#888 - Ron White

[0] Sound effects.

[1] Or was that you?

[2] That was me. Okay, all right.

[3] I thought you paid for that.

[4] We're live.

[5] Ron White.

[6] Hey, Joe.

[7] Look like you ready to take notes.

[8] I signed this, you know, you shove some paperwork at me when I don't have my glasses.

[9] I don't even know what it says.

[10] You have glasses on.

[11] I do.

[12] Yeah.

[13] Oh, yeah, I do.

[14] Yeah, and I'm not sure, but I think I've just agreed to, you know.

[15] You're fine.

[16] Trust me. We wouldn't do anything.

[17] terrible to you no you're my friend i know i love you i love you too we have a mutual admiration society that we don't let anybody else in it's so been so nice people want in but fuck them fuck them it's been so nice having you run a store man i gotta tell you it's really fun yeah it's great having you around too man it's our little home base up there it's a fucking hoot it is right it's like uh work on everything there and then venture forth right yeah it's a spot yeah i'm trying to you know i've just got this big quandary now whether to even do another special or what it would do for me and you know Netflix is offering me money but they're not offering me big you know huge money they're offering me regular money and trying to figure out if you want to yeah you know it takes me I'm not like some comics you know some comics should spit out of hour a year and I don't you know it takes me three years to write a new record you know but it's good you know but it takes me forever to do it and it's not that prolific I guess anymore that's the big debate with comedians Like how much time should you wait?

[18] And Tom Papa and I were just talking about it.

[19] And I've talked about it with Burr and with Louis C .K. And a bunch of different guys.

[20] And Louis is doing like one a year for a while, but he stopped doing that.

[21] And I think he kind of agrees now that when you do one a year, it's almost like it's a special full of, like, adolescent premises.

[22] Yeah.

[23] Yeah.

[24] And I've always found that my stuff ripens well, you know, on the vine.

[25] If I leave it there, if I pick it too early, you know, I used to do a bit that it was on my last album, and the punchline is not even on the album.

[26] The punchline I wrote later, which was, it's about my wife buying me a bicycle, thinking I might ride it for, you know, health reasons, and it's for sale.

[27] And if you're looking for a bicycle, it's a great deal.

[28] It's got 750 yards on it.

[29] It was a demo when I bought it had 350 yards already on it, but I put the other 400 yards on it myself.

[30] That was the whole joke.

[31] Now, here's the punchline.

[32] And if you'd like to buy the bicycle, just go to my house in Beverly Hills, and it's 400 yards from there.

[33] So I didn't even have the punchline I don't even know what I thought was funny about the other part But when I went back and listened to it I'm like I could start doing that bit again Because they still don't know how it ends If I wanted to Mitch Headberg did that He had a bit on his album And he goes, this is a bit for my old album And he does the bit He goes, this is the part I left out Oh really?

[34] And this is the new punchline Yeah That's hilarious Yeah Yeah, it's a funny thing You know, development of material Like you're the only one Who really knows when it's done and sometimes you'll have something.

[35] I've had bits that I didn't put on specials that I was doing.

[36] I was like, this thing is not just, it's not ready.

[37] And then maybe two specials later, I'll stick it in somewhere.

[38] Right.

[39] Yeah, so I don't know, you know, that Netflix wants an hour.

[40] I really think Netflix special should be 30 minutes.

[41] I really do, because I would do a 30 -minute special and not burn an hour of material on it.

[42] And, you know, I go back.

[43] I watched yours the other day, which was great.

[44] and I watched the Allie Wong's special.

[45] And it was just long, you know, it's just long.

[46] And now it was a long time for a special.

[47] And as much as I was impressed by Allie, and I still am, impressed by Allie.

[48] But I've been impressed with what I see in the club.

[49] When I go back and watch her special, I see what kind of confidence that brought her, That success of that thing It made her a better comic You know She now she really has a great I mean a be even better presence on stage And works even slower And more commanding But I can you know That's what I learned from watching it was You know That kind of success makes you better You know Yeah for sure For her I mean she's sort of emerging right now You know She's one of those people that You know people start to talk about She's very very funny She's really cool too Really nice person But she's just nasty and funny On stage Right Yeah fucking vicious and I don't know her because now she's got a kid so as soon as she gets off stage she's out of there so I talked to her on stage a couple of times when she was bringing me up yeah yeah she's very friendly yeah yeah I don't know man I'd like an hour I like an hour I like a good hour special you know maybe just don't want to I'm cheap just don't want to do it I don't want to do the work man it's so daunting to put it I mean my last special was an hour and 20 minutes and I and that's what just caused how that's how long it was and when I when I sold it I'm like I don't want to go edit it you know it works like that you can have the whole thing and then I'm standing there naked you know I could have gotten away with 48 minutes you know on because it was on television and nobody saw it on TV because it was on CMT nobody watches fucking CMT so nobody's even heard the last album and I don't do it you know isn't country music television isn't that real popular was it they call it country music television anymore they just call it CMT but if it started out Yeah, I think it still stands for country music television.

[50] But they're trying to do a bunch of other shit now, too, right?

[51] They try to do, you know, they did a, I had a special with them once a year, and I would do, then I would just have to come up with 15 minutes, which was doable, you know, that I could actually put on TV.

[52] Most of it, I shouldn't even have put on TV, but that was great, and it was the salute to the troops thing and raise money and awareness for good stuff, and then they quit doing it, and somehow bought my, special and but so i just you know if i do a bit from it you know it kills like nobody's heard it so i really don't think anybody really hurt it and only sold 12 copies so those people you know 12 no yeah they know it i have no idea how many that's we were talking about that before the show about like buying things like nobody buys comedy albums anymore they don't they just don't make any money right like none yeah i and you know what and i just started uh watching stuff on netflix the other day because I just wanted to watch some of the specials that some of the people I knew up there to see what they were doing, you know, what they were working on and now why would you buy a fucking record?

[53] You can just flip it over to Netflix and watch it, you know?

[54] Well, I like listening to shit in my car.

[55] I like when people release things on iTunes.

[56] Yeah, my best comedy album story, and I don't mean this to be mean or anything else, but it was I was watching the record sales because my records was selling.

[57] And then Dan Cook comes in and he just blows by me. And I'm like, who's this guy?

[58] Because I'm not an L .A. guy.

[59] I'm a road guy.

[60] You know, we don't know what's going on out here, nor do we give a shit.

[61] And, but I thought, well, it must.

[62] So I was at a bookstore and I saw it.

[63] And I thought, well, I'm going to buy it and see what it's like.

[64] So literally, I'll listen to it on the way home.

[65] When I got home, I pulled it out, threw it in the trash.

[66] Not to be mean, but just because I don't keep things I don't use.

[67] And I knew I wouldn't listen to it again.

[68] And I wasn't going to give it to somebody else to listen to.

[69] And so I don't need it anymore.

[70] It's, we've run our, you know, run our thing.

[71] And not to say anything bad about, dang, because there's plenty of bad things have been said.

[72] But I just, I was so unint to it that I'm like, if that's what they're doing out there, then they're getting away with murder because those aren't punchlines.

[73] I'm sorry to tell you.

[74] Well, that was a weird time.

[75] He locked into some weird thing where he sort of appealed to young girls.

[76] Like he did comedy design for young girls.

[77] No, no, that's not you.

[78] It's not me either.

[79] Yeah.

[80] There's not a lot of us.

[81] Well, you know, he had that fascinating stage presence, too, and, you know, just really walk on stage and take command of anything.

[82] You know, I don't know if he can still do it, but at one time I'd watch him.

[83] I'm like, you're like him or not.

[84] If you're a comic, you could probably learn something from watching him.

[85] It was a young comic, you know, just walk up there and start doing it.

[86] Stare him down.

[87] Don't be timid, you know.

[88] and he was great stage present, but the content, I was like, why?

[89] What?

[90] I don't get it.

[91] I don't get it.

[92] But, and now I guess it's turned around on him.

[93] I mean, it's not, I don't know.

[94] I don't know.

[95] Well, it turned around on him when that whole Louis C .K. plagiarism thing came out, and there's a lot of shit going on.

[96] Right.

[97] Was he supposed to have sold something, stole something from Lewis?

[98] Oh, yeah, like a lot of things.

[99] Yeah.

[100] Before Lewis was famous?

[101] Yep.

[102] Oh, yeah.

[103] Well, that's when it's easy.

[104] Yeah, Louis was...

[105] Get them while they're young.

[106] Well, Louis wasn't young.

[107] Louis was older than him, but Louis, he made it first.

[108] He broke through first.

[109] Right.

[110] And then it became a giant controversy.

[111] Like, Louis had even addressed it on his television show.

[112] Like, he had Dane on as a guest on a show.

[113] Yeah, and they kind of went over it.

[114] It was very weird.

[115] Like, Louis did...

[116] He's so nice.

[117] Like, the way he handled it was so nice.

[118] Like, he wasn't mean about it at it.

[119] all right they're not like you in mensia well that was a different that was just the best thing ever that was a different ever you had every comic in the country just cheering your fucking name man go get them joe and and you're such a badass what's he going to do slap you you know you can either listen to it or he can beat you up or whatever you want what are you going to do that was the worst i've ever seen though i've seen i've seen plagiarist before i've seen guys get away with stealing people's shit but i've never seen someone that blatant he was a bull about it like he would do your shit he would go on in front of you and do your shit like he would bring you up at the store and do your closing bit before he brought you up man yeah i think it's one of those things like a serial killer wants to get caught you know you think that's what it is yeah i do i really do i really do well you know the the only thing that matters to me really is i mean the thing i'm most proud of is that i'm respected by my peers that i didn't get here in some fucking cheap way.

[120] I did my fucking 30 years in 9 million clubs and 12 ,000 shows.

[121] And if I didn't have that, I don't know if I'd be able to show my face around here.

[122] No, you wouldn't.

[123] That's all there is, I think, is to...

[124] I think for people like us, it's probably the most important thing, because there's so few of us.

[125] I mean, is there a thousand working comedians?

[126] Is there even a thousand?

[127] I mean, there might not even be a thousand.

[128] Yeah.

[129] It's a tiny, tiny subculture.

[130] tiny and out of that subculture maybe 300 of them I want to see you know yeah maybe maybe maybe right so you're one of 300 people out of 300 million that's a that's a tiny amount fuck yeah I'm getting buff I'm getting buff just sitting here you got fired up right there I sure did I wish we brought you tequila man I'm glad I really if I would have I'd sat here and drank it with you and then I'd been on now I had I don't get that range rover back to L .A. That's what Uber's for.

[131] You got some good goddamn tequila.

[132] I love the fact that you sell your own tequila.

[133] Well, you know what?

[134] We wouldn't have done it, but the Raviscus family that makes it wouldn't sell it here.

[135] And so we just pestered them because we couldn't buy it until my brother -in -law did.

[136] And he pestered him for four years.

[137] And they finally said, okay, you can bring it over there.

[138] They only sell it in Mexico?

[139] They only sell it in Mexico.

[140] They, in Mexico, they sell it for three times what I sell it for here.

[141] And they only sell it in the resort cities, people coming off those boats.

[142] And, you know, it's the best tequila that most liquor stores will ever touch.

[143] And so it's called the gift of God over there.

[144] I don't even know how to say it.

[145] Spanish?

[146] Yeah, she's Mexican.

[147] So I still, she could tell you, though.

[148] Does she speak fluent?

[149] Oh, yeah.

[150] Does she get mad at you and speak in Spanish?

[151] No, but what she does do is she's a voiceover artist as well as a singer So she can do any accent there is And she has different wigs for different accents And she lets me fuck them all Oh nice Yeah, it's fucking great, man That's fantastic And I can't ask for them specifically They just show up Oh, what an interesting little situation Yeah, one of them is One of them is named Donna And she's a bank teller from Denton, Texas And you know, she's He's sloppy, man. Just sloppy blow jobs and it's different.

[152] Donna is?

[153] Donna's off the charts.

[154] Is she your favorite?

[155] There's a little French girl.

[156] There's a little girl from Japan.

[157] I like them all, you know, and I like to mix them up.

[158] Don't ever want to say that Donna gives a better blow job than Margo because it's technically not true.

[159] Right.

[160] She's still like, oh, really?

[161] I'm like, oh, come on.

[162] Really?

[163] Yeah, it's you, honey.

[164] How could you say that?

[165] Yeah, how could you get upset at you?

[166] She's getting jealous of herself Right That's ridiculous But it can't happen Why just because she spits on your dick Whoa Yeah Can you say that on the podcast?

[167] Yeah you definitely can Okay good For sure Yeah some people are into that The spitting on the dick thing It's just like whoa We are getting dirty for sure Puff, yeah It's just you know People that can't afford lube When do you think that started To spit on the dick Because I don't think they did that in the 80s You don't think so I don't think so I never saw it You know it just I think you porn brought it around brought it into the light.

[168] When you see variety instantaneously, like you don't have to venture forth into the weird sections.

[169] You know, like, if you're in a video store back in the old days, you had to go through those beads.

[170] Right.

[171] You and I remember those.

[172] Oh, yeah.

[173] It was either saloon doors or beads.

[174] Right.

[175] We had to go into the section of the video store that had the porn and you always felt so full of shame when you were wandering through there.

[176] It was horrible.

[177] It was like, oh, man, nobody does this but me. But now you know.

[178] But at least back then, no one had a phone with a camera so you couldn't like take a video look i'm watching ron white go to the fucking dirty section looking is that a lump in his pants oh look at this fucking is that gay porn you look at he's looking at the gag stuff he likes people to gag i do but that's the thing now it's like you can go to any one of those websites and have the porn on it and you just keeps growing like oh check this out checked and you get it instantaneously and it's free right but that's what i like about uh you porn is that is I don't have to worry about seeing something I don't want to see you know I'm such a raging heterosexual and I tried one time I was in a hotel room they had gay porn I'm like I'm gonna watch some gay porn see if it does anything but click nothing not a damn thing I'm like oh Jesus Christ this is fucking horrible and I guess I'm you know fucking some people are just straight well as women like dick so I mean it makes sense that some men like dick I get it I do too, but I didn't get it when I just doesn't, you know.

[179] That fucking story that you're telling on stage now, the story that you told about the, the prostitute situation?

[180] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[181] The one you encouraged me to do.

[182] You had to tell that.

[183] We were crying.

[184] I'll tell you, I'll tell you, are our listeners?

[185] Now they're our listeners.

[186] It's everybody.

[187] The Joe and Ron show.

[188] Thank you.

[189] I'll be here every Thursday at 1 .30.

[190] but it was true I lost my virginity when I was 18 years old to a girl a prostitute in Tijuana, Mexico who was overweight and her teeth had no general direction or color but she was well within my budget but I got stationed at Pearl and if I found that after a while once you'd been on this one part of Oahu on the hotel street these really cute girls would jump in your car and blow you for $5.

[191] And it's like the best deal I've ever even fucking heard of.

[192] I mean, I was like there twice a day, you know.

[193] And I was there for eight months.

[194] And six months ago I was watching this documentary on transvestis.

[195] And they started talking about the transvestite scene on Hotel Street on Oahu.

[196] I've been there for 55 years.

[197] I'm like, no, I let 150 dudes suck my dick.

[198] I'm like, what's the record?

[199] What's the record before you find out?

[200] I wonder what the record is I don't know but God I have to be close I've dodged that bullet but I've come close a gang of time I think I've dodged the bullet Yeah If I hadn't dodged the bullet Kudos Well that's the thing Pretended to be a girl Apparently a tongue is a tongue And a tooth is a tooth Because you can't tell man -mouth From woman mouth Now if it would have been a hand job I'd have been going Hey you're a plumber dude Get that hand on my cock Thick gorilla hands Jesus What do you think I am Yeah and I would imagine that somebody who has a dick probably knows how to work it.

[201] I guess.

[202] I tell you what, these girls had made quick work of me twice a day, 45 seconds.

[203] I was in my little Dotson B -2 -10, heading back to the ship.

[204] Do you say girls with air quotes?

[205] With air quotes, girls.

[206] Yeah, well, I still don't like to think of them as dudes, you know.

[207] In my mind, I don't let myself go.

[208] They're still hot little girls.

[209] Not little girls.

[210] These were fully developed men with tits.

[211] They had tits?

[212] They did.

[213] And I was always wondering, well, let me play with their pose, you know.

[214] They let you get some titty.

[215] But you start going down there where the junk is, and they were like swatting your hand away.

[216] I'm like, now that should have been a, you know, maybe a flag.

[217] I don't know.

[218] Yeah.

[219] Well, now you know.

[220] Yeah.

[221] It's one of those things.

[222] Yeah, right.

[223] So you were in the Navy?

[224] Is that what were you doing?

[225] I was.

[226] Yeah.

[227] How long?

[228] I wasn't in real long.

[229] They, you know, I just, wasn't cut out for it.

[230] I had the wrong mouth for it.

[231] I stayed in trouble.

[232] I didn't, you know, I just did a lot of drugs and, you know, I just, I was horrible out.

[233] And they discharged me with an honorable discharge under medical conditions from the Naval Drug Rehabilitation Center in Miramar, California.

[234] Oh, wow.

[235] So what did you have to get rehabilitated for?

[236] Well, I had actually never seen drugs until I got to the Naval Drug Rehabilitation Center in Miramar, California.

[237] I mean, everybody had drugs.

[238] You know, I was positive for heroin on a Westpac, but so we're eight other people on the ship.

[239] And then when we ate a ton of acid, you know, it was 75, and I was 18 years old, and I was off the hook wild.

[240] And, you know, they just, actually, in my hearing to get me out, The commander of our base called me a hole in our national line of defense.

[241] I'm like, God, that's horrible.

[242] What's worse than that, I wonder, nothing.

[243] That seems a little exaggerating.

[244] Yeah, like we're playing Red Rover, you know.

[245] Relax.

[246] Yeah.

[247] A hole in our national line defense.

[248] We weren't even at war in 75, right?

[249] Wasn't that Vietnam?

[250] Yeah, tail end of the Vietnam War.

[251] Yeah.

[252] Wow.

[253] Did you join or did you get drafted?

[254] No, there was no draft.

[255] when my father drafted me. I got kicked out of high school and they weren't going to put me back in this time.

[256] And so I was 17, and I kind of had my life mapped out because I worked washing dishes at this huge restaurant called Lynchburg Crossing in close to Pasadena, Texas, and right on the channel, gigantic place, unbelievable, and served family style, all kinds of seafood and chicken and stuff.

[257] It was really popular.

[258] But they didn't have, they didn't go higher, people to watch dishes they would go bail these drunks out of jail and they had bunk houses in the back and the dishwashers would sleep back there they'd drink all the half drinks that came back and crash there so i really at 17 years old i was thinking well i could uh when i'm 17 i can join the 16 i could join the merchant marioners at 17 which was wrong and uh and then i worked there till i retire and then i go wash dishes until uh i die in that bug house Jesus Christ.

[259] Like the old drunk that used to roll his joints.

[260] We couldn't roll joints very good, and this guy could.

[261] And we came in there one day, just dead as it could be.

[262] Isn't it funny when he was dead?

[263] Dead.

[264] Oh, of?

[265] Serosis.

[266] I mean, these guys were bad.

[267] I mean, bad booze hounds.

[268] But, you know, pretty good dishwashers.

[269] Isn't it funny when you look back in your life, getting kicked out of high school, all the trouble you were in, getting kicked out of the Navy, getting blown by a bunch of dudes accidentally?

[270] It's all the recipes of being a great comic.

[271] but nobody ever looks at it that way.

[272] Right, yeah.

[273] You don't have some of that stuff in there.

[274] What are you going to write about?

[275] That's, I mean, it's almost like you have to come up to everybody who's a fuck up and go, look, I know you're not fitting in here.

[276] But there's a place where you do.

[277] Right.

[278] Like, there's a place where you do.

[279] There's a fucking whole clan of us.

[280] Yeah.

[281] You just got to figure out how to do it.

[282] I'm telling you, Joe, the first time I walked on stage, I literally, I went to myself, I'm a, I'm a fucking comedian.

[283] Why didn't somebody tell me?

[284] I could have avoided a bunch of that other stuff and just started.

[285] I was 29 when I figured it out.

[286] I was 21.

[287] Same feeling.

[288] Right after I did it, I was like, this is it.

[289] I found it.

[290] This is it.

[291] This is the one that works.

[292] Yeah.

[293] I mean, I wasn't good.

[294] I knew I wasn't good.

[295] I knew I was like, there's a lot of work to be done.

[296] But I'm like, this could be my job.

[297] I didn't think I'd ever do it professionally or anything like that.

[298] I just knew I was a comic, you know?

[299] I knew I was a comedian.

[300] But I never, ever saw all this fame and fortune shit coming.

[301] I mean, I never really sat around asking the universe for it.

[302] I never thought it would happen.

[303] Even though I watched it happen to Foxworthy, you know, he biggest selling comic of all time by a lot.

[304] So more records than Pryor and Cosby combined.

[305] And he blew up standing right next to me, but I never gave it one second.

[306] I thought that it would happen to me. Well, when the Blue Collar Tour kicked off and then it took off for you, how old were you?

[307] Let's see, probably 45.

[308] or so 45 or 46 so you're just working as a comic up until 45 and then boom 16 years clubs 50 weeks a year uh doing nine shows a week so which is how you get good at this you know that's that's the best way to do it not not here out there working you know different crowds and and then uh jeff you know signed me up for this thing and uh first time i heard the idea i told him that's retarded That's how smart I am And The whole clincher to my career Is Warner Brothers decided to make a movie out of that thing And And I didn't even see that I mean I had a yeah Warner Brothers gonna make a movie out of it And Kathleen Madigan's falling out of her chair They're gonna cheat what?

[309] I'm like yeah that's what they said But I had no idea what that meant You know I don't know I'm an idiot from Northwest Texas So I'm like it sounds good But then it, you know, for some reason, it just tested.

