Chelsea Peretti

[0] Welcome to armchair expert.

[1] Do you think beatboxing triggers people is miso honia?

[2] Maybe, but it's relevant because our guest has misophonia.

[3] Should we change the name in this podcast?

[4] Mesophonia.

[5] I mean, we cannot stop talking about.

[6] We can't escape it.

[7] Chelsea Peretti is the person who has a touch of misophonia.

[8] And she's on our show today.

[9] When you started doing that beatboxing at the beginning, I really had to sneeze.

[10] and I got a little panicked I was going to ruin it and you were going to get upset.

[11] You think I'm such a monster.

[12] I think you're so sensitive.

[13] Today, Chelsea Peretti's here.

[14] And Chelsea Peretti is a phenomenal stand -up comedian.

[15] She was a writer on Parks and Recreation.

[16] And she was one of the stars of Brooklyn Nine -N -N -N -N -N -N.

[17] And just an all -around interesting voice in the comedic world.

[18] And a lady.

[19] And we like to talk to ladies.

[20] Hell yeah.

[21] Yeah.

[22] We need more girl power on here.

[23] I'm like holding down the fort big time.

[24] I know.

[25] You know, I've been, I've been really, really pondering all this because, again, we do invite a lot of females and a lot of people of color, and we just are not getting the yeses and the same percentage that we're getting from the white males.

[26] And here's what I finally thought of the other day.

[27] Okay.

[28] You tell me your theory.

[29] Okay.

[30] I'll tell you mine.

[31] I think it is an extension of the white male privilege as triggering as that word is, what I think it's speaking to is that you ask like a white male if he wants to come in and talk for two hours and he's like you bet you i got two hours of stuff to say talk about myself yeah there's just like a confidence to it sure where you like you feel entitled to to pontificate for two hours look at me i'm sitting in this damn chair a billion hours of just fucking chatterboxing and i feel totally confident with it yeah do you think what do you think about that theory i like that theory My theory is that actually percentage -wise, it's probably similar of who's saying no and who's saying yes.

[32] The problem is the numbers themselves, there's just more white male actors.

[33] Male actors, but I think it's about numbers that, you know, there just aren't as many.

[34] And that's got to change.

[35] Yeah.

[36] But anyway, sorry, Chelsea Pready.

[37] We bogarded your intro, but without further ado, Chelsea Peretti.

[38] Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad free right now.

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[41] I'm nervous for you.

[42] Are you going to sit that erect this whole time?

[43] Or if so, just when you finally, when you're, When the structural integrity of your spine breaks down and you finally relent to recline, just please bring this with you.

[44] Well, he told me I had to scoge, so I thought I had to be like, no, no, relax.

[45] You don't want to know the honest truth.

[46] I might, I don't know, I might have to sit up.

[47] I feel like you're post -op.

[48] Like, we're dealing with someone who's got stitches right now or something.

[49] Have you had a recent procedure?

[50] Spiritual procedure?

[51] No, but it is funny that you say that because in my car, my nanny uses it, too.

[52] and every time she uses it, it's super slouched back the seat.

[53] And then I'm always like putting it up 90 -degree angle.

[54] It just feels better to me. You like to be very alert on top of that wheel.

[55] I see people like you in traffic all the time.

[56] And I swear to God, again, I'm so into driving and cars and off -road shit.

[57] When I see people like you, I honestly think, that person's a sociopath.

[58] Like, look how a tenant, no one should be like that white -knuckled.

[59] Everyone should be attentive while they're driving.

[60] It's the right way.

[61] Certainly.

[62] Everyone could benefit from taking a big deep breath behind the wheel and relaxing is my thing.

[63] I don't think being tense.

[64] I don't know if relaxing means slouching back because it sort of compresses your insides in some gross way.

[65] Okay.

[66] And you're always on top of that.

[67] You'd like to stay on top of the arrangement of your organs?

[68] I don't really have a philosophy about it.

[69] I just did notice that my nanny puts the seat way back and iced it way upright.

[70] But it feels better on my lower back.

[71] Are you short?

[72] I mean, can't you see me?

[73] Well, I have a hard time doing that because I'm very short.

[74] So everyone is tall.

[75] That's the thing, right?

[76] Like for my legs, sitting way back on this couch, it's like my feet are like a toddler.

[77] Yeah.

[78] It's not an ideal couch and I appreciate you pointing that out.

[79] And then also it's like, is that rude?

[80] No, no. We do it all the time.

[81] Because I hate when people put their sneakers on furniture in my house.

[82] I'm like, oh my God, who raised you?

[83] What about on a coffee table?

[84] That's fine, right?

[85] That's less if they're clean, I guess.

[86] But I just think it's like to put your shoe on upholstered furniture is outrageous to me. Yeah, I did that in a picture and people got really upset.

[87] Yeah.

[88] They really did not like it.

[89] It's fine if you take your shoes off and it's just your sock.

[90] I don't care.

[91] I'm almost more worried about that.

[92] Really?

[93] Someone's damp fucking sock that's been in their shoe all day.

[94] Like just give me the rubber and whatever street grime you picked up.

[95] But now we're getting into like maybe athletes' foot or some kind of.

[96] I freak out about that at the airport because I've never in all my travels seen one person like cleaning the floor with bleach in the security checkpoint.

[97] And then you have the pressure to be barefoot.

[98] If you don't have like if you're wearing a sandal, people just walk barefoot and I'm sure it's just corrosion.

[99] My wife has a very, very hard time with that part of the experience, the TSA experience.

[100] I have other issues.

[101] So there's no moment in the whole experience where one of us isn't upset or talking ourselves off of a ledge.

[102] Power.

[103] Yeah, the balance, the power shift.

[104] Being subservient to the TSA.

[105] Being told to do something that I can see serves zero point.

[106] The little outline of shoes on the ground, I don't fucking have to stand in those outlines.

[107] I'll be able to proceed through this line without causing any.

[108] I've never seen them enforce that.

[109] Well, let me tell you.

[110] And for a long time, my wife was just like, get over yourself.

[111] But she slowly over 11 years has acknowledged that some people, I trigger something in a lot of guys.

[112] Guys tall and blonde and blue -eyed.

[113] Guys - Blonde.

[114] Oh.

[115] Well, let's not get into this.

[116] Let's agree on that I'm tall.

[117] I'm tall.

[118] And I think I trigger for some guys, they think I was on the football team, which I wasn't.

[119] And I'm the dude who shoved them into a locker, which I was.

[120] was not.

[121] This is all very, I don't, I don't agree with this take because if I see you, I think you're brunette.

[122] Okay.

[123] And I don't think you play football.

[124] I think you're a tall brunette.

[125] Comedian?

[126] Well, I don't know.

[127] What do you think?

[128] What did you start as?

[129] Did you do active first?

[130] Ground lanes?

[131] I would assume.

[132] No, I started at the groundlings.

[133] I got to hear from Detroit and was like, how does one get on Saturday Night Live?

[134] Oh, that's cool.

[135] And at that time in 95, the singular trajectory was ground lanes.

[136] And who was like the hot shots there when you were starting out?

[137] My class was at one point we had a comedy troupe that rented theaters and no one came.

[138] And that group was Melissa McCarthy, Ben Falcone, Octavia Spencer, Tate Taylor, Nat Fax and myself and this guy, Brian, and only Brian left town.

[139] It becomes kind of attrition.

[140] Would you agree?

[141] Attrition?

[142] Yeah.

[143] A war of attrition where it's like you're just waiting it out.

[144] Part of this game is just wait.

[145] sticking around.

[146] Yeah, definitely.

[147] I mean, I'm like in such a dark place right now.

[148] Oh, I want to know why.

[149] I'm trying to think about what I think it's about.

[150] But I do think definitely, like, when I was doing stand -up, I remember, like, this guy that was, you know, mentor -type figure was like, watch these people.

[151] Like, there'll be people who are so buzzed about and people love.

[152] And then they do drugs.

[153] They smoke weed.

[154] They drink.

[155] And they're doing the same material.

[156] in 10 years and they fall out of the scene, they fall out of the picture.

[157] And I was like, wow, that's comforting.

[158] Uh -huh.

[159] There's too many comedians.

[160] Yeah.

[161] It's kind of true.

[162] It's like, you know.

[163] But I don't even know if that's what you're saying about a tradition.

[164] I mean, I always think about, since I've moved here, I kind of feel like ambition is disgusting.

[165] You don't like it.

[166] I just feel like I'm like, whenever I meet someone in L .A., I'm hoping that maybe they'll be like not.

[167] not hell of ambitious and everyone I meet is so ambitious and sometimes it's just like not inspiring what element of it do you find it exhausting or do you find like they are only interacting with you because they think it's going to benefit them in some way I just find it like narcissistic it's one thing I like it's different if someone's talking about creative things they're super excited about but I think what I mean by ambitious is people sort of talking about powerful people that they're going to work with or that are showing interest in them or talking about money or talking about like um kind of status signaling statusy things instead of the creative like i don't know sometimes like did you read steve martin's book about stand -up where he was like i mean it was no but almost everyone i like has mentioned referenced that book yeah and it was it starts out and he's like struggling like working at magic shows and stuff And then it's like, by the end, he's playing in stadiums and he has to change his whole act because the small things he was doing don't play to a crowd of that size.

[168] And then he goes back where he started and, like, he still knows how to open the curtain.

[169] And he's like, I would have given anything to go back to that time, you know, where he was creative and hadn't made it, you know?

[170] And it just, the whole thing bummed me out because I'm just like, oh, shit, I'll probably never be happy.

[171] You know, like, that's the peek forward to the absolute best case scenario.

[172] It's like a brilliant comedian who has made it.

[173] One of the best, everyone acknowledges, it's agreed upon, yeah, that they're the best.

[174] But doesn't that just circle back to something that you and I both know, which is you will never regulate the inside with something from the outside?

[175] Yeah.

[176] It's just, the formula doesn't work, as great as it would be if that formula worked, because I think what you're saying, I can relate to, but I can relate to it in the way that I I grew up with a fantasy.

[177] There was several elements of the fantasy, but one was if I was rich, I was going to feel great.

[178] If people, like, loved me broadly, I would feel great.

[179] And so I'm not shocked that he longed for that.

[180] And yet I also don't think he's still even answered because even opening the fucking curtain or going back, I don't, you don't, that's not how it works.

[181] If he had to open a curtain for the rest of his life, he would have to.

[182] Yeah, or just he's not.

[183] Now, in his memory, he's kind of idealized this area of his life where it was pure.

[184] But that, too, is a fantasy, I think.

[185] Yeah, it probably is.

[186] You're right.

[187] Both times have good and bad in them.

[188] But I do think, like, when I was doing open mics with other standups, there was way less competitiveness in a way, and it was way more of a group endeavor, like, hey, let's all go to this open mic, and let's eat after, or let's go have a drink after.

[189] Yeah.

[190] And, like, you know, the more successful people get, the more of a lot.

[191] lonely thing.

[192] I think it is.

[193] It's pretty isolating, I think, for some people.

[194] Yeah.

[195] Are you compassionate towards that, or do you think it's horseshit?

[196] People who are isolated by success.

[197] I'm compassionate.

[198] I mean, when I moved here, I was amazed how accessible, successful people are because they're like, I need a friend.

[199] I don't, you know, like, maybe you'll be that friend, you know.

[200] Sure.

[201] So I've, but now I also kind of get it because me and my husband, we like, we're reclusive.

[202] We like staying home all the time like we went to bed at 1020 on new years and it was like this is blissful you nailed it yeah so i don't know but i think also it makes you more that way if when you go out like people want something from you or they're like too crazed like their energy you know it's like it becomes a whole different energy of interacting with people but how about this do you believe on any level i want to clarify that i don't think people are crazed fans of mine but but like I think there's a...

[203] Nothing you said came across that way.

[204] No, no, in fact, I wish you had said something closer to that.

[205] I'm more interesting.

[206] That'd be tasty.

[207] But how do you feel about this thought that you, subconsciously, you gather proof all the time to confirm your narrative or your theory or your worldview?

[208] And in my own experience, I'll just give you.

[209] my two second version of this was if you would have asked me five years ago what like the number one thing people liked about me was i would have said always in the one or two slot would be that people feel safe around me like i will get messy if anyone's threatened at any given time i was convinced of this this was something a good quality of mine and when that was my uh identity you'd be shocked how often i saw things happening like they were legit they my wife will tell you I would constantly find myself in a situation where I'm behind a car and some big asshole gets out of the car and starts slamming on someone else's window and then I have to go get involved or I chose to go get involved.

[210] And once my wife was like, can I tell you something?

[211] No one likes that about you.

[212] In fact, that makes them feel more scared to be around you to know that you're always going to get involved in shit.

[213] And once I, like, unconnected that, I don't see it anymore.

[214] Now, do I think the world has changed in the last five years?

[215] No, I just think magically I don't see it anymore.

[216] Yeah.

[217] Because I don't need to see it to get involved to reconfirm this bizarre identity I've constructed.

[218] Yeah, I definitely think that that happens where, I mean, even for me, like, reading the news all day, if I do that, I feel totally different walking out in the world versus if I just, you know, play with my child or cook something and then walk around.

[219] You know, it's, it makes your brain be like, the aliens have contacted us.

[220] They may kill it.

[221] I mean, I literally had that thought with that news story that.

[222] the aliens or something, some planet was sending radio signals to Canada.

[223] Did you see that?

[224] No. Yeah.

[225] How would I have missed that?

[226] We've made contact?

[227] It's like a billion miles away.

[228] I know.

[229] I'm like, it was buried between like an Ariana Grande headline and something else.

[230] And I'm like, hello.

[231] This might be rather important.

