Gabrielle Union

[0] Welcome, welcome, welcome to armchair expert.

[1] I'm Dan Rather, and I am not joined by Minister Mouse because she is in transit home from Georgia where she was enjoying the warm brace of Ashok and Nimmi.

[2] And Neil, happy new year, 2023, this is going to be epic, as you'll learn about in the fact check.

[3] It is also my birthday today.

[4] I'm turning 48, couldn't be a stronger, more even number.

[5] It is so robust in its evenness.

[6] It's going to be incredible.

[7] We have a wonderful guest today, and it is a ding, ding, ding, because last year our first guest of the year was Dwayne Wade.

[8] And now this year, our first guest is his lovely bride, Gabrielle Union.

[9] Gabriel Union is an actor and a producer from Bring It On to Bad Boys 2, L .A.'s finest, breaking in, cheaper by the dozen.

[10] She has a new movie out now, a beautiful film called The Inspection.

[11] And she is, of course, also in Disney's Strange World, which is out now.

[12] Gabrielle's a gangster, the only person we couldn't fool on punked.

[13] Please enjoy Gabrielle Union.

[14] Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad free right now.

[15] Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[16] Or you can listen for free wherever.

[17] you get your podcasts.

[18] He's an object.

[19] I think these M &Ms make me call.

[20] Yeah.

[21] Because that happened during...

[22] Like the little shards get caught in your throat.

[23] Yeah.

[24] I would love it if you were just clearing your throat this entire episode.

[25] I turned into you.

[26] That would be nice.

[27] Oh, hey.

[28] Do you see how quickly she got back at me?

[29] You know that about your dog.

[30] It would be great if you're clearing your throat this whole episode.

[31] Oh, it turned into you.

[32] My husband's a throat clear.

[33] And I don't know why it incites a level of rage in me every fucking time it's real that noise is real he's like and I'm like there's yeah there's just like a tick it's just it's a tick it's a habit yeah that's a male thing I think it is I was just talking to my therapist last week weirdly enough about it I said I don't know what the fuck I don't know what happened to me I used to be so indestructible now I have to carry tissues around everywhere I go my nose is running 24 hours a day I don't know when this happened I do less and left bad stuff and I feel worse and worse and he said oh god yeah in the morning I really have to go for it.

[34] And I go, oh, my, you should hear what I'm doing it in the morning.

[35] It's just like, oh, I mean, it's a mess.

[36] And I think I'll be in there actively doing it.

[37] I'm thinking, poor Kristen, man, I don't know how she cohabitates with me. It's like a grizzly bear's in the bathroom.

[38] To be honest, I'm a little shocked your husband does it because I associate with him peak physical fitness.

[39] Yeah.

[40] I don't think there's anything wrong.

[41] I think he had post -nasal drip.

[42] Okay, sure.

[43] And then it went away.

[44] Do you think it's like our suppressed emotions?

[45] We're like, we're just trying to get something out.

[46] I think he likes that it kind of clears the room.

[47] It makes you lean in because it sounds like he's about to say something really fucking important.

[48] Oh, that's interesting.

[49] Yeah.

[50] Oh, yeah.

[51] He's using it as like a palate cleanser.

[52] Like, okay, fresh slate.

[53] Here we go.

[54] Something big's coming.

[55] Just thought of this.

[56] Yeah.

[57] Lean in.

[58] Lean in.

[59] I'm about to save your life right now.

[60] You know these things you know colloquially, but you don't really know.

[61] Like, I think I know what lean in means because I've heard enough people say yet.

[62] But I certainly didn't read that book, lean in.

[63] And then I guess I'm at this point, I'm guessing what that term means.

[64] Do you have a real firm grasp on what lean in means?

[65] I've admitted in the most literal sense.

[66] Nothing to do with Cheryl.

[67] It literally when he wants you to lean in.

[68] It's like when people who talk in that low.

[69] Oh, yeah.

[70] And you're like, it's a tactic.

[71] It's a tactic to bring you closer, to bring you in.

[72] To help focus you.

[73] Or something.

[74] To control you.

[75] That's what it is.

[76] Whatever it is I'm about to say is super important.

[77] Way more important than anything you could say.

[78] Clearly, are you were to clear your sense?

[79] throw i would have heard you coming you know this is really fun because the first episode of our 2022 was your husband it's really wild you'll be our first episode of 2023 that's a very suspicious symmetry isn't it way it's kicking off the new year love it let me start by asking you because i had a long period of time where i couldn't stand talking about christian interviews i was insecure i'm like oh they don't really even interested me i'm just a conduit to what thing she's doing That was the first seven of 15 years.

[80] And then for the last seven, I'm like, let's talk about Herks.

[81] I'm out of shit about me. I've come to love it.

[82] So I guess I just want to check your barometer just out of the gates.

[83] Do you hate talking by Heismund?

[84] Do you love it or are you neutral?

[85] It's either between neutral and I love it.

[86] Oh, that's wonderful.

[87] I think he's so interesting.

[88] I found him to be quite interesting too because honestly, I had kind of bailed out of basketball by the time he had his reign.

[89] And in fact, I just watched that shack dock.

[90] I don't know if you guys are watching that.

[91] Shaquille O 'Neal, you know him.

[92] He's a really tall player.

[93] I didn't know he had a doc out.

[94] On HBO.

[95] It's really good.

[96] It's a four -parter.

[97] And then last episode, Dwayne was heavily featured because he had played with him on the heat and kind of the last chapter of his career.

[98] And so then I was like, I kind of want to go back in time because now I'm really interested in that aspect.

[99] Whatever.

[100] It doesn't matter.

[101] Do you remember meeting me 20 years ago?

[102] I got a hunch you don't.

[103] And I met you under the most insane situation.

[104] impossible.

[105] No, I just knew that I knew you.

[106] Okay, you ready for this?

[107] Yes.

[108] I'm nervous.

[109] You are the only person in my tenure at Punked that didn't fall for the joke.

[110] Of the 26 people I was involved with pranking, you were the only person that was like, this is bullshit.

[111] And you guys tried twice.

[112] I was only a part of the enormous satellite dish we put in your front yard.

[113] That was the second attempt.

[114] Okay.

[115] Yes.

[116] There was one prior to that.

[117] What was that?

[118] It was a car crash.

[119] They tried to fake like my car had been hit or something with my car in a parking garage.

[120] Okay.

[121] And what you guys don't know is that I am psychotic about parking garage.

[122] They are the bane of my existence.

[123] I have so much anxiety about parking and parking garages and remembering where my car is and all of that.

[124] I feel like I came back and either my car was gone or something.

[125] Yeah.

[126] And I was like, no. No. Okay.

[127] Ashton was trying to save it.

[128] Yeah.

[129] And then the more the weird lying starts, that's when I'm like, this is punked.

[130] And I think I've probably said this is punked.

[131] Wow.

[132] Well, hold on, though.

[133] This is, I'm going to put a feather in your cap.

[134] You wouldn't have said it was punk because it didn't exist yet.

[135] So I was on the first season, right?

[136] And no one knew what it was.

[137] We shot them all before it aired.

[138] So there was no notion of punked.

[139] And in fact, when I would punk people and at the end, I'd say, you just got punked.

[140] They'd be like, what the fuck does that mean?

[141] And I, oh, it's a show going to be coming out, hopefully in spring on MTV.

[142] You know, like, no one knew what.

[143] the fuck it was.

[144] But I was the person, if I remember it correctly, you were married then to Chris.

[145] Chris, yes.

[146] Yes, the first husband.

[147] And you were somewhere in the backside of the Hollywood Hills, like facing the valley, maybe.

[148] Woodland Hills.

[149] Woodland Hills.

[150] Okay, great.

[151] And it was a curvy street.

[152] And the premise was your husband had signed up for like a cable package.

[153] Yes.

[154] Not knowing that it was an enormous satellite dish, like the kind you see NASA use.

[155] Sure.

[156] So in your modest front yard, it was in the hills.

[157] It's not a big front yard.

[158] No, you guys put it in my driveway.

[159] Okay, there you go.

[160] You guys put it in my driveway.

[161] You know, on a hillside, there's no parking.

[162] So that was like the first order of business where I couldn't park.

[163] And what did you think when you saw that?

[164] Did you immediately think this is a prank?

[165] Immediately was like, this is not a thing.

[166] And then Jamie Fox.

[167] Oh, my God, he was assisting.

[168] I forgot that.

[169] Yeah.

[170] He was trying to like sell it, but we were having a fight party that day.

[171] Exactly.

[172] This was like an upgrade to get.

[173] the fight.

[174] Something like that.

[175] Yeah.

[176] Good memory.

[177] And I was just like, well, A, I didn't put anything past my first husband, but I was like, no. Wow, your spidey sense is.

[178] You're firmly rooted in reality.

[179] When you dip out of what could be real, you're like, fuck this.

[180] Yeah, for me, I believe all kinds of shit can happen.

[181] Literally, anyone else.

[182] But for me, my life is very controlled and planned and organized.

[183] We are separated at birth because I do believe other people are having ghost experiences and stuff, but I'm not, nor will I ever.

[184] There's no such thing as ghosts.

[185] For me, but that's great.

[186] And I know that you do.

[187] Yeah.

[188] But I don't.

[189] They're not for me, right?

[190] Well, they know.

[191] They're like, he's not open.

[192] There you go.

[193] He's not a conduit.

[194] Wait, do you really have a ghost experience?

[195] Sure.

[196] I want to hear it.

[197] It's sad, but it's practical.

[198] I respect their space.

[199] Yeah.

[200] I respect that I perhaps am not the first person that has ever occupied a space.

[201] And so I was staying at this older house in Jersey.

[202] This last one, I mean, I've had a few over the years, but it was an old Airbnb that I was renting in Jersey for this movie.

[203] And I walked in, I was like, hmm, okay.

[204] And I said, hey, guys, I'm just staying for a little while and I'll respect your space.

[205] You're announcing it to the ghost.

[206] I'm announcing this to the ghost.

[207] Yeah, you're supposed to do that.

[208] Yeah, and just be like, you know, I don't want any smoke.

[209] This will be my room and I'll stay in here.

[210] I'm not going to mess with you guys.

[211] And thank you for allowing me to share space with you.

[212] Wow.

[213] Okay, God, now that you got us down this path, I have to ask, we did interview someone that shared my opinion.

[214] So just if I can defend myself, would you be open to making love to a ghost?

[215] And I say that sincerely, because it's not cheating, right?

[216] Like you wake up in the middle of the night and you're being ravished by some spirit, some entity.

[217] And it's feeling lovely.

[218] And you go like, oh, no, I can't do this.

[219] I'm married.

[220] And then you're like, but this is a fucking ghost.

[221] I guess I would liken it to porn if you're watching by yourself and whatever.

[222] you're watching gets you to a place where you want to finish.

[223] You know, some people feel like that is a violation.

[224] So, I don't know.

[225] I'm also one of those people who's, I'm not going to share any of this with my spouse.

[226] Sure, sure.

[227] None of it.

[228] Right.

[229] If you did make love to a ghost at the Airbnb in Jersey, and you just would be like, I'm not even going to bring it up.

[230] I would just enjoy it.

[231] But no, so what ended up happening is I was there for two weeks.

[232] It was fine, no smoke, light my sage and Palisanto.

[233] And I was like, hey, guys.

[234] So I'm leaving.

[235] I'm packing up.

[236] and I'd had all my luggage in one of the rooms, and I'm zipping up my luggage, and I had closed the closet that I had my clothes hanging in.

[237] Maybe two, three minutes had passed from the time I'd closed the closet.

[238] And I go to roll the bag out of the door, and the closet springs open, like, suddenly.

[239] Not like slowly creaks, like it's thrown open.

[240] No, like, sprung open.

[241] And I was like, all right, well, thanks.

[242] And that was it.

[243] And I was like, and I'm out.

[244] And I was like, I don't want no smoke.

[245] That timed out perfectly.

[246] Yeah.

[247] If I was in polterguised, it would have been a very short movie.

[248] Yeah, yeah.

[249] Carolina, I'm like, I'm getting the phone out.

[250] I got to go.

[251] This is clear.

[252] Yeah.

[253] No, I don't want any smoke with ghosts.

[254] It's just I recognize their existence, for sure.

[255] Okay, so you believe in ghosts, but you also don't believe there's any way of satellite of that size would be delivered to your driveway.

[256] Nope.

[257] I guess this is also a feather in your cap.

[258] So I remember you, I had forgotten Jamie Fox was a part of that.

[259] But when you say it, I'm like, oh, my God, of course.

[260] He and I kept going back to this garage.

[261] So I was the person delivering all the shitty news.

[262] And I had an earpiece in, right?

[263] And so I made my pitch.

[264] I explained what had happened on the paperwork.

[265] This is the package that was signed up for.

[266] And the look on your face is like, absolutely not.

[267] And so then you walked away and I know Ashton can hear me because I'm miced and I have an earpiece.

[268] And I'm like, this is not going to happen.

[269] He's like, no, no, you got a blah.

[270] And I'm like, let me tell you something.

[271] I just looked in her eyes.

[272] This is unsavable.

[273] I know when someone knows, we made a bunch of attempts, but no, we never, ever got you on the hook.

[274] So I applaud you for that.

[275] I mean, it was a bummer for me because I fucking drove out there to Woodland Hills and I got in a stupid outfit and the whole nine and we had nothing to show for it afterwards.

[276] But I do applaud your skepticism.

[277] I try to lessen the likelihood of bad things happening or things happening out of the ordinary.

[278] Have you always been that way or is this something that developed through time?

[279] I'm sure my family would say I've always been this way.

[280] I started reading three newspapers cover to cover before school, probably like seventh grade.

[281] And then it became like a thing.

[282] to go to the newsstand in Oakland so I could get more international news, just needing to know information before school started.

[283] And no one could touch my newspapers.

[284] I would time myself doing the dishes because I felt like there was a faster way in a more efficient way.

[285] So I've always been very that girl.

[286] When you know you're approaching your house, presumably you have a button that you hit that opens a gate.

[287] When do you start grabbing for that button?

[288] How far away from your house?

[289] I think this would be maybe a bonding moment.

[290] So I have some PTSD that kind of depending on random triggers can just make me not ever want to drive, not barely down the street, right?

[291] So oftentimes I am not driving.

[292] Okay.

[293] So I have to lean out the back seat window and put in a code.

[294] And every time I have to lean out, I'm like, and this is when they're going to get me. Okay.

[295] So you're never in that.

[296] Because for me, I feel like I'm a bit similar to you in that when I'm about to turn onto my street, I'm still a half.

[297] half mile from my house.

[298] I'm like, I got to get that clicker.

[299] That's what's next in my life.

[300] And I don't want to be one second later than I should have been.

[301] And to a point where I've said to myself, you've got to stop living three minutes down the road because you're kind of never doing the thing you're doing.

[302] Never.

[303] I'm always planning for the next thing.

[304] It's kind of a prison, isn't it?

[305] It is.

[306] Because you kind of can't wait for something to be over so you can just get to the next thing that you're supposed to be good at and then get that over with and you get home and how long is it supposed to take me?

[307] Yeah.

[308] Yeah.

[309] So what's the sweet spot?

[310] Because I have a few.

[311] I'm curious what yours are.

[312] My sweet spot?

[313] I'll give you an example.

[314] So I love road trips because when I'm driving the car and I'm crossing the country, it's nothing for me to do.

[315] I can't do anything.

[316] I have to be in that extreme of a situation where I can't actually do anything for me to get out of that head space.

[317] So it's one of my favorite activities.

[318] I love nighttime.

[319] Nighttime's the greatest for me, right?

[320] 10 o 'clock hits like kids are asleep.

[321] Ain't no one emailing or calling.

[322] And now it's like, Ooh, it's tax is time to not give a fuck.

[323] Do you have those zones?

[324] And can you relate to that?

[325] Yes, yes.

[326] I can absolutely relate to that.

[327] I love traveling by myself long flights where there's not a partner.

[328] Like there's not somebody right next to you who might be inclined to speak to you.

[329] I like silence.

[330] My love of silence is probably a little problematic.

[331] I just love it.

[332] And when you have children and a spouse and companies, you know, silence doesn't exactly get the bills paid.

[333] But I love it.

[334] I love it so much.

[335] And I love silence and being warm at the same.

[336] same time.

[337] So I will sneak out to the backyard when I feel like no one is out there and it could be 110 degrees and I'm like, perfect.

[338] I'm out there sweltering maybe with an animal.

[339] Maybe, you know, we have, well, we're down to three.

[340] Maybe one of the older guys is not moving around too much.

[341] We lost one.

[342] It sounds like recently, yeah.

[343] Yeah, we lost two of our senior pets during the pandemic.

[344] It sucks.

[345] But we got three left.

[346] They got COVID.

[347] I wish it was.

[348] Remember when we thought that was a thing though?

[349] At the very beginning of COVID, it was in the paper that a dog got COVID and was like, Oh, no. Dogs can get COVID too.

[350] You got to be careful.

[351] Yeah.

[352] Well, for those of us who kiss our dogs in the mouth, it's like, oh, dang it.

[353] I've done messed up fido.

[354] But that's my happy place in the sun by myself.

[355] I like that.

[356] So, you know, I've not experienced it myself, but I had a best friend who had a Korean roommate from Korea.

[357] And apparently the Koreans really prized silence.

[358] And in fact, their small appliances are different than others.

[359] Like, they emit zero noise.

[360] And all the appliances in this person's apartment were all.

[361] the specific Korean brand.

[362] I don't know.

[363] I'm suggesting maybe you go poke around in Korea.

[364] I'd recommend South and just see, although I imagine the North Korea is pretty quiet.

[365] I feel like it's very quiet.

[366] Yeah.

[367] So anyways, it's just an idea that may be throw out there for you.

[368] Do you have an explanation for this?

[369] Do you think you're biochemically, genetically predisposed to be this way?

[370] Do you think you had a childhood that made you crave knowing everything so you're not surprised by stuff?

[371] I think is the middle child.

[372] I was often in the place of observing and just understanding what everyone needed at any given time and just giving it to them.

[373] So then I'm never in the line of fire.

[374] My dad is very much like military.

[375] Everything has its place and this and that in a right way and a wrong way to do everything.

[376] And my mom is, you know, whatever you say.

[377] A social worker, Lucy, Goosey.

[378] Yeah, but I liked the order and I liked the power that he got from having order.

[379] And I just always looked at pretty much everything is who's winning in this situation and who's losing.

[380] I don't want to be a loser.

[381] And then when I got PTSD after a sexual assault at 19, it changed everything.

[382] Yeah.

[383] It changed everything.

[384] Then it was like for my survival.

[385] Yeah.

[386] Well, because that was going to be one of my questions.

[387] So, I mean, first by saying I was molested as a kid, it changed my worldview.

[388] How much were you like that, pre that experience?

[389] How much did it change your worldview?

[390] Or how much did it confirm your worldview?

[391] Because it could also do that.

[392] I fucking knew this place.

[393] I was a fucking terrible place.

[394] kind of only knew my household in that way, but when you are black in this country, you're raised that you have to be bigger, about, or better just to be even considered in a conversation, to even be considered as close to equal.

[395] You just have to be exceptional.

[396] You have to be perfect in tone, in body language, in literally every aspect of your life for your survival.

[397] You're going to make sure you don't make us scared.

[398] Exactly.

[399] And you want to be one of the, quote, unquote good ones.

[400] Sure, sure.

[401] So when I was raped, there was a conscious thought of this isn't supposed to happen to me. I'm a good person.

[402] I'm a good girl.

[403] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[404] And knowing that that kind of violence and evil exists and it doesn't matter how good of a person you are, it can touch you at any time.

[405] That there isn't justice.

[406] Not any kind of justice that restores you.

[407] And I don't mean And just like that person goes to prison.

[408] I mean, I'm marching forward under the premise that if I'm perfect, nothing bad will happen to me. Now that was broken.

[409] That's unjust.

[410] This isn't the outcome I deserved.

[411] I was doing everything correctly.

[412] There's like deep injustice to it if that was the guiding premise for 19 years.

[413] Yes.

[414] How did it change how you moved through the world or did it?

[415] I changed everything.

[416] I never felt safe.

[417] Just driving here, I'm constantly figuring out where the danger is.

[418] constantly figuring out what are the bogeys.

[419] Just even when I'm working in any one of the 800 jobs I have, my first thing is, what are the bogeys?

[420] And how do we think about them ahead of time?

[421] So if they come up, we are prepared to always have a plan.

[422] I remember when you had the Thomas Guide back in the day and you're going to your audition and you're like age seven.

[423] But it didn't tell you, okay, I'm trying to turn on this one -way street and there's very little parking and you're not going to be able to park close to where you're auditioning and I would have to go so early so I could map everything out.

[424] And then it became this weird thing where, for years, I could not make a left -hand turn and an uncontrolled signal.

[425] Meaning you needed an arrow.

[426] I needed a freaking arrow.

[427] Because, you know, I came close at one point.

[428] Somebody almost teaboned me. And that was it.

[429] Now I got to figure out how to get where I need to go without making a left -hand turn.

[430] Three right, baby.

[431] Oh, my gosh.

[432] You know what I mean?

[433] You're literally planning everything out where I wanted to sit in a restaurant.

[434] I never wanted to sit with my back to the restaurant.

[435] I never wanted to go really anywhere where there was an exchange of money.

[436] because that means you could be robbed.

[437] And to this day, I am hyper aware of everything.

[438] Me too.

[439] You're vigilant.

[440] Constantly.

[441] Even when there's nothing to be vigilant about.

[442] The upside of that, in my opinion, the superpower is you can see it in others.

[443] So like we had a guest, Machine Gun Kelly, he sat down.

