Trevor Noah

[0] Welcome, welcome, welcome to armchair expert.

[1] I'm Dan Rather, and I'm joined by Mrs. Mouse.

[2] We didn't even talk about this on the fact check, but the strike is over.

[3] This strike is over.

[4] Congratulations to all.

[5] Well, they haven't, it's not done, done.

[6] They have a deal that they're now bringing to the members to vote on.

[7] I mean, so presumably it will, that'll.

[8] But it said 12 -01 on Thursday, members can go back to work.

[9] Oh, it did?

[10] Yeah.

[11] Oh, so then maybe the members already approved the deal.

[12] they brought back.

[13] But when I read the announcement, it was like they have a deal.

[14] They've agreed upon a deal.

[15] They'll now bring back to the members to vote on.

[16] Oh, maybe.

[17] Oh, boy.

[18] But anyway, I think it's over.

[19] Okay, congratulations.

[20] Today's guest is a babe.

[21] We've been trying to have them on for long, long, long, long time.

[22] It's been scheduled.

[23] It's been unscheduled.

[24] It's been scheduled.

[25] And the day has finally arrived.

[26] And it really delivered.

[27] Trevor Noah, what a smart motherfucker.

[28] Oh, my God.

[29] Is he smart?

[30] Yeah.

[31] Yeah, very fun to talk to.

[32] Yes.

[33] He loves to dance.

[34] He lives to dance, I'd say.

[35] Trevor Noah is a comedian, a best -selling author, an Emmy award -winning host, and then he's a hugely successful touring stand -up.

[36] Of course, you've come to love him for seven years on the daily show with Trevor Noah.

[37] And he has a new podcast out right now, a Spotify original called What Now with Trevor Noah.

[38] So please check that out.

[39] That is out now.

[40] And enjoy the dance with Trevor Noah.

[41] Oh, you go side -saddle.

[42] Do you do this when you're doing your podcast?

[43] I used to DJ.

[44] Oh, okay.

[45] So I'm more comfortable with one ear.

[46] I just got used to hearing the room and then hearing what's happening in my ear.

[47] I also had a radio show when I was in South Africa way back in the day.

[48] And then same thing.

[49] So you'd always have one ear up so you can talk to people in the studio and then one ear monitoring what's happening.

[50] Yes.

[51] I'm used to one -earing it.

[52] Could you just get a set that just, doesn't have the other.

[53] Oh, you do.

[54] Yeah, yeah.

[55] You've got the one and it just has a one ear.

[56] Oh, okay.

[57] Either they flip up or you have one that's literally a one ear.

[58] Like you work at AT &T on the phone back or something.

[59] I feel like that would be a lot of stimuli from the outside and from inside your headphones.

[60] But it's the same thing.

[61] No, I don't think so.

[62] You're in one environment.

[63] Well, she's right in that you'd be hearing all this extraneous noise in the environment on one side of your brain.

[64] or your ear, and then the other side's very dialed in.

[65] So think of it this way.

[66] Let's say you're DJing like a party.

[67] The music that they're hearing is the music you're hearing, but then you're also hearing the music that you're going to play and the music that you're currently playing.

[68] Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

[69] So it's all the same information coming in at the same time with maybe 20 % difference.

[70] And the ADHD is an asset in that moment.

[71] I guess it is.

[72] Yeah.

[73] I've never ever considered that I had it.

[74] I know I'm dyslexic, but I never consider it had it.

[75] And then we had Gabor Mataon.

[76] And afterwards, he was like, have you ever been tested for ADHD?

[77] It was kind of a thin -slice assessment that maybe I had it.

[78] So I've been kind of mulling it over.

[79] And I guess I never thought I had it because I can sit down for protracted periods of time and focus.

[80] I'm a writer.

[81] So to me, that's like, well, no, I have unlimited attention when necessary.

[82] But I do think the quick thinking has to be, that's got to be part of it, right?

[83] Yeah, I would be careful to receive a diagnosis from anyone.

[84] I've learned over the years that many of the things we, deal with with our brains overlap.

[85] Some of the side effects of ADHD are similar to side effects of OCD or similar to people who are bipolar.

[86] So if you're not careful, I've met a lot of people just be like, oh, there's D. And you're like, you might not be.

[87] You may just have overlapping symptoms.

[88] I have a friend who has autism.

[89] And then she has some of the symptoms, but she's not ADHD, but you know what I mean?

[90] Yeah.

[91] Yeah.

[92] We love to diagnose.

[93] Well, it's all driven by the DSM, right?

[94] There has to be categories so that you can get reimbursement for.

[95] I mean, truly.

[96] So you're right.

[97] All these things could be like a multitude of personality characteristics that were forced to categorize and break into and draw artificial boundaries between ADHD and OCD and blah, blah, blah.

[98] First of all, I'm assuming you get the same thing I get all the time when I meet people in public, which is, oh, my God, you're so much taller than I was expecting.

[99] Is that a common?

[100] Yeah, I get that.

[101] Yeah.

[102] You get that?

[103] All the time.

[104] Huh.

[105] I wonder what it is.

[106] I wonder if it's because our bodies do not present.

[107] our height.

[108] It might be like a thing about our torsos and how they're proportioned.

[109] That could be, yeah.

[110] It could be like a head, torso, legs ratio that doesn't make you look tall.

[111] Right.

[112] I think it's also on screen, it's really hard to gauge people's heights.

[113] And that's where most people are seeing both of you.

[114] Yes.

[115] Also, you're seated behind a dad.

[116] That's what it probably is.

[117] That's true.

[118] Yeah, that's a huge piece.

[119] So we're not really seeing standing.

[120] I guess when the guests would come out, you would stand.

[121] I don't know.

[122] No, but I'm with you.

[123] It's probably something.

[124] in that world.

[125] Of all the things to be told when someone meets you, I'm delighted to hear that.

[126] I mean, I'm presuming that's positive.

[127] Let's put it this way.

[128] Because we are in a world where being tall is considered a good thing.

[129] Oh, it's an advantage.

[130] For man?

[131] You think it would be offensive if someone said it to a woman?

[132] Wow, you're taller than I thought.

[133] Oh, it could go either way.

[134] It wouldn't be a hundred percent a compliment.

[135] I don't think it would be offensive either.

[136] You don't think that's a female ideal, do you?

[137] I mean, we acknowledge that models are tall.

[138] That's why I'm asking.

[139] I don't think it's broadly.

[140] I think it's broadly.

[141] I think it's a lot.

[142] I think if you pulled Americans and said list your three favorite traits in a female.

[143] If you were designing one in the lab, I don't think tall makes the top three.

[144] Oh, okay, great, great, great.

[145] Yeah, but for a male.

[146] But I don't think it's offensive.

[147] That's what I was confused by.

[148] It's not offensive.

[149] So I get the opposite all the time.

[150] People, if they meet me in person, oh my God, you're so short.

[151] Right.

[152] Which I am so short.

[153] But I actually take that as a compliment because, and I guess this does mean tall is better, because it makes me feel like, oh, I present tall.

[154] Yes, exactly.

[155] Oh, well, that's a very glass -half -full.

[156] Yeah, I try.

[157] Yeah.

[158] That's true.

[159] That's what it is.

[160] And I guess conversely, you and I should be thinking, God, we present so short.

[161] We should reduce our compliment to a burn.

[162] And when you think about it, presenting short is what short people generally do.

[163] Well, they have no option.

[164] It's the wrong way around.

[165] No, what I mean is like, you know, you think of Napoleon.

[166] There are countless stories of shorter people in the world who have, you know what I mean?

[167] Some gumption.

[168] Yeah.

[169] We call it mixed messages.

[170] So my wife's also very small.

[171] stature, but mighty in power.

[172] As is Monica, I actually love that combination.

[173] It's just like a little surprise.

[174] Yes, yes.

[175] It's like, oh my God.

[176] You like explosives as well?

[177] You like bombs?

[178] I mean, it's pretty much the same principle.

[179] A lot of dynamite, yeah.

[180] Tiny little package that explodes and decimates everything.

[181] It's like a little woodland creature you see and you pick up in your petting it and then this huge fangs come out and then you leap back and like, oh my God, I've got to be careful.

[182] You must be an arousal junkie like me. Are you a bit of arousal junkie?

[183] Say more.

[184] Say more.

[185] What do you mean by that?

[186] I will.

[187] I love that term too.

[188] That's like a CIA thing.

[189] Say more.

[190] I didn't know your background at all.

[191] Here's what I know about you.

[192] You interviewed me at some point on the Daily Show.

[193] During COVID, Monica will tell you, I came out of that and I was like, boy, that Trevor guy is wonderful.

[194] I really enjoyed chatting with him.

[195] I don't know what my expectation was, but I just thought, oh, I see this dude and I really like him.

[196] He was like, everyone knows that already.

[197] Everyone did know that, especially all the ladies.

[198] I present nice.

[199] You do.

[200] You really do.

[201] But then I learned your story today.

[202] And although there's so many things we don't have in common, the violence, the step -parents, the single mom, this stuff to me is very identical.

[203] And so chaos and excitement, it has made my base desire of arousal quite high.

[204] Interesting.

[205] Yes.

[206] Like, I feel very calm in chaos.

[207] If I go into 7 -Eleven and shit's popping off and there's an unhoused dude fighting the guy behind the guy.

[208] I love it.

[209] I'm in the mix.

[210] That excites me. and I feel alive.

[211] And I guess I'm attributing it to nurture and not nature.

[212] I could just been bored in this way.

[213] But I am curious, given your background, if you are a bit of an arousal junkie yourself.

[214] I like that you said unhoused.

[215] Do you like that?

[216] I'm not sold on that.

[217] I don't like unhoused.

[218] I'm not sold on that.

[219] I'm not sold on it.

[220] No. I'll tell you why.

[221] Yeah, let's get into it.

[222] It's the same thing.

[223] Yes.

[224] I know.

[225] I don't know how they think it's a compliment.

[226] It is the same thing.

[227] Yeah.

[228] I've also never come across an unhoused person who's like, Hey, don't call me homeless.

[229] Here's my issue.

[230] I think sometimes we are engaging in conversations where on an academic level, some people are trying to split hairs that aren't necessarily getting anywhere close to the issue.

[231] If this was ever used as a slur, I can understand.

[232] Totally.

[233] So I go like, there are some words that have evolved over time, but they were used as slurs.

[234] So I'm like, all right, let's try and move away from using that word.

[235] I can understand that.

[236] Sometimes I'm resistant.

[237] I think we all are.

[238] But there are times when I go, I get it.

[239] Yeah.

[240] But homeless was never a slur.

[241] It is not a slur It is the condition that a person is in You are lacking of a home And so now all people have done As they flip the word around To seem like they're helping or solving a problem When they're not homeless, less unhoused house home It's the exact same I feel like you're gaslighting me in these situations Yes, next year it'll be without home You see and it's just like no man I'll go further It's more nefarious than that First of all it's patronizing What it really says is we feel like shit That this is a condition and we're going to try to dress up what we call you every few months to make you know we're trying.

[242] I disagree, funny enough.

[243] Okay.

[244] I don't think it's about showing homeless people that you care.

[245] Oh, I don't either.

[246] Your fellow liberals.

[247] Yeah, it's about showing other people that, look, no, I care so much about them that I've given them a new title.

[248] Yes.

[249] So then that's the second thing I hear about it.

[250] And then I'll say to a lot of these people, I'll go, hey, have you voted to change the housing in your area?

[251] Have you voted for or against it?

[252] Every time I see these councils and whatever in California, there's countless votes that come up where they go, hey, can we adjust the housing rules in this area?

[253] Can we figure out who can live where?

[254] Everyone votes against it.

[255] People are so progressive until it's in their backyard.

[256] And then all of a sudden, I remember seeing people going to Santa Monica.

[257] There was a homeless encampment that was being moved and they were going to protest.

[258] But none of the people were from that area.

[259] And I found it particularly interesting.

[260] And I'm not saying that they're all bad people, but I do think we have to be careful to, as they say, put your money where your mouth is.

[261] A lot of people want to engage.

[262] engage in progressivism on a theoretical level.

[263] You want to use all the right language.

[264] You want to tweet all the right things.

[265] But then in your actual life, in the way you vote and the things that you actually move towards, you find you're not as pro having kids from different areas in your school.

[266] Or you're like, oh, I want my kids to go to a good school.

[267] I mean, I want everyone into schools, but I don't.

[268] I just look, here's the thing.

[269] I love it.

[270] But I think, yeah, it's like not in my backyard.

[271] Yeah.

[272] Like I get it.

[273] But anyway, you're going.

[274] So let's go back.

[275] I apologize.

[276] Oh, I love it.

[277] Stimuli.

[278] So you say when there's chaos.

[279] I've got to say one more thing because we need to add one more layer to it.

[280] And there was a great article recently said maybe we're the bad guys in New York Times.

[281] I also think it's an opportunity for just righteousness.

[282] That's it.

[283] It's just a way to signal to other people that you're righteous and then put yourself in a position to judge all the other people who are not saying unhoused.

[284] But for me, it's just fucking exhausting.

[285] So I'll go unhoused instead of homeless.

[286] I guess I just participate because I don't want to hear about it.

[287] So here's what I struggle with in societies.

[288] There are times when I will accept that we're moving in a direction.

[289] But then there are times when I go like, no, I'm willing to stand on the fact that I think something is ridiculous.

[290] Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[291] And I'll go from there.

[292] I get bigger fish to fry.

[293] I'm more interested in whether you're an arousal junkie.

[294] So I think I relate to the first part of what you're saying.

[295] I function very well.

[296] And strangely enough, my body remains very calm in a very stressful situation.

[297] So if you're ever getting car jacked, you want me driving the car.

[298] If there's ever some chaos breaking out somewhere, you want me in the situation.

[299] In an airport, I've never panicked.

[300] Flights are cancelled.

[301] People are screaming.

[302] I've run to a gate, calm.

[303] But it's because I've grown up in such a tumultuous environment, that that is almost a baseline.

[304] What I've had to learn over time is to get comfortable with silence and calm.

[305] The problem is if you grew up in a world where shit was always popping off, you always had to be prepared for that.

[306] Hypervigilant.

[307] Exactly.

[308] All silence was for me as a child was the moment.

[309] in a horror movie where something's about to happen.

[310] I don't know about you, but the scariest parts of a horror movie for me are the parts where there's just nothing happening.

[311] Yeah.

[312] You know, it's just like a couple walking around in the kitchen.

[313] Honey, did you see where I put the mugs?

[314] And I'm like, oh, oh, this is not good.

[315] Oh, God.

[316] Oh, and then people like opening cabinets and people walking into other rooms and then the attic.

[317] And I'm like, no, no, once the actual violence happens and once the monster comes out, I'm like, okay, all right.

[318] You almost feel relieved.

[319] I'm like, whew, all right, we see it now.

[320] Waiting to be hit is much more painful than being hit.

[321] Exactly.

[322] Yeah.

[323] Once you get hit, like everything else takes over.

[324] I can relate to that part.

[325] And I have been working on enjoying the peace and settling into that, learning to regulate my responses.

[326] My therapist would say, do you search out things that activate you, that kind of bring you to life and animate you?

[327] I don't do that, no. I will search for things that I enjoy, of course.

[328] You know, so I love roller coasters.

[329] I love racing fast cars.

[330] Oh, hold on.

[331] I used to race motorbikes on the track.

[332] This is my life.

[333] I'm at the track once a month.

[334] That's all I do.

[335] Yes.

[336] I have two track bikes.

[337] Oh, for real?

[338] What bikes?

[339] I have an R1.

[340] Oh, I used to have an R1.

[341] That's amazing.

[342] Yeah.

[343] And then I have a Norton -built ZX -4 that's like a Moto 2 bike.

[344] Damn, look at that.

[345] That's just epic.

[346] It's so light.

[347] Oh, that's amazing.

[348] And then cars, too.

[349] Yeah, it's all I'm going on.

[350] Yeah, my favorite was a Suzuki GSXR -1 ,000.

[351] I have one.

[352] Yeah.

[353] That was my favorite track bike.

[354] That was long ago when I still rode religiously.

[355] I did not know this about you.

[356] So you're full of fucking shit.

[357] You're an arousal junk.

[358] Yeah.

[359] No, no, no, no. I'm not going to tell you all.

[360] I'm going to explain why we love it.

[361] You get on the bike.

[362] Yes.

[363] There's no time for broad hypervigilance.

[364] There is only the turn in front of you.

[365] You do not have any option but to think about the turn in front of you.

[366] And it focuses you.

[367] And for me, I have to be in that crazy environment to get ultra present and to have no racket.

[368] And it's so peaceful.

[369] Like, I think people look at that activity and they think, oh my God, my adrenaline will be this.

[370] And I'm like, no, it's very meditative to me. It's a total present.

[371] Right.

[372] Turn to turn to turn.

[373] But for me, that's why I'm saying, that's where I think we diverge.

[374] So it doesn't bring me peace.

[375] You know, it brings me focus and flow and challenge and stimulation, but I'm not only seeking that out.

[376] So, for instance, I'm also the person who is very comfortable seeking out a comfortably warm swimming pool and just wading through.

[377] That, for me, is as much fun and joy as racing a motorbike around a track.

[378] Okay.

[379] Taking a walk in an empty city.

[380] You're in Paris.

[381] You're in New York.

[382] You are in London.

[383] Just those beautiful cities, when it goes quiet in certain areas, walking, silence, nothing happening.

[384] I love that, too.

[385] Yeah.

[386] Do you have you ever done a barefoot?

[387] Sometimes Dax walks around cities barefoot.

[388] Yeah, yeah, I like to do that.

[389] Why would you do that?

[390] Because, again, he has to add stakes.

[391] I don't know.

[392] It happened as a lark one time when we walked around London, Eric and I for about eight miles.

[393] and there was something about transferring to all the different surfaces that made me very aware of the different surfaces we were on and I just fucking dug it.

[394] Do you have like hard feet?

[395] No, they're so fragile and sensitive.

[396] Shocker, I was able to do it because, yes, I can't walk across rocks or anything.

[397] Oh, okay, so you don't have those, you don't have like crocodile feet.

[398] No, I don't have like the thick, Lard Hamilton, like lifetime with those shoes.

[399] I don't know.

[400] Yeah, I don't know how you do that.

[401] Well, I have to ask a hard question.

[402] Sorry.

[403] Okay, just look at earmark motorcycle.

[404] Are you going to be in L .A. a lot?

[405] Yeah, I'm always here working.

[406] Why?

[407] I'm inviting you.

[408] If you ever want to go to the track and re - Oh, maybe I'll join you.

[409] I haven't been in a while.

[410] Okay.

[411] And I have extra bikes and I think that would be fun and we'd be two tall men on a motorcycle.

[412] No, that'd be a lot of fun.

[413] Okay, Monica, sorry.

[414] No, no, it's okay.

[415] I'm going to ask a hard question.

[416] It might be coming.

[417] Sorry, if it is.

[418] But it's in keeping with this.

[419] In relationships, do you live at 10 and 2?

[420] Or are you pretty good at living in 6?

[421] What does that mean?

[422] Are you on a high and a low, like a deep low and a deep high all the time within the relationship?

[423] or are you good at being sort of level normal?

[424] So I think that's evolved over time.

[425] Before I went to therapy, I think my world oscillated between highs and lows in every relationship.

[426] I found myself attracted to people who themselves had grown up in worlds where they were used to highs and lows, highs and lows.

[427] And so we would exist in that space together, you know, high together, low together, high together, low together.

[428] It's fun.

[429] Yeah.

[430] It is.

[431] It is.

[432] It is.

[433] But more importantly, I feel like it's a powerful connector because there are a few things that connect human beings like traumas and excitements.

[434] There are a few things that will make you remember something than the best or the worst.

[435] Nobody doesn't remember the day they had a car accident.

[436] But every day when you arrived where you were going, you forgot about those days.

[437] I think it connects you as well in a psychologically strange way.

[438] But yeah, over time, what I think has started happening is I've started ebbing and flowing.

[439] I don't really live in the twos anymore.

[440] I think a lot of the time it's unnecessary and we don't realize that it's unnecessary.

[441] When you start to exist in a space where you can have conversations with yourself and you acknowledge what you're feeling and who you are, you start to realize how many of the emotions we have are just triggers from our bodies from the past.