[232] And but yeah, like I had the thought like maybe the U .S. government knows that there's life out there and we only have a matter of time.

[233] And this is why Donald Trump is acting how he is because he's like, we're all going be dead in six months anyway.

[234] Let's have a good laugh.

[235] I might as well, you know, repay all my debts to Russia.

[236] Sure.

[237] But so I happen to have hit the lottery in that I live with someone who sees the world in the most optimistic way imaginable.

[238] Like we see someone on the street.

[239] But she was drawn to you, you know?

[240] Like, I don't know how you see the world, but I'm guessing it's a little different.

[241] Much darker than her version.

[242] But I think dark people and light people are drawn to each other to live out their sides that they don't live out.

[243] So she's probably darker.

[244] But I will say, I used to think she moved through the world in a naive way.

[245] And I thought people were taking advantage of her.

[246] And I thought all these things.

[247] Yeah.

[248] And, uh, but then I also was aware of the results, which is for someone who's getting taken advantage of, she's doing quite well.

[249] You know what I'm saying?

[250] Like she is benefiting.

[251] No, I mean, you see that with so many people.

[252] It's like, oh, if I just didn't get in my head and pick everything apart, then things would probably be fine.

[253] If you think things will be fine, a lot of times they are.

[254] But the problem is if you're not organically wired to be that way, you can't fake it.

[255] I mean, you can try and you can work on it and improve, but you're still going to have that at least momentary battle of like an instinct to overcomplicate or be anxious, you know.

[256] Oh, I 100 % agree.

[257] Yeah.

[258] Yeah, my first stop is always still Schittsville.

[259] Yeah.

[260] But I will say she has infected me in a little bit where it's like she thinks the world is full of great people.

[261] And when she leaves the house, she finds them.

[262] Right, right.

[263] She spots them because that's what she's looking to confirm.

[264] And a little that's worn off on me. And I got to say less and less in my, it's just weird.

[265] I find it very weird that how much of its perception and how much of it is like you see what you're looking for.

[266] Yeah.

[267] No, it's true.

[268] Is your husband generally more optimistic?

[269] than you, or less fatalistic or whatever you would describe?

[270] I don't know.

[271] He's a, he's a strange one.

[272] He's, like, sweet and he has a calm energy, but he's also, like, fucking obviously dark and crazy.

[273] And he's very, I mean, me and him watch stuff, I mean, I think probably our favorite thing to do is stay home, watch something on TV that's usually horrific, and then make jokes about it that are just, you know, cynical and callous or silly.

[274] or whatever, but, like, it's, you know, he's, he's definitely a partner in that.

[275] He's not like, ooh, you know.

[276] Yeah.

[277] And Bell, too.

[278] Bell is very, like, her dark sense of humor would shock probably most people.

[279] But she does like those moments on the couch where I'm just saying as evil as whatever could be thought of.

[280] Those guys get off Scott Free.

[281] They seek out the dark person.

[282] And they're like, but I'm nice.

[283] Until the kid goes to bed and it's a dateline time.

[284] Yeah.

[285] But I've noticed that with so many couples where.

[286] or like one person, oh, he's the nicest guy.

[287] It's like, well, why is he with that woman?

[288] She's a dark -minded soul, you know?

[289] Yeah.

[290] But I think it's because most people are a combination of all things.

[291] And do you feel protective of your relationship and that you don't like that it's in the public sphere or you want to...

[292] Well, we aren't that much.

[293] I mean, yeah, we aren't like interfacing that much.

[294] Publicly.

[295] Yeah.

[296] Like, there'll be like a magazine.

[297] Do you want to talk?

[298] about how to make a marriage work.

[299] I'm like, oh, my God, no. I absolutely don't because I have no idea.

[300] Right.

[301] I'm just like, you know, fell in love with someone and, you know, take every day at a time, I guess.

[302] And so I don't like, also, I just don't want to be held to anything with a bunch of strangers in my relationship.

[303] Yeah.

[304] For me, like the first four years we were together, I hated when I was doing press and I would get asked about her.

[305] Personally, I was insecure of like, oh, the only thing interesting about me is her.

[306] They can't even get through this conversation with me. They had to check in with her.

[307] Yeah, yes.

[308] I used to be really wound up about it.

[309] And now we're such a public entity.

[310] We've totally embraced that.

[311] Now I look back on all that.

[312] And I think, wow, you really wound yourself up, like crazy over really ultimately nothing.

[313] Like I'm now on the side of like, oh yeah i love this person who cares i'll do a million interviews with her and i'll talk about or ad nauseum yeah i mean part of it all is like i want to be able to will you pull that a little closer to you yes sir i want to lean back um i want to be able to evolve and like that's part of what i think is is frustrating about making a lot of your personal life public it's like then you're held to whatever you felt a year ago i mean this is i actually don't like about stand -up too it's like you say all these things when you're 20 and your act, and now it's like you're on record with these dumb opinions.

[314] Yeah.

[315] And I do feel like stand -ups get kind of like stuck in a point of view sometimes that they feel like they have to be true to themselves from 10 years ago.

[316] Yeah, they're like almost doubling down on it maybe.

[317] So, but yeah, so I may very well may totally change how I feel about, you know, my marriage or whatever.

[318] Yeah.

[319] But at the moment, I would say reclusive is the word.

[320] But, you know, not that we don't.

[321] don't want to go to a party once in a while, but I think also it's because our child is hell of young, so it's like anything we go out to, you know that it's a ticking clock till he wakes up, so it makes it way less fun, you know?

[322] 100%.

[323] How old is your son?

[324] He's a year and a half.

[325] Uh -huh, so he's walking around and stuff?

[326] Oh yeah, yeah, he's walking.

[327] He doesn't ever, his favorite phrase is, up, please.

[328] I'm like, oh, I can't wait till that's out of rotation.

[329] Up, please, up please.

[330] And it's like, he doesn't, I'll be like, okay, I heard you.

[331] And it's like, up, please, up, please, up, please.

[332] Like, it's like, oh, my gosh.

[333] Oh, yeah.

[334] But I do love it.

[335] Wait until they start saying, wait until he starts saying mommy as a tick.

[336] Yeah.

[337] Like both of our kids, at some point, it just became a tick because she, yeah.

[338] Our daughter would go like, Mommy, Mommy, Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama.

[339] And Chris and go, uh -huh, yeah.

[340] Uh -huh.

[341] Mama, Mama, it just stuck.

[342] Already.

[343] Yeah.

[344] I'll be holding him.

[345] And my face is an inch from his.

[346] He's like, Mama.

[347] Mommy, mama.

[348] And I'm like, yes.

[349] And he just says, I'm like, yes.

[350] Yes, yes.

[351] It's like, what is this?

[352] What are we doing?

[353] Just like affirming that we exist or something.

[354] It's kind of cool.

[355] It's really what I want to do in a relationship.

[356] It's like tap Chris in the middle of the night.

[357] I'm still here.

[358] Yeah, but yeah, there's so many intense things to it.

[359] But it's so funny.

[360] It's such like, he's so entertaining.

[361] Uh -huh.

[362] And sweet and stuff.

[363] and do you find it like i don't want to over glorify it but for me it was very i know so tricky because comedians have run the gamut of like my kids are assholes to like you know whatever it's like i mean i i i know i don't i wouldn't take that tactic i've saying my kids are assholes i love my kid and yeah and but what were you going to say well i was just going to say for me it's been like um uh the singular experience i'm glad i didn't miss out on like i've had like way too much good luck in my life and i've been in weird places and i've got to my egos but all of it is none of it compares like i've just been so satisfied with how kind of fulfilling the whole thing is no it definitely blows everything out of the water where you're like oh shit like this is insane you know yeah and what i like about is it's kind of democratizing in that like i think some people would be envious of christinize lifestyle um but i know the thing they can do is still the best thing we've ever done you know what I'm saying like of anything spectacular that's happened to us the the number one thing for us is those kids which everyone can do yeah yeah for better or worse well not everyone but I shouldn't have said yeah thanks for a shout out to the listeners going through miscarriages right now very infertility yeah very common anyone who's getting IVF right now good luck fingers crossed what a schedule what a schedule I remember amazed about, I'm amazed that women are able to go through that.

[364] I was very frustrated by the idea of childbearing because it doesn't feel feminist to me. It's like, I feel like, I'm like, I was just like, I just feel like biology isn't feminist.

[365] Like, why does the woman have to, her body physically just bear the, a new life?

[366] I don't know.

[367] I mean, obviously that's also very cool and amazing, but it's just like, how do you make that feminist?

[368] If you're, you know, both working and all that.

[369] Kristen felt the same way, of course, now on the other side of it, and knowing that I have a vasectomy.

[370] Oh.

[371] She now very much is like, I'm so sad I'll never get to do it again.

[372] Was it painful of a vasectomy?

[373] Are you just completely under?

[374] You wake up.

[375] Everything's great.

[376] I chose to go under.

[377] I think some people do it like in their car, you know, right away.

[378] You know, I think there's varying levels of.

[379] This doesn't sound like a good idea.

[380] And knowing I was going to be out, the guy was.

[381] like my urologist, shout out to Dr. Josephson, one of the best snippers in the biz.

[382] He was like, hey, you know, you're about the age where I should be checking a lot of things anal.

[383] Do you want me to do that while you're out?

[384] And I'm like, 100%.

[385] Like, go to town while I'm out and just get all that done.

[386] So everything was good, I'm assuming.

[387] Ship shape?

[388] Ship, what is it?

[389] Everything goes in shit shape condition.

[390] So you and I kind of know each other.

[391] Yeah.

[392] We have a couple mutual friends.

[393] Maybe only one.

[394] Leslie?

[395] I'm trying to think of their friends.

[396] Maybe you're friends with Sarah, too.

[397] Uh -huh.

[398] Sarah and Leslie.

[399] And then I would see you occasionally like at maybe Largo, we would bump into each other, I feel like.

[400] We know each other, but you're a uniquely hard person to get a read on for me. You know what's funny, though, that you say that?

[401] Because I feel that.

[402] Like, right now, I'm trying to look at you with empathy in my eyes.

[403] And I feel like you're reading my face like it's like, you know, not.

[404] and I'm trying to make my eyes, like, warm.

[405] It feels like I would panic you or something, and I'm trying not to.

[406] But it's a great superpower.

[407] It's a great superpower for it to have over fellow comedians.

[408] Wait, do you feel that with a lot of people?

[409] Like, do you feel a lot of people are kind of intimidated or feel?

[410] I do, but, I mean, sometimes I like, I'm just a kid.

[411] I'm just like a baby.

[412] I'm scared and I'm nice.

[413] and I'm sweet.

[414] But then other times I'm like, I have this power.

[415] I wield it.

[416] I don't know.

[417] It's weird.

[418] But I mean, I like what you were saying about your wife making you see the world in a new way.

[419] I feel like so many things as I've gotten older have made me that way.

[420] You know, like, want to see the good in people and want to be a nice person and all that stuff.

[421] So, you know, I don't, like I said, I was trying to make my eyes as warm and welcoming as I can.

[422] But then I'm also like in a weird mood.

[423] So I'm trying to not be like, like really high energy to mask that I feel weird or something.

[424] You know, like, but, but yeah, I mean, I'm not trying to be intimidating.

[425] I think the difference is like a lot of people try like sort of too hard to mask themselves.

[426] Sure.

[427] To put people at ease.

[428] And sometimes I guess I don't do that.

[429] You're not like codependent by nature.

[430] Well, I'm not like giggly.

[431] I don't know.

[432] I can be, but I'm not right now.

[433] But, but look.

[434] But I was bringing that up having nothing to do with right now because I feel like you're very open and inviting right now.

[435] But I guess what I'm saying is if someone were to have asked me yesterday, does Chelsea like you?

[436] I would go, I have no idea.

[437] I've talked to her six times.

[438] I made like a real effort to go like, hey, I know Leslie and we have these things in common.

[439] And when I've walked away, I'm like, no clue.

[440] Might you totally dislike me, might like me. I mean, I feel like if it's a rushed outsidey scenario, it's hard.

[441] but I've always thought you seemed cool.

[442] Okay.

[443] Yeah, I don't like doing podcasts that much.

[444] So I did it because it seemed fun.

[445] Oh, okay.

[446] Yeah.

[447] I only have this, by the way, that I can think.

[448] I think generally I know if people like me or don't like me. That would be a fun game, though, like to try to, like, just say names in comedy and in Hollywood and say, do they like you or not do it.

[449] I don't know if I could answer a lot of them.

[450] I always think people might secretly hate me. But I always think that might be because I have such negative thoughts about so many people.

[451] Right.

[452] Right.

[453] And I always wonder like, because, you know, comedy, my comedy friends, I'm in like five text chains where we just shit on everyone we know.

[454] So I'm like, I have to be the recipient of this and some other text chain.

[455] You know what I mean?

[456] Well, I always think that even within our friendship circle, it's like, we'll gossip about three or four different members.

[457] And then on the way home, I'll say to Chris.

[458] And I'm like, you know, there's no way we're immune from that.

[459] Like when they talk to them, there's certainly a laundry list of things.

[460] So I sort of assume it, which is kind of comforting where I'm like, oh, we're all human.

[461] There's things.

[462] to hate about everyone there's but at the end of the day we all like each i don't know yeah i think partly i'm that way because my parents were divorced like when i was one and they always talk shit about each other so i feel like i'm very used to like you go to one place and talk shit about the other person then you go right to that person and you probably even bond with them right about the mutual dislike of some characteristic yeah yeah so if it's like an early way to bond and to get approval and love and all that yeah and just to try to make who i you know, make that parent feel good about whatever they're saying.

[463] Yeah.

[464] You know.

[465] Stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare.

