Liam Neeson

[0] My name is Lyle Nelson.

[1] My name is Leslie Nielsen.

[2] Deep breath.

[3] My name is Liam Neeson.

[4] I feel like I want to sing.

[5] I feel a bit nervous about sitting here, but my old pal, Conan, a brand.

[6] You should be nervous.

[7] You should be nervous, Liam.

[8] Because you know me, I've got a temper.

[9] It's going to get rough for you.

[10] You know that, don't you?

[11] You'll come from me. You'll find me. I'll.

[12] Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walking loose, climb the fence, books and pens, I can tell that we are going to be friends, I can tell that we are going to be friends.

[13] Here we go, and three, two, one.

[14] Nicely done.

[15] Thank you.

[16] Hey there, welcome to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend, joined as always by my.

[17] My good pals, Sonom of Sessian, my assistant now for how many years?

[18] 14 and like a half.

[19] Okay.

[20] 14 and a half years.

[21] And for how many of those years did you think you really tried?

[22] Be honest.

[23] You want me to be honest?

[24] Two.

[25] Okay.

[26] And of course, Matt Gore, you always give 100%.

[27] Oh, what?

[28] Of what you're capable of.

[29] Oh, right.

[30] Yeah.

[31] About 10 % of most people.

[32] Yes, yeah.

[33] You give 100 % of the 10 % that you're able to give.

[34] What's your name again?

[35] My name's Cronin.

[36] Okay.

[37] It's nice to be here altogether, isn't it?

[38] It is.

[39] Yeah?

[40] Do you like it?

[41] Do you like coming in to see me and?

[42] I'm not going to lie.

[43] It's nice to like just kind of getaway drive here.

[44] Well, you live in a madhouse, I think it's fair to say.

[45] Why would you?

[46] No, no, I'm not putting you down.

[47] You're right.

[48] No, it is a madhouse.

[49] I think any mom who has twin two -year -old boys who have figured out how to make weapons would probably say that it's nice to come into a podcast studio.

[50] It absolutely is.

[51] Does it hurt to come into two other assholes?

[52] though?

[53] I, it does feel like I'm going, well, are you saying my children are assholes?

[54] Wait, you just said other assholes.

[55] That came out wrong.

[56] Her kids are not assholes.

[57] Don't you play all sanctimonious with me?

[58] No, I'm sorry, but that's not cool.

[59] No, you're right, I apologize.

[60] I am going from two toddlers to two other kind of toddlers.

[61] That's what I meant.

[62] Yeah.

[63] Two toddlers to two asshole toddlers is what I meant.

[64] And so how's your little shithead?

[65] I'm sorry.

[66] I thought we were into putting people down people's children.

[67] She is.

[68] She's, well, she's really into something called Pissywater, which is, just, seltzer water, which she tries to call spicy water, but comes out pissy -wawa.

[69] Oh.

[70] So she all day is going, baby pissy wawa?

[71] Baby pissy wawa?

[72] Right.

[73] Child service is going to hear that.

[74] Yeah.

[75] And they're going to think she has to drink her urine.

[76] Well.

[77] There's some kind of weird stuff going on at your house.

[78] They say it's good for you.

[79] Yeah.

[80] I don't think it is.

[81] Pissy water?

[82] No. No. No. I thought that I was saying pissy water like Glenn says it, but you meant piss is good for you.

[83] I'm not going to drink my piss.

[84] You're not?

[85] Let's all drink our piss.

[86] right now uh sure okay just did and you know it's fine it's good thing it's a podcast there's no video oh there's video on youtube or wherever you enjoy your videos see what i did there what do you what do you mean room for just in case they invent another in case they invent another format i just make sure that i always cover my bases okay i'm very smart that way they invent and there are other i was saying stuff like this on the tv show back in the 90s huh i was saying well you know i hope you enjoy this either tonight or when you see it in a rerun or someday when they invent the internet.

[87] You said this.

[88] I said that in 94.

[89] There's actual tape of it that was then destroyed.

[90] Sometimes I'm, I feel like you don't even know that the internet exists now.

[91] I'm told it's amazing.

[92] It's not.

[93] Sure, it's got its pluses and minuses.

[94] It's okay.

[95] No, I'm very happy.

[96] I like coming in here because no one wants to see me around my house.

[97] They're quite happy for me to leave.

[98] Oh, yeah.

[99] What do they do when you're gone?

[100] I hear a lot of, it's funny, I hear a Mexican band playing the minute I leave.

[101] I mean, brass section, and it's weird because there's no band there.

[102] But the minute I leave, and then I see catering trucks pulling up, and I see lots of guests showing up, and everyone looks excited.

[103] It's that song where the Ewoks play when they beat the Death Star, just that whole, da -da -da -da.

[104] Hey, I have a question for you that you can answer.

[105] Is it a Star Wars related?

[106] Yes.

[107] It's about what you just brought up, which is, I remember showing my.

[108] son those movies and he was you know enthralled and I showed them to him when he was a little boy he was like I don't know maybe he was six or seven and I showed him those movies and it was a big deal then we got to the one where I remembered the iwaks doing a dance and singing a song called like jub -jub or something or glub glub and I said oh wait do you see this this part man I said this part I remembered seeing this in a theater and this is a little rough but take a look and we got to that part and it didn't happen yeah what happened did they edit it in in 1997 Lucas released special editions of all three original films and they did they added CG and then in Jedi they took out the song that they sing written by john william's son which is like a disco song called lopty neck and they replaced it with like a blue song and then they took out that iwok celebration song and just put in this somber almost like funeral dirge right so i looked like a fool because i told my son check this out It's really hilarious because it doesn't quite work.

[109] Way do you see this?

[110] And then it didn't happen.

[111] What was the song?

[112] How did it go?

[113] Itcha.

[114] Comcha -ch -ch -ch -ch -ch -ch -ch -ch -ch -ch -ch -ch -ch -ch -ch -li -a -l.

[115] And then, of course, they've got the curtain call with allie -eutti -la.

[116] And then, of course, they've got the curtain call with all.

[117] Darth Fader there dead, but then they switched it with young Hayden Christensen.

[118] Yeah.

[119] You want me to keep going on?

[120] Are you about to say something?

[121] No, no. I was just remembering I have to go have heart surgery.

[122] So I have to leave now.

[123] We're going to have to cut this.

[124] Did I tell you that I'm having a quadruple bypass today?

[125] No, you didn't.

[126] But I haven't even got to the job as policy.

[127] No, no, no. I'm also having both eyes removed.

[128] And that's a whole other thing that's happening.

[129] Can you watch OG Star Wars somewhere?

[130] Yeah, my house.

[131] That's not your house?

[132] I can come over.

[133] Does Lucas also, does he have a hit squad out trying to find people like you who can sing the song and kill you?

[134] Because he probably wants it all erased from people's minds too.

[135] I don't think he cares anymore because he's sold the whole thing.

[136] I think he's just been too wounded by.

[137] No, he still cares.

[138] Well, good question.

[139] I don't know, but I've got those despecialized editions they're called.

[140] And high -deaf, if the two of you want to come over, we could have a slumber party, we could giggle, we could tickle each other.

[141] Or we can borrow them.

[142] We can borrow them.

[143] Or I could say I'm going to come by and borrow them.

[144] And just if you don't hear from me, it means I'm coming soon.

[145] No, no, no. These are not physical media.

[146] These are digital.

[147] They're on a drive.

[148] So we have to watch them at my house.

[149] I'll borrow the whole.

[150] Maybe next year's chill chum.

[151] Yeah.

[152] We do a nine hour day.

[153] We watch all three movies.

[154] I can't be there.

[155] I'm having my entire pelvis removed next year.

[156] So there won't be a chill chums next year.

[157] Yeah.

[158] It's being replaced with just an old wicker basket.

[159] Yeah.

[160] And I got to drive him.

[161] You got to drive him.

[162] I got to drive you to.

