John Stamos

[0] Welcome, welcome, welcome to armchair expert.

[1] I'm Dak Shepard.

[2] I'm joined by minical lollipod man. Oh my God, you almost said lollipop.

[3] I did.

[4] I feel like it's in there.

[5] You have a, what are the pandor?

[6] What do they call them panadromes?

[7] Oh, palindrome.

[8] Yeah, is that where we could reconfigure the letters in your name to make lollipop?

[9] I think palindrome is, I thought, when you read this, the word reads the same forwards and backwards.

[10] Oh, I thought a. Like Hannah.

[11] Hannah's a palindrome.

[12] I think where you get a bunch of letters and you've got to make some words out of it.

[13] Scramble.

[14] Wordle?

[15] All right, both.

[16] Okay.

[17] Today we have one of Monica's very favorites of all time.

[18] Yes, him and I go way back to my little four -year -old self.

[19] That's what age you started.

[20] Well, I don't remember.

[21] Okay, let's say that, though.

[22] 31 years of enjoying John Stamos's work.

[23] John Stamos is an actor and a very accomplished musician, as we talk about in this.

[24] Touring with the Beach Boys for like 30 plus 40 years.

[25] Crazy.

[26] Of course, Full House, a dramatic turn in ER.

[27] That was a nice spell for him.

[28] Fuller House, incredible reboot, very successful.

[29] And he has a new season of his show Big Shot on Disney Plus out now.

[30] Please enjoy John Stamos.

[31] What's his catchphrase?

[32] Have mercy.

[33] Okay.

[34] Is that how he delivered it?

[35] No. Okay.

[36] I would never dare.

[37] You want to.

[38] No. Okay.

[39] I'm going to try, having never heard it.

[40] Okay.

[41] Please enjoy John.

[42] John Stamos.

[43] Have mercy.

[44] It's pretty good.

[45] Wow.

[46] We'll have to compare it.

[47] Enjoy John Stamos.

[48] Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair expert early and add free right now.

[49] Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[50] Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts.

[51] He's an armchair expert.

[52] How is your work?

[53] out.

[54] Was it fun?

[55] Because you had Aaron there.

[56] That was a pop -out.

[57] I thought he was landing that noon.

[58] Oh, Jennifer.

[59] You know, that's what you do when you have water on your clothes.

[60] And then you get it in your eye?

[61] But it's not on your garment.

[62] You're right.

[63] That was a hack, wasn't it?

[64] Do you ever do that?

[65] Now I'm wet.

[66] A girl who I lost my virginity to just sent me some pictures.

[67] Oh.

[68] Oh.

[69] Oh, I love this.

[70] No, we love this.

[71] I just read about this.

[72] The woman you lost your virginity, too.

[73] Shouldn't we save this gold for the...

[74] No, we're recording.

[75] We're always recording.

[76] We're always recording, minus the pee -pee part.

[77] I just took a P in there, and I know you guys recorded it.

[78] Yeah, we do.

[79] We have a little, um, a lov inside the toilet tank.

[80] Oh, cool.

[81] Well, really perverse over here, which I think you know.

[82] Can I say, Monica, you're the brains of this thing, and I'm so happy to meet you and see you.

[83] I'm so happy to meet you.

[84] That's fine.

[85] I'm glad that he lets you talk a little more nowadays.

[86] Well, let's get into that.

[87] Yeah.

[88] What's let?

[89] Well, I let her talk more.

[90] Oh.

[91] Oh, that's a trigger for him.

[92] Yeah.

[93] Oh, wait a minute.

[94] That's a good thing.

[95] No, no. That's a good thing I'm here because...

[96] I don't let or not let Monica do anything.

[97] I don't pick her furniture.

[98] Oh, you're definitely like that.

[99] Why don't you get Monica?

[100] And I'm like, first of all, Monica's rich.

[101] Second of all, Monica makes her own...

[102] Is Monica making some of this...

[103] I'm reading everywhere how much money is...

[104] Okay, good.

[105] She owns the house across the street from us.

[106] Well, that's good.

[107] I got a nice chunk.

[108] Don't worry.

[109] You guys started this together, right?

[110] You created it together?

[111] We did, but it was Dax's idea.

[112] Dax wanted to do a podcast, and I jumped in and I said, I want to help do that.

[113] You weren't the nanny of their kids.

[114] Yes.

[115] Oh, theirs.

[116] I thought it was on a TV show, too.

[117] Simultaneous.

[118] We knew her a little bit.

[119] Then she showed up on set of Kristen's old show.

[120] Yeah.

[121] And then she said, by the way, I also babysit.

[122] We were just about to have a second kid.

[123] Can you let her talk?

[124] That's a good call.

[125] He's pissed off at me already.

[126] That is a good call.

[127] Well, this is a sore subject.

[128] Oh, sorry.

[129] Well, is it a source of that?

[130] Which one?

[131] Well, here's the thing.

[132] Are you talking about letting her talk and stuff?

[133] I'm totally kidding.

[134] I go into a room and it's like I'm doing rickles.

[135] And my wife says, you're not, Rickles, stop.

[136] You're the big guy.

[137] I hear that saying, so I kiss your ass and I put him down.

[138] That's right.

[139] It's not nice.

[140] No, no, it's not nice.

[141] You don't have to put him down, but I appreciate that you lift me up.

[142] I do.

[143] See, okay, now that isn't interesting thing.

[144] We have run into that a little bit.

[145] I think there's a binary thought.

[146] We've even had people who love us both that when asked a comment on Monica in the press, their inclination is to do it as opposed to me. So to put me down to raise her up.

[147] As opposed to just raising her up.

[148] You're right.

[149] We don't have to do one or the other.

[150] It's such familiar architecture for us, right?

[151] There's like so much muscle memory that this is how we do.

[152] I do it, too.

[153] I'm not calling anyone out.

[154] It's a compliment to both of you.

[155] So more insulting to you, actually, Monica, because he's the big shot.

[156] Yeah.

[157] So I remember one of the Beach Boys were talking about when Brian Wilson said, I'm the genius and the rest of you guys are nothing.

[158] And I think it was Carl or Mike, too.

[159] It's like, well, they don't have to push us down to put Brian up.

[160] We love Brian.

[161] He's our brother.

[162] He's our cousin.

[163] Right.

[164] All right, I'll never do that again.

[165] No. No, no. It's a good lesson forever.

[166] say anything to shame anyone i say it to like oh this is great let's get into this can i just say i've been listening to you guys from the beginning oh my god is that true yes yes yes you guys are so good and dax you are so fucking smart you could talk about anything you make anybody interesting even me today hopefully we don't really know each other we saw each other at a restaurant a few years ago do you remember that i definitely remember hanging at kimball's a few times i wrote you on instagram like i dm'd you after you're hearing your podcast, and you weren't following me. I said, I'm so, you're so fucking good.

[167] You're so smart.

[168] I'm not trying to get on your show.

[169] I just want to tell you, I don't really know you, but you're just probably the best at this.

[170] You listen, you do your research.

[171] You're just the best of this.

[172] And I wrote this long thing.

[173] And I waited like a week, so he didn't ride me back.

[174] Like I'm like a scorn schoolgirl.

[175] Oh, this is so sad.

[176] And then I checked.

[177] And then I go, okay, fuck it, he's not going to answer me. John.

[178] Dee Lee, unfollow, or whatever.

[179] And, uh, you blocked me?

[180] I just lock you, but I just stopped following you because, But why would you?

[181] Like, you probably got 100 DM.

[182] I think he's crying.

[183] No, no, I am bummed by this.

[184] I got to tell you something, John.

[185] I have to interject for one second.

[186] I did not know until months ago that you can see people from verified accounts have sent you messages.

[187] I've made it a real point to not look at DMs for a very specific reason.

[188] Tempted?

[189] Well, of course, like, if I get a DM from a hot woman and she's naked, I don't need that challenge.

[190] I'm not going to go buy a bag of Coke.

[191] put it in my coffee table and just test how much I'm over cocaine.

[192] I avoid the DMs because I don't want to overestimate my self -control.

[193] So I've made a point to not.

[194] Now, since that decision, I do occasionally look at DMs.

[195] I just discovered that you can see who has sent you a message.

[196] By the time I discovered it, I looked at it and I got immediately overwhelmed with, oh, fuck.

[197] Can I tell you one?

[198] I hope he doesn't mind me outing him.

[199] It's not the guy from Room 5, was it?

[200] Justin Bieber.

[201] Justin Bieber sent me a long DM.

[202] I've got a long DM.

[203] I I don't know, Justin.

[204] Mine was nicer than his.

[205] I deleted it.

[206] The point is...

[207] We'll never see it.

[208] It's lost.

[209] Justin Bieber sent me a message like three years ago.

[210] What am I going to...

[211] I see that and I'm like, hey, sorry, it took me three years.

[212] And then I just, I kind of got overwhelmed by it.

[213] But I'm enormously flattered you would have taken the time to write me a message that said that.

[214] That's okay.

[215] And...

[216] I could say it to you a person.

[217] You and I have hung out several different times via Kimmel.

[218] You're a very likable person immediately.

[219] You're very humble, you're very kind, you're a great listener, you're all these things.

[220] You're like a lovely ass dude.

[221] I appreciate that.

[222] Now, how are we doing with the boys?

[223] Dating.

[224] Oh, wow.

[225] Well, um, there's been some emotional progress, very recent about my feelings of self -worth.

[226] That is the underlying key to the whole thing.

[227] She's starting to let in the fact that a lot of people are quite drawn to her.

[228] Still, like on the spectrum, I would like her to be a 10.

[229] She's a 3, but it was a 0 for her.

[230] very long time.

[231] Have you been in that spot?

[232] Because I have, where you feel insecure?

[233] I have felt very insecure about how I look, but I've not been insecure about whether women would or wouldn't like me since like sixth grade.

[234] A popular girl gave me the gift of a lifetime, Sasha Crossett.

[235] She was in eighth grade, she liked me, and it changed my life.

[236] For some people, it was sports.

[237] That's where all their self -esteem came from.

[238] For some people, it was fighting or it was, we all find her things.

[239] You were a musician.

[240] Mine was, I can talk to girls and I can dance.

[241] This is my thing.

[242] And that's what I'm good at, and that's the whole foundation for my self -esteem.

[243] Was that it?

[244] You were funny?

[245] I was funny and outrageous.

[246] It's deeper than that, though, because it's not just, oh, somebody likes me. It's you get to see in somebody what there is to like.

[247] They will comment, like, oh, you're so this or you're so that.

[248] And you're like, no, oh, maybe.

[249] It shines a light on the things you aren't paying attention to in yourself if you allow that to happen.

[250] What's that term?

[251] It's like the light is shining.

[252] Get in it.

[253] You know, scoot over and get in it.

[254] Get in a little.

[255] Find your light.

[256] That's very actory.

[257] No, no, no, no, no, no. You say that.

[258] The light is there shining.

[259] Get your ass in it.

[260] Yes.

[261] That's good.

[262] It's right there.

[263] I like that.

[264] When we did Monica and Jess, there was a lot of turn your light on.

[265] You're open for business light is off.

[266] Right.

[267] And you need to turn that on.

[268] And people may think you're in a relationship or you're not in.

[269] Yeah, you're not interested.

[270] I think there was a certain self -protection over the years that basically said, I'm not in the moment.

[271] market so you can't reject me. This was my approach with being punk rock.

[272] So I've been saying this since we've become best friends.

[273] You have to be open to the flirting or it doesn't happen.

[274] And she hates when I do this, but I feel so good about doing it right now.

[275] Let's do it.

[276] Monica's objectively fucking beautiful, right?

[277] Beautiful.

[278] Preetier than I thought even in person.

[279] Yes.

[280] And you have a glowing thing about you.

[281] X Factor, right?

[282] The second I saw her there is like, oh, oh, oh.

[283] That's really nice.

[284] Well, I did get micro -needling this weekend.

[285] Well, it worked.

[286] You did.

[287] You must be young, too.

[288] 35.

[289] No shit.

[290] And you're super smart, too.

[291] You know, there's something you said on here a while ago.

[292] It doesn't really pertain to what we're talking about.

[293] But I think it was to Amy Poehler or somebody.

[294] We were talking about that we have no control.

[295] And the pandemic showed us we never had control.

[296] I've used that line a lot.

[297] I haven't given you credit many times.

[298] You don't have to.

[299] The fact that you're using it, wow.

[300] This is open source code.

[301] Like anything you hear here, you go to claim it's yours.

[302] Great.

[303] That's right.

[304] Oh, that's so flattering.

[305] But I think you're going to be just fine.

[306] And you have to be open.

[307] You know, if you don't take a risk.

[308] And you take risks all the time.

[309] You've taken them in your career.

[310] You've taken them on your motorist things.

[311] Sexually.

[312] Sexily, for sure.

[313] A lot of risks, sexually.

[314] And I used to be like that.

[315] Before I sobered up and before I went through a decent amount of therapy, I was afraid to put myself out there.

[316] And so what I would do is I'd give 60%.

[317] And my 60 % was better than almost anybody out there.

[318] So I was like, that's fine.

[319] I was afraid to give 100%.

[320] Because if I did, and I failed, I was like, oh, shit, I gave 100%.

[321] Rejection.

[322] Now really quick, would that be because you would have gotten caught trying.

[323] And when you fail after trying, it's somehow embarrassing.

[324] But if you kind of phone it in...

[325] And you know, when I met my wife now, I said, I'm going to put 100 % into this thing.

[326] And if it doesn't work, fine.

[327] Then I know how to put 100%.

[328] I know that road.

[329] You have to practice at some point.

[330] Yes, it's a lot.

[331] Being in the moment is exhausting.

[332] But that's what it's all about now, right?

[333] Well, we just had this great professor on about the many flaws of thinking that we all innately have.

[334] And one of them was fallacy of fluency.

[335] Fluency effect.

[336] Fluency fallacy is incredible because exactly what you're saying.

[337] You think the moment you understand it, let's say you're in therapy, you know, like, oh, I see what I didn't do in my past relationships.

[338] I didn't give 100 % of my effort.

[339] And then you think, so next time I'll do it this way, and then I will know how to do it because I understand it.

[340] And so I will be able to turn this switch and I'm going to be this different version of myself.

[341] But that's a fallacy.

[342] One has to practice that give me. 100 % of themselves.

[343] It's not just a decision I'm going to do it.

[344] You're going to have to practice.

[345] Yes, that's exactly it.

[346] And it may take time.

[347] But in that case, it was like, well, it worked.

[348] Then you've got to keep giving.

[349] It's like working out.

[350] There's no magic set.

[351] I did a bunch of talks for us last week.

[352] I'm talking about being in the moment.

[353] You know, I lost my friend Bob.

[354] And so it was like, tomorrow's never promised.

[355] All we have is right now.

[356] As actors, I'll be in the moment.

[357] Be in this moment.

[358] Fuck off.

[359] Like, you hate hearing that.

[360] But it's real.

[361] It is true.

[362] All we have is right now.

[363] I was saying all that last week.

[364] And then I come home and I'm not in no fraction of it.

[365] Of course.

[366] So you have to keep reminding yourself.

[367] As long as you're reminding yourself, you can't do it 24 -7.

[368] And no one can do that unless you're like Buddha, I guess.

[369] Wait, we have to get back to a virginity person.

[370] Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[371] You wanted to add one more thing about Monica and I'm going to encourage it.

[372] Yeah, yeah.

[373] I went to India about eight years ago.

[374] I know your parents are from there, right?

[375] I still have a touch of diarrhea, but I'm okay.

[376] Yeah, that's the fear.

[377] It's kept you looking very well.

[378] It was one of the most, you know, like they said, life -changing trips.

[379] The people were so beautiful and so sweet.

[380] You know, the Beach Boys, when I started hanging around them in the early 80s, they were very much into TM and Maharishi.

[381] Yeah.

[382] And they went to Rishi Cash to study with the Beatles.

[383] Mia Farrow was there and Donovan.

[384] Nora Jones's father.

[385] That's right.

[386] That's where they learned to meditate.

[387] So I went to try to find that.

[388] Do you do TM?

[389] I don't do it enough.

[390] We both do it because Howard is a proponent of it.

[391] That's why I started it.

[392] No, I was doing it before because of the Beach Boys.

[393] Oh, right.

[394] Because he didn't really talk about it.

[395] I don't think the first couple of years.

[396] I was just driving on her listening.

[397] And he was talking about my new show and it was like, he's such a good guy.

[398] I mean, I mean, I guess people know that.

[399] You guys know that.

[400] A lot of people think he's mean.

[401] Yeah.

[402] The story I tell him here, which is funny, is I did his show, right?

[403] We happened to get along pretty well.

[404] And then he told Kim, well, I really like that kid.

[405] Bring him around.

[406] And so he was in town in L .A., and I said to Kristen, I think we're going to get to go to his house in Long Island.

[407] And she said, I'm not going to Howard Stern's house.

[408] The dude who throws bologna at women's asses.

[409] That was literally the comment.

[410] I go, well, let's go to dinner with Ian Kimmel.

[411] Within nine minutes at this dinner, Kristen's like, Target locked on him.

[412] She's in love with him.

[413] We go.

[414] We're supposed to go again.

[415] I can't go because my father's sick.

[416] She goes, okay, well, good luck with your dad.

[417] And she went without me. So she's been without me. So that's really the truth about him.

[418] He's one of the greatest.

[419] Like when Bob died, he called me, we talked for an hour.

[420] He called me when my new show was airing.

[421] Him and Beth watched it.

[422] And Beth was a high school basketball player and just went on about the show.

[423] Then he texted me, he said, hey, it's Howard, pick up the phone.

[424] I said, oh, shit, Ralph died.

[425] He never calls me Howard.

[426] Right, right.

[427] I got a lot of questions about Ralph, but in order.

[428] But let's start in Orange County.

[429] We're in Cyprus, Orange County.

[430] This is of great fascination to me right out of the gates because you're super Greek.

[431] And what are the odds you land in a town called Cyprus?

[432] Oh, yeah.

[433] It's an accident, though, that your dad lands.

[434] Where's he from?

[435] My dad was born here, and he passed away, but my grandfather was from Greece.

[436] Did you ever do one of those shows where the Trescher?

[437] ancestry.

[438] Well, we've been 23 and me, but not the show.

[439] I have family from Kentucky.

[440] I don't need to learn on TV.

[441] My family was slave owners.

[442] Let's just assume they were.

[443] I got family from Kentucky.

[444] There's a lot of bad stuff out there.

[445] That's how it was.

[446] I kept waiting for that moment where you're supposed to cry.

[447] Is this like a joke?

[448] It's like a joke.

[449] It's like, when I got, oh, my grandfather, my great grandpa, got shot in the town.

[450] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[451] Did you find out anything interesting?

[452] What was the headline?

[453] Well, I went to this little town where my grandfather was from.

[454] My family, Stambatopoulos and the Koliopoulos family, were like the Hatfields and McCoys.

[455] And my great -grandfather got shot in his town square.

[456] And one of the cousins were walking us around.

[457] I said, well, so the Koliopos, they're over there.

[458] Oh, still.

[459] Oh, my God.

[460] Okay.

[461] So you grew up in Detroit?

[462] Yes, sir.

[463] Do you ever go to Pine Knob?

[464] I played there a lot.

[465] Oh, my God.

[466] Yes.

[467] My very first concert, Hart with John Cougar Mellon Camp opening for Hart, like about a month after Jack and I and came out.

[468] So really the bill should have been flipped at that point, but it hadn't.

[469] I got hit in the head with a 50 -gallon Coleman cooler on that first trip.

[470] Someone slid down the hill because it's a grassy hill, as you know.

[471] It's a ski.

[472] In the winter, it's a ski hill, Monica.

[473] And in the summer, it's a big, muddy, slippery, grassy hill that drunk people listen to music on.

[474] Sounds like a disaster.

[475] Next was Stevie Nix.

[476] At the height of Stevie Nix, my mother's, like, soul sister.

[477] But I've seen everyone.

[478] I saw Metallica in the cult there.

[479] Beach Boys, I was there.

[480] I didn't see the Beach Boys.

[481] They went onshore with America there.

[482] I think, like, maybe many people.

[483] of my age, I didn't learn that the Beach Boys were geniuses until I learned of the Beatles' Beach Boys' rivalries.

[484] For me, it was like, my mom even raised us.

[485] We're not Beatles people, we're Rolling Stones people.

[486] Beatles were singing, I want to hold your hand.

[487] Mc Jagger was saying, because I got another girl pregnant.

[488] That's our music.

[489] We're freaky.

[490] You talk about your dad a lot.

[491] Did he pass away?

[492] Yeah, 62.

[493] 10 years ago this year.

[494] Yeah.

[495] Mine was been about 20 years, but you had a different relationship.

[496] My dad was my hero.

[497] He's becoming mine posthumously.

[498] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[499] I can tell you something really cheesy.

[500] I love crows, right?

[501] You do?

[502] Yeah, so I have this big crow on my form.

[503] He identifies as a crow.

[504] This is who I think I am.

[505] And my dad was obsessed with hawk.

[506] So now the hawk is landing on the branch that the crow's on.

[507] I'm inviting him now to sit on the branch with me. So I'm learning to love him even more.

[508] That's so cool.

[509] And I'm recognizing that I had stories about him as I have stories about everyone.

[510] That's beautiful.

[511] I think he was a lovely guy that wasn't ready to write.