[442] You start to realize that these are patterns that you've learned and in many ways, you know, to use riding motorbikes as an analogy, one of the hardest things to do on the track you know is to change your entry and exits.

[443] If you've been doing it the same way over and over and over, it's so hard to just change and break 10 feet later because your body is so used to what you've been doing.

[444] There might be a person on the track who's there teaching you or coach or something.

[445] And they go like, hey, you're breaking too early or you're breaking too late.

[446] To change that is so hard just because it's become motor function now.

[447] Yeah.

[448] And I think the same can happen to you as a person and in a relationship.

[449] You can get so used to reacting a certain way because somebody makes you feel a certain way but I think what I've learned over time is nobody's making you feel a certain way unless like they punch you somebody punches you they made you feel pain let's all agree on that yeah but there are times when you are having a completely different experience to the other person because your interpretation of their actions is completely different and that's what blew my mind once I understood that I found myself in a space where sometimes it can frustrate people around me because they think I am being almost annoyingly understanding.

[450] I genuinely can almost always understand another person's point of view.

[451] And that frustrates some people.

[452] Oh, here's a perfect example.

[453] The other day, I was walking with some friends, another guy and two women, and we walked into an elevator.

[454] I walked in first.

[455] My friend, she was like, excuse me, chivalry is dead.

[456] Why wouldn't you let us walk?

[457] She was joking, but she was, you know.

[458] And I turned to her, and I said, and this was true, Well, it's funny you say that because in African culture, not all African cultures, but many African cultures and it's predominantly Costa culture in South Africa, et cetera.

[459] Men walk into a room first.

[460] Interesting.

[461] And the reason men walk into a room first is because there may be danger.

[462] Exactly.

[463] Why on earth would you send women into a space that you're unfamiliar with so that they encounter whatever may lie there?

[464] That's ridiculous.

[465] That's disrespectful.

[466] She's like, oh, ladies first.

[467] Tell me if there's a snake.

[468] Right.

[469] You don't know what do you do it?

[470] Yeah.

[471] And she was like, yeah, I get it.

[472] But still, no. Then I was like, okay, but what's interesting right now is you're completely invalidating the thing that I've been taught and the way I see the world.

[473] And you're assuming that yours is the only way I understand where you're coming from.

[474] And you know what?

[475] Next time, I will gladly let you go in first.

[476] Because who knows, there might be a fart in the elevator.

[477] You get to experience it before me. You can protect.

[478] Lucky her.

[479] But then you wouldn't be able to hit the button for the floor first.

[480] Maybe you can work at a deal.

[481] I'll let you go in first, but I still get to hit the button.

[482] That has helped me to not go between the tens and twos.

[483] I'm spending most of my time existing in like comfortable sevens.

[484] I have made the same connection some years ago and I actually get frustrated.

[485] I'm watching a couple's therapy show, which is incredible.

[486] I love it so much.

[487] But I get really frustrated hearing people speak like, well, he made me feel this and she made me feel that and they made me feel.

[488] And I'm like, is anyone at all responsible for their feelings?

[489] And are you going to proceed through life praying that everyone around you changes or are you going to try to change your response to these things?

[490] It just seems so defeatist and like you're not participating.

[491] You're just kind of waiting around for people to activate you or trigger you.

[492] It's tough, though.

[493] It is a balance.

[494] There's no denying that many people can make you feel something.

[495] You know, when someone gaslights you, they are making you feel something.

[496] And what makes it so nefarious is the fact that you don't even realize that they're making you feel it because they're not making it apparent that they're making you feel it.

[497] I think there are many situations where people are making you feel something, and I think feelings aren't something we should ever run away from.

[498] I think the difference is, to your point, finding the moments where we can take responsibility for what many would consider, if you looked at it from a divorced perspective, just take yourself out of it and go, would a neutral party consider this both ways?

[499] And if there is that, then I go, then maybe they didn't make me feel that way.

[500] Yeah, my counter argument is the exact same behavior, aimed at 10 different people will produce 10 different feelings.

[501] The notion that there's an objective feeling created by this behavior, I reject.

[502] I think, well, you had a specific reaction to that behavior, but it would be very different for the next person and the next person.

[503] And by the way, here's where my empathy exists is people feel more comfortable that if something objectively made them upset, they don't have to be as vulnerable to say I'm vulnerable to that.

[504] The example I would give is like Facebook, I guess, they had this drop -down.

[505] menu where you could say why you were objecting to a picture that someone posted that you were tagged in and it used to say I'm embarrassed how did it say it used to say like I'm embarrassed and no one would click that and then when they'd write other you could type in what it was and they'd virtually write it's embarrassing so it's like not I'm embarrassed this is an embarrassing photo objectively this is embarrassing I'm not being vain or weak and so when they change the drop down menu to it's embarrassing just like it's objectively interesting I got clicked 90 % of the time.

[506] It's less vulnerable to make it just blank it as opposed to I feel something.

[507] So when you say like that person makes me feel this way, it's an attempt, I think, to just say, objectively, anyone would feel this way when that person slams the door that way.

[508] That, in fact, is not true.

[509] I will react differently than you and Monica will react differently.

[510] I agree with that.

[511] So the most important thing is to go, how do I react to certain things and what do I have at my disposal?

[512] But I think it does ignore the fact that we are interdependent creatures.

[513] And so nothing is.

[514] without the other.

[515] Let's put it this way maybe.

[516] It's almost being able to exist in a world where you say, hey, you made me feel shit.

[517] And then I go, but I'll tell you why you made me feel shit.

[518] Because you did.

[519] You are the person who in this situation is the antagonist.

[520] Yeah.

[521] Without you, there was no emotion that existed beforehand.

[522] So if a dog comes running up to me barking like crazy and it seems like it's going to bite me. It made me afraid.

[523] Now, someone could go, no, Trevor, you need to ask yourself, why did you feel afraid when the dog came it wasn't going to bite you then I go like hey hey that dog made me feel afraid I'll tell you why I wasn't afraid when I walked in this gate I wasn't afraid when I saw the dog I became afraid when the dog charged me and barked at me loudly and seemed like it was going to attack me now I can then go from that the dog can go that's just how I roll I'm just a dog and then I can say as Trevor huh okay if I'm wanting to now engage with this dog on a regular basis I would then go okay dog So I've noticed that when you run at me like this, barking, bearing your teeth, it makes me feel like you're going to attack me. Now you say you're not trying to do that, but I'm going to try my best to process this information and not be triggered by it.

[524] But I would also hope that you would consider, because you want to be a dog that's in my life, I would hope that you would consider not approaching me like that.

[525] Maybe just like walk up to me calmly and pant and then like lick my hand.

[526] Can you try that?

[527] And then let's see if we can meet each other halfway.

[528] And so that's why I'm saying, I do think some people are making you feel a certain way.

[529] This is how I think of it in life.

[530] Everyone who's a stranger in your world, that's where it's like, hey man, keep it moving, do your thing, go.

[531] Because I can't control it.

[532] You cut me off in the traffic, whatever.

[533] That's where I agree with you as Dax.

[534] I go, that person, you can go like, oh, they made me feel insignificant.

[535] Or they pissed me off.

[536] No, you got pissed off.

[537] They don't know you.

[538] They're not involved in your world.

[539] They're just trying to get to work.

[540] That's why they cut you off.

[541] They don't care about you, which may piss you off even more.

[542] They don't even know you exist.

[543] Yeah, yeah.

[544] they didn't see you.

[545] Exactly.

[546] Or even if they did, they don't care.

[547] No, I mean, they saw a car.

[548] They didn't see you.

[549] Exactly.

[550] Yeah, you're anonymous.

[551] This statement, if I could refine it a tiny bit, it's a therapy tool and I believe in it.

[552] Instead of you made me feel this way, it's so simple.

[553] When you ran in dog barking, I felt scared.

[554] Right.

[555] It's so simple.

[556] Now the dog's not defensive because now the dog can go, oh, I'm so sorry that happened.

[557] That was my, I want to lick you face.

[558] I'm with you there.

[559] It's the tiniest change.

[560] That's a communication tactic.

[561] Yes, but what is it?

[562] alleviates is now we can progress.

[563] Yeah, nobody wants to be blamed.

[564] No, no, nobody wants to be blamed.

[565] I agree with you.

[566] Right.

[567] And by the way, I didn't make you, I did an action.

[568] And then you had a response that was governed by your history with dogs.

[569] Let me ask you this as a random tangential question.

[570] Were you blamed a lot as a kid for things that you didn't do?

[571] Did you feel like you grew up in an unfair household?

[572] I can't say that it was blamed so much.

[573] But what I will say, and this is a cancerous trait of my family, is who's responsible was paramount.

[574] That had to be figured out ASAP.

[575] If something went wrong or someone was hurt, the first priority was not tending to who was hurt or fixing what was broken.

[576] It was who did this?

[577] How did this happen?

[578] And I get it.

[579] My mother, she had three kids, single mom working midnights.

[580] There wasn't time.

[581] She had to figure out the root cause of everything and fixed the root cause.

[582] She couldn't be dealing with the endless cycle of this behavior.

[583] So we had to find out what caused it so we could eliminate the causality.

[584] So it is my knee jerk to things.

[585] And I see it my little sister who's around all the time.

[586] And I have to fight it.

[587] Like if something goes wrong with the kids, I have to go, let's worry about who's responsible in a while.

[588] Let's just tend to the emotions right now.

[589] Right.

[590] Do you have an aversion to being blamed?

[591] Maybe Monica's better at answering that.

[592] Yeah, you do.

[593] Oh, great.

[594] Then I accept that.

[595] But so do I. I mean, I don't think it's strange that you do.

[596] I think most people don't like being blamed.

[597] I think the two are separates.

[598] Oh.

[599] An aversion versus don't like, I don't think anyone he likes being blamed.

[600] But in aversion, I'm talking like when you have like an allergic reaction up your spine, when someone goes like, you know.

[601] I'll go along with that.

[602] So I find there are two types of people in this scenario.

[603] Someone accuses you of something in any way.

[604] So they go like, hey, you made a mess.

[605] And there's some people who go, oh, did I?

[606] Oh, I didn't realize, all right, whatever.

[607] And then there are other people who go, you made a mess.

[608] And they're like, you should have seen this room.

[609] Have you seen the mess you make?

[610] That's me. There you go.

[611] I'm the latter.

[612] Yeah.

[613] Are you the former or the ladder?

[614] I'm actually more like this and I've been working on it for a while.

[615] Yeah.

[616] That's why I was Austrian.

[617] It's such a knee jerk.

[618] So that's why I'm asking you this because I can hear...

[619] You're so cute.

[620] Sometimes when you're talking, honestly, you're so cute that sometimes when you're talking it's fucking distracting and I bet women on dates feel this way.

[621] I bet sometimes they look up and like seven minutes went by and they're like, I don't know what the fuck he was saying with that smile.

[622] It's just ridiculous.

[623] No, it's so true.

[624] So I think there are moments in that is a challenge I've issued to myself as well.

[625] I do it.

[626] And I think we could do this in society as a whole.

[627] we can practice spending less time just hearing what people are saying and try spending more time understanding what people mean.

[628] Yeah, that would require a lot of benefit of the doubt, which seems to be scarce.

[629] I think it's necessary.

[630] I think I get this from language.

[631] In South Africa, we have 11 official languages.

[632] I grew up speaking four, five languages with my friends, with my family.

[633] And one thing I've come to enjoy and really appreciate over the years is that language is a beautiful tool that helps you get to the granularity of meaning.

[634] But what you come to realize when you switch languages is how that meaning can shift.

[635] And then you realize, oh, you were speaking another language.

[636] So when I would speak to an uncle, a grandmother, a distant relative, whatever, they would say something that is incorrect because they're speaking English and it's not their first language.

[637] They'd say unhoused or...

[638] The exact person said unhoused.

[639] I would go, that's not what they mean.

[640] Yes.

[641] Because I understand.

[642] I would translate from the language they originally speak.

[643] I'm learning Spanish now very slowly.

[644] But even in Spanish, you have to understand like where the negative goes in the sentence versus in English.

[645] And so when somebody who's a native Spanish speaker speaks to me in English now, I go like, ah, I see why you phrase the sentence like that and I see what you're actually trying to say versus what you said.

[646] Yeah, yeah.

[647] And so if somebody says to you, Dax, you made me feel shit.

[648] What I try and do is Trevor now is I go, just translates it into, I felt shit when you did that.

[649] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[650] Well, by the way, this is another thing that I object to in modern culture is that intentions are irrelevant.

[651] And they're so relevant, because that's what you're doing.

[652] You're trying to distill the intention of what someone was saying, despite their shortcomings and their ability to communicate.

[653] Look, I agree with you completely.

[654] But I think we're screwed.

[655] I think we're completely screwed.

[656] No, I'll tell you why.

[657] Like, I think we live in a world where I don't think the human brain has kept up with our level of connectivity.

[658] The human brain is really good at ascertaining these things.

[659] I think the human brain is good at understanding intention and figuring out how safe the body it exists within is.

[660] Right now, we meet people at a rate that never, like our brains, think of how long it took to meet new people back in the day.

[661] You would travel from one side of the country to the other.

[662] Even America as an idea worked in many ways because the founding fathers for all their faults and everything, they had a really interesting idea where they went, hey, we are at limited risk of like a giant insurrection.

[663] or civil war type thing if we design the country this way because by the time they march from California, it's difficult to sustain it.

[664] You're going to meet people, things are going to change.

[665] By the time you get there, you're like whatever.

[666] But now, yes.

[667] Think about how many people you meet.

[668] Well, also, you don't know their intentions.

[669] The best thing is that there was an enormous barrier of entry to object to raise hell.

[670] Now there's none.

[671] You see something and then the barrier of entry is getting the thing out of your pocket.

[672] Really what it's done is open up the door for the laziest people in the world to have a voice if I could be super pessimistic about it.

[673] If you saw who cared about and fought for things in the 60s, you had to get some poster board.

[674] You had to get a piece of plywood.

[675] You had to make a sign.

[676] You had to go take a bus to somewhere to process.

[677] If you had an opinion you wanted a voice, you had to put some fucking effort into it to be heard.

[678] And I think now there's nothing keeping anyone from it.

[679] On the one hand, I agree with that.

[680] There's pros and cons.

[681] I recognize there's pros and cons.

[682] I think the bigger issue is one that we forget because we are always tricked into placing the blame on ourselves as individuals and we don't blame the industries that have created these environments.

[683] Or the system we live in.

[684] Simple example is recycling.

[685] One of the greatest tricks the plastic industry ever played on us was making it seem like it's all our job to recycle.

[686] You recycle your plastic or you're a bad per.

[687] They literally started the scam.

[688] Plastic is not recyclable the way they say it is.

[689] They came up with this whole BS.

[690] It's made with oil.

[691] Like it's from the oil companies, but they made it your responsibility.

[692] Hey, do you recycle?

[693] Whereas the truth is, we should limit which materials you can make things with, which things are disposable and which things aren't.

[694] And then you just limit it because you have one tiny supply that goes to billions of people.

[695] But if you shut off that supply, we'll make things work.

[696] We can carry things in different vessels.

[697] We've done it.

[698] You know, people are like, how am I going to drink my water?

[699] We've done it.

[700] We'll be fine.

[701] And I think the same thing.

[702] goes for social media, we've been quick to blame every person.

[703] But really, if you just look at the little spigot at the top, just look at the faucet that is controlled.

[704] It's less the fact that Dax has an opinion.

[705] It's less the fact that Monica has an opinion, it's less the fact that Trevor has an opinion.

[706] It is more the fact that Facebook, Twitter, TikTok, whatever it may be, takes that opinion and purposefully puts it in front of somebody who does not share that opinion so that they can be riled up.

[707] Yeah.

[708] And I think that's what's created more of an issue.

[709] If you as Dax tweet, good morning, everybody.

[710] What a beautiful day.

[711] All the people who are having the same feeling about a beautiful day will not see that message.

[712] Right.

[713] But if you tweet out, woke up this morning, I think all short people should die.

[714] They're a waste of space.

[715] Guess who sees it.

[716] Despite what little space.

[717] Guess.

[718] Monica, straight.

[719] I guess who sees it.

[720] And those things see it And they go okay Monica Did you see what he just said And what's amazing to me Is I even find myself doing this where I go like Even if you don't click it If you don't tweet it If you don't retweet if you don't comment They know how long you looked at it And that anger that moment where you go I can't believe that And then you scroll on but they know And they've got you and they do it again And they do it again and they do it again Stay tuned for more armchair expert If you dare Okay so Me making that statement really should have come on the heels of what was a question about your own career.

[721] Because when I was thinking about that you had done the Daily Show for seven years, and I saw you on a talk show making an analogy that it's like planning a wedding.

[722] It's a very great analogy of what your day -to -day life was like on the daily show, which is like you could probably, I don't want to take the words on your mouth.

[723] But you basically say like you're picking the guests, you're picking the food, you're picking the music, you're arranging what speeches will be made, and then you have the wedding, and then that night you go, okay, we got to make a wedding tomorrow.

[724] So I love that analogy.

[725] And what I wondered, and you said to feed that inferno, you have to be reading the news in the morning when you wake up, you have to be reading it at night.

[726] You were at parties reading the news.

[727] So the comment I just made five minutes ago was really my response to thinking about the fact that you are consuming news for seven years all day long.

[728] And I want to know what effect you think that had on you.

[729] And my comment about the barrier to participate was this.

[730] I think there's an illusion that other people who don't even have a show that they have to fill are also consuming news from morning till night.

[731] Oh, interesting.

[732] And because they can go to this device and comment on it, they feel like they're participating.

[733] So everyone's, in my humble opinion, way too politicize.

[734] They're only really voting once every four years.

[735] If they're super involved, they're voting in midterms, so they're voting twice every four years.

[736] They're not out in front of city hall.

[737] They're not writing emails to their congresspeople.

[738] They're not doing anything other than tweeting about their reaction, which makes them feel like they're participating, which keeps the cycle going.

[739] I wonder if they had no outlet to respond to the news they watched, if the news itself would have the interest it has.

[740] And so I'm just wondering, what was your pre -daily show appetite for news and then post -show what's it best?

[741] And when you've reflected, do you think it had any kind of effect on your life as it was happening?

[742] Okay.

[743] I'll answer that.

[744] I'll just go back to that last part of what you said, because I really liked it.

[745] You said people feel like they have an outlet and they have a platform.

[746] But again, I go to, I think it's less about the outlet and the platform and more about how they're rewarded for how they respond or react on that platform.

[747] The incentives.

[748] The incentives.

[749] One of the best examples of this is streakers.

[750] at games, baseball games, soccer games, et cetera.

[751] People used to run on the pitch naked all the time.

[752] Love it.

[753] They'd run on the field, naked, and the cameras would chase them, and then the grounds people would have to chase them and tackle them, and you'd be watching and cheering.

[754] And then what happened at some point?

[755] Some genius, brilliant move said, hey, whenever this happens, whether they're naked or not, you don't show them on camera.

[756] You take the camera, point it away, and that's it.

[757] and all of a sudden the rates of people running on a field dropped because now you didn't get the reward of being the person who has disrupted everything.

[758] Everyone's just really trying to be relevant.

[759] And to be seen.

[760] To be seen, I like that.

[761] Yeah, to be seen.

[762] To be seen.

[763] No and they exist.

[764] Yeah.

[765] You want to be a part of something.

[766] We all just want to be a part of something.

[767] You'll do whatever you can to get there.

[768] And if it means yelling at someone on social media, then that's what it means.

[769] That's what's working for you.

[770] I agree.

[771] You can't really blame the people so much.

[772] because they're doing what we're all doing, we're just doing it in a different way.

[773] Yeah, I'm trying to get all the attention.

[774] I know you.

[775] But I'm honest about it.

[776] I know.

[777] Okay, so now going back to the Daily Show side of things, did I notice a difference beyond a difference?

[778] Tell me. Say more, as you would say.

[779] Tusha.

[780] The greatest con, one of the greatest cons ever played on the American public, and it's growing around the world, is the idea that people need to be continuously plugged into the news.

[781] You need to have CNN on 24 hours a day.

[782] You need to have your Fox News playing in the background.

[783] You need to have your alerts on your phone.

[784] God forbid you miss something from the New York Times.

[785] You need to know it immediately.

[786] What if something happens in Yemen?

[787] I need to do something from Cleveland, Ohio.

[788] I need to participate.