[310] It was really well -liked across the board.

[311] And then it was one of the biggest selling comedy albums of all time, or DVDs, 4 million copies.

[312] Well, it was giant.

[313] I remember when it came out.

[314] It was just one of those things like, whoa, nobody ever did that before.

[315] Nobody ever put together a bunch of killers and then did a movie.

[316] Well, actually, the Kings of Comedy did.

[317] They did it first?

[318] Yeah, we totally ripped off.

[319] the black man again you know god damn it run way the uh but you know it was a you know just a blue collar shot at it not necessarily you know redneck but but you know just people that work for a living they like to likes us you know and but the catalyst from that made uh man whitney ridiculously famous and uh and made me famous and did a lot for bill uh but jeff was already you know jeff so do you call called Dan Whitney, Dan Whitney, or do you call him Larry the cable guy?

[320] Do you ever call him up?

[321] Hey Larry.

[322] He said, who the fuck is this?

[323] No, I don't call him Larry.

[324] I don't.

[325] Did you know him forever as Dan?

[326] Yeah.

[327] Yeah, but you know what?

[328] I never knew.

[329] I never saw the act that it wasn't all Larry the Cable guy.

[330] And I know it used to be.

[331] And one of the funniest things I ever saw was that there used to be this tape in the South County Funny Bone in St. Louis in the condo where they literally, a shitty little apartment they put us in.

[332] And it was a It was called bovine women from somewhere.

[333] It was about huge fat girls.

[334] And he had, and it was a copy.

[335] It had been around for a while, the condo.

[336] So we'd play it for people as a joke when they came over.

[337] And he had a VHS camera, and because that was a copy, he edited himself into the movie.

[338] And it was fucking outrageously funny.

[339] So was it a porn?

[340] A fat woman porn?

[341] Yeah.

[342] And so somebody would be fucking her from behind.

[343] And then he turned the camera around and his Dan just working out.

[344] This could be you, Marty, the manager of the club.

[345] But it was very, very funny.

[346] It made me laugh.

[347] Somebody stole it after that.

[348] Nobody wanted to steal it before it was edited.

[349] But somebody took it after that.

[350] Yeah, that was back when you need to edit things.

[351] You used to have two VCRs.

[352] Right.

[353] You used to have a little bit of this and a little bit of that and go back and forth and back and forth.

[354] Yeah, but those VHS cameras at the end, you know, because I had one too.

[355] I used to tape nearly everything I did and so you know they if it didn't have a tab broken off of it you know you could just record right over whatever a little part of it you wanted to that's right the tab yeah if it had a tab you couldn't do it so that's what you did for your wedding video I forgot about that tab like if you took the tab off then nobody could record on it right but if it was still there and this one was still there so he just punched himself right into it the first scene is this big old 500 pounder she's opening a refrigerator door so the reveal is the light of the refrigerator through her thighs and they're gigantic and it's just a cutaway to him drinking a glass of milk going real slap sticky stuff but if you didn't see it coming it was it was a big laugh I saw a video of him doing stand -up as Dan Whitney and I was like wow this is so weird yeah so he had you know shirt tucked in his pants He had like a polo shirt on, the whole deal.

[356] Yeah, it was really smart.

[357] I mean, what he did.

[358] At one time, Larry was just the character that he did in the act, and then eventually Larry took over.

[359] Like the Dice Man. Yeah.

[360] Same thing.

[361] That was a character that he did in his show.

[362] Yeah, he was Andrew Silverstein.

[363] He would go on stage as Andrew Silverstein, and he had a bunch of impressions that he would do.

[364] He would do an impression of Travolta.

[365] He would do an Al Pacino impression.

[366] And then at the end of his act, he would do the dance.

[367] dice man and the dice man was essentially aversion his his take on jerry lewis and the nutty professor remember when jerry lewis and the nutty professor he was like this nerdy guy and he drinks some fucking potion and all of a sudden becomes this really cool guy like that was what andrew did he had just become this dice man character and you put the leather jacket on oh and then the rhymes and all that shit right and his act was so unique because he was the first guy where you could repeat the punchlines back and everybody liked it almost like a like a song right like if someone's singing a song you like to sing along yeah but if for comedy that doesn't work because there's no such thing as a joke right there's a popular bit but there's no such thing as a hit joke you know once you know the joke you know the joke and yeah well my fans you know they they bitch at me because I won't do anything that's old and and they want me to they want to hear me do tater salad and they want to hear me do some of that stuff but they're long bits they're long stories they already know them so if if i start one i did it in madison square garden last time i was there i opened with it oh really and i had done it in 12 years i had to go back and listen to it 10 times because it's a complicated piece of comedy it doesn't sound like it but it is you know it's still pace rhythm and timing all the way through this eight minute long joke or story and uh so i did it and they when i started it you thought i was one of the beetles they just went absolutely nuts but then I've got to drag them through an eight -minute long piece.

[368] They already know.

[369] So now they're not, you know, it's not the response I used to get that I love to get from it.

[370] So if I don't get what I want, then you don't get what you want.

[371] But it was fun to do that one time, but I just won't go back and, you know.

[372] Yeah, like Gaffigan is a prisoner to hot pockets.

[373] He's a prisoner.

[374] Well, that's a good prison to be in.

[375] It's a great prisoner being.

[376] It's a funny guy, but he has to do that bit.

[377] Yeah.

[378] Well, Foxworthy has to do, you might be a redneck, but he's also got 10 ,000 of them.

[379] Yeah, that's fine, though.

[380] That's different.

[381] He's got so many virgins of it.

[382] And he only does five or six at the end of the show.

[383] I mean, that's been for years that he hasn't hardly done any of that.

[384] And that's what he was always known for, which was just a great idea for a bit that now has calendars and, you know, just crazy, crazy the money he made off that.

[385] Oh, that was a genius bit.

[386] Yeah.

[387] Like, he just nailed it.

[388] He figured out like this perfect formula.

[389] Yeah, he's a funny guy, man. Jeff Foxboy does not get the credit he deserves.

[390] No, no, he's probably the most prolific writer that I know, and I also just owe him fucking everything, you know.

[391] He seems like a really nice guy, too.

[392] He is a sweetheart of a man, humble, takes his kids to school every day, goes to church, has a mission project that he works on, very, very straight.

[393] He was a little wilder when he was in the clubs, you know, but that's the way he was raised.

[394] That's kind of what he went back to.

[395] Where does he live?

[396] in Georgia and Atlanta Wow And a house The size of a college I'm sure I'm not talking about This University of Phoenix shit either I'm talking about Duke Yeah That's You kind of have to buy one of those When you get that rich Well you know He's a He's just a He's just a real deal You know But you're right People kind of rat on me If I hear any other comics You know Sometimes they'll rag on the blue collar tour you know a lot of people didn't like Dan and I mean but it was all comics and I've never performed for comics once in my life and I tell other comics here's the worst thing you can do perform for those comics in the back because that's not whoever's going to come see you or pay money don't perform for them or perform for those people in the seats and so you know it and whatever it was is whatever it was and he just got popular and if it wouldn't have been for that huge popularity nobody would have given a shit well that's that thing that happens when something becomes really popular is that people decide to shit on it Even though it doesn't make, like, there's nothing wrong with Larry the Cable Guy's act.

[397] It's a funny act.

[398] He's a funny guy.

[399] And he's a pace rhythm and timing comic, and he's really good at it.

[400] He's very good at it.

[401] But I remember when he was huge, I mean, when it was all happening, when it was first happening, and he was doing fucking football arenas, all these, like, David Cross wrote some fucking open letter to Larry the Cable guy.

[402] I'm like, what are you doing?

[403] Like, this doesn't make any sense.

[404] Like, what is he doing wrong?

[405] Like, I don't understand.

[406] What are you trying to say that this character, this rediddle?

[407] ridiculous over -the -top character that he's doing isn't funny yeah there was there there were a few people that really took issue with it and it's just it's just comedy if you don't like it listen to something else yeah exactly that's the end of you know the long and the short of it you know it's not exactly my cup of tea uh but i know how good he is still uh you know and uh i would go out of my way to see Jeff and I probably would go out of my way to see him just to see him but but that his style is not exactly my cup of tea but that doesn't matter that I can still see how good he is at it and saw what he did and the impact that he had and then also the addition he wasn't one of the original guys the other there was another guy and then Jeff got got rid of him who's the other guy you don't remember nah I can remember I know I totally would say but he was a guy from I just have a shitty memory.

[408] Sometimes I can remember his name and sometimes I can't remember his name.

[409] He's the last beetle.

[410] He's that lost beetle, that one guy that get kicked out of the Beatles and fucking to this day beats his head against the wall?

[411] I don't know what he does now, but he was a good comic, but he was on some kind of medication that made him just getting Jeff's face and talk to him nonstop.

[412] And Jeff doesn't like that.

[413] And Jeff's like, hey, I'm taking a piss, dude.

[414] Can you give me a minute?

[415] Oh, no. Like an Adderall type thing or something?

[416] Yeah, I guess so.

[417] Oh, Jesus.

[418] It was just, and then he would, you know, we're doing these big shows.

[419] They're like, well, I put $12 on a cab, and nobody's paid me back.

[420] And, and, uh, I'm back going to fucking arenas?

[421] You're right.

[422] You know.

[423] You mentioned about $12.

[424] Well, that's the wrong guy, you know.

[425] Right.

[426] So, and then Dan came in and just shook things up, you know, and really, you know, like it, don't like it, doesn't matter.

[427] He destroyed every night.

[428] What's Bill Ingval up to these days?

[429] Yeah, I saw him.

[430] We auditioned.

[431] for the same part in the movie and not too long ago so I saw him at this audition and it was for I don't remember the name of the movie but it was supposed a huge cast of really big people in it but the role sucked and I mean the role was just nothing and then I got sideways with the people doing the interview because they said it was a reading so I didn't memorize the script you know and I came in but I wear these tinted yellow glasses a lot of the time and she said can you take off the glasses they're too modern for this piece.

[432] I'm like, well, if you want me to read it, the glasses are not for show.

[433] They just happen to be yellow.

[434] So whoever's watching it, have them close their eyes.

[435] And imagine with me with shitty glasses on, if that's okay, but I'm not going to take them off.

[436] And then she goes, well, I guess if you get this role, you'll cancel your live schedule.

[437] I said, no, I won't.

[438] No, I won't.

[439] I was clear with them.

[440] I said, if I'm going to do it, you've got to do it around my schedule.

[441] I'm not canceling any day.

[442] for it and uh and i'm like oh now i'm in a fight at the casting office you know that's probably not going to get this i didn't want it anyway i'd just come off of roadies and then that was kind of disappointing so it's a fucking weird business man and that that that the interaction that you have with the casting director is very strange i've had some good ones really really nice conversations sweet people oh me too gal Levine is who cast me for roadies and she's wonderful yeah but there's a lot of them that are wonderful but there's a lot of them that are not these two chicks were they were snobs yeah i mean I mean, they really were, you know, they were really talking to me like I had not accomplished a single thing in my life, and maybe if this happened, you know, I'd be able to call myself a man or something.

[443] I mean, I mean, that's their role.

[444] I mean, that's their position.

[445] Their position is that's one of the reasons why actors are so fucking crazy is because you walk into this room and your life depends on whether or not this person puts a check next to your name, whether they give you the green light.

[446] And so you go in there and you have to memorize some bullshit that you don't really care about.

[447] most of the time some nonsense sitcom or some fucking stupid role in a movie.

[448] And you've got to, it's half charming them, half doing this.

[449] I tell Brian Callant to this day that they've fucking ruined them.

[450] I go, it ruined them.

[451] You don't know how to disagree with people.

[452] I'm like, Brian Callan will go into it.

[453] And he charms everyone in the building because he's so good at auditions.

[454] I'm like, they fucking ruined you.

[455] Right.

[456] You don't know how to figure out that this person is not for you.

[457] Well, you know, now, you know, I just turned 60 on Sunday, and now if I had to, if I signed up for a TV show, I'd be signed on until I was 66 or 67.

[458] And my dad died at 51, and so that seems like an awful long time.

[459] And so if it, I mean, if it happened to be someone I really liked, you know, like if Jay McGraw was producing it, I would do it, probably do it just so I could.

[460] I could hang out with him.

[461] But I would have to really, really like somebody, you know, that I was going to be hanging with that time because I couldn't just do it.

[462] Who would have ever guessed that Dr. Phil's kid is such a cool motherfucker?

[463] I know.

[464] Well, you have a mutual friend, Jay McGrath, who's a buddy of bars, both of ours.

[465] Yeah.

[466] He's a fucking coolest guy.

[467] Yeah, he is.

[468] He's something else.

[469] And so is his dad.

[470] I'm sure he is.

[471] His dad is a hoot.

[472] I'm sure he is.

[473] But who would have ever guessed it?

[474] Yeah, nobody.

[475] Either one, I'm friends with both of them.

[476] And they, but, uh, Jay is just solid.

[477] I mean, the, uh, I can even, I tell you some things he's done for me. It would start crying.

[478] Oh, don't cry.

[479] I cry so easy.

[480] I'm such a bitch.

[481] Don't do it.

[482] Don't do it.

[483] So, uh.

[484] I don't cry for sad things, though.

[485] I'm a weird, like sad things I can sort of deal with some weird way.

[486] But when things are epic, like, epic moments, I'm like, holy shit, don't cry, bitch.

[487] Yeah, right.

[488] Keep it together.

[489] Like Nadia Komeniates doing those little backflips I would have cried like a bit Excellence chokes me up but But you know my friend died last weekend And that kind of stuff I'm okay with I mean I don't I don't get real emotional about that kind of stuff Unless it you know Unless I've known you for 50 years And so you know But Jay Jay is just a great guy You know, he's an unbelievably solid dude when he doesn't have to be.

[490] He just brought me back three boxes of killer cigars from Cuba.

[491] So how can you not like that guy?

[492] Oh, yeah, he just went to Cuba.

[493] You can bring those back now.

[494] Yeah, sort of, kind of.

[495] I think he was on his plane or something.

[496] Yes, yeah.

[497] You can kind of do it.

[498] You can kind of bring them back, sort of.

[499] You can get, like, a few of them.

[500] Well, the thing is that you can get $200 worth, but the people at customs have no idea how expensive they are.

[501] Right.

[502] So you can just say this was $185 worth, and they go, oh, that's expensive.

[503] But it's really $1 ,500 worth of cigars.

[504] Yeah, I mean, if you pay them in American money, it probably is $150 worth, right?

[505] Like, it's probably a pretty good bargain.

[506] Actually, they probably know what they're worth.

[507] No, they're really not.

[508] Well, I don't know.

[509] I didn't ask him because he gave them to me, but did you get a deal on them?

[510] How often do you smoke cigars?

[511] You know, every day.

[512] I smoke one.

[513] I smoked a lot of way up there.

[514] I saw you walked in with one.

[515] I was like, God damn it, Ron White, you're a fucking caricature.

[516] Look at you.

[517] What do you got there?

[518] That's one of the gaming, these boulevars.

[519] Oh, those are good.

[520] That's a strong one.

[521] Yeah, it is.

[522] And it was that big when I started, so I just smoked some of it and cut it off.

[523] That's a strong cigar.

[524] I like bolivars.

[525] I'm going to crank that back up if they're still airing my tire whenever I get out of here.

[526] Yeah, boulevars.

[527] Well, it's something about that soil.

[528] There's this one area of Cuba where they grow most of their tobacco.

[529] And it's like some, it's not even that big of a place.

[530] It's not like that many acres.

[531] Right.

[532] Just this unbelievable soil.

[533] Yeah.

[534] Do you, like, is it that much different?

[535] Like, are you like a connoisseur?

[536] Are you like a simolee of cigars?

[537] Sort of.

[538] Yeah.

[539] You know, the thing is that the smart guy was Zeno Davidoff, of Davidoff cigars.

[540] And because he saw it all coming.

[541] And so before it all happened, he moved his role.

[542] and its factory and everything over the Dominican Republic.

[543] So whenever they came in and took the land from those people that started these iconic brands and they just kicked them out of the country with nothing.

[544] Well, they all had seed so they could grow the same tobacco.

[545] If they stayed in the same kind of region, the same parallel, like Dominican Republic or even over to Ecuador, there was still perfect conditions for growing these plants, but what they didn't have was rollers.

[546] And these cigars, these handmade cigars are rolled by experts.

[547] I mean, these people in Cuba, they spend their whole lives.

[548] It's a good job.

[549] And they have these huge rolling rooms, and these people just roll these perfect cigars.

[550] And somebody sits in the front of the room and reads them books.

[551] Really?

[552] Yeah.

[553] Read some books.

[554] Yeah, they reads.

[555] Like a book on tape, but someone's doing.

[556] Yeah, somebody's actually up there.

[557] The reader, they come in and shifts and read to them.

[558] Oh, shit.

[559] And they sit there and listen to the stories and roll cigars.

[560] That's fucking fascinating.

[561] I have a book at home that's all photographs of the Cuban cigar business and the Cuban people rolling the cigars, and it's just fucking amazing.

[562] They're smoking a fat cigar while they're rolling cigars, you know, and the whole thing is just it's got such a weird sort of romance to it.

[563] Yeah, you know, I used to smoke out there.

[564] There we go.

[565] I used to smoke, you know, a couple of them a day, and I always smoke on stage.

[566] But actually now I'm such a dinosaur.

[567] where they're really starting to crack down on the cigar.

[568] So I'll just light it and I'll take it out there to put an ashtray and let it go out and do the suck show.

[569] Well, because, like, the theaters won't let you smoke in the theater.

[570] Yeah, and they used to give me some wiggle room, you know.

[571] But now, like in Canada, they started saying, well, here's what we do.

[572] We don't know what we're going to find you, but we're going to hold all of your money until we decide.

[573] What if you smoke on this stage.

[574] They told you that before you went up?

[575] Yeah.

[576] What a fucking buzzkill.

[577] Yeah, right.

[578] Jesus Christ.

[579] Well, I'm glad they didn't tell me after.

[580] Jesus fucking Christ.

[581] But some places, Massey Hall in Toronto, you know, that's fucking Charlie Chaplin was on that stage.

[582] I just did that place.

[583] Oh, did it's getting great.

[584] Oh, it's the best.

[585] I love Toronto.

[586] Toronto's incredible.

[587] I just did it two weeks ago with Russell Peters.

[588] Me, Russell, and Big Jay O 'Cerson.

[589] Oh, okay.

[590] What a fucking show.

[591] Yeah.

[592] I don't even know if I've seen Jay.

[593] I've met him.

[594] He's a funny dude.

[595] And I've heard him on radio, right?

[596] He's got a radio show.

[597] Yeah, he's got a podcast, Legion of Skanks.

[598] Yeah.

[599] One of the greatest names for a podcast ever.

[600] He's a funny dude.

[601] He's a good dude.

[602] too just and again another one like a real comic like you know like you know one when you meet one yeah sure you know like if i ran into him anywhere it'd be like like a life vest in the middle of the ocean if i ran into him in dubai i'd be like there's there's one of us okay all right i could go with you to the halfway there but not to Dubai you want to go to Dubai no no no you know what somebody i'm not sure that i wouldn't somebody people talk about this huge huge money that they're offering guys to go out to Dubai and India.

[603] They got crazy rules, though, in Dubai.

[604] They do?

[605] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[606] Dubai is crazy religious rules.

[607] Like, if you in any way insult royal families or in any way, who was it, Jamie that's talked about that?

[608] Was it, I think it was Howe Sparks was telling us that he did a gig in Dubai and someone after he got off stage told him that he was going to be arrested for something that he said because he referred to one of the Royal family as like sir rather than your highness like something as simple as that yeah better not go fuck that i can't do it i just i just can't i won't do colleges i won't do anything i don't either yeah i hear a Seinfeld bitching about the political correctness of college students these days i'm like why don't you go perform for people your own age maybe that's the probably maybe that's it you never think about that sure well it's they're not your people and they're super sensitive and they're just they're finally disconnected from their parents that are looking to call bullshit on everybody they're that's one thing about college kids is they're they're looking to be right and they're looking to establish what you can and can't say and they're looking to control people because they have they're just free for the first time ever themselves right i probably would have done the same thing yeah if i hadn't gotten kicked out of high school and uh join the navy i probably i just uh i can't do like regular uh school work fact i can't do that kind of stuff i've never owned a notebook this isn't mine this is your you have it's for you it's a gift christmas it's very nice merry christmas you don't write down on notebooks you just uh you just come up stuff on stage or you come up with stuff and do you like if you have an idea will you write it on your phone or something no no no i'm my attention deficit disorder so bad that if i pick up a piece of paper i'm done i then i'll start thinking about the piece of paper and then i'm off to its fucking eggland and so it just doesn't work and I've forgotten so much stuff I know that I could have done on stage but once it gets to the stage I record it right so I mean I don't and I should record these short sets but I record all the big sets you don't record like the comedy source sets no no you can do it on your phone you know yeah well that's another thing I don't know a lot about that yeah but look see this it's so fucking easy See this little thing right here?

[609] This is voice recordings.

[610] Look at that.

[611] These are all my sets for the last, I don't know, six months.

[612] Just keep going.

[613] You've got to put it all, and I make notes.

[614] I make notes for each one of them.

[615] Did you have?

[616] No, you have it.

[617] You have it on your phone.

[618] It's an application that comes with, it's called voice memos.

[619] It comes with the phone.

[620] So you have an iPhone.

[621] It's in there.

[622] I'll show you afterwards.

[623] I'll love you, but it's so easy.

[624] It's so easy, Ron.

[625] You just take that sucker, you press record as you're walking up this stage.

[626] I sit it on the stool right by me, records my whole.

[627] set.

[628] Because there's many, many times that I have a new punchline or a new, I'll, like, I'll have a thought in the middle of a bit.

[629] And what the fuck is that?

[630] And I'll go off on something just free.

