Vincent D'Onofrio Returns

[0] Welcome, welcome, welcome to armchair expert.

[1] I'm Dachshepard.

[2] I'm joined by Monica Mouse.

[3] Hello.

[4] Duchess of Duluth.

[5] People like it.

[6] Do they like Secretary of Mice?

[7] Oh, my God.

[8] Have they heard secretary?

[9] It might be on that lost.

[10] They haven't heard it yet.

[11] Yes.

[12] So Monica is the Duchess of Duluth, Secretary of Mice.

[13] Which is so great.

[14] And Vincent Dinofrio is the Secretary of Acting, producing, writing, and directing.

[15] That's right.

[16] Our old friend, Vincent Donofrio, is back.

[17] God bless him.

[18] Third time.

[19] One time was shared with Ethan Hawke.

[20] So we can maybe 2 .5.

[21] Yeah.

[22] They're all different, right?

[23] Their first one was in the attic.

[24] Second one was shared live.

[25] Third is in all mediums he's been on now.

[26] Exactly.

[27] Wow.

[28] What a guy.

[29] What a guy.

[30] Full metal jacket, which we have to watch.

[31] This was a commitment we made after.

[32] You must see it.

[33] Jurassic World, which you've seen 26 times.

[34] You don't need to see that.

[35] A decade of law and order criminal intent.

[36] And he has a book he has a really fun weird of course could only come from vincent donofrio's brain mother stuff and things m u t h a mother that scares me to say that word mother i know it sounds scary yeah but i have a really good um body butter and body oil that's called mother oh really so let's have you say the name of the book so he's got a new book out he's got a new book out mother stuff and things you nailed it and you'll get to hear a poem that knocked our fucking size off from Mother.

[37] Please enjoy Vincent Donofrio.

[38] Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to armchair expert early and ad free right now.

[39] Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[40] Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts.

[41] Is this going to be 24 hours long, our podcast?

[42] Perhaps.

[43] We like to give a one -hour wiggle room.

[44] That's what I was thinking, like, just under.

[45] Yeah, just under.

[46] Yeah.

[47] And then you edit it down to like 45 minutes.

[48] If it's great.

[49] If it's great, we'll keep 45 minutes.

[50] Great.

[51] The poster behind you.

[52] Yeah.

[53] I have De Niro, which is one of my favorite posters.

[54] It's an Italian poster of the deer hunter.

[55] El Cacciatore, it's beautiful, actually.

[56] For people who haven't seen Deer Hunter, these two guys come home from Vietnam.

[57] They've had a really rough go of it over there.

[58] They somehow were introduced to Russian roulette.

[59] and then they start playing it in their post -war life, right?

[60] That's the premise of, as I recall.

[61] Yeah.

[62] You should have narrated the film.

[63] It would have been an Academy Award winner had I. Oh, shit, it was.

[64] The fucking spin -off as well.

[65] Just me explaining poorly.

[66] Yeah, you're just narrating the movie without the actual movie playing.

[67] Okay.

[68] Let's see if you can guess this movie.

[69] You ready?

[70] He wasn't a very smart man, but he had a character that was very appealing to people around him.

[71] Forrest Gump.

[72] Yep.

[73] Yes, this is a fun game.

[74] He was a kind man thrown into a terrible situation, and he broke under the pressure.

[75] And one day while routinely cleaning his firearm...

[76] No. This is for Vince, and he should get this.

[77] Oh, sorry.

[78] One day while routinely cleaning his weapon under great stress, he saw his way to the bathroom, where shit really hit the fan.

[79] Do you know what this is, Monica?

[80] This is full metal jacket.

[81] It's such a weird take on it, though.

[82] But that's part of my charm as a narrator, is it's my understanding of it.

[83] I get it.

[84] It totally works.

[85] The other thing is, like, there's sort of like a suspense because you don't know what movie it is.

[86] I mean, I thought it was like Space Jam.

[87] Yeah, and it was you're the star of the thing, I'm describing.

[88] I know.

[89] It was like a total, like, it was like a thriller.

[90] I really think we're on to something.

[91] Maybe we should just re -release a bunch of classics where you and I narrate.

[92] what's going on and it's even confusing because our memory of it's a little different so it's like oh in this scene but we've got it wrong right in this scene um veto finds out his father's very proud of him he finds out his brother's super proud of him as a corleone and you're like oh wait shit no what's this why do you shoot him he's so proud of him and then he gives his dog the kiss of death yeah exactly yeah monica's uh she's taking the ass i haven't seen it well you haven't seen godfather no oh i'm sorry When will you see it?

[93] Great question.

[94] That is a good, good follow -up.

[95] It's not on the calendar or anything?

[96] I can.

[97] I can make space for it.

[98] It's long, right?

[99] It's very long, both of them.

[100] But you can watch the condensed version.

[101] You can watch all three in one cut.

[102] Is that worth it?

[103] Is that better?

[104] Some people like it.

[105] So here's what happens.

[106] There's a ton of flashbacks in both movies, and they've re, I mean, forget putting three in there.

[107] Let's just table that for a second.

[108] It really should just be one and two.

[109] And then they put it in.

[110] chronological order so you can want instead of seeing it in flashback do you enjoy it in that version i know of that version i don't even know if i've seen well back then i was young so i was just so thrilled to see those actors in anything i mean they could have taken a shit and i would have gone and just showed up to watch absolutely but i totally think each movie worked separately in a credible way i mean the godfather too and some people think it's a better film than the godfather you know that is very very commonly held that opinion now who was your guy peter o'toole What performance of Peter O'Toole?

[111] I'm so ignorant on Peter O'Toole.

[112] Well, the obvious one is Lawrence of Arabia.

[113] Do you want to hear a really boring note, side note, like cliff note about that movie?

[114] It's really boring.

[115] Yeah.

[116] Like Hollywood lore?

[117] Yeah.

[118] The only thing is I can't think of the editor's name, but she was an incredible editor back in the day.

[119] And she was, they say, one of the first people to use the kind of cuts that the new wave French directors were using.

[120] They were using these direct cuts.

[121] Now it's a very common thing.

[122] But she was the first one.

[123] David Lean, she had to get him in to watch it over and over again before he could understand how you can cut from the striking of a match to the desert sun like that.

[124] Because they all, previous to that, all had transitions.

[125] Oh, wow.

[126] Oh, I didn't know that.

[127] Neither.

[128] That was not boring.

[129] So that's like the first hard cut movie?

[130] No, no. The French did it first.

[131] Godard and those guys, you know, the early French director.

[132] but she was like incredible she did all his movies and she was amazing isn't it interesting that there's this like women have largely been locked out of hollywood historically but there is this great tradition of female editors like Scorsese's like he'll even call her co -director was it sally minkie was that who was tarantino's director she died tragically of i think heat stroke uh hiking yeah hiking in um runyon canyon what yeah isn't that bizarre and then fred Raskin's now Tarantino's director.

[133] And he had worked with Sally.

[134] I think it's Sally Minky is her name.

[135] Yeah, I am curious why they were able to get their foot in the door.

[136] I don't know.

[137] I think they were just like most women.

[138] I think they're just on it.

[139] Yeah.

[140] I have to say, I know this is a very PC, but I do have to say, and you know me well enough to know that I'm not fucking about, I do have to say that things are going better on sets.

[141] Yeah.

[142] For you, it has to be really stark.

[143] because even for me in just a 19 -year career, it's so different today.

[144] It's crazy how different it is.

[145] And I have to assume for you it's even a bigger...

[146] It's huge.

[147] You know, less hours, better work, better people in their jobs.

[148] I mean, it's just amazing.

[149] All I can say is thank God for women to be taking over the film business because they know what they're doing.

[150] Yeah.

[151] And even like to talk, by the way, I participated.

[152] Like, it wasn't even on my mind.

[153] The jokes I would pitch or the thoughts I would have in comedies I was doing, I just, I was completely out to lunch.

[154] It's completely different.

[155] And for the better, it's not like a toxic place anymore.

[156] I think it's great.

[157] I don't want to say that there's not amazing guys out there still.

[158] I still think that I've been lucky that a lot of the producers that I've worked with, the male ones, I consider them artists as well.

[159] I consider them filmmakers.

[160] They've been very fortunate to work with some amazing producers.

[161] But I do have to say that television sets are a lot more civil these days.

[162] Yeah.

[163] What about hours, though, for you?

[164] Hours are more civil.

[165] I don't like long hours.

[166] Although you had, like, kind of the apex experience on criminal intent, tell people to schedule that.

[167] Because when you told it to me, I thought this couldn't have been a schedule.

[168] Like, there's turnarounds.

[169] Like, there's built in so people don't know, like, we have a union sag.

[170] after uh and there's like kind of these built in guidelines that if you get off work they can work you 20 hours but you then have to have a 12 hour turnaround but then they can break that once or twice a week there's these wig room but your schedule in that show what was it kate and i averaged about somewhere between 17 and 18 hours a day oh every day and oh my god shooting into saturday there's no saturday there's only a sunday yeah you got to get up at 530 in the morning on the Monday to get to work by 6 .30 or 7 or whatever.

[171] Additionally, for you, that wasn't the type of show where, like, fuck, parenthood, I could go in.

[172] I could have a pretty good idea what the scene was, and we had a lot of latitude.

[173] I could improv, whatever.

[174] You had, like, monologues.

[175] Like, I'm sure when you got the script, sometimes you, like, you saw your name at the top of the page, and you just kept turning pages, and it never stopped, right?

[176] Like, multiple page speeches?

[177] Yeah.

[178] It's actually hard to talk about.

[179] PTSD from it.

[180] I know you do.

[181] This is your third time on the show and I have more than anything wanted to get some of the better stories of you out of it.

[182] And I know you're so hesitant to tell them.

[183] Yeah, because you went crazy.

[184] I think you went comically crazy, right?

[185] I don't know if I went crazy, but I was definitely a motherfucker.

[186] Can we tell the one story about you wanting the day off or needing the day off?

[187] I can't tell why because legal reasons or you'll get sued?

[188] Yeah, because of legal reasons.

[189] Yeah.

[190] Oh, shit.

[191] It's so far gone.

[192] Water under the brain.

[193] There's only some things I can say because there's a couple of people that I've made amends with.

[194] Yeah.

[195] You don't want to seem like you're gloating or anything.

[196] I will say that the work thing was pretty intense.

[197] Like I would be performing a script.

[198] I would be reading a script and I would be learning scenes.

[199] I had a three -day catch up.

[200] So I'm juggling three different scripts and learning three days of work so that I would never get behind.

[201] I don't like to be on a set up if I don't know my lines.

[202] Yes.

[203] Well, this is like a perfect storm because it's already a really impossible shoot and then added in your, we'll call it perfectionism.

[204] Like for me, like I have a better personality for this because I would just go, gang, I can't do it.

[205] And so I'm going to need an earpiece.

[206] And you're going to have to cut this shit in half and that's what's going to go down but you are much better which is why the show was so successful so it's a perfect storm i mean also nobody told me about earpieces either but even if that had been told you you wouldn't do it correct probably not because i have a gene that if anything resembles theater in any way i have to know all my lines like if it's something that's like definitely a film scene, then it's loosey -goosey.

[207] But if it's a scene in film or in television where there's a few actors and it plays, the scene actually plays.

[208] Like you could do the scene on the back of a pickup truck and drive around the city and just perform it over, whatever.

[209] If it has that kind of feel, yeah, I can't futz about.

[210] I guess my issue with the earpiece has been this.