[444] And I just watched the little nano movements that I do.

[445] He just was mapping everything.

[446] And there was just a little adjustment phase.

[447] And I saw it, and it made me love him.

[448] Like immediately, I was like, I love you.

[449] and I'm here to protect.

[450] Let's do this.

[451] You're safe here.

[452] That's a gift that was worth getting for me. Yeah.

[453] The level of empathy and what I mean, sympathy.

[454] A lot of people won't tell you, but you know, this is actual sympathy because we've experienced something very similar or the same thing.

[455] I give grace a lot more, maybe more than I should.

[456] Also, the level of preparation I have for everything, ordering a pizza, you know, who's not going to have to ask me extra questions, whoever's on the other end of that phone call.

[457] It wears me out.

[458] These are our dumb fights, but this is why.

[459] I like talking about him.

[460] We'll go to in and out, right?

[461] There's literally five things on the menu.

[462] And he will wait.

[463] So he'll say, let me get number one.

[464] And they'll be like, is that all?

[465] And he'll say no. I'd also, you could also just order everything all at once.

[466] Oh my God.

[467] Why do you do that?

[468] Because for me, no wasted language, no wasted movements.

[469] If you waste my time, it feels like you're trying to kill me. Because wasted time means you're creating space for something bad to happen.

[470] And can I add, you've also invited this turkey behind the register in on the process, and I don't trust him.

[471] So if I don't go up and go, I'll have a number two, I'll have a number three.

[472] Let's go four animal style, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, bingo.

[473] The only thing I got to hear from him is the total.

[474] But if I go, all the two, hmm, anything else?

[475] Yeah, yeah, I think I do.

[476] Have you ever had our milkshake?

[477] You know, I don't want to invite this unknown variable.

[478] That's another motive for me. Yes, it could go anywhere.

[479] The sky is the limit people are unpredictable and they're weird and who fucking knows.

[480] Yeah, that's why I don't answer the phone.

[481] Chelsea has to call me and Chelsea, I'm indicating my friend in publicist here.

[482] You better text me. Don't free call me. Like I don't answer the phone for anyone.

[483] They could be asking for anything.

[484] Don't raw dog me with a random phone call.

[485] No, you better text me for it in writing because people have to think more when they have to write it down and they're not going to ask you all the things.

[486] When you're in and out and you're angry, are you also jealous that he can operate in the world like that?

[487] No. It's such a waste of time of everyone's time.

[488] That man's time who's just trying to punch in and get home and our time.

[489] I just want to eat in the car.

[490] You know what I mean?

[491] And talk smack.

[492] But it's exhausting.

[493] Isn't it?

[494] I don't know any other way.

[495] Right.

[496] I don't clock it.

[497] I recognize that there are points like right now where I'm like kind of at the end of this long run.

[498] And I am literally saying I have nothing left.

[499] My cup is empty.

[500] And it's never been quite this empty.

[501] Times have just changed everything.

[502] So what I love about this format is there's no pre -interview.

[503] For people behind the curtain, you go on Colbert, you've been on the phone with a segment producer, you've pitched them eight stories, three of them are false, you're out of them stories.

[504] They call you a day before we pick these three stories, these are we're going to tell.

[505] You're all prepped.

[506] Does this give you anxiety?

[507] Like, we have no fucking clue what we're going to talk about.

[508] You haven't been a part of this process at all.

[509] I guess yes and no, because it could go anywhere, right?

[510] But you're not a gotcha person.

[511] So I don't have that kind of anxiety.

[512] guess if I was doing, I don't know, someone's show that I just don't have any respect for, how they move.

[513] I respect that you aren't gotcha people.

[514] You're actually trying to have conversations.

[515] Rob, bring them in.

[516] Bring them in.

[517] Chris?

[518] My ex -husband.

[519] Your ex -husband has something to say.

[520] And ironically, the first time you met, he was trying to get you.

[521] Well, that is.

[522] Well, that is true.

[523] But you didn't remember.

[524] Thank God.

[525] Thank God.

[526] Okay.

[527] Another question, because I love this.

[528] How much of your day is having a argument you know is coming, you know, is coming, in the future and planning for everything that'll be said and then your responses to such and just mapping out, playing out the entire confrontation that is inevitable, only to find a, half of them don't happen, be when they do, like the person's like, well, I didn't think of that.

[529] Like, that's weird.

[530] That's their take on.

[531] Do you spend time mapping out potential confrontations?

[532] Yeah, but more of like, with the world.

[533] So if I say this and they say that, what are you going to say?

[534] I have whole conversations when people are like, she's so.

[535] witty.

[536] And I'm like, no, I've thought about this thing.

[537] It's like my whole life has been in preparation for I you're not improvving.

[538] You're reading from the script you wrote in your head years ago.

[539] No, I got this stuff down.

[540] So I live in a place of, I wish it would happen to me. When I see things happen on a plane, I'm like, this is what I live for.

[541] I wish there was an unruly passenger because I am so prepared.

[542] When racist things happen, it's not even like things that they're really conscious of.

[543] They never try me with that stuff because I am so prepared.

[544] We would be the worst couple in history.

[545] Can I I tell you that?

[546] We would be the worst.

[547] Me too.

[548] I am prepared.

[549] And almost when it happens, I feel like, oh, I wasn't wasting my time.

[550] Thank God.

[551] It justifies my existence, my identity.

[552] No, I'm one of those people who plan for the zombie apocalypse.

[553] I plan for literally the worst case scenario in any situation.

[554] In any situation, I have to be prepared.

[555] Yeah.

[556] I'm so grateful to have someone in my life who actually thinks everything's going to work out at all times and that everyone that comes up to her has good intentions.

[557] I need to see an example of someone living that way to prove to myself there is another way.

[558] I need to aim more in that direction.

[559] Does Dwayne serve that?

[560] Yeah.

[561] And I don't know how with how he came up.

[562] He is so hopeful.

[563] Not only is a glass half full, it is spilling over.

[564] There are cobwebs in that glass.

[565] There's not a drop of water in there.

[566] And he's like, It's like it's an oasis.

[567] He just looks at life very differently.

[568] When he springs out of bed, you remember in Willy Wonka, the original, when Grandpa Joe, when he gets the ticket and he flings his legs out and he like, is like, that's how Dee gets out of bed every morning at like 5 a .m. Ready to tackle the day.

[569] Ready to enjoy all the bounty coming his way.

[570] He loves it.

[571] He really enjoys life because I was prepared.

[572] You know, I read up on all the athletes retiring and there's going to be this transit.

[573] missionary parent.

[574] And I guess he did the reading too because he was not that.

[575] Yeah, he's not that.

[576] Yeah, they're supposed to get really depressed because they no longer have purpose.

[577] They no longer have their community.

[578] They no longer have all the things that make people happy.

[579] But he was fine.

[580] Yeah, I think if anything, he might have struggled during playing.

[581] He lost a lot of love for the game when the business of it all becomes very apparent.

[582] So retirement was like freedom.

[583] Yeah.

[584] I remember he was doing this interview with Rachel Nichols in our house.

[585] and I was sitting on the stairs listening like he's dropping.

[586] She said something like, well, what's next or how do you prepare something like for his upcoming retirement?

[587] And he was like, therapy.

[588] I was like, win sway because, listen, I've been a full -time proponent of therapy.

[589] I think I started therapy like four or five days after I was raped.

[590] So I'm all about therapy, 30 years strong.

[591] But he had been like, nah, no, no, no, no, no, no. And so when I heard him say that so easily and so casually, and he said, no, I'm going to need help.

[592] I was like, well, maybe it just took someone else having the conversation.

[593] But he was just ready.

[594] He was ready for whatever the adventure of the rest of his life was going to be.

[595] And I'm like, well, we got to think about a 401 guy.

[596] Like, I was very.

[597] 74 % of professional athletes are bankrupt within the first six years of retirement.

[598] I'm taking on, you know, every job I can because I'm like, that's just no matter on top.

[599] Yeah, TikTok.

[600] And so have you felt that you have incorporated some of his spirit?

[601] it.

[602] I'm nearly unrecognizable than I was 15 years ago.

[603] Like everyone was trying to pick my pocket.

[604] I think only like half the people now are trying to pick my pocket.

[605] It's a huge change.

[606] You can see it the most when we're traveling because you know how most people turn to the wife and the wife has all the documents and all the itinerary and the things.

[607] He is that.

[608] He has the passports.

[609] He has and you know, to give up like a legal document.

[610] Oh, yeah.

[611] To give him my visa, you know, my passport, trusting him that's.

[612] someone else could take care of me better than I could take near me or me or just as well.

[613] Or guess what?

[614] Maybe just differently.

[615] In a way that I didn't even know I needed it.

[616] And it's always worked out.

[617] And that took a lot, but just getting comfortable with it.

[618] And now when they come to me, I'm like, see, that's misogynistic.

[619] Why do you think the wife has all the?

[620] I'm like, you know, no, my husband has all the paperwork.

[621] That's interesting.

[622] I, too, I have that role in my family.

[623] I got all the passports and shit.

[624] He has like a little passport holder.

[625] He's like that guy.

[626] He's got a fanny pack.

[627] Mostly he just wants to wear a fanny pack for the fashion statement.

[628] and now he needs to stuff it or he's a poser.

[629] So he's actually got to carry shit.

[630] There's some really cool fanny packs out there.

[631] He's got all of them.

[632] I'm sure he's got all of them.

[633] I don't want to get bogged down in this.

[634] But like when I see him on Instagram, which I didn't follow him until I interviewed him, and I just genuinely liked him a lot, Monica, too.

[635] We just were, yeah, we're pretty bold over by him.

[636] So then I started following him, and I was like, what percentage of his life is about those outfits?

[637] And I don't say that mean.

[638] I'm just saying like, the motherfucker has never been seen in the same thing twice.

[639] Every one of them's a showstopper.

[640] What's the image?

[641] infrastructure by which I would need to look like him all the time.

[642] Is it deep?

[643] It's deep.

[644] And I think, well, it's deep.

[645] And then, like, part of it is kind of sad.

[646] Like, he legit loves fashion.

[647] And he loves being creative and expressing himself through clothes.

[648] But also, his teachers had to wash his clothes.

[649] Yeah.

[650] You know, because they didn't have a washer and dryer at times.

[651] And not being able to bathe because maybe the water got cut off and feeling dirty.

[652] And that kind of thing.

[653] There's a huge thing in the black community.

[654] about cleanliness.

[655] You know, it's poverty and not having money for clothes and having to wear your older siblings' hammy downs that have holes in them and getting clown for having holy things and never having, like, the best sneakers or the best of anything.

[656] But the cleanliness of the sneakers is on another level.

[657] The cleanliness of the sneakers and just how you have to move through the world if you don't have the necessities.

[658] Yes.

[659] And so now the man takes all the showers and he's all about, like, your water bill is so high.

[660] Oh, it's not even funny.

[661] Don't get the LA Times started on that.

[662] Which was erroneous, by the way.

[663] Wait, I'm just remembering some.

[664] Were you in trouble for watering or something?

[665] They included us, but they were in the middle of reassessing our property, and they got it wrong.

[666] And there was no retraction.

[667] People don't understand this.

[668] This is so weird, too.

[669] I was talking about a friend that doesn't live in California.

[670] So in most states or a lot of states, they actually measure how much water you use, but that's not how it works here.

[671] DWP, they guess.

[672] They make a guess at what your usage is going to be.

[673] over three months and then you pay that and then they only come out once in a while to find out and then they correct it.

[674] But they're constantly just modeling out what they think you're going to use.

[675] Well, they had no idea that our house is a working house.

[676] We have full staffs there.

[677] People have to pee.

[678] They're going to flush the toilet.

[679] People need to wash their hands.

[680] And they underestimated the size of our home.

[681] They underestimated who all was in our home and never asked.

[682] And then they just said that we were abusing water and it was a burst pipe in our pool and it became this thing that we're water abusing.

[683] We literally turfed our entire home when we bought it.

[684] We did everything.

[685] There's not even sprinklers.

[686] So we were like, we're not those people.

[687] And then they were like, y 'all right, we actually got this wrong.

[688] They're allowed to write a story about people's personal water usage?

[689] Yes.

[690] You know, as other liberals live on the shame campaign.

[691] So we're just always trying to sniff around and find out what we can expose you for.

[692] And I'm all about shame, but get it right.

[693] And there are plenty of things I should have shame for, but not our water usage.

[694] Well, you know, it's funny.

[695] The only reason I know about it.

[696] it is that we just put grass and I had a friend come over and he's like you can't put grass i'm like why can't i put grass didn't you see gabriel union and like i only know that because you were the cautionary tale for why i shouldn't have grass and we have turf exactly yeah i had turf at the last house it gets so hot you can't really walk on it's kind of we got the you got some fancy we're like you're like you're you water to keep it cool because previous turfs have been hot for the dogs yes too hot and so we had to find the kind of weather resistance yeah self -cooling there For our animals and people alike.

[697] Yeah.

[698] Oh my goodness.

[699] Because we care about the environment.

[700] Yes, yes, yes.

[701] And it'll be solved on an individual level.

[702] Believe you me, it's not going to take an institutional policy.

[703] It's going to be you.

[704] It's the car.

[705] You drive you and you're ruining the world.

[706] That's like another teeny tiny example of I planned for this.

[707] I did everything right.

[708] I planned everything, but I'm getting called out.

[709] Yeah.

[710] Erroneously, and when people acknowledge there was a mistake, there was no correction.

[711] it wears me out.

[712] And my friends make all the jokes.

[713] If you were my friend, I would fuck with you so bad over this.

[714] This would be endlessly funny for you.

[715] They fuck me about everything.

[716] But the water thing is like, because they know, like, we are psychotic about.

[717] Oh, my God.

[718] That's where the madness comes in for everything.

[719] Where you plan, you spend the money.

[720] Yeah.

[721] You do all the things.

[722] You're a good person.

[723] And then life happens.

[724] And you're always going to be the villain in someone's story, whether you've earned it or you haven't.

[725] Yeah.

[726] So true.

[727] Stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare.

[728] What's up, guys?

[729] It's your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season.

[730] And let me tell you, it's too good.

[731] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[732] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[733] And I don't mean just friends.

[734] I mean the likes of Amy Polar, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox.

[735] The list goes on.

[736] So follow, watch.

[737] listen to Baby, this is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app, or wherever you get your podcast.

[738] We've all been there.

[739] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[740] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[741] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[742] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[743] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[744] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[745] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[746] Prime members can listen early and and ad free on Amazon Music.

[747] Really quick.

[748] How many showers a day?

[749] Just one a day for him?

[750] Now, a half one.

[751] With recycled water.

[752] No, we're on the road a lot.

[753] But like when we're on vacation, multiple.

[754] Oh, that's the best, by the way.

[755] Because my wife is very, very water conscious.

[756] My favorite thing is when we go to our friend's house in Jackson Hole, Wyoming.

[757] And their water is so delicious.

[758] It's out of a well.

[759] It's just coming off of those mountains, right?

[760] It's so yummy.

[761] And then they have a septic tank, right?

[762] So it just goes back into the ground.

[763] And so I was brushing my teeth and I had the water on and I had the audacity not to turn off the faucet while I was brushing.

[764] And she came in and she turned it off and I turned it back on and I said, baby, we're good here.

[765] It's just a cycle.

[766] It's endless and we're good.

[767] Enjoy.

[768] Turn the fucking taps on.

[769] Have some fun.

[770] It felt crazy that we could use the tap water that way.

[771] Because when people come over, you know, our families are from out of state.

[772] Yeah, they don't get it.

[773] You can hear them in there.

[774] Yeah, yeah.

[775] Just running the water.

[776] And I'm like.

[777] Panicking in the hallway.

[778] Yeah.

[779] How do I not get involved?

[780] Do you have to really police yourself from not micromanaging people around you?

[781] I do it.

[782] You're who you are.

[783] And I don't want to say they appreciate it because I doubt that is correct.

[784] Yeah.

[785] But they understand.

[786] Okay.

[787] And they're like, if this really makes you feel better and it allows you to move through the rest of your day, by all means, rearrange the T -shirts in my closet because I need order.

[788] Okay.

[789] I have this one thing I check myself on.

[790] which is I had a stepdad.

[791] I had several that I hated.

[792] But one in particular who was so anal.

[793] He was an engineer.

[794] He was a marathon runner.

[795] He was you times three.

[796] I mean, he just was, and living with him was absolutely insufferable.

[797] Just knowing that he was peeking at you at all times to see what you were doing wrong, what was inefficient, what was wasteful, what was dirty.

[798] It was miserable.

[799] And sometimes I'll be, I yell these random announcements.

[800] not even at anyone else.

[801] It's like, hey, you don't ring the sponge out and start smelling really quick.

[802] I just, I just yell that in the house, right?

[803] Because as you know, if you don't ring that sponge out, the water makes it stink like shit.

[804] Do you know this about the sponge?

[805] Well, luckily, my father, like me, thought when I was in college at UCLA and I had my little apartment in North Hollywood, he was like, you know what you do when you need more bubbles in your dishwater?

[806] You just do this.

[807] Oh, shake your hand around.

[808] Stir it up.

[809] And that guy that just brings the bubbles back.

[810] And I was like, well, shit, Dad.

[811] I mean, had you not been here for this moment, I would have never pieced this all together.

[812] But he had very distinct thoughts about sponge usage versus a wash rag versus a shammie.

[813] Are you familiar with shammies?

[814] Oh, I've washed cars for 14 years in my life.

[815] He had a love of shammies.

[816] They're magic.

[817] That I didn't think anyone else knew about shammies and the correct way to dry off the hood of a car or the correct way to, you know, your dad or whoever had to mow the lawn.

[818] And then you had to transfer the clippings into the garbage bag.

[819] And my dad would make us put our arms in the garbage pack like a big square like this.

[820] You had to turn your head like this.

[821] And then you would dump it in there.

[822] And then if you dare move your arms, it was a whole thing.

[823] If you destroyed his perfectly thought out system.

[824] As a parent, but more so as a step parent, because I was a step parent first.

[825] And I have a step parent.

[826] What age did the step parent enter the scene?

[827] Well, legally, or, you know, I think she showed up long before.

[828] She was legally able to be there.

[829] But when she was officially stepmom, what age were you?

[830] Oh, I was graduating from college.

[831] My parents got divorced after almost 30 years.

[832] Their divorce was official June 1st.

[833] They got married June 9th.

[834] Wow.

[835] So, wow, they just met on a Tuesday.

[836] Well, a lot happens in those eight days.

[837] Oh, my God.

[838] So, yeah.

[839] But she had an idea of I needed mothering.

[840] Like, I didn't have the world's best mom.

[841] 21 you needed mothering.

[842] Exactly.

[843] But it was like, stay in your lane.

[844] I have a mom.

[845] So as a step -parent, I was always very much stay in your lane.

[846] They have a mom.

[847] Don't ever get that screwed up.

[848] Be a consistent adult in their lives that just kind of reinforce the rules of the household.

[849] So I always was very clear about not imposing my thing on them.

[850] That's complicated.

[851] Can I just say, I hated all my stepdad.

[852] Oh, no, I loved my last one.

[853] And they were together for a long time.

[854] And he did it right.

[855] He was the only one that did it right.

[856] He had no advice for me. He just was a nice guy.

[857] I never tried to parent me. I always told myself, that's what I would do.

[858] I dated a girl with a kid.

[859] What I didn't plan for was I fell in love with the kid.

[860] Now I care about the kid.

[861] Now I don't like some of the decisions that are being made.

[862] And I fucking now care about the kid.

[863] I'm like, oh, I was not prepared for this.

[864] And yeah, now I can't sit on the sidelines.

[865] I love this person.

[866] Well, the way I would step in would be with school stuff, with going to administrators, the older kids, their boys.

[867] it went from, oh, there's the cutest little black boys to their menaces.

[868] And they were being over -disciplined and the corrections weren't equal across the board.

[869] And so I'm, of course, this is what my anal retentiveness, I would bring bar graphs, books, articles, you know, bibliographies, reference pages, and I would deal with the school.

[870] And I would sort of act out my love and care through...

[871] Advocating on their behalf.

[872] Yes.

[873] And being like a sports parent.

[874] Do you know young black men are seen as much older than they are societally?

[875] The adultification of black children.

[876] I always kind of made sure that there was plenty of space for their mother to do her thing.

[877] Yeah, yeah.

[878] But as Zaya got older, that space was just not filled.

[879] So then it was like, okay, I can move into a different lane maybe.

[880] Yeah.

[881] I had to relearn what it is to be a parent because my dad was like, you're going to do what I say.

[882] You're who I tell you you are.

[883] And I'm right about everything.

[884] So this is who you are.

[885] Just has my subordinates in the military.

[886] Exactly.

[887] It was like, you're the athlete in the family.

[888] You're smart and you're the athlete.

[889] And so we all kind of had our identities in our house.

[890] And I knew that was not going to work in this scenario.

[891] I am constantly policing myself to make sure that I am allowing for there to be space and freedom for them to be who they are without my micromanaging every single thing.

[892] Now, did some of that maybe pass on?

[893] Are there color -coded charts all over our house?

[894] Yes.

[895] So in case we're gone, anyone can step in and the kids can't get over on you because there's charts.

[896] and you can be like, okay, it's 2 p .m. Thursday.

[897] This is where you're supposed to be playing Nintendo.

[898] Yeah.

[899] So Kav believes everything has a place and order, and so does Zaya, and she's a self -starter.

[900] And I'd like to think that that was a bit of my stamp.

[901] Yeah.

[902] You have that, too.

[903] You feel like you got that from your stepdad, even though you don't like it.

[904] He gave me some qualities I'm happy to have.