[631] And I'll say afterwards, thank God I recorded that.

[632] Because I got to go listen to that.

[633] Because for me, the store, in particular, it's like the best place for that.

[634] Yeah.

[635] And the ice house.

[636] You ever do the ice house?

[637] No. Fuck.

[638] I mean, I have done it before, but I should get over there.

[639] And do they have like an open mic or something?

[640] Or they...

[641] Well, they have a bunch of shit there, but we do shows there on Wednesdays all the time.

[642] I'm there like January, I think January 4th or something like that.

[643] Is that it?

[644] January 4th?

[645] You want to do it with us.

[646] It's always sold out, and it's the fucking best room in the world.

[647] That room, the ice house room, is set up.

[648] It's the best set up on Earth.

[649] You will fucking murder that place.

[650] I've done sets there a long time ago, and I know I loved it.

[651] And everybody says it's the best room there is.

[652] It's the oldest comedy club in the world.

[653] It is?

[654] The oldest comedy club in the world.

[655] It started in 1961, I believe.

[656] 1961 or 1962, something like that.

[657] Yeah, it's the oldest concurrent working comedy club on Earth.

[658] And it used to literally be an ice house.

[659] Before they had freezers.

[660] People used to buy ice from the ice house.

[661] That's how fucking old that place is.

[662] Yeah, on the fourth, I'll come out there if you guys got room for me. Fuck, yeah, ladies and gentlemen.

[663] Yeah, there you.

[664] Anytime you want to do a show, do it.

[665] I got room for you.

[666] All right.

[667] Let's have some fun.

[668] Yep.

[669] Bring some of that tequila.

[670] I'm about, yeah, I got the tequila.

[671] I'll Uber out there with a bottle of that extra in Yeho.

[672] Now we're talking.

[673] Yeah.

[674] So you guys look that up, number Juan and J -U -A -N tequila.

[675] That's what I've got to hawk.

[676] Yeah, okay.

[677] We're going to buy a case of that shit.

[678] Bring it in here.

[679] Set it up.

[680] Boom.

[681] Didn't you, don't they have it at the comedy store now?

[682] I always have a bottle back there.

[683] But our distribution is just now getting fixed in California.

[684] So I'm sure that they'll pick it up as soon as these guys get all hooked up.

[685] They just got their tequila the other day.

[686] Well, it's a dark tequila, too.

[687] Do you have more than one kind?

[688] Yeah, I have a blanco that comes straight out of the faucet and then an extra, then a repisado, which is aged for nine months in two different barrels and then blend it at the end.

[689] And have a French oak wine barrel, half of its bourbon barrel retired.

[690] and then nine months and then blend it together.

[691] Whoa.

[692] And that's deep.

[693] And that's what my brother -in -law, that's all he drinks, is that one.

[694] And I drink the other one because I come kind of from a scotch background, so it's a little heavier.

[695] Yeah, it's got like a dark sort of smoky kind of.

[696] It's dangerous.

[697] It's a dangerous bottle to have just sitting near you with no protection or, you know, just with a couple people.

[698] Because once you start drinking it, it just, it offers no resistance at all.

[699] You can just sit there and polish off a bottle.

[700] I feel like we should.

[701] Shouldn't be having a podcast without having, like, a little drink.

[702] Okay.

[703] I feel like we should have a little drink.

[704] Get some Jack Daniels on the rocks.

[705] Let's do it.

[706] Just a little drink, just a little drink with Ron White.

[707] Come on.

[708] Come on.

[709] Come on.

[710] Yeah, it's a good tequila.

[711] I'm happy you're doing that as well.

[712] It's nice to see comedians branch out and do different shit.

[713] Well, I'd like to see some of the different stuff I do ever make money, but, you know, we have a lot of fun with the tequila.

[714] And somebody will come by and buy it one day.

[715] It's a, you know, we win everything with it.

[716] How is that not making money?

[717] That tequila's not making money?

[718] No. Well, it did.

[719] It made money the third year.

[720] It made, we made, the third year, we made $17 ,000.

[721] That's the whole year.

[722] How is that possible?

[723] Well, because it's just kind of expensive to get into.

[724] I mean, we're, we're shoestring in it, you know, I'm not putting, I'm not putting my nut in there.

[725] You know, I put money in it, but.

[726] Not too much.

[727] And not too much.

[728] And so, you know, we're just kind of a really slow growth until somebody comes long, you know.

[729] And then if they, you know, somebody wants it worse than we do, they'll have it.

[730] So for you, is just sort of like a goof just to get into it for fun?

[731] No, well, a couple things.

[732] I'd really like to see my brother -in -law.

[733] Yeah, I'd really like to see it work for him.

[734] And he owns more of it than I do.

[735] He's a comic, right?

[736] Yeah, Alex Ramundo.

[737] I don't know Alex very well.

[738] He's one of my best friends.

[739] And he literally, when I started doing stand -up, September 17, 1986 is when I met him.

[740] I was nervous.

[741] I was going to do four minutes, first time open mic, and went straight to the bar and ordered a beer and a shot of tequila.

[742] And he handed me the beer and the shot of tequila.

[743] So he was the bartender in the club I started at.

[744] Oh, wow.

[745] Where was that?

[746] In Arlington, Texas.

[747] What's it called?

[748] Funny Bone Comedy Club.

[749] Wow.

[750] I think it's something else now.

[751] But that's where that was my home.

[752] What's Arlington near?

[753] Dallas, Fort Worth.

[754] Oh, okay.

[755] Yeah.

[756] That's where Texas Stadium is and in the ballpark.

[757] Where's that funny bone?

[758] Not funny bone, improv.

[759] They don't have an improv in art. They have an improv.

[760] No, they have an improv up in Irvine, Irving, or something.

[761] Up in North Dallas, there's one.

[762] But isn't there two?

[763] Yeah.

[764] All right.

[765] What is this?

[766] There used to be two.

[767] There used to be one right down on Central Expressway, but I don't know if there is anymore.

[768] This is the Sinatra Select.

[769] Frankie, baby.

[770] Where did we get this?

[771] Somebody sent it to us, right?

[772] Did Jack Daniels send it to us?

[773] Yeah, Jack Daniels sent us to us.

[774] They found out we drank Jack Daniels on the show, so they sent us to Sinatra Select.

[775] Oh, yeah, baby.

[776] It smells like toupees.

[777] Come on, baby.

[778] Good Lord.

[779] Cheers, sir.

[780] Joe Rogan.

[781] Cheers, buddy.

[782] Jack Daniels to me means fun times and bad decisions.

[783] Almost everything that I've ever done that I should have done that.

[784] Probably should have done that.

[785] Right.

[786] A lot of it's connected.

[787] to that shit there's just so much fuck it in jack daniels it's that's their slogan jack daniels fuck it fuck it yeah it's like uh almost every time i go on stage i have a shot shot of that the shot of this yeah not the sinatra stuff but it kind of tastes the same to me it doesn't really taste like jack daniels that's really pretty good i'm not much of a bourbon guy but that's pretty tasty stuff finally weeds legal run light i know you happy about that well i've been treating it like it was legal for about 50 years.

[788] Me too.

[789] I don't know.

[790] It's going to have that much difference.

[791] You know, they had medical marijuana here anyway, and I was actually using medical marijuana to get off of regular marijuana.

[792] How did you do that?

[793] That works like a fucking charm.

[794] It's almost like Jesus came from heaven and healed me of this regular marijuana problem that's been haunting me since I was 13 years old.

[795] And now that they've legalized recreational marijuana, I'm going to use that to wean myself from medical marijuana.

[796] That's nice.

[797] I've got a plan.

[798] That's beautiful.

[799] That's like methadone.

[800] You know what?

[801] It's so, it came, it took so long to get here, you know, to even this little seven, we have seven states now that are, uh, I think there's more.

[802] How many states, Jamie, legal?

[803] Nine now?

[804] Sevens, sevens recreational, but then a bunch of, you know, in Vegas, they're going to have recreational but now that they have medical if you have a card from anywhere you can go and in the Vegas dispensaries and what's fucked up is there's so many people that are in jail for life in Vegas from the 70s right for life for like getting caught with like a dime bag Vegas used to be the worst place in the world when it came to pot I don't know why I guess they were trying to discourage it was ridiculous this is what it was they got legalized prostitution legalized gambling, open carry handguns, liquor available 24 hours a day on the street.

[805] You can actually walk out on the strip at 5 o 'clock in the morning, crack open a beer and bed on the cameltoe races.

[806] But don't you dare lie to joint because there's children here.

[807] Is that the reason why?

[808] There's children.

[809] I think they were just trying to discourage people from getting high because it probably cut in on the profits.

[810] Wouldn't you assume that the last thing I want to do when I get high is gamble?

[811] I just look at buildings.

[812] I go, look how much money this building costs.

[813] Where are they getting their money?

[814] They must be getting their money from people like me. People like me, they don't know how to gamble.

[815] I'm going to lose all my truck of money.

[816] That's how I always feel.

[817] Like, I never have the urge to gamble when I'm high, ever.

[818] But if I was drunk and I walked into a casino, I'd be like, let's see what happens.

[819] Absolutely.

[820] Come out.

[821] Absolutely.

[822] But I'm not much about, are you a gambler?

[823] I'm good.

[824] You good?

[825] I'm not much about gambler.

[826] You know what?

[827] I played a lot of cards when I first started working Vegas, and then I got hit a couple of times.

[828] And literally, I mean, if you're going to bet $300 a hand, you better have a half million bucks sitting there or you'll get beat because it just accelerates so high off of a $300 bet.

[829] And so if you're not ready to really bet it, you should just not bet it.

[830] You know, if you don't have a, if you can't stay there until it all cycles back through in case you start on the wrong side of it, then now I'll go.

[831] My mother, my mother's 81, she likes to get hammered and gamble.

[832] She does.

[833] She's always in Vegas.

[834] I was there two weeks ago, and I looked over on the side of the stage, and my mother was there.

[835] I had no idea she was coming all the way from Coco, Florida.

[836] And she was just over there waving.

[837] That's awesome.

[838] And she gets hammered and gambles.

[839] Yeah, she plays blackjack, Texas, Hollywood.

[840] hold them and she was one of those people her and her mother you know you know jenn you think that jen can't be skill all skill but anytime i played my mother in jen she's like takes one card and lays them down i'm like well how can you do that you can't be good and just draw all those cards what are you doing my and my grandmother was worse than her so so she plays serious poker but not with serious money and uh more than she used to but but but and then my son loves to play texas holtum so if he comes out to Vegas, then I'll go play with him.

[841] I have a bunch of friends that gamble really high, and I don't have that gene.

[842] I'm missing it.

[843] That's a good one not to have, you know, because it's you can really feel stupid the next day when you're going, I could have gotten well, one of them, you know, at least a moderate, late day Fort Escort you know, or several escorts.

[844] I could have gotten something out of this.

[845] Instead, I got absolutely nothing, except Free booze.

[846] My friend Dana White has lost as much as a million dollars in a night.

[847] Good Lord.

[848] Yeah.

[849] But he won, like, did he say he won seven?

[850] I think he said he won seven one night.

[851] Yeah, I don't get it.

[852] He's got it, though.

[853] Whatever it is, he's got it.

[854] Way better.

[855] Yeah.

[856] But you know what?

[857] That's also, that's a one of the big thing with people that have been punched a lot.

[858] Like, he was a boxer for a long time.

[859] And a lot of MMA fighters, a lot of people that have had experienced a lot of head trauma.

[860] They like the gamble.

[861] There's a weird correlation there.

[862] know why.

[863] I wonder if John Daly ever got hit in the head.

[864] I'm sure somebody punched that guy.

[865] For sure, right?

[866] Who didn't punch that guy?

[867] He's a big dude, but still, somebody probably punched him.

[868] He's a, yeah, probably so.

[869] But, boy, he just has a gambling problem.

[870] He's funny because he was sober for five years, and he's a buddy of mine.

[871] I mean, I'd not say he's a buddy of mine.

[872] Whenever the Masters comes to Augusta, he's always there, and he sells merch, and it's genius, because he's the only.

[873] person.

[874] Number one, he's the most famous golfer in the city at that time, is John Daly, more famous than anybody playing in that tournament.

[875] And then he's accessible.

[876] He likes people.

[877] And so he'll go out there and sell $250 ,000, $300 ,000 words of merch out of this huge, you know, he's got this big pre -bo's tour thing and a big old trailer and set up and his own store at the Hooters right next to the, right next to the golf tournament.

[878] And so that's genius.

[879] During that time, yeah.

[880] Yeah, and he's, you know, it's all his brands.

[881] And, you know, he just makes a kill in doing it.

[882] And it is brilliant.

[883] And but I parked my tour bus right next to his.

[884] So that's the time I see him, you know, is whenever he's doing.

[885] Now he's on the senior tour, so I don't even know.

[886] I don't follow golf, but I follow that guy.

[887] You know what I mean?

[888] Like he's a fun dude.

[889] You know, he gets crazy, does a lot of wild, nutty shit, likes to get hammered.

[890] Right.

[891] It's like, I like the fact that there's a guy like that out there.

[892] They can do it.

[893] I mean, he might not be the best golfer in the world anymore, you know, but he's still a very good golfer, and he's still like this character.

[894] Like, it's part of the thing.

[895] It's not just who wins the golf tournament.

[896] It's like, I want to see John Daly play.

[897] I want to see him talk.

[898] Right.

[899] I want to see him get crazy.

[900] Right.

[901] Yeah.

[902] So, well, he gets crazy, you know, he got sober for a few years, and then he called me the other day.

[903] And I was like, oh, and man, that started again.

[904] He was just baked.

[905] And then the last time I was at last year in Augusta, we got really trashed.

[906] And he was doing a podcast or some kind of radio show out of the Hooters.

[907] Out of the Hooters.

[908] And besides that, he's got a, you know, radio show or did for a while.

[909] And he's just drunk as shit, just trashing the PGA tour.

[910] Oh, God.

[911] And I'm like, you know, you really golf on exemptions.

[912] You know, they're going to, but I didn't say anything to him.

[913] But, I mean, he's just either over -the -top sober or over -the -top drunk.

[914] He can't be, he can't be.

[915] And then he's also just dead honest.

[916] We'll not lie to you to make you feel better.

[917] Will not lie to you to make you feel bad.

[918] He just won't lie.

[919] He talks about how he feels and, you know, he's just one of those guys that, that you know.

[920] And that's why he's so popular.

[921] Yeah.

[922] That's why everybody, that's why the people love him.

[923] We could all use more of that.

[924] all of us right I don't know man I think I could use less I think I think that's what my I think I'm gonna start lying more in 2017 just stay drunk and keep lying yeah there you go stay drunk and keep lying that's a great one yeah I know what you mean at a certain point in time you go how much fucking sand is left in this goddamn hourglass what are we doing with it right you know yeah right we can on a continued path of improvement and spirit true enlightenment or do we eventually go hey guys there's a cliff coming up let's just have a drink what's that there's a fucking cliff there's a cliff right over there yeah oh yeah well that's what you know that's what margot and as our saying is uh is that we're already dead that's how fast it goes we're already dead so while we got this last couple of minutes here you know let's have some fun let's not forget and i buried some really close friends and really not right next to each other about a year and a half ago and broke my heart i didn't want to do stand up anymore And it's just horrible stuff And then And then my buddy that died this weekend I saw him three days before at a party And he was fine He was laughing He's fit as he can be He plays hockey He's a 69 years old But he was just really really He ate a hamburger without the bun While I was sitting there with him And I was like well I bet he regrets that And I was looking back on it Fuck I should eat in that fucking bun And then boom Dead in three days just dropped dead.

[925] What was that actor guy that just died recently?

[926] Alan Thick.

[927] That's who it is.

[928] That's who it is?

[929] Yeah.

[930] Alan Thick was on Fear Factor.

[931] He was a sweetheart.

[932] Oh, he's a, he's a, the most charming human being.

[933] And I don't, you know, when I met him, I'm really good friends with John Paul DeGioria, who owns Patron and Paul Mitchell.

[934] And he is just a biker that made billions of dollars with the, just a great, just a brilliant and so he has these, you know, men's knights that are kind of a league of extraordinary rich dudes.

[935] And, but every once in a while an entertainer sneaks in there like me and Alan.

[936] And so the first one I went there, I was, I knew, I recognized Alan, of course, because he was a hugely famous television star when I was watching television even.

[937] And, but what attracted me was this to him as a man, you know, just his charisma.

[938] And he's just one of those guys that can, you know, just a man's man, you know.

[939] Yeah, I just want to hang around him.

[940] Yeah.

[941] I was really shocked.

[942] I was really shocked at all, how nice and friendly he was.

[943] And, you know, took, he lost.

[944] He had to do some physical thing.

[945] He had to climb on something on the side of a building or something like that.

[946] And he wound up losing.

[947] Took it like a champ.

[948] Right.

[949] Oh, yeah.

[950] He was smiling the whole way.

[951] He was playing full contact hockey.

[952] Hockey with fake knees.

[953] Jesus Christ.

[954] He got his knees done?

[955] Yeah, and he still played hockey.

[956] Oh, my God.

[957] They told him not to.

[958] But he's like, what are I going to do?

[959] Oh, my God.

[960] So it works pretty good.

[961] But he was playing hockey with his son when he died.

[962] And his son told me this, and it was really funny.

[963] He goes, while he was on the fucking stretcher, putting him in the ambulance, he goes, sorry guys i'm an asshole just for for stopping the game you know and then he was dead 15 minutes later but he but he got a laugh on the way out the door and you know and people were saying man that what a tragic thing that you know he died quick and i've had two friends die slow you don't want any part of that and so quick that's when we all agree with that quick we want to go quick we want to go quick and uh you know that's what he did and he was when his son was with him when he took his last I think that's a good thing, and I think his son I don't think it is, too, when he looks back on it, if he doesn't already.

[964] You know what?

[965] A real touchy subject.

[966] This is a real touchy subject, right?

[967] People dying.

[968] It's real touchy.

[969] And it's also a real touchy, like, what we think is going to happen after that.

[970] Right.

[971] You know?

[972] There's people that are, they're, like, real, sensitive about what they think is going to happen and whether it's nothing.

[973] A lot of people are, like, convinced it's nothing.

[974] And they'll say it to you with such fucking conviction.

[975] Listen, when you die, It's nothing.

[976] Well, it goes dark.

[977] I know for a fact that's not true because I lived in a haunted house.

[978] And if there's a haunted house, then somebody, there is an afterlife.

[979] Because there was definitely a haunted house.

[980] Where'd you live?

[981] It was a lake house outside of Austin on Lake LBJ in Kingsland, Texas.

[982] And we had to sign documents at closing saying that it had been told to us that it was a haunted house.

[983] You have to do that in Texas.

[984] And they had two meetings.

[985] mediums and I'm an extra large.

[986] But two different mediums came in and said the same exact thing.

[987] It's the, the ghost name is Whitey Sour.

[988] Oh my God.

[989] And he was the barber for the town and they couldn't tell why he was still there, but he was obviously there.

[990] He could take and he would do these things in front of people.

[991] You could take a pot of water right out of the tap, put it on the stove, stove turned off and just sit there and wait and it started to vibrate.

[992] and then it vibrate to where the waves came in from the center to the middle and then bounce up in the middle.

[993] And then you could get a hold of it because you're obviously stronger than the ghost.

[994] You can settle it back down and let go of it.

[995] And he would do it again.

[996] So, you know, and I know that is, I mean, I happen to just know that to be a fact that I lived in a haunted house.

[997] How many people do you think have actually lived in a haunted house and how many people are just fucking crazy?

[998] because that's the problem if you really did live in a haunted house and I believe you did you know that some people who have told similar stories are just fucking crazy and that might be the problem the problem is trying to differentiate between real unusual experiences which may or not be possible that can happen to anybody just because it hasn't happened to you or it hasn't happened to me I'm walking through life assuming that it's bullshit but if it did happen right in front of you you'll go holy shit how am I going to describe what this is how many people are pretending things like that are happening I don't know, you know, that's, but it's just something that I've always been able to say after I've lived there that I know for a fact that something happens afterwards.

[999] And I had a talk with Whitey.

[1000] I bought the house and was still making payments to his daughter.

[1001] And whenever we first moved there, my girlfriend at the time, her uncles helped move her stuff down there.

[1002] And they had a bunk bed set up in my son's room, but they didn't one of them had a mattress on the bottom but not on the top.

[1003] and he put his shoes up there and during the night for no reason the shoes got pushed off and fell and hit him in the chest and it was totally whitey and uh because that's fucking whitey and so the next day i walked into that room and i said uh whitey listen i'm gonna make a deal with you i love it that you're here it's fine with me uh we have one of his chairs that we wouldn't let anybody sit in with his chair so uh and uh and uh and i said but i'm gonna tell you something right now you fuck with my little boy i'm gonna hit your daughter in the mouth because i i saw her every month when i made the payment so if he was gonna jack with my little kid whoa fucking punch some teeth in you're gonna punch his his daughter not really not really but it's a good threat to a ghost you threaten a ghost that's so gangster yeah yeah you know what and he never never ever uh saw any activity in that room again so my grandparents had a house or a guy died in the house and they always claimed that they saw him he was like a guy who rented a room in their attic and he died and my grandmother always would swear that she could like hear him walking around up there and he'd be there you know if there is we know that this is like most people hear ghost stories they go get the fuck out of here it's because so many ghost shows I mean how many times can you watch a person go into a basement with one of those night vision screens on and look at nothing and go what did you hear that what was that oh my god oh they'll have entire television shows dedicated to one thing and like an egg will move an inch over a year or something.

[1004] I think it would be super arrogant to assume that it's not possible to go surreal, that you just haven't experienced them yet.

[1005] Most people haven't experienced them.

[1006] Because if there's all sorts of types of life, right, there's people that are born with birth defects that make them tiny and other people born with gigantism and death is, and life itself, it's not like this perfect mathematical science.