[512] raised kids and he was an addict like I am and there's a lot of things probably he would have done differently.

[513] But back to your father.

[514] Okay.

[515] Yeah, let's see what you did there.

[516] I mean, you know, I know.

[517] You said it all.

[518] That's hard.

[519] But I have to break myself with stealing all of his catchphrases because they're in my head.

[520] When was the last time you're on a show?

[521] You're tricking me again.

[522] I had a solo appearance.

[523] It was great.

[524] He invited me his house.

[525] Then I went back with Bradley Cooper, a dual interview because Bradley was in my movie and Bradley would only do Howard if I was there with him because he knew Howard was can ask him about who he had sex with and he didn't really want to do it so i was there to kind run blocker did you i did and it's a thankless job the listeners were annoyed and it was regrettable and that was the last time i've been on the show how long ago 10 years ago the same year my father died ding ding ding ding big year i brought rickles in did you ever hear that episode no i would love don and don he wouldn't go so low it was like your wife was like oh yeah all he talks about it was spanking girls in the ass that's wild if don rickles it thinks he's too crass seriously well yeah well Don was his main influence and inspiration of becoming, you know, a comedian or getting into show business.

[526] And to watch Howard and Don together was so special.

[527] And Howard, at such rate, stood up, took his glasses off, Mr. Rickles, and they connected on not getting girls in school, but having to be funny to get through life even.

[528] You get to talk to some of them.

[529] Yeah, yeah.

[530] Real quick, because you were talking about Kimmel.

[531] It's funny because I think Kimmel in some ways mirrors that, too, where he had a period of time where it was like, Jimmy Kimmel's crazy.

[532] Exactly.

[533] And he's kind of, the word misogynistic, too strong, but you'd place him in maybe more of that category.

[534] I'm sure.

[535] And now he's the most lovable person.

[536] He's family guy.

[537] He's not.

[538] Oh, God.

[539] I don't even start all my.

[540] It's so scary to take a stance.

[541] We were all over the place.

[542] Go ahead.

[543] Do the...

[544] Yeah, but this is what we do.

[545] We jump.

[546] Yeah, yeah.

[547] Well, you know how you guys are so successful, huh?

[548] You've done 500 shows?

[549] Yeah.

[550] And it's taking you that many shows to get around to me, huh?

[551] No, we've...

[552] It's okay.

[553] You know what?

[554] You know what?

[555] It's okay.

[556] I'm having a moment.

[557] I'm sure I reached out.

[558] day one or two.

[559] I think it would go without saying Monica thinks you're the hottest guy on the planet.

[560] Oh, duh.

[561] That's assumed, I'm sure, but you need to know, she is a product of full house.

[562] I brought you something.

[563] It's in my pants.

[564] Move that wall out.

[565] It's going to get wild.

[566] We'll bring in the T -Rex skull.

[567] Get the wrestling mats out.

[568] Well, you say that about everybody who comes in here.

[569] No, I don't.

[570] I have a high bar.

[571] I definitely don't say that about everybody.

[572] But I did grow up on Full House.

[573] I am of Mary Kate and Ashley age.

[574] We're the same age.

[575] So I grew up watching to my generation, you've been on our walls since, you know, age five.

[576] How does that make you feel when I say that?

[577] All of that.

[578] It just hits you.

[579] What did 30 years go bought?

[580] Here's what I would think if I were you.

[581] Because I don't really get this.

[582] Occasionally I run into people that were like, oh, my God, my 12th birthday we saw without a paddle.

[583] Like, I get that, right?

[584] But I'm never talking to a hot, full -blown woman, as you said, with a glow who's like I loved you since I was a baby and now they're like fully formed sexual creature and I've got to now like kind of compute all that they always said like I used to like you are you I used to have you on your wall you find the brown lining and everything I don't not everything but if I give you a compliment you figure out the way if you don't take the compliment and say thank you it hurts the other person a little bit that's certainly true because you're telling Monica how she feels about you which is she just told you how she feels about you.

[585] She was hot for you as a baby, and now she's hot for you as a full -blown woman.

[586] Oh, good.

[587] I would imagine, yes, in your mind, you hear used to or past tense.

[588] No, I use it as a defense.

[589] I use it to be humble.

[590] What am I supposed to say?

[591] I know I'm hot.

[592] Exactly.

[593] Well, I get it.

[594] There would be a way for us to do that.

[595] And maybe in therapy, you and I are working towards the same thing.

[596] I got a hunch we are.

[597] I bet.

[598] So we're both addicts.

[599] I didn't know that about you till today, by the way.

[600] Oh, really?

[601] There's a great saying in the program, an egomaniac with an infuriate.

[602] Furiorty complex or the piece of shit that the world revolves around.

[603] So I have this double -sided coin self -image.

[604] I'm either the biggest piece of shit on the planet or I might be a god.

[605] Right.

[606] And so in therapy, I'm working towards to get in the middle of it, to be able to own the things that are true about me, because I at the same time feel entitled to things and fraudulent.

[607] I have imposterous syndrome.

[608] But do you really?

[609] You're so fucking smart.

[610] I mean, the success of this show alone and projects you've, done.

[611] People are saying, hey, or direct this movie.

[612] You have to know that, right, a little bit?

[613] It's helpful to have the proof and the data, but then there's the kid you always are that is five years younger than your brother and dyslexic and all these things.

[614] That's hard to shake.

[615] You look better in person, too, by the way.

[616] Okay, I hear this sometimes in real life.

[617] Well, he has an aura.

[618] If you had to pick, you're hotter on screen or you're hotter in real life, what would you pick?

[619] Because one is a source of income.

[620] You're either hotter in real life or you're hotter on screen.

[621] You would pick hotter on screen?

[622] Yeah, I think so.

[623] Would you?

[624] I'd pick hotter in real life.

[625] But you already got the hottest girl.

[626] Like, what do you care?

[627] Yeah.

[628] You can't look at your DMs.

[629] I'm in real life all the time.

[630] I'm only in real life.

[631] So I'm not in the movie I'm in.

[632] So if I have to pick where I look hot, I'd rather look hot in real life because that's where I'm at.

[633] Well, thank God we don't have to choose that.

[634] It's a silly hypothetical.

[635] But you deliver in real life.

[636] I'm doing this new project.

[637] I'm going there right now to do where I'm playing this kind of fucked up rock star guy.

[638] And I'm excited about it.

[639] I like you with the longer hair.

[640] As I was watching clips of you today.

[641] and I was watching you on ER.

[642] I love the ER hair.

[643] It was shaggy and messy.

[644] Who's this guy?

[645] He's smart enough to be a doctor, but his hair's messy makes messages.

[646] I love it.

[647] Do you have a moment where there's like, okay, now I'm maybe taking serious?

[648] Sure.

[649] But it all depends what you're in, too, right?

[650] Oh, a thousand percent.

[651] I was listening to James Franco, and he did a soap opera, I'm a general hospital where I started.

[652] Yes.

[653] And he talked about, I'm a good actor, which he was, but in that environment, I didn't come off as a good actor because the way they light it, all the makeup we have to wear, the dialogue we have to play, the shitty music, it made me a terrible actor.

[654] Yes.

[655] Just saying that those actors are very good on those shows and also it just depends on where you're at, right?

[656] So you get thrown into the parenthood.

[657] I got thrown into ER, I think, and that's where people go, oh.

[658] This was Bert Reynolds's huge grievance.

[659] I love him.

[660] There's a regrettable moment in his career and it's at that peak of it, right?

[661] He's been the biggest box office star for seven out of the previous 10 years.

[662] During Smoking the Band at 2, He's in a Playboy interview, and he's very upset that he's never been nominated for anything.

[663] And his point, which is objectively true, is he's like, Dustin Hoffman has these incredible scripts with these artful directors.

[664] I'm in Smoking the Band.

[665] I take a 30 -page outline, and I make the second biggest movie of the year.

[666] Isn't that worth something?

[667] And it's true.

[668] For Bert Reynolds to transcend a 30 -page outline and make the second biggest movie of the year, you've got to recognize that as a huge power.

[669] But what happened to Boogie Nights?

[670] That was his shot.

[671] I know the inside scoop on Boogie Nights.

[672] You hear Boogie Nights, he gets nominated because he's in a Paul Thomas Anderson movie.

[673] You find out they didn't get along.

[674] My assumption was Paul's in the right, Bert's in the wrong.

[675] Something about his ego maybe, that was my assumption.

[676] Now, what Bert told me was they're doing that famous shot or they're coming off the street into the back of the restaurant.

[677] They're going through the whole restaurant and they're going to land on Bert at the table.

[678] if you can remember that shot in Boogie Nights.

[679] And then Burt says some stuff.

[680] There's all these young actors.

[681] He is an actor's actor.

[682] Like he loves actors.

[683] He takes everyone under his wing.

[684] He's watching all these people do these great performances and everyone's hitting their mark and it's on time.

[685] Now this is Bert's account.

[686] Paul, don't be mad at me. They do it like five or six times.

[687] And from Bert's perspective, it's perfect.

[688] Why are we going again?

[689] He finally walks outside.

[690] He looks at the video village and he sees a number taped to the monitor.

[691] And he asks the script supervisor, what's that?

[692] number and she says oh that's the current record for a steady cam shot in a movie he was trying to be and he said are you fucking kidding me we're not here to break a steady cam record we're here to be as honest and as good as we can be and hit our marks and if you're putting us through this ringer so that you can have a steady cam record fuck off yeah that was bert's perspective i don't know if that's the truth if that were the truth i can understand why they didn't get along it's his movie whose movie paul thomas hanner this movie he should be able to do that i can make an argument for both people you'd really think that paul would do that he's young he's obsessed with scorsese i wouldn't fault paul even if he had that motivation to make his mark in the way that scorsese did are these other people i bert heard himself once he got nominated then he was shitting all over he was shitting on paul he he missed him just like he did i'm telling you this playboy interview where he's new one wants to hear bert reynolds complain that he's not getting awards when he's the highest paid actor in the old, and his life is pretty fucking great.

[693] So I'm telling you, it was hubris.

[694] It was a mistake, and it was stupid.

[695] But the point is accurate.

[696] To be great in something terrible is a much bigger feat than being passable in something great.

[697] Well, full house.

[698] Full house.

[699] God, it was good, though.

[700] Okay, my favorite thing in researching you today, you said it a couple different places.

[701] You wanted to be famous.

[702] I love it.

[703] I always say afterwards, but eventually I learned to love the art of it.

[704] I have no problem being famous.

[705] I like it.

[706] It's great.

[707] Yes.

[708] I love it.

[709] Refreshing.

[710] No one says that.

[711] Are you?

[712] I can admit two things.

[713] Yes, I wanted to be famous.

[714] That doesn't mean I enjoyed it.

[715] Me being stared at at restaurants makes me uncomfortable.

[716] I think dudes want to fight me. No, this is back to the therapy thing.

[717] I'm working on and maybe you are too.

[718] What?

[719] Is believing that I belong here, that I can take the compliment and I can say thank you.

[720] When you tell me I'm smart, I don't have to say to you.

[721] Knee jerk, as I always do.

[722] No, I was dyslexic, so I have a great memory.

[723] As I've learned to let go, thank you.

[724] I find that I am less bothered by people giving me attention because I actually feel more worthy of it.

[725] Got it.

[726] Both of you guys.

[727] That's a similar thing.

[728] How old are you?

[729] 47.

[730] I probably felt how you did at your age.

[731] And then the last 10 years, I'm like, fuck it.

[732] Fuck you.

[733] I don't give a fuck.

[734] I wasn't very academic.

[735] And I didn't go to college.

[736] I didn't read as much later I did.

[737] And I had a long -term relationship that basically said, I don't want to be with you anymore because you're stupid.

[738] My friends think you're stupid.

[739] And I was like, oh, okay, it's great.

[740] Oh, my God.

[741] Wait, that was really said to you.

[742] Yeah.

[743] And sobriety had a lot to do with it.

[744] It's been about seven years.

[745] But just being clear and being like, fuck, I don't care.

[746] I could walk into any room with any celebrity, any movie star, anything, and go, hey, babe, what's up?

[747] You're getting to that, too, right?

[748] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[749] You also had a little bit of a handicap, which is your wife.

[750] Her outshining me, fame -wise, has never bothered me. Her making more money than me was hard for me. Did you rip your pre -up in hat?

[751] What happened?

[752] Well, what's really funny, I wanted a pre -up.

[753] when we got married.

[754] Like, if I'm being honest with you, because I had a lot of my savings account and I owned my house, she was underwater in a house.

[755] And I was like, she doesn't know how to handle money.

[756] I was just like, if we break up in a week, she's taking half of it.

[757] She doesn't have anything for me to take.

[758] I wanted one.

[759] She even said to me, honey, I bet you'd feel more comfortable if we got a pre -nup and I'm happy to do one.

[760] And the best part of me said, absolutely not.

[761] So we did not get one.

[762] And my joke was, jokes on you, Toots, when Frozen came around.

[763] Thank God we don't have a pre -nup.

[764] That was always the joke.

[765] That's a good one.

[766] So you've learned to deal with that part of it, even, too.

[767] The money, who cares?

[768] It's half years now, anyway.

[769] You got kids?

[770] You think about all the money you guys make it, get a good couch?

[771] He's sitting on this couch, and it's like there's a weird lump in it.

[772] I'm okay.

[773] I told Monica this.

[774] We thought about this.

[775] We fought about this last week.

[776] Listen, we can't mess with what's good.

[777] Listen, should we try another cushion?

[778] We can put another cushion.

[779] Be an asshole.

[780] But there's a weird.

[781] a dip, ladies and gentlemen.

[782] But don't you think it's part of the charm?

[783] Like, the reason there's a dip is because so many people have said, 500 people before.

[784] So I was freshly divorced.

[785] There was some award show or a party or after party of something.

[786] And my press agent, Lewis Kay, says, there's this girl that wants to meet you.

[787] You got to meet her.

[788] She's into theater.

[789] She's fine.

[790] The two of you guys would be great together.

[791] It was Kristen.

[792] I'm no kidding.

[793] And I said, she's so adorable.

[794] She's so great.

[795] I'm way the fuck too old.

[796] Wow.

[797] I don't know if she remembers that.

[798] How crazy.

[799] Oh, wow.

[800] Yes, that would have been a close.

[801] Great.

[802] Yes, she loved.

[803] I just was so lofty and thought, I'm old.

[804] I don't know how old she's been.

[805] She's five years younger than me, so she'd be 17 years younger than years.

[806] So that would be less than your current gap.

[807] But this is the thing you're hung up on.

[808] Right.

[809] But this is part of your thing.

[810] Oh, she probably liked me when she was five, so she can't.

[811] Well, I didn't.

[812] You were just like the age gap's gross.

[813] It's not a good look.

[814] I think I was, yeah, but then I got over that.

[815] Yeah, as you got older.

[816] Stay tuned for more armchair.

[817] If you dare.

[818] What's up, guys?

[819] It's your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season, and let me tell you, it's too good.

[820] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[821] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[822] And I don't mean just friends.

[823] I mean the likes of Amy Polar, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on.

[824] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[825] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[826] We've all been there.

[827] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[828] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[829] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[830] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[831] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[832] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[833] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[834] Prime members can listen early and ad free on Amazon music.

[835] Okay, let's go back to fame.

[836] I think the thing you're explaining, Full House, originally you're like, I kind of wanted to be on something else.

[837] I wanted to get hugely famous from something else.

[838] Yes.

[839] What would you have wanted to be famous for?

[840] Well, I think by that time, I'd been famous.

[841] General Hospital was the whole thing.

[842] Got nominated for a daytime Emmy.

[843] There you go.

[844] And that was like, you were talking about the first girl who said she liked you.

[845] And I remember mine was in high school.

[846] We were at this block party.

[847] Someone at this party said, oh, I heard this girl who was the hottest girl.

[848] She was a Catholic school girl.

[849] Thinks you're cute and wants to go out with you.

[850] I'm like, oh, wow.

[851] What a message.

[852] What?

[853] What a raggy?

[854] Then I just told everybody at this party.

[855] Sure, sure.

[856] And so it got to the next house, got to the next house, got to the next house, got to the next house where her boyfriend was.

[857] Okay.

[858] It was a big sort of football player, whatever.

[859] I was in this car and the passenger seat talking to some other friends.

[860] And the guy comes up and knocks on the window.

[861] I was, oh, hey, man. Roll down the window.

[862] Okay.

[863] Boom.

[864] He clacks me right in the fly.

[865] I was always afraid of being hit.

[866] And then I was like, oh, that didn't hurt that much.

[867] But then the next one did.

[868] And then he tried to drag me out of the car, and I was like, step on it.

[869] But I woke up with this horrific black guy.

[870] And I was so humiliated, demoralized.

[871] It was terrible.

[872] And it just went on and on, and I was afraid at school all the time.

[873] He kept writing a big nose on the mirror.

[874] He wanted to do it again and again.

[875] Yeah, he wanted to do it again.

[876] And I said, I can't take this anymore.

[877] I got to do something.

[878] I got to get famous so I can have bodyguards and beat his ass.

[879] Wow.

[880] And every little milestone that I got on to, I go, ah, that motherfucker.

[881] I play with the beach sports, invite him backstage.

[882] I'll have the bodyguards, beat him up.

[883] Do you know his full name?

[884] I know all of it.

[885] You do?

[886] I'm writing a book, which I never thought I would do, and I'm sort of just writing about that now.

[887] But I was going to go visit him at the gas station where he was cleaning toilets and say, hey, thanks.

[888] I'm not there.

[889] So I wanted to be famous.

[890] I used to have my friend, Mike Owen, at Disneyland, come up and ask for my autograph, and I'd sign it, and then people, who was that?

[891] Oh, he's the kid on.

[892] Really quick.

[893] Because you said that really quick.

[894] Did you understand what he just?

[895] set.

[896] He'd go with his buddy.

[897] He arranged for a...

[898] His buddy would act like a fan.

[899] I love that.

[900] Yes.

[901] So I got fame and General Hospital.

[902] I always said this to, I just Monday, call back on Tuesday, shot it Wednesday, and it aired two weeks later.

[903] Writing this book, I'm going through all my mom's calendars.

[904] And that's exactly what happened.

[905] It was a couple of auditions.

[906] I shot the show, and then two weeks later, 30 million people saw it.

[907] And I was still working at my dad's restaurant.

[908] The audition thing, too, was funny.

[909] It was to play a New York Street Kid.

[910] I've never been in New York.

[911] Rough and Tumble.

[912] Right.

[913] Yeah, a kid from Cyprus.

[914] Yeah.

[915] California by Knottesbury Farm.

[916] In the Shaddenham, Natsbury Farm.

[917] Not scary farm.

[918] It's scary farm.

[919] I love Travolta.

[920] I can't remember how old I was, but I went to the set of Greece.

[921] My father's friend was teaching the school, and they were doing the big scene with a crate paper.

[922] And I walked in there.

[923] I was like, wow.

[924] And they were rolling.

[925] The doors fly open, and Travolta comes out in that black suit and that pink shirt.

[926] I go, that, I want to be that guy.

[927] I want to do it.

[928] Yes.

[929] You also loved Elvis, and there's a weird correlation between, I think, Trevolta and Elvis.

[930] All the dancing.

[931] Like the flamboyance, the masculinity in the size, all of it.

[932] Maybe, yeah.

[933] Mixed messies.

[934] So I went to Saturday Night Fever to see what it was like in New York, you know, that walk.

[935] So I got to get a walk.

[936] First, I borrow my mom's leather jacket, which was a long.

[937] Woman's.

[938] Yeah, woman's leather.

[939] Mom, can I cut this?

[940] No. And my hair was sort of feathered, you know.

[941] And I was like, I got to figure out a walk before their audition.

[942] So I drove up to Hollywood.

[943] My dad's El Camino.

[944] And I was like, this looks like New York.

[945] It was Santa Monica Boulevard, which is mainly a boys town.

[946] Sure, sure.

[947] For some reason I thought, this is New York.

[948] I parked in a place called Rage.

[949] I thought, well, this is good because this character probably has raged in him.

[950] Oh, my God.

[951] And I get out of the car, and I'm like, whoa, sashing.

[952] Up and yeah, I was down the thing, woo -hoo, kitty girl.

[953] I'm like, good, okay, great, you know.

[954] And I was remember, I need some, Chachi.

[955] Chachie was from New York.

[956] I need a bandana that's higher on my thigh.

[957] So I go into a, you know, there's a lot of bandanas.

[958] And I said, oh, I'll take that one.

[959] And I'll never forget this guy.

[960] I said, oh, you're in luck.

[961] I said, why?

[962] Well, with every bandana.

[963] you get a free back massage.

[964] I'm like, well, I got an audition right now, but maybe I'll come back later.

[965] I don't know, you know, back massage, we good?

[966] Do you know the bandana culture?

[967] Well, this is what I'm getting to.

[968] Okay, okay.

[969] So I walk into the audition with the walk, you know, I got my walk, and they go, stop moving around.

[970] What are you doing?

[971] Just stay still.

[972] You need to walk into a small room.

[973] So I started again, and the guy starts just, you know what that bandana means?

[974] Is it, uh, chachi?

[975] No, it's yellow.

[976] Joni loves chachi?

[977] No, it means that you like to be peed on.

[978] I'm like, what?

[979] Because it was yellow.

[980] Is that the card for the culture?