[211] Our job is already so embarrassing in some way.

[212] You hardly feel like you're earning the money they're paying you.

[213] And so some like blue -collar gene in me is like, well, the least you can do is like get in shape for your movies and you learn your line.

[214] You do the minimal amount that's asked of you.

[215] I know.

[216] We had that.

[217] But then you and I had the shared experience of watching someone work with an earpiece who's fucking incredible.

[218] Wait, but isn't there a lag?

[219] Like, how does that even work?

[220] It's like this.

[221] I asked the same question, by the way, because I had no idea.

[222] And it was told to me by a very smart guy that it was.

[223] It's sort of like listening to one of your favorite songs on the radio, but you don't know all the words to it.

[224] And you actually sing along to it because the song is actually cueing you.

[225] Uh -huh.

[226] Whoa.

[227] Well, and then here's the intellectual defense for it, which I think has merit if you're a great actor, which is no one knows what they're going to say six hours before they say it.

[228] So there is some reality and truth to the fact that your brain's hearing it nearly simultaneously to you delivering it in real life.

[229] Like everything I'm saying right now is happening simultaneously.

[230] So I get the theory behind it.

[231] And then also this person we watch, by the way, I think we can say it because I saw him in an interview talking about it is Robert Downey.

[232] And Robert Downey said in this interview with Sam Jones, I've done both things.

[233] On Chaplin, I was like crazy prepared, insane, lived the life.

[234] And I've worked in total chaos.

[235] And I find that I'm better in total chaos.

[236] And so it's like, I can applaud that.

[237] He's like, Picasso, he did the normal painting.

[238] and then he did cubism.

[239] And even when you and I were working with Downey, he is hearing his lines, but he's also improvving.

[240] So it's like he has a kaleidoscopic mind that can weave all that info into one thing.

[241] Yeah.

[242] I found it to be mind -blowing.

[243] You know why it wouldn't work for me?

[244] I just realized it when you were saying that.

[245] Well, hold on.

[246] Before you say it, can I guess what you're going to say?

[247] Yeah, go ahead.

[248] Knowing you so well, I'm having a very similar personality.

[249] You'd get annoyed by the person reading the thing here.

[250] You'd be like, why did they, what are they doing?

[251] Are they reading it upside down over there?

[252] Exactly.

[253] Like, if there was another me and I was standing next to them and telling them what to do, I would be fine.

[254] Another me. What if you recorded it the night before and you had the sound guy hit play in your ear?

[255] I mean, now we're getting.

[256] What a disaster.

[257] That would be.

[258] Yeah, you'd hate yourself.

[259] You would walk out.

[260] You'd burn your sidecar.

[261] and leave for good.

[262] Yeah.

[263] Yeah.

[264] Okay, so you tell me if this is too much to say, because I'm going to sum one of them up.

[265] I just need to let people understand the gravity of what was happening.

[266] And I think I can do it in a safe way.

[267] And you tell me if you don't like it, we'll cut it out.

[268] But there was a time where you desperately needed the following day off.

[269] And you said, I need this off.

[270] You had asked for it many times.

[271] It was told you that was not going to be an option.

[272] And then you said, well, I'm, I'm injured.

[273] And they said, no, you're not injured.

[274] And then you proceeded to injure yourself pretty severely in front of the person.

[275] In front of them.

[276] Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

[277] Can we say that?

[278] Well, maybe you don't have to confirm or deny that that happened.

[279] Yeah, I don't have to acknowledge it at all, actually.

[280] Oh, my God.

[281] So what's great is just how you had heard about this and that and other actors using earpieces.

[282] Of course, before I met you, on the judge, I had heard some pretty exciting things about you.

[283] and I had a little bit of fear meeting you.

[284] I had heard some version of the story I just recap for you.

[285] And so I thought, oh my God, this is the kind of guy who will fucking, who knows what's going to happen on set.

[286] And then I'm assuming I'm the type of guy that's going to annoy you.

[287] So maybe it'll be you and I involved in one of these stories.

[288] And then we meet on the judge and you're so sweet and kind.

[289] And you'd seen hit and run and you're really complimentary.

[290] I was like, well, this took the 180.

[291] You really mellowed.

[292] Like, you kind of go against what I would normally say.

[293] It's like, generally what I've seen, if someone's an alcoholic, they're going to be one for life.

[294] If someone's an insufferable dick, they just rarely change.

[295] But you've really had a huge evolution, wouldn't you say, over your life?

[296] Yes, I would say.

[297] Two things.

[298] I think there should be novels written about it.

[299] Several novels.

[300] But I also think somebody should, like the Catholic Church should give me priesthood.

[301] You could get knighted.

[302] Nighted.

[303] How does that sound?

[304] Knighted?

[305] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[306] Add that to the list.

[307] Monica wants to ask you a question, but she doesn't even know she wants to ask you it.

[308] I'm going to set it up.

[309] Monica saw in the theater Jurassic Park three times.

[310] She went three?

[311] No, Jurassic World.

[312] Okay, that makes more sense.

[313] Yeah.

[314] Jurassic World.

[315] Yeah.

[316] Oh, I just loved it.

[317] Did you imagine she went to the theater three times in a row?

[318] When's the last time you went and saw a movie in the theater three times?

[319] Not since I was like 20 years.

[320] Yeah.

[321] Yeah.

[322] She did it at 29 years old.

[323] I'm sure there were reasons.

[324] Like, I went with one group of friends and then some other friends wanted to see it and I loved it.

[325] Mainly I just was really into Chris Pratt.

[326] Yeah, I wanted you to ask Vincent about, I want you to feel free to just ask him about Pratt a little bit.

[327] Yeah, there's a lot there.

[328] He's very attractive.

[329] You like Chris, do you?

[330] I like the way he looks and I like the way he moves.

[331] Yeah, I like the shape of his body.

[332] Hmm.

[333] You know what it is?

[334] I loved Parks and Rec so much, and I always looked at him as like, well, how everyone did.

[335] He was just like the funny Dufus on that show.

[336] And then he's in Jurassic World.

[337] And he shocks you with his body shape.

[338] And his movie star -ness.

[339] Exactly.

[340] His X -Factor.

[341] Yeah.

[342] I mean, basically, he would tell his version of what happened very similar to the way you just did.

[343] He had to change himself to.

[344] get the parts that he wanted.

[345] And he actually said once offstage, this is true, by the way, there's actually a videotape of it.

[346] Before he got the part, or before he ever knew Spielberg, or Jurassic World was even a script, he said that he's going to be in the lead in the next Jurassic film.

[347] And there's actually a videotape of it.

[348] You can look it up.

[349] There's so many layers to that.

[350] I mean, there's the obvious one right out of the gates, which is like what, you know, the movies he was like let's dust off i don't even know that would have been in my mind it's that's so peculiar that's what they wanted i think maybe he got a notion of it like i think i remember hearing oh there's going to be a Jurassic world but there's no script there's no nothing there's no nobody's casting anything i think that's probably around the same time he did that and he said it like oh you know what he did his phone rang oh that's Spielberg he wants me to do Jurassic World and he walked off pretending that he's father.

[351] Ah.

[352] Ah.

[353] It's something like that happened, if I remember correctly.

[354] And now Vincent did two back -to -back movies with him.

[355] Then he did Magnificent Seven.

[356] That's right.

[357] That's right.

[358] So they're bros. And he also did my film, The Kid.

[359] He played the bad guy in the kid.

[360] He's a sweet motherfucker, right?

[361] I mean, he is just, he's the real deal.

[362] Believe me, he knows this, too.

[363] I would love to be able to say something horrible about him.

[364] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[365] I mean, I really would.

[366] That's part of the magic of him is like, everyone should hate him and everyone's just so excited.

[367] I've never been more excited by someone's success that I wanted and didn't get.

[368] I know, me too, me too.

[369] There's literally nothing.

[370] The guy is amazing.

[371] And he's not only, is he like a sweetheart, but he shows up.

[372] He's a hard worker.

[373] He shows up.

[374] He wants it to be great.

[375] I think that's because he was a wrestler in high school.

[376] I think the dudes who, like, found their way to wrestling that were willing to, like, lose weight and train like that they're a different breed that's true i think so too i think you're right and also i think sportsmen are different breed of people too which he is also that yeah and let's add a third category he's an outdoorsman yeah i know two people that can hit anything with anything and he's one of them one is a native american where he can like pick up any object and hit anything with it oh my god really chris is the same way i'm really good with the right rifle, but this is no joke.

[377] Okay, I'm not exaggerating.

[378] Chris could draw a six shooter at his hip and flare that, right?

[379] Yeah.

[380] And put them all inside a playing card.

[381] Come on.

[382] Oh, my God, Monica.

[383] I swear to you, I'm not kidding.

[384] I love him again.

[385] Oh, my God.

[386] But you know what he can't do?

[387] Magic.

[388] You can't do magic.

[389] You got that on him.

[390] Vincent knows magic.

[391] I know.

[392] That's why Monica's saying it.

[393] Monica and I, we were connected in a different way than you and I. Don't get jealous.

[394] It's just the trajectory of my life is I introduce you to someone I love and care about.

[395] And then that person quickly is more enamored by you.

[396] I'm used to this pattern.

[397] I don't know what.

[398] I'm not shocked.

[399] It's never happened before.

[400] Kristen would leave me in two seconds for you.

[401] If she even overheard this, she'd be taking a ring on.

[402] What was I going to say, though?

[403] Chris.

[404] Oh, he knows.

[405] You know how maybe one of you do.

[406] But do you know how some people know the Rubik Q'd?

[407] Like, they know it.

[408] They see it in their mind when they're doing it.

[409] Like, they have the pattern down.

[410] Right.

[411] He's one of those guys.

[412] He also speaks German, fluent German.

[413] Oh, my.

[414] Wow.

[415] Wow, wow, wow.

[416] He either speaks fluent German or he spent a few days really upsetting me up, really.

[417] Here is the problem.

[418] Vincent also lies occasionally for his own amusement.

[419] And you don't know.

[420] he's just a great actor.

[421] Like he told me this elaborate story of hurting his leg falling off of a helicopter and...

[422] On the roof of a building.

[423] Yes, it was a complete line.

[424] I was so into it.

[425] Your memory is off a little bit.

[426] Okay, tell me how.

[427] Half of that story is true.

[428] Where you took a helicopter ride once in your life?

[429] Where I took a helicopter ride in the bottom rung of the helicopter.

[430] You'll remember, got stuck on the side of a building.

[431] Yes.

[432] As we were ascending.

[433] Okay.

[434] So here's a building.

[435] Here's the rung of a helicopter.

[436] Helicopter goes up and goes over and goes...

[437] But you at no point fell out of that helicopter and shattered your femur, right?

[438] No. Okay, yeah.

[439] No, I remember when I told you this.

[440] But that's why it's tough with Chris, too, because Chris is really, really good at being a straight man. He's very, very good at it.

[441] I've never seen the parks and wrecksling.

[442] I try not to see anything that my friends have done well in just because of, you know, jealousy.

[443] Except for my game show.

[444] Except for the game show.

[445] What happened with the game show?

[446] You were so good in it.

[447] We haven't talked about that on here, have we?

[448] No. I just want to preface what you're about to say with something else.

[449] Okay.

[450] Also, you can finish on Chris if you want.

[451] I just got excited about that exchange.

[452] No, I want to talk about the game show.

[453] Okay.

[454] So, to me, there was a couple of scenes with a couple of guests.

[455] I called them scenes because it was like drama.