[466] What's up, guys?

[467] It's your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season.

[468] And let me tell you, it's too good.

[469] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[470] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[471] And I don't mean just friends.

[472] I mean the likes of Amy Polar, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on.

[473] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[474] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app, or wherever you get your podcast.

[475] We've all been there.

[476] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[477] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing.

[478] But for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[479] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[480] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[481] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[482] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[483] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[484] Prime members can listen early and ad -free on Amazon music.

[485] You have siblings?

[486] I have one brother.

[487] Older.

[488] Oh, you're older.

[489] Yeah.

[490] Another thing I learned about you today, I find some of these things so exciting.

[491] Would you do, wiki me?

[492] Yeah, wiki the fuck out of you.

[493] Did you get that donation alert on Wikipedia?

[494] You know what's funny?

[495] It's aggressive.

[496] It's my primary source of research on here, and I didn't.

[497] Do you donate?

[498] I didn't, no. I don't know why.

[499] I don't know why.

[500] Like, that one bothers me, and I can't say why, except I think, like, I've always hated the photo they put on with Wikipedia and I can't change it.

[501] I feel like there's wrong stuff in there, there's pranks, I don't know, but then on the other hand, it is a great resource and they probably deserve the $3 they're asking for, but the messages are so desperate and crazed, and then I just get like, I've got to get out of here.

[502] My issue is way too theoretical.

[503] Mine is it's not like you're protecting some kind of journalistic integrity.

[504] Just fucking sell a couple of visa ads.

[505] I don't know why it has to be supported by us.

[506] I don't think they're going to compromise the integrity of the site.

[507] Well, just by its inception, they've decided they won't have advertisers to not, I guess, sway the content on there.

[508] But imagine like they have a planter's peanut ad and then the planter's wiki page is fucking crazy.

[509] It's dope.

[510] They're like, one of the foremost peanut dealers.

[511] Yeah, and they're really, they're good at shaming you.

[512] Like, I did leave, by the way, it would have been much cheaper for me to pay 10 bucks and not feel like shit for 30 minutes.

[513] But I did leave the experience going, what a dick I know.

[514] Yeah, I know.

[515] It's like I would give them $20 cash if they were walking by.

[516] Yep.

[517] But I don't participate in Venmo or any of that shit.

[518] I'm of a generation where I'm like, I don't want to join any more apps and I don't want any more passwords.

[519] And I think everything's going to get hacked.

[520] I don't want to put my credit card into their system.

[521] That's my real issue.

[522] To your point, if I could hand Mr. Pedia the fucking 20 spot.

[523] Wikipedia?

[524] Yeah, WikiPedia.

[525] Epida.

[526] I would do it in a second.

[527] Oh, but yes, your brother is one of the co -founders of BuzzFeed.

[528] Yeah.

[529] I find that so exciting.

[530] Anytime there's two famous people in a family, I like can't rent my head around that.

[531] He must love the Ronsonsonsons.

[532] Remember them?

[533] The Ronsonsonsons.

[534] Samantha Ronson.

[535] Oh, who was her sibling?

[536] Yeah.

[537] I know her, but who is her sibling?

[538] I forget.

[539] Okay.

[540] Wait, wasn't his name like DJ Ronson or something?

[541] Are they both DJs?

[542] I find that less impressive.

[543] I think so, but now I'm forgetting.

[544] How about the manuals?

[545] I love this.

[546] You got Rahm Emanuel.

[547] A politician and a Hollywood mogul.

[548] Yeah, isn't that exciting?

[549] Well, it's funny because me and my brother were like, yeah, the secret is divorce and trauma.

[550] Yeah, trauma.

[551] Yeah, adversity, trauma.

[552] That's what's, does that not trip you out having a child now as I'm like, I attribute most of my drive to that?

[553] Well, I mean, I will say, like, to my mom's credit, like, she was a teacher.

[554] She was a kindergarten teacher and then a French teacher and then she got a PhD and she became a teacher educator so she was very like hands -on educational with us we didn't watch TV Oh really?

[555] Yeah there was like very specific things in our That backfire because you're both in media I know Or did it not because we were I don't know I mean I watched like one show week at my mom's and then I would binge at my dad's all weekend long so it perfectly kind of set up this That's what I did Yeah mom was broke and had us three kids and then my dad was a bachelor so he had like a huge tv and he had uh soda unlimited soda and orioles yeah my dad junk food jolts he would get us jolts in our lunch we would go to this place in elzerito's called pick and pack liquors and he would get jolts snowballs do you remember snowballs pink like chocolate and cream chocolate cake with cream then marshmallow then pink coconut then a snickers bar then a heath bar and cool ranch Doritos and then like a deli sandwich from this liquor store.

[556] And like when I would go to his house, the kids at school are like, I call your lunch.

[557] Were you at your dad's house?

[558] I call your lunch.

[559] And then my mom was like, you know, healthy, no TV.

[560] T -toler, like, totally different thing.

[561] And what'd your dad do for a living?

[562] Criminal defense attorney.

[563] Oh, really?

[564] Yeah.

[565] So a smart person, presumably.

[566] Yeah, they're both smart.

[567] And both into schooling.

[568] Mm -hmm.

[569] And was dad like, I assume he had partial custody or, like, like every other weekend.

[570] Yeah, I don't know when I was way younger.

[571] It might have been every weekend, but then it was every other.

[572] And then it was like, we just had dinner with him once a week when we got older.

[573] Uh -huh.

[574] And was he like a swinging bachelor like my dad?

[575] No. He was in, he's in his third marriage now.

[576] So he was in, since I was one until, I think when I left for college, he was with the same woman, his second wife.

[577] Okay.

[578] But he was like a cool.

[579] He did.

[580] Okay.

[581] That's why I'm getting.

[582] He wore cool suits.

[583] He drove a cool car.

[584] He was like a cool guy.

[585] And in fact, like me and my brother were looking at pictures when he was young and he had like shaggy, cool hair and like a puff coat, like, you know, a camel -colored puff coat and like dark glasses.

[586] And he's holding my brother and we're like, yeah, like you forget that your parents were cool when you were young.

[587] By the time you're cognizant of their identity, they're not cool anymore.

[588] Well, I mean, he was always cool.

[589] He still is.

[590] But like that young hip thing, you're no longer that when your kids get to know you better.

[591] My dad had a pinto at one point, and he would, like, race other cars.

[592] Oh, really?

[593] Unconventional race vehicle, a pinto.

[594] Yeah.

[595] Well, I think that was part of the joke.

[596] We'd be losing all the racing, and he'd be, like, you know, screaming el pinto.

[597] And it'd be putting his neck forward and stuff.

[598] And you grew up in Oakland?

[599] Yeah, Oakland, and he was in El Cerrito near Berkeley.

[600] Or either are your parents funny?

[601] Yeah, they're both funny.

[602] It's hard to describe their humor, you know.

[603] It's not broad.

[604] My dad's humor, actually, much of my childhood was, what if, like, hypotheticals of what he would dress like to go to court or what he would say to the judge, you know, it's like, I'm going to dye my hair jet black and say, Your Honor.

[605] It was always like it ended with him saying, Your Honor, but it was always like some weird thing he was going to do in court.

[606] But also, he's just very, like, silly in songs and crazy people are always drawn to him.

[607] Like, he was just reminding me, like, we were walking around at this mall and this, crazy woman came up to him he was with me you know little kid and she's like fuck you you too miss or something but i was like if you saw someone crazy they would beeline to my dad it's like kind of almost blowing his cover that he seems so straight laced and then the crazy people are like did did did he ever have any like famous cases did you like ever defend anyone like the fucking hillside strangler anything exciting like that he did he did um he did this bradley page case that was a Berkeley.

[608] I think there were two Berkeley students and they went on a hike and the guy came back and the girl didn't, you know, he said they got in a fight and blah, blah, blah.

[609] This sounds like a Dateline episode.

[610] That one was kind of famous and I mean, my dad was pretty distraught during that one.

[611] He was.

[612] Yeah.

[613] Did the, was he victorious in that case?

[614] I don't remember what happened.

[615] Exactly.

[616] Maybe it's best we don't remember.

[617] Yeah.

[618] Whether he got him off or not.

[619] Yeah.

[620] But he had a variety of, you know, bear.

[621] cases that were like that high profile and do you guys do you call your dad have you seen making a murder any of you follow any of these documentaries like robert durst yeah i didn't see the durst one i saw making a murderer you must see the durst one right monica i think it's the best one is it a podcast or is it a tv show it was on HBO oh okay yeah yeah phenomenal in the most satisfying end to a documentary you'll well i already know because everyone's told me but i guess it It would still be good.

[622] It's still good.

[623] Such a character.

[624] Like, he is a full.

[625] I think most murderers are.

[626] Yeah.

[627] They're often charismatic.

[628] What a card.

[629] But we, we like Robert Durst a lot.

[630] Like I said afterwards, I still would have him as a house guest.

[631] What about a podcast guest?

[632] But in a second, I'd travel to him to do it.

[633] I find him so lovable.

[634] He's like this little Muppet.

[635] He looks like Kermit the Frog.

[636] Why did he kill that lady?

[637] Look, why do anyone do anything?

[638] Why do any of us kill people?

[639] I didn't know this was like a murderer -sympathetic podcast.

[640] I am very sympathetic to murders.

[641] We just talked about this.

[642] I had my, I interviewed my mom on here.

[643] One of her unique qualities, which I always loved and grateful for, is whatever it would be in the paper that, like, someone killed someone in a drunk driving accident.

[644] Her first reaction was always, she always felt bad for the perpetrator of the crime.

[645] She was always like, you know, that guy was a little baby one day.

[646] and the family handed out cigars at the hospital and they celebrated.

[647] And now somehow that story ended here.

[648] She's just always crazy, compassionate towards just kind of everyone.

[649] And she always kind of took the opposite view of things.

[650] She was a sociopath.

[651] She was a fucking psycho.

[652] No, but I do feel that way after having a kid where it's like any story.

[653] I'm like, that's someone's kid, you know, whatever the scenario.

[654] And you recognize when you have a kid, like we start out pretty perfect.

[655] Like we don't hate anyone.

[656] they're not like they don't have that shit yet and it does get put on to them and i put you know we're constantly just putting stuff on them and you just kind of recognize what a blank slate they start as and it gets sad that anyone's blank slate would end up killing someone or whatever the thing did you see the movie we need to talk about kevin what was it their son was a killer yeah and it was just sort of the opposite idea like what if some people are just born evil basically.

[657] It was so scary.

[658] That's certainly a thing.

[659] Yeah.

[660] I mean, clearly.

[661] Isn't it bonkers?

[662] Well, are you watching the R. Kelly thing?

[663] No. What's that?

[664] Crazy.

[665] You don't know about it?

[666] Mm -mm.

[667] Oh, my God.

[668] I mean, I know that R. Kelly has a history of urinating on people or something.

[669] Children, yeah.

[670] Okay.

[671] But this is like a six -part series about his abuse of young women.

[672] Oh, really?

[673] It's insane.

[674] Where do we view that?

[675] Oh, God.

[676] What is it on.

[677] Is it showtime?

[678] Uplift TV?

[679] It's like on, it's on, I think it's maybe lifetime or showtime or something.

[680] Okay, one of the times.

[681] But it's so fucking dark and it's like he was acquitted from that pee tape.

[682] Yeah.

[683] Lifetime.

[684] It's on lifetime.

[685] Okay.

[686] But he was acquitted and like you see how that helped him continue his predatory behavior because these parents of young girls were like, well, he was acquitted.

[687] So in the eyes of the law he was found not guilty.

[688] So I thought, he wasn't, you know, like, but literally he just said that wasn't me on the tape where he's literally someone's calling his name in the background.

[689] And everyone in the girl's family was like, that's not her.

[690] And presumably either he paid them off or the girl was embarrassed and doesn't want to be seen as being in that video or whatever.

[691] Yeah.

[692] But it is crazy.

[693] Like he was acquitted.

[694] And then they had one juror who was talking about it.

[695] And he's like, I just didn't like any of the girls.

[696] I didn't like how they were dressed.

[697] And I didn't, I didn't believe anything they said because of how they looked, basically.

[698] Yeah, when you hear some of the jury deliberation stuff, it can get real disheartening in a hurry.

[699] Truly.

[700] Well, and then also think about how much everyone you know tries to avoid jury duty.

[701] Like, I just went, actually.

[702] I was selected, and I went, and I spent all day there and they didn't choose me. I mean, they didn't even ask me questions.

[703] Like, I just got dismissed.

[704] They're like, you're clear for the time being.

[705] But if you think about it, it's like all these people that were so fired up about politics right now and all this, it's like, we should be dying to do jury duty.

[706] Yeah.

[707] Because people are wrongfully imprisoned, you know, all the time.

[708] And it's like, or justice isn't served because it's like, it seems like there's just shitty jurors.

[709] Well, this was my dad's like education to a young man. Like when I turned 18, my dad said to me, he said, listen, and then you get called jury duty, no matter what question they ask you, you say, I don't know, where there's smoke, there's fire.

[710] And you'll be on your way in 10 minutes.

[711] It's like, that was this big bit of wisdom he passed on to me. That's interesting.

[712] It was not a good out of it.

[713] So would you say your childhood, how close in age are you and your brother?

[714] We're four years apart.

[715] And were you close?

[716] Yeah.

[717] Yeah.

[718] Well, I think it helps right when your parents are divorced and you're going back and forth.

[719] Like you become allies in a way that I think some siblings don't.

[720] Well, I always think it's so weird when siblings aren't tight.

[721] It's like hard for me to conceive like you could just have a sibling out in the world just like there is.