[1007] It's filled with all sorts of mistakes and errors and weird shit.

[1008] If there's a transition between this stage of life and the next stage of life, would we assume that it would be perfect?

[1009] No, we'd assume if there is a spirit or some sort of a soul in people, we would assume that that transition sometimes misses.

[1010] And sometimes you get caught in like the howling in between the worlds and you just ricochet back and forth off of both places.

[1011] Well, you can't unsmoke that joint, can you?

[1012] Can't.

[1013] Not anymore.

[1014] Not anymore.

[1015] Hey, you know what?

[1016] I'll tell you something.

[1017] It's kind of an interesting story.

[1018] My uncle, who was a preacher, Southern Baptist preacher, a brilliant man, his three doctorates, psychology, philosophy, theology.

[1019] Wow.

[1020] And fun, fun, fun, fun got to talk to.

[1021] And was at one time the president of the Southern Baptist Convention, Dr. Charles Pollard is his name, which is a very, very powerful position to have in the South, to be the president of that convention.

[1022] and so i was talking to him he this is that was a long time ago and and they have a lot of disagreement he kind of had a nervous breakdown and he showed up at my grandmother's birthday party and he had a riding a Harley with no shirt on and then he went down and he taught the gospel according to charlie for a while but uh this is what he took because we were just talking about this exact thing what what right He goes, here he goes to that.

[1023] Well, Ron, here's what I believe.

[1024] I believe that when we die, we're going to be surprised.

[1025] That's all he's got.

[1026] That's all he's got.

[1027] After all these books, all these things, years of the die, you know, it's all he's got.

[1028] No fucking clue.

[1029] You know, when I was young, I was real dismissive of religion because I was real religious at one point when I was like real young.

[1030] I went to Catholic school.

[1031] and I was really it was a good experience because it was a bad experience so I realized that these are like these mean flawed people that are teaching what they think is supposedly God's word and I became like a very anti -religious person for a long time where I thought of religion as being like an ideology that controls your brain but as I've gotten older one of the things that I've been thinking more and more is that although the Bible's definitely been altered by a bunch of different people there's a difference between the old text.

[1032] Testament and the New Testament and even the translations of the Old Testament, they were trying to say something.

[1033] They wrote this fucking thing down and passed it down more than anything else.

[1034] Like the Bible's almost like the story of life because if you go that far back, there's no other stories.

[1035] If you go far back as the Old Testament, there's no other fucking stories.

[1036] There are no books.

[1037] You have to go to other cultures that had similar stories.

[1038] Right.

[1039] And that they're all the same thing, like the Epic of God.

[1040] Gilgamesh.

[1041] It's so similar to, like, no one in the ark. There's all these...

[1042] Oh, they're right.

[1043] All these similarities from...

[1044] They were trying to tell us about something.

[1045] Right.

[1046] And most of it was to be a good, good person, you know?

[1047] I mean, that was a Christ message.

[1048] I grew up in the...

[1049] Watching my uncle preach.

[1050] And so when I was a kid, I loved church.

[1051] I mean, I loved it, loved it.

[1052] I loved to go watch and preach.

[1053] I'd go watch and preach on Sunday, Sunday night.

[1054] I'd go watch and preach on Wednesday.

[1055] And, uh, charismatic.

[1056] funny and just a and he comes from nowhere his mother was a hooker but all a self -made man and so I loved it and then we moved and I went to a regular Baptist church and I was like this fucking sucks man get me out of this motherfucker now where's the youth group fun you know he used to have these youth groups it was more fun than I had anywhere else we went on a choir tour where we had to raise money for it selling pens or whatever the fuck it was and then we all piled on a shitty bus and took off singing in churches and uh and it was a you know it was freedom it was total freedom because i could buy i could eat whatever i wanted i had three dollars and fifty cents at 13 years old 12 13 years old 11 maybe to spend in any restaurant i wanted i could get whatever i wanted so every meal chili and french fries that's all i want baby you just go bring me the chili and the and french fries and pile them up right here but uh so that's but once i found out that it's you know there are these uh really great orators and there are some really uh terrible ones horrible well it's like comics or it's like people who write books or actors you know all the above there's always a bunch of that you know he made no bones about it too that if somebody was coming in to look at him to preach at a bigger place he would pull stuff out of his uh repertoire you know because You know, he's got a killer 45 on something particular that he murders with.

[1057] Yeah.

[1058] And he didn't make any bones about that to me. He goes, yeah, they're coming in to watch me. So I'm going to do my life story or whatever, which is great, you know.

[1059] But.

[1060] Well, what you were talking about with your material that it takes like three years to really ripen and, I'm sure.

[1061] He had to come up with a new show every fucking Sunday.

[1062] And then you couldn't do the same thing Sunday night or the same thing Wednesday night because you had people like me at every show.

[1063] It's a lot of jazz, right?

[1064] A lot of improvisation.

[1065] A lot of recalling facts.

[1066] It's kind of like Dr. Phil is because Dr. Phil does three of those shows a day with no script.

[1067] Has no idea what he's saying walking into it.

[1068] No idea what's going to happen when he walks into it.

[1069] And I'm going to tell you right now, nobody else could do it.

[1070] You could do it.

[1071] I could not do it.

[1072] I could not do it.

[1073] I couldn't do it.

[1074] You know how many days a week, a month?

[1075] I'm actually interesting.

[1076] I'm like four.

[1077] And the rest of them, I'm getting a fucking, I'm getting a dial tone the rest of the time.

[1078] I'm getting a dial tone.

[1079] I'm telling you.

[1080] But, but Doc, I mean, just three hour long shows a day with no script.

[1081] You could do that all day long.

[1082] Fuck, no, I couldn't.

[1083] I couldn't do it once.

[1084] Yes, you do it just like this.

[1085] Like you're doing it right now.

[1086] There's no, there's no reason why we can't get a direct runaway.

[1087] You haven't noticed you're carrying this conversation?

[1088] You're not, not.

[1089] There's no fucking way I am.

[1090] That's the weed.

[1091] The weed's fucking with you.

[1092] You've been telling some amazing stories.

[1093] How dare you?

[1094] Ron White, you can do it.

[1095] Like, there's no reason why, like, somebody figured out that Dr. Phil can do it.

[1096] He can do it.

[1097] He did it.

[1098] He's doing it.

[1099] He's currently doing it.

[1100] Somebody figured out that he can improvise about health and all this.

[1101] You could do what you're doing right now all day, every day, whenever you want to do it.

[1102] Yeah, but you don't need any help.

[1103] I don't, what are you talking about?

[1104] I need a fucking shitload of help.

[1105] Well, I know.

[1106] No, but you're going to still make it home either way, you know.

[1107] But these are conversations, Ron.

[1108] There's to be banter, and then in banter, you're fucking hilarious.

[1109] Like, how dare you?

[1110] You know what?

[1111] I got offered a radio job one time when I was, and it was probably for twice what I was making as a stand -up comic, and it was with Eddie Fingers in Cincinnati.

[1112] And I was really, it was $125 ,000 bucks.

[1113] and I'm like, that's a lot.

[1114] That's a bunch of cash to me at the time.

[1115] I started thinking about getting a boat.

[1116] I might just buy a boat.

[1117] A boat, you know, mistress.

[1118] I got a new car.

[1119] What are you?

[1120] That's the thing about money is that you think that the rich people have twice as much money as you, but they don't.

[1121] They have a thousand times more money than you.

[1122] The real rich people.

[1123] Yeah, so 125.

[1124] But anyway, but what I realized was that they saw me come in once a year.

[1125] and murder on their radio show.

[1126] But getting that out of me every day, there's no way.

[1127] Ron White, you know, five days a week?

[1128] This is where we differ.

[1129] We have a problem here because I fucking hang out with you all the time now at the comedy store.

[1130] How many times we drank together?

[1131] A dozen, at least, maybe two dozen.

[1132] Every fucking time, it's been this.

[1133] It's been awesome.

[1134] Oh, well, but, you know, I'm just saying don't count on it.

[1135] I'm fucking counting on it.

[1136] How would you possibly count on you not being you?

[1137] I don't know.

[1138] That doesn't make any sense in an all.

[1139] Yeah, I don't know.

[1140] What happened to that joint?

[1141] Oh, we got another one, man. Oh, fuck that one.

[1142] That one's gone.

[1143] Oh, no, no. I like how Ron White thinks.

[1144] This is important.

[1145] We're already struggling with reality.

[1146] Right.

[1147] Ron White thinks notice, notice you're the one carrying the conversation.

[1148] Like, what the fuck?

[1149] He's said telling like 10 epic stories.

[1150] God damn it, Ron White.

[1151] Why is it that's something, I don't know, want to make you embarrassed.

[1152] But why is it something that all the great comics have where this is like a ridiculous humility in a lot of ways?

[1153] You know?

[1154] I had a conversation with Dave Chappelle once.

[1155] Dave Chappelle and I were talking and we went to this fucking Hollywood party.

[1156] That was like deep up in the hills.

[1157] It was Naomi Campbell's birthday party.

[1158] It was a 50 -foot tall naked photo of Naomi Campbell.

[1159] We had to go to a place and we had a park and then from where we parked we had to get in a bus that took us to this fucking house this house was ridiculous and I get up there with Dave and I was like it was so weird it was like DeMe Moore was there and Ledney Cravitz was there and all these famous people were there I saw like a ton of famous people and I'm like dude this is so weird there's like this gathering of famous people this is so strange it was yeah man I wouldn't ever be one of those I don't want to be one of those I go what are you talking about you're the most famous person in this fucking room And he looked at me like, what?

[1160] And I go, dude, you're the most, we're both ba -a -a -a -a -ed.

[1161] Right.

[1162] And we were beyond high.

[1163] Yeah.

[1164] We're beyond high.

[1165] And we're hanging out at this famous part.

[1166] I go, dude, you're the most famous person here.

[1167] He goes, Joe, stop lying to me, man. I'm like, there's no doubt.

[1168] You're the most famous person here.

[1169] I was playing Denver, and he was working at the, it was working out stuff at the at the comedy works in Denver, which is one of the best comedy clubs in the country, too.

[1170] Oh, one of the best.

[1171] It's right up there in the ice house.

[1172] He was in there all week, you know, doing sets.

[1173] And so he called it.

[1174] And I paid to see him in Santa Barbara like a year and a half ago.

[1175] Wow.

[1176] We were walking down the street and it was for sale.

[1177] We walked up.

[1178] You just didn't even know he was there?

[1179] It just told, oh, wow.

[1180] No, I paid me and my wife.

[1181] We paid and walked down and just howled.

[1182] I mean, he's a, I mean, kind of, well, kind of, of like you in a way that he'll walk out on some pretty thin limbs and just jump on him and uh and has a punchline to back it up with and i was i was a real real impressed and then he called me when i was in denver and said would you come out and do a set because i was coming a day early and uh and in front of me and uh and i'm like oh fuck yeah i'd love to and uh so but anyway after his set here one night at the here like we're at the comedy store at the comedy store I was leaving, and I was walking up to my car, and he's got a bunch of people in a big, old huge SUV, and he goes, Ron White, you're coming with us.

[1183] I said, no, I got to go home.

[1184] No, you don't.

[1185] No, you don't.

[1186] No, you don't.

[1187] You're coming with us.

[1188] You have to come with us.

[1189] You are coming with us tonight.

[1190] Get in this car.

[1191] And I'm like, okay, so we went to some club.

[1192] Couldn't tell you where it was.

[1193] I mean, you know, not that far downtown somewhere, but really, no door, no name, you know, just to get through it.

[1194] And, and what it, what we did is we went out and we saw how much fun it was to be Dave fucking Chappelle, you know, that, the, I go to the comedy store because I'm famous when I'm there, you know, it's, you know, I'm not famous everywhere.

[1195] He's famous everywhere.

[1196] And, uh, and he's also, you know, fun about it.

[1197] You know, some people, I mean, he'll go engage every table and talk to him.

[1198] I mean, he's the, he's not, you know, see that.

[1199] Come me, come here.

[1200] Oh, get away, get away, get away.

[1201] No, he's a great guy.

[1202] He's a weirdly great guy.

[1203] He always has been, too.

[1204] I think I met Dave when he was like 18 or something.

[1205] He was always like, just a super nice guy.

[1206] Just always been very genuine, you know, and in the amazing pressure that you face and being, like in a lot of ways, the voice of a comedic generation when he was doing Chappelle's show, it was sort of the defining show of that generation.

[1207] I mean, there's really no parallel.

[1208] He does, like, what, two seasons?

[1209] Did he do two seasons?

[1210] Yeah, two seasons.

[1211] And then he had a $50 million contract, and he showed up in Africa or something.

[1212] I don't know exactly what happened, but...

[1213] And had some of the best sketches ever.

[1214] Right.

[1215] That one, the blind guy, who didn't know that he was black and he was a white supremacist.

[1216] Holy shit.

[1217] I mean, he was in the KKK, and he didn't know that he was black because he was blind.

[1218] It is one of the funniest bits the fucking universe has ever seen.

[1219] Right.

[1220] And he did it for two years.

[1221] and it's sort of when they tried to change his show and he just walked away it's sort of like you know what I don't know that anybody tried to change his show I know they did no you do okay then but what I you know that he couldn't go into stand -up because they wouldn't leave him alone you know he couldn't start going to because right then he was ripe to play every major whatever whatever he wanted to sell he could sell it still can't and but they would Rick James, bitch, they would just scream at him the whole time.

[1222] And I can only imagine how frustrating that would be.

[1223] That happened for a little while, yeah.

[1224] But now it's security heavy.

[1225] I mean, if you want to get thrown out of his show, there's a good chance you will.

[1226] Because there's a bunch of big guys walking around.

[1227] And then, you know, they try to stay pretty low.

[1228] But if you think it's going to be about you and Chappelle exchanging pleasantries, you're wrong.

[1229] You're going to be shut up and then thrown out.

[1230] and so but and I get it I'll have somebody thrown out of one of my shows in a two seconds if they think of it's sometimes you just have to all right I saw Krista Leah's Instagram the other day and there was some couple that was leaving and apparently they were just really rude to him during his show and they were yelling out you're a loser and all the shit and he and he he's on you know Chris is so silly he's on he's on stage he's like bye you fucking idiots and like you know he's laughing about it he's like one more thing one more thing bye you fucking idiots and the whole crowd starts cheering it's it's so ridiculous but this uh couple apparently they just wouldn't stop heckling him they wouldn't stop calling him a loser like imagine pain to go see somebody and then calling him a loser like what the fuck like what the fuck like what happened what happened where's who needs a hug who needs a hug first i got a pretty i got a pretty zero tolerance policy i mean because i'm not going to banter with you at all.

[1231] I'm going to ask you to shut up.

[1232] And if you don't do that, then I'm going to tell you this.

[1233] Things have been set in motion that I cannot stop because you didn't listen to what I said last time.

[1234] And I can't because if I do that, somebody's already walking over and they're going to get thrown out.

[1235] One way, it's talking about some fucking mortal combat.

[1236] God damn.

[1237] Yeah.

[1238] Well, some people, you know, there's a lot of different kinds of people, folks.

[1239] Some of them just don't get it.

[1240] They just, they're just too frustrating to interact with.

[1241] They just want to make it about them and scream out, interrupt a show for whatever reason.

[1242] And it's not their fault, maybe.

[1243] It's the way they were raised.

[1244] Maybe it's the fucking genetics they were handed.

[1245] They don't go to the theater a lot.

[1246] There's a lot of things.

[1247] They might be drunk.

[1248] They might be fucked up.

[1249] They might have anxiety.

[1250] Who knows?

[1251] Yeah, I think sometimes they think it helps, you know, to give the comedian something to do, you know, to, I think they think it helps.

[1252] I don't think they're trying to stump the comic most of the time.

[1253] time because me or you handling a heckler is like playing ping pong with a chicken it's so fucking easy you know it's just but I just don't want to do it I don't want to spend any time doing it I want to spend all my time entertaining these other bunch of people I agree but occasionally I will I will open to the fact that this is a weird exchange between a comedian and an audience It's a weird exchange.

[1254] And occasionally, people say shit that's fucking funny.

[1255] You know, it is unfortunate.

[1256] I should be more like that, and I'm not.

[1257] I'm not.

[1258] I'm so fucking humorless.

[1259] And because I, you know, I bounce laughs off a laugh.

[1260] So that's what I do.

[1261] I dribble.

[1262] I'm a pace, rhythm timing, boom, boom, boom.

[1263] So I'm going to start you here.

[1264] I'm going to dribble you to here.

[1265] And then I'm going to be slamming you.

[1266] But if you stop me, then I got to go, okay.

[1267] Fuck.

[1268] You're right.

[1269] And I'm going to start dribbling down here.

[1270] But I'll get there quick.

[1271] But, I mean, I just so, it always makes me mad.

[1272] And it shouldn't make me mad.

[1273] That shouldn't be the reaction.

[1274] But it does.

[1275] It makes me mad because I have what I want.

[1276] Right.

[1277] And you're fucking it up.

[1278] And, uh...

[1279] That definitely does happen.

[1280] That happens, too.

[1281] I just think every now and then someone says some funny shit.

[1282] Well, you're right.

[1283] I should.

[1284] I mean, I should.

[1285] Lighting the fuck out.

[1286] I'm a fucking comedian.

[1287] I had this one joke.

[1288] It was this one time, one of the best heckles ever.

[1289] It was in New Jersey.

[1290] I was doing a theater in Jersey.

[1291] And I had this one joke about Kim Kardashian meeting the aliens.

[1292] And I'm like, well, who do you think is the most famous woman in the world?

[1293] And this guy goes, your mother.

[1294] And it's the way he said it.

[1295] It was like the perfect timing.

[1296] Or maybe he might have said your mom.

[1297] Your mom.

[1298] I think he said your mom.

[1299] I was like, this is fucking hilarious.

[1300] Anytime you could say your mom or your mom, that's fine.

[1301] funny.

[1302] I mean, that's 80 % of the banter that Ari Shafir and I have with each other.

[1303] Was it your mom that sucked all those dicks?

[1304] No?

[1305] Okay.

[1306] The guy never heckled again.

[1307] It was the one heckle in one show.

[1308] It was like perfect.

[1309] He went in like a ninja.

[1310] He dropped a nuclear bomb.

[1311] Boom.

[1312] Your mom.

[1313] And he got out and he got a laugh.

[1314] Now did you tell him that don't try it again?

[1315] Oh, I admitted it was really funny.

[1316] Like whenever you can say that, that's fucking funny.

[1317] I wonder why I can't do that.

[1318] But I sure can't.

[1319] It just makes me, it just pisses me off.

[1320] Sometimes, I agree, I agree.

[1321] I'm not a heckler supporter, but I'm like, I'm not, I'm not.

[1322] I'm just saying, it's like, what a live show is, really some weird interaction, right?

[1323] And I think people like to know that you're right there.

[1324] Well, when I'd been doing stand -up for six years and I was headlining comedy club, I prayed to God somebody would heckle me, because I couldn't get to 45 minutes without it.

[1325] So, you know, I needed to about four.

[1326] or five minutes of jabber and asking hayseys where they're from and and and uh but it which is pure third grade comedy and uh and i'm clearly a fourth grader how long is it before someone does a hologram show where you go to a theater and the holograms are so good that it looks like it's already there it's already there but you're on the on the other side of the planet right it's already there.

[1327] You think so?

[1328] Yeah.

[1329] It's on whatever, Rodeo Drive.

[1330] There's a company over there on Rodeo Drive that are doing the most amazing.

[1331] The thing is it still needs to evolve.

[1332] Right.

[1333] You know, it's like these, well, anyway, it still needs to evolve.

[1334] Did you see when they did it on CNN, when they used it for the elections one year?

[1335] They had like Wolf Blitzer in the hologram.

[1336] Do you remember that, Jamie?

[1337] What was that about?

[1338] They tried that like one time.

[1339] like, this is freaking people the fuck out.

[1340] Like, what are we, Star Wars?

[1341] Right.

[1342] Is he gonna beam up now?

[1343] What the fuck is Wolf Blitz are doing in a hologram?

[1344] Can you just put a camera on him wherever the fuck he is?

[1345] Why do you have to show me a hologram?

[1346] Like, what's going on here?

[1347] People just, right?

[1348] Well, but it's, now they just can't do it for as long as they want to.

[1349] Right.

[1350] So without it just costing a billion dollars.

[1351] But eventually, you can do it on your fucking phone.

[1352] You can project an image of something you're thinking.

[1353] thinking right there in front of you look at this woman she's glowing she's like help me obi one you're my only hope this is my pussy CNN's Jessica Yellen via hologram from Chicago it's a really fucking cool looking hologram but she's got a weird oh I didn't even know we were watching something about holograms I thought you were talking to me you're watching television look at it it's right there that's that woman that's the one they did it on CNN where they had her as a this was uh during the McCain Obama oh wow And she's a hologram.

[1354] And they did this on CNN.

[1355] She's glowing.

[1356] This is so freaky.

[1357] This is so like sci -fi.

[1358] Like, I think America is like, no. No more of this.

[1359] You know what else it is?

[1360] It's really bad radio.

[1361] Because nobody can see it.

[1362] Yeah, but there's a lot of people watching on YouTube too.

[1363] We'll tell them.

[1364] Okay.

[1365] Yeah.

[1366] This is also on YouTube.

[1367] Wait, what are we going to tell them?

[1368] CNN's Jessica Yellen via hologram.

[1369] Just Google that, and you can watch this video.

[1370] CNN, Holoel.

[1371] First is a video we're watching.

[1372] And you can play that.

[1373] Record it and play it while you're listening to Joe and I's banter.

[1374] Just tell me what you're seeing.

[1375] Cut it.

[1376] Does this freak you out?

[1377] You see this person with this blue glow around them?

[1378] Like there's some fucking alien.