[905] But I do hear myself, and I basically say to myself, oh, my God, you're being Rick.

[906] And once I acknowledge I'm being wrecked, I can shut it down because I hated it.

[907] It was so unpleasant to be around with someone who was so fucking perfect all the time.

[908] It was oppressive.

[909] Couldn't stand it.

[910] All right.

[911] You left Nebraska at what?

[912] Eight?

[913] Yeah.

[914] Do you have strong memories from Nebraska?

[915] Yeah.

[916] So out of the three girls, for whatever reason, I was the only one that got sent back every summer from eight to 18.

[917] To see what grandparents or something?

[918] I stayed with my grandma.

[919] Okay.

[920] My grandma also had custody of some of my other cousins.

[921] So we would just all be there together.

[922] and had the best adventures of my life.

[923] So my tie to Omaha is probably greater than my siblings.

[924] The north side of Omaha is predominantly black, and that's where the majority of our family lives.

[925] So I would spend all summer without transportation, like no one had a car in our household.

[926] You got around using jittneys, which are basically old people who are friends with your grandparents.

[927] They're like a cab service?

[928] Yeah, basically, where they would kind of give their number out, and you can call them if you need to go to dialysis, or the skate land, or wrong.

[929] whatever.

[930] So yeah, I would spend my whole summers with my grandma and my cousins.

[931] Now, culturally, how different was North Omaha in the Bay Area where you lived?

[932] The area you lived in was like richest mid -sized community in America, 2005, 2007.

[933] That tracks.

[934] So I was wondering, like, I coveted wealth.

[935] And I have such a sickness around money from growing up and done.

[936] And I wondered, in the face of that, I can't imagine on the military salary, you guys were in the upper.

[937] His background was in the military.

[938] He became a telecommunications.

[939] Oh, he did.

[940] Yeah.

[941] My dad worked at AT &T.

[942] My mom worked at Pack Bell.

[943] Okay.

[944] So you guys were upper middle class.

[945] We were probably realistically middle class.

[946] We lived an upper middle class lifestyle that we could not afford, nor really maintain.

[947] There was a lot of debt, a lot of buying things that you couldn't actually afford, and the neighborhoods we could afford didn't give my dad the same feeling of success.

[948] Sure.

[949] rather be one of the poorer people in this very nice, predominantly white community called Pleasanton, which is exactly how it sounds.

[950] And so his kids could have the best.

[951] But when you're in that close proximity to wealth, all you feel like is...

[952] Your poor is half.

[953] Yes.

[954] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[955] Always less than.

[956] Your clothes are never quite right.

[957] Your home is never quite right.

[958] Like, we think of wealth in poverty as a definable metric, and it's not.

[959] It's just relative.

[960] In fact, this great book, The Broken Ladder, talks about people who, who feel poor have more predictable negative outcomes than people that are objectively poor.

[961] You're probably feeling so poor, even though you're not objectively.

[962] Yeah, objectively, not at all.

[963] But the center on my basketball team, who was one of my close friends at the time, she got a cherry red 560SL convertible red Mercedes.

[964] What?

[965] For her 16, drop top, baby.

[966] Right when, do you want to ride my Mercedes boy?

[967] Oh.

[968] That's what she got for her 16th birthday.

[969] And the license plate said Ford Dan's 16.

[970] Oh, my name.

[971] Not spoiled, just well taken care of in the license plate frame.

[972] And I was like, I looked at that Nissan Cinscher that I got at the driveway.

[973] I had left that summer and my dad was like, when you get back, you're going to have a car, right?

[974] Yeah.

[975] I had asked for a Fiero.

[976] There we go.

[977] A Fierro or an MR2.

[978] Oh, damn.

[979] And I come back.

[980] Oh, yeah.

[981] Really quick.

[982] Monica, only rear engine car GM ever made.

[983] The Fiero looked like a Ferrari, but it was GM.

[984] as such, yeah, Pontiac Fierro.

[985] It was cool.

[986] It was a cool thing.

[987] I got back at the end of the summer and they had the nerve to have a welcome home sign and a Nissan Centra.

[988] And I was like, I cried.

[989] There are no songs about Nissan Centra.

[990] And I promptly got into an accident.

[991] We were cutting, I was a cutter.

[992] I mean, I cut school, not myself.

[993] Oh, yeah.

[994] I was like, whoa, whoa.

[995] Yeah, no, okay.

[996] We cut school.

[997] I was a cutter.

[998] And anyways, we were driving.

[999] I haven't on the road in my center.

[1000] No, so we had cut class, and we were coming back into the parking lot, and we were both kind of parked.

[1001] I parked next to for Dan 16, this Cherry Red Mercedes.

[1002] And I start to, like, back out because I didn't park correctly, so I'm trying to redo my parking.

[1003] And I get T -bone, and it sends my car into my girlfriend's car.

[1004] Into Dan's 16?

[1005] Oh, my God.

[1006] Not even a scratch.

[1007] On her car.

[1008] Because you get what you pay for.

[1009] My whole car.

[1010] That is so true.

[1011] crumpled like an accordion.

[1012] Oh, my God.

[1013] And I was like, yes.

[1014] Then you would be able to salvage this.

[1015] I'll get a new car.

[1016] And I got a CRX and you couldn't tell me shit.

[1017] Oh, my God.

[1018] That was Monica's first car.

[1019] No, no, no. A Camry was my first car.

[1020] Oh, when you met you, you had a CRV.

[1021] And then a CRV.

[1022] Both were hand -me -downs.

[1023] But that's funny because I just had that realization about the Mercedes because I now have one that was given to me as a gift by tax.

[1024] Oh, seriously?

[1025] Yeah.

[1026] It's an AMG.

[1027] Very nice, insane gift.

[1028] I'll get you something.

[1029] What do you want?

[1030] I'll get you a Fioro.

[1031] Is that what you want?

[1032] I'm a man of Mains.

[1033] Can I finally get my Fioro?

[1034] Yeah, I'll get you a Fierro.

[1035] Thank you.

[1036] But I got rear -ended, and I was like, oh, no, pulled over.

[1037] Not even a scratch.

[1038] And I was just staring, looking for it.

[1039] I was like, I don't understand.

[1040] There's a Mercedes.

[1041] There's a Mercedes.

[1042] It's a thing.

[1043] It's a thing.

[1044] It's a thing.

[1045] Okay, do you know I'm a brewing as well?

[1046] I didn't know.

[1047] That.

[1048] Wait, what years did you graduate?

[1049] 2000, but I'll tell you, A, I'm two years younger than you, maybe.

[1050] I was 96, but I should have been 95.

[1051] Okay, and I should have been, I guess, 97.

[1052] I graduated in 93.

[1053] I moved here.

[1054] I went to Santa Monica College.

[1055] I couldn't pass Spanish, so I went to West L .A. College where anyone can pass Spanish.

[1056] Pro tip, if you can't pass Spanish, go to West L .A. And then I started there as a junior.

[1057] And then I graduated in 2000.

[1058] So you graduated 90, what you said?

[1059] 96.

[1060] But I started at University of Nebraska, then went to Questa up in San Luis Obispo.

[1061] It just looked like my friends were having way more fun than me, who stayed in California.

[1062] So while I was trying to figure out where I wanted to go, I went to Questa Community College and I lived with one of my best friends, and we just raged.

[1063] I was up in a Tascadero.

[1064] What?

[1065] I know a Tascadero.

[1066] Yeah, because I met friends on a road trip in 93 in Santa Barbara and met him at college, and then it was summer, and then they all lived in Tascadero.

[1067] So then we just went and lived with them in a Tascadero.

[1068] So I would have been there.

[1069] Boom, at the same time, you just trolling around San Luis Obispo?

[1070] Were you doing Halloween in Santa Barbara?

[1071] If you bet your fucking ass cheeks I was.

[1072] And I was right there.

[1073] I was right there.

[1074] The Hallowings were like.

[1075] Everything.

[1076] Okay.

[1077] Every fake.

[1078] What a time to be alive.

[1079] When no one was really documenting.

[1080] No one gave a flying fuck about anything.

[1081] Yeah, there was no proof that anyone did anything.

[1082] Well, our dumb asses, this is when people were like, I'm going to get a tattoo.

[1083] And we documented it all.

[1084] And now, you know, we have kids our age.

[1085] And we've become those conservative.

[1086] Don't deface your body.

[1087] Don't deface your body.

[1088] And they're like, Exhibit A. Antigab sent me this photo.

[1089] Have you been over with your ass out?

[1090] Would you eat at T .O. Alberto's?

[1091] For burritos?

[1092] Yeah.

[1093] Well, T .A .'s.

[1094] T .O. Alberto's, you get the three -pound burrito.

[1095] Yeah.

[1096] But I remember they called it T .A. I thought it was like tacos Acapoco, but maybe it was...

[1097] I think it's...

[1098] Yeah.

[1099] Because I remember they had the...

[1100] It looked like a laundry mat.

[1101] You walked in there and you're like, is this a laundry mat?

[1102] No. But the line would be out the door down the street.

[1103] Yes.

[1104] It's $2 .99, you're getting a three -pound burrito, and you're hammered, and it's just nothing tastes better.

[1105] No, it was really good.

[1106] Okay.

[1107] So then you transferred as well to UCLA.

[1108] And then I transferred UCLA.

[1109] Okay, because I couldn't have gotten in there out of high school.

[1110] I thought you had gone directly out of high school.

[1111] I was like, how on earth did you do that?

[1112] But maybe you could have?

[1113] I mean, no, I absolutely could have.

[1114] I was a great student.

[1115] You were a 4 .1 person?

[1116] Well, I had weighted classes.

[1117] And then junior year, I started taking classes at the community college for college credit.

[1118] Yes.

[1119] Just because I have a photographic memory.

[1120] So so much of school is just regurgitating things.

[1121] And my brain basically takes a picture of the page.

[1122] And I can recall where the answer is.

[1123] They're not actually wondering, do you understand the concept?

[1124] You have comprehension.

[1125] None.

[1126] That part was easy so I could take on more and more and more.

[1127] So I was taking two and three classes at night.

[1128] And there were a couple of us who did that.

[1129] So I already had college courses.

[1130] I was getting A's in.

[1131] In such a hurry.

[1132] But you were also skipping school.

[1133] You were doing both.

[1134] with you, a rebel and a, how'd you do both?

[1135] Well, because school wasn't that hard for me, you know what I mean?

[1136] Because it wasn't as challenging.

[1137] You do what you need's doing.

[1138] But once you've accomplished that, now you're free to fuck off however you.

[1139] Like when they would give us the syllabus, I would go, oh, okay, and I would get everything done in the first week.

[1140] And now I have a whole trimester where as long as you're not getting arrested, they don't really care.

[1141] As long as you show up so they can count you so we can get our tax dollars.

[1142] Sure.

[1143] You know, leave.

[1144] Just don't cause a ruckus.

[1145] Like I had a social studies teacher, Dr. B., who just passed.

[1146] He was one of my favorite people.

[1147] He knew that I had a weird thing about going to the bathroom in public.

[1148] And he would let me drive home and go drop a deuce.

[1149] No, to my own home.

[1150] My own house was not far from school.

[1151] To drop a deuce and then come back.

[1152] But there was a lot of trust.

[1153] I was never a troubled kid.

[1154] But what they didn't know is I was.

[1155] And I would go to any other school that had black boys because I was like, I'm tired of being the friend.

[1156] So school wasn't that hard.

[1157] I did well.

[1158] I could have gone.

[1159] But I wanted to go out of state.

[1160] So I applied to LSU, Florida State, Nebraska, and UNLV.

[1161] Clearly, there was an agenda.

[1162] Yes, yes, yes.

[1163] I will let the people take a moment.

[1164] You could have applied to what?

[1165] Morehouse and you missed a couple.

[1166] Those were sport powerhouses.

[1167] Yeah.

[1168] Do you remember the running rebel team of the early 90s?

[1169] And Jerry Tarkhanian, I was factoring in the sports environment.

[1170] Yeah, why not like academics.

[1171] Do you have an explanation for your obsession with sports?

[1172] Was it a father -daughter thing?

[1173] It was a father -daughter thing.

[1174] In the state of Nebraska, if you do not know Nebraska football, you don't get to speak.

[1175] And in my household, if you did not know Nebraska football, you know, the eye back formation, if you didn't know everything, you couldn't speak.

[1176] You had to just sit there.

[1177] So it was something that me and my dad had in common.

[1178] And you could memorize all the bullshit.

[1179] Half of it's just that, right?

[1180] I love facts and trivia, and my recall is kind of insane.

[1181] If you only dated athletes, I only know if two people you were with and both were athletes.

[1182] Oh, I definitely over index.

[1183] In athletes.

[1184] And athletes, do you think there's a quality about them that you're attracted to?

[1185] Outside of the obvious physical prowess.

[1186] Physical phenoms.

[1187] Like I look at most athletes, I'm like, they fuck good.

[1188] I'm sure they fuck good.

[1189] Look how they move.

[1190] Look at the stamina.

[1191] This is a good lay.

[1192] That must cross your mind as a woman.

[1193] I mean, I think it's always the hope.

[1194] Sure, sure.

[1195] There's a couple giveaways.

[1196] Not all athletes are created equals.

[1197] No, true.

[1198] We're going to get some duds in there.

[1199] But let's just democratize it.

[1200] The dance floor.

[1201] great place to get a sense of how good someone's going to be at lovemaking.

[1202] Well, no, because my husband inside feels like Usher.

[1203] He thinks I am Usher.

[1204] I can do the same moves.

[1205] Look at me, pop -blocking.

[1206] And he looks like a broken robot.

[1207] Okay, but he's a powerhouse in the right.

[1208] But gets it done.

[1209] Yes, yes.

[1210] Gets it done on the home front.

[1211] Yeah.

[1212] But no, I think their lives are so regimented.

[1213] That's part of the reason they get depressed afterwards is their whole life has been scheduled and all of a sudden it's like, shit, they've got to make the schedule, right?

[1214] But also, discipline's hot.

[1215] Competency.

[1216] Competency's hot.

[1217] Yeah.

[1218] And I've never really dated dumb -dums.

[1219] So I've been more attracted to people who have something to say outside of sport, kind of like me. I love sports, but also I have a lot of other passions.

[1220] So I've always been drawn to people who had other things going on, but who are also very good at the sport that they did.

[1221] Right.

[1222] Okay.

[1223] So we've had, I know football and basketball, has there been in, like, any swimmers or any kind of, this is like an omni approach to athletics?

[1224] Or do you have a few key areas that you're most attracted to?

[1225] Football, basketball.

[1226] Good.

[1227] Because that's really more where black men are.

[1228] Back in the day, though, there probably were a couple baseball players back in the day.

[1229] But baseball is weird, right?

[1230] Well, at the time, there were more black players.

[1231] Ken Griffey Jr., people who were like, oh, I want to emulate that.

[1232] Yeah, but in Detroit in 92, when I was going to games and into it, we had Cecil Fielder.

[1233] He was the greatest baseball player alive.

[1234] He was at least 320 pounds.

[1235] He was on first base.

[1236] And I would just look at him.

[1237] I go, this guy's the best in the league.

[1238] You know, you can look any damn way in baseball, which is a little confusing.

[1239] Especially back in the day.

[1240] Yeah, people take everything more serious these days, for sure.

[1241] There's all sorts of things these days.

[1242] I was more attracted to more shortstop.

[1243] Okay, right.

[1244] The speed, physique, physique, second baseman.

[1245] Quick trigger muscle.

[1246] You know what I mean?

[1247] The fast twitch.

[1248] Yeah, fast twitch.

[1249] Okay, we got derailed.

[1250] But pretty much, you know, basketball, football.

[1251] Okay.

[1252] I'll have a quick question.

[1253] So if Dwayne's thing is now he has the clothes and can take the showers, what's your thing?

[1254] Oh, now?

[1255] Do you have a thing like that where it's like, I couldn't have that, I couldn't be that, now I can.

[1256] My stuff is so stupid, but it's like grape juice.

[1257] To this day, grape juice feels so rich and, like, rare.

[1258] What's a thick juice?

[1259] Well, like, it was expensive, right?

[1260] And I didn't want the juicy juice, right?

[1261] because Juicy Juice was $1 .99.

[1262] What did you want, Welch's?

[1263] Welch's!

[1264] Yeah, of course.

[1265] Welch's!

[1266] I want to name brand.

[1267] You know what I mean?

[1268] I didn't want orange drink.

[1269] I wanted the expensive...

[1270] The premium shit.

[1271] Yeah, and so the first check I got, now, did I buy a Mazda Miata?

[1272] Yes, I did.

[1273] I was like, 13 grand.

[1274] That was the dumbest thing I ever bought.

[1275] But I got so much great juice.

[1276] Wow.

[1277] Mine is pizza.

[1278] Like I was going to UCLA.

[1279] I was auditioning for 10 years.

[1280] get a job was so fucking broke and i just would think like god if i could order pizza man fuck that would be so good and to this day when i order pizza i'm like you have got it made i'll get whatever fucking pizza i want whatever topping i'm in the mood for i think i might want to have half gluten -free and then half fuck it up i'll get them balls and i'm like i'm loaded and it's pizza that's when i feel loaded yeah it's so funny did you like UCLA i love UCLA me too i loved it especially at that time There was activism on campus and people were protesting prop, was it gosh?

[1281] Too many props in the state.

[1282] It was when they were trying to overturn affirmative action and then were successful.

[1283] They were protesting Ward Connolly and the UC Regents and there were enough minority groups on UCLA's campus that there were thriving communities.

[1284] And then everyone would come together.

[1285] And the reasons why they touted UCLA is the most diverse university in the country, I felt all of that.

[1286] I felt alive.

[1287] And I felt like I got a great education in what America is.

[1288] And it prepared me. What was your major?

[1289] Were you North Campus, South Campus?

[1290] Anthropology.

[1291] Oh, my God.

[1292] I was a sociology major.

[1293] Some of my most favorite classes were...

[1294] Which ones did you take that you can remember that you love?

[1295] It was the introductory one, basically where they kind of covered evolution.

[1296] But we started in what was like astrolopithecus afferensis.

[1297] Yeah, aiferensis.

[1298] Yeah.

[1299] And then it was like going.

[1300] Then Grasiel, then even giganticus.

[1301] Yes.

[1302] Yes.

[1303] So fun.

[1304] It explained a lot.

[1305] I don't know.

[1306] Oh, my God.

[1307] I loved it.

[1308] Me too.

[1309] I was someone who was always suspicious of what I was inheriting culturally.

[1310] Hmm.

[1311] Interesting.

[1312] Yeah.

[1313] Like, what's this religion?

[1314] What's this structure?

[1315] I just am skeptical of everything, right?

[1316] And then to actually have it presented to you like, hey, by the way, this thing we've been doing that you inherited is literally three seconds of the year -long calendar that humans have been here.

[1317] All this shit that you're questioning happened one second to go.

[1318] It means almost nothing.

[1319] I found that so liberating.

[1320] Oh, this is a damn brand new experiment.

[1321] And yeah, we should be questioning all this shit.

[1322] It just started.

[1323] Look how long we've been here.

[1324] Look how much stuff we did.

[1325] You know, I loved that part of it.

[1326] I loved that there's not a right and wrong.

[1327] There's just different ways.

[1328] And I loved cultural relativity that you just learned.

[1329] You didn't judge.

[1330] All these things were like revolutionary to me. I loved it.

[1331] I was the book buyback supervisor.

[1332] So I know these classes by numbers, like philosophy 106, which was like ethics.

[1333] Okay.

[1334] It was the book by back commissioner is always that?

[1335] Supervisor.

[1336] Wait, what is that?

[1337] So you know when you go to sell your books back at the end of the very, I was the person that was like, this book is now 50 cents.

[1338] Oh, wow.

[1339] I know you paid 75 and you weren't going to tell your parents and you were going to pocket this money, but here's 50 cents.

[1340] Oh, wow.

[1341] What a job.

[1342] And then they're like, let me speak to your supervisor.

[1343] I'm like, that's me, bitch.

[1344] I'm that bitch.

[1345] I was like in high school.

[1346] I was the librarian's assistant.

[1347] Like, I'm a laminator.

[1348] This is, I have a love of books and words.

[1349] I thought you were about to say, were you a virgin?

[1350] Well, are you a virgin?

[1351] No, a virgin.

[1352] I'd like to turn it over.

[1353] I'd like to turn back the clock every week.

[1354] Sure, hit the reset button.

[1355] Oh, you're going to deflower me. Scorpio.

[1356] Scorpio.

[1357] Do you ever go back?

[1358] Two of my doctors are at UCLA.

[1359] Okay.

[1360] So, yeah, I mean, I have to go in there kind of all the time.

[1361] But it's funny because the parking has not changed.

[1362] It's the worst.

[1363] I wrote a motorcycle for that reason.

[1364] It's like a superpower there.

[1365] Figuring out what you had to put on the parking application to get the good parking.

[1366] That's what your FECD from the parking garage is comes from is the fucking UCLA experience.

[1367] Well, things were happening in the parking structure.

[1368] Remember it was like lot six?

[1369] Yeah, well, assaulted, robbed or all kinds of stuff.

[1370] It was like lot six, the one that's like closest to Polly Pavilion.

[1371] I remember one random year I got lot six because somebody had given me the secret sauce of what you have to say and I said it all, I totally lied and I got lot six but I could never enjoy it because I was just so afraid and so I would park at the top you could see wide open spaces and usually by the time I would get off work it would be darker.

[1372] I could see if somebody was under the car or around.

[1373] This is after you were assaulted.

[1374] This is like a year and a half, two years.

[1375] Afterwards.

[1376] With Zai, I have camped.

[1377] pained to get UCLA on the list of her schools that she is considering.