[981] No, no, no. These are my nicotine too.

[982] What if that was your cheat sheet?

[983] I thought that was.

[984] Yeah, right.

[985] Oh, red.

[986] And then I look at the back.

[987] Do I actually you know more about it?

[988] Well, yeah, guys that cruised in West Hollywood back then would have different color bandanas.

[989] And it basically signaled whether they were a bottom or a power bottom or they like this or that.

[990] It was like you could signal.

[991] You're in an honest pee.

[992] Waterworks or something they call it.

[993] Waterplay.

[994] It was an early version of waterplay.

[995] It was the yellow bandana.

[996] Wow.

[997] So that was that.

[998] Anyway, I was on Jeter Hospital for two years only.

[999] Still lived in Cyprus with my parents.

[1000] I was still working to my dad's restaurant for a while on Sundays because he thought that would be good.

[1001] I said, Dad, I'm famous.

[1002] Yeah.

[1003] Did your dad see your success?

[1004] He did, yeah.

[1005] Did he try to keep you humble?

[1006] I was like, I don't remember.

[1007] Fuck, no. He was like, we're famous.

[1008] We're famous.

[1009] Oh, he enjoyed it more than I ever did, yeah.

[1010] Signed an autograph.

[1011] I saw him back, father.

[1012] I called him at one point.

[1013] He answered the phone.

[1014] Oh, good.

[1015] Tell this woman who you are.

[1016] I'm like, what?

[1017] And then I hear, hello?

[1018] Yeah.

[1019] Who is this?

[1020] Dax.

[1021] You're a Dachshepard?

[1022] Yeah.

[1023] Then the phone, I told this one.

[1024] I'm your dad.

[1025] I go, what's happening?

[1026] Oh, my God.

[1027] He was at Costco in a fight with a woman at the register, whether or not he was my dad.

[1028] When I called him, I could, Dad, how often are you fighting strangers?

[1029] So, yeah, he loved it.

[1030] That's beautiful.

[1031] Yeah.

[1032] Now I think I could like it more.

[1033] Back then, I was like, you don't deserve.

[1034] You didn't earn.

[1035] Did you see you on parenthood then?

[1036] You saw me on parenthood.

[1037] The most important thing is I had directed Hit Naran and it was the last year he was alive.

[1038] It came out the last three months he was alive and I bet he took like seven or eight different women to see it to like show off.

[1039] Now I'm like, God bless you.

[1040] He used you to get laid.

[1041] I like that and a father.

[1042] And I was like, good for you.

[1043] This is cool.

[1044] My dad used to wake me up.

[1045] I'd be like weekends.

[1046] Like so tired from working and say, get up.

[1047] Some kids at the door, they want your autograph.

[1048] You want to be famous?

[1049] There you go.

[1050] I wanted to be funny.

[1051] I wanted to be on a sitcom.

[1052] And so my two -year contract, they tried to extend it once I became popular in there.

[1053] And I said, no, no, no, I want to leave.

[1054] But I'd go on the weekends, do these car shows.

[1055] Detroit, I did the auto ram or whatever that was.

[1056] Oh, yeah, as like a model.

[1057] Well, no, I wasn't Daisy Duke, but I was a celebrity.

[1058] A host.

[1059] No, you sent autographs from General Osmond on TV.

[1060] At the auto show.

[1061] Yes.

[1062] And then, you know, I'd come up with $10 ,000 bucks.

[1063] And my dad would say, here's the pooper, go clean up the shit in the backyard.

[1064] I don't care, you know.

[1065] Yeah.

[1066] The one thing that fascinates me greatly about daytime, soap operas is you guys film an entire episode a day, right?

[1067] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1068] So how did you go from almost no experience to memorizing what I would imagine is like 14 minutes of dialogue?

[1069] I had 20, 30 pages a day.

[1070] Yeah.

[1071] Were you not completely overwhelmed, especially you're not academic, you said?

[1072] How did you get through that part of it?

[1073] Are there cue cards?

[1074] I ate up every ounce of it.

[1075] I stayed up all night if I had to study.

[1076] But, you know, your mind isn't that cluttered at 18.

[1077] I was just barely 18, barely not a virgin.

[1078] So, I mean, I loved it.

[1079] They used to say, go home.

[1080] They would call me The Sponge.

[1081] I would just watch, and Demi Moore was on there, Tony Gehr.

[1082] It was Luke and Laura.

[1083] And there's an incredible woman who I really want to do something about Gloria Monti who came in and changed the face of daytime bat.

[1084] Elizabeth Taylor was on there.

[1085] Oh.

[1086] Sammy Davis, Jr. You have an affinity for the rat packy era of glimmer and glamour.

[1087] I did.

[1088] Sadly, I met a lot of them until Rickles, I didn't realize, oh, my God, the coolest guys.

[1089] Sammy was on General Hospital, and I said, Dad, who's Sammy Davis Jr.?

[1090] He played me his record, and then I said, what do I talk to him?

[1091] I said, talk to him about drums.

[1092] And I wanted to play drums on the show, but they wouldn't let me. Right, right.

[1093] They weren't listening to it.

[1094] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1095] So he was on, and I said, Mr. Davis, Jr., I want to play drums on here.

[1096] And there was a full setup because he was singing a song, and I was hosting this waterfront charity thing.

[1097] And he said, okay, man, man. And he walks away to the producer's booth and comes back, and he goes clicking.

[1098] And he says, all right, man, just do what I say, man. I do impressions just for your next movie.

[1099] Oh, I know I'm learning that, and I'm excited.

[1100] This is an audition.

[1101] That's all I do with Sammy.

[1102] So I introduce him as the character, Blackie, which he thought was a weird name for my character.

[1103] Yeah, yeah, that's kind of rough.

[1104] Blackie, he's made him.

[1105] He does his thing.

[1106] He says, Black, you play drums, right?

[1107] Completely had to, yeah, yeah?

[1108] And he said, come up here, you know.

[1109] And he was playing piano.

[1110] I had a guy off the camera playing piano for him.

[1111] Let's play some jazz.

[1112] I want to do.

[1113] But I think, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

[1114] You know, and it's on YouTube.

[1115] And it changed my life.

[1116] And it was so beautiful.

[1117] Oh, I love that.

[1118] on television ever since.

[1119] Oh my God, what a gift.

[1120] What a gift.

[1121] I also want to paint some context.

[1122] Our average age listener grew up outside of the era of daytime television, the soap opera.

[1123] To your point, 30 million people.

[1124] The biggest show on television right now is getting about 7 million viewers.

[1125] Euphoria is the second biggest show to ever exist on HBO with 20 million viewers.

[1126] So 30 million viewers.

[1127] One in 10 Americans at that point were watching you.

[1128] I don't know if people understand.

[1129] and how enormous those stars were.

[1130] And you're coming into their homes, too.

[1131] Television versus movies, people feel like they know they want to touch you.

[1132] You're in their living room versus they left to go somewhere and see you.

[1133] Exactly.

[1134] In movies, you're so big, I wouldn't know, because you haven't put me in any of your movies, but you're so big in the theater.

[1135] You've heard.

[1136] You get smaller.

[1137] Yeah, I've heard, yeah.

[1138] And also, people would knock down movie stars to get to us, but it didn't mean anything in the business.

[1139] It was very difficult to get out of that golden handcuff.

[1140] And so what's interesting about humans, and it's completely predictable, And no one can avoid it is you wanted to be famous.

[1141] And you're basically Apex famous.

[1142] But then immediately the mind goes, well, no, I would like to be famous.

[1143] Plus, I'd like some cachet.

[1144] Respected.

[1145] Right?

[1146] I want to be respected.

[1147] That's when I realized that I really did like acting.

[1148] I want to learn more about it.

[1149] That never ends.

[1150] You're holding an Academy Award.

[1151] Right, right.

[1152] And then some voice in your head is like, but do they think I'm Brando?

[1153] Right.

[1154] Whatever the thing is, right?

[1155] You're like, well, I guess I need six of these.

[1156] That's the human condition.

[1157] There is no there.

[1158] There's just right now.

[1159] I got a touchdown really quick on Never Too Young to Die, the movie you were in following General Hospital.

[1160] So you did this movie with Gene Simmons from Kissed the long time.

[1161] This is such a terrible, terrible, terrible movie that it's genius.

[1162] It's like Rocky Horror Picture.

[1163] I tried to buy it a while ago with Gene just to show it on Friday nights because it's the most ridiculous.

[1164] And you know what Vanity was in it.

[1165] And she was beautiful.

[1166] We did the cast dinner before we started shooting.

[1167] It was at La Dome.

[1168] Again, I was like 19, like 20 maybe.

[1169] And she was giving me a hand job.

[1170] underneath the table.

[1171] I go, this is going to be good.

[1172] It's going to be a great movie.

[1173] Not expecting that to be the end of the sentence.

[1174] I love that.

[1175] She passed away, but she was, well, not that.

[1176] I mean, it wasn't that.

[1177] You lucky, son of a bit.

[1178] You went from, like, no one liked you to, like, almost a senior and finally a popular girl likes you to getting a hand job from Vanity.

[1179] God bless you, John.

[1180] What a great.

[1181] That should be the title of the book, right?

[1182] Yes, a clandestine hand job.

[1183] You got a drug.

[1184] rest it up a little bit.

[1185] I have so many of those stories that I can't tell.

[1186] Oh, my God.

[1187] Why can't you tell?

[1188] Oh, we've got to explore this and then I've got to go back to Gene Simmons, but I was watching you on the view, right?

[1189] Those four women are never unified on anything.

[1190] They can't take a bite of a piece of cake and say it was all good.

[1191] And all four of them were like very titillated that you were there.

[1192] It's like it was a palpable energy.

[1193] And I was trying to break down your appeal.

[1194] Here's my assessment of your appeal.

[1195] And I hope you see this as a compliment.

[1196] You're PG -13 hot.

[1197] Women feel very safe around you.

[1198] And I think the safety that you exude would prompt women to make the first move.

[1199] You have this edgy, but it's wholesome and safe.

[1200] I bet women have been way more forward with you than your average duck.

[1201] I think things like that have happened to you a lot.

[1202] Have women felt safe to just get a hold of your dick under a table?

[1203] We're not talking about Lori Lachlan here.

[1204] We're talking about invading, which we should talk about her, too.

[1205] I love her.

[1206] I know you do.

[1207] And he just came out yesterday.

[1208] You said some really nice stuff about her.

[1209] We talked last night about you.

[1210] Oh, that made some kind of...

[1211] It was something you were saying, like, I hate it when people bring her up because if I don't...

[1212] I like her.

[1213] It was on this show.

[1214] We talked about it.

[1215] Yeah.

[1216] Because you defend her, people get mad.

[1217] If you don't defend her, you feel bad because she's a great person.

[1218] I could just tell you what it was like to work with her.

[1219] I found her to be so fucking lovely.

[1220] Look, she got her kids into school illegally.

[1221] I don't agree with it.

[1222] Nope.

[1223] But I fucking tried to rob 7 -Eleven.

[1224] People fuck up.

[1225] I still love her.

[1226] Well, she also paid a lot of money.

[1227] She set up a college fund, a million dollar, whatever, for kids.

[1228] And she went to fucking jail, man. Did you go to jail for 7 -Eleven?

[1229] No. Can you imagine, of all the people on that show, not her?

[1230] I know.

[1231] We should go to jail, not her.

[1232] Yeah, Saggett should have died in jail.

[1233] It would have been a better story.

[1234] I'm going to say this, and she said I could.

[1235] She wasn't really the architect of any of it.

[1236] She was in the way background.

[1237] She really didn't know what was going on.

[1238] Let's even say it was her idea entirely.

[1239] But it wasn't.

[1240] I've loved people who did much.

[1241] much worse things than that.

[1242] What people love to do is to make it relative to the poor black woman who spent eight years in jail for saying that their address was wrong.

[1243] That's horrendous on its own.

[1244] And that's a total miscarriage of justice.

[1245] And we can have outrage about that without having to make it relative to Lori Laughlin.

[1246] We have enough capacity in our brain.

[1247] I do think that it's so sweet that you guys are still in touch.

[1248] She moved in my neighborhood.

[1249] Oh, okay.

[1250] So Lori comes over a couple weeks ago.

[1251] She got mad because she said, my impression of her is not great, but it's...

[1252] Okay.

[1253] Hey, let's do a TikTok, you know.

[1254] And so let's not do a TikTok.

[1255] How about that?

[1256] Oh, my God.

[1257] She's like, no, let's do a TikTok.

[1258] It's all right, okay.

[1259] And then it's the dirtbag thing or whatever.

[1260] And so we're Googling like young John Sam was and Lori Lachlan.

[1261] Oh.

[1262] So stupid.

[1263] And then TikTok is eight seconds, 15 seconds.

[1264] It took us like four hours, four and a half hours.

[1265] This is why I can't.

[1266] And I was like, oh, fuck it, man. It kills me. Then she said, look how well our TikTok's.

[1267] Yeah, yeah.

[1268] I know.

[1269] I'm going to miss that one.

[1270] I'm stopping at Instagram.

[1271] You've got nine things to say.

[1272] Anything about those PG -13 sexiness?

[1273] Yes, that's what I want to say.

[1274] I think the reason that there's PG -13 sexiness slash there's safe but edgy is totally born out of full house.

[1275] I don't think it was before that.

[1276] I think it's because Uncle Jesse was Uncle Jesse.

[1277] He was safe, but he was...

[1278] Nurturing to children.

[1279] Exactly.

[1280] It was a kids show.

[1281] But there was this rebellious character within a kid's show.

[1282] Right, right, right.

[1283] So that's why we all do have those feelings about it.

[1284] It's like, oh, my God, edgy but safe.

[1285] I think it predates it because the story from high school is also that.

[1286] He is, by all counts, a sex machine visually.

[1287] You're so good looking.

[1288] It's ridiculous.

[1289] And you're a musician.

[1290] But you're also the guy getting punched out by the dude at high school.

[1291] You were telling everyone immediately, there's an innocence to that.

[1292] You lost your virginity late.

[1293] That stuff's all there.

[1294] He's not a scumbag.

[1295] No, of course not.

[1296] But I think the reason where there's a ubiquitous feeling around you.

[1297] is because of full house.

[1298] But you don't think about to self like this.

[1299] Would you say you were attacked?

[1300] Yes.

[1301] A few times only because I was always like, I don't want to be so presumptuous that a girl thinks that I think I'm so cool I could make a move on her head.

[1302] I went out with a number of girls who called, like I remember one very famous girl and I just didn't do anything.

[1303] And she called my friend who set us up, said, is he gay?

[1304] What was he doing here?

[1305] You didn't put one hand on me. I'm like, I don't feel comfortable.

[1306] Yeah, yeah.

[1307] It just feels presumptuous.

[1308] So I never did.

[1309] it's the advisable path.

[1310] And here's the other thing that's probably going to sound like bullshit, but people's image of me is different than what I am and who I am, I think.

[1311] And we all have that, right, to an extent.

[1312] But this lethario guy that people were painting, I felt like, oh, I got to keep this up for them.

[1313] What I really wanted was a family, a wife, a kid.

[1314] I always wanted that my whole life.

[1315] I was always into relationships.

[1316] So I wasn't out catting around like a lot of my contemporaries were.

[1317] I was in long -term relationships for a good amount.

[1318] I had 10 bad years.

[1319] My dad died, got divorced.

[1320] It should have been one year, six months, but it lasted too long.

[1321] How are you with monogamy?

[1322] Not currently, but are you someone who cheated?

[1323] No. Because I would imagine, the girls didn't love you in high school, and it happened at the very end.

[1324] Once girls start loving you, I don't know how one resists that.

[1325] I got cheated on a number of times.

[1326] Okay.

[1327] I was on General Hospital, and some of the makeup of her hair person is this girl wants to go out, she's in love with you.

[1328] I'm like, what?

[1329] Yeah, yeah.

[1330] She was a very popular television actress at the time, and I was just madly in love for so long.

[1331] I couldn't get a hold of her for a few days.

[1332] And then I went over to a house and I caught her in bed with somebody.

[1333] And it was just like, oh, fuck, man. And it took me years.

[1334] My wife says, oh, I've never been heartbroken.

[1335] Really?

[1336] Okay, good.

[1337] Well, good.

[1338] And she does talk about it.

[1339] I mean, she never, like, she never got left.

[1340] She's never got done.

[1341] Whatever.

[1342] But I have been heartbroken a lot.

[1343] It took me many, many years to get over there.

[1344] Too many, again, too many years.

[1345] Which is probably why you give 60 % until your wife.

[1346] Yes.

[1347] I had two different girls that I was really, you know, I'd say I was in love with, cheated on me when I was young.

[1348] And so I went the other way, which was like, I found the feeling to be so terrible.

[1349] I mean, the worst.

[1350] Yeah.

[1351] I went and fought a dude over it, and I was so blind by the time I got there.

[1352] When I tried to punch him through the window, I punched his steering wheel because I couldn't even see, right?

[1353] It's the worst I've ever felt that I can remember.

[1354] And I made a decision at like 18.

[1355] I was like, I'm not signing up for this ever.

[1356] again.

[1357] Yeah.

[1358] I don't want to ever have this expectation of somebody because I can't tolerate this feeling.

[1359] And so I'm never going to have this expectation of somebody.

[1360] My expectation isn't that Kristen and I are going to die and she never fucked anyone else.

[1361] I have different expectations of her that she has to communicate with me, that she has to be a good mother.

[1362] You know, I've got a list of things that are priorities to me. But I never again signed up for like, you're going to demonstrate that you love me by being exclusive to me. I don't want any part of that contract anymore because I don't like how it fucking feels.

[1363] But I've been broken, you know, a lot like that.

[1364] Grew up in Disneyland.

[1365] It was always that.

[1366] Like, where's my fairy tale wedding and, you know, I'm going to live forever with my wife, my kids and stuff?

[1367] When that didn't happen, the first time I was like, oh, my God, man. But that was a very successful relationship.

[1368] You guys were together like 10 years?

[1369] Yeah, it was long.

[1370] But I didn't want it to be over.

[1371] Okay.

[1372] When people get divorced that I've seen, and they've been together like 20 years, they've raised some kids or something, I'm like, gang, that's a very successful union of two humans.

[1373] It's almost impossible humans.

[1374] Does that scare you that he talks about marriage, how difficult it is?

[1375] And we just talked with Kristen out there.

[1376] My wife, you know, at first I thought, she doesn't take chances.

[1377] She's not out there sticking her neck out.

[1378] And she doesn't take it out.

[1379] But now I'm so grateful to have, like, just a normal, stable woman who every day she impresses me more much.

[1380] She's an activist in this beautiful charities and stuff.

[1381] But it's still next to impossible.

[1382] Happy anniversary?

[1383] Oh, thank you.

[1384] Nine years today.

[1385] Nine years, longer than that.

[1386] Well, 15 years together, but nine years married today.

[1387] What was your wedding like?

[1388] Courthouse.

[1389] So we dressed up, but we went to the Beverly Hills Courthouse.

[1390] One person was there, a friend Amy.

[1391] She took some pictures, and that was that.

[1392] Back to the famous thing.

[1393] Okay.

[1394] I wanted it, but the notion of having a day where 100 people stare at her and I was the last thing we wanted.

[1395] Are you okay with it now?

[1396] Much better with it.

[1397] But I'm just saying to plan a day where the bell of the ball.

[1398] We've already had that in real life so much it didn't appeal to us.

[1399] Caitlin, she didn't care at all.

[1400] We had a very small thing, too.

[1401] But one of our first dates was Disney World.

[1402] We're both Disney.

[1403] Disney adults.

[1404] Disney, yeah, which I always thought was, I got to get rid of this image.

[1405] That's why people think of me as Pollyanna, whatever you were saying earlier.

[1406] Then Ryan Gosling goes out with him one night, and he was talking about Disney and how much he loved it.

[1407] There was a fucking Ryan Gosling.

[1408] And he's in the Mickey Mouse Club.

[1409] He, like, lived there, right?

[1410] As an adult, before he was buried, he was gone all the time.

[1411] So we went to Disney World and we were at Epcot, and I had a hat and glasses on, you know, and a guy, I think.

[1412] This is early on.

[1413] I need to set this up.

[1414] This was early...

[1415] You're still trying to impress her.

[1416] Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1417] It was our first big date.

[1418] My current wife, we went to Disney World, and no one was recognizing me at Epcot and I was trying to impress her, which later I found out she didn't give about fucking up.

[1419] You started in hats and shades.

[1420] Hats and glasses, yeah.

[1421] So they'd take the shades off, you know, trying to make eye contact with people.

[1422] And then I take my hat off because my hair's famous.

[1423] I think that's got to work.

[1424] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1425] And still sort of nobody.

[1426] I'm like, what the fuck?

[1427] Can I have some popcorn?

[1428] Oh, mercy.

[1429] You know, drop the catch lines.

[1430] And she goes, what are you doing?

[1431] And that's nothing.

[1432] She goes, you're trying to get recognized, aren't you?

[1433] She busted him.

[1434] She busted him, my.

[1435] And she turned that epcotting.

[1436] You forgot your old move, which is to hire your friend to come ask for your autograph.

[1437] Your original moves.

[1438] Yeah.

[1439] You should have brought him, like, dusted him off, put him back in the game.

[1440] She didn't give a fuck who I was, where I came from.

[1441] Which was great.

[1442] I mean, she obviously knew who you were.

