2254] And then she just rolls with you and it gets it tighter.

[2255] If you buck the other way, she's got that planned out too.

[2256] Like, she's so good at riding you like a bull.

[2257] When you start bucking and twisting and trying to get out of that arm bar, she just follows you.

[2258] And she does it so often because she's so good at this one technique, she just hits that arm bar over and over and over and over again.

[2259] Her arm bar is a thing of beauty.

[2260] You couldn't pick a better fighter to watch if you wanted to, learn how to do an arm bar than Rhonda Rousey couldn't pick a better fighter her fucking technique's flawless I mean I learned something new every time I watch her hit an arm bar that's not bullshit I learn new setups I learn new transitions I learn new recoveries how she recovers from losing a position and she doesn't even hold the legs a lot of the times like a lot of guys like Eddie Eddie will cross his feet over the face and then I'll hold the leg to keep you from bucking around Rhonda's like go ahead bitch go buck around I'll just roll with you I'll just roll with you and in the transition I'll fucking grab that thing and make it even tighter She's incredible man And she's hot It's ridiculous I tweeted for Fox Sports One yesterday I did one of those Fox Sports One shows Talking about the UFC and talking about fights and I tweeted something about curling That's hilarious I couldn't believe how many people got mad at me One of the Olympic curling guys got mad at me And I retweeted his shit And oh my god that poor bastard got attacked I feel bad for him I didn't think it was that big of a deal that I called it dumb shit I like a lot of dumb shit It's nothing wrong with dumb shit Why would you care what I'd like too But people were getting so offended A woman said shame on you That's what she said to me Bro last week On the podcast I talked about If you need a blow torch To smoke weed Go fuck you I mean you fucking go do crack If you're the clap I want you to understand What marijuana is And you want to show up With a fucking blow torch to my fucking house with a rock and put oil and people keep telling me like dog you gotta I did it one time I'm like this ain't for me guys yeah I don't see it was like free base and cocaine for me I never understood the drama just give me I'll snort this fucking I gotta put it I gotta put it in a sock and cook it and then you know I went to a party one time I'm like 25 grams of coke in 1982 I'm not kidding you I went and I bought those little vod when they used to come in bottles already and I bought the guy out and I fucking went to this house and all I want to do was snort and get my dick sucked.

[2261] And this fucking white dude, you know, it was like, oh, we don't snort cocaine here.

[2262] You got to cook it and then put it through a silk sock, a silk hanker shift.

[2263] If it's not silk, it's not going to work.

[2264] And it takes 20 minutes just to do it.

[2265] And then we got to do it.

[2266] Fuck that.

[2267] Just give me the coke.

[2268] It's the same thing with those fucking dabs.

[2269] My buddy came over.

[2270] He puts a rock on your desk.

[2271] Then they melted.

[2272] Then you got to take a straw.

[2273] And then you cough your ass off.

[2274] Just roll the fuck.

[2275] I said that on the podcast, guys.

[2276] I got tormented.

[2277] People are like, what the fuck are you talking about?

[2278] You know what you're talking about with dabs?

[2279] Here what I'm saying.

[2280] If you need a blow torch to get high, there's a fucking problem.

[2281] I don't give a fuck what it does to you.

[2282] You know what?

[2283] I smoke a fucking joint and I get stoned to the goddamn gills.

[2284] That's all I need.

[2285] I'll eat an edible and I get fucked up on those too.

[2286] But there's no fucking dabs.

[2287] It's really sad too because we had talked about this before, like the places up north and stuff that have these dab houses where you walk.

[2288] walk in and everyone has a glass pipe.

[2289] It's like being in a crack house.

[2290] It's the closest thing to being in a crack house.

[2291] Part of me, that kind of stuff has always been like, well, you get higher.

[2292] I'm better than you.

[2293] Like, this is what I'm doing.

[2294] Like, you're a fucking idiot if you have to go this far to fucking do this shit.

[2295] It's like making meth out of a gatorade.

[2296] You ever make meth out of a fucking gatorade?

[2297] I've never made meth out of a gatorade.

[2298] Met out of a gatorian.

[2299] Did you not see how they do that shit on Discovery, bro?

[2300] No. They take a gatorade thing and you put a...

[2301] a lighter fluid in there, and you put a fucking copper battery in there, you'll rip it open, and you put cold medicine in that motherfucker, and you shake that motherfucker up for a few minutes, and then you put it in a sock, and you snort it.

[2302] Oh, my God.

[2303] They can make meth at the fucking house now.

[2304] Who makes meth at the fucking house?

[2305] Right outside, you do it.

[2306] Like, I could be in here, put the chemicals together.

[2307] Go outside.

