#146 - Ari Shaffir

[0] Maybe I'm in this shit for results.

[1] Placebo or not, I'm in this shit for results.

[2] Give me a hologram, cock ring, and let me think that this shit makes my dick work better.

[3] And it probably will make my dick work better.

[4] Plessbo?

[5] Just like everybody else.

[6] We're fucking dumb, you know.

[7] Did I tell you about the study on the placebos?

[8] You did?

[9] And that's one of the reasons why I brought that up.

[10] Should we just say?

[11] Yeah, yeah.

[12] Yeah, it's brilliant.

[13] Tell me. Tell me. Yeah, they did this study.

[14] I heard it on NPR, so you know it's real.

[15] They did a study on just placebo effects per se.

[16] So they gave people what they told them was a placebo.

[17] They're in the control group for a low blood pressure heart medication, something like that.

[18] But they told them, we're only giving you a placebo.

[19] And it still affected the blood pressure.

[20] It went down in the people.

[21] Noticeably.

[22] Yeah.

[23] Like measurably.

[24] They think that it has something to do with just concentrating on whatever it is.

[25] A ritualistic thing.

[26] I'm concentrating on it every day.

[27] One of the ladies in the study, like after it ended, she was like, oh, that's great.

[28] But I need more of that.

[29] Like, my blood pressure is lower.

[30] Don't drop me. I want lower blood pressure.

[31] Like, can I get, and she wouldn't get, she couldn't get placebos at Rite Aid.

[32] That's so crazy.

[33] Yeah.

[34] How weird is the human brain?

[35] What the hell is going on?

[36] Just some sort of regularity helps you.

[37] I don't know.

[38] Thinking about it all the time.

[39] Well, there's a dude who's going to come on the podcast and talk about it.

[40] His name is Bruce Lipton.

[41] And he wrote a book on that.

[42] that very subject.

[43] Really?

[44] Yeah, yeah.

[45] He wrote, it's called The Biology of Belief.

[46] And I ran into his, I believe it's his cousin at one of the shows and the guy gave me the book and then he contacted me on Twitter and he's gonna come on and explain it to us and he's a scientist so he'll be able to break I believe he's a scientist.

[47] He'll be able to break it down and explain exactly you know what the fuck they believe is going on with the human brain.

[48] Yeah, in terms that, you know, understandable that you and I will be able to grab the reasonably educated people will be able to grab but the idea is really strange you know yeah that you can fool yourself into having a real effect it's so bizarre it's so bizarre that we somehow or another have little triggers in our body that we don't know how to push that's like hero stuff yeah yeah yeah like when someone gets caught under a car yeah why can all of a sudden you throw that fucking car off person but by the way they can man people can do crazy shit Well, they say that's because of release of adrenaline.

[49] Yeah, I guess, I guess.

[50] How much adrenaline?

[51] Also, you know, a lot of what you can't lift is because you're not willing to tolerate the pain.

[52] You know, when you're trying to pick up something really heavy, it's very painful.

[53] Your body's sending you a lot of signals.

[54] And most of those signals are, uh, listen, this is not a good thing to do.

[55] Okay, let's stop.

[56] This is heavy.

[57] What the fuck this hurts?

[58] Okay, we're going to drop this.

[59] I'm telling you right now we're going to drop this.

[60] But when your baby's trapped under your car, all those.

[61] don't make it then.

[62] The only thing is save the baby.

[63] And your body just goes into full crazy gorilla mode.

[64] We tried to lift the car off train tracks at Bridgetown, at Portland, Bridgetown Comedy Festival is here.

[65] Really?

[66] To see if you could do it?

[67] We took a wrong turn.

[68] Oh, no. And he got stuck on the tracks?

[69] And he went for it, and you just started skitting.

[70] Because it looks like you can drive over the stone part, you know, right outside the tracks.

[71] But then that drops down, so you just start sliding.

[72] Wow.

[73] The wheels make no connections.

[74] So we had like 12 comics Try to lift this car off the tracks So we could back it up We couldn't do it We couldn't even get close We took like one tire up We're all such bullseys I can't imagine some lady Picking a car up for a kid I want to see it Why is there not been in Well there's probably video on YouTube or something Oh God I wouldn't be able to watch it Would you be able to watch that?

[75] What?

[76] A mom pick her A woman try to pick a baby That would be way too emotional for me You know If there is that video though Power Agent sponsor it power aid you think that would work yeah that would help you rehydrate after lifting a baby or a car off a baby yeah like tired it'll give you special strength it is weird how some people just have way more physical strength than others it's so clear that we're in some weird phase you know like very few animals I think vary in size and shape as much as people do the only thing that's close I think is dogs dogs are pretty yeah yeah and you know by the way they don't know where the fuck dogs come from They don't have a goddamn clue This is one of the things they found out When they mapped the genome of the dog They thought that it was going to be wolves And a bunch of different wild canids And coyotes and all this different shit No, no, no, no, it's all wolves All wolf So they just bred it just like they breed them now They don't have a fucking clue No one has ever been able to go from wolf to Chihuahua Ever, no one's ever documented Hey, I'm going to take this wolf and turn it to Chihuahua It's one of those things we accept that we don't understand it.

[77] It's been around for so long.

[78] It's clearly genetic manipulation.

[79] Because they had dogs in Egypt, right?

[80] Yes.

[81] They had cats.

[82] We know they had cats.

[83] I think they had dogs, but there's no indication of whether or not they had the variation of the variation of the variation of little tiny things that are useless.

[84] I mean, you know, cute pets and shit, but big ones, they're guard dogs, work dogs, dogs for hunting.

[85] You ever go to Arizona?

[86] There's so many distinctions.

[87] You ever go to Arizona and just see the wild dogs that are just wandering the streets?

[88] That's scary shit.

[89] Yeah, they don't really attack people that I've seen.

[90] They're just sort of like there.

[91] There's a story in Georgia a few years back about some wild dogs that killed a man. Really?

[92] Yeah.

[93] Yeah.

[94] They shouldn't do that.

[95] Well, they get to, I mean, they get to packs, and then they all grow up generation after generation in the woods.

[96] You know, all you need is a couple generations, and you're dealing with a fucking killer animal out there.

[97] That's a scary fucking thing.

[98] If they take out a deer, why wouldn't they take out you?

[99] Yeah.

[100] You're alone by yourself, and there's like 30 of them, and that's how they're traveling.

[101] Oh, I finally saw Grizzly man. Oh, you finally saw good thing.

[102] And that's the same feeling I got.

[103] I was like, dude, if they're eating their young for food, wouldn't you make the connection?

[104] Dude.

[105] That they might also eat you?

[106] That was the most ridiculous guy ever.

[107] It's great.

[108] I don't understand how he couldn't see that.

[109] He's like, oh, they're eating themselves.

[110] They're so hungry.

[111] He was just so gay that he was just running away from it.

[112] He was running away from the gayness to the point where he decided to live alone in the woods with monsters.

[113] Big, giant, ridiculous.

[114] They're like rats, like giant rats.

[115] That's what a bear's like.

[116] They seem so calm and peaceful that they're standing right next to him and then they just...

[117] Dude.

[118] How about the video where he had one bear who had his back up against a tree?

[119] He was like scratching his back.

[120] So he's standing full up and scratching his back and he's like fucking 12 feet tall.

[121] And could you imagine this asshole is just sleeping in the bushes with a piece of fabric over his head?

[122] But he did it for years and years.

[123] Geez, wow.

[124] Yeah, but what he fucked up is he stayed too little.

[125] He stayed to the point where they were super, super desperate.

[126] Those fall bears...

[127] Why do you think he stayed longer this time?

[128] He's suicide by bear, for sure.

[129] Yeah, he was massively depressed.

[130] That guy was crazy.

[131] If you see how he gets in front of the camera and starts screaming, and the fucking government doesn't want to fucking save these bears!

[132] That guy's manic.

[133] You think he was trying to commit suicide?

[134] Yeah, in a sense.

[135] Yeah.

[136] He went back when he had nothing else.

[137] That's when he went back.

[138] He went back to Alaska, to that area.

[139] He went every year, right?

[140] Yeah, but he didn't go back this late.

[141] He went back in late October and in November.

[142] That's when the bears are going to sleep.

[143] And so the only bears that are up are the bears that were unsuccessful.

[144] And the ones he didn't know.

[145] They're the old ones.

[146] They're dying.

[147] And that's what happens, man. They die.

[148] And we don't, you know, we very, very rarely find bear bones.

[149] It's really kind of interesting.

[150] You know, bears are massive animals.

[151] Yeah, they show that.

[152] Only that skull survive.

[153] I ate one of the babies.

[154] Only just this bear skull.

[155] Completely white.

[156] And they'll probably eat that later.

[157] And it wasn't killed but more than a few days ago.

[158] It wasn't like rot.

[159] Well, they eat their bones.

[160] They eat their bodies.

[161] The bear that killed this guy, they shot it and killed it.

[162] And they came back like two weeks later.

[163] And there was just a few bones.

[164] Just a few bones scattered around.

[165] It found like rib bones.

[166] Oh, this is where the rib bone was.

[167] They eat most of the bones.

[168] They eat most of everything.

[169] They chicken and hearties.

[170] Well, they're bears, man. Bears are big fucking animals.

[171] You know, I don't think we can even wrap our heads around what that is.

[172] It's a big eating machine, and people just sleep near them.

[173] When those two bears are fighting and the one shit himself?

[174] Yeah, how crazy was that.

[175] It was such great footage.

[176] That was amazing footage.

[177] Amazing footage.

[178] No one else would be that crazy.

[179] Wow, right there.

[180] And they're really trying to kill each other.

[181] Oh, yeah.

[182] It's an amazing fight with Ari's talking about between these two bears on this beach, right?

[183] It was like near the shore of a lake or something like that or in a field.

[184] Inlet or something like that.

[185] Yeah, it was water right there.

[186] scene.

[187] I mean, what an epic scene.

[188] Going at it?

[189] Yeah.

[190] And trying to bite each other like to, it looks like to death.

[191] To death.

[192] Yeah, for sure.

[193] Yeah.

[194] Oh, they're trying to fuck each other up.

[195] Yeah.

[196] It's over who gets to fuck.

[197] Yeah, I guess so.

[198] That's what it is, man. That's how they decide.

[199] That's how does they decide who gets to fuck.

[200] That's why I don't participate in that at bars.

[201] When I see another guy, get involved with the chick I'm hitting on, I'm like, I'm out.

[202] I'll see you guys later.

[203] Smart.

[204] I'm just like, I don't want to deal with this.

[205] That's a healthy way to live in things.

[206] Yeah.

[207] For a chance.

[208] Good night.

[209] Yeah.

[210] Yeah, and then dudes will get douchey with you.

[211] Yeah.

[212] Like, whoa, settle down, I don't even know you.

[213] You're not even...

[214] We're supposed to all be, you know, men out here having fun.

[215] You're not really angry at me. Why?

[216] You're really...

[217] Yeah, you're really turning on me like that.

[218] You're the problem, dude.

[219] You know, if the world was filled with cool people, partying would be the shit.

[220] You know, if the world was filled with people who could hold their liquor, keep their weed under wraps, and when you went out, everybody was cool and everybody was friendly to everybody, and you didn't have to worry.

[221] Uh -huh.

[222] That'd be way better.

[223] But no. Dude, those fucking few douchebags.

[224] What, you like this fucking queer, not me?

[225] This fucking Jew.

[226] Has anybody ever called you a fucking Jew?

[227] Oh, yeah.

[228] Angrily?

[229] I don't know about angrily.

[230] Online, yeah.

[231] Oh, in line?

[232] Yeah.

[233] Don Barrett last night was these two guys came up to me, the store.

[234] And they're like, oh, we're fans here.

[235] Some of the Rogan podcast and your podcast and stuff.

[236] And I was like, oh, thanks.

[237] And Don Barrett's just sneering.

[238] Like, because by just like, and they're like, what's it matter?

[239] I goes, you know you're talking to a lot.

[240] Jew, right?

[241] Are you familiar?

[242] Did he warn you?

[243] Did he give you ample opportunity to get away?

[244] Oh, dude.

[245] I started laughing.

[246] I was in the parking lot in West Hills, of all places.

[247] Yeah.

[248] And I go to the parking lot.

[249] There's a truck there with these white skulls on it.

[250] Yeah.

[251] And I look at it and there's like some shit written and gothic letter, and it says white power.

[252] What?

[253] White power.

[254] This guy just had this on his car.

[255] Was it a movie set?

[256] Wow.

[257] Dude.

[258] No, no, no, no, no, no. It was just out.

[259] That's such a commitment, just doing it out.

[260] Yep, it was on the back windows of his truck.

[261] It said white power, and I was like, whoa, dude.

[262] It's funny, though, living in the city because there is movie prop cars I see all the time, because I live in Burbank.

[263] I saw it like an action news car the other one.

[264] I'm like, whoa, that's a really cheesy news van.

[265] It was just from the new Scream movie or something.

[266] Oh, that's funny.

[267] Fake news fans.

[268] We're the news.

[269] Action news.

[270] Yeah, that also.

[271] They pull up with a satellite on the roof and shit.

[272] Yeah.

[273] It's funny, I mean, all those action news people, like, if you watch any of those action news people or any of those e -intertaining people, they're just interchangeable to me. Oh, yeah.

[274] They're just a delivery device.

[275] They're not even a human being.

[276] I'll turn it on every once in a little while and I'll see a new girl.

[277] I'm like, oh, she's pretty.

[278] And they, here we come.

[279] Brad Pitt says, Jennifer Aniston and him still remain friends.

[280] After all these years, and it's the same human being.

[281] They're this really low -frequency projection devices that are disguised as human beings.

[282] And they're the same person.

[283] Didn't they hire that rock band guy once?

[284] Yes, Mark McGuire.

[285] Mark?

[286] No, no. Yeah, no, it's a guy from...

[287] Mark McGrath, Mark McGrath, Mark McGrath.

[288] Joe does so little about sports.

[289] He goes, I'm pretty sure I'm right.

[290] That guy, yeah, he was doing that, and now he hosts a terrible fucking song show where they have to guess the lyrics.

[291] worse.

[292] It's weird.

[293] He's weird.

[294] He's weird because I'm like, this guy's a fucking rock star.

[295] Like, why are you not out?

[296] Why are you doing what I do, dude?

[297] Why are you in my lowly hosting genre?

[298] You're fucking rock star.

[299] He was Sugar Ray, you know?

[300] Like, God damn, man, that band was bad ass.

[301] That I just want a fly song.

[302] Everyone loved it.

[303] Dude, that song is a fucking hit.

[304] That's a jamming song, man. And every time I hear that song, I mean, I don't know.

[305] too much of their other music, but anytime I hear that song, I'm like...

[306] That was one big hit.

[307] I feel like just telling them, listen, if you can do that once for that song, you can do more of that.

[308] Please do more of that.

[309] That song was awesome.

[310] Why are you hosting these shows, man?

[311] He must have to have a couple hits, right?

[312] It's probably being on the road.

[313] We wouldn't all remember the name Sugar Ray if it was just one.

[314] I don't know, man. I think for a lot of people, sometimes it's just a different opportunity to make money.

[315] You don't have to rely on other people.

[316] Fuck it.

[317] I mean, he doesn't make his music anyway right now.

[318] It might be he doesn't want to rely on the rest of people in the band.

[319] Sometimes it's his band.

[320] just can't keep it together, you know?

[321] It's like, they get, I mean, even Keith Richards and Mick Jagger had ego problems.

[322] Like, Keith Richards talked shit about Mick Jagger in his book.

[323] Like, kind of, dude.

[324] You guys have been boys for 70 years.

[325] You've got to talk shit in your shitty book.

[326] Got to get honest, like Screech.

[327] You know?

[328] Be honest, like Screech.

[329] That's what he said.

[330] Screech ruined it for gang bangs on fucking sets all over the world.

[331] Screech ruined it with his big mouth.

[332] You've got to be honest.

[333] Gap -in about these gangbangs.

[334] Now, you know, dudes like Mario Lopez can't get his freak on anymore.

[335] You know, let a dude get his freak on.

[336] Why you got to hate, screech?

[337] Yeah, exactly.

[338] You fucking weak -ass bitch.

[339] That sugar -ray guy coming to the comedy store a few times.

[340] Is he cool?

[341] He's a cool audience member.

[342] He sits there and laughs, doesn't call attention to himself.

[343] He really wanted to fly the whole time.

[344] I've heard him on Stern before.

[345] He's a cool dude, for sure.

[346] That's why I don't get it.

[347] Like, why are you doing what I could do?

[348] You're a rock star son.

[349] He might have.

[350] have a family.

[351] It might be something just like, hey, look, I'd rather just fucking do this.

[352] Yeah, I think for a lot of people, too, like I said, it's hard to work with a group of people.

[353] The host thing is really a game show, too.

[354] You can whip out a couple in a day.

[355] It's easy as fuck.

[356] It's so easy.

[357] It's stealing.

[358] That's what Eliza's doing.

[359] She does this show called Exposed, and they play two a day.

[360] And it's like, I recorded it on my DVR and there's like 30.

[361] We got to get her back.

[362] We keep getting accused of not having girls.

[363] I just saw her the other day.

[364] Destroyed.

[365] Destroy.

[366] She's hilarious.

[367] You also got accused not having retards because it's the same difference.

[368] Oh, show.

[369] No, we didn't.

[370] Speaking of that.

[371] Don't you do it again, Shafir?

[372] I was at Walmart and Walmart has those t -shirt sections where it's like the cool kid t -shirts, like it's Elmo, it's like Angry Birds.

[373] It's like for people like, you know, like cool people go buy, right?

[374] Where was it?

[375] Walmart.

[376] Walmart.

[377] And so this is really weird that they do this.

[378] Ironic, right?

[379] Yeah.

[380] They have special Olympic shirts now in the middle.

[381] And I almost bought one.

[382] but I was like, that's rude, because I would be wearing that as a joke.

[383] And I'm like, wait a second, this is in Walmart.

[384] Wait a second.

[385] This is supposed to be a joke.

[386] That's fucked up.

[387] Whoa.

[388] So, yeah, go to your Walmart and buy them quick.

[389] Take photos of it.

[390] If someone's going to find out about that, this could get ugly.

[391] I bought one of those.

[392] I'm leaving.

[393] As soon as we get off the air here.

[394] I know.

[395] I'm running to Walmart.

[396] Get them before they pull them.

[397] I need to get that just to bring it.

[398] I need to wear it on the show.

[399] We need to all wear it next show.

[400] Yes.

[401] All right.

[402] We're going to take all.

[403] I'll send a picture.

[404] I can't believe.

[405] Walmart, how dare you?

[406] I'm saying it right now.

[407] How dare you?

[408] Fucking weirdos.

[409] I'm okay with it.

[410] Yeah?

[411] Yeah, I think it's funny.

[412] You know, it used to be okay to say retard.

[413] I'm a little upset that you can't say retard anymore and, you know, and without people thinking that you're brutally insensitive.

[414] What, what, I mean, has our society really truly evolved or they're just these hot button words now that people choose to act on?

[415] Because when you know, when you're calling someone a retard, I'm not saying you have down syndrome.

[416] I'm not saying you have a disease, you have Down syndrome.

[417] I'm saying you're retarded.

[418] You're fucking slow.

[419] To retard is to slow down.

[420] You know what I heard recently?

[421] What?

[422] They just changed in New York.

[423] They changed out to Starbucks.

[424] They changed the gender biased bathrooms.

[425] To have male and female is, whatever the root is rude.

[426] It's rude?

[427] It's rude.

[428] It's weird.

[429] It's mean to transgendered people.

[430] Yeah, because women are disgusting.

[431] Their bathrooms are 50 times where you're stupid.

[432] I don't understand that.

[433] So we should be able to all shit right next to each other and guys can lick girls' seats?

[434] Well, their idea was they're all single stalls anyway.

[435] Just make them bathrooms.

[436] Who cares?

[437] I think because women don't like the idea of dirty fucking men sitting there stinky fat asses.

[438] Have you seen women?

[439] Their hairy asses down on the seats that they're going to stick their little petite shaved butt on, little pink and plump and peach -like.

[440] Starbucks keeps a clean.

[441] You can get unlucky dude.

[442] You could totally roll stuff.

[443] guys and walking a Starbucks to a fucking shit -tastrophe.

[444] A shit splatter catastrophe.

[445] You know, you're adding in coffee with, you know, people that are eating like fucking cupcakes and shit.

[446] That's just like lightning rods.

[447] It's like lighting a fuse inside your asshole.

[448] Have you ever been to that one Starbucks where the toilet's just like that floppy handle with like you know, like, oh, come on, this is Starbucks.

[449] It won't catch.

[450] Yeah, it won't catch and you've got to lift the lid up if it's one of those.

[451] Those Those are dangerous, though, in public restaurants.

[452] If you actually lift the lid off yourself.

[453] Because then people do the upper decker where they shit in the upper part of the toilet.

[454] Who would do that?

[455] Assholes.

[456] People I grew up with.

[457] Everybody in Boston.

[458] They save it just for those moments.

[459] Just no fucking goof.

[460] Come on, man. Listen, it's really cold.

[461] You need some shit to do.

[462] You get bored.

[463] He said he took a shit in a coffee mug and put it on top of a plate.

[464] On top of a, what was it?

[465] A gas thing.

[466] a gas station yeah and you just sit across the street and look at people all day long just stare at them pretending that's awesome you know why it's funny because Reap is a nice guy and we like them but it's also funny whenever someone shits on something it's just funny I was fucking I was watching this Occupy Wall Street thing and this guy's shitting on a police car but the way he's doing it is like so ineffective because it's like smearing all over his own legs I mean he's like squeezing his ass on his police car and he's shitting all over himself and I'm like this is like the worst way to do that ever no you're supposed to get on top when I read the headline down on it that's supposed to I read the headline before I clicked and I'm like I already picture it in my head oh he's probably shitting on the windshield or squatting yeah like a a Puma pose and then I saw him leaning against it I'm like what are you doing?