[722] I don't know why they're an accountant or something in my mind and you're just doing your thing and you never, you just talk at holidays and say hi or something.

[723] I don't know.

[724] It's just weird because me and my brother were creative touchstones a lot of times or, you know, talk if something's going on.

[725] Yeah, but it's kind of a luxury to not be close to a sibling because life's like pretty darn good at home, I think.

[726] I can see how it happens.

[727] But if you need like an ally, like my brother and I are absurdly close.

[728] on one level.

[729] Yeah.

[730] Because our bond was forged in like a cauldron, you know?

[731] It was like there were crazy stepdad's and there was a lot of shit going on.

[732] And we, he and I were in the fucking war together.

[733] Yeah.

[734] And so we'll just have some connection for life.

[735] But I could see where if we like have to leave it to Beaver house, it would be like, oh, he would have been doing his thing and I would have been doing mine and we wouldn't to need each other.

[736] Maybe.

[737] Maybe.

[738] In high school, what category would you put yourself in?

[739] Well, it's hard to say because I went to a. a very small private school.

[740] And so it wasn't really like, there's the cool kids and there's the duh and there's the jocks and there's the blah.

[741] It was like everyone was dorks.

[742] Uh -huh.

[743] But I was it like a gifted and talented school or something?

[744] It was called college preparatory school and it was just like college level homework.

[745] Like when I got to college, I felt prepared.

[746] So it was just very rigorous academic small school.

[747] And what did you major in Barnard?

[748] Am I saying that right?

[749] Barnard Barnard Barnard?

[750] Barnyard.

[751] Barnyard.

[752] I majored in English with a writing concentration.

[753] Okay, and what was your goal at that point?

[754] I think to be an actor.

[755] Oh, really?

[756] Yeah.

[757] And then I started doing improv because I didn't like the theater department at my college.

[758] Fun fact, Casey Affleck was in that class with me at my theater department.

[759] No kidding.

[760] He was like a star pupil in there.

[761] Really?

[762] Now, I find his acting to be very compelling.

[763] Great.

[764] Yeah.

[765] That doesn't surprise me that he was a star.

[766] But yeah, she loved him, my teacher.

[767] But anyway, I hated the class.

[768] It was like World Theater, and she just was like this weird burnout type lady, and I just wasn't feeling it.

[769] So I started doing improv, Columbia.

[770] There was a group called Six Milks, and I auditioned for it.

[771] My friend signed me up on a, you know, we walked by their table, and my friend signed me up.

[772] Oh.

[773] And then I did improv, and then I met this girl when I was temping after college.

[774] who did stand -up, and she brought me to an open mic at the back of a bar on Houston Street, Parkside Lounge, it was called.

[775] And then I started doing stand -up because I was like, well, I feel like there's never going to be a role for me that someone writes, that I, you know, and...

[776] And why did you have those feelings?

[777] I didn't look traditional, like, I didn't look like any of the women that I see on TV, and I didn't, like, I felt like my sense of humor was different.

[778] I just never thought someone would write something good for me. Right.

[779] And so I'm like, oh, stand -up's cool, because you can...

[780] have your own thoughts and you can say your own thing and anyone can do it you know right you're not reliant on anyone else yeah like approving you yeah and aside from every audience every single yeah yeah a nightmareish repetition where you're only as good as your last show but other than that it's a very open world yeah i think that's kind of a common motivation for uh comics right is they feel like, well, there's just not, I'm not going to fit the thing that they're buying.

[781] So I have to just go do my own thing.

[782] Yeah.

[783] And there's not a million middlemen.

[784] So you can, and also just the immediacy of like you can think of something and that night you can do it.

[785] Yeah.

[786] Like pitch anyone.

[787] Again, aside from the audience.

[788] And how long did you live in New York?

[789] I live there so long.

[790] I went there.

[791] I graduated college in 2000.

[792] So.

[793] Me too.

[794] But I'm three years older than you.

[795] It took me long.

[796] longer than it took you.

[797] Oh, shit.

[798] I didn't go to a college preparatory.

[799] Maybe that's a lot.

[800] Yeah, that shit really got me. Really fast -tracked.

[801] He did.

[802] Even though I was waitlisted, if that makes you feel any more comfortable.

[803] It does.

[804] I had to go, like, have an additional meeting with Barnard and charm them in, too.

[805] It was so weird when I think about that because I had never been to New York.

[806] And when I was applying to colleges, people are like, you should go to New York.

[807] You would belong in New York.

[808] I agree with that assessment of you.

[809] Yeah, but I was weird because I just grew up in the Bay Area.

[810] There was no real reason.

[811] And then when I got there, I was just like.

[812] But to me, you have a Leslie Long Island vibe.

[813] To me, I hope you take that as a compliment because it is.

[814] I don't know about Long Island.

[815] I prefer New York.

[816] Okay.

[817] I hear parentheses Jew.

[818] Oh, I wonder if that's what's going on.

[819] Do you think that's what it is?

[820] You're an anti -Semite?

[821] I don't even know if it would make me an anti -Semi, but it definitely might.

[822] I'm always hoping to go like, oh, am I doing that?

[823] I don't know.

[824] Maybe.

[825] But I do succumb to that.

[826] Well, anyway, regardless, when I just think about walking around in New York and just how weird it is to walk in New York for the first time in your life.

[827] I mean, it's just such a different, to be like your whole life have no idea that New York exists and then you just get on a flight and there you are.

[828] It's just, I don't know, it's very simple, but it's just strange.

[829] I agree with you.

[830] I still even having been there hundreds of times.

[831] They want in New York for me every single time when I walk out of the hotel and I hit the sidewalk, I'm like, like, the energy level there.

[832] It's so different.

[833] Yeah, and it's like palpable and infectious.

[834] Like now all of a sudden I'm in the mood to walk like 30 blocks.

[835] I was not in my hotel room.

[836] You won't even park a block from where you're going in L .A. And New York, you're like, I'll walk to Midtown, no big deal.

[837] A hundred percent.

[838] Yeah.

[839] And I'll just keep going.

[840] And I'm like, the whole thing is stimulating and entertaining.

[841] Yeah.

[842] just being, observing it all.

[843] So you stayed for how many years?

[844] Well, you know what?

[845] It's not the, it's not that I think you're Jewish.

[846] It's that you don't, it's the, California, I have this generic sunny disposition.

[847] Yeah.

[848] Midwest.

[849] I think I'm very Midwest.

[850] I think I, like, deliver on the Midwest promise in general.

[851] Yeah.

[852] And then New Yorkers are like a little faster and a little shorter with you and a little more.

[853] I think it's that.

[854] But you said wrong island.

[855] You didn't say New York.

[856] He said Long Island.

[857] That's the part we need to unpack.

[858] Most people I know from New York are from Long Island.

[859] So I really think everyone from New York is from Long Island.

[860] I don't know if I meet anyone that's from Manhattan.

[861] If I meet someone who's from Manhattan, my first thing is like, you're rich as fuck.

[862] You grew up rich.

[863] And I don't look at you and go, you grew up rich.

[864] So again, that's also a compliment to you.

[865] So I'm like, you're from New York, but you're not like an Upper East Side rich person.

[866] What are you going to do?

[867] Do you care to talk about this?

[868] It's like, how are you going to keep your kids from being rich kids, quote, unquote?

[869] Incessantly.

[870] Yeah.

[871] I think about it all the time.

[872] The thing I say to my wife all the time is like, we're fucked.

[873] Our kids live in, they grew up in L .A. and they have a swimming pool at their house.

[874] Right.

[875] Like, one in a hundred kids where I grew up had a swimming pool at their house.

[876] Yeah.

[877] I always trip out on the fact that they're from Los Angeles and have a swimming pool.

[878] Yeah.

[879] But there's a million different things that I wrestle with and then make decisions.

[880] decisions about and yeah it's like it's probably the thing I'm most actively conscious of for me and my wife and I have different opinions on this yeah I don't like when the kids visit me on set because when they come to set adults treat them like the prince of fucking Arabia is there or something like they have this elevated status because they're my kids so like they're not really allowed it's set for me that's just my thing but there's a trillion little thing anytime I notice that everyone's acting different around them I don't want them in that environment how but then don't you even think at school when people know they're your kids, they're going to treat them different.

[881] Well, I was worried about that.

[882] Thus far, they're just not old enough.

[883] Like, my oldest daughter is in kindergarten.

[884] I'm going to have a no birthday party policy.

[885] Okay.

[886] Because I don't, I don't like the LA thing of like schmoozing through your kids' birthday party.

[887] I'm like, no, no, no invites for anyone outside of family and we're not, I don't know.

[888] There's so many things I dread about as my child gets older.

[889] One is birthday parties.

[890] Well, the thing that's triggering to me about the birthday parties is the amount of money that's being spent on like a four -year -old's birthday.

[891] But again, this is my issue.

[892] I have a big class warfare thing.

[893] Like, I don't like rich people.

[894] I have a hard time reconciling that I have a lot of money.

[895] It's so bizarre to me. So what is the answer?

[896] I recognize it's stupid.

[897] I have a ton of rich friends that I think are lovely people.

[898] but I do, I'm always triggered by anything I look at as like rich, people shit.

[899] Well, I think my parents are too.

[900] Like, they're a little disdainful of it all, even though it's also cool.

[901] Can I tell you my first thought when I read that your brother co -founded BuzzFeed?

[902] Literally my first thought was, and I knew you're from Oakland.

[903] I don't really know your socioeconomic background, but my assumption is how weird for two parents to have two kids that are rich or whatever way you want to measure it.

[904] Like, either kid could come home and would want to pick up the tab for dinner.

[905] Yeah.

[906] And you should probably let them.

[907] And that was my, that just shows you how deep my whole obsession with money and status.

[908] So honestly, that is the nicest part, I feel like.

[909] I feel like my parents took me out to eat so much.

[910] And, like, I love being able to take them out.

[911] Yeah.

[912] But what are the odds that both of your kids would end up having cheddar?

[913] It's just, it just didn't really happen in my hometown, I guess.

[914] So, like, that's weird.

[915] Yeah.

[916] And my first thought when I read, he's a co -founder of BuzzFeed, isn't, oh, he must be so creative.

[917] Or what a special person who have created this popular thing?

[918] I go straight to, oh, he's got money.

[919] Oh, what impact did that have on everything?

[920] That's my first stop.

[921] Yeah, but that makes sense.

[922] I mean, it's a business.

[923] It's not like, you know.

[924] Or the Emanuals.

[925] I don't know what their parents did, but by God, both their kids are fucking swimming in it.

[926] That's got to be so.

[927] This is why we got to tax the rich.

[928] We got to tax them.

[929] I do.

[930] Can we start after I'm done earning and then I'll be like a vocal proponent of it?

[931] Yeah, I don't know.

[932] Sometimes I really don't, I don't think it's fair.

[933] I think we have to do it because just the percentage of your income you end up spending that you're putting back into the system is just clearly lopsided.

[934] So that's an issue.

[935] Yet me personally, I do have some libertarian or conservative fiscal things where I'm more upset.

[936] the thing I would want to address first would be that we're spending 34 cents on every dollar to the military.

[937] And I think our military is so drastically oversized and without even reason.

[938] Like all these warships we have, like we're going to have some naval battle with somebody.

[939] I'm more, I don't want to put more money at that.

[940] Like, I guess what I'm saying is if you got the system I wanted where it was all going to fucking NPR and educating kids, I'll give it all.

[941] But I have a hard time knowing that like I'm going to give X amount and I can actually say that I've given hundreds of thousands to this military industrial complex so some guy who owns the fucking bomb factory can have even more billing like I get tripped up on that yeah now you've entered into the darkness of existence oh I mean now you've gotten into the whole thing of like what is democracy what is America what is you know freedom yeah what is it yeah I do you feel like I mean I think it's like really dark with with what's happening now where you go feels like democracy is under attack and then you watch like 13th did you watch that documentary yeah or you just you look at stuff you're like well this this democracy has been so flawed and so built on exploitation from day one that it's like what are we proud of or what are we fighting for and believing in like without acknowledging indigenous people or without acknowledging, you know.

[942] Well, again, I think everyone should be very motivated to make this place as good as humanly possible.

[943] Yeah.

[944] I believe that.

[945] But also, all I read is history.

[946] Yeah.

[947] I love history.

[948] Oh, fuck.

[949] You know, you just reminded me, I ordered that book, some book about, like, the history of the United States that's supposed to be really dark, but, like, really good.

[950] And I have it somewhere in my house.

[951] Do you want to leave right now and go grab it?

[952] It's not cool.

[953] Is that cool?

[954] But all I was going to say is through reading, you know, 1776, the Ulysses S. Grant biography, all these biographies of all these people in the 1800s, 1900s, whatever you think is shitty today, just know that it was a trillion -time shittier.

[955] Like, it is just...

[956] No, I mean, I'm not even saying that, you know, I mean, we watch a lot of 90 -day fiancé.

[957] What's that?

[958] Yeah.

[959] Oh, it's just crazy reality show.

[960] It's very popular right now.

[961] Have you seen it?

[962] But 90 -day fiancé is like all these people who've met someone abroad online or something and then they get this kind of visa where they have to marry within 90 days.

[963] Oh, I like that.

[964] It's pretty crazy.

[965] But like what you see throughout it is like, first of all, there's people always like, they're just trying to get a, you know, get a green card or whatever.

[966] But you also see people who love America and this idea of America and, you know, I just think obviously there.

[967] There's something in America that's enviable to people, but I also feel like clearly there's so much systemic.

[968] Well, here's my issue is that it seems to me that you're presented with two options, which is you think America sucks or you think America is the number one place in the world.

[969] Now, I think both things can happen simultaneously.