[789] I need to know.

[790] We don't.

[791] We need to be informed.

[792] But we don't need to like mainline news.

[793] because news, by its very nature, unfortunately, is oftentimes the reporting of things that have gone wrong.

[794] Yes.

[795] That is what it is...

[796] It's the shittiest things that have around the world today.

[797] That is what it is doing.

[798] But I remember growing up in South Africa, the news, and I guess this was similar to like an earlier time in America.

[799] We had no cable news, no nothing.

[800] We still don't really have that.

[801] But the news came on twice a day.

[802] One in the morning, one in the evening.

[803] And you would watch it for 30 minutes or an hour.

[804] and as a child I would sit there with my parents hated this because I was like I want to watch family matters and stuff and now the news check out what's happening over in you kidding me I'm waiting for Steve Urkel you're out here showing me stories that's happening in Sudan, come on but I would sit there and you know what happened I was informed I knew what was happening in Rwanda I knew what was taking place in the UK I knew what was going on in America I'm also guessing that that news feed was half local stuff which is also when I was a kid it was like you were learning actually about your community.

[805] Once cable news realized it could generate profits, you know, and I think it was Ezra's brilliant documentary on OJ that showed that was the launch of 24 -hour cable news.

[806] Once they realized that, we were all screwed, and I've realized that it's like, I don't know any less than I did before, but I don't live in it.

[807] And most importantly, I now provide for myself a level of context that I always felt was missing and I still feel is missing in a lot of the dialogue that people have.

[808] people report on a mass shooting while it's happening and then they just give you incorrect information hey there's a shooter the shooters here they've shot 10 people actually we're wrong there were 10 shooters and they shot one person in the building actually we're wrong there's no building they're outside the building they're in your house you're the shooter we just update updated report actually and it's just like wait what just happened here I know what are you doing do you know what are you doing they're occupying all of our attention but that's my problem whereas it's not because of not caring it's quite the opposite.

[809] If you paused, there's a shooting taking place anywhere.

[810] You know who that matters to?

[811] The people with a shooting is happening.

[812] No one else in that moment, because we cannot do anything about it.

[813] All we can do is be afraid or enraged.

[814] What they can do is tell you about it once they know all the facts.

[815] So, welcome to the news.

[816] Yesterday, there was a shooting in this place.

[817] It was this person.

[818] Turns out it wasn't you.

[819] Good news.

[820] And here's all the information that you may need to know.

[821] and then we go from there.

[822] I'll go a step further.

[823] There's also potentially the streaker analogy to be implied here, which is, I don't know if we should be even doing it.

[824] It's not slowing it down.

[825] It doesn't help us to know.

[826] They all know glories on the other side.

[827] In their warped view of glory, they know their name will be all over the world.

[828] And I think that's the same as one of the best ways to be seen.

[829] Yes.

[830] Do you remember, you know what I always think of when I see these mass shooters and everyone puts their faces?

[831] First of all, I don't think the news should ever put their face on TV.

[832] No. They don't deserve it.

[833] Or their name.

[834] I don't think their name's not relevant.

[835] I agree with you there.

[836] Why are we giving these people, you're memorializing them.

[837] No face, no name, no nothing.

[838] Once you've caught the, that's it.

[839] Because exactly what you're saying, you are creating this perverse incentive to be seen.

[840] And you know what it always reminds me of?

[841] You've watched Mad Max, the reboot, right?

[842] Oh, yeah.

[843] Remember what they say whenever they're spraying their stuff?

[844] I don't remember.

[845] They spray like the silver thing.

[846] And then they say, witness me. Oh.

[847] That's what they're saying, right?

[848] Oh, I like that.

[849] And then they jump.

[850] I'm off the cars, and it's like, ah, witness me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[851] See me. Hey, Mom, look.

[852] See me. We're all kids still.

[853] Oh, God.

[854] That's so sad.

[855] Truly.

[856] I know.

[857] Mom, look, I'm stepping over this pencil on the ground.

[858] Wow.

[859] You sure did.

[860] You made it.

[861] Look, I climbed on this branch now, Mom.

[862] Okay, we see.

[863] I have a question, though, because this just came up on one of our other shows.

[864] We have a show with a person who's very informed journalist, and we recorded the other day, and she was obviously very down.

[865] And I said, what's up?

[866] And she said, I'm just really affected by what's going on in the world.

[867] And I said, I understand that.

[868] It's horrible.

[869] Why are you still looking at it?

[870] And she was like, we have to be informed, which I was like, you can be informed without just inundating yourself with all the horrific images.

[871] But to her, she thinks that it's too privileged for us, because we live here, to turn our heads and not have to look because they have to.

[872] to live it.

[873] And I think at some point in my life I would have agreed and now I just, I don't see what our sadness is doing for them.

[874] How is it helping?

[875] Right.

[876] What do you think?

[877] I can see both arguments and I think they both depend on what you're trying to achieve.

[878] If you are struggling emotionally and you're trying to find a moment of reprieve, then I don't think you should be looking.

[879] I think you should be taking a break and you should be taking a moment.

[880] For yourself.

[881] Yeah.

[882] But we should never deny the power and the impact of imagery to get people who may not be affected to care about something.

[883] Were it not for the images taken during everything that happened in Alabama, would the civil rights movement have been where it got to in America?

[884] I doubt it.

[885] If people didn't see those kids hit with water hoses and the dogs, I don't know that it would have gotten as far.

[886] And so there is unfortunately a necessary side of people seeing things that make them aware of a situation.

[887] However, there is also a world where some people wish to be almost in a state of constant self -flagellation.

[888] Because your awareness doesn't change between picture one and picture 50.

[889] Right.

[890] Exactly.

[891] You don't mean further proof that you're appalled by this.

[892] My issue with that is your example of the civil rights movement.

[893] Of course, but also there's action to be taken by a citizen.

[894] You're going to go vote for somebody that is either pro -civil rights or against civil rights.

[895] You're also going to, you can boycott the diner that's not letting black folks sit there.

[896] There's things you can do.

[897] Many of these things across the world, you don't have a role in.

[898] There's almost an arrogance to the notion that you have a role in it.

[899] When actually you consume it, you're upset.

[900] You might argue with a neighbor on Twitter, but you've not done anything.

[901] You've not flown there.

[902] You've not sent money.

[903] You've not appealed to a congressperson to increase spending.

[904] Now, if you're the person who gets activated by that, and then goes and creates change, keep at it.

[905] But if you're someone that's consuming it and wallowing it and fighting with your neighbors over it, there's nothing productive about it.

[906] Minimally, we could say you're not impacting the situation whatsoever.

[907] I don't think that that's true.

[908] If you look at some of the biggest movements that have taken place over the past decade, many of them just started on social media.

[909] I mean, the Arab Spring is a great example.

[910] They were on Twitter going, let's meet in this square in protest.

[911] Yes, yes.

[912] That was an actionable outcome.

[913] Yeah, yeah, I'm with you there.

[914] The people that were fighting in Cleveland over it.

[915] Exactly.

[916] They weren't, they had no impact on that.

[917] I hear you there.

[918] That's again where we go to, I always want to be careful to not live in a world where I'm telling people how to feel or how to act.

[919] I would rather be in a world where I'm saying we'd need to regulate how the platforms incentivize how people act or don't act.

[920] So I don't think there's anything wrong with anyone, feeling for anyone anywhere in the world, world.

[921] You may go, hey man, I've seen what's happening in Sudan.

[922] And I think as Americans, we have a responsibility in some way, shape, or form to assist them.

[923] You have a right to feel that as an American.

[924] You have a right to feel that as a human being.

[925] I don't think that that's a bad thing at all.

[926] Oh, I love that.

[927] But if you're fighting at the person in the grocery store that has no power in the Sudan.

[928] But this is exactly what I'm saying.

[929] Again, we go back to, unfortunately, it's that circular.

[930] It's back to what we've believed the efficacy is.

[931] I think we're currently living in a world where, we have way more information than we've ever had access to.

[932] The constant paradox I exist within is understanding that the world has never been in a better place, ever.

[933] There has never been a single better time that we know of where it was better to be alive as a human being.

[934] Yeah.

[935] Less starvation, less disease, less death bite.

[936] Everything.

[937] Infant mortality, poverty, all these things.

[938] However, as that curve has gradually got better.

[939] The curve of how much information we have has exponentially gotten higher.

[940] So now you are finding out day on day your house is being repaired.

[941] You're plugging leaks, you're painting over cracks.

[942] Things are going well.

[943] But while this is happening, you're doing one repair day and every day you're getting a hundred reports on termites, on mold, on foundational issues, on retaining walls and your brain is going, this house is worse and what, but really, really what you've done is you've just flipped the level of information and how you get it.

[944] And so I think that's where we're in trouble as people is we then feel powerless.

[945] And when we're powerless, one of the things we can do is just fight with the closest person to make it feel like we did something because then it feels like we helped.

[946] I saw Dax Shepard at Trader Joe's and I told them, I said, you say homeless one more time.

[947] I swear to God, Dax.

[948] I told him, honey, and yeah, I made a difference.

[949] He won't be saying that anytime soon.

[950] I told him, and I walked out of that CVS and, oh, man, and then a homeless guy came up to me. I mean, an unhoused guy came up to me, and those people are, oh, they need to do something about them.

[951] But I told Dex.

[952] Oh, I told him.

[953] Yeah.

[954] It's easier because you feel like you have more power, I think.

[955] Forgive me for repeating this, but I major to anthropology.

[956] So for me, everything goes back into the anthropological lens, which is we were designed.

[957] and evolved over 300 ,000 years to live with 100 other people.

[958] So in your lifespan with 100 other people, you might witness a murderer or two.

[959] You might hear of some atrocity towards a child.

[960] One or two, in a day, you can consume more atrocity than you were designed to consume in your lifetime.

[961] Right.

[962] That's the issue.

[963] To your point, you keep saying our brains are not evolved to function this way, and they're not.

[964] So at some level, you just have to take responsibility for the capacity you have as a human being.

[965] And you have to maybe address, is this over the capacity for me?

[966] For your own health.

[967] Yeah.

[968] I'm not telling you what to do.

[969] No, no, I'm with you completely.

[970] And I think it's unfair and unfortunate that it happens so quickly, just like food, that we haven't had the chance.

[971] It's like we always tell people, hey, eat healthy.

[972] What we don't say is most of the food that's out there is going to trick your brain into thinking that it's good for you.

[973] to crave it.

[974] This is beyond your control sometimes.

[975] And the taste will dissipate really quickly as designed by the chemist.

[976] And that's why Ozempic is actually in a weird way, this miracle drug.

[977] It's combating the other science.

[978] Yeah.

[979] It's literally crashing all of the nefarious things we've created for so long.

[980] Going back to what you were saying about your friend, if we can just get to a space as people where we're all taught to check in on ourselves, I think we can find a way to mitigate how quickly our technology has evolved beyond us.

[981] Just taking moments.

[982] Like I wish everyone was taught.

[983] First thing in the morning, take 10 minutes before you look at your phone, before you do anything.

[984] Just take 10 minutes to talk to yourself.

[985] Set a timer.

[986] Just go like, how do I feel?

[987] Did I dream about anything?

[988] What do I want to do today?

[989] What have I been feeling lately?

[990] Huh, is this the same thought I keep having every day?

[991] Why do I have that?

[992] All right, let's get rid of that.

[993] And then do it again at night, just 10 minutes before you go to bed.

[994] just sit there and go huh okay you know I think of it like a computer whenever you turn a computer on or whenever you turn it off it just thinks for a moment right gets its shit together before it just thinks for a moment when it starts up it just goes like wait wait wait what am I trying to do oh yeah yeah I'm trying to load that and okay okay I'm ready I'm ready now and then when it shuts down it's like hold on hold on a second hold on okay what was I do okay cool cool okay okay I can turn off we're no different in that way but what we're doing is we're turning on or turning off our computers instantly with no preparation for what may come or what has come.

[995] No, you turn it on and start trying to load up a video package.

[996] You know, like the most labor -intensive thing for the computer, you know, rendering a video file as soon as it's on.

[997] Now I guess you're, what, you're two years out of Daily Show?

[998] No, this is one year.

[999] Forgive my ignorance.

[1000] No, no, no, please.

[1001] Are you good at measuring time?

[1002] The worst.

[1003] I'm terrible.

[1004] I don't know when a thing happened.

[1005] I don't know how long it was or wasn't.

[1006] I just remember the images.

[1007] I know 93 when I graduated at high school.

[1008] I know 2000 when I graduated.

[1009] I know when I got my first acting job and I know where my kids were born.

[1010] So everything's just in between those yardsticks.

[1011] Otherwise, no. When we start the show, you know that.

[1012] I know it'll be six years on Valentine's Day.

[1013] But I don't know what year that makes.

[1014] Is that right?

[1015] Okay, now I got nervous.

[1016] But yeah.

[1017] Colbert, when you were being interviewed by him, he's like, we had dinner spring of 2017.

[1018] Or he said a month.

[1019] Yeah.

[1020] And I was like, oh my God, I can't do that.

[1021] I don't know how people...

[1022] Yeah, it's beyond me. Okay, so I don't want to drag you through your trauma, but your life story is so interesting.

[1023] So I guess I would just encourage people to read your book because it's really, really...

[1024] I appreciate that.

[1025] An incredibly moving and dynamic and complicated childhood.

[1026] I mean, it's crazy to me to think someone alive today actually was a child in apartheid.

[1027] For some reason, that seems like that should have ended by the time you were born.

[1028] I guess I saw This is so embarrassing But I'm not too embarrassed I was eight years old My introduction to apartheid Was it was this plot line And lethal weapon Yes We didn't know I was so happy about that Yes I remember watching that That was one of my favorite lethal weapons Of course And so I was watching that at whatever that was Eight years old, nine years old And I'm like hold on They still have that So to know that it ended in 91 And you would have I guess been seven years old Yeah And the notion that you were I find this very fascinating that in the strata system there was black, white, and colored and you were in this no man's land strata with ding ding, ding, the Indians.

[1029] Oh, look at that.

[1030] Yeah.

[1031] That sounds like from another century.

[1032] It really is.

[1033] It's something that you would find in a dystopian novel where you have a society where everybody is broken up but on a granular level because the mistake people make as they think it was just black white.

[1034] No, no, no, no, no. No, in South Africa.

[1035] I write this in the book is apartheid was such a genius evil system.

[1036] I often think to myself, I go, man, I wish we could find a way to, like, distill the power and the ingenuity that racists have.

[1037] Can we get you working on cancer?

[1038] Seriously.

[1039] You have a great mind.

[1040] It's not for the lazy.

[1041] How did you think of this?

[1042] I would just, like, ignore the people I don't like you.

[1043] Yeah, yeah, systematic.

[1044] They designed a system where they studied systems of racism around the world.

[1045] So they looked at America and it's segregated.

[1046] and they're like, okay, Jim Crow, redlining, all of this.

[1047] And they're like, hmm, could be better.

[1048] They went to...

[1049] Not a bad start.

[1050] Yeah, they went to Australia.

[1051] They looked at how they dealt with the aborigine population.

[1052] They were like, all right, mean, but not effective enough.

[1053] They went to the Netherlands and they're like, all right, let's study.

[1054] And that's where the word apartheid comes from is from the Netherlands.

[1055] And then they were like, okay, I think we have figured out what to do and how to do this.

[1056] They put it all together.

[1057] I think with like a dash of Hitler's policies, if I'm...

[1058] remember correctly.

[1059] What year was this?

[1060] 40s or 50s?

[1061] You see again you've asked me for years.

[1062] Yeah, yeah.

[1063] Sorry.

[1064] Yeah.

[1065] 50s, 60s.

[1066] Actually, somewhere more there.

[1067] Oh, okay.

[1068] I think so.

[1069] Again, years.

[1070] We'll look it up.

[1071] Yeah.

[1072] Yeah.

[1073] Terrible years.

[1074] And then they designed the system.

[1075] And they went, if you're white, you have access to everything.

[1076] You can do everything.

[1077] But this is what people don't even realize is it affected you on every level.

[1078] So if you're white, you could live in certain areas.

[1079] So black was the bottom of the totes and pole.

[1080] Think of it that way.

[1081] and as your skin tone gets lighter and lighter and closer to whites and your features get closer to white, your life gets better.

[1082] You can live closer to the city, you can go to better schools, you can get better jobs, you can have a better education.

[1083] Black people at some point weren't allowed to learn math or science.

[1084] They were taught agriculture.

[1085] They were taught vocations, and you move up the list.

[1086] In prison, people were treated differently.

[1087] So white prisoners were given long pants, and long shirts and then black prisoners were given short pants and short sleeve shirts.

[1088] Imagine this.

[1089] Even when you're prisoners, they go like, yeah, yeah, but you're not the same, the same piece of shit.

[1090] The food you were given in the prison was even different.

[1091] So you would get like a piece of white bread, a bigger piece, tea, etc., because you're white.

[1092] It is amazing how deep and detailed they went into this and they created a system where everyone fit into a box The strangest one, and the weirdest one, by the way, was Chinese people were labeled as same status as pseudo black in a way, maybe around Indianish, but like black.

[1093] But then Japanese people were given honorary white status.

[1094] Oh, wow.

[1095] Because the apartheid government wanted the technology and the cars and everything.

[1096] And they were like, ah, you guys are honorary white.

[1097] Yeah, Toyota's are pretty dependable.

[1098] You don't have anything.

[1099] Which is wild.

[1100] China doesn't have any cars yet.

[1101] But it shows you how arbitrary the system is, you know?

[1102] And it was illegal for your mom and dad.

[1103] My mom's a black woman, Hossa woman, South African.

[1104] So beautiful.

[1105] I saw videos over when I was watching the 60 Minutes piece.

[1106] Thank you very much.

[1107] And yeah, my father's a white man from Switzerland.

[1108] And they got together.

[1109] This was against the law.

[1110] And then my mom wanted to have a child.

[1111] And she wanted to have it with my dad.

[1112] And then I always ask her about this.

[1113] I'm like, did you consider like the fact that I would come out?

[1114] She's like, I don't know how you'd look.

[1115] You know what I mean?

[1116] She's like, come on.

[1117] I don't know how you'd look.

[1118] Because also it's not like it was happening so readily that you were like, I know what this turns into.

[1119] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1120] Yeah.

[1121] But if it's illegal and then you're born, is it just like giving it up?

[1122] So my grand told me, and I didn't know this growing up, thank goodness, that had they ever discovered me, I would have just been taken away from my family.

[1123] I would have been put into like an orphanage type thing or I would have been adopted by what they call a colored family.

[1124] So someone of my skin tone.

[1125] Good luck finding the pool is small where you're going to land if that's the option.

[1126] Surprisingly not.

[1127] It's not.

[1128] So this is a crazy interesting thing in South Africa because these systems were created on something that existed for so long.

[1129] In America, the word colored is from a bygone era, and it's a derogatory term.

[1130] But in South Africa, colored people are a culture.

[1131] There's nothing wrong with the word in South Africa.

[1132] And what it was is a group of people who were the descendants of the traders who came in and the natives of the area.

[1133] And through either marriage or through rape or whatever it was, over time, there was enough of a population of just literally like mixed.

[1134] They have their own towns?

[1135] Colored people speak their language in a very particular way.

[1136] They have their own cuisine.

[1137] They have their own culture.

[1138] And it's a very proud and beautiful culture.

[1139] And so from this horribleness came this beautiful world.

[1140] People know me in South Africa.

[1141] They know my family.

[1142] They know my history.

[1143] But when I was growing up, many people would assume that I was colored.

[1144] Right.

[1145] And I'm not colored.

[1146] I'm colored by color, but not by culture, which is complicated.

[1147] And so then even they would be like, what the hell is wrong with you?

[1148] And I'll be like, oh, well, long story.

[1149] My dad, my mom.

[1150] It's a whole thing.

[1151] And you were being actively hid.

[1152] by your family, basically.

[1153] That makes, that kind of makes sense if it's just illegal.

[1154] And his grandpa called a master.

[1155] Yeah, which I thought was just a nickname.

[1156] So I thought it was like a cute little...

[1157] Giving you arbitrary status to be cute.

[1158] As a joke.

[1159] So he's just walking and be like, master, how are you today, master?

[1160] How was your morning?

[1161] I'll be like, oh, it was great, grandpa.

[1162] Yeah, thanks for calling me that.