[467] He's always using the car as a douche to hold it all in like a shitty douche it's all getting explode around it's wiping his ass he shit in his ass all over the car.

[468] I would just have my girlfriend spit it out on the car.

[469] That guy must have stunk for a long time.

[470] See, that makes me nauseous.

[471] The smell of other people's shit is the only thing that gets me anymore.

[472] Really?

[473] Since my time on Fear Factor, puk doesn't make me nauseous.

[474] Like, I could be in a nightclub and someone will throw up right in front of me, and I don't even flinch.

[475] You ate a bug the other day, like one of the, like, E - Entertainment people or something like that he interviewed?

[476] I said, dude, this is just protein.

[477] If we were living in, you know, 10 ,000 years ago, this would be something you would be happy to eat.

[478] I almost barred for food.

[479] Thinking about that video on your phone.

[480] Really?

[481] Just thinking about it.

[482] And then...

[483] There's a video on my phone we can't talk about it, though.

[484] Someday we will.

[485] Someday we will, ladies and gentlemen.

[486] But right now, due to contractual obligations that I have with Fear Factor, we have to keep some shit under wraps.

[487] When that gets on the air, dude, when there's a bunch of shit that we did this season that was so way more over the top than anything we ever did before.

[488] We were just sitting there, standing there, shaking on each other's heads.

[489] Like, what?

[490] the fuck are we doing?

[491] You should have seen Sal's face.

[492] I showed Sal that video, the owner of Sal's Comedy Club, and he just sat there like he saw a cum ghost.

[493] A comb ghost.

[494] Yeah, like a ghost made up something.

[495] The bug was nothing.

[496] It didn't taste bad at all.

[497] What you know, it's okay?

[498] What kind of bug was it?

[499] It was an African cave dwelling spider.

[500] It's terrifying.

[501] That's one of those ones with tons of crazy long claws.

[502] It's basically a giant, a lot.

[503] How big?

[504] Show it next to your fist.

[505] How big?

[506] Well, when it's spread out, it's about that big.

[507] What did you do?

[508] Smush it up?

[509] Yeah, I grabbed that bitch by the center and just stuff it in there and smashed it up.

[510] You didn't just bite the legs off.

[511] Oh, I smashed that motherfucker quick.

[512] I smash them up quick.

[513] But it's a lot of chewing, you know?

[514] But it didn't really taste that bad.

[515] And, you know, I knew that humans...

[516] It's been okay.

[517] It's been okay.

[518] This won't hurt me. Yeah, people have been eating those things forever.

[519] Humans have been eating bugs forever.

[520] Did it taste good?

[521] in any way?

[522] Could you appreciate it as a taste?

[523] It's not bad.

[524] It's not bad.

[525] Look, those giant Madagascar hissing cockroaches, I had one of those on the show too.

[526] And there's a lot that's gross in eating those things, but it's also a good form of protein.

[527] If you're really starving to death, you would totally eat that.

[528] I think the grossest ones are this big green, was it garden?

[529] Or the tomato hornworms?

[530] Oh, those.

[531] I eat one of those, too.

[532] Did it just explode in your mouth?

[533] Was it like rapes?

[534] It's just pouring out.

[535] It was really hard to drink.

[536] What did that taste like?

[537] That was real bitter and it tasted like you shouldn't be eating it.

[538] Like nature's trying to warn you, which I always assume they are.

[539] I mean, I'm not, I'm not into acquiring any tastes.

[540] If I don't like it initially, I don't like it.

[541] You know, like the idea, like caviar was always a weird one to me. Like, it's an acquired taste.

[542] Do you like it?

[543] Oh, it's acquired.

[544] Like, what does that mean?

[545] You're going to spend like $5 ,000 for something that's acquired?

[546] You're going to force us help to acquire a shitty taste?

[547] Yeah, you get a forces.

[548] It's more expensive, but I'm getting it.

[549] into this?

[550] To enjoy some stupid eggs but some weird ritualistic thing almost.

[551] It's like you know you're getting the eggs of this animal that's very rare.

[552] Look you get to crush its babies before they ever have a chance would you like it on your cracker?

[553] I tell you why I'm fishing with David Taylor in Alaska and we cut up one of the fishes and all these egg things in there.

[554] Yeah.

[555] And David's like what's this?

[556] And the guy's like eggs and he's like is that caviar?

[557] Can I eat it?

[558] And this guy's like yeah I mean if you want.

[559] David just started eating more and more of it.

[560] Every time we caught a pregnant salmon he would just eat more and more of it So eventually he was like, oh, I have to throw up now.

[561] He was so nauseous.

[562] From eating all that salmon eggs?

[563] Yeah, we're not supposed to eat fucking a pound of warm salmon eggs.

[564] You're not?

[565] I don't think so.

[566] What happens what you do?

[567] You barred from actually on the open sea.

[568] Wow.

[569] Yeah, then we grilled on the boat.

[570] It was so funny.

[571] He was like, I can't look at food.

[572] What was he thinking?

[573] Do you think he was just eating it because it was caviar, not that it was good?

[574] Yeah, he was like, oh, it's free.

[575] I should get this as much as I can right now.

[576] Yeah.

[577] Fresh, fresh.

[578] Is he German that guy?

[579] He's comes from German to San Diego.

[580] Or English, I think he's English.

[581] I think there's an issue with salmon.

[582] You have to be careful with salmon.

[583] You're not even really supposed to eat sushi if you talk to some quote -unquote experts.

[584] Yeah, that's freshwater, especially salmon.

[585] Because salmon is, it has a potential for parasites.

[586] It's not likely, but it's got a potential.

[587] You don't know.

[588] Most of the farm -raised stuff, you know, I just have an issue in my head with farm -raised.

[589] This is salt water.

[590] This is so good.

[591] Those are, they taste better, man. Wild.

[592] You know, this is where it weirds me out.

[593] Farm -raised is like pink.

[594] Yeah.

[595] And, you know, when they put it in a store, they dye that shit.

[596] They die it to make it look like a healthy wild salmon.

[597] But it literally becomes such a bitch.

[598] And the only way I know.

[599] It's skin gets like white.

[600] It loses its soul.

[601] Isn't that crazy?

[602] The color drops out of it and it tastes worse.

[603] Yeah, it tastes worse.

[604] It's not worthy.

[605] It's not as worthy to catch.

[606] That goes along with my theory that things that can get away real quick.

[607] or better for you.

[608] It's why fish is so good for you.

[609] It's so fucking hard to catch.

[610] You know, deer, deer is great for you.

[611] It's so hard to catch.

[612] They're so quick.

[613] They have, what they have is so good.

[614] It's easy to catch a dolphin.

[615] They run away real fast.

[616] It's so good that they develop, nature gave them a chance.

[617] And that chance is you get to be faster than the people so that they can't, you know, is being able to be out and not being depressed?

[618] The cows run.

[619] Because farm -raised cows taste better than grain -fed.

[620] Cows, right?

[621] Yes, they do.

[622] Well, it's a different taste.

[623] Because they can sort of be out.

[624] Yeah.

[625] I buy grass -fed beef whenever I can, and it's a different taste.

[626] It's like a game animal almost.

[627] It's really weird.

[628] Not, I'm kind of exaggerating, but it's different.

[629] It's way, way, way leaner.

[630] So you have to be real careful when you cook it.

[631] You can't cook it for very long.

[632] Oh, really?

[633] If you can't overcook it, it would be really dry.

[634] On grass -fed.

[635] It's delicious.

[636] Well, he's a cross -fit fanatic.

[637] Eddie Ift, our buddy is, like, in crazy shape.

[638] Grass -fed beef, raw almonds.

[639] He's always, like, trying to get me to squeeze his shoulders and shit.

[640] And it's like, dude, I'm fucking CrossFit.

[641] And talking about his deadlifts and fill my fucking shoulders.

[642] When those people do that, it's the same is pretty much you're telling me about your fantasy football team.

[643] Well, you know, no, for me, I totally see what it's at, what he's coming from.

[644] I mean, people, like, think that it's kind of, you know, it's kind of, there's kind of something, a gross thing about worrying about what your body looks like and being really into your body.

[645] There's something gross about it, you know.

[646] It's a little vein.

[647] Yeah, it is a little vein.

[648] But I get it.

[649] But that said, isn't it more fun to have what's essentially a super body?

[650] Isn't it more fun to have a body that can do all kinds of crazy shit that a regular body can't do?

[651] So when, you know, Eddie's in there deadlifting and shit and putting these big lifts in and doing these crazy kettlebell workouts and shit, you just start feeling like, wow, I feel fucking vibrant.

[652] You know, my body feels good like this.

[653] You know, I love the fact that you can go in there and have a ferocious workout and feel fantastic afterwards, you know?

[654] Yeah.

[655] So it just, you know, it just gets in.

[656] It's a lot of work.

[657] It is a lot of work, dude.

[658] It is a lot of work.

[659] It's a good feeling.

[660] I wish I could just get that.

[661] They just opened this gym up that I've been going to or once in a while.

[662] Curves?

[663] Curves for women.

[664] And they let me go in there if I talk it, you know.

[665] But it's right next to this fast food place I go to.

[666] and all the beefy guys come in there and what's so weird is this one guy came in there and he looked like you looked at him and you're like that is amazing like his his structure he looks like a real GI Joe guy like that looks like a GI Joe guy and then he got his food and he was like getting salsa from the salsa bar and he was putting in his bag and he folded like the bag down so like anger or not angry but like it had to be folded like all the lines had to be perfectly analely yeah like all the lines had to be straight and stuff like that And then this guy goes, oh, here's one more, something like that.

[667] And he just got this mad look like he was like unfolding it, having to put it in there.

[668] And it was like, we were both looking at it going, wow, that guy's going to murder somebody.

[669] Every day must do 1 ,000 chin -ups.

[670] One.

[671] Yeah.

[672] My friend Maasai in college, this Ethiopian guy, used to work out in the top of his lifts, we'd go, I'm going to fuck somebody up.

[673] Really?

[674] I'm going to fuck somebody up.

[675] to bar fights.

[676] He loved doing it.

[677] Wow.

[678] Yeah.

[679] That's what kept him going.

[680] Damn.

[681] Did you see that document?

[682] He liked getting in the bus so he had pick fights with people?

[683] Yeah.

[684] He'd start shit.

[685] Not hard.

[686] He would have to fight back, but yeah.

[687] Have you talked about the steroids documentary, a bigger, stronger, faster, smellier?

[688] I don't think so.

[689] Have you seen it?

[690] No, you know, I never watched that.

[691] I watched, like, little clips of it.

[692] I actually own it on DVD, but I never bothered watching it.

[693] It's not bad.

[694] It's pretty interesting.

[695] What I didn't know, though, is like, well, also, they show those cows on there.

[696] The steroid cows, which are amazing.

[697] Yeah, it's not really a steroid cow.

[698] No, it's natural.

[699] There's this thing that happens to certain cows where it's a myostatin inhibitor and it goes wrong.

[700] And when it goes wrong, they grow like three times the regular cells of muscle.

[701] Is that from what, testing?

[702] No, it's just from breeding.

[703] Somehow or another, they're genetics.

[704] Oh, I've seen those.

[705] Those gigantic cows that are like three times the size of a person.

[706] And have ever seen the dogs too?

[707] There's a Whippet.

[708] It happens to it, but specifically to whipets for some.

[709] reason.

[710] It's so quick.

[711] Whippets a very slight dog.

[712] A very like fast.

[713] No, it's fairly big, but it's not a tiny dog.

[714] Thin but tall?

[715] But it's, yeah, it's a thin dog.

[716] But these Whippets that have this myostatin inhibitor issue are fucking swole.

[717] Really?

[718] Like Captain America?

[719] Like the Hulk.

[720] Really?

[721] Like ridiculous.

[722] Like you would swear it's photoshopped.

[723] There's photos of them online.

[724] I'll find one for you.

[725] Just because you need to peek at it.

[726] It's just the weirdest fucking thing.

[727] How do you spell whippets?

[728] The way I used to do them, they were W -H -I -P -P -P -P -I -T.

[729] Oh, yeah, the T -P -P -P?

[730] Maybe.

[731] Did you have a really good cracker?

[732] Did you always buy, like, a cheap plastic ones?

[733] Whatever it's gonna be Simon got, that's what I used.

[734] I got, like, this nice chrome one from wireless and stuff.

[735] Yeah, yeah, they used to sell them on Hollywood, on the Santa Monica Boulevard.

[736] Come here, Ari, take a look at this real.

[737] You just have to see this, because it doesn't even seem real.

[738] Look at his eyes.

[739] Doesn't, that looks like a famous actor.

[740] Incredible.

[741] Is that incredible?

[742] Is that incredible?

[743] For folks who don't know what this is, just look up Whippets, WIPP, I think it's P -B -T -T -E -S, whatever it was.

[744] Look up Wippets, you'll find it.

[745] It's dummy -proof the internet these days.

[746] It'll offer you suggestions.

[747] I'll try to put it on U .S. But Wippets on steroids, if you look at it, you'll find this poor dog with this defect that comes from just a part.

[748] It's just for some reason it happens more commonly with Wippets.

[749] I read it explained, but I don't remember the explanation.

[750] but essentially this myostatin inhibitor issue just gives them this incredible amount of muscle like the dog looks like something out of a cartoon it looks like something out of did you see the Hulk?

[751] No, I never saw it.

[752] The fucking one with Eric Banna was the shit with Nick Nolte and the dogs they had these crazy dogs that were infected with the Hulk serum and dogs return to Hulk dogs Oh no, when they got mad?

[753] Yeah, the dogs would get mad and they would become Hulk dogs and they were fucking ridiculously awesome and the Hulk got in a fight is fucking epic dude it was awesome but now epic moment in 3D special effects what really yeah when they were regular dogs were they cool and like no they knew what was up oh always they were working for the bad guy bro they were working for the bad guy but he jacked them with the Hulk serum and fucking see that's not real if it was you could jack them with the Hulk serum they would just be mayhem they wouldn't know how to attack for you unless you were trained killer dogs already but why would the dog listen to you once it becomes the Hulk dog.

[754] Yeah, it would just do whatever it wants.

[755] Fuck, I'm listening to you?

[756] Stupid.

[757] He would just do mayhem.

[758] I'm the Hulk dog.

[759] Yeah, he would just bark and you would go flying across the room just from the bark.

[760] Like the Transformers would do that.

[761] The evil Transformers would do that.

[762] Just to create havoc.

[763] But Oh, two dogs.

[764] They try so hard with the Hulk movie that they just redo it with different people.

[765] Hey, the Hulkhead is for sale right now, by the way.

[766] The Hulkhead?

[767] Yeah, and they're selling all these real props, like the Iron man like vest and stuff like that and one of the things was the Hulk head I tap out way before it really I'm not that ginky no yeah but they were like saying that prices like so far prices have been around the thousands like 1 ,000, 2 ,000 dollars I'm like wow can you imagine coming in and going to your living room having this glass case with the Hulk head just sitting there going ah like that'd be badass that would be pretty badass the original Hulk what's his name?

[768] I think it was from the first look no no I think it's from the first movie oh so it's a it is a Is it something that they animated?

[769] Like, what is it?

[770] No, no, it's, I don't know, I'll show you.

[771] Giant prop.

[772] Did I tell you when Lou Fregno was told me to stop smoking?

[773] He told you?

[774] Yeah, I took acting class with his wife once a long time ago, and we were all standing outside that, you know, just waiting around during a break, so we were all smoking.

[775] And he was sitting in the car waiting for to come out.

[776] He's like, hey, you shouldn't smoke.

[777] Whoa.

[778] And I was like, yeah, I know.

[779] It's bad for me, I know.

[780] And then I turned back around to my friend, and then I turned back around to see him after like a minute and he's still just staring at me and he goes I said you shouldn't smoke and I was like yes sir he made you put it out no he just said it more forcefully wow he just said it more serious and I was like I'm not taking a chance this guy's so big he's Lou Farigno yeah he was on the man show when I was hosting it really and uh I met him and I said hey Lou I'm Joe thank you very much really an honor to meet you I was always a huge fan ever since back in the pumping iron days and it's not.

[781] It goes, oh, thanks.

[782] I'm really excited.

[783] Do you work out?

[784] Do you?

[785] That's what we said.

[786] Do you work out?

[787] I'm like, son, you don't see all this?

[788] Do I work, dad?

[789] What the fuck you think this shit comes from, kid?

[790] I think I was born with this motherfucker right here?

[791] Come on, kid.

[792] What if you were born with it?

[793] You'd have such a horrible life.

[794] It'd be ridiculous.

[795] Just giant muscles in your arms.

[796] Like those mutant kids that you see once in a while, those shit photos of those really muscular kids.

[797] It was just so surreal talking to Lou Phrygno.

[798] Rigno and I are talking about working out.

[799] That's what do you want to talk to about.

[800] Do a lot of kettlebells.

[801] I like to do Jiu -Jitsu.

[802] Oh, don't do that, dude.

[803] Make fun of the man. You were going to be talking to.

[804] I ain't making fun of Lufragno, kid.

[805] I love Lufragno.

[806] You're going to be at a subway one day.

[807] You got the impression now.

[808] You had to take it to the lowest common denominator, R .A. You went for the low -hanging fruit.

[809] You didn't know anywhere around.

[810] I was trying to be on him side.

[811] The Hulk don't talk, man. Did that Hulk talk?

[812] No, actually, this was a Hulk stand -in.

[813] So, like, because it was CGI, I think it's what they used for the cameras and something like that.

[814] Let me see what it looks at.

[815] Does it look good?

[816] It looks pretty creepy, man. You're not buying that thing.

[817] Don't buy that.

[818] What are you talking about, Ari?

[819] What do you do, my dad?

[820] I'm going to buy it now.

[821] And it's on a stick, too.

[822] It's on TMZ.

[823] Oh, son.

[824] No, I'm probably not going to buy it.

[825] It's been honest.

[826] Marvel's having all the option items.

[827] It's pretty dope.

[828] I'll tell you what I would buy.

[829] I would buy the head.

[830] of the American Werewolf in London.

[831] Oh, yeah, the original?

[832] Best Werewolf of all time.

[833] There's been a few Warwolf movies that have been kind of fun over the years, but none can fuck with an American Werewolf in London.

[834] That movie Rules.

[835] It looks so real.

[836] It looks so real.

[837] That movie, and it was a long ass time ago, dude.

[838] They did that shit in the 80s.

[839] That movie rocks.

[840] It looks so much better than the fake Star Wars stuff.

[841] Yeah.

[842] When that thing was in London, when it was fucking people up in the streets, when it came out of the dirty movie theater, it kills everybody in the dirty movie theater and it's walking on the London streets.

[843] They showed just enough of it to scare the fuck out of you.

[844] They didn't have to close up, show the thing, moving around.

[845] Because when you do that, then people get used to it.

[846] And they knew how to do it back then.

[847] You know, those the special effects were not nearly a sophisticated back then.

[848] Cujo scared me so bad that I walked 45 minutes out of my way once to get back home after seeing it instead of the seven minutes of were taking to walk straight.

[849] They have to pass by that one long.

[850] They should be scary.

[851] Yeah, they knew how to, I mean, the American Werewolf in London people, I guess it's John Landis and whoever else was involved in...

[852] John Lannis did that?

[853] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[854] Whoever else was involved in creating the imagery behind it, just such an awesome job.

[855] The special effects guy was supposed to be some legendary special effects guy.

[856] Oh, it's Rick Baker.

[857] He's the man. But he's also the guy who did the last wolf man with Benicio del Toro, and I didn't like that special effects at all.

[858] I thought that was a silly choice.

[859] What was it like?

[860] They went with this Lone Cheney Jr. look from like, or whoever the fuck the original Wolfman was.

[861] Is it Lone Cheney Jr.?

[862] Who's the original Wolfman?

[863] Darn Knotts.

[864] I think it's one of it.

[865] I'm almost probably.

[866] I'm going to get you, see?

[867] I don't know.

[868] I said so.

[869] I don't know.

[870] He never even said this stuff.

[871] Oh, Claude Rains.

[872] Well, it says Claude Rains and Lone Cheney Jr. I'm not sure which one was the monster.

[873] I think it's Lone Cheney Jr. Cheney Jr. Yeah, and they want to look like him?

[874] Yeah, my point is that movie was from 1941, man. And so what they did is like an updated version of it.

[875] Well, did it look real?

[876] No. Okay.

[877] I don't mind if it looks like a thing.

[878] That's just a stylistic choice, but as long as it looks real as that version of it.

[879] Well, their idea was they wanted to be a real person instead of a CGI thing because they had this great actor.

[880] And when do you get an actor as good as Benicio del Toro play a wolf man?

[881] So use him to embody the beast.

[882] And then you'll do some CGI like his legs were CGIed So they bet backwards like all dog's legs and shit like that Which is really weird that he's walking upright on those But it's a movie But the real issue is the exact opposite of what you got From the American Werewolf in London From the American Werewolf in London there was mystery There was like there's a scene where this guy Gets killed in the London subway The shithead and he's kind of a shithead So you're kind of like a happy when he dies He's a dickhead And he's just stumbling fuck and he's trying to hold on to his briefcase.

[883] And so this thing's running and this thing's chasing him and he falls down on an escalator.

[884] And as he's going on this escalator up, you see the thing at the bottom of the escalator and that ends the scene.

[885] And it's terrifying.

[886] You just know what's going to happen.

[887] You don't have to see it kill him.

[888] It's terrifying because they just played it just enough where you don't even get to see it.

[889] He sees it and you can see it in his eyes and he runs and then you hear the thing in the background, making this crazy noise and he's running and you can't see it and then finally in the end of the scene you see it at the bottom of the stairs and that's all you need man that's all you need they show that movie is the absolute perfect horror monster werewolf movie I gotta watch that again now it's the best and it's got some humor in it there's some pussy in there he gets laid Shazam it's everything you want out of a movie Werewolves Hot English bitches holla at your boy That's what I forgot what I was just saying I don't know But if I had a head, that's what I would buy.