[456] It was like high drama.

[457] So there's two things going on with me when I'm watching it.

[458] One is he looked fucking amazing in those suits.

[459] I know, I know.

[460] I mean, unbelievable.

[461] Oh, the hair, but the suits.

[462] Like, how the fuck did that happen?

[463] Like, honestly, it was like, wow.

[464] It was.

[465] And there was a different one.

[466] time so you got to see like a new thing every time and then there was these two brothers and he got in the middle of it man he was like oh my god he just took it off story no these were these magic brothers right they had been like raised in this Oregon kind of commune they all played banjos and they were bluegrass family band right he had rescued someone from a train I was like I couldn't even believe I was meeting these people exactly and I think that was one of the brothers and the other brothers spent his whole life in like a coffin somewhere.

[467] Yes, neither of them had ever seen television, and it was a pop culture quiz.

[468] Exactly, yeah.

[469] And the drama was unbelievable.

[470] And then Dax gets in the middle of it and just takes it off the page and just, boom.

[471] Unbelievable.

[472] Unbelievable.

[473] I'm telling you.

[474] And the scenes where the guy is closed up in the cubicle, oh my God.

[475] that they sit in a cubicle and it closes up and they do this shot of one of the brothers and Dax is saying something to him as the thing closes.

[476] Dax is saying, it's going to be okay.

[477] You're going to be okay.

[478] You're going to be sure about this.

[479] You're going to get it.

[480] And his eyes, you see the thing closing and his eyes are like, oh, my God, my life is fucked.

[481] I was on the edge of my seat.

[482] Wow.

[483] Oh, my God.

[484] I get this fucking text from Vincent that basically says, oh, my God.

[485] I love Spin the Wheel, to which I immediately reply.

[486] I don't want to talk about it, ever.

[487] Oh, because you don't want to get in your head about it?

[488] Yes, because talking about what you said earlier, if you heard your own voice acting, for whatever reason, the Spin the Wheel experience in particular, for me to play a game show host, I just had to commit in a way I don't know that I've ever had to commit, and I didn't ever want to see if I wasn't pulling it off because I knew I wouldn't be able to then do it again.

[489] Right.

[490] And so even talking with you about it, scared the bejesus out of me. And I don't know if you detected that and then you changed what you were going to say.

[491] Like maybe you were going to say like, what the fuck are you doing in front of this five -story wheel?

[492] But then you detected that you could ruin my life, like with just one long test.

[493] I'm totally fucking sincere about it.

[494] Honestly, I thought it was riveting.

[495] Yes.

[496] Then I enjoyed the hell out of it because the way he was describing it felt like some French noir movie or something.

[497] Exactly.

[498] I felt like I really had done something.

[499] Yeah.

[500] I mean, I mean, the two things combined.

[501] There was also, I won't get into it because I don't want to, I mean, we do have 24 hours, but I don't want to get into it.

[502] But there was another episode with a girl and her sister, I think.

[503] Yeah.

[504] Yeah, you guys like to pull the sibling thing.

[505] Generally family, yeah.

[506] Which is like really high drama, if you think about it.

[507] For sure, because they're bringing all this baggage in decades.

[508] Yeah, and the two women were so sweet and they loved each other so much, but there was this.

[509] hate in them for each other as well that you could see as the game turned as the game rolled forward you're like oh my god they're never going to speak to each other again and dax in the suit because you can't have one without the other he steps forward in the suit and he looks at both of them and he says something like this is going to be okay this is going to be all right so he had one line Well, in Vincent's memory, yeah.

[510] Yeah, I had a catchphrase on it.

[511] It's going to be okay.

[512] It seems like you really connected with it.

[513] It's going to be okay portions of the show.

[514] Maybe you felt like I was telling you it's going to be okay.

[515] Maybe.

[516] Yeah.

[517] Yeah, but I don't want to go off track here.

[518] Okay.

[519] You can't say that it's not true, that you did have that kind of presence on the show when things got rough.

[520] Well, here's what I thought I was.

[521] good at is when things got hairy i think i do shine in that situation it's okay it's okay i think i told you the most incredible surreal out of body experience of the whole thing was that we would find out whether the person just lost two hundred thousand dollars or one four hundred thousand dollars and then within nine seconds i got to tell you to tune into the next episode that was the most incredible turn of my life you know like just not to get into how the sausage is made but in a seeing a turn might be like Vincent's very angry at his son and he's screaming at him and then his son says something that breaks through and he actually realizes that's my fault and he feels compassion and so it's a turn well this had to be two people are crying we've just found this out they won nothing you guys I want you to remember that no matter what happened today you have each other which is invaluable tune in next week to I'm unbelievable scream the promo for the next episode and yeah i mean you have to imagine how fraudulent i felt every single time i did that i mean yeah yeah because it's a job it comes down to you being able to turn that quickly yeah for sure but just to reiterate i'm not wrong about his presence on the show i know you didn't you didn't see it did you i don't think you wanted me to see it i saw pictures and the pictures were gorgeous thank you right the big wheel behind him and the fucking clothes and his hair oh my god amy hansom was doing my hair Let's give her a shout out.

[522] God, we should, because your hair did look great.

[523] It looks great.

[524] It's the best hair I've ever seen in half.

[525] Well, it was first and foremost, it was combed.

[526] Like, it was clearly had a unified direction.

[527] But there's something about Dax where, like, if he's driving a car or he's on a motorcycle or something, he's not wearing a, like, his hair always looks great.

[528] Yeah, he does have good hair.

[529] But to achieve that when he's not on a vehicle, It's really hard to do.

[530] Fuck, it was spot on.

[531] Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

[532] We've all been there.

[533] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[534] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing.

[535] But for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a a terrifying medical mystery.

[536] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[537] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[538] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[539] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[540] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[541] members can listen early and ad free on Amazon music.

[542] What's up, guys?

[543] This is your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season, and let me tell you, it's too good, and I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[544] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation, and I don't mean just friends, I mean the likes of Amy Poehler, Kel Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on, so follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[545] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app, or wherever you get your podcast.

[546] Okay, I want to talk about a couple things i've seen you in recently before we talk about your book i'm glad we're here in a public forum to iron this out this is a good place for it so i'm watching ratchet and and i'm like first of all i fucking loved it it was so visually stimulating and then you come in and you i mean you're phenomenal in it and i was so thrilled because you come in probably i don't know 25 minutes into the pilot so i don't know you're doing that show and then here comes my friend vincent and he's like a dramatic version of boss hog you remember boss hog from the duke boys yeah just like a scoundrel a public scoundrel yeah and you were so awesome in it and then i text you like oh my god i love and then just really no response i guess maybe that was your game show like did you just not want to talk about it no i think i was trying to figure it out okay like my intention or show?

[547] I think I was trying to figure out the character still.

[548] It was still evolving for me. So you think when I reached out to you, you were still processing what you had even played?

[549] I was still processing it a lot.

[550] Like, I was still trying to figure out where I was going to go with it.

[551] Because I started at a place, you know that I think of these kinds of things.

[552] I know it's really boring to talk about acting, but I always like to start in a place that I know I'm going to be able to achieve something different at the end of it.

[553] Like to have some place to go is really important.

[554] For this one, it took me a long time to figure out when I should start going there.

[555] And so it's either that or I just forgot to text you back.

[556] Well, no, because they were repeated.

[557] It wasn't like I just hit you on the first episode and then left it at that.

[558] Of course not.

[559] Every time you showed up, I gave you some feedback on it because I loved every time you were on it.

[560] I just want to say I had a great time doing that show because I was surrounded by incredible women that have inspired me for so long.

[561] Like, every day was a joy.

[562] And you know, I love acting.

[563] And the idea of being at a table with those kind of actresses, I was really happy.

[564] What's great is, like, as you know about me, I'm sure it's a self -defense mechanism.

[565] So I'm not even claiming that I have, like, a real thought -out reason for this.

[566] But I just don't think much about acting.

[567] Oh, that's such bullshit.

[568] You know what?

[569] Let me tell you something.

[570] I have to interrupt.

[571] You even know where I'm going with this.

[572] I do know where you're going.

[573] I'm going.

[574] Where am I going?

[575] This is the usual spiel.

[576] And it's, listen, I just want to say something before you get going, okay?

[577] Because then I'll listen and I'll pretend like it's interesting.

[578] But my daughter, okay, Layla, right?

[579] Yes, we love.

[580] Has just watched parenthood for the first time.

[581] And she's on, I think, the second season now.

[582] And we haven't talked about it at all.

[583] She called me three days ago.

[584] She didn't know I was doing this podcast.

[585] nothing and she called me for one reason only to talk about your acting in that show really how incredible she thinks you are as an actor and she goes he's really good isn't he dad and i'm like yeah he's fucking great and she goes yeah but he always poohs himself about it and i'm like yeah well that's just like m oh yeah but you are fucking great you are a great listen that's not even what i was going to say i was not going to say that i wasn't going to say it was a shitty actor i do think i was good on parenthood.

[586] I think there was an environment there that allowed me to really do well the way I approach it.

[587] I was not going to say that.

[588] I was going to say, well, I don't have any training or anything.

[589] So I don't have an approach I could explain to you.

[590] But now you do.

[591] And I don't think it's silly.

[592] I love it.

[593] Like when I hear, you and I went out to eat the last time I was in New York and you were explaining to me, I find this awesome, even though it's not what I do or would even know how to do, you will sit in a fucking chair in your house and you'll make noises for hours.

[594] And then you will find some noise or tone and you go a sound.

[595] And that's it.

[596] And then you're missing the root of that.

[597] First, I'll find an event or a person in my life that I start to feel emotional about in the chair when I'm sitting there.

[598] And then I'll try to, instead of getting emotional, or instead of talking, I'll try to make a sound and see if the emotion starts to rumble inside me. And when I find the right sound, and it starts to rumble and I can feel myself about to well up or laugh with joy, I know I've found the right tone for the character.

[599] Yeah.

[600] That's how Wilson Fiske's voice ended up the way it did through an event with one of my kids.

[601] Really?

[602] Yeah.

[603] Which is a very interesting story.

[604] You're going to love this, because Jeff Loeb, the guy who used to run Marvel television, there was this thing about read -throughs.

[605] So Marvel has this thing about doing read -throughs on the shows, which we did read -throughs on criminal intent every script.

[606] So I get it.

[607] And I was there every time, and it helped a lot.

[608] But this was different.

[609] Like, I didn't want to do Fisk without this feeling inside me, this very specific.

[610] feeling inside me. And the director and the showrunner and everybody said, you have to do it.

[611] We understand we don't want you to do it if you don't want to, but you have to because it'll set a precedence for all the other actors to not show up.

[612] And I went to one of them and I was really miserable.

[613] I went home and I couldn't leave it alone and then I called the boss, big boss.

[614] And I said, well, you have dinner with me the next time you're in New York.

[615] And luckily, it was about three days before the next read -through.

[616] So we went to Alimentari, Jeff and I. We became close friends over this night, by the way.

[617] We still are.

[618] And I explained to him, I said, look, this is going to be tough for you because it's all mushy actor stuff.

[619] But I need you to listen really carefully because this is really important to me. And I told him about this event in my life that had to do with one of my kids.

[620] And I told him, I attached my process to the event, right?

[621] And I said, so when I make that sound, that's his voice.

[622] And I cannot sit there at a read -through and do that.

[623] I just can't.

[624] Yeah, yeah.

[625] It would be awful for everybody.

[626] It's not being filmed.