[1163] That's cool.

[1164] Yeah, it's like fun.

[1165] Yeah, exactly.

[1166] It's like calling a little kid boss or something.

[1167] Yes, boss, sir.

[1168] Hello, Mr. Man. Yeah.

[1169] Explain this.

[1170] this to me. Again, I got to kind of fast forward through your trauma and I hate to not give it the proper lead up in time.

[1171] But your first stepdad was violent towards you and mom.

[1172] And then they got divorced after four years.

[1173] And then when your mother remarried, he came and shot your mom in the leg and in the head.

[1174] Yeah.

[1175] Ugh.

[1176] I mean, just fuck.

[1177] Fuck.

[1178] Fuck.

[1179] How did he only get three years?

[1180] Is apartheid involved in that sentence?

[1181] No. No. This is a black man, shooting a black woman.

[1182] This is unfortunately a symptom of a system.

[1183] that I think we see all over the world.

[1184] And that is that women aren't protected in the way that they should be.

[1185] And them being black on top of it.

[1186] Our judicial systems have been designed to protect the people who created them.

[1187] And there's no denying that men for a long time have skirted on this whole idea of, you know, when women say something, they'll be like, but what did you do?

[1188] What did you say to him?

[1189] What'd you wear?

[1190] Did you make him angry?

[1191] I don't think your husband would just hit you.

[1192] Come on.

[1193] I mean, why was dinner that night?

[1194] Was it delicious?

[1195] Why don't you go home and talk to him?

[1196] Come on, lady.

[1197] It just sends such a clear message.

[1198] We don't give a fuck about you.

[1199] Yeah, it does, unfortunately.

[1200] How do you deal with male authority figures?

[1201] I don't understand why they would be different to female authority figures.

[1202] For me, they're different because my mother was very loving and kind and my stepdad's were atrocious.

[1203] And they came in and enacted a new policy that made no sense to me and they were a new boss.

[1204] So when I have bosses and male figures and teachers, I go, oh, here's another fucking man with some program I got to follow that is arbitrary and makes no sense and fuck you I'll die before I'll participate and it's to my detriment I've had the hardest time with like male authority figures huh no no no you don't have any of that no no I've actually always enjoyed authority figures really I'm just like okay this is interesting you've got rules and you've got like a plan let's see where this thing goes oh wow I'm envious of that what I hate is unfairness authority figures that abuse their power I don't care for that at all police managers you name it.

[1205] That I don't care for.

[1206] But it doesn't trigger any childhood stuff for you.

[1207] No, no, no, for me, not at all.

[1208] I'm aspiring to that.

[1209] Were you there when he came and did that?

[1210] No, I feel like I was, but no. No, my two younger brothers were there.

[1211] Which were the children of, yeah, yeah.

[1212] So they watched their father.

[1213] Yeah.

[1214] So I always say we're all traumatized, but I think I got the least traumatic experience.

[1215] And it was my younger brother who saved my mom's life.

[1216] I don't even know how he did this.

[1217] He threw her into the passenger seat of the car and raced her to the hospital.

[1218] She wouldn't have survived if it wasn't for him.

[1219] How old was he?

[1220] I'm going to guess and say he was between 14 and 16.

[1221] Stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare.

[1222] This is going to be my last run at some similarities.

[1223] So far, I'm over two, which is great.

[1224] So this will be a strikeout.

[1225] Go.

[1226] Well, in the 60 I love 60 minutes, by the way.

[1227] It's my church.

[1228] By watching since I was a year old, my grandparents watch it, right?

[1229] I love it.

[1230] So I remember seeing the segment that you were on before I rewatched it today.

[1231] It is a great, great segment.

[1232] Leslie Stahl's coming at you hard to talk about relationships.

[1233] You're not having it.

[1234] You're like, I don't want to talk about who my girlfriend is or anything.

[1235] And I totally respect that.

[1236] I don't want to know who you're dating at all.

[1237] But I did wonder, this is my projection, because I had a mom who had multiple husbands and they would go and then it'd be us again, and we'd be kind of the partners.

[1238] Uh -huh.

[1239] And then a new guy would roll up and then we weren't the partners for a while.

[1240] And then we were the partners.

[1241] I think it gave me a kind of built -in commitment phobia because I was already married.

[1242] I was married from day one.

[1243] I had this single mom and a lot of her emotional well -being depended on me. And I think I felt the weight of that.

[1244] And when I got out of that, I think we're similar.

[1245] I talked to my mom nonstop.

[1246] I'm so close to her.

[1247] She's a love of my life.

[1248] But also I was like, I already got, I don't want to sign up for another lifetime Commitments.

[1249] I already had this one that started really early and it's a little cumbersome.

[1250] And I just curious, I don't want to know who you're dating or anything, but I wonder, does that ring at all true to your experience?

[1251] So you are 0 for three, but I will say this.

[1252] Let's go.

[1253] I'll start with you struck out.

[1254] Maybe we'll make it like an 0 .25.

[1255] Okay.

[1256] So where we do overlap is this.

[1257] I definitely grew up.

[1258] And where I exist on my scale is I definitely grew up in a world where I was always ready for something to disappear or to go away, but not because of that.

[1259] I think it's because I grew up in a world and in a space where things were constantly changing around me. And so it's interesting when you say it that way.

[1260] What I struggled with, and it's something that I continuously try and work on because it hasn't just gone away overnight, I don't have commitment issues, but I will have issues working through an incessant and persistent issue with a person.

[1261] You as Dax, you have an issue, you rev your motorbike really loudly whenever you come home.

[1262] Let's deal with this.

[1263] You say as Dax, I'm trying to change this.

[1264] Okay, Dax, cool.

[1265] What are you going to do to do to change it?

[1266] Well, what I'll do is I'll turn off the bike at the gate and then I'll roll it in.

[1267] Okay, Dax, cool.

[1268] We're doing this.

[1269] Tomorrow comes.

[1270] What happened, Dax?

[1271] Yeah, man, you know, just damn.

[1272] When the pipes, man, the pipes just got me. Okay, Dax, cool.

[1273] Bam, bam.

[1274] Wow.

[1275] It seems like you, sorry, Trev, sorry, I'm so sorry.

[1276] It's just that sometimes when you look at me outside the window, you make me want to rev the bike because I'm like, oh, someone's looking at me, so I should rev. Well, you're so tall you're triggering.

[1277] I've got to assert some dominance.

[1278] And so what I really struggle with is I'm a very patient person when I believe that somebody's learning and changing.

[1279] I'm terrible at dealing with the same problem from the same person over and over again.

[1280] And I understand from all my friends who are married and from therapy and all these things, that that is probably what you're going to be doing.

[1281] Right.

[1282] But man, my brain struggles with that.

[1283] I can relate.

[1284] I have said the words out loud to someone I loved.

[1285] I will be here forever if I know you're engaged in the fight.

[1286] But if you have accepted this, I'm out.

[1287] I can't spend the rest of my life like this.

[1288] If I know you're engaged in the fight and I believe that, I'm patient.

[1289] But I know exactly we're talking about.

[1290] I have to believe the person's truly engaged.

[1291] in the fight.

[1292] They have some action they're taking to confront this.

[1293] Yeah, because this is how I see it.

[1294] I think we want to be in a space as people where, when we, especially when we're in a relationship, I'm under no illusion that anyone is going to be perfect.

[1295] I'm not perfect.

[1296] I'm far from perfect.

[1297] However, I would hope that I'm the kind of person who increases the amount of time between my sort of infractions, between my breakouts, if you think of them like skin.

[1298] It's like, all right, all right, let's try and minimize these breakouts.

[1299] I see that I do this.

[1300] I'm going to try and not do not do.

[1301] And then I think in a good relationship, what you're doing is you're going, okay, I see that you're putting in that work.

[1302] And when it does happen, all right, you lost your cool with that, or you argued about that unnecessarily, or you would inconsiderate, okay.

[1303] But I think sometimes what happens, and this is tough, I'll give you one, we will be one for four together.

[1304] How about I throw this at you?

[1305] Please.

[1306] If you grow up in an environment that is unhealthy, if you grow up in an environment where you don't have the role models or the imagery that gives you an idea of what you're trying to strive for, how do you then know when you have hit it?

[1307] You do not.

[1308] And so unfortunately, most of us go for what is familiar.

[1309] And if you've grown up in a dysfunctional world, in a dysfunctional home, in a dysfunctional family, dysfunction is familiar.

[1310] Yeah.

[1311] The unknown is scary.

[1312] Not even scary.

[1313] Sometimes it's just like, man, bha.

[1314] People say, there are no sparks.

[1315] Well, that's the 10 and 2.

[1316] Right?

[1317] You're like, there were no sparks.

[1318] Sparks don't fly.

[1319] And so that's the thing where I think you and I grew up in this world where you go, oh, I know this.

[1320] Oh, yeah, there's something about, but you don't know what it is.

[1321] And the next thing you know, you're in the cycle.

[1322] And so I think it's quite the opposite.

[1323] I've committed many times to those cycles.

[1324] It's not that I'm afraid of commitment.

[1325] It's like, no, I'm quite the other way around.

[1326] Over time, what I've come to learn, though, is I have to practice grace.

[1327] It's interesting.

[1328] This is a conversation I had with my mom the other day.

[1329] We love sharing learnings and new things, and she's always evolving, and I really love that about her as a person.

[1330] She said, what have you learned recently?

[1331] And I said, I've learned the thing my mom and I share, said, we need to stop falling in love with people's potential and learn to fall in love with who they are.

[1332] It does not mean that we won't encourage them to be potentially as great as they could be, but it does mean that we're willing to accept the possibility that we will exist in this state with this person for eternity, however long that may be.

[1333] And I think that's something that has really freed me up in life, is understanding, and I think we don't do this enough as people.

[1334] we see a glimpse of what we like in another person.

[1335] We see moments.

[1336] We go, oh, Dax is great.

[1337] I just feel like if he was a little shorter, he'd be a better guy.

[1338] And you know what?

[1339] Probably would be.

[1340] I think if I spend enough time with him, I think I can get him to be shorter.

[1341] I think I can make him a little bit shorter.

[1342] And Dax every now and again will bend down.

[1343] That's right.

[1344] He'll crouch.

[1345] And you go like, there he is.

[1346] I did.

[1347] There he is, my short king.

[1348] And every time, every time you'll crouch, the person goes, I knew it, there he is.

[1349] But the truth is.

[1350] you're tall.

[1351] At some point you get tired of crouching.

[1352] You stand.

[1353] And when you stand, the person goes, and then you go, look, how long I crouch you?

[1354] And now that begins.

[1355] Whereas it's a little more boring, going back to where we started.

[1356] It's a little less 10.

[1357] Yes, six is not as fun as 10, but it's much better than two.

[1358] Exactly.

[1359] And you go, I actually like you exactly like this.

[1360] And the things that are terrible about you don't affect me. I've tried to learn this as Trevor.

[1361] I like writing lists for myself to know myself, like just to try and understand.

[1362] And there's certain things that literally don't bother me at all.

[1363] Right.

[1364] If you're late, you will never phase me. I come from Africa.

[1365] Time is a concept that was invented by people from cold countries.

[1366] We don't care.

[1367] It's funny you bring this up because do you know what happened yesterday?

[1368] Was this brought to your attention?

[1369] No. So I was recording at Spotify.

[1370] I do a Formula One podcast out of there.

[1371] Oh, nice.

[1372] And there's a bunch of people there in the lobby, which is never the case.

[1373] That place is dead empty.

[1374] I'm like, what the hell's going on here?

[1375] Oh, Trevor's coming.

[1376] And he's recording with the rock.

[1377] So everyone was out.

[1378] And I was like, oh, this is fucking great.

[1379] I'm interviewing Trevor tomorrow.

[1380] I finished my show.

[1381] And then someone goes, Trevor will be here in 20 minutes.

[1382] Do you want to hang and say hi to him?

[1383] And I go, yeah, yeah, I will.

[1384] Actually, I'll hang.

[1385] I'll help them clean up.

[1386] Then 20 minutes went by.

[1387] And then someone came and said, we just found out he hasn't left his house.

[1388] And I went, okay, I'm getting the fuck out of here.

[1389] Didn't tell me you were there.

[1390] Yeah, exactly.

[1391] Yeah, that's not.

[1392] No, no, you don't know me in apology.

[1393] Oh, I wasn't apologizing.

[1394] I just didn't know you were there.

[1395] Yeah.

[1396] No, no, you weren't meeting me. But it's funny, you would say time is.

[1397] Well, I want to add something, not about time.

[1398] Hold on.

[1399] Did that defend you in that story I just told?

[1400] No, it was interesting, though.

[1401] Okay, tell me. Because I just saw the micro adjustment to your face.

[1402] I just want to know it.

[1403] It's funny how hypervigilant you are.

[1404] No. So I like driving myself in L .A. I love driving myself anyway.

[1405] Same.

[1406] And it's funny.

[1407] They said, can we get a driver to bring you to the podcast?

[1408] You know, that building is really weird.

[1409] It is nowhere.

[1410] Yes, that's right.

[1411] The GPS doesn't take you to where it is.

[1412] It's weird.

[1413] Yeah, the address is in the street.

[1414] It's in the street.

[1415] It's in the park.

[1416] is.

[1417] So anyway, they go like, we'll driver.

[1418] I'm like, I don't want, they're like, driver, driver.

[1419] They send the driver.

[1420] The driver doesn't find me. Doesn't have the right address for some reason.

[1421] So the whole morning is just like, you know?

[1422] Yeah.

[1423] And you're like, I knew I should have fucking driven.

[1424] Why did he say yes, that's?

[1425] I wasn't even angry.

[1426] I was just like, hey, man, your driver's lost.

[1427] Finally, we're in the car.

[1428] We're driving there.

[1429] Driver can't find Spotify.

[1430] Sure.

[1431] It's a hard place to talk.

[1432] So when you said that, I remembered the moment where I jumped out of the car.

[1433] What area is that, by the way?

[1434] It's downtown.

[1435] Is it downtown?

[1436] Is it downtown?

[1437] The Arts District, yeah.

[1438] Okay.

[1439] Once you can get there, it's pretty radical.

[1440] But I had to drive there seven times before I could just drive there.

[1441] Yeah, it's very confusing.

[1442] It's not intuitive.

[1443] But then you hit that one street that's not their address, but where the parking garage entrance is and you go, boom, I'm here.

[1444] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1445] It's kind of old and bricky.

[1446] Yeah, so that was, you just reminded me. I was like, okay, good, because then I would have taken that person, like, oh, God, I offended him, and he thinks I say him.

[1447] Now I'm applying, he's laid, and I went through a whole cycle, so I'm glad we cleared that.

[1448] Yeah, so he needs people.

[1449] people's approval.

[1450] So if he feels like he's losing it, you, right?

[1451] Oh, that's probably part of it.

[1452] I think hypervigilance is interlinked.

[1453] You cannot separate it from approval.

[1454] It is not just a hypervigilance, because approval is a form of safety.

[1455] And hypervigilance is only looking for safety.

[1456] Yeah, that's really true.

[1457] You know, so Dax was now looking for me to throw something at him.

[1458] Yeah.

[1459] I appreciate you asking.

[1460] I would have hated to leave you feeling like that.

[1461] Yeah.

[1462] Well, I've learned to ask, by the way.

[1463] Oh.

[1464] Because as smart as I think I am, I'm so fucking wrong when I fill in the blanks.

[1465] When I create a story to explain what weird thing happened, 90 % of the time I'm wrong.

[1466] And so that right there, how am I going to guess that you had a driver that?

[1467] You drove here, so I'm not assuming you didn't drive there yesterday.

[1468] I don't know any of this.

[1469] So I'll tell you the narrative.

[1470] Yeah.

[1471] I'm like, hmm, wasn't my place to jump in on the Africa time thing.

[1472] That was me being entitled.

[1473] And then he thinks I'm saying black people are late.

[1474] And now I really shit the bet on this.

[1475] And now he fucking hates me and thinks I'm a racist.

[1476] You'd have left.

[1477] Oh, that's funny.

[1478] I would have bought into that narrative at least 50%.

[1479] Let me get rid of all your fears right now.

[1480] I already thought you were racist.

[1481] So nothing changed, Dex.

[1482] We're good as long as we're good.

[1483] We're good.

[1484] Nothing changed, Dex.

[1485] Wonderful.

[1486] It's interesting.

[1487] Let me ask you this, because I've had to work on a lot of that.

[1488] For some of that work, it's interesting that you say you've learned to ask.

[1489] But have you learned to tell yourself something else?

[1490] There's been some improvement, but it's still a big liability.

[1491] I know it's a big blind spot of mine.

[1492] You know, I know that I'm very creative and imaginative and I've insecurities.

[1493] So I will run all the options through that broken fucking circuitry.

[1494] And I'll likely come out with a bad story.

[1495] Have you struggled with boundaries?

[1496] No. Because back to the thing I asked you about the stepdads.

[1497] And I think a problem with me with women in the past is I so disagreed with what was happening around me that when I turned 18, I was like, that is the end of all that.

[1498] This is the Dak Shepard show for the rest of my life, whether it's good or bad, I just will never be the victim.

[1499] of someone else's plan.

[1500] I will be making the choices, whether I fail or I get hurt from them, they'll be my choices.

[1501] And so I think that's a dangerous way to go through.

[1502] That's how I explain that.

[1503] I don't even think I answered your question, but that's what it may be think of.

[1504] I don't understand it from what you're saying, because that's something I had to work on.

[1505] Anyone I know who's grown up in a violent home or in a violent society, that hypervigilance, one of the things I've learned is you can't always rely on asking everyone, hey, did I or did I not?

[1506] Because there are many times when you won't be able to ask the question and so you have to find a way and I was just wondering that on your side.

[1507] I still have moments where I'll have exactly what you had where I'll go like oh damn and then like three days later I'm like ah and then it's like I'm almost like George Costanza where I'm like I should have said that to them I'm not as plagued by it as I've gotten older and a little more confident and like myself a little more I don't assume the person's going to assume the worst about me because I'm not assuming the worse about me. So I think as that's elevated, it's lessened.

[1508] Some of the stories, I believed, when I was younger, especially if they were work -related or anything I cared a lot about.

[1509] They were insane.

[1510] Some of the conspiracies I thought were afoot.

[1511] But some of them were right, weren't they?

[1512] You know, probably 10 % were right.

[1513] Okay.

[1514] That low, my hit rate was way higher.

[1515] It was.

[1516] My hypervigilance hit rate was way higher.

[1517] Like, for instance, every time somebody cheated on me in a relationship, I was right.

[1518] My hypervigilance was so high.

[1519] But it's dangerous.

[1520] No, I know.

[1521] So I would say my accuracy is quite high in that situation.

[1522] Or when shit's about to happen, I'm almost clairvoyant.

[1523] Yeah.

[1524] I had a moment.

[1525] I was doing a movie 18 years ago in New Mexico.

[1526] There is nothing in Albuquerque that is open past midnight other than strip clubs.

[1527] And we were shooting nights.

[1528] I would tell you if I love strip clubs.

[1529] I actually don't.

[1530] But we were shooting nights all week.

[1531] And so on the weekends, we had to maintain that schedule.

[1532] Well, there's nothing to do.

[1533] Similar for comedians, by the way, but carry on.

[1534] One of the only places that has food that late, by the way, but carry on.

[1535] Yeah, yes.

[1536] So I'm in one, and I'm with one of my best friends who's producing the movie I'm in, and then a third person, the publicist from the movie.

[1537] And out of nowhere, I just stand up.

[1538] I stand up.

[1539] Oh.

[1540] And they go, what's going on?

[1541] And I go, I thought there was a fight.

[1542] I sit back down.

[1543] 30 seconds later.

[1544] Fuck me. Fuck you, motherfucker.

[1545] Two dudes stand up and start.

[1546] swinging like i was somehow 30 seconds ahead of that i don't know what pheromotally was happening you probably saw something something told me there was a fight i was 30 seconds ahead of it and they were like what the fuck just happened are you like living 30 seconds ahead so there are many times where it's like it's spooky how good they are but if i'm filling in a story about someone else why they did something i'm generally not great it okay i knew they cheated okay okay and now i'm liable to spin a web that's based solely in my insecurities.

[1547] Got it.

[1548] I think it's good that you ask.

[1549] I think it's a really positive thing because I was just talking about this, about you.