[1378] You have to have a 4 .3 now to get into that school.

[1379] She's a 4 .5 plus in all honors classes.

[1380] She's back on.

[1381] Her first choice is MIT.

[1382] UCLA is like, if I don't get into like, you know, it's like the consolation prize school.

[1383] Worst case scenario she'll end up at UCLA.

[1384] Yeah.

[1385] So you knew you were going to be an actor yet?

[1386] No. Oh, you didn't?

[1387] No, that wasn't a real profession.

[1388] I remember seeing some of the cast of Family Matters.

[1389] They were all at UCLA at the same time I was.

[1390] And Miam, Mayam?

[1391] Miam Biala.

[1392] Blossom.

[1393] The whole school called her Blossom.

[1394] All of UCLA was like, Blossom.

[1395] She's in your class.

[1396] No, I never bothered to get her name correct.

[1397] Because we're all in the same place.

[1398] How can that be a real career if we're all in the same place?

[1399] Is kind of how I looked at it.

[1400] Right.

[1401] I had no idea what actors made.

[1402] I had no idea what it entailed.

[1403] It was my second to last quarter semester, trimester, whatever we have at UCLA.

[1404] And I was paying for school myself at this point.

[1405] And I just wanted to have an easy last quarter.

[1406] And so I was taking 20 units and I wanted four more.

[1407] And someone was like, just get an internship.

[1408] Just find the easiest internship at the Expo Center.

[1409] So they had these huge binders of internships and I'm going through it and looking for the ones that offered college credit.

[1410] And it was like being an office assistant at a modeling agency.

[1411] Okay.

[1412] I was like, how hard could this be?

[1413] And I became the office help in the kids department of the full service agency ran out of this modeling.

[1414] agency called Fontaine Kids.

[1415] Sounds classy.

[1416] Yes, run by Judith Fontaine.

[1417] Oh, very classy.

[1418] So the kids side, they had like real working actors.

[1419] So it was like Jessica Beal, Hayden Panetti, Shane West.

[1420] So I was calling in the appointments to their parents and talking to their managers and talking to casting directors and stuff.

[1421] None of it felt challenging because I would get their sides.

[1422] I'm like, I'm memorizing sides just because I'm at the copy machine.

[1423] Anyway, so my internship ended, got my four units and they were like, would you ever be open to being one of our girls?

[1424] But they were talking about on the adult side.

[1425] And on the adult side, it was more hustler penthouse car show girls.

[1426] Sure, sure, sure.

[1427] And I lacked the attributes that you needed.

[1428] Because I remember Tracy Bingham from Baywatch was one of the Fontaine girls.

[1429] But she was like, this is the success story.

[1430] And I was like, I look nothing like Tracy Bingham.

[1431] So I don't know what I could possibly do.

[1432] So they were like, let's just send you on some goosies and see what happens.

[1433] I didn't have a book.

[1434] I didn't have anything.

[1435] I was just the intern.

[1436] So they took a couple Polaroids.

[1437] They sent me to all the teen.

[1438] magazine.

[1439] So it was sassy, teen, and all about you.

[1440] And they were all run by the same people.

[1441] And I got booked.

[1442] That first thing, I got booked.

[1443] And then they were like, okay, well, that was kind of fast.

[1444] So let's make up a fake resume and send you on an audition for Saved by the Bell, the new class.

[1445] It was Missile Toe Girl number two.

[1446] I think she said one thing.

[1447] And I booked it.

[1448] Wow.

[1449] Did you kiss Zach Morris under a mistletoe?

[1450] It was the new class.

[1451] So the only people that were remaining were a screech in Mr. Belding.

[1452] It was all new kids.

[1453] All right.

[1454] But I watched, instead of being in my little room or whatever, I watched the people who I knew were the O. G's screech and Mr. Belding.

[1455] I watched how they interacted.

[1456] I didn't know what a mark was.

[1457] I didn't know anything.

[1458] I'm just winging in and I have a photographic memory.

[1459] And they're like, perfect, you're a thespian.

[1460] I'm like, I'm a fraud.

[1461] But then they just kept sending me out on auditions and each time I would book something, they would take something fake off.

[1462] And very quickly, that first year, because I was studying to go to law school, because that's what you're supposed to show.

[1463] And I was terrible at the LSAT.

[1464] This was an indication that perhaps, ma 'am, this is not for you.

[1465] And my parents were like, as long as you don't need money from us, do whatever you want to do.

[1466] And that first year, I ended up making more than my parents.

[1467] Oh, wow.

[1468] In your first year.

[1469] But on nickel and diving stuff.

[1470] Wait, what are you saying?

[1471] You did the same shit.

[1472] And my first year out here, I worked at babysitting and then SoulCycle.

[1473] You put like 10 commercials in one year.

[1474] You're making hundreds of thousands of dollars as a commercial actor.

[1475] That was like eight years in.

[1476] No, it wasn't.

[1477] Yes, it was.

[1478] Into L .A.?

[1479] Don't even pretend.

[1480] You barely been here eight years.

[1481] I worked here when I was booking a ton of commercials.

[1482] So it was within five years ago.

[1483] Delta turns eight Monday.

[1484] So eight years ago, you were in a ton of commercials.

[1485] Anyways, I'm sorry to insnary you into that.

[1486] Well, now I want to know.

[1487] She made a bad one of them.

[1488] I did start booking a lot of commercials at some point.

[1489] It's like an insane amount.

[1490] I was in the ground lines.

[1491] If someone had like four commercials in a year, you were like, they're a god.

[1492] And when I met her, I couldn't turn on the TV.

[1493] She's in every single commercial.

[1494] I'm like, this is magic.

[1495] This doesn't happen in show business.

[1496] This is crazy.

[1497] It was the commercials that you sent me over.

[1498] I mean, to be honest, I want to get back in commercials so I can get my insurance back.

[1499] My SAG insurance.

[1500] I don't want to hurt it.

[1501] Oh, that good SAG insurance, that tier one.

[1502] Tier one, baby.

[1503] Tier one, you get dental and vision.

[1504] Listen, there's nothing like good insurance.

[1505] I know.

[1506] We take it for green.

[1507] Do we take it for green?

[1508] That's invaluable.

[1509] Stay tuned for more.

[1510] armchair expert if you dare okay this is so fucking fun time is blasting by and i apologize you just have to talk about friends for one second because monica's like that's her religion as friends i just when you got that show was it huge when you got were you like this is no at this point first of all the show that black folks were watching was not friends it was living single and friends was bitten off a living single.

[1511] So had I gotten a guest spot on living single, I'd have been like, Mama, I made it.

[1512] But at this point, I had already done four movies.

[1513] They all opened number one at the box office.

[1514] I was one of the leads of a CBS medical procedural, and it happened to get canceled in the middle of season two.

[1515] Let's say we got canceled on a Thursday.

[1516] Monday, they were like, do you want to go do a guest spot on Friends?

[1517] Yeah.

[1518] And they were on a four -day work week.

[1519] It wasn't the normal sitcom schedule.

[1520] Yeah.

[1521] It was just the next gig.

[1522] But I'd never watched an episode.

[1523] Oh, my God.

[1524] Like, I knew about them from tabloids, not because I watched the show and had any kind of connection, which is why when I was doing press for something else, I was making jokes, and I said, I didn't know I was the Rose of Parks of Friends.

[1525] And NBC did not.

[1526] Love it?

[1527] At all.

[1528] And they went back through all of the seasons.

[1529] I came on, like, late seasons.

[1530] Yeah, no, you are.

[1531] And they counted every black person that ever appeared.

[1532] How many have you?

[1533] The language that they gave me that they claimed was correct was that I was the first African -American love interest on friends.

[1534] And the third person that got to say something.

[1535] And you hit the ground running, right?

[1536] Because you were two people's love interests in that episode.

[1537] Yeah, you got two for that.

[1538] They probably counted that twice.

[1539] It was like the starter kit because then they just hired Aisha.

[1540] Exactly.

[1541] Tyler to come do the exact same thing the next year.

[1542] It was like the same.

[1543] Let's just see if people can bust if there's a black.

[1544] And then they were like, they didn't.

[1545] So they're like, Aisha, let's get the one we really want.

[1546] Oh, my God.

[1547] No, I mean, you were already, you were already a name by the time you were on there.

[1548] You were a guest star.

[1549] It wasn't like you just had some random part.

[1550] But it's exciting for me. That's for her.

[1551] For me, of course, I just got to say bad boys, too.

[1552] What's you going to do?

[1553] What's you going to do when they fucking come for you?

[1554] What did you do when they came for you?

[1555] I was like in heaven.

[1556] I mean, come on.

[1557] That's the slickest, coolest fucking buddy cop movie ever.

[1558] But it was wild because the first half of the year, I did Cradle to the Grave with Jetly and DMX.

[1559] And then the second half of the year, I did Bad Boys too.

[1560] So it was just like...

[1561] Icon, icon, icon.

[1562] It was awesome.

[1563] It was awesome.

[1564] I was like, oh, I'm in this bitch.

[1565] You're on all the lists.

[1566] And I was like in the middle of the pack and Maxim Hot 100.

[1567] I'm like, oh, you guys, I'm 48.

[1568] And I'm like, this is it.

[1569] By the way, there's 2003.

[1570] There's when I come knocking on your door to tell you that your husband fucking got this satellite.

[1571] We need to get you on punked.

[1572] You're the shit.

[1573] Yeah.

[1574] I don't know.

[1575] what my question about bad boys too really is.

[1576] I have to imagine both those boys at the peak of their powers, it just must have been a party.

[1577] Was it a party?

[1578] Well, Martin and I and most of the rest of the cast at that time, yes.

[1579] There was so much happening in Miami at that time.

[1580] Denzel was doing at a time with my close friend San Al -Lathan, and then they were doing one of the Fast and Furiouses.

[1581] The rank and file actors were in hotels like kind of next to each other.

[1582] And then Martin and Will were staying in like you know, mansions, whatever.

[1583] But Martin would come and he'd treat me like a little sister.

[1584] So he was like, you're not going to go out in this town.

[1585] I'm going to show you what this is supposed to look like and how you're supposed to be treated and all of this.

[1586] And it was the best.

[1587] And then maybe a couple months in, Will was like, okay, that looks like fun.

[1588] And then he joined it.

[1589] Because it was like both of us.

[1590] He sent Martin in his like recomb.

[1591] But I think it was like a six month shoot.

[1592] And maybe two months in, he'd started joining the fun.

[1593] And it was so much fun because we got rained out so often.

[1594] Yeah.

[1595] So you're just screwing around.

[1596] And you're 31.

[1597] You know, living the dream, having the time of my life.

[1598] Yeah.

[1599] Well, that makes me happy because I would hope that that movie was a blast.

[1600] I don't know.

[1601] I was just treated with respect and considered.

[1602] You know, usually you get down the call sheet and they're like, I don't care how you make it to work, but I...

[1603] Yeah, yeah.

[1604] Yeah, good luck.

[1605] Why do you want air conditioning?

[1606] Because I'm like, it's 100 degrees of Miami.

[1607] But they just both made sure that I was treated well.

[1608] And that's awesome.

[1609] Yeah.

[1610] That's lovely.

[1611] You were always married during all this stuff.

[1612] I was always married, but that first go -round, you know, I definitely was not getting wife of the year awards.

[1613] Okay, good.

[1614] I had some focus issues.

[1615] Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.

[1616] Listen, listen, listen.

[1617] We had this weird moment.

[1618] Chris and I were watching White Lotus.

[1619] Do you watch White Lotus?

[1620] I'm still in the first season.

[1621] No spoilers.

[1622] The point is we're watching it, and I have this moment.

[1623] And I go, man, you know, I have so much regret over what I put some women through, particularly infidelity -wise.

[1624] It's just shameful.

[1625] It's terrible.

[1626] So I'm saying this out loud.

[1627] I'm saying, you know, it's so regrettable and shameful.

[1628] And I'm sometimes glad I did it.

[1629] Like, life's short and it's one trip here.

[1630] It's complicated for me. I'm glad I took some of the opportunities that came my way.

[1631] I don't know.

[1632] Well, in our first marriage, neither one of us felt like the marriage should get in the way of our dating.

[1633] And so part of it was like keeping up with his activities.

[1634] And I was like, oh, that's what you're identical.

[1635] you're doing?

[1636] Oh, you're going to feel this one.

[1637] And I just felt entitled to it as well.

[1638] I was paying all the bills.

[1639] I was working my ass off.

[1640] And I felt like that's what comes, the spoils of riches.

[1641] And like my dad, before me, whoever has the most gets to do whatever the hell they want is what I thought.

[1642] Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[1643] And it was just dysfunctional from day one.

[1644] Yeah.

[1645] I was in a nine year long open relationship.

[1646] Oh, you had like.

[1647] I had permission.

[1648] Yeah.

[1649] But maybe not from the girls you were dating.

[1650] They might have got screwed.

[1651] Well, no. I never ever lied to anyone.

[1652] I'm like, hey, I'm in love with my girlfriend, Bree.

[1653] I live with her.

[1654] We're going to have babies if you want to have a blast tonight.

[1655] That's an option as well.

[1656] It was always that way.

[1657] Now, what I willfully denied is that despite them saying, yeah, that's great, that that might not leave them heartbroken or damaged or something else.

[1658] I think when you're honest.

[1659] There's two ways to look at it, right?

[1660] Like, I'm honest.

[1661] Right.

[1662] But that can also be your justification.

[1663] So I can be honest with you.

[1664] I meet you, Gab.

[1665] Here's my situation.

[1666] If you're down for that, cool.

[1667] Yeah, I'm totally down for that.

[1668] But I can see in your eyes, because I can.

[1669] You're not really down for that.

[1670] But I'm kind of skating under the cover fire, if I'm honest.

[1671] But my internal, my ethics know.

[1672] I'm hurting this person.

[1673] She's going along because that's all she can have.

[1674] And it's probably not really that cool for me to do this.

[1675] Now, there were others that just were horny and wanted to fucking see you piece out.

[1676] That's great.

[1677] But there were other people that certainly felt differently.

[1678] And that bums me out.

[1679] I have guilt over that.

[1680] I wish I had more guilt for some of that.

[1681] I think it was just, it was such a stupid relationship that should have never gotten out of the dating phase.

[1682] Yeah, yeah.

[1683] We were gifted therapy.

[1684] And the first session, the therapist was like, that's literally what she said.

[1685] I don't know how you guys made it out of the dating phase.

[1686] Wow.

[1687] And we should probably look for a way to amicably.

[1688] Dissolve.

[1689] Yeah.

[1690] Because you have not one thing.

[1691] in common.

[1692] No morals, no values, no scruples.

[1693] The one thing you both have in common is other people.

[1694] You know what I mean?

[1695] So why don't you just go be with other people?

[1696] Those are identical and that you're super horny for other people.

[1697] Yeah.

[1698] Well, I was horny for validation.

[1699] Yes.

[1700] And having certain kinds of guys like me and want me. That made me feel like I was worthy and good and valuable and deserving.

[1701] So that's another thing I feel guilty about.

[1702] So I do have guilt in remorse over the fact that I was hoping that the people I had deemed higher status than me that if they liked me, I would feel higher status.

[1703] That never worked.

[1704] And if I'm painfully honest, I was using them.

[1705] I was looking to them to regulate my own image of myself.

[1706] They might have been genuinely in love with me. And then the pattern went, if I deemed you, you're out of my league, okay?

[1707] You are.

[1708] But I bamboozle you and then I get with you.

[1709] But then something happens, I then go, oh, you must not be as high status as I thought you were because you like me and I'm still a piece of shit.

[1710] It didn't work.

[1711] But now you actually love me. But I was trying to, you know, so I have guilt and shame over that because other people along the way were more genuine about it.

[1712] It wasn't so calculated, but I now recognize that that's what was going on.

[1713] Yeah, I mean, in hindsight, yes, I absolutely needed something from them that I was not providing for myself and neither was my marriage.

[1714] But I think I provided something for them too.

[1715] Guys can be just as big a groupies, if not more, than women.

[1716] So it was a trade -off.

[1717] And I mean, some people you run into you now and it's like, huh?

[1718] No, I'm not foul.

[1719] Because we were both crappy people going through shit and not clearly going to enough therapy.

[1720] Yeah, regulating.

[1721] Yeah.

[1722] But now you think of how much time, like it takes so much time and brain power to be a cheater, to get away with it and all the things that you're risky.

[1723] It's just like, all I wanted was silence.

[1724] And maybe I can go to enough therapy where I finally see myself as, I'm my own motherfucking validation.

[1725] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1726] I don't know the motherfuckin' prize.

[1727] You know what I mean?

[1728] So I don't move through the world in the same way.

[1729] But I also recognize that hurt people, hurt people, and hurt people seek out other hurt people.

[1730] You unconsciously gravitate to someone that has the exact same self -esteem you do.

[1731] Mm -hmm.

[1732] You see each other.

[1733] Absolutely.

[1734] Like, I had a friend, this female friend, and she's married.

[1735] and she's been a member of SLA and she struggles with it.

[1736] And she was telling me, you know, this guy at work was texting her.

[1737] And I said, you just got to remember, it feels so good.

[1738] It's so flattering.

[1739] It feels great to be desired.

[1740] But the truth is that dude assessed you as having shitty enough self -esteem that you would fuck everything up for this attention.

[1741] Like, you got to also add that part of it.

[1742] It's really an insult.

[1743] Speak on it.

[1744] Speak on it.

[1745] Right?

[1746] Isn't that complicated?

[1747] It's not really.

[1748] No, I think you said it kind of quite clear.

[1749] And I think a lot of us who just got like a, oof, can recognize ourselves in that.

[1750] Yeah, me too.

[1751] I'm like, oh, this person really just assessed that I'm a piece of shit that will use anything to validate themselves in any given moment.

[1752] You're a vulnerable person to that.

[1753] Yeah, because your self -esteem is low enough that you are susceptible to that.

[1754] Damn.

[1755] Why is this relationship different than the other one?

[1756] What changed?

[1757] You felt you grew self -esteem?

[1758] I think initially it didn't.

[1759] It wasn't different.

[1760] Yeah.

[1761] I think over time we both had to commit to ourselves.

[1762] And then through that inner work, yeah.

[1763] We randomly came back around.

[1764] Got it.

[1765] As more healed people and more open to understanding our complicity in some of the challenges that we've created for ourselves.

[1766] Right.

[1767] That we are more generally speaking way easier to point the finger of you did this to me. You caused that.

[1768] This person did this.

[1769] And it's like, okay, we're grown.

[1770] We're super grown.

[1771] I'm super grown at this.

[1772] I'm 40 plus at this point.

[1773] And it's like, I don't want to live like this.

[1774] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1775] None of this feels good.

[1776] And it's exhausting.

[1777] And I want a love that feels like freedom.

[1778] I don't want a love that feels like a gilded cage.

[1779] And that was the best I could have hoped for before was to have somebody else trapped in the gilded cage with me. But now we're both free.

[1780] And we are free to choose ourselves and free to choose each other every day.

[1781] Yeah.

[1782] Which is a completely different.

[1783] It's a different paradigm.

[1784] Yes, completely different sentiment.

[1785] Okay.

[1786] The inspection.

[1787] Yes.

[1788] You know, it's interesting.

[1789] So I've watched you in a bunch of interviews talking and promoting this movie.

[1790] And on the surface, the most obvious thing is like, you're playing a woman who is basically disowning her son for being gay.

[1791] And there's so much cognitive dissonance for people, I think, when they wonder why or how you would play it.

[1792] And for me, I would leap at that because you can't play someone with judgment or you can, but you suck.

[1793] So you kind of got to play someone without judgment.

[1794] This is easy for me. I would never behave this way as a parent, but I would do anything to keep my kids safe.

[1795] And if I had determined, or if my life experience taught me that being openly gay was a death sentence, I can get there.

[1796] I'm not that way, but I'd do the craziest shit possible.

[1797] If I really in my bones believe that my kid's life would be in jeopardy if they went down this road, I'd be that roadblock.

[1798] Yeah.

[1799] How did you get there?

[1800] What kind of thoughts did you have that?

[1801] that allowed you to play at judgment -free.

[1802] I had to figure out, where is her humanity?

[1803] We didn't all start out this way.

[1804] So I started asking elegance, more questions about her childhood because she was a child having a child.

[1805] Is this a true story?

[1806] It's a true story.

[1807] Okay.

[1808] And you got to talk with - Well, not everything is exact.

[1809] But the mom parts are all just ripped from his life.

[1810] But I started asking more questions.

[1811] So she had him as a teenager.

[1812] Who was she before she got pregnant?

[1813] And he was like, she was a great student.

[1814] She was top of her class.

[1815] She was a great athlete.

[1816] And I was like, I know that.

[1817] Okay.

[1818] And then just started talking.

[1819] more about how was she just in life?

[1820] What we got to was her desperate need to be thought of as good.

[1821] And that's my way in.

[1822] And all of the things that you will do and you're willing to barter with to be thought of as good.

[1823] Right.

[1824] The compromises you'll make or the betrayals of yourself to appear good.

[1825] Or anybody else.

[1826] If you think that person stands in the way of you being thought of as good, they can go.

[1827] If you think about as black parents since we have been black parents on this land for the last 400 years, we have had to figure out ways of keeping our children safe.

[1828] The easiest way that they've said to keep your children safe is full assimilation to the cis head, the 1 % of the 1 % white, euro, whatever, ideologies.

[1829] Anything that deviates from that could put you at risk.

[1830] Not just you, but your children, the whole family, the whole pit and caboodle.

[1831] So from the time children are born, many black parents to this day, and it happened to my daughter, they look at her ears.

[1832] nail beds to see how dark they're going to be to see just how rough of a road you're going to have.

