#168 - Ronda Rousey, Eddie Bravo

[0] We're a bunch of cavemen together in front of a fire.

[1] Big fucking zebras and shit.

[2] Peyton's nails.

[3] Way up there.

[4] There's like in the background there's dudes grabbing chicks and dragging them by their hair.

[5] What are we talking about?

[6] Camera pans back.

[7] There's a dude fucking Peyton's nails.

[8] For those who just tuned in who don't know what the fuck we're talking about.

[9] A friend of ours has a website called Alpha Nail, and we were joking about it on the podcast yesterday that it seems like a sketch in Saturday Night Live.

[10] It's like, get more sex by painting your nails.

[11] The website's ridiculous, you know?

[12] And I think it's kind of funny, you know?

[13] I saw makeup ads for men in France.

[14] Like ones for men's mascara.

[15] Men's mascara.

[16] Like billboards.

[17] Wow.

[18] Dudes wear mascara in France?

[19] Is that like a normal or just a funny...

[20] I don't know.

[21] I saw it on a billboard.

[22] I couldn't believe it.

[23] You would never see that here.

[24] I will say this, though, but I really have faith in alpha nail men.

[25] If we could get Chuck Liddell as the poster boy because that motherfucker, he paints his toenails.

[26] You have him, and you're like, motherfucker, paint your goddamn toenails.

[27] You want to be the fucking champion?

[28] Do what I do.

[29] Do you think he actually does?

[30] He probably gets a pedicure.

[31] He doesn't really sit around.

[32] I'm like, what?

[33] No, for sure.

[34] That's the problem with painting your own toenails is you got to go to the woman's department and shit like that.

[35] With Alpha Nail, you can get that shit next to the fucking, the canteens and shit.

[36] Canteens.

[37] Next to the fucking camping acts.

[38] Right?

[39] Oh, yeah, there's my nail color.

[40] I was almost out.

[41] I had camo nails.

[42] I don't want to go out with chipped nails, y 'all.

[43] If you market it right, it'll fucking work, man, for sure.

[44] I want to paint my fucking toenails.

[45] I'm just too lazy.

[46] I never paid my own nails.

[47] There's a lot of dudes who do it because apparently their nail bed is weak.

[48] It's soft.

[49] That's what Frank Drake used to say.

[50] His toes got fucked up.

[51] That's a great excuse.

[52] You can use clear stuff.

[53] It doesn't need to be colors.

[54] Yeah, yeah, man. I got weak nails, yo.

[55] Yeah!

[56] Good excuse.

[57] That's one of the best ones.

[58] Say, dude, I got cancer of the toes.

[59] It's like a chemotherapy type deal.

[60] Oh, my God.

[61] Yeah, I just want to do gay shit all the time.

[62] You know, man, I need lipstick, man. It's SPF.

[63] It's SPF and lipstick.

[64] It's not available.

[65] I need SPF pink.

[66] A regular sunscreen, yo.

[67] I don't want to go out with fucking lipstick on.

[68] But there's an SPF in the lipstick that just is much more enriching.

[69] Yeah, yeah.

[70] You know, and the darker the red, the more luxurious the red, it just reflects with the sunlight.

[71] That's all that is.

[72] It's good for your skin.

[73] It's good for your skin.

[74] It's like nutrients.

[75] Did we go black?

[76] A black dude, like a hard dog, giving her an excuse why he's fucking wearing lipstick.

[77] You know, because Michael Jackson gave that excuse.

[78] At first, Michael Jackson was just like, you know, he just.

[79] Started going through the steps.

[80] First surgery, no one says shit.

[81] He got first surgery, no one said nothing.

[82] And there are too many yeses, man. They're like, you look fucking great, man. Your three o 'clock is here.

[83] You know what I mean?

[84] No one questioned his ass.

[85] And then he went in for the next album.

[86] When he did bad, it just got a little wider, right?

[87] He used to get a little too popular.

[88] And no one said anything.

[89] Do no wrong.

[90] Yeah, no one's saying shit.

[91] Out of control.

[92] There's not one dude that went up and said, dude, your face, bro.

[93] Come on, stop with it.

[94] I'm telling you this because I love you.

[95] All right?

[96] You gotta stop.

[97] You know, no one said that, right?

[98] Yeah, when people start fucking with their face, changing a little bit.

[99] When you have that much power.

[100] I understand that.

[101] When you have that much power.

[102] He had so much power.

[103] Anybody say shit, they're cut.

[104] He's paying everybody within a five -mile radius of him.

[105] He's paying all their salaries.

[106] Anybody fucks up, they're gone.

[107] And that's ever since he was a little kid.

[108] Think about that.

[109] Ever since you were a little kid, you had no boundaries.

[110] You had unlimited money and influence over everyone around you.

[111] How could that affect you as a human?

[112] When you get older, you're like, I got to turn wise.

[113] How could you have any character at all?

[114] I don't know.

[115] You would have to be a complete mess.

[116] There's no way you would ever have an opportunity to develop a character.

[117] You'd just be fucked.

[118] a fucking musical genius, even though I didn't buy any of these goddamn CDs.

[119] But I understand why people liked him and shit.

[120] But, man, he definitely was the most affected by his fame out of any celebrity ever.

[121] Well, he was also probably the most famous guy ever, too.

[122] I mean, the dude was building...

[123] He's right up there, right?

[124] Who's more famous than him?

[125] Yeah, exactly.

[126] Is there anybody?

[127] Yep.

[128] He's the most famous and the most fucked up.

[129] Maybe Muhammad Ali in his prime may have been right up there.

[130] Elvis in his prime.

[131] Dude was building carnivals at his houses and shit.

[132] You know what I mean?

[133] Yeah.

[134] That was some serious shit.

[135] Only dude ever to build a carnival in his house.

[136] You know what I mean?

[137] Who's doing that?

[138] Who's doing that?

[139] Pet lions.

[140] Weird stuff like that.

[141] There's so much negativity attached to him, but if you're in a club and want to be starting something comes on, people fucking throw their hands up in the air.

[142] You know that part?

[143] When that fucking song kicks in, man. People throw their hands up in there.

[144] They love it.

[145] People just have respect for good music, dude.

[146] Good music is good music.

[147] Say what you want about the person, but damn it, like TLC, I love that song.

[148] It comes on like...

[149] All these guys come out, you know, that were...

[150] apparently gay throughout their the height of their musical careers like dude from Judas Priest dude from Queen like later they come out like George Michael all that shit they all come out and no one gives a fuck yeah no one cares we're like we like your music so much we don't care that you're gay even the south don't even give a shit yeah the south that Judas Priest is huge in Alabama and no one hates gays more than them nobody hates gays more than Mississippi you know what I mean what's that YMCA it's too happy like no one hates that song yeah that's a silly song But like Judas Priest, man, they were hilarious.

[151] They were great gays.

[152] Great, powerful, energetic gays.

[153] Whoa, did you hear that?

[154] That's my neck.

[155] Damn, those are a couple loud cracks there, Ronda Rousey.

[156] What are you doing, working on guillotine defense?

[157] No, no, I just, I'm like Pop Rocks, dude.

[158] Everything, I can like, you hear that?

[159] That was my bag.

[160] Is that just from a lifetime of judo?

[161] No, the fingers.

[162] Whoa!

[163] Is that grabbing collars since you were two?

[164] It's from gripping.

[165] Because judo, you only grip with these bottom three fingers and just going like this over and over and people ripping out as hard as they can all the time.

[166] Every time I fought, I had to tape over my fingers to tape my nails down so they wouldn't get ripped off.

[167] It's a game of who can grab who's shit better.

[168] It's like squeezing like this and holding and getting ripped.

[169] Holding as hard as you can and getting it ripped out repeatedly for years messes your fingers up.

[170] When did you start doing judo?

[171] When I was 11, it was my first tournament.

[172] I was on my 11th birthday.

[173] Wow.

[174] That's when you started?

[175] I started a few months before that, so I was 10.

[176] But I counted because it was right on my birthday, and I started a few months before that, so I counted.

[177] It's just too perfect.

[178] That's amazing.

[179] All those years of grabbing shit and manipulating bodies.

[180] When you see someone and they're wearing a nice winter coat, is it almost tempting to just ragdoll them?

[181] I have something to grab.

[182] Some douchey dude in a winter coat.

[183] You're like, bitch, you know what I could do to you if I just grab your fucking jacket?

[184] Do you look at that?

[185] If you see a dude in a jacket, that's like a treat to you, right?

[186] Well, now I'm doing MMA.

[187] I'm kind of spoiled now.

[188] I don't like the gi so much anymore, especially on the ground.

[189] It's so much friction that I can't do everything as fast as I want to.

[190] It's so much easier to stall out if you're wearing a gi.

[191] So going no -gi, it's like, it's more fun now.

[192] Did you do no -gi a lot while you were doing judo or did you only do judo with gi?

[193] I only did it like after the Olympics because that's when I took a year off and I was like, okay, I'm going to be a bartender and just be normal because I've just been training my entire life.

[194] And so then I was grappling and going to heist and stuff all the time and hanging out with those guys.

[195] That's why I first started doing like nogi on a regular basis and then the ones that first started suggesting like hey Okay, wait a minute.

[196] So after you you won the what medal in the Olympics bronze won the bronze awesome What year was that?

[197] That's neat awesome.

[198] God damn you you're a bronze medalist in the olympics.

[199] Yeah, Ronda Rousey's a badass bitch before that like this is like the real real That's pretty incredible, man. I can swear in this thing, right?

[200] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[201] We encourage it.

[202] Who won the gold?

[203] No, if they do, they're going to learn some good stuff.

[204] No, the girl who won the gold was the Japanese girl who, whenever I fought her, we always went to golden score.

[205] Last time we fought, I was having a horrible day, but we fought in France.

[206] What does went to golden score mean?

[207] Golden score is like, if you don't score in five minutes, then you go add another five minutes on the clock and the first score wins.

[208] And so we fought in France a couple months before that, and we went the full 10 minutes when they'll score.

[209] And I was having a crap day that day, too.

[210] And then the referees gave it to her because, of course, you know, she's Japanese.

[211] And then we fought the Kano Cup.

[212] And I beat the number one and the number two Japanese girl.

[213] And then I fought her in the final.

[214] And they, like, fucked me over in the golden score round.

[215] So she said I was the one that she didn't want to fight in the Olympics.

[216] And however the draw worked out, she got to fight for first place.

[217] And I lost the girl that she beat.

[218] So I fought for third.

[219] I've always felt that wins by advantage, like wins by advantage, at least in jujitsu, they always seemed like bullshit to me. Like, that's a draw.

[220] You just wanted to give it to somebody.

[221] You know, it just seems.

[222] The advantages are ridiculous.

[223] Yeah, it's like nothing happened, nothing happened, man. I mean, one guy's on top.

[224] Really?

[225] But you know what?

[226] In its defense...

[227] A lot of matches end up in a tie, and you've got to give it to someone.

[228] You give it to the guy who almost did the most shit.

[229] But how often does it happen?

[230] Isn't that the biggest problem in judging?

[231] Yeah, the scoring system in MMA, the scoring system in jiu -jitsu, man. Is Judo's scoring system fucked up?

[232] It's totally messed up.

[233] Really?

[234] Yeah, it's really up to the discretion of the referees a lot of the time.

[235] I always had to fight to win every match twice, pretty much.

[236] I was always trying to be like, you said you had to win every match twice on a bad day.

[237] That's how good you had to get.

[238] Because there were so many times, like on my first Olympics, I fought the girl first round, and I threw her flat on her back in front of God and everyone, and all the referees just pretended it didn't happen.

[239] It's like that corrupt.

[240] So that should have been how many points?

[241] That should have been it.

[242] I should have won.

[243] Oh, really?

[244] That should be the whole match.

[245] Yeah, and then I ended up losing later.

[246] What is that called in judo again?

[247] Yippon, is that what it's called?

[248] Yippon, yeah.

[249] And that means it's that corrupt.

[250] Is there video footage of this?

[251] Can we see this?

[252] Yeah.

[253] You know, that's a realistic one.

[254] You know, like the thing about judo.

[255] One of the things that I love is like if you, you know, you see a tournament, the guy gets slammed on his head and that is the match.

[256] Well, that is the match in real life, too.

[257] In real life.

[258] It's way worse.

[259] Fuck yeah.

[260] There's a video of this Russian kid.

[261] This boxer is fighting this Russian judo kid.

[262] Yeah.

[263] They're having a street fight.

[264] And the Russian judo guy grabs this motherfucker and throws him onto his head.

[265] onto the concrete and it's horrifying the dude just he just goes gonzo out and then judo is is excellent for the street oh my god amazing you could just throw a dude and just jesus christ i talked to you know caro and manny gamberian about like growing up and using their judo on the streets oh my god they're they're not shy about telling you oh my god plenty of people yeah especially people wearing clothes you know a person wearing a jacket yeah what about what about you have you ever used your judo going to like a nudity party you're pretty well set have you ever used your judo on the street some bitch acts up at a party you think you all that yeah well no i got i got a couple fights in school just because like i didn't look that intimidating you know and kids are trying to push me around and Which throw?

[266] Which one?

[267] Kazukatami?

[268] Oh, in the sixth grade, I threw this one boy with Osotogari on his head.

[269] Osotogari is the one where the leg goes in between the legs?

[270] No, it's on the outside.

[271] The outside?

[272] Oh, the judo throw.

[273] Which is the one where the leg goes in?

[274] Is it Hashi?

[275] What is it?

[276] In between the legs?

[277] Uchimata.

[278] Uchimata.

[279] Yeah.

[280] And when it goes all across the outside of the legs.

[281] That's how I go.

[282] Joe, trying to learn that judo.

[283] Trying to learn some judo.

[284] I get that shit wrong.

[285] He gets reamed on that net sometimes.

[286] Is jujitsu commentary better than anybody out there?

[287] Striking commentary pretty fucking damn sharp.

[288] Yeah, it's very lame.

[289] Wrestling?

[290] Anyone can understand and get into it too.

[291] Wrestling's good.

[292] Man, that judo.

[293] It's hard to learn those Kamakaze.

[294] Kamakaze.

[295] Dude, I didn't know the names of any throws.

[296] I didn't take any tests to be promoted.

[297] Those are cool -ass names, though.

[298] Yeah, they are cool once you learn them, but there's so many throws I knew and I didn't know the name for so long.

[299] Come on, that's a dope name.

[300] I just had a change.

[301] You know what's my favorite throw?

[302] Listen to this.

[303] Retard.

[304] Listen to the name of this throw.

[305] This throw is the one I got my bronze medal Olympics with.

[306] It's called Sodei Surakamagoshi.

[307] Whoa.

[308] Right?

[309] Sodei Surakamagoshi.

[310] Is that the headlock one?

[311] And he calls it.

[312] Sode for short.

[313] Like I gave them all nicknames.

[314] Like that thing I cut Seredelia with.

[315] I was trying to do a throw and I messed up and turned it into the armbar and I called it Sumi for short.

[316] It's actually called like Tsumigishi or Tsumigishi or something like that, the other one.

[317] Do you know how to speak Japanese?

[318] No, I was supposed to live in Japan and like live and train there for Team Komatsu.

[319] Because Komatsu, the company that make the cranes and stuff, they have like a company team of judo players that they sponsor to live and just train full time pretty much.

[320] And they have like one foreign person that they bring in.

[321] to train with them for like a year and they'll like have them work for the company you know which is pretty much train with a team and then they give you like japanese lessons and you live there in japan they pay you like a lot and i was supposed to go there and do that but um i like after a week i was like this sucks i don't want to do judo anymore and i went home and started doing mma did you just get tired of it because there was no money in judo there's like is there money in is there like a professional judo league No, no. There's just certain teams like that, kind of.

[322] But it's really hard to make money as a judo player.

[323] Especially in the U .S. Was that a reason to get into MMA?

[324] Was it a financial reason?

[325] No, I just didn't like doing judo anymore because I could pay the bills with the funding that I was getting for the national governing body and stuff like that.

[326] But I just didn't like it.

[327] How does that work?

[328] They pay athletes to train?

[329] Is that what it is?

[330] Yeah, they kind of give you checks monthly if you qualify with so many points.

[331] Enough to live and pay the rent?

[332] For me, yeah.

[333] But I was like, it was like, me, I was like of two people or something like that.

[334] So you're a superstar judo player?

[335] Not superstar, I mean.

[336] But if I went to any judo tournament, people would know me. Nice.

[337] But it's such a small community, you know, like it's not like it's a crazy skill.

[338] Like, yeah, it's a weird.

[339] So what was the move again?

[340] You you decided after the Olympics in 2008, I'm gonna take a break.

[341] You started bartending and then you started hanging out the guys from highest on how you met him at.

[342] Oh, no, I knew them.

[343] I knew them since I was a kid.

[344] I started training with them when I was like.

[345] 11.

[346] Okay.

[347] Like 11, 12.

[348] But then you walked away from Judah.

[349] I cried every single practice.

[350] They would beat me up until I was like crying.

[351] Really?

[352] Every practice, yeah.

[353] Every practice, I cried from like 2002 to like 2000.

[354] Like five.

[355] It's incredible.

[356] And you kept coming back.

[357] Usually when you cry three times straight, you're like, fuck this.

[358] No, it wasn't because something hurt.

[359] It was because I get really frustrated.

[360] Because no matter how big they were, I was frustrated that I couldn't catch them, you know?

[361] Like, I don't know.

[362] I had like a thing where I just, I wanted to beat everybody.

[363] And like, I would cry if I couldn't do it.

[364] So is that where you got most of your judo training from highest on?

[365] No, I got it all over the place.

[366] My mom, she's unbelievable.

[367] She would drive me to like four different judo clubs like a week.

[368] Your mom was a judo champion, right?

[369] Yeah, she was.

[370] Oh, shit.

[371] Okay, damn.

[372] In the family, bitches dropping bitches on heads.

[373] Oh, damn.

[374] She won the world championships in 1984.

[375] She was the first American to win the world championships in judo.

[376] Wow.

[377] Say that again.

[378] She was the first American, like, man or woman to win the world championships in judo.

[379] What?

[380] She's like a fucking Nixon.

[381] There's only been, like, four people ever to do it.

[382] Wow.

[383] That's amazing.

[384] That's amazing.

[385] So she's a superstar in judo, your mom.

[386] Kind of.

[387] That's crazy.

[388] Yeah, I mean, that sounds like a superstar, period.

[389] Nice.

[390] My mom rocks.

[391] So you're like Kron Gracie.

[392] Yeah, you're like Hicks and Gracie's kid.

[393] Right?

[394] But for like woman judokas.

[395] I guess.

[396] So what happened exactly that made you get into MMA?

[397] What was it?

[398] Do you remember a specific conversation?

[399] No, it was just kind of like, okay, because people in the Coast Guard...

[400] We're like, you can be a Coast Guard and be a rescue swimmer.

[401] And they brought people down to take me to their base and had me go along on the boat drills with them so I could see the helicopter.

[402] And the guy jumping out of the helicopter.

[403] Join us.

[404] And they're like, yeah, we'll skip you the two -year waiting list.

[405] You just go to boot camp and you hang out for a few months.

[406] And then we're going to send you right to rescue swimmer school.

[407] And you can just jump out of helicopters and do this stuff for your whole life.

[408] And all the guys there were like, man, we only have three girl swimmers.

[409] That'd be awesome.

[410] It's like being a kid your whole life.

[411] You just hang out.

[412] out and jump out of helicopters all day and save people it's awesome well my mom didn't like the idea because they have a higher fatality rate than people going to war you know it's like a really dangerous job so um and plus once I committed to it I couldn't turn back or anything so I was like well that sounds pretty awesome But I would have to move every four years or something like that.

[413] And I didn't have any say where I could live.

[414] So it would be like I would have to move from like North Carolina to like Alaska to like Hawaii.

[415] Isn't it crazy that they can even do that?

[416] That anything, that they can sign you up for anything.

[417] I know you signed it, man. You signed a piece of paper.

[418] Now you are a slave.

[419] Or you go to jail.

[420] Or you go to jail.

[421] You can't quit.

[422] I mean, that is the most ridiculous thing.

[423] But really, that's the only way you can have an army.

[424] The only way you can have an army is you can't quit.

[425] You know, you have to come to some really irrational agreement where, you know, you have to do everything they tell you.

[426] Get up when they tell you.

[427] They're going to wake you up early so you get used to it.

[428] Yeah.

[429] What a what a what.

[430] Thank God.

[431] Oh, my God.

[432] Thank God we were.