[163] And you've got to drive me home too.

[164] And no speed bumps because I'll have no ass on the way home.

[165] No, I'll come along.

[166] And we'll get those little DVD players for the back of headrests.

[167] You're a massive ass now.

[168] All right, take it easy.

[169] It's been said.

[170] I don't have much of an ass.

[171] Pretty much a...

[172] It's a two -minute surgery.

[173] Okay.

[174] All right.

[175] Okay, okay.

[176] That's nice, Sona.

[177] I don't think people have to know just how bad it is back there.

[178] Good and die.

[179] You don't think people have to even on television for like 30 years.

[180] I know, but usually my ass was covered or if the monologue, the ass was facing the other way and then the death.

[181] You weren't checking on one episode of the show.

[182] So, you know.

[183] But I stuff, I put stuff back there.

[184] I put two, uh, two, two, two irons that you iron clothes with back there.

[185] I had these two bulbous trunks.

[186] Would you shut the fuck up?

[187] What?

[188] You're out of control.

[189] You're out of control.

[190] I let you sing the whole jub, jub, glub, glove song.

[191] You got the words wrong.

[192] I think I got them right.

[193] I'm going to, this has to stop.

[194] This has to stop now.

[195] What we took away from this episode.

[196] Yeah.

[197] Is that.

[198] By episode, you mean mental episode.

[199] The episode I just had.

[200] Yeah.

[201] Where you sang the glub, glub, jub, job song.

[202] Then Sona went on this, just crazy take that I have a flat ass, which is just not true.

[203] Super hot take.

[204] Yeah.

[205] And super hot ass.

[206] Thank you.

[207] Big daddy.

[208] Come on, man. I like an ass that you can hose down and that no water stays on it.

[209] It's just immediate.

[210] incredibly incredible you know all right well you know what it's like a board yeah yeah oh it's incredible yeah it splashes back yeah yeah he's to see what are you doing what are you muttering i'm singing the javas palace song the original one that they took out oh good did i really wanted to hear it did you yeah you know what i have to move on because we have an amazing guest today i think they can hang on wait a minute our guest has a star wars connection that's right yes quigon gin green lightsaber i was going to say that yeah we were all going to just about to say that and then i remember that I was educated.

[211] All right, here we go.

[212] My guest today has started, would you take it easy?

[213] My guest today has starred in such movies as, look at this.

[214] Schindler's List, Star Wars, Episode 1, The Phantom Menace.

[215] I'd switch those.

[216] And now you can see him in the new action thriller, Retribution.

[217] Thrilled, he's here today.

[218] Liam Neeson, welcome.

[219] What skills do you have in real life, by the way?

[220] It's one of the most famous lines in action movies.

[221] I've got a particular set of skills.

[222] What skills do you have in real life?

[223] I would love to be able to say I have a skill at fly fishing.

[224] I've been flying fishing for 23, 24 years.

[225] And I'm competent.

[226] That's not as threatening to say to a kidnapper over the phone.

[227] Now listen to me. Now listen to me, I don't have any money if that's what you're after.

[228] But I am a competent fly fisherman.

[229] Catch and release.

[230] But you, I will not release.

[231] Come on, remake it that way.

[232] I promise you, people are going to absolutely love it, you know?

[233] It is great to see you.

[234] We've run into each other a couple of times over the years.

[235] We've talked, and we always have this crazy bond.

[236] I don't know if it's a genetic thing, because I don't know.

[237] I found out since I met you that I'm 100 % Irish after my people have.

[238] have been in this country since 1875, still genetically, we just married each other and had more kids and, uh, well, 1870, you know, sorry, the history of the planet.

[239] Yeah, 1875 was a nanosecond ago.

[240] Yeah, just, just happened, yeah.

[241] Yeah.

[242] So I do think, I don't know what it is, but I know first time I met you, you may not remember this.

[243] I've only been to one prize fight in my life, one boxing match and you I someone took me I'd never been to one before and I stood up and you came over and said oh hello Conan let's go get a pint because it was in between bouts and I thought oh this is fantastic Liam Neeson is inviting me for a pint and uh what was the main event I don't I mean this is how bad I am I don't remember I remember people were hitting each other that's how I'm not I'm not I don't follow the sport someone invited me And I thought, these guys seem angry.

[244] No, no, they're supposed to be doing this.

[245] It was just be hitting each other.

[246] I don't remember what it was, but we went and we got a pint together.

[247] And I thought, this is living, having a pint with Liam Neeson.

[248] This is about as cool as it gets.

[249] And it was a great time.

[250] You were very nice to me. And then we've run into each other every now and then.

[251] I know my people are all from the south by the coast.

[252] And I know that you're a northern fellow.

[253] Northern Ireland, a little time called Balamina.

[254] Yeah.

[255] 30 miles northwest of Belfast.

[256] But my mother is born, was born and bred, Waterford in the Irish Republic.

[257] Waterford by the sea?

[258] Yes.

[259] That's where my people are from.

[260] Get away.

[261] Yeah.

[262] Seriously.

[263] I will not get away.

[264] I am here to stay.

[265] We are from Waterford and on my father's side.

[266] Yes.

[267] So you and I are related.

[268] We know that now.

[269] We have to be.

[270] Yeah.

[271] And I remembered, I went, first time I went back to Ireland, I stopped somewhere.

[272] that I was told was Waterford and I get out of the car and they say you're supposed to kiss the ground so I thought okay I'll kiss the ground and as I'm kissing the ground someone went by and said what are you doing and I said well we're from Waterford and then this isn't Waterford spitting it out spitting out soil they said it's you know 30 miles that way you ass but it's it's funny because there is something there's something in the blood where when I meet other people who are Irish even though I've not grown up in that country And you could say I'm not really Irish because I've, you know, third generation or fourth generation in this country, I do right away.

[273] Like every cell in my body says, this is the air.

[274] I'm supposed to be breathing.

[275] I like that it's raining out.

[276] Yes.

[277] Yes.

[278] Everyone's depressed.

[279] People aren't taking care of themselves.

[280] This is the way I meant to live, not in Southern California, which is a terrible, terrible, yeah.

[281] But I find Conan, I'm born and bred Palamina, Catholic.

[282] Oh, boy.

[283] Because everybody always asks.

[284] But when I came out to the States, 1980, 1998, I'm an American citizen, very proud one too, and Irish citizen.

[285] But everybody I'd meet wanted to tell me they had a connection with either Ireland or Scotland.

[286] I was dying for somebody to say, I'm an American.

[287] Do you know what I mean?

[288] Yeah.

[289] They always wanted to make a connection.

[290] It made me think, yeah, okay, there was a million and a half during the potato famine in Ireland, 1845, 1852, came out here.

[291] Right.

[292] In coffin boats, they were on us, coughing ships, you know.

[293] And I was like, of course, 1845, that was a nanosecond ago, you know, two seconds ago.

[294] I always got embarrassed on St. Patrick's Day here in the States because people that were one 18th Irish paint the Irish.

[295] Irish flag on their face, get shit -faced, throw up on Fifth Avenue, and kiss everyone they see after throwing up.

[296] Ah, I'm Irish.

[297] When did you, how much Irish are you?

[298] My father's, uncles, brothers, sisters, mothers.

[299] Because your last name's Armenian.

[300] Ah, fuck you.

[301] I'm Irish.

[302] And I think, well, you just wanted to get drunk.

[303] And then I find out that in Ireland on St. Patrick's Day, they, people go to mass. They go to mass. No one's painting their face.

[304] I know.

[305] No one's celebrating this insanity.

[306] So you raised Catholic.

[307] So we both had that because I was raised very Catholic.

[308] And did you do?

[309] Are you an altar boy?

[310] I was not an altar boy.

[311] They found out early on this kid can read and he's good at speaking.

[312] So we'll make him a lectern, which means I'll read the passages when they need someone to read a passage.

[313] So I got a speaking part, which was kind of nice.