[890] I wouldn't buy the Hulkhead.

[891] Oh, you'd buy that?

[892] American Werewolf in London.

[893] I would buy Robocop probably or something like that.

[894] I'm also from your childhood.

[895] Would you remember it?

[896] Or Star Wars.

[897] Anything Star Wars.

[898] Dude, this desk is so fucking weird.

[899] Yeah, it's a weird.

[900] You're so much, you're such a, like, it's just a mixture of the weirdest shit I've ever seen.

[901] Stevia and marijuana and knives, dog tags, weird reading glasses.

[902] Magnets and the skulls.

[903] It's my Mayan skull.

[904] Inca fucking.

[905] one of these belt buckles Stanley Kubrick's Odyssey the hidden It looks like what's buried with a mummy What the fuck?

[906] This is just like a God if they unburied If they uncovered this 2000 years ago I'd be like what was this place?

[907] If this was like a pyramid And they came in here We're like wow these treasures These must be treasures This is all a mixture of my message Must have been a collector Pile all this together And this is my message Well you know if they like You look around my house I collect like a lot of weird shit Yeah I can see you buying that job head putting it somewhere.

[908] I probably would.

[909] If you weren't here and if you didn't make fun of it, you might have saved me saved me from a ridiculous purchase.

[910] eBay, it does get me in trouble there.

[911] Is that one of the things it's like five grand too?

[912] Where somebody's going to make a huge purchase on something?

[913] Yeah, probably.

[914] It's at two grand now.

[915] If it's on eBay, it's on eBay, it'll probably jack up.

[916] The last day they say on eBay is where it really all goes down.

[917] The last five seconds.

[918] Really?

[919] They have these things called eBay sniping, I think it's what it's called, where it's like people that, I think there are programs that automatically sit there and at the last second just throw in like real fast math math to like try to beat it real quick wow dude that kind of stuff kind of freaks me out like little little bots and little things that people are incorporated on the web you know what you mean well so you can automatically bid the last second well anything like that where people automate things yeah it's like the when you open up the door for hoaxters and for opportunists and and coders and people who know how to tweak things and it's like remember when you used to play online if you ever just play quake online and people would get bots drink drink what you know what a bot is yeah it's bullshit is what a bot is like sort of here's what it is yeah there's artificial intelligence involved in quake and they figured out a way to when they make the game it's a 3d first person shooter so you're running through all these crazy corridors and you see other characters in there and you shoot at each other right you're looking at it through your own perspective.

[920] And when they make these, these video games, you can have one of these artificial intelligence people and just insert them into the game.

[921] And he just plays me?

[922] Yeah, well, you can also have, you could have it set up so where you never miss. You can have a bot that just knows, see, it reads the code.

[923] Of course not, it's cheating.

[924] He reads the code, and it knows absolutely exactly where your character is at all times.

[925] So every time you press the launch button, cannot miss. So you're just killing people in like three seconds as soon as you see them.

[926] And I've played with people like this online and it's like it's really frustrating.

[927] It's like you're not playing a real person.

[928] And they're laughing at home like I'm doing it.

[929] You're like doing what?

[930] This is stupid.

[931] Obviously you were going to beat me like this?

[932] Yeah, I don't know what my point was.

[933] I had a point.

[934] Oh, what do you think of these bots that automatically bit on eBay?

[935] That kind of shit.

[936] It had a ruined quake.

[937] Never draw that train back to the original.

[938] It's very nice, dude.

[939] Never.

[940] Knuckles are now.

[941] Strong memory.

[942] that yeah there's a very circuitous route we just took in this conversation yeah exactly my friend did that to me in college it was early on but he could automate something to keep calling your phone over and over again my dorm phone so just fill up my voicemail why would you do that just to be a dick and I think the problem is like when you give people that power it's like all right it was funny once don't keep doing it for a fucking month you have to trust shitty pranksters yeah when you have comics for friends man yeah they're always It's like, all right, I got it.

[943] I got it.

[944] It was good.

[945] Leave it alone.

[946] Absolutely code of ethics about your prank.

[947] Trying to fuck with people.

[948] I got some excellent footage of Brendan Walsh, putting a girl's chaps on in Houston.

[949] I'm not sure he wants that shit on YouTube.

[950] Putting a girl's chaps?

[951] Yeah, but holl at him.

[952] Brendan, B -R -E -N -D -O -N -Walsh on Twitter, and contact him and tell him, yo, release the info, dude.

[953] It's hilarious.

[954] he's in his underwear in a country western bar he takes his pants off and he's trying to put on the waitress's chaps and I got video of him I'm interviewing him while this is going down and he's pie -eye drunk just pie -eyed he's going to be in Ontario this weekend right yes yeah he's going to be in the Ontario Improv this weekend with Joey and me where are you at Ari this weekend this weekend I'm here you're here you're in Hollywood you're doing the story my storyteller show is on next Thursday actually Storyteller show next Thursday the improv what is that date 20th.

[955] Powerful.

[956] I'm in town.

[957] I'll be there.

[958] To lend support.

[959] What's the subject?

[960] Halloween stuff.

[961] I got no stories for you.

[962] You're on your own, bitch.

[963] I did live, I lived in a haunted house for a little bit.

[964] Really?

[965] Yeah.

[966] Has it dared to win some will?

[967] It's on Scar Mountain.

[968] No. If you really believe in that shit.

[969] If you really believe in that shit, which I pretty much don't.

[970] Yeah, in haunted houses?

[971] No. Not really.

[972] I don't really.

[973] my grandmother was supposedly psychic.

[974] No, I don't want, I mean, okay, I'm good, thanks.

[975] My grandmother was supposedly psychic.

[976] She was a very, very strange lady.

[977] And she did know things.

[978] She had this weird way of, like, she would tell you.

[979] Like, she told my father just out of nowhere, or my grandfather, right, she told him out of nowhere, Joe, call your mother, call your mother right now.

[980] And he was, like, doing some crossword puzzle.

[981] They were always like, this is how they would talk to each other.

[982] She would yell at him, and he would go, all right.

[983] all right, all right.

[984] He goes to visit his mom and as he gets to his mom's house as she dies.

[985] He is there the moment she dies.

[986] Wow.

[987] As he walks in the door, he gets to see her last seconds of life and she says goodbye to him and then she dies.

[988] Wow.

[989] And somehow, another, my grandmother knew this.

[990] And it could have been just a crazy lucky guess.

[991] It could have been total bullshit.

[992] She wanted him out of the house and she just got lucky.

[993] You know, scientifically, who knows.

[994] My thing also is scientifically, like, yeah, and then she died the next day.

[995] She did weird shit.

[996] And then they changed the story over the years.

[997] She did do weird shit.

[998] Like one time, she woke my mother up out of her bed and brought her downstairs, and then five minutes later, the roof collapsed over her bed and fucked her bed up.

[999] Whoa.

[1000] Yeah.

[1001] There was weird shit like that.

[1002] Well, anyway, they had a guy.

[1003] This is back in, and my grandparents lived in Newark, New Jersey.

[1004] And it was, it started out in all Italian neighborhood, and then it became an all black.

[1005] neighborhood and it became an all Puerto Rican neighborhood and Dominicans and all these other people moved in and my grandparents they stayed there forever and at one point in time they they were renting the room out apparently some dude and dude died and they swore that this dude was still in the house his ghost yeah and that was like where I was staying I was staying in that same roof do you ever see anything I didn't see shit I walked around with my dick in my hand I'm like what I'm not scared of ghosts come blow me then ghost piss on a go me right now what do you you're gonna scare me woo woo you're not even there you're translucent bro i can go right through you spurned stupid stop bothering me no they don't do shit you have to be a total pussy to be scared of a ghost those fucking ghost shows to drive me bananas they never find anything there's nothing there you fucks then explain these geiger readings well they have a fucking like they they have a like a circle that they'll highlight on a screen look at this moment there's something appears for the bluer there's nothing behind the dresser you asshole that's lit in your screen The fuck are you talking about?

[1006] You have a camera from 1978.

[1007] We are down in the basement and the readings are off the chart.

[1008] This is amazing.

[1009] It's all night vision.

[1010] You see the night vision.

[1011] I don't hear that.

[1012] I don't hear that.

[1013] Do you hear that?

[1014] I don't hear it.

[1015] One of the first...

[1016] Bob?

[1017] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1018] One of the first threads I ever did on your message board was my sister, I think it was.

[1019] She went to this haunted house, a famous haunted house in West Virginia, and they stayed at.

[1020] And she took a photo using her camera.

[1021] And one of the first things I ever posted on your form was like these photos because it actually had like a person that looked like a ghost standing on the porch and it was fucking creepy.

[1022] I've been trying to find that photo for so many years.

[1023] I lost it.

[1024] It's not in your archive thing anymore but it's like the photos a ghost now too.

[1025] Well what do you think of what do you think?

[1026] I can't believe I'm going to even ask you this.

[1027] But do you know the orbs thing?

[1028] Do you know about orbs?

[1029] Yeah.

[1030] No. Okay.

[1031] This is where it gets hilarious.

[1032] there is apparently...

[1033] Hold on.

[1034] Hold on.

[1035] Hold on.

[1036] Before you start this, I just want to say, whenever I hear stories like this, I know in my brain that I can call it.

[1037] I always like, all right, what's this story going to be about?

[1038] And if these, whatever these things are, orbs are so awesome, why am I just hearing about it now?

[1039] Because you know what it is.

[1040] You probably know it by some other name.

[1041] You know what I mean?

[1042] Yeah.

[1043] Whenever it's any story like that or like, you know, going into the light when you die or it's like, whatever it is, I want to hear it.

[1044] Well, it's a photographic.

[1045] artifact.

[1046] Oh.

[1047] From, mostly from digital photography.

[1048] Okay.

[1049] And what it is, it shows these little circular things that look like, it's probably dust in the air.

[1050] It caches the flash when it creates like little orbs, looks like little orbs.

[1051] But people are convinced that it's like positive spirits.

[1052] Oh, their beings.

[1053] And that the dust is like positive spirits.

[1054] And like the more dust, I guess you collect around you, that these are like little fairies.

[1055] So what they're seeing...

[1056] So hoarders are like...

[1057] Well, what they believe is, some people believe that when you have like all this positive energy that that positive energy actually manifests itself in these spheres but that you cannot see it, it can only be viewed when it's photographed.

[1058] Question.

[1059] How do they know that they are positive fairies, not negative energy?

[1060] Because they say if you talk to the people who really believe in it and Bravo, they say that it shows up when you have positive thoughts and positive energy.

[1061] I've seen some really telling pictures.

[1062] I've seen some really interesting pictures of like people happy who's smiling and they're holding their hands up and there's orbs all around all their photo.

[1063] But it also could be lent.

[1064] Has there ever been a picture of somebody happy and somebody not happy?

[1065] Yeah, it's usually just dust.

[1066] It's reflection on dust and stuff.

[1067] But there's definitely a lot of weird shit that happens in photos that aren't, that isn't dust.

[1068] But the problem is that everyone thinks anything it means it's a ghost.

[1069] It's got to be alien.

[1070] Got to be a ghost.

[1071] Why does it have to be that?

[1072] Speaking of which, have you guys heard about this new Photoshop thing that removes the blur?

[1073] How is that?

[1074] Blur.

[1075] If you take a photo, say it's like a blurry photo, it can calculate where each image went wrong and how it all stretched out and it can turn it into an unblurry picture.

[1076] What it pretty much looks, it looks at the photo and does its math, like how the blur is, and it finds the path that like if you're holding the camera and you just infers what it would have been.

[1077] Yeah, like if you're holding the camera and you're taking a photo and it goes a little right when you take the photo.

[1078] It can see that in the camera by the blur, like how the blur is.

[1079] And so it tries to reverse that and straighten it back together.

[1080] And it works really well.

[1081] One of my favorite things on the iPhone is when you open up a picture and it opens up, but it stays blurry for a second, and you're like, I can already see it.

[1082] Let's see it better.

[1083] And then it goes, bloop, and it gets all clear.

[1084] Yeah.

[1085] I love it.

[1086] I love that feeling.

[1087] Yeah.

[1088] It's amazing.

[1089] You guys should definitely upgrade to the cloud thing.

[1090] It's nice.

[1091] I can now look at every photo like on my home computer right now.

[1092] You know, it streams everything from your home computer.

[1093] Constantly.

[1094] But does that mean if you lose your phone?

[1095] Someone's going to see all your dick pictures?

[1096] No, no, because you have a password lock on it.

[1097] By the way, I just found out about this program.

[1098] I can't find it yet and I can't remember the name, but there's this program that you can put on your iPhone that if somebody gets the passcode wrong, it will automatically take a photo of the, using the front camera.

[1099] And so then if you lose it, then you can track it also using Google Maps and you can play alarm.

[1100] and you have recorded.

[1101] What do you play that from your computer at home?

[1102] Like, bitch, I know you got my phone.

[1103] Yeah, I can't remember the name of it.

[1104] You play that stuff from your computer at home?

[1105] Like you control it from a separate place?

[1106] Yeah, you control it from your mobile me account or whatever it is.

[1107] Yeah, so it's in the I cloud.

[1108] Wow, weird.

[1109] Yeah.

[1110] I can't remember the name though.

[1111] Well, it's like slingshot or something.

[1112] Somebody tweet that shit to us.

[1113] Please.

[1114] I know you're out there.

[1115] You owe weirders or hoarders of information.

[1116] That thing they had, that video they had.

[1117] on the voice control was totally amazing.

[1118] Siri?

[1119] Steve Jobs?

[1120] Siri, yeah.

[1121] You know what bugs me about it is that now people are going to be using that shit all day and just having fucking conversations with their phone?

[1122] There's going to be all these robots talking everywhere.

[1123] You know, like you're going to be in a Coliseum and you're just going to hear like tons of robots.

[1124] Tell me what's playing at the movies.

[1125] You know, that's just going to happen.

[1126] Yeah, they're just going to wander around talking to their.

[1127] Call Margaret.

[1128] I can't wait to fuck with it.

[1129] I heard you could fuck with it and like ask it crazy questions like who made you are you can't would you marry me and see that's where it would be cool so you'll yeah Apple if Apple let people have like you know like do shit to it like you could do to like Unix or Linux or something like that because then you could make like fuck mods right you can have some dirty bitch that gives you your text messages oh you dirty bitch tell me what the fuck what kind of text I got oh this is what I got First, I got a message I'm going to suck your dick real good since I see you baby.

[1130] Yeah, yeah.

[1131] How's my text looking?

[1132] I would make an app.

[1133] Ari Shafir said, and then she reads your text message.

[1134] She could say like dirty shit to you.

[1135] Yeah.

[1136] Oh, you dirty boy.

[1137] Yeah.

[1138] Oh, you want your message from Ari?

[1139] You want that, don't you, little bitch.

[1140] Thousands and thousands of programmed responses to various questions that possibly could come up, and you can just talk dirty to this bitch.

[1141] They should have an app where a girl, you can keep track of her cycle, and the way it'll show you where you are in her cycle.

[1142] is how much a guy can get away with not using a condom.

[1143] Really?

[1144] Yeah.

[1145] So when she's closer to ovulating.

[1146] Yeah, it's like full condom.

[1147] Maybe like three condoms owners on the picture of the guy or something.

[1148] And then when she's like whenever the time is when she's totally not fertile.

[1149] Just so blast away.

[1150] Condoms are the grossest things of all time.

[1151] Really up there.

[1152] So they're necessary.

[1153] Don't get me wrong.

[1154] But Jesus Christ.

[1155] Stupid fucking rubber sword over your dick.

[1156] God, that's a little feeling.

[1157] Ridiculous.

[1158] Nonsense.

[1159] We're so gross, though.

[1160] We're so gross.

[1161] We give each other cooties through our dicks and pussies.

[1162] Yeah.

[1163] I mean, it's not just an issue of, it's not just an issue of making people, which is most certainly a fucking issue because there's a lot of people you fuck that you don't want to make people with.

[1164] That's a dirty, goddamn trick of nature that we need to fix.

[1165] Pronto, you know?

[1166] Instead of trying to fucking get rid of the Fed, listen, let's try to fix that.

[1167] Let's try to fix this fucking equals making people thing.

[1168] How about that?

[1169] Equals making people, yeah.

[1170] How about we just fuck for fun?

[1171] And then if you want to make people, you know, you have to...

[1172] Yeah, we should be able to turn something off.

[1173] I was really considering a vasectomy the other day.

[1174] Like, put, like, 10 minutes of serious thought into it.

[1175] You're crazy.

[1176] If you don't want kids.

[1177] If you don't want kids, it's a good move.

[1178] That would be one of the worst things that could happen to me right now is, like, get someone pregnant.

[1179] Well...

[1180] So why would it be crazy to like...

[1181] It's cheaper to own a gun.

[1182] Have you been...

[1183] You say that, but you know what, man, it sounds crazy.

[1184] But if you had a chick that you were really into and you had a little RRI hanging around you, you would love it.

[1185] You would fucking love it.

[1186] You would...

[1187] would love it in a way that I couldn't even described you.

[1188] It just seems like a huge commitment and a huge time eater.

[1189] You've just got to meet the right guy.

[1190] And what if it was a girl I just met and talking to your song?

[1191] It was annoying and it's not cool enough to get rid of it.

[1192] I have several friends that have children with people they don't like.

[1193] I know a bunch of people in that situation and it's a sad situation.

[1194] That's what I mean.

[1195] That's the worst thing that could happen to me right now.

[1196] Yeah, but it doesn't mean that your relationship has to be like that.

[1197] I wish there was a reversible way because that's the only negative.

[1198] at some point I want to do this with somebody else maybe.

[1199] Well, I believe there is.

[1200] I believe there's new technology that they attach a clip and it basically pinches off your whatever where your dick sauce comes out.

[1201] Like over a Doritos bag?

[1202] And I don't know how it works, but your body just sort of reabsorbs it.

[1203] So your loads are all just blanks.

[1204] Oh, I bet you must shoot like a gigantic thing of sperm the next time when you open up the floodgates.

[1205] It must be super, super, super.

[1206] But they're all dead.

[1207] It's just some pushing forth fucking armies of, Dead people like an Indiana I wonder what that would smell like.

[1208] New carpet?

[1209] That's what it'll sound like for a little bit.

[1210] That's what your loads it's smelled like?

[1211] For like a week or two.

[1212] You know how that smell when you first go into an apartment when they've just done painting and laying the carpet down?

[1213] I like it.

[1214] Smells new.

[1215] Smells like it should.

[1216] It smells clean.

[1217] Such a crapshoot apartment living.

[1218] It's always a crapshoot.

[1219] We always had weird neighbors, man. Have you ever had an apartment where you had cool neighbors?

[1220] Like every now and then you hear about somebody who's got some set up somewhere.

[1221] And there's like a cool apartment building and every, you know, it's a small place.

[1222] Yeah.

[1223] And everybody's cool.

[1224] I'm only friends with my next store neighbors.

[1225] Yeah.

[1226] They both work at the store nearby me, too.

[1227] Oh, they both work at the store?

[1228] Yeah.

[1229] And so it's like, and they both cool.

[1230] I smoke outside with one of them sometimes.

[1231] So you got three people from the comedy store and one little.

[1232] No, no. They work at the, no, no. Oh, the corner store.

[1233] Is that what you were saying?

[1234] Oh, the one right below you.

[1235] Yeah, not the comedy store.

[1236] Yeah, no, you got a nice convenient setup with that store right there too.

[1237] Is that store 24 hours?

[1238] No, 2 a. Two of them.

[1239] Two of those bitches.

[1240] Yeah.

[1241] We're in a point.

[1242] It's okay.

[1243] Sometimes I've been up to a point, like, one time do they open, please six?

[1244] Never six.

[1245] There used to be one point in time, a 24 -hour pool hall, Hollywood billiards.

[1246] It was 24 -hour pool hall in L .A., and it was awesome.

[1247] I came here before the earthquake.

[1248] And it started closing it, too, and then it just closed it.

[1249] No, what happened to it, yeah, yeah, but no, they moved.

[1250] They moved from their location.

[1251] Oh, that wasn't their original location?

[1252] No, the original location was downstairs.

[1253] I forget what street it was on, but it was an awesome, some old seedy place.

[1254] And I came down here to do some shit for MTV, me, and I did this little thing, this little...

[1255] Rock and Spring Break?

[1256] No, it was like a little pilot thing we did.

[1257] It was me and a couple different people tried it with me. And they just had me out here for a few days.

[1258] But one of the highlights of my trip was I got to go to that Hollywood billiards before it went under.

[1259] It was just badass.

[1260] When I went downstairs, I was like, oh, sign me up.

[1261] This place is perfect.

[1262] I saw people arguing over how much to bet.

[1263] I saw I saw people playing pool for money, and it was like 2 o 'clock in the morning.

[1264] And I saw some posers.

[1265] I saw some like, you know, some, I don't want to say posers.

[1266] People didn't really know how to play pool that well, I should say.

[1267] And they're not posers.

[1268] People just banging balls around.

[1269] So there was like regular people and there was like, you know, there was that actor from, fuck, what movie was he in.

[1270] 16 candles.

[1271] Was that the dude who, Michael Thomas.

[1272] Oh, yeah.

[1273] Michael Hall, the one that was just in the news for attacking people.

[1274] That guy.

[1275] See Michael.

[1276] I saw him there I also saw him at the Hollywood Hollywood Athletic Club That was another place They used to have That was an awesome little pool hall That closed down They used to be able to play pool At a bunch of different places I like a stupid sport It's dying It's dying right in front of mine And I won't accept it Too much space It's too fun to play That's not why it's done Oh that's why you won't accept it They're crazy It's very Mother Fuck you fucking mother It's not mine It's my home phone It doesn't do the cool party anymore.

