#347 - Joey Diaz

[0] The Joe Rogan experience Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night All day I just realized that I'm a slave to doing the podcast With that stupid song What the fucking difference is it makes?

[1] I mean, you know what I'm saying?

[2] I mean, and now it's the podcast.

[3] What am I doing?

[4] What am I crazy?

[5] The podcast began a fucking half an hour ago.

[6] We don't need to play that goddamn song.

[7] Yeah.

[8] The thing about Mountain Lines, Joey.

[9] Joey Diaz here.

[10] Joey Diaz is in the house, ladies and gentlemen for the people.

[11] We need to stop editing this.

[12] thing too just fucking accept it serious can edit it everybody else can go fuck themselves and that's really all that's happening right it's just the series it's editing the first part of the commercials up but during the commercials sometimes the best shit we say sorry so if you listen to this on serious you got to go uh go to iTunes maybe we should just mix the commercials in like in an hour would just pull out like a cell phone like damn look this mix it in like fake yeah hey Brian what is that cell phone you have in your hands and what tell me about ting we should just do it once for fun but the issue with the mountain lines where they're seeing more of them there's one of them that got a tranquilized yesterday in glendale we're talking about this i saw one last week in santa barbara and of course there was the the big one in santa monica that they killed which i think like it was about a year ago but they're not using dogs to hunt them anymore in california they changed the regulations and when you change the regulations you're going to have more mountain lines like it's it's still legal to hunt mountain lines because they're trying to keep the population under control but by not allowing hunters these dogs hunters say that's the most effective way to to kill mountain lines and still incredibly difficult what kind of dogs they use hounds they use you know hunting dogs and these these specially trained dogs are designed to go find mountain lines they find mountain lines and they tree them and then the hunter shoots them and that's almost the only way to catch these fucking things okay because they're they're in the woods okay When you're talking about intelligence, like nature intelligence, they're way fucking smarter than you.

[13] They know what they're not going to get below you.

[14] They're going to stay above you.

[15] They know that it's harder to run uphill than it is downhill.

[16] They have like instinctual things that you as a city person that's wandering through the woods.

[17] You don't know what the fuck is going on.

[18] You know, you literally need dogs to find them because they're too fast.

[19] They're just going to, they're going to hear you walk in and they're going to be like, bitch, get the fuck out of here.

[20] They're cats.

[21] They're big giant cats that are.

[22] living in the woods and we have this weird attachment you know to like certain aspects of uh what what shouldn't shouldn't be legal when it comes to managing the wildlife around us but you got to be really fucking careful about allowing predators to take hold i mean you got to be really careful because right now we're fine but the balance can shift and you start getting to an australia crocodile situation where this place is in australia you can't fucking go because if you go you will get eaten by crocodiles.

[23] They will come and they will fucking get you.

[24] And there's too many of them.

[25] And, you know, you just get areas of the water.

[26] You can't go there.

[27] If you go there, you're going to get got.

[28] It's just going to happen.

[29] I don't find that acceptable.

[30] I just don't find that acceptable.

[31] I think the idea behind it is ridiculous.

[32] 90 % of everything that's ever existed is extinct.

[33] 90 fucking percent.

[34] I don't think there'd be any problem with getting rid of crocodiles.

[35] I mean, it would be kind of cool to keep them around and look at, but if it had to do with like crocodiles overpopulating and starting to fucking kill people you can't you can't think about them as being like one of us you can't think about them as being like they're a part of nature now that's a monster that's godzilla mountain lions that's the wolf man might as well get i mean if a mountain lion gets you or the wolfman gets you it's the same shit you just got got night night night bitch one of those big cats gets you dude shit fuck what?

[36] Jesus!

[37] That's a monster.

[38] That's a goddamn monster.

[39] It's a mountain lion, and we are working so hard to conserve and protect these killers, these things that need to kill every day, these monsters that run faster than us, jump higher than us, and only kill things with their face.

[40] That's all they do.

[41] And they can kill you.

[42] And even if you have a knife, they could still probably kill you.

[43] Even if you have two knives, they'll probably kill you.

[44] Even if you're trained.

[45] They don't give them a - That first lunge that they go at you, you're done.

[46] That rips you.

[47] That rips a limb.

[48] That'll, you fucking, what do you call that vein that starts bleeding?

[49] It could rotate artery.

[50] And they hit it from every angle.

[51] The jugular vein.

[52] They'll hit it from every angle.

[53] The way they swat at you, they'll get something.

[54] You're done.

[55] You're done.

[56] And I'll tell you what.

[57] Listen, man. You know what the biggest animal I ever saw in Boulder was?

[58] What?

[59] A snake.

[60] Really?

[61] Right off Lee Hill Road.

[62] I never seen nothing like that.

[63] One of those yellow motherfuckers coiled like this stick.

[64] What kind of snake was it?

[65] I stopped and asked him You know I asked him where he was from How long you could have it stuck to You think it was like A python or something I almost fucking died Someone's like pet that they let out I don't know Most likely It was on my fall and lost property And he was I was like What the fuck We had to pull over And apparently that's the thing They have a real issue with in Florida People just take pythons They're like this thing's too big Fuck this They just throw it out the door That's it Fucking And you know it's white people By the right No no that's crazy white people In Florida Man I got me a pie I thought he won't see it eat a rabbit.

[66] Come on to feed my snake a rabbit.

[67] And then all of a sudden you realize, well, you got a rabbit eating monster living in your house.

[68] And then one day it wraps around your arm and won't let go.

[69] You're like, all right, I got to get rid of this thing.

[70] It's 18 feet long.

[71] So you take it out to the fucking swamp and just go, go.

[72] Be free, my friend.

[73] I didn't want to take it and kill it.

[74] I mean, I knew it was thinking about killing me, but it's my pet.

[75] I had a connection to it.

[76] So I just let it lose in the swamp.

[77] I saw a homeless person walking down the street with a snake around his neck Like a big one too Oh God A homeless guy with a snake's scariest thing ever Yeah, reptiles are weird man There's a weird thing with reptiles Because they don't give a fuck about you They never give a fuck about you They're just conditioned to maybe do or not bite you To bite you or not bite you Hmm what should I do They have to think about it But they might just decide to fucking bite you.

[78] But if you feed them, and if you keep feeding them, you stay with them, and you become this connection to food for them, they'll accept you.

[79] But if you die, they're not going to cry.

[80] They don't give a flying fuck about you.

[81] And if they were hungry and they thought they could eat you, of course they would eat you.

[82] It doesn't matter.

[83] It doesn't matter how long you've been feeding them.

[84] You've got a 20 -foot -long python in your house, bitch.

[85] You're living in his house, okay?

[86] Well, you are, you are his little slave, and you are bringing him offerings.

[87] That's King Kong.

[88] That thing is tied to a fucking pole.

[89] That's a monster.

[90] And as long as you keep feeding it, maybe it'll let you come close.

[91] I mean, maybe.

[92] Where you got it in your backyard?

[93] What are you doing there?

[94] You got a little cage back there, crazy fuck?

[95] I can't deal with that shit anyway.

[96] They can't even kill him, man. I can't go to some of these house and see him give, like, a white fucking mouse to this thing, especially when I'm high.

[97] Oh, yeah.

[98] It's weird.

[99] I've seen it.

[100] I've seen it.

[101] I've seen people say come over.

[102] Oh, yeah.

[103] I've seen it.

[104] a friend that's why I don't like it but man that's fucking creeped out for me I don't know it's completely creeped out I don't know they're terrifying animals and those motherfuckers where the snakes walk outside with the snakes around their head it's those motherfuckers and people with a bird on their shoulder which makes me want to snap you understand like especially like a parakeet or something on you yes and I sit there and I get so high sometimes I can see a fucking eagle just like I would you never see that I would love to see something like that like some jerk off doing magic tricks with a fucking parakeet on his shoulder and all of a sudden one of those fucking birds that just comes swooping on you just takes your fucking bird and the fucking ear off.

[105] There's a great video of a hawk that comes into an eagle's nest to try to get the hawks the eagle's babies and the eagle just goes bitch wham grabs it and eats it in front and starts feeding it to the babies.

[106] It's fucking crazy.

[107] An eagle just flies into this hawks or a hawk rather just flies into this eagle's nest wow it's crazy i know that there was a guy on here it goes look at this watch this this eagle's just chilling covering its babies and this hawk is like come here give me your give me your babies and the eagle just like bitch don't you know this america kills it on top of his babies look at this or her babies rather i'm sure that's a mama right only the mommers are the ones who guard the nest, I believe.

[108] I don't know, though.

[109] But look, it fucks up that hawk and eats it.

[110] That's great.

[111] Yeah, they caught that on an eagle camera because they have a nest camera to monitor these birds.

[112] But what a creepy world.

[113] The eagle is the meanest one.

[114] They're the baddest motherfuckers.

[115] Okay, so do they have those in Hollywood?

[116] Did you ever see...

[117] No, no, no, no. So what's in Hollywood, my friend?

[118] Hawks.

[119] Okay, the hawk.

[120] He has on Vista, right next to all those streets where we used to Hank Kurson and El Campadre.

[121] Him and his wife put cameras because they would wake up in the morning and see dead pigeon to something.

[122] And they couldn't figure out what it was.

[123] And one day they got a Keith.

[124] The guy who got a picture of a fucking pigeon landing and then this thing coming behind it, grabbing it and ripping its fucking head off.

[125] Like a monster.

[126] Just ripped his head off and started eating it without the fucking head right there on Vista on sunset.

[127] I went to the museum in natural history.

[128] Tremendous.

[129] And that's where you, you know, you get to see it's amazing amazing that one piece with a thing hanging the whale on top oh it's still there the dinosaurs alone that means is the gigantic skeletons they have it's an incredible place but they show the uh the transition between a dinosaur and bird and you know that's a that's a dinosaur like it's they explain the whole thing like the bird the dinosaurs that survived became birds when you see an eagle that crazy cunty monster that represents our country like what a perfect thing to represent our country.

[130] Like, we always, I always thought the eagle's proud, the eagle's bull.

[131] The eagle is a cunty monster from the past that somehow another has managed to stay alive.

[132] And as long as you keep giving it birds, it'll let you fucking hold it.

[133] You know, the only thing about eagles is they're not quite big enough to kill us.

[134] They're not quite big enough.

[135] You know, I'll kill an eagle, man. I'll probably get fucked up a little bit.

[136] I'll get scratched up a bit.

[137] But if I get a hold of an eagle, I'm going to kill that fucking thing.

[138] They'll take the finger off, right?

[139] Yeah, it'll probably fuck me out pretty bad.

[140] I'll probably be cut up pretty hard.

[141] But I'm going to win.

[142] I'm going to kill that fucking eagle.

[143] And he knows it.

[144] He knows it.

[145] He looks at it and goes, damn, I wish I could kill you.

[146] But you're just a little too big.

[147] Because an eagle's only like 50 pounds or something, right?

[148] You know, they look, I mean, they're pretty fucking scary.

[149] And they, like I said, they will fucking hurt you.

[150] But most likely, they're not going to be able to take you out.

[151] But they've tried to pick up kids and shit.

[152] Eagles have picked up little boys before him.

[153] I tried to fly off with him.

[154] As a matter of fact, there's a video of an eagle picking up a kid that's a fake video is it a fake video yeah that was a bunch of students the sons of bitches you're talking to somebody who's scared of chickens like I see a chicken dog and I panic like I'm scared of chickens when I see chickens moving I fucking panic I'm like that shit at all I could go into one of those butcher shops and have these animals those Italian like margizano and the east coast you ever go to those places where your mom goes in Newark and they have the fucking Italian butcher right you go in and they have like everything like all those bird what's the burnt quail right then they'll have like a chicken and the other thing then they get exotic wow they have like an eagle do they serve eagle it depends where you go you know what depends who you know I know people are into eating like shit like eagles dude but this is the place where you could stick your hand in and the guy would take the chicken out and break its neck wow cut it and then your mother brings it home for so you can get like pheasants maybe yeah they got all that shit I mean in the old days they probably had like polar band they don't give a fuck they had everything those Italians that what are you need And they're an alligator, we got it.

[155] Just give me 15 minutes.

[156] Well, apparently there's a company that will serve you like lion steaks.

[157] Yeah, they'll sell you like, like, yeah, like it's some sort of exotic game meat company.

[158] And they'll, you know, sell you lion.

[159] You can eat lion.

[160] And Colorado is known for that shit restaurants, Cablunics, where you take you.

[161] I taught we discuss this where they take you, they pick you meet up in the top of Snowmass Village, and they take you there in those things with the dogs.

[162] Right.

[163] They take you over a mountain, you, you're your wife.

[164] They put blankets on you.

[165] It has to be in the winter.

[166] This is real shit.

[167] They pick you up a 530 sharp.

[168] You get there, you come on, you can order alligator, fucking...

[169] Dinosaur.

[170] Dinosaur, fucking Puerto Rican meat.

[171] Anything.

[172] You can, fuck, you can order anything, a fucking rat.

[173] Anything.

[174] It's amazing.

[175] I saw it.

[176] I never went there, but I knew the guy that had the dogs that would whip the fucking dogs and shit over there.

[177] So we had conversations.

[178] Oh, he's like a sledder?

[179] One of those sweater guys?

[180] But I know that if you fly into China, Hong Kong, don't quote me on which continent.

[181] There's a restaurant that just specializes in testicles.

[182] Oh, Jesus.

[183] Did you see that shit?

[184] Every type of tat.

[185] There's one that belongs to like a fucking dollar.

[186] It's a stem, and that's the big one that comes in a soup.

[187] It's like a testicle soup.

[188] I think it's like 1800 hours for the fucking soup.

[189] Oh, my God.

[190] You got to look it up.

[191] It's disgusting, but it makes you think people pay to eat animal dick.

[192] That's fucking crazy.

[193] Can you know, but I was looking at that ego.

[194] How funny is that in real life?

[195] Like your mom kills somebody in front of you.

[196] Like, yeah, you're going to eat your vegetables?

[197] No, like your mom.

[198] Someone comes in.

[199] In real life, like, your mom's like, eat your broccoli.

[200] I don't like broccoli.

[201] You mother, bam, bam, what's that?

[202] I know, like an eagle's.

[203] They brought a cat to feed.

[204] Oh, my God.

[205] They've been eating this cat.

[206] Oh, my God.

[207] They're all eating a cat.

[208] Holy shit.

[209] Oh, my God.

[210] Dude, that is a creepy, creepy animal.

[211] It's really, it just pulled the meat away from its babies, by the way.

[212] When I was like, that is mine.

[213] Well, it's actually been, it's been, like, taking.

[214] it apart and feeding it.

[215] I've been watching it for a while.

[216] It's really cute watching it.

[217] Have you ever seen the video of the wolves getting killed by the Eagles?

[218] Wolves?

[219] Yeah, guys who have trained Eagles.

[220] Do you got to see this?

[221] I think it's the Mongols.

[222] Or is that a Bona Cycle Gang?

[223] They have trained Eagles, Golden Eagles that swoop down and kill wolves.

[224] I guess Golden Eagles are even bigger than bald eagles, I think.

[225] I should look that up.

[226] All right, let me look that up.

[227] Oh, look at that thing.

[228] Jesus Christ, that's big.

[229] Look at the size of that thing.

[230] And look how it does this.

[231] And the dude is all, like, done up in, like, tribal, traditional, like, animal skin clothes.

[232] I mean, he's in a harsh, harsh world, and he's got this eagle that he's got trained.

[233] And this thing swooping in.

[234] Watch this shit.

[235] You know, it goes after a fucking wolf, man. I mean, what a gangster bird.

[236] I mean, you want to talk about, that's like, the wolf is like almost the top of the food chain.

[237] It probably thinks it is the top of the food chain.

[238] It's running like it's not, though.

[239] It's like, oh, shit, bird.

[240] It knows.

[241] What a terrifying feeling that must be to be a goddamn wolf and still be scared of this evil bird.

[242] Look how it takes it out.

[243] It just swoops down and grabs the wolf by the back of the neck and just starts jacking it.

[244] Don't you think, though, this wolf could easily just fucking attack this bird and kill it?

[245] You would think, but I think the birds are stronger than you think.

[246] They're really primitive, man. I mean, they're not like, we look at them like they're all fluffy and shit, but you look at like their musculature and the way they're designed.

[247] They're not designed like any other animal.

[248] We sort of associate their size with the way we would view, like, a mammal that was that size.

[249] Like, oh, that's, you know, no, not that big a deal.

[250] Like if, you know, whatever, a puppy or something, or a dog, rather, that was that big, was trying to go after you, you would think that a dog that's only 60 pounds is not going to be able to kill you.

[251] What the fuck was that?

[252] What kind of animal is that?

[253] That's a golden eagle.

[254] Now, they have, how do they kill that thing with a claw?

[255] Yeah, could they just claw on the neck?

[256] And then they tear them apart.

[257] I mean, their claws are unbelievably strong.

[258] And they're essentially knives.

[259] They have like knives on their, their huge arms.

[260] Dude, they can pick up a fucking salmon that's swimming in a river.

[261] Stop and think about that a moment.

[262] How strong you have to be to grab a salmon with your hands.

[263] You're a big guy, Joey.

[264] Do you think you could grab a salmon?

[265] Do you think you could hold on to a salmon?

[266] There's no fucking way.

[267] How about grab it and then fly off with it?

[268] Do you know how fucking strong eagles have to be?

[269] That's an evil, ancient animal that we're like, it's the noble, proud eagle.

[270] you remember that guy that sang those songs the guy John Ashcroft Let the Eagle Soor Did you ever hear that song?

[271] Did you ever hear that song?

[272] When Ashcroft was the What was the Attorney General Or something like that?

[273] Whatever made up fucking title it was Whatever job distinction he had He was working for the Bush administration Whatever functioned they had him in And he was completely crazy He was just nutty Christian guy And he had the most amazing song That he sang once And when he sang it, everybody knew right away, like, whoa, this guy is fucking nuts.

[274] I mean, we knew he was nuts, but what the fuck is this?

[275] That the eagle soar like she's never soared before.

[276] And he's saying, yeah, it's, I mean, it's, it's mad.

[277] You're watching madness.

[278] You're watching 100 % pure, unfiltered madness.

[279] And you're just watching it.

[280] All you think of is what kind of twisted shit is this guy doing when he's not doing this because if you're that far out there you're that far out there that you're singing with the eagle you know and you're like he was like super super duper christian like that guy had some fucking bones in his yard man what do you think wolverine versus wolf who would win if i had a guess pull up that let the eagle sore i need to hear that now what's a wolverine um i would say a wolverine is uh it's like a badger bat in the badger family and they're fierce unbelievably fierce animals they're crazy looking too they look badass man it's like Hugh Grant he doesn't make sense that they call him Wolverine because the whole idea of Wolverine is Wolverine is supposed to be built like Sean Shirk he's like a small guy but he had these crazy muscles and he had like this adamantium skeleton he had like some metal skeleton but it was like a little like fierce thick guy but then you have the guy who plays him what's his name again the dude who plays what is it what is it Hugh Jackman I know I just said it isn't I like him too I whatever I blame the weed but Hugh Jackman is like this beautiful tall handsome you know like statuesque sort of male model looking dude it's not really doesn't work for like that character the character is supposed to be like a Wolverine a wolverine's like and that's what this guy was like he was like this hairy dude with his hands would turn into these swords like they would come out these giant knives would come out where his knuckles are and he would just fuck people up.

[281] It was one of the most ruthless superheroes ever when you think about it.

[282] I mean, because he would just kill people all the time.

[283] You went to the comic book?

[284] Oh, I fucking love the X -Men, man. Listen to this.

[285] Let the eagle soar.

[286] Like she's never soared before.

[287] That's the real song.

[288] I don't know why it's got the cowbell in it.

[289] It's the cowboy this cowbell edition.

[290] The cowbell sucks.

[291] There's a like That was a cowbell thing Going on through the internet for a while That's a crazy person That's a crazy person Crazy person With black socks With stinky feet Sweaty feet all the time In leather shoes Just wanting to get weird Wanting to stick his thumb up your butt I can choke it or something What's going on bro With Jay Z going to Cuba I don't know man I don't know I saw it in the news Did you see that?

[292] I saw in the news What was hilarious was that the people in the news were looking at it as a political liability for President Obama, that Jay -Z is, you know, going to Cuba, and it, like, weakens the Obama position.

[293] Like, he can't be friends with Jay -Z now, and I'm like, and I was watching that, I was like, wow, this is weird.

[294] This is, like, they've managed to turn the White House into the Real Housewives of Orange County.

[295] Like, they literally have managed to turn the White House into, like, almost a bit of a reality show.

[296] like oh what is what is Obama gonna do about JZB and Cuba oh that's crazy that's a really important thing to think about right now because it's not like there's a country called North Korea that has weapons that it's threatening to shoot at us and has nuclear capability yeah man what about that rapper that guy who makes stuff rhyme why did he go to that place where everyone's poor what the fuck I just seen the headline from Hotlanda divana or something like that I'm like oh this is terrible it's so weird how right now and today's world.