[1443] It's impossible.

[1444] She never watched the show.

[1445] She'd love to tell everybody.

[1446] I don't want to show her.

[1447] It's good.

[1448] Okay.

[1449] That's great.

[1450] A couple full house things.

[1451] Saggett, you love.

[1452] love you guys were best friends did you know i knew sag it a little bit because i would be doing stand -up where i bump into him at all the comedian hangouts yeah and um it's kind of funny both you and him had this persona on tv that was so unlike you're right you're right right opposite of what we both of you that's nuts you know he was a comic and i was coming in as an actor so i left general hospital where glory monte took me to lunch and said you'll never work again if you leave this i said well i think i will yeah that's how i was by the way like you said how did you do like I just did it.

[1453] Like, my parents didn't put up any obstacles.

[1454] I wanted to be an actor.

[1455] I wanted to be a musician.

[1456] I wanted to play with the beach, whatever.

[1457] I just did it.

[1458] I don't mean to simplify it, but, you know, I just didn't go, I can't get an age.

[1459] I can't get this.

[1460] I don't know.

[1461] I just went for it.

[1462] And I, you know, of course, I was very, very lucky and all this stuff.

[1463] Before full house, really quick, Gene Simmons.

[1464] Gene Simmons, when you do this movie, he's 17 feet tall.

[1465] You grew up with Kiss being new kids on the block.

[1466] Like, Kiss, we had murals on my wall, because we had murals on my wall, my brother is five years older than me of Kiss.

[1467] They were the biggest man in the world.

[1468] What a force to have in this movie as you're in 19.

[1469] Like, were you at all curious about his overall lifestyle?

[1470] I don't remember.

[1471] I mean, I think I became friends with him a little bit, and I've known him over the years.

[1472] He was outrageously rich.

[1473] He was a lethario.

[1474] He had a very large appetite.

[1475] He was wild.

[1476] But he was with his wife, then, Shannon Tweeter.

[1477] He was kind of cool.

[1478] We had a rap party, and I put a band together, and he played bass.

[1479] He cut his fingers, and the blood went all.

[1480] over the silver part of the base and it's still there.

[1481] Whoa.

[1482] Just put on the trailer or something sometime.

[1483] And it's like a great voice of Don La Fontaine who did it in a world.

[1484] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1485] Blasey played your dad.

[1486] I was a young James Bond.

[1487] I mean, it was so fucking bad that it's genius.

[1488] And Gene played some sort of hermaphrodite.

[1489] Okay, sure.

[1490] Whatever he was, and he's like, ha, singing a song.

[1491] But you go like, okay, where's my shot?

[1492] I'm going to be a movie star.

[1493] It never happened.

[1494] So by the end of that, I was like, I got to get the fuck a. Seinfeld was coming.

[1495] All these songs.

[1496] shows that I wished I was on.

[1497] And it took me years.

[1498] I did a show with Jack Klugman right before that.

[1499] Jack was one of the great actors, odd couple, and did a lot of theater.

[1500] And he would talk to him about theater all the time.

[1501] And he said, get to the theater.

[1502] I said, what I do?

[1503] This is a fucking full house.

[1504] My dad hated it, too.

[1505] It was stupid that show.

[1506] Your dad hated Full House?

[1507] I mean, he didn't like.

[1508] I mean, it wasn't lofty.

[1509] I mean, it wasn't silly.

[1510] And I don't know why we're talking about Full House 35 years later, but it has something.

[1511] I don't know what it is yet.

[1512] There was a whole article that came out once the new Fuller House came out.

[1513] Sega used to say, we'll just do fullest house and I'll be in an urn on the fireplace.

[1514] He really projected a lot of things that have happened.

[1515] Yes, there was an article that came out about my age millennial that we're hyper -nistolic because we're the first generation that like really, really remembers what it's like to have lived with extreme technology and without.

[1516] To have like a formative years cut in half by the cell phone.

[1517] We walk around with all this nostalgia of like what used to be and we are the full house generation.

[1518] So I think we do, like, carry a lot of love for it.

[1519] And it's also, with everything that's going on in the world, with the pandemic and politics, it's safe.

[1520] It's a home -cooked meal.

[1521] It's like comfort food to watch a show like that, I guess.

[1522] But I said, how do I get away from this fucking thing?

[1523] You know, Jackson, go to the theater.

[1524] So I went to New York.

[1525] I've never been on stage.

[1526] I'm not a good singer.

[1527] I auditioned to replace Matthew Broderick, who just wanted Tony.

[1528] And I was like, fuck it, I can do this.

[1529] I thought, like, if I practiced 10, 10 hours a day, singing, dancing, whatever.

[1530] I could do it.

[1531] And I did.

[1532] And then I'm like, what the fuck?

[1533] Do you ever feel like this?

[1534] That fearlessness that you used to have.

[1535] Like, I got to get back to that fucking guy.

[1536] What happened to him or her, you know?

[1537] So I did that, and then ER came around.

[1538] It was great.

[1539] But it still couldn't shake it.

[1540] And the last moment I remember so clearly I was doing a Broadway play called The Best Man with James Earl Jones, arguably the greatest living actor.

[1541] Angela Lansbury was in it, rest of peace.

[1542] It was a three -hour gorvey -doll play about politics.

[1543] Great.

[1544] I was playing this asshole.

[1545] And you finish the show, standing ovation, and you'd go out to sign autographs and people that were in the show, they'd go, Uncle Jesse, I go, fuck it.

[1546] That's it.

[1547] I love it.

[1548] Yes.

[1549] Call me Uncle anything you want.

[1550] I jump this on stage with James Earl Jones, and they're still saying Uncle Jesse, who cares?

[1551] Acceptance.

[1552] So that was maybe 10 years ago.

[1553] Now I just get it.

[1554] You know, it's beautiful.

[1555] I'm glad because my idol who's a lawyer.

[1556] I know him through sobriety.

[1557] He's my hero.

[1558] He's raised two daughters beautifully.

[1559] He stayed married.

[1560] I worship the dude, right?

[1561] That's a good person, Todd Lex.

[1562] You know, and I say, like, find someone that has what you want and find out how they got it, that he's the dude who has what I want.

[1563] He told me this great story.

[1564] He had a client that had signed on a direct -a -movie at Fox, and he had an option, and the director did not want to do the option.

[1565] And at that time, Barry Dillard ran Fox.

[1566] And my friend had a call with Barry Dillard, and Barry Dillard said, well, look, I think there's two ways to look at this.

[1567] Your client can either be happy working at Fox, or he can be unhappy working at Fox.

[1568] He's got to work at Fox.

[1569] He's going to be working at Fox.

[1570] And I guess for me, the fame aspect as well has been largely just that.

[1571] You have to work towards acceptance.

[1572] It's the answer to all of our problems.

[1573] I did this other terrible thing.

[1574] It was Alice in Wonderland.

[1575] I did this song and dance with Harvey Corman.

[1576] I was brokenhearted over this girl, who I just talked about earlier when I was on General Oswald.

[1577] And it was this terrible thing with the lion and the eunuch on the grinding for the crowd.

[1578] It's terrible.

[1579] Harvey Foreman.

[1580] And I came and I was so busted up over this girl and he said, assist, don't resist.

[1581] Go with it a little bit.

[1582] Don't fight it.

[1583] That's what you're saying, acceptance a little bit.

[1584] And that brings us to sobriety.

[1585] So, 2015, you get a DUI.

[1586] Were you mostly booze or were you everything?

[1587] Mainly booze.

[1588] But I did drugs.

[1589] When necessary.

[1590] Do you ever do GHB?

[1591] Oh, sure.

[1592] I completely overdosed behind Groundland's theater and had to be resurrected with cocaine.

[1593] Yeah.

[1594] That's the terrible drug kids out there.

[1595] Because you could do it five times, the same amount, same thing.

[1596] The fifth time, you pass out.

[1597] You fall out.

[1598] You could stop breathing.

[1599] And I was driving.

[1600] I just kind of came back when I was drinking.

[1601] I was going to meet Sagitt, too.

[1602] I was going to circles around Beverly Hills.

[1603] I didn't know what was happening.

[1604] People were, pull over.

[1605] Uncle Jesse, you're fucked up.

[1606] Oh, God.

[1607] And then I remember waking up in the hospital and the bright light of said, oh, I'm dead.

[1608] And then the first person I see was Sagitt was, please don't tell me he's Jesus.

[1609] Like, oh, then I checked my zipper to make sure it was fine.

[1610] But it was, you know, it was that moment where you go, like, come, on man yeah you got everything everything you ever wanted you pretty much have i remember thinking and i've talked about lately that i didn't care if i died before that which is so fucking stupid i didn't want to kill myself but i was like if i die it's okay i've done everything which i hadn't you know i didn't have a family i didn't have my kids i didn't have nothing you know the feeling well yeah you go to treatment yeah yeah i went to a rehab and if we charted your use it was progressively got worse and worse and Did you have moments that it was, quote, manageable?

[1611] And then life things would happen and it would get unmanageable.

[1612] Yeah, exactly that.

[1613] Because I could fool people.

[1614] Did you?

[1615] I thought I was full of people.

[1616] Yeah.

[1617] I was as an addict exactly as I am sober, which is I'll tell you anything.

[1618] I don't have any discretion, better or worse.

[1619] So when I did Coke, I tell you, I'm going to the bathroom to do Coke.

[1620] I do Coke.

[1621] Hey, what's going on?

[1622] Forgive me, I've been up for two and a half days.

[1623] I just tell you, I didn't really ever try to hide anything.

[1624] But did you do it at work?

[1625] So I would get sober for movies And then in between movies They were getting progressively more dangerous My last of which was like a break Right before I did this movie's Athura And I almost died in Hawaii And yeah I died in Hawaii No Not a good background Too pretty It's too ironic You want to die in an alley Yeah That's how I was I could take a few days But it was shitty I'd lay around and sweat And get to go to work Do work And then reward myself after but each time took longer and longer.

[1626] And again, it was more and more dangerous.

[1627] But also, the universe was going, fuck you.

[1628] You want a wife and a kid.

[1629] Fuck you, man. You don't deserve it.

[1630] Right before I really hit rock bottom, my mom died.

[1631] It was just bad time.

[1632] Thank God I didn't kill anybody because that could happen.

[1633] So seven years plus, I was like, I'm not going back to that.

[1634] No way.

[1635] After a year, a half two, Caitlin came around.

[1636] Like, any decent woman for those 10, 15 years would be like, even Monica.

[1637] I was like, hey, Monica, let's get, you know, let's hang out.

[1638] You'd be like, eh.

[1639] Call me when you're fuzzy.

[1640] Let's do it.

[1641] After a minute.

[1642] And you go like, eh.

[1643] I know, I know.

[1644] I could see that.

[1645] There were a lot of really nice people that came around.

[1646] Yeah, a couple times you'd be like such and such about last thing.

[1647] When she realized that half of your time together you were in a blackout, she would have been like, you're not even here for this.

[1648] I'm going to guess something about you.

[1649] I've worked with a couple comedians.

[1650] I would imagine you had two things working against you as far as recognizing you needed to get clean.

[1651] One is relative to the people.

[1652] people you hung out with.

[1653] You might have been like, well, that person needs to get sober.

[1654] Yeah, that would be worse.

[1655] Right?

[1656] Like, you keep enough people in your circle that are way more fucked up than you.

[1657] It can kind of keep you in denial pretty safely.

[1658] But then you start really just only hanging out with these fuckers, you know?

[1659] Yes.

[1660] But even that, I'd smoke crack with people and be like, that guy's a crack addict.

[1661] Yeah, we did the same thing last night.

[1662] But somehow, that dude was a crackhead and I was not.

[1663] I was like a tourist.

[1664] You were dabbling.

[1665] Yes.

[1666] Well, I thought I was better when I was a little licked up.

[1667] Like, I thought I could be funnier.

[1668] I think I would be a lot more successful today if I had gotten sober to 15 years earlier.

[1669] It helped me hang on to this bullshit Peter Pan thing.

[1670] I didn't want to get older.

[1671] I didn't want to be an adult because adulthood looked like boring to me and it was like harder work.

[1672] And all the fun is gone.

[1673] Now you've got to be an adult.

[1674] Yeah.

[1675] You know, even just to be able to sit and talk to you guys right now for an hour or half or whatever it is and just try to look you guys in the eye and talk.

[1676] Like, I couldn't do that before.

[1677] Yeah, yeah.

[1678] want to, but, you know, now I crave it, like, to sit and talk like this with you as smart people.

[1679] Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

[1680] The second thing I'm going to guess about you, because I've worked with two or three different people, your charisma and likability can really be a liability, right?

[1681] Like, if you are not very likable, you're not sympathetic.

[1682] Like, you're just innately kind of a sympathetic.

[1683] You exude a niceness, right?

[1684] So I'd imagine you didn't experience the wreckage that your average Joe experiences.

[1685] My guess is people were pretty tolerant of you being a fuck up and pretty forgiving of you when you were not accountable in these things.

[1686] You can be a victim of your charisma is what I'm saying.

[1687] Maybe.

[1688] I just know this.

[1689] If I didn't stay on the path that I stayed on for a long time, nobody would have sympathy for me, not my agents, not my managers.

[1690] They were all very hard on me as they should have been.

[1691] sisters, especially.

[1692] My sisters, I love.

[1693] I'm so close to them.

[1694] They were like, get your fucking shit together, man. I called my one sister from the hospital.

[1695] I said, does anybody know?

[1696] She goes, you're on the fucking news, man. You're on all the news stations.

[1697] And you know what I did?

[1698] I went home and drank a bottle of wine after that.

[1699] And I had a movie, the little part in a movie to do, and I flew there.

[1700] I did that.

[1701] And then as soon as I got home from that, I said, take me away.

[1702] Yeah.

[1703] Was that your first bit of the public wreckage?

[1704] No. It was many years ago.

[1705] And I was traveling around the world, and I was going to end up in Australia to do promotion for ER.

[1706] But I was with the Beach Boys in Japan, Cairo, for some reason.

[1707] Oh, you're having the dream life.

[1708] Dream life.

[1709] I was sober.

[1710] I wasn't drinking for whatever.

[1711] You know, I used to six months, three months, whatever.

[1712] So I was in Greece, and I was like, my homeland, my dad, my dad's dad.

[1713] Give me some boozeo.

[1714] Here's dad.

[1715] To the queen, anybody, you know.

[1716] And then I was boozed up all the way to Australia.

[1717] And the first thing I do was this interview, and the guy was like, oh, my kids love you.

[1718] Okay, great.

[1719] And took pictures with him and all that stuff.

[1720] Then he wrote this terrible article about it.

[1721] me that I was dozing off and I was drunk.

[1722] I was trying to play that I was jet lagged, yeah.

[1723] It was, but then I was also, and you know, this is a country which I always wanted to live in.

[1724] I always thought Australia's my place, but he said something about me, and then the next day I was on this talk show, in my mind, I just thought, you know what, I'm going to bury that guy, I'm going to say that he has a small penis on this show.

[1725] Oh, wow.

[1726] And I did, and I said a lot of other things, and it was on the show, and it was, you know, Stamos, go home, like, really, you drunk, motherfucker?

[1727] Okay, you guys got me drunk.

[1728] That was embarrassing.

[1729] The next thing I'm on a plane, I'm way home.

[1730] So, you know what?

[1731] Now that I think about it, you're right, my charisma or whatever, bullshit, nice.

[1732] Like, I got an extra shot there.

[1733] That's what I'm saying.

[1734] Nobody said anything.

[1735] Like Warner Brothers, you sent me home.

[1736] You spent a lot of money.

[1737] Nobody said, hey, you better start.

[1738] John Wells I was working for at the time.

[1739] Didn't make a peep.

[1740] And it was every fucking war.

[1741] Mike love goofed on me, you know, in concert and stuff.

[1742] It would call me the blender down under.

[1743] That's what I'm saying.

[1744] If you're even a little bit less likable, you don't get the second shot.

[1745] But this last one, if I didn't, you know, pay attention, that's why I think I'm so happy and that's why I got married and I have a kid.

[1746] My career is better than it ever has been.

[1747] And it's just, boom, it's focused.

[1748] Well, you realize how unbelievably time and resource consuming the thing is.

[1749] I think the hardest thing for me getting sober is like, what are we doing with these four extra days?

[1750] Literally, I get four.

[1751] Exactly.

[1752] You guys are too busy.

[1753] Five podcasts.

[1754] But what about vacations for you?

[1755] Was that a big adjustment?

[1756] Trigger places were like amusement parks.

[1757] daytime drinking i love to do yeah yeah what was your what was your thing well vacation i remember going on vacation a year sober with my then girlfriend brie and i got down to mexico and i was like what now like i would arrive somewhere let's get some drinks and then everything unfolds after the drinks you're meeting people you're at someone's house and i'd be looking at these fucking people at the pool drinking all day long and i'd be like really that guy can do it but i can't that guy is superior to me in this way that he can handle it this, that guy?

[1758] Normie.

[1759] Yeah, and I get judgmental, and I think, you know, like, yeah.

[1760] Yeah, but you're special in all the ways he's not, so why wouldn't you also be special in this other way?

[1761] Yes, I've come to now, like, yes, I feel good about it.

[1762] But from all the addicts, I mean that.

[1763] There's so much beauty in people who are often, in my opinion, addicts, there's so much zhuz and sparkle.

[1764] Or extra.

[1765] Jusz and sparkle.

[1766] I know so many.

[1767] They are.

[1768] That's a good show for us to do, jush and spark.

[1769] Jus and spark.

[1770] I want to play Juj and sparkle.

[1771] Okay, you're going to play Sparkle?

[1772] Sparkle's selfish.

[1773] It was Monaco on there.

[1774] She's the boss.

[1775] She's the captain who's always threatening to fire us.

[1776] I don't get to be in it because I'm not an addict yet.

[1777] Well, I'm not.

[1778] What are you addicted to?

[1779] I do like to drink, but I don't.

[1780] But you're good.

[1781] She does it.

[1782] She does it totally within the parameters.

[1783] Don't even think about it.

[1784] So far no consequences, though.

[1785] She has my dream version.

[1786] Like, I don't want to be someone who can drink one drink.

[1787] Yeah, that's my wife.

[1788] She didn't even, like, half.

[1789] Who gives a fuck?

[1790] Why do that?

[1791] I want to be able to get, drunk and then shut it down at a reasonable time.

[1792] Like a buzz and then be done.

[1793] But what was it about that?

[1794] Like, I used to think it was just such a great place to be in.

[1795] Because you're a little bubble.

[1796] You're charming.

[1797] That always helped me with girls, too, for sure.

[1798] If I wasn't drinking, I couldn't make a move.

[1799] And that's when they would go, he's gay.

[1800] But when I was drinking, I'd be like, bring it on.

[1801] And I tried to spend it to my wife.

[1802] And she doesn't get, she's like, why did you need that for that?

[1803] Because insecurity goes away.

[1804] But, okay, Zijin Sparkle.

[1805] So you, so addicts are.

[1806] special.

[1807] So, and you have these other parts that are different from other people, too.

[1808] It's not going away.

[1809] That's what I've realized.

[1810] And there's so many people like us now that's kind of nice.

[1811] Does it embarrass you to talk about it?

[1812] No, I mean, no. I think it's cooler to have had to get sober than...

[1813] Killing somebody?

[1814] Well, certainly that's cool.

[1815] And also, I'm sure you have those moments where you wake up and you feel fresh and take your kids to school and you go like, I couldn't have done that when I was drinking.

[1816] Couldn't do anything.

[1817] As I said, my father died 10 years ago.

[1818] I flew there twice a week.

[1819] to handle all that.

[1820] I can't do that.

[1821] Fucked up.

[1822] I can't do my kids.

[1823] Kids are already a beat down.

[1824] Imagine doing that with a hangover.

[1825] You're like, how do you do that?

[1826] Talk to me about parenthood, not the show, although that show was great.

[1827] Oh, thank you.

[1828] Did that change your whole thing?

[1829] Yeah, absolutely.

[1830] Are you doing any movies now?

[1831] I love this.

[1832] Oh, okay, great.

[1833] Do you don't miss?

[1834] That's great to have that.

[1835] Yeah.

[1836] I'm not in that, like, what if I get here, what if I care?

[1837] But I have a thing in sight, my breaking bad, whatever that's going to be.

[1838] And I feel like I'm a couple steps closer to it down than I've ever been.

[1839] keep going towards there.

[1840] And if I get there, great.

[1841] If I don't, that's okay, too.

[1842] But it's in reach now.

[1843] You still want it.

[1844] I still want it.

[1845] And I do like acting.

[1846] Is it at all because we agree, the best place to get hired from is when you don't really give a fuck or want it, right?

[1847] Jason Baitman, I'd know him forever.

[1848] And I took him out to lunch years ago.

[1849] I said, what's the success?

[1850] How did you get to be?

[1851] He was like, stop giving a fuck.

[1852] I didn't care.

[1853] Yeah.

[1854] I took Lexa Pro.

[1855] Yeah.

[1856] And additionally, he had kids.

[1857] Yeah.

[1858] So this is where I'm going with you, is like, if you want to be famous, that's the first declaration, I want to be famous, you get famous, and you really don't give a fuck if you die and you drink yourself into an early grave.

[1859] Clearly, the fame thing, as fun as it might be, it didn't really fill the bottomless pit, right?