[627] It's like a freak show.

[628] It's like it doesn't work.

[629] And he said, okay, I get it.

[630] I got it.

[631] Good.

[632] Yeah.

[633] So when we had dinner, I think it was like right in the middle of all that.

[634] Like it was still being ironed out.

[635] And I think you too, you were really wrestling with like, I do not want to be the annoying, needy actor.

[636] The world's got to change so I can do the thing.

[637] Like you clearly were stressed about it.

[638] And I remember hearing it.

[639] And I think I'm generally the braddy police.

[640] That's what Kristen and I do for each other.

[641] I was like, you know, this sounds a little bratty.

[642] I think we're, you know, we both lose our fucking minds at times.

[643] But I heard that and I was like, I totally respect it.

[644] And I think it's really valid.

[645] And by the way, it's why this whole thing works and is great.

[646] You've got a guy like me where I do best if you tell me my lines one second before the scene starts and I do it this way.

[647] But then when we need someone to come in and play the character you play in Daredevil, we need a very specific type of person to do that.

[648] And there's a whole specific process.

[649] And you kind of got to honor it.

[650] Like, you can't have both.

[651] You can't have both, yeah.

[652] Right.

[653] So you're either going to do something that isn't that powerful in you.

[654] And then you'll be able to do at read -throughs and malls of America to promote the show and on talk shows or not.

[655] Right, exactly.

[656] And it's always something different.

[657] Like, I still do read -throughs.

[658] If people want to do read -throughs, it's all, you know, whatever.

[659] I don't care.

[660] It's whatever helps I'm all for.

[661] When we did the judge, remember, I was there for the read -through.

[662] That's where we fell in love.

[663] Yeah.

[664] Yeah, yeah.

[665] I think we passed notes to each other.

[666] Oh, we did.

[667] Lots.

[668] We were the two kids with learning disabilities at Table Read.

[669] Now, I, of course, had my own, like, storm of thoughts and emotions, which was, like, probably a lot of I don't belong here feelings going into it just with Duval there and Downey and you and fucking Billy Bob.

[670] You don't have those feelings, do you?

[671] Or do you even you?

[672] Like, knowing Duval's going to be at that table read, is your brain busy?

[673] There's two things.

[674] One is, I don't get butterflies.

[675] Like, I've never gotten butterflies.

[676] I push myself.

[677] I try to fail as much as I can when the camera's rolling.

[678] So Ethan thinks it's because I have some kind of brain deficiency.

[679] Like a psychopathy?

[680] Yeah.

[681] Yeah.

[682] Then I'm missing something that's really important.

[683] Yeah.

[684] It's almost like a self -preservation mode.

[685] I'm being serious.

[686] Like the fact that you injured yourself, the fact that you're happy to go into six or seven.

[687] guy swinging clubs like there is a lack of self -preservation when he went into the magic in the pool yeah yeah with the sack yeah and you were trapped oh right try to do escape routines yeah with my mom standing there watching me yes oh my god you mentioned anything worse than watching your child be a daredevil it was horrible man it was horrible it was horrible for her you know i couldn't imagine one of my son's doing that or my daughter no so there's two things there's that where I just don't have butterflies.

[688] The other thing is, and I think you can relate to this totally, because otherwise you wouldn't be successful.

[689] There's something about pressure that ignites me. Sure.

[690] And that takes over any kind of nervousness or anything.

[691] Like to be at the table with DeVal, to know that DeVal was going to play my father and something and me, his son, the idea of that was so big that there was no, nervousness because I was so excited about it and ignited.

[692] I similarly, I agree that when there's a high probability of failure or the stakes are high, my brain wakes up in a way that I can't normally get it to wake up to.

[693] And yeah, and then I get kind of confident.

[694] Right.

[695] I forget if you scuba dive and that.

[696] You scuba dive, right?

[697] I've done it once.

[698] You've done it.

[699] Okay, so there's this thing about scuba diving that this Jamaican guy taught me. And for some reason, it works for some people and it doesn't for other people, but this is exactly what you're talking about.

[700] So once you start going past 30 feet, there's no way you're going to make it up if you fuck up.

[701] Like you cannot fuck up after 30 feet.

[702] Your pot committed.

[703] 25 feet, you know that you need to blow and not move faster than your bubbles.

[704] Basically, you won't get the bends if you don't move faster than your bubbles, basically.

[705] But you still have to have air.

[706] And past that, unless you're like one of those incredible lung breathing freaks, right?

[707] you're dead.

[708] And so this old Jamaican dude who taught me how to scuba dive said to me, just look up, man. Just look up.

[709] And I was like, really?

[710] That's going to fucking help me?

[711] And one day, I was down like 80 feet with him.

[712] And I saw a big fucking fish.

[713] And I couldn't tell.

[714] It was so far away, I couldn't tell what it was.

[715] It was something, one of those big things that are ridiculously big and stupid, like an old dog.

[716] It was like an old dog.

[717] Yeah, yeah, sea cow.

[718] Yeah.

[719] But to me, it was a great white.

[720] And I just went like, I was 80 feet down and I felt for the first time, felt, uh -huh.

[721] And I remembered, immediately remembered what he said.

[722] And I flipped over on my back and I looked up and I could see the sun very little above the water and the first.

[723] And the first thing that went through my head is, you cannot fuck up.

[724] You are dead if you fuck up.

[725] And I went completely calm.

[726] Wow.

[727] And flipped back over and I was fine.

[728] And the whole rest of the dive, every time I would feel that little, I would look up and I would say, can't fuck up.

[729] It's the same kind of a thing.

[730] Yeah.

[731] It's funny you describe that because I had that too.

[732] I had no training.

[733] Christmas is doing this movie, couples retreat.

[734] Jean Reno was there with his master diver that he met on the big blue.

[735] Like these guys have been diving for 25 years.

[736] Has everyone done it?

[737] Yeah, not me. You'll be fine.

[738] You know, we got the dive master.

[739] Yeah.

[740] So I have zero training.

[741] I'm like, fuck it.

[742] I can do it.

[743] And same thing, man. We get down around like 40 feet or something.

[744] And I have that moment where I'm like, wow, you're all in.

[745] Like, it just hit you.

[746] Like, oh, you've made a decision and you've passed the point of no return.

[747] Right.

[748] And if you freak out right now, it's over.

[749] or if you get your thinking.

[750] Okay, because if you freak out, then your breathing gets all fine.

[751] Yes, that, and then the amount of time it's going to take you to surface without going up super fast and giving yourself the bends, how long can you hold your breath?

[752] Like, how long can you slowly rise 40 feet in the water, or however many feet you're down?

[753] Yeah.

[754] It's like being chased by a monster, and there's nothing you can do to beat the monster.

[755] It just gets worse and worse and worse.

[756] until the monster eats you.

[757] Ew, why does anyone do this?

[758] And you cannot go there.

[759] You cannot see the monster.

[760] Yeah.

[761] It's a pretty profound experience.

[762] I dug it, but yeah, you find out, like...

[763] You're right away.

[764] Yeah, you got to take control of your brain.

[765] In Mexico, there are sonotes, right?

[766] Sonotes.

[767] And they connect to the ocean.

[768] What it is is, on the outside, when you're on land, it looks like a giant pond.

[769] But if you go in it, it opens up to a huge, cavernous thing.

[770] And there are tunnels at the bottom of it that lead to the ocean.

[771] I've been in one.

[772] Yeah, I know exactly what you're talking.

[773] And they're generally like stocked with so, there's so much wildlife in there.

[774] Right?

[775] Like there's so much water life.

[776] And half of it is fresh water and the other half is salt water.

[777] And you can feel like it's a really tough dive if you don't have a lot of experience because the difference between your buoyancy from fresh to salt is it's a trip.

[778] You know, Leila and Elias, we went down this Sonodi.

[779] The whole time I'm like, no, no, no. They're like, those two went all the way in.

[780] They didn't go to the ocean, but they went in.

[781] We only had one tank.

[782] Oh, my gosh.

[783] And they were just watching their time and watching their love.

[784] And they went in.

[785] They followed the freaking guy.

[786] And I, as their father, watching them disappear.

[787] Disappe was one of the worst experiences of them.

[788] I'm sure it would be the root of one of your future characters.

[789] Yeah.

[790] It was horrible.

[791] It was horrible.

[792] Okay, so before we talk about your book, something that people, I don't know if they know about you or not, but like, one is you did this play where you would do poems on stage, right?

[793] That's part of, you're looking at me like I got this wrong already.

[794] Yeah, you did get it wrong.

[795] Well, fuck it.

[796] I'm not going to even talk about that part yet.

[797] I just want people to know that as we became friends, I would often get texts from you about.

[798] Yes, you would.

[799] Pecos Bill.

[800] Yes.

[801] and this whole world Vincent has involving Pico's Bill and other characters.

[802] And they would be these really beautifully written bizarre texts updating me on Pico's progress through whatever situation.

[803] Yeah.

[804] And you're actually in the book.

[805] You are.

[806] I am.

[807] As Captain Shepard.

[808] Yeah.

[809] Oh, my God.

[810] I didn't know that.

[811] Yes, you are.

[812] Oh, my goodness.

[813] Oh, wow.

[814] And it's exactly in the same vein of the monologues that I used to text you.

[815] It's called Gun Hand.

[816] Is the name of that particular poem?

[817] We'd call it a poem, right?

[818] Yeah, or a piece or a journal.

[819] Like, I call them fake journals.

[820] Fake journals.

[821] Okay, so tell me about the stage thing you used to do.

[822] That's kind of similar to this.

[823] So that's the thing that Ethan directed and starred, and I was in it.

[824] Our friend Jonathan Sherman did an adaptation of a Bertolt -B -R -T -R -E -A -L.

[825] it's a very popular play if you know Brecht.

[826] If you don't know Brecht, you never heard of it before.

[827] But there's no fourth wall.

[828] David Bowie did it.

[829] A lot of crazy artists have done it.

[830] And crazy good artists, I should say.

[831] So Jonathan adapted it into this play called Clive.

[832] Ethan plays the part of Clive, and he directed us in it.

[833] And so there's music and there's, it's this incredible thing.

[834] There were a bunch of doorways, each door frame and door was an instrument that was played on stage.

[835] The actual door was an instrument.

[836] Wow.

[837] Some were guitars, some were pianos, some were, you know, anyway.

[838] So it was a crazy, incredible play.

[839] We sold out every night.

[840] It was a trip.

[841] The whole thing was a trip.

[842] And I started to just write on that show.

[843] I just started to write.

[844] I wrote about the point of view of cats and hamsters and other versions of myself or other versions of myself that could never be.

[845] There's this one monologue about for the public to see the real me on film.

[846] in The Real Me on stage because they'll never get to see my Blanche Dubois.

[847] And it's called Blanche.

[848] And so it's this whole thing.

[849] So all of these things started coming out of me. And they used to pass them around and recite them.

[850] And then one of the musicians, Dana Lynn, who is a composer, and she's one of those people that play like every instrument in the world, she wanted them because she wanted to put them to music.

[851] And we put out a couple of albums called Slim Bonehead Volt, which is an anagram.

[852] But you'll have to figure that on your own.

[853] And we used to perform at Joe's Pub and sell out every night we perform.

[854] We'd do a 45 minute, and I would try to stretch it out to longer and get in trouble every time I did it.

[855] But it was like we performed these things.

[856] And that's how the writing started.

[857] And so now I put newer ones and all those from back in the day and a version that I use of gunhand, which has a kind of Western noir feel to it.