[297] The White House is really, and what's going on around is a reality show, compared to what's really going on.

[298] The wife is on Conan O 'Brien jumping up and down.

[299] It's incredible.

[300] And I ain't got nothing but love for her.

[301] I love that woman.

[302] But do you understand me?

[303] I mean, it's all different.

[304] It's like the government is pushing that shit at you to worry about that while what's really, really going on right now is fucking scary.

[305] Whether it's career, whether it's going on.

[306] Oh, one good thing, the post office ain't going to fucking close.

[307] Now, did you see that?

[308] No. Close on Saturday.

[309] Start in November.

[310] Oh, yeah?

[311] No more mail delivery on Saturday.

[312] No more mail on Saturday.

[313] Start in November, but no. They just, they got to, they found the money.

[314] They found the Guitas.

[315] Somebody opened their mouth and said, are you fucking serious?

[316] I get my copy of my fucking Times Street, whatever the fuck of it is, magazine.

[317] You know, I really wonder whether or not we would be better off with a privatization of that, you know, because I think UPS does an awesome job.

[318] I mean, they're amazing.

[319] And the postal service, the only issues that I've ever had.

[320] with the Postal Service is going to the actual place, to the actual, you know, place and waiting in line.

[321] That's the only issues I've ever had.

[322] But the idea that you should have a government company that does what private companies do.

[323] Like, why would you even need it?

[324] You know, why would you need, why do you need a post office?

[325] Why do you need, you know, because, I mean, the post office as it exists is great.

[326] But shouldn't it exist because of the market?

[327] Because it's like, you know, it fills a spot.

[328] You know what I mean?

[329] Like, why should it be the government that does that?

[330] That's one of the weird questions of our society.

[331] In an ideal world, it would be great if the government did all that stuff, right?

[332] In an ideal world, it would be great if we could trust everybody to handle everything.

[333] But it seems like everything gets handled best when it gets treated like it's a business, you know?

[334] And whenever you have, like, government organizations that are taking places that could be taken place by business, you're sort of like you're controlling things and regulating things.

[335] I mean, obviously in the post office it works great, but it doesn't work great in the DMV, right?

[336] It doesn't work great in the TSA.

[337] It doesn't work.

[338] There's a lot of places where it doesn't work great.

[339] Jonathan Winters died.

[340] Yeah, I heard.

[341] Why is it, you know, I hate to bring this up and keep going with this.

[342] But why is it that, like, the post office had all those shootings?

[343] What happened there?

[344] It's because the workers were overworked.

[345] I mean, if you look at, if you go to the post office.

[346] Like back in the day?

[347] Because it doesn't happen anymore.

[348] Like, the shootings don't happen anymore.

[349] Yeah.

[350] I don't know why it's not happening anymore.

[351] But there was a time.

[352] Like, if you go to the post office now and you just look at the people that are working there, that looks like the most miserable job ever.

[353] They're just sitting there nonstop from 8 a .m the morning.

[354] Well, if everybody just used Stamps .com brand, it would lighten the load.

[355] And then there would be less work and everybody could chill the fuck out.

[356] Yeah.

[357] Do you imagine that's a thankless job, man?

[358] I don't have a check my mail.

[359] and like I don't check my mail except maybe once a month now and it's like the worst idea in the road because I'll check it and there's like all these bills and like late payments and stuff but I hate the mail so much that now it literally is like a stack this big of mail once a month and only about 5 % of it is something that I need Do you pick up the mail or it gets delivered to you?

[360] I have a huge mailbox that just I mean it's right in front of my house I just don't even care I just don't look it.

[361] So the post office is completely a government gig right?

[362] I think it is yeah.

[363] I have a friend back home my friend Adam who's a postman he's been a postman forever he used to work out with him at the Boston Athletic Club back in the day and he's like he was like a real neighborhood postman you know with like go door to door knew everybody said hi they would like give him tips for like Christmas and stuff it was like a real neighborhood postman do they still have those yeah yeah some places still have like a real a guy who's like how you doing good morning like knows everybody that's a guy I got now is a dick but the guy the guy had in Hollywood He was a Filipino and he gambled, so I owned him.

[364] Oh, that's hilarious.

[365] He delivered to me first.

[366] He knew if I had, I would tell him, dog, I'm getting a check this week.

[367] Stop by here first.

[368] And I'd see him like at nine.

[369] He'd give me the check early and shit.

[370] Good guy, still see him.

[371] He's still down there.

[372] I wonder if though how those guys feel about things like Stamps .com.

[373] I mean, they still have to deliver things.

[374] So, you know what I mean?

[375] Yeah, it's not affecting them.

[376] It's actually probably making them.

[377] Yeah, it's probably like a lightening the load a little.

[378] Male guys love their fucking job.

[379] That's a great job.

[380] Yeah, not a bad gig.

[381] You're walking, especially, California.

[382] What the male people hate more than fucking we do is the shit they have to deliver.

[383] That's why a lot of them, see, I'm talking to you from the other end.

[384] I did time with three dudes that dumped the fucking circulars.

[385] So if a mailman dumped Circulous, they go to prison.

[386] What does that mean?

[387] What are you talking about?

[388] Circulous.

[389] When you've got a thing from Rouse that says grapefruit, three for 99 cents.

[390] Spam in your mailbox.

[391] Right.

[392] I know male guys that have done time.

[393] Like I knew a fucking hippie in Boulder.

[394] The coolest motherfucker ever Tenge.

[395] Cool as white dude.

[396] I loved them from fucking some white investment in Oklahoma.

[397] I love the long hair.

[398] He used to, they've been fucked to them, put in the ponytail tail.

[399] This motherfucker filled his garage.

[400] Oh, no. For 10 years with the spam.

[401] And something happened in his house.

[402] He had a fire in the backyard and they found 10 years worth of hoarding the fucking sin.

[403] He was stealing it?

[404] No, he didn't want to mail it to people.

[405] He thought it was fucking terrible, but he had to do it as part of his job.

[406] They threw him in fucking jail.

[407] Oh, they threw in jail because he didn't send it out.

[408] Yes, those circles.

[409] Because he didn't want to spam them.

[410] Yeah, he liked the people in his neighborhood.

[411] And these people got together, and they got his legal defenses down like two grand, two years in time.

[412] He did federal time.

[413] And then I met other guys a diagnostic who were cool mailman who just, that's the big beef.

[414] And one of the kids I grew up with that I'm very tight with still to this day got fired.

[415] And he tells hysterical, like he used to take the little card.

[416] into the city to go to RTB and he'd go pick up the grandma blow in the little mail cart and he'd go back over the jersey over the bridge and he'd throw the mail away he would tell me how the whole place was he got fired before he got caught because all their phones and listen to this this is 20 years ago so here you go you ready for this bomb they had them on tape 20 years ago gambling on the post office phone oh wow so they've been listening on the phone before 9 -11 the act of 66 that we all buy into so they just record conversations.

[417] Yeah, if you work in a federal agency since 1950, they've been taping and everything.

[418] When you call home and tell your husband you're going to go home and suck his dick, they got it on tape.

[419] You know what I'm saying?

[420] It's hysterical.

[421] They called them in and played the tape.

[422] That's hilarious.

[423] And then they said, like, until this day, I always said, well, what if they're investigating the bookmaker?

[424] He goes, no, we weren't calling the bookmaker.

[425] My ship ended up until the 12.

[426] How come no one's ever done a movie about wild -ass mailman?

[427] Because some crazy mailmen, stealing shit, and finding, like, some check -in -figure.

[428] Think about what the shit they find?

[429] They fucks probably a lot of chicks, too.

[430] I mean, like, they walk around.

[431] There's, like, these girls that are at home by themselves, you know, these wives that, you know, they probably know the male man. If you're around the right skanks, you can make it happen.

[432] Oh, and do me a favor, for all you tough guys.

[433] Or the right ones.

[434] For all you tough guys, touch your mailman.

[435] Touch him.

[436] Touch him.

[437] Get into a beef with your mail mail one time.

[438] Oh, there's a federal employee.

[439] Yeah, that's like an assaulting a police officer, isn't it?

[440] Tell your mailman one time.

[441] Hey, fuck -oh.

[442] If you're going to come over here, don't.

[443] Don't fucking hit the gate because my baby.

[444] Say that to your mailman one time and see what happens, Steve.

[445] Why?

[446] How about don't say that?

[447] Because let me tell you something.

[448] Within 15 minutes, you have a police car at your house, and then you'll have another fucking employee, some car that you've never seen before.

[449] And they fucking knock.

[450] I had a friend that hit a mailman with a frisbee.

[451] Oh, no. In Arizona, they were doing that shit, and the guy cut across, and they hit him with a frisbee, and they laughed.

[452] So the guy thought it was done intentionally.

[453] This guy did a year in fucking jail.

[454] It's a heavy -duty fucking assault charge, touching a fucking mailman.

[455] But in Boulder, one time, this is an interesting story in a Boulder.

[456] There was a guy that got bit by a dog, so now his phobia, he hated dogs, but he needed the job as a mailman.

[457] So if you left your dog in the yard, he would spray your dog, with shit to the face.

[458] So one woman was home one day.

[459] He heard the dog, you know, the dog's outside and seen the mailman's fucking spraying.

[460] And she told the neighbors some other dog had died in that route.

[461] And the guy waited for him.

[462] This is in 90, no, 86 in Boulder.

[463] The guy waited for the mailman next day.

[464] He took him in a fucking Boulder.

[465] You got to be careful, bro.

[466] And he took him in that fucking backyard, him and his brother and crew a beat on this fucking guy.

[467] I think one of them went to jail.

[468] The other.

[469] Boulder is a fucking crazy place like that when you, you don't know who you're messing with.

[470] Well, a lot of those people in Colorado are the descendants of old cowboys.

[471] I mean, you've got to think, like, back a few generations.

[472] Can you imagine fucking the mailman up?

[473] like a man well they didn't good fellas well if a guy kills your dog you know that you love you might you might be willing to do a little time you know there's some pieces of shit out there man there's some pieces of shit that'll kill your dog fucking poison it they don't care I have a friend who moved to a place he had a barky dog someone poisoned his dog you know I mean that's that's crazy shit man you know I mean I can understand that you have a problem with it it sucks it sucks that some guy has a barky dog but poisoning the dog is crazy.

[474] I mean, not only that, it was, it was a big area.

[475] He lived in, like, a big rural area.

[476] So his dog wasn't even on a leash.

[477] Like, his dog was allowed to roam free.

[478] But apparently, people didn't like it.

[479] This new dog moving in the neighborhood started barking, so they just poisoned it.

[480] You know, that's just, I hate when people get defined in life as being like an animal lover or not, I mean, everybody's an animal lover.

[481] We're all, we're all, we're all.

[482] We're all.

[483] lovers of animals that you can trust you know and when you meet a person and they have like a cool dog like like you you know a friendly person by their friendly dogs you know it's like the idea that you could do that just spray dogs in the face that's like a sociopathic sort of thing that little dog that you have is ridiculous it's so cute it's really it's not even real it's not even real your dogs you dogs not even real it barked for his first time last night and four days and did you come no no he did i have mirrors in my bedroom like on the doors and he just sits there and stares at himself because he doesn't understand mirrors and finally last night he went crazy on the mirrors and just barked his first time it was so cute oh that's hilarious he's so cute man it's ridiculous yeah i found something i've been cleaning out my office uh i found something the other day and it completely opened up like like a memory that i completely forgot about when i was younger and this is so crazy i can't believe i forgot this we used to have this thing called time of temperature do you guys remember do you guys have where you live where you called a phone number yes like the time is yeah and the temperature remember that 29 cents a call at the end of the month your mother will almost fucking kill you I didn't know that 80 bucks in fucking time and temperature who's falling fucking time and temperature I got 18 fucking clocked all over the house I remember that when I was a kid I had a calling card and if I didn't know the time I could use my calling card at a fucking phone booth and call and get the time and temperature How stupid is that?

[484] The one in Ohio was free, I think, and it was just a phone number you called.

[485] But what happened is, at one point, something broke where, like, anyone else that was calling could talk to the other people listening.

[486] So it became a chat room for, like, three months.

[487] You would call time and temperature, and suddenly you hear, like, hello?

[488] Are you there?

[489] Anyone there?

[490] And you're like, yeah, I'm here.

[491] How are you?

[492] You know, like, you start talking to people.

[493] So I met this girl on time and temperature.

[494] and I got her phone number and then we started talking for like two weeks and she said she went to a different school and all this stuff and then she was a virgin and she was like I will pay you $100 if you sleep with me and I was like yes I will take that money I was 17 I was like $100 that's amazing so she I was kind of scared of how she looked and everything like that she came over at my I was when I lived with my mom and my mom was out of town she came over one weekend never met this girl just talked to her a few times on the phone met her on time and take her on time and temperature she comes over and she was like a lot older like I'm 17 she was probably like 30 and I was like she but she acted like she was in high school the whole time and I just was like I guess she's in high school but like I knew I knew that she was older like and then she wrote me a check with her name on it and I was like oh you have a check book or wow that's cool like I was 17 I didn't have a checkbook you were impressed she could write checks and I fucked her and I'm now looking back at it I never even thought about it she was totally an older chick that was fucking young girl guys like like she I was underage and she paid I was a hooker at 17 that was her scam she used to call time and weather what a fucking scam and pick up kids because only kids only kids were doing that like I remember like this was like a chat line for kids and I would be like oh what's going on yeah Worthington rules so she was just some crazy freak bitch it was fucking 17 year old yeah meeting them on time and temperature that's amazing but did she know you were 17 oh yeah yeah I said I went to high school and she said she went to the high school and she said she went to the this other high school that was like 20 minutes away.

[495] Is it possible that she just did a lot of meth?

[496] Honestly, when she first came over, I was like, oh my God, I'm in trouble.

[497] This is the person's mom.

[498] But then she was the girl.

[499] And then she, like, we didn't barely talk.

[500] I remember she walked in and we talked for a second.

[501] I just turned off the lights in my living room.

[502] We fucked on the floor.

[503] And she gave me a check and she left.

[504] And it was like in and out half hour.

[505] Did you spend the money?

[506] It took me a while to cash a check because I didn't have a checking account.

[507] And so I had to like, I think I had to like get a cash.

[508] I had at the grocery store or something.

[509] But yeah, I spent the money.

[510] I totally forgot about it.

[511] Wouldn't it be an amazing reality show to follow that woman around?

[512] Like, if you could go back in time and just watch how she did it in the age of no internet, just find young guys and meet them somewhere and just fuck them and pay them, actually pay them.

[513] Like, how crazy was that chick?

[514] Do you think she was that crazy or maybe it was just like a one -time thing where she just lost her mind and got caught up in the thrill of the moment.

[515] Yeah, I have no idea, man. Think about how creepy that movie is.

[516] But then again, how creepy are we?

[517] We make believe we're on the payphone at the bottom of the stairs at the comedy store and watch the chicks come in and out of the back room.

[518] And all you guys do is wait out of one out of ten of them.

[519] Somebody's going to be drunk and somebody.

[520] They should have never taken down that paint phone.

[521] That pay phone was a piece of history.

[522] Oh, my God.

[523] They should put a payphone back there.

[524] They should find a payphone from that era.

[525] Yeah, they took it down.

[526] And they also took the one down at the improv that used to be outside of it.

[527] they shouldn't do that but you know what's still there at the comedy store is where like all the guy comics come in and they tilt the window so it's like perfectly so you can go to the stairs outside and just sit there and look down and see any girls in the bathroom oh that's so gross that's so gross that's that's so fucked up whenever i like my girls are like i'm with a friend that's like that's really illegal you shouldn't even really be talking about that on the phone or on the podcast allegedly i've never done it yeah what's more that's really creepy sitting down by the phone waiting for fucking pigeons to come here.

[528] If you're a girl and some guy can look in while you shit, that's disgusting.

[529] That's disgusting.

[530] You're a piece of shit.

[531] That's a terrible human being and you're like thinking it's all silly.

[532] Put a mirror on your foot.

[533] Jamie Kelstein would be yelling at you right now.

[534] I don't do it.

[535] I don't do it.

[536] I'm just saying that I've noticed they do that thing.

[537] Yeah.

[538] And I could probably...

[539] Well, someone should fucking black that out, man. You just call the manager.

[540] And they have to do...

[541] Now they're going to have to, by the way.

[542] You just fucked it up.

[543] We've all done creepy things, but that's...

[544] It's one of the creepy things I don't fucking like.

[545] All you creeps are not going to be able to pull that off anymore because you talked about it on the podcast.

[546] Now, the comedy store is going to have to fix that or they'll be liable.

[547] It's funny because every time you have to let them know, man. If you like going there, you better let them know, for real.

[548] Because people are going to talk about it in the pocket.

[549] That's a big issue, man. You're making it out like it's not a big issue, but looking in on girls, like fixing a mirror or a window to look in on girls while they shit.

[550] That's like seriously against the law and seriously creepy.

[551] Yeah, I agree.

[552] But you're just joking around about it on a podcast.

[553] I'm saying that every time I have a girl, I'm with a girl, and she goes to the bathroom.

[554] That's the one thing I say, make sure those things are shut when you go in there, the blind things.

[555] Well, I mean, if you go in there as a girl, though, and you see it, it's obvious, like, all right, there's an open window right here.

[556] I should shut this.

[557] That shit's ridiculous.

[558] It shouldn't be there.

[559] It shouldn't be like that.

[560] And a girl shouldn't have to be, especially in the place where they're serving alcohol, the last thing that should have to happen as a girl should have to worry about who could possibly looking through a window while she's shitting.

[561] Yeah.

[562] That's nonsense.

[563] That's a complete nonsense.

[564] Some fix that, stupid.

[565] Are those edible?

[566] You just eat Joey Diaz?

[567] Eidables.

[568] Careful.

[569] You're a dangerous man. Jam bag's going to be jamming.

[570] Yeah, these edibles are potent shit.

[571] Those are the pretzance.

[572] They're okay.

[573] That's the whole bag.

[574] That's a hundred thirty.

[575] This fucking thing will kill you.

[576] It's like a touchy row.

[577] Fucking kill you.

[578] It's amazing.

[579] By the next year in California, there's going to be like zombies.

[580] They will be zombies.

[581] Yeah.

[582] Because they're going to double this.

[583] this is four fucking loads they're gonna double us don't don't say that people gonna be walking around with shirts ripped open like zombies zombies and shit that is fucking crap you know we've all done I don't know I don't remember looking through the peephole over there you know that's gross I do remember doing like just it was just fucking crazy the shit that you try to think of all the crazy women that I met through there over the years in different situations.

[584] It's fucking kind of crazy.

[585] You can write a book, and it's kind of disgusting.

[586] Oh, what the comedy story is saying?

[587] Disgusting.

[588] You know what the beautiful thing about the comedy store was, the camaraderie between comics?

[589] Like, we all sit in that back and hang out.

[590] There was so much camaraderie in that place.

[591] It's like having an employee meeting with your peers every night.

[592] And it was so loosely regulated, you know?

[593] It's getting more tighter now, unfortunately.

[594] Well, I mean, you kind of have to do that.

[595] It should have probably been tighter a long time ago.

[596] But the real issue was always, you know, how do you run a club and run a business and then still sort of let the comedians do whatever the fuck they want.

[597] Sometimes it doesn't work out.

[598] Comedians are wreck your place, you know?

[599] That's why I always try to contribute to that place as much as I could.

[600] Like, it's like, do it for free.

[601] I pay for the sound system there.

[602] You need to go back there and pay for any sound system.

[603] No, no, no. That's bullshit.

[604] I'm sure it is.

[605] It's a sound system I bought in like 2001 or some shit.

[606] It's an old sound system.

[607] It's so scary there, too, because I do the show up in the belly room, and up in the belly room is, like, falling apart.

[608] Like, you, like, I went to plug something in, and, like, all the electricity went out.

[609] And then I'm, like, these outlets are not legal.

[610] Like, this is impossible.

[611] Like, you would, like, I'll turn on, like, my life.

[612] Keep throwing them under the bus, boy, keep it up.

[613] Yeah, keep it up.

[614] You're like, fucking.

[615] You know, what are you trying to do, man?

[616] Oh, my God.

[617] You know, there's going to be people that are thinking of this conspiracy.

[618] Well, what I know is that Joe Rogan had a problem with us.

[619] thing, his little bitch, Brian Redburn.

[620] What the fuck, Brian?

[621] He's just talking about making lives about our security staff with someone to finest in Los Angeles, okay?

[622] I handpicked them myself.

[623] The fucking thing almost blew up.

[624] The thing's from 1920 people.

[625] She's dead.

[626] Who's running that motherfucking place?

[627] What the fuck?