[1379] What are they preparing us for?

[1380] It looks like money to me. I don't want to go straight to Alex Jones here, but I would say that looks crazy.

[1381] Yeah.

[1382] How long before people start doing stand -up like that?

[1383] Where the audience will heckle, but it won't work because you're not.

[1384] you're not really there.

[1385] So it'll only work if everybody shuts the fuck up.

[1386] You just keep on moving.

[1387] Just blow out of the thread.

[1388] Sometimes I feel like that.

[1389] Well, what they'll do is they'll film you doing a set somewhere in front of a crowd with this hologram thing projecting it.

[1390] So you'll be, you'll do a live show, but the live show is only going to be for the people right in front of you.

[1391] It'll be something that you can maybe I could be in your living room at some point that I, for a limited amount.

[1392] of dates.

[1393] No, I still can if you have a lot of money.

[1394] But eventually, I mean, I'm just saying where does it stop?

[1395] You know, where does it stop?

[1396] If you can do that right there, then eventually you'll be able to do it on a small scale.

[1397] And, you know, I brought my drone.

[1398] There's a drone now that'll follow you and take pictures of you.

[1399] Have you seen that?

[1400] It's like it floats.

[1401] It floats above you and films.

[1402] Films pictures of you.

[1403] So you can, like, film stuff.

[1404] I have one.

[1405] You have one of those?

[1406] What do you do with it?

[1407] Well, lately, now that I live at the montage in Beverly Hills, I fly it down Beverly Drive and take, just take, you know, footage of it and turn it around, snapshots and go up.

[1408] But the thing is, I used to live off a canyon, right?

[1409] So if it crashed, it was just going to go into the canyon.

[1410] Now it goes into some kid's head.

[1411] If it fucking falls out of the sky, right?

[1412] How often does it fall?

[1413] Never.

[1414] But I still can't keep from thinking about it every once in a while.

[1415] It is fucking weird that you could just have a robot.

[1416] You can go right over to the Beverly Wilshire and just park it right in any window you want.

[1417] And if those curtains are open and you want to watch those people fuck, they're going to get pissed when they see that goddamn drone.

[1418] But, you know, they don't know who's flying it.

[1419] What are we doing?

[1420] And it goes 80 miles an hour.

[1421] What are you saying, Jamie?

[1422] It's going to fall out of the sky here in a second.

[1423] It's going to fall out of the sky?

[1424] Yeah, it's just one of the new GoPro drones a couple weeks ago.

[1425] Oh, shit.

[1426] They were over a baseball field, and it just took a nosedive.

[1427] Didn't hit anybody.

[1428] But that's just luck.

[1429] But it didn't fall on Beverly Drive either during Christmas season.

[1430] Oh, my God, that's crazy.

[1431] Like what the fuck just happened.

[1432] So that thing just fell out of the sky.

[1433] Did you see the one?

[1434] where the guy that looks like bullshit to me that happened I'm pretty short this looks like bullshit though this pose looks like bullshit maybe I'm just too quick to call bullshit but did you see that one where there was a guy that was on the skiing slopes and he was in some sort of Olympic competition or something and the drone fell behind him like right behind him like barely barely but it was a big drone big yeah with like a movie camera on it yeah here it is so this guy skiing What is this competition, Jamie?

[1435] The Olympics or something like that.

[1436] Oh, shit, and look at that.

[1437] Oh, he never saw it.

[1438] He never saw it, but it fell right behind him.

[1439] Like, this is crazy.

[1440] Oh, it would have killed him.

[1441] It probably would have fucked him up, man. Look at this.

[1442] Well, this thing, and you've seen it in high -speed.

[1443] First of all, look at that.

[1444] Watch.

[1445] Boom, right behind him.

[1446] And it looks like it's hard to tell with respect.

[1447] But it looks like just a few feet.

[1448] It looks like it busted into about a billion pieces.

[1449] Oh, that would have fucking hurt like hell if that hit.

[1450] him yeah you can't do that i'm gonna quit i'm gonna quit flying it over a beverly drive that's uh but you know i can tell i can tell him my gut when i'm doing something if i shouldn't be doing it you know i really do have a little signal inside of me that goes ron and i rarely listen to it i rarely do and uh but you know i think i probably ought to quit flying the drone up and down rodeo drive when i can't even see it yeah definitely don't have that robot monster flying in the sky dropping on people's heads like that thing.

[1451] I took it to where it's the place where Sturgis is.

[1452] The bike thing?

[1453] Yeah.

[1454] Where is that?

[1455] Anyway, there's a little town up there, a little casino town where Deadwood is I think it is Deadwood.

[1456] How do I not know where Sturgis is?

[1457] Where is it?

[1458] It's in Idaho.

[1459] South Dakota?

[1460] South Dakota.

[1461] Right.

[1462] People in Idaho.

[1463] go, we're not fucking South Dakota, bro.

[1464] Yeah.

[1465] So it's like, they're just, that, it's that big motorcycle thing, right?

[1466] Where everybody gets together and they just fucking ride.

[1467] I mean, it's a million things.

[1468] I mean, a million people, this is it.

[1469] That is insane.

[1470] See how beautiful, this little charming little streets been like this except for the pavement for, it's just 1785.

[1471] Holy shit.

[1472] And it's always been intact because it's always been a town that always made money and doing something.

[1473] So a big gold town, but so it's, it's all intact.

[1474] So this is all going uphill, where he's going right now, and it keeps going uphill for ways.

[1475] And then back up to the left is way up a hill is the hotel where I'm at.

[1476] So I'm going to take my drone, and I'm just going to, I want to shoot, I want to go down that strip and shoot that street, you know, just from one end to the other.

[1477] And I had a spare battery in my pocket, and so I took it out front, and I took it off from there, and I just kind of walked it over like I was flying a kite and I get up there and I send it down the street I just fly it down there just for a practice run and it's you know almost a mile and then fly it back up and and then I fly it back down there again and while it's flying this is really good looking girl goes oh you're the one with the drone scaring everybody and I said the kids love it and uh but you're But then I looked back around, and it wasn't there.

[1478] The drone was gone.

[1479] And then I started running down that hill.

[1480] I mean, just kind of walking fast going, where is it?

[1481] And then I'd send it up, you know, because you get an up button, and it'll go straight up until you can see it.

[1482] And that wasn't happened.

[1483] I was walking down.

[1484] And then I looked, and once the battery gets so low, it just takes over itself and takes us back to where you started from.

[1485] But it says, you know, it's taken back to the home base, which is right in front of that really busy hotel.

[1486] It's going to come in.

[1487] My little drone's going to come dropping in.

[1488] So I got to just huff it, and I'm a downhill guy.

[1489] I'm not an uphill guy.

[1490] And I see the drone flying over my head towards the hotel.

[1491] I can't stop it.

[1492] I'm totally out of control.

[1493] And I'm just, oh, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

[1494] I can't, I mean, I can't stop.

[1495] I got to get there.

[1496] I got to beat the fucking thing to the, to the, to the, to the fucking hotel.

[1497] And I don't, but it doesn't matter because it comes down about an inch or an hour, you know, just comes in really slow and just lands.

[1498] And so I'm like bent over holding a chair, just, ah, ah, ah, ah, I mean, this is as out of breath as I've ever been in my life, just, uh.

[1499] And this guy goes, hey, is there any way I can get a picture?

[1500] I'm like of me while I'm dying Is that what you So those Are there drones that can navigate Around trees and things There's these won't hit a wall If they'll come near it And they'll just stop Yeah it'll if you have that You know What are we doing Ron White What the fuck are we allowing These flying robots to be everywhere It was a big case in Texas My son was telling me about it where this guy flew his drone into another guy's yard, and he shot it with a shotgun.

[1501] And he's like, well, you're filming my family, and I'm, you know, I believe.

[1502] And so now it's, you know, who's the fault?

[1503] He doesn't own that airspace.

[1504] I mean, it doesn't seem like you'd own a foot or two of it, right?

[1505] Of your own airspace?

[1506] Well, it's a totally new dilemma.

[1507] And it's one more piece of technology that brings us, like, weirdly more connected, some sort of strange, almost forced way.

[1508] Like now, we thought the only way to get around was essentially by being on foot so you could put up a fence.

[1509] But now, if you can fly in 3D space, well, where am I allowed to go?

[1510] Where am I not allowed to go?

[1511] Right.

[1512] Are you allowed to fly over anybody's house?

[1513] Yeah.

[1514] How does that work?

[1515] And as technology gets closer and closer and closer and closer to whatever the fuck the singularity is, we're going to probably physically be able to do that.

[1516] So right now we can't physically fly around.

[1517] It's too difficult to have some sort of a jetpack type situation.

[1518] Yeah, listen, those empty promises rang hollow years ago of the jet packs.

[1519] They did, but as technology improves, there's a possibility.

[1520] Who knows?

[1521] There's a possibility within our lifetime of some sort of propulsion system that works on some sort of a vest that you would wear.

[1522] Next hundred years, all you've got to do to see what's going to have in the next hundred years is look at the last hundred years.

[1523] and that kind of momentum is going to continue straight on until this looks like antique why did they ever do it this way?

[1524] 100%.

[1525] Everything we're doing is stupid.

[1526] Everything.

[1527] So Ron got in a car and drove and they did what?

[1528] They meant?

[1529] I don't know what it was going to be.

[1530] Yeah, man. These are like the strangest times ever.

[1531] I really feel like every day it feels so strange.

[1532] Like the fact that Donald Trump is really the president, like that feels so strange.

[1533] Yeah, you know, I didn't vote for the president -elect, but I did get my tax estimates two days ago.

[1534] And when I looked at it, I was like, go Trump.

[1535] Now, I don't mean to say that I agree with anything he's ever said in his life.

[1536] but, you know, I don't know how these really rich guys are getting away with paying 3 % and I'm paying 34 % tax on this money and, you know, then, you know, well, he did get elected, so, you know, I am going to get the benefits of those tax breaks.

[1537] I wouldn't trade my country for it, but I'll take them.

[1538] It's just fascinating because he's the first truly famous, like super famous guy who ran for president and won.

[1539] No, Reagan.

[1540] I don't think Reagan can fuck with Trump in the super famous department.

[1541] Oh, come on.

[1542] Reagan was a movie star, dude.

[1543] I know.

[1544] But, I mean, back when they had three televisions.

[1545] I was six or whatever I was.

[1546] I don't remember how old that was either.

[1547] But I remember I was pretty good with numbers.

[1548] I definitely wasn't voting age during the administration.

[1549] But do you really think Reagan was as big a star as Trump is?

[1550] that apprentice celebrity apprentice show that was a big hit worldwide no worldwide no but US wise yes absolutely every bit it's famous and and so was Schwarzenegger Schwarzenegger for sure if Schwarzenegger ran for president if he was allowed to he's not allowed to because he's born in Austria he'd win he'd fucking win right I think he'd win I think I think if Trump can win for short Schwarzenegger and I think he taught us something very important that I think changed the lives of a lot of people.

[1551] You can't unfuck the babysitter.

[1552] Can't do it.

[1553] You can't unfuck the babysitter.

[1554] You can't take that back.

[1555] Yeah, you can't.

[1556] It is what it is.

[1557] So don't fuck the babysitter.

[1558] It is what it is.

[1559] Look what can happen.

[1560] But people still love him.

[1561] They know what he is.

[1562] He's, you know.

[1563] That's why I'm, he smokes cigars at this place where I smoke cigars sometimes and I saw I'm walking out of a building.

[1564] I said, hey, governor.

[1565] He didn't.

[1566] He didn't say anything.

[1567] But wouldn't you still call him?

[1568] him, governor?

[1569] I would call him whatever he wants.

[1570] Sir, I met him once.

[1571] I think I'd probably call him brother.

[1572] Because I call everybody brother.

[1573] Right.

[1574] But he was super cool.

[1575] I met him at the UFC.

[1576] I was like, I'm shaking his hand.

[1577] I'm like, goddamn, shaking hands with our motherfucking Schwarzenegger.

[1578] It's one of those weird ones.

[1579] Yeah.

[1580] Certain people you meet and you go, whoa.

[1581] Certain people you meet and you're like, hey man, what's up?

[1582] Nice to meet you.

[1583] And other people you meet you like, I can't fucking believe I'm meeting Sylvester Stallone.

[1584] It's this weird, you know?

[1585] Right.

[1586] You know, like that Jack Nicholas, or Jack Nicholson, rather, either one, one of them's dead, right?

[1587] The golfer died, didn't he?

[1588] Nicholas, yeah.

[1589] He died?

[1590] Jack Nicholus, yeah.

[1591] But Jack Nicholson?

[1592] No, he didn't.

[1593] Jack Nicholson is alive.

[1594] Arnold Palmer died.

[1595] Oh, that's right.

[1596] That's fine.

[1597] Sorry, Jack.

[1598] I'm sorry.

[1599] I'm so sorry, everybody.

[1600] Everybody involved.

[1601] If you're listening.

[1602] Jack Nicholson, though, the actor.

[1603] Like, if you met him.

[1604] And he's alive, too.

[1605] He is alive, too.

[1606] All these people are alive, Joe.

[1607] That's what I'm saying.

[1608] I knew somebody died.

[1609] Couldn't figure out which golfer.

[1610] It was, yeah, Arnold Palmer.

[1611] Yeah.

[1612] But, like, that's one, if you meet Jack Nicholson, you're going to freak out a little bit.

[1613] Like, you have to.

[1614] He, yeah, he played through our group at Bel Air one time.

[1615] I was playing golf with Doc, and him and Joe Pesci played through our group.

[1616] What was that like?

[1617] You know what?

[1618] They, you know, they just played through our group.

[1619] It was a par three that I played the course a lot with Doc, and then, but, but They were, they turned around, you know, they both gave you the movie star look, you know, and thanks, you know.

[1620] It wasn't much, but it was definitely two really, really, really cool, famous people, you know.

[1621] So it's not often I spazz out about meeting somebody, but I was in, I was like the grand marshal at the Talladega and Margot sang their national anthem.

[1622] So we were like the king and queen of the Talladega Speedway that weekend.

[1623] And they were filming Talladega Nights was about to come out, and Farrell was there.

[1624] And we went to this dinner.

[1625] It was a buffet, but it was up by all these famous chefs, supposed to be really, you know, really nice.

[1626] And he was in line.

[1627] And I just started walking towards him like a zombie.

[1628] I mean, I had nothing to say.

[1629] I had no plan.

[1630] And then I just stopped myself and went.

[1631] Ron, would you go sit down?

[1632] Jesus Christ.

[1633] I was, but I'm such a huge fan.

[1634] I was like, and I mean, you know, I know some other famous people, but, you know, Farrell, you know, that's a big deal.

[1635] And you know who else I'm, every time I'm around him, and I've been around him several times and is a Dan Aykroyd.

[1636] And every time I'm around Dan, I say something completely fucking stupid because I'm just a gigantic.

[1637] I mean, I couldn't even tell you how big an Acroyd fan I am.

[1638] He's one of the fucking Blues brothers.

[1639] He's well, he's Dan Aykroyd.

[1640] I mean, come on.

[1641] Right, no, and, but that was when I was stopped, we were stopping parties to play this stuff, you know, so he's anyway.

[1642] Stopping parties?

[1643] So he's a night, yeah, there would be a party going on Saturday night.

[1644] It was stop it and turn on Saturday night live.

[1645] Wow.

[1646] And watch, uh, uh, and acroid and uh yeah bill murray and and uh anyway it was amazing and uh but every time i'm around him i always say something just i mean i know what you mean just i mean it's just like the most unimpressive i could possibly fucking be and uh it's too uncomfortable yeah i'm a comic and he's like yeah you told me that last time you i'm like oh okay fuck fuck oh come my lord give me something there's this fucking interview that they did recently with Jerry Lewis, it is hilarious.

[1647] Have you seen it, Jamie?

[1648] Apparently they annoyed the fuck out of him, right?

[1649] Like, Jerry Lewis is in his 90s, and they were interviewing a bunch of people that are in their 90s that still work, and they interviewed Jerry Lewis.

[1650] And I guess they had annoyed him so bad and bringing in a bunch of assistants and lights and cameras and shit.

[1651] So Jerry Lewis gave them, like, one word answers.

[1652] Yes.

[1653] No, it didn't.

[1654] He's doing this interview with these fucking people.

[1655] And the guy starts weird and out.

[1656] We'll play a little bit of it here.

[1657] It's on, what is it, Hollywood Reporter?

[1658] Is that who's doing it?

[1659] Is it going to come in through my headphones here?

[1660] Yeah, you'll hear it through your headphones.

[1661] It's fucking hilarious, man. Seven painfully awkward minutes with Jerry Lewis.

[1662] People who are still working in their 90s.

[1663] Have you ever thought about retiring?

[1664] Why?

[1665] Was there never a moment that you thought it might be time to retire or you would want to why you come from a generation a little older and i think of bob hope george burns sinatra who fuck you they're dead people he had never retired either um do you see similarities with them none none what do you think drives people like you and and them to want to keep working because we do it well and how about what's different about performing now for you than say 20 years ago how is it how is it different for you it isn't not at all I kind of see his point I see both of their points I don't I see nobody's point but Jerry's point this guy's asking ridiculously stupid questions to one of the most famous comedians, and certainly the best comedic actor, one of the best comedic actors that ever lived, and he's asking him, why aren't you more like you're dead friends?

[1666] Oh, well, because I'm not fucking dead!

[1667] Yeah.

[1668] I think.

[1669] I think with a guy like that, if you're going to have a conversation with him, it's going to have to be like in a podcast form, and it's going to have to be with someone who really respects him.

[1670] You know, you know, someone who's going to have a conversation that at this point in his life, after all the movies and all the stuff that guy's done, he probably doesn't want to deal with any bullshit anymore, you know?

[1671] And it seems like, to him, it was like, this is stupid.

[1672] What the fuck am I doing?

[1673] Why am I doing this?

[1674] This feels uninspired.

[1675] You know what I did the other day?

[1676] This was the worst fucking decision I ever made.

[1677] Not the worst, but a really bad one.

[1678] mother, my mom's in town and, you know, we're staying at the montage because the house got destroyed and, and I'm like, mom, what do you want to do?

[1679] She goes, well, I've never been to the La Brea Tar Pits.

[1680] And I'm like, well, that's kind of like a puddle of mud with a nice well, I'd like to go on one of those tour buses.

[1681] And I'm like, all right, well, I'll take you on one of those tour buses.

[1682] I'll take you.

[1683] So we go on the TMZ bus Because I saw the TMZ The big double -decker things But that's not their bus They advertise for TMZ On the side of those buses But their buses are little buses And they have like big A bunch of television screens And they just blast all this footage Of the I mean everywhere you go What happened there Every time Paris Hilton was on their show You're so real fucking loud really really really annoying and I was like mom I mean because we thought we were going to be really passive you know like and that's where Jerry Lewis lived for 45 years and right there's where there's George Carlin is where the house you know but no it was in your face loud it was like you were just forced to watch an episode of TMZ and somebody tied you to a fucking chair and wouldn't let you go and just turned it the fuck up that's how fucking annoying it was and it just horrible horrible horrible and so at one point in the tour they said we'll be passing the montage hotel and I'm like let's get off mom and yeah let's get out of here so we scoot it off but it was it was nightmarish it was and I liked those guys at TMZ and they're friends of mine but God would you please fucking turn it down my mother I brought my mother I brought my mom I feel bad for the guy that was asking the questions to Jerry Lewis too because he probably thought he would have a nice friendly conversation with a legend probably totally intimidated he's in Jerry Lewis's house having a conversation with him and it's going to that one answer one word answer place no why you know that when he starts doing that you're in verbal combat but listen to what the questions were terrible questions are you guys 90 years old.

[1684] He's talking about it.

[1685] Why aren't you more like dead?

[1686] I agree.

[1687] I agree.

[1688] That's right.

[1689] I mean, how do you answer that question?

[1690] It was a poorly designed conversation.

[1691] Horrible.

[1692] Horrible.

[1693] Horribly design conversation.

[1694] And it was obviously, that's how Jerry Lewis felt, and you could tell the guy who was asking the question.

[1695] It was kind of, you know, he was treading on water.

[1696] He's trying to figure out how to get the fuck through this while he's talking to his living legend.

[1697] No, he didn't.

[1698] He didn't figure it out.

[1699] No, he should have...

[1700] He probably meant well.

[1701] Yeah.

[1702] He probably meant well and just ran into everything.

[1703] Yeah.

[1704] All right.

[1705] Unpreparedness.

[1706] Unpreparedness.

[1707] Yeah.

[1708] It's just that's a weird gig too.

[1709] The ability to ad lib and ask questions to some living legend like Jerry Lewis and just not realize while you're doing it that your narrative that you set up in your head is probably disrespectful to him because you're comparing him to all these dead people.

[1710] So why he's still working.

[1711] You're essentially saying why he's still alive.

[1712] How do you not catch that?

[1713] Yeah.

[1714] How do you not catch that?

[1715] But it's got to be fucking why, you know, you almost have to wonder why he decided to do it.

[1716] I guess it's just the Hollywood reporter, right?

[1717] It's a big deal, you know.

[1718] Yeah.

[1719] I don't know.

[1720] I mean, you know, I don't know that maybe does he still sell tickets?

[1721] I don't know that he works.

[1722] I think he does.

[1723] I think that's what the guy was talking about.

[1724] See if Jerry Lewis still has stand -up shows.

[1725] I think he had just got done.

[1726] Fuck, I'd pay.

[1727] I'd pay, too.

[1728] I'd go see that.

[1729] Fuck, yeah.