[1277] Now I don't even care about it anymore.

[1278] Stop that.

[1279] Oh, the guesswork?

[1280] Yeah, that's even better if you're going to have a ring.

[1281] At least have a robot voice.

[1282] Oh, yeah.

[1283] Call from Jelly.

[1284] Cocoa Kids.

[1285] I'll call you right back.

[1286] Neiman.

[1287] Taylor.

[1288] Damon Taylor.

[1289] I had to talk about it.

[1290] You got a call from whoever.

[1291] That was an important character.

[1292] Really?

[1293] Yeah, I was supposed to.

[1294] I forgot to tell him I couldn't do this.

[1295] I have to do a podcast.

[1296] I had to talk to him real quick.

[1297] President?

[1298] Was it the President?

[1299] Was it Obama?

[1300] Have you been following the latest?

[1301] this news now on what Obama's killing us all of raping our children.

[1302] It's medical marijuana.

[1303] It's so pathetic.

[1304] They're going after medical marijuana on an aggressive way.

[1305] Now, hold on, hold on.

[1306] Okay, yeah, well, I just want to know if this is the attorney general or if it's Obama or if it's the state's attorneys.

[1307] Like, is Obama saying, okay, go for it?

[1308] The Obama administration changed its stance, and the stance was originally that they would only go after people who violated both state and federal law.

[1309] What's that?

[1310] Your phone's off the hook.

[1311] Yeah, but the problem with state and federal law is the state law, I've seen parts of it, it said you can't operate for profit, which everyone sort of does.

[1312] And it's just sort of like, what's for profit, what's not?

[1313] Well, I don't think you're allowed to profit, but you're definitely allowed to make money to actually pay for employees, I think, and things like that.

[1314] So I think if you do do it by the book and not like some of these places that's also selling cocaine issue.

[1315] No one gives all their money to the employees.

[1316] They take some for themselves.

[1317] That's why you run a business.

[1318] I wish I believed them.

[1319] I wish I believed that what they were really doing was eradicating the evil people who were a part of this peaceful medical marijuana scene, peaceful and helpful medical marijuana scene.

[1320] And what we're going to do is just eradicate the ones that are problems.

[1321] But if you really were caring about people, that's not what you would concentrate on first.

[1322] You wouldn't concentrate on people distributing marijuana.

[1323] Even if they were doing it illegally.

[1324] What are they doing?

[1325] They're getting good stuff out to people illegally.

[1326] You're making me not have to to go to a shitty part of town or to deal with some sort of criminal behavior to get the same stuff.

[1327] Not only that, but it becomes a matter of priorities when it comes to law enforcement.

[1328] Like, you incompetent fucks.

[1329] Like, why are you paying attention to this?

[1330] This is a non -issue that hurts no one, and you're paying attention to this.

[1331] That's the problem.

[1332] You know what I think this might happen?

[1333] I think this might get it legalized in California.

[1334] If they start closing a bunch of them, I think the pot at that point come out, go like, oh, okay.

[1335] We don't have a deal.

[1336] Like now we all have it.

[1337] But the issue still stands.

[1338] It's not a state.

[1339] It's the federal issue is what you don't understand.

[1340] The federal government, regardless of whatever the state chooses, is still saying.

[1341] So why aren't they shutting them down everywhere in America?

[1342] Well, they're first starting, supposedly, they're supposedly starting in San Diego.

[1343] Because I guess San Diego is like one of those areas where everyone around it, there's a very high, like, people don't want it there as much as they're conservative.

[1344] San Diego, they have to make them open stuff up.

[1345] And so what now they're doing is they're attacking the publications and, like, like, newspaper.

[1346] and, like, for advertising it.

[1347] Because supposedly there's like this ridiculous law, like, you're not allowed to, uh, I don't mind that.

[1348] Advertise anything that's illegal or like illegal drugs.

[1349] I don't mind that.

[1350] You can't advertise cigarettes in, um, in magazines anymore.

[1351] Right.

[1352] You can at all?

[1353] I don't think so.

[1354] Nothing, really?

[1355] I think it used to be no cartoons and the live people and then it's like, I think it's just never, never.

[1356] Wow.

[1357] Because they don't want, it's like, it's sort of, we'll leave with it, but it's sort of harmful.

[1358] I wonder what the numbers are as far as, how much have people dropped off of smoking cigarettes?

[1359] I bet a lot.

[1360] I bet a lot.

[1361] I don't think kids are smoking as much.

[1362] I think you can't smoke in public places.

[1363] I think one of the biggest things for me is back in the day, you know, you smoke cigarettes.

[1364] But everybody, you could smoke in restaurants, you could smoke anywhere.

[1365] Now it's kind of a pain in the ass.

[1366] There can be a lot more peer pressure moments.

[1367] Right.

[1368] People still smoke, but, you know, maybe I have no idea if it's less or more people.

[1369] I'm asking this question.

[1370] According to an article in LA Times for 2007, American smoking rates, declined in the seven years leading up to 2004, but remained steady from 2004 to 2007.

[1371] Largely due to a cut in funding for smoke prevention programs.

[1372] So that means that works.

[1373] Yeah.

[1374] Tobacco industry doubling its marketing spending.

[1375] Just to keep it even.

[1376] Yeah.

[1377] Doubling.

[1378] Doubling.

[1379] Since 1997, tobacco consumption in developing countries has increased an annual rate of 1 .7 % according to UN Food and Agricultural Organization.

[1380] the key the question is is that heavy marketing from the tobacco industry is okay so I wow I guess it seems like it's steadied off like when this study was made whatever in 2007 but when I was growing up my first high school there was no question I would not be smoking yeah it was like I would never try that really you meet other kids you're like oh well they're sort of normal they do it okay maybe I could yeah between classes I would smoke I would go outside and smoke really yeah we had this bridge that we could just cross underneath.

[1381] Dude, you kind of watch out for your health, man. So I freaked out.

[1382] We have to talk about this in the podcast because so many people got so attached to it on Twitter.

[1383] Our last podcast we did, Brian and I had a little hissy fit.

[1384] I was ragging.

[1385] Well, I was tired, and I was tired, and I had been working a lot, and I had a short fuse, and Brian was hammered.

[1386] And I was hammered because I've been doing this juice diet.

[1387] And I'm on the podcast?

[1388] So I wake up and have I go to bed and I have juice I go to bed and I have juice And so like I was in the car And it's like let's drink And I'm like uh okay So we got like all this beer I had like three or four beers And by the fourth beer I was so if you listen to my voice I could barely talk I had no protein in me except Remember when you'd always say you're not slurring This is the way you always talk Yeah That is he always said that Brian gets pie -eyed I'm always like we don't care He never wants to admit it He never wants to do it Everybody else else.

[1389] I'll talk to all right.

[1390] I'll be like, I'm fucking wasted.

[1391] I just happen off a beer and a half.

[1392] I do get slurry fast.

[1393] Like, way fast.

[1394] Do you really think it has something to do with that carbon monoxide poisoning?

[1395] I have no idea.

[1396] Do you really think that you think about that every now and then?

[1397] Did that, like, affected you maybe?

[1398] Looking back at it, it seems ridiculous.

[1399] You know, that I, I guess to say the story again, I rent it out when I was in college.

[1400] I had this place and I had the top room, which was like the attic.

[1401] but it was badass it was like brick walls it was really badass so carbon monoxide was leaking in there brick walls on one side and then wood shitty windows on the other side and it was drafty and so there was only one heat vent that came out of this brick that that i had my bed right underneath because i lived in ohio so it's fucking cold and so like the heat would just come out of this vent and warm up the whole entire room so yeah and uh when i was moving out the landlord was like you know going through to make sure I didn't destroy anything.

[1402] And they go, whoa, whoa, whoa, why is that thing not covered up?

[1403] I'm like, what the fuck you're talking about?

[1404] And they're like, no, that's the carbon dioxide furnace, you know, outtake.

[1405] That's supposed to be covered up, you know.

[1406] It's supposed to be like a chimney.

[1407] It's like an exhaust.

[1408] Exhaust, yeah.

[1409] So what do you think it does to you?

[1410] You know, cooked his brain.

[1411] I don't.

[1412] And that's why you slur?

[1413] He says he used to be able to talk better.

[1414] I think I, I think it, well, I think how I originally said it was like, like, yeah, I think it definitely made me have a slight little stutter or a little thing.

[1415] I don't think it dramatically changed anything.

[1416] Is that one of the side effects of carbon monoxide?

[1417] Slurring?

[1418] I have no idea.

[1419] When you drink?

[1420] Of how crazy that is that you just said that.

[1421] You think that sleeping in this house might have given you a certain stutter.

[1422] Yeah.

[1423] Well, I mean, I'm just...

[1424] If you look at old videos of myself, like I think that.

[1425] It's nice to think that, right?

[1426] But it's also, you look at old videos of me and I'm like, no, I'm just the same crazy person I've always been.

[1427] I talk the exact same, you know?

[1428] I just slept through...

[1429] Somebody wrote something, and it was...

[1430] this is a good idea and this would help you getting back to one of the we were talking about being able to communicate and I think a lot of the slurring you know what would help you tremendously if you would write things I really think if you would write you I know I know I know what you're saying I think that helps you I think it helps you form sentences better help form ideas better an idea that somebody had on the message board and it was a very astute idea and the guy said that when you write and you get used to writing things it helps you form sentences and phrases in your head better.

[1431] Yeah, but, you know, when I'm out, like, off the air, you know, when I'm off the air, I'm like, at the Olive Garden, or I'm sorry, Applebee's or wherever I'm at, I'm just having a conversation, so I'm not stuttering.

[1432] I'm not, I'm not, not finishing sentences.

[1433] Slurring when you're drinking is normal.

[1434] You're really, you guys are all really focusing on me getting really stoned and then two seconds later sitting down and talking on a mic.

[1435] I know, same shit.

[1436] I slur when I drink.

[1437] Oh, no, no, no, that's not what I mean.

[1438] I mean, like, sometimes, I mean, I'm not talking about just general talk.

[1439] I'm talking about like sometimes you have an idea and you having a hard time figuring out how to get it out.

[1440] Because I'm stoned as fuck.

[1441] Didn't that come from reading too?

[1442] When you read a lot more?

[1443] Doesn't your vocabulary go way up?

[1444] It does.

[1445] Yes, unquestionably.

[1446] But I also think writing.

[1447] My actresses, stupid actresses still sound really smart.

[1448] Because they read a lot.

[1449] Because they read scripts all day long.

[1450] Really?

[1451] Yeah.

[1452] To read a bunch of them to just keep reading them and over and over and over again.

[1453] That's interesting.

[1454] I've never thought about that way.

[1455] I mean, you've known new actresses that move out here.

[1456] Yes.

[1457] There are a lot of stupid hot checks.

[1458] A lot of them are.

[1459] Yeah, yeah.

[1460] And those go on to succeed, some of them.

[1461] I always wonder how much is stupid and how much is they've never been exposed to anything other than this narrow band of mental operation.

[1462] And they just stay in that sort of low -end entertainment to night frequency.

[1463] They just stay in that frequency.

[1464] Is that dumb or is that just they're comfortable there?

[1465] It's just what they're into, yeah, because otherwise they wouldn't watch it.

[1466] The news is all on the other channel.

[1467] There's some smart people out there that like stupid shit.

[1468] I know that's true.

[1469] It's got to be.

[1470] Yeah, some stupid stuff.

[1471] Yeah.

[1472] That's okay.

[1473] I think there's more crazy in Hollywood than anything.

[1474] There's so much fucking crazy.

[1475] It's ridiculous how much crazy.

[1476] Like, it makes me, like, when you hang out with somebody that's not crazy and you're like, oh my God, this is, I could see that this person's not crazy.

[1477] And I just hang out with crazy so much that I feel like everybody's that.

[1478] Yeah, there's so many weirdos that hang out at the comedy store that you just sort of take it for granted like a boom chakalaka And you're like Oh, it's just normal part of your life Having to deal with those people That whenever I was around that dude I was always ready to kick him in the chest I was always ready for a bum rush That I don't expect He'll hit people and fucking scream at people When he gets drunk I bought a lot of shit from that guy Two bucks for a fucking base Remember the dude with monkey paw?

[1479] Monkey bones Monkey bones He used to always have those cool Cool lighters Boot Liders Liders, knives Robert William Apparvia Shockers He's the king of the crazy people He's still closing out of some of the lasers Does he really still?

[1480] I enjoyed my conversations with Robert He and I had a very interesting Little friendship He's a schizophrenic I guess Yeah I don't know who's uh He was always nice to me He was always complimentary He was always very I'm on his team I'd rather be on his team than the other team And that people who torment him Yeah I don't think that's nice I don't play along with your game but I'll just be on the good side.

[1481] I think he's a nice guy.

[1482] I accidentally reached out my hand to shake him recently.

[1483] I forgot.

[1484] I think I knew it, but I forgot.

[1485] And he freaked that fuck out.

[1486] And I'm like, I felt so bad because now he thinks I'm on the bad side, I think.

[1487] Oh, no, no. He's scared of people.

[1488] I'll talk to him for you.

[1489] Don't worry.

[1490] He likes me. He likes me. If I see him, I would be happy to talk to him.

[1491] I like Robert.

[1492] That would be funny, though, if you had, like, conversations every night, like, hello, Joe.

[1493] I was just.

[1494] I don't know his story.

[1495] But apparently he was like a lawyer, right?

[1496] And he was...

[1497] Yeah, he went to NYU, played on...

[1498] I think he played on...

[1499] Like, some sort of, like, college basketball team.

[1500] Really?

[1501] Maybe a division two.

[1502] Wow.

[1503] Like, City College or whatever.

[1504] But yeah, then he came out here to do whatever, and he went a little crazy.

[1505] Wow.

[1506] Who's that...

[1507] He thought he was next in line to host the Tonight Show, because he'd attended more tapings of the Tonight Show of the Tonight Show than anyone else.

[1508] Oh, wow.

[1509] So he hates Jay Leno.

[1510] He hates him.

[1511] He thinks he stole it from him.

[1512] He calls him Lemon Jello.

[1513] he's got a weird disconnect.

[1514] But I don't know why I always enjoyed being around that guy.

[1515] If I have like a roach left, you know, instead of throwing him, I was like, Hey, Robert, you want this?

[1516] Oh, what kind of what's trained?

[1517] Oh, thank you very much.

[1518] Yeah, I love how he asks what it is too.

[1519] He really wants to know.

[1520] That's great.

[1521] Who's the guy that hangs out, the comedy story?

[1522] He always has, like, glasses on, like this blonde, weird shaggy hair and like a weird mustache or something.

[1523] I think he was a ding -donger at one time, an older guy.

[1524] But he's like, I just found out, like, A schizophrenic surfer, no. No, no, but it's like, it's like that.

[1525] But this guy that's like, he's kind of, you know, on that same kind of thing.

[1526] And I found out he's like an action star in India.

[1527] Like one of the number one Indian actions, like he's been doing these videos and they're like really popular.

[1528] And this whole time I'm like, ah, he's just this ding -donger guy that always hangs out here.

[1529] Wow.

[1530] He's an action star in India.

[1531] Yeah, and if you look at the trailers, it's amazing.

[1532] Like, you're like, it's the best thing you'll ever see in your life.

[1533] God, I don't know his name now.

[1534] show gets a weird group of people I don't know how Barris controls and get just finds them I don't know how he finds them What a commitment too He's been doing it for a decade You should have him on this show sometimes Way more like I love to have Barris Anytime you want to do it Oh all right Well he's always busy with his show He warms up the Jimmy Kimmel show Right yeah But we could do it Sunday or something I love Don Barris He also gets off for like a week at a time He's such a fun guy to be around too He's helped me form a unique part of my stand up when I see him being goofy and saying horrible things.

[1535] I'm like, oh, how does he get away?

[1536] You watch him enough.

[1537] You're like, okay, I can sort of see.

[1538] A little bit of a smile.

[1539] But he tells old ladies, be like, oh, you filthy whore.

[1540] You love getting bent over and just rail, don't you dirty, dirty whore?

[1541] And they love it.

[1542] They're laughing.

[1543] They're with their grandchildren.

[1544] He's smiling while he's saying it.

[1545] He's smiling and laughing while he's saying it.

[1546] We had this door guy who didn't understand that.

[1547] And I would always say, like, on stage, like, hey, what's up, black people?

[1548] I was going to, like, interact with black people.

[1549] And Barrists are always like, you, bitch.

[1550] how dare you but in a fun way this door guy didn't get it and one day he just goes up to some woman in the audience from on stage and he goes what's up you black bitch oh no and it ruined the next five hours of show oh no everyone who went in there was like what's with that room oh no white Kyle that's what they call them Sig Kyle oh god Sig Kyle Sig Kyle they're nicknames after that they just didn't know how to do it right.

[1551] It's not some bad for him.

[1552] There's a lot of nutheads working at that place.

[1553] If there was ever a vortex of insane people, it's the comedy store.

[1554] We met so many nutty fucking humans in that joint.

[1555] Just weird.

[1556] How do you even survive in life kind of crazy?

[1557] Yeah, yeah.

[1558] And I know you're just here.

[1559] It's one of the people here.

[1560] And in that place, there's a lot of those people that are still regulars.

[1561] They still go on stage.

[1562] You can go there and you'll see half a show and half like a psychology experiment.

[1563] Dude, Kravitz goes out there sometimes and it's so hard to take.

[1564] What happened to him?

[1565] He's just fried.

[1566] He's fried.

[1567] And it's just like, he talks to you.

[1568] And you're like, yeah, he used to be funny.

[1569] He used to be a funny guy.

[1570] When I saw him, he was like on the tail end of that.

[1571] And then I don't think he's used anymore, but I think he just caught up.

[1572] And it's just like, you're burnt out.

[1573] No brain left.

[1574] Yeah.

[1575] He has his horrible stories.

[1576] It'll just start on you midway through his story and he just traps you.

[1577] Oh, no. And it's just so sad.

[1578] And on stage it's become so horrible.

[1579] There's been a couple times lately that I've been going there and this is like prime, not prime I guess, but like, you know, Sunday 10 p .m. 9 .30.

[1580] Nice crowd in the audience.

[1581] Well, that's when they have like friends of the comedy store just like over micers.

[1582] I'm sorry, Monday.

[1583] It was Monday.

[1584] But same kind of thing, right?

[1585] But there was, this was like two comics in a row that I watched and I got angry because they had like 10 minute spots at this time and it was the worst thing ever, the crowd just sitting there like really.

[1586] Are we watching this awful shit?

[1587] And I'm just like, I get mad.

[1588] I have to leave.

[1589] The weird thing about those nights, what you've seen them, too, the open mics, is like, they've sat through so much shit that at some point, they just lose faith in stand up.

[1590] So if you go on, like, the employees is going right after that.

[1591] Yeah.

[1592] And they're like, what are you going to do to us now?

[1593] Right.

[1594] It was so hard.

[1595] God.

[1596] That's exactly what it is.

[1597] It's like they've been beaten.

[1598] You can't just keep beating me. They're just in a bad.

[1599] And every host used to be like, oh, I. this next guy really funny and at some point when I saw us I never said that because I'm like they're not going to believe me after you say five times in a row and they're the worst things ever.

[1600] Unless the guy's really funny you can never say he's really funny.

[1601] And then one time I'm like hey guys by the way I know this has been a shit show.

[1602] This has been madness of homeless people right now but this guy is funny you can say that.

[1603] Yeah fuck that.

[1604] It would get so hard.

[1605] I used to have to host that for like years I would host that.

[1606] It's very good for your act yeah.

[1607] It was for yours.

[1608] It helped you a lot helped you.

[1609] As what Freddy said the first time he said let me do it.

[1610] She lets you do it more than once watch how much quicker it makes you on stage yeah and it did because every three minutes you got to get back up there and start thinking of something to get the crowd going a little bit yeah and you also learn how to manage the room you can become sort of a social manager keep all these people you know yeah yeah I have to keep doing like crowdwork in between everybody okay make them laugh at 30 seconds you get to figure how to make them laugh fast and then bring on the next awful awful awful that's why I actually used to love comics like Boon Shagalaka who would go on in drag with a bucket on his head and you know what at least he got the crowd going.

[1611] At least you have the crowd going.

[1612] At least after him I could be like, keep that going for the next guy.

[1613] But didn't you ever want to just sterilize that fucking microphone after you're done?

[1614] Yeah.

[1615] Dude.

[1616] That's the worst.

[1617] Like that's probably the worst thing ever.

[1618] Sometimes I just totally forget to when I'm like, oh, I just touched my lip on that.

[1619] Yeah, that place, that microphone never gets cleaned.

[1620] Never.

[1621] And they don't buy new ones too, so they're old.

[1622] They've been there for a while.

[1623] That one that's there is probably the one that I bought.

[1624] It has to have blown up completely before they replaced that.

[1625] Cheap content.

[1626] Imagine just sucking that shit out of that.

[1627] I always touch it to my left.

[1628] I think about it later.

[1629] I'm like, ugh.

[1630] Yeah.

[1631] That's terrible.

[1632] Because it smells sometimes.

[1633] Yeah.

[1634] Even through the night, enough people have the little spittle laying on it.

[1635] It just stinks.

[1636] Damn, I was going to talk about, oh, this.

[1637] I read some fucking studies.

[1638] It's the strangest study that I've ever read.

[1639] And it's a bunch of scientists that are convinced that there is no free will and that at the moment you decide and make up your mind to do something in reality you had already decided several seconds before this consciously Nietzsche talks about this Nietzsche talks about it he said the thing is you can't tell yourself think of an elephant like what made you say to yourself think of an elephant you're making you're making there is no independent thought that's cool and I really don't fully understand it because a lot of what I understand about it could be completely opposite from the way he intended it's not to read it My take on it, because I thought about it, I'm like, this is a fascinating thing because you essentially have philosophers that are arguing with scientists.

[1640] And in a sense, they're both right, because maybe you don't change what you're doing.