[314] I looked at the altar boys and I thought, I like that outfit.

[315] and I want that smoky thing I want to I want to toss that smoky thing around it that's a terrible corner I'm sorry we I'm sorry here in America and here in America we call it the smoky thing and if you're going to be a citizen of this country you need to learn that so communion the whole thing I found communion terror I mean not communion uh confession I found confession terrifying I would always freeze up up when I would go into the confessional because I wouldn't know I just I didn't want to admit to anything real and I would freeze up so I'd make things up that no kid would do that's all I am I ambezzled to check you embezzled from a I store put funds in an offshore account and didn't declare it how old are you because I'm seven I coveted my neighbor's wife what did you not really I just would freeze up.

[316] Did you find that frightening?

[317] I did, especially the last confession I ever went to, officially confessional.

[318] And I think it was, I wasn't 16, I was 15, I was still boxing.

[319] And it was a great event when you had a missionary visiting from Africa or something like that.

[320] And I'd be there for a week and you'd go to Mass every night.

[321] And as an older boy, I'd be serving Mass to hear.

[322] for the to hear your confession from him it was like a big deal so i remember going 15 years of age and it was before mass and there were lots of old women just outside the confessional kneeling down and sent their prayers and i went into this guy and he's used to be in in africa Congo wherever shouting his lungs of himself so we started and i had i had learned how to pleasure myself at home onto the seeds right yeah sure and i looked up the appropriate word I remember this, well, the masturbation.

[323] Okay, that seems harmless enough, I'll say that.

[324] That's me if I argued with my mom, my sister and I got any a fight, and I masturbated.

[325] You what?

[326] This guy literally, I mean, he almost said things like, the grass will grow out of the palm of your hand before you're 21.

[327] Stop that evil practice.

[328] He's shouting this.

[329] And I'm immediately thinking, I have to leave this, and there's all these old women praying outside.

[330] Who can hear everything?

[331] You can hear everything, especially him.

[332] And I laughed, and my dick, my dick was that size.

[333] It just shrinks up inside you here.

[334] That was the last time I ever went to.

[335] I think that'll do it.

[336] I think that'll do it.

[337] Oh, my God.

[338] He wasn't happy.

[339] And I'm all proud of myself.

[340] I haven't learned this work.

[341] words, you know?

[342] Well, I'm glad I never masturbated.

[343] That's all I'll say.

[344] It's so, yeah, that's so funny that the things that terrify you as a kid and there's so much about church, especially Catholic Church, that's scary.

[345] I remember once I went up and, you know, you, the priest went to put the communion in my mouth and it hit the side of my mouth and it fell and it fell on the ground which is you know it's supposed to through trend substantiation it's it's become the body and blood of christ this is the actual you know body and body of christ that has now fallen on the rug and i panic and i just pretend that i got the wafer when i didn't so i close my mouth and i just turn and i walk about halfway down and the priest says get back here in front of everybody and i turned around and he, I had to walk back up and pick up this wafer off of, off the floor.

[346] You picked it up.

[347] I picked it up.

[348] Yeah, I picked it up.

[349] Okay.

[350] And my hand caught fire.

[351] It blew, it, it burned my hand, the wrath of God, and I chewed it down.

[352] But my God, I mean, again, some of the scariest moments of my life happened in the Catholic church growing up.

[353] Because the wifer, you're not supposed to touch it with your teeth.

[354] It's the body and blood of Christ.

[355] I was going to ask, I said, in fair.

[356] Like, when it fell, I'm imagining the scene in slow motion.

[357] It hits the grind.

[358] You hear, oh.

[359] I heard Jesus as if he had thrown his lower back out.

[360] God, he can't say Jesus because he's Jesus.

[361] Ah, me. But I'm surprised the priest didn't pick it up.

[362] I don't think he could see.

[363] He was very old, and I think he just was, you know.

[364] and he i think you are more learned in the ways of of the catholic religion than he was i think he had just quit his job at the gas station but it's funny because i know that you did a simpson's episode i used to write for the simpsons in another lifetime and i know that you're a simpson's episode which is a very funny idea which is i think that you are i believe you convert barton homer to catholicism which is the most ridiculous yeah homer loves uh catholicatholicians because he confess and get rid of all the sentence and start over again.

[365] Yeah, yeah.

[366] Yeah.

[367] Well, one of my favorite things about writing for that character and I think all the other Simpsons writers would agree with me is that Homer is an immediate enthusiast for anything, which is great when you're writing for someone because it doesn't matter what the story is.

[368] He can decide, this is it.

[369] And he decides that at the beginning of almost every episode.

[370] And the idea that it's now Catholicism.

[371] Really cracks me up.

[372] Yeah, it's a very funny idea.

[373] I don't know who wrote it, but God bless him.

[374] It was a funny episode, too.

[375] Yeah, it was great.

[376] Tell me if this was a dream job or not.

[377] I know that as a young man, obviously before you had made it, you worked at the Guinness plant.

[378] There was a Guinness bottling plant in my own town, whereby the Guinness would be brought up in these huge tankers from the Guinness breweries in Dublin.

[379] Right.

[380] To our establishment where the Guinness would be bottled.

[381] And the Guinness would then come down and crates, 24 bottles, yeah, per crate.

[382] And to be stacked on pallets, I drew a forklift truck.

[383] So once the pallets were filled, I would go in, lift the pallet of Guinness.

[384] And it would be stored at 54 degrees Fahrenheit for 10 days.

[385] And then it would be distributed to various pubs and stuff.

[386] Yeah.

[387] But it was a great job.

[388] loved it.

[389] I would say, I mean, you just hear about, well, the Forklift sounds fun, but also working in a Guinness factory.

[390] It just sounds like Willie Wonka.

[391] You know, it sounds like, it's the Irish version of Willy Wonka, but Willie Wonka just makes one kind of beer, but all the kids get to drink it.

[392] It's, it is funny.

[393] I always, I always laugh when I'm back in Ireland and I see lots of advertisements for Guinness, and I think you don't need to advertise it.

[394] It just seems, why?

[395] Why are there There are ads everywhere.

[396] Hey, have you tried Guinness?

[397] Would you like some?

[398] You should try it.

[399] We know.

[400] We know.

[401] It's the touchstone of this whole country is Guinness.

[402] There used to be an ad.

[403] I don't know if you would have got it here.

[404] I'm talking late 70s.

[405] And the ad for Guinness, programs on go to a commercial break.

[406] And the screen would just go black.

[407] And I would stay black.

[408] And you'd be wanting to go over and bang the side of the television.

[409] And as you're about to do that, you suddenly start to see these little bubbles.

[410] So what it was was a pint of Guinness, the camera slowly moving up to reveal the white head.

[411] Yeah, yeah.

[412] That was the ad.

[413] Yeah.

[414] It was brilliant.

[415] Yeah.

[416] They did show that here.

[417] 30 seconds of blackness was brought to you by Guinness.

[418] That was it.

[419] Incredible.

[420] Yeah.

[421] It's funny because I know that for years, I don't think they do anymore, but they encouraged, they said, oh, it's fine.

[422] Even if you're pregnant, it's good for the baby.

[423] It's good for the breast milk, if you've, you know.

[424] Iron, a fellow iron.

[425] My first son was born in Hollis Street, a very famous maternity hospital in Dublin.

[426] And my wife got lover with, you know, it wasn't.

[427] She gave birth to her son, Michael.

[428] But she was very, very anemic.

[429] We didn't realize this.

[430] And she needed something like 12 units of blood.

[431] And I was about to start shooting Michael Collins.

[432] Collins.

[433] I had cycled back home once the baby was born and all that.

[434] Everyone was okay.

[435] And suddenly there was this emergency.

[436] These five, six nurses apparently come in and my wife saying, call my husband, please call my husband.

[437] And they're going, ah, it's all right.

[438] Don't worry.

[439] It's all right.

[440] And it was all right.