[1550] I was giving you a compliment behind your back.

[1551] Oh, my God.

[1552] Please tell me. That I think you're a person because of your tall stature and your white skin and your alpha energy.

[1553] You could go through life without giving a fuck about what other people think and not trying to get their approval and just being loud in you.

[1554] And I think it's a really wonderful thing that you care.

[1555] Thank you.

[1556] You're welcome.

[1557] That was wonderful.

[1558] I'm glad I got to witness.

[1559] That was really nice.

[1560] Yeah.

[1561] Wait, I want to add one more thing.

[1562] Sorry.

[1563] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1564] Done with compliments about you.

[1565] But back to...

[1566] Moving on.

[1567] Tell them about some of my character defects.

[1568] No, no, no. I just wanted to add something that might be helpful when you were talking about trying to pick people not for their potential.

[1569] Because I think the short, tall analogy you gave is so dead on.

[1570] because I do this too all the time.

[1571] And my therapist, she's been hammering in the idea of limitations.

[1572] She's like, that isn't something they're choosing.

[1573] Whatever it is that's driving me crazy or they say they'll fix this.

[1574] They say they'll fix us.

[1575] It's not getting fixed.

[1576] It's not getting fixed.

[1577] It's actually for me to then understand, okay, they can't fix it.

[1578] They can't be shorter.

[1579] That's asking something that they just can't do.

[1580] It's a limitation that is not getting fixed.

[1581] So then it's up to me. Is that person worth the limitation?

[1582] Right.

[1583] And it's not hoping that they'll do anything different.

[1584] They're who they are.

[1585] And is it okay for me to be with that version of them?

[1586] And they may become somebody else, but the change may be so gradual that you might not be able to stick around for that.

[1587] They may surprise you, but you can't hope for that.

[1588] No, no, I agree with you.

[1589] Everyone has the ability to change.

[1590] It's just the change may not be...

[1591] You almost have to ask yourself, if this is as good as it ever gets.

[1592] That's what I mean.

[1593] That's all I say all the time.

[1594] Real simple.

[1595] question.

[1596] For instance, if I go on a date, I tell people now from the beginning, hey, here are some of my worst traits.

[1597] Here are some of the things that people have told me in relationships are trash about me. Here are some of the things that you'll think are terrible.

[1598] Maybe they affect you, maybe they don't.

[1599] People like will giggle.

[1600] And it's amazing to me how much people don't listen to people.

[1601] I remember someone said this to me a long time ago in life.

[1602] They said, when someone tells you who they are, believe them.

[1603] Yeah, this is a powerful.

[1604] You know?

[1605] And it's so amazing to me how many times I'll tell people.

[1606] I'll go like, hey, here are the things about me that may piss you.

[1607] off at some point.

[1608] I juggle knives every night.

[1609] This is how I'm often cut off the toe.

[1610] And these are things, some of them, I'm trying to change, by the way, because I don't think that they are benefiting the life that I wish to live.

[1611] However, there's some things where I'm like, I'm sorry, I don't like getting angry to show that I care about something.

[1612] You may think I'm being apathetic.

[1613] I'm not.

[1614] Right.

[1615] But I don't like being the person who's like, God damn it.

[1616] No, if you get angry, I don't need to get angry, but it doesn't mean that I don't care.

[1617] Some people may perceive it as me not caring.

[1618] Well, because in their household, that's how you can.

[1619] Exactly.

[1620] So all these things, I genuinely try and do it.

[1621] And I think it was one of my favorite philosophers, Elaine De Botton, who talked about that.

[1622] And he said, when we date, we present the best image of ourselves when we meet people.

[1623] It's like a job interview.

[1624] And then it just becomes a discovery of all the worst.

[1625] And so what I've tried to do now in life is I go, start with the worst, start with the most honest.

[1626] And then overachieve.

[1627] Or even just B. I used to dress up to go on a date.

[1628] And now I go the way I was dressed that day.

[1629] And I'm like, A, man, This is, because some days I'm going to look like this.

[1630] Yeah, for sure.

[1631] Sometimes I don't even know if I put my colors together right.

[1632] I'm experimenting with this jacket.

[1633] And yeah, sometimes my hair is looking shabby and sometimes it's not.

[1634] And you're going to find me on the day the way you find me because I wish to be accepted for the days that I am like that.

[1635] And I wish to learn to accept you that way as well.

[1636] Yeah.

[1637] You're right.

[1638] It's an urge for both participants to change.

[1639] So one is like how you're accepting and what you're expecting.

[1640] And then on your side of the street.

[1641] It's like, tell people who you are.

[1642] Yeah.

[1643] Just start with who you are.

[1644] Then you're not hiding from anything.

[1645] You don't have to cover anything.

[1646] Yeah, we're constantly discovering that we're not for each other because we all tricked each other.

[1647] Yeah, we got the commercial version.

[1648] Then we got the toy home from the fucking storm.

[1649] It needs batteries.

[1650] I didn't know.

[1651] In the commercial, they didn't put batteries.

[1652] You didn't tell me, might need a send.

[1653] Might require a sim.

[1654] Oh, man, I'm choking.

[1655] There's small parts.

[1656] You didn't tell me about your small parts and I'm choking on them.

[1657] Well, Trevor, we could have spent this last hour and a half talking about your new show, what now?

[1658] But my hunch is this is your new show.

[1659] Yeah, it's a version of it.

[1660] I don't mean that your show is arm terrible.

[1661] I really take that as a compliment and I thank you because I understood what you were saying.

[1662] My intention?

[1663] Yeah, I did.

[1664] I did.

[1665] And I think what you were saying was my podcast is going to be me applying my mind to the world and to the situations that we're in.

[1666] Everyone, as you said, because you majored in anthropology, your lens is filtered in a certain way and you have fascinations.

[1667] I've always been somebody who likes connecting dots.

[1668] I've always been somebody who likes explaining and understanding the world around me. And so I think my show is going to exist more in a space of looking at either what has happened or what is happening and how to think about it as if it were in hindsight, even though we're currently experiencing it.

[1669] Some of it may be political.

[1670] Some of it may be news related.

[1671] Some of it might not be, but I enjoy existing in that space where we oftentimes don't take a moment to process because it is happening.

[1672] And so we react.

[1673] Yeah.

[1674] And when we react, we regret.

[1675] I just want to make a show where you can sit and go like, all right, what do we actually think about this?

[1676] What are we trying to do about this?

[1677] How do we feel about this?

[1678] I'm going to get myself a fifth pitch, even though they don't exist in baseball.

[1679] So I'm 0 for four.

[1680] Well, one was a ball.

[1681] Let's go to the ball.

[1682] Okay.

[1683] Okay.

[1684] One was a ball.

[1685] I wonder if like me, reactions were the enemy.

[1686] That's what caused violence, right?

[1687] Reactions, hot -headedness, emotional responses.

[1688] I have the same predilection.

[1689] I'm constantly like, guys, yes, 9 -11 was horrific.

[1690] This was the worst day of my life in this country.

[1691] We're hurt.

[1692] We're scared.

[1693] But can we take five before we enact a bunch of responses?

[1694] Just for me, reactions are implicitly dangerous.

[1695] Yeah, there we go.

[1696] Okay, one out of five.

[1697] There we are.

[1698] Yay, we did it.

[1699] We can just edit the show and make it one for one.

[1700] Look at us, Zach, you and I. Two for two.

[1701] We both have that and we're both racist.

[1702] Look at that.

[1703] Look at that.

[1704] And we both say homeless.

[1705] That's right.

[1706] That's right.

[1707] On motorcycles.

[1708] We're on a roll.

[1709] God, everyone gets canceled.

[1710] But yes, I agree with you there.

[1711] And I think beyond that for me, and maybe it is tied to it, I am deeply attracted to the idea of understanding.

[1712] I think we can just spend a little more time trying to understand.

[1713] You don't have to agree with people, man. You don't have to like them.

[1714] You don't have to know them in that way.

[1715] But just understand.

[1716] Your doctor doesn't have to like your cancer.

[1717] They don't have to go out for drinks with your cancer.

[1718] But they need to understand cancer in order for them to move forward in some way, shape, or form.

[1719] And I think in society, we need to do the same.

[1720] I think we have to find a way to just understand where the other person is coming from, how they see the world or how they're approaching a situation.

[1721] and sometimes even understand how we've gotten to the point that we've gotten to.

[1722] And in that, I think we have a chance of making a clearer decision and having a clearer understanding of who we are in those situations.

[1723] And so that's my goal is to just find that space, take the time, as we've done here.

[1724] Yeah.

[1725] It's not a seven -minute, you know what it's like, TV.

[1726] Well, that was going to be one of my questions about.

[1727] Dax, welcome to the show.

[1728] So your stepdad's, violence, crazy, man. Great movie, by the way.

[1729] Great movie.

[1730] Let's talk about the movie.

[1731] But before we do, Doritos, thank you so much, Dax.

[1732] Thank you so much.

[1733] Well, I was curious.

[1734] What appealed to me about doing a podcast was simply that I had been on 100 late -night talk shows and I had seven minutes to be brilliant.

[1735] And then I could be as a guest on some of these podcasts.

[1736] I was like, well, this is lovely.

[1737] I can breathe.

[1738] I can take a minute.

[1739] I can formulate my thoughts.

[1740] I also might be appealing in other ways than just being funny.

[1741] That's refreshing.

[1742] Is the time for you just like, after seven years of boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

[1743] Definitely.

[1744] We've compressed so many things in our.

[1745] lives.

[1746] We've turned everything into a snippet.

[1747] You know, we consume news in the Middle East in snippets.

[1748] We consume news in America in snippets.

[1749] We consume news from our friends and people in snippets.

[1750] Life doesn't happen in snippets.

[1751] It is long.

[1752] It is complicated.

[1753] It is dynamic.

[1754] And I think when you take a breath and you appreciate that, you find yourself moving less between the tens and the two's and existing a little more realistically in a comfortable six.

[1755] Yeah.

[1756] We could even go seven.

[1757] As a sober person, I allow myself to hit seven.

[1758] I like seven.

[1759] Okay.

[1760] Yeah.

[1761] You will have A -list movie stars.

[1762] Yeah.

[1763] The Rock first guest.

[1764] I mean, are you bros with the Rock?

[1765] We've been trying to get in for five and a half years.

[1766] I'm a little curious how you just first step back back.

[1767] I actually don't know and I'm eternally grateful.

[1768] He just must admire you or something.

[1769] Maybe I was lucky.

[1770] But yeah, so the Rock first guest, that's pretty amazing.

[1771] And then it's tons of, as you said, A -List, Kerry Washington, you name them.

[1772] And then it's people who just do things and the world, the likes of Bill Gates, et cetera.

[1773] But then I also want to speak to people who you may not know, but I think can have or do have an effect on your life.

[1774] That's where I think the conversation sometimes has become more interesting.

[1775] Someone asked me this the other day.

[1776] They said, are you only going to have A -list celebrities on your show?

[1777] And I said, no, I'm only having A -list conversations.

[1778] Boom.

[1779] Well, good.

[1780] That means that just opened the door to you and I. Yeah, I like that.

[1781] If you can go down to B -list or something, we feel invited now.

[1782] Yeah, we're coming on.

[1783] This also, I imagine, works with your life.

[1784] I think of what people wouldn't know is like you were probably losing a tremendous amount of money to host that show.

[1785] No, no, no, I don't ever think of it like that.

[1786] I think in life.

[1787] I only say you have an incredible career as a stand -up.

[1788] Yes, the daily show is without a doubt, one of the greatest blessings that ever helped my stand -up.

[1789] They're people who learned me because so I think it actually becomes a wash. Okay.

[1790] I think everything I lost because of the daily show, the daily show gave me. So I never think of it like that, honestly.

[1791] But I guess if I were you, what I would be thinking is I love the daily show.

[1792] Yes.

[1793] I miss many parts of it, probably working with that team.

[1794] I'm sure you probably miss quite often.

[1795] But, oh, good, I get to return to this first love of mine, which is stand up.

[1796] And I get to have a lot more availability to do that thing.

[1797] And that for me, a podcast works seamlessly into that, into returning into that.

[1798] It's funny.

[1799] I thought that towards the end of the run.

[1800] But then the pandemic changed something in me. and I realized my first love is not stand up.

[1801] My first love is community.

[1802] My first love is building connections with human beings who mean something to me. And that's actually what I want to do.

[1803] The biggest thing that I didn't like about doing the daily show was I don't get to see the sun most days.

[1804] You come in in the morning, you work all the way until nights.

[1805] And then when you leave, it's dark.

[1806] You came in, it was dark.

[1807] You leave it, it was dark.

[1808] And I was like, huh, I actually like walking around during the day, having the sun hit my face.

[1809] I liked living life and after the pandemic I realized I became someone who was unashamedly wishing to be a life liver and I think we've been shamed about this we see people online and they're like oh nobody wants to work these days yo nobody wants to work am I close enough to the mic can you hear me listen here all you haters out there all those people are like nobody wants to nobody wants to work you know how you know nobody wants to work is because everyone's trying to not work the reason people save money is because they don't want to work at some point.

[1810] The reason people have a retirement is because they don't want to work.

[1811] If working was the best thing ever, you would aim to get there at the end of your life.

[1812] You'd be like, I can't wait to be 90 and working.

[1813] Why aren't you doing that?

[1814] Because nobody likes working.

[1815] Now, I do think everybody likes having purpose.

[1816] Everybody likes doing something.

[1817] I think many of the jobs that people have to do to make a living are the jobs that they do because they sustain them.

[1818] And unfortunately, there are many jobs that people could be doing that would be great for them and society but they aren't supported in any way.

[1819] You look at how France at some point paid people to be artists and you look at how that benefited France and the world and the artists.

[1820] Now today you go like, pay people to be honest, be like, I'm not going to pay some idiot just to paint.

[1821] All right, fine, but you look at the painting too.

[1822] So I'm a proud liver of life.

[1823] I really am, Dax.

[1824] And I go, what am I trying to do?

[1825] We have, what is, 4 ,000 weeks in our lives.

[1826] Is that what it is?

[1827] 4 ,000 weeks, if you're lucky.

[1828] I hate that.

[1829] 4 ,000 weeks.

[1830] How are you spending them?

[1831] What are you doing with them?

[1832] People will be like, oh, it's a work -life balance.

[1833] No, it's just a life balance.

[1834] It's just life.

[1835] Work doesn't pause.

[1836] It's not severance.

[1837] You don't pause your life to go to work.

[1838] You are living at work.

[1839] The people you're talking to, the things you're doing every day, that is your life.

[1840] And so if you are blessed enough to have the opportunity to choose how you live that life, then I think you also have a responsibility to live it accordingly.

[1841] And so that's genuinely what I'm trying to do now.

[1842] So, funny enough, this year I did way too much stand up, more than 200.

[1843] 130, 240 dates.

[1844] Oh, my God.

[1845] You did?

[1846] Yeah, everywhere from India to Dubai to, you know, South Africa.

[1847] You love to look at your Minneapolis and London and all of this.

[1848] Do you need an accountant?

[1849] I just want to get in there and sniff around a little bit.

[1850] Are you well managed financially?

[1851] I love to volunteer.

[1852] Wow, that's a lot of fucking dates.

[1853] Yeah, but it's like I've never been to a wedding.

[1854] In your life?

[1855] In my life.

[1856] I've never been to a wedding.

[1857] Yes, you are.

[1858] I've never been to a wedding.

[1859] I've never been to a funeral.

[1860] Working, working, working, working, working.

[1861] I know my calendar.

[1862] year in advance.

[1863] Well, your buddies from South Africa who came to work at the Daily Show, who are part of the 60 -minute segment.

[1864] Of course, Leslie's still hitting the relationships thing.

[1865] Like, tell us about him as a boyfriend.

[1866] He's like, everyone just shut up.

[1867] Can I tell you why?

[1868] I'll tell you why.

[1869] By the way, it was hysterical.

[1870] No, but let me tell you why.

[1871] First of all, I'm private.

[1872] If you are going to live your relationship in public, then you must live your relationship in public.

[1873] I'm not trying to foist my relationship on anybody because I do not wish you to force your opinions about my relationship on me. Yes.

[1874] I will have my relationship in private because that's where I believe it should be.

[1875] Everyone can do what they want to do.

[1876] Secondly, I find it strange that the entertainment industry is the one industry where your relationship is somehow considered part of your job.

[1877] I'm sorry, what?

[1878] Well, yeah, your example.

[1879] It's just like, you get to an interview and then anyone can just be like, so, Dax, who's the person you have sex with?

[1880] Yeah, it is crazy.

[1881] You literally could not do that with anyone else.

[1882] You could not have the Dalai Lama on your show and be like, so who are you banging, Dali?

[1883] What's happening in your life?

[1884] I mean, Dax might ask that.

[1885] I mean, maybe.

[1886] But you get what I'm saying.

[1887] I just think it's a weird, and I don't.

[1888] Your example is Mitch McConnell.

[1889] His example is like, is anyone asking who Mitch McConnell's fucking?

[1890] But that wasn't the point.

[1891] His buddies, so they're great.

[1892] They're good buddies.

[1893] And his one friend just goes, yes, I'll tell you about his relationship.

[1894] I mean, look, he's a good boyfriend.

[1895] And then he just stops it.

[1896] And then they laugh.

[1897] But what they do hang you out to dry on is she goes, is he a workaholic?

[1898] And they both go, yeah.

[1899] They're like, no, no, we care about you.

[1900] So we're going to give you the tough love right now, which is, yes, this motherfucker is definitely a workaholic.

[1901] They didn't pull any punches.

[1902] So what I've done is this.

[1903] I spent a long time trying to not be a workaholic.

[1904] And I've realized to what you were saying, limitations.

[1905] And I go, actually, I can't stop myself from being a workaholic.

[1906] So what I now do is I'm going to work at resting.

[1907] And so I'm applying the same tool to another side of my life.

[1908] I like that.

[1909] So I go instead of going, I'm just going to do nothing and try and figure.

[1910] And it's like, no, no, no, no, no. use the same tool that was creating a very successful but unhealthy environment for you use that same tool to work at being a fuller human being Yeah schedule it Think about what you're gonna do For the first time in my life I have a goal of relaxation I even apologize to my assistant Because I was like My calendar looks like chaos now Because I literally have everything Phone call with friend Yes you have to Literally walk with friend Yeah 15 minutes this 20 minutes that Watch TV show I put things in my calendar And you know why?

[1911] Because if I didn't put that space aside, work would take it.

[1912] You know what that's right.

[1913] It cannibalizes it.

[1914] Yes.

[1915] And so now I put it aside.

[1916] And then when I get there, if I don't want to watch a TV show, I don't.

[1917] But now I go, this is my time.

[1918] No, I like it.

[1919] I have to do the same thing.

[1920] I've got like standing dinners with a friend I can never see.

[1921] Every first ones day of every month, we go to dinner.

[1922] If we don't declare that, it'll never fucking happen.

[1923] Trevor, you're radical.

[1924] I really, really like you.

[1925] You're not just cute.

[1926] I mean, you're also, you're a hell of a thinker.

[1927] You can't see, but I'm smiling, right?

[1928] He makes me smile in a very particular way every time he says that.

[1929] I can't only imagine what Monica's dealing with.

[1930] I'm all fucked up over it.

[1931] So great to have you on.

[1932] I hope everyone checks out what now.

[1933] You're so skilled at this, and I'll be very excited to listen.

[1934] Thank you, man. Thank you for having me. I've listened to the podcast many times.

[1935] I appreciate what you've both done.

[1936] I think it's a cool space that you've created that has definitely in some way inspired me to be in the podcast world.

[1937] Oh, good.

[1938] That's flattering.

[1939] Yeah, because I just think we can all take a little more time.

[1940] to have a little more full conversations to get to know each other a little more.

[1941] I've really loved what you've done, the fun, the humor, the ups, the downs, the brain, the jokes, the drugs, the life.

[1942] It's all been good.

[1943] So thank you so much for having me and thank you to anyone who is listening.

[1944] Thank you, Trevor.

[1945] And yes, we'll be on yours.

[1946] We'll see you, I guess we'll see you next there.

[1947] You can I tell you something?

[1948] You say that?

[1949] Mark my words.

[1950] Something is going to happen in your life.

[1951] I don't wish this upon you, but it'll happen.

[1952] I will invite you at that time.