[1860] It's a dangerous identity to have because you're not in charge of it.

[1861] It can be taken from you.

[1862] And if you want it so bad, you've got to keep trying for it.

[1863] Yeah, and it's got an inherent desperation to it.

[1864] There's all these things.

[1865] And then all of a sudden when you're dad, I don't know about you, but I've had like epic failures in the last nine years.

[1866] And those failures, I'll be like ruminating about it.

[1867] And then I walk in there and I'm like, oh, but right now these little guys don't give a fuck about that.

[1868] It's saved me. It's really, really saved me to have that as the cornerstone of my identity versus all the other ones.

[1869] I think has opened up the floodgates to other things.

[1870] Good for you.

[1871] But that's good that you go like, this is what I'm doing now.

[1872] It's so hard to let go until we get older.

[1873] You know, I always think, like, I wish I could go back to my younger self.

[1874] It's going to be all right, man. Just let it go.

[1875] Let it go.

[1876] It was a song that you might have heard.

[1877] A couple million times.

[1878] I'm familiar with it.

[1879] I'm so happy for you guys.

[1880] You know, I just love you both.

[1881] I don't know you very well.

[1882] Monica now I know, and I love you too.

[1883] So well.

[1884] Listen, we love Caitlin.

[1885] My wife?

[1886] Yeah.

[1887] Do you know her?

[1888] We love Caitlin.

[1889] You know her?

[1890] If things don't work out.

[1891] Three -sum?

[1892] I'm just saying, I will go to the wedding of you and Monica.

[1893] That's all I'm saying.

[1894] We're keeping that on the table.

[1895] We love Caitlin.

[1896] I want this to go to the distance.

[1897] I love her.

[1898] I talk to Kristen, she's doing this great thing called Vote Mama.

[1899] You know, because so many women are not getting into politics because they have children.

[1900] There's like 5 % of Democratic women in politics that have kids or something like that.

[1901] It's terrible.

[1902] Because they don't take care of the kids.

[1903] There's no child help.

[1904] You can't use funds for.

[1905] So anyway, I was hitting your wife up to.

[1906] That's cool.

[1907] To help with your wife.

[1908] Yeah.

[1909] I'm so broad.

[1910] My wife started out with just like, oh, she's so simple.

[1911] She's so great.

[1912] and then she's just building and building and now she's like a powerhouse I just look at her and go wow what an inspiration she's for our son it's so beautiful to watch I admire you because if Kristen left me I couldn't marry someone younger because I couldn't rejoin the enthusiasm that they would deserve to build the big part of their life because I'm on the back side of it you know what I'm saying it's like Monica you're talking about the pronunciation of couldn't couldn't what you said it five times how do you say couldn't couldn't oh yeah he says all kinds of words.

[1913] I look past.

[1914] I mean, you're a thousand times smarter than me, but...

[1915] Oh, my diction is horrendous.

[1916] That's why it's fun.

[1917] It's mixed messages.

[1918] So I was having a meeting with a producer, and he had a picture of young kids on his desk, and this man was much older than me, and I said, is that your second go -around?

[1919] And he said, yeah.

[1920] And I said, I would feel so nervous.

[1921] I couldn't match the enthusiasm that the new wife would deserve for her first -born child, because I already did it.

[1922] I don't think that's true.

[1923] Well, I didn't have kids.

[1924] We were both married before.

[1925] You're going to care.

[1926] Not the kid.

[1927] I'm talking about dating someone that's earlier in their career and watching them be enthusiastic and on fire and hungry and trying to remember that enthusiasm and excitement and meet them there when you yourself are maybe past that phase of it.

[1928] Yeah, but it's also about being supportive.

[1929] Like, I just love supporting her.

[1930] Yeah, okay, great.

[1931] And she's not trying to be an actress.

[1932] Let's say, though, that like she just got her first role on a soap opera you'd have to basically be like oh my god this is great you know in your mind this was 34 years no i wouldn't think that i'd be it's fucking great it's a great place to be and that's because it is all about the kids i like you know you get another tv show another thing who gives a fuck thank god because if i didn't have her and my son i'd be boozed for getting i could not up held on to sobriety yeah okay i want to talk about big shot check in with whatever because we have had you for two hours and that's a long time because Uh, it's okay.

[1933] Everything, all's good?

[1934] I'm doing this new show.

[1935] Did you ever do californication?

[1936] Do you like that show?

[1937] I love that show.

[1938] I had this idea, and I went to the guy, Tom Campanos, who created and wrote every episode of that.

[1939] I said, what about this idea?

[1940] We sold it.

[1941] And then he was doing this other show.

[1942] He said, well, you come do this thing, this fucked up rock star.

[1943] I said, yeah.

[1944] So, that's what I'm going today.

[1945] Are you able with Big Shot to dance around on different shows?

[1946] Yeah, well, that show, we finished that season.

[1947] Second season.

[1948] Yes, dropped recently.

[1949] And we don't know if we're picked up.

[1950] Okay, Big Shot is out now on Disney Plus.

[1951] And one of the articles I read about you was like you embracing being in family shows.

[1952] Fuller House was enormous.

[1953] Am I right about that?

[1954] Like, it was enormous.

[1955] Do you remember being at Warner Brothers in the executive lounge and you were with Saget and we all had a stop and chat?

[1956] You might not remember.

[1957] But you guys were like shooting.

[1958] Yeah.

[1959] And you were eating there inside the Warner Brothers lounge.

[1960] Me and Panet, Yorgo Panay.

[1961] Wait, for Fuller House or Fuller?

[1962] Oh, for Fuller.

[1963] They were shooting.

[1964] Was there?

[1965] Yes.

[1966] And we were there because I was about to direct.

[1967] chips.

[1968] When I saw you in a restaurant, it was over at, Monty's.

[1969] Monty's.

[1970] Or Monty's, was it?

[1971] It was a steakhouse over by Warner Brothers.

[1972] Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

[1973] Martins?

[1974] Martin's.

[1975] I ate there almost daily.

[1976] Yeah, and I was Richard Weiss by age of the time.

[1977] And you were some hot check guy.

[1978] Was it him?

[1979] Your go.

[1980] Marty Croft was there.

[1981] Do you remember that?

[1982] No, I don't remember that.

[1983] Yeah, okay.

[1984] So the story went nowhere.

[1985] No, but this is good because I had one where you don't remember in the Warner Brothers lounge and you have one at Morton's that I don't remember.

[1986] You remember when we were at Kimmel's, and one year he had, you know, there's equipment in the thing, and everybody was playing, and it was fucking terrible.

[1987] Like, it made me nuts, which you shouldn't have.

[1988] I should be more humble because I'm not that great.

[1989] But, like, why are you doing this, Kimmel?

[1990] Like, everybody was in there.

[1991] They couldn't get through a song.

[1992] Nobody knew how to play any instrument.

[1993] I mean nothing.

[1994] And there's a lot of big stars in them.

[1995] And so the next year, I go, I'm going to get some equipment there, and I'm going to bring this, my friend of mine who can play every instrument, and I can play a lot of instruments, and we're going to play some songs.

[1996] That's when you were there.

[1997] He just sent me a picture of you playing drums.

[1998] Kimmo got so pissed off that I brought a ringer but everybody's going Samo sing, Stamos, sing, I'm like I don't want to sing Kloonies, you know, sing Samo, he gets that thing going You guys were there and you said, go sing with Stamos It's a big deal And we sang Summer Nights or something from Greece Oh, summer loving Had me again That one?

[1999] Not again, but yeah Then Kimmel went on Howard's saying I fucking Stamos brought a ringer And then he, but I think Kimmel got pissed You know, halfway through it just unplugged everything and we did karaoke.

[2000] I do remember the karaoke.

[2001] Did you and Kristen maybe also sing karaoke?

[2002] I seem to remember.

[2003] I don't like to sing.

[2004] This was before you were sober.

[2005] It's incredible you remember any of this.

[2006] You're right.

[2007] You did not appear to be a drunk to me. Even Howard's like, should I have helped you out there?

[2008] I didn't notice it.

[2009] And I got pretty good sputty senses.

[2010] Like, I see what's happening.

[2011] I got good addict radar.

[2012] But maybe I wasn't on your radar.

[2013] Okay.

[2014] Well, you were on his DM.

[2015] We'll play that.

[2016] Yeah, well, I was like a school girl.

[2017] This is really incredible.

[2018] I was writing just like, blah, I love you.

[2019] And I remember rewriting it a couple of times?

[2020] No, no. Because I was so impressed with this show.

[2021] And I guess I'm not trying to get on the show.

[2022] I just want to tell you, you're so smart and you're so great.

[2023] I'm going to find it.

[2024] I'm going to find it.

[2025] Because you didn't answer me after like two or three weeks.

[2026] And then I was like, you know what?

[2027] Forever.

[2028] No. I'm going to look for it.

[2029] Then I reread it.

[2030] I was like, what am I doing?

[2031] Like, I sound silly.

[2032] Who doesn't want to hear that?

[2033] Yeah, absolutely.

[2034] I'm going to DM both of you guys after this.

[2035] Just slide in your DMs.

[2036] Back to Big Shot.

[2037] Can we talk about Big Shot?

[2038] Yes, please.

[2039] Okay, it's out right now, season two.

[2040] Interesting transition.

[2041] First year, hour long, second year, half hour.

[2042] Everyone says it's even better.

[2043] Confined and focused.

[2044] Yes, it is.

[2045] Oh, okay.

[2046] I was going to make a joke.

[2047] Do you find part of being an adult and part of being someone that's respected is someone that just listens and stays focused?

[2048] I have 8 ,000 jokes going through my mind at all times.

[2049] I have 8 ,000 defense things.

[2050] I'll have a big shot, big there, you know.

[2051] Do you have ADHD?

[2052] Maybe a little bit, but I can fight it.

[2053] It's just, it's exhausting.

[2054] Yeah.

[2055] You know what I mean?

[2056] Sorry, go ahead.

[2057] So, big shot is a half hour now, yes.

[2058] Can I say two things.

[2059] There's always a point in these interviews where I start making some physical assessments.

[2060] Oh, no. Yeah.

[2061] So your mouth is often like Coopers.

[2062] You do have a similar amount.

[2063] Maybe it's because of this beard and you're also playing somebody.

[2064] And then the eyes, Monica, a little bit of Casey F, like in the eyes.

[2065] I guess I could kind of see Casey a little bit.

[2066] The eyes and the eyebrows.

[2067] Are you busy?

[2068] I have something in my car.

[2069] Will you grab it?

[2070] Do you mind?

[2071] Is that shitty?

[2072] Is that real?

[2073] No, he doesn't mind.

[2074] Yeah, I have something for her.

[2075] He'd love to go through your shit.

[2076] Just press the button, one of those buttons.

[2077] What's he looking for?

[2078] There's going to be a lot of stuff.

[2079] And it's something from the past.

[2080] Ooh, something from the past?

[2081] I have to.

[2082] Is it a wardrobe of the row?

[2083] I wish.

[2084] Me too.

[2085] We got to talk about Big Shot, but let's do Mary.

[2086] Let's do Mary, Kate, and Ashley really quick.

[2087] Do you know them?

[2088] So I dated Ashley right before Kristen.

[2089] Wow, that brought him to his knees.

[2090] That was the most powerful thing I said.

[2091] How do you not start with that?

[2092] You didn't know that, huh?

[2093] Look, it's up there.

[2094] It's up on that little sign.

[2095] It is up on there.

[2096] Would you date, Dax?

[2097] 72 % say no. You wonder why I'm insecure?

[2098] Look at that data.

[2099] But I thought that was the beep's, that picture.

[2100] No, no, this is about who I dated.

[2101] I've had to pee for about 45 minutes.

[2102] I knew it.

[2103] Why you go?

[2104] No, no, no, no, no. Go.

[2105] No?

[2106] Yeah, I will go while you guys are in here.

[2107] But hold on.

[2108] Okay, so this is...

[2109] Uh -oh.

[2110] Is this for me?

[2111] Yeah.

[2112] I didn't know you were a fan, but I put it in my backseat just in case.

[2113] Uncle Jesse.

[2114] Can I read the description?

[2115] It's called Rockin' Jesse.

[2116] Oh, gosh.

[2117] Jesse's guitar holds family photos.

[2118] They wanted to get it all.

[2119] Now, you know who you look like in this photo?

[2120] You know who you look like there?

[2121] You?

[2122] No, who do you look like there?

[2123] Can you see it?

[2124] John Stamos?

[2125] No, Emilio Estabez.

[2126] I almost thought it was him.

[2127] Oh, I don't care about, I care about John Stamos.

[2128] I hated that when it came out.

[2129] I was like, do you have dolls of you?

[2130] You must.

[2131] I don't have any dolls.

[2132] I am so grateful.

[2133] And also, this is something that I didn't have.

[2134] I had a lot of full house memorabilia.

[2135] Yeah, but I didn't have this.

[2136] So this is going up on a show.

[2137] I'm gonna let you pee.

[2138] We're gonna let you pee.

[2139] We have to step out.

[2140] Now that they're gone, I'm gonna steal this painting on the wall.

[2141] A very beautiful painting of Monica.

[2142] Nice frame.

[2143] And then there's an article of Daxon Ashley Olson.

[2144] I didn't know that.

[2145] I could do this interview by myself.

[2146] We don't need these guys.

[2147] Hold on, let me pee.

[2148] All right, everybody.

[2149] This is so funny that you guys have to do this.

[2150] I've never...

[2151] It's part of the whole thing.

[2152] It's part of the...

[2153] I've never heard this on one of your shows.

[2154] We cut it out a lot.

[2155] I'm just going to text these people and say.

[2156] I'm running a little late because...

[2157] I'm gonna land the plane, don't worry, yeah.

[2158] But I got my present.

[2159] Running late.

[2160] What's weird about that is that it says this product contains small parts.

[2161] That's not cool.

[2162] Oh, yeah.

[2163] Maybe a choking hazard.

[2164] You know, it's not...

[2165] Choking hazard is the opposite of small parts.

[2166] Exactly.

[2167] So, why don't they get their...

[2168] So you dated Ashley Olson for when...

[2169] I think I do remember now.

[2170] Right when I met her, 15 years ago.

[2171] Right when you met her, what do you mean?

[2172] Well, like, I was single and I was seeing people.

[2173] and there was overlap.

[2174] Oh, okay.

[2175] You fell to the floor, so my assumption is you find her to be very beautiful.

[2176] No, I just did.

[2177] I mean, it seems like...

[2178] It's just a shocker.

[2179] Yeah, a little bit, right?

[2180] Especially for you because you met her as a baby.

[2181] I didn't know her as a baby.

[2182] No, but I do know her as an adult, both of them, and they're just wonderful, beautiful girls.

[2183] We weren't fighting or anything, but they didn't want to participate in Fuller House, and I eventually got it.

[2184] Lori was like, they just won a CFDA, where is that was it called?

[2185] Yeah.

[2186] And that's like winning on Oscar.

[2187] They won it three years in a row.

[2188] They don't want to act.

[2189] Lighten up, John.

[2190] Yeah.

[2191] Oh, you were a little hurt that they didn't want to participate.

[2192] And I guess they didn't get the proper offer.

[2193] They're on to the next.

[2194] They're on a different level now.

[2195] Yeah, they haven't wanted to act for two decades now.

[2196] They're fashion.

[2197] And they came out for Bob's funeral and all that stuff.

[2198] And it was so great.

[2199] Bob was the one who kept us all together.

[2200] Like he was the glue of the texting.

[2201] Everybody says, well, you guys are still friends after all these years because of Bob.

[2202] But they were so beautiful.

[2203] I just, they came to my house a bunch.

[2204] We love you.

[2205] We miss you.

[2206] And, you know, we.

[2207] missed those days because we didn't know what they thought of that time because there was some rumors saying well they didn't like it and stuff but they just told us all the things that we'd been dying to hear they were just there for bob and it was great i can't speak for mary kate's opinion but when i was with ashley i did ask her about that stuff and she just was in love with sagas she just couldn't have liked him more they came to my house and they brought sage oh yeah clean up your space pork chops frozen pork shop.

[2208] Oh, wow.

[2209] What a good combo.

[2210] Mix messages.

[2211] And my nanny, for a year and a half or so, she kept it quite about full house.

[2212] I was like, I think she's a fan.

[2213] My mom's like, nah, she didn't give a shit about it.

[2214] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2215] Then I saw back her phone as a Mary Kate and Ashley that was on there.

[2216] Oh my God.

[2217] So she was like a super, but kept it really cool.

[2218] So when they came over, I said, hey, introduced them.

[2219] And a few days later, I said, do I take the park shops?

[2220] You can have a park shop?

[2221] Okay, yeah, can I?

[2222] Oh, that's so.

[2223] I hope she keeps them frozen for eternity.

[2224] Sweet.

[2225] I'm obsessed with them.

[2226] I love.

[2227] Have you met them?

[2228] No. Dax will not make it happen.

[2229] I don't think I have the power to make it happen.

[2230] A lot of their wardrobe, though.

[2231] I spend way too much money on their clothes.

[2232] I respect them.

[2233] They don't want to be on TV.

[2234] They don't want to be in an interview.

[2235] They don't want to be.

[2236] They don't need a billion, whatever, half a billion.

[2237] They don't need the approval.

[2238] It's really enduring.

[2239] I dig it.

[2240] Well, I got a toy.

[2241] You got a toy.

[2242] And I love it.

[2243] You got a really fun toy.

[2244] I can't believe you don't think this looks like Emilio Estavis.

[2245] If I send this picture of this picture to my picture to my, brother right now and say who is this he'll say that's amelia west of us you two have even gone beyond what i thought you would be in a great way i think you're so smart i hope you'll check us out on spot if i could without bragging can i tell you something people are already listening to spotify we don't need to do it we've gotten better if you liked our show two years ago we're much better now and our guests are been phenomenal we're better listening communication i'm a better listener i'm learning to speak class if you're fans of these two out there, take my word for it.

[2246] In person, they're just as lovely and they're just as sparkly.

[2247] Oh, wait, I'm sparkles.

[2248] You're...

[2249] Jus and sparkles.

[2250] Monica is just glowing and smiling, and she's got a beautiful smile and beautiful skin and beautiful bird.

[2251] Inside and out.

[2252] It's super smart.

[2253] But I was afraid to come on here because I didn't think I was smart enough.

[2254] Oh, come on.

[2255] But I listen to you guys all the time, except for the last year or so.

[2256] Well, the time he's ever in the last 15 months.

[2257] But you know how it is?

[2258] Like, you get like flipping around.

[2259] It's like, oh, what What happened to that?

[2260] Okay, well, let's just go to this next thing.

[2261] That's me and Howard.

[2262] It's still my favorite show in the world, but I don't listen all the time.

[2263] One guess at who this is, period, 90s.

[2264] We got to let them go.

[2265] We're letting them go, but that might come in quick.

[2266] I'm not going to be.

[2267] I just am worried about your sketch.

[2268] Yeah, I am too.

[2269] I just told them that I'm on here a little longer.

[2270] Diva, he called me. This has been so lovely.

[2271] I'm really regretful that I just learned of that DM thing and that I didn't see that.

[2272] And it would be my worst nightmare that you would think.

[2273] think I was big timing you and wouldn't respond with thank you so much because I would love to hear that from you and so you just said think I just said everything nice about you yeah and I so appreciate it especially taking the time to reach out and let someone know you love something is like my favorite thing someone can do and I'm always thrilled when that happens my showrunner just said that someone had pitched you to play my role in this thing that I'm going to do right now and then he thought better of it yeah let's see why do you get him on me someone he works with call and let's find out what's going on while we wait for my brother oh he got it john stamos yeah of course it's amelio estaviz my ass i mean yeah maybe tom oh wow comma you nailed that period i thought for sure it was amelio estvez he's not answering i don't want to see you i don't want to see her as a baby i want to think there's a line in this show this is loosely based in jessica simpson's memoir of all oh really are you playing nicholas no no but this character's really great she says something about I was five years old.

[2274] My sister had pictures.

[2275] He goes, like, that, stop.

[2276] Because he ends up fucking her.

[2277] I don't want to pick up you at five years old.

[2278] Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[2279] So that's for, like, a streamer, like a rated R. Yeah, soft art. PG -13 and a soft art. What is the name of that show?

[2280] Right now, it's called Open Book.

[2281] I'm very excited to see you as a rock star.

[2282] You've always been a rock star.

[2283] Yeah.

[2284] Uncle Jesse was a rock star, too.

[2285] And you played with the Beach Boys Forever.

[2286] You're a musician.

[2287] You're on Broadway.

[2288] You're more than smart enough to be on this show.

[2289] I hope that's your takeaway.

[2290] Yes.

[2291] But it comforts me that you have.

[2292] some insecurity as you should well i'd listen to you guys and go oh god i couldn't keep up well dachs is an encyclopedia both of you thank you i have always adored you and every time i've met you i've been blown away with how fucking generous and nice you are for me i grew up with you already a huge star so if i'm arriving on the scene and you're really kind to me i'm shocked by that and always have been why not let's go to mortons and have some fucking lamb what do you get at mortons i get lamb well done i don't know i haven't been there since in the nineties that experience look who eats here i'm going to come back to this thing.

[2293] Okay, I hope you'll come back.

[2294] I hope you'll find that this was pleasant enough that you'll come back.

[2295] I just said it was.

[2296] Okay.