[441] But they started giving her a bottle of Guinness every day.

[442] I'm picturing it hanging up like an IV.

[443] That's what they do in Ireland.

[444] Don't worry.

[445] anybody they bring him in motorcycle accident they put a thing of Guinness up, run an IV into your arm I'll be all right just to scratch Off your head's on Massive internal damage Give him some Guinness He's all right now You know we were talking just before we got started About there was an event we did Because you have this This great Spielberg Association you know Because you were in Played Oscar Schindler In Schindler's List And Oscar you don't remember god you've had too much Guinness it was a big this is a big moment in your career you should remember this Liam oh that black and white maybe yeah he couldn't afford color film it was a weird time for him to cheap out on such an important movie no such a beautiful such a fantastic movie and you were so brilliant in that role and i know that they uh but you and i got invited to this big uh Spielberg event and they sat us next to each other.

[446] You know, someone thought, I will put Neeson next door, Brian.

[447] Put the Irish together.

[448] But it was a pretty heavy table we were at because I was the MC for the event.

[449] You were speaking at the event.

[450] I think Springsteen was so at our table was Bruce Springsteen, Patty, myself, because I'm the MC.

[451] That's how I got in.

[452] You're there, of course.

[453] And Stephen Spielberg, President Barack Obama comes and sits at the table and you and i i'll never forget we're sitting next to each other wondering how the fuck did we get to this table i know i don't i feel in that size i know i know we just both naturally everyone else at the table feels like this is the table we should be at and you and i are there we're the two we're both six four but we both shrank and we both felt like it's a mistake that we're here i know i still feel like that if i'm in a illustrious company I still feel that.

[454] What is that?

[455] Why do we, because there are people who don't feel that way.

[456] Yeah, exactly, exactly.

[457] But we don't feel, we're always feeling that way.

[458] I'm always thinking that I came in through the back, that I, you know, I quickly got out of my waiter's uniform and put, you know, I never feel like I should be there.

[459] I know.

[460] And Sir Anthony Hopkins, Tony Hopkins, one of the great actors, I was on a film on 40 years ago, Tahiti, a remake of mutiny on the bounty.

[461] Mel Gibson, Dante Lewis, for extraordinary cast.

[462] And Tony was fucking magnificent as Captain Bligh.

[463] Mel was Fletcher Christian.

[464] But any time I run into Tony Hopkins night, and I saw him in Rome three weeks ago, I was finishing a film, and Tony was in the same hotel, and went up to his room, knocked in the door, met him, and gave each other big havoc, and it's been close to 40 years.

[465] I'd seen him.

[466] How's it going, Tony?

[467] You know what he says to me?

[468] What?

[469] He leans in to me. He says, Good big, good lad.

[470] I haven't been found out yet.

[471] I haven't been found out.

[472] And he means it.

[473] Yeah, of course he means it.

[474] Two fucking Academy Awards.

[475] Yeah.

[476] I've seen him on stage.

[477] He's brilliant.

[478] Yeah, yeah.

[479] But he means it.

[480] He means it.

[481] And I've talked about this before.

[482] There are people.

[483] I know Chris Rock used to say it to me. When he'd come on the show, he'd lean over and go like, well, they haven't found me out yet.

[484] And it's just, and I think it's the people I like the most have that.

[485] Yeah.

[486] You know, it's almost, they're not too comfortable.

[487] And you don't want to be.

[488] I don't want to be.

[489] You know, I made over 100 films.

[490] Yeah.

[491] And sometimes I think, oh, on set, if someone's not going on, I think, go on, say something.

[492] Say fucking something, Liam.

[493] You've done 100 fucking movies.

[494] Excuse me, do you mind if I just say something?

[495] I think if she comes in the door first, that'll solve you.

[496] your camera problem.

[497] Let's try it.

[498] Okay.

[499] Just saying.

[500] I'm so sorry.

[501] I'm so sorry.

[502] And also, uh, but I don't mean it in a, no, I'm humble, it's like when I was, I know this for a fact.

[503] When I was 32 years old in New York City, I was with my girlfriend at the time and, uh, looking at a menu and they had a meal that was every, just, look, they had an entree that was just perfect, had all these different ingredients.

[504] but it had some black olives in it, and I don't like black olives.

[505] And she said, well, you'll love that.

[506] And I said, no, it's got black olives.

[507] I won't order that.

[508] And she said, just tell them, can you just leave the olives off?

[509] And I said, I can't do that.

[510] 33.

[511] And she said, yeah, you can.

[512] And I said, she'll hate me. What?

[513] She doesn't care.

[514] I mean, it took me that long to try and figure out that you're allowed to say some things.

[515] You're allowed to, now I'm a. total prick when I go to a restaurant.

[516] So I hear.

[517] Yeah, the word's out on me. You, I want this pasta with no pasta!

[518] Shag and not stirred.

[519] It's like, I would take it further than that.

[520] When my wife and I used to go out and Nate, Natasha was a fantastic cook.

[521] I mean, chef, I would call her chef, she's like, no, no, no, I'm a cook.

[522] But if something wasn't cooked to her approval, you know, it didn't matter what it was.

[523] And she rarely did this, but I happened a few times.

[524] He said, no, no, no, I'm sorry.

[525] The meats, I wanted a little bit more.

[526] I'm going, Tash, please, please, please.

[527] They're going to spit on it and bring it back out, please.

[528] Because I really believe that would happen.

[529] No matter what the restaurant was, someone's going to spit in it because you returned it, you know.

[530] You've upset the flow in the kitchen.

[531] Sure, yeah.

[532] I did, you know, I do remember speaking to you shortly after, not too long after she passed and you were going through a really tough time.

[533] Yeah.

[534] And not to bring that back up, but I'm.

[535] I'm glad.

[536] That's all right.

[537] We still talk.

[538] She and I every day.

[539] Oh, yeah?

[540] It's been many years, but how many kids do you have?

[541] Two boys, nearly 27 and nearly 28.

[542] Are they big, are they big fellows like you?

[543] Yeah, they're about six, six one.

[544] Yeah, yeah.

[545] Tiny Irishmen, we call it.

[546] Under threat of death.

[547] I said, you grow taller than me. You're dead.

[548] You're dead to me. You know, it's funny, my son started to get very tall, and he said, I don't want to be your high.

[549] And I said, you don't.

[550] He said, no, you're too tall.

[551] It's weird.

[552] And I said, what the fuck?

[553] He was just, you know, no, I don't want to be your height.

[554] He said, I'd like to be like, you know, maybe 6 -1, 6 -2.

[555] I don't want to be 6 -4.

[556] It's weird.

[557] And he sort of implied like I should be in the circus.

[558] I was like, you know, that's no way to talk to your father.

[559] But that's the way he, you know, that's our relationship.

[560] What age is?

[561] He is 17 years old.

[562] And he might be done growing.

[563] He's just a tiny bit shorter.

[564] than me, and I think he's happy about that.

[565] I know.

[566] But he's stronger than me. It doesn't go well when we fight.

[567] I know.

[568] That's not good.

[569] Chase me, Dad.

[570] That's what got me. They turned 12 or 13.

[571] Chase me, Dad.

[572] And you go after them.

[573] Yeah.

[574] There's no way can he catch them.

[575] No. I remember that day very well.

[576] Yeah.

[577] I might keep reasonably fit, you know.

[578] I'll get you.

[579] When you come back, you'll come back eventually, and then I'll get you.

[580] you yeah i just throw things now and i'm not gonna i'm not gonna chase them anymore i just throw some rocks do you get because you're you've you have staked out so many areas you've done so much great work but you've also been once you're in a star wars film you've got you're part of that whole lore do you have star wars fans coming up to you all the time not all the time there's i mean it is a cult it is yeah there's so many movies and spinoffs now i think no you're diluting the whole thing.

[581] I think.

[582] That's my personal thing.

[583] But yeah, occasionally, you know, you'll say, oh, there's kids after a Star Wars autograph and I don't want to give autographs.