[970] I think you can go, this is one of the best places on the planet, and we can make it a lot better.

[971] I don't think you have to like be rah -rah jingoistic nationalists to appreciate this place.

[972] Because believe me, I think you go spend time in most of the other places in the world and you'd be very excited to get back here.

[973] Also, we could make this place a trillion times better, you know.

[974] I want to know I saw, and I find this to be a very exciting credit of yours, that you wrote for Playgirl.

[975] there was a time in new york where they were having like a lot of comedy writing i don't remember what we did we did captions for naked guys oh how fun photos that were comedic i think okay i have them somewhere i used to save everything isn't that funny it's like when you haven't done shit you save every like the slightest mention i would xerox it a hundred times and create a folder when i lived in new york so i have all this shit that i just need to throw away like anyway I'm the exact same.

[976] I have this huge catalog from 2004 to 2008 and then it just completely stops.

[977] Yeah.

[978] And I feel like that's where you want to be.

[979] Yeah.

[980] But isn't it, it's kind of reassuring how quickly you can get bored with yourself.

[981] Isn't that kind of like, I feel like it gives me a little bit of faith in humanity.

[982] Yeah.

[983] I feel like, which I think is very healthy is all that stuff's a job.

[984] I no longer think I have a career.

[985] I think I have a job I go to for X amount of hours a day and then that's that.

[986] I don't, not evaluating anymore where my trajectory is going, where it was, none of that stuff.

[987] I'm just like, make money, save money.

[988] You have kids.

[989] That's that?

[990] Stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare.

[991] Okay, so this is going back to the thing I was saying that I really didn't know if you liked me or not.

[992] Yeah.

[993] But I think that it's a superpower in comedy and I'll tell you why.

[994] Kristen, oh, you probably know Morgan too.

[995] Do you know Morgan the producer?

[996] Murphy?

[997] Is that Morgan's on show?

[998] No. He's Mike Sherry.

[999] Oh, Morgan's second.

[1000] I love Morgan.

[1001] Okay, so you know Morgan.

[1002] Yeah.

[1003] He brought up Morgan, so I was trying to get on this mortgage board.

[1004] It's his mortgage board.

[1005] Well, so we had a dinner with Morgan.

[1006] We were invited over to Mike's house for dinner, Kristen and I, and that's where I kind of come to know Morgan.

[1007] Now is Mike cooking at this gathering?

[1008] God, no, no, no, no, no, get real.

[1009] What a useless question that was.

[1010] JJ cooked.

[1011] Yeah, she was up early in the morning baking meats and whatnot.

[1012] Slow cooking.

[1013] Slow cooking.

[1014] Yeah, she smoked some stuff.

[1015] She ate a couple chickens.

[1016] But at this dinner, Morgan, Just this most stoic motherfucker I've ever met.

[1017] I know.

[1018] He's like very, he's hard to read.

[1019] He's impossible to read and I found myself insatiably desiring his approval.

[1020] Like my level of wanting his approval, there were people there who you would think I would want their approval.

[1021] But no, I honed in on this guy Morgan because I realized he is a rock of Gibraltar.

[1022] Right.

[1023] It's the person not laughing in the audience that you stare at while you do your stand up.

[1024] Then I would cut off my pinky to amuse him.

[1025] Yeah.

[1026] And it occurred to me all of a sudden I said, you know, Morgan, if you could go back in time when you were younger, the greatest thing you could do is just take classes at UCB was zero intention of being in the UCB just to be around the female comedians because you could have just cleaned up.

[1027] They would have been so enthralled by your stoicism and they would have wanted your approval so much.

[1028] It would have been being like the one straight cheerleader or something.

[1029] It just could have been a treasure trove for you of sexual activity.

[1030] This was my conclusion.

[1031] You seem a little disturbed by this analogy.

[1032] I would just never have that takeaway about Morgan.

[1033] Of course that.

[1034] You're not a guy.

[1035] So you're not thinking of like the - And I also don't think of UCB classes as a bevy of women.

[1036] Hot chicks.

[1037] That's very true.

[1038] There's about three out of 12 women in each class.

[1039] Not unlike me thinking first and foremost about the finances of your brother.

[1040] Yes.

[1041] I also think primarily about primitive sex stuff.

[1042] So like when Kristen would say she majored in musical theater at NYU.

[1043] Uh -huh.

[1044] And there were a couple straight dudes in musical theater.

[1045] And a couple, just two of many, many men.

[1046] And I immediately was like, genius move.

[1047] What a move to be the odds just, they're so in your favor.

[1048] Yeah.

[1049] I think those things all the time.

[1050] So I thought that about Morgan.

[1051] Likewise, I'm thinking that about you.

[1052] If you had just been in any of my groundlings classes with your kind of just docile, straight face demeanor, we would have been running circles.

[1053] We would have been chasing our tail to get your approval.

[1054] right so do you find that this is a superpower that's exhibited itself in your life like do you find comedians must love you because they must want your approval i want it i want your approval since i've met you have wanted it i don't feel like you've ever given it to me and i still want are you aware of this superpower well listen i think it all boils down to i want my own approval you know that's what it always is with people like that you know it's like when i was younger and i always dated like mysterious guys and then i had the revolution they were mysterious to themselves.

[1055] Like, it wasn't like something they're putting on for me. It's like they fucking don't know themselves, you know?

[1056] Right.

[1057] So, I don't know.

[1058] But, yeah, I mean, I think that I don't, I think I'm liked by comedians, but I'll say, like, there's so many times where someone will be like, this is the funniest new comedian and I'll click on their Twitter.

[1059] And if they don't follow me, I'm like, they must fucking hate me. I'm like, they have to know I exist and they must fucking think I suck.

[1060] And it'll bum me out.

[1061] Like, I don't know.

[1062] I have no idea what people think of me. Whatever your conclusion is is most certainly probably wrong.

[1063] Maybe.

[1064] Mine is at least.

[1065] Yeah.

[1066] What do you think, because I don't know, this is off topic, but what do you think is like the best comedy movies of the last handful of years or decade?

[1067] Like, that really made you laugh.

[1068] Not just like, oh, this is good, but like where you were correct.

[1069] Chips, hit and run.

[1070] Brothers Justice.

[1071] What else was in the marketplace in the last decade?

[1072] The marketplace.

[1073] I do know.

[1074] I do know because we talked about it the other day where I was like, that's, I mean, I'm so, I'm so, I'm assuming you're similar that I love drama.

[1075] Like, because I do comedy, I don't watch any comedy.

[1076] I find it laborious almost.

[1077] I know, don't you?

[1078] I kind of miss when I was a teenager and just see like every, like, Adam Sandler and Jim Carrey and, you know, all those movies.

[1079] And they were just such big swings and so silly and I love them.

[1080] And even, you know, also like, you know, all the Christopher Guest movies, Parker Posey.

[1081] I mean, there was a time where I wasn't as jaded and, you know, at capacity with all these things.

[1082] But I also do feel, and maybe I'm just getting out of touch or something, but I do feel comedy used to be better.

[1083] And I feel like comedy is not funny anymore.

[1084] Well, someone made a great point in here.

[1085] I was going on about how in general, right, comedy, people aren't going to see comedy.

[1086] Because we're on Instagram, you can laugh.

[1087] Like, a 20 seconds clip can make you laugh.

[1088] Wait, who do you follow?

[1089] I gotta get on this.

[1090] Oh my god, OSHA.

[1091] Is this okay?

[1092] OSHA, like as in the safety?

[1093] No, no, that's, uh, OSHA.

[1094] Yeah, yeah, the Bogwan?

[1095] Yeah.

[1096] We love the bog one.

[1097] Yeah, we do.

[1098] I'm obsessed with Mauna and Sheila.

[1099] I'm so hot for her.

[1100] It's crazy.

[1101] Yeah, everyone loves Sheila, even though she was poisoning children.

[1102] Yeah.

[1103] I don't give a fuck.

[1104] The same is crazy.

[1105] I was like, Sheila's so badass.

[1106] I'm like she was poisoning children.

[1107] I would have been like as they were leading her away in handcuffs, I would have been erected.

[1108] and just going, look at that.

[1109] Yeah, you loved her.

[1110] Yeah, I loved her.

[1111] Listen, she had a strong personality.

[1112] I'm not going to take that away from her.

[1113] OSHA is the Safety Board, the National Safety Board, that goes to work sites and make sure everything's safe.

[1114] Yeah.

[1115] So they're mostly videos of crazy unsafe, like guys on forklifts, guys on ladders.

[1116] You know, I love it.

[1117] It's people falling and almost getting killed and I enjoy it.

[1118] There's so many little ways that people can laugh throughout the day in little tiny increments.

[1119] So that was my theory.

[1120] My theory is they're getting their laugh fulfillment on social media like they're getting laughs they don't need to go search it out at night or leave their house you know what it probably actually is their attention span you know how everyone watches stuff while scrolling through and while whatever so it's like drama actually pulls you off of that more but whereas comedy doesn't like you could still be on your phone yeah you can check in explain like going to movies well someone here just someone that was here it was jason manzukis oh yeah manzooks good old manzook The Zook theorized that you just see these paradigm shifts in comedy and that we're just at the end of one.

[1121] Like the new voice of comedy really hasn't hit the scene yet.

[1122] But we're just at the tail end of like, you know, goofy 80s movies where guys go to college and try to get laid.

[1123] Like that ended and then some other thing took over.

[1124] Yes, Anderson, Apatow.

[1125] And next is going to be something kooky again, I think.

[1126] Yeah, I don't know.

[1127] but i really want to answer your question because there are a few movies that i thought were hysterical over the last five years but i do long for the period you were talking about which is i remember going to wedding crashers and just being beside myself with what i was seen and just being like completely in awe of and i thought it was so funny and in fact wedding crashes and 40 year old virgin came out around the same time and i was like crazed over wedding crashes and all my friends were crazed over 40 year old virgin you and i are the same i mean it was good but it just like for some reason what i haven't even seen it in years i have no idea how i'd feel about it now but i just was like always like arguing with people that it was like funnier and blah i was too but my my issue was more um wedding crashers was panned by critics was it totally and then the movie made 209 million and the critics realized oh we got that one wrong and then when 40 year old virgin came three months later that fucking movie was nominated this the writing was nominated like it was totally embraced, I think as a reaction to having gotten wedding crashers wrong.

[1128] So I don't know why I needed to weigh in on the justice of that.

[1129] I was just like, that was unjust how they were treated on wedding crashers.

[1130] For me, bridesmaids was like the last movie where I had never seen Melissa McCarthy before.

[1131] And I was like, who is this person?

[1132] Like, she's so funny.

[1133] I'd never seen that sitcom that she was on.

[1134] And I just thought that movie was so good.

[1135] And I was like cracking up and stuff.

[1136] and you know so that was the last movie where I remember being like surprised like who are these people and what is this and this is so funny you know yeah but do you find at all that getting healthier has taken away a lot of your fun some but I don't know how healthy I am oh okay I still got some fun in me okay because I used to be able to like really pull up a plate to the like Lindsey Loham Smorgasborg and enjoy it.

[1137] And now I'm really just like, oh, we gave a 19 -year -old girl $8 million a movie.

[1138] You know, she had terrible parents.

[1139] We're all victims.

[1140] It's not very, it's not as fun for me now.

[1141] I just recognize like, oh, yeah, that girl wanted love really bad.

[1142] Who do you think is like the funnest person to trash right now?

[1143] That's a good question.

[1144] Like, who would I feel fine about being negative about?

[1145] Donald Trump Jr. To me, that's like, that's like liking Seinfeld while it was on TV.

[1146] Right.

[1147] I just, it's too basic for me. I'm trying to think if there's anyone like I'm actively disliking in public.

[1148] And I don't know if there is.

[1149] In public.

[1150] I was younger.

[1151] In fact, I, I, what you were saying about being a stand -up and how weird and risky it is now that your stuff is time -capsuled but accessible forever, how dicey that is.

[1152] And I had Dr. Drew on here.

[1153] and I had been on Loveline like 15 years ago and then someone tweeted me the clip of that and I listened to two seconds of it and I was like, turn it off immediately.

[1154] I'm like, oh, my comedy used to be so sarcastic and mean and digging to other people and it's just so transparent that I didn't feel like I deserve to be at the party.

[1155] And it's like to me I can just see now.

[1156] And again, it probably makes me less funny as I go forward, but it's just I'm not.

[1157] Maybe that's assuming you think what you were doing then was hilarious.

[1158] I don't think it is now.

[1159] I certainly feel like I was trying to fit in and be tough, you know, when I started in New York and, like, people were giving me all kinds of advice, like, don't wear anything sexy and don't do jokes about this and don't this.

[1160] And it was like, I was like definitely trying to be one of the guys.

[1161] Right.

[1162] I love Amy Schumer's comedy.

[1163] More than I love what's being said, I love that it doesn't appear to me. She listened to anybody.

[1164] To me, it's like, somehow that.

[1165] person had a North star that most of us don't have like I don't think she considered whether she should or shouldn't be talking about sexual stuff or I think that like there was a whole generation of comedians like a little well I don't even know if it's a generation but I felt like girls that were younger than me were like I would be always in pants and like a hoodie and blah blah blah and like there's this group of people that were younger than me that were like in dresses and wearing you know makeup and talking about their period things that I like made this crazy effort to avoid yeah and they were doing it and it was honest and it worked for them and people enjoyed it and I was like oh like I think maybe I was pushed too far you know trying to assimilate into like a more male energy that said is it authentic for me to wear a dress on stage no I don't like how I feel on a dress on stage and I feel like I move differently I feel like I can't like do it how you're sitting currently exactly it however I want.

[1166] I have to like cross my legs if I sit or if I'm doing an impression of someone.