[858] Yeah.

[859] the pico spills ones i still have them and they will be in a book eventually but i think pico spill has to be in a picture book yeah i think that's a good move maybe you can illustrate oh wow that's a collab oh that'd be really fun well what's interesting now i can ask you directly but when you would send me those i generally responded as the character as well right and then i remember thinking is this what he wants?

[860] Does he want me to join him?

[861] I know.

[862] I loved it.

[863] Or is this just for me to read and then leave alone?

[864] No, I know.

[865] I wanted to be in the Western as well.

[866] That's what I love about you is that I never have to explain myself and you just kind of like try and figure it out on your own.

[867] I just join no questions.

[868] I wait to like five years later to ask a question.

[869] What was that all about?

[870] I mean, basically it's the same way, but a little different the way Lela reacts to them.

[871] I said, you should read these.

[872] And I handed her, like, eight of them or something.

[873] And she read them all in one sitting.

[874] And she's like, okay.

[875] She didn't know where to put it.

[876] Yeah.

[877] What category does it go in?

[878] Yeah.

[879] And I remember that she came to a show at Joe's Pub.

[880] And she came backstage and she was like, I, you know, I don't know what you're doing.

[881] I don't know what you're doing.

[882] Oh, she wasn't blown away.

[883] She was even more confused.

[884] There was like a thing where she sort of liked it, but didn't know if she should or if she should save me from it.

[885] Well, do you think it was going through the filter of like, what is my dad trying to do?

[886] Like, because as a kid, you're like, what is mom doing?

[887] Yeah, I think it's not.

[888] You can't just observe mom or observe you.

[889] It's like, what are they doing?

[890] What's he trying to become X, Y, or Z?

[891] Yeah, yeah.

[892] I mean, there's one about a pig.

[893] It's called Pigs Can't Look Up.

[894] and which is true about most pigs they can't actually look up so they shouldn't scuba they can't scuba right right or fly that's why the whole thing when pigs fly that's where that came from which i think is a real fact um so that's a children's book right now we're down to our choices of illustrators.

[895] And that's going to be published as a children's book.

[896] Pigs can't look up.

[897] And it's been slightly edited to be a more, a kind of experience for a younger person.

[898] But it's actually turned out great.

[899] And it still has the exact feeling.

[900] But that thing has been tweeted and retreated hundreds of thousands of times.

[901] Like it's like people argue with me about it.

[902] But pigs can look up.

[903] You're full of shit.

[904] And they'll send me articles.

[905] And I'm like, yeah, but that pig can look up.

[906] But this pig can't.

[907] So it's like ridiculous.

[908] conversations.

[909] I'm like, dude, it's a fucking poem.

[910] Give me a break.

[911] Will you read us it?

[912] You can say no. I'll read it to you.

[913] Yes, I want to hear it.

[914] Pigs can't look up, but I could pick a pig up one night and raise it into the sky and tilt this pig ever so gently.

[915] I could make sure this pig's eyes line up with the stars.

[916] Imagine seeing the stars for the first time.

[917] I want to be treated that kindly and see the stars for the first time.

[918] I love it.

[919] I love it.

[920] Yeah, I'm not shocked at all that's been passed around hundreds of thousands of times.

[921] Yeah.

[922] I want to hear it again.

[923] We want it one more time.

[924] One more time.

[925] Because it's so short.

[926] It's so short.

[927] It's so beautiful.

[928] Pigs can't look up.

[929] But I could pick a pickup.

[930] Oh, sorry.

[931] I'm going to start again because I went up on a word.

[932] I went up on a word.

[933] Are you ready?

[934] That's a theater term.

[935] Yeah.

[936] I know that's, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[937] You guys are like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[938] Yeah.

[939] People can figure that out.

[940] Oh, my God.

[941] I will never forget that moment the rest of my life.

[942] You two sitting in those chairs, and I mentioned the word theater, and you guys are like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[943] No, I went.

[944] I studied theater.

[945] I'm not as poo -poo -in -eyed as Dak. No, my reaction was more like, it's a pretty self -evident word.

[946] You have no relationship with the theater.

[947] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[948] Pigs can't look up, but I could pick a pick -up one night and raise it into the sky and tilt this pig ever so gently.

[949] I could make sure this pig's eyes line up with the stars.

[950] Imagine seeing the stars for the first time.

[951] I want to be treated that kindly and see the stars for the first time.

[952] I love it.

[953] I like it just as much as second time.

[954] I can't wait to buy it in children's book form.

[955] Yeah.

[956] Also, I put it on my copy table.

[957] What other emotion did it elicit in you?

[958] Because I got a very specific one.

[959] I got like a magical feeling.

[960] Yeah, I can see it.

[961] in my head illustrated like i can see yeah yeah but i immediately think of the author and i want to nurture the author really bad yeah it makes me want to like pick you up and show you the stars for the first time because i love you well you have actually oh that's nice there are have been times in our relationship where you've picked me up and tilted me ever so gently you tilted me ever so oh i can say the exact same for you stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare the book is called mother stuff and things yeah and spelled m ut h a yes and corin did all of photography in it so it's a mix of like these writings and then photographs yeah of myself one of them's fucking beautiful that came over on the sample shit that was sent to us yeah like one of you have a little bit of a beard going and you're you're kind of pushing your face into your hand and my first thought was i just just this year monica can tell you this year i decided like i'm into the fact that i have gray hair like i just was like oh yeah this is a cool thing like i'm gonna i'm getting wrinkly and i'm getting gray hair and i'm not fighting it anymore and i'm excited about it but i was fighting it for quite a while but anyways i just had this great feeling and i was looking at the beauty of your face with all those things in mind like look at this fucking face you underestimate what looking at something with history does to you and that's really what it is and it's beautiful it is that yeah it's crazy and it works for the book because it is basically all stream of con like that pig thing was written in what 20 seconds maybe like it's all Stream of Codges, never looking back, never re -editing.

[962] It's all exactly the way it came out.

[963] And that was an interesting thing to do.

[964] But you know what I learned, though, when I was performing it on stage, I would perform the intense journals, the ones, because there's a lot of crazy fucking journals.

[965] And the best ones are in the book.

[966] But there was a cadence and a kind of energy in which I performed some of it.

[967] There's one called Cat in an electric chair.

[968] and it's about a cat about to be fried in an electric chair and what he has to say before they pull the switch.

[969] And the way it's performed has a certain, so when I gave it to the editors, they had to find it with my help.

[970] And so that's what punctuation is for.

[971] Yes, it's the tempo and the Yeah.

[972] Is the tempo.

[973] Yeah.

[974] Wait, are you going to do an audiobook?

[975] I would like to, yeah.

[976] This is a question for you that maybe I can relate to.

[977] So I do these stupid drawings.

[978] Yeah.

[979] Ultimately, I do them for Monica.

[980] Monica likes them.

[981] And it's been so encouraging.

[982] Yeah.

[983] There has to be a muse.

[984] They're always going to be a muse.

[985] I think so.

[986] And what I like about it is everything I have ever done, and I hate using this term, but artistically has definitely been out loud and facing an audience and looking for a reaction.

[987] Whereas when I'm drawing these pictures, there's no performance to it.

[988] It's just like I think this would.

[989] look neat and I imagine for you this would sound neat there's something that feels pure pure or like mine it's for me right and I like it I can't explain it but I was telling Monica like I actually have as a life goal when I slow down from working like I'd like to dedicate three days a week where I draw I just need it would be good for me it would be good for you and I'm not good but I'm creative well I think that we should collaborate yes yes we should just collaborate So is there a particular thing your art leans towards?

[990] I draw people.

[991] Yeah.

[992] It just goes all over the place.

[993] I can't draw.

[994] It's very unique.

[995] I'll send you a couple.

[996] They're so good.

[997] They really are.

[998] No, don't laugh.

[999] Monica says that I believe it, by which is a very truthful person.

[1000] That's right.

[1001] Yeah.

[1002] But it's very detailed.

[1003] There's like a small wrinkle by a belly button that like no one would think to put that there.

[1004] All I can say about them.

[1005] is the farthest thing from photorealistic.

[1006] But I can promise you've never seen of drawing of a person like this.

[1007] That's all I can really promise you.

[1008] Well, that's why I think we should combine it too because my things are pretty unique themselves.

[1009] And we should do it because the idea of you doing the illustration and me doing the words could be like a phenomenal little book.

[1010] I also think that the illustrations could be a really easy leaping off point for you to think.

[1011] Because even when I draw them, I immediately start thinking of what that thought bubble should say over these people or like what's going on in the middle of their life right now.

[1012] That's kind of the fun of it.

[1013] And I'm not a good enough drawer.

[1014] It's not like I have it in my mind and then I execute it.

[1015] I just, I'm seeing it as I draw.

[1016] Yeah.

[1017] Well, it's exactly the way I write.

[1018] Like, I'm not a good enough writer.

[1019] I just write what I think and that's it.

[1020] Yeah.

[1021] Yeah.

[1022] I love it.

[1023] I've read so much of what you've written.

[1024] I love it sincerely.

[1025] And I'm excited to own mother.

[1026] Is it out?

[1027] When's it out?

[1028] The 18th.

[1029] May 18th?

[1030] May 18th.

[1031] Where do people buy it?

[1032] Everywhere you buy books.

[1033] Everywhere you buy books.

[1034] Yeah, Amazon, and we're trying to put it in lots of little bookstores, little local bookstores and the big bookstores and just everywhere.

[1035] And I'll be there every time you buy when handing it to you.

[1036] Wow.

[1037] That was part of the deal, but I thought that makes sense.

[1038] Logistically, it makes total sense.

[1039] Yeah, it would be illogical not to do it that way, just logistically speaking.

[1040] I mean, isn't that where the term being a million places at one time?

[1041] Isn't that where that came from?

[1042] That's exactly where it comes from, book sales.

[1043] Yeah, I want to show you a picture, because you mentioned something that reminded me of my COVID look.

[1044] Uh -huh.

[1045] Like, this was like the May after the beginning, like March, April, May, right?

[1046] Uh -huh.

[1047] You're going to love this.

[1048] Look at that.

[1049] Whoa.

[1050] Oh, my God.

[1051] Oh, my God.

[1052] Will you text that to me?

[1053] Yeah.

[1054] Because we got to post that.

[1055] Dude, look at that.

[1056] Can I ask you a serious question about COVID?

[1057] Yes.

[1058] I'm going to hold this while you do it, because it's like another guy.

[1059] I mean, it's so weird.

[1060] The photo, in the photo, it actually looks like the cigar is superimposed into my mouth for some reason.

[1061] It's because I'm a genius photographer as well.

[1062] But anyway, so go ahead.

[1063] And I don't want to mischaracterize you, or at least for a period of our life, we thought, everyone's out to get me, and I'm going to let everyone know they're going to have their hands full.

[1064] So don't try it.

[1065] I'm willing to go down fighting.

[1066] and something about COVID for me felt like, at least momentarily, oh, yeah, I've been preparing for this my whole life.

[1067] Like, this is the thing I thought was going to happen, like it would be me against the world somehow.

[1068] So there was some weird, I don't know, elation about it.

[1069] It was weird.

[1070] I felt very responsible in a way.

[1071] But I have to tell you, it's so funny that you said that because yesterday I was waiting for my Uber, because I'm like going to.

[1072] actor, and I get Uber.

[1073] Not because you live in New York, but because you're an actor, but yeah.

[1074] No, but I also get one in L .A. So I'm waiting for an Uber, and there's these two, I think they were from another country.