[433] This country's filled with wild animals who have got the balls of a fucking buffalo and are willing and they want to go to Afghanistan.

[434] They can't fucking wait.

[435] They can't fucking wait.

[436] It's because they've been playing Call of Duty since they were nine.

[437] There's less of them every day.

[438] That stuff's all funded by the military, so the kids are like, I want to be a soldier.

[439] And they're all ready for it by the time.

[440] There was a shortage.

[441] I remember I was watching one of those Marine commercials where the dude was fucking jumping over these obstacles and running and climbing this net and he pulls out a sword and you're watching and it's all like video game shit.

[442] Like, you know, he's doing like karate and it's like a video game.

[443] And you're watching and you're like, God damn, I want to be a fucking Marine.

[444] Oh, yeah, exactly.

[445] Yeah, if your life sucks, if your life is boring, you're like, shit, that looks awesome.

[446] You shouldn't be able to like, but that's like.

[447] Such false advertising.

[448] You know what I mean?

[449] They don't even look like real people.

[450] It's like a goddamn video game.

[451] He's throwing kicks and sparks are flying.

[452] That would be illegal for a regular company.

[453] Trying to miss each other.

[454] And they're like, this isn't a video game.

[455] This is real life.

[456] They're like, crisis averted, sir.

[457] If they were a private company.

[458] Remember that commercial?

[459] Yes, yes.

[460] They would get sued.

[461] If it wasn't the government, there would be people fucking lawsuits going, that is not, it's not what I signed up for.

[462] Yeah, you can't sue the government.

[463] That's the thing that sucks.

[464] Yeah, it would be like.

[465] They could go crazy.

[466] They could go crazy.

[467] They should just straight up lie.

[468] They should have like, you know, dudes like Marines like partying on fucking yachts and stuff like that with a bunch of chicks.

[469] Go to fucking Singapore.

[470] Go to fucking the Philippines.

[471] And they're all just partying.

[472] I got sent to the basement by.

[473] Yeah, like they're all pumping and something.

[474] They got fucking rifles and they're dancing and it's a party.

[475] That's why they do the rifle tossing spinning thing.

[476] They're like, it's fun.

[477] We play with guns and spin them.

[478] Make Afghanistan look like paradise.

[479] What if they could devise a program?

[480] Like, look at my tan.

[481] What if they could devise a program where when you're in one of their spacecrafts, one of their fighter jets or something like that, that while you're looking at everything through the lens gets distorted and changed so it looks like you're fighting off monsters?

[482] That would be...

[483] Brilliant.

[484] Like instead of people, it looks like you're fighting fucking zombies.

[485] Like every person just registers.

[486] But then you would just have no remorse.

[487] Yeah, you'd have no fucking remorse whatsoever.

[488] It would completely change everything.

[489] It would change the color of the, make a nightmarish scenario down there, and it would all be zombies.

[490] How about this?

[491] That's how you would see reality.

[492] How about the government?

[493] Forms the biggest gaming company and they're going to run live games where everyone could jump in.

[494] But people don't know they're actually killing real people in Afghanistan.

[495] They think they're playing tournaments and shit.

[496] Have you ever read the book Ender's Game?

[497] What is that?

[498] Ender's Game.

[499] Ender's Game?

[500] That's my favorite book ever.

[501] It's an Orson Scott Card sci -fi novel.

[502] Never heard of it.

[503] I don't want to spoil the end, but there's like involved like video games are like they fool these kids into thinking like these super genius kids into thinking it's like actually just video games, but it's like real war.

[504] I didn't invent that.

[505] So they're completely like they're completely original and they're not biased.

[506] I was about to put that on my phone.

[507] They think it's a game and they just like they use these small brilliant kids.

[508] What's it called?

[509] It's getting so close.

[510] It's a real movie.

[511] No, it's a book.

[512] I think they might be making a movie out of it.

[513] Damn.

[514] He ripped me off.

[515] Look how good those video games look now.

[516] Look how close we are to almost emulating real life.

[517] It's pretty close.

[518] I mean, it's not there totally yet.

[519] You can still tell it's a video game.

[520] But for how much longer?

[521] Money comes out instead of blood.

[522] But I mean, when you're watching video games, the interaction that you have with a lot of these characters now, it's so good.

[523] Eventually, it's going to get to a point where between when the movie or the motion picture was invented and video games today like that kind of the ability to create the kind of image they can create today what is gonna you take that same timeline of like a hundred years and put it into the future fuck man it probably will look exactly like real life it'll probably for our our eyes be indistinguishable Yeah.

[524] And it's like real people interacting with each other too.

[525] Like through the internet a lot of time with their own characters.

[526] And if it becomes so realistic, like people might lose reference to which ones.

[527] Then you put a 3D helmet.

[528] Once they get that virtual reality 3D helmet where like it's all your peripheral everything.

[529] Once they get that down and it isn't just a rectangle.

[530] And then you could go into like a virtual world.

[531] Once you can do that shit, fuck.

[532] You know what they're going to do with movement?

[533] Do you know how they do movement?

[534] It's pretty dope.

[535] They do it in a giant, like, hamster ball.

[536] What?

[537] Yeah, so you have this.

[538] Hamster ball.

[539] What the heck?

[540] You know how hamsters, they roll on those wheels?

[541] Hamster wheel.

[542] You know how they keep going?

[543] But it's a ball.

[544] It goes in all different directions.

[545] They have balls, too.

[546] You put them in there, and they roll it backwards and forwards and side to side.

[547] It's like that.

[548] So as you're going forward, you're probably going to have some sort of a sensation that you're causing this thing to move.

[549] But other than that, you will be in an ever -changing, constant, real -live environment inside your own fucking head with a 3D helmet on.

[550] Well, they already have invented rudimentary ones.

[551] They're not that good, though.

[552] I don't think they have the technology yet to recreate giant worlds like that in real time.

[553] I don't know.

[554] I don't know how much has been invested in it.

[555] Have you seen the documentary?

[556] They got the fucking guys who make video games on it.

[557] I'm sure they could pull it off.

[558] Have you seen the documentary Transcendent Man?

[559] Yes.

[560] Amazing, right?

[561] Ray Kurzweil.

[562] I saw it last night.

[563] I was three in the morning going, holy fuck, that's an amazing documentary.

[564] Transparent Man, one of my students recommended it to me. There was that other guy that was scary in that documentary, the one who kept referring to them as Atalex.

[565] Atalex.

[566] The guy who lives in China, the guy who's, he was, I forget his name, I should remember his name, but he was talking about how, you know, he doesn't see it as being such a rosy future.

[567] When things go live and all of a sudden there's an intelligent computer that's pulling plugs.

[568] A lot of people sense that could go really badly for us.

[569] Basically, Ray Kurzweil, he's just one of the most brilliant men that's ever lived.

[570] He's predicted exactly what a computer is now.

[571] He predicted that shit.

[572] He actually invented the synthesizer, right?

[573] He invented over a hundred different things.

[574] He has like a hundred different patents.

[575] He's a mad scientist.

[576] And every prediction he's given throughout his life has come true.

[577] And his latest prediction is by within 25 years or 30 years, something like that.

[578] It was late.

[579] I watched this last night.

[580] I don't remember all the facts.

[581] But within 25 years, he's saying that technology and biology will merge into one.

[582] So we'll already have mastered how to immortality.

[583] artificial intelligence will get to the point where it can make itself.

[584] Wow.

[585] And, you know, he's talking about no more computers.

[586] Like, the computer we have now, that's considered like an 8 -track tape in 25 years.

[587] Computers will be in our blood.

[588] It'll be in our bloodstream.

[589] Like, there'll be super, crazy, ultra, hyper nanobots in our fucking bloodstream keeping us alive, fighting disease, giving us the ultimate memory.

[590] I mean, this is what he's saying, and he's been right about everything.

[591] It just seems like they're going to figure everything out eventually.

[592] I know they're having experiments at Berkeley, I heard this, that are very reliable sources, that they actually have computer chips in these monkeys' brains, and they can move cursors around on a computer screen by thinking about it and clicking on things.

[593] Yeah, I think they've done that with paralyzed people as well.

[594] Really?

[595] Yeah, I believe they have.

[596] Yeah, with her eye.

[597] That's crazy.

[598] Do you think?

[599] So you're just going to have like computers in your contact lens and you're just like.

[600] Or as you're a retina.

[601] Constantly, you're just going to Twitter every thought.

[602] All this is going to be the Old West, like this kind of shit.

[603] Yeah.

[604] They're like wires.

[605] They had wires and things.

[606] Talking's going to be for fucking retards.

[607] You know what I mean?

[608] But what are you going to put on tables?

[609] You're not going to have any stuff.

[610] There's still going to have to be a real tangible world where people have to mine for all this shit and get these minerals to create these things.

[611] That's the really freakiest, really the freakiest part about technology and where everything's going is if you go to the root of technology, it's rare minerals and they're in the Congo.

[612] Like most of this stuff that they need to make like cell phones and laptops and shit.

[613] It's all in like these terrible dark places where people are barefoot and they're pulling it out by hand.

[614] You know, I mean, you watch the Vice Guide to the Congo.

[615] It's amazing shit, man. Like it's really, it's crazy.

[616] We can't even imagine.

[617] It's like worse than Mad Max.

[618] You know, the Congo, it's a crazy jungle and they have children working there.

[619] And there was like all this, this just weirdness there with.

[620] armies and different fighting factions.

[621] It's a super dangerous place to go to.

[622] That's where all these minerals are coming out.

[623] They're slaughtering people at an unprecedented rate in the Congo.

[624] It's really scary shit.

[625] It's very dangerous to go down there.

[626] Remember the documentary we saw in the Congo?

[627] It's a BBC documentary called The Congo.

[628] It's not about anything politically or anything.

[629] It's about the Congo, how...

[630] The jungle is so vast and so dense that no white man has been able to conquer it.

[631] anybody they try to you know france went in and like all these different kind of like england they're always trying to colonize parts of africa but they haven't been able to do it it's the jungle is so dense and so dark and so evil and so unforgiving they all go insane anybody like a colonist will go out there and go we're going to conquer this this is going to be the beginning of a colony they all go insane and they all die they can't hang out there it's so stupid it's like moving into an alien war path it's like that's what that's what it is out there That's a battlefield.

[632] There's bugs and snakes and jaguars and chimps and this and that and that and this.

[633] Nine -year -olds with guns.

[634] Spiders.

[635] Nine -year -olds with guns.

[636] Yeah, the people.

[637] Yeah, they're even scarier.

[638] Giant tarantulas.

[639] Like the size of a rabbit.

[640] They're hunted in swarms.

[641] Think about that.

[642] That is the nuttiest thing.

[643] They're not solo.

[644] One tarantula will start this shit.

[645] out of me. But a swan?

[646] I don't think it's a tarantula.

[647] I don't think it's a tarantula.

[648] It's something like that.

[649] It's big and black.

[650] It's a nasty spider, and they do hunt in packs.

[651] It's the only place in the world where they've ever observed tarantulas, or any bugs, rather, hunting, or spiders, hunting in packs.

[652] You know, spiders usually have a web, and that's their web.

[653] That is crazy.

[654] These dudes figured out, look, we could all take down a deer if we just get together.

[655] Can you imagine that?

[656] How smart must they be?

[657] A smart bug somehow is really scary to me. I don't want a smart bug to be around.

[658] You want to see the clearest sign ever of adaptation and evolution on Earth?

[659] Congo because the Congo just 2000 plus years ago was like grasslands.

[660] And so there's all these animals that are stuck inside the Congo that used to be like grasslands animal.

[661] Like there's a thing called, I think it's called a diker and it's a type of antelope.

[662] It's this little tiny like short legged antelope that now can swim underwater for a hundred yards and it eats fish.

[663] Shut up.

[664] Yeah.

[665] You know why?

[666] Because the jungle just swarmed around like, bitch, you want to survive?

[667] Well, guess what?

[668] Leaves aren't going to do it anymore.

[669] There's a lot of water around here and you're going to have to.

[670] You ever try eating fish?

[671] The antelope's like, what the fuck are you talking about?

[672] We don't kill things.

[673] Yeah.

[674] An antelope figured out how quick the digestive system would have to change the handle.

[675] Something completely different like that.

[676] In certain parts of the Congo, the jungle is actually, it's evolving into the jungle.

[677] Jungle is growing.

[678] So it's like he said, it's like these animals that were.

[679] It takes over all these, like there's rhinos that are stuck in the Congo.

[680] You know, there's all these like plains animals, like gazelles and shit.

[681] The video was beautiful.

[682] Remember when they were running through the splash of the water?

[683] It's like they're just trapped in there.

[684] They're stuck.

[685] They're stuck and they can't get out.

[686] They're in this rainforest, but they're not rainforest animals.

[687] It's really weird.

[688] So it's a rainforest, but there's like deer running through it.

[689] Very strange, you know.

[690] And it's just, there's parts of it that are just impenetrable.

[691] It's amazing, amazing.

[692] You know that guy Shane Smith that we had?

[693] He invited me to go with him to try to find the fucking man -sized chimps in the Congo.

[694] I'm like, bitch, I ain't going to the Congo.

[695] Are you crazy?

[696] People, chimps, I'm our pimps.

[697] Chimps.

[698] No, there's a giant chimp.

[699] Chimp people.

[700] There's a thing called the Bondo ape.

[701] It's a huge gray chimp.

[702] Shut up.

[703] Huge, enormous, over six feet tall.

[704] A lot of them have photos of them walking upright.

[705] What?

[706] Enormous chimpanzees.

[707] And they nest on the ground like gorillas.

[708] But they're so...

[709] deep in the Congo.

[710] There's a guy named Carl Armand.

[711] He's a wildlife photographer that has been going there since 1996.

[712] And all he's got is camera photos and photos of skulls.

[713] It's really fucking hard to find them.

[714] But a research team somewhere in the 2000s, the early 2000s went, and not only did they get photos of them, they got video of one eating a jaguar.

[715] Shut up.

[716] This is the craziest thing.

[717] The locals say there's two different types of chimps.

[718] There's the tree beaters and the lion killers.

[719] They call them lion killers.

[720] These are giant, 300, 400 -pound chimpanzees that can walk upright, and they have all gray hair.

[721] It's like that fucking shitty movie.

[722] Remember that movie, Congo?

[723] Do you remember that movie, Brian?

[724] I never saw it, but I know what you're talking about.

[725] Who is it?

[726] Michael Crichton?

[727] Is that his name?

[728] The guy who wrote Jurassic Park and wrote all those?

[729] He wrote that, right?

[730] I think so.

[731] Yeah.

[732] It's based on a real fucking monkey.

[733] Wow.

[734] They really have them.

[735] They shot one in like the early 1900s.

[736] And, you know, nobody could tell what the fuck it was.

[737] The one they shot, they took a photo of it, and they had it on a stick, and everybody's like, what was that, some sort of a mutant gorilla?

[738] What the fuck is that thing?

[739] Well, that's what it was.

[740] It was one of these crazy giant chimps.

[741] There's a whole lost subspecies of chimps, and they're huge, and they're aggressive, and they eat big cats.

[742] Wow.

[743] Cats are gnarly.

[744] Dude, chimps are the gnarliest animals on the planet.

[745] If chimps were as big as elephants, do you know how bad they would run the world?

[746] We wouldn't be able to do anything about it.

[747] If there really was a King Kong, he would have jumped off that Empire State building and grabbed his dick when he hit the ground.

[748] A real gym that's that big?

[749] They're so fucking strong, man. They're super organisms.

[750] And to think that a regular one that's 150 pounds is the strength of a 500 -pound man. They've shown them.

[751] They've done exercises with these things where they've given them candy for picking up certain things and moving things or pulling them.

[752] things see how hard they can pull it they had some female chimpanzee and with one arm she had some it was insane it was like thousands of pounds she was pulling with one arm and it looked effortless to her look just effortless like we can't even wrap our heads around how fucking strong a six foot tall 400 pound chimp would be crazy chimp that's eating jaguars Think of a bunch of them.

[753] Think of like five.

[754] Yeah, well, they hunt in packs, too.

[755] They hunt in packs.

[756] Five.

[757] Well, that was one of the things they got rushed on in one of the stories by these scientists is they got rushed on by them, and the chimps got scared off when they saw people's faces and they panicked.

[758] But they said it was fucking terrifying because they weren't coming to scare anybody away.

[759] They were rushing on them quiet.

[760] They were coming in as hunting.

[761] They were hunting, but then they saw the people's faces.

[762] They saw the white faces, and they freaked out, and they took off.

[763] But these were just fucking scientists.

[764] And, you know, I don't know if they were even armed.

[765] I mean, I don't think you're supposed to go walk through the Congo armed.

[766] No. You know, I think they fucking shoot you.

[767] Yeah.

[768] So they probably didn't even have guns.

[769] So what are they doing?

[770] They're wandering through the fucking Congo, and they get rushed on by a team of giant gray chimps.

[771] Giant, six -foot -tall, murderous gray chimps with crests on their head like gorillas.

[772] Crests?

[773] They have crests on their head.

[774] And when they get angry like a dog, their hair puffs up in the back like a mohawk.

[775] Goddamn!

[776] You know how scary that would be in the jungle when these motherfuckers are running up?

[777] Just staring at you.

[778] Shit!

[779] Shit!

[780] You know, this isn't a zoo.

[781] You're a fucking hundred days walk to the nearest town.

[782] Wow.

[783] Did you see the video with the baboons who train dogs?

[784] Yeah.

[785] That's crazy.

[786] You never think in Africa.

[787] Africa, they do have cities.

[788] It's not all jungle and dudes and spears have cities, right?

[789] Cities have dumps.

[790] So you think, what would a dump?

[791] In Africa, our dumps out here might have coyotes.

[792] We got some seagulls.

[793] We got some squirrels and shit, rabbits or whatever.

[794] In Africa, they have baboons hanging out at the dump.

[795] They have baboons all over the dump.

[796] And that's where they get their fucking food.

[797] And they raise dogs.

[798] To take care of the baboon babies against other fucking baboons.

[799] So they'll take a dog and they'll fucking grab and drag it down the fucking mountain.

[800] They steal the puppies.

[801] And they sit on them and train them.

[802] They train them to obey.

[803] And then they got friends and they're their best friends.

[804] And then the dogs bark when anything comes near so they can sleep.

[805] Yeah.

[806] They train them like a dog, like a watchdog.

[807] That's some real shit.

[808] The world's changing quick.

[809] You're seeing these weird, like, kind of evolutions happening that, like, you wouldn't see happening so fast.

[810] Like, I was seeing this thing about, like, bird colonies.

[811] And there used to be all these bird colonies that would, like, coexist peacefully on this island.

[812] And then suddenly, like, one bigger, like, breed of birds was like, hey, let's just go eat those birds.

[813] And they just started going and eating the bird babies from the other colonies.

[814] Like, all of a sudden within the past couple years.

[815] Wow.

[816] And what are they attributed to?

[817] Probably a lack of food.

[818] Well, you know, there's a big instances or a lot of instances of polar bear.

[819] cannibalism now.

[820] They're observing all these polar bears eating each other.

[821] Really unnormal rates.

[822] Bears have always eaten other bears, especially late in the season, like before they're going into hibernation.

[823] Like a lot of times if food's scarce or something goes wrong, they'll eat their cubs.

[824] Well, dolphins fucking eat other dolphins.

[825] I mean, killer whales eat dolphins.

[826] Yeah, but I think dolphins eat other dolphins.

[827] They just do it to get the females to fuck.

[828] Did you hear about those killer whales that were documented killing sharks, like great white sharks?

[829] Killer whales were killing sharks.

[830] Yeah, killing sharks.

[831] Yeah, killer whales are the baddest motherfuckers in the ocean.

[832] They're like people brains in this giant super body.

[833] There's not great footage yet.

[834] They can kill whales.

[835] Yeah, they don't have good footage.

[836] There's one news piece.

[837] They did a documentary on it where you see the killer whale roll, and he has something in his mouth, but you haven't seen it clear.

[838] I mean, wouldn't that be the most amazing piece of film where you actually can see a great killer whale?

[839] To the people who watched that happen, how badass must have that been?

[840] You know, fuck going front row with the UFC.

[841] Imagine being in the ocean on a boat and you're watching a killer whale and a shark fight to the death.

[842] A great white shark.

[843] Yeah, a great white shark.

[844] Not like just some other homeboy blue shark.

[845] This is a great white gnarly shark.

[846] I don't think they can fuck with a killer whale.

[847] Killer whales are too smart, too big.

[848] It's like, you know what it's like?