[1730] that's uh that's you know i was bill bill burr and i had talked about going to see bill cosby before the scandal broke like and we had talked about going and either one of us flaked i don't remember what happened but bill wound up going when he was somewhere in california we were going to make a separate trip to Vegas just to see bill cosby and burr said he was fucking amazing said he was fucking amazing and then the scandal broke afterwards and like this touring stopped and like it just became a totally different thing i say you know we have to have that that VIP company and that we promote we do other people's VIP stuff besides mine we do other people's and we had just signed Cosby and that stuff breaks and he would have been the perfect client for it because he he's looking for trim anyway you know after the show so he's going to want to hang and sell it you know it would have been a great probably would have been our best client and he still sold a lot of tickets after that look at this and evening with Jerry Lewis Saturday November 12th 2016 so Real recent.

[1731] Yeah, that was the last show I could find listed.

[1732] Wow, that's a really recent show.

[1733] Where was it?

[1734] Where was that?

[1735] St. Louis International Film Festival.

[1736] Wow.

[1737] So that was just probably him talking about, which still would be fascinating.

[1738] Yeah, that would be fascinating.

[1739] But I'm pretty sure he does stand -up.

[1740] I'm pretty sure Jerry Lewis still does some sort of a stand -up show.

[1741] I think he had a show that said like at the South Point in Vegas.

[1742] Yeah?

[1743] But there didn't have any recent shows listed or anything.

[1744] Oh, when was like the last show?

[1745] There was an article from September, so he might have had some shows at the end of the last year.

[1746] Pretty recent.

[1747] So within the last year, he's still working.

[1748] Yeah, that's crazy.

[1749] Crazy.

[1750] Yeah.

[1751] I mean, if you go back and watch, like, the Nutty Professor, like, we were talking about how that influenced Dice, you know, if you go back and watch that and just realized there had been nothing before this, you know, like, there was Charlie Chapman and there's a few movies.

[1752] Chaplin.

[1753] They wouldn't say Chapman?

[1754] Oh, my God.

[1755] I'm an idiot.

[1756] Yeah, but don't listen to me. I'll stop now.

[1757] But Three Stooges, you know, there was some fucking great shit.

[1758] But God damn, man. Those guys were like real pioneers.

[1759] Like how many decades had movie comedy been around back when Jerry Lewis was doing those movies?

[1760] Well, you know, it's the, you can look at, I mean, here's the thing.

[1761] Some comics build bridges and most.

[1762] comics walk across those bridges after they've already been built substantially and it's set in stone so lewis you know certainly built a bridge that jim carey walked across in ballerina shoes and he knows it and but because that extraordinary comedic talent that comes out of those two people are you're so identifiable and you know I think that Pat Paulson built a bridge that Stephen Wright walked across now that doesn't mean Stephen didn't do it better but he didn't invent it but don't you think all of us are in essence in a way some sort of a group thing because we're all kind of absolutely yeah absolutely we're all kind of influenced by each other standards and what you appreciate like as a comic who's been doing it for as many years as you have.

[1763] You know, I'm just two years after you.

[1764] I was, when did I start?

[1765] August 27th, 1988.

[1766] So it's about two years after you.

[1767] Yeah.

[1768] I mean...

[1769] Which means we basically started the same day.

[1770] Yeah, pretty much.

[1771] I started like literally a week apart from Greg Fitzsimmons.

[1772] Do you know Greg?

[1773] Yeah.

[1774] I don't know him well, but we worked together somewhere.

[1775] Dude.

[1776] And he's very funny.

[1777] He's fucking hilarious.

[1778] he's a smart dude i tell you what i tell people all the time man if you like stand -up comedy go to the comedy store uh and make a vacation around it and uh go sit in there because you know people are going to come in and that that room rattles rattles and you you better be prepared to do something or the or you're not going to follow some of these fucking guys uh it's really really strong and uh and it's fun that's what makes it so much fucking it's a pirate ship filled with murderers.

[1779] It really is right now.

[1780] It's killing, killing everybody.

[1781] Just slaughter fest.

[1782] You're going on after savages.

[1783] It's just like, oh, Jesus Christ.

[1784] But everybody's riding the wave of everybody else, and it's an unbelievably supportive place.

[1785] Yeah.

[1786] We stop and think about how much camaraderie and friendship there is between the comedians.

[1787] You would think if you get all these national comedians that tour all over the place, you put them together, oh, well, ego battles.

[1788] It's going to be weird.

[1789] It's a total opposite.

[1790] Oh, yeah.

[1791] That place is a love fest.

[1792] Everybody's hugging everybody and high -fiving and having drinks.

[1793] I, you know, I fucking, I go on.

[1794] I do my time, but I try to hit them as hard as I can right in the fucking mouth.

[1795] And because that's what I like to do, you know, is hit them right in the fucking mouth.

[1796] And I guarantee you, somebody just got through hitting them in the mouth, so they're still wiping blood off their face when it's my turn to hit them in the mouth, but I'll hit them in the mouth anyway.

[1797] but it's a it's a the crowds that you get a hold of are so alive I mean there's life it's like a swordfish on the end of a fucking line it just vibrates you know Joey Diaz was slaughtering so hard the other night in the OR that I felt like I was having a religious experience I was in the back room of the OR and Joey Diaz was slaughtering his face was beat red he was screaming out and I was I was like, I was running out of air.

[1798] I was laughing so hard.

[1799] And I remember thinking, like, this is a special time.

[1800] This is a special place.

[1801] Like, this is a rare, rare little jewel in the universe of all the different performing arts at this one place.

[1802] It's just sort of fucking cranked down the focus.

[1803] Yeah.

[1804] I mean, the other night, Chappelle, would Chris Rock bring up Chappelle or Chappelle brought up Chris Rock?

[1805] Rock brought up Chappelle.

[1806] How, what?

[1807] Neither one of them were even on the schedule.

[1808] Chris Rocks pops in and brings up Dave Chappelle.

[1809] That's why I tell people, come to the comedy store.

[1810] You don't know what you're going to see for your $15.

[1811] Crazy spot.

[1812] But you're not going to see, if you were going to have paid those guys to put a show on for you that you just saw tonight, it's $17 ,000 a ticket or whatever it is.

[1813] It's expensive.

[1814] It's also like a really, like, honestly critical place, too.

[1815] If your new stuff sucks, they'll let you know.

[1816] Oh, yeah.

[1817] They don't laugh at anything.

[1818] it's uh when i first started here i really had a great little burst of material that i really like and and it's all the front end of my show now and it's about 20 minutes long that i that i want for the front end of the show that's what i want that's what i'm doing now in the front end of my live show and uh so it's but now i you know it seems like i'm just playing around with the order of that stuff to just see where it works the best and just how to just fucking and really slap them in the face with it.

[1819] And because eventually, over time, your act will get into a place where it does drift into the spot it needs to be in.

[1820] But I don't have that kind of time, so I need to look at it and do it different ways and see where it needs to be to just slap the fuck out of them, which is my only goal is the slap to fuck out of them.

[1821] And when I can't do that anymore, I'll keep doing it for a little couple more years.

[1822] You slap the fuck out of them.

[1823] And I enjoy watching you slap the fuck out of them.

[1824] I enjoy watching you slap the fuck out of them.

[1825] I feel inspired, you know.

[1826] Like, you're going to just waltz off behind Rogan.

[1827] And, you know, you know how big a fan I am of yours.

[1828] And I didn't, you know, I know exactly who you are.

[1829] And not exactly who you are, not as much as I do now.

[1830] But, you know, but I really, I saw you do stand up in Atlanta one time as a feature.

[1831] act in a long time ago and you just really fucking tore this crowd up and I was like god this guy's really good and so then you know I don't I'm like you I don't hang out there and watch comics you know but sometimes that you're right in front of me or right after me and and and I just got you know just huge respect I mean it's just it's so much fun to watch it's uh you do physical things I couldn't even do much less get the words out while you're doing them you know but it's just great writing and And, you know, that's cool.

[1832] That's cool.

[1833] Well, thanks, man. I feel the same way about you.

[1834] And I would say that, whether or not you just said something nice to me. But, you know, I'm honored to be friends with you.

[1835] Like, no bullshit.

[1836] As a comic, like, to me, that's an honor, you know?

[1837] Well, I'm, well, since I'm now one of the godfathers.

[1838] You're the godfather.

[1839] Who's going to, like, if you wanted to run for president of the comedy store, you just got here and you'd win.

[1840] Son of a bitch.

[1841] Right?

[1842] You can't.

[1843] I'd be disrespectful if I went up against you.

[1844] I'll be your vice president.

[1845] Yeah, no, no, you'd win.

[1846] You'd win.

[1847] Oh, no, no, you're the statesman.

[1848] Clearly the voice of reason.

[1849] Actually, whenever Jay McGrath first met you, he was usually asking me, he goes, do you know Joe Rogan?

[1850] I'll go, yeah, he goes, what do you think about him?

[1851] Like, he's a great guy, he's a great comedian.

[1852] That's what people don't know.

[1853] I mean, a lot of people don't know.

[1854] A lot of people do know, but a lot of people don't know that he's a great comedian, not a good comedian, a great comedian.

[1855] very nice.

[1856] I think people know enough.

[1857] They don't need to know it anymore.

[1858] I'm good.

[1859] No, you're a great comedian.

[1860] You're great.

[1861] I mean, I'm good with them.

[1862] Okay, all right.

[1863] Well, I'm just saying.

[1864] That's fine.

[1865] But anyway, that's just what I told him.

[1866] I appreciate that.

[1867] And he said, but he doesn't talk much.

[1868] I'm like, huh.

[1869] You know, it's like you guys were learning how to be boyfriends, but you're like, you're like, you see.

[1870] I'm, you know, I don't make small talk, but I talk to people.

[1871] No. That's what I told him.

[1872] I said, you know what?

[1873] You know, you're going to love this guy.

[1874] He's solid.

[1875] He's got a big heart.

[1876] He's right.

[1877] He's what we're looking for for friends.

[1878] And so.

[1879] Oh, that's very nice thing, man. This is a love fest.

[1880] This podcast is a big old love fest, Ron White.

[1881] So now it's, now Joe and I are fucking FaceTime and Jay.

[1882] It's the gayest fucking three -way in the fucking world.

[1883] If we don't end up beating each other off before Christmas, I'll be shocked.

[1884] FaceTiming is another level of commitment other than texting with friends.

[1885] If you start FaceTiming friends, like, whoa.

[1886] All right, buddy.

[1887] Who's got the body they need to bury?

[1888] You're setting me up.

[1889] I won't even do that with my wife because I don't want to prove where I'm at.

[1890] You know, I don't want to...

[1891] Oh, really?

[1892] To turn around and show me the interest of...

[1893] Get an Android phone.

[1894] They can't communicate with each other.

[1895] That's the move.

[1896] Get yourself an Android phone and just start Skyping from the other side of the universe.

[1897] I don't do anything wrong.

[1898] I wonder if there's like some sort of a setting that you can have on...

[1899] You know that they have those goggles.

[1900] Have you seen these goddamn things now?

[1901] I've never walked.

[1902] I never looks for them.

[1903] What do they call again, Jamie?

[1904] Snapchat goggles, right?

[1905] Oh, I know.

[1906] So these people have these goggles where they can stream, they can stream video from their fucking eyeglasses.

[1907] Like, anywhere they want, wherever they are.

[1908] They can stream video from eyeglasses.

[1909] And to pick up where?

[1910] You can, like, I could show you.

[1911] I could show what I'm seeing.

[1912] I could look over and see Jamie.

[1913] Show it to me. How do I see it, though?

[1914] Through my phone?

[1915] People could watch it online.

[1916] They can check it out online.

[1917] These are, these is, fuck, this is crazy.

[1918] I mean, we're, we're experiencing some next level technological innovation shit that's happening, like some new, like, even more invasive internet sort of thing.

[1919] This is the next level.

[1920] The next level is you can literally show the whole world what you see.

[1921] So is this, I mean, because I do periscope when I'm really drunk on the bus.

[1922] Essentially a lot like that, but you don't have to hold on to it.

[1923] It's on your glasses.

[1924] So it's similar, and there's a live streaming idea.

[1925] It's like 30 -second clips at a time, too.

[1926] That's all the different shows?

[1927] Yeah, yeah.

[1928] Okay.

[1929] Yeah, but I stay on, you know, it's a blast.

[1930] We had this thing, because I got a friend that does my VIP stuff on the bus, and he was also at that first show that I did.

[1931] So, friend for 30 years.

[1932] Holy shit.

[1933] And so his name's Dave, and we do the, when we're going down the road, we're like this.

[1934] We get just baked.

[1935] You know, after the show, we travel at night, and we'll do these broadcasts, and the Big Gay Dave and Ron show, which has no content or anything.

[1936] But you know what?

[1937] I don't know that it's growing that much at Periscope.

[1938] And it's the most amazing thing that you can do a live broadcast and you can pick it up in Cairo, as easy as you can pick it up in Lubbock.

[1939] I think it's pretty popular.

[1940] Isn't it pretty popular?

[1941] Periscope?

[1942] You know Scott Adams.

[1943] Scott Adams had a very popular periscope.

[1944] Twitter owns it.

[1945] They just made it, excuse me, it's built right in now to Twitter's apps.

[1946] Like, if you hit Twitter and you're, like, instead of putting up a message, there's a button that says live video and it's a periscope, we'll just open right on.

[1947] Oh, wow.

[1948] So they're trying to just figure out how to make it more available for people to be.

[1949] And did they have a limitation on how long the clips are?

[1950] I don't believe so in there.

[1951] You can go well over an hour.

[1952] Yeah, right.

[1953] You can do whatever you want.

[1954] That is so crazy.

[1955] That kind of interactivity that has never existed.

[1956] before.

[1957] There's never exist in anything like Scott Adams like he was doing coffee with Scott Adams like several times a week right wasn't he?

[1958] I just made it up I've no idea I had no idea I could tell I know he did a bunch of them seven I'm like how many times I did you do it I might have just made that up just the easy access to turning it on it's on now people know it's on now where you are yeah and you just turn it on and they get a notification Ron White you're right they do that on Periscope you should have one on Periscope that says Ron White He's drunk and he wants to talk.

[1959] I've got 25 ,000 followers on Periscope.

[1960] I said like that.

[1961] I don't know if that's true.

[1962] I made that.

[1963] You might get them after the end of this podcast.

[1964] We'll just tell you you have them, and everybody would jump on.

[1965] Follow away.

[1966] We don't have a good enough signal.

[1967] I was doing it for a while, but I got bored with the Periscope thing.

[1968] I'm like, Jesus Christ, I'm not exposed enough.

[1969] Instagram Live just started up.

[1970] I know.

[1971] They've been pushing that around.

[1972] I saw.

[1973] That's a little limited to an hour, and those videos don't last after.

[1974] Oh, that's weird.

[1975] They just disappear.

[1976] Oh, that's weird.

[1977] That's too bad.

[1978] That's kind of too bad.

[1979] In some cases.

[1980] But I would guess that the amount of fucking data that they would have to stockpile if everybody's shit saved.

[1981] Every fucking dummy out there saved the video of them flexing on the beach.

[1982] You know, all the fucking stupid videos of some guy telling a shitty joke at a bar, all those things just gigabyte after gigabyte stored on the Twitter server.

[1983] They'd be like, fuck you.

[1984] That's what happened to the TMZ bus ride.

[1985] Yeah, that's the problem with the future is that everybody's going to know everything everybody does all the time.

[1986] It's kind of not going to be as much craziness going on in the next hundred years.

[1987] In the future, I think everybody's going to know.

[1988] I think we're about 50 years away from us becoming some crazy hive mind.

[1989] That's what I think.

[1990] I'm stoned and drunk.

[1991] How long do you think I'm going to live?

[1992] But I'm making some fucking points.

[1993] You can live.

[1994] You've got to just eat what I'm eating.

[1995] Got to come to yoga class with me. You got to eat healthy.

[1996] You live out in the country.

[1997] I'll send somebody to you.

[1998] You're a wealthy man. This is all we have to do.

[1999] You know what?

[2000] I've been working with my yoga girl.

[2001] And it's pretty basic stuff, but I'm working on it.

[2002] Basic stuff's all you need, man. Basic stuff's all you need.

[2003] If you could work your way up to do a hot yoga class.

[2004] No, fuck.

[2005] You know, my wife took me to one of those.

[2006] It was the worst thing I've ever done in my life.

[2007] It's my favorite shit.

[2008] I walked out.

[2009] That's my suffer fest.

[2010] How often do you do it?

[2011] I'd never do it more than twice a week, but I really should.

[2012] I'd practice some of it at home.

[2013] Like I do some shit at home.

[2014] You have a really hot room?

[2015] No, no, no, no, no. When I do it at home, I'm just working on, like, basic exercises, stretching shit.

[2016] But never more, like, in class form than twice a week.

[2017] But when I have done it twice a week, I felt better than when I did it once a week.

[2018] Yeah.

[2019] But I always do a little bit.

[2020] For 25 years, and Margo is strong.

[2021] I mean, she's strong.

[2022] She had handstands, but, you know, she's big time up her body strong.

[2023] Do you think she could choke you?

[2024] Could she get your back?

[2025] If you look at her in the dark kind of from behind, if she's flexing her muscles, she looks kind of like Floyd Mayweather.

[2026] Whoa.

[2027] I mean, just.

[2028] That's not fun.

[2029] I'm kidding.

[2030] She's scary.

[2031] no she's not a good thing like Floyd Mayweather but she's just ripped she got a ripped back and she's really really really strong but she does she's always done that so I'm I gotta do something man I can't be fucking going into my 70s without being but just gotta get you on a nutrient dense diet drop a little body fat yeah what'd you bring me to the fucking party a bottle of fucking whiskey yeah joint but I'm gonna have that too you know what I had for breakfast I had a kale shake with MCT oil and beats raw beats then I went to yoga you know we have that new presser this new juice presser thing oh those are the shit yeah we just got hooked up with it oh man if you can just get used to drinking juice just fresh squeeze vegetable juice if you just get used to doing that just a few times a day it'll drastically improve your life there's so much nutrients and plants that we need and we fucking escape them for days We just eat mashed potatoes and meat and shit for days.

[2032] I don't have any energy for a workout.

[2033] You know, I just don't.

[2034] I get there.

[2035] I'm tired.

[2036] I don't want to go.

[2037] I hate, I dread it going in.

[2038] I dread it when I get there.

[2039] I dread putting on my shoes.

[2040] I do.

[2041] And I don't know why some people are as lazy as I am.

[2042] And I know that's what it is.

[2043] And I used to be a runner.

[2044] I used to run five miles a day.

[2045] Just I would run like crazy.

[2046] And I hurt my knee really bad.

[2047] But I just don't like to go to the gym.

[2048] I hate it.

[2049] but I know I have to I know I have to because my friends are all dying and I'm going to be 70 and 10 years and so I've got to so I'm but I know yoga is the thing because this guy that this Dave Big Gay Dave is a golfer buddy of mine but he's also yoga for forever well bless you Big Gay Dave bless you take him take him where he needs to go yeah man yoga's the best thing about it too is we'll get your heart rate up, it will be very difficult, but it's going to straighten your body out.

[2050] It's going to stretch you out.

[2051] It's going to straighten you out.

[2052] It's going to calm you down.

[2053] Like, you're not trying to be a power lifter.

[2054] You know, you want to do anything ridiculous.

[2055] You don't want to do anything to hurt your back.

[2056] What you want to do is, like, something that's going to make you feel better.

[2057] Well, that's, you know, I got to have this new trainer, and, uh, and I told the guy I said, listen, man, I'm a pussy.

[2058] Your phone's going on.

[2059] Don't.

[2060] What's my wife?

[2061] You want to talk to one?

[2062] No, but play, put the guy.

[2063] to play the music that rings when your phone put it up there Powerful Ron White.

[2064] Ron White Miss Call Briggie Blitz!

[2065] You know, he's a buddy of mine Brian Johnson.

[2066] Really?

[2067] His hearing, apparently, is all fucked up from all his crazy concerts, all those years.

[2068] Well, you know, it's kind of an interesting thing that, because we're talking about the holiday evolution of anything, you know.

[2069] But there was a guy in Australia who invented the in -ear monitors, which destroyed his hearing to begin with.

[2070] So he dedicated his life to find a way to fix that.

[2071] And so he did.

[2072] But the problem is, and it does.

[2073] I mean, if you watch tape of putting these things on, people that are almost completely deaf, putting this system in their ears, every one of them starts crying.

[2074] Wow.

[2075] Every one of them.

[2076] And so he had an open letter to Brian Johnson and said, Brian, I want to come to your house in Sarasota.

[2077] I want you to put these in your ears.

[2078] But the problem is it's not portable.

[2079] It's portable in that it's this big.

[2080] When you're making a, like, a laptop size.

[2081] Yeah, it's a thicker than that.

[2082] Like a large hoagie.

[2083] Yeah, right.

[2084] And so, but the technology is there.

[2085] I mean, he can, it's amazing.

[2086] And he hates hearing aids and, you know, and he's a crumptage.

[2087] And he's a sweetest guy now.

[2088] He's a wonderful, wonderful human being.

[2089] But you know what was cool about it, man?

[2090] When Axel Rose started, I was like, should I accept this?

[2091] No. Should you accept Axel Rose singing ACDC?

[2092] I accepted it 100%.

[2093] Because I thought, look, it might not be Brian Johnson, but it's still Axel fucking Rose.

[2094] Right.

[2095] And it's kind of interesting.

[2096] me, like, Brian couldn't do it anymore.

[2097] Axel steps in.

[2098] I like it.

[2099] I like it.

[2100] I'm happy with that.

[2101] That's a freak show.

[2102] But in an awesome way.

[2103] It's like, how often you're going to see this?

[2104] How often you're going to see Axel Rose singing as a lead singer for AC -Fucking DC?

[2105] Like, wow.

[2106] Well, their ticket sales dropped by 70%.

[2107] That's a bunch of pussies in America.

[2108] No. That's, well, that's true.

[2109] They know.

[2110] But the thing is, that's Brian Johnson's voice.

[2111] Brian Johnson's...