[1075] I don't know exactly where, but two guys in suits on Fifth Avenue.

[1076] I'm waiting for an Uber.

[1077] And one, I swear to God, this is true, okay?

[1078] This is similar to the helicopter story, but this is true.

[1079] Okay.

[1080] They're talking about COVID.

[1081] I can hear the word COVID, COVID, COVID.

[1082] And then one guy says that the other guy, I told you so.

[1083] And he goes, what do you mean you told me so?

[1084] I told you it would happen.

[1085] I told everybody it would happen.

[1086] So COVID was the big I told you so for everyone?

[1087] Like, this guy is claiming he's claiming that he knew.

[1088] And his friends are like, you didn't tell me. And he's like, I did tell you.

[1089] I told everybody.

[1090] And I'm listening to this.

[1091] And I'm like, I wanted to enter the conversation and say to him.

[1092] This makes absolutely no sense.

[1093] Okay, there's no way you could have known.

[1094] And you didn't tell everybody.

[1095] Was it Bill Gates?

[1096] Because he did predict it.

[1097] Yeah, was it Bill Gates?

[1098] No, it wasn't Bill Gates.

[1099] It was just two guys who were in New York doing business.

[1100] Yeah.

[1101] But very well -dressed.

[1102] Not game show well -dressed, but very well -dressed.

[1103] Okay.

[1104] And very articulate.

[1105] That's why it was so surprising when he said, I told you so.

[1106] And you should have seen his friend's face.

[1107] He said, you didn't tell me. What?

[1108] And he goes, yes, I did.

[1109] I told everybody.

[1110] It's like unbelievable.

[1111] Oh, my God.

[1112] Well, I'm delighted that he doesn't surround himself with yes man because the guy was like, you did not.

[1113] Yeah.

[1114] You never said that guy.

[1115] Yeah.

[1116] It was like the guy turned into his like sister.

[1117] You know what I mean?

[1118] You did not.

[1119] Like, shut up.

[1120] I'm inclined to add, although it's a little narcissistic.

[1121] But I think that's another thing you and I feel very entitled to do, which is like if someone's being a blowhard, we become the self -appointed sheriff.

[1122] Yes, we do.

[1123] It has to help everyone else out by letting this person know you're being a real blowhard right now.

[1124] Yeah.

[1125] I have to tell you that I can't talk about specifics as you can't talk about specifics, but because I know some of them and you will not talk about it.

[1126] As a friend, I'm telling you not to.

[1127] So there are still days when I'm walking down the street and a memory comes back to me and I have to like shake it off what I did.

[1128] You know what I mean?

[1129] Oh, yeah.

[1130] And for the exact reason why you're just what you sprung.

[1131] Yeah.

[1132] Because like I used to think that I needed to take care of business if there was business to be taken care.

[1133] And again, I'll speak for me. It's from having been forced to be around adults when I was young and couldn't do that.

[1134] And watching everyone pay the fucking price of this blowhard's agenda.

[1135] Yeah.

[1136] And then becoming an adult and going, like, not on my watch.

[1137] Exactly.

[1138] Like, I tell you, I tell my good friends, like Ethan, like, I tell you guys that I love you.

[1139] I tell you to be safe, take care of yourself.

[1140] It's not odd for me to just text you and say, how you doing?

[1141] You're okay?

[1142] I mean, I just did it with Ethan the other night.

[1143] I just said, be careful, be safe.

[1144] That was the end of my text.

[1145] But nobody understands, except for my friends, I guess, who knows.

[1146] me what that is because I remember when I was younger and I said it to a girl and she was going out that night and I said be safe be careful and she thought that I meant don't fuck somebody or like like I was trying to control her and I'm like I don't do that like I'm not that I really mean she goes why like why are you suddenly concerned that something's going to happen and I'm thinking to myself it's true why am I concerned but It's because of the PTSD from being younger and being in so much that shit does happen.

[1147] Yeah.

[1148] And sometimes I was the cause of it because of a bad choice, you know.

[1149] Well, yeah, that's the other hardest thing for me to come to terms with this.

[1150] I don't think of myself as a bad human being.

[1151] No. And you're not.

[1152] So I can only assess everyone else in the world as being about as good as I am.

[1153] and I've just done really fucking horrendous things.

[1154] So how much can I expect of the rest of the world?

[1155] I know.

[1156] I agree.

[1157] And I think a lot of times, fortunately, we were lucky that we got through those times for many different reasons because of what may have happened to the person that got the bad end of us.

[1158] Like that never went to a point where we could end up in trouble, right?

[1159] We were lucky there.

[1160] Oh, yeah.

[1161] And also the idea of us being able to control ourselves as.

[1162] adults.

[1163] So we're fortunate.

[1164] But I still, to this day, there are moments where a memory will come into my mind.

[1165] I literally have to shake it off.

[1166] I have to think, okay, I cannot think about that.

[1167] That is just going to take me down.

[1168] That's the monster that's going to chase me down.

[1169] Yes.

[1170] And you got to look up.

[1171] You got to look up at the sunshine.

[1172] Yeah.

[1173] I love you.

[1174] I'm so happy to talk to you.

[1175] I love that we get excuses, right?

[1176] Yeah.

[1177] I just can't wait to be able to come to L .A. I know.

[1178] You're going to stay here.

[1179] Now you're going to stay here.

[1180] There's more room.

[1181] I don't think I'll stay as I have.

[1182] But I think I will come to L .A., which is a city.

[1183] It's like a whole city.

[1184] So I can stay.

[1185] There's a lot of places to stay.

[1186] It's a lot of options.

[1187] Let me just say one last thing that having said about the visit, and I know it's a problem and whatever, that I don't come to stay.

[1188] But I think it's a really good idea that we do move to Europe together, all of us, in the same, and get a house.

[1189] We all living together.

[1190] He hit me with this this morning.

[1191] He said, you know, I'm thinking of relocating the Europe and I'm going to make you guys join me. And I said, this is a real reversal from you won't spend the night at our house.

[1192] And now we're going to commit to co -owning some chalet and Switzerland.

[1193] Yeah, but it makes perfect sense to me. Uh -huh.

[1194] It makes perfect.

[1195] The whole thing, tracks.

[1196] Yeah.

[1197] And then, well, right, then there's a story you would never tell, but.

[1198] I'll tell Monica afterwards.

[1199] Can I live there?

[1200] Yes.

[1201] Yes, you can.

[1202] Yes.

[1203] Then I'm going to push this, because I like the idea.

[1204] He and I are endeavoring into this collaboration artistically, and I have to have you there to make, yes.

[1205] Right.

[1206] And also not far away, which is the point that I said before, is Norway.

[1207] And in Norway there's fairies and trolls.

[1208] Which we also concluded today on the phone.

[1209] Most certainly has to be transported by horse.

[1210] and carriage.

[1211] You can't go grab a - Which I can do.

[1212] I can drive a carriage, by the way.

[1213] I can drive a carriage of mules.

[1214] I can drive a carriage of horses.

[1215] And I could get like a big fur, fake fur, but a big fur coat.

[1216] Like a big fur coat.

[1217] And like some kind of like old Amish hat and like drive these elves.

[1218] He'd be great.

[1219] Who's your guy from Terrence Posner?

[1220] Oh, um, Hagrid.

[1221] Hagrid.

[1222] You can get a get up like Hagrid.

[1223] Yeah.

[1224] All right.

[1225] I'm doing it.

[1226] I'll definitely move to Europe with you if you're going to dress.

[1227] That's what I'm saying.

[1228] See, it tracks.

[1229] That's what I'm saying.

[1230] All right.

[1231] I love you guys.

[1232] I love you too, Vincent.

[1233] Good luck.

[1234] Everyone go by mother.

[1235] Stuff and things.

[1236] Stuff and things.

[1237] And now my favorite part of the show, the fact check with my soulmate Monica Padman.

[1238] So we're doing something really fun right now.

[1239] You'll probably be able to hear it in the performances.

[1240] I think so.

[1241] Very novel.

[1242] Yes.

[1243] I'm on the couch and Monty's in the rocking chair.

[1244] Yeah.

[1245] And you're rocking.

[1246] Yeah.

[1247] So you're not, see, you're not practiced enough at this because your audio is going to be like.

[1248] Oh, it's bad.

[1249] Oh, you're right.

[1250] You're right.

[1251] You're right.

[1252] Okay, I'll stop.

[1253] I'll stop.

[1254] Look like you're really having some fun in there.

[1255] I was.

[1256] I really want to move around.

[1257] Yeah.

[1258] Well, it's very comfortable and it's very mobile.

[1259] And it's very.

[1260] Zero gravity.

[1261] Hingy.

[1262] And you got your legs tucked up under you.

[1263] Yep.

[1264] So you look like an egg sitting on a rocking chair.

[1265] Speaking of me looking like things that I'm not.

[1266] Yeah.

[1267] We were on a girl's trip.

[1268] Yeah.

[1269] Girls were on a girl's trip to, oh, hi, for a couple days.

[1270] And it was so fun and lovely.

[1271] We had to ride bikes.

[1272] We didn't have to.

[1273] We chose to, they have a bike path that, like, takes you into town.

[1274] It's like a half mile or something.

[1275] It's not that far.

[1276] Hilly or flat?

[1277] There are some hills.

[1278] I got a good workout.

[1279] Oh, I bet.

[1280] Which I was grateful for.

[1281] But I realized when the.

[1282] thought of riding bikes was coming up of like, hey, maybe we should ride bikes into town.

[1283] I was like, okay, but I didn't think we really would.

[1284] And then it seemed more and more probable that we were going to.

[1285] Yeah.

[1286] Then I really had to think about it.

[1287] Do I know how to do that?

[1288] I haven't done that.

[1289] I haven't done that since I was 12 years old.

[1290] How will I?

[1291] And of course, there's the old adage.

[1292] It's like writing a bike.

[1293] You can always do it.

[1294] But I'm skeptical of that yeah yeah sure you didn't ride a bike in college at all no i guess not i really truly don't think i've been on a bike since i was 12 oh my gosh it's so funny to me i know because people ride bikes and it's like a really integral part of my because it's it's how all the motorcycle stuff started i just i love riding bikes i always feel 10 when i ride a bike and i just yeah i can't imagine not having been on one for 30 years i like riding bikes when i did I didn't have any trauma, I don't think, from riding bikes.

[1295] I did learn in my garage.

[1296] Oh, that's hard.

[1297] It was a very small space, lots of turns.

[1298] Yeah, almost impossible to learn a bike.

[1299] My mom brought it up the other day.

[1300] She was just like laughing to herself thinking about me in the garage trying to ride my bike.

[1301] Was that because either your parents were afraid you get hit by a car or you were afraid to not be good at it in public?

[1302] Good question.

[1303] I think maybe both.

[1304] Charlotte -Lex.

[1305] I think maybe mainly the safety.

[1306] of just like, oh, just like you'll practice here.

[1307] Right.

[1308] And I think, and I was on the older end, of course.

[1309] God, because I was Indian.

[1310] I didn't know how to ride a bike.

[1311] That's what, in my head, in my head, of course that played in.

[1312] It's like, I'm not like other kids, and I don't know how to do stuff other kids know how to do.

[1313] Like ride bikes or swim.

[1314] Right.

[1315] Even though that's totally not fair to my parents because, like, I was in swimming lessons.

[1316] This is a very young kid.

[1317] They probably bought you a bike.

[1318] You just probably didn't ever express any interest in riding it.