[584] I'm around an airport.

[585] Oh, it's not the kid.

[586] It's the grandfather.

[587] There he is.

[588] The dad, you know, horn -rimmed glasses and a beard.

[589] Yeah, yeah.

[590] And they're like, they become 11 -year -old.

[591] Did you, did you enjoy, because I know that you and you and McGregor got to use the lightsabers?

[592] Did you have fun with those?

[593] It did.

[594] the first time we actually had to pull the lightsaber, and there's only a handle.

[595] Right, it's a handle, and they add the effect later.

[596] Yeah, and maybe a little bit of aluminum tube with green tape.

[597] Mine's was green because I'm Irish, Irish Jetta.

[598] And Juhn's was red or something.

[599] So the first time we got to pull them to start a little fight, you know, we both automatically went, and action.

[600] Wait, you were doing that with your mouth?

[601] I know, I don't.

[602] George, uh, let's cut there.

[603] Boys, we can add that in later.

[604] Yeah, of course.

[605] We knew that.

[606] Twat.

[607] That's hilarious.

[608] I wish they had left that in.

[609] Wouldn't that be so great?

[610] Oh, shooz.

[611] A coosh.

[612] Cooz.

[613] Cooz, a cooze, a cooze, a cooge, cooos.

[614] You two just spitting at each other.

[615] A chish, chuzz.

[616] A, cooze.

[617] God, that would be so, so funny -looking.

[618] That would be fantastic.

[619] I had this lovely makeup and hair lady and Scottish.

[620] And I was supposed to be doing the scene with this little flying sort of monster that was this kid that would eventually be Darth Vader.

[621] He was nine years of age.

[622] And it was a big long scene with this flying things.

[623] No, what do you want?

[624] and all this sort of stuff.

[625] And I didn't know what this thing was going to look like.

[626] So I'm, you know, I'm acting to a guy with a stick and an orange or a green tennis ball stuck in the top that's going to be eventually this flying little monster.

[627] So I'm in the makeup, so I get my wig on, my beard and all that stuff.

[628] And she says, oh, Liam, makeup lady says, I did see, you know, a mock -up of the wee monster.

[629] You could be a monkey smoking the pipe.

[630] But no one's going to be looking at you.

[631] Isn't that nice to hear just before you go out?

[632] I know, before you do.

[633] And I had a lot of lines to say on this thing, you know, to this tennis ball, you know.

[634] And right now, you see the scene, it's like, oh, wow, that's amazing.

[635] What are you doing here today?

[636] I'll show you.

[637] Oh, whee -sh!

[638] You idiots, you don't need to make this house.

[639] with your mouth um you know it's incredible to me that you've had a very distinguished career you've done a lot of great work you're a terrific actor and then this is the way it goes eventually in this business you are acting to a green tennis ball and because that's more and more that's what the work is and it's just uh i don't know about you but there are so many times particularly in in my profession my career my weird corner of it, where I find myself doing these things over the years, over the many years, and I think, I step outside my body and go, what the hell are you doing?

[640] You're, this is, you're, you're a complete fool.

[641] You're an, what is it?

[642] You're a total ass, but I think we're in show business, ultimately.

[643] So, um, even something as, you know, important and popular as a Star Wars film, you're there and there's a tennis ball.

[644] And there must be some part of you that steps outside of you, I did theater.

[645] I know.

[646] I know.

[647] Yeah, yeah, there's that.

[648] But what you've done, Clint, to me, that would be a nightmare for me. Getting up as Conan O 'Brien or Liam Neeson in front of an audience and having to entertain them.

[649] That's a nightmare.

[650] The thought of it, I'm not a comedian, right?

[651] I mean, you are.

[652] You've done this stuff.

[653] It's like, fuck.

[654] How do they do that?

[655] Well, the trick is sometimes it's not good.

[656] That's what I've always said.

[657] The trick is you go out and you try, but I know that I love it.

[658] I love being in front of people, and I really enjoy it, but I get very intense before I go out and do it.

[659] And I was telling you, just before I went on, just last night, I did something with Paul McCartney, about 800 people, I think, in the crowd, and had the time of my life out there on stage, but beforehand, waiting backstage, standing next to that guy, and I had to go out first and get the crowd going and then bring him.

[660] out, things get very focused in my brain.

[661] And I, still, after all these years, I get kind of intense because I think you have to get that way before you go out.

[662] If you just breeze on out there, it's not going to be any good.

[663] I remember just apropos, what we're talking about.

[664] I remember doing a play, a Brian Freel play, a new play then.

[665] It was called Aristocrats in the Belfast Theater Festival.

[666] I'm talking 1978, if it was only in.

[667] And I had taken over the part from a wonderful Irish actor called Stephen Ray and I'd learned the part in two weeks and it was a main, a main part, you know.

[668] We played it in Dublin for two weeks.

[669] Then we had a week off while the company moved up to Belfast as part of this festival and then the opening night of the play Aristocrats, which I had already played for two weeks.

[670] Brian Fried's in the audience, the directors on the audience, various Northern Ireland dignitaries and I have a kind of drunken spiel to say in the second act and I dried for your audience I forgot my words and you could have heard a pin drop and I remember seeing at the end of the passageway the exit sign and I thought if I jump off the stage and I can be out of this horrible feeling in maybe six seconds and all this is over I didn't but it felt like an hour had passed and I was still there looking at this exit sign and the audience me, I eventually, I was supposed to be drunk.

[671] The character was, so I kind of staggered off stage, and the script girl would, she wasn't following it at all.

[672] Anyway, when I got offstage, I remembered the line, and I staggered back on again, resumed the performance.

[673] So it came back to you?

[674] It came back to me, but I'll never forget that moment of absolute, terrifying fear.

[675] It's funny, do you have you ever figured out what happened in that moment?

[676] You obviously knew it.

[677] Was there something in that moment?

[678] Was there a reason?

[679] was it because everyone was in the audience because I find sometimes I don't like to know if someone importance in the crowd I don't want to know I'd rather not know because that gets in my head and I used to find it difficult even when family would come and they would say like oh my dad's here and he's going to sit in the crowd that would make it more difficult for me which shouldn't make a difference at all but it would make it more difficult even though it's a TV show it's going out to millions of homes that's who's really seeing it this audience you know but I couldn't get past that.

[680] Yeah.

[681] I think it is.

[682] It's partly knowing there various people out there that you respect, you know, and I just dropped the conversation.

[683] I think I felt too confident.

[684] I had taken over the part in two weeks, which was a fast learn for me. Very fast, yeah.

[685] And I think it's just caught up with me. That's what it was.

[686] I think it's refreshing.

[687] I love it when people, especially people of your caliber, say, I'm scared, and I still get scared.

[688] You know, I, I find that to be, it's one of the things I like most about doing the podcast and having these conversations is I love, I think it's good for people to hear that Liam Neeson still has moments.

[689] And I, you know, we all do.

[690] We all do.

[691] We have these moments where we think, I don't know that I can do this.

[692] Yeah, I know.

[693] Oh, yeah, I still get them.

[694] Not that fear, but if I'm shooting a film and, you know, there's a break and they're doing a lighting setup or something.

[695] Right.

[696] And I'll look at the lines or whatever, I'm thinking, how do I do this?

[697] Yeah.

[698] And I always say to myself, you know, I think it was Robert Mitch and myself in some interview years ago.

[699] So as you walk in the room, you point your feet, speak the truth.

[700] Or walk in the room, hit the marks, say the lines.

[701] What's the problem?

[702] Something like that, you know.

[703] Something as simple as that will kind of get me back again.

[704] It worked for Robert Mitchum, yeah, I'll say that.

[705] And Jimmy Cagney, Cagney used to say that, too.

[706] No stress, no strain.

[707] Walk in the room, plant your feet, speak the truth.

[708] That was this thing, yeah.