[1833] And that's just colorism alone, anti -blackness colorism.

[1834] Then it's like, well, I want to make sure that you sound this way, that you dress this way, you speak this way, you move this way, you don't give anyone any reason to draw any negative attention towards you.

[1835] You have to be this very specific idea of what a good black person is.

[1836] Anything outside of that, you jeopardize this whole family.

[1837] But for Inez, it was because Because she was a teen mom.

[1838] In her mind, I became a statistic.

[1839] And now I'm not good.

[1840] I got to get back to good.

[1841] You know, got into church.

[1842] She became a person who works in the prisons.

[1843] So she could preach to them.

[1844] And she could help them turn their life around.

[1845] But they're literally a captive audience.

[1846] They had to listen to her.

[1847] She could make their life a living hell.

[1848] And she took that same philosophy.

[1849] Like, I'm going to be good.

[1850] And a good person forces you into a box.

[1851] Because that's where you're safe.

[1852] And that's where you have the ability to be good.

[1853] And also a reflection on your parents that they've done their jobs and it's the chase to be good and she just did not feel that a gay son allowed her to be thought of as good and he had to go you know i've had personal experience where i had to really check myself i one time was promoting a movie and i decided to take my daughter it's just me and her she's three there's no nanny and i'm doing press right so we're in miami it's fun i guess a place on the beach where i'm fun then i got to go work everywhere we went she got way too much attention of course because she's my daughter and she would talk in this baby voice when they would talk to her and i would find myself going talking your real voice talking your real voice right and two days of this and i all of a sudden was like okay why does that bother you oh because i've fused my identity with her and this a reflection on that i'm raising a kid that at three talks like a baby wow i didn't even realize that was going on a so i'm embarrassed when she does that b why is she doing that that's too much attention for someone this is unnatural This is how she's coping with it.

[1854] She's basically saying, I'm going to be so shitty at talking to you.

[1855] You're going to stop talking to me. But I just, you know, I had two days of doing it wrong and then it clicked.

[1856] Oh, I'm embarrassed.

[1857] Get the fuck over yourself.

[1858] This is the best she can do in this weird situation.

[1859] And then I didn't say anything again.

[1860] But I know that feeling.

[1861] I would have thought I was incapable of that feeling.

[1862] But lo and behold, I've had it several times where I'm just like, oh, God, now these people think this about me because of that.

[1863] I think everyone could kind of relate to that feeling as a parent.

[1864] Everyone.

[1865] No, it's like when you're kids.

[1866] falls out at Target and you're like, I'm better than this.

[1867] I promise you I didn't raise a breath.

[1868] Or you talked about being on a flight to Africa and your toddler was going bonkers in at some point you guys threw your hands in the air.

[1869] I was just like y 'all know.

[1870] Like there's literally nothing else.

[1871] Just like the most shittiest parents in the world.

[1872] I can accept it.

[1873] Let's get over it.

[1874] There's nothing else I could do.

[1875] But I had to catch myself the other day.

[1876] Kav is, what do you want for Christmas?

[1877] Princess clothes.

[1878] Princess shoes, everything princess.

[1879] And inherently I'm like, I'm a feminist.

[1880] This is no reflection on our household.

[1881] And I don't know why it bothered me so much that she is all in.

[1882] Right now, however she got to it, she watches Enchanted on a loop.

[1883] And I'm like, you know, she wises up at the end and she's, you know, whatever.

[1884] But she loves princess everything.

[1885] And I felt like people were going to say I was a bad woman for subscribing to this princess stuff.

[1886] Yeah, rescued by a man, life -given meaning by a prince.

[1887] And I'm like, oh, my God.

[1888] And then she became all at the same time obsessed with being a mom.

[1889] And so having her babies, always with her babies and her stuffed animals, she sleeps with a menagerie and being married.

[1890] Uh -huh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1891] And she wants to be married to her best friend Crosby.

[1892] And we were taking her to school the other day, and me and D were like, does Crosby know he's married to you?

[1893] And she was like, no. And I was like, well, that's probably the best kind of marriage to have, I guess.

[1894] It's a solid start, Cobb, you're doing a bang -up job.

[1895] But it was like, we're not those people who are like, we're married.

[1896] Like, at home, she just is into it.

[1897] Yes.

[1898] And she has this picture of us on our wedding day in her room that we're trying to, like, take out.

[1899] I was like, this doesn't even really go with the decor.

[1900] It's like an animal theme.

[1901] Like, why are we in here?

[1902] And she wanted it back.

[1903] Yeah.

[1904] And it's just, she loves those pictures.

[1905] Isn't it weird?

[1906] But it's like who they are is who they are.

[1907] It's security, though, also.

[1908] Pictures of your parents together and happy is more than just marriage.

[1909] It's, I'm safe in this.

[1910] That's happiness and they're my parents and I feel loved and safe.

[1911] Or that, yeah.

[1912] That sounded way better than that.

[1913] I think it's a piece of it.

[1914] But all that to say, it's all the things that we freak out about that we think make us bad people, bad parents, unworthy, undeserving.

[1915] And when you add the element of race and a lack of resources, you're so far beyond the eight ball.

[1916] You literally will barter with anything.

[1917] And over the years, I've bartered, I've been saying with my soul, and I call them soul sacrifices.

[1918] What's an example of a soul sacrifice?

[1919] You're in a group, everyone's hanging out, having a good time, and somebody tells a racist joke.

[1920] And there's that moment where everyone kind of freezes, and then there's that thing in you that's like, that was bad.

[1921] That's not funny.

[1922] That's really, actually, really hurtful.

[1923] And if I stay here silent, I'm sending the message that I think it's cool.

[1924] But that person is in a position of power.

[1925] I don't want to lose my proximity to that.

[1926] And I don't want to become that guy.

[1927] Right.

[1928] So I say nothing.

[1929] But then you can't sleep that night because you're thinking about why you didn't do the right thing in the moment.

[1930] That's what I would call a soul sacrifice.

[1931] I've witnessed Monica in this situation.

[1932] And then what's even worse, I'm sure you've already played it out.

[1933] But you say something.

[1934] The person is absolutely devastatingly embarrassed.

[1935] It hits them like a ton of bricks.

[1936] Oh, my God, that was so fucking wrong.

[1937] And now you have to comfort the person.

[1938] Actually, I know you didn't.

[1939] I know you're a good person.

[1940] I know, like, it's, oh, okay.

[1941] To me, that's the insult to injury.

[1942] I've had to watch Monica point out, eh, that's not great.

[1943] Then the spiral.

[1944] And then the comforting.

[1945] I'm like, oh, my God, now you got to fucking comfort him.

[1946] Oh, this has happened to me so many times.

[1947] Oh, God.

[1948] Once we're done, I'll tell you a fun story.

[1949] And I'll name names, but not it.

[1950] There's been so many times where people turn on the waterworks.

[1951] And I'm like, oh, you know who that doesn't work with?

[1952] Me. You need to sit in that fucking L, take it.

[1953] And I need you to be just as uncomfortable as you made this whole room.

[1954] Yeah.

[1955] Because otherwise you're not going to learn your lesson.

[1956] If I bail you out by offering you comfort when you were the person who harmed the rest of us, no, fuck you.

[1957] And it's fine.

[1958] And it's like our friendship doesn't have to end.

[1959] But you have to be high on the disagreeability spectrum as a personality type to be able to sit through that.

[1960] That's a type of person.

[1961] And I happen to enjoy that as well, being confrontational.

[1962] I kind of live for it.

[1963] But, you know, that's asking a lot of somebody.

[1964] Or enough times you can't sleep leads you to that moment.

[1965] I mean, I used to not only be silent, I would agree.

[1966] Back in the day, same.

[1967] Back when you felt like you had to prove yourself to be kept in the group.

[1968] Yeah.

[1969] Once you feel, exactly.

[1970] And once you feel confident enough and able to stand on your own, that's when you can start calling people out.

[1971] Yeah.

[1972] But it's still hard.

[1973] Okay, also, so I understand your way in, and I don't think it's obscure to figure out how to play that role.

[1974] There's also a second layer for me personally, which is I am very self -aware, I think.

[1975] I could be wrong.

[1976] You are.

[1977] The ability to have a get -out -a -free jail card and play a monster, name your variety of monster.

[1978] It appeals to me because I'm so actively trying not to be.

[1979] Because, again, my image to me and my status and all these things I'm driven by.

[1980] the notion of stepping into a monster feels kind of fun to me. Normally playing the bad girl is what I live for.

[1981] My dream is to be Chacha de Grigurio, the best dancer at St. Bernadette's with the worst reputation.

[1982] Like, that has always been the dream.

[1983] But in this case, it's so close to home for us.

[1984] I live with the child's heartbreak every day.

[1985] So it didn't appeal to me in that way.

[1986] But when Elegance said, only you can play her.

[1987] And then later, he explained that, you know, him and his mom had been estranged for 18 years and that he knew that she was a fan of mine.

[1988] And that if she heard that I was playing her, she would get back in touch with him and she would reach out and she wouldn't be able to deny him anymore.

[1989] That's fucking brutal.

[1990] We got greenlit February 14th, 2020.

[1991] She passed February 18th, 2020.

[1992] So now I'm tasked with playing a real person who is a very complicated figure in my, director's life and the hope has been extinguished for the reunion.

[1993] And does he even want to tell this story?

[1994] Is he still comfortable with this version playing the truth of these moments?

[1995] And the executive producer and mother in me felt cruel, subjecting him to that.

[1996] And he was like, not at all.

[1997] It gave me a redo.

[1998] And I could reclaim my hope in myself through this process.

[1999] And, you know, mind you, we had 19 days to shoot the whole thing.

[2000] I had two days to get all of this done.

[2001] I'm also an executive producer.

[2002] I'm looking where the sun is.

[2003] We had a very ambitious day.

[2004] And I realize we don't have the luxury.

[2005] I'm not going to be able to do a build a bear performance.

[2006] You're not going to be able to make this performance in the lab.

[2007] I have to deliver because we're only going to have two angles.

[2008] That's it.

[2009] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2010] So I'm in a play and I have to get this right.

[2011] And my director, I can hear him weeping.

[2012] He oftentimes would take the camera and shoot it himself or be right next to the camera.

[2013] And I could hear him.

[2014] There is a mental thing where you're like, I just want to write a new ending.

[2015] You're like, did you get the Goldenrod pages.

[2016] But that wasn't the task at hand.

[2017] And for so many people seeing me specifically go there and lose how you know me and how most people are most comfortable with me, to completely lose myself in this role allowed, even the parents who thought they did it pretty well, didn't understand that acceptance, you know, saying, I accept my child.

[2018] Well, ma 'am, sir, the bar is on the floor.

[2019] That's not something to be proud of.

[2020] They realized that they had been villainous at times in their own child's.

[2021] story.

[2022] And they want to correct that and they want to do better and that they know that there is absolutely another way.

[2023] But this is how some people truly love their children.

[2024] And they truly believe that this is the most loving thing that they can do, putting them out, rejecting them before the world can reject you.

[2025] Yeah, we just interviewed someone.

[2026] Oh, maybe Kevin Bacon was telling us that still 20 ,000 kids a year, maybe it was 30 ,000 still go to conversion camp.

[2027] Like, I thought those, Well, that must be outlawed at this point, right?

[2028] Yeah, like we all know now.

[2029] That's insane, right?

[2030] No, they're not either going on.

[2031] Yeah, still super active.

[2032] Tens of thousands of kids.

[2033] Yeah.

[2034] And lots of children are harming themselves.

[2035] Lots of children have been literally just like, you know, elegance and his mother, they're thrown away.

[2036] You know, but in her mind, she was like, oh, the Marines.

[2037] You can't be gay in the Marines.

[2038] They'll return my boy to me. That's the ultimate conversion camp.

[2039] Yeah.

[2040] She thought.

[2041] Yeah.

[2042] And there's a moment that you can't see because we didn't have time to shoot all the angles.

[2043] But I had decided that Inez had been so happy that it had worked, right?

[2044] She'd watched her child, you know, graduate from boot camp.

[2045] And they're sitting in the cafeteria and he orders a salad when all the other guys have ordered a steak or lobster.

[2046] And that's what triggers it.

[2047] Yeah.

[2048] Because people were like, how did you turn that dial?

[2049] And I said, I decided that salad was a bridge too far.

[2050] Because what, you know, I'm using my finger close here, real man would order a salad.

[2051] And I just thought that he just talked.

[2052] hold on himself and all the hard work he'd done.

[2053] And you'd gotten me out of my house to come to this.

[2054] And now you've humiliated me. And now I look like a terrible parent in front of the military.

[2055] I cannot live with this.

[2056] This cannot stand.

[2057] And this is how best I can love you.

[2058] Oh, man. Oh, man. Well, the movie's beautiful.

[2059] I'm so glad that you lent your attention -grabbing ability to it.

[2060] Thanks.

[2061] I needed it.

[2062] Because I'm sure you're growing.

[2063] You got kids.

[2064] You got security, you got money.

[2065] To still be helpful to still help shine a light on things is an act of service.

[2066] I mean, I'm sure you enjoyed playing it and it's a great movie, but it's still an act of service and I think it's fucking rad.

[2067] Thank you.

[2068] You're welcome.

[2069] Everyone should watch the inspection out now on demand, the time of this airing.

[2070] Gabs, Gabrielle, this has been a party.

[2071] This has been so fun.

[2072] Yeah.

[2073] Oh, oh, I almost did it again.

[2074] I know.

[2075] I know you're nervous.

[2076] This is one second.

[2077] Listen, I have literally nothing to do.

[2078] I'm a fucking regret of this whole year.

[2079] I bet you I've thought about it.

[2080] 365 days ago we interviewed your husband.

[2081] 300 of the days.

[2082] We're Spades fanatic.

[2083] Huge.

[2084] We are fucking.

[2085] Listen to me. Do you know Mata?

[2086] You're friends with Mata.

[2087] He's been in the tournament, yes.

[2088] He's been in the tournament, yes.

[2089] We haven't been matched up against him.

[2090] Okay.

[2091] Well, I interviewed him.

[2092] He said he was good.

[2093] I said, show it.

[2094] He and his wife came over.

[2095] We fucking slaughtered him.

[2096] And we played.

[2097] Do you guys play sandbags?

[2098] No. See, well, you know, now, now you just.

[2099] done, revealed yourself.

[2100] He told us a little bit about that.

[2101] Oh, no, no, no, this is where you can cheat.

[2102] No, no, no, that means you have to actually bid your hand.

[2103] So if you go over, let's say you bid six.

[2104] Yeah.

[2105] Oh, we play bags.

[2106] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2107] And then you get set back.

[2108] But we didn't know they were called sandbags.

[2109] Well, that's, of course, you got to know the lingo.

[2110] We got in regular bags.

[2111] Bag, sandbags.

[2112] Okay.

[2113] We call us sandbag.

[2114] So please, if you're part of the committee that invites people, we must play.

[2115] We've done nothing but play spades for the last three years.

[2116] So this year's All -Star is in Utah, where my husband is, he is no longer saying owner, investor in the jazz.

[2117] So listen, you got to put up or shut up.

[2118] And it's cutthroat.

[2119] I know what you think, which I love.

[2120] I love the underestimation.

[2121] We love an underdog story.

[2122] We have been surprised.

[2123] We have been surprised.

[2124] We'll prepare to be surprised.

[2125] There are like Chris Paul's parents, they will take you down.

[2126] Oh, this is so fun.

[2127] It is.

[2128] But there are certain people that you don't want to get matched up against.

[2129] There's some legendary teams out there.

[2130] And the problem is I have a bit of social anxiety.

[2131] So I will start to drink straight tequila.

[2132] And then I'm not exactly paying attention as sharp.

[2133] And I'm missing the clues and his eyeballs.

[2134] And I've got, you know, obviously can't talk across the board.

[2135] You didn't notice I threw off on that time?

[2136] You didn't notice I was thrown off?

[2137] I'm three sheets to the win.

[2138] And he hates it.

[2139] Do you know I'm out of diamonds?

[2140] Why did you fucking lead a club?

[2141] We've had some major fight.

[2142] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[2143] It wears him out early in our relationship, you know, because he didn't, at the time, he didn't drink or anything.

[2144] And he would give me a two drink max.

[2145] And this is like back in, like, the day when I was doing the most.

[2146] And he didn't realize he was on thin ice.

[2147] And there was a rouser waiting.

[2148] And I'm like, you could get traded in the season now on my team.

[2149] But he was like to drink max.

[2150] And it became this joke, I think it was partly to make sure that I stayed focused when we played spades.

[2151] Well, there's another comical truth to spades, which is husband and wives make the worst.

[2152] fucking teams.

[2153] My record with some non -wife members is outstanding.

[2154] And all the members of our group, they play the worst with their spouses.

[2155] We play well if I'm focused.

[2156] If you're so much.

[2157] Because I know what he's going to do.

[2158] I have an idea of what's in his hand based on his body language and how he holds his face.

[2159] But you're both alpha, right?

[2160] So my wife and I are both alpha, and that's a big trouble in spate.

[2161] Someone's got to fucking get with the program.

[2162] I generally stand down in the relationship generally speaking.

[2163] Okay.

[2164] You're pretty alpha.

[2165] Because I have to be an alpha in the rest of my life.

[2166] And sometimes I don't want to have to make every damn decision.

[2167] So like if I come home, I'm like, I would also like to be talent here.

[2168] And D always is saying, I don't work for you.

[2169] And I was like, no, I think you filed a W2 a while back, actually.

[2170] He carries the passports of the fanny pack.

[2171] You can take care of it.

[2172] And you can also, you know, go grab me some water.

[2173] and a snack.

[2174] You're in there.

[2175] Like, I don't understand why you just can't.

[2176] We're already in there.

[2177] We're already in there.

[2178] Oh, my gosh.

[2179] Well, phew, man. It almost blew my name again without trying to get our name in the hat.

[2180] No, you guys are included.

[2181] I don't know if any of you are opposed to going to Utah.

[2182] No. I'll go to you name the fucking country.

[2183] I will go.

[2184] This has been a blast.

[2185] Good luck with everything.

[2186] Everyone watches the inspection.

[2187] And also check out Strange World, which is on Disney now.

[2188] Yes.

[2189] Be good.

[2190] Take care.

[2191] Thank you so much.

[2192] Go, Bruins.

[2193] Yeah, A clap.

[2194] And now my favorite part of the show, the fact check with my soulmate Monica Padman.

[2195] Does everyone you want to hit record?

[2196] I've been recording.

[2197] I'm not going to record.

[2198] This is one of my New Year's resolutions.

[2199] Oh, cool.

[2200] Obstinence.

[2201] Not record on my end.

[2202] NPR.

[2203] Insulence, obstinence.

[2204] What's the difference between insolence and obstinence?

[2205] I think they're similar.

[2206] Okay.

[2207] Both pejoratives.

[2208] Neither anything anyone would make as a resolution.

[2209] Oh, you're back in your cupboard.

[2210] Yeah.

[2211] And in my closet.

[2212] Okay, I mean, just make sure everything's still looking good.

[2213] Oh, yeah, numbers are running up.

[2214] It turns out I'm not going to be able to do my resolution of being obstinate.

[2215] I'm sorry.

[2216] Happy?

[2217] I don't want to lie about it.

[2218] Oh, God.

[2219] I can't.

[2220] Why even got to talk about it?

[2221] No, of course we have to talk about it.

[2222] That's the whole episode.

[2223] Well, no, but you could have, you could have so many other thoughts that just really don't have anything to do with space and time.

[2224] No. We live in space time, says Neil DeGrasse Tyson.

[2225] Well, I read an article recently that said that the people who study the beginning of the universe, they said you got to stop thinking about time.

[2226] It's not a real thing.

[2227] That's the most recent thing I heard.

[2228] Wait, what?

[2229] Yes.

[2230] It was like a New York Times headline.

[2231] It said, like, time.

[2232] not real question mark and then it was some journalist who reports on astrophysics and she said when she talks to the people that are deepest in it they said it's really just an invention of ours it doesn't really exist and they're looking at the beginning of the universe like it's just an abstract concept of ours i guess i get that like we put words to how you move through the universe I think more like, as I understand time, the prerequisite for time is that there's a beginning and an end for things.

[2233] Where else are you establishing this timeline?

[2234] Well, does it have to be a beginning or an end or can it be a before and an after?

[2235] Because there are befores and afters.

[2236] Well, that's a great point.

[2237] Oh, my God.

[2238] I should work for the New York Times.

[2239] No, you should work as an astrophysicist studying black holes in the beginning of the universe.

[2240] I'd be so bad at that.

[2241] I think they might think there's not a before and an after.

[2242] I don't know.

[2243] I don't know.

[2244] But yeah, you're right.

[2245] If stars formed after, I don't know.

[2246] But it was compelling.

[2247] And there was a before we recorded and after we recorded.

[2248] We think.

[2249] Well, we know.

[2250] We know that.

[2251] Have you seen everywhere, every time, all the places?

[2252] No, we were all supposed to watch it together.

[2253] Did you guys end up watching it?

[2254] I finally saw it last night.

[2255] Okay.

[2256] It's incredible.

[2257] I do want to see it.

[2258] What's it called?

[2259] Everything everywhere all the time?

[2260] Everything everywhere all at once.

[2261] Even better.

[2262] It's so good.

[2263] It's really good.

[2264] And a good message.

[2265] Oh, I love a good message.

[2266] Yeah.

[2267] Messages don't really get me in movies, you know?

[2268] Uh -huh.

[2269] In general.

[2270] Because you're so obstinate.

[2271] Yeah, but do they get you?

[2272] Like, wow.

[2273] I learned a lesson.