[849] It's like, they're just.

[850] kind of dumb fish.

[851] You know, they're dumb eating machines.

[852] That's what I'm saying.

[853] The killer rolls figured out the hit -em.

[854] And like bite it by the tail and roll it over.

[855] So it would like fall asleep and just drown.

[856] And then they just eat it.

[857] It's like Frank Mir against a bodybuilder.

[858] It's so interesting.

[859] Bodybuilders look scary.

[860] You know what I mean?

[861] I was like, dude, I know some jujitsu.

[862] I got all my friends here.

[863] Like, oh, dude.

[864] Oh, that's hilarious.

[865] Everybody's scared of sharks, but if killer whales wanted to fuck people up, that would be the real fear.

[866] It happens all the time with killer whale trainers.

[867] Yeah, well, they should.

[868] You know what, man?

[869] They should let those whales go.

[870] That's fucked up.

[871] What they're doing is totally wrong.

[872] These animals have a direct connection with their parents, and they steal them from them.

[873] And then they take them, and then they put them in these fucking fish tanks, and they wonder why they kill people.

[874] They're thinking animals.

[875] Isn't it amazing, though?

[876] It's amazing, though, when they'll kill someone.

[877] the bottom like the bottom dollar the bottom line is let's we can't kill that motherfucker is to get another one and train them it's worth it just to Take a chance and make fucking trainer sign waivers and shit.

[878] We can't kill that killer.

[879] Yeah, they can't kill him.

[880] They keep him alive.

[881] Well, he's killed three people.

[882] Isn't that amazing?

[883] Yeah.

[884] What is it called?

[885] His name?

[886] Tillicum or something like that?

[887] Whatever the name of the whale.

[888] It's not Shamu.

[889] Has Shamu killed anyone yet?

[890] To get another one to perform like that?

[891] They take ones that kill people.

[892] We got to just let them kill.

[893] We can't get rid of them.

[894] If they kill someone else, fuck it.

[895] It's amazing.

[896] And he knows that he can kill people and get away with it, too.

[897] That's what's incredible.

[898] He's killed three different people.

[899] And what kind?

[900] It's like a dog.

[901] You know, after the second or third time, they've got to whip them a little bit.

[902] You know they're doing something, like electrocuting them.

[903] They're trying to teach them, don't do it no more.

[904] Shit.

[905] Something.

[906] They're doing something.

[907] You can't go in the tank with them.

[908] No one can go in the tank with them anymore.

[909] You can't, like, they're trying to use him for breeding and shit, but you can't go in the tank with him.

[910] So they're not part of the show anymore.

[911] How did he kill three people?

[912] He'll do things at a distance, but I don't think you're allowed to get actually in the tank with him.

[913] I want to see a documentary about that fucking, can you imagine, give me each, I want to know about each story and how the fuck it happened.

[914] I think he pulled the last one, he reached up and grabbed her and pulled her into the water and drowned her.

[915] And he did it in front of a bunch of people.

[916] And they all died.

[917] I think she did something like she rubbed his back or rubbed his belly or something, said something like he really likes this, and then he took off and then fucking just grabbed her and yanked her into the water.

[918] And I guess everybody just freaked the fuck out.

[919] Once it's got you in the water, I mean, that's it.

[920] By the way, there's really nothing you can do.

[921] It was Shamu that killed somebody in February.

[922] Come on.

[923] That's what it's saying online.

[924] I think there's a lot of Shamus.

[925] I don't think there's just one Shamu.

[926] There's like baby Shamu and like Papa Shamu and Mama Shamu.

[927] There's a lot of imposters.

[928] There's a lot.

[929] They call like 20 of them Shamu.

[930] Impostor Shamu.

[931] Like all the lassies.

[932] Oh, Shamu.

[933] Shamu.

[934] How many times have the killer whales done that?

[935] 13 bucks.

[936] Because he should be dead by now.

[937] Shamu's been around for like 75 years.

[938] Those things live a long time.

[939] How many Sea Worlds are there?

[940] Yeah, dude.

[941] Like, whales live a long time.

[942] I want to know who the real fucking Shamu is because they pulled that Bruce Lye shit on us because that isn't all Shamu.

[943] That isn't all Shamu.

[944] That's like the Bruce Lye shit right there.

[945] For people who don't know, Bruce Lee, when he died, they came out with a dude named Bruce Lye.

[946] He basically looked like kind of similar but not as ripped.

[947] How crazy was it that his last name was Lye and it was all Lye?

[948] Bruce fucking lied.

[949] I know.

[950] It's like, we weren't lying.

[951] We weren't lying.

[952] It's a lie.

[953] And he, you know what I mean?

[954] He, he, there, there was like 10 times more Bruce Lee movies made after he died when he was alive.

[955] There was all these return of game of the death.

[956] There was like all Bruce Lee stars and fucking anger of the dragon, you know, resurrection of the dragon.

[957] They didn't care.

[958] The people making movies, they had no respect for the people.

[959] They're like, these guys are stupid.

[960] We're just going to make up some shit and make it seem like it's Bruce Lee.

[961] I mean, Game of Death.

[962] They did it with that.

[963] Bruce Lee made like 10 minutes of it.

[964] He died.

[965] And they just said, fuck it.

[966] Let's make the rest of it with a fucking double.

[967] They said, let's make the rest of it with a double.

[968] And they released it.

[969] And everyone watched it.

[970] Because they knew kids couldn't tell.

[971] You know what I mean?

[972] Like Britney Spears concert.

[973] She's lip syncing because you can't be dancing around like that and saying you're going to be running out of breath.

[974] So they just make a decision.

[975] These 12 year old girls aren't going to know that Britney.

[976] They don't know what lip syncing is.

[977] You ask them what lips.

[978] They have no idea.

[979] They just want to see Britney Spears dancing.

[980] I think they're doing a better job than the people who made those late Bruce Lee movies.

[981] They did a way better job.

[982] They're doing something that someone actually likes.

[983] You would leave those Bruce Lee movies.

[984] You'd go, what the fuck did I just say?

[985] It's incredible.

[986] The Japanese don't give up.

[987] Fuck.

[988] Well, not just those dudes.

[989] Oh, no, no, no. Chinese.

[990] I'm sorry.

[991] Chinaman.

[992] Yeah, you can't confuse those two, bro.

[993] Do you get confused with Julia Stiles a lot?

[994] I've heard that since, like, middle school.

[995] Who's Julia Stiles?

[996] The girl from, like, Ten Things I Hate About You.

[997] Dexter.

[998] Dexter.

[999] Dexter.

[1000] Who's she in Dexter?

[1001] Born, I didn't.

[1002] Or someone born.

[1003] I didn't know all about her.

[1004] Yeah.

[1005] Save the Last Dance.

[1006] That's the one that people are like, you're that girl from Save the Last Dance.

[1007] Here's some photos of Julia Stiles.

[1008] I was like, he looks so familiar.

[1009] And then I'm like thinking, oh, I'm thinking.

[1010] Well, you've always watched Strikeforce, man. You've probably seen her fight.

[1011] Yeah, I see that too.

[1012] Now, when you threw that dude on his head when you did that crazy move where this was in high school, what happened to the guy?

[1013] I mean, what happened afterwards?

[1014] The ambulance come?

[1015] Did you get thrown in jail?

[1016] He went to the emergency room and I got community service because it was self -defense.

[1017] And how did it go down?

[1018] What did he say to you?

[1019] And what did you say back to him?

[1020] He like grabbed me by the neck.

[1021] At a bar?

[1022] No. Like the quad area.

[1023] It was sixth grade.

[1024] I was in school.

[1025] That was a long time ago.

[1026] He just came up to you and said, I don't like you.

[1027] I'm going to grab you by the neck.

[1028] Yeah, he wanted money or something for me. Because I was like a little girl.

[1029] I didn't look like much.

[1030] And he was a couple years older than you?

[1031] Four years?

[1032] Five years?

[1033] No, I think he was in the same grade.

[1034] He was bigger.

[1035] And he just came up to you, grabbed your neck, and you just reacted instantly.

[1036] Yeah.

[1037] Knocked him out?

[1038] And then cut his head in the back.

[1039] Damn.

[1040] Damn.

[1041] Did he ever come back to school again or did he transfer to a different county?

[1042] No, he still went there.

[1043] He didn't talk to me again.

[1044] I would have transferred myself to a fucking, I would have taken a bus, went two hours.

[1045] But I always get in trouble.

[1046] It's never worth it.

[1047] It's never worth it.

[1048] Every time I got in a fight, my last fight, I got sued.

[1049] I got jumped by a bunch of dudes and they sued me. Where was this?

[1050] It was in a movie theater in Santa Monica.

[1051] You got jumped by dudes?

[1052] While watching Juno.

[1053] Yeah.

[1054] You were in a theater and some guy jumped you.

[1055] no it was like a bunch of people okay here's what happened i'll just do it quick um we walked in and like the whole theater was like packed except for like all these people had their feet up like those only like seats in a row and so like we sat down And they had to put their feet down.

[1056] They're like, oh, that's so annoying.

[1057] They were like that loud group of people in the movie theater.

[1058] Like my cousin's phone went off at one point and they all started calling her a cunt.

[1059] And like, you know, they were like, whenever a character would come on and be like, I'd fuck her.

[1060] You know, like they were like that obnoxious group of people.

[1061] So, but the girl that was sitting behind me, instead of putting her shoes down when I sat down, she put her boots, her Ugga boots.

[1062] She had Ugga boots with like a skirt on, which I hate that already, on both sides of my head.

[1063] And, like, she, like, even, like, knocked me in the head at some point during the movie.

[1064] So I was like, you know what?

[1065] This movie, Gino, is really good.

[1066] So I'm going to watch the rest of this movie.

[1067] But after this movie's over, I'm going to throw her shoe.

[1068] And I'm going to tell her to get some manners.

[1069] So after the movie was over, I stood up and I took her Ugg boot off and I threw it.

[1070] And I said she should talk to her mother about getting some manners.

[1071] And then my cousin.

[1072] Was she white?

[1073] She was white.

[1074] But the guys, there was, like, three couples.

[1075] And the guys they were with, they were, like, all black.

[1076] Might have been one white guy.

[1077] It was like four guys and like a couple girls.

[1078] So my cousin and my friend Marina, they like walked out and it was like a movie theater aisle so they couldn't get like around me so they like cut me off as I was walking out and they were like, go get the boot.

[1079] And then...

[1080] And then I was like, no, I'm not going to do that, whatever.

[1081] And I tried to get past them, and they, like, blocked me and pushed me back.

[1082] And then, like, I told them that, like, I was all, like, super, like, calm and stuff.

[1083] It was weird.

[1084] I was like, okay, well, if I'm going to try and get past you and don't let me, then I'm going to have to do something.

[1085] And I tried to get through, and the guy pushed me back, and I grabbed the guy by the shirt, and I just started punching him.

[1086] And his friend came behind me. I threw his friend over my shoulder, and it turned into, like, this big thing where I beat up a couple of the guys in my marina.

[1087] who was with me, she was on the junior role team for judo.

[1088] She was badass.

[1089] And then my cousin, she's not that, you know, whatever, but she, like, takes karate.

[1090] She thinks she's, you know, really tough.

[1091] So she jumped in, too.

[1092] So it was, like, kind of a group of three girls that were, like, ready to go down.

[1093] They didn't know how to fight.

[1094] Oh, shit.

[1095] Yeah.

[1096] Fucking up dudes.

[1097] Yeah.

[1098] Whoa.

[1099] Why couldn't that be on cell phone footage?

[1100] God damn, that would have been the best YouTube video ever.

[1101] Everyone in the theater was, like, applauding because they were so obnoxious.

[1102] They were, like, that group of people.

[1103] Everyone was, like, woo.

[1104] So how did it end?

[1105] So it ended with the one...

[1106] Uchimato?

[1107] Everyone, like, I dropped the one guy.

[1108] And then, it's funny, I realized I couldn't find my shoe because I was wearing flip -flops.

[1109] You know, fighting flip -flops.

[1110] I was, like, wearing, like, rainbows or something.

[1111] And I was like, I can't find my shoe.

[1112] And it all turned, it all started from, like, a shooting throw.

[1113] And then I lost my shoe.

[1114] I thought that was somehow funny.

[1115] That's hilarious.

[1116] Yeah, so then I found my shoe.

[1117] And then we all ran out.

[1118] And my cousin's an idiot.

[1119] And she was like, you don't know who you're messing with.

[1120] Because...

[1121] Whatever.

[1122] She was like, she's an Olympic bronze medalist.

[1123] And then they looked me up and they went to the police and they filed a police report to me. Oh, my God.

[1124] What are these bitches' names so we can publicly humiliate them?

[1125] What are their names?

[1126] I forget.

[1127] I forget.

[1128] Please email them to us and we'll put it on Twitter.

[1129] What a bunch of bitches.

[1130] Yeah, and they said that, like, they said that I punched the girl, which I never did.

[1131] But I guess, like, she was trying to, like, while I was hitting her boyfriend, she was trying to, like, mash me in the face.

[1132] My friend Marina pushed her off of me and she went face first into, like, the chairs.

[1133] And then what they were trying to say in the police report was that I punched her.

[1134] Yeah.

[1135] So what?

[1136] You were getting attacked by men.

[1137] Yeah.

[1138] Did you tell your mom you did Judo at Juno?

[1139] I never even thought of that.

[1140] That's funny.

[1141] Judo at Juno.

[1142] Yeah.

[1143] Did you go to see Juno?

[1144] That's hilarious.

[1145] You did Judo at Juno.

[1146] That's a great fucking story.

[1147] That should be a YouTube clip.

[1148] Judo.

[1149] Make an animation of that shit?

[1150] Come on, with some judo throws?

[1151] Yeah, somebody make that.

[1152] You'd have to know the names.

[1153] With that commentary cut in with some cartoon.

[1154] There's a lot of people out there that need to be thrown on their fucking head.

[1155] Okay, we always digress.

[1156] We're really good at that.

[1157] Digressing.

[1158] What got you into MMA again?

[1159] We keep moving away from that for some reason.

[1160] Oh, so I was like, well...

[1161] I'd like to try this MMA thing out.

[1162] I think I'd be really good at it.

[1163] You saw UFC.

[1164] You were having a beard going, I could do that.

[1165] No, I just, I remember watching the girls fight at one point and just thinking, I could beat any of these girls.

[1166] Like, what they're doing, they're making this mistake here, this mistake here.

[1167] I could have done that.

[1168] And I was just like, I could beat any of these girls.

[1169] When did you start striking?

[1170] Like a year ago.

[1171] Whoa.

[1172] Yeah.

[1173] How's that going?

[1174] Do you like it?

[1175] Yeah, I love it.

[1176] I love going to striking or anything else.

[1177] You training with Hard Dog?

[1178] Training Anthony sometimes.

[1179] I train with Edmund Traverdian most of the time.

[1180] He's at Glendale.

[1181] Glendale.

[1182] Glendale fighting club.

[1183] You know, there's always a debate out there, and I guess there will always be a debate whether women's MMA will make it.

[1184] Is there a place for it?

[1185] There's a large percentage of the people out there that hate it, don't want it, or whatever.

[1186] And then there's a group that, like me, I fucking love it.

[1187] I think it would be awesome.

[1188] When Gina Carano fought Cyborg, I watched it on my iPhone, and all I heard from that iPhone was chicks screaming in that arena, and it sounded like a Beatles fucking concert.

[1189] Yeah.

[1190] And for anybody to think that there's not a market.

[1191] Brian, pull that video up.

[1192] Brian, pull that video up.

[1193] Watch that shit.

[1194] Gina Carano versus Cyborg.

[1195] You don't hear any guys going, kick his ass.

[1196] You don't hear none of that.

[1197] It's chicks screaming like they're on a fucking Lady Gaga concert.

[1198] Wow.

[1199] It freaked me the fuck out.

[1200] I've been to a million MMA shows.

[1201] I never heard a crowd like that ever before.

[1202] Not even at a football game.

[1203] Football game, it's a roar.

[1204] This was, there's a giant market for women's MMA and chicks like Cyborg.

[1205] We already have the Mike motherfucking Tyson of MMA.

[1206] That's Cyborg.

[1207] She's going out there destroying everybody.

[1208] I think she's more Ivan Drago.

[1209] You know what I'm saying?

[1210] I see what you're saying.

[1211] Totally, totally.

[1212] And then now, shit, we got Ronda fucking Roosie coming in the mix.

[1213] Hold on.

[1214] Roosie or Rousey?

[1215] Rousey, turn the volume up on this, Brian.

[1216] Listen to this shit.

[1217] This is Cyborg.

[1218] Cyborg.

[1219] You're right, man. Gina on top of her.

[1220] Damn, I forgot all about this part of the fight.

[1221] This is one of the most historic matches of all time in MMA.

[1222] We're watching this.

[1223] For the folks who have seen this or hearing this on iTunes, we're watching Gino Carano versus Chris Cyborg, and it's a fucking crazy exchange right now, and Cyborg is teeing off on her.

[1224] What a vicious body kick she just landed.

[1225] Ugh.

[1226] And then she'd go to, oh, now Carano mounted her.

[1227] Holy shit, I forgot about this.

[1228] Totally forgot about this.

[1229] Gina's doing fucking great.

[1230] Oh, my God.

[1231] Gina, I forgot Gina mounted her.

[1232] Gina was in the mix.

[1233] But Gina does not like being on the ground.

[1234] She fell.

[1235] She stood up.

[1236] That's amazing.

[1237] She had her mounted and she stood up.

[1238] Anybody who thinks women's MMA won't succeed.

[1239] Listen to how pumped everyone there is.

[1240] They've got some serious issues.

[1241] Everyone there is freaking out.

[1242] This is a crazy fight, man. I mean, that's basically a fucking destroyer against a supermodel.

[1243] I mean, come on.

[1244] Yeah, no shit.

[1245] Gina's the only one who can make those cornrows look good, too.

[1246] Gina is a badass, too.

[1247] You've got to give it up to this chick.

[1248] Such a difference in their physical stature though, you know Cyborg is just so much stronger Yeah, it was only like the last second of the round.

[1249] It could have gone on to another round, you know.

[1250] Cyborg was just mauling her.

[1251] I honestly forgot about how much Gina was in the fight.

[1252] Oh, yeah.

[1253] I forgot about that.

[1254] I just remembered that she got slaughtered.

[1255] If she was more confident with being on top, man, she was on top of her, ground and pounding her.

[1256] She just threw a Superman punch.

[1257] Yeah.

[1258] She's looking bad at him.

[1259] She had good technique, man. Gina has really good technique.

[1260] Good job.

[1261] That was a serious jab.

[1262] Look at that hook.

[1263] I wish she was still fighting.

[1264] Oh man, but Cyborg's so strong, dude.

[1265] Wow.

[1266] There's an iconic photo of these two where Cyborg is holding the side of Gina Carano's face and punching her in the head with her other hand.

[1267] And it's like, it's really...

[1268] Fucking powerful photo my work has incredible cardio super Now Rhonda this chick is like your weight class What do you see when you see her do you like what you watching a video of her are you like breaking her down looking for holes?

[1269] I mean, there's just nothing technical about anything she does.

[1270] It's just real physical?

[1271] It's just pace and strength.

[1272] She takes every punch in the face and she pulls her on top of her all the time.

[1273] Right here.

[1274] This is one of the photos.

[1275] She was holding her with her hand and then punching her with the other hand.

[1276] So you don't feel like her ground to pound or anything.

[1277] You feel like it's all just real aggressive.

[1278] Yeah, I think that just the girls that she has fought are just so, like, not real.

[1279] They're not real strong.

[1280] They're not, like, real athletes in the way that, like, the Cuban women's studio team.

[1281] Oh, she went for a crazy Americana, but that was a wacky one.

[1282] She didn't drag the elbow down to the body.

[1283] She's so strong, man. So strong.

[1284] Her stand -up is so nasty.

[1285] That last fight that she had.

[1286] Who's the woman that she fought this past weekend?

[1287] Yeah, the dominatrix in Japan.

[1288] She probably took that fight because she'd like it.

[1289] She wanted to get beat up.

[1290] She got beat up.

[1291] She took her out in 16 seconds and it was pretty fucking ferocious.

[1292] Look at this.

[1293] This is a fucking beating right here, man. God damn.

[1294] Do you think Dana will ever change his mind and have this in the UFC, or is it just not a big enough group of girls?

[1295] Is that it?

[1296] Did they stop the fight?

[1297] I mean, Dana changed his mind a lot.

[1298] I think it's possible.