[628] I have nothing but love for it.

[629] I got love for it too, but you got one foot in the grave one of banana peel.

[630] She's very, she's very, very, she's very, very old building.

[631] She's very unhealthy, but I love that woman.

[632] I never had any issue with her.

[633] Neither have I, but I'm talking about the building that it's fucking nobody's watching it.

[634] Nope, there's no maintenance man walking around in the daytime looking at the fucking the plugs is doing that shit.

[635] No, no one's paying attention.

[636] You know, it's a, well, I don't know about it.

[637] And she didn't want to lift a rock for a roof 18 years ago.

[638] That motherfucker must be leaking like a motherfucker by now.

[639] That thing that she didn't want to go.

[640] Remember, she had Bob Baker up there putting spackle on that motherfucker made a Coke and fucking black tar and all that.

[641] shit.

[642] When you got Bob Baker on your roof, fucking roof in your building, you have fucking problems.

[643] What happened to that guy?

[644] Who the fuck knows he fucking jumped off a roof?

[645] Fuck him.

[646] It's fucking California.

[647] It's 80 degrees outside.

[648] Fuck Bob Baker.

[649] Fucking Bob Baker.

[650] Come on up.

[651] Help me. You fucking crazy.

[652] I'm going to walk through that roof.

[653] I got nobody to suit.

[654] Do you remember when the guys were launching water balloons from the roof?

[655] We were just talking about that the other day.

[656] Yeah.

[657] What era was that?

[658] That was about seven years ago.

[659] It was Steve Renazizi.

[660] It was who the fuck are you talking about?

[661] Jesus Christ, son.

[662] You need to go to a doctor.

[663] I swear to God, you need to go to a doctor.

[664] What about five years before I bought to?

[665] Look, what if someone who was shot off?

[666] Now we can't tell a story.

[667] I heard the story.

[668] I heard the story for five years before I got there.

[669] When Tupac shot the gun in there, it was all a black club, and they used to have metal detectors at the door in 95.

[670] I never saw that.

[671] I was there in 94.

[672] It wasn't like that.

[673] They would just have, like, fat Tuesdays would get crazy.

[674] But the one night, Eddie Griffin was saying one night, Tupac went in there, and they had a shootout and everybody ran, and Mitzie banned him because she thought it was him.

[675] In fact, the bullets are still on the brick.

[676] In the belly room, right?

[677] Yeah.

[678] Wow.

[679] One in the thing still, yeah, from Tupac.

[680] I wouldn't doubt that there was some crazy shit that went down there because they did have some crazy shit happen there.

[681] Even, like, Kinnison shot a gun in that place.

[682] There's a hole in the back sign that came from Kinnison's gun.

[683] It's still there.

[684] The hole's still there.

[685] It's kind of fucking cool, you know, just to be around a place where Sam Kinnis and lost it and shot a hole in a fucking sign.

[686] I think it was about Dice too, wasn't it?

[687] Yeah, I think we should have asked him.

[688] I think we talked about it with Dice.

[689] Yeah, we did.

[690] My memory's done.

[691] You know, it's filled.

[692] It's filled.

[693] You know, it's filled.

[694] It's like I've got no room.

[695] I'm taking in too much information lately.

[696] It's crazy that 30 years from now, you know.

[697] Any day now, they're going to call them and say somebody offered them $10 million for that property, Joe.

[698] Oh, the store?

[699] Yeah.

[700] Any day now.

[701] Any day, somebody's going to break and go, you know what, what the fuck?

[702] Let's buy that side, this side.

[703] the side across the street well you know it's worth a lot of money yeah it's worth a lot of the history of that place is just undefiable no the history is undefiable but some japanese some japanese group who don't give a fuck about ha ha's in the east is going to show up with 60 mill put an underground casino in there whatever the fuck they do because all those streets are haunted and you know what we're going to be driving by there when a tea is going to come because it's it's it possible to still pull something like that off today is someone willing to gamble that much money today or is this a tricky economy i don't know so that's a It's like, every time you go to Vegas, every time you go to Vegas, aren't they building a new fucking building?

[704] Always, right.

[705] Somebody's talking somebody telling them that the future is going to be brighter.

[706] You know what it also is, too?

[707] They just adjust.

[708] Like, instead of making $10 billion, okay, we're making $5.

[709] Are we cool?

[710] We're cool with $5.

[711] Let's be cool with $5 billion.

[712] And they just cut it in half and now they take a loss.

[713] They take a loss.

[714] All those guys have something that's losing dough.

[715] That's part of the fucking angle to write off and have a good time.

[716] But to take that place down, it would be so sad.

[717] Every place has gone down.

[718] Even fucking Arnold's went down on happy days.

[719] What was Arnold?

[720] The fucking hamburger show.

[721] They take everything down to Joe.

[722] That's not real.

[723] Whatever.

[724] Whatever.

[725] Who knows when it was real or not, but they shoot.

[726] They fucking take everything to fuck down.

[727] And that's, you know, that's the reality.

[728] It's so weird.

[729] I don't even go to that side of sunset.

[730] I don't know.

[731] I drive by it and I feel guilty.

[732] When I had my ear infection, I had to go to the Sienega to go get a hearing test.

[733] And I drove past it.

[734] And it was amazing.

[735] I'm like, almost.

[736] the last time I drove on this side, the fucking sunset.

[737] When you and I used to hang out there between, like, was it, I think, like, 98?

[738] You started coming around, 97?

[739] 2005, I was in that, man. God, I wish you guys would just hang out with us one day.

[740] It's so far.

[741] Me, Don Barris and all of us, Tony Hinsons, all just sitting in the back, shooting the shit, smoking too much weed.

[742] You can't go back.

[743] The same people who were in charge back then during the Menstelia incident, they're still in charge.

[744] It's the same people.

[745] person there is one person for me that's the same people man for me that angle of it is forgotten i take it from a different angle that was then this is now there's nothing i could do to bring that back why don't i why don't i go home get my football jack and put it on and hang out in front of my high school well i didn't say a fucking listen the improv has never been anything but cool to me no they're very cool the improv is so nice to me yeah all of us plural yeah all of us plural exactly we work all of them all of them they're great and on top of that i mean there's also the laugh factory, Jamie Massada's a wacky dude.

[746] He's always been nice to me. Dynamite.

[747] Dynamite.

[748] And then there's the fucking ice house, which is the greatest club in the history of the world.

[749] That's our backyard.

[750] I don't even need to go anywhere else.

[751] No, I'm happy.

[752] I'm fucking happy as hell.

[753] The thing that's cool, though, is that all of you, like, if you guys were to come last night on the patio, as an example, you guys would have been like, oh my God, there's like 30 people here that I know all in one big group.

[754] You know what I mean?

[755] Everyone's got their dogs now.

[756] I'm going to hate you from a different hand.

[757] I'm going to hate you from a different.

[758] It's amazing.

[759] It's an amazing place.

[760] I'm going to hit you from a different angle.

[761] Oh, no. This is the angle I look at it as.

[762] It's the same angle I look at it.

[763] The angle I'm looking at it is.

[764] I remember being up there and being 30 and seeing old guys hanging out of there and going, I got to hear this story when he was here.

[765] Yeah, but that's just the old sad ones.

[766] You know, I'm so insecure when it comes to that, Joe.

[767] I saw Carlin there, dude.

[768] Carlin hung out at the back of the coming story.

[769] I know, but it's saying.

[770] You know those guys that become that all of a sudden, I don't want to be that guy, bro.

[771] But, you know, this guy's like Domarera, he'll stop in.

[772] He just bangs out his set, hangs out a little bit.

[773] Dom Herrera is one of the coolest motherfuckers.

[774] That guy is, he's like a real stand -up, you know?

[775] You know what I got the weekend with him, or did you share this show?

[776] You guys are working together?

[777] One weekend together at the Ice House.

[778] The last week, it's like four shows.

[779] It's just going to be, we're going to light the building on fire once and for a little.

[780] It's going to implode.

[781] By the way, we're here tonight.

[782] Let me tell you something.

[783] Domerera is one of the most underrated headliners ever.

[784] That's my take on him.

[785] That guy is, when he's on, when Don Wright, like, I did that show with him at the factory, and he was on.

[786] On.

[787] Dude, he's fucking brilliant.

[788] He's hilarious.

[789] The shit that he comes up with, the quillars, and he constantly writes.

[790] He's constantly writing.

[791] He's constantly, like, looking at the news, coming up with new shit.

[792] I've heard two beautiful jokes the last six months that are brilliant.

[793] The one joke was the one my boy set on the Oscars when he said that right now the show is being viewed by two billion people.

[794] That's why Jody Foss is going to come up here and ask him.

[795] ask you about her privacy, something like that.

[796] That's a well -written joke.

[797] Dom Herrera, athletic joke.

[798] That is one of the best jokes I have heard in a long time.

[799] Since you're out of Nicole.

[800] That is one.

[801] Let's get down.

[802] Say the fucking, the athletic, that's an athletic neighborhood.

[803] It is such a fucking, and you know where he's going.

[804] Yeah, I don't want to even say the joke.

[805] I don't want to say it.

[806] You got to see it.

[807] You get a chance to see him.

[808] See this because you guys are, where is this that you guys are going to work together?

[809] Nice house.

[810] The last week of July, like four shows.

[811] Oh, my God.

[812] Two shows Friday, two Saturday.

[813] And I'm honored because, you know what, after I've been watching, that Wednesday night he's got at the Laugh Factory is where you really get to see Domero.

[814] Yeah, yeah.

[815] That's it.

[816] He's in the catcher's seat.

[817] His legs are open.

[818] I think it's Tuesday, right?

[819] Tuesday, what's on it, busting balls?

[820] Oh, Wednesday, too.

[821] He does more than one show there, right?

[822] To go on the line and take a look.

[823] No matter who he got there, sometimes, and I don't like to say that, sometimes he's got, And you'll understand what I'm saying, Joe.

[824] Sometimes he's got a comic on there that doesn't shine in the social avenue of comedy.

[825] Right.

[826] Sometimes some people are just so introverted.

[827] Right.

[828] Go watch him with those people.

[829] He brings it to life.

[830] Right.

[831] And he's brilliant.

[832] He turns it around and pop.

[833] Well, he's so friendly.

[834] Yeah.

[835] It's easy to, like, he's easy to, like, go banter with back and forward.

[836] When they called me and asked me, I said, yeah, why not?

[837] I just watch.

[838] Now I watch somebody for four shows, and I get a different flavor.

[839] It's very tough to learn from somebody.

[840] when you watch 10 -minute sets in L .A. L .A. to me, doesn't give...

[841] People come out, and I'm not discouraging people that are coming out and going, oh, I'm willing to Joe Rogan, excuse me, at the comedy store, that's a 20 -minute set.

[842] At least.

[843] You know, sometimes sit tight in your neighborhood.

[844] We'll get there.

[845] Right.

[846] But to see a 10 -minute Dom Herrera and a 45 -minute Domerara, it's two different fucking people.

[847] Yeah, I think it's that way with you as well.

[848] You know, I think it's that way with anybody.

[849] Yeah.

[850] I've seen you do 10 -minute sets, and I want to see you do a half -hour.

[851] I want to see you do 40.

[852] Yeah, let's fuck around.

[853] I think at a certain point in time, I'm done.

[854] You know, I'm cool if someone wants to do 50 minutes of hard shit.

[855] You know, I don't mind that.

[856] But I really like a long set.

[857] Like, when you get into a guy and you start laughing at his stuff, you want to keep laughing.

[858] You know, you want to keep going.

[859] You want him to keep going.

[860] Like Norton, I saw Norton in Austin, and he had, like, a 50 -minute set.

[861] I was like, wow, that's like, almost like a perfect time.

[862] Because he had, like, two guys going before him.

[863] And he fucking devastated for 50 minutes.

[864] And then after the 50 minutes was over, it's like, you feel like perfect.

[865] Like it was, he just nailed it.

[866] He blasts.

[867] It's like an episode of Game of Thrones.

[868] It's about 50 minutes.

[869] You know, it's not really an hour.

[870] It's like, just blasts you with hilarious shit.

[871] And then you're like, that was great.

[872] It was like the perfect amount.

[873] There's just like a balance there, trying to find the perfect amount.

[874] How much is a little too much?

[875] How much is a little too little?

[876] But those 10 minute sets are always too little.

[877] It's hard.

[878] It's not bad for fun.

[879] No, no, no. I love it.

[880] I love going to, the local places and doing 15.

[881] something just to get out of the fucking house yeah i was out the last two nights and i had a blast i went to two like i went to my spot in orange uh and packed with that squad people people brought pictures of chimps oh i'm sure and uh the fucking true it's a sandwich bar and you believe the sandwiches i've told you about this place before and then last night went to a place in o 'hambra this place was on fucking fire it was about it was calmeda just said this is comedy on a balcony oh no yeah fuck it i Outside?

[882] Outside on like the third floor.

[883] It was like the second night.

[884] They did it like once a month.

[885] Who was with you?

[886] By myself.

[887] They called me like yesterday.

[888] Oh, we had a four.

[889] How was that?

[890] What was that like?

[891] Tremendous.

[892] 30 minutes.

[893] I was home by 11 .30.

[894] And it's all people coming out to see you?

[895] Mixed, you know?

[896] Like local guys put it together and shit.

[897] It's amazing that some weeks I stay home and some weeks I go this in the week I'm going out five nights just to feel what that's like.

[898] Right.

[899] And I'll do five nights with the Friday being the highlight of the joke.

[900] And I'll take Saturday off.

[901] I'm home or something.

[902] I'll stay home with the water.

[903] Whatever the fuck, you know what I'm saying?

[904] But some nights I like doing that, some weeks.

[905] Tuesday and I did something really cool.

[906] I did Ari's thing.

[907] Oh, the storyteller show?

[908] Yeah, at the theater with Comedy Central.

[909] And it was good to see our brother.

[910] That was his baby.

[911] Yeah.

[912] You know what I'm saying?

[913] He's filling it for Comedy Central now?

[914] Yeah.

[915] So it was, you know, when Ari called me, he was embarrassed.

[916] I want to do this and then I go, I don't care if it goes on ComedyCentral .com.

[917] I don't care if it goes on ComedyCentral .com.

[918] I don't care if I was, I don't care if he was like, he thought it.

[919] He thought he was going to call me like with a Carnegie Hall gig.

[920] Right.

[921] You know what I'm saying?

[922] And it was beautiful, Joe.

[923] Well, if they're going to put it on ComedySensual .com, it'll get a lot of views.

[924] Just to see that he put this together.

[925] This was, he had two sets worked out, you know, the camera.

[926] He had makeup on.

[927] He wasn't neurotic Jew.

[928] He wasn't mumbling, you know.

[929] Ari's legit now.

[930] Oliver is very legit.

[931] And it's really weird to see a guy that really paid his dues.

[932] I saw him.

[933] When we got to the store, he would sit back there like a nerdy motherfucker.

[934] Yeah.

[935] With that haircut.

[936] And also one day he busted out with like 92 commercials.

[937] And the whole time he was going out and fucking everything.

[938] And we had hemorrhoids in his ass.

[939] Remember this shit the size of a finger?

[940] We started taking Ari on the road was like, what was it?

[941] What year was it?

[942] Was it that early?

[943] Yeah.

[944] You started taking it?

[945] No, 2005, I'm sorry.

[946] It was way earlier.

[947] Yeah, way later than that.

[948] I think, no, I think it was before 2006.

[949] Maybe 2005.

[950] Because I remember it was a Mike Young couldn't make a gig And Ari came instead In Denver, yeah And yeah, in Denver And Ari fucking destroyed And he was only doing comedy a few years back then You know, but to him like I think it was probably the biggest crowd he'd ever had And then like his development from then on Really a lot of it was like going up in front of these giant crowds Like he went from like open mics to like doing these sold out gigs And in between he would do the store you know and Ari went like in front of our eyes from being like a guy just starting out to being like a fucking legit headline that I would go see like if I was in like say if I lived in a town if I lived in Utah or some shit like that and Ari was going to wise guys I would go see Ari like that's like I'm a comedy fan I would go see that and that's it's crazy to watch it's crazy to watch it's crazy to watch it's happening to you too man it's crazy and Duncan as well and it's crazy how much it means to me now like in the early when I was here, it didn't mean to me enough now.

[951] Like, now I have to sit down and write it out.

[952] Right.

[953] I have to really think about it.

[954] I have to think about my thoughts.

[955] I have to think about it because I don't want people to be disappointed.

[956] You know, I don't want to write material that's bad for me. I want it to be, you know, fucking in my thing and your...

[957] Responsibility.

[958] I'm the same way.

[959] I want to do 50 minutes an hour when I want to be out.

[960] I want to smoke dope.

[961] You know, I want to drink some fucking water.

[962] You know, whatever.

[963] I just...

[964] It's been a real pleasure lately.

[965] It's been a real...

[966] The whole Twitter, the whole writing, it really has fucking made me sharp.

[967] You know, the podcasting.

[968] The fucking podcasting is to a different level now.

[969] Yeah.

[970] We get on here now.

[971] I can listen to a podcast now for 15 minutes, and I can tell what's good and bad.

[972] It's radio -ish.

[973] When we do a podcast, they tap into a conversation.

[974] It's like walking in, sitting down, and going, I'm right here.

[975] Yeah.

[976] I finish my sandwich.

[977] And next to you know, you're just listening and learning.

[978] Well, it's like they get to see you in the most real environment podcast.

[979] Like the most real you possible.

[980] I don't feel represented by in things of 140 characters.

[981] Like when I write things on Twitter, a lot of times I write, I'm like, oh, how's that going to be conveyed?

[982] You know what I mean?

[983] It's only 140 characters.

[984] When I hear you say something, I know exactly what you're saying.

[985] I know where it's coming from on you, your inflection, your pause, the seriousness in your voice, the intensity in your tone, whatever it is.

[986] I know what you're saying.

[987] It's hard to express yourself on Twitter.

[988] But on the podcast, that's where people grow to love you, man. Then they hear that voice on Twitter when they read your tweets.

[989] They know you.

[990] They know your voice.

[991] I mean, you know, who you are.

[992] So they see that in your tweets.

[993] Then it works.

[994] But it's a lot of things on Twitter, like people, people, I had an issue this week where people, I've had a few.

[995] But people keep getting upset at things that I'll write on Twitter that I think are pretty obvious jokes.

[996] Yeah, they're kind of dushy.

[997] Like I said about something about male vegans.

[998] I said, if you're a male, if you're a male, if you're a male, if you're always, yourself a male vegan i hope you choke to uh no if you call not male vegan excuse me excuse me male feminists i said that if you call yourself a male feminist i hope you choke to death on vegan pizza like crying to a lady gaga song okay i'm just joking all right we fucking lacks um 140 characters when you say something like that people like oh he hates all male feminists or he hates feminists or he's a chauvinist or something like that's like no but let's be honest how many guys that you talk to that are male feminists are really annoying.

[999] How many?

[1000] It's most of them.

[1001] Most guys who are male feminists are really annoying.

[1002] There's a male feminist.

[1003] There's been a few.

[1004] Listen, the ideals behind it, nothing wrong with it.

[1005] The ideal...

[1006] Can we get some more of those coconut things?

[1007] And some of the cocoa cafes, man. Those are the shit.

[1008] Yeah, I'll have a cocoa cafe.

[1009] But this...

[1010] The tweet, I just...

[1011] First of all, it all started out.

[1012] I got pissed off and I talked about this a little bit on the Ice House Chronicles.

[1013] So there was some lady that was saying, shitty shit about kids, like didn't like kids.

[1014] And so I wrote on Twitter that I view women who don't like kids the same way I view dogs that like to eat their own shit.

[1015] Like that's how I look at it.

[1016] I'm like, oh, what is that?

[1017] You know, it was just being a fly on the wall during a shitty conversation, right?

[1018] So I write that down on Twitter.

[1019] And then people get angry at me, like you're equating women to shit eating dogs.

[1020] And no, not exactly.

[1021] I mean, yes, and not exactly.

[1022] What I'm basically saying is it's kind of a gross thing when someone doesn't like kids and that's what I was feeling at the time but I didn't you know I probably shouldn't have wrote women I probably should have wrote men I didn't think about it because it was actually a woman who was doing it and I always like it when I see women that like kids especially because I have kids and women that like kids are like cute to the kids and it's kind of fun but I should have said people and not you know men or women and I should have probably said hate instead of not like because people are saying oh like oh if women don't want to have children and they're pieces of shit that have nothing to do what I meant I don't care if a woman and doesn't want to have kids.

[1023] You should absolutely be able to do whatever you want to do.

[1024] And I could totally understand not want to take on the responsibility of kids if you're a woman.

[1025] That's not what I'm saying.

[1026] I don't mean doesn't want to have one.

[1027] What I meant was doesn't like them.

[1028] That's it.