[2274] Oh, really?

[2275] I love that.

[2276] Yeah.

[2277] Give me an example.

[2278] I think you just need your.

[2279] saying that, but you don't have an example.

[2280] No. Every movie I watch, there's lessons.

[2281] Oh, that you value?

[2282] Yeah, glass onion.

[2283] Lots of messages.

[2284] What was the messages and learnings?

[2285] And it requires that you didn't already hold that opinion.

[2286] Oh, well.

[2287] Yeah, exactly.

[2288] Now we're down to zero.

[2289] Wait, no. I mean, I guess White Lotus, I had some perspective shifts.

[2290] I think it's maybe okay to choose dishonesty.

[2291] I don't want to say that because there is a weird honesty under the dishonesty, is that one?

[2292] Yeah, and also because I value honesty.

[2293] That's why I have to tell people it's not New Year's yet.

[2294] Right.

[2295] I guess the better word is ignorance.

[2296] You can choose to embrace ignorance and it's not necessarily a bad thing.

[2297] right that's a new opinion for me yeah or defeatist it's not defeatist yes yeah could be empowering yeah you can end up the happiest yeah i mean i guess ignorance's bliss is like not new yeah that's a pretty old one but i never signed on to that but now i do i have intermittently been a proponent of ignorance as bliss yeah it's a very again the contradictions the thing i'm most attracted to in life is figuring things out knowing intelligence yeah the only you know the thing I might value about myself and yeah oh this was remember this was a riddle from about a year ago a hot tub riddle maybe even Eric proposed it but it was would you would you go down 10 IQ points to be and I think it was a lopsided to be like 30 % happier and you were basically you said no not no way as I recall.

[2298] Yeah, I probably said no at that time, but I've changed.

[2299] Pre -white Lotus.

[2300] See, I learn a lot from TV and movies.

[2301] Film and television.

[2302] Yeah.

[2303] What have you watched over this break that has PQed you?

[2304] Well, I've been reading a book.

[2305] Oh, this I know.

[2306] And you posted about it today.

[2307] Well, for the audience a week ago.

[2308] Oh, no, three, four days ago.

[2309] Is that that bad?

[2310] Monday's two seconds from now.

[2311] Yeah, you're right.

[2312] Well, if time's not real.

[2313] I think your resolution this year was full transparency, even though you're embracing dishonesty.

[2314] No, no. One of my resolutions is to read more novels.

[2315] And I started early and I'm reading The Candy House and it's so good.

[2316] Tell me, what's it about a little bit?

[2317] No spoilers.

[2318] Her first book, I don't know if it was her first book, But the book she's most known for is a visit from the Goon Squad, which won a Pulitzer Prize.

[2319] Oh, it did?

[2320] Yes.

[2321] The Pulitzer.

[2322] Okay.

[2323] What was that one about?

[2324] And I loved that book.

[2325] And it was kind of similar structure where it's like individual stories, but they're woven together.

[2326] The people kind of all know each other in some ways very connected, in some ways loosely connected.

[2327] But it's kind of telling just a story about dysfunctional humanity.

[2328] And this one is, the basis is we live in a world, well, this world, in the future, where you can upload your memories to this, like, cube, basically.

[2329] Renamed the cloud a cube, sure.

[2330] I'm just trying to anchor it in reality.

[2331] You're so obstinate this year.

[2332] I'm doing well.

[2333] You upload your, you can upload all your memories to this cube.

[2334] And then there's this collective.

[2335] consciousness that you can buy into and you have to upload yours in order to access other people's.

[2336] And can you swim around in other people's memories?

[2337] You can access other people's memories.

[2338] Yeah.

[2339] But you hear all these individual stories.

[2340] It's so good.

[2341] I didn't have a highlighter, but I wanted to highlight a lot of lines.

[2342] Are you folding the pages?

[2343] No. I'm just succumbing.

[2344] Because you want to keep it pristine?

[2345] I don't like folded pages.

[2346] You don't?

[2347] No. But I like highlighters.

[2348] That's interesting.

[2349] There was a couple lines that resonated, kind of, or I just liked them a lot.

[2350] Here's one.

[2351] Now I feel on the spot, so I'm not sure I'll remember.

[2352] Yeah.

[2353] Take your time.

[2354] We edit this show.

[2355] In fact, you edit this show.

[2356] Oh, do we?

[2357] Yeah, yeah.

[2358] There was something like, there's nothing like the narrative power of a redemption story.

[2359] And I thought that was very accurate.

[2360] And then it was a first person perspective.

[2361] And like right after that, he said, America loves a sinner, lucky me. And then, well, I don't want this to hurt anyone's feelings who have white skin.

[2362] But you guys are the majority.

[2363] We can take it.

[2364] So it said something like if you love someone with dark skin, seeing white skin looks like they're drained of something vital.

[2365] Oh, yeah.

[2366] Yeah, that's good.

[2367] Yeah.

[2368] That's good.

[2369] We are.

[2370] We're empty and hollow.

[2371] No, I love white skin.

[2372] No, no. No, it's the deal we made with the devil to have white supremacy.

[2373] We had to give all of our adrenal chrome to whatever power we made the deal with.

[2374] Yeah, that's true.

[2375] And now we're empty.

[2376] So you didn't watch any visual media.

[2377] You didn't watch any moving pictures?

[2378] I mainly watched something from Tiffany's over and over and over because that's what I do, you know.

[2379] That's a movie, something from Tiffany's?

[2380] I think that's what it's called.

[2381] Yes, the one with Zoe Deutsch, rom -com.

[2382] I think I already brought this up.

[2383] Oh, you already said, yeah, and you've gone a few times back to it.

[2384] Yes, yes.

[2385] Oh, but on Christmas Eve, we watch Christmas movies all day.

[2386] Which ones did you see?

[2387] Home Alone, Home Alone 2, Christmas Vacation.

[2388] Christmas Vacation.

[2389] Oh, sorry.

[2390] Well, listen, that was the first time my mom had seen it.

[2391] Really?

[2392] Yeah.

[2393] Honestly, I don't think I've ever seen her laugh so hard at the part where he gets Jelly of the Month Club.

[2394] Oh, that hit her.

[2395] She was laughing so hard at that, Jelly of the Month Club.

[2396] I do wonder if it was part she loved the joke and then part, that's a colloquial saying at this point in Americana.

[2397] Like for the last 30 years since that movie came out, people jokingly say, would you get jelly of the month club?

[2398] Like, it made a joke out of jelly.

[2399] So I wonder if she was having a ding, ding, ding moment in addition to thinking the joke was good, like, oh, my God, that's what people have been referencing for 30.

[2400] Oh, my dad's calling.

[2401] Hold on.

[2402] I got to answer it.

[2403] You're in his house.

[2404] Why is he calling?

[2405] Hello?

[2406] Dad.

[2407] Dad.

[2408] Oh, my God.

[2409] Oh, yeah, this is weird because I can hear Dax in one ear and then.

[2410] Dad.

[2411] This is like when Timmy talks to Lassie.

[2412] I think it was a butt call.

[2413] Oh, is he known for that?

[2414] That's happened a few times while he's at the grocery store.

[2415] Okay.

[2416] Which is where I think he's at.

[2417] Oh, cute.

[2418] Dad's like the grocery store, don't they?

[2419] Oh, my God.

[2420] He goes to the grocery store every day.

[2421] Yeah, it's a good little retreat for dads.

[2422] Papa Bob lived at Farmer Jack at the grocery store.

[2423] I almost wonder if it was as devious as he's like, he knew, like, Ulyss wanted this item.

[2424] She did not put it on her list.

[2425] I'm not going to get it because she's going to send me back in a couple.

[2426] I almost wonder if there was anything calculated about the way he shopped.

[2427] I could see that.

[2428] He loved a lost leader.

[2429] He lived for lost leaders.

[2430] Do people know what lost leaders are?

[2431] Back in the days of the circular where you were doing all your advertisements in the back of the Sunday paper, you know?

[2432] In the newspaper, they always had an item, a lost leader.

[2433] You learn in marketing class.

[2434] They're going to lose money on that item.

[2435] They got a black and decker toaster oven for $39.

[2436] It retails at $79.

[2437] They're probably paying $59 wholesale.

[2438] They're going to lose $10 on that thing, but they're going to limit it at three.

[2439] And you're going to be in their store and they hope they're going to make up for it once they get you in the store.

[2440] So it's an item to get you in the store.

[2441] Oh, my God.

[2442] And my papa Bob could sniff out a loss leader.

[2443] Like when he zipped through the paper, he was like, boom, loss leader, boom, boom, boom, boom.

[2444] He cut them all out.

[2445] and then his week was going and getting the limit of all those loss leaders.

[2446] Wow.

[2447] And then they piled up in the basement.

[2448] I'm kind of cheating right now because I just wrote about this.

[2449] Yeah, I want to be honest.

[2450] Again, I don't have your same resolution, but I'm going to adhere to it.

[2451] He stockpiled all these items in the basement.

[2452] So when you went to the basement, it was like going into Sears.

[2453] And he gave all of it away.

[2454] So everyone that visited, even if it was like a loose acquaintance, they left with a toaster oven, a percolator coffee machine, 12, 15 rolls of paper towel, and that's what he did.

[2455] That was like his mission in life was getting those lost leaders and then distributing them to people for free.

[2456] Now, did he know what was called that or you later in life?

[2457] Okay.

[2458] I think I learned in like an 11th grade marketing class about the lost leader.

[2459] And I thought, oh, that's Papa Bob's thing.

[2460] I'm embarrassed that I don't know that term because I should have learned it.

[2461] Well, I'll tell you, it's one of those terms that when I was writing, I was like, yeah, I know that term.

[2462] But then after writing it down twice, I was like, I better look it up and make sure I was correct.

[2463] And by God, it comes right up.

[2464] It is a thing, loss leader.

[2465] This is a ding, ding, ding for a fact.

[2466] Oh.

[2467] Lean in.

[2468] We said lean in.

[2469] And then you said, you know, lean in is a phrase that people say, but I don't really know if I know what it means.

[2470] Right, from a woman's book, right?

[2471] It was a woman encouraging Cheryl Samberg.

[2472] Cheryl Samberg.

[2473] Lean in, seek challenges and continue to pursue their career goals without fear.

[2474] If you are lean in, Cheryl Samberg believes you're more likely to be promoted regardless if you have small children.

[2475] The book itself offers a more nuanced look at the challenges women face, but Samberg's message was often distilled to its simplified can -do essence.

[2476] If a woman works hard enough and asserts herself enough, she can't.

[2477] can thrive at home and at work.

[2478] Do you know that I remember the very first time I heard the expression lean in.

[2479] All praise be to Huey in Nashville, Houston Estes.

[2480] He and I were in Orleans.

[2481] We went downtown to like kind of a nice hotel to have tea.

[2482] I wanted to like go to Bourbon Street, but I don't drink.

[2483] So I'm like, well, let's go to, I want to go to some Gothic.

[2484] Oh, ding, ding, ding, ding, you're drinking tea.

[2485] I am.

[2486] So he and I were seated at this little table and kind of a nice lounge of a nice hotel drinking tea and this woman was barging in to our conversations like every six minutes she was letting it rip she was hammered mind you but she was like 50s professional looking well dressed and she was lighting us up and um and uh huey said well she took that lean in book to heart didn't she oh wow yeah and i was like what is that that's when i first became aware of it She was leaning into our conversation every five to six minutes.

[2487] Right, right, right, right.

[2488] Okay, so that was a good fact.

[2489] But hold on, anything you watched other than that rom -com?

[2490] Oh, yeah, all those Christmas movies, Jelly of the Month.

[2491] Oh, Jelly of the Month.

[2492] No, she had never heard.

[2493] That was not a ding, ding, ding for her.

[2494] That was brand new.

[2495] Like, that was a brand new, hilarious joke.

[2496] I don't imagine you've seen that movie as many times as I have.

[2497] No. So are you clocking how stuffed Uncle Eddie's pants are during the whole film?

[2498] No. He has like a 14 -inch cucumber in his pants.

[2499] Oh, my God.

[2500] I didn't notice that at all.

[2501] It's almost worth today you going back.

[2502] Just to the grocery store.

[2503] You know the grocery store scene where he's putting all the dog food on top of the cart?

[2504] And he says, Clark tells him he'd like to buy some Christmas presents.

[2505] He's really touched.

[2506] He has like 14 inches of flask.

[2507] a dong so on display it's insane it's so overwhelming it's shocking it made it into a christmas movie wow that's hilarious there's a callback when he kidnaps his boss and the woman calls she's like he was a something man he was in a denim leisure suit a bulging man she calls him bulging and it's a callback to his enormous blessed yeah it's great i didn't pick up on any of that.

[2508] Well, once you're on that, that trail, when you have the scent, every scene you're looking for it.

[2509] And it's very rewarding, very rewarding.

[2510] What's your overall?

[2511] I've had some very interesting takeaways from this break.

[2512] Oh, tell me. And I also want to hear about your Christmas.

[2513] Christmas was great.

[2514] The children had a blast.

[2515] It's very fun watching children open their presents.

[2516] It's hilarious.

[2517] Anyways, my takeaway this break is, and it's not a great one.

[2518] Okay.

[2519] It's a good one and a bad one.

[2520] Okay.

[2521] I don't think I need any free time.

[2522] Okay.

[2523] I think like I'm working throughout the year and I'm thinking like, oh, I can't wait to have a break.

[2524] And then, you know, and I don't think I want to be on a break.

[2525] Okay.

[2526] Well, this is funny because right before you got on, Rob and I were talking and I was like, yeah, I mean, it's weird because I'm like ready to be home, but I'm also not ready to be home.

[2527] home.

[2528] Oh, to L .A.?

[2529] Yeah.

[2530] Oh, wow.

[2531] So you're having the opposite reaction.

[2532] This is great.

[2533] I'm having a, like, I really needed a break.

[2534] But not from, I don't know how to explain it.

[2535] It's not work necessarily.

[2536] It's more like I let myself pace life differently.

[2537] And I need that.

[2538] And I need that for at least a week, I think, a year.

[2539] Good.

[2540] Yeah, like my book, you know, I'm going to keep talking about it.

[2541] Please do.

[2542] You're finding yourself in this book, and it's transcendent, and it's a new perspective.

[2543] And it's wonderful.

[2544] That's great.

[2545] But when I imagine reading in my apartment, it doesn't feel the same.

[2546] I'm really going to have to force myself, which it is a resolution, but I'm going to have to force myself because that's not a part.

[2547] part of my routine.

[2548] And I always feel a little weird when I'm reading because I feel like I should be doing something else.

[2549] Right.

[2550] Yes.

[2551] That makes sense.

[2552] If you had two kids with you, you wouldn't have had that experience.

[2553] You would just be understimulated.

[2554] Yeah.

[2555] I get that.

[2556] I'll keep it personal.

[2557] Yeah.

[2558] Like I'm recognizing how much.

[2559] By the way, though, this I recognize.

[2560] This could be totally different.

[2561] felt maybe last year differently and maybe next year I feel I think this is specific maybe yeah I crave stimulation I crave things to do I like to you know be in a slight hurry a few times a day maybe you do but you also really like lounging sure well right a bad way in a great way I have the disposition that like I need to do something really fast and get it done and do good so that I can enjoy my lounging.

[2562] But without that other thing, I can't really enjoy the lounging.

[2563] It's just like a lot of unearned lounging.

[2564] You have to look at it.

[2565] Again, time, ding, ding, ding.

[2566] You have to adjust.

[2567] You're thinking of it day by day.

[2568] And instead, the year.

[2569] It's like.

[2570] I've earned a week because of the year.

[2571] Yeah.

[2572] And then after this week, it's gone.

[2573] Yeah.

[2574] Well, look, everything's complicated.

[2575] There's so many more variables.

[2576] It's not really just about maybe taking time off, but you're hosting family.

[2577] All the family's flights were all canceled.

[2578] They were all on those flights that were canceled.

[2579] Yeah.

[2580] One wave that drove home and there was, you know, debate whether the other members should come with them and then no, only to find out their flight was canceled.

[2581] Then they drove home by themselves.

[2582] You know, a lot of stress.

[2583] But mostly it's that phenomena being slammed back into your role as a child.

[2584] Yes.

[2585] That's probably a lot of it when I'm feeling.

[2586] Tell me more.

[2587] Well, my role as the middle child is to monitor everyone's mood at all times and try to anticipate who's about to lose their shit and then intervene.

[2588] Right.

[2589] And was that having to happen a lot?

[2590] No, it was a lovely trip.

[2591] I just like muscle memory, whether it's warranted or not, I just find that a monitor, everybody and I'm on high alert and vigilant to make sure everything's cohesive.

[2592] Totally.

[2593] And I have this too.

[2594] It's like I spend all year in therapy trying to not do the thing.

[2595] And then you get around your family and you're like put in this pressure cooker where it's all tested.

[2596] Everything you've worked on this whole year.

[2597] It's like now's the time.

[2598] Are you going to be able to have acceptance?

[2599] Are you going to be able to let things?

[2600] And then, you know, then you feel stressed out.

[2601] And it's all autonomic, if that's the right word.

[2602] It's also all muscle memory.

[2603] So it's like you don't even have to put any energy into landing directly back into this place.

[2604] Yes.

[2605] It's just all of a sudden you're just responding so naturally.

[2606] Yeah, I know.

[2607] It's just freaky.

[2608] It's helpful this year for some reason.

[2609] Like last night, I went to.

[2610] to dinner with my mom and dad and it was really nice.

[2611] And Neil didn't come because he was tired because he had a really long day at work.

[2612] And then we came back and then we were all just in the kitchen chit -chatting.

[2613] And it was really nice.

[2614] And it felt new because his life is changing.

[2615] So he seems new.

[2616] Neal.

[2617] Yeah, which made it more interesting.

[2618] It was like, oh, there's new.

[2619] dynamics like that's fun and then it made me yeah people are growing and there's just a newness to it we started talking about his old discretions i guess and like but we were all laughing and that is the first time because it's in the past now so now it's funny finally in the past and that was so nice it was really nice also i feel weird saying this out loud but since honesty i don't know why he's And that's not my resolution.

[2620] But I kind of felt like this.

[2621] And I'm knocking on wood, okay?

[2622] Because I don't want this to go a bad way.

[2623] I feel like maybe this is the last Christmas that it's going to be just the four of us.

[2624] Oh, really?

[2625] I don't know.

[2626] I just have this like weird.

[2627] You have a spidey sense of that?

[2628] Yeah.

[2629] Oh, wow.

[2630] I know.

[2631] And I don't know what that means.

[2632] I don't know what it means.

[2633] There's only four options.

[2634] You have a child.

[2635] Neil has a child.

[2636] Your dad has a girlfriend.

[2637] He brings to Christmas.

[2638] Your mom has a boyfriend.

[2639] She brings a Christmas.

[2640] No, that's not.

[2641] You're forgetting some options.

[2642] No. Oh.

[2643] Well, maybe.

[2644] But I have a child or I have a boyfriend or a husband that comes.

[2645] And then same for Neil.

[2646] Right.

[2647] No boyfriends, girlfriends.

[2648] We're ruling that out.

[2649] I think I'll probably rule that out.

[2650] Okay, okay.

[2651] What if Dan is there next year?

[2652] Dan.

[2653] Nimmie's side piece.

[2654] You?

[2655] No, different Dan.

[2656] This is like a Dan from Georgia.

[2657] He's a quiet man. He's a very quiet man. What if she said, I'm ringing my boyfriend and then you show up.

[2658] That'd be great.

[2659] You guys already know me. I'm like, ah, Dax.

[2660] No, but anyway, I just have this, like, feeling.

[2661] Really quick.

[2662] I know you hate this conversation.

[2663] Oh, God, okay.

[2664] But I do want you to ask your father this at some point.

[2665] If Nimi was going to have a boyfriend, it's just like, it's happening.

[2666] Yeah.

[2667] I would hope I'd be high on his list of least problematic.

[2668] Because we already like each other so much.

[2669] Right.

[2670] look I'll ask I guess and I'll report back and it might even be I got a I got a hunch I'm way out on the limb now but I got a hunch it could get even more awkward at that Christmas when Nimmy realizes this was maybe a ploy for me to spend a ton of time with a joke yeah things get complicated yes jealousy but not in the way you would think you never know where that jealousy is going to come from a show and i are like at the grocery store seven eight hours a day i was like when are they coming when's your when your boyfriend and dad coming back jesus no when's my boyfriend and your dad coming back that's what she would say to you yeah yeah but you'd be saying when's your boyfriend and dad getting back when's your boyfriend and my dad coming back yeah my dad from the grocery store Where's my co -worker and my dad coming back?

[2671] And it's extra complicated because sometimes you act as my dad.

[2672] So it's like...

[2673] That's why he and I'll have so much to talk about at the grocery store.

[2674] I know.

[2675] I'm worried about the budget of Monica's house.

[2676] Me too.

[2677] Oh, my God.

[2678] We could probably do two, three hours on your house at the show.

[2679] We've already...

[2680] It's already been a topic of conversation.

[2681] Oh, my God.

[2682] All right.

[2683] I saw a lot of stuff.

[2684] Do you want to hear what I saw?

[2685] Yes.

[2686] Avatar.

[2687] I took the girls yesterday, just the three of us.

[2688] We went out to Houston's, the three of us.

[2689] Nice.

[2690] Had lunch, which was really fun.

[2691] And then we went straight to Pussin' Boots, the new cartoon.

[2692] Uh -huh.

[2693] And, okay, so there's a really cool theater in Pasadena called Ipick.

[2694] Have you ever been there?

[2695] No, but I've heard great things.

[2696] It's awesome.