[709] Well, he was, I mean, Jimmy Cagney, he was, I grew up, I mean, it's odd, but I think just because, you know, I grew up, I came of age in the 1970s, so you'd think I'd be watching all this sophisticated stuff.

[710] But no, I ran, I watched Channel 38 or Channel 56 because they showed reruns.

[711] And what did they show?

[712] They showed old movies.

[713] So I grew up on Jimmy Cagney.

[714] And I thought that was show business.

[715] Jimmy Cagney and Yankee Doodle Dandy, Angels with Dirty Faces, you know, Public Enemy.

[716] I just thought that's what, those were the movies I watch.

[717] And I thought that's what it is.

[718] And of course, I wasn't watching Mean Streets.

[719] I wasn't watching.

[720] I didn't have access to those.

[721] They weren't showing those early Scorsese films.

[722] That's what I should have been watching.

[723] But, you know, that's what I, was my education, was the 1930s and 40s, Warner Brothers.

[724] Yeah, me too.

[725] And we got a TV.

[726] I was in my teens, I think, when we got a TV, black and white, you know.

[727] But I always remember every Sunday there was always a day.

[728] a movie on 2 o 'clock in the afternoon and uh it always seemed to be someone in a mac with a trillby hat pouring with rain yeah film noir raymond chandler yeah i one lad or mitcham or something like that you know so i feel i kind of grew up with those guys i had a question which just occurred to me which is the times that i've been in ireland what i've and it surprised me the first time i encountered it they love country music american country music huge and the more sentimental the more they love it.

[729] And it's a funny because sometimes the Irish, and I'm technically north, south, Catholic Protestant, they can come across as so hard -edged and unsentimental, but then they love the most sentimental thing in the world.

[730] And I was really surprised that, you know, you look at what's on the jukebox or what's available to play in these different pubs, and it's all the most, you know, you went and left me and all I've got's my donkey, you know, kind of country.

[731] That's not a real one, but, uh, but, but the, Sometimes the sappiest country songs, and it's, I don't know what that is, but then I realized, well, who wrote that music?

[732] A lot of it's Irish and Scottish, you know, immigrants getting into Appalachia and they're writing this music.

[733] Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[734] Oh, my mom yesterday highlighted.

[735] Hank Williams.

[736] Oh, yeah.

[737] Oh, man, the most sentimental old clap trap, you know.

[738] She'd play it over and over and over, you know.

[739] Can I put on the Rolling Stones?

[740] There'll be no Rolling Stones in this house.

[741] Is it true?

[742] I never knew if this was true or not that you had a chance to do James Bond.

[743] Was that ever a possibility for you?

[744] Or was it ever discussed?

[745] They were interested in me after Schindler's list.

[746] They were interested in a whole bunch of other actors.

[747] Some journalists seem to think, oh, why did you turn down Bond?

[748] It's like, no, I wasn't offered James Bond.

[749] I think I was on their radar for five minutes.

[750] Would you've done it if the chance had come up?

[751] Yeah.

[752] But my wife got a lover, she said, when I first started getting a couple of calls from Barber Broccoli about, you know, would I be interested?

[753] And I said, yeah, I would be interested.

[754] And Natasha and I weren't married at the time.

[755] And she says, if you are offered James Bond, we're not getting married.

[756] And I'd be going, ding -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -l -d -d -l -d -d -da -l -l -da -l.

[757] She did not want to be married to James Bond.

[758] I was working today don't These boring, horribly beautiful women I can't take it anymore Yeah, I'm sure It is funny After a while, anything they're paying you to do It becomes a job There's a point, I'm sure You know, it's like, I don't care if you're the ice cream taster At the Ben & Jerry's factory There's a day when you come home and go, God damn it!

[759] One more taster Fudge Ripple Crunch and I'll take my life I swear I will Yeah there must be days When Daniel Craig Where we'd come Oh God damn it Fuck Bond We had to kiss And kiss and kiss Enough Why don't they leave me alone I know that Retribution is the current film The film that's coming out Yes Is this one that Were you read the script And said This is a good one Can you tell pretty quickly when you read a script?

[760] Yeah, I have a cup of tea test.

[761] If I get to page five, say, and I think, oh, must make a cup of tea.

[762] That's not a good saying, you know.

[763] Oh, okay.

[764] That's the tea test, yeah.

[765] That's the tea test, yeah.

[766] But I'd work with these producers, these lovely guys, and we've done three movies together, and Studio Canal, I'd done five movies together with.

[767] And I knew it was going to be a thriller, and I'd done one for the guys on an airplane that crisis, a train that derails and crisis, I thought, a car, it's got to be a car.

[768] So this is about a car.

[769] Driving a car, I've spent 95 % of the movie in a car with my two kids in the back.

[770] The only problem is I'm trying to take them to school.

[771] I'm a financial advisor, banker.

[772] No, no skills.

[773] No set of skills.

[774] And driving through the streets of Berlin, but unbeknownst to me, I'm sitting on a bomb, as are my kids.

[775] And I have to follow these instructions from this anonymous, person who has left a phone in the car.

[776] Anyway, I read the script in London.

[777] They sent it to him, and I found a real page turner.

[778] It was a really interesting, good action -paced thing, you know.

[779] Yeah, you know, they've always said, and it's not that I know a lot about the film business, but they've always said, if you don't have the script, you can't fake the, it doesn't matter what you do.

[780] You can get the greatest actors in the world, you can get the greatest director.

[781] If it's not there in the script.

[782] Conan, if it ain't on the page, it ain't on the stage.

[783] Yeah.

[784] That's the truth.

[785] And I can tell it's the truth because it rhymes.

[786] Yeah.

[787] If something rhymes, I immediately believe it.

[788] I immediately believe it.

[789] But I love that.

[790] You can tell by just what you call the tea test, if you want to make yourself a cup of tea, a couple of pages in, that means it's the problem.

[791] Yeah, yeah.

[792] There's something not working.

[793] I have a version of that called the if I'm offered test, which means if I'm offered anything, I'll do it.

[794] Because I want to go do it.

[795] You know the old actor's one, you know, agent calls the actor -performer, and the acting goes, hey, John, how's it going?

[796] Yeah.

[797] Who?

[798] I would not work with that bitch if she was, how much?

[799] That's the classic going.

[800] Yeah, yeah.

[801] That's the world.

[802] That's the, not just show business.

[803] That's all across the board.

[804] Yeah.

[805] That's everybody.

[806] Well, I'm looking forward to it because...

[807] It's a good movie, Conn't.

[808] Yeah, and I have to say, I just, when I know you're in something, I'm happy.

[809] I'm serious.

[810] You're always, however you're feeling inside, you're always terrific.

[811] And I also, I wish you could teach me to talk like you.

[812] Because I'm so annoyed, as is America, by my own voice.

[813] And I've always just wished I could get it down.

[814] here because I think if I I think it's it's blocked my career in so many ways.

[815] Yes it has Lee no it's absolutely true imagine me on the phone you know saying I've got some skills a special set no one's threatened no there's no or I'm Michael Collins you know I'm gonna change everything here in Ireland it's way up there's no there's no authority there's no authority no I disagree with it I disagree Okay But you have You have extraordinary energy And I've seen you a few times I've done your show several times I love it I really admire it It's very impressive Yeah Well also annoying To people How we'll get my wife in here You've met my wife She will agree She'll say look Liam you take him for the day I don't want him This is I just, you know, woke up happy today because I knew I'd be seeing you.

[816] Oh, please.

[817] No, seriously.

[818] You're the real deal.

[819] And I'm, you seem like a, you seem like you're happy, which, you know something.

[820] I don't believe in the word of having.

[821] Content is the state I aim for is contentment.

[822] That's the best feeling in the world.

[823] Yeah.

[824] Happiness comes in goos.

[825] Yeah, yeah.

[826] No, I agree with you.