[2308] It's called shaker, or whatever the fuck that shit is, shake her up, man. I don't fucking know.

[2309] You know, that's one of the ways that catch people sometimes.

[2310] is then they start doing meth, they start keeping it at their house and doing crazy shit.

[2311] Like one guy, I forget the story I believe it was an Esquar, one of those magazines, you know, GQ or something like that, and he was an attorney.

[2312] It somehow or another he got hooked up with meth, started doing meth, and the way they caught him, he had buckets full of it in his basement, just kept it laying around.

[2313] Like, just made it and kept it there and it was, like, storing meth in his basement.

[2314] Didn't even think there was anything crazy about storing enough drugs in your fucking house to put you away, for the rest of your life and to him it was just like just had it laying around like wasn't even thinking it was just you're you lose one of the things and when you do the meth is that you lose your ability to see what's smart and what's not smart like you just you lose that with every drug it's just not met don't blame it i met don't blame it i'm met met i don't think you lose it with weed no but you lose it with the heart thing the hard drugs you lose it with coke you get delirious you get uh your judgment is fucking foiled that's what drugs do to you your judgment is fucking off and you catch yourself sometimes yeah You're like, what the fuck that I just do?

[2315] Wow.

[2316] That's the real scary part about it.

[2317] Sometimes you're like, what the fuck that I just do?

[2318] And that's what a lot of people are looking for, right?

[2319] A lot of people are looking for this fucking big burst of escape.

[2320] You know, they're looking for something that just blows them out of whatever the fuck their life is because they're looking to just escape.

[2321] They don't like life.

[2322] They don't like it.

[2323] They want to get high, man. I want to get high.

[2324] And they want to get high to escape.

[2325] Escape reality.

[2326] You know, man, we get like, your back hurts.

[2327] You're back hurts.

[2328] You hurt your back.

[2329] It fucking hurts, bro.

[2330] You got to go to a lot.

[2331] doctor, you know.

[2332] The idea I did a butterfly sweep.

[2333] I left my thumb up and the fucking guy landed on my hand.

[2334] Ouch, wow.

[2335] My thumb hurt.

[2336] It didn't swell up.

[2337] I think when I needed the drugs, it was when my whole body was in pain.

[2338] And it's not pain that you feel.

[2339] It's just this pain and it's...

[2340] Well, it's also, you did it for so long when your body became accustomed to using those things.

[2341] But in the beginning, why is the main reason we get down?

[2342] Why is the main reason a guy like you handles, you have pain in your life growing up?

[2343] We all do.

[2344] What made you different than not doing it you know when you uh when you first get involved in that your body hurts man i can't imagine you know when i was 17 i'd go home at the end of the night with i was in school i had to go to school at 7 30 sophomore in high school junior had to go to school and i would come home and sit in the corner in the dark with a headphones on with an a track black sabbath and i just do coke until three in the morning Jesus Christ no drinking just do coke in the dark what possesses you to do that joe rogan i don't know was it because I was a junkie?

[2345] No, I was, you know what?

[2346] I was in so much pain.

[2347] What's, but pain covers this huge thing when you're doing drugs.

[2348] Pain could be, you know, fucking confusion.

[2349] Pain shows up as confusion.

[2350] Confusion shows up as pain, is what I'm saying to you.

[2351] You're confused.

[2352] So, I was 16.

[2353] It could be emotional pain.

[2354] It could be emotional pain.

[2355] It doesn't have to be physical pain.

[2356] Your whole body's in pain when you're doing it.

[2357] You know, I talk to the kid I kidnapped.

[2358] You know, I call him a lot now.

[2359] Wow.

[2360] I'm guilty.

[2361] I'm really fucking guilty of that because I saw something when I kidnapped him that.

[2362] It's not Joe Diaz.

[2363] I saw him suffering.

[2364] I saw him at one moment on the floor handcuffed him.

[2365] And I would never want that for me. You know what I'm saying?

[2366] I always dread it.

[2367] That happens to a friend of mine for what I did.

[2368] And I always felt bad.

[2369] I had him call him the podcast and I apologize to him.

[2370] Wow.

[2371] And I always call him up.

[2372] And I called him the other day and we were talking.

[2373] And he told me, you know, every time I talk to him, he tells me more about his life, bro.

[2374] You know, what happened since I kidnapped him.

[2375] I bumped into him in 94.

[2376] I kidnapped him in 87.

[2377] I bumped into him in 94, and I bought Coke from him.

[2378] And he was all fucked up on Pearl Street down in Boulder.

[2379] And then he never remembered.

[2380] I think he blacked out.

[2381] That's how bad a shape he was in.

[2382] I asked him, not this time, though, at the time before, I asked him, do you remember me buying blow from you?