[2697] It's where I took the three -hour nap during Lincoln, like six Christmases ago or 10, whatever it was.

[2698] And so there's only like, six.

[2699] six rows in the theater.

[2700] And I didn't know this when I booked him.

[2701] The only row that was open was the closest to the screen.

[2702] Oh, boy.

[2703] Who cares?

[2704] Let's go.

[2705] And what I didn't know is that the bottom ones don't recline.

[2706] They're kind of got a preset.

[2707] They're like a lounge chair.

[2708] Oh, okay.

[2709] But it's not long enough for me. I'm too tall.

[2710] So I got the girls on their own little lounge chair in the middle.

[2711] And then I got my own.

[2712] I had to buy two seats.

[2713] You can't split up the lounge chair.

[2714] So that's one.

[2715] So then I get in there.

[2716] And anyhow, it's not comfortable for dad.

[2717] I am.

[2718] ended up straddling.

[2719] So in between in the middle of the lounge chair where the two people would be lounging is a table so you can have your food.

[2720] It's the kind of they'll bring you food in the theater.

[2721] It's great.

[2722] And then the whole thing is clam shaped.

[2723] So on my side, it's really not long enough.

[2724] So I decided, you know, I'm going to straddle.

[2725] I'm going to go in the dead middle and have this big table between my legs.

[2726] Oh my.

[2727] Does that make sense?

[2728] I'm like straddling the middle of this clam shaped seat.

[2729] Sure, sure, sure.

[2730] And I'm in there.

[2731] I finally got myself positioned and then I just feel pop I mean like pop in my fucking pants just ripped in half oh my god I wish I brought them up to the attic to show you just all of a sudden there's fresh air on my anus basically I'm not really I'm wearing I'm wearing panties but my slacks just gave way I was wearing kind of like a dress pant I was actually liking him I hadn't worn them in a while It was a salmon colored slack.

[2732] Oh, that's nice.

[2733] And pop in like a full eight inches of the seam exploded.

[2734] I guess I've had some gains since I wore those pants that I was not expecting.

[2735] But then I was like, whoa, man, my whole ass blew out of these pants.

[2736] And when I'm going to walk around, I don't know if people are going to see me undies.

[2737] Luckily, I had a fresh pair on brand new right out of the plastic.

[2738] Oh my God, thank God.

[2739] Thank God you weren't Commando.

[2740] Oh, but that almost would have been spectacular if there was just testicles hanging out in the back of the, okay, you're right.

[2741] I probably get arrested for that.

[2742] Puss in boots?

[2743] Yeah, no. That was a literal pop out during the film.

[2744] Great movie, though, Puss and Boots.

[2745] Really fun.

[2746] Oh, good.

[2747] Now, do you think the kids are old enough to be embarrassed by that?

[2748] No, they thought, well, seemingly not.

[2749] They thought it was fantastic, of course.

[2750] Like, what could be better?

[2751] If you went to the movies with your dad and Ashok's fucking pants blue in half, when you...

[2752] No, I'd be so embarrassed.

[2753] You would.

[2754] Okay.

[2755] Okay.

[2756] Yeah.

[2757] I mean...

[2758] They thought it was great.

[2759] I think anytime I'm humiliated or look weak or I'm failing, they love it because they think I'm so competent because I'm the adult.

[2760] So when I'm having like wardrobe malfunctions or I trip, they love it.

[2761] It's so comforting.

[2762] That's so interesting.

[2763] I wonder if that's just their personality or if that's age.

[2764] Like I wonder if they'll eventually be embarrassed or not.

[2765] I got to imagine that there is a baseline embarrassment you have for each parent.

[2766] And so if you're already hovering that they just, you're embarrassed of them everywhere you go, then anything that happens, you're like, oh, God, now this, he spilled his soda.

[2767] Yeah.

[2768] But I think if you're not super embarrassed of your parent and they have an oopsies.

[2769] right then it's kind of amusing right but i guess i wonder like when that baseline sets in is that always or no i was never embarrassed of my mother oh interesting okay ever i like i thought she was great if she was around everyone liked her she was cool there's no issues my father had you know there was some things of his that embarrassed me yeah and so i was much more scrutinizing of the things he did you know right sure confirming my story that this guy's embarrassing right interesting I guess I figured like every kid is embarrassed by their parents but maybe not I guess not yeah I wasn't embarrassed of my mom um that was good is there anything else I watched I feel like I've watched everything on on television at this point did you watch something from Tiffany's I mean I missed that that was not on my streaming platform for whatever reason they didn't add it to my The algorithm.

[2770] Okay.

[2771] Who's this fact check for?

[2772] This is for Gabrielle Union.

[2773] Great episode.

[2774] And I said this in the episode, but I still think it's very, it's good luck.

[2775] It's really good luck that she's the first of the year.

[2776] And Dwayne Wade was the first of last year.

[2777] That is tremendously lucky.

[2778] It's really lucky.

[2779] It's a harbinger of good things to come.

[2780] It is.

[2781] And me and you decided this year is going to be really good.

[2782] Impossibly good.

[2783] We have a real ray of optimism.

[2784] And we figured out something numerically.

[2785] Yeah.

[2786] All right.

[2787] Just a reminder, I'm obsessed with even numbers.

[2788] Yeah.

[2789] And I love things multiplied by two.

[2790] It's just the greatest.

[2791] It's great.

[2792] And so I'm turning 48.

[2793] Yeah.

[2794] And so four times two is eight.

[2795] Yeah.

[2796] It's all right there.

[2797] It's basically my age is a math equation.

[2798] My favorite kind.

[2799] The only thing that could be better to be honest with you is if I was turning 416 because that would be 4 squared yeah that's good but i don't even know if i like it as much though or 24 no because 4 times 4 16 right i know but oh what's 4 24 times 6 no 24 is is still 2 squared no 2 squared is 4 right yeah 24 is a great birthday because you're not only That's what I'm saying.

[2800] Two times two.

[2801] But I'm never going to turn 24, Monica.

[2802] You already did.

[2803] I'm just saying.

[2804] I'm just saying it was also a really good birthday, I hope.

[2805] It was really, yeah, it was.

[2806] Might have been the one I missed.

[2807] But yeah, that it feels about the age when I missed my birthday one year.

[2808] Oh, it's my birthday also.

[2809] Is today my birthday?

[2810] Yeah, today's your birthday.

[2811] Oh, my God, boy.

[2812] Happy birthday.

[2813] We glossed right over that.

[2814] Thank you.

[2815] Thank you.

[2816] January 2nd, yeah.

[2817] Also January 2nd, 2.

[2818] That's great.

[2819] So anyways, the good luck doesn't end there with me being 48.

[2820] This doesn't happen very often.

[2821] This only happens when you're 24.

[2822] You're 48.

[2823] Yeah.

[2824] When you get in their 50s, you're done.

[2825] That's a wrap.

[2826] When you're 12, which, oh my God, 12 was my best year, if you recall.

[2827] That's seventh grade.

[2828] Yeah.

[2829] Oh my God.

[2830] Am I seen a pattern?

[2831] I also think 24 is the year I graduated UCLA and got it in the Garlings.

[2832] Anyways, oh my God.

[2833] The other magic birthday is 36.

[2834] Yes, which is the year I turn this year.

[2835] So on August 24th of this year, August 24, 24, 24.

[2836] Oh my God.

[2837] What could happen?

[2838] I can't even really imagine a life this much better.

[2839] It's not even 24.

[2840] It's not even 24.

[2841] It's 824.

[2842] Oh, oh, oh, oh, my God.

[2843] And if we think about it, I don't know how we're going to think about this.

[2844] Wait, 824.

[2845] That's fantastic.

[2846] 824 equals three times two equals six.

[2847] So you're turning 36.

[2848] Yeah.

[2849] Multiple of the first integer.

[2850] I'm turning 48 multiple of the first integer.

[2851] It's just.

[2852] It's the only time it will ever happen.

[2853] Inconceivable.

[2854] Mm -hmm.

[2855] What could happen this year?

[2856] Space travel?

[2857] Space time?

[2858] Learning to levitate?

[2859] I don't know.

[2860] We just don't know.

[2861] Whoa, 36 and 48.

[2862] This is huge.

[2863] It's going to be huge.

[2864] Even a magenta.

[2865] Okay, so what's your birthday wish?

[2866] I have given zero thought to my birthday.

[2867] I will say this.

[2868] You know, we just went for Matt's birthday a couple weeks ago.

[2869] Go -carting.

[2870] Yeah, 10 racers.

[2871] It was so fun.

[2872] Outrageously fun.

[2873] And then I asked Charlie last night, is it too soon to go back and do the exact same thing for my birthday?

[2874] He said, no, no, it's not.

[2875] Yeah.

[2876] So maybe, but I got to get on that.

[2877] Like, it's today.

[2878] Your birthday's today.

[2879] My birthday's today.

[2880] And so I need to have a reservation and have invited everyone.

[2881] Well, so I feel a little pathetic.

[2882] Why?

[2883] Well, here's why I'd feel pathetic.

[2884] It was a great group for Matt's birthday.

[2885] party.

[2886] And what would make most sense is I just re -invite that group.

[2887] But that was his assemblage.

[2888] And then I started thinking, I don't have 10 friends anymore than I can count on.

[2889] Yes.

[2890] Don't say that.

[2891] Well, like, I still have Nate and Panay, but they're not showing up to this.

[2892] Why?

[2893] A Monday go -car race.

[2894] They're busy.

[2895] Nate came.

[2896] He can do it.

[2897] Yeah.

[2898] Okay.

[2899] All right, Nate will come.

[2900] I don't know.

[2901] You went to his birthday at the movie theater.

[2902] True.

[2903] Oh, top gone.

[2904] Great memory.

[2905] Thank you.

[2906] You don't need 10.

[2907] 10 made it really fun.

[2908] Oh, it did?

[2909] Yes.

[2910] And then Matt had the ultimate suggestion, which is a great idea.

[2911] He said, we should do this.

[2912] We should have a full season.

[2913] Like, we should have a full Formula One season.

[2914] We have 10 races, full scoring system, also pair up into teams randomly.

[2915] So there'll be a constructors championship and then an individual.

[2916] And this sounded fantastic, like 10 scheduled races a year.

[2917] I love that.

[2918] That's so fun.

[2919] Yeah.

[2920] I really like that idea.

[2921] Maybe that's my New Year's resolution.

[2922] Well, I'm sad because I fly home today.

[2923] I actually am late for my flight right now.

[2924] I can't believe you're able to zoom me over the shitty Wi -Fi on your flight.

[2925] No, I fly home today on your birthday.

[2926] and so I might not I probably won't see you on your birthday I mean I come home early Okay What time do you get home?

[2927] Like noon So you're already home Yeah I'm home Actually I just got home So you land in 20 Yeah you land in 43 minutes So I'd love to see you on your birthday Me too And I have your birthday present And all your Christmas presents That finally came And Rob's Christmas present That didn't come that now came Yeah Oh my God update Did I tell you about the new 7 -Eleven I discovered?

[2928] No. Oh, this one is insane.

[2929] I cannot believe I've lived here for 16 years and not been going to this 7 -Eleven.

[2930] It's directly across the street from Home Depot in a fucking plaza with a laundromat and that skanky Burger King.

[2931] Yes, I know that one.

[2932] You know it?

[2933] Yeah.

[2934] You can't ever go in there, okay?

[2935] Oh, my God.

[2936] I'm scared.

[2937] I went in there the other night because they got rid of my time.

[2938] chewing tobacco.

[2939] I could do another hour about the fact that they outlawed flavored tobacco products and vapes in California.

[2940] And it went into effect.

[2941] Yes.

[2942] It went into effect a few weeks ago.

[2943] So I can't get.

[2944] Which is great because by now I've quit dip.

[2945] So right now we're recording.

[2946] It's my birthday.

[2947] I'm kind of agitated because I don't have my dip.

[2948] But I've quit one of my resolutions.

[2949] Why are you doing?

[2950] I don't know.

[2951] So they don't have my Copenhagen anymore.

[2952] In fact, they have almost no dip anymore.

[2953] because all of it was flavored.

[2954] So it's gone.

[2955] So I went into that 7 -Eleven in a pinch thinking, well, maybe they'll have some old dusty cans of the kind I need.

[2956] Yeah.

[2957] And it was the evening.

[2958] It was like 9 o 'clock at 9.

[2959] I went in there.

[2960] There's fucking glass everywhere.

[2961] Like the whole counter is glassed off.

[2962] It's kind of COVID -y glass, but it's much bigger.

[2963] Okay.

[2964] There were three dudes up at the register that had MS -13 tattoos on their forehead.

[2965] Oh, my God.

[2966] Oh, my God.

[2967] There's one guy dragging himself through the 7 -Eleven.

[2968] Like, he seems like he should probably have a wheelchair, but maybe he doesn't need one.

[2969] But he's just kind of serpentineing through 7 -Eleven.

[2970] He's like a Dawn of the Dead creak.

[2971] Like, it's like a zombie was, yeah, there was, truly wasn't bipedal.

[2972] There was a monster.

[2973] And I say this guilt -free because the person wasn't handicapped.

[2974] had some one of their legs stopped working for that moment but were they on drugs probably oh my god yeah yeah everyone in there was out of their mind oh my god the staff was completely ill -equipped to deal with anything like no one could get a transaction done at the register there's this huge line there's three dudes with face tattoos there's one dude with his pants all the way down drinking a beer in 7 -11 arguing with one of the MS -13 dudes.

[2975] And I'm like, how long before the MS -13 guy kills this guy?

[2976] It was, I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

[2977] I don't want to disparage any other countries, but I definitely felt like I was somewhere out.

[2978] Not in the United States.

[2979] Yeah.

[2980] Not in the United States.

[2981] And maybe not even in this decade.

[2982] Like maybe in Beirut in 78, there was a 7 -Eleven or something.

[2983] I mean, it felt that wild.

[2984] Whoa.

[2985] And I was like, whoa.

[2986] is the next level.

[2987] I almost don't feel safe in here without Aaron.

[2988] And of course, the second I left, I got on the phone with Aaron, couldn't wait to tell him about this new location I found that just trumps my other one.

[2989] I don't want you to go there.

[2990] I got to get over.

[2991] In fact, just telling you this story makes me realize like, I need to stop by there today and see what's happening.

[2992] No, please.

[2993] Oh, I did not tell you one of the best parts.

[2994] When I exited the 7 -Eleven, there's a guy directly in front of the door.

[2995] You've got to step over it, a blanket with all kinds of random items for sale.

[2996] And then there's three different cars in the parking lot with blankets on the hoods of their cars selling random.

[2997] Oh, my God.

[2998] There's no cohesion to the products being offered on these blankets.

[2999] I mean, my conclusion is they've just, they're just stolen items and it's very random.

[3000] You can't steal a set of anything, you know.

[3001] Oh, boy.

[3002] Anywho, that was so thrilling.

[3003] Can your resolution be to not go there?

[3004] No more 7 -Eleven.

[3005] That is the one thing I miss when I'm off of tobacco is I have really no business at 7 -Eleven.

[3006] I don't buy scratch -offs and I have enough Diet Coke at home.

[3007] Did they have the dip?

[3008] No, no, no, no. Oh, okay.

[3009] But I bought, I don't know what I bought some dip I hated.

[3010] Yeah.

[3011] Well, that's, I mean, at least that'll help you quit when you don't like it.

[3012] That was why I said I could do an hour on this.

[3013] So then I figured out a place I can order out of state.

[3014] Oh, no. I paid for overnight.

[3015] It took five days to get here.

[3016] Then that, that was going to get me to the New Year's.

[3017] But I was running out, ordered again, timed it perfectly.

[3018] UPS said the package was delivered at 1043.

[3019] I'm looking all over my yard, scouring the streets.

[3020] I drive around the whole neighborhood wondering it to get delivered somewhere else.

[3021] This goes on for a day and a half.

[3022] I'm panicking.

[3023] I have no dip.

[3024] Then I think to call Carly, I text her like, hey, did I get a package by chance to your house?

[3025] Oh, yeah, the UPS guy, you weren't home and he knows me. So he brought it to my house and I signed for it.

[3026] And then what?

[3027] And then you're just like, well, okay, signed for that.

[3028] Why didn't you tell me?

[3029] Well, dad, I've been scouring my yard for a day and a half.

[3030] She didn't know it was like keeping you alive.

[3031] Oh, boy.

[3032] Wow.

[3033] Okay.

[3034] And, um, wait, I want to show you something because it's a ding, ding, ding.

[3035] Let's see if I can do it.

[3036] Hold on.

[3037] Okay.

[3038] Can you see that sticker?

[3039] Wait.

[3040] Well, there's several stickers.

[3041] There's one, two, three, four.

[3042] You see this one?

[3043] I want the world.

[3044] I want the world.

[3045] What does it say in the middle?

[3046] Oh, boy.

[3047] I can't see Deca, Anna.

[3048] No, I want the world, drug -free, just like me. Oh, wow, you were on a campaign to end drug use?

[3049] I guess.

[3050] Oh, wow.

[3051] I guess I was.

[3052] That was probably when I was five or six.

[3053] Okay.

[3054] I put that sticker up and I put tape over it because it was that important.

[3055] Do you feel unethical having it up now that you tried mushrooms?

[3056] No. Okay.

[3057] I feel like I've done pretty good.

[3058] on that promise.

[3059] Yeah, you have.

[3060] You're not a druggie.

[3061] That's for a certain.

[3062] And then there's another good sticker here.

[3063] Hold on.

[3064] I notice you don't have any, don't drink wine stickers anywhere.

[3065] Nope, I don't.

[3066] You never made that declaration.

[3067] What's this one?

[3068] Do you see this one?

[3069] Oh, there's a Red Robin Hood?

[3070] Right.

[3071] Make America Great again?

[3072] Is that what that?

[3073] I was really ahead of my time with Make America.

[3074] What did that one say?

[3075] It looked like Robin Hood.

[3076] It was on there.

[3077] It said make healthy choices.

[3078] Oh.

[3079] Oh, and you know what that little character is?

[3080] That's the guy from the frozen vegetables commercial now that I think about it.

[3081] Oh, is it?

[3082] Oh, my God.

[3083] It probably came with the veggies.

[3084] Yes.

[3085] And you promptly defiled this nice piece of furniture as show worked so hard to get you.

[3086] That's another thing we'll talk about when we're at the grocery store.

[3087] actually that is a ding ding ding my parents had this desk in our office back when you know you had one computer in the house and that was it so I would have to do my homework there like do stuff there that's also where I did aim and stuff cubby cake chick was my screen name and I don't know I don't know why this is like when I eat my shirt I don't even know it's happening but I at some point started with marker and pen kind of like small like scribbling on the desk like just a little bit okay and then over time all the like the desk is covered you just destroyed it yes you tagged it and then just covered it at one point my dad was like what happened here like why why is this all drawn on I mean it was a communal desk and I didn't really have an answer oh that brings me to something else I caught.

[3088] This was a viral thing.

[3089] Oh.

[3090] Or someone sent it to me. Whatever.

[3091] It's like a British show and they put 10 little girls in a house for a week by themselves.

[3092] They're all like 10.

[3093] Oh my God.

[3094] And I guess they gave them cooking lessons before they started.

[3095] And then they just filmed them.

[3096] And then they put 10 little boys in the house.

[3097] They had also given them some cooking lessons.

[3098] Monica.

[3099] There's just so much.

[3100] to confront about the reality of those two different situations.

[3101] Yeah.

[3102] Like by day one, one of the little girls appointed herself, the chef.

[3103] She knew they all needed to eat.

[3104] You know, like two were good at consoling the others when they were sad.

[3105] They created a fashion show.

[3106] Oh, wow.

[3107] The boys, they never did eat anything other than cereal.

[3108] Yeah.

[3109] The house was, it had to be bulldozed afterwards.

[3110] They did nothing but destroy their environment.

[3111] Yeah.

[3112] And then they split into two warring factions.

[3113] There was a group of boys that wanted to stay up late that stayed in one room.

[3114] And then another group of boys, kind of the kind of robot wants to be with.

[3115] They want to go to bed early.

[3116] But then even there was some boys that couldn't hack it in the loud room.

[3117] And they were getting kids.

[3118] So anyways, two warring factions.

[3119] they've destroyed every single thing in the house.

[3120] They never made anything.

[3121] Were they beating each other up?

[3122] No, at least?

[3123] There was lots of wrestling and stuff.

[3124] No like real scary, you know, Lord of the Flies beatdowns.

[3125] But you're just looking at these two groups of humans.

[3126] Wow.

[3127] And I just have the thought, like, man, we're just not designed for this modern world.

[3128] You know, what are we to do?

[3129] What are we to do?

[3130] Well, look, also, boys are less mature.

[3131] Yeah, but they're not mature.

[3132] Like, girls do mature much faster.

[3133] That's a known thing.

[3134] Yeah.

[3135] I mean, I hope it would have gotten much different if you put a group of 15 -year -olds, but I'm nervous it wouldn't.

[3136] No. I think you'd have to take 27 -year -old men before it's normal.

[3137] Yes, 27 -year -old men seem to live in peace with one another and do not destroy their surroundings.

[3138] Roundings, but man, man, the difference between these two households was zero supervision.

[3139] I love being a girl.

[3140] Yeah, you guys are the good ones.

[3141] But then I drew all over that desk, so I do have a lot of testosterone.

[3142] You're kind of a piece of shit, too.

[3143] It's interesting.

[3144] Hey.

[3145] Hey, no. Be nice to me in 2020.

[3146] You have the right amount of piece of shitness.

[3147] We couldn't be friends if you didn't, to be honest.

[3148] You need that third dimension.

[3149] The contradictions, the.

[3150] The darkness.

[3151] Yeah, sure.