[1319] Until I did.

[1320] And then I learned.

[1321] In your garage.

[1322] Then I was a full bike rider.

[1323] I had a nice bike, multiple speeds.

[1324] But then, you know, whatever.

[1325] Then I stopped doing that.

[1326] Life intervened.

[1327] Then I was immediately nervous.

[1328] I was like, I'm with all these girls and I don't want to slow them down.

[1329] But I don't really know if I'll be able to handle it.

[1330] They were Linus Bikes, very nice bikes.

[1331] Okay.

[1332] They had a cute basket on the end.

[1333] Oh, sure.

[1334] It went pretty well.

[1335] Once I got on it, I was like, oh, my God, I'm really out of control.

[1336] But then I felt fine.

[1337] Then I felt fine.

[1338] Then there were just moments of huge panic, like big panic moments.

[1339] Something on it was sticking straight out.

[1340] So for the first big chunk of the ride, I was just scraping my leg every time I peddled.

[1341] From your kickstand?

[1342] No, no. From the seat adjust.

[1343] Okay.

[1344] Okay.

[1345] Oh wow.

[1346] It was sticking straight out.

[1347] Okay.

[1348] And then no one tightened it back up.

[1349] Yeah.

[1350] You know I'm a forensic biologist.

[1351] Yeah.

[1352] You figured it all.

[1353] It hurt a lot.

[1354] Okay.

[1355] Inner thigh, upper inner thigh.

[1356] Yeah, right here.

[1357] Okay.

[1358] Any blood, chafing?

[1359] No blood, but some big bruising.

[1360] Oh, wow.

[1361] And I didn't want to stop because the stopping seemed like that was going to be too hard.

[1362] So I just dealt with the pain for a while.

[1363] And then finally I said to end.

[1364] Amy, like, something is hurting me. Oh, Jesus.

[1365] And she was like, do you want to, let's stop?

[1366] Yeah.

[1367] And so then she helped me. And then we had to get on the street.

[1368] That part was really panicky.

[1369] And then Kristen, of course, goes into this mode.

[1370] She's like, okay, you guys go first.

[1371] I'll go behind Monica.

[1372] Like, everyone has to protect me. Sure, a little duckling.

[1373] Yeah, yep.

[1374] And then that was great.

[1375] I did well until I got a little overconfident.

[1376] Well, can I guess something?

[1377] Yeah.

[1378] Yeah.

[1379] Did you get to town and then have a couple of wines and then felt kind of loose and confident?

[1380] Because I think that's probably what happened, if I'm being honest.

[1381] I forgot about it.

[1382] We did have wine here.

[1383] Oh, okay.

[1384] But it was good.

[1385] I needed to loosen up a little bit.

[1386] Yes, of course.

[1387] But then I got a little overconfident.

[1388] Right.

[1389] I think stemming from the fact that you had a couple wines.

[1390] And I was just like, I know how.

[1391] I made it here.

[1392] This is great on a bike.

[1393] Well, again, once you have a couple glasses of wine, you're optimistic.

[1394] That's why people drink.

[1395] It makes you optimistic.

[1396] So you're like, fucking, man, I knew I'd have this.

[1397] It is just like riding a bike.

[1398] Yeah, they're right.

[1399] And Laura, very acclaimed bike rider, was in front of me. And so I was just kind of following her, but ways behind.

[1400] And she took like this kind of, she took a turn, like a fast turn.

[1401] But she thread the needles.

[1402] So there was like a barrier.

[1403] And she went through.

[1404] It was a small area And she did it with such ease I was like, oh, I can do that And then immediately I was like I can't!

[1405] I can't do it!

[1406] I can't do it!

[1407] And then I started screaming for it And then I went up on a hill But I stayed on the bike Okay So there was no falling Oh wow And all the other girls are behind me But your heart rate was like at 180 Oh of course The text I got was Monica forgot how to ride a bike And I was just Because I was hoping for videos so much.

[1408] Yeah.

[1409] I can't think of anything I'd like to watch more than you.

[1410] A couple wines deep navigating the bike.

[1411] I thought of the scenario in which you were there.

[1412] And I was thinking about it.

[1413] I would have been so embarrassed.

[1414] You would have?

[1415] Yeah.

[1416] So I'm really glad you weren't there.

[1417] Oh, I would have loved it.

[1418] And I looked so, oh my God, this is why I started talking about this.

[1419] I looked like a little preschooler on this huge bike with a big helmet on my head.

[1420] I bet you look just.

[1421] It's like the little baby in the photo here that we have.

[1422] I did.

[1423] Yeah, I would want to see that for sure.

[1424] Yeah, I looked real small.

[1425] In my dream scenarios, I would have procured training wheels for you.

[1426] No, I wouldn't have a lot back.

[1427] Well, because you're my daughter.

[1428] So I would put the training wheels on.

[1429] We'd drive to dinner and I would let the baby have some wine.

[1430] Oh, okay.

[1431] And then I would take the training wheels off.

[1432] Oh, that's mean.

[1433] No, just because you had gotten confident on the way there.

[1434] But I wouldn't have learned.

[1435] on the way there.

[1436] I wouldn't have re -learned.

[1437] I would have positioned the training wheels so it gave you a lot of leeway so you could experience what you're supposed to be doing, as I did with my other children.

[1438] We're both very good bike riders.

[1439] Yeah, they are.

[1440] And so am I now.

[1441] So do you look forward to riding a bike again or would you rather wait again another 20 years?

[1442] I'm not like super enthused about getting on a bike again tomorrow.

[1443] But it's so fun when it's going well, right?

[1444] Yes.

[1445] It's a time traveling device.

[1446] That makes you feel like a kid again.

[1447] That's why I like it.

[1448] It is.

[1449] And I did feel like a kid.

[1450] And I did feel like I was getting a good workout too.

[1451] So I was like, this is great.

[1452] But then as soon as I got back in, so after the hill, tiny hill, then I got back on it.

[1453] Everything's fine.

[1454] I'm doing great again.

[1455] I'm confident again.

[1456] Yeah.

[1457] Your buzz resumed.

[1458] But then I almost hit this couple coming.

[1459] Oh, boy.

[1460] And then I got panicked again.

[1461] You probably got target fixation.

[1462] You probably saw them and you thought don't hit them.

[1463] And then you kept staring at them.

[1464] And anywhere you stare, you go to.

[1465] Well, I wasn't even staring at them.

[1466] I was just like, don't hit them, don't hit them, don't hit them, don't hit them, do them, and then I panicked and kind of jumped off.

[1467] Oh, okay.

[1468] And was like, and I was like, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.

[1469] I'm new at this.

[1470] I'm just a baby.

[1471] Even though I have wine on my breath, I'm still a baby.

[1472] My daddy gave me wine.

[1473] My daddy lets me drink wine on vacation.

[1474] It was fun.

[1475] But can I tell you, it's a thing called Target Fixation.

[1476] and in off -road racing, it's a big, big thing.

[1477] So you come around and turn and there's a fucking boulder in the way, and as much as you need to not hit that boulder, you have to force your eyes to look away from the thing you're terrified of hitting, or you will drive into it.

[1478] It's just, it's a phenomenon.

[1479] Phenomena.

[1480] Phenomenon?

[1481] Yeah.

[1482] Not phenomena.

[1483] You could say either, I think.

[1484] Oh, okay.

[1485] It's regional.

[1486] Oh, colloquial.

[1487] So that probably is what happened both times Because maybe the barrier thing, maybe I was like, oh, my God, I can't hit that.

[1488] And then maybe it was - You have to force yourself to look beyond it in the middle of it.

[1489] Okay.

[1490] By the way, this even happens like when I drive Big Brown.

[1491] Big Brown's so fucking enormous, right?

[1492] And I'm tempted to look in my rearview mirrors, my side mirrors, to see that I'm in the lane.

[1493] Oh.

[1494] Like that, I'm not crossing either lane.

[1495] Yeah.

[1496] And if I do that, I'll just cross back and forth, back and forth.

[1497] But if I just stare ahead and trust that I'm in the middle of the lane, I'm in the middle of the lane.

[1498] Interesting.

[1499] Yeah.

[1500] That's good.

[1501] note.

[1502] I wish I had heard it before.

[1503] Okay.

[1504] But I'm not really, I'm not really going to ride bikes with you.

[1505] Well, then we're not going to be in the same retirement community because I plan on riding bike everywhere in my retirement community.

[1506] Well, why?

[1507] To like the shuffleboard deck and the pool.

[1508] But I can just walk and meet you.

[1509] You got to be on a bike, streamers, wine.

[1510] I'm going to be self -conscious around you on it.

[1511] No, you're going to get great.

[1512] I am great.

[1513] Yeah, you're great at it.

[1514] I didn't even have a. line today.

[1515] And I'm overconfident again.

[1516] Great trip, though.

[1517] Fantastic trip.

[1518] Do you know what I'm sad, I mean, not sad to admit, but it's a big thing I'm about to admit.

[1519] Oh my gosh, this is great.

[1520] The Friends Reunion premiered last night.

[1521] It did?

[1522] Yes.

[1523] And I, obviously, I didn't watch it.

[1524] I chose my real friends over my actual friends.

[1525] Oh my gosh.

[1526] Your real life friends over your best friends.

[1527] Yeah.

[1528] Wow.

[1529] I feel like that's a really good sign.

[1530] for you.

[1531] It's sad.

[1532] Are you excited to watch it tonight?

[1533] Well, I have dinner with Callie and then I have to edit, so I don't think I will even tonight.

[1534] Wow.

[1535] Yeah, because you don't want to do it at 1130 at night.

[1536] You want to eventize it.

[1537] You want to have some wine and some food and more wine.

[1538] And I have to be by myself.

[1539] Oh, you do?

[1540] Oh, for the first viewing, yeah.

[1541] I needed to be by myself for the finale.

[1542] Uh -huh.

[1543] And I need to be by myself for this too.

[1544] Oh, okay.

[1545] Have you read any reactions?

[1546] No, I've been avoiding.

[1547] Okay.

[1548] Anyway.

[1549] Any of it.

[1550] Um, so do you want to say anything about what you did while I was riding bike?

[1551] Well, Kristen was out of town on this thing.

[1552] And my son Aaron was here in town.

[1553] And we went with my dad, Tom Hanson, on the motorcycle ride.

[1554] I told you about three generations.

[1555] Yeah.

[1556] And remember.

[1557] But you know what's sad?

[1558] That fact checks now later.

[1559] Oh, because it was, it was, uh, uh, uh, uh, that's how I bleeped out our.

[1560] a special guest because it was on uh -uh -uh -uh -uh right yeah yeah oh interesting okay so yeah so we talked about it because it was looming it was going to be the next day i was going to go with tom hanson my father that's right my um picked father whatever my chosen my chosen father in the absence of my real father i was nervous because tom already doesn't like that i call him my father because we're just bros he thinks of us as bros and we are bros but you know he doesn't want to be reminded that he's old enough to be my dad.

[1561] Right, sure, sure.

[1562] But I need him to be my dad because I don't have one.

[1563] Yeah.

[1564] And even probably harder to explain to him is that Aaron is my son.

[1565] And then again, even the hardest is that Aaron's his grandson.

[1566] Yeah.

[1567] Did you tell him?

[1568] We told him.

[1569] Okay.

[1570] And he loved it.

[1571] Okay.

[1572] We said, this is a three generation ride.

[1573] This almost never happens.

[1574] Three generations on a motorcycle ride.