[2112] Back in Black was the second biggest selling album of all time behind Thriller and 52 million copies.

[2113] That's Brian Johnson, not fucking Axel Rose.

[2114] I 100 % agree.

[2115] And Brian Johnson's still a freak show vocalist.

[2116] And at some point, you know, his brother Malcolm...

[2117] Malcolm was the better guitar player anyway, better than Angus.

[2118] And Angus knew it.

[2119] Everybody fucking knew it.

[2120] Yeah, but he was the engine behind that really complicated.

[2121] It doesn't sound complicated.

[2122] Really fucking complicated rock and roll.

[2123] And that's why it was so engaging for the whole fucking planet.

[2124] And it was, but it was Brian Johnson's voice, not Bonn Scott's.

[2125] You know, he was their lead singer for five years.

[2126] But Von Scott has some great fucking songs, too, right?

[2127] He did.

[2128] He said, he did.

[2129] Who are the big hits under Von Scott?

[2130] Yeah, I don't know.

[2131] God damn it.

[2132] Because I've only heard Brian sing him.

[2133] Right.

[2134] But back in black, which was.

[2135] the second biggest selling album of all time was all Brad Johnson.

[2136] Yeah.

[2137] No doubt about it.

[2138] I'm not saying he wasn't fucking incredible.

[2139] And you know what?

[2140] And I'm wrong, as I usually am.

[2141] Because why not?

[2142] And Angus still loves to play it and, you know, why not?

[2143] It got ugly a little bit.

[2144] Well, that's not my place to talk about that, but there was like some political shit.

[2145] Oh, you know, but, well, whatever.

[2146] But, yeah.

[2147] And I also heard some reviews that he did a really good job.

[2148] Are these, who sings these, Jamie?

[2149] These are Bon Scott songs.

[2150] Which ones?

[2151] Dirty Deeds?

[2152] Highway to Hell.

[2153] Oh my God, Highway to Hell!

[2154] Dirty Deeds.

[2155] Oh, my God, the best ones.

[2156] Go back up to Dirty Deeds.

[2157] That's Brian Johnson right there.

[2158] Right.

[2159] It is.

[2160] If you want to hear somebody sing it.

[2161] Well, he was fucking amazing.

[2162] Look, they were both amazing.

[2163] I'm not like picking sides.

[2164] But what if Brian Johnson just came out to the shows?

[2165] I mean, he can't do it anymore.

[2166] Why would you do that?

[2167] Just because it would be cool to see him there.

[2168] Like to, oh, man, I don't know.

[2169] No, he's not wheeling him out.

[2170] He just can't.

[2171] No, number one, he's still, he still races cars.

[2172] I mean, he's got a fucking car team that he races these low, there's these big, oh, these guys that were in Pan Am races.

[2173] These cars are running 200 miles an hour.

[2174] He races a man. Oh, wow.

[2175] And he travels the country.

[2176] He's got a new car show coming out that I'm going to be part of.

[2177] No shit.

[2178] He insisted on.

[2179] I mean, I think I'm going to.

[2180] I feel on my part in like a couple of days for the whole season.

[2181] So can, but can they in any way restore his hearing to the point where he could start saying again?

[2182] Yes.

[2183] So how far away in it?

[2184] Andy would.

[2185] Dude, I felt like, you know, when he stepped out, I was like, this is a weird moment in our love of these epic rock stars.

[2186] Right.

[2187] When we see, you know, what, the thing is, I went to see Chicago the other day with my son.

[2188] And it was great.

[2189] It was fucking great.

[2190] There's three guys.

[2191] And not one of the singers, the one that wasn't as good, and, and, and, and, but he was replaced by this Irish tenor that could just hit every single one of those notes.

[2192] And, and it was great.

[2193] And I was with my son.

[2194] We were partying.

[2195] So I, the only reason is it's kind of personal to me because he's a friend.

[2196] And so I know what he was going through that year.

[2197] And, and, uh, with also the death of his best friend and then his loss of his hearing and then the loss of his band.

[2198] and that's not and there were only a few dates left but that's not the way he wanted to go out but he's Brian fucking Johnson you know he's the shit he's literally a treasure of a fucking guy he's right up there with Charlie Chapman Charlie Chapman Brian Johnson yeah I mean there's no doubt about it man I mean he's a fucking epic vocalist epic you know his fucking impact and his intensity got me through many a workout when I was a struggling adolescent Fuck, yeah, man. I mean, that is, that's one of the, like, the all -time, hard -est -hitting bands ever.

[2199] You could pull up footage, I guess you can, of Margot and Brian on stage and Jacksonville, Florida, in a little club.

[2200] Oh, shit.

[2201] Wow.

[2202] Put Brian Johnson and Margo Ray and see if that comes up.

[2203] That's awesome.

[2204] Holy shit.

[2205] Oh, good Lord.

[2206] It was Margot's show, and towards the end of it, Brian was there.

[2207] And it was like, you know, or.

[2208] her band, though, shook me all that long.

[2209] They've been working out all week.

[2210] Do you want to go sing it?

[2211] He goes, well, I don't know if I could sing.

[2212] I have a phone run.

[2213] I was so many years.

[2214] I was a, but I got a fossil that they hang.

[2215] And, oh, there it is, right there.

[2216] That's my wife, Mark.

[2217] This is crazy.

[2218] Uh.

[2219] Oh.

[2220] This is something.

[2221] crazy.

[2222] When was this?

[2223] It's 24 -4 years.

[2224] Oh, it was it?

[2225] Two or three years ago it said that in the video.

[2226] Yeah.

[2227] Wow.

[2228] So it's pretty cool.

[2229] She goes, okay, a friend of mine is going to come up and sing a song.

[2230] Oh, shit.

[2231] From ACDC, Brian Johnson.

[2232] And how many people are in this room?

[2233] 175.

[2234] That is insane.

[2235] Yeah.

[2236] Oh, my God.

[2237] That must have been the most epic shit ever.

[2238] to be in that room God damn, man I saw Gary Clark Jr. and Honey Honey play in front of like 300 people.

[2239] Do you know Gary Clark Jr?

[2240] He was in an episode of Rodey's.

[2241] God damn, that dude's good.

[2242] I know.

[2243] Holy shit.

[2244] Him and Honey Honey Honey, they played this midnight show in downtown L .A. It was just crazy.

[2245] You know what, that's the thing.

[2246] You've been waiting for your Hendricks Stevie Ray Vaughn, where's that guy coming from?

[2247] That's who it is.

[2248] Yeah, Gary Clark.

[2249] Dude, that guy's, he's got something crazy going on.

[2250] The way he, like, he has got such a specific guitar sound.

[2251] Like, he did this riff, and while he was doing this, this, this, they played, they did a cover of the Midnight Rider.

[2252] They decided on the spot.

[2253] So Suzanne from Honey Honey, didn't even know the words his song, so she got on her phone.

[2254] and downloaded the words.

[2255] So she had the words on her phone.

[2256] She's reading it off their phone.

[2257] And people got mad because, like, this bitch keeps checking her phone while she's saying it.

[2258] She's literally, she joked around about it.

[2259] She doesn't know the words to the song.

[2260] Because although she's a fan, she hasn't sung in years.

[2261] She doesn't know it.

[2262] She probably never sang it live.

[2263] So she, live, for the first time ever, improvising on the spot, sings her version, unprepared of Midnight Rider, why Gary motherfucking Clark Jr. Plays all the Dickie Betts part?

[2264] Look at this shit.

[2265] to listen to this I record this from the front row to you're being Gary out there doing the Joe Rogen podcast get fucked up and listen some music this dude is an alien saying that's the most intriguing guitarist since Hendrix I feel real comfortable saying that yeah that's a bad motherfucker and to see that live in like a couple, it's on maybe 300 people at the most in that place.

[2266] He sat out and played he came out whenever my character died, he was one of the guys that came to the funeral and sang and the character, I don't know, wrote, he's nobody watched it, so, but he was in it.

[2267] You were so psyched about that, man, before it came out.

[2268] I was.

[2269] I was, and it was, you know what?

[2270] It was, it was good.

[2271] It was, it was really good.

[2272] I thought it was wonderful.

[2273] And it was, the problem was, it was, you know, a lot of people have a fucking hard on for Cameron Crow for some reason.

[2274] Really?

[2275] Yeah.

[2276] They don't like them?

[2277] You know, they jumped on the show's back so hard, so fast.

[2278] I mean, the critics did?

[2279] Yeah.

[2280] So it's a bad relationship with the critics.

[2281] Yeah, the first word out of their mouths was just this, fuck.

[2282] It's the worst piece of shit.

[2283] I'm like, what?

[2284] The one, I love it.

[2285] I think it's, you know, Cameron always has a sweetness to his shows.

[2286] I mean, his movies always have a sweet edge to them, you know, no matter what it is.

[2287] whether it's Fast Times at Ridgemont High or the whole line of movies, Jerry McGuire, Almost Famous, you know, they all had.

[2288] Those two, Fast Times at Ridgemont High and Almost Famous.

[2289] Those are epic movies, right?

[2290] Yeah.

[2291] Oh, yeah, absolutely.

[2292] And Jerry McGuire won best, somebody won something for something in Jerry McIre.

[2293] Oh, yeah.

[2294] They don't mean the money.

[2295] didn't um cuba juret could be getting junior yeah yeah and uh so anyway the uh i forgot what we're talking about tom cruise tom cruise nope no no cammer crow no oh yeah they just jumped on it you know they just jumped on it they were shitty you know they of course because they could and uh and they're cunts and whoever that bitch is that reviews for variety magazine one day she's gonna feel a turd in her throat who's turn will it be it'll be my turn oh you're gonna shit right in her mouth oh my god these are strong words oh they're horrible words yeah okay maybe I'll just flick some ink on her dress I think it's gonna be way easier if you uh I think about like the like the kind of sort of grudges that someone can have with someone like him like camera crow it's gonna be way easier to avoid that stuff sort of you're being reviewed by everybody instead of just being reviewed by a bunch of selected outlets like the Washington Post of the New York Times, the Hollywood Reporter, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[2296] Yeah.

[2297] Just the open -ended aspect of the internet is kind of changing that, don't you think?

[2298] I think so.

[2299] You know, I think so.

[2300] They, you know, they canceled it.

[2301] My character was going to die anyway.

[2302] So I was like, but I still love the cast so much.

[2303] It was, you know, fucking Machine Gun Kelly.

[2304] got a fucking huge hit on the radio or just I just did that kid's cool as fuck Machine Gun Kelly do you know who it is?

[2305] I don't know that guy Oh he's a I've heard that name Jamie just nodded at me like I'm an old man Yeah you're out of the loop Old fucking Unbelievable rapper White guy out of his Cleveland That's what the world needs More white rappers Fucking crazy The age of Trump No they don't need more But they need this one Because he's the real fucking deal And he's a he was great in the show just great he was the he really gave the honesty to the fucking show because he is a you know big party and rock star i'm writing his name down i'm going to buy shit right after i got yeah m gk yeah nice it's well it's always cool to see and in hear about new shit that's awesome i heard there's a documentary on netflix called rat i'm scared have you seen it, Jamie?

[2306] No, but I think I told you about it a while ago.

[2307] I heard about...

[2308] Is it about Rats?

[2309] Yeah, rats in New York.

[2310] Jesus Christ, Morgan Spurlock.

[2311] Why are you trying to fucking freak me out again?

[2312] I saw it.

[2313] I saw it on there, and I chose not to watch it.

[2314] He freaked me out about McDonald's.

[2315] Now he's freaking me out about rats.

[2316] That goddamn Morgan Spurlock!

[2317] Rats, apparently in New York City, there's as many rats as there are human beings.

[2318] I made that up.

[2319] 20 million.

[2320] Yeah, right?

[2321] I was with you.

[2322] And the days before.

[2323] at the internet i could get away with that i think it's probably pretty close though honestly there might actually be more rats sure because look how much space they take up whoa look at this morgan spurlock flying over that that's a big rat right there the space of a jack daniel's whiskey bottle yeah is about the size of a good look at the floor on this thing wonderful that's a beautiful bottle it's a beautiful bottle it'd be awesome for a bar fight some shit broke out do we have to do are we out of ice do you care how drunk i get i'm not Not at all.

[2324] I'm going to have my car toad.

[2325] That's what I'm saying.

[2326] I'm that fucking car toad.

[2327] Don't worry about the ice.

[2328] There's plenty of ice.

[2329] Mr. White.

[2330] Where are you?

[2331] People are text messaging?

[2332] My wife is.

[2333] Tell them, you're on YouTube.

[2334] Out then, Al Gore's interwebs.

[2335] Floating through space.

[2336] And look, it's Young Jamie with the ice.

[2337] Bam.

[2338] Young Jamie.

[2339] Camerator, opera.

[2340] Camera, operator, ice get her, bad motherfucker.

[2341] Ron White, what are you doing?

[2342] Text messaging, why don't have rambling?

[2343] No, I am.

[2344] I'm just trying, my wife is trying to find me. I told you this was going to be about an hour, so I told her.

[2345] You got to get her a drone, bro.

[2346] Like a little one, just keep it right next to you.

[2347] Right, have it follow me around.

[2348] Okay, all right.

[2349] But also, it's like practice for your focus.

[2350] Bush my fucking balls.

[2351] Because if you have, like, an artificial drone.

[2352] Married with children.

[2353] Flying over your head like that, like, it's, at least it, like, it gives you, like, this mental discipline.

[2354] You have to ignore the drone, ignore the drone.

[2355] ignore the drawing.

[2356] I got a, okay.

[2357] I'm going to bring her on the...

[2358] Don't do it.

[2359] Don't do it.

[2360] Ron White, this would be chaos.

[2361] We could wrap this up if you want.

[2362] No, no. I don't want to wrap it up, but...

[2363] Oh, she thought it was going to be an hour.

[2364] We've definitely done our podcasts.

[2365] Only a couple.

[2366] Like, maybe three.

[2367] I don't care.

[2368] No, I'm having a blast.

[2369] Okay.

[2370] I want to stay here and drink.

[2371] That's what I'm talking about, Ron White.

[2372] Until nobody wants to...

[2373] Nobody cares anymore.

[2374] That's not going to happen.

[2375] That place isn't going to exist.

[2376] Send Margo a 10.

[2377] I'm still at work.

[2378] Ron White is at work, ladies and gentlemen.

[2379] These cameras aren't on, though, right?

[2380] Definitely not.

[2381] Why would that be?

[2382] Are they?

[2383] Yeah, for sure.

[2384] Oh, good.

[2385] Yeah, we're streaming.

[2386] We stream on YouTube.

[2387] Okay.

[2388] And to record, and then it gets uploaded after the fact we put it on the iTunes.

[2389] So are we live to anybody right now?

[2390] Probably, like, let me guess.

[2391] 10 ,000 people?

[2392] Oh, I guessed.

[2393] Really?

[2394] was that right wow that's a fucking good guess holy shit jesus i wouldn't even have had a guess i'd never i've never asked before like only in the big ones like when we do fight companions what's the most it's ever been like 30 or something 33 000 30 yeah 33 000 i the most i can get stirred up on periscopes about 3200 maybe i don't know what i ever got i don't haven't used it in so long but it's it's one of those things where if someone found out Like, that's one of the things that happened with that, uh, the, um, uh, Scott Adams guy because people found out, they're like, well, this really intelligent guy is also a Trump supporter.

[2395] Is he a Trump supporter?

[2396] No, he's not a Trump supporter.

[2397] He's literally not even voting.

[2398] But he's breaking down why he thinks Trump's going to win and people are freaking the fuck out.

[2399] Like he literally is telling you, I'm not voting.

[2400] I'm not voting for anybody because then I'll have some sort of a player in the game.

[2401] He is a weird guy that Scott Adams in a good way.

[2402] like he's a sort of defy he defies a lot of your he's a democrat he's sort of a democratish he well he's very open -minded I would say but he got unfairly labeled as being like this Trump supporter whereas I don't think he was a Trump I don't think he was most certainly was not anti -Trump but what he was trying to say Trump's program for him to say Trump's gonna win for sure and I'm the one that knows and he also has the background that says he's the one that knows.

[2403] So it wasn't, you know, it was one of the several blows that Hillary took, besides being a horrible candidate, that she took that knocked it out of her hands.

[2404] You know, these two people were running against the only people that they could possibly fucking beat.

[2405] And, you know, if she just wouldn't have said basket of deplorables.

[2406] When she said that, I was like, Jesus!

[2407] shitty fucking Christ.

[2408] Really?

[2409] There was a bunch of them.

[2410] Give them a hammer.

[2411] Anyway.

[2412] Just, you know, when people, even people that wanted to look at it as an alternative vote, like as an alternative to the potential chaos that Trump could cause.

[2413] You know, and some people looked at it that way.

[2414] And some people, honestly, I think, I don't know what percentage I would guess it would be.

[2415] There's a bunch of pragmatists that got in there.

[2416] And when it came time to vote, looked at that fucking ballot and said, you know what, let's just see what happens.

[2417] Let's just see what happens if we put this fucking crazy guy in here.

[2418] We were in England at one of Margot's friend's house and this guy who I really, really like, he goes, well, the monkey in me would love to see Trump win.

[2419] That's me. Yeah, right, the monkey in me. The fucking monkey in me. It's hilarious.

[2420] You know, what could he really do?

[2421] and but you know I don't know He could definitely do something But what would he do good What would a complete shakeup Of the system look like?

[2422] I don't know You know And I think that there's this weird Defining of things right now Where everyone has to absolutely say In one way or another Either support or deny They either support him Or don't support It gets to me to be real cultish It gets to me to be real like Fucking Patriot pride You know yo I'm fucking I'm for the dolphins No matter what Right.

[2423] It gets real weird.

[2424] It gets real weird.

[2425] Hey, I had a guy wouldn't take a picture of me at a meeting greet because I was, somebody just brought up the subject.

[2426] And I don't fucking bring it up at my meeting greets or my show.

[2427] Right.

[2428] I used to do one bit about it and that was, but barely could be conceived as anti -Trump.

[2429] But because half my fucking fans, I'm not going to lose half my fucking fan base over a goddamn presidential election.

[2430] You kidding me?

[2431] I'm greedy.

[2432] I'm not a dixie chick.

[2433] People will get mad.

[2434] at you about shit like this too.

[2435] Oh, the guy, literally, they go, he had two girls with him, and they took pictures, he goes, you're trying to take a picture.

[2436] He goes, if he's not going to support Trump, I'm not going to take a picture with him.

[2437] And you know what I said?

[2438] Well, you know what?

[2439] There's a door right in the fuck there, and you can just walk the fuck out of it.

[2440] Wow.

[2441] He wants to drain the swamp.

[2442] That's all it is.

[2443] Hashtag drain the swamp.

[2444] Nobody's draining no swamp, though.

[2445] They ain't a swamp being drained down there.

[2446] Dick Cheney emerging as key Trump advisor.

[2447] Jesus, fucking Christ, Darth Vader has returned.

[2448] We're ringing Halliburton back into the son of a bitch.

[2449] Bam, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.

[2450] He's been on ice, it turns out, for eight years.

[2451] The only Dick Cheney that we've ever seen in news reports has been this artificial Dick Cheney's.

[2452] Dick Cheney's cryogenically frozen himself for eight years to get through the Obama administration and then to pop back up in the Trump administration with fully renewed and invigored.

[2453] He couldn't go three months without having open art surgery back when he was right before he was like this.

[2454] Christ, Ron White.

[2455] Jesus Christ.

[2456] There was a point in time where Dick Cheney literally did not have a pulse.

[2457] And I was like, Jesus Christ, isn't this in the fucking Bible?

[2458] I mean, really.

[2459] If you want to, you guys want to follow the Bible about the end of the world?

[2460] I don't know if it was in the Bible, but he had a machine inside his body that pumped his blood and it didn't make a pulse.

[2461] So he didn't have a fucking pulse for a long time.

[2462] while he's waiting for a heart transplant.

[2463] See, Cheney has heart.

[2464] Just fucking pop -ups.

[2465] Cheney has heart pump, but no pulse.

[2466] What?

[2467] That's got to be a zombie.

[2468] Okay?

[2469] Are you excited or you're not?

[2470] I can't even tell.

[2471] I put my fucking fingers on your neck, and I don't feel shit, you fucking vampire.

[2472] And you're still going.

[2473] You're still going?

[2474] You're still running Halliburton.

[2475] And you're the...

[2476] He's still in politics.

[2477] He's not fly fishing.

[2478] You know what?

[2479] I really thought, I haven't heard his name in years.

[2480] I'm like you.

[2481] I had a name of years.

[2482] He had a heart transplant.

[2483] I had a joke that I can never figure out how to get to work.

[2484] It was about how one secret service agent realized he wasn't really a secret service agent.

[2485] He just had the exact same blood type as Dick Cheney.

[2486] And they'd be like, well, how come I got to eat tofu?

[2487] And you guys are eating burgers, man. What the fuck?

[2488] And they just never told them.

[2489] How come I got to run every day?

[2490] You guys don't have to fucking run.

[2491] Shut up, bitch.

[2492] Get running.

[2493] and they sit behind him in the car pacing with him smoking cigarettes and then one day Dick Cheney has a fucking heart attack and they open that dude up like a fish and just scoop out his fucking fresh heart and do some roadside service I just never figure out how to get to work I think it's very funny but I don't know how you're going to get it to work it's never going to work it was just terrible it was about heart attacks and dead people and it's not funny enough Yeah, I got baby duck pussy lip tacos to work.

[2494] That was a...

[2495] One thing I can comfort myself in is knowing that Dick Cheney did not get any advantage as far as waiting in line for a heart.

[2496] Guarantee you, it was 100 % fair and across the board.

[2497] Without a doubt, Dick Cheney did not have any influence whatsoever in anyone moving him to the front of the line to get a young, fresh 20 -year -old basketball player's heart.