[1953] Do not turn me down.

[1954] I will never.

[1955] For instance, like the Rock, he had the thing with the Maui fires.

[1956] You familiar with that?

[1957] Yes.

[1958] Well, I know he's Hawaiian and there were Maui fires.

[1959] So Samoan and family from Hawaii, the islands are him.

[1960] Yeah.

[1961] The fires happen one of the most devastating fires in American history.

[1962] The Rock and Oprah were like, hey, we're going to start this fund.

[1963] We're going to put money in.

[1964] I think they put 10 million of their own money each or whatever it was.

[1965] And they're like, let's get this thing going.

[1966] And they said, hey, anyone who wants to donate?

[1967] You donate?

[1968] Let's get this thing going.

[1969] And they got backlash.

[1970] You didn't see this?

[1971] Oh, it was huge.

[1972] It was huge.

[1973] They had to apologize.

[1974] They got trashed from the high heavens.

[1975] From the high heavens.

[1976] People were like, you entitled pieces of trash.

[1977] They were like, why don't you give all your money?

[1978] Why are you asking us for money?

[1979] You losers, you assholes.

[1980] Oprah and the Rock, bunch of dicks.

[1981] Like Oprah went on TV.

[1982] She went on CBS and apologized.

[1983] And so I was like, hey, can we talk about this?

[1984] And we did.

[1985] Oh, wonderful.

[1986] And so I think what I like about it is, he wasn't like, no comment.

[1987] Yeah.

[1988] We spoke about it.

[1989] Wonderful.

[1990] I can't wait to hear that.

[1991] I had no fucking idea of this.

[1992] But it's also telling that when you're in these things, you think everyone knows and also no one knows.

[1993] Like the shit I've been in, I've assumed everyone I see on the sidewalk knows, but no, they don't.

[1994] And the new cycle is 40 seconds long.

[1995] Yeah, that's crazy.

[1996] Well, this has been wonderful.

[1997] This has been amazing.

[1998] Yeah, thanks for coming.

[1999] Everyone listened to what now?

[2000] A Spotify brother in arms.

[2001] Oh, we both, oh yeah, we're both Spotify.

[2002] Yes, oh, look at that.

[2003] Cash in those Spotify checks.

[2004] Oh, look at that.

[2005] Well, listen, anyway, you get, even if you on listening on Spotify, you can listen.

[2006] So we're not walled off in any way, shape, or form.

[2007] It is free to the people.

[2008] That's also something I like, by the way.

[2009] That it's free.

[2010] Oh, yeah.

[2011] It's great.

[2012] I think it's interesting that we live in a world where more and more of the good things are walled off from people and all the bad things are free.

[2013] You can watch trash anything for free and you can read all these websites that aren't even real, writing fake stories about the news.

[2014] It's all free.

[2015] And then you want to read an interesting article that informs you.

[2016] On the L .A. Times.

[2017] New York Times.

[2018] And it's like, you got a pay.

[2019] So it's like, so wait, you've got to pay to be informed, but then being uninformed is free?

[2020] That's a scary world to live in.

[2021] It is also free, which I think is wonderful.

[2022] Check it out.

[2023] What now?

[2024] Good luck.

[2025] Stay tuned for the fact check so you can hear all the facts that were wrong.

[2026] We have so much to talk about it.

[2027] We have so much.

[2028] So many loose ends, so much housekeeping.

[2029] But let's start with your Coca -Cola sweatshirt.

[2030] Yeah.

[2031] I am proud of myself for bringing this to your attention, because that's a, that's a 10 out of 10 sweatshers.

[2032] You love it?

[2033] I love it.

[2034] Good.

[2035] Do you like it, Wob?

[2036] Yeah.

[2037] It's really cool.

[2038] Did you notice it?

[2039] When you said it inside.

[2040] When you were talking about it for a while, I paid attention for some of it.

[2041] I didn't bring it up.

[2042] You read it up.

[2043] Dex brought it up.

[2044] I would never brag.

[2045] Is that your first time in it?

[2046] No, no. Heaven's no. Have you gotten it tailored in any way?

[2047] No. You haven't?

[2048] You got lucky.

[2049] Yeah.

[2050] Would you?

[2051] If you got a great retro item, you should, right?

[2052] Because so often, like, what's weird about fads is cuts are fads.

[2053] For sure.

[2054] If I put on a shirt from the 80s or 90s, it's a box.

[2055] It's so square.

[2056] That's true.

[2057] And I'm a pencil.

[2058] Yeah, you don't like boxes.

[2059] I need a thin rectangle.

[2060] It depends on what it is.

[2061] If it's, like, a dress or something.

[2062] Well, then we got to.

[2063] Yeah, we got to.

[2064] But a sweatshirt, I'm not ruling it out.

[2065] Okay.

[2066] But probably not.

[2067] Think about it.

[2068] I'll think about it.

[2069] What do you think I should do to this one?

[2070] You go half shirt for sure.

[2071] Oh, you want me to crop it up?

[2072] Midriff.

[2073] Let's make it a midriff.

[2074] And then probably cut the sleeves off.

[2075] Oh, okay.

[2076] Yeah, and go kind of gym style.

[2077] Okay.

[2078] No. You're out.

[2079] I love a gray vintage sweatshirt.

[2080] Me too.

[2081] Gray hits a darkness over time that it just can't really have.

[2082] Exactly.

[2083] Upon new threads.

[2084] It's a particular.

[2085] It's a patina.

[2086] That's right.

[2087] And often the vintage was have this very specific arm collar.

[2088] Okay.

[2089] What's that called?

[2090] What's this part called?

[2091] The cuff.

[2092] Cuff.

[2093] Yeah.

[2094] Cuff.

[2095] You weren't sure I was right.

[2096] You thought about that for a second.

[2097] Yeah.

[2098] I think I wanted to say cuff and it didn't sound right.

[2099] Yes.

[2100] So I moved it to arm collar.

[2101] You moved on.

[2102] Yep.

[2103] And then you brought me back.

[2104] All right.

[2105] Okay.

[2106] So arm collar slash cuff.

[2107] Um, and neck collar.

[2108] Yeah.

[2109] Collar.

[2110] Well, I have to differentiate if I'm calling this an arm collar.

[2111] Okay.

[2112] Oh, right, right, right.

[2113] You've created a little bit of a problem for yourself.

[2114] Yeah, I have.

[2115] Both in the vintage sweatshirt arena gray can be very cute.

[2116] It's in the detail.

[2117] It's very specific.

[2118] Devil's in the details.

[2119] That's what Taylor says.

[2120] Now.

[2121] Yes.

[2122] I have some stuff to clean up.

[2123] What order do you want to go in?

[2124] We can do cleanups.

[2125] Something happened on my walk here I want to talk about.

[2126] Okay, well, let me do clean up.

[2127] First, because I bet we'll go off on a journey once that starts.

[2128] Yeah.

[2129] So some armcherrys were nice enough to correct us about high school musical three.

[2130] Oh, fuck.

[2131] I called that high school musical three.

[2132] I was worried about this.

[2133] That's not what it is.

[2134] Damn.

[2135] And I was so respected by them that I definitely have to be respectful.

[2136] Yes.

[2137] In return.

[2138] So the quote is actually from high school musical, the musical, the series.

[2139] Oh, yeah.

[2140] On Netflix, and maybe it's in season three.

[2141] Actually, let's see, because someone else, I screen grabbed a few corrections.

[2142] Let's see.

[2143] No, that ended in 2008.

[2144] This is very detailed.

[2145] But the musical, the series, is, yeah, season three.

[2146] And they've abbreviated to H -S -M -T -M -T -S -3.

[2147] That makes sense because I was confused when you were like, it's Lincoln's favorite show.

[2148] Right.

[2149] And I thought you were just mistaken.

[2150] You know, in your old age.

[2151] And I was mistaken, but not about it being a show.

[2152] I thought maybe you didn't know about shows and movies anymore.

[2153] Right.

[2154] Which is just around the corner.

[2155] I'm kidding.

[2156] Well, I wasn't kidding.

[2157] I thought you just said show on accident or something.

[2158] Anyway, that makes more sense.

[2159] Any other ties?

[2160] I did the best I could, and I did come up with four of my favorite podcast episodes.

[2161] Okay.

[2162] And really only three, but I know by the time I roll.

[2163] out the three, I'll have a fourth.

[2164] Oh, wow.

[2165] Okay.

[2166] Yeah, I know it.

[2167] Is this how you approached, like, test taking?

[2168] Uh -huh.

[2169] Nearly everything in life.

[2170] Oh, wow.

[2171] We're so different.

[2172] Or yes.

[2173] Yeah.

[2174] For sure.

[2175] I'm like, oh, I know, then I'll figure out.

[2176] But that's, you know, that feels different to me because that's conversation and you can wing.

[2177] But when it's like, there's a right or wrong answer here.

[2178] And there is.

[2179] Well, I'm kidding.

[2180] Yes.

[2181] If I were to say one, wasn't actually in my top five.

[2182] That would be wrong.

[2183] Like if in retrospect, I was like, oh, you know what?

[2184] Said one that wasn't a podcast.

[2185] Yeah.

[2186] Oh, in fact, I, like, I have for what, just since we've been talking now.

[2187] It came to you.

[2188] Yeah.

[2189] Absolutely.

[2190] And I believe in it.

[2191] Firmly.

[2192] Do you think our dreams?

[2193] Our dreams.

[2194] Come true?

[2195] Yes.

[2196] Well, ours have.

[2197] Yes.

[2198] But we're so different in some ways.

[2199] You and I. Yeah.

[2200] Yes.

[2201] Big time in like enormous ways.

[2202] We're also so much the same in so many ways.

[2203] We are.

[2204] I'm so confused by this daily.

[2205] We are really alike in a lot of ways.

[2206] Absolutely.

[2207] In ways that I didn't necessarily always know.

[2208] No, no. I think I'm learning more that we're...

[2209] You're noticing more similarities as we go.

[2210] I think what it demonstrates, which is neat, is...

[2211] Yeah, so we're so fucking different in a ton of ways.

[2212] And then we're also very, very similar in a ton of ways.

[2213] And what that demonstrates to me is, like, how enormously multifaceted humans are.

[2214] And we are so tempted to sum them up all the time.

[2215] You always hear people say, I don't like Becky.

[2216] She's blank.

[2217] And it's like, okay, well, that's probably one of 85 to 150 things she is.

[2218] Of course.

[2219] Yeah.

[2220] So, I don't know.

[2221] I find that encouraging that we could be so similar and so diametrically opposed.

[2222] Yeah.

[2223] I don't know.

[2224] Okay.

[2225] I want to hear your podcast before we jump into what I, what happened on my walk.

[2226] Okay.

[2227] Number one is blank.

[2228] Yes.

[2229] Radio Lab.

[2230] Yeah.

[2231] Which I've been saying repeatedly.

[2232] Number two is going to be, and this one's really important.

[2233] Jonathan Haidt and Sam Harris.

[2234] Yes.

[2235] It was a life changer.

[2236] Truly, it really is as much of a reason that we have a podcast is any other reason and maybe even in the lead.

[2237] That was such a paradigm shift for me prior to hearing that episode.

[2238] And I want to give Jedediah Jenkins credit.

[2239] He's the one who sent me a link and it's like, you got to listen to this.

[2240] I didn't know who's Sam Harris was.

[2241] I didn't know who Jonathan Haidt was.

[2242] Jed is the one.

[2243] He is.

[2244] And he has turned me on to so many things over the years.

[2245] He's like on it.

[2246] But prior to listening to that, Easter egg.

[2247] Jet is gone.

[2248] He's going to be on the show.

[2249] So it's not an Easterer.

[2250] There's hatched.

[2251] It's a duckling.

[2252] Prior to hearing that episode, I would have thought the only way you could experience a conversation like that would be to be in college listening to one of the professors and or reading the books, but then you wouldn't even get the back and forth, the debate, which was so fucking, it made me horny as hell, that debate.

[2253] I was like, whoa.

[2254] It was so good.

[2255] Well, they're both so smart.

[2256] And they disagreed, which is fun, but they disagreed in the best case scenario.

[2257] Academics disagree, which is like it's a healthy, Socratic debate.

[2258] It's not like, and it didn't ever get personal or, like, so many of the debates I've heard throughout my life.

[2259] So just the notion that I could consume brilliant people without having to go to college or read their book was an entirely new experience for me. Yes.

[2260] I suppose I could have watched TED Talk, but I don't think TED Talks are even, for me, they're not 100th is stimulating as that way.

[2261] Because it's not, again, there's no debate or conversation.

[2262] It's at you.

[2263] Uh -huh.

[2264] It's a performance.

[2265] And because of that, you know, we made a decision immediately, well, we want those people.

[2266] Yeah.

[2267] We have access to celebrities, but our real goal is to have those people.

[2268] And those people have been so incredible over the last And I got to give full credit to that episode.

[2269] Yeah.

[2270] We talked about that episode a ton when we were listening to it.

[2271] We listened to a lot of the Sam Harris ones way back when at the same time.

[2272] Yes, it would be so fun.

[2273] Like, did you listen to them and rehash it?

[2274] Yes.

[2275] The Ezra Klein one was also an incredible.

[2276] Those are Paul Bloom.

[2277] Oh, yes.

[2278] A lot of really amazing episodes of those.

[2279] So I thank Sam Harris for turning me on to.

[2280] So many people I had no idea about.

[2281] So that's number two.

[2282] That's a great one.

[2283] Number three would be revisionist history.

[2284] Okay.

[2285] The episode about what's the TV show?

[2286] Oh, wait.

[2287] Oh, Will and Grace.

[2288] Will and Grace.

[2289] Oh.

[2290] What episode were you going to suggest?

[2291] Because maybe I like that one more.

[2292] Brian Williams.

[2293] Oh, that was a great one.

[2294] So good.

[2295] But I guess I, we all.

[2296] get to pick what we are worried about.

[2297] Yeah.

[2298] And that one addressed to one of my main worries.

[2299] And that is the complete divide between everyone and the camps and the fighting.

[2300] That's my number one thing I can't stand.

[2301] Above all other issues I care about.

[2302] Yeah.

[2303] And so that one was like, not that it suggested a solution, but it did give us a potential cause, which was so...

[2304] With the will and grace thing.

[2305] Yes.

[2306] And mostly that network television really unified us.

[2307] And that if you were sitting on a bus next to somebody in the era of cheers, a third of the country had seen that episode every night.

[2308] And when you were on a bus, you had a 33 % chance of the person next to you had that same experience as you last night.

[2309] Yeah, monoculture.

[2310] Yeah.

[2311] We don't have it anymore.

[2312] We don't.

[2313] And we were rewarded in many ways and we also pay a huge price anyways.

[2314] Agreed.

[2315] And then I had already said, but episode one of Dr. Death.

[2316] Okay.

[2317] Yeah.

[2318] And then I'll - That's the fourth one.

[2319] you just from that's the four okay no no the fourth i thought of while we were talking was revisionist history yes okay so that's four total including dr. death yes and i need a fifth so by the end of this episode i think you're going to have i probably will um those are great oh great what are yours um i wasn't assigned the same homework you didn't do the homework you assigned me because i was a teacher the teacher doesn't do the homework okay but i i will if you'd like you of course i want to hear your five for next week.

[2320] One of them I know.

[2321] Right away.

[2322] I'm doing what you're doing.

[2323] The instinct is so quick to say.

[2324] One of them I know.

[2325] We agree on a couple, I imagine.

[2326] Like, Blame's got to be in your top five.

[2327] Yeah.

[2328] I know three off the top of my head.

[2329] Blame.

[2330] Number two is how to become Batman.

[2331] It was on invisibilia.

[2332] This is about a boy who is blind and learns how to, through clicking move around the world oh wow it's really profound huh we you have it in front of you yeah can you forward it to me sure it's so good just like the human spirit those ones get me a lot when humans are indomitable just proving that we're not so limited mm -hmm it's lovely okay so I'm sending that to you now so that's number two okay great um number three see I already forgot this is why you need to write them down oh oh tarred and feathered at this American life about the kid who is a pedophile.

[2333] Yes.

[2334] That was incredible.

[2335] That's a very good one.

[2336] That one changed my opinion on life.

[2337] Yeah.

[2338] I would say you've evolved in that exact.

[2339] Yeah.

[2340] That's why I don't like actually making a list of five, to be honest, because even you say like, this American life.

[2341] And I'm like, well, certainly, I've enjoyed this American life so much over the years.

[2342] And certainly one deserves to be honest.

[2343] Also, stuff you should know.

[2344] I used to be addicted to that.

[2345] And there was so many fun things I learned on there that I would have never known.

[2346] And I repeat all the time.

[2347] The history of wheat production and how gluten arose and how that gave right to psiliac.

[2348] Like that, what an episode.

[2349] Yeah.

[2350] Well, that's the whole point.

[2351] It's got to be hard.

[2352] There's got to be victims in this pursuit.

[2353] Okay.

[2354] Your walk here.

[2355] Okay.

[2356] I don't know how to feel about it.

[2357] Okay.

[2358] So I want your health.

[2359] Okay.

[2360] Telling me how to feel.

[2361] So I was walking here.

[2362] I walk here all the time.

[2363] Yeah.

[2364] I'm a grown lady.

[2365] But I look little.

[2366] Yep.

[2367] Well, you don't look little.

[2368] You're little.

[2369] I look young.

[2370] You also look young.

[2371] I meant young when I said little.

[2372] Oh, okay, okay.

[2373] So I'm walking and I'm at the light to cross, almost feels boulevard to cross over Vermont.

[2374] Sure.

[2375] That's a dicey intersection right there.

[2376] Yeah.

[2377] There's a lot going on.

[2378] Yeah.

[2379] It's almost like a 7 -11, an outdoor 7 -Eleven.

[2380] That's where I had that man touched me. Yeah.

[2381] Right now, remember.

[2382] Yeah.

[2383] That's also where you bumped into the guy with the gorgeous body.

[2384] That was, no, not the cute guy went on a date with.

[2385] That was on the Hillhurst.

[2386] Oh, it was.

[2387] Oh, that's more of a love connection, uh, intersection.

[2388] Yeah, that's a much better intersection.

[2389] Okay.

[2390] So, so, so I'm standing and I'm waiting.

[2391] This crosswalk is slow because there's all these.

[2392] There's a left turn lane.

[2393] There's a left turn.

[2394] Light.

[2395] Takes forever.

[2396] this is always the case, but that's fine.

[2397] I'm waiting.

[2398] And the light turns green.

[2399] The left turn is red.

[2400] So it's time for the man to appear to tell me to walk, right?

[2401] The little signal of the man to tell me to walk.

[2402] Yeah.

[2403] The hieroglyphic.

[2404] Yes.

[2405] And it doesn't come up.

[2406] It's the hand still.

[2407] Oh.

[2408] And I was like, huh.

[2409] So I didn't go.

[2410] Had you pushed the button?

[2411] Yes.

[2412] You had.

[2413] Yes.

[2414] I pushed it, repeatedly.

[2415] And I know you have to push it and then push it again if you've missed it at a certain time.

[2416] So I, yeah, I know what I'm doing.

[2417] Right.

[2418] And I'm waiting.

[2419] So it happens again one more time.

[2420] Okay.

[2421] And I have headphones in.

[2422] So I think this is, I'm going to give some benefit of the doubt that maybe this is why this happened.

[2423] I think I think.

[2424] Out loud.

[2425] I think.

[2426] Okay.

[2427] I thought it.

[2428] Someone thought a child used the F word.

[2429] So this guy comes up.

[2430] He's in like a bike.

[2431] like outfit.

[2432] Okay.

[2433] Like spandex?

[2434] Yeah.

[2435] Oh boy.

[2436] Not on a bike though.

[2437] Not on a bike.

[2438] So he also was a slash running outfit.

[2439] Okay.

[2440] He was older, seemed harmless.

[2441] And he was like, yeah, the light, you can go.

[2442] Mm -hmm.

[2443] And I was like, yeah, yeah.

[2444] And he was like, it takes forever, but it's safe.

[2445] Mm -hmm.

[2446] And I was like, yeah, I walk here a lot.

[2447] I know.

[2448] And he, like, reiterated that it was safe for me to go.

[2449] Yeah.

[2450] So we would agree up to this point.

[2451] He's trying to be helpful.

[2452] Yes, he is trying to be helpful.