[3152] Was that the only fact?

[3153] No. No, I have a lot.

[3154] Not a lot, but okay.

[3155] You got to get these in before your flight lands.

[3156] They're going to definitely ask you to pack up your recording equipment to prepare for landing.

[3157] I would like to try that one day.

[3158] Well, if me and you are flying together, we could do it.

[3159] Absolutely.

[3160] I mean, the ambient noise of an airplane is pretty overwhelming.

[3161] But we should try it regardless.

[3162] Yeah, it could be fun.

[3163] Remember, we've done a couple in the car.

[3164] Yeah.

[3165] In Utah, we did one in the car.

[3166] That was fun.

[3167] Yeah, it was.

[3168] Okay.

[3169] Oh, God, we have to clear this up.

[3170] When did I start booking a lot of commercials?

[3171] Debate of 2022.

[3172] Luckily, I had my mom here who remembers absolutely everything about everything.

[3173] She's like a mental phenom with dates.

[3174] It's very strange.

[3175] I started booking a lot of commercials in 2016.

[3176] So I had been in L .A. for six years.

[3177] I moved to L .A. in 2010.

[3178] This just doesn't jive with me. Getting M .E. in there.

[3179] Getting M .A. on the flight.

[3180] She's upstairs.

[3181] Teleporting M .E. That is exactly right.

[3182] That's the year I booked the Volkswagen commercial.

[3183] Okay.

[3184] I think it was Volkswagen.

[3185] And it was a big commercial.

[3186] It ran a lot.

[3187] And then I started booking a lot of them.

[3188] That's the one that was airing when, I don't know if you remember this, but at one point, there's very little Delta, teeny tiny Delta, was jumping around on the couch.

[3189] Because she saw a mom -a -man TV.

[3190] Yep.

[3191] Yeah, for sure.

[3192] I mean, look, now we're getting into what's a lot of commercials.

[3193] Because, again, Delta was born in 14.

[3194] When I met you, you were in commercials, several.

[3195] Sporatically, though.

[3196] And let's remind people that in my 10.

[3197] years of commercial auditioning.

[3198] I booked two.

[3199] Right.

[3200] M .T .D. Lawmowers and Miller Life.

[3201] I am not saying that I didn't book a lot of commercials in my life.

[3202] I did.

[3203] And in fact, I'm really regretting not sticking with that.

[3204] Staying in the commercial racket.

[3205] Sag.

[3206] Insurance.

[3207] Anywho.

[3208] So, yes, I had booked a couple commercials.

[3209] Like, the first one I booked was the herbal essence one.

[3210] And that was 2012, 11?

[3211] No, not 11.

[3212] No, it was, let me ask my mom.

[3213] Hold on.

[3214] Okay.

[3215] Let me call her.

[3216] She's upstairs.

[3217] Yeah.

[3218] She'll be bringing you a milkshake while you got her on the phone.

[3219] She already made me eggs and tea.

[3220] Oh, my God.

[3221] No wonder you love it at home.

[3222] You have a fucking servant.

[3223] You have a butler.

[3224] Yeah.

[3225] Um, mom, what year did I book the herbal essence commercial?

[3226] 2014.

[3227] 2014.

[3228] And then the, um, car was in 2016, right?

[3229] The car was 2016, yeah.

[3230] Okay, that's it.

[3231] Wait, has a man, hold on.

[3232] Tell her to hold on.

[3233] Dax has a question.

[3234] Oh, he's, she's gone.

[3235] Oh, fuck.

[3236] Wow, that was probably like stressed out making you a strudel.

[3237] Oh, she's calling back.

[3238] Dax had a question.

[3239] Well, I'm now thinking that America.

[3240] Can you hear him?

[3241] No, I'm on your headphones, Denghis.

[3242] I don't know how to make her hear you.

[3243] You got to repeat what I'm saying.

[3244] Okay, hold on.

[3245] Let me hear his question first.

[3246] I just want to point out, I don't think America has heard Nimmie's voice.

[3247] Yes, they have because David interviewed her.

[3248] Oh, right, for the live show.

[3249] Yeah.

[3250] Also, they'll hear it now because it's.

[3251] That's my point.

[3252] Oh.

[3253] Is I love that she said, 2014.

[3254] Okay.

[3255] What's your question?

[3256] I just tell her I love her.

[3257] he doesn't have a question he just says he he loves you love you okay she's laughing oh wow she said she loves you too see at christmas next year i feel yeah i feel i'm gonna go bye wow i didn't like getting involved in your relationship facilitating this hookup but listen so for people who hadn't heard that episode though i'm always talking about your mother's accent And I think it's, I'm glad we heard it.

[3258] Anyway, so that's right.

[3259] 2014 is when I booked the first big commercial.

[3260] But then it was 2016, then I started booking a lot.

[3261] So six years, you acted like I like got here and immediate.

[3262] I did act like that.

[3263] I apologize.

[3264] Thank you.

[3265] Yeah.

[3266] I was wrong.

[3267] I just met you and I was so blown away because I couldn't, I couldn't pay them to put me in commercials.

[3268] I know.

[3269] It's hard to book commercials.

[3270] Not for you.

[3271] Well, you've been in a hundred.

[3272] I was in two.

[3273] MTV lawnmower and Miller, like, I am fibbing in a little bit because I did do an industrial buyout for AMPM.

[3274] Yeah, exactly.

[3275] But that, it never made it to the airwaves.

[3276] It played in the corner of AMPM gas stations.

[3277] And as you remember my lowest, lowest point as an actor ever.

[3278] Yeah, hot dog.

[3279] Play it like a harmonica.

[3280] All right, now you just pick up that hot dog and you start blowing on it like it's harmonica, man. Just start jamming.

[3281] You're like a blues harmonica player.

[3282] Oh, God.

[3283] I'm kind of surprised, you know.

[3284] I think I know what you're going to say.

[3285] Yeah.

[3286] I'm surprised you chose acting because you are told to do all this dumb shit all the time.

[3287] And you are so against doing, being told to do something you know is ridiculous.

[3288] Absinant.

[3289] I think it goes to show how badly I wanted it.

[3290] You know, like if you want something badly.

[3291] You'll betray everything about yourself.

[3292] You'll suck that D on that casting couch.

[3293] You'll do whatever is required.

[3294] You'll blow sweet music into that hot dog.

[3295] But fuck, was it burning my soul while it was happening?

[3296] Like, I was having an auto body experience while it was happening.

[3297] I've been there.

[3298] I've been there.

[3299] I've been there.

[3300] It's kind of good for you maybe.

[3301] Don't you think?

[3302] It's kind of like going to boot camp.

[3303] Like they break you down, make you betray all your convictions.

[3304] it's good in that I guess you're like nothing will really kill you yeah you can you can embarrass yourself it can be put on film and then play in the corner of a gas station you might frequent and you'll live yeah I stopped going to AMPM once I recorded that I swear to God I was like I'm never I used going there and they had great deals on hot dogs sure well yeah you can play them like a harmonica I don't even know why they needed me to push the hot dogs they were flying up the shelves they were like two for 79 cents or something.

[3305] Well, I guess they were known for that.

[3306] I mean, I wonder if they'll bring that back.

[3307] And thank God they had a term, you know.

[3308] Sure, they'd love to bring it back now.

[3309] Like a retro commercial with me embarrassing myself.

[3310] How much would they have to pay you to bring that back?

[3311] Well, I know how much I got for the buyout.

[3312] I still remember.

[3313] $1 ,200.

[3314] I know, but, but now.

[3315] Wait, how much to reprise my role and play their, play, the hot dog as her monica now here's it you wouldn't have to go back as you now but how much would they have to pay you to just re -air that old one in a m p .m for the next 10 years i might let him do it for free again i think it might be good for me and as they're going to m p .m again to catch it wow yeah i think i'm that old that like now everything that was embarrassing is just kind of funny that it happened maybe i'd have some pride Yeah, you should.

[3316] I doubt it.

[3317] I doubt it.

[3318] I think I'd see her with embarrassment if I saw it.

[3319] I want to see that.

[3320] Not your embarrassment, but I want to see the commercial.

[3321] You saw a lot of my commercials, so I should be able to see me. They were great, though.

[3322] You were always great.

[3323] You had a lane in commercials.

[3324] You were like over it, girl, for the most part.

[3325] I wonder why.

[3326] I roll.

[3327] I wonder how I booked all of those.

[3328] Yeah, you were doing things that were very natural to you.

[3329] No, I was.

[3330] And sometimes you were chipper and cheery.

[3331] The VW one, you were kind of.

[3332] I'm like, welcome, let me sell you a car, Monica Padman.

[3333] No, no, none of that.

[3334] None of that's true.

[3335] In a few short years, I'll be driving a Mercedes.

[3336] Oh my God, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, fact.

[3337] Hold on.

[3338] I wanted to play something for you.

[3339] Oh.

[3340] You can't hear it?

[3341] What's going on?

[3342] Hey, you can't hear it?

[3343] What happened?

[3344] for some reason you're I don't know why but for most of it I couldn't hear but then I heard yes Mercedes boy yeah I had never heard that song you had never heard it but I'm gonna play it a lot now fuck yes yeah that's how I'm gonna get my new husband to come home for Christmas well think how much action you were getting in your Mercedes at the gas station without even putting out that kind of big advertisement I know you're right if you've got the windows down in the sun room open, warm day in L .A., and that's blasting as you pump your gas.

[3345] Do you want a ride in my Mercedes?

[3346] Did I tell you I saw, there was another arm cherry at the gas station.

[3347] Did I tell you that?

[3348] No. Yeah.

[3349] This one wasn't trying to date me, but he did roll down his window and say he was listening.

[3350] Also, I have run into so many arm cherries here.

[3351] In Duluth.

[3352] Yes.

[3353] And it has been so exciting.

[3354] And guess who I ran into at Cray and Bear.

[3355] A arm cherry, the wife of the guy.

[3356] Who told the shit story?

[3357] Yes.

[3358] Oh, my God.

[3359] He's going to be thrilled.

[3360] Remember how much he said she loved you?

[3361] Yeah.

[3362] And he invited you for drinks.

[3363] He did.

[3364] And I ran into her at crayon barrel.

[3365] No. That's insane.

[3366] There's been some other Sims.

[3367] Was she lovely?

[3368] Yes.

[3369] She was so nice.

[3370] It was so nice to meet her.

[3371] Someone came up at dinner yesterday.

[3372] Also at Madewell.

[3373] This one was a little embarrassing.

[3374] Let's think of this when it's happening.

[3375] They like it.

[3376] Crack them up.

[3377] Yeah.

[3378] Yeah, they really like it.

[3379] They're a little girl.

[3380] Yeah.

[3381] When it happened at dinner, my dad, he said he was proud.

[3382] Oh, he did.

[3383] Yeah, but then I got mad at him.

[3384] I said, don't be proud of that.

[3385] Oh, God, the guy can't win.

[3386] You were upset.

[3387] He wasn't proud of you before.

[3388] Now he is.

[3389] I don't want it to be proud of the recognition on the streets.

[3390] Why?

[3391] I don't know why.

[3392] Listen, you're not supposed to feel good.

[3393] You're not supposed to let that fill your tank because it's dangerous.

[3394] Yeah, so I don't want it to fill theirs.

[3395] No, but it's totally great for a parent's to have their tank filled by, for sure.

[3396] Their little girl that they worried about moved across the country and they were scared.

[3397] She stayed drug -free.

[3398] And she's come home and people, and in their mind, all the people in the restaurant know who she is and is excited to see her.

[3399] It's so good.

[3400] I could cry thinking about it.

[3401] That's beautiful.

[3402] Anyway, I forget.

[3403] Right in my Mercedes.

[3404] Armcherry's your dad proud.

[3405] Oh, oh, oh, yeah.

[3406] One embarrassing armcherry siding was I was at Made Well.

[3407] And this really cute armcherry came up and she said, Monica.

[3408] And I said, hi.

[3409] And she said, oh, my gosh, I'm a huge, we're huge fans.

[3410] She was with her friend.

[3411] I mean, we're huge fans.

[3412] my sister saw you here in November and I was like oh yeah and I remembered also a really nice arm cherry then I was like god I'm at made well too much it's like I just fell embarrassing you're living your dream we're going to made well a lot and yes you just you love them all when you're a kid and you look shopping no you get to yeah great you're doing what you love she died doing what she loved, dropping at Maydwell.

[3413] Okay, the Tio Alberto's versus Tacos Alcapulco.

[3414] Okay.

[3415] This is going to go my way.

[3416] Well, it was Tio Alberto's.

[3417] You're right.

[3418] Okay.

[3419] But then it closed.

[3420] Okay.

[3421] So then there's another that's called Tacos Acapulco.

[3422] It says, which is now in the place Tanita's used to be, which I think was literally related to Tio's and has the same vibe.

[3423] Oh, okay.

[3424] Both are right.

[3425] Okay, great.

[3426] Yeah.

[3427] Although I think we were there circa the same time, which was definitely the reign of Tio Alberto's.

[3428] But why would she know it exactly the right name?

[3429] Because she went back.

[3430] She went back.

[3431] Okay.

[3432] Okay, she went back.

[3433] She went back in her late 20s.

[3434] And it changed.

[3435] And she said, I guess it was called Taco Bacapulcos.

[3436] Tukas, Akapurka.

[3437] No, tucas me cullo.

[3438] You know what that means?

[3439] No, what's that?

[3440] Don't touch my asshole.

[3441] No tucas me cullo.

[3442] Oh, my God.

[3443] Yes.

[3444] Something Brie used to say all the time.

[3445] It was not because she needed to.

[3446] Because you were always trying to touch her asshole.

[3447] No, no, no. No. Yeah.

[3448] It was a derivative of a guy that Nate worked with.

[3449] who said really raunchy stuff.

[3450] It was a bus boy.

[3451] Oh, you could find him to your birthday party.

[3452] The bus boy?

[3453] Yeah.

[3454] Okay.

[3455] I would love to.

[3456] Yeah.

[3457] He used to say to Nate, he'd look at Nate when he was working and he would say, Nice position.

[3458] Oh, God.

[3459] Yeah, Nate'll tell you he's the pervious human being he had ever met in his life.

[3460] And he would say, I want to say, how do you say Como?

[3461] Como is to eat, right?

[3462] He'd say Como to Kulo.

[3463] He would say, I want to eat your ass to people.

[3464] Oh, wow.

[3465] Okay.

[3466] Yes, which led to know Tukasmi Kulo from Brick.

[3467] Oh, my God.

[3468] Okay.

[3469] Okay, the prop that she was talking about on campus that, you know, people were getting activated was prop 209, also known as the California Civil Rights Initiative or CCRI.

[3470] California ballot proposition, which upon approval in November 1996, amended the state constitution to prohibit state governmental institutions from considering race, sex, or ethnicity, specifically in the areas of public employment, public contracting, and public education.

[3471] Modeled on the Civil Rights Act of 1964, the California Civil Rights Initiative was authored by two California academics, Glenn Custrade and Tom Wood.

[3472] It was the first electoral test of affirmative action policies in North America.

[3473] It passed with 55 % in favor to 45 % opposed.

[3474] She's not on your flight, is she?

[3475] Gabriel.

[3476] What celebrities are in your flight?

[3477] Oh, there's that guy.

[3478] I don't know his name, but you'd recognize it.

[3479] Oh, sure, sure.

[3480] You know, it's like, he has, like, he's kind of older.

[3481] Yeah, he's older.

[3482] Yeah, late 50s, early 60s.

[3483] And he, like, he's white, you know.

[3484] Of course.

[3485] And he's kind of, he's like, looks.

[3486] like he's like 5 -11.

[3487] Uh -huh.

[3488] Oh, that's taller than I thought he was, but.

[3489] While he's sitting, maybe it's just his torso is tall.

[3490] He has a really long torso, yeah.

[3491] Yeah, yeah, you know what I'm talking about.

[3492] Yeah, I totally do, yeah.

[3493] He was in all those movies.

[3494] Okay, 74 % of professional athletes are bankrupt within the first year of retirement.

[3495] Okay, yeah, so in broke, which I think is what maybe you're referring to.

[3496] Yeah, that 20 for 20.

[3497] 30 for 30.

[3498] claims that over 70 % of professional athletes fall on financial hardship shortly after they retire.

[3499] It doesn't say within the first year.

[3500] But statistics show that about 60 to 65 % of NBA players go broke within the first five years of retirement.

[3501] 78 % of professional athletes in general go broke after three years of retirement.

[3502] That's conflicting a little bit.

[3503] Why?

[3504] Why?

[3505] No, because one was NBA players.

[3506] other is all professional athletes.

[3507] Okay, great, great, great.

[3508] Yeah.

[3509] I always think about that when I'm watching my motorcycle sports that I love.

[3510] All these dudes who race motocross and all these, you know, these ones that are particularly hard on your body.

[3511] Yeah.

[3512] And you just can't, you're not doing it past 32.

[3513] And the money was never that great.

[3514] Yeah.

[3515] It was good.

[3516] You could have a house and shit.

[3517] But, you know, you have a shot if you're in the NBA.

[3518] I mean, even league minimum.

[3519] is pretty solid, you know.

[3520] Yeah.

[3521] I have a sad ding, ding, ding.

[3522] Uh -oh.

[3523] Yesterday when we were all chatting in the kitchen and it was so nice and everyone was on the same level, we were laughing.

[3524] My brother said his friend Quaid, who lived down the street when we were young when Neil was like six or seven, I guess, he died in a motorcycle accident.

[3525] He did.

[3526] When?

[3527] Like last year.

[3528] And he just said it.

[3529] Like, you know, Quaid, I guess, came up kind of quickly in conversation.

[3530] He was like, oh, he died.

[3531] And I was like, oh, my God.

[3532] That's a horrible.

[3533] Yeah.

[3534] It's horrible.

[3535] So sad.

[3536] And then you go straight to me, right?

[3537] Of course.

[3538] Next thought me. Yeah.

[3539] And I hated that.

[3540] Yeah.

[3541] It's really sad.

[3542] And Quade broke his arm at our house.

[3543] I never brought.

[3544] broke my arm in anyone's house.

[3545] Well, no, but you got stung by all those wasps.

[3546] At school.

[3547] Yeah, but then you went to someone's house and they had to take care of you.

[3548] My house.

[3549] No, Clay's.

[3550] Clay came over.

[3551] They let Clay walk me home.

[3552] Oh, I thought you were at his house.

[3553] No, because my mom came home from work and she came down in the base.

[3554] And he had put a towel on your face.

[3555] A wet washcloth over my face.

[3556] Yeah, to ease the swelling, I guess.

[3557] Or, I mean, I probably just couldn't look at it anymore.

[3558] He didn't want to see you anymore.

[3559] If I were him, I would have covered that up immediately, too.

[3560] No, but wasn't he holding your hand?

[3561] He was rubbing my hand, yeah.

[3562] Yeah, gently.

[3563] Oh, so sweet.

[3564] Yeah, why weren't those two boys in the documentary I saw a clip of in the house?

[3565] Yeah, exactly.

[3566] Yeah, Clay and I would have made each other macaroni and cheese, and we were taking care of the place and looked out for one another.

[3567] So cute.

[3568] I'm not giving up on boys just yet.

[3569] Yeah, but he broke his arm in our house, and he told us.

[3570] for a long time, his name was Aaron.

[3571] And his mom came over one day and said, is Quaid here?

[3572] And we said, no. Yeah, never heard of him.

[3573] Get out of here.

[3574] Pervert.

[3575] Turns out he was.

[3576] Anyway, he broke his arm.

[3577] My mom panicked.

[3578] Obviously, she panicked.

[3579] And call 911.

[3580] Oh, my God.

[3581] 9 -1 -1.

[3582] I know.

[3583] Even yesterday when we were talking about this, my brother was like, wait, are you supposed to call 911 for a broken lip?

[3584] But, you know, now do you see why I want to call 911 when my finger's bleeding out?

[3585] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[3586] None of it's, yeah.

[3587] You come by it honestly, you know.

[3588] I do.

[3589] Yeah.

[3590] And I'm doing, I think I'm doing, I think I've made leaps and bounds.

[3591] Yeah.

[3592] So all we can do is carry the torch a little further.

[3593] Yeah.

[3594] And then now, now we lost him.

[3595] I know.

[3596] Anyway.

[3597] Happy New Year.

[3598] Happy birthday.

[3599] Merry great.

[3600] Happy birthday.

[3601] That's probably, I mean, I have a couple other facts, but they're not, like, one of them is the stat about the conversion therapy.

[3602] But that's on the Kevin Bacon episode, if anyone wants to hear that.

[3603] And I don't feel like rereading it.

[3604] I have it, but.

[3605] Yeah.

[3606] We've got all.

[3607] We're in an hour and 45.

[3608] We are.

[3609] are not.

[3610] Are we?

[3611] Oh, my God.

[3612] Oh, my God.

[3613] Holy shit.

[3614] How am I going to edit this?

[3615] An hour and 45 minutes go by in 12 minutes.

[3616] I know.

[3617] It's pretty fun.

[3618] Yeah, it is.

[3619] Fuck.

[3620] I have to edit this.

[3621] Sorry.

[3622] I apologize.

[3623] An hour and 45.

[3624] From my side of it.

[3625] But, you know, half of it's your fault, too.

[3626] A lot of it is my fault.

[3627] I can take responsibility.

[3628] I can take ownership.

[3629] okay for my part well i love you and i'm very excited about our um 36 and 48 what this year spectacular excited can't wait to work me too and happy birthday oh thank you i love you i love you happy birthday to you bye bye love you follow armchair expert on the wondry app amazon music or wherever you get your podcasts you can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert Early and ad free right now by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[3630] Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry .com slash survey.