[2498] There's definitely no, no, no, no, no chance about it.

[2499] No?

[2500] No, no. Absolutely not.

[2501] That the motorcycle victim, the 17 -year -old super stud athlete, there's no way that heart is going to Dick Cheney's heart.

[2502] No. It's not going to.

[2503] Did it?

[2504] I would guess so.

[2505] Yeah.

[2506] So how's he doing that?

[2507] When did that happen?

[2508] Did he have a...

[2509] I don't know, man. Does anybody know?

[2510] They didn't know whose heart it was?

[2511] He had a transplant at age 71.

[2512] Jesus Christ.

[2513] It's three years ago.

[2514] Hanging on, son.

[2515] He suffered five heart attacks, undergone open heart surgery, multiple catheterizations, and angioplastys, had a defibrillator implanted, and a pump attached directly to his heart.

[2516] All of that before his transplanted at age 71, were some young strongman winner.

[2517] Now he's a sprinter.

[2518] they got some fucking kid from Iceland that dropped one of those mallets on his head and they just grabbed him and just threw him on ice set him over attack just keep them alive Jack's gonna be your surgeon we're gonna bring this whole thing back around we're gonna be fine yeah and then that fucking super hearts and Dick Cheney all of a sudden you see him posture looks better face starts to suck in a little bit loses the jowls hair's going back I just don't know why a guy like that would want to still be in the business.

[2519] Like at this stage of the game, like, is it just, he doesn't want to...

[2520] Just the bailout money from Halliburton was like $150 million, and that was to become vice president, so, you know, I don't know, I have no idea.

[2521] I have no idea what drives any of those idiots.

[2522] Yeah, that's what you got to worry.

[2523] Like, what's the end game?

[2524] Like, where are you going when you're working that hard at 70?

[2525] What are you shooting for?

[2526] you're trying to save the world you're trying to tell people how it is what is it I wonder you know it can't totally be I want to keep making money right can it be ego maybe maybe while you're alive you're just alive maybe all these ideas that we have about people getting older and wiser maybe that's all just bullshit maybe you just get older like a lot of people don't know what they just get older so if they're fucking crazy when they're 30 and they want to take over the world why do we automatically expect them to be on some path of like self -regulation and improvement, the point where they become enlightened and they don't want to take over the world anymore now that they're 70, and they've had 15 open heart surgeries.

[2527] But no, it doesn't.

[2528] They're just people.

[2529] My goodness gracious, Joe Rogan.

[2530] Right?

[2531] Hey, you know what?

[2532] I think that this has been a lot of fun, and I love you to death.

[2533] I think it's been a lot of fun, and I love you to death as well.

[2534] And you know what I can't believe it took us this long to go do this thing I'm getting so fucked up that I can't respond anymore.

[2535] You're fine.

[2536] So it's always better if I just don't respond once I get this fucked up.

[2537] I completely understand your position.

[2538] But from a fan's perspective and a friend you've been amazing and fine.

[2539] And you could skate right through this like a goddamn champion like Tanya Harding before the incident.

[2540] Right.

[2541] Remember her?

[2542] The little Fat thighs, that little freak It's spin around and fly out in the air Good last year's amazing That's you right now That's you right now You just have You like every great comic You have a low self -opinion of yourself It takes a certain amount of ego To be great I'm telling you right now It takes a certain amount of ego to be great And then a certain amount of ego To move past that Where you have to understand your ego And you're one of those understand your ego guys And so you squash that motherfucker every time it gets So you're always looking for self -deprecating moments It's even being in front of people that love you.

[2543] Yeah.

[2544] Well, maybe I do.

[2545] Maybe I do.

[2546] But it's because you're a bad motherfucker.

[2547] There's no way you wouldn't be.

[2548] He wouldn't be as funny.

[2549] That's a whole part of the whole thing, man. You know, and getting to know you and be friends with you at the comedy store has been really fun, man. Because I love your comedy.

[2550] I've always loved your comedy.

[2551] I love watching you work shit out.

[2552] I love hanging out with you.

[2553] It's just fun, man. It's just fun.

[2554] And having you on here has been just nothing but a blast.

[2555] I knew it would be.

[2556] I know it would be a hoot.

[2557] People right now are saying, no, don't stop.

[2558] No!

[2559] I still have to drive 45 minutes to get to New Hampshire.

[2560] Are they listening to this in New Hampshire?

[2561] Fuck, yeah.

[2562] They listen to this shit in Dubai.

[2563] In Dubai?

[2564] God damn it, we could have gotten work there if you wouldn't have been dissing them.

[2565] No, just being honest with them.

[2566] They're going to get straightened their game up.

[2567] Can't arrest people from saying the wrong magic word.

[2568] They do.

[2569] You know?

[2570] I don't know if they do.

[2571] But.

[2572] Yeah, I just really.

[2573] You got to get their game up.

[2574] You know, at some point.

[2575] You know, I did that Doug with getting high or whatever.

[2576] Did you do that?

[2577] How was that?

[2578] I got so fucked up.

[2579] I couldn't, I couldn't even think.

[2580] Doug wasn't there like a flight attendant trying to bring you back into the runway.

[2581] Come on.

[2582] And I was there with Josh Blue who smokes more weed than anybody.

[2583] And he was.

[2584] He was a comedian from Denver who won last comic standing.

[2585] He has cerebral palsy, right?

[2586] Funny as fuck is what he is.

[2587] Yeah, really funny.

[2588] But doesn't he, he mean, he's one of the rare people that actually uses medical marijuana.

[2589] And you can watch it.

[2590] You can watch it relaxes that fucking tension in his fucking muscular dystrophy arm or whatever the fuck it is.

[2591] Yeah, that's good to bring up.

[2592] Very important to bring up.

[2593] Because that's a clear beneficiary of actual medical marijuana, unlike you or me. Oh, no, that's not true.

[2594] That guy's using it for medicine.

[2595] You know what?

[2596] I was taking Xanax.

[2597] To sleep?

[2598] No, to get up.

[2599] Just to get out of bed?

[2600] Yeah, for a while.

[2601] Who?

[2602] That Xanax is a tricky one.

[2603] Yeah.

[2604] How long did you take it for?

[2605] 26 years.

[2606] Jesus Christ.

[2607] No, I'm getting that fucking with you.

[2608] I'm not on XIX.

[2609] I'm not as a fake pharmacological expert.

[2610] Yeah, no, I'm not.

[2611] I'm not on Xanax.

[2612] I'm good.

[2613] I'm good.

[2614] I smoke a lot of weed and that's good.

[2615] And, you know, I drink a lot of tequila, but I'd really, I'd like to thank the Jack Daniels folks for sending this over because this is fucking delicious.

[2616] That's a, wow.

[2617] Hmm.

[2618] man I think I think we're all real lucky right now I think it's just a perspective issue it's really a perspective issue of understanding what a strange time this is you know for all of us well everybody's freaking out about Trump and freaking out about the future and what are they going to do with Russia the fuck's gonna you worry about Russia how often is it in Ron White's day has Ron White worry about fucking Russia well you know we're already dead so I mean in my in my opinion, there's, I don't, I don't, I don't worry about Russia.

[2619] I really don't even think about Russia, but I also don't think about any of it.

[2620] I mean, not on, not in details.

[2621] I don't.

[2622] You know, I was a presidential candidate.

[2623] My paperwork was completely filled out.

[2624] I was a, I was a candidate for the president of the United States this year.

[2625] How dare you?

[2626] Who put, who put you in?

[2627] I did.

[2628] You put yourself in.

[2629] Yeah.

[2630] Now, are you a part of the Bilderberg group or you have a supporter of any sort of the Illuminati anything that's going on that's ruling the world?

[2631] Ron White?

[2632] No. You were just going to run for president as a normal dude?

[2633] How come I didn't hear about this until right now?

[2634] I don't know.

[2635] Research...

[2636] How the fuck am I supposed to know you ran for president?

[2637] Well, look, uh, crap, pull up Ronne for president.

[2638] I would have you in.

[2639] Who would have tried to rape the election?

[2640] Are you willing to do it again in four years?

[2641] No. No. No. You know what scared me was that I didn't realize that anybody was taking this seriously.

[2642] Oh, my God.

[2643] Ron White for president.

[2644] Vote smart because you can't fix stupid.

[2645] So that's me at my house and the Beverly Hill side of the paper.

[2646] That is so hilarious.

[2647] I've actually never made that face before.

[2648] So I don't know where they got that image.

[2649] But it's certainly not me. How weird, man. And so what happened?

[2650] People took it seriously?

[2651] It was crazy.

[2652] Injured service members.

[2653] I had this war on the drugs that matter.

[2654] I had this war on methane that I felt like, because I, you know, I have the same, I have a comics perspective of the American people, which means for the last 30 years of my life, I've done nothing but travel back and forth across this country, up and side, downside, one left to right, right to left.

[2655] and I've made these people laugh I've drank with them in bars I've had dinner in their homes I've cried with them when their kids died and you know I know him Donald Trump doesn't know nobody else up there knows I know them you know them I know who they are I know exactly who they are and I know what bothers them and one of the things that bothers them is the fucking meth is just killing everybody and and nobody ever brought that up in this election that meth the meth even the meth made here not even the meth from mexico the may meth made here in america is uh is it kills more people than i says ever will in this country and less something fucking i mean you know this is going on right now 100 people a day dead dead every day 100 people a day dead over the either the byproducts of doing math over a period of time, 100 people a day.

[2656] Easy.

[2657] How many people a day die from skateboarding?

[2658] Google that.

[2659] I'd say half a person a day.

[2660] You think?

[2661] Yeah.

[2662] What do you think is like the most dangerous sport that people die from a day?

[2663] A hundred people a day die from math?

[2664] If it would have been, if I'd have been elected president, here's my plan.

[2665] So this would have been the most dangerous sport would have been run a math lab.

[2666] That would have been the most dangerous fucking sport.

[2667] that would have been it because I would put U .S. troops on the ground and I would and I would put a bounty of $20 ,000 if you can show me at operating meth lab, we'll go in there, boots on the ground, we'll give you eight seconds to get up with your meth babies and then we're going to kill everybody in the fucking place and we're going to blow the place out.

[2668] You would kill the dude from Breaking Bad?

[2669] The teacher?

[2670] No, I don't think that's real.

[2671] But if it was real?

[2672] Yeah.

[2673] Fuck Yeah, yeah.

[2674] You know what?

[2675] Because he's killing people and he knows he's doing it.

[2676] He knows he's doing it.

[2677] He's doing it just for profit.

[2678] He's a profiteer.

[2679] Could you just enjoy a little meth, like a wine tasting?

[2680] No. Just a little, just a good discipline.

[2681] I could, but still.

[2682] I would like to see if Navy SEALs did meth.

[2683] If you could take, like, guys with a tremendous amount of discipline.

[2684] Like, if you got Tim Kennedy to do meth one time, I guarantee he's not going to become a meth junkie.

[2685] Or crack.

[2686] Crack cocaine is even more addictive.

[2687] Is it?

[2688] But meth, you know, you watch the deterioration of somebody on.

[2689] Matthew's over a 10 -year period of time.

[2690] It could be a most beautiful woman in the world all the way down to skank in 10 years.

[2691] Right, right, right.

[2692] Toothless fucking, it's horrible for you.

[2693] Yeah, man, we're going deep, deep down the world of neither one of us know what the fuck we're talking about.

[2694] No, no. No, we're not.

[2695] Absolutely, we're not.

[2696] I told you.

[2697] I feel like a Navy seal can smoke some meth.

[2698] I told you while ago.

[2699] I've too fucked up to keep doing the show, and you're the one that kept going.

[2700] We're fine.

[2701] Everything's fine.

[2702] We're just in a civil debate about whether or not a Navy SEAL can smoke a little meth and just put it down and walk away.

[2703] Because it's not a bitch.

[2704] Okay?

[2705] No. It grabs your DNA, doesn't it?

[2706] I don't think a Navy SEAL could, I don't think a Navy SEAL would do it in the first place.

[2707] That's the whole key to be in the Navy SEA.

[2708] Yeah, I know.

[2709] The Army had to find out.

[2710] Is it, what is it, is it willpower?

[2711] Is it physical?

[2712] Like, what's the deal?

[2713] He'd be sucking a dick for a sandwich in the, no, I'm not kidding it.

[2714] They don't want sandwiches.

[2715] They want meth.

[2716] Yeah, they're right.

[2717] If they have meth, the sandwich has no importance.

[2718] It seems like for a lot of people, that's the case.

[2719] But the question is, how even are we, all of us?

[2720] Like, how many, why do some people have cat allergies?

[2721] Why do some people have peanut allergies?

[2722] Like, what the fuck's going on?

[2723] How many people that smoke meth just smoke it and they go, ugh?

[2724] How many people smoke meth and bang?

[2725] And it's a high note, right?

[2726] Like we did with me and you.

[2727] I don't think we know, right?

[2728] Right.

[2729] Because some people smoke pot, and they go, well, I'll never do that again.

[2730] Right, right, right.

[2731] But I didn't say that.

[2732] You didn't say that.

[2733] No. I don't like things that make me vibrate.

[2734] And I like to, I like to, I like to, I like to nap.

[2735] Responsible methamphetamine use and community.

[2736] I use meth on occasion.

[2737] I'm not one of those crazies.

[2738] Oh, my God.

[2739] Be up for four days a little puff before work.

[2740] Oh, my God.

[2741] I don't know if this is real, but, I mean, There are people apparently that agree with them, and there's a whole community discussion.

[2742] Of course they do.

[2743] A bunch of meth heads.

[2744] Methods are all getting together chewing each of those fingers off, saying everything's fine.

[2745] And you know who's pitching in to Dennis?

[2746] The fucking dentists are fucking going, yeah, yeah, do a little meth.

[2747] Just do a little math.

[2748] We're going to make you a metal teeth set, like that dude from the James Bond movie.

[2749] Arr.

[2750] Chaws, remember that guy?

[2751] Metal teeth.

[2752] For a while, rappers were going with the metal teeth.

[2753] Jamie has that let up?

[2754] No. That's your grill.

[2755] Yeah, the grills are still in full force?

[2756] Definitely, for sure.

[2757] Interesting.

[2758] Ron White, have you ever considered getting a grill?

[2759] Like maybe perhaps something with platinum and diamonds?

[2760] No. Nothing?

[2761] No. Like Little Wayne -esque, perhaps?

[2762] That's when Cameron decided to make my character bald.

[2763] I don't know if you ever saw it or not, but it was pretty funny.

[2764] You'd laugh at it.

[2765] Did you see my character?

[2766] I didn't see that show once.

[2767] If I had known that in any way I could have helped and kept it on the air, I would have watched every episode.

[2768] How do they find out who's watching?

[2769] How do they find out?

[2770] I feel like a dick for not watching your show now.

[2771] I think I probably wanted to get around to it, but there's a lot of shit.

[2772] Like, I haven't seen that...

[2773] Who's the black superhero?

[2774] Luke Cage.

[2775] Yeah.

[2776] I want to see that show.

[2777] I keep hearing awesome things about it.

[2778] Now I'm in trouble, because I said the black superhero, even though he's exactly that.

[2779] What other one?

[2780] Netflix has a couple of them.

[2781] They have Daredevil, they have Luke Cage.

[2782] What else they have The Punisher, I think Oh, they have the Punisher That's right That's what I'm hearing Good things about that too But more about Luke Cage Heard a lot of people Somebody has a bit about Luke Oh, Geron Horton John Horton has a really funny bit about Luke Cage Geron Horton who opened up for me In Denver At the Comedy Works Yeah, is he from Denver?

[2783] No, he's from here It's from L .A. And you brought an opener all away from it Funny man I always bring openers You don't bring openers?

[2784] What are you doing?

[2785] Taxing people?

[2786] Whoa, what's happening there?

[2787] That's my character.

[2788] Oh, Jesus Christ.

[2789] What did they do to you?

[2790] How rude.

[2791] I'm bald.

[2792] They made you look like shit.

[2793] I like the glasses, though.

[2794] And the T -shirt.

[2795] Well, those are the glasses that they didn't like at the fucking audition.

[2796] Those glasses are awesome.

[2797] Yeah.

[2798] Fuck them.

[2799] That's funny, man. Yeah, the...

[2800] So do you enjoy doing that show, though?

[2801] Yeah.

[2802] Yeah, it was a blast.

[2803] It was a...

[2804] It was the dialogue was a blast to do.

[2805] You know, you'd like it.

[2806] You watch episode eight.

[2807] Is it available on Netflix or you've got to go to a Showtime app?

[2808] I know I have Showtime.

[2809] Do they do it on demand?

[2810] Is it on demand?

[2811] I don't know.

[2812] I saw it was on a TV on a, I think it was a Delta flight.

[2813] I think right now those providers, all these different people are trying to figure out how to get that straight.

[2814] Like, so you can watch pretty much.

[2815] I mean, how many years you think if you're realistic?

[2816] How many years are we away from everything that everyone makes being able to be watched online real close?

[2817] it's just got to be some universal currency things some universal one -click like Amazon something along those lines where you can get things like on the spot right after they come out because like you know that's going to massively increase how many people watch a show or any show because some people just don't want to pay for that showtime package maybe they're broke maybe they have one chance like what do you want to get HBO you know or maybe they're really cheap and they're like I'm going to go to Cinemax you get Cinemax only what does that cost 50 bucks I don't know I don't know what it costs.

[2818] I have no idea.

[2819] Cynmax is awesome.

[2820] That's not my point.

[2821] My point is that if you have it online, if it's easy to get to, you get this open river.

[2822] It's like the blockades you put up where it makes it hard for people to buy shit.

[2823] That's what fucks everything up.

[2824] Like, oh, you want me to sign up?

[2825] I don't want to sign up.

[2826] I got to put my email address.

[2827] Oh, here comes a spam.

[2828] If there was just some one easy way that you could put that fucking thing online, just one simple way, where everybody could just give you like a buck or whatever it is.

[2829] for an episode just real easy let me watch an episode real quick you know it'd be god damn everywhere it'd be everywhere everywhere everywhere it's just too right now it's too complicated right now they're trying to figure out the various portals for people to be able to profit off these things how do we start this I can't wait I can't wait to figure it out because I don't profit off the internet at all at all you definitely do because people on the internet I love you, so they come to see you.

[2830] Well, yeah, in that way, they do.

[2831] You know, I do that.

[2832] Yeah, that's a big part of it, right?

[2833] Got to get the Ron White show started.

[2834] Jamie, this is important.

[2835] It needs to be done, right?

[2836] No. No?

[2837] What do you mean?

[2838] A podcast?

[2839] You should do something like once a month.

[2840] No. We commit to once a month.

[2841] Just once a month, it's not that much time for an hour.

[2842] Ron White answers questions.

[2843] All right, I'll do that.

[2844] Look what we did Look what we did Boom Look what we've created here All right You don't have to Did I put you on the spot?

[2845] No I feel bad now No Everybody's been on you to do it But once a month Nobody said that Once a month Nobody said that Everybody else is like 17 days a week I'm like I don't have 17 days a week To fucking do this shit That's what I was going to tell you earlier I would never Encourage any changing Of any of what you do Because then you will wouldn't be Ron White.

[2846] But if Ron White decides at one point in time that he wants to change whatever behavior, if Ron White decides that he wants to start drinking carrot and ginger and garlic juice every morning and going to the fucking CrossFit, Jim.

[2847] I'm drinking Jack Daniel with you.

[2848] You're Mr. Mixed message.

[2849] I'm definitely a mixed message.

[2850] You are.

[2851] I'm 100%.

[2852] And I'm guilty as charged.

[2853] Just trying to squeeze as much life out of this thing as we can, Ron White.

[2854] I know.

[2855] Scooies.

[2856] I know, but I'm not sure that helps.

[2857] I don't think so either.

[2858] The expression is little old man. Not big old man. It's a little old man. You never hear anybody say big old man. This poor little, little, little, tiny little, tiny man. He's got a cane.

[2859] He's 104.

[2860] That is the great grave pulling him towards it.

[2861] How fucked up is that?

[2862] That's ultimately what is actually happening to your body as you get older.

[2863] You have a stick to fight off the slow pull of gravity.

[2864] That's just sucking you into its grave.

[2865] The undeniable, constant pull.

[2866] It used to kick your ass when you were a baby, and you'd just fall over and kick your ass all the time, and then you got a little stronger, and then it got to where you could fucking run, and then it got to where you could jump, and you were, like, kicking gravity's ass for a few years.

[2867] but gravity never stopped never fucking stopped gravity kept on fucking tugging on your goddamn ass gravity's like Nick Diaz down to the fucking earth Nick Diaz and his prime would land a lot of like 50 % punches it would just kind of like punch at your face until you got hurt and then he would start digging hard boom boom boom that's kind of like gravity gravity's just slowly chipping away your meniscus and the discs slowly quick your posture you're your hips oh why do your feet hurt gravity bitch slowly ankles sucking into your fucking meditarsals into the lava from which you came ron white motherfucker ladies and gentlemen that is the end of this podcast ron white is available for children's parties he plays clubs and colleges all across the country You can catch him all throughout the land.

[2868] Ron underscore White on Twitter.

[2869] Ron White official on Instagram.

[2870] Is that correct, sir?

[2871] That is, yeah, I don't even know about the Instagram stuff.

[2872] You one of the baddest motherfuckers alive, Ron White.

[2873] I hope you appreciate that.

[2874] God, damn it.

[2875] You were the one of the greatest motherfuckers' life.

[2876] Thanks for having me on the show.

[2877] Please, my honor, kind of, sir.

[2878] It's fun that we hang out together so much.

[2879] And we just really talked about this last week.

[2880] Yeah.

[2881] But it was a lot of fun.

[2882] This is a good time, man. Thank you so much.

[2883] All right.

[2884] We're back tomorrow with Brian Redband.

[2885] Who's not near as interesting.