[1641] Maybe, you know, there is no real free will, but maybe it's because this seven -second thing that happens before you, you know, you make up your mind to whatever the choice is going to be that you're going to pick.

[1642] Maybe that's just a random thing.

[1643] but the results of that maybe that's what they can't measure the results of you changing the way you think and that essentially is free will the free will essentially is like how you steer it would already change the way you think that's what they're saying they're not accounting for character and I don't think it's an either or because I think that certain amount of character and certain amount of will can be developed and the essential question is why are you developing it was were you designed to develop it is just your natural course of your life that you're following that you're supposed to follow anyway and you're just tricking yourself and thinking these are your own decisions.

[1644] But this is almost like laid out.

[1645] Right, where it's like you're going to make the decision this way.

[1646] You're going to struggle with it and then they come to this decision.

[1647] But you imagine, under further investigation they show that there really is a code that we're all picking out through the air.

[1648] That code is like a genetic code or like a computer code and that it's a wireless frequency that we're tuned into that is moving us in a very specific direction.

[1649] We're all programmed to do exactly what we do.

[1650] If this is what they're saying, if they're saying that, you know, your mind has made moves to, to make this decision seven seconds before you consciously decided.

[1651] They say this about God, where it's like, if God knows what we're going to end up doing, because there's no time to God in the normal concept of God, then there's no free will.

[1652] He knows what we're going to do.

[1653] He knows we're going to make a decision this way or that way.

[1654] And this is the best way I've explained how that maybe it's not the best way of thinking about it.

[1655] If you go and see Jurassic Park with someone who's never seen it before and you say oh this guy's about to get killed and then he gets killed your friend is it going to be like why did you make that dinosaur do that like you didn't do it yeah you just know what's going to happen doesn't mean you doesn't mean you're commanding me it's uh it's a interesting concept no no no it's an interesting concept because i want to believe that i'm in control of my life you want to sure you know and we we all do but why do we you know why do we want to absolutely believe that we're not just following some of your determined pattern and behavior.

[1656] Power?

[1657] We want to be leaders and not followers?

[1658] Well, sort of, but like when you're at your best like say on stage, you know we talk about like being in that groove.

[1659] You're like a passenger.

[1660] You're like riding that fucking thing.

[1661] Right?

[1662] That's when you are at your best, right?

[1663] When it's not, you're not really even thinking about it.

[1664] You're not even in control.

[1665] You're just sort of floating.

[1666] The way the best did it, you ever see Shine?

[1667] Shine?

[1668] Yeah, the movie about the pianist.

[1669] That word.

[1670] That goes crazy.

[1671] It's the guy who won the Oscar.

[1672] He did some Holocaust movie later.

[1673] Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1674] I know who you're talking about.

[1675] Yeah.

[1676] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1677] The little kid one.

[1678] Yeah, he learned it.

[1679] Yeah.

[1680] But they said when he was playing the thing and all you hear the sound drop off and all you hear is the bumping of the keys, the physical keys, hitting his fingers, you know?

[1681] Right.

[1682] Because everything goes quiet.

[1683] It's like, that's how it sort of feels like when you're in the zone on stage.

[1684] Yeah.

[1685] Where it's ever, you're just sort of like, huh.

[1686] And now I'm saying this.

[1687] And those people are reacting this way.

[1688] Right.

[1689] And you're, you're floating through it.

[1690] Yeah.

[1691] You're not even.

[1692] conscious.

[1693] Oh, look at that.

[1694] Look at what I just did there.

[1695] Yeah.

[1696] I went to the crowd work there.

[1697] And you can't even think about that too much because that'll distract you.

[1698] But it's like you're just going on autopilot.

[1699] It's like boogie boarding.

[1700] You just catch a wave and just keep going.

[1701] Well, you know, that's the concept of also the muse, the idea of creativity coming as something you tune in.

[1702] Yeah, it just hits you.

[1703] It's all.

[1704] So maybe that is all really connected.

[1705] We talked about that.

[1706] When you get a great bit, you're just like, I just sort of came to me. I didn't do it.

[1707] Just out of the air.

[1708] Just comes out of the ether.

[1709] You have to sit yourself down to to receive it.

[1710] That's what you got to do.

[1711] That's what I was saying.

[1712] That's what I was saying, you should write you know because I think you have a lot of really funny ideas but you keep them all in your head you know you bounce them out on stage and you write things down that you're going to do but I think if you wrote like a blog like a funny blog I think you would really get into it I think even just a diary you would have some really funny shit and it would really help your stand up it really helps your word your forming sentences and it really helps your material because you you when you sit down to write a blog at least for me when I write I I just, I never restrict myself, you know, unless I'm working on a particular bit that I'm trying to tighten up.

[1713] I don't restrict myself to, like, what subject or how I'm going to do it.

[1714] I just start writing.

[1715] Like, maybe it'll come out funny, maybe it'll come out creepy.

[1716] Maybe it'll come out scared.

[1717] Yeah, but just write.

[1718] Just whatever the fuck I'm thinking.

[1719] And as you're writing, then, you know, it's like it takes longer to write the word neuroscientist that it does to think of a neuroscientist.

[1720] But it makes you keep thinking about it.

[1721] Right.

[1722] It makes you keep thinking about it.

[1723] Right.

[1724] But it's almost, and the idea is like it's richer in.

[1725] your mind as just sitting down and just thinking just thinking without actual pen yeah when you actually write things down there's something to it i think where it enriches the it's hard to keep your concentration too like if you're thinking about like whatever it is i don't know the skulls and you're trying to write a bit about skulls without writing it down without putting a pen to paper right your mind then wanders or something else and you're no longer doing the writing about the thing that's why i said it before i'll say it again that right room application is the shit if you have a mac it's called right room and I know there's a PC variation before it but I'm on team Mac so you can suck it the best real world advice I got on writing came from uh Damon Wayans actually once when I was starting yeah because people said like it's so helpful to this but the problem is in everybody's brains there's a laziness where it's like yeah but what am I going to write for an hour like I'm never gonna fucking do that right this what he said in the morning before you go to work you take 10 minutes and set an alarm if it's 1102 when you're starting set it for 1113 so we I As that next minute starts, you get 10 minutes.

[1726] As soon as the alarm goes off, stop writing.

[1727] And you always have 10 minutes.

[1728] You can put in 10 minutes.

[1729] It goes, one, two things happens.

[1730] One, if you do have more time, you'll keep writing if you want to.

[1731] So we'll get it going already.

[1732] Two, the rest of the day, you're thinking about what you already put on paper.

[1733] So you're going to keep writing in your head.

[1734] You're going to keep that their brain just pumping.

[1735] You know what I mean?

[1736] But you can always spare 10 minutes.

[1737] You always keep doing it.

[1738] And then you get home, you can write more if you want.

[1739] But just every morning, 10 minutes.

[1740] and it seems so foolish if you can't put in 10 minutes.

[1741] It does.

[1742] And I don't.

[1743] Very specific set, a mindset when it comes to anything that's going on in my life, especially with stand -up and anything creative.

[1744] If I'm not writing, I never completely feel in the zone.

[1745] Like, I will have to sit myself down.

[1746] Like, if I have, like, a gig coming up, like, say, I'm doing a theater in the weekend.

[1747] I have to sit myself down and write something.

[1748] I have to sit myself down and get that point.

[1749] part of my brain just crank it up here's an idea here's something i'm working on even if i don't talk about that on stage that yeah yeah yeah but you're still the fact that i'm working on new shit just gets puts you in a better mood almost yeah better brain better brain move it makes me feel productive it makes me feel like i'm i'm putting out what i'm neat what i'm supposed to put out and i also i bet you also feel like confident or like a winner because you wrote and so that helps your confidence that's yeah i think when you do what you know you're supposed to do you feel like a loser.

[1750] Especially when I got made a non -paid regular, but it made me just like I was allowed to do belly room shows or something.

[1751] Right.

[1752] But my sets around town with the open mics were just killer for like three weeks.

[1753] Right.

[1754] Because I felt like I'm a real comic.

[1755] Right, yeah.

[1756] But it didn't make my writing any better.

[1757] I was still doing the same jokes.

[1758] Mayhem told me that when he got his black belt from Fabricio Verdum, he immediately became better on the ground.

[1759] Really?

[1760] And Ryan Parsons said that too.

[1761] He started thinking he deserved it?

[1762] Yeah, we started like going, he just started putting it in his head like, yeah, man, I'm a fucking black belt and jujitsu.

[1763] shit.

[1764] Mayhem is a legit black belt and jujitsu too, man. Mayhem's ground game is a no fucking joke.

[1765] What do you think of his fight with Bisming?

[1766] It's a great fight.

[1767] It's a great fight.

[1768] It's an interesting fight.

[1769] The coaching on the show is what's been the most impressive thing about mayhem to me. We were texting each other back and forth today.

[1770] I was like, dude, you're a fucking good coach, man. He's a really good coach.

[1771] Like his instructions are very clear.

[1772] Post up.

[1773] post up all right left hand could get his controls risk nice nice it's like everything he walks the guy through it get him with an elbow yeah he got yeah and he's like all right he's breaking now he's breaking he's looking to quit he's looking to quit I mean he talked his fighters through the entire thing get his back all right flatten him out flatten him out all right soften him up he's done let's finish him let's finish him yeah they understand and Bisping is screaming get the fuck up me get the fuck up me fucking get up he's screaming at the top of his lungs and he's so mad because Mayhem's won every fucking fight.

[1774] So Bisping's fighters just getting jacked.

[1775] And Mayhem is talking to the dudes through it perfectly.

[1776] It was amazing.

[1777] I was like, damn, that just shows people what mayhem is really all about.

[1778] They're doing those fights at the same time as they're doing the fight now.

[1779] As the coaches are fighting, aren't they?

[1780] No, that's in the next iteration when we do it on FX.

[1781] Then it's going to be in live time.

[1782] You mean December 3rd?

[1783] Is that what you mean?

[1784] Yes.

[1785] Yeah.

[1786] Eventually, it's going to be live.

[1787] The fights are going to be live on television.

[1788] They used to do it on a different...

[1789] Oh, really?

[1790] Really, every week?

[1791] Yeah, I don't know how they're going to synchronize that.

[1792] They're figuring it out with FX, but that's going to be amazing.

[1793] But damn, these 135 pounds, 145 pounds are fucking awesome.

[1794] Brian has the best idea for that.

[1795] He goes, because they're so small.

[1796] He says they should come in and prance around the octagon on ponies and make three services.

[1797] Brian Redbad.

[1798] Oh, you said that?

[1799] They're all adorned.

[1800] They're not let your eye a favor see you.

[1801] All adorned.

[1802] The 135ers would have to like move around with some sort of jousting pull.

[1803] That'd be awesome.

[1804] That would be awesome.

[1805] And they're little horns and stuff that we can't participate.

[1806] I feel like lines and then they're aligned crossers.

[1807] That's where you two fucks are.

[1808] I don't even know you.

[1809] And the pony would do that little prancing where it gets down on one knee.

[1810] Very regal.

[1811] Would it be a pony with the hair over the hooves to make an extra fluffy?

[1812] They have that extra hair that just blossoms.

[1813] Like the buggwiser ponies?

[1814] What the fuck is that?

[1815] And one of the fighter braids is it.

[1816] Weird shit is that, man. Weird fucking dust covers they have over their feet.

[1817] The fuck is that, man. Does somebody make that?

[1818] Did they invent that horse?

[1819] That's like dog breeding.

[1820] That's all they can do with horses.

[1821] Is that what they did?

[1822] Maybe.

[1823] Maybe, right?

[1824] Well, they know there's a bunch of different breeds.

[1825] Apparently we were wrong in Indians.

[1826] A, new agriculture before the white man. And they taught the white man how to grow corn.

[1827] And B, they apparently might have even.

[1828] had horses, even before European settlers.

[1829] But the Incas didn't.

[1830] The Incas didn't know about the horse.

[1831] But there might have been some other horses that were left.

[1832] They also think that the first settlers in America might have been the Chinese.

[1833] Really?

[1834] Yeah, the Chinese might have found America.

[1835] From the Bering Strait.

[1836] Yeah.

[1837] No, yeah, we knew that.

[1838] We got to that in great school.

[1839] No, no, not that.

[1840] That's Siberians.

[1841] I mean, on boats.

[1842] Oh, really?

[1843] Yeah, yeah.

[1844] There's a, I believe, there's a bunch of, well, you know, there's a bunch of history that's obviously lost in North America.

[1845] because North America used to be covered in a glacier and the glacier fucking crushed everything and melted and created the Great Lakes and all that shit.

[1846] The other thing, I always see Filipinos and they always like somewhat, you know, Mexican, they look sort of Mexican for the Asians.

[1847] And I talked to Edwin San Juan yesterday.

[1848] And he was like, yeah, the Spanish came and raped the fuck out of us.

[1849] Yeah, the Spanish fuck the Indians.

[1850] That's how my name is Edwin San Juan.

[1851] I'm San Juan and I'm an Asian.

[1852] Yeah, crazy, huh?

[1853] Yeah.

[1854] Well, that's Filipinos.

[1855] It's a weird, it's Chinese and Spanish.

[1856] So they must, the Chinese must have like just, Well, not the Asians must have just gone on boats that way, going west.

[1857] Well, one of the weird things is they found cocaine.

[1858] They found cocaine residue in some pharaoh, something or another.

[1859] They found evidence of cocaine use in ancient Egypt.

[1860] And what's insane about that is cocaine can only be grown in South America.

[1861] It can't be grown in Egypt.

[1862] Oh, where they get it from?

[1863] The climate doesn't suit it.

[1864] I don't know.

[1865] Port of the time.

[1866] They think that they might have been on a fucking ship.

[1867] The other possibility is that the climate was way, way different back then.

[1868] I don't know if they, I'm sure they have a pretty detailed record of It could also be, didn't some people used to bring stuff from other parts of the world?

[1869] Yeah, but they were saying by boats.

[1870] They didn't know that people were traveling the globe.

[1871] We were talking about 2 ,500 BC.

[1872] But we do know that they have boats back then.

[1873] There's some really detailed boats that they found in tombs, like incredible boats, like big giant put together boats like inside tombs, you know, so that we know that they could get on, maybe not, you know, across the ocean, but they could, they definitely had the concept of boats down, you know.

[1874] Yeah.

[1875] Yeah.

[1876] I was just going to say, so the people that like live in North America, I'm like, this whole thing used to be covered in ice.

[1877] So there's not, there's not that many people that were here.

[1878] Everybody sort of eventually went, oh, this is open now.

[1879] And then people stormed in.

[1880] They just jumped.

[1881] Look at all the space.

[1882] It's crazy.

[1883] Crazy how it happened.

[1884] If you look at like the evolution of the earth, you know, and like the progress of people moving around, it is a very strange thing that this one awesome space.

[1885] spot that used to be connected to everything was completely empty.

[1886] It just said a few tribes of nomadic people.

[1887] Barely using any of it.

[1888] Yeah, really.

[1889] I mean, there's just a tiny, tiny number.

[1890] So much extra real estate.

[1891] Yeah, what a crazy fucking spot.

[1892] We'll go somewhere else.

[1893] We go with a Buffalo go.

[1894] What?

[1895] Where's your house?

[1896] No, where the buffalo is.

[1897] For the short period of time that when the Indians were like in the best situation, before the white men found out what the fuck was over here, this must have been the dopest plague.

[1898] ground of all.

[1899] Oh, yeah.

[1900] They had a whole continent.

[1901] Go play.

[1902] Don't go too far.

[1903] Jesus Christ.

[1904] Go a few miles.

[1905] Animals everywhere, big foots.

[1906] Yeah, well, yeah, it sucks.

[1907] I mean, there's a lot of things that can kill you and jaguars and shit like that.

[1908] What's really crazy is that just 10 ,000 years ago, there were saber -toothed tigers.

[1909] Wrap your head around that.

[1910] That's just 10 ,000 years ago.

[1911] Like long -toothed ones?

[1912] Yeah.

[1913] Cool.

[1914] That would be cool.

[1915] Wild fucking animal, that was.

[1916] It had swords in its skull.

[1917] Big giant swords that came out.

[1918] And it would just slash open your neck with these sores.

[1919] Bullfighter style.

[1920] Eyeball will pop out.

[1921] Just tear your fucking...

[1922] Bullfighter style.

[1923] Oh yeah.

[1924] You see that video or the...

[1925] Yeah, this video too.

[1926] The image of the bullfighter.

[1927] They got gored in Spain.

[1928] Oh yeah, through his brain.

[1929] Through his face?

[1930] Through his face, right through his eyeball.

[1931] It shows the horn popping out.

[1932] Is he dead?

[1933] Did he die?

[1934] No, no. He's paralyzed.

[1935] Lost his eye.

[1936] Paralyzed that side of his face.

[1937] It's amazing how quick it happened, too.

[1938] The videos are...

[1939] It's just like...

[1940] The thing goes down.

[1941] Did you see the gazette?

[1942] leaping over the guy.

[1943] Oh my God.

[1944] I heard them talking about that the other day, this gaming guy from wherever that was.

[1945] Let's explain what it is.

[1946] Oh, okay.

[1947] Yeah, because not everybody lives in our brains.

[1948] People are like, let's explain yourself.

[1949] There's this bike path in South Africa.

[1950] South Africa.

[1951] And it's in like a reservation or reserve for animals.

[1952] Yeah.

[1953] And this gazelle just, this guy's taping his buddy ahead of him.

[1954] They're both biking.

[1955] And this gazelle just suddenly runs in a screen tries to jump over this biker as he's speeding down this path.

[1956] Yeah, just he doesn't see the guy coming quick enough and the gazelle runs into him or whatever.

[1957] Knocks him down, smashes into his face.

[1958] Big deer like animal.

[1959] Yeah.

[1960] But hit him full clip.

[1961] Going like 40 miles an hour.

[1962] He goes flying and lands on his fucking head.

[1963] Yeah.

[1964] And the noises he was making, it was like, K -O noises.

[1965] That's K -O noises.

[1966] When someone gets knocked out.

[1967] When they're waking out, they make noise like that.

[1968] You see his helmet at the end?

[1969] Yeah.

[1970] His helmet shattered.

[1971] Yeah.

[1972] Just a hole in it.

[1973] We're like, yeah, that was what your brain would look like right now if you weren't wearing a helmet.

[1974] That's scary as fuck, dude.

[1975] Yeah, the hooves hit him dead on.

[1976] Yeah, he could have died for sure.

[1977] If he didn't have a helmet on his head would have been smushky.

[1978] They said this reserve guy said the sun was probably in the gazelle's eye because its angle was coming in that way or whatever and he just saw him the last second because he was speeding fast than normal, I guess.

[1979] So it was just like, you know, he just timed it and he saw him at the last try to jump over.

[1980] There's a great video online.

[1981] Wasn't attacking though.

[1982] Yeah.

[1983] There's a great video online of a guy on a motorcycle with a camera in the front of his motorcycle.

[1984] He's carving through canyons.

[1985] Wow, that's cool.

[1986] And he hits a deer.

[1987] and you see one frame where you see the deer's face it's fucking badass see one frame and then boom and he just goes fucking fine and you see the camera flying through the air spins and then it goes black and then it shows the guy he actually survived he got laid out his bike is destroyed and he just flipped and but he was wearing it actually says make sure you always wear a helmet and wear leather and he was covered in like one of those racer tough outfits you can actually kind of take a little bit of an impact with it on.

[1988] It's not as you're scraping as you're sliding down.

[1989] That's what happened to Harris.

[1990] It was sliding down the street and just ripping his skin off.

[1991] But when you hit a, when you hit a deer at 60 miles an hour, it ain't that.

[1992] It's flying.

[1993] You're going flying.

[1994] You're going to fly through the air.

[1995] Everything's flying.

[1996] You don't know what the fuck is going to happen.

[1997] You just hit a deer and it's just, you're going way too fast.

[1998] You took on that speed.

[1999] You're on something that's like 3 ,000 pounds.

[2000] No, not that heavy.

[2001] What is a motorcycle?

[2002] Whatever, but you just stop.

[2003] You're flying off.

[2004] 500 pounds?

[2005] What are those, like, ninjas?

[2006] Well, your body goes that fast.

[2007] It's like you're going 60 miles an hour.

[2008] You keep going 60.

[2009] It's ridiculously fast.

[2010] Those things are so crazy.

[2011] You know, I see them on the highway sometimes.

[2012] Just fucking whiz my...

[2013] Like, that is the weirdest thing ever that that's legal.

[2014] I mean, it's like, what a massive risk -taking event we have on our highways.

[2015] In California, for people who don't know, in most rational states all across this country, you have to stay in your fucking lane.

[2016] You can't just drive in the middle.

[2017] In California, they let motorcycles drive in between the fucking cars.

[2018] And I don't know who says that's okay.

[2019] And they often hit your side mirrors.

[2020] Oh, yeah.

[2021] I've had it happen.

[2022] I've had it happen.

[2023] Yeah, it's slow traffic.

[2024] They just go right through it.

[2025] Especially those dudes are those big crazy fat Harley bikes.

[2026] You know, those things aren't that nimble, man. What are those guys even trying?

[2027] Like the ones with the big ass, like the storage containers on the side, trying to go in between lanes.

[2028] What is this?

[2029] What's up with these handlebars?

[2030] I don't know.

[2031] These handle bars where they look like they're like, like, like, like, like the storage.

[2032] lower, it's like a lowered El Dorado.

[2033] It's like, Rocky on the top of the stairs in Philadelphia.

[2034] They get more attention.

[2035] You know, because it's like, hey, look at me. I'm on a loud motorcycle.

[2036] For folks looking or not looking, or rather listening at home, we're doing the arms up in the ear thing.

[2037] What do they call them?

[2038] Ape hangers, ape hangers?

[2039] Yeah, that's what they call them.

[2040] Yeah.

[2041] The crazy handlebars that are like super tall.

[2042] Ride to live, live the ride.