[2383] He goes, I remember seeing you and I remember hating you the next day.

[2384] I couldn't believe I didn't knock you to fuck out because I caught him off guard.

[2385] He was at a bar all fucked up.

[2386] I got to saw me some blow.

[2387] He's like, ah, look who's here.

[2388] The guy who kidnapped me. The guy who kidnapped me. But I called him last one.

[2389] You fought blow after you kidnapped him before you apologized for kidnapping him?

[2390] Six years later.

[2391] Yeah, I saw him at a bar on Pearl Street.

[2392] Did you even say, I'm sorry I kidnapped you?

[2393] Not that night.

[2394] I just gave him a hug and asked him if he knew where I'd get some blow and shit.

[2395] Not that night.

[2396] And he gave me a hug, and I always thought about him.

[2397] And when I apologized, I felt really bad.

[2398] And I talked to him at Danny.

[2399] And he started telling me he's 50.

[2400] He lives with his mother.

[2401] He had a heart attack.

[2402] You know, I could tell when I talked to him And there's pictures on Facebook That he had a stroke You know That was all from the blog, bro Sometimes when he calls me and I I could tell he's drinking, you know And sometimes I feel real guilty Did I do this?

[2403] But then, you know, I'm the type of guy I don't play that shit, you know I don't play that shit at all He was fucked up when I kidnapped him I mean, a couple weeks before You know, how this whole thing started Was because he got a DUI Fucked up some cars Went to Boulder Hospital On North Hospital Boulder General and when he was in there you know Boulder he was hurt they left him in the room by himself and he stole a bottle of liquid cocaine and jumped out the window okay and they caught him an hour later on the other side of Boulder when you steal a bottle of liquor cocaine from the hospital you already got problems oh my god me kidnapping him you know and we laugh and we giggle me kidnapping him it makes me feel like maybe I contributed to that but I didn't he had his own doom why didn't I get fucked up you know I mean I got fucked up in different ways I paid in different ways because the guilt of me doing that to a man fucking destroyed me. You know, I like to fuck around.

[2404] You know, I could do something bad if somebody harms me. But even with Jiu -Jitsu, I just can't put my forearm in somebody's face, man. I hate when I have to lay on somebody.

[2405] Like, I'll check on him and go, you okay, bro.

[2406] You know, I love you right now.

[2407] Look at me and go, I know.

[2408] You know, it's funny.

[2409] So for me, seeing him in that corner, I always had that guilt that I tied him up.

[2410] Joe, it's fucking scary.

[2411] Well, it seems like that was the life you were both living, you know?

[2412] Yes, yes, yes.

[2413] Now that you're apologizing, you know, look, you were on, You were both on a fucking crazy path, you know?

[2414] The fucking 80s, bro.

[2415] The 80s, that's what it was.

[2416] The exorcist, all those movies.

[2417] See, I dodged all that stuff.

[2418] I dodged all that stuff because the 80s were my period of athletic competition.

[2419] It was all hibernation.

[2420] From 81 to 88, all I did was Taekwondo.

[2421] That's all I did.

[2422] So I dodged it all.

[2423] February 19, 1979 was the day my life went downhill.

[2424] You know why?

[2425] Why?

[2426] I got my, I won a form in a karate tournament.

[2427] I was a purple belt.

[2428] I was in the 8th grade, and I lost the fighting.

[2429] I got to squalify for kicking above the fucking face.

[2430] You were really young?

[2431] How old were you?

[2432] I was 13 or 14.

[2433] It was semi -contact, and I got out of Gush and Roo Karate.

[2434] And, you know, I liked those guys.

[2435] That's why I missed that whole thing, because on the weekends, we just go to different fucking tournaments.

[2436] You know, when you do that, when as a kid, you just go to different tournaments or on Saturdays, we would all geek out and go to Honda.

[2437] You know what Honda is in New York?

[2438] That's a big martial art supplies.

[2439] Yeah.

[2440] I would geek out in there.

[2441] Like, I would kill out in there.

[2442] Some Nunchukes.

[2443] Oh, Newtuk, Kaboodoo Tonfas.

[2444] I get the fucking things that you can punch, the patches, Makiwara's.

[2445] I had the fucking, the fucking iron palm technique is the fucking thing.

[2446] The juice you put on your palms.

[2447] That was the real deal.

[2448] You know, I was watching Chinese Connection.

[2449] Who was the last time you want, Chinese guy?

[2450] Tonight, when everybody goes to sleep, put on Bruce Lee's second movie.

[2451] Do me that favor.

[2452] Do me that fucking favor.

[2453] And you're going to see what fucking unreal is.

[2454] Pull up some Bruce Lee.