[2453] But also, I am triggered.

[2454] Yeah, yeah.

[2455] You have the same thing Kristen has.

[2456] And I think it's a little person thing.

[2457] She can't stand people trying to help her all the time.

[2458] And in her defense and in yours, people do try to help you guys more than you need.

[2459] And it probably feels a little condescending.

[2460] I guess on the rest of my walk is when I came up with the fact.

[2461] that, oh, maybe he thought it was a kid.

[2462] So he felt, maybe he felt like he was helping out a teenager.

[2463] Okay.

[2464] Who had grown up next to like a nuclear site and had some genetic anomalies?

[2465] I had these when I was a teenager.

[2466] Okay?

[2467] Even a middle schooler.

[2468] So, no, he, he, I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt by thinking maybe he thought he was helping out this teenager who doesn't know when to walk or not walk.

[2469] Yes.

[2470] Okay.

[2471] But just real quick, at the risk of offending you.

[2472] No, can I say something else really quick?

[2473] Yeah, absolutely.

[2474] I'm also going to take responsibility.

[2475] Oh, okay.

[2476] I know part of the reason I was triggered is because I was embarrassed.

[2477] Ah, that's great.

[2478] That's great, yeah.

[2479] That someone would see me just, like, standing for a couple cycles.

[2480] And like you were too dumb to finally just recognize it's never going to turn.

[2481] If you don't go, you're going to sit here for the rest of your life.

[2482] Yes, but that's the part that annoys me is because I'm not too dumb to realize that.

[2483] I'm waiting to see, is something broken or is it not time for me to, like, I want to wait.

[2484] I'm someone who does wait for the fucking thing.

[2485] This is where we differ.

[2486] Great.

[2487] Yeah, it's one of the, there's two types of people in this world.

[2488] J -Walkers and not J -Walkers.

[2489] Yes.

[2490] And people who if, if you're, if it's dark out, you're in a rural area, it's, you're out of light and there's no one around and it's red, do you go or do you not go?

[2491] Absolutely.

[2492] There's two types of people.

[2493] You obviously go.

[2494] I don't.

[2495] Right.

[2496] I don't.

[2497] Yeah.

[2498] I follow the rules.

[2499] But you know, I think we've already had this debate, but let's, I just want to remind you of why I would go.

[2500] Yeah.

[2501] Because I'm always factoring in the intention of everything.

[2502] Yes.

[2503] So they've put a light here for safety.

[2504] Totally.

[2505] And if there's nobody present, that's no longer necessary.

[2506] Like, it's, The premise has eroded.

[2507] I get it.

[2508] Listen, I actually really do get it.

[2509] I don't have any problem with other people going.

[2510] Maybe at some point in my life, I probably did have some judgment of that.

[2511] Yeah.

[2512] But I...

[2513] Well, the easy argument to make against it would be like, well, what if someone doesn't have their headlights on?

[2514] Or what if you...

[2515] Like, it's not up to you to decide if it's...

[2516] Like, this is what Kristen would tell me as I do it.

[2517] Yeah.

[2518] You're not in charge of determining when it's safe or not safe.

[2519] We have rules for a fucking reason.

[2520] And we have to assume the worst and that you're...

[2521] Your eyesight's bad and blah, blah, blah.

[2522] Yes.

[2523] But I also get it.

[2524] That's fine.

[2525] I'm not judging anyone for walking.

[2526] Right.

[2527] When the hand is up.

[2528] Yep.

[2529] I'm just like, okay, that's what they do.

[2530] They are.

[2531] That's how they get that.

[2532] That's how they party.

[2533] And that's also a risk.

[2534] They are taking, they are taking a risk.

[2535] Yeah.

[2536] And I don't, I don't like risk.

[2537] That's right.

[2538] Yeah.

[2539] I'm risk averse.

[2540] Yeah.

[2541] And it scares me and it's not worth it.

[2542] Right, because you feel bad inside.

[2543] I feel bad.

[2544] I feel unregulated.

[2545] Yeah, unregulated.

[2546] Disregulated.

[2547] Disregulated.

[2548] And to me, standing there for another 20 to 30 seconds is worth it.

[2549] Yeah, that makes sense.

[2550] So it annoyed me about the man. That he had suggested you just walk.

[2551] Yeah.

[2552] I haven't done my own inventory of this situation and realized, okay, Maybe there's something wrong with the light.

[2553] I'm going to give it one more time.

[2554] But let's just go back, because as I recall, you said, oh, fuck out loud.

[2555] Well, I don't know if I did.

[2556] Okay, but if you had.

[2557] I'm trying to give, again, give him some that maybe I did that.

[2558] And then I would understand because then maybe he's like, oh, this poor girl's frustrated.

[2559] She doesn't know this thing's broke.

[2560] You're going to have to go, probably.

[2561] I get that.

[2562] And I don't want you to have to wait all day.

[2563] I know, but like, also like.

[2564] Mind your own business?

[2565] Kind of.

[2566] Yeah, sure.

[2567] I also think there's another two groups of people in this world.

[2568] Those who mind their own business and those?

[2569] Yeah.

[2570] Givers of unsolicited advice.

[2571] No, I'm going to, I'm going to give pros and cons to both.

[2572] Okay.

[2573] I'm going to be kind about this because I fully mind my own business.

[2574] I do not, if it's a stranger, obviously.

[2575] I'm not talking about people who know each other.

[2576] That's a much different scenario in life.

[2577] Strangers.

[2578] I don't give a fuck.

[2579] I don't care what anyone is doing.

[2580] Yeah.

[2581] If he had stepped out on red and got flattened immediately, and then four seconds later turn white, would you just walk through the intersection?

[2582] Just be like, yeah, I'm just a stranger.

[2583] Just step over his body.

[2584] The movie version, yes.

[2585] But no, of course not.

[2586] But that is sort of what I was about to say.

[2587] Now, this is the bad side of that point.

[2588] I don't give a fuck.

[2589] You do whatever you want.

[2590] It does not affect me. If it doesn't affect me, I don't care.

[2591] Right.

[2592] The flip side of that, if it doesn't affect me, I don't care very much.

[2593] Even on things that, like, I should maybe care.

[2594] Oh.

[2595] Can you get me an example?

[2596] I wouldn't say I'm the most, like, neighborly person or friendly person.

[2597] I got to, yes, yes, yes.

[2598] Uh -huh.

[2599] To strangers.

[2600] Right.

[2601] I think I'm pleasant enough.

[2602] Yeah.

[2603] But I am not going out of my way.

[2604] Right.

[2605] I'm not.

[2606] Like, I pull over on the side of the road when people are broken down pretty often.

[2607] And if I think they can't change a spare, I'll do that.

[2608] Yeah.

[2609] Yeah.

[2610] This is so embarrassing to admit.

[2611] I can't believe I'm going to do it, but here we are.

[2612] I was at a coffee shop, sort of recently, new coffee shop, love it, and I was doing work.

[2613] I saw there was a couple close, like diagonal to me, and they're talking, chit -chatting, whatever.

[2614] I'm doing my work, doing my work.

[2615] I see them get up to go, and they're leaving, and she'd left her purse.

[2616] I'm so proud of you for ten, if this goes where I think it's going, I'm very impressed.

[2617] No, the only reason I'm saying is because you'll see.

[2618] It ends up okay.

[2619] But I saw it immediately.

[2620] I saw as soon as she got up, right?

[2621] And I was like, you'll probably notice it in like 14 steps.

[2622] Uh -huh.

[2623] I'm just waiting.

[2624] I'm just waiting.

[2625] Well, but hold on.

[2626] Now I'm going to defend you.

[2627] Okay.

[2628] Because we move through the world treating strangers as we would hopefully want to be treated.

[2629] Mm -hmm.

[2630] And you know you'd be embarrassed if you left your purse behind.

[2631] a stranger stopped you.

[2632] This is a nice way of looking at it.

[2633] And so I do think you are considering they'd probably prefer to just realize in 14 steps than have a fucking stranger point out that they just left their purse behind.

[2634] Maybe subconsciously I'm projecting that.

[2635] All this stuff is happening.

[2636] It can't even be measured how quickly it all happens.

[2637] I actually like that because I have been sitting with that.

[2638] Because I don't.

[2639] What am I doing?

[2640] Why did I do that?

[2641] But okay, so I'm waiting and it's not happening.

[2642] Yeah, she's gone.

[2643] And I was like, I wonder if, like, someone working here will, like, go run after, go handle this.

[2644] Yeah, yeah.

[2645] And so it is not happening.

[2646] So I do, I run.

[2647] I grab it.

[2648] Okay.

[2649] And I run out.

[2650] Because then I'm like, oh, my God, she's probably gone now.

[2651] I wait.

[2652] I miss the window.

[2653] This is so bad.

[2654] And, but luckily, they weren't too far.

[2655] And I said, excuse me. Is this your purse?

[2656] Yeah, you're forgetful.

[2657] No. Is this your purse?

[2658] Oh, my God.

[2659] Yes.

[2660] Thank you.

[2661] Of course.

[2662] Did she give you a cash reward?

[2663] No. Not yet.

[2664] She gave you the purse.

[2665] Just keep it.

[2666] I loved it for you.

[2667] Got it to her and I was really glad that she had it and that I did that.

[2668] And I felt kind of, I felt two things.

[2669] I felt a bad sense of like, wow, I'm really a good person.

[2670] Oh, like you really applauded what you had just done.

[2671] Like an irrational sense of like, wow, good job.

[2672] Monica.

[2673] Yeah, great.

[2674] Yeah, yeah.

[2675] Then followed by like, what am I saying?

[2676] Anyone would do that?

[2677] That's so crazy.

[2678] Why did you take so long to even do it in the first place?

[2679] You did the minimal amount.

[2680] Yeah.

[2681] What is going on?

[2682] Why don't I?

[2683] I don't like interacting with strangers.

[2684] I really don't.

[2685] Yeah.

[2686] That's fair.

[2687] But why?

[2688] You're tiny and brown.

[2689] You're tiny and brown and you have a good deal of fear about.

[2690] I guess.

[2691] I just like being in my own world.

[2692] I think there's something about feeling.

[2693] like, I don't, I wish people didn't see me. Well, you don't want people in your business.

[2694] Yeah.

[2695] And then so you're not in other people's business.

[2696] I'm obviously not a shy person anymore at all.

[2697] Mm -hmm.

[2698] But I used to be a really shy person.

[2699] I feel like people have a hard time understanding that or believing it.

[2700] I would certainly like to see film of it.

[2701] You, it's hard for me to imagine.

[2702] You'd have to talk to my mom.

[2703] She says it all the time.

[2704] She was like, you're so shy.

[2705] Oh.

[2706] And I think there's a piece that's still there of that.

[2707] just like, I don't want to be seen or noticed if, like, even, I mean, I, I love when Arm Terry's come up.

[2708] Please keep coming up.

[2709] That's not what I'm saying.

[2710] But sometimes when it happens, I am like, oh, yeah, people can see me. Like, I forget.

[2711] I'm just really in my own head and in a bubble all the time.

[2712] Uh -huh.

[2713] I've witnessed that.

[2714] I've, like, walked into places you were at.

[2715] Uh -huh.

[2716] And I'm, like, waiting for you to notice.

[2717] And it's really, You're not, what's nice in a gift you have, you're not hypervigilant.

[2718] Like, you would never be in a restaurant for more than seven seconds without me knowing it.

[2719] Because I'm scanning the restaurant every seven seconds.

[2720] I'm never in my own little bubble.

[2721] That's true.

[2722] I'm not very observant.

[2723] But I think that's a good luxury.

[2724] It might be a sign of being kind of healthy.

[2725] Ish, because I am very hypervigilant with people, though, in my life.

[2726] We also have to add context.

[2727] So if you are in a farming town in upstate Michigan, this all sounds preposterous to you.

[2728] Because you have the bandwidth to interact with everyone you see.

[2729] And it charts and graphs perfectly between the farm town of Michigan and then like L .A. in the middle.

[2730] And then New York City.

[2731] Like when you're in New York City, you notice it as an outsider.

[2732] Like people could be on fire walking down the street and other people would not get involved.

[2733] It's kind of why I like it.

[2734] I know that you love, that's what you love about New York City.

[2735] Yeah, I can really be in a bubble.

[2736] But there, it's a bit out of necessity.

[2737] It's not like there's any genetic difference between the people who are living in New York City and the ones that are living in Midland, Michigan, but the circumstance requires you to ignore the stimuli and the amount of people around.

[2738] Yes.

[2739] Like, you have to protect your side.

[2740] It's too many.

[2741] We're supposed to be around 100 people.

[2742] Yeah.

[2743] And you might walk by 6 ,000 people on your way somewhere.

[2744] All that needs to be in the stew as well.

[2745] Yeah.

[2746] When you're in a diner, when I was in a diner in fucking Bel Air, Michigan, there might be nine other people there.

[2747] Right.

[2748] It's quite manageable.

[2749] Maybe that's it.

[2750] I just, I felt bad.

[2751] And then this guy, you know, this bad guy, this baddie.

[2752] I like the part that you were embarrassed, that admission.

[2753] Yeah, I was embarrassed.

[2754] It reminds me, and I know you already know the story, but maybe some people don't.

[2755] In the old house, I was in the bathroom, and you had to walk through our bathroom to get to Kristen's closet.

[2756] Right.

[2757] And I was in there doing, God knows what.

[2758] It's not like I was undressed or anything.

[2759] Mm -hmm.

[2760] but I had farted.

[2761] I was by myself and I had farted and it didn't smell great.

[2762] But what do I care?

[2763] I'm sitting there by myself.

[2764] And then all of a sudden, Jackie Tone just rips through the bedroom into the bathroom, crosses into Kristen's closet and is going to grab something, which is totally standard for her.

[2765] And I'm sure Kristen, they're both welcome to just go into each other's closets.

[2766] And I, by the way, I'm not, when it's, it happens and I react, I actually am not thinking about the fact that I farted.

[2767] I just, I'm there, she strolls by, and I go in my mind, I don't say anything to her.

[2768] But in my mind, I'm like, I fucking hate how many people coming to our house.

[2769] I fucking hate the people think that I'm just coming to my bedroom and just walk through my phone.

[2770] And I have this, I mop this whole thing.

[2771] And by the way, it's mildly defendable.

[2772] Like the case I'm making, I feel solid with.

[2773] Right.

[2774] It's not to like calm down like two hours later.

[2775] And I admit to myself, I actually, don't mind if Jackie comes in.

[2776] That's happened a million times before and it doesn't bother me. I like Jackie and it doesn't bother me. And then I was like, oh, it's because I had farted.

[2777] And now this fucking stranger is in my fart.

[2778] Yeah.

[2779] Not a stranger.

[2780] No, worse than that.

[2781] A friend is.

[2782] Yeah, that's true.

[2783] Someone that knows me. And then also not my immediate family where I don't care if I fart or frowned.

[2784] Yeah.

[2785] So I had to admit to myself, what really happened was I had a shock of embarrassment.

[2786] Yeah.

[2787] That I had farted in the bathroom.

[2788] Yeah.

[2789] Well, but also, God, this is hard because I think that's great to know.

[2790] But also, you should be allowed to be in your bathroom when you want.

[2791] You should, which was why my argument made sense in my head for three hours.

[2792] But if I just got honest about, does that actually bother me?

[2793] That had happened a million times before, and it didn't bother me. A second one, and this one was storing here, but maybe I have.

[2794] The point is, Lincoln was a baby.

[2795] I used to walk her nonstop across the street do the hike with the baby carriage.

[2796] I'm coming back up to this point a paparazzi had not ever photographed her, which I had put a lot of effort into.

[2797] They had followed as many places and all this stuff.

[2798] I'm in the last like 100 feet before our pedestrian gate to turn into the yard.

[2799] And a paparazzi sees us, pulls into my own driveway and starts going for his camera to start taking pictures.

[2800] So I pick up the pace.

[2801] and I like turn the corner to the pedestrian gate and I open it.

[2802] And when I do that, the carriage turns on its side.

[2803] She did not fall out, but it was not great.

[2804] Yeah, and it was scary.

[2805] But again, I don't, that's not what I'm, I focus on in that moment.

[2806] What happens is I get in the gate.

[2807] I immediately push the carriage into the house and I yell, Carly, grab Lincoln.

[2808] Carly comes on.

[2809] And then I go back outside.

[2810] And now I'm going to kill this person.

[2811] And the guy's in his car with his camera and I go over to his window and I'm in like a rage block out at this point.

[2812] And I go to lean into the window and he tries to roll up the passenger window and I slam the window down.

[2813] Okay.

[2814] I broke the window.

[2815] And I'm saying get the fuck out of my house.

[2816] Don't fucking, you know, I'm like really kind of unhinged.

[2817] Which makes him unhinged.

[2818] Oh, God.

[2819] So I say my shit.

[2820] Don't fucking come back here.

[2821] You can't do this to my family.

[2822] You know, I'm really bent on a shape.

[2823] And then I...

[2824] Is he taking pictures of you during this?

[2825] No, because I grabbed his fucking camera and threw it on the ground of the car.

[2826] Turn around.

[2827] I start walking back to the gate.

[2828] And he now is out of his car, opens the back seat.

[2829] And he's going, you'll fucking kill you.

[2830] I will fucking kill you.

[2831] And now he's going through his back seat.

[2832] And right as I'm turning into the gate, he is out of his car with a gun.

[2833] in my driveway.

[2834] What?

[2835] Yes.

[2836] So I shut the gate.

[2837] I locked the gate.

[2838] I immediately call my friend on the LAPD.

[2839] And I'm like, yo, there's a pop -or -out scene in my front yard with a gun saying he's going to kill me. Like, what's my move?

[2840] And he's like, he's like, look, just fucking go inside.

[2841] He's like, but listen.

[2842] And when you hear him start his car back up and go out and get his license plate.

[2843] Okay.

[2844] So whatever.

[2845] All that stuff happens.

[2846] Again, hours later.

[2847] I'm like, I can't act that way, obviously.

[2848] I can't act that way.

[2849] And then I put this dude in a position where now he is equally as triggered as I am, and now he's got a gun out.

[2850] And I can't be in situations where someone has a fucking gun pulled on me in my driveway.

[2851] I'm like, I'm acknowledging that I really fucked that whole thing up.

[2852] Well.

[2853] And I put myself in a position that.

[2854] I should have just walked in the house and they didn't get a picture and that should have been that.

[2855] I know.

[2856] But you.

[2857] But in this process, I realize what really happened was that when I almost dumped Lincoln, and out of the carriage, her safety at my hands, I got so mad that I almost hurt her.

[2858] Yes.

[2859] That I immediately put it on that guy.

[2860] Yeah.

[2861] And then I was going to kill him because it wasn't theoretical.

[2862] He had almost hurt my daughter.

[2863] Yeah, for sure, for sure, for sure.

[2864] It makes sense.

[2865] Like, it does make sense.

[2866] In retrospect, yeah, for Sopolsky, you can track every moment.

[2867] But, yeah, but that took me hours to recognize that I, all that was really being mad at myself.

[2868] Yeah.

[2869] But also being mad at yourself, but also being mad at the fact that you're put in a position where you feel extremely powerless.

[2870] Exactly.

[2871] Yeah.

[2872] And I've been tasked with protecting this little girl.

[2873] And I have decided that that's part of protecting her.

[2874] Like, you could argue, like, who cares her picture?

[2875] You know, like, again, if I hadn't tipped her halfway over, I would have walked inside.

[2876] I would have been annoyed by it.

[2877] And I just had to recognize that that's really what had sent me into outer space, ready, ready to fight the guy in the front yard.

[2878] Yeah, I mean, paparazzi do get people in really dangerous situations because they're extremely, they're panicked and like, oh, God.

[2879] Yeah, the way they drive and shit.

[2880] Even when you're watching the Beckham dock, and you're seeing how they all drive around and, like, just how insanely dangerous the whole pursuit is.

[2881] And just to get away from them.

[2882] And then Beckham's got to be driving faster and he's making a crazy turn and then they're cutting people off.

[2883] Yeah, it's too much chaos.

[2884] Yeah.

[2885] Yeah, it is.

[2886] Oh, boy.

[2887] Well, I'm sorry.

[2888] That's...

[2889] You didn't know that story?

[2890] I have never heard that.

[2891] Oh, wow.