[1167] It's affecting how I move.

[1168] So I like just being more neutral, what feels more neutral to me. But I also have a respect for people doing it their way.

[1169] And I think like the through line is being authentic to like what feels good to you, you know.

[1170] That's what I was going to say.

[1171] I wouldn't even say that I like some kind of comedy or not some kind of comedy.

[1172] What I'm super drawn to is crazy authenticity and people who somehow owned their total truth early on.

[1173] That's what I find so compelling.

[1174] Like Chappelle, I watch him and I'm just kind of like, God damn it, I aspire to be that authentic.

[1175] Black.

[1176] That black.

[1177] I do aspire to be that black.

[1178] Maybe you really do aspire.

[1179] I really do.

[1180] Can I talk about your career for five seconds?

[1181] That's the perfect amount of time.

[1182] I think it's really cool that you wrote on Parks and Rec.

[1183] Yeah, that was cool.

[1184] Did Mike somehow find you somewhere?

[1185] Because he has this knack for kind of finding people, which I admire.

[1186] Well, I had written for Sarah Silverman.

[1187] That's what I moved to New York to here to do.

[1188] I wrote for Sarah Silverman.

[1189] So I like had a FaceTime job interview to write for her with her and Dan Sterling.

[1190] And I like did my makeup and get my hair.

[1191] From the chin up.

[1192] from the chin up and I'm in my pajamas or whatever.

[1193] But yeah, I was all like, you know, squeaky clean for my job interview.

[1194] And then like I got the job and I was literally like at the time I'd been going through a breakup and I was like crying on my couch and felt like I didn't want to do anything.

[1195] And and then like I got the call that I got that job.

[1196] I was like dancing in the streets of New York.

[1197] And like threw all my shit in a military duffel bag and went to L .A. in like two days or something crazy.

[1198] So Harris Whittles wrote for Sarah Silverman when I was there, and I met him at Montreal Comedy Festival.

[1199] And then Sarah saw me do stand -up in New York, and then she, then I interviewed for her show and got it, and then he was there.

[1200] And then he was at Parks.

[1201] And Harris, who I never met, but be loved by tons of my friends.

[1202] Yeah.

[1203] And OD'd, right?

[1204] Yeah.

[1205] Kind of heartbreaking.

[1206] story.

[1207] Yeah.

[1208] Anyway, he was a complex person.

[1209] I almost didn't apply to Parks because he was sort of a challenging figure for me. Well, I asked Mike, and he said it on here, sure.

[1210] I said, is it rough being like the cool boss?

[1211] Do you ever feel like, fuck, you're now going to make me be the boss?

[1212] And I now resent you for it.

[1213] And he said, that's only up in once.

[1214] He said, with Harris, where he like had to say, your shit is substandard.

[1215] I don't know what you're doing.

[1216] And he's Like, I'm a junkie.

[1217] And he's like, oh.

[1218] Right.

[1219] I mean, he adored Harris.

[1220] And, but anyway, then I did.

[1221] I think Aziz encouraged me to submit.

[1222] And so I did and then got the job.

[1223] And did you teach you how to write on a show?

[1224] Definitely.

[1225] I mean, that was super crazy.

[1226] I mean, the one thing about parks that was so crazy is there's no lunch break.

[1227] So we would just write all day long and eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner together.

[1228] Uh -huh.

[1229] And my whole thing was like, I never did that with my family.

[1230] yeah that's a special thing yeah yeah like i have a chewing thing like misophonia yeah it comes up a lot on here we talk about all the time because it in here then you hear like like i'm always trying to sit my water way off the mic or i'm scared if i have but anyway by the way on the 23 me thing it'll tell you if you have misophonia yes i didn't believe it until i's crazy i thought people were just fucking intolerant no no but yeah so that was like crazy and then we would take walks when we were getting stir crazy but it would be like writing walks where we're talking and writing.

[1231] I mean, it was just insanely long, intense days, especially coming from, you know, being a lone wolf stand up, you know, where you work at night or on the weekends, but you're not like all day long in a room with people.

[1232] And so, but some of my fondest memories, I mean, we would get into insane debates about the stupidest shit, but it was like all these Harvard people who could make an incredible argument about something totally stupid.

[1233] So it was very fun, you know.

[1234] Yeah.

[1235] And then some of that stuff would wind up making it into the show.

[1236] So I love that Mike would indulge us because it would wind up getting your wheels turning.

[1237] Or change, but on like good place when I'll stop by there.

[1238] Like they have like preset games.

[1239] Like they play games for a certain point.

[1240] Did you guys do that?

[1241] Yeah.

[1242] I forget what it was called.

[1243] There was one computer game where it's like skibble or bobble or something where you're like trying to, it's like trivia kind of.

[1244] And I, that I did hate.

[1245] But that was toward the tail end.

[1246] And they were great at it.

[1247] of my tenure and I heard it got even crazier after I left.

[1248] Were you there for a couple years or a year?

[1249] Two seasons, yeah.

[1250] And were you at one time really grateful to have such a great job and then also thinking, what am I doing?

[1251] I want to be acting.

[1252] Yeah, I remember someone, one of the writers being like, well, you're a writer.

[1253] And I was like, no, I'm not.

[1254] I'm a performer.

[1255] I do stand up.

[1256] And I felt like it's like I'm not trying to have someone define me. like I always performed so I wasn't ready to be like yep I'm a writer and my my performing side is dead yeah but um but yeah so I at a certain point I was like this schedule I can't like do stand -up I can't do anything blah blah blah so that's when I kind of parted ways to kind of pursue the performing side was that a hard decision to walk away from like it was yeah because it's great money I you know and I did love um the writers and you know again like how intellectually stimulating that job was yeah this is just like you know after college you don't have that many for lack of i didn't i it was like so many concentrated discussions that were at such a high level like yeah i did enjoy that and love it but um but anyway and then i went out off onto my own but then i went right into brooklyn nine nine basically i forget like a year or so later i don't know when how much time lapse.

[1257] Did you write on Brooklyn 9 -9?

[1258] No. You didn't.

[1259] No, you just came on as a performer.

[1260] Yeah.

[1261] Yeah, what, how did that unfold?

[1262] How did you?

[1263] I actually auditioned to be a cop.

[1264] I believe it was Rosa's character.

[1265] It wasn't named Rosa at the time.

[1266] Um, and they were like, they don't think you should be a cop, but we want to create a character for you that's a secretary.

[1267] Ah.

[1268] And would you do it?

[1269] And so it kind of wasn't in the script when I had read it.

[1270] And is this real that you were in elementary school with Andy?

[1271] Yeah.

[1272] Samberg?

[1273] Yeah, we went to school together.

[1274] That's very bizarre, don't you think?

[1275] Yeah, it is.

[1276] And it's also bizarre.

[1277] Do you remember him in elementary?

[1278] Oh, yeah.

[1279] I'm on record.

[1280] I had a crush on him.

[1281] Oh, you did?

[1282] Yeah.

[1283] He was like, you know, I always like funny guys.

[1284] Yeah, he was popular.

[1285] I mean, like I said, my schools were never like, these are the cool kids.

[1286] Right.

[1287] But this was a public school, and he was, you know, he played basketball and he was funny.

[1288] and you know he had a tan and um and so ds i thought he was from long island oh my god it is anti -semitism i didn't think he's very i thought larry david was from long island yeah yeah um but yeah so i just always think it's weird because when we were growing up there weren't many people associated with the bay area from in entertainment so that part has been i think fun for us to represent you know yeah You did six years on Brooklyn?

[1289] Yeah, essentially.

[1290] This is the sixth season, and I did a sort of a reduced season.

[1291] You announced it on Twitter in October of 2018 that you're leaving the show.

[1292] I assume you announced that on Twitter, or did someone else announce that on Twitter?

[1293] I mean, you know, I tweeted about it.

[1294] Dan tweeted about it.

[1295] It was sort of a...

[1296] And is it something you're sad about, happy about?

[1297] I don't like talking about.

[1298] Everything.

[1299] I can't fully be an open book about all the different feelings.

[1300] around it.

[1301] But it's definitely a mixed thing.

[1302] It is.

[1303] Did you enjoy going there and working, doing that show?

[1304] I did, yeah.

[1305] I mean, it's, everything's, you know, I did stand up for so many years where I had that kind of lifestyle.

[1306] And then like I said, parks was like very long days and schedule and groups of people.

[1307] And Brooklyn 9 -9 was also where it's like, you know, 6 a .m. tell whatever time at night.

[1308] you're with like hundred people and everyone's touching you and reporting on when you're peeing and there's a lot of things to get used to i came into it pretty green like i always say like my first day i was standing in front of you know the other actor's camera you know and the cameraman was like hey can you just take a couple steps to your right you know like really nice about it but i didn't know shit right so it was it was definitely a learning experience of you know many years of And is your tactic in those situations, like fake it till you make it or make yourself vulnerable and go, help me?

[1309] I don't know what I'm doing.

[1310] I don't think you have any choice but to just kind of, I mean, I'm always sort of astounded by entertainment.

[1311] No one tells you how to do anything.

[1312] Right, right.

[1313] You just show up and it's assumed that you're going to do it.

[1314] Yeah.

[1315] So I don't even know if it was fake it until you make it.

[1316] But it just felt like, okay, well, I have my lines.

[1317] I'll just do what I think seems right.

[1318] And maybe someone will tell me or maybe they will.

[1319] won't.

[1320] Yeah, but it's a very anxiety -laden experience, right?

[1321] I mean, even season one, like, I think it would be hard for me to watch season one because, first of all, there was a sort of joking character I would do in the Parks Writers' Room of, like, this very kind of, like, bureaucratic woman who's like, you know, you know, like people in minor power positions who love to hear themselves talk, and they use too many words to explain very soon.

[1322] So I would always do that, and Mike thought it was funny.

[1323] And so I feel like season one, I was sort of playing Gina.

[1324] that way.

[1325] Uh -huh.

[1326] And it was sort of rooted in a bit that, you know, it wasn't like a might not have legs.

[1327] Yeah.

[1328] And I also feel like as a comedian, you're in these large rooms and you're using your whole body and you're being expressive and on camera that looks like your googly -eyed fucking creature.

[1329] And so I feel like even that, like no one's like, hey, play it a little smaller for on camera, you know, it's like.

[1330] Yeah, little tiny helpful hands.

[1331] So like, I feel like it's all a process of like watching and learning and it can be painful and slow.

[1332] Also, the fear I think is, for me at least, is I'm at my best when I'm most confident and it's so easy to ruin my confidence.

[1333] So I think people are really apprehensive to ruin your confidence by like pointing something out.

[1334] Yeah.

[1335] It's like a really, it's a egg shelly.

[1336] For me, the act, like that show anyway was a million times less stressful than stand up.

[1337] I mean, for me, like, doing stand -up, first of all, you don't get another take.

[1338] It's like, you miss say one word and your joke is down the toilet, you know, like stuff like that.

[1339] It's like, you know, acting is more forgiving and it's more ensembley and it's more, you know, so I definitely think it was fun and less stressful than stand -up in many ways.

[1340] My moment where I think I best articulate with the fear I have of stand -up when I did it was I was in a scene where Kristen and I are in an off -road vehicle.

[1341] we jump to other cars and we're about to leave this barn and let physically jump to other cars.

[1342] That's great.

[1343] And the stunt coordinator goes, how are you?

[1344] Like, where are you at?

[1345] You cool or you calm?

[1346] And I said, well, if stand up is a 10, I'm at a four.

[1347] And that's the truth for me. It's at least twice as a scary to go on that stage than to jump two cars with my wife and the passenger seat, you know.

[1348] Why couldn't they use a stunt double for that?

[1349] He won't.

[1350] He wouldn't.

[1351] Yeah, because I was directing it and I said, no, I'll do it.

[1352] You're like, with my wife beside me. It's like, why do you drag her into it?

[1353] Put a dummy in there.

[1354] I hired, I brought her stunt double in that day.

[1355] Yeah.

[1356] And she goes, why is she here?

[1357] And I go, because it's the car jump today.

[1358] And she goes, yeah.

[1359] And I go, well, if someone goes wrong, I don't want to be responsible for putting you in a wheelchair.

[1360] And she goes, listen, if you're in a wheelchair, I don't want to be stuck pushing you.

[1361] I want us both to be in wheelchairs and we both get pushed.

[1362] You hire a caretakers.

[1363] And I'm like, Very solid.

[1364] I buy that.

[1365] Yeah.

[1366] Okay, so then what's next?

[1367] What's next is that I wrote a movie.

[1368] And so I've wanted to, basically, I want to say for 18 years, I've wanted to write a movie.

[1369] You know, ever since I graduated college and I've never felt like any idea was good enough and this and that and da -da -da.

[1370] And finally, I was just like, I just need to write this movie.

[1371] Like, it doesn't have to be the fucking God's gift to America, you know?

[1372] And so, you know, being off the show, I've had the time to do it and the inspiration to do it.

[1373] So I did that.

[1374] And so that would be the next thing that I really want to do.

[1375] But, but yeah.

[1376] Have you ever worked with Jordan?

[1377] No, I'm always very much want to prove that I can do things myself.

[1378] Okay.

[1379] So, yeah, me too.

[1380] And I've done stuff with my wife and I've had this fear that people would think, oh, point of fact, I've been in a bunch of her movies.

[1381] She's been a bunch of mine.

[1382] When I'm in hers, I think the world's saying, oh, she got him a job in her movie.

[1383] When she's in my movies, I think they're saying, oh, they had to have her in it to make his movie.

[1384] I don't think that's true, but that is literally how I just perceive the world's opinion of me. But the only thing that overrides that is it's so fucking fun to work with her.