[2455] You're going to see.

[2456] the last scene of Chinese connection.

[2457] The last scene, when he goes into the school, listen to what he says.

[2458] Remember, Chinese connection is kind of a rip -off with Spaghetti Westerns.

[2459] If you watch those three movies, Clint Eastwood made in Italy, they're so far gone.

[2460] Like, you haven't watched them in 20 years.

[2461] Watch the good, the bad, and the other.

[2462] What's the town?

[2463] He paints the town red.

[2464] I don't remember, but that was a great movie.

[2465] That was a great movie.

[2466] That was a great movie.

[2467] He came back.

[2468] It was a ghost story.

[2469] Yeah, he was a ghost story.

[2470] In Chinese Connection, he comes back as a student that they kill his teacher.

[2471] And he avenges his teacher.

[2472] And it's just the Newchuk scene and the Chinese connection when he first attacks the school when he goes in and he goes, I'm allowing you to leave.

[2473] Who allows you to leave?

[2474] Even in Bronx tail, they locked the fucking door and they wouldn't let the bikers leave.

[2475] This right here, look at this.

[2476] This changed America forever.

[2477] This was 1970.

[2478] Look at this guys.

[2479] Watch this.

[2480] I still remember the fucking commercial for this, the trailer.

[2481] Look at how slow and methodical.

[2482] They're all circled.

[2483] That fucking jacket off.

[2484] Look at this man, ladies and gentlemen.

[2485] Look at him.

[2486] He wanted what Steve McQueen had, and Steve McQueen wanted what he had.

[2487] You talk about his forearms.

[2488] This guy's forearms was seven times the size of a man. And nobody had ever seen anybody kicking like this before.

[2489] That's 1970.

[2490] Nobody ever seen nothing like this.

[2491] I remember being in Catholic school, at Sacred Heart School for boys and seeing this, and losing my fucking mind.

[2492] But this isn't nothing.

[2493] I'm going to show you the scene with James America Forever.

[2494] Right here, the double punch to both.

[2495] to them.

[2496] Right here.

[2497] Bam.

[2498] Right here.

[2499] This changed America forever.

[2500] Right here, ladies and gentlemen.

[2501] Bam!

[2502] That double punch.

[2503] Nobody's ever done that.

[2504] Watch this.

[2505] Watch this.

[2506] Joe Rogan.

[2507] This is all this.

[2508] This is all beauty.

[2509] This will never happen again.

[2510] Look at this.

[2511] He threw them in the air.

[2512] And they're dummies when they land.

[2513] All right.

[2514] This is when America changed forever.

[2515] Oh, one guy hit him in the back.

[2516] This is when America changed forever.

[2517] Right here.

[2518] The guy fucked up and kicked him in the back.

[2519] That don't mean nothing.

[2520] Look at them.

[2521] Look at them.

[2522] It was 1970, dog.

[2523] Nobody had ever seen Noonchucks before that.

[2524] Nobody.

[2525] Look at that shit.

[2526] How many times you hit yourself in the back of the head doing Nunchukes wrong?

[2527] The back of my head were bruises fuck.

[2528] I probably have more PTSD from getting hit in the head by my own Nunchucks and never getting punched or kicked.

[2529] Me too.

[2530] I would crack myself, man. Fucking hard.

[2531] Those Cocoa Bolo ones from Central.

[2532] martial arts supply Cocoa Bolo Nunchucks They were fighting like a pound Each They bounce off the back of your head I still feel knots in my head I still feel knots in my head For I broke this I was doing it wrong You're supposed to go up And catch it behind you But I was going This way And catching it like that I was kidding I didn't know what I was doing I was ad -lib And whacking myself In the back of the head Just going Oh fuck And then right back to it this is this is too much i remember still going back to school that monday and kids were losing i still remember the driving theater i saw all this set but put that final fight scene because that's one of the greatest he jumps over a table and flying sidekicks a motherfucker no stunts no nothing he gets the sword takes it from the guy but when he fights this is the end this is the end when they're going to kill him look at bruce lee and he just stands there look at him he fucking just runs at him it's before and he's single -handedly made being chinese sexy dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun ah that's the song put on ah ah ah ah ah this is my life dog we would stay at the movie theaters till midnight till fucking midnight we'd stay at the movie theaters just this is just too much yeah i don't think anybody today can realize what an impact that guy had on kids i was living in newark and i was at an apartment building and uh the superintendent of the building his kid was my age i used to go over his house that's how i found out about Bruce Lee.

[2533] Him and he had an older brother, and they were really into Bruce Lee, and they were, you know, they have like Bruce Lee posters and shit, and I was like, whoa, what is this Bruce Lee stuff here you guys are into?