[2892] No. He was in a Toyota Corolla, and I was a little late to him pointing out, and then I ran out, and I'm kind of running down most people's more trying to read the plate, but I am on planet fucking xenon, right?

[2893] Because I have my adrenaline between the gun and the bean in his car, and then I called, I called, I was looking at the license plate.

[2894] Like, I couldn't, I got like three numbers from the license plate.

[2895] And it was a Toyota Corolla.

[2896] Probably the most numerous vehicles in, in 2013.

[2897] Good luck.

[2898] Like three numbers of a Toyota Corolla license plate, you'll never find that person.

[2899] Wow.

[2900] Okay.

[2901] But I have some other.

[2902] Yeah, let's get it.

[2903] Let's do it.

[2904] But we don't have that much time.

[2905] I want to bring up because this is a part of a story, but also there's a reason.

[2906] So I feel that perhaps I have lost all my childhood yearbooks.

[2907] And it is not sitting well.

[2908] That seems almost impossible for me to believe because you have almost everything from your childhood.

[2909] Your Instagram is proof of that this week.

[2910] Yes.

[2911] How could you possibly have your cutouts of Leonardo DiCaprio and not your yearbooks?

[2912] Okay, no, well, I'll tell you.

[2913] But also, this is a great time to clarify and had to do an update on that post because I got anxious that some people didn't.

[2914] realize I was 10.

[2915] Some people, I think, think I was like 19, including Jess.

[2916] And I was like, he was like, well, I just didn't do the math.

[2917] It's not terribly different from the stuff you're doing with Matt and Ben at 16 and 17.

[2918] 19 making a scrapbook for myself about is not the same.

[2919] And I don't, I actually don't like that equivalency.

[2920] The giveaway to me was way more the Billmore page.

[2921] The Billmore page, exactly.

[2922] To me, he says you're not 19.

[2923] You're not that pumped at 19 to go to the moon.

[2924] That's the whole, like, that's the way I was spelling and drawing and stuff.

[2925] Like, something would be a bit wrong.

[2926] That's something we have in common, though, because that's when I went to the Biltmore House at 10, and I was blown away.

[2927] So cool.

[2928] I loved it.

[2929] Really cool.

[2930] Set up a lot of alarms.

[2931] Remember my mom said that when we interviewed her here.

[2932] Yeah.

[2933] Anyway, no. So I didn't lose them willy -nilly.

[2934] I have been slowly trying to bring yearbooks from my paper.

[2935] parents house over here.

[2936] I've brought all of the K through eight yearbooks.

[2937] The only ones after the big chunkers.

[2938] Big boys.

[2939] Big boys.

[2940] Big daddy longers.

[2941] Yeah.

[2942] They're in this area with a lot of these other books.

[2943] And when I was doing some rearranging in my apartment, I took all those books out.

[2944] I put them in a box and I put them in the garage of my house.

[2945] knowing, like, when I move in the house, whatever, great.

[2946] That was in the garage of my house.

[2947] That was before we started construction.

[2948] When we started construction, I had a lot of stuff in that basement.

[2949] You know, Bill, beautiful Bill, one of my fathers, one of my founding fathers has told me, like, at some point, like, get that stuff out of here so they could do work on it.

[2950] So I did, I moved all into my Prius, my storage unit.

[2951] Yeah.

[2952] And, uh, my storegy.

[2953] Hey, Easter egg this Friday, we, the armchair expert umbrella, are releasing a new show.

[2954] Yes.

[2955] It's an eight episode show called yearbook.

[2956] Called yearbook.

[2957] It's really awesome.

[2958] Yeah, it is.

[2959] And we are producing it with Chad Sanders.

[2960] You might remember him.

[2961] Yep.

[2962] He wrote Black Magic.

[2963] He wrote Black Magic.

[2964] We had him on during COVID, a Thursday episode, an expert.

[2965] And he's awesome.

[2966] He's at the center of it.

[2967] but we're hopefully going to do multiple seasons with multiple people at the center.

[2968] Yep.

[2969] Perhaps Dax and Aaron, maybe me. Anywho, it's a great show.

[2970] We're really, really excited for all of you guys to hear it.

[2971] In anticipation of this show, we're working on the cover art, and I said we need yearbook pictures of ourselves.

[2972] Yep.

[2973] And then Rob said, does anyone have an actual physical yearbook so I can help?

[2974] Like, I can make it.

[2975] Yes.

[2976] Turn the apartment upside down.

[2977] Don't see them.

[2978] Okay.

[2979] I remember they must be in my Prius because they're in with those books.

[2980] I go, I look yesterday, no box of books.

[2981] Scary.

[2982] Then what happens?

[2983] They're stolen.

[2984] Well, was there a note, a ransom note or anything?

[2985] Yeah, I didn't, I haven't looked hard.

[2986] Hard, but I expect that is a possibility.

[2987] No. That must be very scary for you to think you have lost those.

[2988] Yeah, so I texted Bill.

[2989] Hey.

[2990] Have you seen my earbooks?

[2991] I don't see.

[2992] I know there were books, not seeing that.

[2993] Okay, here's a hypothetical.

[2994] Yeah.

[2995] We love Bill.

[2996] He's like our favorite guy.

[2997] He's our favorite.

[2998] What impact does it have if you've come to find out?

[2999] Stop!

[3000] Bill saw them and liked them and took them to his house and has been looking at them a lot.

[3001] Dax!

[3002] Sincerely, what do we, how do we file that?

[3003] This is not fair to him at all.

[3004] You're asking me. And it's not sexual.

[3005] No, it's not.

[3006] No, no, no, no. It's like nostalgia.

[3007] Yeah, he just, he just, he, he just loves them.

[3008] He doesn't know why, but he loves looking at them.

[3009] Okay, and it's not sexual.

[3010] Wasn't everything sexual at some point?

[3011] Okay, so you're, okay, okay.

[3012] If you're asking me hypothetically, if I found out Bill was a pedophile, which is sort of what you're asking.

[3013] That is not what I'm asking.

[3014] There's a lot.

[3015] You know that we're even doing this.

[3016] He doesn't deserve this.

[3017] Look, that's why I'm asking because you could make a lot of assumptions about that.

[3018] You could feel a lot of ways about that.

[3019] You could feel like, well, this is very sad.

[3020] Bill's very lonely or he misses or he didn't go to high school or he's homeschool or he's fascinated by these.

[3021] You know, there's a lot of explanations.

[3022] You went right to the worst, which is reasonable.

[3023] Okay, first of all.

[3024] And what if he looked in him every night?

[3025] Stop!

[3026] Like, I imagine he makes himself his dinner.

[3027] He's sitting by himself.

[3028] No, he's sitting with his wife and family.

[3029] Huge magnifying glass.

[3030] Guys, stop.

[3031] This isn't nice.

[3032] Well, it's not, it's so hypothetical.

[3033] Well, what if someone, well, I don't want Bill.

[3034] He's such a good professional.

[3035] He is, yeah.

[3036] But anyway.

[3037] What if you, okay.

[3038] Oh, God.

[3039] Next question.

[3040] Because you don't like it being about Bill.

[3041] Okay.

[3042] But if you found out that I've been looking at the.

[3043] yearbooks.

[3044] I'd be like, makes sense.

[3045] Very odd brand.

[3046] I'd say, well, what's going on?

[3047] What do you like about it?

[3048] Because I actually could see myself looking at your yearbook for a very long time because I am, I majored in anthropology.

[3049] I'm not kidding now.

[3050] I am super interested in other cultures and I would want to look at this and go like, how was this Georgia high school experience different from mine or how does it look similar?

[3051] I could definitely spend an hour or two looking at one of your earbugs.

[3052] Well, I get that.

[3053] And I could also with yours.

[3054] So that's why I feel I...

[3055] So why aren't we assuming that's what Bill's doing?

[3056] Because he doesn't have a...

[3057] Every night before bed.

[3058] I did add that.

[3059] No, I said at dinner.

[3060] But yeah, that is weird.

[3061] Yeah, whatever.

[3062] Earlier than I think you said before.

[3063] You just kept throwing a bunch of spaghetti.

[3064] But I also...

[3065] Bill and I, as I adore him so much, we don't have the same kind of relationship, be you and I have.

[3066] No, I know.

[3067] We're best friends.

[3068] You and Bill are best friends.

[3069] Your mother daughter.

[3070] I mean, father daughter.

[3071] I'll be, even if my dad, if my dad looked at my yearbooks every night, I would, I would obviously not be, I wouldn't be creeped out by that.

[3072] Of course.

[3073] But I would say, dad, this, something feels like a little unhealthy.

[3074] Like, I mean, I think you really miss when you were little.

[3075] Yeah.

[3076] And I understand, but we have to move on.

[3077] I'm still alive, dad.

[3078] Yeah.

[3079] Yeah.

[3080] Just call me. I can't promise I won't be looking at the girls' yearbooks.

[3081] Although I say that, but I do look at, like, I look at pictures of Delta all the time.

[3082] Exactly.

[3083] It's so, so wonderful.

[3084] Hmm.

[3085] Yeah.

[3086] I'll definitely look at my kids' earbooks, I think.

[3087] I would look at, if people are in your life, I just spit, people are in your life and have a relationship with, there's something very sweet about wanting to revisit their life.

[3088] Yes.

[3089] And I think it's good that we talked about this, because it narrows the focus of who could be a I know the answer to the books.

[3090] When I moved all the stuff into the Prius, Anna was with me. She filmed all this because we were going to start cataloging the formation of my home.

[3091] Yes.

[3092] You're potentially going to do a rehabilitation show.

[3093] Yeah, we were just going to post some videos on Instagram for people to follow if they want it.

[3094] But don't get your hopes up about that because we haven't done anything since that day.

[3095] But she has all this footage.

[3096] So I was with her yesterday.

[3097] And I was telling her about this.

[3098] And she said, well, we can look.

[3099] We looked.

[3100] The box with the books was in the garage.

[3101] I did not move it to the Prius because it was too heavy.

[3102] And so I have, I still don't know where they are.

[3103] But probably somewhere in your house basement.

[3104] Either in my house basement or they got thrown away.

[3105] If I said anything left in there can go.

[3106] And that's my worry.

[3107] And I'm really afraid to ask Bill because I, I'm afraid that the answer is, I'm so, yes, we threw everything away because you told us to.

[3108] But what if he said, I was, I did throw it away.

[3109] And as I threw it away, and I was, oh, these are good yearbooks.

[3110] I wonder if these are monicas.

[3111] I would be so grateful.

[3112] Yeah, it'd be worth whatever he's doing with the yearbooks just to get them back.

[3113] He's not doing anything that.

[3114] This is the scenario.

[3115] He's not doing anything.

[3116] Anything.

[3117] Don't do that.

[3118] Anyway, I feel scared.

[3119] I've lost my past.

[3120] Yeah, I understand.

[3121] And you made it gross.

[3122] What if you took them and refused to give them back?

[3123] It was like finders keepers.

[3124] Can we move on?

[3125] We have a lot.

[3126] Finders keepers.

[3127] Oh my God.

[3128] This is such a stupid phrase.

[3129] I know.

[3130] It's like a tribal law or something.

[3131] I'm sorry.

[3132] It doesn't even, it's not even grammatically correct.

[3133] No. No, keepers.

[3134] Oh, that's great, though.

[3135] Okay, well, I wanted to talk about couples therapy.

[3136] We haven't done that.

[3137] Who's this for?

[3138] I wanted to talk about ADHD, Trevor.

[3139] Oh, Trevor Noah.

[3140] Yes, some facts.

[3141] Okay, so he mentioned, he used a phrase, My Short King is like a joke.

[3142] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[3143] And you laughed really hard, and it was funny.

[3144] But do you know that's a phrase?

[3145] I don't know about Short King.

[3146] There's no King.

[3147] Short King is like a thing now.

[3148] Oh, it is.

[3149] And what does it mean?

[3150] Exactly what I think?

[3151] According to Urban Dictionary, a man who realizes that his lack of height has nothing to do with his perception of his own self -worth.

[3152] That's great.

[3153] Yeah.

[3154] Yeah, I've heard it.

[3155] So that's what I assumed it meant, luckily.

[3156] Oh, right.

[3157] No, yeah.

[3158] It's a thing that's, like, been popping up around lately.

[3159] Zekegeist.

[3160] It's in the zeitgeist, yeah.

[3161] Okay, I just, because we talk about apartheid a lot.

[3162] Yeah.

[3163] For people who are my gen, they'll know the...

[3164] That didn't watch Lethal Weapon?

[3165] The Didn't Watch Lethal Weapon, you probably watched The Color of Friendship, which was a Disney Channel movie that they played all the time.

[3166] Mm -hmm.

[3167] And I'm not sure holds up.

[3168] I don't remember much about it.

[3169] I just remember, like, they played it in school, and then it was on TV all the time, and I don't know.

[3170] Listen, funny you'd say that, ding, ding, ding.

[3171] Watch last night for the first time with Lincoln, mean girls.

[3172] She picked it out.

[3173] So good.

[3174] It's a phenomenal movie.

[3175] It's so good.

[3176] You can't make any of the jokes that are in it today.

[3177] No, I know.

[3178] And I was, my conclusion was like, yeah, life's just going to be less fun.

[3179] I mean, really.

[3180] It's so, it's like so good -spirited and there's nothing mean about it.

[3181] But you couldn't say any of the stuff.

[3182] But it's so funny.

[3183] Depends on how you identify fun.

[3184] Maybe for you.

[3185] You loved it.

[3186] I did.

[3187] Yeah.

[3188] Well, everyone that saw it loved it.

[3189] I love me, girls.

[3190] I think it's one of the best movies.

[3191] I love it.

[3192] But I also, I think things can evolve.

[3193] I don't think.

[3194] There's only one kind of fun.

[3195] Yeah, exactly.

[3196] They have a new one coming out in January.

[3197] Oh, really?

[3198] I think that's maybe why she was hip to seeing the original.

[3199] I think that must be penetrating and it's on her radar.

[3200] Okay, what year was it?

[3201] Because he said it was bad at dates, 1948 to early 90s.

[3202] Um, and I really want to talk about couples therapy, so I guess we'll do it next time.

[3203] That's great.

[3204] We'll still be passionate about it.

[3205] Yeah.

[3206] How far are you in now?

[3207] I watched all, I told you, I watched all of the first season one night.

[3208] Yeah.

[3209] Then I didn't watch any yesterday.

[3210] Okay.

[3211] We were at a party last night and it was with four people I had never met.

[3212] And some, I don't know why I said, does anyone watch couples therapy?

[3213] And everyone present had watched it and is obsessed with it.

[3214] Apparently, it's a big thing.

[3215] Yeah, I didn't know.

[3216] that.

[3217] Me either.

[3218] We are.

[3219] We are out of the loop.

[3220] It's fun to see that everyone has the same feeling about it.

[3221] It's like.

[3222] Yeah.

[3223] It's fascinating.

[3224] It is.

[3225] It is really stressful, but not like, very mundane, but stressful.

[3226] And life is so hard and people are so complicated.

[3227] I don't know how anyone is doing this.

[3228] I don't know how anyone's doing anything.

[3229] There's also like, there's something to be said.

[3230] And we got a guest coming in a minute.

[3231] What it seems to be so ubiquitous is that we tend to get attracted to people who snap right into our childhood patterns and what is familiar to us.

[3232] Yeah.

[3233] And this is what I would say is one of the downsides of not having arranged marriages.

[3234] Because when you have arranged marriages, that's not what's happening.

[3235] You're not responding to the stimuli and then ending up.

[3236] So I bet in just that way alone, I think arranged marriages might.

[3237] have like you gotta have like a 50 % better chance just because almost everyone that's in this therapy setting it's very obvious why they got together right their things click in perfectly like they both played these opposite roles in their own family and it just clicks but then it clicks into the same cycle yeah and you get stuck in the cycle and it's just funny because we we feel liberated by pursuing relationships based on love and attraction yes but the Liberation also comes with this crazy, high, predictable.

[3238] I know.

[3239] It's really hard to, it's so annoying because my therapist says a lot that, like, that feeling, the feeling of attraction.

[3240] Yeah, the lightning bolt.

[3241] Is bad.

[3242] Yeah, yeah, ultimately.

[3243] Yeah.

[3244] It can make for great sex, though.

[3245] So people should do it for a while.

[3246] It's when your body recognizes familiarity.

[3247] And if your goal, and it often is, is to, like, break a pattern or have something different than what was familiar, it's bad.

[3248] It's almost a red flag.

[3249] It is.

[3250] It's almost a red flag.

[3251] But also, how the fuck can, it's like the most impossible thing to resist.

[3252] So why is, why are we designed?

[3253] Like, it's so annoying.

[3254] It is.

[3255] But, again, why are we designed that way?

[3256] Well, because for most of time, we didn't have.

[3257] marriages of love.

[3258] We had marriages of family arrangement.

[3259] I mean, why do our bodies, they should like make, they should make us feel disgusted when it's familiar.

[3260] But instead, it's horny.

[3261] I don't even know if it's just familiar.

[3262] Well, familiar to either your childhood or to when your parents, when your parents or your past relationships or whatever.

[3263] Like it's.

[3264] That's why people end up dating the same person over and over and over again.

[3265] Yeah.

[3266] Well, in AA, we have take contrary action.

[3267] I know.

[3268] So, like, as a rule of thumb, when you first get sober, like, try for a year to do virtually the opposite of what you always want to do just to see what the results are.

[3269] Yeah.

[3270] Because doing what you felt right landed you here.

[3271] Yeah.

[3272] Let's admit.

[3273] So let's try doing the contrary, the opposite.

[3274] Yeah.

[3275] My therapist and I were just talking about that this morning.

[3276] Wow.

[3277] What do you say?

[3278] I was saying that perhaps I could write a book about off -road racing.

[3279] as a metaphor for life two things one is this concept of target fixation so if you're off road racing and you come around the corner right there's so many obstacles on off road racing it's not a racetrack you're in the desert so you come around a corner and you're flying and you realize like ooh I'm in route to hitting that tree that's in front of me so your brain makes you stare at that tree because you're terrified of hitting it yeah but the car goes where your eye is that's a rule of racing.

[3280] Where you look is where the car goes.

[3281] So you look to the apex of the term before you there and it makes the car go there.

[3282] And then you're looking at the exit before you're at the apex and then a car goes there.

[3283] So this target fixation will make you drive directly into the tree.

[3284] So you have to as a rule of thumb learn to you see, oh fuck, I'm going to hit that rock.

[3285] I'm going to look at this other thing, which is terrifying because you're afraid it's approaching.

[3286] But in doing that, you often will be able to get the car out of that.

[3287] And then another thing is, If impact is imminent, you're heading towards a boulder.

[3288] Your instinct is to slam on the brakes.

[3289] But when you slam on the brakes on an off -road car, there's so much suspension that the front end goes down a ton.

[3290] So now you're hitting this object even lower, which you don't want to do, and all the weights on the front end, and the car's tilted at an angle.

[3291] So now when you hit this wreck, you might flip the fucking car over in a cartwheel.

[3292] when you know impact is imminent in off road or you're about to go off a cliff or you're about to do what's all this stuff happens roads get washed out you floor it the second you think you're fucked you have to floor it which is the opposite of what your body wants to do your body wants to hit the break to stop but if you floor it it actually makes the rear suspension compress it picks up the front suspension so that there's more clearance and it's really light so when you now hit that object you're you're liable to deflect and just jump it as opposed to submarine and stop on impact.

[3293] So those are two instances.

[3294] But how would that relate to life?

[3295] Like if you're approaching something bad, you're supposed to just double down?

[3296] That's where it comes into contrary action.

[3297] That's the metaphor.

[3298] It's like doing the opposite of what your body thinks it should do is often the right course of action.

[3299] Yeah.

[3300] Yeah.

[3301] I've only got two so far, so it's going to be a very short book, three, four pages.

[3302] That's, good for our attention spans these days.

[3303] So maybe it's more a series of tweets.

[3304] Sounds good.

[3305] All right.

[3306] Well, I guess that's it.

[3307] I love you.

[3308] That was fun.

[3309] It's always so fun.

[3310] I loved Trevor Noah.

[3311] Yes.

[3312] When we walked out, you said, well, you guys are a lot of like, huh?

[3313] I think you're a lot of like.

[3314] Yeah.

[3315] And I would tend to agree.

[3316] All right.

[3317] I got some of your books to look at.

[3318] Bye.