[1299] He stopped it at the bell.

[1300] You know, here's his point, and it makes sense.

[1301] There's not a lot of talented women out there.

[1302] There's not, like, as many as there are men.

[1303] You know, there's, like, you know, we...

[1304] The UFC has under contract, I don't know how many men at one point in time.

[1305] I know it was 250, but that was before the acquisition of Strikeforce.

[1306] So, you know, between the guys for the WEC, the UFC guys, everyone together down under one roof.

[1307] Holy shit, that's a lot of dudes.

[1308] But see, to me, that's not a good excuse because there's not enough women.

[1309] You're saying there's not enough time.

[1310] There's not enough time.

[1311] Perfect that there's not enough women because we don't have enough time for a lot of women.

[1312] So let's just focus on, like, five, six superstars, and everybody's going to watch Cyborg versus Ronda.

[1313] That's going to be fucking huge.

[1314] Yeah, that's the story.

[1315] But, you know, Ronda's only had four fights, right?

[1316] And she's already a star.

[1317] Yeah, but, you know, when you're fighting, I mean, it's my opinion that you should...

[1318] You know, it should be like a natural course of progression.

[1319] You know, you fight some, like, top contenders.

[1320] For sure.

[1321] You know, you get ranked.

[1322] You get up there.

[1323] There should be, like, a bunch of girls you have to go through.

[1324] You and four fights in, and they're already, like, asking her after she won, you know, what does she think about fighting you?

[1325] To me, that shows, like, this, like, a lack of depth in just the women's divisions.

[1326] And it's not.

[1327] There's a lack of depth.

[1328] It is what it is, and I think it's very exciting.

[1329] You remember one time we went to that one MMA show in Nevada?

[1330] We went to one of the Tough Enough shows, and there was a chick fight that was just out of this world.

[1331] And Eddie and I watched that fight, and afterwards I go, I'm a fan now.

[1332] I'm a fan.

[1333] I used to say I don't want to see chicks fight each other, but after watching that, I was like, God damn.

[1334] Technique is technique.

[1335] If the girls have technique, and there's a lot of girls that do, but the heavyweight division has no depth.

[1336] There's no depth in that, but still you put on heavyweight fights.

[1337] When we got a heavyweight fight with Cyborg and you, that's a heavyweight fight.

[1338] That's going to draw, so you can't.

[1339] You can't deny that.

[1340] Even if you only had four fights, everyone's talking about it.

[1341] They want to see it.

[1342] What is women's 145 called?

[1343] I have no idea.

[1344] Is it just 145?

[1345] I think it's featherweight.

[1346] You don't even know what division you fight in?

[1347] It's just the same.

[1348] I know the number on the scale.

[1349] Whatever you want to call it.

[1350] Do you cut weight?

[1351] No. You don't cut any weight at all?

[1352] I walk around like five pounds over.

[1353] Really?

[1354] Yeah.

[1355] And you're thinking about going 135 now?

[1356] Mm -hmm.

[1357] Is that where Cyborg is at?

[1358] No. No. That's where everyone else is at.

[1359] So do you want to fight Cyborg?

[1360] Yeah, no, that fight definitely needs to happen.

[1361] Do you want to get some experience first?

[1362] Yeah, yeah, I do.

[1363] You know, like she's going to want to fight me as soon as possible and I'm going to want to fight her as light as possible and we're just going to have to find somewhere in the middle.

[1364] Right.

[1365] You know, because the more time they wait, the better I'm going to get because I don't even have that much experience yet.

[1366] I haven't even fought a full round.

[1367] I've had seven fights.

[1368] Right.

[1369] I haven't fought one round.

[1370] Yeah.

[1371] You know, and it's like.

[1372] the more time that goes by i feel myself getting way way better whereas like how can you become like better at being a goon you know all just strength and that's it like cyborg she's got good kickboxing technique but like how can you really improve that much after you've already been like i feel like she wants to fight me as soon as possible and i would want to be fighting well i'm sure she does and trash talking is always fun that's so funny i saw i saw this tweet that she sent out this morning and she said something like she's a big mouth talk too much and i was like And I'm like, that's so awesome that like the champ wakes up in the morning and is thinking about me. Yeah.

[1373] You know, everything I'm hearing is good because you're the one that's saying you're not trash talking.

[1374] You're saying I'm trying to wait as long as possible.

[1375] So that's not trash talking.

[1376] That's like the opposite of trash talking.

[1377] Right.

[1378] So you're smart and you're saying you understand that.

[1379] It takes years to get really good at striking.

[1380] Don't get me wrong.

[1381] I think that if me and her fought today, I think I still would win.

[1382] But I think that for publicizing the fight is not the best time.

[1383] And I think that...

[1384] If this is going to be the most important fight in my career, I want to be as good as I possibly can get at that time, and I know that I can get better.

[1385] And there's Misha Tate out there, people like her.

[1386] Yeah, there's other fights like that.

[1387] If I can win the 135 title, then a fight between me and her later would be like two title holders.

[1388] It'd be a bigger deal.

[1389] Would that fuck with you to drop the weight?

[1390] No. No?

[1391] No. I'd be fine.

[1392] I'm actually like...

[1393] When you competed in judo, what did you compete at?

[1394] I competed at 63 kilos, which was 138.

[1395] And then I competed at 7 kilos, 154.

[1396] There was nothing in between.

[1397] And you had to make weight like the morning of.

[1398] You only had like an hour and a half sometimes.

[1399] Whoa.

[1400] Between weigh -ins and when you fought.

[1401] So like I just had a hard time making 138 just because you would have to make weight like weekend after weekend after weekend sometimes.

[1402] That's a giant gap too, especially for women.

[1403] Exactly.

[1404] So like if you see the girls I'm fighting in the Olympics, they're all head taller than me. Wow.

[1405] Like the girls I fought were like.

[1406] Do you think that made you more technical?

[1407] Yeah, definitely.

[1408] They always say the smaller, you know, jujitsu people are much more technical.

[1409] Well, I had to get, like, way stronger.

[1410] But, like, yeah, for those girls being way bigger than me, it's just, like, they would put on so much weight or, like, just be, like, more.

[1411] I got used to being at a strength disadvantage a lot of the time, you know.

[1412] What do you do for strength training?

[1413] I just came from there right before I got here.

[1414] I go to Results, which is on, like, Woodman and Moorpark.

[1415] And just like a personal training, Leo Finko trains me. You've seen the results?

[1416] Results.

[1417] I have plenty of results.

[1418] What kind of shit is he doing?

[1419] What is he doing?

[1420] Tires with sledgehammers?

[1421] You're doing kettlebells?

[1422] You're dragging logs?

[1423] It depends because right after I fight, we do a lot of heavyweight.

[1424] But then once my fights get closer, we do a lot of circuit training, more explosive.

[1425] Endurance type shit.

[1426] Endurance and agility and balance stuff as the fight gets closer.

[1427] So we're doing heavyweight right now.

[1428] The last fight was what, a month ago?

[1429] What was that last fight?

[1430] How long ago was that?

[1431] Three weeks ago, a month ago.

[1432] What was that?

[1433] Yeah, it was a month ago.

[1434] Wow, time flies.

[1435] Did that girl, did she not, what happened there?

[1436] Did she not tap or did the referee not get there in time?

[1437] Apparently.

[1438] Do we have a video of that?

[1439] Can we see that?

[1440] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[1441] Oh, yeah, I saw it.

[1442] It just reached 100 ,000 views a day.

[1443] I was so proud, yeah.

[1444] Yeah, look up Ronda Rousey and who you're fighting?

[1445] Bud.

[1446] B -U -D -D.

[1447] For those of you that don't know, Ronda demolished a girl's arm.

[1448] Yeah, it's pretty nasty to look at.

[1449] Well, because the fight before that, they like.

[1450] Like, screwed me over.

[1451] Because the girl was yelling, like, tap, tap, tap.

[1452] And then, like, I let go of the arm.

[1453] And she was like, I didn't tap.

[1454] I saw that.

[1455] Yeah, I saw that.

[1456] And I'm like, that was the coolest flying arm bar ever.

[1457] How could you ruin that for me?

[1458] You know?

[1459] Yeah, and you could have totally broken her shit if you didn't let go.

[1460] Yeah, if I, like, I could just, I don't want to go anywhere.

[1461] How long have you been doing jujitsu?

[1462] I don't do jujitsu.

[1463] Just judo.

[1464] Do you think you have an advantage a little bit?

[1465] You don't do jujitsu at all?

[1466] Well, submissions.

[1467] I do, I do, like, I never.

[1468] really went out of my way to go to jiu -jitsu classes.

[1469] Like, I did, like, no -gi grappling and I did judo.

[1470] So, gi -wise, I haven't really done...

[1471] Yeah, that's jiu -jitsu.

[1472] I mean, yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

[1473] Alright, here's the fight.

[1474] Look how quick this shit is.

[1475] Here comes Rhonda.

[1476] Get the clinch.

[1477] You got the headlock.

[1478] And right now, this girl's fucked.

[1479] As soon as you get a hold of these chicks, do you feel like, especially like a chick who's not a grappler, do you feel like a massive advantage in controlling them?

[1480] I like how you misdirected there, too.

[1481] You went to throw her over the top, then you turned it.

[1482] Full mount right away.

[1483] She was really slippery.

[1484] She was Vaseline -y.

[1485] You think so?

[1486] Yeah, I did.

[1487] She was covered in it.

[1488] Now, what is the deal?

[1489] Because girls, like, here's the arm.

[1490] Check this shit out.

[1491] Girl doesn't tap.

[1492] It's rolled over.

[1493] She's thinking it's happening right now.

[1494] And I'm like, I had to turn her over so the referee could see it.

[1495] So then I did that.

[1496] So she flips over.

[1497] Look at that.

[1498] Jack.

[1499] Did you blame the referee there?

[1500] Because it looked like that girl could have tapped.

[1501] She could have tapped, right?

[1502] You just fucked that arm up.

[1503] Damn.

[1504] She could have tapped.

[1505] She looked pretty yoked, too.

[1506] Shit.

[1507] Yeah.

[1508] When you grab a hold of chicks, do you feel like a massive advantage usually?

[1509] I just feel like I understand what's going on more than they do.

[1510] In the clinch.

[1511] Yeah.

[1512] And you're grappling with submissions.

[1513] How long have you been doing that?

[1514] Like passing the guard and playing guard work, arm bars.

[1515] How long have you been doing that?

[1516] Like 11.

[1517] Oh, so you've been doing submissions this whole time as you were doing judo.

[1518] Yeah, because my mom, when she went to judo, she tore her knees out when she was like 16, 17.

[1519] She was one of the first judo players to only win on the ground.

[1520] And what she did all the time, she won like 90 % of her matches with arm bars.

[1521] So she started teaching me arm bars when I was, like, 11.

[1522] You only have a small amount of time.

[1523] She had me just drilling arm bars all the time, all the time.

[1524] You have a small amount of time to hit them right before they separate you.

[1525] Yeah, because a lot of referees hate, like, groundwork.

[1526] And a lot of times, you know, especially if you're, like, an American competing, like, foreign country, like, they just kind of try and screw you over just for the hell of it, I think.

[1527] To stand you up?

[1528] Like, how long do you get on the ground?

[1529] Sometimes I would have, like, they wouldn't even give me a second.

[1530] Sometimes they would give me, like, three seconds.

[1531] So I had to be, like, bloom, bloom, bloom, like, fast.

[1532] So did you learn how to, like, you hit these arm bars?

[1533] as quick as possible.

[1534] So that was your thing, like, I might not get you with the throw, but I'm going to get you with the arm bar.

[1535] That was your shit?

[1536] Yeah, well, it was like, if I can't get you with the arm bar, I'm going to try and throw you.

[1537] You think that knowing that you always had to do it in such a small window made you really good at jumping on them quick?

[1538] Yeah, it's like transition stuff.

[1539] Because that's like your big strength.

[1540] Yeah, we drill that all the time, all the time.

[1541] Yeah, when you get a chick down, I always say, oh, this chick is fucked.

[1542] I see some flailing.

[1543] I see some limbs going.

[1544] I go, oh, that chick is fucked.

[1545] One of those things is getting snap, crackle, popped.

[1546] How is your flexibility?

[1547] Can you get into double orders?

[1548] You want to see it?

[1549] Let me see.

[1550] All right.

[1551] Let's see if I can do the.

[1552] Oh, wow.

[1553] Okay, do this with your legs.

[1554] With my legs?

[1555] Double Otis?

[1556] The double Otis?

[1557] No, no, no, my knees.

[1558] I don't want to do that one.

[1559] You can't do that one?

[1560] Yeah, knee things I don't like to do.

[1561] Have you had a bunch of knee injuries?

[1562] I've had three surgeries, and I've had arthritis since I was 19.

[1563] Damn.

[1564] Damn.

[1565] What surgeries did you have?

[1566] No rubber guard for you.

[1567] One ACL and two scopes.

[1568] Well, that's not true.

[1569] I've had three knee surgeries.

[1570] I still do rubber guard.

[1571] But she doesn't want to get into the double Otis.

[1572] That's not a good sign.

[1573] I've had two ACLs and one scope.

[1574] You could do it still.

[1575] While you're winning.

[1576] You could still stretch yourself out.

[1577] Is that when you put your foot on top of your foot?

[1578] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1579] Just like this.

[1580] It's really easy.

[1581] That one and put the other one on top?

[1582] Oh, she could do it, man. Look at that.

[1583] Of course she could do it.

[1584] Oh, damn.

[1585] You're ready for some rubber guard.

[1586] Yeah, please.

[1587] Look at you.

[1588] I'm rubber guard ready.

[1589] You're ready.

[1590] I can do that too.

[1591] You're ready.

[1592] Why have that flexibility and not...

[1593] Use it to its maximum.

[1594] Do you do a lot of guard stuff?

[1595] I've heard a lot about your rubber guard and how it requires flexibility.

[1596] I was like, I think I'd be good at it.

[1597] I think I'd be good at it.

[1598] You've got the flexibility.

[1599] You're ready to go.

[1600] I'd love to try it, dude.

[1601] Listen, you're an awesome grappler.

[1602] You can learn anything.

[1603] Anything you want.

[1604] All you have to do is just put your head to it.

[1605] You can learn his stuff.

[1606] Your worst case scenario is going to be someone like some chick who wrestled their whole life.

[1607] puts your ass on your back and you're like on your back and the championship fight you can't get up you got some there's a lot of chicks out there that have been wrestling their whole life too so you've been doing judo your whole life but there's a lot of girls out there that have wrestled their whole life so your worst nightmare you need to prepare for that like now not three months when the fight signed you know what i mean so you're probably going to be on top most of your fights because you're judo probably but you know at the end Sometime in your career, you're going to face a chick who is awesome at wrestling, and she's taking your ass down.

[1608] You've got to be ready for that one, too.

[1609] Plus, it's always good to have a little extra trick in your fucking toolbox.

[1610] You know, the really dangerous fighters are the ones who like one of my favorite fighters is Donald Cerrone.

[1611] And one of the reasons why Donald Cerrone can throw wild ass kicks at people is because Donald Cerrone is wicked off of his back.

[1612] You take that down and he's attacking.

[1613] He's attacking right away from his back.

[1614] Like that is like one of the best combinations.

[1615] And when you learn how to like when there's no weak spot, you don't have a weak spot, you know.

[1616] when a guy gets on your back, oh, you're still in fucksville because you're still engaging with me. You know, when you get to that position, when you don't have one hole, then there's nothing to be exploited.

[1617] There have been so many judo players, awesome judo players in Japan.

[1618] They come over to the States.

[1619] They fuck with dudes who've been doing no -gi takedowns while you've been doing gi takedowns your whole life.

[1620] Judo guys, and a lot of jiu -jitsu guys as well, mundial champions.

[1621] Once they hit...

[1622] That elite wrestler that's going to put them on their back.

[1623] They just don't have the answers.

[1624] They end up getting cut from the UFC.

[1625] A lot of them don't even make it.

[1626] So many people get signed to the UFC and they fight for the UFC.

[1627] But they're fighting in the prelims.

[1628] There's like eight.

[1629] And to get to the main card, you got to be a bad motherfucker in the prelims.

[1630] So many people get signed to the UFC.

[1631] They fight in the prelims and they never make it to the main show because they lose a couple fights and they get cut and no one even knows.

[1632] There's so many.

[1633] And working for the UFC for so long, you see these people coming through all the time.

[1634] And the brick wall.

[1635] The brick wall is the elite wrestler who puts your ass on your back.

[1636] Do you have an answer for that?

[1637] No, that's everyone's problem.

[1638] There's got to be a smaller issue in girls fighting.

[1639] A lot of those judo players that moved over, you know how you're talking about point fighting and like, oh, I was the best at getting in with that.

[1640] A lot of people that are point fighters, they can't do anything in MMA.

[1641] And a lot of them, especially that Japanese style of Judo, really requires a gi a lot.

[1642] So I think any Asian style Judo player wouldn't do very good in Judo.

[1643] I got to mention before I forget, just because I mentioned Donald Cerrone, does not in any way mean that I'm rooting for Donald Cerrone when he fights Nate Diaz next week.

[1644] And Nate, if you listen, I hope you don't get upset.

[1645] I love you too.

[1646] I like watching you fight too.

[1647] I'm just saying.

[1648] Nate Diaz doesn't fuck around, man. Well, Nate Diaz is the same thing.

[1649] He doesn't want anybody rooting for a dude he's fighting.

[1650] Well, you know, Nate Diaz, same.

[1651] Perfect example.

[1652] He throws down, man. Awesome striking.

[1653] And awesome jiu -jitsu.

[1654] He throws down.

[1655] And if Nate Diaz is on his back, he don't give a fuck.

[1656] He's going to attack you.

[1657] Yeah, perfect example.

[1658] You know what I mean?

[1659] He's going to attack you.

[1660] You've got to be vicious on your back.

[1661] In that Gomi fight, he knew an arm bar was there.

[1662] Just snatch it.

[1663] I mean, he's beating the shit out of Gomi.

[1664] He could have kept it standing.

[1665] Total confidence to get to the ground.

[1666] And as soon as he got him onto his back, boom, arm bar, snap.

[1667] And most fighters want to get on top of a fighter.

[1668] They want to get the takedown.

[1669] They want to get on top.

[1670] But guys like Shinya Yoki, no one's trying to get on top of him.

[1671] The way you beat Shinya Yoki is don't get on top of him.

[1672] How crazy is that?

[1673] Because he's so awesome off his back.

[1674] It's like you don't want to get on top of him.

[1675] Isn't that insane?

[1676] You want people to say that about you.

[1677] Whatever you do, don't let him get on his back.

[1678] How much of a difference do you think tights are?

[1679] That's incredible shit.

[1680] How much of a difference do you think his tights are?

[1681] There's a big difference, man. For folks who don't know, he wears his crazy tights when he fights in Japan.

[1682] Not anymore, though.

[1683] He gets a lot of submissions.

[1684] Does he feel like they were a crutch?

[1685] He felt like that his ultimate goal is to do well in the UFC, and the UFC don't allow tights.

[1686] He better get used to no tights, which that was his reasoning.

[1687] What an amazing fucking guard he had.

[1688] Exactly.

[1689] I mean, that's what you want.

[1690] Anybody can have Shinya Aoki's guard.

[1691] It's not like he was born with his chromosome or anything like that.

[1692] He just really wanted it bad.

[1693] He wanted to be a...

[1694] He wanted to be dangerous everywhere.

[1695] He's not about just his guard.

[1696] He's amazing at leg locks.

[1697] He takes your back, you're fucked.

[1698] He beats Shaolin Standing.

[1699] If he mounts you, you're fucked.

[1700] He takes your back, you're fucked.

[1701] He's on his back, you're fucked.

[1702] He leg locks, you're fucked.

[1703] He's so good at everything.

[1704] There's no holes.

[1705] He filled all the holes.

[1706] Most people, most fighters, they do have a hole.

[1707] Their weakness is they're not that dangerous off their back.

[1708] If you get on top of them, you don't have to worry that much.

[1709] He might throw up an arm bar, but you don't have to worry that much.

[1710] With Shinya Yoki, shit.

[1711] If you're coaching a guy who's fighting Shinya Yoki and your boy's in his guard, you'll be freaking out.

[1712] Like, get up, stand up, run.

[1713] Anybody can have that.

[1714] Anybody.

[1715] But you got to really want it.

[1716] You know, you got to really train it.

[1717] You got to take the time to practice it.

[1718] That's how you get good at anything.