[2534] And then from there, I'm pretty sure we went to see a movie together.

[2535] I think we went to his dad.

[2536] That was the first time I was exposed to it.

[2537] I was like, maybe five or six, and I was like, oh, my God.

[2538] He taught this country so many fucking things at the time.

[2539] Like, people would just, you know, it made everybody.

[2540] But it even strengthened, like, rebellious.

[2541] Like, if you watch Enter the Dragon, there's a partner that I. You never caught this.

[2542] It's a part of the dragon where the guy comes in, Bob Wall.

[2543] I know Bob.

[2544] I know, I know Bob, too.

[2545] He goes, you must attend the morning ritual in uniform.

[2546] Bruce tells him outside.

[2547] He throws the punches and shit.

[2548] And the next day, he's dressed him white.

[2549] Think about that.

[2550] Everybody got a guy on.

[2551] Bruce Lee refused to wear a fucking geek.

[2552] He wasn't Eddie's grandfather.

[2553] He just refused to wear a fucking ghee.

[2554] That's the kind of mentality.

[2555] He put in these kids.

[2556] That's why these kids are getting bit slapped.

[2557] Do you think if Bruce Lee was around today, people would be getting bullied?

[2558] Nobody got bullied when I was a guy.

[2559] it because you watch Bruce Lee bro he gave you fucking balls would you please put that last thing like people got bullied what are you talking about this they got bullied they got bullied by people who are trying to be Bruce Lee too Chinese connection fights me in the end trust me it's on that I just watched it be a day on YouTube I was watching this shit the other day crying this is tremendous it's hard to look back when you look back at that and see the kind of impact that had at the time it's just it's hard to wrap your head around it because nobody had ever seen anything like that before there had been no karate movies and all of a sudden I mean maybe there was a couple but it was nothing like five fingers of death came out there was like a two or three then this guy invaded and the beauty of this was and I told this I want of Ari's storytellers that especially for me dog you know before Bruce Lee everybody was walked Chinese people especially walking around they were the help bro they were the fucking help they walked around half retarded Bruce Lee came out Bruce they were ironed his shirts and bowing at motherfuckers Bruce Lee came out and gave them this inner strength but for me I wasn't Chinese I was Cuban.

[2560] I was an immigrant.

[2561] I knew what it was to walk around feeling like you were number two.

[2562] So for me, he fucking strengthened my head, just watching that shit.

[2563] Like, if that Chinese motherfucker could do that, I could do that.

[2564] Then my stepfather would come home because I used to go to karate.

[2565] And my stepfather would go, what did you learn to you?

[2566] And I teach him, and he goes, don't work on me. And I go, what the fuck are you?

[2567] You know what I just worked at the karate school and don't work here?

[2568] And he would tell me, you know why I don't work?

[2569] Because I smacked the shit out of Bruce Lee in Cuba one time.

[2570] And I would believe him.

[2571] What?

[2572] He would tell me, I fucked Bruce Lee up one time on the corner in Cube.

[2573] my bits left.

[2574] That Chinese guy.

[2575] He was bullshitting me to make me...

[2576] And hearing my mother would tell me Batman was a faggot.

[2577] You know, shit like that.

[2578] Is this the final scene?

[2579] That's it.

[2580] Oh, no, that's the...

[2581] You got to speed it up a little bit more, but fuck it, we'll take that, too.

[2582] What's this one?

[2583] He was also the first guy that was, like, really shredded like that in movies where we were taking shirt off and flex.

[2584] This is when he fights Mrs. Suzuki.

[2585] This is with the sword.

[2586] Look at this, guys.

[2587] This is just tremendous.

[2588] Was there ever a guy that was, like, shirtless in movies that was flexing before him?

[2589] Was that a thing?

[2590] Hercules.

[2591] Hercules.

[2592] Yeah, but not like a fighter guy, right?

[2593] Tarzan.

[2594] Tarzan.

[2595] Because everything else was after.

[2596] Like, Hard times.

[2597] Bronson, that was much later, right?

[2598] Oh, look at this fight.

[2599] Look at this fight here.

[2600] Will Ferrell.

[2601] He's fighting Will Ferrell.

[2602] But no, no. Just play this fight out for Joe.

[2603] There's one scene in here where you look at him and you go, well, you know what?

[2604] He could be fake, but look at his hand speed.

[2605] There wasn't no speed ups in filming this.

[2606] There wasn't nothing.

[2607] This fight with this.

[2608] This guy, I think, was a Russian that was coming to visit him.

[2609] But this is just tremendous.

[2610] This whole, from the fucking time he walks, it's a 20 -minute fight.

[2611] The first movie does is a spinning elbow front kick.