[2297] When you're promoting the rock star vehicle.

[2298] I have this book too.

[2299] Oh yeah.

[2300] What does that come out?

[2301] I thought I had nothing like what am I book.

[2302] What am I going to talk about?

[2303] And I've said no forever.

[2304] Yeah.

[2305] Because I'm not going to talk about who I slept with.

[2306] Well, I made you a little bit, but not much.

[2307] My mom, she left all these notes.

[2308] She wrote these beautiful letters.

[2309] You should do that for your kids.

[2310] I don't know if you do, but I found all these notes for years and years.

[2311] I keep finding them.

[2312] And one of the great ones when I was my lowest was she said life is an occasion rise to it don't be sad because i died be happy because i lived i had a wonderful life so i have all those notes so i figured okay man that's my way in with a book the last observation i wanted to make that i meant to right from the get go was the fact that you and sagitt were best friends and you love rickles yeah you're drawn to the people that are almost the opposite public persona as you if that makes sense i'm drawn to funny people okay i love comics i love comedians I love to study you guys because there's so much precision and math and Bob was that I learned a lot Is it possible that also you've felt a little confined by the lane you're in and that you've kind of looked at these guys who, I mean Sagitt's as dirty as a motherfucker could have ever been there's no part of that where you're like oh god they're allowed to say that or something like they're just allowed to say whatever they want no it wasn't that I just love the art of it and in turn a lot of comics then like to me because I had something that they...

[2313] I remember Howard or something saying, like, what's it feel like to walk in a room and people look at you and think you're a tractor or something?

[2314] Oh, yeah.

[2315] I don't know.

[2316] Does it like to be the smartest, funniest motherfucker on radio ever?

[2317] He is the absolute best at what he does.

[2318] The Michael Jordan of radio.

[2319] He's the king of all media, which is why I'm the king of conveyances.

[2320] That's what you said on that show.

[2321] I wouldn't dare to compete.

[2322] John, this has been a pleasure.

[2323] I really hope you come back and talk about either your book or your new role as a rock star.

[2324] We play drums together.

[2325] other play drums i was too shy to play for him he offered to observe which is very generous of you again i did show up and he was sweaty yep and i said you're gonna take a shower i have that's okay and he said no no i'm not gonna and then you were gifted with that face i was gifted with the fact that i don't smell that's my big superpower yeah i rarely smell all right well i adore you i hope you come back thanks for coming thanks for all your time he's an option ex man ta da da da man ma'm There's a Monica thing, and the mouse, and I'm dachshed.

[2326] And now my favorite part of the show, the fact check with my soulmate Monica Padman.

[2327] Oh, I was like I was going to sneeze or remember something.

[2328] I was.

[2329] I dropped off the suitcase inside.

[2330] Oh, okay.

[2331] I thought maybe you'd need it.

[2332] Okay, even though it was your Christmas present?

[2333] Is it?

[2334] Yeah, you can have it.

[2335] Are you sure?

[2336] Did you love it?

[2337] Yeah.

[2338] Then, yes, you can have it.

[2339] It was intended to be a Christmas present.

[2340] But we could just share it.

[2341] You might love it.

[2342] You will love it.

[2343] It's really nice.

[2344] I love the away bag I have.

[2345] Not until you try this.

[2346] Expandable.

[2347] It got so thick.

[2348] Well, to me, let's say that, To me, McLaren -branded Roll -on.

[2349] You let me borrow it for my trip.

[2350] It was brand new.

[2351] I had some guilt.

[2352] And then I offered you the away bag.

[2353] So here's the away bag.

[2354] And you said, yeah, I really like this other bag.

[2355] So I said, okay.

[2356] Sorry.

[2357] You take it.

[2358] And then I said, Merry Christmas.

[2359] Well, you said you wanted to give it.

[2360] You were planning on giving it to someone for Christmas.

[2361] And now I did.

[2362] And now you did.

[2363] Yeah, mission accomplished.

[2364] No, you should try it out first.

[2365] No. Yeah, because it's expandable.

[2366] I know, but Merry Christmas.

[2367] A ways are not expand.

[2368] Oh, look it.

[2369] It gets really thick.

[2370] It's got an accordion middle section.

[2371] Two zips that make it huge.

[2372] It did fall on.

[2373] on me when I tried to put it up today.

[2374] I imagine, because it was probably too tall to fit under there with the way, the many times you had expanded.

[2375] No, it fit in there, but it was just heavy because I could fit a lot in it.

[2376] Yeah, and you lost your, cool, your footing?

[2377] Well, also I'm too short.

[2378] Okay, so you thought it was in.

[2379] Well, I'm like trying to, you know, it's like, but it's high and it's heavy.

[2380] And I don't, it doesn't, once it's expanded, the handle situation isn't great.

[2381] So I'm like kind of, anyway, it falls, it comes crashing.

[2382] On your head?

[2383] Yeah, and then in the aisle, and then the lady helped me. Oh, my God.

[2384] I'm so sorry.

[2385] Taller lady than me. Had to make a short person joke.

[2386] You did?

[2387] Yeah.

[2388] What did you say?

[2389] Too hard for shorties.

[2390] Oh, that was the joke?

[2391] Too hard for shorties.

[2392] She laughed.

[2393] I bet she did.

[2394] Everyone was uncomfortable.

[2395] They were thinking about this poor person just got embarrassed.

[2396] I'm surprised I didn't cry.

[2397] Yeah, you could have said like, numchucks, and everyone would have started dying laughing.

[2398] Because someone's just looking to break the tension in that point.

[2399] Yeah.

[2400] I felt like she was a little.

[2401] I'm annoyed, though, until I said that.

[2402] What do you say, say it again?

[2403] Oh, too hard for shorties.

[2404] Oh, that's like, what a joke.

[2405] How was your flight home?

[2406] You're fresh off an airplane.

[2407] It was good.

[2408] I slept for a lot of it.

[2409] And then I worked for the rest of it, and so it was very productive and good.

[2410] Oh, good.

[2411] Yeah.

[2412] Did you have any dreams that you remember on the flight?

[2413] I do think I had some dreams, but I don't remember them.

[2414] Okay.

[2415] This is a ding, ding, ding.

[2416] I had a dream that you emailed and emailed to me, Rob and Emma.

[2417] Okay.

[2418] About an episode.

[2419] And you were like, oh, this was a great episode.

[2420] Good at it.

[2421] But you had some stuff to like fix or something.

[2422] And I, but I didn't know that was a dream.

[2423] So like a couple days ago, I texted Emma.

[2424] And I was like, what was that email that DAC sent?

[2425] I was like, what do we need to, wasn't there something we need to fix?

[2426] You're waking time and your dream time are colliding.

[2427] Completely.

[2428] She was like, um, I don't know.

[2429] You probably sent her scrambling like, oh, shit, I forgot this thing.

[2430] Well, yeah, I know.

[2431] And then I was like, maybe it's possible I was dreaming that.

[2432] My life and my sleep are all connected.

[2433] There's no barrier anymore between.

[2434] These are some of the things that make me feel like maybe I'm actually in a mental hospital.

[2435] Or Sim.

[2436] Well, we know about that.

[2437] But sometimes I'm worried that I'm actually in a mental hospital.

[2438] hospital.

[2439] Yeah, like that.

[2440] There is a movie.

[2441] Punch drunk alone?

[2442] Nope.

[2443] Patch Adams.

[2444] No, no. It was by the guy who...

[2445] One flew over the cook.

[2446] Just everyone stop for one second.

[2447] He's a really cool director.

[2448] Shutter Island.

[2449] No, stop.

[2450] You're not helping.

[2451] And you're way off base.

[2452] You're not even going to get anywhere close to it.

[2453] He's got tons of tattoos this director.

[2454] He directed one of the couple of the batmans uh not nolan uh Zach Snyder Zach Snyder great and he directed a movie called punch something about girls in an insane asylum who thought they were burlesed dancers in their kind of fantasy world oh wow yes sucker punch sucker punch okay sucker pong see that was tricky because Rob was supposed to look that up but also shut up but also not talk it was a little confused no I was jumping the gun a little You were.

[2455] You're off to the races.

[2456] You're like, bad news rounds.

[2457] I know.

[2458] Boys in the hood.

[2459] It's my favorite thing to guess movies.

[2460] Apparently, we just learned this.

[2461] We should come up with some kind of game we can play where Rob's free to guess movies, really rapid fire.

[2462] Okay.

[2463] I mean, we could make up the game right now.

[2464] Say one little plot point of a movie.

[2465] Oh, gosh.

[2466] Okay, but before we do that, can we just say that there's a really fun improv game, as you know, where you say a word and then someone has to say another word following it, but it can't relate at all to it.

[2467] So I would say like Twitter.

[2468] And then you would say styrofoam.

[2469] Oh, okay.

[2470] I was going to say mall.

[2471] Does it?

[2472] Oh, okay.

[2473] Is it okay?

[2474] Mm -hmm.

[2475] Okay.

[2476] The thing is you're trying to break yourself from just following the trigger of the word, right?

[2477] So it's kind of like a mental exercise.

[2478] Okay, couch cushions.

[2479] Meatball.

[2480] Flamingos.

[2481] Oh, no, I almost said couch cushions.

[2482] Yeah.

[2483] It's harder than you think.

[2484] The point is, is.

[2485] Rob had stumbled into that game on his own.

[2486] They were all mental hospital movies, that I said.

[2487] Okay.

[2488] Cuckoo's Nest.

[2489] No one said cuckoo's nest.

[2490] He did.

[2491] Oh, you did.

[2492] Oh, you did.

[2493] Yeah, yeah.

[2494] Okay, so you were on a theme.

[2495] Shutter Island, I have been thinking I want to rewatch.

[2496] Oh, yeah.

[2497] Well, Scorsese, Leonardo DiCaprio.

[2498] It's a good one.

[2499] Very creepy.

[2500] He's not made a bad movie.

[2501] He's made some that are much better than others, but no stinkers, really.

[2502] Now, there's one I haven't seen, so I shouldn't say that across the board.

[2503] Which one?

[2504] saw very ironic because I love Nicholas Cage, too.

[2505] I never saw the ambulance movie that Scorsese did with Nick Cage as an ambulance driver.

[2506] Oh, I don't know that one.

[2507] Yeah.

[2508] I didn't see it either.

[2509] There you go.

[2510] I haven't seen all those movies, though.

[2511] Bringing out the Dead.

[2512] There you go.

[2513] Okay.

[2514] This has turned into real movie heavy fact check.

[2515] Did you watch any TV or movies while you were on your trip?

[2516] Because I watched a bunch.

[2517] Yes.

[2518] What did you watch?

[2519] I watched the Selena Gomez documentary.

[2520] Oh, I got to see that.

[2521] Yes.

[2522] I really like her.

[2523] Always liked her.

[2524] Yeah, she's the best.

[2525] I felt like a Gen Z because I was like on it.

[2526] I saw it the day came out.

[2527] Oh, cool.

[2528] And then I bought some of her makeup.

[2529] Oh, my God, in a response to liking the doc so well?

[2530] Do you think I would buy some makeup after I?

[2531] You should.

[2532] She makes good makeup rare beauty.

[2533] Mm, okay.

[2534] Well, you know when I'm home, my mom's really into makeup.

[2535] I didn't know that.

[2536] Oh, yeah.

[2537] I knew she was in watering plants.

[2538] She, yes.

[2539] She leaves buckets of water all over the property.

[2540] I know.

[2541] But she also, you know, well, she loves YouTube.

[2542] Yeah.

[2543] So part of.

[2544] And she loves trials, like Amber Hurd.

[2545] Also, this was so funny.

[2546] Remember when she loved that?

[2547] Yeah.

[2548] Now she's acting holier than that.

[2549] Like, she's like, people are still into this trial.

[2550] Oh, cool.

[2551] She's like, she's O .G. She's O .G. She's like, I don't get it.

[2552] It's like it's over.

[2553] I like this.

[2554] Yeah, she still wants to feel popular on fat, off of fat.

[2555] And she's BDD -D -T.

[2556] Been there, done that.

[2557] Watch that trial months ago.

[2558] Okay, so Selena Gomez, high recommendation.

[2559] Yes.

[2560] It's a very, very vulnerable documentary.

[2561] I guess I think she started the doc, which these are my favorite docs, when it starts as something, but then takes a turn.

[2562] Oh, right.

[2563] So I think it started as a doc following her tour of like her last thing.

[2564] But then it became like a mental health story.

[2565] Oh, wonderful.

[2566] And then I watched finally the Matthew Perry Dateline.

[2567] And that's a ding, ding, ding.

[2568] dang okay so we got to not date line what the fuck patty is d sawyer yes yeah de sawyer she's still raging she's still kicking ass and taking names yeah if you're gonna go somewhere for a tell -all you go see no you come here okay but if you're in the podcast realm but if you're gonna go on tv de sawyers that's a good place to take it you know he was gonna come on here what happened people need to hear that because people obviously want us to have them on i've seen a total outcry of people saying you need to interview matthew perry yeah Okay, so we've tried.

[2569] It almost happened, and then it didn't.

[2570] Which I think is a blessing and a curse.

[2571] I wonder how it would have gone.

[2572] Yeah, me too, because I've known him in sobriety.

[2573] I mean, he's honest about being sober, so I don't mind saying that.

[2574] Yeah.

[2575] So I've known him over the years in sobriety.

[2576] And so, you know, I think what occurred to me is like, I just couldn't have the same talk that Diane Sawyer's having, just because I'm so on the inside of it.

[2577] It just wouldn't be like that.

[2578] Nothing's better or worse.

[2579] 100%.

[2580] It was really interesting because he uses the same language you do, which a lot of people in AA do.

[2581] It's a shared vocabulary, which I totally get.

[2582] But he is explaining it in a way that you normally explain it.

[2583] Right.

[2584] But if we're here, that part can't happen or won't happen or will be different because there's nothing to explain.

[2585] Yes.

[2586] The layer I would add, I guess you got a taste of it when we interviewed Max Greenfield.

[2587] Uh -huh, yeah.

[2588] We talk to each other in a very specific way.

[2589] I would argue in the way that, like, soldiers talk to each other about someone that just got killed.

[2590] You wouldn't like hearing how they talk about it.

[2591] There's a brashness to it or something.

[2592] But I would not be able to not communicate with him in the way I would another dude trying to get sober or in sobriety.

[2593] It would just be...

[2594] I think that would be good, though.

[2595] Yeah.

[2596] I just wondered, it would be different.

[2597] Yeah.

[2598] Some of the stuff, I would just be like, that's crazy.

[2599] I never...

[2600] You know what I'm saying?

[2601] Like, there would be probably a little...

[2602] More pressure testing of both of us?

[2603] I think so, yeah.

[2604] Like this would, I would just have to say to him, like, you have a house of Mexico.

[2605] Mm -hmm.

[2606] And that's bad.

[2607] An addict can't have a house in Mexico.

[2608] Like, do you still have a house in Mexico?

[2609] Maybe he doesn't go there anymore.

[2610] Yeah, I don't know.

[2611] That this would just be a question of mine.

[2612] It's like, once I heard, oh, there's an addict who spends a lot of his time in Mexico, that's just not going to, you can't live across the street from a pharmacy that sells everything if your problem is pills.

[2613] No. So there's some questions like that, right?

[2614] Like that, I would need to know where we're at on the House of Mexico.

[2615] Well, it's tricky, though, because, and he's, you saw it.

[2616] So, you know, but when he talks about the support system, I do think that's so important.

[2617] Because you have people in your life telling you, you absolutely are not doing that.

[2618] Taking a solo trip down to Mexico.

[2619] You're not doing it.

[2620] You're not doing it.

[2621] So if he doesn't have that, I could see, you know, everyone does this, but addicts especially, I think.

[2622] find justification anywhere they can find justification.

[2623] I mean, that's the whole, that's the disease.

[2624] It's really tricky, though, right?

[2625] Because I was single and sober.

[2626] Yeah.

[2627] It can almost be more dangerous in some ways.

[2628] In some ways, it's great to have a support system.

[2629] In other ways, you can start turning over your own responsibility, which is like, as long as these people don't know, or as long as these people, if it becomes about those people, you're fucked.

[2630] But it's also about losing those people, you know?

[2631] I just think for me, something, like when I was living on my own for a year and a half and I was sober, I guess it was my, because when I met Chris and I had three years, so it was from a year and a half to three years, I lived on my own.

[2632] I traveled all over doing movies, never crossed my mind, none of it.

[2633] My first thought once I was taking opiates was no one can know about this.

[2634] Yeah.

[2635] Like the main focus became no one can know about this.

[2636] When I was by myself, that layer doesn't even exist.

[2637] So that now a focus of mine wouldn't have been relevant.

[2638] It had just been all about me. At some point, it transferred a little bit to the people around me once I was getting less and less maybe committed to it.

[2639] It really then just became more about everyone around me. Yeah.

[2640] And just for me, that wasn't the great.

[2641] I got to stay sober for me. Totally.

[2642] And I kind of stopped saying sober for me. That makes sense.

[2643] And that's personal.

[2644] Like, I'm not saying that's everyone.

[2645] But I just, in some ways, I'd be more afraid as a single man to go by a house in Mexico than I would be a married.

[2646] man i would do that in marriage i wouldn't have done that single because i'm like oh i'll be in mexico with my family what am i going to go get fucked up at a pharmacy with my family no i was safety net i would just know as an addict on my own you can't dax you're you've lost your right to own a house in me personally no no that makes sense yeah i don't know the deal with that i don't know if he still has it or if he who knows yeah who knows maybe he would maybe he had a house of mexico and he never went to a farm yeah i have no clue what it was going on with him yeah I think because, again, it's kind of like you lose enough friends in battle.

[2647] The first few are quite shocking.

[2648] The rest become decreasingly as shocking.

[2649] So I've just known so many people over the last 20 years try to get sober and not do it and get sober and go back and forth.

[2650] I don't have the kind of sadness for him that I think America has and should.

[2651] He has a fucking bad disease and he's been, he among anyone else has been the victim of the disease.

[2652] It's not like he's destroyed other people's lives.

[2653] He's destroyed his.

[2654] So it definitely warrants sympathy.

[2655] It's very sad.

[2656] But again, on the other side of it, we just don't really have that sympathy for each other.

[2657] You know, it's much more limited.

[2658] Yeah, I understand.

[2659] But I mean, also when he was saying a lot of the tenants and stuff, I was like, yeah, that's the same thing.

[2660] And it was sad.

[2661] And I got triggered.

[2662] But.

[2663] Any triggers?

[2664] you want to talk about publicly, or they would be mean?

[2665] No, I just felt scared for the addicts in my life.

[2666] Got you.

[2667] Yeah.

[2668] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2669] I'm sorry that I make you scared.

[2670] It's fine.

[2671] No, I am.

[2672] Thank you.

[2673] Do you want to know what I watched?

[2674] What did you watch?

[2675] First of all, White Lotus is back.

[2676] It's so fucking good.

[2677] I love it.

[2678] Oh, like to switch casts, to switch locations, and to land running at the same velocity.

[2679] they left with is so impressive.

[2680] Yes.

[2681] Hats off to Mike White.

[2682] And if we're only two episodes in, I'm locked.

[2683] I know.

[2684] I'm like locked.

[2685] What about the part where that Italian girl sang at the piano?

[2686] Oh, wow.

[2687] I loved it.

[2688] I loved it.

[2689] Oh, good.

[2690] I was nervous.

[2691] You didn't like the look on her face when she was singing or something.

[2692] No, I watched it like 40 times.

[2693] Oh, I should rewatch it a few times.

[2694] It was beautiful.

[2695] I know.

[2696] I wanted to sing like that.

[2697] I practiced a little.

[2698] You did.

[2699] Oh, cool.

[2700] You know, my parents are in the house, so I have to sing really quiet.

[2701] Oh, what was the volume of that?

[2702] That quiet.

[2703] And then I can't really get my breath right.

[2704] Yeah.

[2705] Well, you're not, you're out of shape.

[2706] You haven't trained your instrument in a long time.

[2707] No, you can't do it that quiet.

[2708] Oh, that too.

[2709] Speaking of instruments, I ran into a nice arm cherry.

[2710] Okay.

[2711] She works at Duluth High School or middle school and is the band director.

[2712] Oh, my goodness.

[2713] Yeah, and she's a high school.

[2714] maybe yeah okay other stuff I watched yeah can burn Civil War oh Georgia football game wow ding ding ding oh you watched that I thought you were equating the Georgia football game to the Civil War which there are threads oh sure sure that is the it's not too far from some battle sites yeah and then I watched two great documentaries I think I told you about one was this was tailor made for me. I mean, how embarrassing about a female bodybuilder who shot her male bodybuilder husband.

[2715] So you have two big muscle head, Golias, in the 80s, like peak when you want to be a bodybuilder.

[2716] Yeah, and it was a good job, this documentary.

[2717] You did a good job of like, you feel bad for her.

[2718] You want her to kill the guy because he's physically abusive, but then you find out she's really violent to a lot of other people.

[2719] And it just gets more and more complicated, which I like.

[2720] Sure.

[2721] Then I watched one.

[2722] It was about the Murdoz.

[2723] The Murdoz.

[2724] It's like Murdoch.

[2725] It's like Murdoch.

[2726] But at the end, it's G .H. It's not.

[2727] Oh, okay.

[2728] And it's this family from South Carolina that they were the district attorney for like five generations.