[1385] It's worth whatever I think people are going to say about it because who gives a shit, the experience is so lovely.

[1386] to do together in our experience.

[1387] I don't know if that would be yours.

[1388] I mean, I definitely can have a fuck it attitude when the time comes, but it just never, as of now, it hasn't really arisen.

[1389] You know, that's not even true.

[1390] I was on Key and Pell.

[1391] I did a sketch on there.

[1392] Oh, okay.

[1393] Were you lovers at the time?

[1394] I believe so.

[1395] This is the big rodeous expression ever.

[1396] All right, well, Chelsea, you know what's greatest.

[1397] I'm still not sure.

[1398] Like, if someone asked me, you know what's great.

[1399] You had Chelsea on.

[1400] Did she like you?

[1401] I go, I don't know.

[1402] I just don't know.

[1403] Which is great, because I will just know I will be trying to get your stamp of approval for the rest of my life.

[1404] I can come back every week.

[1405] Yeah.

[1406] That's great.

[1407] I really look forward to it.

[1408] I appreciate you having me. Yeah, I'm a fan of yours.

[1409] Like, despite the fact that I wasn't sure if you liked me, I like, I have seen you do stand up and I'm a fan of yours.

[1410] I think you're really, really funny and talented and honest and all the things I like and comedians.

[1411] and so I hope you just keep doing stuff.

[1412] Thanks.

[1413] I really like you.

[1414] Okay, so as a director, I'm going to help you.

[1415] We're going to do another take.

[1416] That was great.

[1417] So you're off book.

[1418] You're like piss it down.

[1419] I like you.

[1420] All right.

[1421] Well, Chelsea, thanks for coming.

[1422] Thank you.

[1423] And I hope you come back.

[1424] All right.

[1425] And now my favorite part of the show, the fact check with my soulmate Monica Padman.

[1426] Ooh, child, facts are going to get easier.

[1427] Ooh, child facts will get brighter.

[1428] Down a lot.

[1429] Someday we'll walk in the rays of the beautiful facts.

[1430] Someday, facts will get brighter.

[1431] Do, do, do.

[1432] That was nice.

[1433] My falsetto gave out pretty hard in that second verse.

[1434] but, you know, Rob will auto -tune it.

[1435] No. What if Rob started auto -tuning all my songs?

[1436] Well, great.

[1437] Careful with that chewing gum.

[1438] You got a little slice of chewing gum in your fingertips.

[1439] For my listeners.

[1440] Yeah, out of respect for your listeners.

[1441] I took my gum out of my mouth, so no one is triggered.

[1442] No one's misophonia is raging.

[1443] But you did this in the past, and you lost track of your gum, and then Wabiwob found it on the floor.

[1444] Look, I can't do everything.

[1445] Everything.

[1446] Okay, I can't please everyone.

[1447] I can't please Wobby Wob and please the listeners.

[1448] You can't be expected to throw your gum in the trash is what you just said.

[1449] No, not in the middle of some chaos, no. Okay.

[1450] Well, just be mindful of it.

[1451] It's, you know, it's basically like a little booby trap because someone, you throw it on the ground, someone gets it stuck to the solar and their new shoes.

[1452] Maybe they've made a plastic.

[1453] Well, good.

[1454] Maybe it'll be the way we trap our robber who keeps coming in and stealing our water and taking it out of here.

[1455] Maybe the gum will be the, answer the water thief of 2019 yeah oh it just dropped okay so right well that's that's a wrap on that problem the gum is on the floor now i think people are probably grossed out by that whole section and i'm going to leave it of course sure but people are sensitive i can only be so critical because i'm pretty darn sensitive to yeah i'm not about that but other things like what like like i've read reviews of this show that said believe it or not like anytime a complimentary review of something i'm in starts with believe it or not you get upset i'm very upset i can't even enjoy the nice thing that comes after it that's fair something that tiny that's so tiny i should be able to get over that and that's virtually why i don't read anything i would have been upset by that too that's not really the kind of sensitivity i was um referring to i was talking about like a tummy set like people don't like hearing about, like, gum in my mouth that's on my finger and ewe and, like, poop and stuff.

[1456] I find it hard to be sympathetic to people who are overly grossed out by duty or stuff.

[1457] It's just like, come on, we're all these animals shoving stuff in the top floor and then it's coming out the bottom floor.

[1458] Like, what do you?

[1459] Yeah.

[1460] It'd be one thing of, like, half the population was choosing not to go duty.

[1461] Oh, sure.

[1462] Then I could understand.

[1463] They're like, they're living without that in their life.

[1464] Yeah.

[1465] But certainly 100 % of the humans on the planet are putting stuff up top and they're unloading downstairs.

[1466] If that was a real choice, would you pick it?

[1467] No, one of the nicest parts of my day is that morning.

[1468] You see me. I disappear for 35 minutes right at the height of getting everyone ready for school.

[1469] Correct.

[1470] I'm hyper aware of what I'm anxious to do that.

[1471] Also, though.

[1472] My thing is like, I get them fed. I get everyone in a good, well, be honest.

[1473] You've never walked in.

[1474] They weren't eating already.

[1475] By eight?

[1476] But not always by you.

[1477] Well, who would it be?

[1478] Kristen.

[1479] Okay.

[1480] Well, for the last three months, she's had early call time.

[1481] So I'd say a good 90 % of the week I'm getting them fed. Okay.

[1482] She's going to have some things to say about that 90%.

[1483] Well, she should start a podcast where she can correct me. Okay.

[1484] I think you really like pooping, but now, because it gives you a little break.

[1485] Well, let's find.

[1486] Let's add something to the mix.

[1487] Monday mornings and Thursday mornings, I have to post about this show.

[1488] So I wake up because someone's screaming at someone else.

[1489] At 7 a .m. I get in there.

[1490] I sort out that debacle.

[1491] Sure.

[1492] I try to get some food in them so their blood sugar gets, you know, suboptimal or optimal.

[1493] Okay.

[1494] And then, you know, I try to get one of their teeth brushed, their tooths.

[1495] Okay.

[1496] Then I leave one for you, for sure.

[1497] I try to get one of them dressed.

[1498] And then I go into that tourlet and then I just really do some posting.

[1499] And I catch up on liking things.

[1500] Yeah.

[1501] Yeah.

[1502] I lose a little bit of time.

[1503] I lose sense of time in there.

[1504] Right.

[1505] But what I'm asking is if you didn't have children, you might choose to never poop again.

[1506] Huh.

[1507] Because you wouldn't need to.

[1508] You could sit on your couch and do all those things.

[1509] Yeah.

[1510] Yeah.

[1511] But maybe you wouldn't.

[1512] I don't know.

[1513] But it is, it is, by design, a very solitary experience.

[1514] And it is nice to take 35 minutes a morning to yourself.

[1515] It also feels good.

[1516] Yeah, absolutely.

[1517] There's a pleasurable sensation to evacuating.

[1518] And a emptiness.

[1519] Not always.

[1520] No, not always.

[1521] No, sometimes it can be quite painful.

[1522] This is the grossest one we've ever done.

[1523] The grossest fact is.

[1524] I feel sad for it.

[1525] We'll leave the rest of the info on the table and we'll walk away.

[1526] Okay.

[1527] So Chelsea, that was fun.

[1528] Yes.

[1529] And because you were just seeking her approval the whole time.

[1530] I could see and you said it.

[1531] Yeah.

[1532] And I don't believe I got it, which is great.

[1533] So she bought herself my interest for quite a while longer.

[1534] I disagree.

[1535] Okay.

[1536] I think that you have it.

[1537] Oh, you think I have her approval?

[1538] Yeah.

[1539] Oh, okay.

[1540] And I think you're confused because what I noted, first of all, She's very intimidating.

[1541] You're intimidated by her.

[1542] Well, like if I watch her do a show or something, I've seen her do lots of shows, like at UCB.

[1543] I'm always intimidated by her.

[1544] Uh -huh.

[1545] Though when she came in, I was like, oh, no, she's totally sweet and eye contact.

[1546] And connected.

[1547] Yeah.

[1548] So then I didn't feel that, but it was just interesting how certain people's presence.

[1549] We talked about this on Amy's a little bit as well.

[1550] Amy Schumers, certain people's presence, and I think it's some physical indicators, too.

[1551] Like, her voice does not, she's not trying to make you feel super welcomed or something, which is not a bad thing.

[1552] That's a totally a fine thing.

[1553] I think there's something about her voice that makes it seem like.

[1554] She's disinterested.

[1555] Yeah, but then everything that's coming out of her mouth is totally interested and engaged.

[1556] Yeah.

[1557] Mixed messages.

[1558] Some would say mixed messages.

[1559] Anyway, so I think you did get her approval.

[1560] I would have liked you if you would have called her for the fact check and say, hey, by the way, what was your takeaway from Dax?

[1561] Do you like them or not?

[1562] I should have.

[1563] Because I would be equally not shocked if you said, talked to Chelsea and the vote didn't go your way.

[1564] Right.

[1565] She's still on the fence about you.

[1566] She doesn't feel great about you.

[1567] Yeah.

[1568] If that happened, would you feel sad?

[1569] Nope.

[1570] Interesting.

[1571] So then why are you so preoccupied?

[1572] Well, I want it.

[1573] I want it.

[1574] Okay.

[1575] It's my nature to try to win everyone over I meet.

[1576] Yeah.

[1577] And I don't know that I've ever won her over.

[1578] But if she hates me, I would assume that's something with her.

[1579] I've been nothing but nice to her every time I've met her.

[1580] So if she hates me, I've got to just believe that's one or she's got something weird going on.

[1581] You know, maybe someone rear -ended her in traffic and looked just like me or something.

[1582] Okay.

[1583] And then I'm triggering some kind of memory of trauma, you know.

[1584] Sure.

[1585] Sure.

[1586] Sure.

[1587] Sure.

[1588] Sure.

[1589] So do you think that there's no situation that where someone wouldn't like you and it's your problem?

[1590] Oh, 100%.

[1591] I've been rude to people.

[1592] I've been short with people.

[1593] I've ignored people.

[1594] I've interrupted people.

[1595] I've dated people's ex -girlfriends.

[1596] I mean, there's a whole.

[1597] host of things that I would be guilty of, but not with Chelsea Pready.

[1598] Okay.

[1599] So she had a, we had a conversation with her about ambition.

[1600] Mm -hmm.

[1601] And she was finding it disgusting.

[1602] And we've had some subsequent conversations about it post this interview.

[1603] I guess the word is probably too expansive to know exactly what someone means by saying that.

[1604] Yeah.

[1605] I just am of the opinion you couldn't possibly end up making money in any profession without having some ambition.

[1606] Right.

[1607] No one's ever been sitting on their couch.

[1608] Someone knocked on the door and said, hey, you want to try a case in the front of the Supreme Court?

[1609] This is not how life works.

[1610] Yeah, exactly.

[1611] I agree with you.

[1612] But I agree with her, too.

[1613] And I don't think she means that.

[1614] I don't think she means hard work is disgusting.

[1615] Right.

[1616] I think she means...

[1617] Opportunistic.

[1618] Being opportunistic and looking for every angle and always being on like a high alert for and an opening to, like, get yourself in.

[1619] Vertical movement.

[1620] And I hate that, too.

[1621] I hate that so much.

[1622] That's rough to be around.

[1623] Yeah.

[1624] And it's so stinky.

[1625] Like, you can feel it and smell it from so far away when somebody's doing that.

[1626] And it's like, oh.

[1627] And I think the reason it's so easy to spot is that I'm having very similar temptations or thoughts.

[1628] But I'm knowing better than to be opportunistic.

[1629] I don't.

[1630] You know what I'm saying?

[1631] I just, as a code of mine, I try not to do that.

[1632] But I can recognize being thirsty.

[1633] I can definitely recognize being thirsty.

[1634] I still am.

[1635] Yeah.

[1636] But I have no, like that thing is repulsive to me. And I don't think I have instincts to do it.

[1637] I don't think you do either.

[1638] No, we're very similar in that way.

[1639] We'll ignore someone we like a lot.

[1640] Anyway, so I understood what she was saying, and I agree, and it felt to me like she had been in a little bit of a vortex where she was around a lot of people doing that.

[1641] And that could feel really gross.

[1642] Yeah, it is funny, though, because part of the time I was thinking like, oh, I can totally relate to feeling like that.

[1643] I used to be on high alert for that.

[1644] And for me, it was when I was more newly being recognized and I could feel that shift where people saw me as an avenue to maybe something better for themselves.

[1645] And it was so foreign that it was very disturbing to me. Now I don't really mind it like I used to.

[1646] You know what I'm saying?

[1647] I'm like, yeah, everyone wants to get something for themselves and I get it.

[1648] And it felt like, oh, God, now you're going to make me be a dick.

[1649] Because I can't possibly accommodate all these requests.

[1650] But now I'm just more comfortable with it.

[1651] Yeah.

[1652] So it doesn't affect me. But I don't think she's necessarily referring to the fact that people are like approaching her in that way all the time.

[1653] It's just general conversations that you're in.

[1654] If they're always about climbing the ladder or I just did this or I'm going to do this or this person called me, it's like, ugh, like these are not real conversations.

[1655] Right.

[1656] And so I think that's sort of more what she meant, but who knows?

[1657] I don't know.

[1658] You're most likely right.

[1659] No. Most likely I am, right?

[1660] Mm -hmm.

[1661] Okay, so she mentioned that recently there was some planet sending radio signals to Canada.

[1662] Okay.

[1663] Well, she said she read that in a news article, and we hadn't heard about that.

[1664] So astronomers have revealed details of mysterious signals emanating from a distant galaxy picked up by a telescope in Canada.