[2612] Who does that?

[2613] So he walked, he walked, there was two Japanese.

[2614] Is this right here?

[2615] We're going to see it right here?

[2616] No, before that.

[2617] He goes like this.

[2618] He walks out.

[2619] You got to get to the microphone, man. What?

[2620] They walk in this way.

[2621] They don't do that shit no more.

[2622] They don't do that shit.

[2623] I didn't even hear what you said.

[2624] He's playing the sound and you're talking.

[2625] Oh, God, the guy's a white belt.

[2626] Watch his, watch his hand movement.

[2627] Watch his speed.

[2628] Watch his fucking speed, dog.

[2629] This is 1970.

[2630] There was no speed -up films.

[2631] It's also the sounds that he made, but crazy.

[2632] Wah!

[2633] Don't play that music, Brian.

[2634] Watch this spinning.

[2635] What's this?

[2636] Bam!

[2637] Are you fucking kidding me?

[2638] Pressing kid.

[2639] Watch this, bam!

[2640] This motherfucker didn't stop.

[2641] You know this fight scene by heart.

[2642] It's hilarious.

[2643] Every night I sat at the movie.

[2644] theaters with my boys and we watch this and then we go next door to MarGlazano's fruits and we knock all the fucking fruit box we beat up the fruit box.

[2645] Oh the guy got him in the arm bar.

[2646] Holy shit.

[2647] This is 20 years Oh my god.

[2648] Bruce Lee you fucked up.

[2649] That guy had any technique.

[2650] What do you do?

[2651] He bite him?

[2652] It's the street.

[2653] Ew, he let go because of a bite.

[2654] He bit him in the fucking ankle real fucking hard.

[2655] That was a good arm bar technique for 1970 or whatever it was.

[2656] What year was this?

[2657] This came out.

[2658] This was the original hero movie.

[2659] This came out like in 70.

[2660] Look at him dog.

[2661] Then he starts transcing this motherfucker with his hands.

[2662] If you haven't watched The Chinese Connection, you're fucking up.

[2663] And he's on the phone with Steve McQueen every 10 minutes.

[2664] Because he's really angry in this movie, because they killed his teacher.

[2665] He's fucking a ball of hate in this fucking movie.

[2666] Who's on the phone with Steve McQueen?

[2667] You mean talking to him.

[2668] Tell him, what do I do next?

[2669] Beat that motherfucker up.

[2670] Watch this.

[2671] Steve McQueen's in the movie?

[2672] Is that what you're saying?

[2673] No, Steve McQueen, this is Gungba.

[2674] Oh, he's buddy.

[2675] Watch this, Joe Roggan.

[2676] Oh, come on now.

[2677] That guy just ate a wheel kick.

[2678] This is unrealistic.

[2679] It's that quick.

[2680] But if a guy, when you get wheel kick in the face, dude, nobody eats that shit.

[2681] Bro, it's nice.

[2682] This is awesome, though.

[2683] This is tremendous.

[2684] Who was the last time you saw this?

[2685] It's still good.

[2686] Well, wait, wait, wait, this fucking see.

[2687] This is just too much.

[2688] You know, look, his technique is really fucking good.

[2689] It's really good to this day.

[2690] I mean, it's hard to see someone do martial arts from back then and compare it to what you see today.

[2691] But Bruce Lee compares.

[2692] It's a really good kicking technique, man. Like his sidekick is straight.

[2693] He's not kicking up.

[2694] His hit comes up.

[2695] It goes straight.

[2696] That's what gets good.

[2697] That's there.

[2698] He's going to fuck this motherfucker up right now for Joe Rogan.

[2699] Look at Suzuki.

[2700] Watch this, Joe Rogan.

[2701] Watch this.

[2702] Gadush!

[2703] Watch this, dog.

[2704] Old school.

[2705] Old school.

[2706] Fuck the popcorn.

[2707] B, ba, ba, bah, bam.

[2708] It's over, motherfucker.

[2709] He makes a crazy scream when he karate chaps.

[2710] He's angry.

[2711] He's fucking angry.

[2712] Now he goes out to Suzuki.

[2713] He fucks up Suzuki.

[2714] Then he goes back to his school, and they tell him, you know, you've got to go do some time.

[2715] And he fucking grabs the guy.

[2716] And he goes, listen, don't touch my school.

[2717] I'll fuck you up.

[2718] Then he walks outside.

[2719] He agreed to do time.

[2720] This is the beauty about Bruce.

[2721] He agreed to do the time.

[2722] In the movie.

[2723] He walks out, and he opens a door, and they're all there to shoot him.

[2724] That's the scene, you see.

[2725] He could have turned around and ran away.