[1029] Like people who don't like you like these fucking kids away from me. That's creepy.

[1030] That irks me. It irks me with anybody, with men or women.

[1031] But I saw a woman do it.

[1032] So I tweeted about that.

[1033] Then I said, I'm getting all these white night feminist dudes that were giving me a hard time.

[1034] I'm like, man. You weak, bitches, you better shut your mouth.

[1035] You silly fucks.

[1036] It was just like over and over again, this nonsense about, you know, this is, this contributes to violence against women and your attitudes are misogynistic.

[1037] I'm like, what do you, I'm talking about someone who doesn't like kids.

[1038] That's it.

[1039] That's all I'm saying.

[1040] You know, and I'm saying it in 140 characters.

[1041] And maybe it's like, it's just a stupid way to say anything controversial.

[1042] You know, maybe Twitter, if you don't want to be misunderstood, and if you don't want to have to explain yourself.

[1043] Don't say anything controversial, you know, because anything, because people look, even because it's such a limited form of expression, they can all the sudden imply all sorts of meaning to it and then write whole blogs about this implied meaning.

[1044] They all of a sudden have like this whole cause and all they're doing is misinterpreting an original statement, but because it's so narrow in its definitions, because it's only 140 characters, there's so much room for just them bullshitting and coming up with their own meaning.

[1045] You know, so it's And I had a bunch of feminists write blogs about me. It was hilarious, like, reading all this, like my misogynistic attitudes and this and that.

[1046] Like, that's about as far from the truth as I hope, you know, I always try to be as as open to everybody as possible.

[1047] I like being a man, but I don't have any problem with anybody just because of a woman.

[1048] I think that's completely ridiculous.

[1049] I think, though, that there's a lot of fuckery in this world, man. And there's a lot of people that are.

[1050] full of shit on both sides of the friends.

[1051] Hail Satan.

[1052] That Hail Satan thing.

[1053] Yeah, that's, Duncan had this thing he did.

[1054] There was a wedding.

[1055] Anton LeVis.

[1056] Is that his name?

[1057] Antoine LeVay.

[1058] And that's him, right?

[1059] Yeah.

[1060] And he asked me to do devil horns and wear his t -shirt and look at the, and take a picture.

[1061] It was a cool wedding, and Dan Zigg was played there with, what's that guy that, Hank Williams III was there?

[1062] I didn't get to meet that guy.

[1063] I wanted to meet him, though.

[1064] Because I love the wonderful white to West Virginia.

[1065] But anyway, you know, he goes, well, you wear my shirt and do the devil horns?

[1066] I'm like, yeah, fuck a dude, I'll do it.

[1067] And then I got all these people saying, Joe Rogan is a Satanist.

[1068] Like, that is, for real, that is, like, the dumbest form of Satanism.

[1069] Like, you're really thinking that that's Satanism, me standing there with a tribute, what does it say, a tribute to what?

[1070] Tribute to, so, I don't say.

[1071] 666?

[1072] 666, whatever.

[1073] whatever.

[1074] Well, they're also saying your tattoos have satanic things in.

[1075] I've been seeing a lot of crazy things lately where, like, your left arm, I think, has like some kind of a satanic snake on it or something.

[1076] That's what they're saying.

[1077] It's a fucking dragon to represent my ferocious spirit, son.

[1078] Shame on people, though.

[1079] People are just silly.

[1080] Shame on people who take the time to fucking acknowledge that shit and to blow it up.

[1081] But we are in those.

[1082] We can't get that.

[1083] Well, it's, you know, but also, no, shut up, Brian.

[1084] But it's also people on both ends.

[1085] It's like you're choosing to get upset about some really ridiculous shit.

[1086] You ever read a tweet and you go to that person's page and you go, I get it.

[1087] Once I read somebody's tweet and I go to their main page, I can put, I can add up right in one minute.

[1088] I go, I get it.

[1089] I get where he was coming from.

[1090] I understand why he said that he's a musician.

[1091] He's dad.

[1092] He's a politician.

[1093] He sells this.

[1094] He likes, like, today somebody hit me. And I ran, he's a poor riser fan.

[1095] I get it.

[1096] You're a fucking mook.

[1097] You know what I'm saying?

[1098] I never met a Paul Ryzer fan.

[1099] So if you're a poor riser fan.

[1100] Shoot yourself in the fucking mouth right now.

[1101] You know what?

[1102] Oh, my goodness.

[1103] Once somebody's, if I go to somebody's paid and I see, like, music, and I know the music sucks, that's where it ends.

[1104] Because if his choice of music sucks, that's what.

[1105] If I don't see fucking one of my three on there, like, I remember going to people's up.

[1106] There's two things I judge on people.

[1107] I don't judge people by money or none.

[1108] I judge people by that music collection.

[1109] If I look at your music collection, and you don't have Sabbath paranoid.

[1110] If you don't have the staples, Zeppelin 2, those are the staples.

[1111] If you don't have Zeppelin, too, why are we here?

[1112] I'm not smoking dope with you.

[1113] Why are you wasting my fucking time?

[1114] I'm over here.

[1115] You got like the best of Judy Grant.

[1116] You know what I'm saying?

[1117] That's, and number two, when you open up somebody's a refrigerator.

[1118] There's certain, yeah, it's true.

[1119] You open, that tells me everything.

[1120] If you're a fucking mook, if you're a mutt.

[1121] If I see like low -end beer, you're fucking mud.

[1122] I ain't ever coming here.

[1123] Are there certain people that they have music laying around just because it's cool?

[1124] Tons of them.

[1125] That's why.

[1126] There's a generation of people.

[1127] that want to say, and I know this, and I don't hate you, because I'm kind of the same way that they don't want to, like, Floyd, they prefer to listen to, oh, that's so commercialized, or listen to Morrissey, you know, they make you feel bad.

[1128] The worst being the Tom Waits era, those motherfuckers are the ones I want to punch them right in the fucking face, because they're the ones you're having a good time, listen to something, you're bobbing, and they want to, like, really impress, like, some fucking dumb chick with freckles or something.

[1129] Everybody's fucked already.

[1130] You know what I'm saying?

[1131] Everybody's fucked all you need is tequila and a grandma blow.

[1132] She'll be sucking your dick in the fucking bathroom.

[1133] But you want to be cool.

[1134] And let's the Tom Waits.

[1135] Have you learned the Tom Waits?

[1136] You want to fucking shoot yourself.

[1137] Yeah, I don't like it.

[1138] That's good singing.

[1139] You want that you're fucking an idiot.

[1140] But the only reason that people would put that shit on is to try to overpower you with their fucking Star Wars.

[1141] What do you call that?

[1142] The fucking thing with the mind jenny.

[1143] The mind jetty fucking trick.

[1144] That's it.

[1145] Oh, he's so.

[1146] Oh, my God, he likes Tom.

[1147] Listen to that.

[1148] Right, they're trying to make themselves.

[1149] Let me sit you down with a gun next to your head.

[1150] You tell me if that's true.

[1151] That's good singing.

[1152] That's good fucking singing.

[1153] That's the Beatles.

[1154] Y 'all fucking shoot you.

[1155] I'll fucking put a gun to your fucking head, all right?

[1156] Telling me that's good music.

[1157] You're fucking 20 years old.

[1158] Not at all.

[1159] Like when somebody says they like the Dave Matthews band, I will pistol whip you.

[1160] I will pistol whip you.

[1161] I have satellite on the way up here.

[1162] And they were doing Exodus.

[1163] To me. They were doing Exodus by fucking Bob Marley.

[1164] I almost crashed the fucking car.

[1165] Dave Matthews, a white dude with no shoes on and a black new player.

[1166] It's fucking, it's too made up, Uncle Joey.

[1167] Stop it.

[1168] I think he's got some good songs.

[1169] Dave Matthews got a few good songs.

[1170] Oh, please.

[1171] You get me emotional.

[1172] Thank God I got the other.

[1173] Fuck this shit.

[1174] I was too quiet over here.

[1175] I hate all that shit.

[1176] Just listen.

[1177] You don't like it.

[1178] Just move over.

[1179] I can't stand fucking time.

[1180] And the people like Tom Waze.

[1181] Look at them and go to their pants.

[1182] And they'll tell you the whole thing like that That something ain't right They're vegans Something they're You know Stop the pilgrims They care for something that you're like really I always think the Tom Waits is a guy Who probably has a song that I would like But I don't want to go find it Oh It's probably like one or two of the songs But one song Pick a fucking song I don't think you're allowed to do that Pick a song and it sounds like he's taking a shit It sounds like a dude Yeah Like what the fuck Is this moron singing about And I know people are Oh my God He's a revolution.

[1183] No, no, no. Paul McCartney's a bad motherfucker.

[1184] Why?

[1185] He's alive.

[1186] Everybody else is dead.

[1187] Paul McCartney won this war.

[1188] It's true.

[1189] Lenin's dead.

[1190] George Harris is dead.

[1191] Everybody's dead.

[1192] Michael Jackson's dead.

[1193] Dead.

[1194] Paul McCartney's still doing plastic.

[1195] Even his wife.

[1196] He killed the fucking Lifting chick.

[1197] Then her parents' own fucking his Kodak.

[1198] She's dead too.

[1199] Remember he moved her?

[1200] He didn't know.

[1201] He drove her to get a fucking sandwich.

[1202] He died in the car.

[1203] Remember, dog?

[1204] Nobody's fucking.

[1205] Then he had the one with the missing leg.

[1206] McCartney lives.

[1207] McCartney won this fucking game.

[1208] He out won everybody.

[1209] McCartney outlived everybody.

[1210] You only want him, Elton John, Bowie, Mick Jagger, which he don't even want to fuck with.

[1211] All those other guys think Mick Jagger's a filthy motherfucker anyway.

[1212] Do they?

[1213] Oh, they hate that motherfucker.

[1214] Why do they hate Mick Jagger?

[1215] Because look at him.

[1216] You want to just strangle Mick Jagger.

[1217] Why?

[1218] Mick Jagger's a different dude.

[1219] You know, Mick Jagger comes across.

[1220] Mick Jagger, what was his background?

[1221] I don't know.

[1222] Like, look at his background.

[1223] His background's like, he went to, like, the best business school.

[1224] Did you know that?

[1225] Really?

[1226] Yeah, in England.

[1227] Like, he's like a fucking wizard economist or something.

[1228] No shit.

[1229] Their story, yeah, he don't do nothing unless you show up with a big bank book.

[1230] I know in Boulder, we talked about this in the podcast one time in Boulder.

[1231] You know how in concerts, the seats behind you?

[1232] Uh -huh.

[1233] Sell them.

[1234] But Mr. Jagger, nobody sells the tickets behind them.

[1235] They won't buy it.

[1236] I'm Mick Jagger.

[1237] Sell those tickets.

[1238] So we don't go on.

[1239] have you heard their new shit it's horrible it's not that bad that new song's not that really it's not that I don't know I just think why just went right with it why it's horrible put it let me see where I could find it let's help them let's promote the Rolling Stones like they give a fuck how funny is that yeah we'll help you out Rolling Stones I know you need this you never read the little podcast he's got a book he's got a book that somebody wrote about him and they interview somebody who's the chick that's saying you know you're so Carlis Simon?

[1240] Carly Simon sat next to him.

[1241] She was awesome.

[1242] At some movie premiere or something.

[1243] Mick Jagger sat next to him.

[1244] He was like, though, you got a joint?

[1245] No, you got a quailer?

[1246] No, you got a bump of coke?

[1247] No. How about a blow job?

[1248] Mick Jagger just killed him.

[1249] How do you know if he really said that?

[1250] Because he broke.

[1251] This guy married his wife and he married in a country where fucking it wasn't even legal to be married.

[1252] This guy's one step ahead of the game.

[1253] All he gives a fuck is getting his dick suck.

[1254] He's 60 -something.

[1255] You think Stallone.

[1256] shooting shit, this guy old spit slaps along with his dick.

[1257] This guy's shooting everything.

[1258] He's got kids.

[1259] Every six months, he has a fucks a new model.

[1260] How many kids make Jack a guy?

[1261] I don't know.

[1262] How many kids he got, look at those models.

[1263] Pull up the song.

[1264] It's called One More Shot, I think.

[1265] Hold on a second.

[1266] That was an automatic and get his band from YouTube.

[1267] You think so?

[1268] Yeah.

[1269] Nobody.

[1270] Nobody should just do it.

[1271] Nobody slung more dick.

[1272] Listen, Will Chamberlain said he fucked over 100 women or whatever, a thousand women.

[1273] But I believe nobody fuck more women than Sinatra and Mick Jagg like that's that way can we play one little excerpt of it not even like a little really damn YouTube that's whack yeah we need to work something out with YouTube hook us up so the new stones is good so not bad man I know they released like a song but I don't know with them no more it's the fucking stones the stones are the biggest business merger ever they release six old songs and two new ones, and they bang you out for another 1999.

[1274] Dude, when he came back, or when it was like, what is it, like, 90 -ish, 89, 89, 90, they had, like, one big hit again.

[1275] What was that one big hit they had?

[1276] Okay, so 81 was shattered and all that shit.

[1277] And then after that, it was the other one.

[1278] They took some time off, and then they came back.

[1279] Nay, but it's not that out, then they kept going.

[1280] You guys like Bruce Springsteen?

[1281] No. Thank God.

[1282] Dad, I'm from Jersey.

[1283] I want to stand.

[1284] have that motherfucker, too.

[1285] Yeah, I like some I like the first time.

[1286] I ain't a lot.

[1287] I like 10th Avenue who freeze out.

[1288] Yeah.

[1289] I like, I like darkness on the edge of town, but after that, born in the USA with a t -shirt, him jumping up and down, cash and checks, fuck you.

[1290] Well, you'm saying, fuck you, cuck, sucker.

[1291] I don't like to know more.

[1292] Cash and checks, fuck you.

[1293] Born in the USA, what the fuck?

[1294] Well, he puts on a four -hour show.

[1295] I don't give a fuck.

[1296] After two hours, I got to get out of it.

[1297] It's so weird.

[1298] The cook was on five.

[1299] It's so weird how he's like, like, the special people on the East Coast, that that's their, like, Sinatra.

[1300] He's a really emotional songwriter, man. He's got some great fucking songs.

[1301] Thunder Road.

[1302] That is a great, no, no, such a great, great fucking song.

[1303] But this is what happens.

[1304] What happens is when a guy gets, like, super famous, it's really hard to keep up that struggle.

[1305] And so you sort of become at least a partial parody of yourself.

[1306] Have you seen him later with that fucked up heck like this is a fucking Marine?

[1307] He's beautiful.

[1308] Oh, he gets out my last fucking man. The guy, to me, still, he came up with Born to Run, man. Oh, I love all that shit, but enough already.

[1309] Take him retirement, it's over.

[1310] He comes out, but he'll say he plays a guitar.

[1311] Like, he's doing something spectacular.

[1312] He knows, like, four fucking chords.

[1313] Knock it off.

[1314] I'm sorry, Richard.

[1315] He gets on my last fucking man. I'm a Sinatra -type dude anyway, you motherfuckers.

[1316] And Bon Jovi's shit I like, too.

[1317] I'm a Bon Jovi type of motherfucker.

[1318] Bon Jovi back the day.

[1319] But not anymore.

[1320] 87, slippery one.

[1321] Born to Run.

[1322] You guys are talking mad shit, because Born to Run is a thousand times better than any of those songs.

[1323] So shut it and suck it.

[1324] Tenth Avenue freeze out.

[1325] Oh, tremendous.

[1326] Tremendous.

[1327] Yeah, Bruce Spring.

[1328] But I'll tell you what, Bruce Springsteen, when he had that, the divorce, then he came out with some jamming music, man. Because he, like, felt like really, like, brokenhearted over this, you know, him and this chick breaking up.

[1329] So he came up with that brilliant disguise song.

[1330] That's a great fucking song.

[1331] That is a great fucking song.

[1332] He came back with some strong shit after that chick crushed him.

[1333] Hey, little girl, what you do to you?

[1334] Would you want us on that day?

[1335] Like you mom or two.

[1336] I'm on five.

[1337] Stop giving me eight.

[1338] Can you manage it?

[1339] No one would ever make that song today.

[1340] Hey, little girl is your daddy home.

[1341] I had a bad desire.

[1342] What?

[1343] Who the fuck would make that song today?

[1344] You couldn't do that song in the age of the internet.

[1345] They would crucify you.

[1346] They would go after you.

[1347] The fake Rick Ross lost Reebok as a sponsor.

[1348] Did you hear about that?

[1349] Oh, really?

[1350] Oh, yeah, that's so ridiculous.

[1351] The fake Rick Ross made some lyric about raping.

[1352] Raping, yeah.

[1353] Dosing them with Molly, putting Molly in their drink, and she didn't even know it.

[1354] You know, something along those lines.

[1355] Yeah.

[1356] And bang a chicks, water asleep.

[1357] Why didn't I ever have the desire to Molly a chick or give a chick a roofy?

[1358] I'm a dirty animal.

[1359] Because you've got games, son.

[1360] No, even in the young days.

[1361] I would ask the chick if you want to eat a roofie.

[1362] I had like three girls.

[1363] I had this little Jew brought in Boulder that she would eat roofies on Sundays with me and we freak She wouldn't let me fuck her But she let me eat her ass And 69 and she liked that was wild But she won't let you back out No she had like a boyfriend That was in the Navy or something Oh that's hilarious And she kept hope alive Yeah but we go to her house We eat a roofie We'd split a roofie Because she liked them too We had to go to Leah Road Right up the corner It was like an industrial park up there Some dude like did the sheet rod Not sheet rock sheet metal And he sold roofies She drove me up there He gave me a couple roofies We popped on the Lord's Day We split a fucking roofie Go have a couple margaritas You talk about bad karma Man, you're selling roofies Just here, go ahead, do it these What you will No, no, no, no, but I was responsible With the roofies No, you, no, no, I couldn't I'm saying the guy was selling it I couldn't imagine Doing that to a check Listen, I'll work hard for it I'll take you home with an eight ball And then switch it up on you And give you aspirin until you suck my dick You know what I'll run you to the fucking wolves Like the Egyptians I'll give a fuck But I can't see that I can never see root duels Well, that's real sweet of you, Joey.

[1364] I'm telling you, dog, I think rape is wrong.

[1365] I'm just saying, I just think it's wrong.

[1366] I mean, you know, I can't believe you do it.

[1367] I can't even watch Law & Order SVU.

[1368] I love Law & Order.

[1369] The one when they fuck them, I can't watch it.

[1370] It's hard.

[1371] 10 minutes, I'm like, I can't watch this shit.

[1372] Yeah, that's because you're, you know, we all know that happens.

[1373] After a while, when you know that a certain amount of violent crime takes place, then you're watching, like, bodies on TV.

[1374] I was watching it the other night.

[1375] It was at the airport.

[1376] And in the middle of the airport, they're playing this one of those shows, like Law and Order SVU or something like that.

[1377] And I'm seeing like a body, you know?

[1378] And I don't know if it was a commercial.

[1379] I don't know what the fuck it was.

[1380] But I was like, wow, that's pretty graphic.

[1381] Like, who wants to see that?

[1382] Like, who wants to see that?

[1383] Now that I'm thinking about it, was it in an airport or was it in a store?

[1384] I think it was in a store.

[1385] Either way.

[1386] The important thing is that, like, seeing those images on those shows, They're repeating over and over and over again They have all these graphic images of bodies And pulling things out of bodies And it's like It's pretty intense That you're taking that stuff into your psyche You're taking that stuff into your bank of experiences I don't like sexual stuff on television early Can you believe that?

[1387] You mean like girls making out or like No let's say I'm watching Diane Sawyer And I have like a condom commercial I'll fucking lose my mind A condom commercial will bother you Oh it's little bit tampon really destroys you Tampon commercial I want to choke myself My wife is in the room or like your rants in the room or some older woman since I was a kid they did a co -text commercial I would sit there and look fucking straight ahead dog I never get so embarrassed in my life I don't want them to ask me if I know and I don't want to fucking know blood if blood comes out of your snatch and what you put up there that's got nothing to do with me I'm just going to look straight ahead don't even bring it up you know there's some women that's cute yeah they think it's cute like oh then I got to go get a tampon listen I don't want to know I don't want to know if you're bleeding.

[1388] You just ruined everything from me. I don't want to know.

[1389] Is that really bothering him?

[1390] That bothers me. He hates the sight of blood.

[1391] No, no, no, no, no. I hate the side of talking about that your fucking pussy's bleeding around me. That's what I fucking hate.

[1392] Even when they're having that purse, I get sick to my fucking stomach.

[1393] I don't want to see a fucking tampon around me. I don't want to fucking see a tampon at all.

[1394] All right.

[1395] When I'm watching TV and a tampon commercial comes on, even when I'm by myself, I feel creepy.

[1396] That's so weird.