[2729] So it's a for real one of these old, like southern town, good old boy network.

[2730] Power just passed on generation to generation.

[2731] One of the families just there's a murder.

[2732] Then there's another murder.

[2733] There's a murder.

[2734] Yes, the murder after a murder.

[2735] And the cover -ups and all the strings being pulled to prevent them from going to justice, it's a wild ride.

[2736] Yeah, that was a great one.

[2737] That one's on HBO, I believe.

[2738] Low country?

[2739] Low country.

[2740] Low country.

[2741] Ding, ding, ding.

[2742] Another thing I watched.

[2743] Okay.

[2744] The election.

[2745] Oh, you watched that coverage.

[2746] We watched the election last night.

[2747] Well, some of it.

[2748] Yeah.

[2749] Not all of it, obviously, because it's not even done yet.

[2750] You and the family were glued to the election coverage.

[2751] some coverage.

[2752] How many hours would you say?

[2753] Well, it's hard to say.

[2754] It was on the background.

[2755] And then pop back in, pay attention, pop out.

[2756] Generally, your dad would notice something and make an announcement.

[2757] My dad actually checked out for a lot of it.

[2758] Wow.

[2759] What was he doing?

[2760] I don't know.

[2761] I think it stresses him out.

[2762] Oh, okay.

[2763] So he checks back in and it's like, what's going on?

[2764] And then, you know, because the Senate race in Georgia is a big race and it felt like pretty obvious that Herschel Walker is going to lose.

[2765] Oh, we're going into it.

[2766] Yeah.

[2767] And it's tied and it's going to go to a runoff.

[2768] Right, runoff.

[2769] I read that.

[2770] And then the hillbilliology guy won.

[2771] J .D. Vance.

[2772] I know.

[2773] I know.

[2774] All because of you.

[2775] I blame you.

[2776] No. You're defending him.

[2777] You're the reason.

[2778] You're the total reason.

[2779] I don't have to kill myself.

[2780] No, I'm not.

[2781] You're defending him.

[2782] Before.

[2783] Mm -hmm.

[2784] And not when he started running and being a crazy trumper.

[2785] Yeah, he was always that guy.

[2786] I guess he was.

[2787] I thought it a lot, obvious.

[2788] I've told you, I've already conceded.

[2789] Look at you rubbing my nose.

[2790] I would have never other than just, it was a layup to be able to blame you for it.

[2791] It was just right there.

[2792] I just want to believe people.

[2793] People might even write in like, why don't you blame Monica?

[2794] That was a perfect time to blame her for who getting elected.

[2795] Okay.

[2796] So, John Stamos.

[2797] Oh, ding, ding, ding, I'm wearing the row pants.

[2798] Oh, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

[2799] Ding, ding.

[2800] We never really got any conclusive feedback from when I said I had dated Ashley and he got down on the ground.

[2801] That was curious.

[2802] I don't know how to interpret.

[2803] He said he just didn't know that.

[2804] Right, but he got all the way down on the ground.

[2805] It shook him to it's cool.

[2806] It shook it, right.

[2807] And that begs a question like, what aspect was so shaking or shooking?

[2808] I think maybe he thought he would know.

[2809] I don't know.

[2810] Yeah.

[2811] There's something there.

[2812] There was something there.

[2813] It's still a question mark for me with that.

[2814] I don't think he's in love of it.

[2815] them.

[2816] I don't know that that's not my conclusion per se.

[2817] I mean, I don't know.

[2818] Maybe he is.

[2819] Who knows?

[2820] I am.

[2821] Yeah.

[2822] So I get it.

[2823] But I wish she was up there, you know, next to you in the picture.

[2824] Yeah.

[2825] Yeah.

[2826] But it's not.

[2827] It's a split frame with Amy Winehouse.

[2828] I know.

[2829] And Amy Winehouse makes me sad.

[2830] So I wish.

[2831] The whole thing is not an uplifting thing.

[2832] It's like everyone in America hates us.

[2833] That's what this pool was.

[2834] The vast majority of Americans.

[2835] It's hard.

[2836] It's hard.

[2837] to get America's degree to agree to anything at 72%.

[2838] Yeah.

[2839] It's really almost impossible.

[2840] Well, that's not America.

[2841] Like you guys weren't clean water and couldn't get it to 72%.

[2842] Right.

[2843] No, this poll happened in America.

[2844] Well, I know, but between like four people.

[2845] That worked at the magazine.

[2846] Yes.

[2847] Another thing we learned from this election, don't trust polls.

[2848] That's been obvious for some time now.

[2849] I agree, but definitely this time.

[2850] Well, one thing I read today that was interesting is part of the reason those polls don't mean anything anymore.

[2851] is that those polls really were good at assessing how many swing voters there were.

[2852] There are none anymore.

[2853] Nobody is on the fence about anything.

[2854] Everyone is rooted in their camp more than ever before.

[2855] So that's why they're, well, at least that's what the New York Times was saying.

[2856] That's one of the takeaways is just there's no swing voters anymore.

[2857] Well, ish.

[2858] In some ways, I feel like a lot of states have now become swing, like Georgia.

[2859] Because there are these extremes, some people, now are don't know what to do so it's it's becoming well definitely those yeah there's some states now that like there's somebody that are given yeah right you know what connecticut in new york and california are going to vote it's a given you know you know what texas is going to vote you know what louisiana is going to vote now now yeah there's some swing state you don't really know what george is going to do pennsylvania is now you know yeah pennsylvania went blue all to say though that the the voters within those states aren't being swayed by any commercials or anything or any speeches.

[2860] They are right or left.

[2861] Yeah.

[2862] Yeah.

[2863] Yeah.

[2864] Which I find to be disheartening.

[2865] Yeah.

[2866] Okay.

[2867] John.

[2868] So he mentioned that Howard called him and he was worried that Ralph died, but then we, and you said we got to talk about Ralph, but then we never talked about Ralph and I don't know who Ralph is.

[2869] Ralph's a very interesting character in the Stern megiverse.

[2870] Okay.

[2871] He started as, I guess, maybe an intern on the the show Howard really liked him he would party too hard at events there's always stories about him he was always kind of embarrassing himself or other people very likable personality yeah young stylish he kind of became Howard's best friend and then long after he I don't know if he got fired or he quit working at the show or whatever the thing was Ralph has been Howard's stylist for the last however many years also Ralph and he's a polarizing character because he's not on the show anymore but anytime he calls he gets put through because he's Howard's good friend and he always knows how to stir the pot and piss all the guys off that still work there so he gets a lot of air time despite the fact he doesn't work there so some listeners hate that yeah some like it for some reason stamos and he became great friends oh they did and so many of the stories that make it onto the show are about ralph is in california hanging with stamos or ralph is here or there yeah that's That's really funny.

[2872] Okay.

[2873] That is settled, solved.

[2874] Okay, so he mentioned this organization that his wife is involved in.

[2875] Ding, ding, ding, politics.

[2876] He said 5 % of Democrat women in politics have kids.

[2877] There's a whole map.

[2878] It is kind of interesting.

[2879] Seven states have even half the number of moms that are needed for full representation.

[2880] And 23 states have less than a quarter.

[2881] I don't really know that I understand what this is.

[2882] What are we saying?

[2883] Okay, so I think he's talking about the amount of women.

[2884] People holding public office with children.

[2885] Exactly, women.

[2886] Okay.

[2887] I mean, men, there are many, obviously.

[2888] They all got kids.

[2889] Yeah.

[2890] Oh, my gosh.

[2891] So when I was editing, he said something and I said, oh, we cut it out a lot.

[2892] Oh, he went to the bathroom.

[2893] And then he was like, I've never heard someone go to the bathroom before.

[2894] And I was like, oh, yeah, some people do.

[2895] And we cut it out a lot.

[2896] And then I didn't even catch that I said, cut it out.

[2897] Is that one of the catchphrases?

[2898] Cut it out, yeah.

[2899] Wait, that's from...

[2900] Cut it out.

[2901] It's from full house.

[2902] It is?

[2903] Who says that?

[2904] The Olsen twins?

[2905] No. They say, you got it, man. You got it, dude.

[2906] Dude, okay, great.

[2907] Cut it out.

[2908] Cut it out is Uncle Joey.

[2909] Oh, that's his thing.

[2910] And he mimes scissors?

[2911] Mime scissors cut and then in for it.

[2912] Okay, that's weird.

[2913] Well, that's just something.

[2914] Yeah, he's a filler.

[2915] Yeah.

[2916] Cut it out.

[2917] You do it out with his thumb.

[2918] Oh, you don't.

[2919] think this means in no cut it okay maybe i made that part up but i think that's what i do but it's a catchphrase cut it out yeah it's very popular they all had catchphrases cut it out he had have mercy uh twins had you got it dude you know i would have a hard i have this already like when i'm filming normally and i've already made those scripted joke three times that's about as i start feeling fraudulent after the fourth take like getting laughs after the same joke i don't like it So that's what drives me to come up with the new one.

[2920] Oh.

[2921] So I would think initially I would be so against a catchphrase.

[2922] Like, oh, God, it's so lazy.

[2923] I'm not even making a new joke.

[2924] But then I bet it'd be so fun to be able to say these just three words in the audience.

[2925] They love it.

[2926] We love catchphrases.

[2927] Love it.

[2928] Yeah, you just got to embrace it and learn to love your catchphrase.

[2929] Remember he said when he was at Disney and he was Epcotting, he started to resort to saying, have mercy.

[2930] Oh, right, which I didn't understand, but you did.

[2931] Yeah, of course.

[2932] I gave Delta catchphrase the other day.

[2933] Is she giving it to you yet?

[2934] Oh, no, not.

[2935] You told me, but no. So I always say that she has a big old watermelon head, right, when we're laying in bed.

[2936] It says, is your neck hurt with that big old head on your shoulders, blah, blah, blah, watermelon, watermelon woman.

[2937] And you already know this.

[2938] Don't mess with watermelon woman, or you'll get the seeds.

[2939] She's been giving people the seeds.

[2940] She's a villain.

[2941] Yeah.

[2942] Yeah, she goes, you mess with watermelon woman, you get the seeds.

[2943] She really gives it to you.

[2944] Yeah.

[2945] And you're scared to get the seeds.

[2946] I'm scared.

[2947] And every now and then when she blows up at one, you know, she blows her stack all the time, though, that you've seen it.

[2948] Yeah.

[2949] So she'll dress Kristen and Lincoln down and the other, hey, I'm trying to go sleep.

[2950] You go.

[2951] Everyone will be quiet over there.

[2952] And I'll go, you guys just got the seeds.

[2953] And then I'll laugh.

[2954] She gives out the seeds kind of a lot.

[2955] Yeah, that's good.

[2956] That's another tension breaker kind of like shorties.

[2957] Shorties got no business traveling.

[2958] Yeah, exactly.

[2959] I forget.

[2960] Okay.

[2961] That's it.

[2962] Oh, and I have my doll, I put my doll up.

[2963] You know, he gave me a doll.

[2964] Oh, oh, yeah, that I thought looked like Emilio Estevez.

[2965] Yes.

[2966] And it's what in your apartment now on display?

[2967] Uh -huh.

[2968] It's, um, prominently displayed?

[2969] It's in my, uh, hope chest.

[2970] Bathroom.

[2971] What's this called?

[2972] Festibule.

[2973] Armour?

[2974] Yes.

[2975] Good job, Rob.

[2976] Good charades.

[2977] Armour.

[2978] Armour.

[2979] Okay, great.

[2980] I thought of another thing I saw that I highlighted.

[2981] I don't know the name of it, though.

[2982] Rob, you're going to have to help me. Something Darling.

[2983] Don't worry, darling.

[2984] Don't worry, darling.

[2985] Yeah.

[2986] Watched it last night.

[2987] I started it.

[2988] You did.

[2989] How far are in are you?

[2990] Not that far.

[2991] Half hour, 20 minutes.

[2992] Four or five minutes.

[2993] Okay.

[2994] We're just making the title sequence.

[2995] No, no. I watched like 45 minutes.

[2996] I was really liking it.

[2997] I loved it.

[2998] Do you know about all the drama?

[2999] Don't worry.

[3000] Don't worry.

[3001] What is it?

[3002] Don't worry, darling.

[3003] What is it?

[3004] Don't worry, darling.

[3005] Tell me the drama.

[3006] I know nothing about the drama.

[3007] Oh my God.

[3008] You're living under a little baby, Rob.

[3009] Yeah, what am I missing?

[3010] Oh, it was so dramatic, that press tour.

[3011] And then there was a whole thing about Shia LaBuff.

[3012] What happened?

[3013] What, what?

[3014] She, originally Shia LaBuff was supposed to play the Harry Stiles character.

[3015] Harold Stiles.

[3016] Okay.

[3017] I think when he's acting, he goes by Harold Stiles.

[3018] Oh, okay.

[3019] I'm sorry.

[3020] Harold Stiles character.

[3021] And.

[3022] Oh, well, that was originally Shia.

[3023] Yeah, he was cast.

[3024] Okay.

[3025] And then she said she fired him.

[3026] Okay.

[3027] But then, like, some tape came out of her, like, beg, he obviously didn't get fired.

[3028] He quit.

[3029] Okay.

[3030] And she was, like, kind of begging him to come back.

[3031] And she kept calling Florence Pugh Miss Flo.

[3032] I don't know.

[3033] What's that mean?

[3034] Is that good or bad?

[3035] That, I think.

[3036] Why?

[3037] Does that mean, is that a period joke?

[3038] Well, it does sound like.

[3039] She's incredible in the movie, by the way.

[3040] Florence Pugh, I know.

[3041] I didn't know about her.

[3042] Yeah, she's great.

[3043] She's like a new scarlet.

[3044] Yes, but this was a full of.

[3045] Awakening for me. I find her to be very, very interesting to watch.

[3046] She is, yeah.

[3047] Solid fucking actor.

[3048] She has great style, too.

[3049] Oh, she does.

[3050] She was dating Dax Braff for three years.

[3051] Yes, I just found this out last night.

[3052] Oh, my gosh.

[3053] Mesmerizing.

[3054] Yeah, she was in a Stephen Merchant movie fighting with my family, and then Midsummer, which was the horror one where.

[3055] Fighting with my family, that's when he came on here.

[3056] Also, lady, yes, also Lady Macbeth.

[3057] Yeah.

[3058] Do you say Macbeth or do you say the Scottish play?

[3059] What?

[3060] I say Macbeth.

[3061] Okay, great.

[3062] Yeah, no, I had a little dust up last night with Kristen about it.

[3063] So I was like, I want to know about this girl, look her up, see what she's been in.

[3064] And she goes, oh, yeah, and she was in the Scottish play.

[3065] And I go, well, that's what we're doing?

[3066] Like, just us.

[3067] I'm like, what do we?

[3068] Are we really superstitious about this?

[3069] She is.

[3070] She comes from the theater.

[3071] So do I. Well, that's why I asked you if you say.

[3072] I know, but her theater was more important.

[3073] No. What?

[3074] What do you want me to say?

[3075] Don't say.

[3076] anything you don't have to say anything god um it was it was more high class oh that sounds much it's fine if i say it much kinder what you said it's kind if i say it if you're putting me down it's not cool i wasn't putting you down i wasn't putting you down i was not macbath yeah actually i'm not going to say it now too because now i want to be high class yeah all right Scottish play.

[3077] Rob, are you joining them?

[3078] Are we going to still say Macbeth?

[3079] I like Macbeth.

[3080] Rob is not from the theater.

[3081] Yeah, I don't even understand the reference.

[3082] Yeah, you're not, apparently, when people died, historically people have died while doing Macbeth.

[3083] It's like a bad luck.

[3084] It's a bad luck thing to call.

[3085] So everyone's got to act like, they're just, they're putting on a Macbeth and then none of them ever say they are.

[3086] They're seen there in the Scottish play.

[3087] Did the Cowan brothers do a Macbeth movie?

[3088] They're dead now.

[3089] You didn't hear they're all dead?

[3090] Is there more gossip about?

[3091] There was all kinds of gossip.

[3092] And then on the press tour, like, they weren't talking to each other.

[3093] Who wasn't?

[3094] Who wasn't?

[3095] Who wasn't talking?

[3096] Chris Pine and Harry Styles.

[3097] They don't get along?

[3098] Look, there's also a huge rumor that none of this is real and that they drummed up all of this press to get.

[3099] Us to talk about.

[3100] Exactly.

[3101] But I'm talking about it just on the merit of the movie.

[3102] They should have, if that was the case.

[3103] The movie is good enough, so I don't know why they needed to do any of this if they did.

[3104] But give me the details because I don't know them.

[3105] So apparently someone spit up.

[3106] stupid.

[3107] It's pretty stupid, yeah.

[3108] There's like a video of them, and it looks like he spit on Harry Styles.

[3109] But it's fake, you think?

[3110] It could go either way.

[3111] Who knows?

[3112] And then they're doing interviews, and they're just, like, not talking.

[3113] And then apparently someone has to sit in the middle of them.

[3114] Also, Nick Crowell, everyone kissed each other.

[3115] Nick Kroll's in it.

[3116] Oh, yeah, you know, you saw it.

[3117] I just don't know about the gossip.

[3118] I know about that.

[3119] Yeah, this is all the gossip.

[3120] What happened when Nick Kroll?

[3121] What's he do?

[3122] Someone kissed him, one of the other men.

[3123] I don't know.

[3124] I don't know.

[3125] In the movie there was a kiss.

[3126] It was riddled with...

[3127] Wow.

[3128] Makes me want to read about it now.

[3129] But then now there's stuff about that being all misogynist, but I haven't read it.

[3130] I don't know.

[3131] I purposely stopped after the spitting the thing.

[3132] It was getting out of hand.

[3133] Oh, wow.

[3134] Yeah.

[3135] I miss this whole thing.

[3136] Yeah.

[3137] Very sexy scenes.

[3138] Did you see him go down on her on the table?

[3139] Yeah.

[3140] It was hot.

[3141] Whoa.

[3142] Whoa.

[3143] Whoa.

[3144] She was just throwing down on her.

[3145] dishes are oh wow okay relax remember she's 26 uh not in the movie she was 31 in the movies i don't know what she was late in the movie she did another movie with chris pine too outlaw king that was the one where they showed his penis for like here we go again eight minutes really it was like way too long wait do you think it was prosthetic or real i think it was him like what's the movie yeah was it called again outlaw king i think and originally it was like this really long, gratuitous just his penis for a while.

[3146] I think they cut it down to eight minutes of penis.

[3147] From eight to like two or three minutes.

[3148] And without using any judgment words How did it look?

[3149] I don't remember.

[3150] Describe his penis to me. I don't remember.

[3151] You have to.

[3152] There's been a crime and if you don't identify this penis It was hair.

[3153] It's a like medieval movie so it was hairy.

[3154] Very hairy.

[3155] They added hair.

[3156] Dirty.

[3157] It was, it had some mud on it and stuff.

[3158] Oh, wow.

[3159] I think it was UTI.

[3160] Decent size.

[3161] It had to have been.

[3162] He's not going to show it if it's not.

[3163] Well, it could be prosthetic, though.

[3164] So many of these ones are prosthetic.

[3165] Well, then exactly.

[3166] Then the, whatever they showed was probably big.

[3167] Whether it was prosthetic or not.

[3168] Yeah.

[3169] Yeah.

[3170] Anyway.

[3171] Well, it was really exciting.

[3172] I love my doll.

[3173] It was very nostalgic and cool to have one of your folks.

[3174] You're just clicking through all your TV heroes from your Speaking of, we have to address super quick, the video I sent you on Instagram of my boyfriend.

[3175] Holy shit.

[3176] Oh, my God.

[3177] I repeated that.

[3178] Matt Damon.

[3179] Have you seen this?

[3180] He got divorced?

[3181] No. He turned down Avatar.

[3182] And not only Avatar, 10 % of Avatar.

[3183] James Cameron on the phone offered him 10 % of Avatar.

[3184] When he turned it down.

[3185] $300 million, he turned the movie down and walked away unknowingly, unwittingly, from $300 million.

[3186] Oh, the original, not the new one.

[3187] Correct, the original.

[3188] But he would have been locked into three more that are going to generate another $6 billion.

[3189] I mean, this is literally like could end up, end of life total, a billion dollar, no. How bad could it be?

[3190] Also, James Cameron, he's only directed incredible masterpieces.

[3191] I know.

[3192] Like he's got Titanic, he's got Terminator 2, Terminator 1.

[3193] He must have been...

[3194] The Abyss, one of the best aliens.

[3195] Like, this is one of the best fucking directors ever.

[3196] He must have been tied to another project.

[3197] Like, it must have been, there must have been a reason and he wanted to do the right thing.

[3198] First of all, I was jealous he didn't say that on this show.

[3199] Me too.

[3200] Of course, we didn't ask him, so it's our fault.

[3201] I know, but I want...

[3202] It's such a good question.

[3203] If you start asking that.

[3204] It never even occurred to me, like when we have real A -listers, like Tom Hanks, these people, we should ask them what they've turned out.

[3205] Yes, it's such a good story.

[3206] I know, but a lot of people ask that.

[3207] It feels generic.

[3208] Here's my guess.

[3209] James Cameron, to me, he is a master's master.

[3210] He is such a good filmmaker.

[3211] It's crazy.

[3212] With that said, his dialogue is rough.

[3213] Okay, so if you watch Avatar, which I've done repeatedly, it's one of the most highly rewatchable movies.