[1665] The precise nature and origin of the blast of radio waves is unknown.

[1666] Among the 13 fast radio bursts known as FRBs was a very very very.

[1667] very unusual repeating signal coming from the same source about 1 .5 billion light years away.

[1668] Such an event has only been reported once before by a different telescope.

[1669] Knowing that there is another suggests that there could be more out there.

[1670] Says an astrophysicist from the University of British Columbia.

[1671] I just got chills a little bit.

[1672] You did?

[1673] Like, actually being able to crack this code and find out what they're all about.

[1674] And that there would be another group living in some different.

[1675] way.

[1676] And then I got really daunted by the notion that we would reply and they wouldn't get it for 1 .5 billion years.

[1677] You know, I went from really excited and almost elated till, oh boy, we're not, you know, we're only communicating every 1 .5 billion years to each other.

[1678] That's tricky.

[1679] Just given the life cycle of a star, which is about 10 billion years, you know, high probability by the time we send that message back, they're not on that planet anymore.

[1680] There's been some kind of horrific environmental collapse or something.

[1681] Yeah, it's really boggling to think about what could be out there and we just don't know.

[1682] Did you ever have an astronomy class?

[1683] No, I never.

[1684] I did.

[1685] I don't even know why.

[1686] I was never going to go into that field or anything, but I found it so mind -blowing.

[1687] How they know what they know about all the stars in the you know in galaxies and super clusters and all this stuff yeah and they're all they figure it all out by looking at the light i know it's nuts it's incredible i'd like to have an astronomer on here so we can go through it one time christian had a friend come over and she was married to a guy from nassah and he and i got to just talk it up at dinner it was great NASA is one of those things like harvard for me where i am I get really perked up by things that are elite.

[1688] Uh -huh.

[1689] Oh, you said you love when two famous people are in one family.

[1690] So do I. I like that, too.

[1691] And then she said, you must love the Ronsonson, Samantha, but then no one could remember her brother.

[1692] And it's pretty embarrassing because her brother is like a huge music producer.

[1693] Mark.

[1694] So had we have that conversation.

[1695] a week ago, I'd be totally hip to it because he was on Stern.

[1696] Oh, he was.

[1697] Yeah, so now I'm very hip to Mark.

[1698] Now you know it.

[1699] But you didn't know him a month ago when we did this.

[1700] I didn't.

[1701] And he did Star is born.

[1702] He's very famous.

[1703] He works with Gaga all the time.

[1704] And he has five Grammys, including producer of the year for Amy Winehouse's album Back to Black.

[1705] Which was also a famous ACDC song.

[1706] Oh.

[1707] And two, for record of the year, singles rehab and Uptown Funk.

[1708] Anyway, he's very famous.

[1709] He was in the Lady Gaga documentary, and he was very cute.

[1710] Oh, really?

[1711] Okay.

[1712] Yeah.

[1713] Did you want me to maybe reach out to him?

[1714] It wouldn't hurt.

[1715] Okay.

[1716] It wouldn't hurt.

[1717] But they also have a sister.

[1718] Oh, okay.

[1719] Charlotte, and she's a designer.

[1720] Oh, fantastic.

[1721] Congratulations, Ronsonsons.

[1722] And speaking of, so then we were talking about the Emanuel brothers in that same breath.

[1723] Yeah.

[1724] And you only talked about Ram and Ari, but there's a third, Z. Oh, can I just guess?

[1725] Uh -huh.

[1726] He was Obama's doctor.

[1727] He happened to be like the best cardiologists in the country or something like that.

[1728] He is one of the world's leading bioethicists.

[1729] Biohazard?

[1730] He's a biohazard, yeah, and oncologists.

[1731] Okay.

[1732] And he was a former special advisor for health policy in the Obama administration.

[1733] So I don't think he was his personal doctor.

[1734] Not his primary care physician.

[1735] Because that would mean Obama had cancer.

[1736] Well, right.

[1737] Although you could probably get an oncologist to look at, like, skin tags and stuff.

[1738] He might have some sense or she might have some sense of what's going on.

[1739] Seems a little below them, but okay.

[1740] Yeah, they'd slum it for Obama.

[1741] Who wouldn't?

[1742] Yeah.

[1743] I'd do, like, puppet theater if you wanted.

[1744] What would I do?

[1745] Everything.

[1746] Everything.

[1747] All things under the sun.

[1748] Sorry, Mark.

[1749] Someone's in line before you.

[1750] That's right.

[1751] President Barack Hussein Obama I love that What do you think he's doing right now I think he's dancing He seems to dance so much in his retirement Which is great He does You've seen him do dances and stuff Oh yes Yeah yeah he pops up on Instagram and stuff He's always dancing Sometimes he's eating ice cream I think I said that last time we talked about him I just had this image of him Sitting and eating ice cream with his daughters Yeah Yeah so nice Okay so she said And I think it was probably an accident.

[1752] But she said El Cerritos once.

[1753] And she said it correctly the other time.

[1754] She said El Cerritos, which is, it's El Cerrito.

[1755] Okay.

[1756] So she pluralized it.

[1757] You of all people.

[1758] Well, and you of all people.

[1759] Well, I'm not, I'm nonplussed by it.

[1760] Okay.

[1761] But that is what I'm bringing up.

[1762] Maybe this is just a thing.

[1763] Maybe people pluralize the things from their hometown.

[1764] The regional things.

[1765] Yes.

[1766] Yes.

[1767] Ah, that could be.

[1768] And I want to start a science experiment about this.

[1769] Okay.

[1770] What's your method?

[1771] I haven't come up with my hypothesis yet.

[1772] But I, well, no, my hypothesis is.

[1773] You got that.

[1774] Is that everyone pluralizes local things?

[1775] If you are in a local environment, then you will pluralize.

[1776] The local treats.

[1777] Yeah.

[1778] Yeah.

[1779] That's the hypothesis.

[1780] Yeah.

[1781] And then I'll, you know, I'll have to come up with some.

[1782] A control group.

[1783] Yeah.

[1784] What's it called?

[1785] scientific method.

[1786] I'll have to use a scientific method.

[1787] Yeah, it's five part.

[1788] Five.

[1789] Yeah.

[1790] It's so embarrassing.

[1791] You forget everything.

[1792] Yeah.

[1793] You forget everything.

[1794] Anyway, so people can weigh in.

[1795] They can help me with my experiment and tell me if they pluralize.

[1796] Yeah, hit you on IG.

[1797] Yeah.

[1798] Let's get some data.

[1799] Okay, so her dad was a lawyer, and you asked about if there were any famous cases.

[1800] Famous cases.

[1801] And she said one, and I couldn't find anything on that case.

[1802] No newspaper articles or anything.

[1803] No. And there's just a chance.

[1804] that like I misheard her or she said like the name a little wrong or something.

[1805] So I couldn't find anything.

[1806] But it did remind me because he was a lawyer in the Bay Area.

[1807] And do you remember Polly Class?

[1808] No. Polyclass was a young girl who got kidnapped from a sleepover.

[1809] Oh.

[1810] And I knew about this, of course, because I know everything bad.

[1811] That happens.

[1812] My parents told me. and I was obsessed with it.

[1813] Okay.

[1814] But I couldn't like research or find out anything.

[1815] So I just was obsessed with it in my brain about this young girl and she got kidnapped.

[1816] And then I would ask my mom like, are there any updates and stuff?

[1817] And I remember like very specifically being on the playground at my daycare.

[1818] Okay.

[1819] Oh, your daycare.

[1820] Yeah, I went to daycare for a long time.

[1821] I had two working parents.

[1822] Right.

[1823] So I went to daycare.

[1824] Okay.

[1825] And like after school you went?

[1826] to daycare?

[1827] Well, most kids would just come home and sat in their empty house.

[1828] No, I mean, I couldn't have done that at seven.

[1829] Well, I did it at five.

[1830] I know, but we won't I'm much younger than you.

[1831] Right, right.

[1832] And it would have, it would have probably been considered.

[1833] Wait, when I was five and you were five, you were much younger than me. Yeah.

[1834] Okay.

[1835] I grew up in a much more safe time.

[1836] Yeah.

[1837] I mean, theoretically, I had an older brother.

[1838] Right.

[1839] But he wasn't there either.

[1840] I don't know.

[1841] Just call a. spade a spade, you know.

[1842] And then, you know, once I was seven, I was watching that little girl, too.

[1843] Sure.

[1844] Carly had her.

[1845] Uh -huh.

[1846] You were, yeah.

[1847] Listen, then my grandparents moved into our neighborhood.

[1848] And so I just started going to their house after school.

[1849] But then once I got into middle school, I started going to my friend Ashley's house after school and we were by ourselves.

[1850] Yeah, I hope so.

[1851] Middle school?

[1852] You should definitely be there.

[1853] Ten?

[1854] That's young.

[1855] You go to middle school and 12.

[1856] I started sixth grade at 10.

[1857] Well.

[1858] And then I was 11 for the rest of it.

[1859] That's young.

[1860] Well, yeah.

[1861] That just seems, I don't know how that happened to you because everyone.

[1862] I started kindergarten when I was 4.

[1863] Is 11 and 12 and 12 and 13, 13, 13, 14 for 6, 7th and 8th.

[1864] But somehow you were 10.

[1865] I started kindergarten when I was 4 and then I turned 5.

[1866] 4.

[1867] Okay.

[1868] Well, that's the problem.

[1869] They should have held you.

[1870] No, why?

[1871] I'm so glad.

[1872] You would have won states in 9th grade instead of 10.

[1873] You know what?

[1874] I wouldn't have because the group below me didn't win.

[1875] Well, they didn't have you.

[1876] Good point.

[1877] Great point.

[1878] You could have brought them a championship.

[1879] Great point.

[1880] Anywho, so Polly Class, so it was at daycare.

[1881] And I just have a very specific memory of like telling the kids about Polly Class and really wanting it to be a conversation.

[1882] But no one would engage.

[1883] They wouldn't.

[1884] No, they didn't care.

[1885] I feel good that they didn't You would have really ruined their playtime I know Getting them all wound up about a kidnapping case The other side of the country They really needed to know I mean they should be careful When they go to sleepover parts Now does Polly Glass have anything to do with Chelsea Paredes' father who is a lawyer Bay Area murder case Oh okay God Did it turn out that she had been murdered?

[1886] Yeah I believe so Okay.

[1887] Yeah, it's a sad story.

[1888] By a family member?

[1889] No, I think they found her body, but I don't know if they ever figured out who did it.

[1890] Okay.

[1891] Okay, so the Robert Durst program is The Jinks.

[1892] The Jinks.

[1893] In case people want to watch that on HBO, if you haven't already, which you probably have, because it's a good, very popular dog series.

[1894] Oh, I think it's the best of all the murder mystery ones I've ever seen.

[1895] It's very good.

[1896] The trivia game that Chelsea played in the Parks Riders' room, she said she didn't like it, was Sporkel.

[1897] Sporkel?

[1898] Yes.

[1899] And I've done a lot of Sporkel.

[1900] I didn't realize that was the one.

[1901] It's an online, like, quiz.

[1902] It's a website where you can take all these trivia quizzes.

[1903] Oh, fun.

[1904] I asked Megan Amram for this information.

[1905] Oh, thanks, Megan.

[1906] It's timed and there's a whole thing happening with it.

[1907] I'm not good at it.

[1908] I'm very bad at trivia.

[1909] You are?

[1910] Yes.

[1911] Oh, wow.

[1912] I wouldn't have guessed that.

[1913] I hate it about myself.

[1914] Oh, boy.

[1915] So you don't like Jeopardy?

[1916] I like it.

[1917] And I like going to trivia with friends and stuff.

[1918] But I'm always, I always leave and I'm like, I don't know anything about anything.

[1919] Oh, boy, yeah.

[1920] Last time I did it, I was like, I'm going to read some trivia books.

[1921] Oh, my goodness.

[1922] Really?

[1923] I'm going to try to get good at that.

[1924] And then I didn't.

[1925] happens a lot like I also really wanted to get good at banana grams okay because I played banana grams with Anthony who's very very good at it and then I was like I need to practice so then I would I practiced in some like every morning I would like practice by myself for a while oh wow but then I stopped and I don't think I'm I've gotten any better well as you know my best friend Aaron Winkley is better at every single thing than me like better at darts better at pool better at ping pong better Fusball, better at catch, you name it.

[1926] Anything physical, he was always better at it than me. And it never propelled me to practice.

[1927] I was just like, oh, I'll never beat him at these things.

[1928] I quickly resigned to his physical dominance.

[1929] Yeah, I just want to be good.

[1930] Even card games, something that you shouldn't, you know, he just brutalizes me, like Yucur, two -man Yucur, anything, really.

[1931] Yeah.

[1932] I'm surprised because you're pretty competitive.

[1933] Yeah, it's just, you know this thing with elephants, the sad fact about elephants, that they chain them up in the zoo when they're babies.

[1934] They put a stake in the ground, they put a chain around their foot, and they pull on it and pull on it and they can't get it out.

[1935] Well, at a certain point, they stopped trying to pull on it.

[1936] Yeah.

[1937] And they still hook these adult elephants to these chains at the zoo.

[1938] You can go to the L .A. Zoo right now and see it.

[1939] They can pull that steak out of the ground, but they don't know they can.

[1940] Which is sad But humans do that too And I think Aaron was that stake in the ground for me And I just like I can't beat him That's all right I'll never be able to You guys also have such a specific relationship I think you like That he beats you at everything I do yeah Yeah I do That's really what it is I think That's it That was all?

[1941] Yeah.

[1942] Okay.

[1943] Thanks for your service.

[1944] You're welcome.

[1945] Love you.

[1946] Love you.

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[1950] Thank you.