[1397] And common commercials, that new commercial with the chick's head popping out, or the fucking thing with the, you put on your finger?

[1398] Have you seen that fucking commercial, a chick with a creepy finger?

[1399] Yeah.

[1400] This is great to relieve stress.

[1401] You know what, man, I don't want to know about that shit.

[1402] Play that after, what the fuck is that?

[1403] Oh, my God.

[1404] That's a zombie.

[1405] Oh, my God.

[1406] What is that?

[1407] Is that a zombie?

[1408] Put that away.

[1409] Oh, my God.

[1410] That's terrible.

[1411] That one's broken.

[1412] That is just, that offends me. Don't even get that one fixed.

[1413] So this day, anything vaginal spruce.

[1414] Raise anything vaginal on television before like 10 o 'clock drives me up a fucking wall.

[1415] I've never had a period problem.

[1416] Oh, you've never had a period?

[1417] Never had my own period.

[1418] Well, I have my own period every now and then.

[1419] But I've never had like a period problem, like a problem with the girl's period.

[1420] No, it doesn't bother me at all.

[1421] I told you the one I had to this day.

[1422] And it was fucked up because my mother had just died and it was the first time a chick called me. Like, that was my first booty call ever.

[1423] I had dated this girl before.

[1424] She was a cheerleader at Franklin School.

[1425] I played hoops at McKinley, and we had messed around a little bit.

[1426] Not really sex.

[1427] I don't remember, Joe.

[1428] I think I sucked the titties.

[1429] I knew her brother.

[1430] You know what I'm saying?

[1431] We were, like, in grammar school, high school, and I had sucked the titties or something after, like, a dance or something.

[1432] And after my mother died, like, I was home for a week, and this lady was taking care of me, and I get this call one night, and it's this chick, and she goes, you know, you want to get together.

[1433] And I was feeling bad, you know.

[1434] I didn't know she was going to throw me a little lottery pussy.

[1435] Like my little funeral pussy I never got funeral pussy But it exists You know Funeral pussy?

[1436] Yeah like after somebody dies In your family Some chick calls you and sucks your dick Really?

[1437] Because they feel bad Like they're like Maybe they're like Like uh Like uh One of those women that hang out of comedy clubs And they like comic Rupies Yeah Like to have sex repeat After somebody dies I'm serious But I knew her She probably just called me Out of the kindness Of my heart To make me feel well So I walked from 38th street To 46 Grab this bitch And walked back to my house on Dirty A Street.

[1438] I'm all fucking horned up.

[1439] We start swaned.

[1440] I take a pants off.

[1441] I pop a panties off and the cortex.

[1442] I'm not out of her pussy.

[1443] Like a tongue in one of those fucking haunted houses, right?

[1444] You know what they're like this?

[1445] Like this?

[1446] Blah!

[1447] They pop up like blah!

[1448] Like that.

[1449] And I just sat there frozen.

[1450] Like I had never seen that before.

[1451] I had never smelled that before.

[1452] I had never been around anything like that.

[1453] My mother had just died.

[1454] That was traumatic enough.

[1455] This would just set me over the fucking.

[1456] How that woman's still alive today, to this day, I don't even look on Facebook and see she'll, because I might kill her.

[1457] She fucked me up, Joe Rogan, fucked me up.

[1458] I told her to put her pants on.

[1459] I remember walking home the whole time.

[1460] I didn't know how to control myself.

[1461] Until this day, I think about that motherfucker.

[1462] That's hilarious.

[1463] Because she thought, I don't know, that's the first time I ever seen a woman with a period, and the last.

[1464] I made it a fucking point.

[1465] that's so funny if i don't care how i am if i'm in a bar i got a bag of coke and somewhere along the light that chick says she got her period that's where the conversation ends it ends there's no more talking they used to have this freak they used to be this chick i used to mess around with hollywood and i knew her cycle she would have a period from the 20 to the 25th i wouldn't answer her calls those five nights though like six or seven nights just to make sure everything cleared wow and she'd never figured out till that's hilarious she'd never figure it out till that's hilarious She's never forgot.

[1466] I wouldn't bring coke over that.

[1467] I can't have.

[1468] I'm gonna waste coke.

[1469] It's so silly.

[1470] I'm a bloody pussy, fuck it.

[1471] I'll snort it by myself and jerk off.

[1472] But doesn't it still feel good?

[1473] Was it just the way it looks?

[1474] You don't like the way it looks?

[1475] It's warmer.

[1476] I like it.

[1477] No, no, no, no, no. There's blood.

[1478] Is that bad enough for you?

[1479] There's fucking blood.

[1480] Is that bad enough for you right there that you're fucking blood?

[1481] No matter what you're doing, you're fucking blood.

[1482] I know you like it.

[1483] I know red man. You're disgusting.

[1484] A little gravy comes out?

[1485] Oh, no, you son of a bitch.

[1486] That's the problem is you don't want to look at the blood that's on the tampon because that's blood that was, you know, came out a month ago.

[1487] It's, or whatever it is, not a month, obviously, an hour ago, whatever it is.

[1488] It's all dried up and co -oculated.

[1489] Remember Grill 93?

[1490] Yes.

[1491] Remember in Boston?

[1492] That was, I never did that gig.

[1493] Okay, I did that gig.

[1494] That happened after I left.

[1495] Right, so it was a Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Open mic.

[1496] So you did the weekend, Thursday was an open mic, and I would have a line.

[1497] And then you did the weekend, and then.

[1498] And you stayed the week, and during the week I would do Monday at Fanion Hall, Tuesday, some room in fucking Quincy, Thursday, Worcester, and then I go back to the Acoaqua or whatever.

[1499] But the point of the story is one Sunday at that place, I had met her before, an open mic girl that was in the Navy.

[1500] The hotel, the club 56 was right next door.

[1501] And she's like, I'm kind of tipsy.

[1502] And I kind of liked, and she had a crush on me. We started swap and spit.

[1503] We went next door.

[1504] But that was the first time I was involved in one of those dark light swap and spit things.

[1505] Just kiss somebody in the dark We were all over the place on the bed And I remember my pants came off Her shit came off And I'm giving this chick a stabbing But this chick's pussy It was fucking wet as fuck And I'm banging this like a soldier These days I had stamina It was like 98 That was a savage Before I got before the belt And dog I turned the light on And there was blood everywhere Yeah see it felt good right No it didn't feel fucking good at all I knew something Before that It smelled fucked up in the room Salty Something it smelled something And the fucking That's probably you motherfucker No, I like the dog, I'm on fire.

[1506] No, no, no, no, you know.

[1507] You know, I'm a water dude.

[1508] You know, I like water, dog.

[1509] I take my nuts.

[1510] When I go home now, I take a fucking shower.

[1511] Before I go do comedy, I take a shower.

[1512] I take a shower before I go to the gym.

[1513] That's how fucking clean I am.

[1514] I've always felt bad when chicks feel bad about it.

[1515] No, I would never call somebody a bloody fuck.

[1516] It doesn't bother.

[1517] I don't even get involved.

[1518] It bothers the fuck out of it.

[1519] It's just red.

[1520] No, no, no. No one's getting hurt.

[1521] She's fine.

[1522] No. A lot of times they're extra horny, too.

[1523] Yeah.

[1524] A lot of times girls in that period are You like it, you don't mind It doesn't bother me I don't care What about the sheets and shit?

[1525] I think it's wetter I think it feels better You change the sheets right after Oh no you put down a towel You shit to worry about in this life I don't think that's one of them You have a period towel Well you make chicks feel bad man No I'm not trying to make nobody feel bad Maybe it does Hey somebody don't people Listen some people don't like snakes I like snakes I like snakes I like some people How are you equating snakes To a girl's period I'm saying that some fucking same thing Heartless monsters that'll fucking consume your soul It's right there Cocks like I got spell it out for you Snake pussy pussy snake Adam and Eve Not everybody likes the same things in life You know people know If you can't handle that in your life People don't like Oh yeah no doubt I just don't like that Some chicks don't like fat guys You know whatever There's some chicks that you know Some people don't like I just never liked it Well remember the time you've realized It was probably like in your early 20s Whatever that some girls not only like would like they want you to come in their mouth and other girls get mad if you come in their mouth like hmm like this is a there's a there's a different thing there's a very different response here yeah you know like some girls will say don't come in my mouth and you're like oh okay and then other girls come in my mouth like whoa for real like you see does she really want that is she trying to trick me like what is going on here I like the girl that after you fuck her she always wants to take a little taste of it like almost like every single time That's a dirty bitch to want to do your own pussy, but she's not too lazy to work out, stretch.

[1526] She's too lazy to become one of those contortionists.

[1527] That's what that is.

[1528] She just likes to taste of her own pussy.

[1529] The worst is when you're eating out a girl, and she is on her period, and you don't realize it until the next day.

[1530] You see, like, the dried blood all over your face, and you go to the store and it's like a clot in your tooth.

[1531] I think that's an alcohol and drug problem, really.

[1532] It's how the fuck you're not knowing what's going on.

[1533] You're eating this girl's pussy, and it tastes like a bag of pennies.

[1534] Like, what the fuck is going on here?

[1535] That's disgusting It was really, really It's an all -time high I was disgusted I have heard some disgusting fucking things, Brian I don't mind licking like a drug ass I like all that It's just a black ball You're like you'll take shit over blood Ah, a little shit ain't gonna hurt you Joe Ruggly The blood's from fucking vampires How many fucking By the way, the original vampire Think about that If you really think about Blade Set this motherfucking old vampire He's out, yeah Yeah, he's out.

[1536] Hopefully he'll make Blade 9.

[1537] Yeah, and for anybody thinks I have a problem with that guy.

[1538] I never had a problem with that guy.

[1539] There was supposedly, like, an MMA fight they were trying.

[1540] It sounds like bullshit.

[1541] Now they're talking about it.

[1542] Wesley Pipes.

[1543] Yeah, with Wesley Snipes.

[1544] It was not my idea, and I didn't, I didn't, you know, I didn't have any animosity towards that guy at all.

[1545] How much time did he do?

[1546] It did three years.

[1547] Three fucking years.

[1548] Yeah, three fucking years, man. And he's going to write the fucking.

[1549] And not only that, he was willing to pay.

[1550] They were like, mm, it doesn't matter.

[1551] You're going to jail.

[1552] Like, he admitted that he made a mistake, tried to pay them off, and they're like, no, you have to do time.

[1553] You have to do time.

[1554] And they put them in jail for three years.

[1555] You can't just, the government, whether you, especially if you're in a position of prominence, like a giant movie style like that, if you run around saying that you're not going to pay taxes, that can fuck up everything.

[1556] And they have to make an example of you.

[1557] It's almost like they have to, you know, because there's a lot of people out there that will argue about the constitutional legality of this and that.

[1558] And the reality is, everybody's paying.

[1559] you gotta pay, you know, yeah, doesn't, no one wrote it down in 1776, okay, but it's 2013, the reality of this situation is that everybody's paying, and these people that go, you know, we have found a clause here deep within the Constitution that clearly states that what is going on is unconstitutional, unlawful, and they would never have this brought up in a court of law, because if this was exposed, it would take down the very empire itself, and people go, fuck, I ain't paying taxes, let them come get me, I'll start talking shit, I start telling them about how the tax code is, illegal and not even in the constitution you know and they're like tell him wesley tell him wesley and next thing you know i don't know i don't know if it went down that way i'm just guessing making shit up i don't mean to be mean to the guy but then next thing you know um he bought into some guy's idea and didn't pay taxes like willfully and so that was for like a couple years and when when they were going after him and like they were trying to you know he he he won one but didn't he didn't lose he lost like the second most important one but I think he was acquitted in the most important one which was like conspiracy or something along those lines but he still willfully avoided paying taxes and so they put him away for three solid years you know when you're 47 years old like he was that's that's a long chunk of the future of your life you know how much more time do you have do you have who's the oldest person ever he's like 120 you know so we got 80 years left less less less than 80 years and someone just stole three they stole three and wanted to put you in a cage because you wouldn't pay them that is like some of the most gangster shit like any society can never pull on its citizens if you don't give us a piece of what you earn then we're going to put you in a cage it's not like a debt it's not like there's some money on the ledger that has to be corrected and you have to eventually recompensate us until we're even no no we're going to lock you in a cage that's our solution and when you get out yeah you're still going to have to pay us well that's a fairly and that's a fairly victimless crime if you really think about it in the greater spectrum of all the things that goes wrong in this country that's a fairly victimless crime i mean absolutely it's a crime absolutely people should have to contribute to the fixing of the highways and paying police officers and all that jazz but the idea that someone should be just locked in a cage for that is kind of crazy i mean there's people that don't get locked in a cage for assault there's people that that don't get locked in a cage for much more horrible physical things.

[1560] There's actual real trauma to an individual as an actual victim.

[1561] And they don't get locked in a cage for three years.

[1562] Well, you said the reasons why.

[1563] Because they wanted to make an example out of him as a person in his position.

[1564] You know, you can't go to the government and go, I ain't paying his dick.

[1565] Really?

[1566] We will send tanks down there.

[1567] Fuck you, Dave Koresh.

[1568] If you haven't learned when they want their shit, they get their fucking shit.

[1569] It don't matter.

[1570] The government or your fucking constitution.

[1571] Throw that shit out the fucking window.

[1572] And I Pity you for even believing that.

[1573] If you fuck up bad enough, they're coming to get you, my friend.

[1574] Yeah, it's at this point, like, retracting that is going to be met with furious resistance.

[1575] And the idea that's not is really silly.

[1576] It's almost like at a point in this country where things are so weird that it's almost like one or two things has to happen.

[1577] Either there's some sort of technological breakthrough that makes it impossible to lie anymore.

[1578] And then from now on, everybody has to operate, like on 100 % no bullshit.

[1579] It's either that when we get adapted to that Or some fucking walking dead zombie type situation Where we have to reinvent civilization Because if we just keep going the way we're going right now This is There's so many opportunities for us to trip over our own dicks Just this North Korea thing alone See what's going on with this crazy motherfuckers Just pointing rockets at everybody And saber rattling and saying I mean what do they need?

[1580] They need food What do they need?

[1581] They need power, electricity They need something obviously The guy's doing something to get some sort of attention and get some people to calm him down.

[1582] How long can that guy be around for?

[1583] How long can you have India and Pakistan hate each other, pointing nuclear arms at each other right there just like staring at each other?

[1584] You know, how much longer can people do what they're doing?

[1585] It's kind of weird.

[1586] It's like one or two things has to happen.

[1587] Either we, they've got to figure out some new invention that lets people all realize that we all have, like, there's repercussions to everyone's actions, positive and negative.

[1588] And everybody has a stake in everything that happens all over the world, whether it's in the Congo or the fucking, the people that are getting run out of the Brazilian rainforest because loggers have moved in.

[1589] Those guys are douchebags.

[1590] Like, let's be clear about that.

[1591] Like, some people were living in some tents.

[1592] Some guys want to steal their trees.

[1593] Like, everybody needs to settle the fuck down.

[1594] We need to look at this globally.

[1595] And the fact that, like, cunty shit can happen in the Amazon and the Congo and all these different spots.

[1596] While that happens and we know about it, we'll never be at balance.

[1597] And it seems to me it's like something has to happen.

[1598] that connects everybody, whether it's a stage of evolution, whether it's a slow progress of things that we're going through right now, where people are getting upset at things right now that they never got upset at before, you know, where people are sort of realizing that we're much more connected than people have ever been before.

[1599] And if that doesn't like continue on that trend, when you got things like North Korea, when you got things like what's going on in the Congo and you got really bad spots in Afghanistan, really bad spots on Iraq.

[1600] And the world is, there's, there's parts of the world right now that are in the apocalypse.

[1601] They're right there.

[1602] The apocalypse exists and it's going on right now.

[1603] And while we're all just sitting here living our lives, that's taking place and we know it.

[1604] And because we know it, we always feel out of whack.

[1605] We always feel like if the whole world got a shit together, if human beings figured out a way where no one was fucking over anybody anywhere in the world.

[1606] No one was murdering anybody anywhere in the world.

[1607] No one was raped anybody anywhere in the world.

[1608] That could be possible.

[1609] If it's possible to do in this room, it's possible to do in a whole country.

[1610] Too late.

[1611] I already raped the jam man. Does that make sense?

[1612] Or am I's too stoned?

[1613] Too stoned.

[1614] You know, back to, I know that we've had discussions about your fears, and you always said that one of your biggest fears was staying healthy to when you got older.

[1615] You didn't mind want to really, really get old, you know.

[1616] Well, I don't want my body to feel.

[1617] You know, walking around with a failing body.

[1618] I'm going to tell you something that petrifies me more than anything.

[1619] You know, nothing scares me. I never wanted to go to jail after the only five.

[1620] True.

[1621] I know that all these gangsters are glorious and they fucking glorify them on biography.

[1622] You know what?

[1623] They died in a fucking hole.

[1624] Mm -hmm.

[1625] There ain't no glory in dying no fucking hole.

[1626] When you're 55 and above, I tell you what, and I knew this when I was 20.

[1627] After 55, there's only one thing you should.

[1628] be worried about that's your grandchildren and your pension your house should be paid for well it's amazing that those creeps made it that long you know when you see guys like john goddy and jail sammy the bull they let him out that goes to show you how nutty no he's still in jail yeah but i mean they let him out let him out yeah yeah yeah yeah when he was involved and they knew he was involved in at least like how many murders 20 but some insane amount of murders and they let him go because he gave them information on god but the beauty is that 20 30 years from now somebody's going to find the file on sammy the Bogovano and it's going to be one of the biggest smacks to the American people that you've ever known.

[1629] Nobody really knew what really happened.

[1630] Nobody knew that the government wanted Gotti so bad.

[1631] They wanted him.

[1632] I don't give a, listen, I don't give a fuck.

[1633] I want this guy that we'll do whatever.

[1634] Whatever, what he killed.

[1635] 80 people, fuck him.

[1636] They were Italian.

[1637] They got what they deserved.

[1638] Fuck them and their mother.

[1639] That's the thinking.

[1640] Right.

[1641] You know, and what people don't know is that Sammy was brilliant in the sense that he was the first one.

[1642] to rat.

[1643] Okay, he was the first one to rat.

[1644] What he did to the government was brilliant.

[1645] The government knew.

[1646] I told you that the stories that the government was collecting his loan shark payments when he went away.

[1647] He went into the system, got out, and then it's when it really blew up in their face, because all these people started going in testifying, saying, I would never lie.

[1648] I sold drugs at Sammy the Bulgavon.

[1649] The government would go, no, you didn't.

[1650] Sammy never sold the drug in his life.

[1651] But after 50 people came in and said, yes, they did.

[1652] The government finally said they ain't fucking lie and then that fucking idiot went on to HBO oh the ice man went on HBO and on his third last interview he said he killed the cop and then Sammy the bull gavano gave him the order they went to the files they said they seen that Sammy never cop to that cop and also they had him involved in an ecstasy ring and they pulled them into jail and the ice band mysteriously died to tell his story to prosecute Sammy they took the bull and they put him in Colorado and Tomahawk under the fucking prison.

[1653] Under the prison.

[1654] So the government, this is a king to fucking see.

[1655] So he never sees the light.

[1656] Never sees light again.

[1657] But the government didn't give a fuck when they cut the deal.

[1658] And that's not just with him.

[1659] They do this all the time.

[1660] But it's a different government.

[1661] That's the thing.

[1662] It's like the people that are in charge today and not the people that put Sammy the bowl out on the street back during the Gotti time.

[1663] Most likely.

[1664] Five fucking years he got for killing 20 people.

[1665] And he got to take his money.

[1666] He got to take $10 million.

[1667] And he got to, they didn't care.

[1668] And then they put him in, he was in Phoenix, right?

[1669] He was in Phoenix.

[1670] Didn't he, like, try to go under a fake name or something like that?

[1671] He told him to go fuck himself.

[1672] He told him come and get him.

[1673] That's how crazy that little mother.

[1674] Five -foot -five, training with Teddy Atlas, five days a week, shoot.

[1675] B -ball, D -Fall, fuck, did you see him before?

[1676] He was huge.

[1677] Did you see him when he got nailed?

[1678] He looked scary.

[1679] He was five -five, two -something?

[1680] It was a human bulldog.

[1681] He was, you know, and he was fighting every morning over there with Teddy Atlas.

[1682] That's the truth.

[1683] Teddy Atlas was his trainer.

[1684] Wow.

[1685] Yeah, that was a scary time.

[1686] When you had, like, real, legit mafia criminals, like, flaunting it in New York.

[1687] What about what's going now?

[1688] I hear shit about how they just, you know, that I shouldn't say this, how they arrest Arabs in New York and try to flip the things on them and try to get, like, those terrorist case.

[1689] What are they doing?

[1690] I don't know.

[1691] We had a discussion about how they take the people to go and push.

[1692] They take Arabs and they go and push them in on those terror groups.