[2726] That motherfucker looked at him, yelled and ran out to the audience, and it ends with him doing a flying psychic.

[2727] Can you hear the bullets going off?

[2728] And you're just ready to.

[2729] go kill somebody at that point.

[2730] It's midnight, and I'm going to kill a motherfucker.

[2731] That's it.

[2732] I'm fucking somebody up today.

[2733] And that's how he left you off.

[2734] That was it.

[2735] And then Return of the Dragon came out with Chuck Norris.

[2736] And that was kind of, ah, people.

[2737] By that time, he didn't die yet.

[2738] Enter the Dragon came out July of 73, and he was dead maybe a week later.

[2739] He died a week after Enter the Dragon came out.

[2740] He died July something of 73.

[2741] So I was 10.

[2742] Let me tell you something.

[2743] When he died, you have no idea what this country was like.

[2744] because there was no internet.

[2745] You had to find out by going to Chinatown.

[2746] That was the proof.

[2747] You had to go to Chinatown and buy the magazines, and they showed you the black and white pictures of him.

[2748] They carried him in his way, Karim Abdul -Jabbar and James Coburn.

[2749] There was no newspaper.

[2750] Nobody cared about some Chinese guy.

[2751] We didn't find that until a month after he died.

[2752] They sent us the letter by the fucking in a bottle with a note.

[2753] You know what's really fascinating about him, man?

[2754] He made his movies and all of his scenes with these wild kicks and jumping flying techniques.

[2755] but in real life when he practiced martial arts for fighting for like he never did any of that stuff he concentrated on like low kicks and punches and boxing techniques mixed with wrestling techniques but he just knew that it would be spectacular looking spectacular yeah this guy was 30 years ahead of his time guy he really was what he did to society where he did to the film industry what he did he brought something that was just brilliant and then you watch Enter the Dragon when they just cashed him out they just said listen you're coming back with us And then the Chinese people got mad at him.

[2756] That was heroin money.

[2757] They made those movies for $10 in Thailand.

[2758] Where the fuck they made?

[2759] So he had some sort of crazy, there's some crazy conspiracy theory about his death, that it was the Chinese mob that killed him because he owed money.

[2760] No, he didn't know no money.

[2761] He just took money out of their pocket.

[2762] Well, he left.

[2763] He went out with a Warner Bros. Do you think that's what happened?

[2764] Did they kill them?

[2765] Really?

[2766] We're making barrels of money.

[2767] How much money do you think the Chinese connection cost to shoot?

[2768] What do they think they paid those Thailand people?

[2769] Well, it's kind of crazy when you find out that his son died as well.

[2770] and died because there was a bullet in a gun, it was supposed to be a blank gun, or it had a piece in it or something like that or something in it?

[2771] We don't know.

[2772] We'll never fucking know.

[2773] But if you were thinking like that some really crazy, really rich Chinese gangster guy wanted his son dead as well, some real old school Genghis Khan type shit, kill the man and then put a hit on his son, and that that's how it went down.

[2774] I mean, I don't know what happened to him.

[2775] I don't know, but that's always been the conspiracy theory.

[2776] It's people, you know, people love those kind of crazy stories.

[2777] They love the kind of crazy story of, you know, a curse on him.

[2778] I never thought about no curse or the samurai touched his back.

[2779] Like Eddie Griffin said, shit.

[2780] Samurai touched him with the murder touch.

[2781] But it is crazy.

[2782] He went home and got a blood clot.

[2783] Brandon Lee was killer.

[2784] My thing was this.

[2785] This was my philosophy on it.

[2786] The DEA never talks about heroin coming from Chinese.

[2787] Chinese has been bringing heroin into this country since Jesus loves Chicago.

[2788] But they're that smart.

[2789] They're that smart.

[2790] They don't flaunt it.

[2791] When you see a Chinese restaurant, what do you see?

[2792] You see 50 people.

[2793] where you see white people in their serving?

[2794] No, the whole family's in there.

[2795] When you go to a good Chinese restaurant, what do you see?

[2796] You see the kid and the two kids doing homework at the table, don't you?

[2797] The whole family runs it.

[2798] They all move in together.

[2799] They all do all that shit.

[2800] They're not Puerto Ricans, bro.

[2801] They're not fucking Italians that buy a Lincoln Continental.

[2802] Oh, look at me. They keep it low.

[2803] They never could get busted.

[2804] They have such a great system.

[2805] The triads, those Chinese gangsters.

[2806] Remember, the mafia concept is not Italian.

[2807] It's Chinese.

[2808] It's Chi -Fucking knees.

[2809] So spaghetti.

[2810] Well, I don't know about...

[2811] Do you know that?

[2812] Yeah, noodles.