[827] I used to tell my wife when we were just dating, I said, I believe in a low base hum meaning just the you know that low background of of good feeling so she had it made into a thing that I could wear on my wrist low bass hum the problem is the the person who made it had there wasn't enough space so they shoved all the letters together and she gave me this thing and it says lo bashum and people think it's like a county and cork what I come from so I wear this thing it says lobashum.

[828] But no, I know what you're meaning.

[829] I think that there's an obsession in our culture with, are you happy all the time?

[830] It's not the natural state.

[831] But contentment, contentment is good.

[832] Contentment's great.

[833] Yeah.

[834] You know, and I recently learned a word, Japanese word called Shibumi.

[835] And it sort of describes contentment with, I can't even find the word for it.

[836] It's like, for example, a walk through a sun -dabbled forest.

[837] and you're totally at your ease.

[838] And you're connected in some way.

[839] Connected, I think, is a good word.

[840] And that's Shibumi.

[841] I just love that word, yeah.

[842] I'm going to get that for the other wrist.

[843] Shibumi and Lobashim.

[844] Yeah, I'm going to get the tattoo on the throat.

[845] I love the throat tattoo.

[846] Shibumi.

[847] And then I'm going to finally meet someone.

[848] A Japanese person is going to say, no, they wrote it wrong.

[849] Yes, I'm not.

[850] Hey, Liam, God bless you.

[851] Thank you for being here.

[852] Thank you, gone.

[853] Yeah, just an absolute treat.

[854] And let's hang again sometime.

[855] Let's do that.

[856] That'd be fun.

[857] Thank you, man. We'll take me to a boxing match.

[858] Yeah.

[859] And I can say, why are those men fighting?

[860] It might have been Mike Tyson.

[861] Do you remember where it was?

[862] It wasn't Tyson.

[863] I do remember what it was.

[864] I'll think of it.

[865] We should look it up.

[866] But it was, the fight was over very quickly.

[867] I think it was Floyd Mayweather.

[868] It was a very, because it was a very quick fight.

[869] In the garden?

[870] I think it was in the garden.

[871] I know it was in the garden.

[872] I know it was in the garden.

[873] And I think it was Floyd May, it might have been Floyd Mayweather.

[874] Do you remember the year?

[875] Do I remember the year?

[876] No, we had Guinness.

[877] I don't remember a goddamn thing.

[878] I remember there was Guinness.

[879] And what I remember is Liam Neeson and the Guinness made more of an impression on me than the fight.

[880] The fight was very quick.

[881] We watched an undercard that was quick and then the main fight was quick.

[882] And all I really appreciated and enjoyed was my time.

[883] with Liam.

[884] I got to have to look that up to you, mate.

[885] Yeah.

[886] For the record, it says Floyd never fought at the garden.

[887] He didn't.

[888] No, no, he wasn't in the ring.

[889] He was fighting with someone.

[890] Someone brought, he ordered nachos and they brought him a pizza.

[891] So I don't remember.

[892] Stop quizzing me and getting online and looking for things.

[893] You know, I don't even know if a fight was happening.

[894] I might have been my family arguing.

[895] I don't know.

[896] But I know that definitely we hung out there and we hung out there with Frank Smiley and his wife and it was who worked for me and we had a wonderful time she's also i believe from the north and i think uh i know that because you two got into an argument within seconds she a person yes she is i think yeah i would explain you're arguing right away and i had to break it up um Liam have an amazing day thank you for being here thanks con thank you so much Okay, it's time to find out what's going on with the young people in America.

[897] Oh, is that why I'm here?

[898] Yeah, yeah, that's why you're here.

[899] Get ready for a youthquake.

[900] No, I want to find out because, listen, this summer it's been all about Taylor Swift, or as I call her, T. Swift.

[901] Or T .S. Or sometimes T .S. Eliot.

[902] Because she's been so successful, she's left a wasteland behind her.

[903] Kids, you've got to learn something.

[904] My point is that I brought in the biggest Taylor Swift fan I know, and he's David Hopping.

[905] He's my real assistant now that Sona's just become a professional goofball 24 -7.

[906] Oh, okay.

[907] Well, come on, he really, I mean, you still are.

[908] You still are.

[909] You're a professional goofball 24 -7.

[910] Wouldn't you say that?

[911] Okay, sure.

[912] I guess, yeah.

[913] I guess you are.

[914] So you are.

[915] When you do that.

[916] Why do I do what?

[917] You do, when you're like, I guess.

[918] when you say something to me. That was a really good Nicholas Cage.

[919] That was fantastic.

[920] Anyway, let's stick to the point.

[921] It's not you.

[922] Let me tell you something.

[923] David Hopping's here.

[924] And David Hopping, you actually went to the only one in this room that went to the Taylor Swift concert.

[925] I did.

[926] And everyone's talking about it.

[927] So this is, you know, I don't think anyone else who's seen the Taylor Swift shows this summer has actually been recorded giving their thoughts on it.

[928] So this is a real scoop.

[929] Yeah.

[930] And he's been multiple times.

[931] How many times have you gone?

[932] Twice.

[933] $30 ,000?

[934] Yeah.

[935] How much was it?

[936] You go, don't let the system work you.

[937] You have to work the system.

[938] David, what does that mean?

[939] David, what?

[940] It means he came in through the air conditioning duct.

[941] A lot of people were saying, I love the part of the concert where that white Midwestern guy falls through the ceiling.

[942] They know you're Midwestern.

[943] Covered in lint and hits the floor really hard.

[944] So tell me, what was, was it?

[945] amazing.

[946] It's a seven -hour concert.

[947] Is that right?

[948] She does like three and a half hours, just herself.

[949] And her opening act is they show Dr. Chivago, which is a three -hour movie.

[950] I was out until you said that.

[951] Yeah.

[952] And then they show Dr. Chavago.

[953] Then they build an Aztec temple in real time.

[954] And then she comes out.

[955] So the whole thing, you're in for 15.

[956] You're 18 hours in.

[957] Okay.

[958] So how was it?

[959] The best night.

[960] Best night of your life.

[961] Yeah.

[962] Wait, you've had dinner at my house.

[963] I have.

[964] Still the best is that just a statement?

[965] Yeah.

[966] Okay.

[967] I had burritos.

[968] You love burritos.

[969] Oh, I love burritos.

[970] Anyway, so it was incredible, yes?

[971] Everyone says she gives a fantastic show.

[972] I don't know how she does it.

[973] I was exhausted.

[974] I felt like I was hung over the next day.

[975] I had had no alcohol.

[976] Okay.

[977] Is it possible that there's more than one, that she has other people come out?

[978] Well, first of all, she's performing in a huge space.

[979] And there are a bunch of times where she says, before my next song, I'll be right back.

[980] And she ducks.

[981] behind, right, something.

[982] A Texas switch.

[983] Yeah, and it's possible that they pull the old, thank you, Texas switch.

[984] And she comes out and it's an easy look to replicate.

[985] Is that possible if there are nine people backstage?

[986] I don't think so.

[987] Oh, those cameras.

[988] There are cameras that get in.

[989] And like her face is just on the big screen.

[990] But what if that's pre -recorded video?

[991] Yes, pre -recorded video.

[992] And there's a stand -in live because no one's close enough.

[993] You know, except for people that pay like $30 ,000 and that's the Illuminati anyway, so they're going to keep this secret.

[994] Exactly.

[995] Yeah.

[996] Also, I think it's very highly possible that it is like seven different people who can look like Taylor Swift.

[997] They show pre -recorded stuff on the big screens.

[998] People don't know.

[999] It's playing to a track.

[1000] I heard TMC has footage of her backstage eating a giant bowl of mushed corn.

[1001] And just corn mash.

[1002] Smoking a giant cigar.

[1003] Yeah, smoking a giant cigar.

[1004] And she's on the tape saying, suckers.

[1005] and she's eating it off of a giant table that's made of a million -dollar bills.

[1006] That's a tape that I heard TMZ has, but they're just slow to get it out.