[1693] Well, they did that in Dallas.

[1694] They gave a guy, I think it was Dallas.

[1695] They gave a guy a fake bomb.

[1696] And they had him try to detonate it when he tried to detonate it.

[1697] They were arrested him for trying to detonate a bomb.

[1698] Like, you gave him the bomb.

[1699] Like, you know, and how, I mean, that's so crazy.

[1700] The idea that they would be able to make a fake bomb, get it to you.

[1701] They talked this guy into doing it.

[1702] Let's do the conversation.

[1703] Okay, sir.

[1704] My friend, I have a bomb for you.

[1705] No, no, I'm going to give it to you.

[1706] You're the bomb guy.

[1707] Well, I think he thought he was dealing with a terrorist organization.

[1708] He didn't know he was dealing with the FBI.

[1709] He had some FBI guy who says, this is my friend, America is devil, we're going to take it down.

[1710] You are in, you are an important part of our program.

[1711] This guy's an idiot.

[1712] He's like, I'm an important part, finally, something, anything, what do I do?

[1713] Is that an offensive voice, offensive, stereotypical Arab -type dude voice?

[1714] What do I do?

[1715] I don't know.

[1716] So what do you think, how do you think it went down?

[1717] what do you think you said to him that's a good angle what do you think you say you take this and you put it when you come back we give you badge and they probably like FBI pension and everything the guys like and you and I insurance 55 ,000 a year to start and pension and car and car gasoline gasoline I'll be back that's so he planned ahead he was that type of person oh the government's always two steps out of you though I think the guy was probably like if I do this you'll be my friend what are you plan Oh, terrorist music.

[1718] That's terrorist music?

[1719] You know what terrorist music is?

[1720] That John Ashcroft song.

[1721] That's terrorism.

[1722] That's fucking terrorist music.

[1723] You know what's terrorism, bro?

[1724] Subway sandwich.

[1725] How was that terrorism?

[1726] I was thinking about, I was in Nashville.

[1727] You know, across the street from Nashville.

[1728] It's that Subway sandwich right there.

[1729] How fucking cool is Nashville Zanis?

[1730] Am I fucking around?

[1731] No, no. It's amazing.

[1732] And it's nice people, cool.

[1733] Nashville's a bad ass town.

[1734] Nashville's a bad ass town.

[1735] But I was looking at that sub and I'm like, those motherfuckers sell turkey fucking salami.

[1736] Turkey fucking salami.

[1737] Right.

[1738] You know, they do such bad shit.

[1739] They don't even give you a full foot.

[1740] Yeah, did you hear it see that?

[1741] And I knew that for the beginning.

[1742] I know for fucking a footbook.

[1743] It's like I knew it was fucking kinky.

[1744] When you get six inches, that's when you know it's not a fucking six inch.

[1745] Because I worked on a lumber yard for fucking years.

[1746] You know what fucking six inches is.

[1747] So the six inch is more like what?

[1748] It's like an inch short.

[1749] The whole, the foot long is like an inch.

[1750] Everybody I fucking talked to said at one time another, they got mad.

[1751] They got food, poison from the tuna.

[1752] The tuna's bad?

[1753] And I got it one time.

[1754] I like the tuna for years, but I got it one time.

[1755] You can't say that on a podcast.

[1756] We're going to get in trouble.

[1757] No, I'm just telling it happened to me. Allegedly.

[1758] Between me saying that someone should sell the post office to a private contractor to run it, like, DPS.

[1759] And, what the fuck?

[1760] And this guy ratting out the comedy store?

[1761] Yeah, we've done it.

[1762] This is what happens when we take a few days out.

[1763] They got the help department on that way right now.

[1764] I'm not going on a Polish store.

[1765] Yeah, you got a problem.

[1766] He's in there with a fucking.

[1767] I want you to explain to his podcast.

[1768] No, they arrest him as a girl enters into that bathroom.

[1769] And the security is hovering over the window looking in.

[1770] You're such a fucking crime.

[1771] Yeah, man, you just fucked everybody who has a part of that place, Brian.

[1772] You really did.

[1773] You're a terrible person.

[1774] I knew motherfuckers for years were looking at something.

[1775] I didn't know they were in there looking at pussy.

[1776] I can't even dream of that shit.

[1777] How can you be such a disgust of it?

[1778] You're looking at a fucking thing Even me Yeah, even me You know, I judge everybody by my actions You know what I'm saying?

[1779] I'm a fucking piece of shit thief And these disgustos Look at the fucking poor lady's pussy Do a fucking thing And to even look in, I mean I don't understand I really don't Well, that's the thing about any open institution Whether it's a comedy store Or a park where kids hang out And you're gonna get You know, gonna get all kinds of people You're going to get real friendly people And you're going to get people that suck You know And at the comedy store You're going to have both of that too You know we've always had those A few comedians That would come around You're like Jesus Christ You've got to back up And move away And there's like They have bad mojo And they're all upset That you know Why am I on at this time And Joey Diaz is on at this time This is bullshit And they stomp around You always get that right Always Always But people put cameras And bathrooms In other places I see a lot of time Chuck Barry Didn't Chuck Barry get in trouble for doing that?

[1780] Or in the steakhouses or something?

[1781] Chuck Barry, I believe, got in trouble for doing that.

[1782] I should probably look that up.

[1783] Putting a fucking tape in the bathroom and go, and what do you do?

[1784] Excuse me, you go back at the end of the day and empty the camera and look at the people pissing?

[1785] Why are you asking me?

[1786] I don't know.

[1787] Because you're into all that shit, you filthy cucks out.

[1788] I can't say that.

[1789] He's not into that.

[1790] How dare you?

[1791] Well, if you take a pee at Brian's house, he's watching.

[1792] No, I'm not.

[1793] Yes, he is.

[1794] That motherfucker's watching his iPhone.

[1795] That night I gave him the banana bread.

[1796] I caught him with his phone off.

[1797] He had a, he was taping somebody ice house this motherfucker he got like eight cameras all around this city oh this is so not true but i i i i do admit that i was talking to a uh a comic that we are all friends with uh or and i he's like i want to send you something because i was talking about the rubmaps website you know where you and uh he he goes i have something to send you and he gives it and he take it and it's like uh two things of keys like keychains and they're like the little uh things for your car for the alarm and i'm like Why is he sending me these cards?

[1798] And I open it up, and it's a camera.

[1799] And what you do is you put it on your key chain.

[1800] And so then, like, when you're somewhere like a massage parlor or something like that, you hit record and just put down your keys and it records HD video.

[1801] Whoa.

[1802] And he just sent it to me. He's like, oh, trust me, I have the greatest thing for you.

[1803] And he sends me two up.

[1804] Okay, I got a totally wrong story of Chuck Berry.

[1805] Chuck Berry did a lot of wacky shit, but that's not one of them.

[1806] One of the things he did in 1959, he was arrested under the Man Act, that he had sex with a 14 -year -old waitress, from which he transported over state lines to work as a hat -check girl at his club.

[1807] 14 -year -old waitress?

[1808] Where do they even have 14 -year -old waitress?

[1809] Like a tea party?

[1810] He was convicted, fined $5 ,000 in sentence to five years in prison.

[1811] His appeal that the judge's comments and the attitude were racist and prejudiced by the jury against him was upheld, and his second trial was held in May in June of 1961, which resulted in Barry being given a three -year prison sentence.

[1812] After another appeal failed, Barry served one year, one and a half years in prison from February of 1962 to October of 1963.

[1813] He pleaded guilty to tax evasion, was sentenced to four months in prison and a thousand hours of community service, doing benefit concerts in 1979, and in 1990, Barry pleaded guilty to misdemeanor possession of marijuana.

[1814] Holla!

[1815] The last one, they got up for weed.

[1816] They should have looked at his ledger and going, this guy's done enough time.

[1817] So he transferred?

[1818] He said, listen, baby.

[1819] Jesus Christ.

[1820] Listen, babe, not only going to suck my dick, but I got a job.

[1821] for you as a motherfucking hat check girl 14 year old hat check girl holy shit wow Chuck Barry was a bad motherfucker you know that was a totally different time in the world too imagine the racism that guy felt what about the guy that played the piano he fucked his cousin or something red band what's that guy what's come on guys who are you talking about that he did all oh Jerry Lewis yeah he fucked yeah he fucked his cousin and he might have did the the allegations were that at one point in time that he killed his wife wasn't it didn't he uh he get in trouble that's what they called him the killer that was actually his nickname what's so funny he's so fucked up on edibles you can tell he can't even see his eyes i don't fucking high right now i didn't smoke pot for over a week you didn't i didn't smoke pot for a week for the show now we're off the deep end let me tell you so this guy fuck this cousin killed this one yeah someone drowned like one of his Lives drowned, yeah.

[1822] Well, who know?

[1823] She could have just drowned, man, you know?

[1824] Might not have been.

[1825] Yeah, what are you doing?

[1826] He was so crazy, though?

[1827] You guys slandering now?

[1828] No, no, he was so crazy.

[1829] Jerry Lee Lewis was so fucking crazy that him and Chuck Barry were doing a gig together.

[1830] And Chuck Barry played piano, too, right?

[1831] I think so.

[1832] Yeah, yeah, something, right?

[1833] Was it, was Chuck Barry that he lit his piano on fire?

[1834] Is that Liberace?

[1835] No, no, no, that's, uh...

[1836] Liberace.

[1837] Didn't Jerry Lewis?

[1838] It was Jerry Lewis.

[1839] Great balls of fire.

[1840] Right, but Jerry Lewis lit Chuck Barry's.

[1841] piano on fire I don't remember that I think he did I think he did and I think he said like follow that motherfucker like he lit the piano on fire I'm pretty sure I need to pull that up because maybe I'm just combining scenes and movies Jerry Lee Lewis Chuck Berry No it's not romantic He was crazy man Which one Jerry Lee Lewis Was crazy He was crazy Yeah that guy was nuts Yeah he had a fight He got in a fist fight with Chuck Barry.

[1842] Goodness gracious.

[1843] Yeah.

[1844] Jerry Lee Lewis Chuck Barry Feud.

[1845] Yeah, these were, I mean, think about these type of people.

[1846] I mean, these are wild motherfuckers.

[1847] Just Jerry, just, just think of Chuck Barry.

[1848] Think of getting in a fight with a guy like Chuck Perry.

[1849] He's doing time, does a year and a half in the pokey for, you know, transporting a girl across state lines.

[1850] Apparently he said, tax evasion.

[1851] Apparently he caught the piano of fire, then walked off stage telling Barry, follow that N -word in order to...

[1852] Imagine if he actually did say N -word.

[1853] Follow that N -word.

[1854] This is a sad time.

[1855] Sad time.

[1856] Yeah, but it's just...

[1857] That whole lifestyle going into prison and coming out.

[1858] Oh, yeah.

[1859] Fuck you, Joe Rogan.

[1860] I love Chinese food too much.

[1861] I like walking around too much.

[1862] Fuck you, brother.

[1863] Especially in the 60s.

[1864] Especially in the 60s, especially now.

[1865] Like going to...

[1866] Yeah.

[1867] Doing time, I don't give, they all, listen, any time they, you glorify on television, that's bullshit.

[1868] You still aren't seeing your family.

[1869] To be 65 and live your whole life and think that you were a gangster and to get put in jail when you're 50.

[1870] Yeah.

[1871] And have to be 67 in fucking prison.

[1872] I say nobody's going to rape you a beach up.

[1873] Just a thought.

[1874] Just being your freedom removed.

[1875] And you see these idiots on Discovery Channel.

[1876] Like when they do those prison shows and when I'm on the road, I'll stay up late writing, but I'll put that channel on.

[1877] and I watched the interviews of these guys.

[1878] Like, yeah, you know, I did it.

[1879] What the fuck did you do?

[1880] You fucking pissed away a life.

[1881] Yeah.

[1882] You pissed away a fucking life.

[1883] You do two, three years when you're 18.

[1884] That ain't shit, Jarrogan.

[1885] Anybody could do it standing in that fucking head.

[1886] Did you hear about that guy that they just arrested that was a living in the woods of Maine by himself?

[1887] He hadn't talked to another person in 30 years, and he had been surviving all this time by stealing things from campgrounds.

[1888] Didn't talk to people.

[1889] for 30 fucking years until the police finally arrested him so he was basically like a fucking kid and just disappeared he yeah 27 years he lived in the woods for 27 years he didn't speak to another person he just lived in the woods snuck into campgrounds stole shit and went back to his camp and so they arrest this guy he's got this spot and they have all these pictures of it if you go to the knebec journal kjonline .com Kenneback, K -E -N -N -N -E -E -E -C, K -E -N -E -E -E -C.

[1890] It's a part of Maine where this guy was, Kennebunkport, right?

[1891] That's where Bush had his compound out there, his family, the older Bush.

[1892] But this guy, man, was just living like a character in a movie, by himself, not talking to any human beings, and then in the middle of the night stealing people's shit.

[1893] Pretty nuts, man. Charles Bronson's death hunt.

[1894] living in the fucking hut at night with a dog This is really amazing man That's fucking crazy Especially in Maine Maine is unfucking bearably cold in the winter It's really really cold New York is cold Boston's cold Their Maine is a motherfucker There's that feeling when you get out of your car You just get it's a totally different kind of cold Can they show what the inside of his hut look like Yeah yeah yeah they got a video There's a video up there of this guy's place It's got all things hanging you know everything's hanging from a wall he even has a clock that he's got taped up to a tree stole someone's clock like stole all this shit and just like pack ratted it into this weird sort of tent that he has set up in the middle of Maine it's fucking all kinds of people man do you have heat you?

[1895] No he lit fires and shit we you know we're starting to see because of the we can get a story like this online so easily and read into it he never had anything like this 20 years he never got these stories they didn't show it on 2020 or And one of those, you never really got like this sort of an in -depth look at wackiness.

[1896] And we're getting it every day.

[1897] Every day there's like some new dude who gets caught doing something really fucking weird.

[1898] And then you look at him and you go, is this crazy fuck?

[1899] What's going on here?

[1900] And then you'll forget about him because tomorrow it's a dude who's got a pet hippo that he rides around until it eats him.

[1901] And then you go, what a fucking hippo ate him?

[1902] And then the next day, it's a mother story.

[1903] It just, it never ends.

[1904] The guy walks into Home Depot yesterday and try to cut his arm off.

[1905] You hear that?

[1906] No. Guy walked into Home Depot, picks up a saw, and starts hacking his fucking arm off.

[1907] Got down to the bone, screaming, fucking howling, cutting his arm.

[1908] They got down the bone until they stopped him.

[1909] What the fuck?

[1910] Really, Joe Diaz?

[1911] I'll stop and think about that for a moment.

[1912] A guy walks into Home Depot and saws his own fucking arm off.

[1913] Can you imagine being in there watching this shit live?

[1914] You go in there just to get a gallon of fucking paint?

[1915] Oh, God.

[1916] put up with this fucking guy now doing this it's just you might be there in the wrong place the wrong time when that guy does that or does something even nuttier that harms other people you know i would like to find out what that guy was on you know i would love to know what these guys life i guarantee life that's it they lost the mortgage they lost the house the wife left the kid is on drugs the other kids a fucking moron god knows there's a lot of that there's a lot our life going on.

[1917] That's it, man. It's tough for people.

[1918] Right now, you know, you really think about what's going on.

[1919] They got missiles pointing out of us, whatever the fuck.

[1920] Listen, if he launches them, I'm sure United States will do what they can and we'll be fine.

[1921] It's just a thought that it's right there.

[1922] It's right fucking there.

[1923] We're about to be part of this.

[1924] Everything will change.

[1925] Everything.

[1926] You know, what people don't realize who haven't been over there, like you and I, we don't realize what the actual conditions are in that country.

[1927] And when you read about it, it almost seems like fiction.

[1928] You know, when you read about the slave camps and the people were born in the slave camps and, you know, some of them escape and they tell these stories of like how weakened they let people get and then they literally, like people are eating rats and shit trying to stay alive.

[1929] Is it Korea, North Korea?

[1930] Slave camps, it's horrible, horrible shit.

[1931] Why is there slave camps?

[1932] I don't know, man. Well, they, Vice .com exposed that they have slave camps in Siberia.

[1933] The North Koreans have a slave camp in Siberia.

[1934] And the people in Siberia, they don't even know that they're not in North Korea.

[1935] They think they're in North Korea, but really they're in a slave camp in Siberia.

[1936] It's really fucking crazy.

[1937] And what I can't wrap my head around, I don't think, and I don't think either can you, is that these people are living like Stalinist Russia.

[1938] They're living like a real communist, dictatorial, sort of, you know, utopic view of the world.

[1939] You know, their idea of life is they have dear leader.

[1940] You know, When people didn't cry for Dear Leader, you know, when the guy died, people who didn't cry got sentenced to six months in jail.

[1941] They sentenced some people to jail because they didn't cry.

[1942] So people like, if you ever see the video of people crying, it is the most ridiculous, overproduced, overacted, nuttiness that you've ever seen in your life.

[1943] It's people just terrified.

[1944] It's really sad to watch because these people are terrified and they're wandering around crying, just wailing, it's so fake -looking.

[1945] it looks so fake but it's like they have to put on a show the government is so they're so controlled it's such a horrible dictatorship that if you're not crying for the guy dying they just throw you in a fucking cage yeah the balance of power for whatever reason people always want to get to that sort of total dictatorial position like even the guy who there was the overthrowing of the government in Egypt the new people that came in were like yeah well we don't think the law should apply to us and we're going to do and everybody was like what there was like riots in the street they're like this is what we just got rid of like you're trying to do exactly with the government before you like we see where you're going with this he crazy fucks it's almost like what is a slave camp what is the purpose of a slave camp they're making them they're working they're making things whatever it is um i mean north korea has almost no money they're unbelievably broke if you fly over north korea at night their lights are out they shut their lights off at night Whereas you go over South Korea, it looks like any other part of the world where you see people's lights on.

[1946] North Korea doesn't even have enough money to keep the lights on.

[1947] It's a terrible, you can't run a country like that.

[1948] They're not going to profit.

[1949] They're not going to prosper.

[1950] The only way to have a really strong economy is you have a lot of people that are trying to make things happen, not just like the people that are in charge and then they're slaves.

[1951] You can't run it like that.

[1952] You know, you can't run it where the entire civilization is under your heel.

[1953] Because a strong man is going to prosper.

[1954] A strong woman is going to prosper.

[1955] and anybody that knows they're under the heel of the government like that they're never going to prosper so the economy's never going to be vital it's never going to be like no one's going to be out there trying to make shit happen and kick ass and take names and you know and and keep the the economy energized they're fucking terrified they're terrified of these jackbooted thugs coming into the house and locking them in a cage because they weren't fake crying enough you know and it's 2013 that's the nudiest part about it so this is happening right now just like you and i are taking fucking southwest to san jose and having a good time and fucking driving to Vegas and waving at people at the gas station.

[1956] These fucking people on another part of the world right now are living a horror movie.

[1957] It's fucking amazing.

[1958] Did you imagine, man, you living in a horror movie.

[1959] I mean, you literally are living in Star Wars.

[1960] It might as well be stormtroopers.

[1961] That might as well be Darth Vader.

[1962] You really are.

[1963] I mean, they have nuclear power.

[1964] They have nuclear power, machine guns, tanks, and they're all willing to walk in a straight line with their lifting the leg up at the same time, which is scary for us.

[1965] when everybody moves mindlessly in a unit together left right left right that scares a shit out of us because that means you're willing to do whatever the fuck they tell you once they got you marching like that left right left right well you can't just walk in carrying guns how impressive is that let me tell you something just walk in carrying those guns and everyone was going to shit their pants anyway but you walking in with that left right left right what is that what is that you're letting people know that you got these motherfuckers under control completely under control and you're doing that while you're in this nightmare of a dictatorial society so it's got to be horrific to live over there how fucking lucky you'll be oh we're so lucky we're so lucky we're so lucky you're so lucky you're going to fucking 101 at 5 o 'clock and pisses you to fuck off dude there's no traffic like New York traffic how bad is it gotten horrendously horrendously It's bad.

[1966] It's very bad.

[1967] I read this.

[1968] I can't believe it.

[1969] I don't go over.

[1970] That's why I said to you.

[1971] The tunnels and bridges, getting into the tunnels and bridges can be insanity.

[1972] It can be like, okay, this is not happening.

[1973] Like, how long does this take?

[1974] It's craziness.

[1975] The amount of humans.

[1976] And by the way, no one's driving.

[1977] Okay?

[1978] Everyone's taking cabs.

[1979] So if most of the people in the city are taking cabs, it's the rare few that are clogging it up.

[1980] Like the amount of traffic does not even closely represent the amount of actual humans.

[1981] Because the amount of humans is staggering, but most of them are not taking cars.

[1982] Let me explain something to you.

[1983] In 94, I was doing comedy and I went back.