[2813] Noodles came from China.

[2814] They brought it Italy.

[2815] The Italians came over to China, found noodles, brought it back to Italy.

[2816] And said, oh, who we made?

[2817] Me and Bobby Mix.

[2818] We got together.

[2819] Some Chinese...

[2820] They got some fucking Gabagooch.

[2821] So I think that they made all this money in China, whoever they made these movies.

[2822] Because after that, the producers of him were Run Run Chaw and Raymond Chow.

[2823] Raymond Chow, after Bruce Lee died, Raymond Chow became a big partner in Warner Brothers.

[2824] In fact, he produced a bunch of Charles Bronson movies.

[2825] Wow.

[2826] Do you understand me?

[2827] So there was a lot of kinky shit going on.

[2828] Then 30 years later, they killed his son.

[2829] If you watch Godfather 2, what does he do?

[2830] He kills the fucking sons.

[2831] He lets Vito live.

[2832] Vito goes back to the United States, gets power and comes back and kills the father.

[2833] Bye ya.

[2834] Hey, easy.

[2835] Buy ya.

[2836] Turn the machine on.

[2837] Jesus Christ.

[2838] They're not going to stink.

[2839] Those are good farts.

[2840] You're out of your fucking nine.

[2841] Those are salmon farts, bro.

[2842] You got something wrong with your nose.

[2843] Go to a doctor.

[2844] No, those are salmon.

[2845] I did a little hemp force protein.

[2846] You ever smell a bear fart?

[2847] It's terrible.

[2848] But bear farts in your face.

[2849] You don't have to turn that on, really.

[2850] Just sit down.

[2851] That's glute d 'all with some M -Force protein in that motherfucker.

[2852] Oh, Joey Diaz.

[2853] So where can people check you out?

[2854] Where you got dates coming up?

[2855] This week, I'm in Lovitz.

[2856] You're at Lovitz?

[2857] Saturday night, 10 o 'clock show just to get warmed up.

[2858] And D's still running that place?

[2859] Yeah, D's back over there.

[2860] I'm doing Valentine's 10 o 'clock and Saturday, 10 o 'clock.

[2861] Then I'm in Blatt, Boston.

[2862] Then I'm in fucking stress factory with Vinny.

[2863] Vinny, whatever.

[2864] Vinny don't know what he's getting.

[2865] his hands and all my gangster buddies are coming out.

[2866] Oh, yeah?

[2867] Kids I haven't seen, bro.

[2868] Again, they call me out there, that we want a fucking table.

[2869] Uh -oh.

[2870] They want a table.

[2871] And we ain't paying.

[2872] I said, that's fine.

[2873] They said they're not paying?

[2874] These motherfuckers will grab Vinny by the throat, Doug.

[2875] Well, let's not say that.

[2876] No, I'm just fucking around.

[2877] These guys are crazy.

[2878] Yeah.

[2879] But I'm going to have a good time.

[2880] No, everything's going great.

[2881] I'm still doing the podcast.

[2882] The podcast is still phenomenal.

[2883] I released a CD on New Year's Eve.

[2884] It's still up there, you know, so I want to thank everybody for giving Dead Squad.

[2885] A little love in the world, man. So that's the John Lovitz this weekend, and then where after that?

[2886] I'm in Laugh, Boston, February 26th.

[2887] I'm in New Jersey, March 6th.

[2888] I'm in fucking Chicago, March 13th.

[2889] And it is, what's your website?

[2890] Joey Diaz .net.

[2891] Joey Diaz .com.

[2892] For all the tour dates, stay there.

[2893] Boom, ladies and gentlemen.

[2894] As for me, I got Dallas, Texas, Verizon Theater on March 14th with Duncan, Trussell, and Ari Shafir, and then, Miami on April 3rd, and then Orlando with you on April 18th, and then Baltimore, again, with Joey Diaz on April 25th.

[2895] Go to Joe Rogan .com.

[2896] Check out the tour dates.

[2897] Brian, what do you got coming up?

[2898] You said you had a new date?

[2899] Yeah, I have January 28th through March 1st, La Jolla Comedy Store, and then April 18th, Portland, Oregon, April 19th, Seattle, and April 20th, Vancouver.

[2900] And where do they find that?

[2901] Desquad .com.

[2902] Boom, ladies and gentlemen.

[2903] Thanks to this new sponsor.

[2904] Nature's Box.

[2905] Tremendous.

[2906] Nature Box for delicious snacks.

[2907] Delicious snacks that are actually good for you.

[2908] Powerful Nature Box.

[2909] Let me pull up there a little thing.

[2910] Thanks also to who else said, Ting?

[2911] Ting.

[2912] Rogan