[1719] And, you know, being an MMA fighter these days, there's not much time to practice.

[1720] You got to do so much shit.

[1721] You got to work on your striking, your wrestling, your, you know, fucking jumping jacks and doing your fucking Mike Dolce diet.

[1722] You got to sleep.

[1723] Dolce diet.

[1724] You got to do so much shit.

[1725] The last girl I thought was Dolce dieted out.

[1726] It's so hard to evolve.

[1727] What does that even mean?

[1728] Dolce dieted out?

[1729] Because it was all over at the weigh -in.

[1730] She's like, Dolce diet, like all over.

[1731] Oh, okay.

[1732] Yeah.

[1733] That's a pretty good diet.

[1734] I wonder if it's better than the Gracie diet.

[1735] I don't know.

[1736] He's a smart guy.

[1737] He knows a lot about nutrition, though.

[1738] Had a nice conversation with him about it last time I was in Vegas.

[1739] I mean, he's working with a lot of guys, man. He's got Tiago Alves making weight pretty easy now, where he used to really struggle before.

[1740] Although, I don't know if he made it in his last attempt.

[1741] I feel like there was a little bit of an issue.

[1742] I think he had to come back and make it or something.

[1743] I don't remember.

[1744] But he's a big boy for 170.

[1745] Tiago's pretty fucking thick.

[1746] If you had to fight Cyborg in three months to sign and you had three months to train, it's not happening, so this is all...

[1747] Hypothetical.

[1748] Hypothetical.

[1749] I like the hypothetical game.

[1750] Yeah, you're going to fight her in two months.

[1751] Okay.

[1752] Two months.

[1753] And you know in your mind right now what you can get possibly done in two months to prepare for her.

[1754] What would your strategy be at the fight?

[1755] Well, I don't know.

[1756] Damn, we don't want to give that shit away.

[1757] Why would you want to give that away?

[1758] Because I don't know how different it would be in a while.

[1759] But it's not fighting, though.

[1760] It's a make -believe fight.

[1761] It's a fake fight.

[1762] But they could eventually fight, and she would be using the same strategy, probably.

[1763] Or something very similar.

[1764] Just make some crazy shit up.

[1765] Can I guess your strategy?

[1766] I would be Superman punches only.

[1767] That's all I want.

[1768] Well, you know what?

[1769] It's pretty obvious to anybody that follows the game.

[1770] It's obvious that, of course, you're going to want to use your judo.

[1771] Why would you stand there and strike with her when you can just take her down, get on top, and dominate the top position?

[1772] Obviously.

[1773] It would be a game of Anderson Silva, Chael Sonnen.

[1774] Will you be able to get the fight to the ground where you could dominate?

[1775] Here's my question.

[1776] Is there ever going to be a fight ever, not with you, but with any two chicks where in the middle of beating the fuck out of each other, they just start making out?

[1777] Is that possible?

[1778] No. I think so.

[1779] I wonder if I get in trouble for slapping a girl.

[1780] If they're hot or not.

[1781] Like, I gave a girl a good slap on the team.

[1782] If you fought Gina Carano, you'd probably make out with her.

[1783] No. Come on.

[1784] That should be your finishing move.

[1785] That should be your finishing move.

[1786] When they're on the ground, like, passed out, you just start licking her.

[1787] Could you imagine if there was a fight where these girls just really went at it for the first round, beat the fuck out of each other, came out in the second round, Double high -fived, and then you start making out.

[1788] No, how about in the afternoon?

[1789] No, no. You know, more realistic would be after the fight, post -fight interview, they're all bleeding, they're all hugging each other, and then they just start making out post -fight.

[1790] You're with the mic.

[1791] Joe's all, you're incredibly freaked out now.

[1792] You know what would happen?

[1793] The next day, UFC would have women in men.

[1794] She wants to judo.

[1795] She wants to cause a katami -ass right now.

[1796] No, no, no. There's actually a couple.

[1797] There's a couple.

[1798] These two judo girls that fought each other in the finals in the Olympics, they ended up going and getting married years later.

[1799] Really?

[1800] Oh, that's hilarious.

[1801] Is that a common thing to have a lot of women who like women?

[1802] Is it like softball?

[1803] Or golf?

[1804] It's common.

[1805] Is it common?

[1806] It's common, I mean.

[1807] More common than you see in the regular world?

[1808] Fight chicks?

[1809] Even in Japan?

[1810] We would just say the ratio is.

[1811] I mean, not that I look.

[1812] Being a lesbian does not have the social stigma of being a gay man. If you're a gay man, there's a little...

[1813] Every rapper that's in a video that disses another rapper, it goes gay immediately.

[1814] Remember, right?

[1815] When Dr. Dre and Ice Cube are mad at each other, remember?

[1816] Immediately goes gay.

[1817] They would immediately go gay.

[1818] You're about sucking dicks.

[1819] My man's out sucking dicks.

[1820] But with a girl, you can't diss a girl by saying that she's out making out with girls.

[1821] A chick can't call another chick a pussy licker.

[1822] It's like calling a white guy a honky.

[1823] You know what I mean?

[1824] You honky.

[1825] You know, calling a white guy honky never worked.

[1826] And, you know, making fun of a girl who likes girls only, that doesn't work either, you know?

[1827] It never worked out.

[1828] Honky was like Jerry Cooney.

[1829] Never worked out.

[1830] Jerry Cooney worked out on a lot of people, man. He worked out on Ken Norton.

[1831] You ever watch that fight?

[1832] Jerry Cooney should have never fought Larry Holmes.

[1833] He just wasn't technically skilled enough to be in there with a guy like Larry Holmes, who was a masterful boxer.

[1834] Jerry Cooney was a very good boxer, but he just wasn't.

[1835] He tried.

[1836] He gave it his best, but he just wasn't physically at the level of Larry Holmes.

[1837] Larry Holmes in his prime was a masterful boxer.

[1838] He was a big -ass dude.

[1839] If Larry Holmes had the kind of strength, conditioning, nutrition, and was around today, Larry Holmes was a wicked boxer.

[1840] It's just like the evolution of sport.

[1841] You just see the athletes getting better and better.

[1842] and better because stuff like that comes along.

[1843] The saddest fight ever was Larry Holmes versus Muhammad Ali.

[1844] Do you remember that?

[1845] I just, no, which one did I, no, I just watched the George Foreman one the other day.

[1846] Larry Holmes versus Tyson was sad too.

[1847] It's essentially the same story.

[1848] Yeah.

[1849] You know, when Tyson was up and coming, he didn't want to admit it.

[1850] He didn't want to believe that this guy, this young up and coming guy was the best and he was going to make a comeback and fight this guy.

[1851] He was only 36 years old, which is kind of crazy when you think of, like, ages today, like Bernard Hopkins.

[1852] Bernard Hopkins, I think, is, like, 47 or 48.

[1853] Yeah.

[1854] You know, and he's the light heavyweight championship.

[1855] Didn't know.

[1856] He didn't.

[1857] He just didn't.

[1858] I just went to one of his fights.

[1859] He, like, fell down in the first round, and then, like, he fell wrong and hurt his shoulder, and then it was, like, over.

[1860] Yeah, a guy threw him down.

[1861] Yeah, and then they counted it as, like, I think he's not the champion anymore.

[1862] I don't know if that's true.

[1863] I think that fight doesn't...

[1864] It doesn't count?

[1865] I hope it doesn't count because that was BS.

[1866] Joe, look at the TV.

[1867] Have you seen this?

[1868] Yeah, a lot of people think he's acting.

[1869] Who?

[1870] Is that Ronda Rousey?

[1871] What are you doing like that?

[1872] I guess.

[1873] He told me to interrupt him in the middle of his sentence, by the way.

[1874] I didn't just jump him.

[1875] Okay.

[1876] I was going to want to lean it in, but what is the trick, Ronda?

[1877] What did you do?

[1878] Well, one major thing with arm bars is you got to make sure you're squeezing your knees because you don't want the person to be able to turn in and get their elbow out.

[1879] And, of course, when you're leaning back, you don't want to have the arm away from you and then pull it.

[1880] You want to use your back muscles so you kind of hug it and then you sit back to break it.

[1881] She's giggling.

[1882] Sit back to break it.

[1883] Do you like any girl things?

[1884] Like do you like sex in the city?

[1885] Do you have or are you just all?

[1886] You do?

[1887] I do like that show.

[1888] Would you like that old slut?

[1889] The early ones.

[1890] The old slut?

[1891] Who's your favorite character?

[1892] Samantha.

[1893] She's fun.

[1894] She's funny.

[1895] Was that the whore?

[1896] She was the funny one.

[1897] She gave hope to a lot of women that thought that being a whore was going to come back in.

[1898] Yeah.

[1899] Going to come back in style.

[1900] You could be a classy old brassy 50 -year -old whore, but no, it's still sad.

[1901] You're saying like character.

[1902] It's like an interesting character.

[1903] I thought she was the most interesting one.

[1904] If you take it back to actually over time, if you go back to like the Roman times.

[1905] It's been It's really popular to be a whore If you look at it Because back in Roman times Only whores wore high heels That's how They were recognizable If you had high heels You were a whore Damn Crazy right?

[1906] And now everyone wears high heels Right?

[1907] Really?

[1908] Where'd you read this?

[1909] That was on Oh My God Facts at Twitter.

[1910] At Oh My God Facts.

[1911] I'm following right now.

[1912] OMG Facts.

[1913] That's some real shit.

[1914] Then it takes you to a link and you go to a link and you read all about it.

[1915] Prostitution was legal.

[1916] I'm doing this right now.

[1917] And I'm like, dude, hookers were geniuses, right?

[1918] How cool is this?

[1919] They figured that shit out.

[1920] They're like, this is easy.

[1921] You just got to stick the ass out and you got to wear these weird wooden contraptions that hold your ass out.

[1922] It's like a weird, it was like fucking polio back then.

[1923] Yeah, it totally makes you walk with your ass behind your head, right?

[1924] Is that what it is?

[1925] I bet they invented lipstick.

[1926] I bet they invented bras.

[1927] You stand more straight, though.

[1928] You can't slouch.

[1929] It makes you have good posture.

[1930] A good posture makes you look thinner.

[1931] It's so ridiculous.

[1932] If you think about that kind of logic, I'm almost positive that hookers invented lipstick, bras.

[1933] Extensions.

[1934] All that shit.

[1935] Advertising, man. Come on.

[1936] They're geniuses.

[1937] They have a business.

[1938] They're advertising their business.

[1939] They're like cut right to the chase.

[1940] Fuck Steve Jobs or whatever the fuck his name was.

[1941] They cut right to the shit.

[1942] Hike the ass up.

[1943] Bring the tits up.

[1944] Red fucking lips.

[1945] You got some cash.

[1946] Well, you know what changed.

[1947] Boom!

[1948] Just like that.

[1949] Let's get right to the fucking caveman instincts.

[1950] What changed the game was titty implants.

[1951] That changed the game.

[1952] You could totally trick people into having a reaction that they know is based on something that's not real.

[1953] Like, dudes know that the tits are fake.

[1954] And it's okay.

[1955] They don't care.

[1956] It's okay.

[1957] They don't care at all.

[1958] Some guys, some guys are like, there's like 20 % of dudes like, dude, I don't like fake tits.

[1959] Like, I don't like...

[1960] They're only saying that because they're married to a chick who doesn't have fake tits and they wanted to get back to them.

[1961] No, no, no. I think some dudes legitimately are not into it.

[1962] Most dudes don't care, but...

[1963] Ass implants.

[1964] Dudes fucking care.

[1965] If I found out your girl had fake tits, I would be like, awesome.

[1966] But if I found out your chick had a fake ass, dude, your bros are going to be making fun of you behind your back every day.

[1967] That's why you should never hang around with bros. Hang out with bros all day long.

[1968] You're going out with a chick and she's got a fake ass?

[1969] I have a friend who found out that a girl he was dating had a fake ass.

[1970] Because he asked her as a joke.

[1971] He said she had, like, a little scar.

[1972] And he goes, what, did you get a fucking ass implant?

[1973] You know?

[1974] And she goes, actually, I did.

[1975] And he was like, what?

[1976] And he's like, he goes, you could never tell.

[1977] Her ass looked great.

[1978] It really stuck out.

[1979] She was probably fucking with him.

[1980] The whole time.

[1981] That's a deal breaker to most guys.

[1982] It is real.

[1983] It's a real thing they do now.

[1984] They really are doing ass implants.

[1985] I don't know what it's made out of, though.

[1986] The crazy thing is with tits.

[1987] They got to be durable because it's not like you're bumping your boobs on things all day long, but you're constantly sitting on your ass.

[1988] It's got to be made with some NASA -like material and shit.

[1989] But with chicks?

[1990] You can tell sometimes, depending on what they're wearing, oh, those are fake tits.

[1991] Like, chicks are really experts.

[1992] Oh, my God, they're fake.

[1993] With an ass, you really can't fucking tell.

[1994] Yeah, you can if there's, like, before and after pictures.

[1995] No, no, but I'm saying a chick walking down the street, you're going to say, oh, fake ass.

[1996] You can say fake tits, but can you say fake ass?

[1997] It's a mystery.

[1998] No, you can't tell.

[1999] How many fake ones are there?

[2000] It's not that common, right?

[2001] I don't know.

[2002] We don't know.

[2003] Nobody knows how common it is.

[2004] We know exactly how common fake tits are.

[2005] We're like, we see them three a day.

[2006] Three.

[2007] Yeah, we see them all day.

[2008] You see three natural ones.

[2009] On a slow day.

[2010] Oh, three pairs.

[2011] Total recall.

[2012] Yeah, three pairs.

[2013] Impressive.

[2014] I don't think fake ass is ever going to be in.

[2015] I think guys will not accept that overall.

[2016] Well, it's like fake lips aren't in.

[2017] Fake anything.

[2018] The fake lips, man, never worked.

[2019] It's like everyone thought it was going to work, but they thought, well, you could get ridiculous and out of proportion with your tits.

[2020] Let's get ridiculous and out of proportion with the lips.

[2021] You're just going to be a trendsetter.

[2022] You're going to be the first person.

[2023] But there's something about doing that.

[2024] There's something about fucking with your lips.

[2025] People don't want to kiss those.

[2026] Just your face.

[2027] Yeah, especially your lips.

[2028] If you have a jacked corporal clinger nose, listen, I ain't hating on you.

[2029] Go ahead and get that shit fixed.

[2030] Get that shit fixed, old girl.

[2031] You know, you got a shitty roll of the dice for your genetics.

[2032] Whoever you marry is going to be pissed when your kid's got, like, freaky noses.

[2033] Yeah.

[2034] You know, they got to come out with lips.

[2035] If they just perfect it.

[2036] If they had it so it doesn't look like this.

[2037] Because I'm tired of, you know, tired of looking like a duck.

[2038] You know?

[2039] You know what I mean?

[2040] They've got to fix the duck look.

[2041] Well, your lips can't look any thicker than the rest of the skin on your face.

[2042] It doesn't make any sense.

[2043] The only way you'd really have thick lips is if you had thick skin, like an African person.

[2044] You know, you see someone who has those kind of features, it's natural that they have thick lips because they have thick skin.

[2045] It's like that's how they are.

[2046] That's natural.

[2047] When all of a sudden only one part is thick, they thought that because they could pull that off with tits, you know, like, well, let's pull it off with lips.

[2048] But with lips, it looks weird as fuck.

[2049] You can't just make your whole face fucking thick.

[2050] Could you make all your skin thicker?

[2051] Imagine if you took something.

[2052] Well, that's eventually probably going to happen.

[2053] You're going to be able to take something that changes your genetic makeup.

[2054] You know, it'll probably be only a one -time thing.

[2055] You can only do it once.

[2056] Why only once?

[2057] It's like the kind of how many computers you can plug your iPhone in and you can only get so many genome experiments.

[2058] Yeah, my thoughts is it's just such a radical distortion of your actual original frame.

[2059] If you're like some little dark as cold black dude and you want to be a white girl.

[2060] You know, and they just give you a shot and it just fucking completely rearranges.

[2061] You know, you're going to be white, but you are going to be a girl.

[2062] Is that cool?

[2063] We haven't mastered dudes yet.

[2064] Would they do it?

[2065] You think dudes would do it?

[2066] They're just going to jump into their little hamster reel and their little, you know, virtual reality world.

[2067] And then they're just going to spend all their time there where they're a white little girl.

[2068] Yeah.

[2069] Those are.

[2070] future dark secrets to come out.

[2071] That's what's going down.

[2072] Instead of plastic surgery, they're just going to submerge themselves.

[2073] It's like, what are you pretending to be in your little virtual?

[2074] Everyone's going to have their dudes are going to pretend they're a little girl.

[2075] Residual cells.

[2076] Well, they're really close to that with all these games that people play, like Second World.

[2077] Is that what it's called, Brian?

[2078] Second Life.

[2079] Second Life.

[2080] I always play girls in video games just because you're following around the person the whole time.

[2081] Rather look at a girl's butt than a guy's butt.

[2082] That's a good excuse.

[2083] That's a good excuse.

[2084] Yeah, well, I used to play, when I used to play Quake, I used to play with a girl's body.

[2085] Or this other really skinny dude.

[2086] Because you always want to play with the smallest character possible.

[2087] Because if someone's stupid and they don't have a turned character off, like, what you can do is, like, in Quake, you could play as a big, giant character and make everybody play as you.

[2088] But for people who are stupid and don't do that, then you just show up as a chick and you're really hard to hit because you're, like, real skinny.

[2089] What do you think the percentage of dudes that could whack off to anime?

[2090] A lot.

[2091] Over 50?

[2092] Over 50?

[2093] Yeah.

[2094] In Japan, it's probably, like, 80%.

[2095] There's cartoon pornos at 7 -Eleven in Japan.

[2096] Dudes are easy.

[2097] Mike, really?

[2098] You just got to give us a thought.

[2099] But it's not that big in the States, though.

[2100] No. Dudes want to see real shows.

[2101] I'm sure there's a lot in the States.

[2102] There's a lot.

[2103] I'm sure I've done it before.

[2104] Back in the day, before like U -Porn, I'm sure I probably would have some technical shit.

[2105] I do actually own a couple anime.

[2106] I actually do.

[2107] And I don't remember.

[2108] The last time I saw it was like 10 years ago, and I don't remember if I actually jacked it.

[2109] Yeah, no, you didn't.

[2110] No, no, I don't remember.

[2111] But I remember watching it going, these motherfuckers are sick.

[2112] It's always some chick detective in a skirt going after some gangsters.

[2113] You know what I mean?

[2114] And it's some chick.

[2115] And the gangster always rapes her and fucks the shit out of her.

[2116] And then she's always trying to get him, and he escapes.

[2117] They capture him, and then he talks her into having sex.

[2118] Yeah, you notice they never enjoy it.

[2119] They never enjoy it in anime.

[2120] The girls never enjoy having sex.

[2121] It's like they're always screaming and crying.

[2122] Yeah, there was one I watched where the guy was banging her from behind with a gun to her head.

[2123] In the cartoon.

[2124] Yeah, and she's crying like tears and he's just banging her from behind with a gun to her head.

[2125] It's like, wow.

[2126] Yeah, they are obsessed.

[2127] They agree.

[2128] You know what?

[2129] That's the kind of like place where like you'd be walking around Japan and like I was there with Henry and you know, like we're not like overly like publicly affectionate, but like...

[2130] You know, we're a normal couple.

[2131] And people were looking at us like we were crazy.

[2132] And, like, they will look at you like you're crazy for, like, you know, just, like, hugging or whatever, being whatever in public.

[2133] They have no affection in public.

[2134] And then they'll just go home and masturbate to, like, cartoon porn.

[2135] You know, like, they'll think that's inappropriate and then go home and be like, all right.

[2136] It's a national pastime to lust over schoolgirls.

[2137] And I'm not trying to be, like, general and, like, offend all of Japan or anything.

[2138] I'm sorry.

[2139] I love Japanese people.

[2140] But I'm just saying that, like.

[2141] These things sexually, they're a little tweaked.

[2142] A lot of them are.

[2143] I think that.

[2144] cartoons it's odd if that's like you know it's like someone's thing like it's like every once in a while but if it's like a huge part of your population is into watching cartoons rather than real people.

[2145] Yeah, they did something wrong.

[2146] Something's wrong with that idea.

[2147] Like in the 20s.

[2148] Something in the 20s.

[2149] All the speed or something.

[2150] What if it has to do with being defeated as a culture?

[2151] Like losing their military and losing the war.

[2152] That's like a really humiliating defeat.