[1984] I was an open micer.

[1985] I lived in Seacucus, New Jersey.

[1986] I dated a girl on 15th and 9th Avenue by Honda of Manhattan.

[1987] Joe Rogan, I'm telling you, I could get in my car at a quarter of eight and be in Manhattan at 10 after 8.

[1988] You know me, I'd tell you how the fuck it is.

[1989] I'd pick her up, my show would be at 9th at the New York Comedy Club.

[1990] About three years ago, I went into New York City.

[1991] I had to pick my buddy up at the bus station.

[1992] I had never seen anything like that.

[1993] Wow.

[1994] I thought it was going to take me an hour tops.

[1995] It took me four fucking hours.

[1996] Yeah, I'm not shocked.

[1997] No, no, no, no, no, no. It's insane.

[1998] And there's nothing I want to do there anymore.

[1999] Yeah.

[2000] I don't want to go get a hot dog.

[2001] I'll take the bus and the train over.

[2002] But I'm out of there.

[2003] Taking a car over, those days are done.

[2004] I was hanging out with Shane Smith from vice .com.

[2005] He lives in New York, and he has his view out of his window.

[2006] that it's like mountains it doesn't even seem real his view is like it's like you're looking at like mountains they're mechanical mountains that people created it's more beautiful even than the mountains that the New York City skyline is fucking staggering it's so impressive that it's almost worth being there just to see it on a regular basis because it really is like a work of art just like the mountains are you know the reason why people are like willing to pay for paintings and shit because it makes you feel good when you see something badass when you look at something, something beautiful.

[2007] Like the sculpture that this gentleman sent me, it's the Buddha from my tattoo, that I love art. I like looking at shit that someone made.

[2008] I like things that are beautiful.

[2009] But the New York City skyline is like one of the most beautiful things you could see.

[2010] Like when that thing's all lit up and the cars are moving, you're like, whoa.

[2011] I've never seen a painting that makes me do that.

[2012] I never see a painting.

[2013] I see a painting and I go, wow, that's cool.

[2014] I like that.

[2015] Oh, that's badass.

[2016] But I never see a painting that makes me sit down and open my jaw and go, whoa.

[2017] But the New York City skyline will make you go, whoa, and it'll make you sit back.

[2018] If you look at it from one of those dudes who's got some crazy building with a giant window and, like, a lot of those people, they have those, like, 180 -degree views.

[2019] Like, people with, like, crazy cash and giant apartments.

[2020] Their view is the greatest view in the world.

[2021] That view is amazing.

[2022] Seeing all that skyline, those lights, and the cars moving.

[2023] I totally get it now.

[2024] I totally get why people will be addicted to living there.

[2025] That's the main thing.

[2026] told.

[2027] Like I told you, live in New York, it's lived like John Lennon.

[2028] If you live in New York, you'll live like John Lennon.

[2029] If not, it's fucking tough.

[2030] That's a tough, fucking place to live.

[2031] And if you have to come to you from Brooklyn to Manhattan, you know, it's fucking tough.

[2032] Well, John Lennon's a perfect example, though, why what's crazy about him?

[2033] Some dude's just waiting outside of where he knows you live, some wacky dude that wants to shoot you.

[2034] You know, I mean, that's a secured building.

[2035] Yeah, it doesn't matter.

[2036] People know that you live in that secured building, and you're John Lennon.

[2037] I mean, John Lennon was one of the most famous, and beings on the planet earth.

[2038] They didn't care if this guy's living in this building.

[2039] It's a nutty way to live.

[2040] Stacked on top of everybody.

[2041] But, God, so beautiful.

[2042] And we were there, and there was a lightning storm broke out.

[2043] Fucking A, man. To be on, like, the 40th floor of a hotel and look out the window, you see lightning, dance across the sky.

[2044] It's like, holy fuck.

[2045] This is, like, one of the coolest shows you could ever see.

[2046] It was amazing.

[2047] New York has stuck that really moved me. You know what, Tara's Dog, Subway Sandwich.

[2048] Look, that's a terrorist right there.

[2049] They already got something up.

[2050] They already got that up.

[2051] They already got a meme up.

[2052] People were not friendly there, though, man. That's the weird thing, is the dealing with that constant stress.

[2053] That went away after 9 -11.

[2054] After 9 -11, people were super friendly there for a while.

[2055] We filmed Fear Factor there in like 2002, I think.

[2056] And maybe it might have been 2003.

[2057] But everybody was so friendly.

[2058] it was really interesting it was like when we went there people were like you could noticeably see that there was like an extra effort that people made to be nice to people I felt it it was like I felt it in the air and I remember thinking hmm how long will this last you know like this is like its new change of the way people are behaving in New York I wonder how long it lasts it lasted a long time it lasted quite a few years before I started feeling like it was back to normal again this last trip it's back to normal it's solely back yeah people They're just some people I mean there's plenty of nice folks in New York Just like there's plenty of nice folks everywhere We met a lot of nice folks The funny thing is when I walk in New York There's some stuff that just fucking moves me Yeah And it moves me because I remember coming off from Cuba And walking in Manhattan And being a little kid I remember walking down Broadway And seeing the first wall poster To Her Majesty's Secret Service That's a James Bond movie With an in between James Bond His name was George Lazenby He was in between Roger Moore I guess Really?

[2059] Yeah, yeah, look it up.

[2060] Diana Rig.

[2061] Cojack was in the movie.

[2062] It's called Our Majesty's Secret Service.

[2063] It came out like in 1969, maybe 68, maybe 70.

[2064] Well, how many James Bond's were there?

[2065] The new one's the best.

[2066] That guy's fucking badass.

[2067] He's badass.

[2068] He's badass.

[2069] He's the best.

[2070] Yeah, he's good.

[2071] But Roger Moore's good.

[2072] But Roger Moore can't fuck with Sean Connery.

[2073] Sean Connery.

[2074] No, no, no, no, no. All right, these are the men.

[2075] David Niven was the first.

[2076] first one oh no no no listen to this chase this is crazy barry nelson was the first one in nineteen fifty four even before sean connery so sean connery was 62 to 1971 and again he came back don't call it a comeback in 83 took a 12 -year hiatus and then came back with a new wig and then there's david niven who fucks david niven they tried david niven out in 67 right that shit didn't work And then they tried George Lassonby.

[2077] They tried that out in 69.

[2078] That's the movie, yeah.

[2079] And then there's another guy.

[2080] Christopher Kazan -K -A -N -O -V -K -A -N -O -V.

[2081] Yeah, C -A -Z -E -N -O -V -E.

[2082] And then Roger Moore from 73 to 85.

[2083] Which ones that Roger Moore do?

[2084] Living Let Die.

[2085] That's a good one.

[2086] But do you remember Timothy Dalton and Pierce -Brosden?

[2087] There was two duds in a row.

[2088] Two, like, fucking total duds.

[2089] We're like, get out of here, man. like the same person too yes it's probably timothy dalton was talking shit and they go look to we got pierce bronson on speed dial let's fucking do this i thought pierce bronson would probably be good but no let's get out of here both those guys i can't imagine those guys kicking anybody's ass ever i imagine them getting hit and just start crying but daniel craig i could see that guy kicking someone's ass i totally 100 % buy it i think he's the best one of all time he's he's a beast he like he seems like a killer Like, when I'm watching him, he seems like the type of guy who would be, like a problem, drinking, womanizing, train killer.

[2090] Like, it all came together in the most realistic version of it.

[2091] But I had a lot of people said it suck, man. It's funny.

[2092] This dude posted on this message board that I go to.

[2093] How fucking everybody told him was the best bond era.

[2094] He's like, holy shit, was it a piece of garbage.

[2095] I was like, man, I didn't get that.

[2096] I thought it was great.

[2097] Roger Moore shot again before you.

[2098] Get the fuck out of you.

[2099] I'm telling you, dog live and let die.

[2100] Roger Moore.

[2101] I'm telling you.

[2102] That was a smoothness.

[2103] That was his batois, Joe Roeb.

[2104] That was his batois.

[2105] He talked to him the whole time he had his finger up your ass.

[2106] That's the whole thing about those guys.

[2107] That's what it means to be fucking James Bond.

[2108] That's what it means?

[2109] That's right.

[2110] The swabbed Devonair finger up your ass.

[2111] Bro, he was a swab.

[2112] I'm telling you, I didn't think so either.

[2113] See, I grew up on the saint.

[2114] When the saint, you know, was popular when I moved here.

[2115] What was the saint?

[2116] Roger Moore.

[2117] The saint.

[2118] It was a TV show where there's a circle around this fucking head.

[2119] What?

[2120] shit the fuck out of it no no no no that was the watch roger moore the same place yeah he had his own tv show yeah he had a halo yeah that was the commercial for the fucking halo that was the name of the show like the mentalist the mentalist yeah he was the saint oh that is so funny i never heard of this show yeah oh my god the saint yeah tremendous what was better that or that danny bonaducci show the best bet listen bro i'm gonna drop some shows on you guys gonna bust your fucking head i'm gonna tell you some good shows right now it takes a fucking tuesday thief with Robin motherfucking Wagner How about the Wild Wild West?

[2121] It's on now.

[2122] At night, I watched that from time to time.

[2123] And my head blows up, bro.

[2124] That was a fucking tremendous.

[2125] I love the Wild West.

[2126] The Wild Wild West.

[2127] What was that guy's name?

[2128] There was the Curly Head Brunette dude.

[2129] And then Bruce, what's his name?

[2130] Knock this battery off my shoulder.

[2131] Will Smith came back to play it, right?

[2132] He played it later.

[2133] He said, no insult me. Please.

[2134] I'm not talking about this.

[2135] There's no black people in the Wild Wild Wild West.

[2136] They're right.

[2137] It was two white dudes.

[2138] The guy's name, remember in the 70s of that commercial?

[2139] Knocked that battery off my shoulder.

[2140] I dare you.

[2141] Remember the tough dude?

[2142] Remember?

[2143] Yeah, that series was 65 to 69, Joey.

[2144] The Wild West TV series.

[2145] Come on, now.

[2146] 65 to 69.

[2147] And the guy was Robert Conrad and his buddy, Ross Martin, who never got any credit, man. Ross got the shaft.

[2148] Nobody gave Ross any credit, damn it.

[2149] That was a good show.

[2150] I didn't know it was only four years.

[2151] I used to love that show when I was a little kid.

[2152] Which one?

[2153] That show.

[2154] The Wawa West.

[2155] Yeah.

[2156] No, please.

[2157] I remember that was W .O .R. The Wawa West, it takes the thief.

[2158] Those are Channel 9 shows.

[2159] Then Channel 11 shows with a honeymoonist, the Yag couple, Sanford and Sun, the Twilight Zone.

[2160] So you had them all.

[2161] But my friend, Benny Hill was on W .O .R. That was the beginning of my comedy career.

[2162] Watching Benny Hill.

[2163] If you're not Benny Hill fan, I can't talk to you.

[2164] If you don't look at me, And you go, yeah, Benny Hill, Joey, you're a fucking animal.

[2165] We can't really come in.

[2166] And you watch it because you thought a tit was going to pop out.

[2167] Yeah.

[2168] Because once a week, somebody showed their tit on television.

[2169] Did it actually show a real tit?

[2170] Bro, they showed something.

[2171] Like a nipple or at least?

[2172] Oh, you would go crazy.

[2173] You would go crazy.

[2174] Everybody at school knew the next day.

[2175] Everybody got the kind of dog that they showed her tit last night.

[2176] I think you guys hallucinated.

[2177] I don't think they ever actually showed a tip.

[2178] They never actually did it.

[2179] But they get close.

[2180] They got real close.

[2181] And you lost your, when you were, when you were, 11 you lose your life gets red you get dizzy yeah you get sick couldn't believe it's happening there's certain shows that were awesome for kids you know that like if like I guess that's how we're looking at things today you know we look at like shows that are terrible and like what the fuck is watching us but like for a little kid the show would still be pretty badass my biggest rush my biggest crush ever was walona from good times in fact I still see that fine black bitch had auditions and I tell you sexy motherfucker and she goes oh thank you shit that she's about about 80 and she's still banging with a wig on.

[2182] Who was that?

[2183] The black chick from a good time.

[2184] What was it in?

[2185] Well, no. The one that lives upstairs.

[2186] The chick.

[2187] She's beautiful.

[2188] She's still a fucking knockout.

[2189] But then the other one died, right?

[2190] Shirley, Shirley Hempel.

[2191] Was she from good times?

[2192] No, she was from the other one.

[2193] The one with rerun.

[2194] Which one was that?

[2195] That was the one with rerun on it and all those fucking people.

[2196] Are you sure?

[2197] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2198] Shirley Hempel was on...

[2199] What's happening?

[2200] What's happening?

[2201] Right.

[2202] Right, right.

[2203] What's happening?

[2204] Kicking it.

[2205] Was she on kicking it as well?

[2206] What is kicking it?

[2207] Meatball game.

[2208] It's funny when you look back on shows.

[2209] Some shows fucking hang in there, man. So, like, all in the family still hangs in there.

[2210] You know what still hangs in there?

[2211] Print songs.

[2212] Prince songs are still fucking bad at.

[2213] I was in a store, and I want to be your lover, came on, and I was like, wow, I haven't said.

[2214] This is like 1980, whatever the fuck it was, 81 or something like that.

[2215] And I was like, this song is still badass.

[2216] All of us should go eat some mushrooms and eat at him.

[2217] If I tell you, what was on on the way up here, you motherfuckers, I was in the car.

[2218] I didn't give a fuck about traffic on the Joe Rogan experience.

[2219] You know what it was baddest songs, the one later on.

[2220] Oh, I have time.

[2221] Boom, boom, boom, boom.

[2222] Oh, yeah.

[2223] Yeah, that's a great song.

[2224] Sign of the Times.

[2225] It's a sign of the time.

[2226] That's a great song, that.

[2227] Oh, that thing he was doing in Vegas.

[2228] where it was, like, you would pay 500, 200 people at the peril, I guess.

[2229] Yeah.

[2230] I'm not sure people.

[2231] I don't attack me. Yeah, he would do a really small venue for a lot of money.

[2232] 500, but you have to call the songs.

[2233] Wow, that's awesome.

[2234] And you would say, you know, just to, I always, look, look, Kid Rock to you might be some fucking redneck, okay, and he probably is, and his uncle does mat or whatever.

[2235] But it doesn't really matter.

[2236] One thing about Kid Rock is he knows music.

[2237] Right.

[2238] You know, one thing about comedy is I may not be the funniest guy in the world, but I love watching old comedy to see where I came from.

[2239] Jonathan Wintersdie.

[2240] We talked about that.

[2241] Well, I love, I'm a big fucking Lenny Bruce guy and, you know, Jackie Gleason.

[2242] I love to watch that stuff.

[2243] And when I talk to somebody, and when you talk to somebody, you might not like something about them, but just the people they admire, you understand where they come from.

[2244] We're talking about this early.

[2245] Right.

[2246] We told you on Twitter.

[2247] And you go to that page and go, I get it.

[2248] You know what I'm saying?

[2249] They're riding around with them.

[2250] a wig on or some shit, I understand now why they repeated this.

[2251] Well, it's the same thing with me with comics, you know, like what, that all combines.

[2252] I like to know what people, like you, we talk about Hicks, and the other day I was thinking about it, because one of my influences also was Lenny Clark.

[2253] Believe it.

[2254] Oh, yeah, I believe it.

[2255] I'm telling you, I love Lenny Clark.

[2256] Can he become a major star, whatever?

[2257] Yeah, to me, he was because he made me get off my fucking ass.

[2258] I liked what he was doing on stage, you know?

[2259] Lenny, the other guy from Boston, I like There's a couple guys from Boston that I really, really fucking like that they might not be stars to you, but they're stars to me. I thought so, you know.

[2260] Yeah, there was a, you know, we came from an era.

[2261] There was a lot of great comics from, like, the 80s and 90s.

[2262] Like, we were talking about Arara, who don't get recognized today.

[2263] There were some guys.

[2264] There was some goddamn killers.

[2265] Teddy Bergeron.

[2266] Teddy Bergeron is one of those and get nearly enough credit.

[2267] Because, you know, it tripped over his own addictions in his life.

[2268] But that guy at times was like one of the best comics I've ever seen.

[2269] I'm going to tell you something, dog.

[2270] listen to an old headberg out and I had to stop and check myself and I realized how bad I really was as a fucking comic I would listen to him in the car the comedy channel in Nashville yeah fucking what a great town just driving I got a great hamburger at night this place Jimmy Kelly's are you thinking about moving there?

[2271] I don't know the humidity got me it's hot yeah it gets hot that's it guys that's the that's the that's the one that's the one that in Nashville itself is safe but when I was there I was talking how you drive 50 miles in any direction and you're in a zombie moving and really it's what it's like you're driving through the dark areas of Tennessee like you can get through some weird spots you're dark no dark I know what you're athletic that's what you mean you mean athletic that's my uh...

[2272] I went to a spot where my in -laws are from myelin and all that where Mike pilots from he's from Trenton and all that shit right you motherfuckers don't know nothing you don't know what nighttime is yeah You have no idea, gentlemen.

[2273] I went outside the door, and I saw the wolves.

[2274] They just threw wolves everywhere to get the deer population down.

[2275] But they're killing something else now.

[2276] And every night, my in -laws got the dog outside in the fucking balcony.

[2277] I'm like, what the fuck?

[2278] And there's wolves out there?

[2279] Not wolves the other ones.

[2280] Coyotes?

[2281] Coyotes out there.

[2282] They brought them in to keep the deer population out.

[2283] It's not amazing.

[2284] Is that fucking amazing?

[2285] Let's bring in some monsters to eat the food.

[2286] This is what I'm saying.

[2287] So now they're killing something else now.

[2288] Oh, they were killing the rabbits.

[2289] Oh, God.

[2290] They would kill them the fucking rabbits.

[2291] So one night you can hear him out there I'm 50 yards from They introduced them That's so crazy Fucking crazy So that was wild I like that style of living But man Let me tell you something That style of living Listen to the Let me tell you something My friend To know that like I wanted a cup of coffee one night I didn't want to bother nobody Because this time I usually stay at a hotel But it's too far Right It's too fucking far From the house I mean, they're out there, Joe.

[2292] Right.

[2293] Out there.

[2294] Right.

[2295] House is beautiful land is paid for.

[2296] Gorgeous, but they're out there.

[2297] Right.

[2298] Like, one that I was like, Terry, I'm thinking of this place.

[2299] She goes, you know, if you go get a cup of coffee, it's 40 fucking minutes.

[2300] Whoa.

[2301] Each way.

[2302] Like 30 or something.

[2303] 30 minutes.

[2304] But you don't know where you're going.

[2305] So it's going to be 45.

[2306] Here's my question.

[2307] What's more healthy?

[2308] That or New York?

[2309] Because I don't know.

[2310] Because sometimes, sometimes I think.

[2311] think New York is more healthy, but in being there just for over a couple of days and comparing the pace of certain places I've been to, like Boulder, and then comparing it to New York and dealing with the people.

[2312] I don't think, I don't, I can't say it's like New York people are shitty people.

[2313] You know, it's not it.

[2314] And the, the percentage of the people that I ran into was very, very small, that were not nice.

[2315] But those you might not ever run into in Boulder.

[2316] You know what I'm saying?

[2317] It's that the possibility of like rudeness.

[2318] was there in a way that isn't in other spots.

[2319] So I got to think about, well, why are people like that?

[2320] What is it?

[2321] What is it that causes people to be rude?

[2322] Is it just, there's too many of us?

[2323] What is it?

[2324] I think that's part of it.

[2325] I really do.

[2326] I think there's a certain number of people when you get stuck in a certain amount of traffic and a certain amount of lines, a certain amount of waiting, a certain amount of frustration is not worth it.

[2327] Everybody in this fucking room right now at one time or another their voice has gotten loud with somebody at some point.

[2328] Oh, yeah.

[2329] Yeah.

[2330] That's the answer.

[2331] to the white people are rude.

[2332] The problem with us is we caught it.

[2333] In New York, there's just so much.

[2334] I still have it.

[2335] I still have it at times.

[2336] I have it.

[2337] I grew up in that mentality.

[2338] It's in me. It's who the fuck I am.

[2339] I get it.

[2340] But I don't get it all the time.

[2341] I don't get somebody being mean to you on the fucking belt.

[2342] Right.

[2343] There's a difference between rude.

[2344] In fact, there's some rudeness that you appreciate.

[2345] Yeah.

[2346] You're like, thank fucking God.

[2347] We got more people like that around to make this late.

[2348] lady push a little bit.

[2349] Right, a little bit, yeah.

[2350] But that there's another type, that rudeness I can't live with at this point in my life.

[2351] And when I was younger, I would confront it.

[2352] I would confront it.

[2353] Now I don't confront it anymore.

[2354] But then on the other hand, you got it around New York, people are more street smart.