[2043] Motorcycles must be so much fucking fun, though.

[2044] Think about it.

[2045] People get together.

[2046] groups and they all just ride around together.

[2047] I want to get the fat tire one the one that has the really fat tire.

[2048] I would even get the tri -cycle.

[2049] I don't think those handle that good, dude.

[2050] The tricycle one?

[2051] Yeah, I think those fat tire ones are just kind of cool looking.

[2052] But I think if you want a bike that handles, you know, you would mean a sport bike is like a bike that would handle really good.

[2053] But like you know, you get like a balanced road bike.

[2054] Those tricycle motorcycles look fun.

[2055] I've seen those.

[2056] I need them to not be as dumb looking to you know.

[2057] Tricicle motorcycles?

[2058] Yeah, they do look a little look at me. Somebody does Fat Tuesday, has one.

[2059] Corey Holcomb.

[2060] Does he really?

[2061] Yeah, and it's like, what is this?

[2062] He goes, yeah, you're talking about it, aren't you?

[2063] Oh, that's, oh, is that what it is?

[2064] You talking about it, so he got you?

[2065] He likes it.

[2066] Oh, that's funny.

[2067] He's so much attention called to it.

[2068] I heard that dude's really funny.

[2069] He's hilarious.

[2070] Does he have a special or anything out?

[2071] I don't know.

[2072] I don't know.

[2073] Joey Diaz always talks about how fun he has to do.

[2074] He was talking about when we did the Nass show in Toronto two years ago, like summer before this one.

[2075] that he had this bit about the worst thing about your your girl having a miscarriage is that you have to act upset oh and then he just acts out going like why why did this happen and he does it for like a while and then you just see him like reach his hand over and go flush why flush oh that's hilarious yeah yeah that's a for I hear your your pain about wanting to have a vasectomy.

[2076] I feel you.

[2077] You know a lot of comments that got roped in over the years.

[2078] You know it.

[2079] Oh, yeah.

[2080] We all know them.

[2081] We all know them.

[2082] We all know what happens but becomes their life.

[2083] It's just a weird thing that you get connected to someone like that.

[2084] They're inescapable in your life.

[2085] We were supposed to hook up three times and that was supposed to be it for our story.

[2086] Yeah.

[2087] We're not supposed to be spending 30 years together.

[2088] Yeah.

[2089] That's a weird thing, man. It's a weird thing.

[2090] Instead of getting that operation, just print out some fake medical records saying that you have a past family history.

[2091] Here's the weird thing though.

[2092] Every time I hear something like that, like the only real excuse to not do it is something ridiculous like that.

[2093] It's almost like joking.

[2094] No, no, that's all you do.

[2095] They have with these forms, you just put your name in it.

[2096] I mean, if you're going to think in terms of that, you're definitely have a mastectomy.

[2097] I think they have a pill for men that they're pretty close to release.

[2098] Oh, that's awesome.

[2099] Since I was, since I just started fucking.

[2100] I would think that it's going to kill your dick, though.

[2101] I would think that any pill That just aborts it.

[2102] Yeah, I It's going to affect your dick.

[2103] What if they cut it with like Viagra?

[2104] I'm having 90 % that pill.

[2105] Mix it up together.

[2106] Yeah, so it's like, hey, whatever, everything good.

[2107] Could you imagine if that happened and only soulless babies were born instead?

[2108] It's not that.

[2109] Starts the apocalypse.

[2110] It's not that you can't conceive.

[2111] You can only conceive soulless babies.

[2112] They come out with fucking piranha teeth.

[2113] Just eat the way out of the pussy.

[2114] No eyeballs.

[2115] Yeah.

[2116] You know, that's what starts it.

[2117] There's so many different scenarios.

[2118] as to what's going to start it.

[2119] What's going to start the zombie apocalypse?

[2120] We all agree it's going to start.

[2121] There will be a zombie apocalypse at some point.

[2122] Well, we all know that there's too many fucking people for the amount of resources that we have in this one area that we've all chosen to reside in.

[2123] And eventually that shit's going to fall apart.

[2124] If we don't figure out this whole petrochemical dependency thing, we're eventually going to run out of fucking oil.

[2125] I mean, whether it's 100 years from now or 10 years from now.

[2126] In the grand scheme of it, we'll run out of oil.

[2127] There'll be mass extinction.

[2128] And we'll start over with the amount of people we can handle with no oil.

[2129] Good luck with all that.

[2130] You love walking home and smelling rotten dead people in every house.

[2131] Enjoy that shit.

[2132] Yeah, and worrying about who's going to eat your dog tonight.

[2133] Yeah.

[2134] You know, because they eat.

[2135] Back to those times.

[2136] And then you smell it cooking and you look over the window and you see your fucking neighbors, chewing on your dog, looking like fucking monsters and animals.

[2137] Why did you guys do that?

[2138] They eat my fucking dogs because they were hungry.

[2139] Yeah, people are going to start eating dogs.

[2140] Then they got to start eating people.

[2141] We're going to realize we're going to have to eat some of each other.

[2142] It's just too many to go around.

[2143] That's where mad cow comes from.

[2144] What?

[2145] Cows eating each other?

[2146] Mad cow disease comes from.

[2147] It's called Jacobs Crutchfeld, I think.

[2148] That's the official name of the disease.

[2149] It comes from cows being forced -fed brain tissue.

[2150] Yeah, they grind it up and put it in the grain.

[2151] And the same exact disease manifests itself amongst cannibals.

[2152] When cannibals eat their rivals' brains, they get sick.

[2153] In Pokhabila, I did that.

[2154] You get the shakes.

[2155] You eat human too much.

[2156] Yes.

[2157] In the book of Eli?

[2158] In the movie?

[2159] In the movie.

[2160] That's true.

[2161] Dude.

[2162] That's right.

[2163] That may or may not have been in the book of the book of Eli.

[2164] It probably wasn't in the original book.

[2165] But it is true.

[2166] The same shitty ending in the book.

[2167] Yeah.

[2168] Why did I watch this whole thing for this?

[2169] That was a brutal ending.

[2170] What?

[2171] You found out that he's blind?

[2172] He's blind the whole time.

[2173] Don't see it.

[2174] It doesn't pay off.

[2175] He's blind the whole time.

[2176] But he's not really.

[2177] And the whole thing's in Braille.

[2178] And he's the only one that can read.

[2179] So he's got the message of the Bible.

[2180] That's what he was living for.

[2181] So he could make the Bible live along.

[2182] Yeah.

[2183] And by the way, what's the translation?

[2184] Is it ancient Hebrew?

[2185] All English.

[2186] All English.

[2187] He's given the gift.

[2188] He knows it by heart.

[2189] All English.

[2190] Fucking cunt.

[2191] How dare he?

[2192] I can put it in the library.

[2193] But it is the thing that would apparently, that is that disease.

[2194] When people get the shakes, yeah.

[2195] From that.

[2196] There's something else we talked about last week that we should, that I don't know if you knew about.

[2197] That iPhone's not being built this time around in China.

[2198] It's actually being built in Brazil.

[2199] Really?

[2200] There's new iPhones being built in Brazil.

[2201] Why, Brazil?

[2202] Well, hopefully they don't have as money.

[2203] We were talking about sweatshops.

[2204] I don't know, man. I think they took a lot of heat from what happened in China.

[2205] They have these Foxcon Studios, right?

[2206] These Foxconn studios have 420 ,000 people working 15 hours a day for $175 a month and no air conditioning.

[2207] In hot fucking China.

[2208] Does anyone have air conditioning in China?

[2209] it's real they know it exists it's not like a ghost I read this thing that they were talking about Perry or Romney or one of those guys I literally don't care about politics at all but some of it interests me but like they were saying how oh well the unemployment premiums went up they're up to 14 % in Massachusetts so that shows how bad they are that 14 % higher than the national average and then somebody was like yeah but when I instituted this thing it was 20 % over it's down to 14 % you can't just say I don't know why what were you saying that I just thought of this.

[2210] The people in Foxcon.

[2211] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[2212] I was like, if no one in China has air conditioning, then it's not that bad.

[2213] It sounds way worse.

[2214] But, yeah, but either way.

[2215] That's extreme.

[2216] 170 bucks a month.

[2217] You're so cheap.

[2218] And this is the point.

[2219] They have suicide nets.

[2220] They have suicide nets all around the building.

[2221] I saw this conversation you have.

[2222] Suicide nets.

[2223] Wow.

[2224] That, there's like millions of people that work there.

[2225] I saw this conversation there.

[2226] There's millions of people there that the rate is actually lower than the national average of suicide yes it is it is that there's actually 420 ,000 people that are employed there and their rate is slightly below the national rate wow so really it's not it's not about them being like oh look how bad they are they have to have suicide now it's like no no look how above and beyond they're going actually the real question is how many of those people kill themselves at work well what the difference is they live there right exactly what's why it's depressing as fuck but how many times have you heard like post offices this guy's going in and shooting up the place or just happened at Seal Beach.

[2227] Supposedly one of the employees just killed like eight people there at that.

[2228] Was that an employee?

[2229] I thought that was a boyfriend.

[2230] Oh, I thought it was a guy that worked there.

[2231] I could see wanting to kill yourself.

[2232] If you work on an Apple at an Apple plant for months and months and they come in one day, it's like, guys, big announcement.

[2233] And everyone stops working for a second.

[2234] Like, we're huge.

[2235] We just got a great review and Gawker.

[2236] I'm like, oh, okay.

[2237] Excuse me. And just go up to the roof.

[2238] Yeah.

[2239] And just fucking end it.

[2240] I think it has you know, I think it's probably one of these things that, yeah, whatever they're making, what, $200 a month?

[2241] or whatever it is.

[2242] Not even.

[2243] 175.

[2244] I think if anything, it's probably in the round them, like how much is rice costs and things like that?

[2245] You know, I mean, you get a whole bag for $5.

[2246] Brian's like you know, first of all, I know where you live sucks horribly, but you don't need to escape.

[2247] What do you want to?

[2248] Retirement?

[2249] Well, you can retire on a bag of rice.

[2250] And it's also giving them a place to live, though, too, which is not most jobs.

[2251] Yeah, you might get paid shitty, but you're also not getting, you know, getting to live there.

[2252] God, dude, you're living in a dormitory stacked on top of each other.

[2253] And they're not making enough money to, like, buy a house somewhere.

[2254] I mean, what are they going to do?

[2255] They're just going to, they get rung out to dry, drained of your humanity, just so that we can have phones.

[2256] But what are the other people, is where that factory is, are there houses or are people living in, like, on boats?

[2257] It is a good question.

[2258] Like, you know, maybe that reality is so much better than the zombie apocalypse that they were living in before this fucking Chinese sweatshop factory opened up.

[2259] And they're probably getting medical on that.

[2260] I'm not sure if they do.

[2261] but they probably are.

[2262] Everybody sort of wants to say, like, well, maybe it's everything, it's okay.

[2263] But the reality is, it's sweatshop.

[2264] It sucks.

[2265] Yeah, it is a sweatshop.

[2266] And we don't hire children in America.

[2267] We had to make a law, and it sucks what other people do and pay them shittily.

[2268] And it's like, yeah, of course we're going to have it.

[2269] It's cheaper.

[2270] And then you realize Microsoft, Sony, every single fucking company does the exact same thing, even at Foxcon.

[2271] Well, that's, you know, what's really interesting is I said, I wrote this on Twitter and I wrote us on the message board.

[2272] I said, a phone called the iPhone Karma and what it is is a phone that's made in America.

[2273] You pay people a good wage.

[2274] Yeah, you pay them a good wage and I'll pay double for your phone.

[2275] And you better have a sticker where everyone else can see that you pay the picture board.

[2276] You would sell hundreds.

[2277] It would be such a grin.

[2278] Listen, man, it might it might not be a money maker.

[2279] No, you know, they would never do it one of the guys on the message board.

[2280] Because they'd have to be admitting that they were doing something bad on the other end.

[2281] Exactly.

[2282] One of the guys from message boards said that they should have an iPhone karma and then an iPhone, I think he's like tyranny.

[2283] You know, that one.

[2284] It's like super cheap.

[2285] And you just support the Dark Lord as they fucking drop bombs from drones.

[2286] It's a shitty olive green color.

[2287] It's made out of the flesh of Afghani babies.

[2288] Even like the shirts, like even T -shirts and clothing, like half of that shit comes from even worse conditions than Foxcon.

[2289] I don't know.

[2290] I mean, it's really weird to where do you pry off?

[2291] You know, obviously, it's horrible that there's war going on right now, and civilians and Afghanistan and Iraq are dying, and it's not their fucking fault, and the whole thing is chaos.

[2292] You can only think about it's so many goddamn things to think about.

[2293] You have to go to the countries.

[2294] The countries have to make it laws and be like, look, no, this is illegal.

[2295] You have to fucking have these conditions and stuff like that.

[2296] Everyone else has to play by our rules.

[2297] They won't do it.

[2298] We're not worth anything anymore, man. We're broke.

[2299] we're broke as fuck.

[2300] I don't even understand how that works.

[2301] I understand how it works.

[2302] I finally figure it out.

[2303] Tell me. It's these fucking podcasts.

[2304] Nobody's working anymore.

[2305] 90 % of you listening right now.

[2306] Just go shut up, shut up.

[2307] You're going to ruin it.

[2308] They all listen to podcasts all day long at work.

[2309] It's motherfuckers.

[2310] Ruining everything.

[2311] I think we should just have a country bias out.

[2312] What's the most successful country right now?

[2313] I think we might be the most successful, which is the scariest thing.

[2314] That means that the banks are the really ones controlling everything.

[2315] If everybody's fucking broke, if everybody's broke, There's not one country where everybody's just fucking bawling JZ style 24 -7 in their underwear, popping bottles with models on the top of a yacht.

[2316] No one's doing that, not one country.

[2317] Then how is anybody winning?

[2318] And if nobody's winning, where did all the resources go?

[2319] You cunt.

[2320] Who's got the money?

[2321] Who's got the papers?

[2322] This is my problem with the Occupy Wall Street stuff.

[2323] I just don't quite understand.

[2324] I like the rising up and stating your mind and stuff.

[2325] I just don't understand who you're picketing for, what results you're hoping for.

[2326] Well, they want change, and I don't know what that means.

[2327] But the super rich, they're the ones, I mean, are they going to be like, well, you're not affecting me in any way?

[2328] The good thing is what they're doing is getting people to think that this is a very unstable situation because it is, and that people are fed up because they are.

[2329] And they should be.

[2330] This is a fucking terrible financial system.

[2331] It's horrible.

[2332] I don't understand it, but I know that billions of dollars have been thrown around in the form of bailouts, and some say much more than that if you follow the accounting.

[2333] Secret ones.

[2334] Yeah, they forced an audit, and Ron Paul had something to do with this, and they found out there was just fucking just insane amounts of money loaned to all these different creepy cunts all over the world and bailouts just put in left and right, and it's all our tax money, man. It's all scary.

[2335] They spent all our fucking money, and we're broke, and we're in two wars at the same time.

[2336] And no one has any solution that seems to want to deviate from the current path.

[2337] everyone's solution is stay on the current path but manage it better except Ron Paul He has a better solution He wants us out He wants everybody back He's like this is ridiculous Of war you mean Yeah and because of that They don't even pay attention to him There's this new guy that they're following Who's this black guy The black guy Herman Payne Is that what his name is?

[2338] Haven't we had enough He's a black Republican They've sent in They've sent in Mothra to battle with Godzilla He's not gonna run is he Fuck yeah he's run The black guy's ahead He's ahead right now Yeah, yeah, okay, we need to find out.

[2339] Have you ever thought about just, like, giving up and, like, moving somewhere completely different.

[2340] Well, this guy is, he's such a Republican.

[2341] He says that if you don't have a job, that's your fault.

[2342] Wow.

[2343] If you're not rich, it's your fault.

[2344] Have you ever thought about doing that, Joe?

[2345] Just like, you know what?

[2346] I'm retiring in a different country.

[2347] I'm fucking Kat Stevensoning out.

[2348] Oh, yeah, that's right.

[2349] It's like, I mean, because you can do it.

[2350] Most of it's just cars are cars, you know, air conditioning in your room.

[2351] Herman Kane.

[2352] That's his name.

[2353] Herman Kane.

[2354] He's a very successful businessman.

[2355] I think a lot of those Occupy Wall Street people want to do away with capitalism as a, you know.

[2356] Yeah, there's a lot of hippie bitches out there that need a punch.

[2357] I think that's their problem.

[2358] It's like, why should one percent have it?

[2359] We should all be equal in this.

[2360] Well, you're proposing a giant change.

[2361] There's a lot of, no, yeah, that's not cool.

[2362] You know, you don't deserve to be equal, okay?

[2363] What you deserve is a fair system to compete in.

[2364] The tax breaks for the rich, it just looks so shitty.

[2365] There should always be a benefit for performance.

[2366] That's why what makes human beings excel.

[2367] There should be a benefit for performance.

[2368] So your ideas, your socialistic nonsense, it violates human behavior, it violates everything that we know about how people operate and how people progress.

[2369] We like to compete with each other.

[2370] It's fun.

[2371] We like to prove that we're worthy.

[2372] We like to create things that people enjoy.

[2373] We like to put out a bunch of things.

[2374] We like to be rewarded for that.

[2375] There's nothing wrong with that.

[2376] Hippies.

[2377] Just because you can't run doesn't mean other people can't run.

[2378] They want to run.

[2379] Let us run.

[2380] Shut up.

[2381] All it seems like I've succeeded in doing is getting cops in trouble for beating on them.

[2382] We're all like one man. There should be no money, man. There should be money.

[2383] It should be a fair system.

[2384] It's supposed to be one piece of gold equals one donkey.

[2385] It's supposed to be, you know, it's supposed to be based on that.

[2386] Yeah, but it'll still be a problem where 1 % will still own all the gold.

[2387] Yeah, but so fucking what.

[2388] It's a capitalist game, you know.

[2389] So is that what they're trying to get?

[2390] I mean, it wouldn't be bad to put a ridiculous cap, like say you can't have more than $10 billion ever.

[2391] and everything more than $10 billion, you go, yeah, you're right.

[2392] Just fucking give it to charity.

[2393] And you'd just be laughing and bawling.

[2394] So it wouldn't stop you from, you know, you'd still be wanting to make a lot of money if you were that dude who was out there, you know.

[2395] I guess.

[2396] Unless you're like, well, I've already made $10 billion.

[2397] I'm out.

[2398] Most of them don't get like that.

[2399] Whatever makes a guy like Bill Gates become a guy like Bill Gates makes him keep working.

[2400] They want more money.

[2401] Yeah.

[2402] They keep working until they're old men.

[2403] You know.

[2404] They enjoy it.

[2405] Bill Gates could have retired like with Windows 95.

[2406] Like a long time ago.

[2407] He could have just sold that shit.

[2408] I probably would have.

[2409] Yeah.

[2410] I probably would have.

[2411] You should have got out.

[2412] Well, no, you need a competitor.

[2413] No, you know.

[2414] Windows me. Because the Mac OSX back then sucked.

[2415] I mean, not OSX, before, pre -OSX, whatever was.

[2416] Before Steve Jobs started back.

[2417] Windows 95 was off.

[2418] That's the reason I didn't want to switch over to Mac is because their OS -9 and before was really hard to use.

[2419] You couldn't see what was open.

[2420] It was just like way harder to use.

[2421] I remember when John Carmack started coding for the Mac, when they first tried to port in software games over to the Mac.

[2422] And he was like, oh, my God, like, these things are crap.

[2423] Like, I remember there was no multitasking in the operating system, no preemptive multitasking, no memory protection, and things were just shut down, crash.

[2424] And he was, like, talking to make a blog about how many times he had a reboot, it would just crash.

[2425] But then they get that OSX, and it became like, oh, it's dope.

[2426] It's like, it's the future.

[2427] And by the way, this is only, you know, obviously step one.

[2428] There's going to be some new shit in like 10 years from now.

[2429] It just keeps getting better.

[2430] It's going to make this look like we're playing Pong.

[2431] when they did away with the with the with the um just drive i was like what are you guys doing you guys are crazy then no one's you're idiots we can put a floppy in we had so many people when i worked at gateway that was right when we stopped uh putting disk drives in our computers and like you could still we sold this external one that you could like hook up uh using USB and people got so angry people come in here goes you guys are dark it's change we don't want change they want floppy disks.

[2432] Yeah, they wanted that.

[2433] It works fine.

[2434] Why are you messing with the system?

[2435] I saw one on the sidewalk the other day, and I wanted to pick it up and I'm like, I wonder why, I don't the fuck's on this floppy disk on the sidewalk.

[2436] But I was like, wait, I don't even have a floppy disk drive.

[2437] Yeah, exactly.

[2438] Hey, man, someday those are going to be fascinating.

[2439] Someday they're going to be really fascinating.

[2440] I just got rid of my floppy disk when I dehorred.

[2441] You just did?

[2442] Yeah, I had some old ones where I had like a script on it or something.

[2443] And I was like, maybe I'll, and then eventually I was like, Ari, you're never going to put this in anywhere.

[2444] Just throw it away.

[2445] Wow, look at that.

[2446] I would have kept it.

[2447] I did keep it for fucking 20 years for no reason.

[2448] I had an old, old, old Mac laptop computer that had, like, it was thick like a fucking brick.

[2449] And it was like a big -ass computer, but the screen inside is pretty small.

[2450] It had a track ball.

[2451] I like the track ball.

[2452] I remember those.

[2453] Like the nub.

[2454] My favorite was the nub.

[2455] The little nub that looks like a clip.

[2456] I should love the think pads.

[2457] Yeah.

[2458] IBM think pads.

[2459] That red dot on there that you can mess with.

[2460] So when we were talking about this iPhone karma, the idea of it being an American phone and, you know, you could actually pay for it.

[2461] So you're saying that they do them in Brazil now.

[2462] Yeah.

[2463] Is that better?