[2153] And that's also sort of the same thing that happened with the Germans.

[2154] Germans started coming out with shit porn.

[2155] And that was all after World War II.

[2156] There you go.

[2157] There's a connection there.

[2158] Yeah, I think there's something about being...

[2159] humiliated something about being you know in the eyes of the world just crushed and then I guess they experiment with crushing themselves even further like getting shit on and you know just they just take it to the deepest darkest depths of you know self depravity yeah I mean I'm obviously pulling this out isn't that it no no that's dude Japan and Germany, they love shit porn.

[2160] That's going to be someone's quote on a message board from now on.

[2161] At the bottom, their signature.

[2162] Japan and Germany, they love shit porn.

[2163] You know what?

[2164] I want to be friends with that dude.

[2165] I bet there's a lot done in this country too, man. And you know what?

[2166] The Brazilians love fart porn.

[2167] And I think it's because...

[2168] Nobody parties harder than the fucking Brazilians.

[2169] Every year, they take a month off.

[2170] They close all fucking businesses.

[2171] Like, you got to get toilet paper for two months and shit.

[2172] And they party for a month.

[2173] They're just doing cutoff for a month.

[2174] They're on the streets just fucking partying.

[2175] I think that has something to do with their obsession for fart porn.

[2176] Wow.

[2177] They're just so happy.

[2178] They're just so happy.

[2179] And they're like, fuck.

[2180] Not even a fart during sex will piss them off.

[2181] Usually a fart will fucking freak you out.

[2182] You're like, what the fuck?

[2183] Where are you getting this data from, by the way?

[2184] This is my hypothesis, bro.

[2185] That's all.

[2186] Don't take me seriously.

[2187] This is my scientific guess.

[2188] You know what?

[2189] This is a disturbing subject.

[2190] I'll stop.

[2191] Yeah, can we get out of this one?

[2192] Can we regress?

[2193] I was about to elaborate.

[2194] We regress again.

[2195] Fart porn is hilarious.

[2196] That is way cooler.

[2197] We've offended four cultures already.

[2198] That's way cooler.

[2199] Eddie thought Chinese were Japanese.

[2200] You know what?

[2201] My, like, my brothers, their dad's my godfather.

[2202] They convinced me for the longest time that Asian women had sideways vaginas.

[2203] Oh, my God.

[2204] Because they said just, yeah, everything on them is more, like, horizontal.

[2205] That makes sense.

[2206] Their eyes are more horizontal and their mouths are horizontal and their vaginas are horizontal.

[2207] And it wasn't until I went to, like, a weigh -in for, like, an international, like, geotermon, I was like, oh, they had normal vaginas.

[2208] That's hilarious.

[2209] That's hilarious.

[2210] Yeah, they had me convinced.

[2211] Did they catch you looking?

[2212] No. No, but a lot of those girls, a lot of those girls are probably checking.

[2213] How old were you when this was going on?

[2214] I was like 13 or 14 when I figured it out.

[2215] Really?

[2216] When you were 13 or 14, that's when you...

[2217] I don't know.

[2218] I never saw how many people naked.

[2219] Now it's getting darker.

[2220] Let's get out of this.

[2221] Was there internet back then?

[2222] Yeah, but it was like...

[2223] You would think you want to Google that.

[2224] Not that kind of internet.

[2225] It was like I was thinking like fractals like on the computer.

[2226] It was like the big giant like beige computer, you know?

[2227] It tastes like a normal vagina.

[2228] Was that what it was?

[2229] Netscape search?

[2230] Is that what you used to use?

[2231] Netscape.

[2232] Oh, my God.

[2233] With the stars on the thing.

[2234] It was like a long time ago when Explorer was big.

[2235] Explorer?

[2236] Nobody uses Explorer anymore, do they?

[2237] Yeah.

[2238] They do?

[2239] The majority does.

[2240] The number one browser in the world.

[2241] I thought Safari was.

[2242] I thought it was on the shit.

[2243] No, it's not.

[2244] That's not the shit.

[2245] You're just such a Mac person that you lost all perspective of the actual population.

[2246] With the actual Windows world, it's Internet Explorer 8 now, right?

[2247] Isn't it?

[2248] I don't even know if they still make it, but it's still the number one browser.

[2249] They're going to come out with Windows 8.

[2250] They're on Windows 7 now, about to come out with Windows 8.

[2251] Is Opera still around?

[2252] Windows gets more users than ever.

[2253] Yeah, Opera's still around.

[2254] Unix used to work.

[2255] I've never used the Windows, really.

[2256] But Windows has gotten more people using it than Macs by a big number.

[2257] Macs are only, I think, 5%.

[2258] No, it's better now.

[2259] What is it?

[2260] I think it's like last I looked it was like 12%.

[2261] Really?

[2262] Is that high?

[2263] Because they're counting businesses.

[2264] They count like personal motherfuckers.

[2265] I think Mac is 50%.

[2266] Yeah, like every screen in every restaurant where they're running like Aloha on it and they're doing that, that's like a Windows.

[2267] Every single business computer accounts, of course, it's going to distort it.

[2268] But we're talking about like personal computers.

[2269] Well, even personal computers.

[2270] It's way cheaper to buy a Windows computer.

[2271] Look, I like using Apple.

[2272] It's real simple.

[2273] I've used it since OS X 10 or OS X rather.

[2274] But when you look.

[2275] Look at the prices.

[2276] You can get a Windows laptop for like $700.

[2277] $1 .50.

[2278] Yeah.

[2279] With a fucking 15 -inch screen.

[2280] It plays DVDs.

[2281] It's got a processor that runs really fast.

[2282] For what you're going to use it for, what are you going to use it?

[2283] What are you going to get online at the airport?

[2284] What are you going to do?

[2285] It's like you can get a $700 Windows laptop that's pretty fucking badass.

[2286] You can get a $500 Windows laptop that's pretty fucking badass.

[2287] You can't really get that in an Apple laptop.

[2288] So if you're like someone who's on a budget, I totally get it.

[2289] It makes sense to me. But if cost wasn't an option, you would go, well, these apples are just way better made.

[2290] It's like, look at this solid aluminum frame.

[2291] The motherfucker never gets viruses.

[2292] Steve Jobs went through thousands of shades of beige before he picked the one for Apple, the actual laptop.

[2293] I mean, it's a genius.

[2294] Thousands of shades of beige.

[2295] Is there a thousand shades?

[2296] Thousands.

[2297] I would think there'd be tens.

[2298] Tens of shades.

[2299] And I guess there's...

[2300] 30 shades.

[2301] Funny because when I talk about it on the...

[2302] Not even 100.

[2303] When we talk about it on the podcast, I will get no less than 10 tweets calling me a Mac fag.

[2304] Oh, you know you were a Mac fan.

[2305] Fucking Windows rules.

[2306] There's like a cult of Windows out there.

[2307] You know Todd McCormick, he switched to Mac.

[2308] He's all about Mac now.

[2309] Remember he would argue about Windows?

[2310] He would open up his Windows on his big screen and go, dude, you can't do this with Mac.

[2311] Look at the albums.

[2312] I got my albums and my favorite songs.

[2313] You can't do that with a Mac.

[2314] I went up and visited him like six months ago.

[2315] Dude, he's like showing me the iPads.

[2316] Bro, you could point this.

[2317] at the stars and I'm looking at the constellations and I'm, I know what name of each planet I'm looking at and he's like so into Mac now.

[2318] He's totally converted.

[2319] That's an amazing application.

[2320] Have you seen that application for an iPod?

[2321] Yeah.

[2322] What is it called?

[2323] Star Maps?

[2324] You use it three times.

[2325] It looks awesome.

[2326] It looks awesome but then you use it three times and then you never use it again.

[2327] Dude, when I was living in Colorado.

[2328] Can you, like, do it through walls?

[2329] Can you, like, sit in your room and just look around?

[2330] See, that's cool.

[2331] When I was living in Colorado, I had a clear view.

[2332] Because I was, like, deep up into the woods.

[2333] I had a clear view of the night sky.

[2334] Like, not like Hawaii.

[2335] The craziest I've ever seen was I went to the Keck Observatory up in the top of the Big Island.

[2336] And it's pretty fucking badass.

[2337] You actually drive through the clouds.

[2338] Like, as we were driving, I was like, you know what?

[2339] I think we fucked up and came a cloudy night.

[2340] and we're not going to be able to see shit.

[2341] But you actually drive through those clouds, and you get to the top, and I think it's at 9 ,000 feet above sea level, something like that.

[2342] But the view is insane.

[2343] It's really, like, life -changing.

[2344] Like, there's no light pollution whatsoever.

[2345] They use special lights all over the Big Island because they have the observatory there, you know?

[2346] And when you're up that high, there's nothing.

[2347] Just you and the stars.

[2348] And you see the whole Milky Way.

[2349] You see the galaxy.

[2350] You see it all together in a way that you never see it like this.

[2351] Like you see little clouds.

[2352] Like the galaxy, like the Milky Way.

[2353] It looks like a big cloud.

[2354] And it's like you see every fucking star in the sky.

[2355] And it really pisses you off.

[2356] Because you go, is this up there every night?

[2357] And I can't see it because we have cities?

[2358] Yeah.

[2359] That fucking blows.

[2360] Because it's like the most humbling and amazing.

[2361] thing ever and it's probably part of the reason why we're so fucked up as a race is that we can't see those fucking stars.

[2362] Like that shit should be humbling to you every night.

[2363] If you had to choose stars or cities.

[2364] Oh stars every fucking time.

[2365] Oh really?

[2366] Fucking city.

[2367] City ain't shit dude.

[2368] You get bored with cities man. You never get bored with the stars.

[2369] City is just some fucking wart that a human created and stuck on this one piece of this incredibly beautiful landscape of the universe.

[2370] When you're sitting out there watching the Milky Way, I'll never forget that Keck Observatory, man. I want to go back to the Big Island just for that.

[2371] Just to get back up there and look at that again.

[2372] Because it was like looking at the universe personally.

[2373] Not seeing those images that we always see.

[2374] great coffee books where they have these beautiful pictures.

[2375] But to actually see that in your eyes, it just jolts your whole body.

[2376] You're like, is this out there all the time?

[2377] This is out there all the time.

[2378] And somehow or another, through our marriage with technology, we've blinded ourselves to the most spectacular thing you can ever see.

[2379] Like literally the most spectacular thing I've seen in my life, besides the birth of my own children, was probably that moment on the big island looking up the stars.

[2380] What if the city said, what if the city's tumbling?

[2381] An hour every night we had star time.

[2382] Everybody shuts off.

[2383] Everyone shuts their shit off for an hour and we get to see how cool that would be.

[2384] Oh my God.

[2385] Star time.

[2386] It would be amazing.

[2387] It would be amazing if we all could agree to do that.

[2388] I brought that up like 20 podcasts ago.

[2389] Really?

[2390] Yeah.

[2391] Did you?

[2392] Yeah, we all talked about this.

[2393] I love how you want to take credit for that.

[2394] Congratulations.

[2395] No, that wasn't me. I bet you did.

[2396] But it's still a great idea.

[2397] How about the Dodgers?

[2398] How about them Dodgers?

[2399] It's something you should look into, Brian.

[2400] You should start an organization.

[2401] Try to get people to do it, if it's your idea.

[2402] What do you need?

[2403] You know what?

[2404] That's one of those ideas that I'm sure somebody else came up with, too.

[2405] That people will understand light pollution.

[2406] What a fucking trip that would be, though, if we could actually get people to do that.

[2407] There's no light pollution whatsoever, and you get to see.

[2408] Fucking amazing, man. I've never driven across the country.

[2409] You get a ticket if you leave your light on.

[2410] Yeah, you should.

[2411] 55 bucks.

[2412] Helicopter flies overhead.

[2413] Fucking checks everybody out.

[2414] I've never driven across country.

[2415] I did when I was a little kid, but I don't remember it.

[2416] But I know I've talked to people that have driven across country, and there's spots along the way where people just get out of their car.

[2417] and just shut the door and just lay on the fucking hood and check out the stars.

[2418] On your way to Barstow.

[2419] Is it?

[2420] Anywhere in central California.

[2421] Anytime you get out of the city, like you're going towards Phoenix or Vegas, you just pull over.

[2422] It's right there.

[2423] I think it's an altitude thing as well.

[2424] I think it also helps to be up high.

[2425] Absolutely.

[2426] That was one of the things about the Keck Observatory.

[2427] One of the reasons why it was so crazy was because it was 9 ,000 feet above sea level.

[2428] That's really high.

[2429] When I was living in Colorado, I was at 8 ,500 feet.

[2430] And that was fucking high.

[2431] It was 3 ,000 feet above Boulder.

[2432] And Boulder's high.

[2433] That's a big advantage.

[2434] Have you ever thought about living somewhere where you can be in altitude all day?

[2435] It would just suck.

[2436] I think I would be like...

[2437] Denver's the shit.

[2438] What, would he like cities?

[2439] I just like L .A. I just like being home, you know.

[2440] I got sent away from home at 16.

[2441] I'm tired of being away from home.

[2442] I hear you.

[2443] It's like such a luxury to be here.

[2444] If you could make a home in Colorado there, what a fucking advantage it is to be at altitude.

[2445] Like one of the things those Jackson's boys have as well.

[2446] They're at about 5 ,000 feet.

[2447] Yeah, but you got to live in New Mexico.

[2448] It's perfect because you have no distractions.

[2449] There's zero distractions.

[2450] Is Albuquerque not fun?

[2451] It's all about no distractions.

[2452] What do you need where you live?

[2453] I need restaurants and movie theaters.

[2454] That's it.

[2455] I don't really need much else.

[2456] Everything else I get from the internet.

[2457] God damn it.

[2458] Did you see The Sitter, Brian?

[2459] What?

[2460] Did you see The Sitter?

[2461] No. Okay.

[2462] Movies.

[2463] Man, that was one of the worst movies I've seen in a long time.

[2464] Really?

[2465] Yes.

[2466] Did you see Tower Heist?

[2467] I walked out of Tower Heist.

[2468] You walked out of Tower Heist.

[2469] I walked out of that motherfucker.

[2470] Jesus, you didn't like that.

[2471] You didn't think Eddie Murphy was hilarious?

[2472] I only like Eddie Murphy when he does Nutty Professor.

[2473] That was like the best shit ever.

[2474] You know what I mean?

[2475] When he does his parents and shit, when he's himself and he's trying to be like a dog and he's himself, I don't buy it.

[2476] I thought he was great.

[2477] You know what?

[2478] When the big fat chick goes, are you married?

[2479] And he goes, no, what's up?

[2480] That was a good line.

[2481] Yeah, that was a good line.

[2482] But I did walk out of it, so I can't say I liked it.

[2483] I want to say I liked it.

[2484] When did you walk out?

[2485] When they were dangling off the side of the building with the golden car?

[2486] I was like, ugh.

[2487] But you know what pissed me off, man?

[2488] They were talking about this car's got to weigh 2 ,000 pounds.

[2489] You know how much a fucking gold car would weigh, asshole?

[2490] How'd that even get in the script?

[2491] You lazy bitches, only 2 ,000 pounds.

[2492] That fucking car would be about 50 ,000 pounds.

[2493] Jesus Christ, if everything was made out of gold, how much would that weigh?

[2494] How much is gold?

[2495] It's heavy as fuck.

[2496] And a sports car, like a really light sports car, like the old Porsches, were like around 2 ,000 pounds.

[2497] Those old, really tiny ones.

[2498] You know, and it was made out of gold.

[2499] Jesus Christ, be a lot heavier than, you know.

[2500] You know what?

[2501] Ben Stiller's made so many great fucking movies that I will allow him to make a Tower Heist every now and then and still be a fan.

[2502] I'm still a fan.

[2503] I enjoy Tower Heist.

[2504] I had a good time in that movie.

[2505] I thought that movie was fun.

[2506] Go watch Sitter then.

[2507] You'll probably like that too.

[2508] Maybe I would.

[2509] Shit, what are you trying to say, man?

[2510] Thought we were friends.

[2511] I haven't seen a movie I liked.

[2512] Let's see, what was the last time I saw a movie I liked?

[2513] I stopped going to movies because the last couple in a row it is consistently stopped.

[2514] I'm a huge fan of the Apple TV.

[2515] Apple TV is the shit, man. I love to just pick out a movie and you just press play.

[2516] It's high definition.

[2517] It doesn't take any time to load up.

[2518] Just boom.

[2519] I do like the act of going to the movie.

[2520] I do like the drive, and then we're going to hang out, maybe go to Arclight, maybe have a little drinky poo, get a little tipsy poo, and then get some caramel popcorn.

[2521] And then the trailers, the previews, like, fuck, what's coming?

[2522] The big shit.

[2523] They're showing you the best shit of movies that probably suck.

[2524] but you're only getting the best shit.

[2525] So to you, it's a good movie.

[2526] You're like, fuck, I can't wait to see the, you know, sometime.

[2527] And then you're still excited about the movie.

[2528] You're like, you forgot what the hell you came to see.

[2529] Like, oh shit.

[2530] Movies are great if you have a good crowd, but you can get a shit crowd and that movie sucks.

[2531] People talking.

[2532] Yeah, Arclight, you know, it's too expensive for there to be any kids and shit.

[2533] Yeah, that's important, man. Kids make a lot of noise.

[2534] Kids, babies, people arguing.

[2535] Like 15 -year -olds.

[2536] Those are the worst ones.

[2537] I wish she was with us when we went to see Planet of the Apes.

[2538] Let's not talk about movie theater arguments right now.

[2539] Oh, that's right.

[2540] We circled back into that.

[2541] Yeah, we circled back to her brawl.

[2542] I saw Planet of the Apes in an almost entirely black neighborhood in Philadelphia.

[2543] That was a good movie.

[2544] It was fucking awesome.

[2545] It was awesome.

[2546] They talked to the screen, man. It was like half the show.

[2547] Half the show was in the crowd.

[2548] But it wasn't negative.

[2549] Everybody was positive.

[2550] It was fun.

[2551] Oh, he running shit now.

[2552] Everybody would go off.

[2553] People were dying laughing.

[2554] But you know what it made me really uncomfortable?

[2555] There was an ad for The Sitter.

[2556] And while I was at this all -black neighborhood watching this, when they're doing the previews, you start realizing how few movies are geared towards fucking black people.

[2557] It's like, man, to be in an all -black theater and just watch one white movie after the next, after the next, and go, man, how annoying must that be for them?

[2558] Yeah, they should only show Tyler Perry's movies, right?

[2559] He makes, like, three movies a year.

[2560] Just keep showing that shit.

[2561] And they all have his name in front of it.

[2562] Tyler Perry's.

[2563] What do you think that's about?

[2564] He's a bad motherfucker.

[2565] He's running shit.

[2566] That's what it is.

[2567] Damn, that's a perfect.

[2568] He wants everybody to know.

[2569] He wants everybody to know.

[2570] All his movies start with Tyler Perry.

[2571] Yeah, everything.

[2572] His TV show is Tyler Perry's TV show.

[2573] I did go see one.

[2574] I got suckered into seeing one.

[2575] You did?

[2576] Yeah.

[2577] Madea.

[2578] Madea goes to jail.

[2579] No, you didn't.

[2580] Madea goes to jail.

[2581] I went and I walked out.

[2582] Oh, my God.

[2583] I walked out.

[2584] Why would you walk out?

[2585] You should just get really high before you went.

[2586] You know what's crazy?

[2587] How high were you before you went?

[2588] There was two storylines.

[2589] There was the Maeda story where she's like, you know, this super, super.

[2590] Ghetto grandma right, but then the other story had nothing to do with her So it was only like they used her to get you to watch this bad drama it wasn't even a comedy her parts were comedy but bad comedy but then there was a whole drama where it's like this lawyer black guy married to this like you know this this uh this light -skinned black chick and they got a lot of money and he's a lawyer and then this girl that he used to bang when he was in high school is now a hooker and she's coming to him for help to get out of like this mess that she's in and he's got to help her and his wife's like you help her and yeah i'm you know i'm leaving so now he's like trying to help his love from high school or something like that, who's a hooker, and then his wife's going to leave.

[2591] It was so bad.

[2592] That sounds awesome.

[2593] It was so bad.

[2594] Is it bad enough to be good?

[2595] It was like watching a soap opera, like a real bad soap opera.

[2596] But is it bad enough to watch and mock it?

[2597] Ooh.

[2598] You know what?

[2599] 15 minute chunks here and there.

[2600] That might be cool.

[2601] Like a mix.