[1575] We had the most special, wonderful motorcycle ride.

[1576] It was a long one.

[1577] It was like six hours because we got to the top of Angelus Crest.

[1578] Six hours?

[1579] Well, listen to this.

[1580] Oh, my God.

[1581] This is not as eventful as your bike ride, but I'll tell it anyways.

[1582] So two weeks ago, Tom Hansen, who again, he's 71, he's out on his own on his motorcycle.

[1583] He decides, fuck it, I'm going up this dirt trail.

[1584] He goes five miles up a dirt trail.

[1585] He had knee replacement three months ago.

[1586] Oh, no, I don't like that.

[1587] Got into some sandy stuff.

[1588] Oh, no. Motorcycle fell over.

[1589] You know this whole story.

[1590] No. You don't.

[1591] His motorcycle fell over.

[1592] So you can't pick it up.

[1593] It's like the wheels are pointing uphill.

[1594] He's fucked.

[1595] he's five miles up the road he calls triple a and he says specifically you do not send a wrecker send a pickup truck i just need someone to lift the bike up with me and then i can drive it ride it out and uh they go okay and then an hour goes by and he calls again oh they're there he looks down the mountain and there's a big wrecker which can't come up the trail and he's like you know i'm 71 i have no water and like they're like well i don't want to sound disparaging a triple a because who knows.

[1596] Anyways, point is he had to get Ziegers, our good friend Kevin Zegers, to drive up there, to drive up the trail to help him pick his motorcycle.

[1597] Wow.

[1598] It was a big disaster.

[1599] He was super upset.

[1600] That happened two weeks ago.

[1601] The other day, when we went on the ride, we get to the top of Angela's crest, the road's closed.

[1602] So we either have to go 100 miles back the way we just came, or time goes, or there is, remember that trail we took that one time?

[1603] Oh, my God.

[1604] We took a 10 -mile trail down the side of a mountain, and he crushed it.

[1605] he was great and his grandson did great everyone did great but i was like the fact that we're now on another rock filled trail down the side of a mountain but it all worked out it was great the weather was perfect no incidents we swapped motorcycles everyone wrote everything it was a perfect day this was what i was going to say Aaron who spent two decades on a motorcycle like his whole life in his 20s was he rode harleys with motorcycle gangs he went bar to bar to bar all the time thousands tens of thousands hours on a motorcycle he said this is by far the best motorcycle ride of my whole life it's the first time i've ever been on a motorcycle not preoccupied with when is where's the bar when's it coming up how do i pull over and do a bump he's like i was present for the whole ride oh my gosh.

[1606] And I was like, this is a wonderful reminder of that.

[1607] That's what addiction is.

[1608] It's preoccupation all the time.

[1609] No matter what you're doing.

[1610] Future surfing all the time.

[1611] And the gift of sobriety can be being present on a motorcycle ride.

[1612] And it was, we were like 12 years old.

[1613] It was beautiful.

[1614] Oh, I love that.

[1615] You were 12 years old.

[1616] I was 12 years old.

[1617] Everyone was 12 years old this week.

[1618] That's special.

[1619] Ding, ding, ding.

[1620] Oh, my God.

[1621] Okay.

[1622] And our guests that we're reviewing right now is 12 years old.

[1623] I'm calling these reviews now instead of fact checks.

[1624] So are we say whether we give them a ranking.

[1625] Oh, I'm not going to participate.

[1626] Yeah, and we say if we hated them or love them.

[1627] We'll put a big board up at the end of the year.

[1628] All right.

[1629] That seems nice.

[1630] Okay.

[1631] Like a good thing we should be putting out.

[1632] Yeah, it's really good to rank people.

[1633] Okay, Vincent.

[1634] Vincent DiNofrio.

[1635] Third timer.

[1636] Three Pete.

[1637] One of the loves of my life.

[1638] Yeah, he's a nice, nice boy.

[1639] Mm -hmm.

[1640] He, I feel like I, does he know how to ride a motorcycle?

[1641] Yeah, he rode one in chips.

[1642] Oh, maybe that's what's in my head.

[1643] I'm like, I picture him on a motorcycle.

[1644] I picture him on a Black Harley.

[1645] Yeah.

[1646] Okay, that makes sense.

[1647] Oh, by the way, where we were riding was where we shot him on the Black Harley riding.

[1648] Ding, dingle, dingle, Pringles.

[1649] Okay.

[1650] Who is the editor of Lawrence of Arabia?

[1651] If you say that, Shepard, I'm going to shit my band.

[1652] What if I told you a fact about yourself you didn't know?

[1653] That was true.

[1654] That could easily happen.

[1655] Okay, that's a new goal of mine.

[1656] Okay.

[1657] Okay.

[1658] Anne Coates.

[1659] Anne Coates.

[1660] Anne V. Coates.

[1661] That sounds familiar.

[1662] She's no longer with us, which is sad.

[1663] Lawrence of Arabia was quite a while ago.

[1664] 1925 to 2018.

[1665] Okay, so recently.

[1666] Yeah, but how?

[1667] Would you say 1925?

[1668] Uh -huh.

[1669] Oh, 93.

[1670] Wow.

[1671] That's a great life.

[1672] Yes.

[1673] Okay, I love that.

[1674] I'll be dancing in the streets if I lived in 93.

[1675] Well, you'll be biking, I guess.

[1676] I'll be biking in the streets on my way to shuffleboard.

[1677] Oh, my God.

[1678] And I, too, will be on some wine, by the way.

[1679] I'm going to do the chicken dance on Main Street.

[1680] You're going to be doing some wine, too.

[1681] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1682] You don't like wine.

[1683] This just came up in yesterday's AA meeting I attended, which is it's overwhelming and too much for people to get sober for the rest of their life.

[1684] That's why the one day at a time thing is in play because people will be like, what am I going on my son turns 21?

[1685] Oh, what about when I get married?

[1686] And you're like, well, just today can you not drink?

[1687] Yeah.

[1688] Right.

[1689] And I always say, like, I would never even try to get sober if drinking in my retirement community wasn't part of my future.

[1690] I can't live on a planet where I'm not going to be tooling around on a golf cart having jacking diets.

[1691] Oh, wow.

[1692] But today I'm not going to drink.

[1693] Okay.

[1694] Yeah.

[1695] That's great.

[1696] Okay.

[1697] Who is the editor who died of heat stroke?

[1698] And you said, you worked for Tarantino.

[1699] Yes.

[1700] Believed to died of heat stroke.

[1701] So sad.

[1702] Unrunning Canyon, right?

[1703] Hollywood Hills is what it says.

[1704] Yeah.

[1705] Probably.

[1706] It's really sad.

[1707] She was only 56.

[1708] Yeah, that's rough.

[1709] That's rough, rough, rough, rough, rough.

[1710] And then Fred Raskin was her assistant.

[1711] And he has taken over for all of Tarantino's movies.

[1712] And he was an adder on hit and run.

[1713] And I adore him.

[1714] He's a wonderful guy.

[1715] Shout out.

[1716] Shout out.

[1717] Okay.

[1718] What's the anagram of Slim Bone Head Volt, the album title Vincent made?

[1719] He said we'd have to figure out the anagram.

[1720] So I put it into a thing.

[1721] An anagram machine?

[1722] Yeah.

[1723] The bat computer.

[1724] What's that?

[1725] On the goofy 80s or 70s TV show that had Adam West on it, they had a bat computer.

[1726] And it did things like solving.

[1727] Really?

[1728] Yes, they could solve.

[1729] He'd go like, Robin, I think it's an anagram.

[1730] Let's put it in the bat computer.

[1731] Oh, my gosh.

[1732] The penguin is at 4300 Digsby Street.

[1733] Oh, I guess.

[1734] Anagrams are a good way.

[1735] Clues.

[1736] Mm -hmm.

[1737] Code.

[1738] Code clues.

[1739] Oh, blues clues.

[1740] Ding, ding, ding.

[1741] Okay, slim bonehead vault.

[1742] The anagram that uses all the letters is endotheliomas.

[1743] Does that mean anything to Vincent?

[1744] No, I don't think that means anything to anybody.

[1745] Even the scientists who created the word.

[1746] No, it does.

[1747] It's a, it's a pathology.

[1748] Of course it is.

[1749] Generic term for a group of neoplasms, particular benign two.

[1750] tumors derived from the endotheliac tissue of blood vessels or lymphatic channels.

[1751] Endotheliomas may be benign or malignant.

[1752] Do you think he had one?

[1753] No, I don't.

[1754] I don't think that's right.

[1755] Okay, well, that's the only one.

[1756] It tried to make it into one word, but I'm thinking this might be multiple words.

[1757] So I think if you did each grouping, you might crack the coat.

[1758] Robin, put in each word.

[1759] Okay, I'll do that.

[1760] This is a pretty good Adam West.

[1761] I'm going to play a clip for you.

[1762] Okay.

[1763] While you look for this, I'll find one.

[1764] Have you recently sold any war surplus submarines and have so to whom?

[1765] He's yelling in all these clips.

[1766] I rarely met a girl who's such a potent argument in favor of international relations.

[1767] That kind of sounded like him.

[1768] Yeah.

[1769] But not as much as I thought I did.

[1770] That's okay.

[1771] Okay.

[1772] Slim.

[1773] Slim.

[1774] Wait, that's the real original word?

[1775] Yeah.

[1776] Who?

[1777] And Mills.

[1778] is the only word.

[1779] Limbs, mills, elms, slim.

[1780] It doesn't make sense.

[1781] Mills and then slim bone the other ebon.

[1782] Yeah, that doesn't work.

[1783] That's not a thing.

[1784] Mills ebon.

[1785] Okay, so we don't have it, Vincent.

[1786] we didn't get it.

[1787] We failed.

[1788] I hope you're laughing.

[1789] Unless is endothelioma.

[1790] I'm not taking that off the table.

[1791] I am.

[1792] And that's all.

[1793] That was all.

[1794] All the Facts?

[1795] Yeah.

[1796] Remember that beautiful poem he read?

[1797] I really loved it about Pigs Can't Look Up at the Sky.

[1798] I want someone to hold me tenderly and aim me at that.

[1799] Yeah, that was a good recap.

[1800] That was good.

[1801] Oh, review, you mean?

[1802] I give them 10 out of 10 stars.

[1803] That's my review.

[1804] One more update.

[1805] Okay.

[1806] This really shocked Aaron and I. So there's a Jerry Reed song, Amos Mose.

[1807] Amos Moses was a tracker, hunted alligator for a living, just hit him in the head with a stump, son, Louisiana gate are going to get you anus?

[1808] It's the goofiest song ever, but the beginning goes, here comes Amos.

[1809] And can you believe that in 20 years we never thought to say, here comes anus?

[1810] I am surprised by that.

[1811] Isn't that shocking?

[1812] Yeah.

[1813] So we had a couple hours of singing, Here Comes Anus.

[1814] Okay, I'm glad you made up for it.

[1815] Yeah.

[1816] And I seem to have lost my voice, too.

[1817] Yeah, I really took it out of you.

[1818] This took a turn.

[1819] The plane was on the ground taxing, and I jerked the yoke up, and now we're like a foot off the ground, and I blew it.

[1820] So Vincent's 10 out of 10, but the fact check is not because of this bad landing.

[1821] No. Something is typical Louisiana.

[1822] Oh, boy.

[1823] Okay.

[1824] I love you.

[1825] I love you.

[1826] Follow armchair expert on the Wondry app, Amazon music, or wherever you get your podcast.

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