[2464] They do them in this factory in Brazil.

[2465] I think that they just are mixing it up because the company that is manufacturing the 4S actually had this idea in their head, like how many they were going to have to make.

[2466] Right.

[2467] And they just found out from all these pre -orders that so many people are ordering it, it's about 50 % more.

[2468] more than they anticipated.

[2469] Wow.

[2470] 50 % more?

[2471] So I think what they have to do is just supply and demand.

[2472] Like Foxcon can't have a next door.

[2473] Can't handle that.

[2474] Especially they're probably doing the iPad too.

[2475] So they're just splitting up the factories now.

[2476] But, you know, it's just like anything you do.

[2477] Yeah, it's like that episode of what's happening when Raj got that deal to print up the Christmas cards and birthday cards and stuff.

[2478] And then they gave him such a large order that they couldn't handle it.

[2479] And they had to go to business.

[2480] Was that a Quincy Jones tune also?

[2481] Could have been anything.

[2482] I can't believe you actually remember that plot.

[2483] Different episodes, yeah.

[2484] I never wanted to understand.

[2485] I'm like, wait, the orders were too much you had to go out of business.

[2486] I don't get that at all.

[2487] But it made sense to that.

[2488] Dynamite!

[2489] They were like, it's only black people watching.

[2490] Just say it.

[2491] Apparently, Jimmy Walker got really upset after a while and didn't want to say dynamite anymore.

[2492] Yeah, he hated it.

[2493] He was tortured by it, I guess.

[2494] Well, it's kind of weird.

[2495] You probably just get sick of saying it, but you remember the old saying, where's the beef?

[2496] They're now bringing that shit back now too That lady's long dead by the way Long dead I met her once You met the where's the beef lady Yeah So lucky No one's ever said that ever In all the years that woman existed So now My mom was an executive secretary For the Wendy's Corporation From in Columbus Ohio I said Windies I had a Wendy's today I felt very guilty So good So very good Well you know what As far as like fast food Cheeseburgers go Pretty fucking sporty You feel better about that one, right, than other ones?

[2497] Yeah, it tastes better.

[2498] It tastes better.

[2499] You can tell it's hot.

[2500] They just made it, you know?

[2501] I'm pissed off at Carl's Jr. right now.

[2502] Hardies on the Midwest, but you know of that new steakburger they show where it's a humongous steak burger with blue cheese and onion rings and it falls onto the TV and it's bouncing and beautiful and huge.

[2503] CGA?

[2504] Yeah, well, yeah, it looked like CGI.

[2505] I just got it the other day and it looked like somebody sat on it.

[2506] And so I go, hey, this one sucks.

[2507] What the heck?

[2508] This is all smushed.

[2509] Where's all the fucking shit?

[2510] So they made me a new one.

[2511] I just didn't even look, I just took it home, and I opened it up, and it was the same fucking thing.

[2512] Same thing?

[2513] It was just like the most pitiful looking fucking nasty burger.

[2514] It made me mad, though.

[2515] I've always said that that's like actresses.

[2516] You get them home and they're like, they never look like their pictures.

[2517] Like their head shots.

[2518] Oh, yeah, when they get the glamour shots.

[2519] Some actresses are cheeseburgers.

[2520] I talked to my agent about it.

[2521] He said he had girls sometimes where he's like, you're quirky.

[2522] If you get this head shot that makes you look like a model, you're going to be brought in for stuff you'll never book.

[2523] What's wrong with you?

[2524] Girls always want to be hot.

[2525] They want to be hot, dude.

[2526] They want to be their best friend.

[2527] They don't want to be wacky, the wacky best friend.

[2528] How did the redhead from your show and from Suddenly Susan deal with that?

[2529] Well, the one from Suddenly Susan started hanging around with a bunch of gay dudes.

[2530] So you've got to draw that way.

[2531] Kathy Griffin, she's killing him.

[2532] She's killing him on the road, too.

[2533] Yeah, she's love her.

[2534] Well, everybody loves her.

[2535] She's funny.

[2536] She's really funny.

[2537] She's cool, too.

[2538] I like her.

[2539] And then Vicky, you know, she just, she does a lot of, she's a lot of Broadway.

[2540] really yeah she's really real acting yeah she's an amazing singer she's got an incredible voice like a really i think that's like probably her first love oh probably and she's like oh i got yeah but she you know she always just she's always on sitcoms and stuff too that's cool i wonder how they deal with that though it's like okay i'm gonna be quirky it's okay i know it was the cute girl when i grew up but in l .a that's the looks a little different vicky had a hot body though really vicky lewis yeah she's a dancer she had a hot body that's nice she's quirky but she was I rolled by this high school on the way over here and they were playing lacrosse and all these high school girls had their short shorts on.

[2541] Oh, Shazam, son.

[2542] There's socks and his little shouts.

[2543] God, it was so fucking, they were the best legs.

[2544] Isn't it funny that that's like, you know, you sure shouldn't fuck them, okay?

[2545] It's not right.

[2546] You're an old man and they're young and, you know, you shouldn't.

[2547] Yeah, I guess.

[2548] But, but, but, but, why is, why, what's going on here?

[2549] Then explain what's happening to my penis.

[2550] Yeah, what, when do we...

[2551] Explain that.

[2552] We make a cutoff.

[2553] We make a cutoff at 18, and that arbitrary cutoff means that this girl can handle it.

[2554] All right, look, I know you're just going to fuck her and forget her, but now it's legal.

[2555] Go!

[2556] At 18.

[2557] The bell rings.

[2558] We've decided that enough time is gone by.

[2559] The chicken is hatched.

[2560] This is it.

[2561] It's ready for delivery.

[2562] Go, run.

[2563] And you can just run, and the moment the clock ticks 12, you can shove your cock on it.

[2564] But if you put it in five minutes before the clock ticks 12, they can lock you up the fucking cage.

[2565] Can you rub it on the fucking cage?

[2566] until 12th?

[2567] No. You can't even do that.

[2568] No, you can't even kiss her.

[2569] You can't even talk about it on a podcast.

[2570] You can't even talk about it on the podcast.

[2571] Okay, so by the record, this girl that we're talking about is 23, it just looks really young.

[2572] No, what we're talking about is when a person turns 18.

[2573] That's what we're talking about.

[2574] God damn.

[2575] It's just weird that we have like a little fucking eight -timer.

[2576] It is weird, especially when you see those girls that are 17 and you look like are 26.

[2577] I live by a horse stable, so there's all these really hot, rich chicks that have that have horses.

[2578] So I'll be in Starbucks just waiting in line and just some of them at with their little horse boots on and their little horse outfits and you're just looking and I'm going God damn it this is not fair.

[2579] This is really not fair.

[2580] It's rude.

[2581] It's not I want to be in that.

[2582] Girls don't get that though.

[2583] Girls don't look at 15 year old boys and go women don't know.

[2584] Yeah.

[2585] Give me that young experience.

[2586] Only teachers.

[2587] They look at like a 29 year old guy, 30 year old guy usually something like that.

[2588] Right, right.

[2589] You know, because the men's power is right around that age when girls, they're at their best, when they're 17 Anyone is past that You're gone downhill That's why you feel the way you do And notice those girls Never look at us and be like Oh my God Is that man boobs?

[2590] Oh yeah You know like it doesn't go the other way Like little girls do not like older men in the 30s Well they do They've been molested They've been molested they do And please Facebook me if you have Hala and Ari He's the guy to sort out your issues Yeah I know you've got problems Ari's got solutions What's that guy from Lossed?

[2591] though, the producer guy that just married that 16 year old in Hawaii?

[2592] I thought he's an actor.

[2593] Was he an actor?

[2594] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2595] He was, I forget who he was.

[2596] He was in -laws.

[2597] He wasn't like part of it really.

[2598] Yeah, it wasn't a big part.

[2599] Yeah.

[2600] But yeah, the girls' tweets are goddamn hilarious.

[2601] Oh, they're awesome.

[2602] Her videos are awesome, too.

[2603] I don't know if you watch her YouTube.

[2604] She's 16 or 17 now, and she talks about Jesus and then talks about how dirty and naughty.

[2605] She has to be punished.

[2606] Her name is Courtney Stodden.

[2607] Follow this crazy bitch.

[2608] Yeah.

[2609] I shouldn't call her a bitch because she's only 16.

[2610] Follow this crazy child.

[2611] Damn, but all her pictures are her in her bikini, poking her tits out.

[2612] She was also all the alliteration in her tweets too.

[2613] And, oh yeah, yeah.

[2614] And she's very fun.

[2615] My cotton canny body.

[2616] You got to watch the videos, Jim.

[2617] Look, listen, this is, like, this is her updates.

[2618] The sugary taste of satisfaction is bliss.

[2619] Dude, I went to a U .S. Take the adventure inside of yourself and you will be victorious.

[2620] And then it has a wink smile.

[2621] Like, holy shit.

[2622] You imagine the nonsense you have to listen to before she'll blow you.

[2623] This poor guy.

[2624] Even though he's 51 and she's 16 and he really should be in jail.

[2625] Wait, where did they get married?

[2626] Where is that legal?

[2627] Vegas.

[2628] Powerful Vegas.

[2629] I thought it was Hawaii.

[2630] Powerful Vegas.

[2631] I think she's from Hawaii.

[2632] You're allowed to get married in Vegas and 16?

[2633] The weird thing is, why the state laws for that?

[2634] Yeah.

[2635] Why don't they have a national standard for that?

[2636] They have weird ones like New Mexico.

[2637] I think man to boy is like 13.

[2638] Man to boy?

[2639] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2640] They don't protect the young boys.

[2641] They don't protect them in New Mexico.

[2642] You guys are smart about that.

[2643] I might have made that up.

[2644] I might have made that out.

[2645] No, it's facts.

[2646] I love that when you say that.

[2647] I'm going to call on this and I really don't know.

[2648] I was like 70 % sure.

[2649] I know it was a fact at one point in time that one state had that.

[2650] I thought it was New Mexico.

[2651] And I was using it in this piece that I was writing about Catholics.

[2652] And how weird it is that they'd take Catholics when they get accused of child molesting and they just ship them out of state.

[2653] And they do it on a regular basis.

[2654] And I was wondering, you know, maybe they ship them to places where the laws were different.

[2655] And I'm like, what law would be different?

[2656] And then I found out that New Mexico was, one that had a weird law.

[2657] It was like men to woman was like 16, but men to boy was like 13.

[2658] I'm like whoa, who fucking...

[2659] You hear that Catholics?

[2660] Do you hear how your organization is acting?

[2661] Totally.

[2662] Go ahead.

[2663] Stay in it.

[2664] Making my own connection.

[2665] I said that's why.

[2666] But I remember reading all these different various state laws.

[2667] Like you have to be careful.

[2668] You have to drag a girl across a certain spot in the dirt.

[2669] Oh yeah.

[2670] If you also take someone underage across state border.

[2671] Yeah.

[2672] Even if you live close to the border.

[2673] It's just going over there.

[2674] Like Kentucky and Cincinnati when they just sort of intertwined.

[2675] They're right next to each other.

[2676] The Kentucky airport is or the Cincinnati airport's in Kentucky.

[2677] Oh yeah.

[2678] You know, it's real bizarre.

[2679] So like, there you, who, if it's, what's the age in Canada?

[2680] It's lower there too, right?

[2681] I think it's 16.

[2682] 16.

[2683] Might be 17, age of consent.

[2684] 18 is right.

[2685] 18 is right.

[2686] You know, a girl's 18.

[2687] She's a little hooker.

[2688] She's out in her own.

[2689] Let her fucking hopefully you've taught her to be nice and she's not going to have a great memory of this but it'll help her grow.

[2690] Yeah, look everybody's had awkward sexual moments.

[2691] You know, hopefully she's around nice people and nothing bad happens to her.

[2692] Of course.

[2693] Everybody wants that.

[2694] But at a certain point in time, you got to let a person be a person.

[2695] And what year is that?

[2696] Yeah, what year is that?

[2697] Also, it ain't that bad to have sex with somebody you want to have sex with.

[2698] Exactly.

[2699] Yeah, like, someone said this to me like, well, you know, how are you going to treat your daughters and they start dating?

[2700] I go, they're girls, girls like boys.

[2701] Girls like boys and boys like girls.

[2702] It's my job to make sure that they see what a nice guy is like.

[2703] You know where that question comes from?

[2704] That question comes from the ideal that you're like, no, any sort of sex is victimization of woman.

[2705] Well, it's also the idea of someone shoving their country.

[2706] cock in your baby.

[2707] Okay, it's not just that.

[2708] You raise this child since there's this little tiny thing in diapers.

[2709] It's like something bad that's going to happen to them, but it's not.

[2710] Sort of.

[2711] It's also just you're losing the innocence of their youth, even if they want it.

[2712] What about a guy shuffing is cock into a girl?

[2713] That's the same sort of innocence of youth.

[2714] Nah, it doesn't matter if the guy loses it.

[2715] If the guy loses it, it's like my baby sucking cock in the back of me. If you're a parent...

[2716] That is happening to her.

[2717] Yeah, if you're a parent and you come outside and you see a fog, car and you peer in and your daughter's sucking some guy's cock that's gonna bum you out man oh yeah definitely it's gonna bum you out dude I don't even like saying it if it's like someone that like I know and sort of not like have a crush on but sort of just like as a human like if I saw Eleanor fucking blowing some guy in a car I'd be like whoa well you know this girl had to get permission from her father too oh really should have like signed over yeah and her mother and father and no problem with her marrying this dude Ellen was a perfect example for that this is exactly what I was thinking of She's just gonna be fascinating This girl, the 16 year old She's so fascinating already She's like like whatever it is She's like off a deep end crazy Man like if you could get like A fucking one of those Those helmets that record brain waves Put it on that chick's head It would just be like 4th of July in there Everything's just going at all sorts of different directions What if the whole thing's viral marketing Oh just her Just like that picture of 16 year old She's the next lonely girl, 18.

[2718] They said she puts out a lot of tweets that are really interesting.

[2719] She's a Joaquin Phoenix of hot chicks.

[2720] Yeah, she's just hiring a staff of like writers.

[2721] It's just a troll.

[2722] Yeah, I don't think so, dude.

[2723] I think she's a nutty bitch.

[2724] That's what I think.

[2725] She's just a hot, young, young, nutty girl.

[2726] There's so many crazies now and they're, they're exploited.

[2727] It's working.

[2728] It's working.

[2729] We're talking about it.

[2730] We're on this podcast.

[2731] Half a million people are listening to this right now.

[2732] It's interesting because it's so weird.

[2733] Follow her tweets, though.

[2734] Who cares if she, who would support her?

[2735] Listen, man, he ain't given her anything.

[2736] Follow those tweets.

[2737] These bitches...

[2738] Yeah, it's not supportive.

[2739] It's like to do anything.

[2740] Watch her...

[2741] Her videos are fucking hilarious.

[2742] She talks about haters and stuff, and it's really...

[2743] It's a good stuff to match me. It was this wild wiggling and jauntily jiggling myself into jolting jams as I friskly flaunt a flirty outfit completed with sexy white 7 -inch go -go boots.

[2744] Wink.

[2745] She got that in 140 characters?

[2746] Yep.

[2747] All of it.

[2748] Bitch knows how to do that.

[2749] Right.

[2750] She goes a little much of the illiteration.

[2751] She's wise beyond her age.

[2752] Yeah.

[2753] Like Phil and Apple.

[2754] It's probably her husband writing it.

[2755] When do you think we're going to see the sex tape?

[2756] Because it's going to be illegal.

[2757] Isn't that fascinating?

[2758] Not the day she turns 18.

[2759] Then, if she makes it then.

[2760] But she has to be 18.

[2761] Yeah, when she makes it.

[2762] And we have to make sure, they would have to make sure that this.

[2763] She would have to have a newspaper in the video with her.

[2764] Newspaper and a clock.

[2765] And as soon as it strikes midnight and she hits 18 and he shoves it in there and just towards a monkey fucking her.

[2766] You imagine that if that would be the video?

[2767] like there's a countdown.

[2768] The first five minutes of the video is just four minutes and 59 seconds.

[2769] Four minutes and 58 seconds.

[2770] An underage is in a porno, but she's not doing any porn until she's 18.

[2771] Yeah.

[2772] Yeah, well, she sits there.

[2773] A great episode of Ella.

[2774] With her ass up in the air with her pants on.

[2775] Maybe playing with blocks on the ground or something.

[2776] With her hands on her button, the moment it hits one, zero, bang, Slop.

[2777] He comes running in like a fucking linebacker.

[2778] Dush!

[2779] Dick right in the pussy.

[2780] they should do that they haven't done that already yeah they should do it most ridiculous porn producers get on it do you think there's ever anyone who's done a porn and that porn was the first time they had sex yes oh yeah yeah it must be right dude it should be a brother and a sister twin brother and sister they're both sitting there at 1159 verifiable verifiable I would love to see someone have sex for the first time on camera yeah if I knew who's real but first time is not that good right no it was just like what the hell are we doing But from a voyeuristic standpoint, it'd be interesting to watch.

[2781] Is that what you're all about, Ari?

[2782] What?

[2783] I'll show you my third time if you want to.

[2784] Do you have your third time?

[2785] Do you have it?

[2786] Yeah.

[2787] Ew.

[2788] It's horrible.

[2789] It was last week.

[2790] He's got a fucking camera set up at his house.

[2791] He ate a bunch of tribulus and got in there.

[2792] Have you taped yourself?

[2793] Tape myself?

[2794] Yeah.

[2795] No. And you have?

[2796] It's bad for you, dude.

[2797] Yeah.

[2798] The shit gets on the internet.

[2799] I never have.

[2800] Well, luckily it's on.

[2801] Even the days before the internet?

[2802] You know, like, the way your body looks naked?

[2803] Do I not?

[2804] Yeah.

[2805] No, it just seems like a lot of setup time.

[2806] It's very creepy.

[2807] And you watch it a bunch.

[2808] You see your butthole and stuff.

[2809] Like, I'm definitely, if I were to do it again, I would do like the other way around.

[2810] You know, because there's a reason to see your butt hole.

[2811] You don't like your angles, you know.

[2812] I was horrible at angles.

[2813] Horrible at angles?

[2814] You didn't know how to work the Myspace thing?

[2815] Plus, it was on a water bed, so it was just really creepy looking.

[2816] It was just buttholes and motions and bad.

[2817] Well, people have, like, started up their own, like, porn sites, too.

[2818] There's a bunch of them where it was, like, guys and their wives, and they would just fuck on camera.

[2819] Why not?

[2820] It was real common.

[2821] Remember, like, wifey's world?

[2822] That was one of them.

[2823] It's still around, isn't it?

[2824] Is it?

[2825] Or is they get divorced you?

[2826] But the problem is, once you realize, oh, I can just fake these and make a bunch of money.

[2827] She might actually be a hot old milk by now, but she's probably like in her late 40s, I think.

[2828] That ain't good.

[2829] Because this was a long time ago that this was going on.

[2830] But it was all videos of this guy, you never saw the guy, but his wife just blowing him.

[2831] She's just constantly sucking on the same cock.

[2832] And there's another one where there was eye deepthroat .com.

[2833] remember that same thing that girl and her husband a lot of a lot of uh porn cells do that like i'll only fuck this my boyfriend now yeah that's the only guy that shit's boring to us girls either you're more or you're not commit it seems like you're liking this i'm turning out yeah ew what are you really in love with that guy how strange yeah that's horrible shit how's you smoking buddy smoking you're smoking buddy oh jada james that's just fine My smoking buddy.

[2834] That's great.

[2835] Isn't it weird being friends with porn old stars and then you see their work?

[2836] Isn't that strange?

[2837] I know you.

[2838] Still something's happening.

[2839] Makes masturbation easier, though.

[2840] It makes masturbation easier.

[2841] Yeah, because you're hanging out with somebody in there like, oh, I could actually see what this girl looks like having sex now.

[2842] And that's, you know.

[2843] Yeah.

[2844] Because you hung out with five girlfriends.

[2845] I normally, when I know somebody who has a porn, I'll avoid it on purpose.

[2846] I'm like, I don't want to fucking see this.

[2847] But then I remember after Jaden wouldn't fuck me that night, when I came home and was like, I look.

[2848] Beat off to you.

[2849] May as well.

[2850] I'm in the mood for this.

[2851] What happened was Ari thought he was going to get some and she's going to come over Ari's and or he were going to go over hers.

[2852] I went over to her place.

[2853] And they were going to smoke weed together and Ari's like, oh shit.

[2854] Smoke weed at 2 a .m. Smoke weed at 2 a .m. With a hot porn star.

[2855] So he's like, oh shit.

[2856] It's on kid.

[2857] And she got over there.

[2858] She's like, Ari, no. Listen, I'm in my panties, but that's just how I roll.

[2859] Well, most of them, most of them are actually not as horny and crazy as like Brie Olson.

[2860] I want to meet Bree Olson because Brie Olson seems like in real life she'll fuck you know the janitor That's what it is She wants to seem like that I think Norton shot a load into her In Briolson?

[2861] Yeah Well actually I think he pulled out But I think she said That he could have come inside of her But I think he panicked Oh wow I talked to James My podcast Yeah how was that?

[2862] Oh yeah let's talk about that too Because you got a podcast It's out on its own now It's not under the Desquad label anymore Brian and Ari and Ari got a divorce We got a divorce But we're all in the same family I want to do more at home and stuff, but on the road.

[2863] Yeah, so he got a whole setup and everything.

[2864] And we actually used that setup on a plane.

[2865] It was pretty fucking cool.

[2866] That was really good, dude.

[2867] It came out, like, the setup is nice.

[2868] And I'm going to start duplicating that.

[2869] Hand -held mics.

[2870] Yeah, handheld mics, senheisers with a mic cover, and it connect right into one of those zooms.

[2871] Right.

[2872] It sounds, you know, it's good stuff, man. But she was on the podcast and actually talked about going home.