[2355] They just are.

[2356] There's people that are hipper.

[2357] They're like, like, they just seem to be more on top of things.

[2358] You know, they're less obsessed with Hollywood.

[2359] I think that's a really bad thing about the area we live in.

[2360] No, that's the worst.

[2361] That's what I repeat over and over and over again That in this area particularly Listen, this is very funny Because I didn't think about this to I was on stage I dare you, Brian I dare you to get a fucking parking ticket And be 45 minutes late to court I dare any of you motherfuckers to me late to court And Steve you don't get a bench warrant issued And when you get there you have to redo all the paperwork Why is Lindsay Lohan always an hour late for court And it's cute.

[2362] You know, Michael Jackson shut up with pajamas, an hour late for court.

[2363] Pajamas.

[2364] As long, and they try to be strict.

[2365] Like, Michael, you know you're 46 minutes late for court.

[2366] Come with this fucking fact Cuban to court late one time and see what happens after that fucking half hour.

[2367] There's strategies to it.

[2368] Let's pretend you got a parking ticket, a speeding ticket.

[2369] And you know the cop, a lot of times this is the best strategy that my attorney in Jersey would do.

[2370] He would always tell the cop, yeah, show up.

[2371] And then he would call and go, Rogan's running late, but he would tell the court clerks or would never get to the judge.

[2372] So the judge would issue a bench warrant for you and we'd wait for the cop to leave the building.

[2373] Then we sneak you in around the back.

[2374] And we just say, you got caught in traffic.

[2375] They redo your bench warrant.

[2376] There's nobody to testify.

[2377] You're in the speeding ticket.

[2378] And they dropped the charge of the ticket.

[2379] That's old school.

[2380] That's Uncle Joey dropping knowledge on a motherfucker right there.

[2381] But there's other situations where you don't want to be late for court, especially if you're going for rehab or Michael Jackson will molesting fucking kids.

[2382] That's why writing it That tells you right there I've been to courts before I day even bolder The nicest people in the world Get to court 10 minutes late They don't even let you in the fucking door Once they close that door in Boulder Sorry go to the third floor That means they handcuff you And go to the whole fucking thing all over again It's like the idea That you can come to a place And this is the place to go If you want to get famous This is the place And the whole like Entertainment industry Sort of this is like the main thing hub of it.

[2383] You're going to get a lot of cool people, too.

[2384] Look at all the cool people that we know that all live here.

[2385] Look at how many cool friends we have that all live here.

[2386] You got a lot of goddamn cool people, too.

[2387] You get people that have gotten through the whole thing and sort of figured it out and relaxed and settled in and then, you know, became, understood how to work within the parameters of the business without getting caught up in it and becoming, you know, one of those weird, lost Hollywood type people.

[2388] This is my beef.

[2389] And I think it's your beef also, too.

[2390] And Red Band doesn't look at it this way and this.

[2391] And I've always thought about it because I'm 50.

[2392] But I go for auditions, which you don't.

[2393] And I see a little bit more of this bullshit.

[2394] Yeah.

[2395] And I once saw girls, maybe six years old, that were adorable.

[2396] I walked into a room this big that was packed.

[2397] But these two little girls, that were six, decided they were going to take 20 of their headshots and put them all over the floor.

[2398] okay and I heard the one girl say something to the other girls you gotta move this in the one little girls my daddy's a director or something like that okay so this is my problem guys me I'm a piece of shit I'll live anywhere do you really want to raise a child here you know I don't want this is bro the values of life here are judged differently than what they are in Chicago or Boston and you might look down on that some people might look down on that but I don't I never don't I don't Well I think for us There's like First of all This is the only place Where there's like Such a conglomeration of those people So it's like if you live your whole life And you never come in contact with them You know this is it could be kind of shocking When you're around like a bunch of actors Or a bunch of Hollywood types But one of the real problems is There's not Any other business that's looked at like that prominently here It's so overwhelming There's so many people that are involved in it that kids like automatically sort of gravitate towards it they're like everybody wants to be famous they don't they gravitate towards it whereas in Denver who the fuck is going to be famous like you want to be famous that's a real goddamn pipe dream you know it's a real goddamn pipe dream you know it's a real goddamn pipe dream but if you live it in Hollywood it seems like it's attainable oh my god we saw this guy at the mall and then we were there we saw this and we went to an audition and we saw ben affleck oh blah you know it just becomes it becomes more of a focal point and there's not enough other shit here let me ask you something how come have you ever seen any paparazzi pictures of rogue at joe hey dude never i'll tell you later oh really no no no i'm just saying why because joe doesn't want paparazzi pages well suddenly then i don't do all that shit no i understand i don't like to go to party no no no i'm just saying even anywhere listen if you go to a laurel canyon farmer's market with your family now on sunday there 10 15 yeah okay i'm telling you right now because i've seen it i encountered a bunch of new york i'm not uh i'm not saying nothing bad about paparazzi's anything i'm just making a point If you want people taking pictures of you, people take motherfucking pictures of you.

[2399] If you don't want to, you don't want to.

[2400] People will not bother you.

[2401] People don't bother Adam Carolla.

[2402] The people that are in the limelight want to be in the limelight.

[2403] Well, there's a lot of folks that do things on purpose for sure.

[2404] I just read something the other night.

[2405] That was...

[2406] I was talking to my friend the other day, who was a paparazzi, and he's like, you want to go to the L .A .x tonight?

[2407] I'm like, why?

[2408] He goes, well, here, I got Lindsay Lohen's boarding pass.

[2409] She's flying in at 5 .30 a .m. I'm like, what?

[2410] Oh, fuck.

[2411] How do you have this?

[2412] I watched something the other day or read it.

[2413] I read it online about Jamie Presley.

[2414] Did you guys read that story?

[2415] What?

[2416] About her getting into a beef in Hollywood because the chick stole, this is hysterical.

[2417] So her assistant, somebody stole her assistant's purse, right?

[2418] You heard about this.

[2419] No, no, no, no, no. So she went to Hollywood to get the assistant's purse back, but the girl, they had something in the purse that let you know that the purse.

[2420] Like a GPS or something.

[2421] The phone was in the purse, and they figured that it pointed to this bar where they were having this celebrity stunt out.

[2422] So Jamie Presley showed up and yelled at the girl, but then it turned out that in that purse were drugs.

[2423] Oh, no. So the cops showed up, and then nobody knew who person was.

[2424] Like, once they got there, like, no, that ain't my purse.

[2425] You guys were just, they got into a fight over the fucking purse.

[2426] But once the cops got there, and they opened the purse, it was like blow and steroids in there is some show way.

[2427] And everybody's like, that ain't our fucking purse no more.

[2428] They ain't our fucking.

[2429] We don't even know what happened.

[2430] It's always a pleasure, my friend.

[2431] Joe, do you remember this?

[2432] You on Mad TV on The Sopranos?

[2433] Why must you torment me every time I come on this fucking show?

[2434] All I want to do is.

[2435] It's so funny, you just put that up.

[2436] I saw James Gannelfini walking around in New York.

[2437] How big is he?

[2438] It's a big guy.

[2439] Big guy.

[2440] I saw him in that movie, killing him softly.

[2441] It's actually a pretty fucking good movie, man. It's pretty fucking good movie.

[2442] I knew anything Brad Pitt puts out of solid.

[2443] They killed that fucking movie.

[2444] I don't know why they killed it.

[2445] I enjoyed that movie.

[2446] It was a good movie.

[2447] It was one of those under the radar.

[2448] How good?

[2449] Pitt's a bad motherfucker.

[2450] No, how good was Gandalfini?

[2451] He's a killer.

[2452] Let me tell you something.

[2453] He's a killer.

[2454] I don't know if you know what happens in this country every day at 5 o 'clock now.

[2455] That happens.

[2456] Every day at 5 o 'clock, they started the soprano's from scratch again HBO.

[2457] They brought him back because it was just too overwhelming.

[2458] HBO took him back from A &E, and they said, it's all, we're going to play them every day, and they were doing season one.

[2459] Watching them on A &E was torturous.

[2460] Torturous.

[2461] Cutting out all the swears and all the bad shit.

[2462] Let me tell you something.

[2463] The other day I watched the episode, the third episode of the season when they take the power back when Jackie Appreel dies.

[2464] That is one of the best written shows of all.

[2465] And Gandafini was very...

[2466] I forgot how good.

[2467] He's amazing.

[2468] Everybody else was subpar.

[2469] He was.

[2470] He's amazing.

[2471] He's fucking amazing.

[2472] He plays a total psycho and is killing them softly.

[2473] And it's so fucking believable.

[2474] It's so believable.

[2475] Oh, it's great.

[2476] Have you seen the pre -revee before the guy that did District 9, his next movie with Matt Damon in it?

[2477] No. Who was that?

[2478] Oh, my God.

[2479] It looks fucking.

[2480] amazing uh yeah but it takes place like a hundred years in the future in the trailer is so badass it looks amazing well I was in New York this past weekend for the the upfronts for sci -fi for this new show that I'm doing that I can now talk about that I'm getting trouble called Joe Rogan questions everything but they got this new show called defiance that's coming out it's a combination video game and science fiction show dude it looks in insane.

[2481] It's a huge, huge project that the sci -fi channel is undertaking.

[2482] And is a sci -fi channel where Battlestar Galactica came from?

[2483] I think so.

[2484] Was that that?

[2485] Did they do Battlestar Galactica?

[2486] I'm pretty sure.

[2487] Battlestar Galactica was one of my favorite fucking shows ever.

[2488] That remake of Battlestar Galaxca, it took till season two for Brian Callan to convince me that I should check it out.

[2489] It was fucking tremendous.

[2490] It's 2154.

[2491] What is it?

[2492] This is that new movie.

[2493] It's called...

[2494] Elysium and it has Matt Damon in it and just look at that though look at that right there that's fucking beautiful yeah what sci -fi that did Battlestar Galactica like it's supposed to be at 2154 I think it's like really long in the future and it's like Matt Damon's all buffing it and shit but if it's just like District 9 oh my god this looks sick I know when is this coming out uh August 9th Wow.

[2495] I need to get to Elysium.

[2496] But yeah, it looks pretty sweet.

[2497] Wow, this looks incredible.

[2498] He upgrades his body, you know.

[2499] Oh my God!

[2500] You can save everyone.

[2501] We're gonna break into the most heavily guarded place in the universe.

[2502] His body is like, that shit's drilled into his body?

[2503] Yeah, he upgraded his body.

[2504] Holy fuck.

[2505] You know that's coming.

[2506] Yeah.

[2507] Whoa.

[2508] This is like some Mad Max type shit.

[2509] Yeah, totally.

[2510] Dude, when does this come out?

[2511] August night.

[2512] Oh, this looks -Joddy Foster's in it.

[2513] It's very district -ranny looking too.

[2514] Except no aliens.

[2515] That we know of.

[2516] That we know of.

[2517] You mean, there might be aliens.

[2518] Why don't you say that?

[2519] You just make it shit up.

[2520] No, I'm gonna be looking for aliens now.

[2521] I'm gonna be all, like, hoping there's an alien.

[2522] Looks bad ass, though.

[2523] That looks pretty dope, but I prefer aliens.

[2524] You know, if you're gonna be all in the future and shit, I want to see something that's not real.

[2525] I want to see Star Ship Troopers.

[2526] I want to see giant bug people.

[2527] I want to see, like, the movie alien, like the Sigourney Weaver alien.

[2528] That's the shit, folks.

[2529] That's the shit, folks.

[2530] Before we go, can I just pump Sacramento?

[2531] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2532] Sacramento next month, 5354, May 3rd and 4th.

[2533] We're going to be in Sacramento with Tony Hinchcliff and Sam Tripoli.

[2534] And then San Francisco, Sunday, May 5th.

[2535] We're doing one show there.

[2536] Tickets are on sale right now.

[2537] And then tonight, me and Joey Diaz are at Ice House with a couple of other guys.

[2538] And Joey will also be at Flappers on Tuesday for Tom Segura's benefit for his dog.

[2539] And Brian and Ari is going to be there as well.

[2540] And I'll be there.

[2541] Have he heard the lineup?

[2542] It's sick.

[2543] It's like us and then Burke Chrysher's going to be there.

[2544] It's ridiculous.

[2545] And it's all for the aid of Tommy's dog.

[2546] He got a dog that got really, really sick.

[2547] So they're putting the dog to hospital care and all this stuff and it costs a lot of money.

[2548] So we're taking care of our buddy, Tommy.

[2549] Please come and support.

[2550] It's Tuesday at Flappers.

[2551] Yes.

[2552] Uh, thanks, uh, everybody.

[2553] Thanks for, uh, all the, the, the powerful love out there from the internet.

[2554] That's why it's a beautiful situation.

[2555] April 19th, I'm in Miami.

[2556] You're in San Jose, but you sold out already.

[2557] So help me out April 19th.

[2558] Jackie Glees and theater.

[2559] You're at the Fillmore?

[2560] Yeah, the Fillmore.

[2561] Two shows, eight and ten o 'clock, go to the South Beach Comedy Festival.

[2562] Bill Burr's there Thursday.

[2563] Tracy Morgan's there.

[2564] Silverman's there.

[2565] It's a nice little fucking lineup.

[2566] I'm only there.

[2567] I'll be back here for 20.

[2568] smoking dope somewhere, but make sure if you have West Palm Jews, come on down.

[2569] Fuck, Fort Lauderdale Jews, come on down, cock -suckers.

[2570] I did that gig a couple of years ago with Tom.

[2571] Me and Tom Seguer did it.

[2572] It's fucking fun.

[2573] The Miami Comedy Festival is really fun.

[2574] I need to start doing it every year.

[2575] I couldn't do it this year, though.

[2576] I had something booked already.

[2577] You know what was really dynamite West Palm Beach this year?

[2578] I was very impressed this year, guys.

[2579] We had a great time.

[2580] Four shows, bang, boom, sold out.

[2581] 2400 people.

[2582] In and out of their good sets.

[2583] good energy keep doing that one yeah oh we're in we're in but you know what else too it's like what's happening now is all these clubs that we go to we're bringing our crowd so you're getting all these really fun it was fun positive people no matter where we go we're getting a member we're Nashville was fucking outstanding outstanding outstanding indianapolis was outstanding that squad Nashville I want to give all these debt squad charters are fucking yeah all you lifting you bad crazy motherfuckers just please keep it together on our behalf don't let any government agents infiltrate and start to fuck up the group, a la the jugglers.

[2584] There's already a government.

[2585] They're trying to find out where the weed is.

[2586] Once we will become legal, they have nothing to talk about us for.

[2587] We're not really looking to overthrow anything.

[2588] Just relax government agents.

[2589] And I'm in Austin, too, next month.

[2590] Having a good time.

[2591] I can't wait to go eat some good food.

[2592] Beautiful.

[2593] I love Austin.

[2594] I'm headed to a seminar in Austin for the TV show.

[2595] I've got to go talk to some doctors about some wacky disease.

[2596] When you come back, you're beautiful, baby.

[2597] You're beautiful, baby.

[2598] And then we got New Brunswick, bitches, Chal Sunnet.

[2599] It's basically sold out.

[2600] Now, who else is on that card?

[2601] I don't think there's any tickets available for our show.

[2602] Can you please tell me who's on that card?

[2603] I do not have it in front of me, but I'll pull it up and take us a second.

[2604] What's up, B. Redman?

[2605] While I'm taking a second, let's thank our sponsors.

[2606] That's right.

[2607] I'd like to thank Stamps .com, you bad motherfuckers.

[2608] Again, if you have ever ordered any of those Desquad.

[2609] dot TV t -shirts from Brian Redband all of those came from the the software that brian uses from stamps .com it is an excellent service you don't have to go to the post office ever again you can sit at home you use their software you measure it they give you if you use the code word JRE there's a microphone if you click it in the upper right -hand corner and in the code name Jerry that's Joe Robin experience ladies gentlemen you get a free digital scale and it's a what is it a hundred and ten dollar offer yes a hundred and ten dollar bonus offer $55, up to $55, free postage, and digital scale.

[2610] It's a dope service.

[2611] If you have a small business, it is really, like, the best way to go.

[2612] I mean, don't torture yourself.

[2613] Use it.

[2614] Post Office works awesome.

[2615] Stamps .com, get it, holla, J -R -E, use the code.

[2616] Thanks to onet .com, that's O -N -N -N -I -T.

[2617] Use the code named Rogan.

[2618] Save yourself 10 % off any and all supplements.

[2619] Thanks also to Ting.

[2620] If you go to rogan .ting .com and enter in, oh, you don't have to do shit.

[2621] Just go to rogan .ting .com.

[2622] Entering your information and get $25 credit towards either a phone or a device.

[2623] That is it for this week because I've been doing that TV show thing.

[2624] I've been busy, so we won't be back until Monday.

[2625] But on Monday, we're starting back again with Steve Ronella and Brian Callan and Tuesday, Greg Fitzsimmons.

[2626] And most likely we'll do one more podcast next week as well.

[2627] And to answer Joey Diaz, I'm going to the UFC, and I'm looking for the schedule, upcoming events.

[2628] Let's see what we got here.

[2629] What we got, baby.

[2630] Let's see.

[2631] Red Band tonight, tickets still available.

[2632] Tickets at IcehouseColty .com.

[2633] And don't forget Miami next Friday.

[2634] Don't get your shit together.

[2635] Don't bring no blow.

[2636] Just reefer, rolling papers, edibles, bazookas, shit like that.

[2637] Let's see what the fight card is here.

[2638] Oh, fuck around.

[2639] This is, uh, we're looking at the, uh, Jones versus Sunden fight card.

[2640] God damn, my internet sucks.

[2641] Any day now, ladies gentlemen to be fixed.

[2642] Alan Belcher versus, uh, Michael Bisbang.

[2643] That's a great fucking fight.

[2644] That's a great fucking fight.

[2645] How about this?

[2646] You ready for this?

[2647] Roy, Big Country Nelson versus Czech Congo.

[2648] Strap the fuck in, son.

[2649] That could get crazy.

[2650] Big Country and Czech Congo?

[2651] God damn, that's going to be a. great fight.

[2652] Vinnie Magalais and Phil Davis, I fucking love it.

[2653] I love that fight.

[2654] Vinnie Magalais has been asking for that fight too.

[2655] Vinnie Magalase, when he left the ultimate fighter, went over to M1 Global and kicked ass and became their champion and just really developed some striking to go along with his jiu -jitsu, which is some of the best in the fucking world.

[2656] And Phil Davis is a beast man. He's a wicked wrestler.

[2657] Comes from Alliance, a great camp.

[2658] That's a great fucking fight.

[2659] Jim Miller versus Ryan Healy.

[2660] That's a great fucking fight.

[2661] God.

[2662] damn son there's great fights on the undercard too um uh that guy uh what else we get here oh ovin st prue yeah he's he's finally fighting he's on the fx fight he's the dude uh he was a beast he was doing really well over in strike force and finally uh he's in the ufc as well there's uh one two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven fights that card so it's it's excellent and there's a girl fight too yeah powerful Sarah McMahon and Sheila Gaff.

[2663] This is going to be wild, man. Having all these chick fights inside the octagon, it's going to be very interesting.

[2664] Misha Tate is fighting soon, too.

[2665] And when Misha Tate fights, that's going to be really fucking interesting.

[2666] Because she's the one who's going to fight Ronda Rousey.

[2667] They're going to, like, compete against each other on the ultimate fighter.

[2668] I like Misha Tate.

[2669] She's awesome.

[2670] I'm a fan of Twitter.

[2671] She's awesome.

[2672] She's a very cool person.

[2673] I love it.

[2674] As her boyfriend, Brian Carraway, he's cool as fuck, too.

[2675] All right, that's it for this week.

[2676] Did we say thank you to Stamps .com?

[2677] Yes.

[2678] Thank you.

[2679] Thank you.

[2680] Thank you, everybody.

[2681] That's it.

[2682] Thank you.

[2683] Thank you, ting.

[2684] Ting, thank you on it.

[2685] Thank you.

[2686] All you people.

[2687] Sprint, I love all you, motherfuckers.

[2688] All you savages on Twitter.

[2689] Undai, Adidas.

[2690] All you people out there making it in the free world.

[2691] Fruit of a loon.

[2692] Keep on rocking.

[2693] Don't worry about Confederate flags.

[2694] Be a Leonard Skinner fan.

[2695] Don't be scared.

[2696] Don't be scared.

[2697] Don't be scared L .L. Cool, Jay.

[2698] Keep it together, you fucking freaks.

[2699] We love the shit out of you.

[2700] We appreciate you very much.

[2701] Joey.

[2702] I love you guys from the bottom of my heart.

[2703] Stay black.

[2704] Brian, Red Band.

[2705] I love both of you.

[2706] See you in Miami.

[2707] Bitches.

[2708] We love all you freaks.

[2709] We'll see you soon.