[2602] You take a mix of like the five worst movies and then you make 10 minute blocks and you bounce back and forth.

[2603] But if you have to sit through the whole thing.

[2604] So what is that guy doing?

[2605] He's just making like real mediocre stuff and just churning it out.

[2606] His story is like he's a homeless dude who started writing plays or something and then he blew up and then the whole black community got behind him.

[2607] And now he's doing like sitcoms and shit.

[2608] Yeah, and a lot of movies.

[2609] I've never seen one that I like, though.

[2610] But he's got some crazy deal where he owns his own production studio and he pays the people a salary, so they're under contract, like the old movie theaters used to do.

[2611] MGM used to put actors under contract, so when they had big movies coming up, Humphrey Bogart being an MGM film, and they used to do that with actors.

[2612] Well, apparently he does that, too, and doesn't really pay him that much.

[2613] I mean, I don't know.

[2614] That's just what I've read on the internets.

[2615] He's like a pimp in the acting game.

[2616] Yeah, well, the whole movie -making game.

[2617] He's just running shit.

[2618] Just running shit.

[2619] He might be like a super thug or something.

[2620] Tyler Perry sucked my dick.

[2621] He's got an island somewhere.

[2622] An island?

[2623] He's got his own island, yeah.

[2624] God, is it called Tyler Perry's Island?

[2625] Tyler Perry's Meet My Island.

[2626] It's like a fat girl.

[2627] Yeah, you pull up.

[2628] You are entering the fucking legal zone of Tyler Perry's Meet My Island.

[2629] I do like the idea of a super tough grandma.

[2630] That's what he does.

[2631] Well, hasn't Martin Lawrence been doing that for a million years?

[2632] I love Martin Lawrence.

[2633] Big Mama's House?

[2634] Isn't that the same show?

[2635] Martin Lawrence is a genius.

[2636] And Eddie Murphy and everybody.

[2637] Everybody did it.

[2638] Who was it that said that, oh, it was Dave Chappelle, that he was talking about something happens to black men, and at some point in time they make them dress like a woman, that Hollywood makes every tough -looking boy.

[2639] And you go back, like Tenzo, not Tenzo, but Wesley Snipes.

[2640] Eddie Murphy you know there's been Martin Lawrence and there's like a whole bunch of what about Morgan like Hollywood subliminally trying to oh Jamie Fox Jamie Fox what about Tracy Morgan he probably did that too I don't know but it's David you know Dave Chappelle pointed this out I never would have thought about it You know, I mean, I just see dudes wearing dresses.

[2641] Oh, I guess someone thought it was funny, so everybody kept doing it.

[2642] But, you know, when he said it, I thought, God damn, yeah, why are they getting all these fucking black dudes to wear dresses?

[2643] Is it some weird thing where they're afraid of the alpha superior sexuality of the black male, so they're just trying to clown them up publicly?

[2644] Look at him, he's wearing a dress.

[2645] Is that what you said?

[2646] Yeah.

[2647] I can put it in.

[2648] You guys are tight.

[2649] I can get in there.

[2650] Sorry, sorry.

[2651] Get in there.

[2652] I was too verbose.

[2653] That is the ultimate.

[2654] Yeah.

[2655] Ultimate clowning, right?

[2656] Make a guy look like a girl.

[2657] Yeah.

[2658] You think about it in a club or something.

[2659] You're with some chick and she's and she you think that she likes another dude.

[2660] What's the first thing you're going to say?

[2661] He's gay.

[2662] You know what I mean?

[2663] That's what you want to say.

[2664] You want to cock block.

[2665] That's the ultimate.

[2666] Bam.

[2667] Showstopper.

[2668] Oh, he's gay.

[2669] What if there was a great movie, a great movie about these like really well built black guys that just went out and fucked the shit out of white women everywhere they went.

[2670] And it was a real happy ending.

[2671] And everybody looked like a hero in that movie.

[2672] And then they released it.

[2673] Can you imagine the outcry?

[2674] Like wedding crashes, right?

[2675] Like wedding crashes.

[2676] How many fucking white dudes would hate that movie?

[2677] They'd be so angry.

[2678] And women, man, look, people go in fads and trends.

[2679] And the fucking black guys all of a sudden became the thing to do.

[2680] You know, if it was like getting your nose pierced, you know, they would just...

[2681] dive on it it would be the thing it would be a huge it would be a huge new thing like girls wouldn't even want to fuck white guys anymore just go out and find black guys because some movie that made them think it was hot that makes sense it could totally happen people are so easily see look at fucking if you make anything like fashionable and a fad you can convince anyone to do it yes exactly i mean look at half the shit that people do Look at, you know.

[2682] I mean, sorry I'm picking on Japan today, but I was in Japan and I saw all these billboards and all the guys were dressed like chicks.

[2683] And, like, they made that fashionable to, like, make themselves look feminine.

[2684] That happened in the States, too, with hair metal.

[2685] So I'm saying, now, like, now it's becoming, like, you're seeing, like, skinny jeans and, like, guys in general.

[2686] What's worse, skinny jeans or dudes who sag their pants down to the bottom of their dick?

[2687] They're like waddling because they can't walk.

[2688] They're just like on both sides.

[2689] What is that?

[2690] The one's like way too acidic and the one's like way too basic.

[2691] Like both damage.

[2692] You're like, you want to be in the middle.

[2693] You can't have too high, too low, too tight.

[2694] There was some kid at the mall that was waddling like a duck because he had his shit tied down over his dick.

[2695] I mean, it was ridiculous.

[2696] Homeboy could barely use his legs.

[2697] He was just kind of waddling.

[2698] And he thought he was cool.

[2699] And I was like, this might be the stupidest fucking thing I've ever seen a person do.

[2700] There's got to be a root of that.

[2701] There's a root to it.

[2702] A cause?

[2703] Someone invented that shit.

[2704] It's because usually they supposedly like poor people.

[2705] I think it's come from the poor urban neighborhoods.

[2706] They have no belts.

[2707] No, they can't afford like pants.

[2708] So they just get whatever size they have.

[2709] No. So it's a poor thing?

[2710] That's what I was told.

[2711] No. By an Asian woman.

[2712] It comes from jail.

[2713] Jail?

[2714] Yes.

[2715] In jail, you're not allowed to have a belt because you can hang yourself.

[2716] So a lot of guys have pants that are sagging.

[2717] And they don't give a fuck.

[2718] Are you sure?

[2719] Absolutely positive.

[2720] That's where it came from.

[2721] That's why it's all thugs.

[2722] People that are trying to pretend to be thugs.

[2723] But this dude was waddling.

[2724] He had a belt tightened down over his dick.

[2725] It's like, that's where his belt was.

[2726] And his underwear was above that.

[2727] And he was just walking and waddling back and forth.

[2728] Like, you could just pants him and beat the fuck out of that dude.

[2729] How long would it take for that dude to put his pants on?

[2730] Yeah, you can't feel threatened by anyone whose pants are that naggy.

[2731] They are not ready for action.

[2732] You ain't getting no hip into that punch, bitch.

[2733] You silly fucking...

[2734] Imagine your legs all close together and being like, ugh.

[2735] Easiest takedown ever, too, right?

[2736] What about wearing an orange jumpsuit?

[2737] Or like a black and white stripe old school uniform?

[2738] Like, when is that going to be cool for guys?

[2739] Gangsters.

[2740] Like rappers.

[2741] Oh, like dress like you're in jail still.

[2742] Like Abbott and Costello in jail.

[2743] Yeah, I got out.

[2744] I kept the jails closed.

[2745] I don't even buy my own clothes, kid.

[2746] I just wear straight jail shit outside.

[2747] The black and white stripe ones.

[2748] Yeah, fifth ward for life.

[2749] And they carry a ball and chain, but it's like a plastic ball.

[2750] It's really light.

[2751] The orange ones were popping.

[2752] They carry around like the goblet thing.

[2753] They carry around their ball and chain and it's all benazzled out.

[2754] But on their ankle, like they walk around with this plastic ball.

[2755] Yeah.

[2756] No, it doesn't mean plastic.

[2757] It can be all diamonds.

[2758] How crazy.

[2759] is they really used to have chain gangs.

[2760] They have dudes chained together breaking rocks with sledgehammers.

[2761] That's absolutely insane.

[2762] That's what your job was.

[2763] Breaking rocks with a fucking sledgehammer all day.

[2764] We are so spoiled.

[2765] Think about that.

[2766] It's amazing.

[2767] Every day you wake up and you break rocks.

[2768] It's amazing how many things they could get you to do that for, you know, especially now.

[2769] If there was only a few laws like don't rape anybody, don't kill anybody, don't steal anybody's shit, don't fucking light anybody's house on fire, like real normal basic laws, and then they start doing chain gangs, I'd go, okay, all right, well, those guys obviously are assholes.

[2770] They only have ten laws.

[2771] They broke them.

[2772] But there's so many fucking laws.

[2773] If you're in a chain gang because you're selling weed, you know.

[2774] Not fair.

[2775] Some kid is facing life in prison in Texas because they caught his silly ass with a bunch of weed.

[2776] Life in prison.

[2777] Yeah, he's fucking speeding or something and didn't have his...

[2778] What is that?

[2779] What are you playing?

[2780] Is this real anime?

[2781] Can we actually play dirty shit?

[2782] Don't play dirty shit, Brian.

[2783] You're going to get us in trouble.

[2784] Even if it's fake vaginas, I don't think you're supposed to show them.

[2785] Are you sure?

[2786] I don't think so.

[2787] There's no anime on YouTube?

[2788] YouTube's pretty cool.

[2789] YouTube can't have that shit?

[2790] This is Ustream.

[2791] No, they don't show sex.

[2792] They definitely don't show sex.

[2793] Isn't that funny?

[2794] You can show people just getting fucked up by animals, earthquakes, each other.

[2795] Have you seen that footage from Egypt?

[2796] It's really scary, man. They're protesting and the riot guards are coming in.

[2797] Kill the protest.

[2798] You know, because we kicked out their dictator.

[2799] Mubarak's not there anymore.

[2800] So there's this power vacuum.

[2801] And they're going crazy and beating the fuck out of each other, man. And they tried to have like an Occupy thing there where they had tents and they tried to protest.

[2802] And the fucking police came down armed to the, like wearing these crazy helmets and full body suits and beat people to death with clubs.

[2803] I mean, it was horrible, man. Just swarming way more cops than they were protesters.

[2804] So they're on like, there's like 10, 15 people on one dude just beating their shit.

[2805] out of this dude.

[2806] This one chick, they beat her unconscious and then the guy jumped on her and stomped on her chest while she was on the ground.

[2807] She died?

[2808] I don't know.

[2809] A lot of them died though.

[2810] It is hard to watch, man. And you're like, this is going on in 2011.

[2811] People are capable of that in parts of the world.

[2812] People are capable of that in a big group.

[2813] The guy was running towards the crowd shooting people.

[2814] Just running, randomly shooting these protesters.

[2815] I mean, I'm sure they're probably doing it for like a bonus.

[2816] The boss is probably telling them, whoever kills the most people gets $10 ,000 bonus.

[2817] Yeah, who knows?

[2818] That's the easiest way to do it.

[2819] Every single one of these chest stompers started out as like a baby, like a sweet little baby.

[2820] What happened along that way where you have a cute little baby and then you have someone stomping?

[2821] Too much judo.

[2822] Horrific things can come out of the most beautiful creatures.

[2823] It's just a matter of...

[2824] It's a matter of putting them in a terrible situation.

[2825] The real key to this life is that no one's trying to stop those situations from happening.

[2826] No giant global effort is to go into these poor neighborhoods and clean up their water and educate them and give them clothes and give them a vocation.

[2827] There's no effort like that going on.

[2828] The effort is just to steal resources.

[2829] And the number one resource is being ignored.

[2830] And that resource is human life.

[2831] Human life and ingenuity and the ability to become some sort of an actual...

[2832] you know, contributing person, you know, to feel like you're a part of this giant human race instead of trapped and fucked by your situations and surroundings and stuck in some place where there is no money and you are barefoot and your fucking floor is dirt and, you know, and there's no one can help you.

[2833] Instead of going in there in a mass effort, we just go into the mountains and steal minerals.

[2834] We go and find natural gas.

[2835] There's never been a giant global effort where armies have gone in to feed people.

[2836] We're not about rising everybody up.

[2837] We're about a few cunts that have already got to the top trying to keep everybody else from getting there.

[2838] How do you feel about conspiracy theories?

[2839] 9 -1 -1.

[2840] Inside job or not?

[2841] Inside job.

[2842] Wow, you think so?

[2843] Wow, you're confident.

[2844] UFOs, real or not?

[2845] I think they're real, for sure.

[2846] I watched you guys' show.

[2847] What do you think, I think?

[2848] Bigfoot.

[2849] No. I believe in Bigfoot more than those other two.

[2850] Well, the kind of monkeys he was talking about, the kind of monkeys he was talking about, the big gray killer chimps, they sound plausible.

[2851] You were really confident in the way you were describing them.

[2852] Although that's a real animal.

[2853] They know that's an animal.

[2854] They know absolutely.

[2855] They have photographs.

[2856] So you can call that Bigfoot.

[2857] You should make a Joe Rogan shirt that says, I believe in Bigfoot.

[2858] You're like, thumbs up.

[2859] You're like, I believe in Bigfoot.

[2860] I believe in Bigfoot more than I believe the government absolutely acted as an inside job.

[2861] Wow.

[2862] That's amazing.

[2863] But the reason being, first of all, I don't disbelieve either one of them, and Bigfoot is based on a real animal called Gigantopithecus, which lived in Asia and most likely followed the Bering Strait with people.

[2864] When human beings walked across from Asia to America, it's very possible that this animal walked with them.

[2865] That's why.

[2866] There's over 250 different names in Native American languages for Sasquatch.

[2867] It's not just one group said they've seen it.

[2868] And the place where there's the highest concentrations of them is directly in line with where the path would be if they had walked on the Bering Strait and came over to North America.

[2869] So it's based on a real animal.

[2870] It's based on an animal that was alive and coexisted with human beings and coexisted with human beings in the same land where we know people migrated.

[2871] So it's very possible that Sasquatches are real.

[2872] They might not be alive anymore.

[2873] You know, what it might be is that they probably died off, you know, who knows how many generations ago.

[2874] Or they might be a few fucking breeding populations out deep in the woods.

[2875] If you fly over the Pacific Northwest...

[2876] That is a true rainforest.

[2877] I mean, there is some dense, dense, dense woods there.

[2878] And if you were some sort of an intelligent animal and you figured out a way to avoid people for this long and you had as much land as they have up there to roam around in, it's not outside the realm of possibility that there's some sort of an unusual animal that lives up there.

[2879] You know, but the real deal is if we caught that fucking thing, it would be in a cage in the zoo right next to the monkeys.

[2880] Yeah.

[2881] We'd be like, fuck you, you big bitch.

[2882] Get in there.

[2883] You know, like Sasquatch out in the wild becomes, you know, a huge thing with people.

[2884] They're fascinated by Sasquatch.

[2885] People have dedicated their lives to finding Sasquatch.

[2886] There's like reality TV shows out now.

[2887] People like finding Sasquatch.

[2888] But if we knew it was real and it was in the zoo, you'd barely even look at it like, oh, that's a big, stupid monkey.

[2889] Yeah.

[2890] You know, where's the birds?

[2891] Like imagine if tigers were like.

[2892] Like a rumor.

[2893] Yeah, exactly.

[2894] Like, dude, there's these orange cats.

[2895] They live in the jungles in India, and they're covered in black stripes.

[2896] Jesus!

[2897] And, yeah, they hide in the swamps, and they come out, and they just jump and seize deer from the middle of nowhere.

[2898] And they eat people.

[2899] They eat people, but they're cats, but they like water.

[2900] Oh, my God.

[2901] They take baths all the time.

[2902] They can swim like a motherfucker.

[2903] Yeah.

[2904] Like, that sounds made up.

[2905] It sounds terrifying.

[2906] Yeah.

[2907] We talked about that before, like with crocodiles or alligators.

[2908] Oh, my God.

[2909] Yeah.

[2910] Yeah, so much of nature.

[2911] Hippos.

[2912] How about that crazy asshole in South America, or South Africa, rather, that got killed by his hippo?

[2913] He had a pet hippo, kept it for years.

[2914] One day that thing fucked him up.

[2915] Hippos are the craziest looking animal.

[2916] If you see that in person, you're like, that thing would annihilate me. They don't even look real.

[2917] It looks like a Star Wars monster.

[2918] Like Avatar.

[2919] It looks like something that would be wandering through the woods in Avatar.

[2920] It really does.

[2921] It's like hippos are just ridiculous.

[2922] Some asshole thinking you can have one of those as a pet.

[2923] The world is filled with nutty animals.

[2924] Between big cats and lions and elephants and rhinos, the fact that rhinos are real.

[2925] Like you see this giant armored thing that just wanders around not afraid of anybody.

[2926] You know, just figure it out a way to like, all right, I'm just going to make myself so fucking big and make my skin so fucking thick.

[2927] Put a sword on my face.

[2928] Yeah, that I'm going to eat around lions.

[2929] I'm going to be like, what, bitch?

[2930] Yeah, I'm nearsighted.

[2931] I can't even see three feet.

[2932] Listen, you fuck with me. I'm going to stomp you.

[2933] All right, I'm just going to eat this grass.

[2934] But meanwhile, they didn't anticipate humans, the fleshiest, weakest bitches of all, figuring out a way to make a bang stick that sends a fucking bullet right through your stupid brain.

[2935] Wow.

[2936] Boom.

[2937] Exit wound.

[2938] Twitch.

[2939] Lights go out in Georgia.

[2940] So easy for a person to kill a rhino.

[2941] I know.

[2942] People say, like, people are so terrible.

[2943] I'm like, well, we're doing really well.

[2944] We got to get ourselves a pat on the back, like evolution -wise.

[2945] Oh, yeah, we're the shit.

[2946] We're killing it.

[2947] We're so good that we feel bad for the other animals that lost.

[2948] Yeah.

[2949] Yeah.

[2950] Oh, we're like that far ahead where you look back, you're like, oh, no. I've always said there's a war between animals, and we're so far ahead that we forgot to war.

[2951] We're so far ahead that we forgot that we have these...

[2952] prison camp set up in our city, and they're called zoos.

[2953] That's what a zoo is.

[2954] They don't want to be in there.

[2955] We've captured the enemy, and we have them locked up.

[2956] Those bears would eat people.

[2957] Those lions would eat people.

[2958] Well, some people can argue that the animals are contributing to the better good for most animals because it makes more people aware of them, and they can see them, and they care more.

[2959] They're examples.

[2960] Yeah, they're sacrificed for the rest.

[2961] Because think of like...

[2962] All the people that donate in the U .S. to the National Tiger Fund because they see a commercial for tigers.

[2963] If they never saw a tiger in real life in a zoo.

[2964] I've never thought about that.

[2965] That's interesting.

[2966] Yeah, if you think of all the people that donate to the cheetah foundations and stuff like that, they've seen a cheetah.

[2967] There's something tangible to them.

[2968] They're like, wow, I saw this documentary.

[2969] Can you imagine this moving as fast as it was there, like this animal right here?

[2970] It makes them real.

[2971] It makes people care more.

[2972] If you think about it, they're actually doing some good.

[2973] I believe that, but it's still a really cruel and inhuman thing to do to take a predator.

[2974] It takes something that its entire evolutionary reward system is set up for it to get this giant rush out of chasing things and killing them.

[2975] This orgasmic response.

[2976] Well, they could treat them better.

[2977] They could treat them in a way where they could simulate more of a...

[2978] Yeah.

[2979] Let them kill things.

[2980] Let things loose in their environment.

[2981] Let them hunt.

[2982] You can make captivity better.

[2983] What about them?

[2984] Taking the Fridays.

[2985] I'm not so huge against killing animals and eating them.

[2986] I'm huge into torturing them before that.

[2987] I tried...

[2988] being vegan if they feel like a cow lived a happy life and hung out with other cows like hey cow what's up i mean some grass cool then one day boom it's dead and then i eat it i wouldn't feel bad for that cow right but if it's like suffering living in some like shit the whole its whole life and like limping around and having diseases being pumped full of hormones i don't like that that much do you try to eat like grass -fed beef and stuff like that um not as much as i should But I guess now that I'm kind of 135, I'm really going to have to pay attention to all that stuff.

[2989] Yeah, you're going to go on some sort of a strict nutritional program and then just slowly see what you can chip away before you go to camp.

[2990] Mm -hmm.