[2873] Let's tell me what it is.

[2874] It's Ari Shafir's skeptic time.

[2875] Ari Shavir's a skeptic thing, yeah.

[2876] If you go to Ari the great .com, everything's on there.

[2877] So what did she do?

[2878] You guys talked about it, like going home that night.

[2879] It was kind of uncomfortable because it was like hearing her side of it.

[2880] Her side is completely fine.

[2881] It's like, you know, I had no intention of ever fucking you.

[2882] I'm allowed to not fuck people.

[2883] I don't want to fuck.

[2884] Like, yeah, that sounds reasonable.

[2885] But why is my dick still dry?

[2886] Why is my dick still dry?

[2887] Listen, I saw you let that black guy fucking your asshole.

[2888] Yeah, she's hardcore.

[2889] Just let me have your mouth.

[2890] It's pretty fun, actually.

[2891] She was talking about doing a gang bang, and she's never done that before.

[2892] She really wanted it.

[2893] That was one of her goals.

[2894] She wanted to do a gang bang?

[2895] She did it finally, right?

[2896] Oh, God.

[2897] And I was just like...

[2898] How many people was it?

[2899] 4 ,000.

[2900] Do you remember?

[2901] I don't remember.

[2902] What is her name again?

[2903] Let's find out.

[2904] J -D -J -D -E -N, James.

[2905] J -J -A -Y -E -N.

[2906] The normal spelling of J -D -N.

[2907] J -A -Y -N.

[2908] Point stars love Y. And they like the word J -E -L -L -A -L -L -E -E -L -E -E -E -M.

[2909] Makes them feel like a little girl again.

[2910] Let's say.

[2911] Which one are you looking for?

[2912] Gang bang, Jay.

[2913] Oh, there's a bunch of people who are one, two, three, four.

[2914] And it's not that many.

[2915] It's like 10 dudes are banging her hair.

[2916] Ten dudes are a lot of dudes to be fucking at once.

[2917] A lot of guys wouldn't do that in a year.

[2918] First of all, how dare this bitch deny you after you see this?

[2919] How dare you see this?

[2920] You seen the Dana Deerman gang bang?

[2921] That scared me a little.

[2922] Because she looked like she was almost about the blackout from so much choking in cocks.

[2923] Yeah.

[2924] And then afterwards she was crying and, like, like saying how amazing it was.

[2925] I just want to tell everybody that I love them.

[2926] I love you all.

[2927] I can't wait for people to see this.

[2928] Wow.

[2929] She's an awesome.

[2930] I hung out with her the other day.

[2931] She's so awesome.

[2932] She's funny, too, man. She was really funny on the podcast.

[2933] We did the podcast with her, dude.

[2934] She's a funny chick.

[2935] She says funny shit.

[2936] Yeah.

[2937] She refuses to post on your message board anymore.

[2938] There's a lot of mean people.

[2939] It can't be a foreign source on a message board.

[2940] There's no way.

[2941] Yeah.

[2942] That's the thing.

[2943] Too many people wouldn't know the right line.

[2944] Well, you know what it is, man. It's just that they.

[2945] are anonymous and it's too easy to just fucking poke.

[2946] Too easy to be a dick.

[2947] Yeah, but even you know the comedy story late at night, someone will have a girl on stage and she'll be like, it'll be getting kind of weird and hopefully we're all hoping she takes her shirt off.

[2948] Like that's the end goal.

[2949] Right, right, right, right.

[2950] But someone will like so whoever's on state, let's say bear is on stage.

[2951] Show you should do it's whore.

[2952] Yeah.

[2953] PJ.

[2954] And you'll be like, PJ, you're ruining it.

[2955] When you can just understand the line we've all agreed on here.

[2956] Yeah.

[2957] Sure's your tits, you fucking whore.

[2958] Oh, right off the bat.

[2959] Yeah.

[2960] Now she's just, now she's clamped up.

[2961] Yeah, you have to trust a lot of people.

[2962] You can't, there's only a few ruins it.

[2963] Well, I have, who knows how many thousands of members on my message board?

[2964] It's impossible.

[2965] And too many of them are douchebags, unfortunately.

[2966] I know what to say.

[2967] And people, you know, people got upset that I said there was a lot of negativity on the board.

[2968] And like, hey, man, we're not angry about being negative.

[2969] Well, that I said it.

[2970] That I said, like, we had a conversation about how many negative people are on the board.

[2971] But you're fucking negative, man. We're not lying.

[2972] We're not lying.

[2973] You guys are tiresome.

[2974] And it's not everybody.

[2975] there's a lot of really cool smart people there I mean we've met a bunch of them in person like the savage science dude that guy's cool as fuck Johnny Rotten on Friday Johnny Rotten's cool as fuck there's a lot of cool people it's not Wick is great I hung out with Wick in Houston dude Wick and his mom I drank with Wick and his mom in Houston really and HR yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah cool fucking people that was back in the day and we did have negative people back in the day it was like one or two people we dealt with but now it's like so many numbers the numbers just so big and there's so many of the MMA influence.

[2976] Yeah.

[2977] Yeah, that's a problem.

[2978] Those guys come in with that attitude.

[2979] There's so many douchebags.

[2980] And they want to get into arguments, too.

[2981] There's some guys that are just professional trolls.

[2982] Like, that's all they do, is they just say things hoping to upset your feelings and hoping to drag you into some sort of an argument.

[2983] And then you're there.

[2984] God.

[2985] Yeah, it's like...

[2986] I got in a fight with fucking Francesca Hilton the other day.

[2987] And I was so mad at letting myself...

[2988] Who's that?

[2989] You remember that crate?

[2990] She's like Zaja Gabor's granddaughter or something, her daughter.

[2991] Remember her?

[2992] She used to hang out at the store?

[2993] Oh, yeah.

[2994] She's crazy, and then Mitzi eventually made her a paid regular for, who knows why.

[2995] And so she hangs around.

[2996] Oh, wow.

[2997] Now I do remember.

[2998] She's kind of a big girl.

[2999] Yeah, big, just super attention whore.

[3000] Like, needs it, needs it.

[3001] So she was in the showroom the other day, and she was making noise.

[3002] Embarris was on stage.

[3003] And he said something to me from on stage of like, oh, look at Jews coming or something like that.

[3004] And I was like, I have one question.

[3005] Why is she in here making noise during a show?

[3006] I don't understand why this stupid idiot is making noise and not being thrown out.

[3007] And then I just went across.

[3008] And then while I was on, she took a phone call.

[3009] She keeps moving up.

[3010] The phone rang.

[3011] She was like, sorry.

[3012] I'm like, shut it the fuck off.

[3013] You fucking bitch.

[3014] Shut it the fuck off.

[3015] How many people are in the audience?

[3016] 25, 30, something like that.

[3017] It was just like, what are you doing here?

[3018] Why are you in the showroom?

[3019] And she was like, my mother is dying.

[3020] And I'm like, you're a fucking cunt.

[3021] You need to die.

[3022] And I'm like, why am I fighting with an idiot?

[3023] God damn it.

[3024] Wow.

[3025] I'd leave my life so I don't have to get drawn into this shit.

[3026] Your mother's a cunt.

[3027] What'd you say?

[3028] Oh, my.

[3029] What did you tell her?

[3030] No, she said her mom's dying.

[3031] And I said, I hope you die.

[3032] You're a cunt.

[3033] Whoa.

[3034] Oh, I know her mom.

[3035] I would never talk your mom.

[3036] What are you guys talking about?

[3037] I don't even understand what you're saying.

[3038] It's no sense.

[3039] Are you need to sit down and talk to this person.

[3040] No, I just need to never be involved with her.

[3041] Yeah, iPhone karma, don't you?

[3042] Unresolved issues, bro.

[3043] Eye karma.

[3044] What do you think about the fact that this person is in your life to move you in a certain direction?

[3045] I felt so bad about it.

[3046] I was like, why did I let her have any control over me?

[3047] Yeah, I know.

[3048] It's a terrible thing when you let your anger get away from you.

[3049] Yeah.

[3050] There was a duchy stuff.

[3051] security guard in Houston.

[3052] And this lady was like so rude.

[3053] And they tried to like move me through to get me into the arena I had my pass on me. And she was that I don't care.

[3054] I don't care.

[3055] I need to find his name on the list.

[3056] I was like wow.

[3057] Okay.

[3058] It's like the tone and the like you're so pleasant to deal with.

[3059] I'm so glad you got you.

[3060] You have to listen to me thing.

[3061] And they're like you know and after everybody told them everything's cool show the ID, blah, blah, blah, we got the badges on and have the names on it and all the designations.

[3062] And finally after that, she informs me that we have to wear wristbands.

[3063] So she's, and I got to put it on you.

[3064] And can I put it on myself?

[3065] I have it in my hand.

[3066] She goes, no, you cannot do it yourself.

[3067] I will put it on you, sir.

[3068] And then the guy's like, you disrespecting her, man. You disrespecting her.

[3069] I go, I'm disrespecting her by trying to put this paper.

[3070] I go, you guys are power tripping.

[3071] I go, this is ridiculous.

[3072] I go, I'm just trying to go to work.

[3073] You want me to wear the paper wristband?

[3074] I'll wear the paper wristband.

[3075] But you have to put it on me?

[3076] What the fuck, man?

[3077] That's the problem when those people get put in charge.

[3078] Exactly.

[3079] Like if you're working Starbucks, you shouldn't be in control of throwing somebody out.

[3080] It was so gross.

[3081] It's gross in people power trip.

[3082] Yeah.

[3083] You know, and when people just act like dicks.

[3084] And it's one thing if you're following the rules.

[3085] And there was another lady that we dealt with on the other side, you know, and show your ID, go through the whole thing.

[3086] And she was very pleasant.

[3087] And the way she did it and how y 'all doing this afternoon?

[3088] I'm like, good.

[3089] How you doing?

[3090] Everything good?

[3091] Everything's good.

[3092] Let's just check up here real quick and say your name.

[3093] Oh, gosh.

[3094] You should know you should not.

[3095] all right, well, here's your ID going through.

[3096] And that's all, you know.

[3097] The best one I ever got that.

[3098] How hard is that to do?

[3099] I got a security guard, one of the UFCs.

[3100] I think it was in Nashville.

[3101] And I was sitting up in those seats near you.

[3102] Because no one was there.

[3103] I didn't know anybody there.

[3104] And I went back to get somebody to eat.

[3105] And when I came back, she goes, do you have a pass?

[3106] I'm like, I don't really have one at all.

[3107] And she goes, I'll try to remember you.

[3108] And next time I went back there, I got her a fucking Pepsi.

[3109] Nice.

[3110] Yeah.

[3111] She was like, you saw me walking with this guy.

[3112] You know I'm cool.

[3113] It's all right.

[3114] You're being a regular human being.

[3115] Good for you.

[3116] Yeah, she was totally bad.

[3117] That's the move, too.

[3118] You should get him something.

[3119] Give him a little treat.

[3120] You're noticably cool than someone else.

[3121] I love to help you out.

[3122] You look thirsty.

[3123] You make me feel joy.

[3124] You make their night a little shiny.

[3125] Yeah, exactly.

[3126] You bring a little shininess to their night.

[3127] Do it to each other.

[3128] Dude, I'm taping my CD in two weeks.

[3129] Where is you, is going to do in Edmonton?

[3130] Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.

[3131] Canada.

[3132] Gather round.

[3133] Where?

[3134] The comic strip.

[3135] And what are the exact dates?

[3136] October 26 through the 30th.

[3137] October 26.

[3138] through the 30th, Edmonton, let's make this happen.

[3139] Let's make this happen.

[3140] Can people buy tickets online already?

[3141] Yeah, yes, actually, thecomicstrip .com.

[3142] Thecomstrip.

[3143] That's their version of dot com.

[3144] And again, for the people slow to write this down, when is the date?

[3145] The date is October 26th through the 30th?

[3146] And what days are you going to do the CD?

[3147] I think all of them.

[3148] I'm not sure.

[3149] Definitely the weekend.

[3150] That's a good move.

[3151] You should try to put everything down.

[3152] Yeah, yeah.

[3153] Put everything you have down.

[3154] I mean, you have over the course of the years that I've known you, you've rotated acts a few times.

[3155] So many times.

[3156] It's like, I'm just tired of it.

[3157] I'm sick of it.

[3158] Well, you know, it's funny.

[3159] Like, we were talking about that one bit that you have, that you had a line that I said, how come you know, do lose that?

[3160] You're like, actually, that was from another bit.

[3161] I was like, oh, yeah.

[3162] You're like, kind of the same bit.

[3163] It's just one little overlap of a line.

[3164] I'll just say, it's like, why did you come inside me?

[3165] I have a few girls and a few different stories having said that to me. Yeah, both anal and otherwise.

[3166] So you're like, that reaction was so much better.

[3167] Like, yeah.

[3168] At the time, that one more better.

[3169] You know what I've been doing, though.

[3170] I've been recording a lot of my stuff and listening to it with in mind, like, can I see this stuff?

[3171] Yeah.

[3172] And I'm like, can't do that bit, can't do that bit.

[3173] Right.

[3174] Can't do that line.

[3175] That's okay.

[3176] You can do it anyway.

[3177] You're wrong.

[3178] You can do it.

[3179] When it's like a full act out, what I'm like, there's a minute and a half here.

[3180] Well, you just explain it after you do it for the poor fucks that have this on CD.

[3181] Yeah.

[3182] What I just did was, you know, reach down and grab my dick.

[3183] Actually, wrote a letter to Dane and he was really cool about it.

[3184] Oh, really?

[3185] Because, like, you do a lot of physical CDs.

[3186] Right.

[3187] Like, that's, you know, he's a physical comic who's got a lot of audio CDs.

[3188] I'm like, what do you, he goes after my first CD, I had to go back and say, no more actouts.

[3189] I can't see any of this on stage.

[3190] I don't know.

[3191] On a CD, yeah, he said no more Godzilla act out.

[3192] I'm assuming that's something like for like a five -minute long thing where it's like, yeah, this makes no sense in CD form.

[3193] That's interesting.

[3194] Yeah.

[3195] I think, you know.

[3196] He said it would always justify what he was doing with his words somehow like, you know, to help illustrate it.

[3197] That's smart.

[3198] Yeah.

[3199] That's smart.

[3200] But some people just love, like, they're just a plain thing.

[3201] physical comedy.

[3202] And even though you don't understand what the fuck is going on when you're listening to the CD, sometimes it's okay.

[3203] Yeah, but here's my thoughts on it.

[3204] Like there's some words, because Steve Simone said this.

[3205] He goes, when I remember when I was listening to CDs, there was some things I couldn't see, I know he made a funny face there.

[3206] Right.

[3207] But it'd be like, I love this, and I so wish I could also see it live so I could be there.

[3208] But they didn't lose anything out of it.

[3209] Like, damn it.

[3210] I know it's a cool, funny face.

[3211] Yeah.

[3212] There's nothing quite like...

[3213] Yeah.

[3214] Being live at a stand -up show.

[3215] Even if there's 40 people in the room, it's still better than any CD or special.

[3216] And I think that, yeah, and I think that really if you're going to record a CD, if you're going to record a special, the real way to do it is 200 people.

[3217] That's not what anybody ever wants to hear.

[3218] Everybody wants to do these big, giant fucking fucking.

[3219] I think that's what this place is around that.

[3220] 200 people?

[3221] Yeah, the comic show.

[3222] It's perfect.

[3223] First CD ever did was the laugh stop in Houston.

[3224] How big was that?

[3225] Old laugh stop, 250 maybe.

[3226] I think we got 300 people in there one day.

[3227] But it goes off.

[3228] They go off.

[3229] Yeah, man. level than like an auditorium.

[3230] Yeah.

[3231] I mean, I just did the Verizon Wireless Theater in Houston.

[3232] It was fucking awesome.

[3233] And it's huge.

[3234] That place is gigantic.

[3235] But I hadn't been in Houston forever.

[3236] So it was a lot of energy there.

[3237] For me, it was like a big that's like, that's an important city for me. Yes.

[3238] Isn't it weird?

[3239] You get stuck in your head.

[3240] Like, I got to make a show for these people.

[3241] I'm like, why?

[3242] I don't know.

[3243] I just, there's something in me. You're going to go back to a comedy club there soon?

[3244] Yeah, I might.

[3245] I might go back to that comedy club.

[3246] When I put my special out, after I'm done with this special I'm gonna have to write some new shit and I'll spend a lot more time doing clubs and a lot less time doing theaters because in clubs it's way easier to come up with new shit it's a more experimental environment when there's like 200 to 300 people because the acoustics out of a place like that must be creepy What place?

[3247] Like a giant place?

[3248] Giant place like it's kind of like echoey or something.

[3249] I don't know sort of I mean it's all about the sound system It's so weird how if a crowd is up against the wall like if it goes all the way to the outside walls laughter bounces I'm making this part up but it seems like it bounces harder and everyone laughs more.

[3250] But when there's space in between the wall or the ceiling, then it doesn't go off as much because you're not surrounded by this laughter.

[3251] Yeah, like the perfect example is the right and the wrong way to do it.

[3252] It's Cobbs.

[3253] Cobbs in San Francisco.

[3254] Cobbs, the old Cobs, was 150 fucking seats.

[3255] I'm not that into that room.

[3256] That room's okay, but it's like, nah.

[3257] The old room.

[3258] The old room, yeah.

[3259] You only played once on a Wednesday.

[3260] Did you really?

[3261] Yeah, just on like best of San Francisco night.

[3262] It was a great room.

[3263] It was a great room.

[3264] It was real small.

[3265] mall and it was one of the few rooms that I would do for cheap because I knew that I would go up there and have a real good time and I knew this would be a good place to fuck around work on my material and so um yeah give me a shitty wage but make it a good show yeah but they went from that to a giant place now their place is like 450 with a big high ceiling and a balcony the balcony is too far back yeah so you're really far away but it's so cool that it doesn't even matter it's still really great the crowds are great but crowds are fantastic the build of it is not perfect so there's two places places to me that are like super important three places boston's because i started there san francisco and houston those are the those are the two places so i used to just because houston's owner did my first cd that one that one that pink thing on the wall back there the warner brothers one yeah i got a deal with warner brothers they were gonna like really push this it was a really good deal really um disney bought them some disney oh really pretty short disney bought them yeah it was disney and um they don't have nothing to do with that they didn't promote my cd at all they listened to it.

[3266] I was like, what the fuck are you talking about?

[3267] The opening bit is two guys fucking each other in the basement while they're working out.

[3268] Yeah, I remember that.

[3269] Getting pumped.

[3270] They heard that.

[3271] I mean, I wanted everybody to hear that one.

[3272] I wanted that to be the first track.

[3273] I wanted it to be something that I could only do.

[3274] Like they would said, well, do you think about doing a song?

[3275] I said, yeah, I'll do a song.

[3276] And they said, what do you think about doing like a sketch?

[3277] And I said, okay, I'll come up with a sketch.

[3278] So I decided I want to come up with something that's so fucked up.

[3279] You can't have it anywhere else.

[3280] Anywhere else with that.

[3281] It has to be.

[3282] Yeah.

[3283] Will you ever re -release that?

[3284] are you not allowed to?

[3285] I think you still buy it.

[3286] It's really hard and it's always the CD that's not on like, you know, the iTunes or it's not on any like the digital.

[3287] I don't, I don't believe that one is.

[3288] Oh, really?

[3289] Yeah.

[3290] Like, I think I've tried to find it a couple times in Spotify and all that.

[3291] I think there's some good material on it.

[3292] You're a better comic now but you were still really a comic though.

[3293] People will get joy out of that.

[3294] Yeah, it's good stuff.

[3295] I mean, I was really proud of it when it came out and I was really proud that I did it in Houston because Houston was my number one favorite comedians are Sam Kinnison and Bill Hicks those are my two favorite guys and they're both from Houston.

[3296] So for me being able to sell out in Houston and pack this place I was like wow this is like Man I love Kineson.

[3297] He was the best he was my favorite.

[3298] I think of all let me see if the stuff he does makes me just like go like wow Yeah all the this is so good All the great guys, I feel like he just had this completely different approach.

[3299] Like, I remember watching him, the first time I watched him, going, oh, that's comedy too.

[3300] Yeah.

[3301] Oh.

[3302] You know, they're opening up a new club in San Diego, too.

[3303] Really?

[3304] Justin Hollister.

[3305] Yeah, this is, my city's not in here, man. Yeah, there's been a couple times where I've wanted to, isn't that the one with the song on it, your awesome song, Vood Panana?

[3306] Like, I've wanted to play that for people, and I'm like, oh, I'll find it on iTunes.

[3307] Oh, wait, I'll find it on this.

[3308] And it's not anything.

[3309] Well, I'll have them put it on.

[3310] I'll figure out a way to put it on it.

[3311] I'm sure Warner Brothers probably owns it.

[3312] That's what it is.

[3313] But it's not as good as, like I said, my delivery is not nearly as good as it is now.

[3314] It's funny.

[3315] Comedy's weird like that, though.

[3316] I like having something when I was, you know, 27 years old.

[3317] You ever hear like old albums of a band before they sign with a major album and you're like, I see where you were going, but you're not there yet.

[3318] But it's still like, I'd want to have it.

[3319] And that, to me, that CD represents a sort of an awakening that I had with stand -up comedy, too, because I was doing news radio.

[3320] And when I was doing news radio, there was a long time where I got fucking really lazy, man, and I wasn't writing any new material.

[3321] Oh, yeah, you talked about that once.

[3322] I was just being lazy.

[3323] I was just doing the TV show.

[3324] And when I was doing the TV show, I'd get tired from doing it.

[3325] And then I would, you know, I would fuck off.

[3326] And I wouldn't write any new shit.

[3327] So you just do the same stuff?

[3328] Yeah, my act got really stale.

[3329] And then some writers from the show came to see me and I bombed.

[3330] Oh, really?

[3331] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[3332] At the store.

[3333] Yeah.