[3214] I encourage everyone to do it.

[3215] It's a flawless movie.

[3216] The movie's so good that it's shocking the dialogue doesn't stand out as terrible.

[3217] It's so right up the middle.

[3218] generic move the story forward there's no flare there's nothing the last time i was watching it because i was on my sixth viewing of it i'm like this dialogue and on paper it's there's nothing there but is that because they're speaking navvy no they walk in they're setting up the thing i don't want to be here i'm a sudden you go there soldier you boys better get it's just really but titanic had some good lines like paint me like one of your french girls you know this is what i'll argue not a good line he directs them into being fantastic so just on paper you read that as an actress paint me like one of your french girls never let go jack terrible never let go jac all of it's i'm the king of the world terrible it's shot in a way that it elevates these really useless throwaway lines they're almost like placeholders fuck i'm never going to be in james camera movie and he's not even going to talk to me if he ever hears this no don't tell you we might have him on i did have a lunch with him.

[3219] Did I tell you this?

[3220] You know this story.

[3221] 16 years ago, Tom Arnold's like, you want to go ride motor?

[3222] Hey, buddy, we're all riding motorcycles with the governor.

[3223] You want to come?

[3224] Yeah, sure.

[3225] I mean, at the 76 station PC and click.

[3226] So I mean at this gas station by George, there's Arnold Schwarzenegger with the Secret Service detail.

[3227] We ride motorcycles up to this place you ride to in Malibu, this little restaurant that everyone goes to.

[3228] James Cameron's in this group.

[3229] I didn't even realize it.

[3230] And of course they are.

[3231] He's directed them like four movies.

[3232] True lies.

[3233] Another brilliant fucking movie.

[3234] And I had been around Schwarzenegger a couple times prior to this.

[3235] And he's his alpha as gets.

[3236] There was a crazy new dynamic at this table with James Cameron there.

[3237] I was observing that Schwarzenegger has a totally different demeanor around.

[3238] James Cameron, it's really deferential.

[3239] James Cameron is clearly at that table.

[3240] We go to war in 10 minutes.

[3241] He's our general.

[3242] Wow.

[3243] That vibe was so clear.

[3244] That's cool.

[3245] He's telling everyone about, this camera technology he had invented for avatar which is 3D and the way 3D is always conventionally worked is you have two cameras filming at the same time they're separated by about whatever it is a foot and that's what makes the third dimension that's what your eyes are doing if you close one eye you're basically 2D you don't have depth perception right so that's how it works now what he realized the reason that 3d cameras prior to his weren't great is that your eyes track an object And he held his finger out, and he said, move your finger close to my face and watch what my eyes do.

[3246] So as you move your fingers closer and closer, your eyes pivot and they start coming in.

[3247] So the 3D camera technology at that time wouldn't track an object.

[3248] So it was 3D for a minute.

[3249] But then as soon as it would break that plane of overlap, it's no longer actually 3D.

[3250] So his camera invention for that movie was tracking 3D.

[3251] And he's explaining this.

[3252] And I said, oh, so you gave those cameras bilateral stereoscopic vision.

[3253] and he stopped on a dime.

[3254] That's exactly what happened.

[3255] He goes, why do you know about bilateral stereoscopic vision?

[3256] I said, oh, I majored in anthropology.

[3257] Then he went off on anthropology and I think knew more than I did about anthropology.

[3258] Wow.

[3259] And I'm like, oh, this guy is one of these people.

[3260] He's one of the smartest people in the world.

[3261] He's inventing solar technology.

[3262] He's directing two of the biggest movies ever made.

[3263] What a phenom this guy is.

[3264] But he's a shitty writer, according to you.

[3265] good dialogue writer he he could do a lot better no we love him i love dialogue i love titanic right this goes all the way to and we'd have to ask him yeah i bet he read this it was like this is not good because you can't see it exactly it's not he doesn't know what we're all about to see that was a paradigm break that was a whole new era it could have gone really badly all that's on the page probably he's like they've followed through the floor he puts his tail blue people puts his tail on her tail and they're making love.

[3266] He's like, what is this?

[3267] Yeah.

[3268] And then this dialogue.

[3269] And like Steven Soderberg probably is offering him something much juicy more normal.

[3270] Well, he had just put out Departed, Oceans 13, and Born Ultimatum right when they started filming an adaguer.

[3271] He is so good.

[3272] Oh, what a sex man. I don't have to flate him on a table.

[3273] No. Yeah, why?

[3274] I want to.

[3275] I know.

[3276] We're both going to do.

[3277] Oh, it's taking turn.

[3278] You're getting very stingy now and jealous.

[3279] I mean.

[3280] Share.

[3281] Wow, you'd be jealous if I fellated Matt Damon.

[3282] Of course.

[3283] What do you mean?

[3284] Well, I don't know.

[3285] It's abstract.

[3286] I think.

[3287] Of course I would.

[3288] Mainly because of like the intimacy.

[3289] It's like, I want that, you know?

[3290] But I guess like if we have to pick somebody.

[3291] I don't want to trigger anything, but let's just pick a random person.

[3292] It's a very popular actress.

[3293] Just don't say her name.

[3294] Just said a very popular actress.

[3295] Okay.

[3296] There's a very popular actress.

[3297] She comes in.

[3298] Rob goes down on her or you go down on her.

[3299] Are you with me?

[3300] Yeah.

[3301] I'm far more.

[3302] Now, mind you, this very popular actress is declared straight.

[3303] Right.

[3304] I'm liable to get jealous of Rob.

[3305] Right.

[3306] I'm not going to get jealous of you.

[3307] Well, I'm jealous of if Rob does it as well.

[3308] It's just anyone who's not me. You don't want his dick in anyone's mouth for yours.

[3309] Yes.

[3310] Exactly.

[3311] No, this isn't right, because he has a beautiful family.

[3312] I don't know in this scenario where we're both filating him on a table.

[3313] Like, I don't filate dudes either.

[3314] Everyone died except.

[3315] We've already, we've leaked the logical barrier that I suck dudes dicks.

[3316] That's fine that we've leaped.

[3317] But we can't leap the fact that he's married.

[3318] Well, I just don't want to disrespect her.

[3319] I like her in theory.

[3320] She asked us to do this.

[3321] Okay.

[3322] And these are all the things.

[3323] I blow dudes.

[3324] And the kids said also it was fine.

[3325] Kids can't wait to high five dad for the group filleting he received.

[3326] I just, here's the truth.

[3327] I don't think, I don't think I'd be good in a group situation.

[3328] Yeah.

[3329] Unless it was two dudes and you.

[3330] Right.

[3331] Too specific dudes and you.

[3332] Yeah, but of course.

[3333] I think a lot of people could probably relate to that because there's jealousy.

[3334] Is anyone interested in me in that?

[3335] And if they're not, then I feel horrible about myself.

[3336] Of course.

[3337] I think that's normal.

[3338] If you detected that you were the least desirable of the two.

[3339] You know, I think because I'm a guy.

[3340] Well, I've been in...

[3341] Threesomes.

[3342] Yep, in a situation with me and another guy.

[3343] One, I can't say.

[3344] Then one, Aaron.

[3345] Yeah.

[3346] Who I love so much, right?

[3347] So it's like, I already don't get jealous of Aaron.

[3348] But are you guys just waiting while the other person does stuff?

[3349] No, no, Wobbly H. What?

[3350] A wobbly H. I don't know what that is.

[3351] Well, you can picture what an H is, right?

[3352] Yeah.

[3353] It's kind of wobbly.

[3354] Oh, I see.

[3355] But the whole time is that?

[3356] Well, then you're switching around.

[3357] But is there ever a time where you have to just, like, wait?

[3358] No, no. Really?

[3359] No, you're making out with the girl or...

[3360] But do you accidentally suck Aaron's dick?

[3361] You couldn't accidentally suck or a dick.

[3362] It'd have to be so bitch black.

[3363] Your eyes have to be so open during these things.

[3364] There was no, that never, A, it didn't even feel like a potential risk and nor did it ever present itself as anything resembling a risk.

[3365] When we were at Country Boy, our favorite place to get coffee and chit -chatting.

[3366] And next thing you know, we're at Aaron's house.

[3367] No, at coffee is morning time?

[3368] No, it was evening.

[3369] We used to go, because I was sober in high school.

[3370] So what we would do is we would stay at this one restaurant, Country Boy, and we'd drink about 6 ,000 cups of coffee and smoke 12 packs of cigarettes and shoot the shit.

[3371] Yeah.

[3372] I'm just not understanding coffee at night.

[3373] Yeah.

[3374] This is a hurdle.

[3375] Me and Carrie, all my group of friends, we all would drink.

[3376] We'd all hang out at Country Boy almost every night and drink coffee late at night.

[3377] And for some reason, I go right to sleep.

[3378] Did Aaron ever fart during your threesomes?

[3379] No. I would have loved that.

[3380] And he would have loved it.

[3381] We would have laughed.

[3382] Did you ever, did you ever fart?

[3383] No, there was no farting in this thing.

[3384] One thing I did do, though.

[3385] It seems like wobbly age as something could get loose.

[3386] You know what I did do, though?

[3387] which is kind of interesting.

[3388] What?

[3389] I don't think you'll like this.

[3390] Okay.

[3391] I at one point went and shaved my head in the bathroom.

[3392] In the middle.

[3393] During the three -way?

[3394] Yeah, we had been doing all that for a while, and then I think I maybe had finished, and then Aaron was still in the saddle.

[3395] And then I saw myself out, and then I was in the bathroom, and I was like, oh, I got some time to kill.

[3396] And then I shaved my head, and then I came back in the room, and I had a new haircut.

[3397] That was interesting development.

[3398] Huh.

[3399] Yeah.

[3400] Yeah.

[3401] Oh, that seems...

[3402] What's it seems like psychotic?

[3403] Well, I was always giving myself mohawks and stuff.

[3404] It was very unbranded with what I did.

[3405] It seems like Britney Speer, like it seems scary to me. Oh, what wasn't down to the skin?

[3406] It was like on a number two guard.

[3407] No, I don't.

[3408] I just mean like when someone is just like, I have to get rid of this.

[3409] Oh, yeah.

[3410] Something's going on.

[3411] No, I've been like knowing I was going to shave my head soon.

[3412] Right.

[3413] And then I had some time to kill on the.

[3414] clippers were there on display in the bathroom, and then I just got it done.

[3415] Interesting.

[3416] What is anthropologically?

[3417] What is sexy about it?

[3418] Because that it's deviant?

[3419] Ooh, maybe.

[3420] Yeah, you're not supposed to.

[3421] Yeah.

[3422] I think it's really, really sexy to see a woman experience a ton of pleasure.

[3423] That you're not responsible for, though.

[3424] Well, I am.

[3425] I'm in the mix.

[3426] And this woman has kind of, it's more that I think she broke the social taboo.

[3427] She's so horny.

[3428] She wants two lovers at once.

[3429] Yeah.

[3430] No, I get that.

[3431] But like, does he ever touch her hair?

[3432] No, there's nothing.

[3433] There's no. I just don't see how there can't be just a little bit.

[3434] But I do think what's interesting is like to get to observe this woman who you're so attractive to in the moment being very sexual and open and pleased is like makes you horny.

[3435] It's just like you're watching this person you're already attracted to get extra horny because there's a novel aspect in the room.

[3436] She was loving that.

[3437] I think a little bit of it is seeing her not as yours.

[3438] Like, oh, she's actually, there's like the jealousy is actually a component of the horniness.

[3439] It's like, oh, that that person could potential, like I get to have her.

[3440] Like seeing it, seeing it from a voyeur.

[3441] How sexy she is.

[3442] You're removed from it.

[3443] Yeah.

[3444] It's almost like you're watching this person you're super attracted to in a porno.

[3445] Rob, are you going to try it?

[3446] No, isn't there?

[3447] There's probably a humiliation.

[3448] I think that's a whole other thing that I can't really wrap my head around.

[3449] Yes, but there's a legion of men.

[3450] It's well -worn stereotype of the very powerful businessman who goes and does BDSM and is a servant or whatever they call.

[3451] Submissive.

[3452] Yeah.

[3453] So there's some people that have so much control in their life.

[3454] They love being submissive.

[3455] And I personally, I can't relate to it.

[3456] But I feel like the other version that you're talking about overlaps with that somehow.

[3457] Like they want to be emasculated.

[3458] Well, how about this?

[3459] I know that there's been, I've seen documentaries about sex workers who have clients that all they want to be is humiliated.

[3460] They'll make fun of their penis.

[3461] They'll make fun of all this.

[3462] And that's a kink for a lot of people.

[3463] So I do imagine some people want to see their partner have sex with somebody with a huge penis.

[3464] and have them be humiliated by that as some weird perversion.

[3465] I think that's out there.

[3466] Wow.

[3467] I shouldn't even say weird perversion.

[3468] Like, I sincerely believe this.

[3469] Like, whatever your sexual desires are, are totally honky -dory.

[3470] I think so.

[3471] Well, as long as everyone's consenting, yes.

[3472] Well, and I'm no animals.

[3473] Like if someone wants to be humiliated, sure, sure, no animals.

[3474] Yeah, because they can't consent.

[3475] I think if everyone's consenting and it's all humans, it's fine.

[3476] I mean, I really don't think anything's wrong.

[3477] Like, if someone wants to be humiliated and they get off on that, I'm all, I'm not, I don't think that's weird.

[3478] I just think that, oh, that's interesting.

[3479] That's your kink.

[3480] I think it's off the beaten path, but I don't think it's bad.

[3481] Unless it turns bad.

[3482] I mean, I do think.

[3483] We're saying they all turn out good.

[3484] Everyone's happy at the end of that.

[3485] Yeah.

[3486] Or sad.

[3487] I don't care.

[3488] I don't care how you arrive at your happiness.

[3489] Well, I do if you're hurting people.

[3490] That's a given.

[3491] I know.

[3492] It's not a given.

[3493] It has to be.

[3494] I would never be having a conversation saying that I, this should be a given.

[3495] Okay.

[3496] Like, I think we live in a world is a little crazy.

[3497] Like, obviously I'm not saying that if your kink is raping people, like that should be obvious.

[3498] That is some people's.

[3499] So you do.

[3500] And clearly I'm not in support of that.

[3501] I know you're not.

[3502] I just, can't we just say, what's wrong with just saying it?

[3503] Because I also, then let's add all of it.

[3504] I don't think if your thing is having someone else eat your poop, you should because that could get bacteria in them and they could get dysentery.

[3505] Let's add that.

[3506] Yeah.

[3507] Let's go do every.

[3508] single thing.

[3509] It's just like, everyone knows I don't think you should put your poop in someone's mouth.

[3510] I don't know.

[3511] I mean, anything that harms anyone.

[3512] I mean, anything that gets you sick physically destroys you in your pursuit of this pleasure.

[3513] And I really should hope everyone that's listening at this stage doesn't need me to say that.

[3514] I just don't think there's anything wrong with saying it.

[3515] It sounds to me patronizing and pandering.

[3516] I think you don't like being told what to do.

[3517] No. I honestly think a lot.

[3518] of stuff is really patronizing.

[3519] I'll give you another example that's way less triggering.

[3520] Okay.

[3521] I hate when I'm listening to rich podcast hosts, talk about things they do, and then they spend 12 minutes apologizing for the fact that they have money.

[3522] My take is anyone who's listening to you, they know you have money.

[3523] You don't need to apologize.

[3524] You're wasting their time, my time, your own time.

[3525] It's unnecessary.

[3526] It's not on story.

[3527] Like they're telling a story about they went to Hawaii.

[3528] And look, I know I'm really privileged that I get to go to Hawaii.

[3529] I know a lot of people can't go to Hawaii and a lot of, like, okay, seven minutes later, we're now learning of the story they intended to tell.

[3530] This is like ubiquitous.

[3531] I hear it all the time.

[3532] Okay, but I think it's self -awareness to say, like, this story I'm about to tell is a ridiculous story.

[3533] And I know it too, because all this stuff involved is very champagne.

[3534] And it's okay to just acknowledge it and then tell the funny story.

[3535] Okay, but if we just work that through, it's like, If Letterman tells a story, guess what?

[3536] I know David Letterman has money.

[3537] If he says I flew first class, he doesn't have to tell me why he feels bad or blah, blah, blah.

[3538] It's not, I already know that about David Letterman.

[3539] He's got money.

[3540] But you still want.

[3541] But you still want.

[3542] But you still want.

[3543] So when the other person stops, what I think they want is their cake and eat it too.

[3544] They want to be able to tell this story, obviously, or they wouldn't be telling it.

[3545] But they also want to tell it and not have anyone say, oh, this is a fucking rich guy with rich guy problems.

[3546] So what they really are afraid of is that someone's going to be upset with them that they have money and the person's resentful against them for having money.

[3547] So they're taking all this energy to try to prevent this one person for having a resentment against them that they have money.

[3548] And I think that's people pleasing to a point where everyone else is now suffering because no one wants to hear this big disclaimer about how guilty you feel that you went to Hawaii.

[3549] That's not the story anyone wants to hear.

[3550] I don't think it's making anyone suffer to say.

[3551] And I know that this is a silly problem to have and then tell your story.

[3552] Well, they don't tell it.

[3553] If it's so silly and it's not a good story because it involves wealth, then don't tell it.

[3554] But that's, okay, but I'm telling you, if I hear that, I'm not suffering.

[3555] So you're making that kind of a ubiquitous thing.

[3556] I think it's fine.

[3557] Let's use Huberman as an example, Andrew Huberman.

[3558] Okay.

[3559] He, about 12 % of every episode he has is him saying, now I've done the research on this and I'm not making it any advisement about whether someone should take on this treatment or not blah blah blah long long disclaimer then talk about the topic it happens over and over again like at some point we know huberman you're not advising anyone on what to do with their health and you're not making any statistical claims you're having a conversation with another guest who's an expert on x y or z at some point it's just laborious i already know so does everyone listening to huberman we all know i don't know who it's for and if you got like if If you're going to hate my story about my first class flight, like if you need to hear someone say, I know I'm lucky before you can hear their story, I think that's your issue, not the person telling the story's problem.

[3560] Well, you want the person to be aware of their place in the world telling this big complaining story.

[3561] When those people themselves have bigger issues, bigger fish to fry, and they're hearing a first class story, and they can laugh at it if the person is like, look, I'm not actually saying this is, And I'm not saying you need to, like, go deep dive into how privileged you are and how unimportant the story is, but I think just giving a tiny disclaimer, my life's ridiculous.

[3562] I think it's pandering because the person's afraid they're going to be disliked because their story involves either some financial barrier.

[3563] But they might be disliked because not being self -aware is something to not like.

[3564] Yeah.

[3565] And if Letterman tells a story about going to Hawaii and I'm pissed like, I wish I could go to Hawaii, why don't I have enough money?

[3566] Like, oh, poor you.

[3567] You got food poisoning in Hawaii.

[3568] Why?

[3569] It was a story about food poisoning.

[3570] You made it about Hawaiian money.

[3571] Well, now we're getting so into the weeds about what the story is.

[3572] Well, no one's just telling a story of like, oh, my God, I could tell you this story.

[3573] I flew first class and stayed at a nice hotel.

[3574] Well, you said fly first class.

[3575] Anytime you're establishing that you flew first class, if the story is about that, then it is going to trigger something in people who've never flown first class.

[3576] It's just the way it goes.

[3577] You know what it is?

[3578] It's everyone's individual thing.

[3579] I would feel placated and pander to.

[3580] if letterman's telling me a story about flying somewhere i know he flies in first class he's rich why wouldn't he be making zero sense i'd be more curious why he's in coach to prove a point so if he's taking the time to apologize to me that he's in first class i'm like bro i'm not that dumb i fucking know what your life's like i don't know why you got to apologize for your life to me i would feel pandered to so i don't intend to pander to anyone you know, personally.

[3581] Yeah.

[3582] And I think for me to say to people, I just before I say this, I want everyone to know, I'm against rape.

[3583] If I was listening, I'd be like, well, no, that was the exact example that just happened.

[3584] No, it's just say, I'm just saying, if we say anything is allowed, it's, I think it's okay to have some disclaimers there because not everything is allowed, especially in sex.

[3585] That's so, it's a fraught topic for things that are not allowed, actually.

[3586] right and I don't think it's pandering it I don't think by the maybe to men I don't know maybe to you but I don't think any woman is going to hear a little aside about assuming everything's consensual yeah no one's going to feel pander too if they hear that sentence they're going to feel safe yeah maybe not just a difference of like what I want to listen to and what you want to listen to but really can probably boil down to that I don't need letterman to tell me he's against rape I know he is I do I don't need anyone that I'm listening to that I've judged to.

[3587] To be someone that I'm interested in, I've already determined they're not fucking cavemen from the 80s who think it's okay to rape or, you know what I'm saying?

[3588] Like, I wouldn't even be listening.

[3589] Yeah.

[3590] You know, I've already weeded them out.

[3591] There are certain people that probably need to say that.

[3592] Yeah, maybe.

[3593] I don't know.

[3594] All right.

[3595] You can never rule out of dance.

[3596] Just when you think, oh.

[3597] 430.

[3598] Oh, my God.

[3599] 420.

[3600] You're 10 minutes late on smoking your red.

[3601] Marijuana.

[3602] Marijuana.

[3603] I love you.

[3604] Love you.

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