[1007] They've got some editing problems because you know how slow they can be with kidding.

[1008] They're so slow with how they get their news out.

[1009] Can I confess something?

[1010] I can't name a single Taylor Swift's song.

[1011] What are you talking about?

[1012] Not a single one?

[1013] Yeah, you can.

[1014] Today's the day.

[1015] Here we go.

[1016] Not a single one.

[1017] Off on our way.

[1018] Okay, so Conan can't either.

[1019] No, I'm just naming them.

[1020] I'm ripping them off.

[1021] They're incredible.

[1022] I'm just, they're rolling off my tongue.

[1023] Keep going to be.

[1024] He was my current, but now he's my ex.

[1025] He's in my rearview window.

[1026] Don't need him no more.

[1027] Some of these actually sound like they could be.

[1028] I was going to say, and also a lot of her songs are just like word that we use regularly.

[1029] I love her song, the acoustic ballad, fuck you, Jake Gyllenhaal.

[1030] She's got some great tunes.

[1031] What are you doing?

[1032] What's matter?

[1033] You don't like this segment?

[1034] I love it.

[1035] Okay.

[1036] You're getting all nervous and stuff.

[1037] I'm always nervous.

[1038] What made it so stand out like?

[1039] What do you see at a Taylor Swift concert that you don't see elsewhere?

[1040] The one I went to, she announced 1989 Taylor's version.

[1041] And she's re -recording that because someone else owns that album.

[1042] It's weird.

[1043] I know stuff about her, but I couldn't tell you a song.

[1044] Wait a minute.

[1045] That's a whole idea I just had.

[1046] We'll get to Taylor Swift in a second.

[1047] Guys, this isn't genius.

[1048] Okay, so we re -record every podcast word for word.

[1049] And we sell them.

[1050] We sell them on television late at night.

[1051] on a 1 -800 or a 5 -55 number and it's called Conan the real Conan 1963 when I was born and and we sell them and we get to keep all that cash and then we disparage these other ones because they're not real they're owned by the man yeah what do you guys think of that do you guys want to do that because I don't I'm busy yeah I don't want to do it I'm really really busy I don't have time you're free okay why don't you do it hey David, why don't you do all parts?

[1052] You'd be me, Sona, Gourley.

[1053] Yeah, including whatever interview we're in.

[1054] I have a wig here.

[1055] So, anyway, keep going.

[1056] So Taylor Swift.

[1057] Oh, no. So she announced 1989.

[1058] So the whole night she kept wearing, like, new blue dresses because that's the color that represents 1989.

[1059] Why?

[1060] Why does blue represent 1989?

[1061] It just does.

[1062] Culturally or by her, she decided.

[1063] So when the Democrats, all of her albums have a color associated to it.

[1064] So, David, when the Democrats are winning in a landslide, that means that that's Taylor Swift.

[1065] Yeah.

[1066] It's covering the map, beating the red.

[1067] Well, only 1989.

[1068] I just don't understand why blue means Tower Swift, 1989.

[1069] It's just, I don't know where it came from.

[1070] I think the fans just made it into a thing.

[1071] That's such a major color.

[1072] You can't claim a whole major color for one album.

[1073] She's not saying no one else can use blue.

[1074] It's just what represents it.

[1075] She's just saying, hey, 1989 was my blue face.

[1076] And then red, I'm guessing, was her red face.

[1077] You know, speak now purple.

[1078] Okay.

[1079] What about midnight?

[1080] Black?

[1081] Yeah.

[1082] No reputation's black.

[1083] Oh, right.

[1084] Right.

[1085] What's your favorite Taylor Swift song?

[1086] Long live.

[1087] Mine's long lives.

[1088] That's good.

[1089] And what's your other one?

[1090] All too well.

[1091] The 10 -minute version.

[1092] Yeah, 10 -minute version.

[1093] I like there's an 11 -minute version I like because you just hear her coughing and saying, did we get it?

[1094] You think we got it?

[1095] Where's my bowl of corn?

[1096] Yeah.

[1097] Can I have my corn mush now?

[1098] What else do you like?

[1099] I mean, the whole midnight's album.

[1100] Yeah, well, that's don't even get started.

[1101] Folklore ever more.

[1102] Yeah, folklore is ever more.

[1103] She's not the first artist to have to re -record a full album because she didn't own it.

[1104] No, I know Jojo did.

[1105] Def Leppard.

[1106] Right.

[1107] No, no, they re -recorded it because they, didn't they lose the master recordings?

[1108] That's why they re -recorded it?

[1109] No, someone wouldn't allow them to go digital with it.

[1110] And so they re -recorded it note for note exactly the same.

[1111] Okay.

[1112] Yeah.

[1113] Well, so you're, why rain on Swiftie's parade?

[1114] I'm not raining, I'm just saying.

[1115] Yeah, you are.

[1116] You're like, she wasn't the first.

[1117] I think it's amazing what she did.

[1118] Are you a leopardhead?

[1119] yeah you are yeah because I'm cool right yeah because I I know how to rock and I like metal yeah okay pour some glucose on me that's white stink is no no that's the old oh it is DL what am I thinking of I don't know what are you thinking of you're so wrong here I go again on my own yeah they're the same song yeah it is the same song that's right all rock songs you're pretty much the same.

[1120] I think Taylor Swift should record death leopard songs and white snakes songs.

[1121] Now we're talking.

[1122] That's good.

[1123] Yeah.

[1124] Oh, she should also record famous news broadcasts.

[1125] Yes.

[1126] Oh, the Hindenburg is coming in to Lakehurst New Jersey and oh my God, the humanity!

[1127] Why that's that one?

[1128] How about cheerful ones?

[1129] There aren't cheerful news when does someone break into the news and go, now something cheerful?

[1130] A Bluebird had a baby.

[1131] No one does that.

[1132] It's always a You don't know.

[1133] You know, guys, the war is over.

[1134] Yeah, there you go.

[1135] We did it.

[1136] Oh, we killed.

[1137] Everyone died for nothing.

[1138] Oh, telling you.

[1139] All right, I got to wrap this up.

[1140] David, I'm glad you had a good time.

[1141] And I am happy for all the Swifties out there.

[1142] My daughter's a huge Taylor Swift fan.

[1143] And she went to the show and lost her mind.

[1144] And it made her so happy that I was indebted.

[1145] I was indebted to Taylor Swift.

[1146] seriously I'm just it's it's nice to see someone putting out so much positivity so yeah yeah all joking no seriously all joking aside I'm I'm I'm I'm hugely happy for her and just I think it's I don't know we've had just so much bad news for such a long time that when when people are all excited about the Barbie movie or Taylor Swift and Beyonce or Beyonce the ladies are doing it this summer go go go ladies go because you seem to know what you're doing we do not yeah as fellas all right I'm a lady well okay I'm just like I'm more of a bra I guess I'm more of a broad you're a broad you're a broad what a broad yes you're a tough broad son it was a bouncer for four years at a club I'd be a great bouncer you would be a good bouncer would be a great bouncing and also I'd be nice people I'd have a lot of regulars that's true because I'm cool too I'm a cool metal guy I have a lot of I'm a cool metal guy.

[1147] I haven't seen you at the meetings.

[1148] Because metal guys don't say here.

[1149] I'm a cool metal guy.

[1150] Guys, I'm going to be responsible.

[1151] We had a better ending and then we kept going.

[1152] And then when he said, I'm a cool metal guy, there was just diarrhea on the wall.

[1153] So I'm ending it.

[1154] Peace out, Tupac.

[1155] A cool rap guy.

[1156] Conan O 'Brien needs a friend with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley.

[1157] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.

[1158] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Nick Leia.

[1159] and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf.

[1160] Theme song by The White Stripes.

[1161] Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

[1162] Take it away, Jimmy.

[1163] Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.

[1164] Engineering by Eduardo Perez.

[1165] Additional production support by Mars Melnik.

[1166] Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn.

[1167] You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode.

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