[2991] So now you eat whatever the fuck you feel like eating.

[2992] Yeah, but I'm still, I'm helling it out.

[2993] Like, I'm the only girl that talks about her weight, like, all over.

[2994] Hey, everyone on the internet, I weighed 150 pounds a day.

[2995] Right.

[2996] I know.

[2997] Look at my cheeks.

[2998] What do you eat on your cheat day?

[2999] Girls want to weigh, like, 100 if they're not fighters.

[3000] You know what's funny?

[3001] Like, 150.

[3002] If you want to fight at 145, 150 is probably a good weight.

[3003] You know the carnival game where they guess your weight or age?

[3004] I've never lost one in my life.

[3005] The last one I went to, they were off by 33 pounds.

[3006] God damn.

[3007] Yeah.

[3008] 33.

[3009] I'm just dense.

[3010] Because they don't want to say 150.

[3011] Plus, you have this look of confidence.

[3012] No, but they're always like, I'm sorry.

[3013] I'm sorry.

[3014] You know, we guessed really high because they had to guess for your clothes and your boot.

[3015] Like I was wearing boots and jacket and all this stuff.

[3016] And the guy was still 33 pounds off.

[3017] Do you have like a garage full of Spongebob?

[3018] From winning all the prizes.

[3019] No, it's funny.

[3020] My boyfriend won me a prize at Not Scary Farm and then I gave him my fat shark.

[3021] I called it my fat shark because I got it for being fat.

[3022] So I gave him a prize and he went and got me a prize.

[3023] Well, it's usually what you pay to get them to ask you the question isn't even worth what the fucking prize is.

[3024] Exactly.

[3025] It's a scam.

[3026] But I just like to see everyone be surprised.

[3027] How much does it cost to buy one of those stupid stuffed animals?

[3028] Three cents in China.

[3029] They're awesome.

[3030] Those stuffed animals are like the perfect example of child labor in like Korea or something like that.

[3031] Because those things are just awful.

[3032] The world of the carny, the world of the traveling carnival taking in rubes.

[3033] What a strange, strange world that must be in.

[3034] Did anybody ever do like a series on carnivals?

[3035] Yeah, I saw one.

[3036] I can't remember what it was.

[3037] Yeah, I'm remembering it too, but I don't remember who the hell it was.

[3038] There was something, right?

[3039] It wasn't a Stephen King thing, was it?

[3040] No, I was thinking of Carnival or whatever, but I also saw a documentary about it.

[3041] What's that?

[3042] I was thinking of Carnival.

[3043] You ever see that show on Showtime?

[3044] Oh, I think that is it.

[3045] Well, I think I saw a documentary, too.

[3046] Who knows?

[3047] Anyway.

[3048] Yeah, that's a weird world where you're, you know.

[3049] driving towns just ripping people off yeah you know didn't steve -o grow up i think i want it seems like steve -o's dad like owns coca -cola or something right he's like a high executive coca -cola like yeah he comes from like a really rich background really yeah holy shit was being loaded wow how weird must they feel about him being this fucking crazy guy We did a video or we played a video with him when he was on the podcast he showed us.

[3050] He showed us a video of that show Wild Boys where he was up on a tree.

[3051] There's a commercial for Nintendo.

[3052] Oh, is that what it was?

[3053] Yeah, for Nintendo 3DS.

[3054] A lion climbed up on top of the tree and got on top of him and didn't kill him.

[3055] Wow.

[3056] Yeah, it is horrific.

[3057] It's so scary to watch.

[3058] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[3059] Pull it up.

[3060] Pull it up.

[3061] I want to see that shit.

[3062] I know.

[3063] It's crazy.

[3064] And you know what's really funny?

[3065] The description really brought me in.

[3066] He's wearing a hat, like one of those big safari dude hats.

[3067] And the lion bites the hat, but doesn't bite him.

[3068] And I was thinking, man, what if the lion, like, got confused by that hat, didn't know what the fuck it was going to do with the guy, so just like, what am I eating shit?

[3069] I'm not even hungry.

[3070] And just left him alone there.

[3071] But if that hat wasn't there, what if he bit into his neck and enjoyed it?

[3072] Yeah.

[3073] And just decided, all right, I'll just eat this dude.

[3074] You know, this seems like I can eat this.

[3075] That's true.

[3076] Check this out.

[3077] It's shocking that none of the jackass guys...

[3078] Look at this.

[3079] Look at this.

[3080] This is real, bro.

[3081] Good kitty.

[3082] See how it bites the hat?

[3083] If that's in a commercial, though, I'm sure that's a train line.

[3084] No, it's not a train line.

[3085] That's what he was saying.

[3086] saying he's like they just went there and got him he said he said he was fucking horrified and the only way they got that line off of him is a guy had a stick with a chicken on the end of it wow yeah here's behind the scenes we didn't see this part of it where they're talking about elephants ramming into it um we've heard of all kinds of leopard sightings and today there's likely to be a bunch of big male african lions You have a gnarly hair drawing out your nose.

[3087] You were nowhere near it.

[3088] What are you talking about?

[3089] I got it, pal.

[3090] No, you didn't.

[3091] Not the bad one.

[3092] Oh, yeah.

[3093] I got a pretty, pretty major one.

[3094] I spent all this money on new teeth, and then I let my nose hair grow out of control.

[3095] More money, more problems.

[3096] This is the dumbest conversation ever.

[3097] Okay, stop this before my head hurts.

[3098] He's a crazy boy.

[3099] He does nutty shit with animals, man. He does some nutty shit with animals.

[3100] Let's see if they show any more tiger in this.

[3101] He doesn't anymore, though.

[3102] Now that he's all clean and sober, totally different dude.

[3103] It was really interesting.

[3104] We talked to him, and he said that he has dreams that he, like, fucks up and starts smoking weed.

[3105] Check this shit out.

[3106] Really?

[3107] Dreams that he relapses.

[3108] Oh, Jesus Christ.

[3109] When the wild boys said they were going to battle out in the plains of Africa, a lot of people said it couldn't be done.

[3110] You.

[3111] You bastard.

[3112] Good kitty.

[3113] Good kitty.

[3114] Good kitty.

[3115] Good kitty.

[3116] Oh my god.

[3117] Oh my god, get off of him.

[3118] Get off of him, you .

[3119] Woo -hoo.

[3120] Yeah, I'm gonna take it.

[3121] You bastard.

[3122] What the fuck, man?

[3123] That guy was riding on top of an elephant.

[3124] He said a dude with a chicken came by and get him off.

[3125] Do you think you'd sleep really well after that or you'd be up all night?

[3126] Oh, I'd never sleep again after that.

[3127] I was just like, I'm dead.

[3128] I completely resigned to the fact that I was dead.

[3129] He held on to the Nintendo.

[3130] What a fucking professional.

[3131] He held on to that Nintendo.

[3132] They should have paid him double for that.

[3133] Right?

[3134] Wow.

[3135] I would never have noticed that.

[3136] They're all like, yeah, you're on the Nintendo.

[3137] Watching, we were all thinking the same thing.

[3138] It would be so much funnier if he was in a thong.

[3139] If he was in a thong?

[3140] Those crazy jackass boys are wild boys.

[3141] Listen.

[3142] I think that's the end of this thing.

[3143] What do you think?

[3144] Seems like the end.

[3145] Yeah, I got to go to the Armo Awards.

[3146] Where are you going?

[3147] They have like an Armenian sports award show or something tonight.

[3148] Oh, yeah?

[3149] Does Carl get the gold medal?

[3150] I don't know, but they said I have to come because they're like, we're going to give you an award.

[3151] How's Carl doing?

[3152] They're like, we'll do whatever.

[3153] We'll give you one anyway.

[3154] Let me guess it's in Glendale.

[3155] So they're giving you an award?

[3156] I don't know.

[3157] Maybe they're making it up and messing with me. I can never take them serious.

[3158] How did all so many Armenians find Glendale?

[3159] Just go.

[3160] How did they choose Glendale?

[3161] I think they're very family oriented.

[3162] They all want to be close to their family where their family's at.

[3163] So everyone just kind of wanted to live in the same area.

[3164] I heard something completely different.

[3165] I heard there was this family that came out that started it and was like, hey, and got everyone to move there for some reason.

[3166] From Armenia?

[3167] Yeah, he became mayor of Glendale or something like that.

[3168] Really?

[3169] He told, hey, everyone, come here, and we can all work together.

[3170] You know what's best about Brian's story?

[3171] It's probably some sort of origin in there that really makes sense.

[3172] But by the time he forgets it and then tries to recreate it, and then, yeah, he was totally like the mayor of Glenda or something.

[3173] But it might have really been.

[3174] It seems like there has to be something.

[3175] He's looking it up now.

[3176] Look at him.

[3177] He's on Google.

[3178] Well, there has to be something.

[3179] There's no way you could have so many people of one nationality that choose to live in one area.

[3180] I mean, Glendale and Armenians is like as synonymous as you can get, right?

[3181] Yeah.

[3182] A lot of wild Armenian fighters.

[3183] They're really smart people.

[3184] They figure it out.

[3185] How's Carl Prezian doing?

[3186] Carl's good.

[3187] I haven't seen him in a while.

[3188] I saw him in wrestling a little bit ago.

[3189] I think I haven't seen him for like a few months.

[3190] Is he doing better?

[3191] Yeah, he looked good to me. Last time I trained with him, he was actually feeling better than he looked like.

[3192] He looked better.

[3193] Pills are a motherfucker.

[3194] Scary shit, isn't it?

[3195] Yeah, dude.

[3196] All because of his injury.

[3197] He had a hamstring injury, and they got him on some painkillers.

[3198] You ever see his hamstring?

[3199] I haven't seen it.

[3200] It's crazy.

[3201] He's like missing a bite out of it.

[3202] It's like a pterodactyl bit a chunk out of his hamstring.

[3203] One of his legs, I forget which one of them is, he had a bad injury.

[3204] Like you ever see a guy when a guy gets a bicep tear and it kind of curls up on his arm?

[3205] What happened to him on his leg?

[3206] And so one of his legs, it's like when he flexes it, it's like someone literally like someone took a bite out of his hamstring.

[3207] It's kind of crazy.

[3208] I love Carl.

[3209] I hope he's doing all right.

[3210] My first day there, he told me he pulled me in front of everybody and said if anyone was mean to me, he'd kick their ass.

[3211] Carl's a character, man. How's that?

[3212] I love that dude.

[3213] Yeah, Carl's great.

[3214] I see him at high school.

[3215] He still trains.

[3216] I don't know if he's thinking about fighting anymore, but he's worth it.

[3217] He was so highly touted, that guy.

[3218] He's so talented, dude.

[3219] He had two fights with just the worst luck ever.

[3220] He was dominating both dudes, running through him, standing up, took him down at will, and just beat the shit out of him on the ground.

[3221] But he stayed in the guard and gave him a shot.

[3222] And he would never, the thing is, he would never.

[3223] Like you call anything like that at practice.

[3224] Yeah, exactly And those guys like I've tried to armor him from there a lot of times and not crazy easy to do you just smell too much blood He was there was too much domination going on where he felt so confident that this guy's done And he was just beating the shit out of the last two fights at Paul Chava Vosky or whatever the hell his name is Paul I don't remember we fought, you know I'm talking about redhead guy with the tattoos He was all over him and then got kind of arm bar like in a half a second Two fights in a row.

[3225] That guy has so much talent.

[3226] I hope he doesn't give up.

[3227] Oh, Bart Palaszewski?

[3228] Yes, Bart Palaszewski.

[3229] What kind of situation is so hard to recreate in training when you're actually really getting somebody and you're at the very end of it?

[3230] You're not going to really beat it on anyone that you train with that bad.

[3231] Yeah, it's almost like you have to have a fight experience.

[3232] You have to have experience doing that.

[3233] So judge that because you can't really practice it.

[3234] Very talented guy, though, and a really talented grappler, too.

[3235] That's the thing.

[3236] Oh, he's so technical.

[3237] He's great.

[3238] And when you see him get tapped, you saw him get tapped once like no way wow anybody can get caught and you see him get tapped seven times like wow maybe there's like You know, what happened there?

[3239] He hit a mental block?

[3240] I mean, what is it?

[3241] It's all up to him.

[3242] I don't know.

[3243] No, it was just him in beast mode.

[3244] He went into beast mode too much.

[3245] Well, that's funny, man. Like a mental block didn't think about what he was doing.

[3246] You know, he left his shit out there and he got caught in something he would never get caught in.

[3247] I hope he comes back.

[3248] I do, too.

[3249] I'm a big fan of the car.

[3250] Really talented kid.

[3251] He's still looking good.

[3252] He's still training.

[3253] What did you think about that fucking Frank Mir Noguera fight?

[3254] Was that the craziest shit ever?

[3255] I couldn't even watch the replay.

[3256] And the crazy thing is, I know I would do that myself, but I couldn't watch someone else do it.

[3257] Frank Mir is the all -time bonebreaker.

[3258] He's the all -time bonebreaker.

[3259] Roberto Traven, first fight in the UFC, breaks his arm.

[3260] And then Tim Sylvia snaps his forearm.

[3261] Who the fuck ever snaps someone's forearm?

[3262] And then you think, well, that's the craziest shit he's going to do.

[3263] No. He breaks Noguera's arm.

[3264] And he breaks his upper arm.

[3265] Not even the forearm.

[3266] He's like heavyweights.

[3267] They have all that size and weight and strength they have.

[3268] They're not just going to break someone's arm.

[3269] They're going to snap it.

[3270] That was one of the greatest fights.

[3271] The sequence that he does, that sequence where Noguera rolled him over, he made Noguera roll him over.

[3272] He does it on purpose, and so he sets up the Kimura.

[3273] It really has a whole video where he shows what he does.

[3274] He tries to get the Kimura, and then when he gets his hands locked, he, like, on purpose, puts a bunch of weight on his head, like, goes down to his head, so the guy tries to roll him over.

[3275] And as the guy rolls him over, that's when he cranks the Kimura and gets on top and finishes it.

[3276] But it started before that, though.

[3277] It was really...

[3278] When Noguera was trying to get his back.

[3279] Noguera was all over him.

[3280] Noguera, the fight could have easily been stopped.

[3281] Noguera was looking.

[3282] He looked better than he's ever looked.

[3283] Faster, more explosive.

[3284] He came out super aggressive.

[3285] He's been looking lethargic a little bit on his feet these last couple fights, but I've never seen Noguera come out like a fast shark.

[3286] And he was all over him.

[3287] His mistake was sitting back for that guillotine when he was on top.

[3288] I know he's looking at that, and he's looking at that was the point.

[3289] If he would have just stayed on top and kept punching him in the side of the head, he wanted to close him with a nice submission.

[3290] When he went for that guillotine, and Frank Muir defended it beautifully, ended up on top of him, and still Nogueira was in great shape.

[3291] He's like, okay, I messed up.

[3292] I went for the guillotine.

[3293] He got on top, but check this out.

[3294] I'm going to peek out and take your back.

[3295] He always peeks out.

[3296] He did that to Bob Sapp.

[3297] That was his shit.

[3298] He peeked out, but he left his arm behind, and that's where it all went wrong for him, and when Frank Muir jumped on that Kimura, he...

[3299] His hips went in rewind.

[3300] He pulled his hips out of the half guard that Noguera had on him, and then ended up in the top position with the Kimura.

[3301] Didn't have the greatest balance, so Noguera rolled him, and then when he got back on top and re -rolled him, he made sure his balance was together, and then he just closed the show.

[3302] But the reason that fight was so obvious, I mean, was so amazing, it's obvious, actually.

[3303] Frank Muir could have easily been stopped.

[3304] That fight was over.

[3305] You even called him.

[3306] You even said, they're going to stop it.

[3307] Frank Muir's out.

[3308] And to come back and break his arm.

[3309] Amazing.

[3310] Incredible.

[3311] And it's, you know, for Frank Mir, I've heard people say that he doesn't come back from adversity well.

[3312] That when Brock Lesnar started beating on him or Shane Carwin started beating on him, I didn't agree with these things because I said, when I looked at those fights, I was like, well, you know, what is the body physically capable of doing at a certain point in time?

[3313] When you got a guy like Shane Carwin who's feeding you those fucking left uppercuts that he was hitting him with, do you remember that fight?

[3314] Dude.

[3315] I mean, there's not much he could have done other than what he did do.

[3316] Not much his body is going to allow him to.

[3317] absorb when carwin's blasting you and carwin hits fucking hard and he uncorked one after another after another you know how how can one fight back from that i don't know if they don't fight they don't realize how big these guys are and how small those gloves are and how good they are at hitting each other like it's hard to hold on what brian uh you block somebody in oh it did yeah okay well i will end the podcast all right all right That's why we're ending it.

[3318] We're ending it on Frank Mir being a bad motherfucker.

[3319] Quick little plug.

[3320] Yeah, sure.

[3321] 10thplanetjiu -jitsu .com.

[3322] I got 30 schools worldwide.

[3323] And if you're not near any of those schools, you could jump on my website.

[3324] All my lessons I videotape put up on my website.

[3325] $4 .99 a month.

[3326] You have access to the entire 10th Planet system.

[3327] Go to 10thplanetjj .com.

[3328] Hook it up.

[3329] Hook it up.

[3330] Rhonda Rousey.

[3331] You plugging anything?

[3332] Plug Twitter at Rhonda Rousey.

[3333] R -O -N -D -A -R -U -S -E -Y.

[3334] RhondaMMA .com.

[3335] Rhonda Rousey and Eddie Bravo.

[3336] You guys both sound like characters in a fucking movie.

[3337] Right?

[3338] You're superheroes.

[3339] That was actually the first word I ever said.

[3340] That was my first word.

[3341] Really?

[3342] What?

[3343] Because every time after we played Patty Cake, that he'd say Bravo and clap at the end, and that was my first word, was Bravo.

[3344] So Ronda Rousey on Twitter.

[3345] I'm very experienced at saying your name.

[3346] Crazy.

[3347] Ronda Rousey on Twitter.

[3348] Anything else?

[3349] Yes, this is me, Andy Jeans, Polanyi Watches, BossRoot .com, Gaspari Nutrition.

[3350] Oh, this is all your sponsors?

[3351] Yeah.

[3352] Oh, cool.

[3353] Nice, nice.

[3354] And we'll see you when you schedule a fight in Strikeforce again.

[3355] I'm hoping for the spring.

[3356] I'm hoping for the spring.

[3357] 135, I'm fighting.

[3358] Powerful Ronda Rousey.

[3359] Thank you, everybody, for tuning in.

[3360] Thank you to The Fleshlight.

[3361] Go to JoeRogan .net, click on the link for The Fleshlight, enter in the code name ROGAN, and you get 15 % off.

[3362] Thank you to Onnit .com, O -N -N -I -T, makers of Alpha Brain, Shroom Tech, and now Shroom Tech Immune.

[3363] Aubrey explained it yesterday.

[3364] Some sort of a mushroom that stimulates your immune system, gets your immune system to think that it's going to have to fight it off, but it doesn't actually, so it just makes your super pumped immune system dominate against disease.

[3365] We also have Shroom Tech Sport, which is the...

[3366] one made out of the cordyceps mushroom, and the 5 -HTP supplement, New Mood.

[3367] Go to Onnit .com, enter in the code name ROGAN, get yourself 10 % off.

[3368] Thank you, everybody, for tuning in.

[3369] This Friday, we're going to have the anniversary podcast.

[3370] So Friday the 23rd is the second anniversary of us doing this podcast.

[3371] So we don't know who's going to be on it, but it will be Friday, and it will be before our show at the Ice House.

[3372] Thank you, everybody.

[3373] That's it.

[3374] Ronda Rousey, you're a badass motherfucker.

[3375] Thank you for coming down here.

[3376] Thank you for having me on.

[3377] It was a lot of fun having you.

[3378] This is so cool.

[3379] You're cool as fuck.

[3380] Eddie Bravo, always my dog.

[3381] Brian Redband, follow him on Twitter and follow the Death Squad, Death Squad on iTunes.

[3382] And if you want to get the iTunes Chronicles, that's the podcast that we do right here out of the Ice House.

[3383] Did I see the iTunes Chronicles?

[3384] I did.

[3385] I think I did.

[3386] If you want to get the Ice House, Ice House Chronicles.

[3387] It's the podcast we do right here out of this studio at the Ice House in Pasadena.

[3388] We do it all the time with some of the best comics in the world.

[3389] That's only available on Death Squad.

[3390] So fucking sign up for that shit.

[3391] All right, we love you.

[3392] Bye.

[3393] Bye.